so... every time I use one of these, I'll be having sex with D.A.V.E??
marketing genius my friend!
It was only a matter of time...
For far too long I've been dissatisfied with the condoms available on the market. So many different brands, styles, colors, and flavors... yet none of them get it right.
Until now.
Because I've decided to create my own condom.
D•A•V•E Condoms&trade are for the discriminating gentleman who sees advertisements for other brands saying "FOR HER PLEASURE" and thinks What about ME?
Well I hear that.
Here at D•A•V•E Condoms&trade, we've used cutting-edge technology to build propolactics that will not only thrill the ladies with their exclusive DAVE-WAVE&trade ribbing and chocolate pudding scent, but will also provide hours of pleasure for the fellas thanks to our DAVE-RAVE&trade bio-electric warming gel.
When released this June, everyone will finally be able to experience the ultimate pleasure that only D•A•V•E can provide. So when you think of sex... think of me! Think of D•A•V•E Condoms&trade
You can't see it from there, but as I type this, my head is in the oven. The ELECTRIC oven. That's the damage you've done.
Posted by Tracy Lynn on April 01, 2008 | Reply
Wait. What does D.A.V.E stand for?
Do the Anal Virginity Erradication?
Posted by Freelanceguru on April 01, 2008 | Reply
Tori... Yes. Why should the pleasures of Dave be available to only a select few? Now everybody can have sex with Dave!
Tracy Lynn... There are easier ways of drying your hair, Tracy!
Karl... It's a chemical reaction! No batteries included!
Lisa... Monkeys WEARING condoms makes ME laugh like a little school girl!
JTM... Well, that's what happens when you flavor condoms like chocolate pudding! Everybody wants a lick!
Amanda... Better than sliced bread? Just maybe...
Beth... Yes, I figured as much. :-)
Watchdog... I think they'll initially be sold exclusively at Target and the Artificial Duck Store!
Penelope... Hey, DAVE Brand Condoms are equal opportunity condoms... they're great for gays and straights alike!
Tracy... With DAVE Brand Condoms... everybody will be coming!
Neil... Only the technology is cutting edge... the condoms are like velvet, baby!
Avitable... Vaginal equipment is not included... but a lot easier to come by, thanks to that chocolate pudding scent!
Guru... Dave's Always Very Exciting?
Sizzle... Yes, well, now the rest of the world will too! :-D
... I just realized it's April Fools Day.
But know, that if you DID sell your own branded condoms - would be so there.
So there that I have come out of blogstalking to say so.
Best,
me
Posted by Kachina Crowe on April 01, 2008 | Reply
And to go along with your new product, you can go to the new theme park where I am sure there are many ladies who would appreciate them!
Posted by Brittopia on April 01, 2008 | Reply
In perusing the comments above-I saw my name and couldn't remember having replied just yet. My thoughts-
a. I'm having sex with D.A.V.E. every time I use those condoms.
b. D.A.V.E. is calling my name, and I haven't even bought them yet.
c. I am far too much woman for D.A.V.E. to handle.
ZOMG! Chocolate pudding scent? Freaking awesome. Put me down for two cases!
Posted by bluepaintred on April 01, 2008 | Reply
Is there any question that we think of anyone but you when it comes to sex? Maybe Karl, but you for sure?
Posted by The Absurdist on April 01, 2008 | Reply
Might I suggest a bottle opener at the base. It could come in handy.
Posted by jake titus on April 01, 2008 | Reply
Dave, you never mentioned if your "Dave Condoms" will come in extra-extra large size....?
Posted by Harold on April 01, 2008 | Reply
Kachina... If I would have known it took a condom to hear from you again, I'd have done this ages ago!
Bec... Now I feel bad for getting your hopes up. :-(
Tug... Most certainly! I think that's a given. :-)
Gina... DAVE Condoms are the next best thing!
Brittopia... Ah, but I've got a theme park of my own!
Göran... I should get Tom Waits to endorse my condoms! That's a great idea!
Jenny... As well you should! DAVE Codoms vending machines will offer the convenience of last-minute protection with the delicious pleasure only DAVE can offer!
Sue... Everybody loves chocolate pudding! That's why it's the perfect flavor for DAVE Condoms!
Turnbaby... Um... yeah... but it would be a big mistake to put anything in there. Anything you want to keep, that is.
TSM... All of those could be true. Well, except "C"... I have very large hands.
Mew... Yes, with DAVE Condoms, everybody wins! Delicious!
Bluepainted... Wow... uhhhh... that's a lot of condoms! Despite the delicious flavor, I assure you these are not edible! :-)
Anthony... The love of chocolate pudding condoms will surely appeal to the entire world, so I'll put you down for a couple hundred thousand cases!
Absurdist... Well, if there is any doubt, it will be totally erased after DAVE Condoms are released!
Hilly-Sue... Hey, by the end of the year my delicious DAVE Condoms will have people calling me BILLIONAIRE BOY! I think I can live with Condom Boy in the meanwhile.
Jake... I dunno... sounds painful! But considering there's never a bottle opener around when you need one, I'm thinking there really SHOULD be condoms with bottle openers on them!
Harold... I made them for my own use so, initially at least, they will ONLY be available in Extra Large! Other sizes will follow...
Laurence... I am full of million-dollar good ideas! It's a mystery to me as to why I don't yet have a million dollars!
well I guess you just lost a sale then becuase me and hubs don't need these for contraceptive purposes. I was thinking they would make great lunch snacks for the kids.
Are you Sure they are not edible? Not even a little?
Posted by bluepaintred on April 01, 2008 | Reply
I'd rather just suck the chocolate pudding off of you... Oh, wait. Damn. That wasn't supposed to be out loud. Sorry. I've been an quivering jelly ever since you answered my question about your bad monkey on Hilly's show. Great idea for condoms though! If I had a penis, I'd buy them!
"Bio-electric warming gel?" Is that like what's in those heatwraps that activate once they are exposed to air? Dude. Better get that chemical reaction right or else instead of "throbbing members" you'll end up with crispy critters.
And when they heat up, isn't there a risk they'll smell like burnt chocolate pudding?
And what happens if one breaks? I think I can do with out my vagina being bio-electrically warmed...
But otherwise they sound wonderful, Dave! ;-P The packaging is especially cute.
Posted by Caffeinated Librarian on April 01, 2008 | Reply
Winter... Maybe you could buy them for somebody you know who isn't penile-challenged? They make a great gift!
Librarian... "Warm" is the best way to eat chocolate pudding!
Kapgar... DAVE Condoms have free shipping, so no worries!
Robin... Sure, but you really don't want to know what you have to do to get one. :-)
Gary... I couldn't get a license from the Coca-Cola Company, the bastards!
Kapgar... I dunno... where was the last place you remember seeing it?
Suze... Then I guess I should add it to my "Best Of" page?
The chocolate pudding feature is by far the best.
Posted by Atomic Bombshell on April 02, 2008 | Reply
Can't believe I missed out on a great April 1st product announcement. Hope there's still time to place my pre-order.
Posted by ChillyWilly on April 02, 2008 | Reply
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