Blogography: Faced

Faced

Posted on June 13, 2008

Dave! Maintaining my smoldering hot looks is not as easy as you would think.

Especially when I occasionally have to get mutant oil glands electrocuted off my face. This is a completely horrible procedure which entails a visit to the dermatologist. Not because they're really noticeable or anything... but because they're annoying. They're like tiny little bumps that get caught on everything.

At first I was going to post a picture of my current post-electrocuted self, but I didn't want to scare people. Instead I decided to illustrate the procedure with DaveToons. I think it's safer for everybody involved.

First you get stabbed in the face repeatedly with a needle to numb the areas that are going to get electrocuted...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave getting stabbed in the face with a giant needle.

The numbing injections, as you would expect, sting like a muthafraker and numb your face. But they also leave the nasty white splotches everywhere...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave with white splotches.

As soon as you've been suitably numbed, the dermatologist uses an electric scalpel to carve up your face. It's kind of like an arc-welder, where a fine-tipped instrument shoots jolts of electricity that cuts and cauterizes at the same time. The cauterization is kind of cool, because it means you don't leave the office a bloody mess. Instead you leave with little scorch marks all over...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave with white splotches and scorch marks.

The next morning your white splotches are gone, and only the little burnt scabs remain. But once you take a shower, the scabs fall off. This leaves your face a bleeding mess for a few hours (this is the stage I'm at now)...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave with bleeding facial wounds.

After a few days, the morning bloodletting subsides and you're left with little pink scars...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave with little pink scars.

Since the scars are superficial, they fade away in about three weeks, revealing my hot sexy self once again...

Dave Hotness

And there you have it. See the kind of stuff I have to go through in order to be pretty for you?

Technorati Tags: DaveToons, Dermatology, Mutant Dave

Category Tracker: DaveLife 2008 × DaveToons 2008

Comments

It must be hard to be as good looking as you

Posted by Amanda on June 14, 2008 | Reply

omg! this has been one of the scariest dave toon posts I have ever viewed.

You deserve a hug.

Posted by bluepaintred on June 14, 2008 | Reply

The point is that it's WORTH IT. Because you are SO pretty.

Posted by Belinda on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Are you sure you're only 20% gay? This post added about 2%. Maybe 3.

Posted by Suzy on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Odd, yesterday while you were rejuvenated I was taking pictures at a Dermatologist. They have this _amazing_ new laser thingy that will change your life and looks foreva!

Posted by Göran on June 14, 2008 | Reply

ummmmmmmmmmmmm, yeah. thanks for that.

(hope you heal quickly)

Posted by hello haha narf on June 14, 2008 | Reply

You had me at mutant oil glands.

Posted by Karl on June 14, 2008 | Reply

So that's how you look so young and wrinkle-free.

Posted by Avitable on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Um, OMFG Dave!!

OW!!!!

Just reading that gave me goosebumps and made MY face hurt! Bloody Hell! (literally) I hope you are doing ok....

Posted by Cissa Fireheart on June 14, 2008 | Reply

I took Accutane for a while in my early twenties and sometimes I wonder if I have a baby if it will be purple with two heads. Love those derm visits!

Posted by Long Story Longer on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Ouch, I'm traumatized just reading about it.

Posted by Michelle on June 14, 2008 | Reply

And we appreciate it, Dave.

Wow, that's a lotta hell to go through to be beautiful, though.

Looking forward to the Daveattle 2 Blogger Meet! Keep me posted!!!!!

Posted by Matt on June 14, 2008 | Reply

the bleeding mess is my favorite one.

(i should probably seek help.)

Posted by kat on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Damn, Dave! Tell us it's all worth it in the end.

Posted by Stacey on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Oh Davey-Joe, you're so "blog hot"...*snort*.

(Nobody roast me on a spit please. It's a joke)

Posted by Hilly Sue on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Okay, get this: I'll take chemo over this any day. Of course, this wouldn't be happening if you didn't have your face in my buttered biscuit.

Posted by Howard on June 14, 2008 | Reply

oh Dave you know we would love you anyway but it's true your very sexy with your bloody and scaby face!!

Posted by nicole on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Nobody every said being a sex symbol was easy, Dave.

Posted by Iron Fist on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Mmmmm....that's hawt. But seriously...have you seen your allergist yet? I've been wondering if you found out what is making you sick yet. I've developed an unfortunate avocado allergy in the last year...so I feel your pain!

Posted by Tracy on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Is this how you got talked into this procedure...

Dave2: Does our room have a view of the whole beach?
Dermatologist: No but you will have a great view from the "electric needle room"
Dave2: Wow, really the whole beach?
Dermatologist: Yes from the "electric needle room"

Posted by Brandon on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Mutant oil glands?

And you got rid of them?

They may have HELPED you in your plan to take over the world...geez.

Posted by adena on June 14, 2008 | Reply

It's really Botox, isn't it?

Posted by Finn on June 14, 2008 | Reply

GROSS.

Posted by Poppy on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Hey, Dave, get a styptic pencil. My dad had one for shaving cuts and I used to steal it when I was a teenager to stop bleeding from zitpicking.

OMG that is so gross. But I will admit it for the greater good. Because I'm a GIVER.

Posted by Kristin on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Thank you. Thank you, Dave, for going through all that to be your prettiest possible self for Daveattle.

Posted by Tracy Lynn on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Hey, it's not easy being you. "First you get stabbed in the face repeatedly with a needle". NICE.

Posted by Kevin Spencer on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Ouch!
I know what you mean about those "numbing shots". A few years ago I had to have a possibly pre-cancerous mole removed from my face.
(My grandmother AND great-grandmother both had cancerous moles, and mine, on my cheek near my jawbone, was behaving suspiciously as well).
Anyway, my doctor/dermatologist at the time decided it was best to remove it.
Holy crap, ouch ouch ouch ouch!!!
I know what you mean about the bleeding, too.
Yikes.
So, um... it's been about seven years since that happened... when exactly should I start becoming beautiful? I've been waiting....
Surely it will happen any day now.

Posted by Janna on June 14, 2008 | Reply

This is the final stage before leprosy makes your testicles fall off, right? And I'd like to request cartoons for that one as well, thank you very much.

So what the hell are oil glands?

Posted by kapgar on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Are the villagers going to stone me if I say I'd like to play dot to dot with the little pink scars? Yeah, I thought so. Guess I'll keep my Sharpie to myself. Hope your face gets better fast, and your hand isn't swollen any more.

Posted by Winter on June 14, 2008 | Reply

Ugh... And I thought that I was the only one who knew the secret torture of dermatologist's visits. Remember to put sunscreen on while you're in that pink stage!

Posted by Atomic Bombshell on June 14, 2008 | Reply

I found all that strangely sexy.....

:o)

Posted by cheesy on June 16, 2008 | Reply

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