Utah Day 1: Flight

Posted on May 15, 2005

The Dave struts confidently down the newly remodeled concourse of Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. He is the picture of sweet styling and high fashion because he is wearing a classy Blogography Logo T-shirt. As a seasoned world-traveler, The Dave has seen it all. He's done it all. He knows it all. There will be no surprises on this trip. How could there be? It's a ridiculously short 2-hour flight to Salt Lake City! The world is but a playground for The Dave's jet-set lifestyle. Knowing this, The Dave turns boldly into the restroom...

And is immediately greeted by a guy shaving his chest over the sink with an electric razor.

Knowing The Dave as you do, what happens next?

• A) The Dave runs screaming from the bathroom, horrified that THIS is how he is starting his morning.
• B) The Dave whips out his "Lady Soft-Touch" razor and starts to shave his own chest next to this prissy bitch.
• C) The Dave checks the bathroom stalls to see if the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy "Fab Five" are somehow behind this.
• D) The Dave offers some helpful advice and says "you missed a spot on your back."
• E) The Dave strikes up a conversation regarding the pros and cons of waxing vs. shaving.
• F) The Dave enters his own reality, removes the guy from his world, and proceeds as if nothing is amiss."

But, before the answer, a brief interlude: As I sit here typing this, a man is behind me screaming at the top of his lungs... "HURRY UP!" and "MOVE IT!" and" WOULD YOU RUN DAMMIT!" A minute later, a harried housewife and a teenaged girl, both in dress shoes, go running past... their high-heels making a pleasing "click click click click" on the floor tiles as they pass. Smartass that I am, I say (loudly) "somebody needs to be slapped!" Which gets a few laughs in the waiting area and "the stare of death" from this freaky moron. It's not the first time.

It's going to be one of those days. When I first arrived at the gate, the previous flight to Atlanta was just pulling out as a man came running up. Apparently, he expected that they would call the plane back to the gate, and was quite put-out when they did not... throwing his duffle bag at the electronic ticket-taker. It never fails. Everybody seems to think that they are so important that an entire flight of people should have to wait on their tardy asses. His excuse? THE SECURITY LINES WERE LONG AND IT TOOK FOREVER TO GET THROUGH!!! Yes sir, that's why they recommend you arrive 90-minutes before your flight. Dumbass.

Anyway, the correct answer is "F" - yes, "F" is the answer. A guy shaving his chest in a public restroom is entirely too scary for me to acknowledge... especially this early in the day. Besides, I couldn't get my "Lady Soft-Touch" razor through security.

Comments

I'm waiting on the punchline.......

Posted by Sayuri on May 15, 2005 | Reply

   

OMG!! What's next third person references?

Posted by Art on May 15, 2005 | Reply

   

Sorry homey. I thought that perhaps you had finally acquired head exploding power and had turned a corner.

Posted by Art on May 15, 2005 | Reply

   

Ahh, I see, I knew there was something else coming. I thought you were just teasing us for giggles.... :)

Posted by Sayuri on May 15, 2005 | Reply

   

The Kachina pities The Dave for having to fly for his work. *pats on shoulder* There there.

Really, I don't know how you can do it. It takes a hot poker at home and the promise of massage/sweet tea/ something else really kick-ass at my destination to get my lazy behind in gear to fly.

*shudders*

Anyway. I hope you enjoy Atlanta more than I did. I was about to make a restauraunt reccommendation and then I realized that you're still on the veggie-wagon:>)

Peace,
The Kachina

Posted by Kachina Crowe on May 15, 2005 | Reply

   

"the previous flight to Atlanta"

I just interpreted this meaning that the subsequent plane would be to atlanta. *rolls eyes at own idiocy*

Yeah. My aunt lives down there - they've got some of the worst smog anywhere because the traffic's so bad. (MARTA isn't exactly an appetizing public transportation situation)

Posted by Kachina Crowe on May 15, 2005 | Reply

   

I'm so thankful my dinner has been digested otherwise you'd have been responsible for a new keyboard. Well, you and that hairy beast in the restroom.

Posted by girlonaglide on May 15, 2005 | Reply

   

I'm so glad you posted about this. If I had run into this without hearing about it first, things would not be good. Now, I can be prepared for it if it were to happen to me. Thanks.

Posted by TheMike on May 16, 2005 | Reply

   

The part with the guy missing his flight is remarkably similar to the last episode of LAX, where a guy misses his flight because his bag is too big to be considered carry-on. He too launches at the staff...what's up with people!? I thought it was common knowledge not to bite the hand that feeds you...

Posted by Patrick on May 16, 2005 | Reply

   

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