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Reality

Posted on Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
I am not a big fan of reality television. I watch Survivor because, as an original, I still find it to be entertaining... but all of the lame reality shows that followed have done nothing but clog up the television schedule and take time away from actual TV shows. About the only thing that changes my mind are part-reality shows like Project Runway and Top Chef where there's some talent involved. I keep hoping that reality TV will lose popularity and fade away, but it doesn't seem to be happening.

And just when I think it can't get any worse than crap like Flavor of Love and Temptation Island, along comes Kid Nation...

Kid Nation

From the non-stop commercials that CBS has been subjecting me to, I can see that this obviously-staged "reality" show features a load of "unsupervised" kids going crazy in a Lord of the Flies type society of their own making (yeah, right). Well whatever. If I wanted to watch kids screaming and being idiots, I'd go to the mall. THIS is what passes for entertainment now-a-days?

Which brings us to...

The top five things I would rather do than watch an episode of Kid Nation.

  1. Eat a tub of lard.
  2. Have sex with Ann Coulter.
  3. Run down the street in diapers while making "whoop whoop" noises and painting duckies on mailboxes (which, come to think of it, would probably be less crazy than having sex with Ann Coulter).
  4. Stick my penis in a Cuisinart (which, come to think of it, would probably cause less damage than sticking it in Ann Coulter's toxic vagina).
  5. Blow my brains out with a shotgun (which, come to think of it, would probably be better for my health than having sex with Ann Coulter).

Thank heavens that Pushing Daisies has been given a full-season order instead of being canceled for a new reality show called "Bitches Do Stupid Shit For Money" or whatever (wasn't that the original title for The Bachelor?). At least I know that there will be something worth watching later this season.


Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Catherine says:

    Please be far kinder to your penis in future entries. Or just choose perhaps an alternate body part. I may be a girl, but I am sensitive to you people, and this was just uber-gruesome.

    And then that thing with the Cuisnart!

  2. Dave2 says:

    Obviously you don’t have a penis, or you would have been more freaked out at the prospect of sticking in in Ann Coulter! 🙂

  3. Mooselet says:

    I did read some months ago that after the parents of these kids had signed contracts allowing their precious spawn to participate in this foolishness there were complaints from said parents about the format and claims of abuse and neglect. These people should not be allowed to breed in the future and have their current crop of ego-extenders given to families who aren’t into exploitation.

    Um, can you tell I won’t be watching this shit?

  4. Baak says:

    What scares me are the people who would enjoy shows like these. Maybe they don’t but CBS thinks they do. Or maybe they’re everywhere!

    I have no idea.

    :: shudders ::

    One more reason I’m glad we ditched TV years ago! 😀

  5. serap says:

    I was going to argue that there’s no way you’d really rather have sex with Ann Coulter than watch Kid Nation, as I was thinking that you could always just shut your eyes, put your fingers in your ears and sing loudly… however, you could do that whilst having sex with Ann Coulter, and then you could just pretend it was Liz instead… so now I believe you!

  6. Wayne says:

    I have Ms Coulter’s new book and it’s hilarious. I’d send it to you if I knew for sure you wouldn’t report me for WMD’s. She’s pretty funny when you get to hear things she says in full context.

    One thing that took me by surprise recently was reading on Scott Adams’ blog about how a hypnotist act sent a couple people to the hospital. I had glanced at the article’s author whose name is “Annie Cutler” and I thought — her picture looks like Michelle Malkin and her name is Annie Cutler. Who did she piss-off in the afterlife?

    Oooh, Oooh! New reality show! Dave goes on a date with ______! Each week, viewers vote who Dave gets to go out on a date with! Ann Coulter is either the season opener or the season finale. Most of the “guests” would be celebrities but we’d also have typecast roles like a toothless woman who ignores her kids in public, a bluetooth-headset-wearing professional who can only talk about herself, and Jared-Subway-Whore (the show is progressive in it’s non-homophobic nature).

  7. MRKisThatKid says:

    I’ve only watched the first episode of pushing daisies so far, and the production blew me away, more like a film than a TV show. But afterwards I couldn’t help thinking that it’s such a high-concept idea that I wonder how they are going to keep each episode from becoming a copy and paste job.

  8. Avitable says:

    Haven’t you heard about all of the problems they’ve had with that show because the kids haven’t been supervised enough? Like mixing chemicals, getting hurt, and doing other dangerous shit. If they air any of that, I’ll actually watch.

  9. Mr. K. says:

    European TV was hard to watch, but the lack of niveau and the wealth of advertising in U.S. television really ruined it for me.

    I boycott live television other then Bill Maher, Lou Dobbs, Keith Olbermann – and of course Football. I get my TV series fix on DVD (Six Feet Under, ER, Lost, …) and owning 700+ movies sure does help. I watched an episode of “Pushing Daisies” and it pre-qualified for DVD acquisition.

    Thanks for the laughs, though, “Penis Fear Factor” would be a ratings magnet, i.m.h.o.

  10. kilax says:

    HA HA HA HA HA.

    HA HA.

    Steven and I have been talking about how awful this show seems. This is why I love your blog – it seems you can read my mind!

  11. Miss Britt says:

    “Bitches Do Stupid Shit For Money” has been replaced with “What It Would Take For Dave2 To Have Sex With Ann Coulter”.

    Unfortunately, you have just ruined our season finale.

  12. amanda says:

    I have a major girl crush on Chuck from pushing daisies. She’s just so pretty.

  13. y not i says:

    I have a penis. I AM incredibly freaked out that you would even consider # 2. Having been subjected to Kid Nation, though, I’m inclined to agree with you (even if I find The Bachelor to be far more disturbing).
    The only reality show I’ll watch is Amazing Race.

  14. ajooja says:

    My wife wanted to watch Kid Nation but it was way too contrived. We dropped out after two episodes.

    “Lord of the Flies” would be a much welcomed site instead of “Survivor-lite.”

  15. Foo says:

    “Bitches Do Stupid Shit For Money” – Uh…I think it’s more like Bitches do stupid sheet for teh cockadoodle doo. You know how Hil and I love us some reality TV, but there is no way we’d even waste life on Kid Nation…no way!

  16. sue says:

    I have kids. These are not kids.
    Thank goodness for Pushing Daisies.

  17. Shannon says:

    My mother watches Kid Nation & insists on calling me up to explain every episode in excruciating detail. I may have to go to her house and kill her. 🙂 I’m sick of most reality TV, but every once in a while I’ll find a show that strikes my fancy for a bit.

    I’m with you on Pushing Daisies. So glad it wasn’t cancelled.

  18. Robert says:

    Reality TV is really overdone these days. I watch very very little.
    I watched a season of “Apprentice” simply to see how shallow people in the corporate world are (being a state government employee, I’m somewhat sheltered from that).
    I watched a season of “Hell’s Kitchen” partly cuz Ramsey is kinda funny but also cuz it was like “Iron Chef” on steroids with incompetent loons…which was entertaining it its own way.
    But that’s been about it.

  19. Webmiztris says:

    “which, come to think of it, would probably cause less damage than sticking it in Ann Coulter’s toxic vagina).”

    LOL, i was thinking the same thing.

    also, how much does one have to hate their kids to send them to be on a reality tv show like Kid Nation? They should have called the show Future Serial Killer Nation.

  20. Hilly says:

    Wow, that is some committed hatred for “Kid Nation”. I never thought that show was a good idea for so many reasons that we’d be here all day…me talking and you screwing Ann.

    I guess I won’t mention how thrilled I am that TAR is coming early cause of “Viva Craplin”.

  21. apricoco says:

    ewww… i can’t believe that you would even consider having sex with Ann Coulter. She’s so evil and gross!

    Do the cuisinart thing instead, please!

    Or after you have sex with such evil, you might HAVE to do the cusinart thing, to get the cooties off you.

  22. the patient says:

    What about The Amazing Race? Only show I’d actually want to be one, other than, maybe, Beauty and the Geek.

  23. RW says:

    I’m going to wait for “Drop People from Planes And See Who Makes It.”

  24. Bre says:

    The image of anyone actually touching Ann Coulter is going to freak me out for DAYS!

  25. Troy says:

    Dave – I watch Kid Nation. I actually kind of enjoy it (and it’s way better than having sex with Anne Coulter). It’s not as bad as it seems and not as “Lord of the Flies” as some people might expect. I’m not going to defend it. It’s just another one of those “see it and then criticize it type things”.

    As for “Pushing Daisies”. I am ecstatic that it got a full season. I was also super excited when they were singing They Might Be Giants in the car on the show last night. So good!

  26. Belinda says:

    Networks leaning more heavily on “reality” shows just drives us to rely more and more on cable programming, which has been offering up better and better stuff, like “The Riches,” “Damages,” and “Amazing Grace.”

    And please don’t ever conjure up the grotesque spectre that is the ‘A’ word ever again in that context. Not during my pleasant Blogography break.

  27. Whit says:

    My favorite new shows this season, the only programs to make it my TiVo are Chuck, Pushing Daises and Kid Nation.

    I hate reality TV. I hate the idea of exploiting kids. I actually watched the first episode so I could rip it into tiny pieces, put it in a Cuisinart and shove it up the business end of Ann Coulter.

    Funny thing happened on the way to the food processor- I enjoyed the show.

    Maybe it’s because I spent over 10 years working in all sorts of education and childcare situations, or maybe it’s because I loved Bonanza, I don’t know. Still, I like it.

  28. claire says:

    I was stoked to see that Pushing Daisies got a full order of eps too.

    Reality tv is unfortunately so much cheaper to make than truly scripted tv, so it’ll be around as long as profit is more important than quality.

  29. Erik B. says:

    Aw, Pushing Daisies is a totally cute and fun (REAL) show!

  30. Dan says:

    I keep hearing about this impending writers strike and how it might effect all the new shows that are on right now. Pushing Daisies was rumored to be one of the shows in danger but I guess if it was picked up for a full season then it’s in the clear.

  31. Sue says:

    I’ve got a tub of lard… if you’re still interested, that is. Beats the other four options. (hehehe)

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