Today was "International Crap on Dave Day" and nobody bothered to tell me in advance.
Instead, everybody just started piling the crap on me until my lovely day was all covered in poo.
Ordinarily, this wouldn't bother me. It seems that "International Crap on Dave Day" comes along at least once a month, so I'm used to it. But today's figurative crap was supplemented with actual crap, which is why I was not okay with it. And I still have no idea what I did or ate that gave me such a bowel-draining case of diarrhea in the first place. All I do know is that it took two hours and a half a box of Imodium before I was able to leave the toilet for more than two minutes at a time. Sure it wasn't the best way to spend my morning, but the up-side is that I beat my high score on Mario Cart DS.
Anyway...
The smoke filled skies that plagued my trip back home yesterday seem to have followed me. This morning things were looking a bit hazy and, by the time I left work tonight, things had gotten much worse. I suspect that when I wake up tomorrow, I'll look out my window and see flames.
Though as long as it's a poo-free day, I'm strangely okay with that...
Oh dear, feel better soon Dave... try eating plain stuff like rice and bananas, as they will tend to stick around in your tummy for a bit longer. Don't drink any fruit juice for the opposite reason. And try thinking of it as a free colonic irrigation... you've saved yourself loads of money, and you didn't have to have an enema - well done!
Posted by serap on August 22, 2006 | Reply
Hi Dave!
I found your blog by chance when one of my friends decided to spam the comments section of my myspace (isn't that repetitive? 'my myspace'?) with a bunch of images featuring a naked butt with a lipstick kiss on it. So, in a valiant effort to return the present(s), I decided to check out the website and hopefully find something equally insulting and annoying and amusing to post on his comments section. Instead, I got distracted by the pretty pictures and the fun stories of your travels.
Actually, I'm pretty jealous right now. You're doing things which I always want to be doing. Damn you! *shakes fist*
Well, I checked out your map, and it says you've been to China! China! *gasp* You should've visited Macau as well. :P I always don't get why foreigners skip Macau and visit Hong Kong instead.
Anyway, summing up the whole pointless bantar, I just want to say that I find your blog very interesting, and I'll keep an eye on it.
For now, adieu!
-Daze
Well, look on the bright side, if there are flames and you're still diahorrea free, you'll actually be able to enjoy them from a window in a room that isn't the bathroom =D AND you could maybe even be drinking Coke and Lime while you watch! Aye, sounding better already =P
What are you talking about ? You know, I am a girl. Everybody knows that all the girls are princesses. And princess don't do a poo. So, I don't know what you're talking about !!! :-D
(Joking apart, I hope you will be better soon.)
Posted by Laurence on August 22, 2006 | Reply
Admit it: All that smokey haze comes from all the matches you lit in the bathroom...right?
But damn...now you have to face the grocery store and buy more dreaded TOILET PAPER, don't you? Cuz you used it all?
Get better soon and don't take any crap from anyone.
Sorry to hear of your problem.
I had a 5-day case of diarrhea about a year and a half ago. The day would start out well enough and by dinner time I'd convice myself that I was over it and I'd eat a small snack (after having been food-free all day). About 11 p.m. the fun would begin and I'd be on the crapper until the sun came up.
It blew big time.
You know what, if you take away the steamy scent lines it looks like the top of a yummy butterscotch ice cream cone with Dave as the wafer. Come to think of it I don't know many people who shit butterscotch colored poo and now I have to explain that, no, I don't go around actually LOOKING at what color people crap will you get me out of this semantical loop now please I thank you...
that's the shits.
sorry! couldn't help it. :)
feel better. :)
Posted by ms. sizzle on August 22, 2006 | Reply
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