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Bullet Sunday 481

Posted on November 13th, 2016

Dave!Hold on to your freedoms, fellow Americans, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

Here's my favorite reaction videos to the US Presidential Election. All of them were chosen carefully and each one is worth your valuable time to watch. But if you just want to go for the jugular, skip down to Jonathan Pie.

   
• Russell Brand. The title of this video is a bit misleading. This is actually quite insightful and more introspective than reactionary...

Indeed.

   
• Dave Chappell. God I've missed Chappelle...

I hope this truly is a comeback. We need his voice and his humor in the world... now more than ever.

   
• Samantha Bee. Still one of my favorite commentators on television...

Anybody who thinks a woman can't be funny... anybody who thinks a woman can't bring it... anybody who thinks a woman shouldn't be given a political soapbox... well, you can shut the fuck up now.

   
• Jonathan Pie. And then there's this bit of ass-kicking...

So much agreement. If only Democrats had this kind of clarity.

   
• John Oliver. And the one I've been waiting for...

Which pretty much sums it all up.

   
• And Because It Can't ALL Be Shitty. This may very well be the closest we ever get to The Fifth Element 2...

Nice! Though, oh man would I love to revisit The Fifth Element universe one more time.

   
And, speaking of time, mine has run out. See you after the anarchy begins.

   

President Trump and Worry

Posted on November 9th, 2016

Dave!There are people I know who were so invested in the Clinton campaign... so certain of victory... that I am more than a little worried about their reaction to last night's election results. As you might guess, I am not so much upset by a Hillary Clinton loss as I am horrified by a Donald Trump victory. She was never my candidate. I never wanted Hillary Clinton as my president. But I was compelled to vote for her to prevent what's happening from happening.

Alas...

So where do we go from here?

President Elect Trump by word or by deed has painted himself to be a racist, a homophobe, a xenophobe, a misogynist, a bigot, and an all-around asshole.

That's a huge problem.

Electing Donald Trump sends a number of messages that have me fearful for my country. I honestly believe that some dear friends of mine are less safe now than they were yesterday. My gay friends. My Muslim friends. My poor friends. My Black friends. My Hispanic friends. My women friends. I worry about them. Which in turn makes me worry about all my friends, because we are all interconnected in a very real way.

And I'm worried about myself. I'm not a Christian. Is that going to be a problem for me? I have no illusion that the forthcoming legislation supporting "religious freedom" is a Christians-only club. What is that going to mean? I'm not gay but there are people that think I'm gay. Is that going to be a problem for me? The hatred and violence seen in some Trump supporters makes me wonder. This win for Trump has certainly given strength to the more dangerous elements of our society.

And so I worry.

I'm guessing I'll worry a lot over the coming days.

And I'm a straight, white, male!

That's not even the worst of it. For everything that Trump is and as worried as his presidency might make me... it's the fact that Mike Pence is one heartbeat away from The Oval Office that puts me in a full-blown panic. He is scary on a level that I can't even wrap my head around.

Seriously... Google that shit.

If you pray, pray for the health and safety of President Trump while he's in office.

You might also want to pray that President Trump finds the wisdom, the compassion, the patience, and the sanity to govern us well.

That would be great because I'd really like one less thing to worry about.

   

You Know You Want It

Posted on November 7th, 2016

Dave!Remember... you can always vote fourth party tomorrow...

BUT NOBODY CARES

   

Now just please let the madness end.

   

Bullet Sunday 480

Posted on November 6th, 2016

Dave!SUNDAY BEGAT SUNDAY AND SUNDAY IS SUNDAY, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Butter. A friend of a friend closed his restaurant last December. A while back he was asked if he would share some of his favorite recipes and he did. Then somebody asked him how in the heck he made his burgers taste so good. His answer? "Butter and salt." Saturate the buns in butter before grilling them. Just before flipping, salt and pepper the patty (his restaurant had a touch of garlic powder in the mix) then flip and add more salt. Sodium nightmare? Yes. But restaurants don't have to post Nutrition Facts, so that's how he made his burgers taste great. Tonight I gave it a try with my Boca Burger patties. *AMAZING* The abundance of butter and salt totally takes them to the next level. High blood pressure, here I come!

   
• Voter. Just sayin'...

Why American's aren't rioting in the streets for an end to our fucked-up two-party system I will never know.

   
• Wierd World. Oh Lord, Really? Pat Robertson's crazy shit is hilarious, yes, but there are people who actually believe the words he's saying! I mean, the gays are going to force me to like bestiality? BUT I DON'T WANT TO FUCK A GOAT!!! THANKS, THE GAYS!!!

This guy is bat-shit crazy. Genuinely certifiable. Scary insane.

   
• OH IT IS ON! Heinz starts making yellow mustard... SO NOW FRENCH'S IS MAKING KETCHUP! =BOOM!=

French's Ketchup and Heinz Mustard

Which one is making mayonnaise next? And will Hellman's start making ketchup and yellow mustard of their own in retalliation?

   
• Dipshit Pie! Trae Crowder has become one of my favorite vloggers. His unique take on politics is comedy gold, and this was one of my favorites these past months...

Oh noooo.... where are we going to get our meth and pontoon boats?

   
• DNCE. While I was on sabbatical, I got hooked on DNCE's album Swaay for my "Album of the Summer." Their first video, Cake By The Ocean was catchy as hell and I was instantly addicted...

When they released their next video for Toothbrush, I was baffled by people calling lead singer Joe Jonas "brave" and "progressive" for featuring a plus-size model. IT'S ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM!!! She's one of the hottest women on the planet! I mean, seriously, there are guys who would take a look at ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM and say "No thank you?" It's not like he put a regular human woman in his video... IT'S ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM! Oh how brave of him! He was progressive enough to make out with ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM in his video! Give me a break.

The last video was for Body Moves, which was another catchy, high-energy track...

I have no idea if this was just a side-project for Joe Jonas or what. It will be interesting to see if the band stays together for another album. I sure hope so.

   
And... as good as it feels to be shootin' bullets again, this here Bullet Sunday is at an end.

   

No… God, No… Please Save Us…

Posted on November 5th, 2016

Dave!I was tempted to resume blogging after Election Day so I wouldn't have to comment on the dumpster fire that is the United States presidential race... but here we are.

I would like to say that my feelings towards the candidates are nuanced, complex, and well-formed, but that's not the case. I loathe all the candidates... I especially loathe the Republican and Democrat candidates... and knowing that either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton is going to be my president makes me want to vomit until I die.

My disdain of Hillary Clinton has nothing to do with all the idiotic rhetoric over current or past scandals, or her moronic email missteps, or her husband's indiscretions (?), or even Benghazi (of which a Republican-lead committee found no wrongdoing by Clinton). The simple truth is that Republicans have spent millions upon millions of dollars trying to hang her with something, but nothing ever sticks. Probably because Hillary Clinton is no more or less guilty of the crap that usually goes on with our corrupt politicians. So whatevs.

No no... my problems with Clinton have to do with actual stuff she's done as opposed to all the crazy accusations that plague her. And while there's a lot of examples I could provide, I'm going to limit myself to the two that boggle my mind most because they are almost never brought up.

  • War on Violent Video Games. You think Donald Trump can become unhinged? Turn the clock back to 2005 and the absurd level of hysteria that Hillary Clinton came up with in her quest to ban violent video games (which I'm guessing was an effort pander to Right-leaning voters). At first blush, it was an admirable effort to protect kids from mature material they were too young to process and give parents the tools they need to determine if the games they buy for their kids contained this material. Except her "Family Entertainment Protection Act" was more like a full-out, unconstitutional assault on artistic expression. Instead of ESRB ratings being a guide, they would be retooled to become law, and severe penalties would be levied against anyone who defied them. So, basically, you have a government entity dictating what they deem to be "age-acceptable" material to a private entity, whose findings would then be used by a government entity to enforce the law. What could possibly go wrong? Ultimately everything was so draconian and vague that developers would be discouraged from making "violent" video games just as retailers would be discouraged from selling them. The fact that Clinton is willing to drift into this level of anti-freedom censorship and make it become law (as a pandering measure!) is a deal-breaker for me.
  • Destabilizing the Middle East. If you consider my concern over video game censorship to be "petty" or even "alarmist" then there's something much bigger on my radar. Hillary Clinton is a total warhawk. Her actions as Secretary of State are reprehensible in this regard... particularly when it comes to Libya, a country her policy has decimated. Rather than retread on an area that was written about better than I could ever do, here's an article I highly recommend: Even critics understate how catastrophically bad the Hillary Clinton-led NATO bombing of Libya was. If you consider my condemnation of this kind of horrific "leadership" to be petty and alarmist, then there's absolutely nothing I can say to caution you against a Hillary Clinton presidency. Cast your vote with confidence.

And then there's this fucking asshole...

Toxic Cheeto Jesus
Photo credited to Newsweek/Photographer unknown

If the prospect of a Clinton 2.0 presidency is something that makes my stomach churn... the prospect of a Trump presidency has me borderline-suicidal.

Forget that he is a horrible businessman who regularly cheats hard-working people out of their livelihood to make a buck. Forget that he is a notorious liar whose dishonesty is so massive in scope and count that he makes Hillary Clinton look like a choirboy. Forget that he a vile excuse for a human being who gets off on demeaning others. Forget that he changes his mind on major issues at the drop of a hat and has no real plan for anything he promises (much of which is impractically impossible). Donald Trump is a racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foreigner-bashing, non-Christian-hating, ignorant, unstable, narcissistic, intolerant, bigoted piece of shit. And electing Trump is the equivalent of hanging a giant banner outside the country advertising the fact that we're a nation of racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foreigner-bashing, non-Christian-hating, ignorant, unstable, narcissistic, intolerant, bigoted pieces of shit. And that doesn't even address the embarrassment factor of having this ridiculous buffoon representing Americans on the global stage. You think we were the laughing stock of the planet during the Bush years? Try 1400+ days of Toxic Cheeto Jesus.

"President Trump" is the stuff of nightmares and goes against everything this country was built to be. So when I cast my vote for Hillary Clinton, a person I pretty much despise, it's not because I am "voting for the lesser of two evils"... it's because I am voting against the Ultimate Evil.

The United States of America cannot survive Donald Trump as leader of the free world.

But it may have to. For we are a nation not of the people, but of the Electoral College...

This map is an average of projections showing how each state is expected to vote. Blue States are for Hillary Clinton, Red States are for Fuckface von Clownstick. Note that any flip from blue to red of 5 electoral votes or more spells Trumpageddon. That's not a lot of wiggle-room. New Mexico decides they want fascist America, and that's what we are. One nation under Drumpf.

And so...

Brace yourself. I am of the opinion that no matter who wins, we all lose.

It's just a matter of how big.

   

Party?

Posted on March 18th, 2016

Dave!Where is the party of the fiscally conservative, socially liberal American?

Every election is a punch to the gut. This one is going to kill me.

Republicans profess to be "conservative" but are only "conservative" about governmental reach where it suits them. Everything else is draconian overreach into our personal lives at unprecedented levels. Democratic candidates don't fare much better. They may be the heart and soul of this country, but are brain-dead in areas we desperately need some smarts. I thought that the Libertarians would be the answer for me, but they're so grossly naive and unrealistic in global policy as to be laughable.

My vote for President of the United States of America is likely going to have to be "Not Trump." Which means I'm voting for Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders? I cannot fucking believe this shit.

I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!

Guess I've offended everybody now. Move along. Nothing to see here.

   

Drumpfhole

Posted on March 14th, 2016

Dave!Wait a second.

Our military spending already outpaces Mexico FIFTY TO ONE.

Our military is larger than any other country on earth by a vastly huge margin.

Our stockpile of weapons could destroy this planet a hundred times over. And yet here comes Drumpf saying he needs to "rejuvenate" our military so he can go to war with Mexico... OUR ALLY... if they won't build a wall?

Who the fuck would vote for this dumbass after listening to this absolute lunacy? I'm just beside myself here. I loathe Hillary Clinton with every fiber of my being... but if it comes down to her and this piece of shit? How is this even a contest? Why not just threaten to NUKE Mexico? The result would be the exact same in the international arena. The US would lose every ally we have. A country would have to be fucking insane to ally with us after we strong-arm a current ally possessing a military 2% the size of our own over a fucking wall THAT WON'T EVEN WORK!

A Drumpf presidency would mean the end of us.

The literal end.

There is nowhere to go after that.

Everything we are would be gone. Everything we stand for would be gone. Even worse, we would deserve it. That this asshole can even be considered a candidate is unthinkable. That he's most likely going to be the GOP nominee is unthinkable. But I guess that's how we got here. People refuse to think any more.

Why every nation on earth isn't considering a first-strike scenario against the United States if President Drumpf becomes a reality is beyond me. It wouldn't even be considered an act of war. It would be self-preservation.

   

Small

Posted on March 5th, 2016

Dave!So small.

So very, very small...


   

Trump is Tiny

   

But scary. So very, very scary.

   

   

Trumpity

Posted on February 13th, 2016

Dave!As the possibility of a Trump presidency starts to get all too real, it's only natural to stop and try to figure out how we got here.

A good part of it... and the part I fully admit to embracing... is the fact that he's a complete political outsider. Who doesn't dream of a country where their politicians aren't so far up the ass of lobbyists and billionaires that they vomit shit every time they open their mouths? The vast majority of our "public servants" don't give two shits about the people they "serve"... they only care about maintaining power and getting re-elected. That takes money. Lots and lots of money. And so our politicians gleefully sell themselves to the highest bidder, fucking over the American people while they do so. That's how we end up with things like outrageous health insurance premiums that go not to maintaining our heath... but to keep the private jets for billionaire insurance company owners flying. It's how we end up with toxic chemicals in our water supply. It's how we end up with jobs being shifted overseas. It's how we end up with new net-neutrality killing bills being introduced again and again and again. Politicians simply do not give a fuck if the laws they make completely screw over average Americans trying to make a decent living. They've got their political careers to think about.

But not Trump.

At least not in ways that really count.

He's got money. It doesn't matter how he got his money, he just has it, and he doesn't have to pony up to the lobbyist trough for political survival. Sure, he's probably had to make some shady deals happen with some shady people... you don't amass that much wealth without having some skeletons in the closet but, politically, he's about as independent as you could hope for.

It's what he chooses to do with that independence that's the problem.

While he may actually do some amazing things... like breaking up insurance monopolies and weakening pharmaceutical cartels... it's the other half of the equation that makes a Trump presidency possible.

Appealing to bigotry, racism, hatred, and the general stupidity of the population at large.

Trump proudly runs with all of it right out in the open. And his supporters love him for it. "He says the things people are thinking!" they say.

Which would be great, except for all the bigotry, racism, and hatred.

But that's not even the worst part about Trump. At least with him all the bigotry, racism, and hatred is out in the open where we can see with it and deal with it honestly. This would certainly be a refreshing change from the closeted bullshit that is going on behind the scenes now.

No, the problem with Donald Trump is that he's Donald Trump.

At this point, I don't even care about the embarrassment factor. I got through the non-stop humility of George W. Bush representing the US on the international stage, I can certainly survive Trump. And it's not even about the stupidity factor. Trump may be a fucking idiot, but he's leagues above the dimwit dumbfuckery that defined Bush. Leagues above.

No. No. It's the fact that Trump is such a pathetic, gaping asshole.

Just imagine it.

Any semblance of tact and decency is out the fucking window. Trump does what Trump wants and to hell with everybody else. So what if he calls President François Hollande a pussy on his first diplomatic to France? Who cares if he drops his pants and takes a shit on the table in front of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau while negotiating trade agreements in Canada? What does it matter that he grabs Chancellor Angela Merkel's breasts at a summit in Germany? He just doesn't care enough about what people think about him to be at all restrained... or even remotely presidential.

Which is exactly what his supporters seem to want, regardless of how such assholery is going to reflect on our country.

And that's the thing that bothers me the most. Not necessarily that our country is going to be a laughing stock in the global community... we've been down that road... but that people are okay with that.

I'm not a fan of Bernie Sanders. He's a massive con-man who is somehow convincing people that the president actually has the power to do all the things he's been promising on the campaign trail. As if "President of the United States" is like a king that makes laws by royal decree instead of having to assemble of bipartisan coalition to get anything done. Are we really supposed to believe that a Republican-dominated Congress is going to let President Bernie unleash his brand of democratic socialism? Of course not. Even if the Republicans weren't in power, he'd have a hard enough time getting all his fellow Democrats to support him. Hell... how many of his fellow Congressmen are supporting him now? Two? Maybe? It doesn't matter if enough people buy into Bernie's vision for America to get him elected... he has nowhere to go when he occupies the White House, and I remain dumbfounded that his supporters don't seem to realize this. Still, in a contest between Pie-In-The-Sky-Sanders and Asshole-Trump, I'll take the delusion of any day. Meaningful change ain't going to happen... because it can't happen like this... but at least Bernie won't set back social change a few decades.

I'm really, really not a fan of Hillary Clinton. I loathe her on so many levels that my teeth grate just typing her name. Why I feel that way I've gone into many times. But in a contest between Hypocrisy-Is-My-Agenda-Clinton and Asshole-Trump? Hillary 2016, baby.

On the Republican side, things are a bit more difficult to measure.

Would I rather have Ted Cruz as the nominee over Asshole-Trump? Oh fuck no.

Would I rather have Marco Rubio as the nominee over Asshole-Trump? Probably not.

Ben Carson? BWAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! Um. No.

I might prefer Jeb! over Asshole-Trump, but he's going down faster than a lead weight and has no chance.

I dunno enough about John Kasich, but it's not like he's a factor anyway.

If I had to make a prediction now, I'd put money on a Clinton 2.0 presidency. She ultimately comes down to the lesser of all evils, and I think that's what is going to carry her to victory. Obviously not my ideal presidential scenario.

But it beats the hell out of President Asshole-Trump, and that's what I'm trying to focus on.

   

Simple

Posted on January 18th, 2016

Dave!Turns out MadTV had a handle on the current state of the Republican Party all along.

Not bad for a show airing twenty years ago...


   
Preach it, sister!

And, seriously, this wasn't written as parody yesterday... it's from nearly twenty years ago...




Darlene McBride really needs to come out of retirement.

Of course, we've already got Mike Huckabee, so she's almost redundant... but still...

   

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