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Seasoned

Posted on September 21st, 2009

Dave!I don't know that anybody cares what television I'm watching, but it comes up from time to time so I thought I might as well get a post out of the way.

It's only fair to preface this list with my disgust and loathing of television in general now-a-days. Too many great shows get cancelled (=ahem= PUSHING DAISIES =ahem=) only to be replaced with complete and total crap (usually reality television dumbassery) and networks never even care about the people watching these shows. If they did, they wouldn't leave viewers hanging, and allow shows to wrap-up stories and plots in a satisfactory manor.

But oh well. Such is the risk of a television junkie.

NEW HOTNESS I AM GIVING A SHOT...

  • COMMUNITY. I admit I was not too impressed with the pilot. But it's starring Joel McHale, who I love more than toast. Hopefully it will find its footing and live up to Joel's potential.
  • FLASHFORWARD. I am very, very unsure they can maintain this story over the course of a season (I'm having flashbacks of "The Nine" here), but I liked the book on which it's been based (of the same name) so I'm game.
  • ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE. I honestly don't give this show much hope, but I'm willing to give it a try because I like Jenna Elfman and really like Ashley Jensen.
  • NCIS: L.A. I positively loathe the original "NCIS" but love Linda Hunt, so I'm giving it a shot. Hopefully the dialogue and acting will be upgraded from the slapsticky crap that plagues the original, and give us a show more like the originator of them both: JAG.
  • MODERN FAMILY. This doesn't seem like it would be my kind of show, but the buzz has me really curious to check it out.
  • COUGAR TOWN. I will probably dump it after one episode, but I am inexplicably curious to see what this show is about. Wish I knew why, because it has FAIL! written all over it.
  • THE CLEVELAND SHOW. Will it be as funny as "Family Guy?" Probably not. But I very much want to find out.
  • V. I cannot fathom how the remake will possibly manage to top the original without the incomparable Jane Badler as "Diana" but, after the raging success of "Battlestar Galactica," we'll see.
  • HUMAN TARGET. A great comic book series with nice potential for a television series. They certainly cast the lead well... here's hoping that Mark Valley manages to work his "Keen Eddie" magic again.

RETURNING HOTNESS I AM WATCHING AGAIN...

  • CASTLE. Probably my favorite returning new show. The premise is great. The chemistry between the leads is electric. The writing is smart and clever. The mysteries well-crafted. It is dipped in WIN!
  • GARY UNMARRIED. One of the few new new shows from last season which actually manages to make me laugh. As if that weren't enough: Paula. Marshall.
  • SCRUBS (retooled). I loved the original show, and am not sure how I feel about them retooling it minus a big chunk of the cast... but I'm willing to give it a shot for old time's sake.

OTHER STUFF I AM NOT QUITE DUMPING YET...

"How I Met Your Mother" - "Big Bang Theory" - "House" - "Grey's Anatomy" - "Survivor: Samoa" - "Parks and Recreation" - "Family Guy" - "American Dad" - "The Simpsons" - "CSI: New York" - "SNL" - "30 Rock" - "Psych" - "Burn Notice" - "Top Chef" - "Project Runway"

   

NEW CRAP I WON'T BOTHER WATCHING...

  • GLEE. I'd rather be kicked in the balls then water-boarded than watch a show built around crappy singers covering popular music.
  • THE FORGOTTEN. This looks like a copy of "Cold Case" with less talented actors. Since I already loathe "Cold Case" why would I watch a re-tread with (shudder) Christian Slater headlining?
  • JAY LENO SHOW. When Leno (the most un-funny comedian on late-night this side of Jimmy Fallon) left "The Tonight Show" I threw a party to celebrate that I wouldn't accidentally land on his show when channel-surfing. When I heard he was getting yet another show to be not funny on, I was depressed for a week.
  • TRAUMA. Oh boy! It's a "new and improved" version of "ER"... NOW WITH EXPLOSIONS! Pass.
  • VAMPIRE DIARIES. Bitch, please. I refuse to read or watch "Twilight" so I'm hardly in a position to give a shit about all the crap that gets made into a TV series because of it.

OLD CRAP I WON'T BOTHER WATCHING...

  • DOLLHOUSE. I don't care if it is Whedon... this was the most pathetically bad show from last year. Let's take a blisteringly hot babe (Eliza Dushku!) and implant her with the most boring characters possible. Week after week after week after week. Add in the mind-bogglingly lapse of internal logic and a dumbass character named "Topher" and it's a recipe for disaster that rivals "Viva Laughlin" for absurdity.
  • LOST. If ever there was a show where the title perfectly describes the story, it's this one. When I quit watching two years ago, it was greatness that had degenerated into a senseless, meandering pile of FAIL! I can't imagine that it's going to end in a manner that will make the years invested in watching it pay off.
  • HEROES. It's a show about people with super-powers who go out of their way to avoid using super-powers! This leaves us with a boring-ass joke of a show where the only thing to look forward to each week is guessing which character gets to have the FX budget and actually use their power. Like Lost, nobody writing the show has a frickin' clue what to do with the story.
  • CSI: MIAMI. David Caruso is the single worst "actor" on television today, and I simply cannot fathom why anybody would want to be subjected to his "talents." I don't care how amazing the rest of the cast is, Caruso is such a douche that he destroys any chance they have to shine.
  • NCIS. The slapstick bullshit and inane dialogue has smart people acting stupid, stupid, STUPID! It's almost scary how such a great cast and concept can be reduced to sheer idiocy because of failure in implementation. I cannot believe that this show was a spin-off from "JAG" which was such a great show.
  • CHUCK. I hear they gave the whiny bitch kung-fu or something. But a whiny bitch with kung-fu is still a whiny bitch. Watching "Bumbling Chuck" act like a neurotic mess every week is supposed to be entertaining? Not to me it isn't.

OTHER CRAP I WON'T BOTHER WATCHING...

"Dancing With The Stars" - "Two and a Half Men" - "One Tree Hill" - "Gossip Girl" - "Lie To Me" - "Shark Tank" - "The Good Wife" - "90210" - "Melrose Place" - "So You Think You Can Dance" - "Biggest Loser" - "Hank" - "The Middle" - "Eastwick" - "New Adventures of Old Christine" - "Criminal Minds" - "America's Next Top Model" - "Better Off Ted" - "Law & Order: SVU" - "Private Practice" - "CSI" - "The Mentalist" - "Supernatural" - "Bones" - "Fringe" - "Super Nanny" - "Ugly Betty" - "Ghost Whisperer" - "Medium" "Numbers" - "Smallville" - "Brothers" - "'Til Death" - "Desperate Housewives" - "Brothers & Sisters" - "Cold Case" - "The Amazing Race" - "Three Rivers" - "Southland" - "Mercy" - "The Beautiful Life"

   

Here's hoping that most of the new shows I'm trying out will suck horribly so I won't waste too much time watching television!

But no worries. From past experience, I can pretty much count on it.

   

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