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Movement

Posted on April 19th, 2010

Dave!About a half-dozen years ago I was at a horrible party filled with the most boring people imaginable. They were remote friends of my sometimes-girlfriend, and I tagged along because I didn't want to get yelled at. This was during the beginnings of the massive push to "go green" and every douchebag at the party was trying to "out-green" everybody else. This resulted in many lengthy conversations about compost, bio-fuels, recycling, and Birkenstocks... or so I would imagine... to be honest, I wasn't paying much attention and spent most of my time trying to get drunk on organic wine and eating my weight in Doritos with tahini dip. At some point there was a yelling argument over toxic-waste, but not a cool kind of argument (such as to who would win in a death-match between a mutant and a zombie).

It was as about as thrilling as a severe case of food poisoning, but without the fun of calling in sick at work (which is what happens when you try to get drunk on organic wine and eat your weight in Doritos with tahini dip).

Over the course of the 147 hours the party lasted, I somehow got involved in a conversation about bowel movements...

HIPPIE #1: The toxins building up in our feces is a leading cause of health problems.
   
HIPPIE #2: Yes, we should learn from the animals... a dog has two to three bowel movements a day!
   
HIPPIE #1: I wonder if there are any health benefits to a human having three bowel movements a day?
   
DAVE: I dunno. That sounds like a lot of crap to me! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa!
   
HIPPIE #2: !?!!
   
HIPPIE #1: !?!!
   
HIPPIE #2: So... are you thinking laxatives or a high-fiber diet supplemented with coconut or almond oil?

I don't know whether this was better or worse than the Whine People, but it definitely redefined my definition of "torture."

Anyway, flash-forward to today, and I somehow ended up in a conversation where THIS was the topic...

Bristol Stool Scale
Chart Stolen from Wikipedia

   
Of course, my only contribution to the discussion was this...

DAVE: I dunno. That sounds like a lot of crap to me! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa!

Apparently I am the only one who has absolutely no desire to discuss this shit.

...

Ha! Ha! Haaaaa!

   

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