Blogography: Productivity

Productivity

Posted on November 6, 2007

Dave! Most unproductive day ever.

Seriously. That time I had killer diarrhea and spent two days on the toilet was more productive. Even when I had kidney stones and was so doped up on pain-killers that I was hallucinating, I managed to get more work done. I'd go so far as to say that I managed to get more projects completed during a drunken weekend in Vegas where I spent 48 hours in bed with whores (a hooker's ass makes the perfect laptop stand when your hotel room doesn't have a desk*). I think the only way I could have got less work done today would be if I was in a coma.

I absolutely loathe unproductive days because all the work that didn't get done still has to happen sometime.

In this case, it'll probably be my weekend.

* Hookers make you pay extra for that, however.**

** And be aware that modern laptops generate a lot of heat, so it's best to use protection.***

*** Fortunately, there's a bible in most hotel night-stands which makes a terrific heat barrier and can guard against a burnt ass. Because, let's face it, nobody wants to take their hooker to the ER with scorched buttocks.****

**** Though a bible cannot protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, so you'll still need condoms.*****

***** Oh the irony...

Technorati Tags: Productivity, Hookers, Burnt Asses

Category Tracker: DaveLife 2007

Comments

While sometimes I get bored with my job, I do love the fact that as soon as I leave, it's over. I never have work to do on my own time. What can I say, I'm a 9-5 kind of guy.

Posted by Brandon on November 07, 2007 | Reply

you seem to have put a lot of thought into these possible scenarious.

I like it.

Posted by The Chad on November 07, 2007 | Reply

LOL....
Hookers + Laptop + Bible = Condom
Interesting equation :)

RMB

Posted by borysSNORC on November 07, 2007 | Reply

You too?

I feel the same way. Like I somehow need another weekend to recharge.

Posted by Avitable on November 07, 2007 | Reply

I have spent all this week in meetings. Talking about what we need to be doing, but I have accomplished nothing—because I am in meetings all day. Aaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!

Posted by Robin on November 07, 2007 | Reply

I love it when you talk about whores ;).

Posted by Hilly on November 07, 2007 | Reply

now imagining you using a hooker desk

Posted by Anonymous on November 07, 2007 | Reply

ohhhh so that's why they put the bible in every hotel room. I've always wondered....

Posted by amanda on November 07, 2007 | Reply

What? No picture of Little Dave and Bad Monkey with a laptop on a hooker's ass? I am saddened at this blatant disregard for such an opportunity...

Posted by plink on November 07, 2007 | Reply

i hate unproductive days too unless i planned for them to be that way. but even then they make me uncomfortable.

Posted by sizzle on November 07, 2007 | Reply

"Hooker's Ass" would be a great name for a band, or maybe a dive bar.

Posted by ajooja on November 07, 2007 | Reply

Oddly enough most hookers will pretend to be a chair for free. Go figure.

I don't even know what that means.

Posted by Whit on November 07, 2007 | Reply

You'd need a damn expensive hooker to make her match the exquisite Mac style.

On another note, I joined the Mac army... and loathe to admit it, but even not 5 days later I sold my Windows (Vista) laptop.
Would that have been an asstop if I lived i Vegas?)

Posted by franky on November 07, 2007 | Reply

The single biggest reason I have a blackberry is to make toilet time more productive.

Posted by Wayne on November 07, 2007 | Reply

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