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Death-Defying

Posted on July 30th, 2015

Dave!Tonight I came the closest to death I've ever been.

Work was delayed ten hours and didn't start until around 11:30pm on Tuesday. I then worked all through Wednesday right up until Thursday until 10:30pm. So, basically, a 47-hour workday with only a three-hour nap in there somewhere.

And a six-pack of 5-Hour Energy.

To say I was tired and not looking forward to the 2-1/2 hour drive back to Boston this evening was an understatement. I considered grabbing a local hotel for a few hours, but have learned the hard way that I need to power through. So I picked up two bottles of Mountain Dew and away I went.

I was beyond exhausted, but the caffeinated fizzy water and constant stops at toll booths kept me going.

And then it happened.

At three minutes until midnight just before crossing the border from New Hampshire to Massachusetts... a car facing the wrong way, stopped dead in the middle of the highway. No lights. No blinkers. Just a dark automobile angled across the road, centered in the middle lane.

In my lane.

And here I am going 70 miles per hour under the cover of darkness.

In a Prius.

A Prius which would have been utterly destroyed if it had hit the car at that speed... probably taking me with it.

Fortunately, the full moon illuminated just enough of the car before my lights reached it that I saw... something. It was just enough warning to give me time to brake and swerve out of my lane... hard.

It felt like the Prius went up on two wheels.

I thought I was going to tip over.

I struggled to keep control of the car as I started skidding off the road. After what seemed like an eternity, I gained control and managed to stay on the highway.

My wits, however, went out the window back in New Hampshire.

   
Needless to say, I had no problem staying awake for the remained of my drive into Boston. The adrenaline rush was a bigger wake-up call than all the Mountain Dew on planet earth.
   

What if there hadn't been a full moon?

What if I was glancing at Google Maps on my phone instead of focusing on the road?

What if there was a car next to me and I couldn't get out of my lane?

The list goes on and on.

My guess is that somebody from the opposite direction fell asleep at the wheel, then tore through the median until they came to a stop on the opposite bank of oncoming lanes. So crazy.

And now I sit here in my hotel room where I had hoped to get four hours sleep before flying back home. Except, obviously, sleep is impossible now. Despite being so tired that my brain feels mooshy and I want to pass out, I won't be getting any sleep tonight.

So I ordered a sandwich from a local restaurant that delivers until 2:00am.

I went with the highly risky choice of egg salad, which I would usually avoid like the plague because nothing good can come from a delivery egg-salad sandwich at this hour. At least health-wise.

But clearly I am indestructible, so why not?

Boy I hope nobody behind me crashed into that car. I saw police cars headed to the scene, so hopefully everything will be alright.

   

NOTE: I have blog entries I've been writing all week... but I couldn't get them to send from the work site so I'll post them when I get back. None will be even remotely as exciting as this one, however.

UPDATE: Well, that was disgusting. If I don't end up with a scorching case of diarrhea, I will be very surprised. And now my hotel room smells like the entire city of Boston farted in here. Not one of my smarter moves, that egg salad monstrosity.

   

Wipers

Posted on October 31st, 2013

Dave!I was too tired to drive home in the dark last night, so I decided to save myself the agony and head back home this morning. As an added bonus, I decided to wait until 8:45 so I would miss rush-hour traffic. It was a solid plan. Doomed to fail, of course... but it did look good on paper.

Within 10 minutes of hitting the road, I realized that my pricey windshield wipers were useless. Never mind that I bought them just last year... they're already incapable of cleaning off my windshield. And for the life of me, I just can't figure it out. I remember when a pair of crappy wipers would last forever. Now, with all our modern technology, a pair of ridiculously expensive blades can't even last a year? That's progress for you.

Siri located an AutoZone just ten minutes away, so I mentally prepared myself to drop $30 on new wiper blades while speeding through the driving rain.

And that's when the oil light came on.

I've suspected my car has been burning oil for a while now, as Jiffy Lube always tells me that my levels were way down whenever I drop by for service. Now it would seem that I'm not even able to make it between oil changes.

Guess AutoZone is getting another $8 of my hard-earned money for a quart of synthetic.

How typical.

At some point, car ownership becomes akin to pushing your money into a big pile and lighting it on fire, doesn't it?

And because my morning has already gone to hell, it seemed appropriate to stop at McDonalds so I could get an Egg & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich. Well, technically, I pay for a Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich, then have them hold the bacon... because McDonalds is nothing if not efficient about getting you to pay for something you won't eat... but, hey, at least they're willing to make it the way I want. That' ain't nuthin.

As if punishing myself with unnecessary auto costs and an unhealthy breakfast wasn't enough torture... I had to stop three times for road construction and follow assholes who felt going the speed limit and paying attention to the road are optional if the leaves are changing color. This resulted in my screaming "PULL OVER IF YOU WANT TO LOOK AT THE PRETTY LEAVES, DICKWAD!!!" many, many times.

But there was good news to be found today.

I had no trick-or-treaters. Zero.

So that huge bag of candy I bought last week? Mine. All mine!

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