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Entry Archive: November 6, 2007

Productivity

Dave!Most unproductive day ever.

Seriously. That time I had killer diarrhea and spent two days on the toilet was more productive. Even when I had kidney stones and was so doped up on pain-killers that I was hallucinating, I managed to get more work done. I'd go so far as to say that I managed to get more projects completed during a drunken weekend in Vegas where I spent 48 hours in bed with whores (a hooker's ass makes the perfect laptop stand when your hotel room doesn't have a desk*). I think the only way I could have got less work done today would be if I was in a coma.

I absolutely loathe unproductive days because all the work that didn't get done still has to happen sometime.

In this case, it'll probably be my weekend.

   

* Hookers make you pay extra for that, however.**

** And be aware that modern laptops generate a lot of heat, so it's best to use protection.***

*** Fortunately, there's a bible in most hotel night-stands which makes a terrific heat barrier and can guard against a burnt ass. Because, let's face it, nobody wants to take their hooker to the ER with scorched buttocks.****

**** Though a bible cannot protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, so you'll still need condoms.*****

***** Oh the irony...

Category Tracker: DaveLife 2007
   

Comments

While sometimes I get bored with my job, I do love the fact that as soon as I leave, it's over. I never have work to do on my own time. What can I say, I'm a 9-5 kind of guy.

Posted by Brandon on November 07, 2007

   

you seem to have put a lot of thought into these possible scenarious.

I like it.

Posted by The Chad on November 07, 2007

   

LOL....
Hookers + Laptop + Bible = Condom
Interesting equation :)

RMB

Posted by borysSNORC on November 07, 2007

   

You too?

I feel the same way. Like I somehow need another weekend to recharge.

Posted by Avitable on November 07, 2007

   

I have spent all this week in meetings. Talking about what we need to be doing, but I have accomplished nothing—because I am in meetings all day. Aaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!

Posted by Robin on November 07, 2007

   

I love it when you talk about whores ;).

Posted by Hilly on November 07, 2007

   

now imagining you using a hooker desk

Posted by Anonymous on November 07, 2007

   

ohhhh so that's why they put the bible in every hotel room. I've always wondered....

Posted by amanda on November 07, 2007

   

What? No picture of Little Dave and Bad Monkey with a laptop on a hooker's ass? I am saddened at this blatant disregard for such an opportunity...

Posted by plink on November 07, 2007

   

i hate unproductive days too unless i planned for them to be that way. but even then they make me uncomfortable.

Posted by sizzle on November 07, 2007

   

"Hooker's Ass" would be a great name for a band, or maybe a dive bar.

Posted by ajooja on November 07, 2007

   

Oddly enough most hookers will pretend to be a chair for free. Go figure.


I don't even know what that means.

Posted by Whit on November 07, 2007

   

You'd need a damn expensive hooker to make her match the exquisite Mac style.

On another note, I joined the Mac army... and loathe to admit it, but even not 5 days later I sold my Windows (Vista) laptop.
Would that have been an asstop if I lived i Vegas?)

Posted by franky on November 07, 2007

   

The single biggest reason I have a blackberry is to make toilet time more productive.

Posted by Wayne on November 07, 2007

   

   

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