Countdown

I have been pretty much killing myself day and night so I can get caught up with work before I go on vacation. There's entirely too much to be done and not nearly enough time to do it. The problem is that such a harsh schedule is starting to take its toll. Today I got confused and somehow managed to merge two separate projects into a single task. Never mind that they are unrelated in most every way, my exhausted mind is starting to hallucinate or something.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that soon it will all end... one way or another.

The only question is whether or not I'll be dead by then...

Supper

Food Network has a show called The Best Thing I Ever Ate where they invite their own network "food stars" along with famous chefs to talk about (surprise!) the best thing they've ever eaten. Each episode starts with a theme like "Hot & Spicy" or "Sliced" or "Crunchy" or "Totally Unexpected" and then everybody has to pick a "best thing" to match. It's a surprisingly engrossing show, because the answers run the gamut from sublimely extravagant to dead simple... from impossibly expensive to dirt cheap... from around the world to around the block. It's a fun show to watch, especially if you're a foodie like me.

The episode I saw tonight was the most interesting show so far. The theme was "Last Supper," where everybody had to choose their final meal as if they were going to die once they ate it.

After reading Satoshi Kon's touching goodbye letter to his family and friends yesterday, death has been on my mind lately, so the topic seemed apt.

My last meal would be here...

It's the birthplace of Fettucini Alfredo... which is Alfredo alla Scrofa Ristorante in Rome. I had eaten Fettucini Alfredo many times before I first came to this restaurant in December of 2000 but, once I ate the original, I realized that I had never really eaten it before. My meal was so good that I ended up eating here for both lunch and dinner the next day, and dinner the day after that. I couldn't get enough, and was thankful that I'd be leaving soon so I didn't end up with an Alfredo-induced heart attack.

After my final supper at Alfredos, I'd walk to a neighborhood gelateria for some authentic Italian stracciatella gelato. I think then that I'd be ready to die. Or have a triple bypass. One of those.

Five days and counting...

Bullet Sunday 197

This Bullet Sunday is my last before I leave this Saturday. Bullet Sundays 198, 199, and 200 will be written while I'm on vacation. I'm happy just thinking about it. But happiness, as always, is tempered by sadness...

   
• Dreaming Machines. I was profoundly sad to learn that the brilliant animation director Satoshi Kon had passed away earlier this week from pancreatic cancer. As the man behind Millenium Actress, Tokyo Godfathers, and his brilliant tour de force of the imagination Paprika, this is a terrible loss to Japanese anime fans around the world.

"The 24-bit eggplant will be analyzed!"

••• IF YOU READ ONLY ONE THING FROM THIS ENTRY, PLEASE READ THIS! •••
Even if you dislike Satoshi Kon's movies. Even if you don't like Japanese animation. Even if you have never heard of Satoshi Kon. Even if you don't care about any of this... you must... MUST read the translation of Kon-san's final words, which his family generously posted on his blog. Because when it comes to facing mortality with a grace and dignity above and beyond what you could ever dream a human being is capable of, this is it. Satoshi Kon's letter is about as inspiring a message as you'll find, and his words are some of the most beautiful I have ever read.

Click here for Mr. Kon's final words (in English).

I am heartsick over the fact that he did not live to finish the production of his latest film, Yume Miru Kikai ("Dreaming Machines") which was sure to be yet another work of genius. I am hopeful that Masao Maruyama of Madhouse Animation manages to "figure everything out" and complete the film in Mr. Kon's absence. Given their past collaborations, I have ever confidence in Maruyama-san to carry out Satoshi Kon's vision and create a movie worthy of his legacy.

   
• Paprika. And just because I can't express in mere words what it means to lose a man of such boundless imagination and sublime vision as Mr. Satoshi Kon, here is the crazy-ass trailer and genius opening credits for his film Paprika. Crank up the volume, because the stunning soundtrack by Mr. Kon's frequent collaborator, composer Susumu Hirasawa, is worth a listen...

Rumor has it that director Wolfgang Petersen (The NeverEnding Story, In the Line of Fire, Outbreak, etc.) is working on a live-action version of the film. Heaven only knows how he'll manage it, as Paprika has imagery that doesn't seem as though it would work in "the real world"). Personally, I think a live-action adaptation of Paprika has already been made with Christopher Nolan's Inception, which is a very different film, but operates along the same ideas.

Rest in peace, Kon-san, you will be missed.

   
• Alas, MacGruber. One of my favorite performers on the current Saturday Night Live line-up, Will Forte, has announced he will not be returning for another season of the show. Now, I'm firmly of the opinion that SNL started tanking after Eddie Murphy left, and then went on a full-on decline once Phil Hartman left... but I still watched because there were occasional flashes of brilliance. Will Forte was responsible for many of them...

So long, MacGruber... you will be missed.

   
• Unloading. If I've depressed you with my first three bullets, I'm sorry. For a dose of funny to cheer you back up, check out the Madge & Dave podcast where they unload on pop culture with style. Well... not so much "style" per se... but they do unload.

   
• Booky. DK Publishing produces some of my favorite books. Their visual travel guides are the benchmark by which I judge all others. Their visual history titles redefine how interesting our past can be presented. Their visual art and architecture volumes can make a fascinating subject even more amazing. But my favorite thing they do is their pop culture visual guides for such worthy subjects as comic books, television & movies, toys like LEGO, and... STAR WARS! Their amazing reference works and brilliant cut-away guides has added depth to the Star Wars universe in more ways than a fan could hope for. Their latest visual title is sheer genius... Star Wars: Year by Year...

What makes this book so great is that it's about the things both surrounding and involving the Star Wars films. Influences, comics, games, books, interviews, production notes, television shows, posters... anything and everything... all taken year by year. It's a fascinating look at all things Star Wars that no fan can miss.

   
And now... I'm off to try an fit 16 days of clothes into a suitcase...

Katrina5

It was five years ago.

But it seems like only yesterday I was on my way to Asia as Hurricane Katrina was bearing down on the Gulf States. At the time I remember being sick with worry as I boarded the plane, not knowing whether I would ever see New Orleans again. Since it's one of my favorite cities on earth, this was a horrible thought. The flight time to my first stop in Seoul, Korea was nearly 13 hours, which meant that Katrina would hit The Big Easy while I was in the air. There was no way for me to keep up with what was happening while in-flight, so all I could do was cling to the hope that some miracle would occur, and the hurricane would fade away before it ever made landfall.

But of course there was no miracle. At least not a miracle like that.

The struggle in The Gulf to recover from Katrina is ongoing.

Despite a number of people who believe that we should give it up. "Most of New Orleans is under sea level and can't be saved!" they say. "The city is in the bottom of a bowl and will be flooded again!" they cry. "Stop spending tax dollars on a losing battle!" they scream.

And yet... modern-day engineering can change the face of the planet. Technology exists which can accomplish those miracles. The battle over natural disasters cannot be won, but it's getting easier not to lose. Except it costs money, and cities like New Orleans are poor.

You'd think the same school of thought that calls for the abandonment of New Orleans would also apply to a city like San Francisco which is plagued by earthquakes, but it doesn't. Probably because San Francisco is one of this nation's wealthiest cities. Sadly, it's all about the money, as usual.

Though how people can put a dollar value on people is beyond me.

Thankfully.

Laissez les bons temps rouler, New Orleans.

Facebork

Dear Facebook,

For a company that makes millions of dollars off the advertising you serve up on every page of your site, I would have thought that you would be smarter about how you do your business. I mean, sure you don't know dick about privacy concerns for your users, but I'd think you'd have a clue when it came to your bread and butter. Anything less would make you fucking stupid.

Apparently you're fucking stupid.

When you sign up for Facebook, one of the first things you have to do is tell Facebook whether you are a man or a woman, whether you're interested in men or women (sexually, I'd imagine), and why the hell you're stupid enough to sign up for Facebook in the first place. My profile looks like this...

And there you have it. I am a man who is interested in women and looking for friendship on Facebook.

I'm "looking for friendship" because you forced me to pick something, and you don't have a checkbox for "I'm not looking for a damn thing, I'm only here because I want to keep in touch with people I know are here on Facebook."

I am not looking for "dating" or a "relationship" because I have no interest in online dating. None. I am not looking for "networking" because I think that's a stupid buzzword that basically means "I'm looking for people I can exploit for personal gain" (and while this may be true, it's not something I want to announce to the entire internet).

NOW... since I have made it very clear that I am NOT interested in dating or finding a relationship through Facebook, would you mind explaining why I see these skanky whores plastered on every fucking page?

WTF? I've told you why I'm here. Or, more to the point, why I'm not here for. Do you think I'm going to change my mind? That I'm going to take a look at some tongue-thrusting piece of eye candy and suddenly decide I want to start a relationship with her? Really? I mean... maybe I'd change my mind if there were additional options as to why I'm here...

But since there's not an option for "I'm looking for a piece of skanky ass to have a one-night-stand with"... what's your excuse? I'm putting my money on "BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID!"

After finally getting tired of being distracted by skanky whores on Facebook, I've started to mark all those ads as OFFENSIVE because I'm OFFENDED that Facebook is so fucking stupid as to serve up personalized ads that I've specifically stated I'm not interested in...

I figure if I mark enough of these things as OFFENSIVE they will eventually get the hint and stop pestering me with them.

So what did I get today? This...

Apparently, the reason those ads for skanky whores are "offending" to me is because they're in English. Switch them over to Spanish, and everything's all good.

That's a whole new level of dumbass right there.

I just don't know how much longer I can patronize a website where the people running it are so fucking stupid that they can't target advertising properly... despite knowing everything there is to know about people from when they fill out their profiles. It's like trying to sell a T-bone steak to a vegetarian when they've fucking told you that they don't eat meat and are wearing a T-shirt that says "MEAT IS MURDER!" How much of a fucking clue do you need?

Anyway, in return for telling you how to improve your revenue by serving ads to your users they might actually respond to, I'll just say YOU ARE WELCOME!

   
Best Regards,
Dave2 from Blogography

   
UPDATE: Thanks to the commenters who pointed out that you don't have to check anything at all. It actually works! I'm now a non-sexual who is looking for nothing! Which, given the current state of my love-life, is about right.

Though I still think it's incredibly stupid that Facebook can't manage to use the information it has readily available to serve relevant ads. That's online marketing 101.

Hollywood

The internet is all abuzz over Taylor Lautner filing a lawsuit against an RV dealership because they didn't deliver a $300,000 custom trailer to his movie set on time. For people (like me) who don't give a crap about the Twilight movies, Taylor Lautner is the "Jacob" of that whole "Team Edward vs. Team Jacob" debate that has every teenage girl's panties in a bunch. Apparently he's like a werewolf but he can change anytime, not just when the moon is full. Or something like that. I dunno. All I do know is that in those movie ads he hangs out with a bunch of other guys and they all take their shirts off a lot...

Now, on one hand, breach of contract is a breach of contract. If the RV dealership said they would deliver something on time and didn't, well, they're in breach of contract. Legally, Taylor Lautner has every right to sue.

On the other hand, shit happens. Maybe the gold-plated toilet Taylor wanted wasn't delivered to the dealership on time, and it's not their fault they're late. Maybe the person installing the diamond-studded bumper on the trailer got sick and had to go to the hospital. Maybe the platinum coating on the hubcaps needed to be polished up before they could deliver the thing. We just don't know. Because shit happens.

But surely the movie studio could get Lautner a substitute trailer for a few days until his $300,000 dream-home-on-wheels arrives. It's not like the guy wasn't going to have a place to stay. And it's not like the RV dealership was grossly negligent and gave him a motorhome with exposed wiring in the crystal chandelier hanging in the shower so he got electrocuted or something horrible like that... they're just late.

Which makes Taylor Lautner kind of a douchebag diva here.

Apparently now that he's a big-ass star, the universe is supposed to bow to his whims. Shit happens, but it doesn't get to happen to him. He's too important. He's too special. He's too deserving. You don't fuck with Taylor Lautner or you get your ass sued.

Whatever.

Something tells me that Taylor Lautner has forgotten who he is. Where he came from. What it's like to be merely human.

He's gone full-on Hollywood douchebag.

But...

Taylor, dude, you were fucking "Shark Boy" in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D!

You don't go from being "Shark Boy" to suing people for "emotional distress" because your $300,000 RV is late to your movie set... unless your intention is to make people hate your spoiled ass. The internet is cruel and unforgiving that way.

Something also tells me we won't be seeing a sequel... a Shark Man and Lava Woman, if you will... any time soon. Taylor Lautner is just too big a star for something like that now.

What a darn shame.

Sleeper

I woke up at 4:30 this morning because I had work that needed to get done. It was an unavoidable consequence of all the technical difficulties that plagued me yesterday. Needless to say, it made for a very long day today.

Now that it's over and it's pushing midnight, all I want to do is sleep.

Or maybe write a blog entry.

Nah, I wanna sleep...

So if you will excuse me, I am going to crawl into a box of Advil PM and pass out now.