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One Man, One Tiny Penis

Posted on July 4th, 2019

Dave!I'm finding it even harder than last year to find something to celebrate today. Lately it seems that everything I love about my country is in our past.

And just when I think The United State of America has reached rock bottom, our government finds new depths to sink to. The latest? Our dictator wannabe president and his stupid-ass military parade. Which was always pathetic and sad, but reached new depths of heinousness when it was revealed that our National Parks had to pony up $2.5 million out of the entrance fees they collect to maintain the parks. Which means we're giving up much needed maintenance of parks that everybody can enjoy to roll out our big guns and stroke the ego of one man with a tiny, wee little penis...

"Military displays like this are a favorite tactic of those who want to wrap themselves in the symbols of who we are rather than really celebrating who we are. This fits into this larger, troubling trend of identifying America itself as a military state. The Fourth of July in America should be about so much more than our military and our ability to fight off the rest of the world.” — Army Major Jason Dempsey (retired).

And you just know that this $2.5 million isn't the end of it. Millions more will be spent for something so unfathomably asinine as to be fucking laughable.

But what's really disgusting is the idea that Clownface VonFuckstick will be passing out V.I.P. tickets to big Republican Party donors...

"This looks like it’s becoming much more of a Republican Party event — a political event about the president — than a national celebration of the Fourth of July, and it’s unfortunate to have the military smack dab in the middle of that.” Army Lt. Gen. David Barno (retired).

“The president is using the armed forces in a political ploy for his reelection campaign and I think it’s absolutely obscene” — Army Maj. Gen. William Nash (retired), a veteran of Vietnam, the Gulf War and peacekeeping operations in the Balkans.

And that's where we're at. The United States of America is a for-profit enterprise for the sole benefit of its insecure leader who needs a big parade to feel loved. A leader who idolizes the likes of Vladimir Putin. Kim Jong Un, and Mohammed bin Salman... a horrific collection of murderers known to commit grotesque human rights violations.

How the fuck am I supposed to be celebrating my country when those who run it are garbage? People who claim to be celebrating our military... but then dictate what our military is allowed to say on a holiday celebrating our freedoms...

Pentagon Instructions to Troops
From Mother Jones... Pentagon Guidance to Troops in Trump’s July 4th Event: Say I Love My Tank

Perhaps I can celebrate that 565 days from now... 13573 hours from now... 814401 minutes from now... 48864067 seconds from now... President Trump's term will be over and somebody else can fuck up the country for a while. Hopefully somebody who won't need to spend millions upon millions of dollars on a fucking parade so they can feel special.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey waving US flags.

Or, more likely, the Democrats will be fucking idiots again and we'll have four more years of Trump bankrupting the country like he's bankrupted everything else he touches.

And I won't be the least bit surprised.

Just disappointed. Again.

   

Undependence Fall

Posted on July 4th, 2018

Dave!It's hard for me to celebrate the psychotic wasteland that the United States of America seems to headed towards, but I do my best. Despite it all, I still love my country... or rather the potential of my country... so what else can I do?

Try to make it better, I guess.

Not so easy given the way things are, but since when is anything worthwhile easy?

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey waving US flags.

   
If you're not registered to vote, now's the time you want to get on that.

   

AMERICA!

Posted on July 4th, 2015

Dave!In celebration of The United States of America on the occasion of her birthday, I can think of nothing more fitting than quoting the immortal words of a real American and one of the preeminent thinkers of our time... here's Sarah Palin on Paul Revere.

"He who warned... uhhhh... the... the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms... uh... by ringing those bells and, um, making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed."

DAVETOON: It's Bad Monkey riding that horse so he can warn the British not to take our freedoms away by ringing those bells and making those warning shots!

Fuck yeah.

FUCK. YEAH!

Dave!

Captain America Suit
Truth! Justice! Captain America!

Wonder Woman
You're a Wonder, Wonder Woman!

REAGAN, DAMMIT!
REAGAN, bitches! Trickle-Down America!

Flag BIKINI
Jessiqa Pace... Land That I Love

Flag Undies
Too... Much... America...

I pledge aliegence to the flags...
I Pledge Allegiance to America...

Pam!
AMERICAN PAM!

Stephen Colbert Defender of American Justice!
'MURICA! from USA News First!

America Challenge!
Fuck the Pepsi Challenge... take The America Challenge!

America Challenge!
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, COMMIES! And God Bless Holly Fisher

America Challenge!
American Jesus (the ONLY Jesus)... Artist Unknown

America Challenge!
America... One Nation Under God by McNaughton

Red Sox Baseball America!!!
BOSTON RED SOX AMERICA!... by Matt West, Boston Herald

America Pie!
AMERICA PIE TASTES LIKE FREEDOM by Max Faulkner, DFW.com

Stephen Colbert Defender of American Justice!
Stephen T. Colbert... The Spirit of America

American Pride with Waffle
"American Pride" (with Waffles the Cat) by Justin Schwab

American Pride with Waffle
Jordan Carver... God Bless America

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey waving US flags.

Whew. That's a lot of America right there.

Which brings us back to...

Happy 239th Birthday to the United States of America... the best America ever!

   

‘MURICA!

Posted on July 4th, 2014

Dave!O beautiful for spacious skies, For amber waves of grain, For purple mountain majesties Above the fruited plain! America! America! God shed his grace on thee And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea! O beautiful for pilgrim feet Whose stern impassioned stress A thoroughfare of freedom beat Across the wilderness! America! America! God mend thine every flaw, Confirm thy soul in self-control, Thy liberty in law! O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife. Who more than self their country loved And mercy more than life! America! America! May God thy gold refine Till all success be nobleness And every gain divine! O beautiful for patriot dream That sees beyond the years Thine alabaster cities gleam Undimmed by human tears! America! America! God shed his grace on thee And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea!

Dave!

   

Happy birthday, you crazy bastard!

   

Forthe

Posted on July 4th, 2009

Dave!

Monkeyflag

   

   

   

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