This morning as I was leaving my apartment, I heard what sounded like a hairdryer running. Outside.
Since I live in an apartment complex with some wacky elderly people, I wasn't surprised when I saw that it was, in fact, actually a hairdryer. A woman had run an extension cord out of her apartment and was using a hairdryer to melt a patch of ice on the sidewalk, then mopping it up with a wad of paper towels. I can only guess that she must have slipped on it while taking out the garbage and decided to take care of the problem in her own way.
I pretty much have to guess because I wasn't about to ask her what was really going on. The truth is probably far more bizarre, and I am fairly certain that I am better off not knowing.
And speaking of bizarre... every time I see a hairdryer, I am taken back to a rather interesting story.
Well, not so much "interesting" as it is "wacky and insane".
And when I say "wacky and insane", I am actually referring to my friend Robert.
Robert (who long-time Blogography readers will better recognize from his comments here as "Bad Robert") is a very different individual, and quite proud of it. He's the type of guy that will call me at midnight on a Tuesday just to tell me that he's discovered a new word that I should know about called "shart" (which is what happens when you fart and accidentally end up shitting your pants). But, on the other hand, he's also the kind of guy who would give me his last dollar if I asked for it, which makes him a good friend and all-around nice guy to know.
(As a side-note: once gay marriage is legalized in Washington, I'll be giving some serious thought to Robert as a life-partner candidate).
One weekend this past summer I was over at Robert's place watching either Blues Clues or Girls Gone Wild when his Super-Deluxe Girlfriend walked into the room...
Super-Deluxe Girlfriend: I'm going to the store to pick up some groceries and a new hairdryer. Do you need anything?
Bad Robert: Oooh... when you get the hairdryer, make sure there's a blue balls button!
Super-Deluxe Girlfriend: WHAT?!?
Bad Robert: Yeah, you know... that blue button so that cool air comes out.
Dave: And you call this the "blue balls" button?
Bad Robert: No. Not "blue balls" button... blue "balls button"... as in the "balls button" is blue. It's so you can blow-dry your nuts without roasting them.
Super-Deluxe Girlfriend: WHAT?!?
Bad Robert: Well, yeah... testicular moisture can lead to jock itch. Baby, you should be glad that I'm into preventative maintenance... you wouldn't want to sleep with a guy who had jock itch would you?
Super-Deluxe Girlfriend: I don't know Robert. Right now I'm trying to decide if I want to sleep with a guy who blow-dries his testicles.
After she leaves...
Dave: Please don't ever tell me how your old hairdryer got broken.
Yep, Robert's Super-Deluxe Girlfriend has to be the bravest woman I've ever met.
D'oh! I just realized that I lost a dare from Naomi. But, in my defense, I must say that my thoughts are only a reflection of our balls-obsessed society, and not a personal obsession of yours truly. Oh well. If it makes you feel any better Naomi, I will resist the urge to draw a cartoon of me blow-drying my testicles... that should count for something.
UPDATE: It would seem that Robert is actually a lot smarter than people give him credit for. Read the follow-up for this entry.