Daveland

Posted on June 24, 2005

As mentioned in my FridayQ entry earlier today, I need to build my own theme park. A place where my followers can come to worship me and have big fun as well. A place that's a safe refuge from the craziness of the outside world. A place where people can give thanks for all the little things I do to make the world a better place. A place that's better maintained than Disneyland, more enlightened than DollyWood, and more kick-ass than Universal Studios.

A place that will make me incredibly wealthy...

And here's a map and list of attractions you'll find at Daveland...

1. Ticket Booths & Main Entrance. Your gateway to the Daveiest Place on Earth!
2. Church of Daveology. Before starting your day at the park, here's your chance to take a moment to worship all things Dave! After praising his existence, take an express elevator to the top of Dave Spire for a magical view of Daveland. Don't forget to make a donation! - in Dave Street USA
3. Dave Shopping Village. Here's the place to buy Dave souvenirs and official DaveLand merchandise. - in Dave Street USA
4. Daveism Temple. This stunning temple is a quiet retreat for contemplative study of the Book of Dave. Daveism priests are available to take your donations, and offer advice for conversion of friends and loved ones to the Church of Daveology. - in Dave Street USA
5. DaveBurger. This premiere dining establishment situated in the middle of Dave Lagoon has dozens of DaveBurger vegetarian favorites and the official DaveBurger gift shop. - in Dave Street USA
6. DaveVision Theater. Experience the miraculous life and times of Dave on the amazing five-story DaveVision screen in full 3-D! Shows run every 30 minutes. - in Dave Street USA
7. Lord Dave Apartment. Board a DaveBuggy and take a tour of an amazing recreation of the apartment where Dave first wrote the Book of Daveism and started the Church of Daveology. - in Dave Street USA
8. Daveland Carousel. Grab a gun and board a pony to take a ride on the wildest carousel on earth! Shoot your way to victory by eliminating the non-believers and preserving the Word of Dave. - in Dave Street USA
9. Blogography Center. Stop by the Blogography Center to read Dave's latest postings and relive the Blogography Archives. - in Dave Street USA
10. Dave Taco. Fine vegetarian Mexican restaurant.- in Dave Street USA
11. Dave's Flaming Cheese. Five-star vegetarian Greek restaurant. - in Dave Street USA
12. The TidalDave. Ride the big one at Dave's giant wave pool and beach resort... just like the real thing, including the sand in your ass! - in Dave's WaterWorld
13. H2-cOaster. Ride the rollercoaster that's underwater! Put on your tanks, strap in, and prepare for high-speed thrills through pirahna infested waters. - in Dave's WaterWorld
14. Shark Bait Theater & Restaurant. Enjoy top-name music talent while surrounded by the world's largest shark tank. But you better turn off your mobile phones and shut up during the show, or you could become shark lunch! If you're hungry, visit the restaurant & bar upstairs. - in Dave's WaterWorld
15. Dave's River Adventure. Do you dare explore the dark backwaters of Daveland's Water Country? Grab a rifle, some dynamite, and rocket launchers and find out! - in Dave's WaterWorld
16. Splashabout Laser Killers. 1001 jets of water pulse through a laser tag arena for wet thrills and possible temporary blindness! - in Dave's WaterWorld
17. Dave's Swamp Skippers. Feeling lucky? Board an authentic Louisianna fan boat and rip through mined waters to reach the mystical Lost Temple of Dave! - in Dave's WaterWorld
18. Dave's Deathboat 3000. Take a trip on the Dave River with a fully-armed speed boat, and have wet-n-wild fun trying to blow up other Deathboaters! - in Dave's WaterWorld
19. Fredo Dave's Jungle Pasta House. Delicious vegetarian Italian foods served in a jungle hut. Watch out for the gators! - in DaventureLand
20. Dave's Revival House. Sing praise to Dave in this old-fashioned, lakeside revival theater! Shows begin every hour on the half-hour. - in DaventureLand
21. Dave Island Destroyers. Board a jungle jeep for a rollicking adventure across Dave Island, then confront the non-believers and destroy the Anti-Dave. - in DaventureLand
22. Daventure Coaster. Blast through this jungle-themed roller coaster and see how many poachers you can shoot along the way! - in DaventureLand
23. Daveology Jungle Trek. Become a Davology missionary, bringing the Word of Davism to the non-believers with love and automatic weapons! - in DaventureLand
24. Davism Battle Bots. Let Davism be your shield as you enter the deadly Battle Bot Death Arena! - in DaventureLand
25. Dave Plaza Fountain. Touch the Dave-blessed waters at the hub of Daveland! - at Dave Plaza
26. Skyline to Dave's FutureWorld. Take a leisurely-paced SkyCar across DaveStudios into Dave's FutureWorld! - at Dave Plaza
27. DaveToon Animation Place. Bring the kids to the place where all of the Church of Daveology cartoons are made! You can never start converting your children too early, and DaveToons make a fun and easy way to teach Daveism at every age. Fun for adults too! - in DaveStudios
28. DaveToon Praise Palace. Here you can watch all the latest animated features from the Church of Daveology. After enjoying the show, visit the Way of Dave workshop to see how Daveism can be applied to daily living. - in DaveStudios
29. DaveRail Museum. All aboard! here you can board the Daveland Train that circles the entire park, and see artifacts from the earliest beginnings of Daveland. Hop on and off the train at stations throughout the park. - in DaveStudios
30. Cinema Dave Six. The Cinema Dave Six has continuous showings of every Elizabeth Hurley movie ever made on six giant screens.- in DaveStudios
31. Cinema Dave 360. Cinema Dave 360 shows "Everybody Loves Dave" - a humorous look at Dave's early efforts to spread his Word and the virtues of Daveism to non-believers - in an immersive 360-degree theater.- in DaveStudios
32. Life of Dave: The Ride. This mind-blowing attraction combines all the latest technological effects in sound and vision to create the ULTIMATE Dave experience. This multimedia extravaganza lets you experience Dave from his earliest days, right up until the Church of Daveology was founded! - in DaveStudios
33. DaveCafe Gift Shop and Snack Bar. Atop "Life of Dave: The Ride" is the most rockin' place in the park... DaveCafe! Enjoy fine dining, rock-n-roll, and a sweeping panoramic view of the entire park in this giant revolving restaurant, complete with concert stage in the round.- in DaveStudios
34. Davebusters 3-D. The popular Davebusters series of Daveology evangelism films come to life in this amazing 3-D adventure! - in DaveStudios
35. Skyline to Dave Plaza. Take a leisurely-paced SkyCar across DaveStudios to Dave Plaza, the hub of Daveland! - in Dave's FutureWorld
36. A Brave New Dave Future. This thought-provoking ride into the future shows how much better off everybody will be once Dave has conquered the world, and Daveism has spread to the farthest reaches of the globe! - in Dave's FutureWorld
37. Dave's FutureSnack. Sample tasty vegetarian foods of the future and delicious DaveSoda! - in Dave's FutureWorld
38. Davism Conquerors. Board a battle buggy and take on the non-believer hoards to further the reach of the Church of Daveology! - in Dave's FutureWorld
39. Daveology Outreach Center. Here you can learn about the future of the Church of Daveology and what you can do to help spread the Word of Dave. - in Dave's FutureWorld
40. Dave-O-Rama. A science fiction adventure to new frontiers shown on the 10-story, 4-dimensional, Dave-O-Rama screen! Shows run every hour. - in Dave's FutureWorld
41. Daveism Now! SuperCoaster. This high-speed roller coaster of the future has you racing through holy passages from the Book of Dave brought to life! Not appropriate for young children or expectant mothers. - in Dave's FutureWorld
42. Pizza Dave's Bistro. If you're getting hungry from exploring the future, stop by Pizza Dave's for the best pizza around! - in Dave's FutureWorld
43. Dave's Ring-tone Busters. In the future, all those stupidly annoying ring-tones will be banned but, in the meanwhile, you can take aim at non-believer offenders and blow them away! - in Dave's FutureWorld
44. Passageway to The Dave Resort. Exclusive entrance for The Dave Resort guests to DaveLand.- in Dave's FutureWorld

And there you have it. Plenty of fun and educational activities to keep you occupied for days! It can all be yours once I've built "Daveland" the "Daveiest Place on Earth!"

Comments

I am *soo* there.. when's it opening? ;)

Posted by kazza on June 24, 2005

   

Errrr... as soon as I can get my hands on a couple billion dollars!

Posted by Dave2 on June 24, 2005

   

Can I be an apostle?

And where is the Hard Rock Cafe? Surely Daveworld wouldn't be complete without one?

Posted by Sayuri on June 24, 2005

   

But of course. All Blogography readers are apostles! :-)

Funny you should mention the Hard Rock... originally, the "DaveBurger" restaurant (#5) was going to be a massive Hard Rock Cafe. But upon further reflection, I decided that my followers would prefer a Dave-themed place to eat instead.

Posted by Dave2 on June 24, 2005

   

What?? No motorcycle rides?? What a jip.

Posted by girlonaglide on June 24, 2005

   

Silly GirlonaGlide... once I've conquered the earth, the entire planet will be a motorcycle ride! Roads will all be required to have motorcycle-only lanes. Motorcycle parking will be in front of even the handicap parking. Motorcyclists will not have to pay any taxes on their ride, and will get to claim 100% of their minimal fuel purchases as a tax deduction. Heck, only those subjects with a motorcycle endorsement on their license will be able to vote (not for Supreme Ruler, of course, I'm dictator for life... but other things). Hitting a motorcyclist due to neglectful driving will be punishable by death. Yes, DaveWORLD will be a motorcycle utopia!! Daveland is just a silly diversion from man's pursuit of riding free.

Posted by Dave2 on June 24, 2005

   

I'll be opening up BenWorld next door!

:D

Posted by Ben on June 24, 2005

   

I just want to know how long it took you to create that mondo fab map of Daveland?

Oh yeah, and would all the best rides require a "D" ticket?

Posted by SJ on June 24, 2005

   

No DaveCafe and no Apple store. Are you planning a second theme park where people can worship you?

I think all theme parks need a very large log flume. Failing that what about DaveSplashWorld where it is a dedicated water park; where all the female staff must wear DaveWatch bikinis? :)

Posted by the ref on June 25, 2005

   

You know, you see the word "Dave" too many times and it starts to look kind of weird....
I Think you had WAY too much fun with this.
Can I be your evil body guard/High Dave Priestess/Sword Wielder?

Posted by karla on June 25, 2005

   

The amount of time you must have spent on this scares me... :)

Posted by Neil T. on June 25, 2005

   

That's SO cool!!!
Please gimme an anual membership. *Ü*

Posted by AsharEdith on June 25, 2005

   

..Did you see how Disneyland stock fell 82 points when you announced the news about Daveland! But I was alittle disappointed when I realized you have no casinos in Daveland....what's up with that?
Also here's a idea you might use for a theme for Daveland..."what happens in Daveland, stays in Daveland" !
Harold

Posted by Harold on June 25, 2005

   

Dude. Can I be a Dave mascot at Daveland? I promise to trip all non-believers.

Posted by michaelsean on June 25, 2005

   

That is sooo Dave. So Davity Dave Dave and Davers.

My only complaint is that you're using, as a marketing gimmick, the idea that you can escape the "craziness" of the real world inside DaveLand.

No, no, and no!

If I'm going to DaveLand, I expect it to be EVEN CRAZIER inside those beautiful pearly gates than it is in my "real world."

If you don't greet us at the gate on opening day in a giant purple top hat doing forward rolls down a red carpet while singing "A World of Pure Imagination," I'm demanding my money back!

please? To the first bits, that is.

Dammitalltohell, now I've got that song stuck in my head. Damn earworms! But I so love that song.

Posted by Kevin on June 25, 2005

   

You seriously need a Hotel and Casino. Although us worshippers will give a lot of money to DaveLand you need some money for your superfluous lifestyle, don't you?

Posted by Patrick on June 26, 2005

   

Where are the ten Davemandments? I love your quote from the book of Cycle about driving. Although, and not to anger the almighty, I think that is chapter one verse three and literally says, "To injure a mo#$%r fu%#$r that is riding is inexcusable. Injure them through negligence, and you will be cleaved".

Posted by Art on June 26, 2005

   

I gotta tell you, I expected there to be a Hard Rock too. That's why I clicked on the comment button :)

But I'm still going anyway!

Can I book discount tickets on-line at Orbitz or Expedia?!?

Posted by Gary LaPointe on June 26, 2005

   

I tried to use Orbitz to book a trip to Daveland and was told I would have a 3 day layover at Never-Never-Land!
Harold

Posted by Harold on June 26, 2005

   

Harold, could be worse. Could've been a stopover, complete with cocktails and "lodging," at the Neverland Ranch.

Posted by Kevin on June 26, 2005

   

My god. lol

Posted by Anthony on June 30, 2005

   

dave and i will definitely be there! and we will be wearing dave shirts! have a nice dave or maybe a dave changes everything. wicked site dave, check ours out www.davewear.com :)

Posted by dave on February 09, 2007

   

We need to talk business... daveism and davideism... italy and england together in one huge project of world conquer.
Plus I have some snitch for the Vatican security... we can start taking out the competition.

Posted by Davide on April 18, 2007

   

You understand that this will have to be approved by the Dave Council and of course you will have to fight the "David" union for shares?

I'm with you though its about time we declared our independence from the "David"s

Posted by Dave on June 03, 2009

   

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