Let me know when you get the email that just took you seriously, k? I always get a kick out of those.
I am quite possibly the greatest person to have ever lived, and will undoubtedly continue to be so until the end of time.
I put that out there because the blogosphere seems to be all introspective and analytical on themselves lately, and I thought that I'd jump on board. It's easy for me because I am so sublimely perfect. I don't shy away from taking a deep, penetrating look at myself because the outcome is always the same... I am a really terrific person. Smart, funny, witty, charming, clever, accomplished, loyal, logical, creative, kind, helpful, friendly, trustworthy, humble... they're all words you could use to describe me, and the list goes on and on. It just doesn't get much better than me.
But I'm boring you with things you already know.
Not that I could ever be boring! Heavens no! I'm just being redundant.
Though I'm not being redundant because I don't think you're smart enough to get it the first time around... perish the thought! You're nifty! I like you! And coming from a person like me, that's saying a lot. You should feel really special. Because you are special. I like you, so how could you not be?
If I have one failing, it's that I'm too giving.
I'm a giver.
Just look at this blog! I write here every day because people demand it. People just love me, and who am I to deny sharing a bit of myself with them? But I don't need to tell you that. You're here reading this, so you already know how much you love me!
Guess I should add "modest" to the massive list of traits that describe how great I am.
Now if only somebody would build that fifty-story monument to my awesomeness that I've always wanted, we could all move on with our lives... secure in the knowledge that future generations will be able to partake in my legacy of greatness...
Now, don't you feel a little better about yourself because you've read Blogography today?
Sure you do! Life is good because I'm in it!
One last thing before I go... does anybody know where my car keys are? I could have sworn I had them when I drove home from work...
UPDATE: DING! DING! DING! DING! We have a winner...
An unapproved comment has been posted on your blog Blogography, for entry #3612 (Idiopathic). You need to approve this comment before it will appear on your site.
I think you're having an allergic reaction to your ego. Good luck with that.
Commenter name: True
Commenter email address: whatever@fu.com
Commenter URL:
Commenter IP address: 204.120.18.81
Thank you clueless anonymous commenter in Minnesota! I was beginning to think that we wouldn't get that one person who has no concept of sarcastic humor!
Very funny post.
I've been googling to find the name of the character on SNL, portrayed by Al Franken; with no luck.
Your post reminds me of him (the character).
Posted by Crail00 on November 13, 2008 | Reply
Dave - I love this post. I would travel to your monument every year and worship at your headstone gladly!
Posted by bubblewench on November 13, 2008 | Reply
I, for one, am happy that the belt of restaurant is symbolically across the tummy, because the Symbolism Of Dave has always been important to me.
Posted by Tracy Lynn on November 13, 2008 | Reply
The statue / monument / visitors center / toruist trap reminds me of the erection *giggle* of Cartman in an episode of "South Park" where an experiment with sea monkeys produced a vibrant yet zealous culture revolving around their gigantic leader.
If there's a light-rail station nearby -- I'll visit.
@Crail00 - "Stuart Smalley" is his name.
You're such a bag o douche. I took my pants off to write this comment.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants on November 13, 2008 | Reply
I would absolutely love to worship at your temple Dave...
Posted by The Duchess on November 13, 2008 | Reply
Jester... You are so very privileged! I hope you know that. You may be a second-class citizen who can't marry in the state of California, but you have me on speed-dial, and that's gotta count for something.
SSP... Oh yeah, the one where Bender was pharaoh! That was a terrific episode! Except that was a cartoon, and this is real-life.
Two questions:
1. What will you be sacrificing on said sacrificial altar?
2. Can I get a job in the gift shop? Thanks!
Posted by Coal Miner's Granddaughter on November 13, 2008 | Reply
1. Dumbasses who drive slow in the passing lane.
2. If you are willing to relocate to Washington State once the construction is complete (projected 2018), please forward a resume with references. Umm... you DO have previous gift shop retail experience, don't you?
Dave, you may or not be awesome but this post certainly is.
Also,
*chuckles at the slow drivers comment. I almost hit TWO today on my lunch while driving back to work as I was eating, reapplying my mascara, and texting my boss to let him know I was gonna be late.
What's this? Burial headstone? No, no, you are way to awesome to die. We need to turn the main entrance into a throne room so that we all can bask in your awesomeness. I'll start stocking chocolate pudding now so that I'll have a proper offering.
Posted by Michelle on November 13, 2008 | Reply
I fixed it!
I love Dave!
I am going to start the fan club and pass out flyers about the museum!
I will not wear any pants, but I will wear nice walking shoes!
I will pay money to be his friend!
Does that make up for it? It was an oversight - for realz!
you have issues. i love that about you.
(love the eternal flames. great monument. and great twitter insanity. thanks for the smiles while i had to travel and avoid killing other passengers, dave2 style)
Posted by hello haha narf on November 13, 2008 | Reply
i'd like to head up the ny dept of collecting dumbasses who drive to slow in the passing lane. we have an overabundance of them here and i'm running outta room to bury them. (living next to a graveyard has it's perks. the junkyard down the road a bit comes in handy as well.) would you prefer that they arrive still breathing or already 'processed'? do you mind excessive bruising and/or open wounds?
and alas, your monument is near perfection but is missing something. an adult toy store discretely tucked beneath your junk would add the finishing touch. :)
You are pretty great. In a funny way so am i!!
Greatness runs in the blog family doesn't it??
Posted by michelle Jacobs on November 14, 2008 | Reply
>Because you are special. I like you, so how could you not be?
Testify! I know I felt special upon meeting you.
Your ego must have rubbed off on me.
Posted by carlos.m.hernandez on November 14, 2008 | Reply
"I think you're having an allergic reaction to your ego. Good luck with that."
^^^
That seriously made my day.
Posted by Abby on November 15, 2008 | Reply
oh my god, oh my god
seriously, if I send you a photo of the real me can you please mockup a graphic like that of a monument for Holly Hall.
omg, omg
I would so appreciate it. And seriously, it would be such fitting graphic for what I want to do as a post.
namely, do a post on why I have a blog.
o please Mr. Dave, it would be ever so nifty!
either way, love love love the graphic
and btw, your one graphic, the one with the ratings on the various star wars movies, that was one my husband's background on his computer for about a month.
you have a gift!
:)
Mrs. Hall
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