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The Matrix Reloaded and Reloaded and Reloaded

Posted on Monday, May 19th, 2003

Dave!Okay, having just seen The Matrix Reloaded for the second time, I can now say with authority that the movie was quite a let-down from the promise of the original. Sure it had great special effects and some killer action sequences, but the story itself was fairly boring and repetitive. To explain why I feel that way, it's necessary to discuss some details of the film, so stop reading if you haven't seen it yet.

And, before I get e-mails from people telling me that I didn't like Reloaded because I didn't understand it, please spare me your wrath, because I understand the film all too well... I've studied Nietzsche, and have a firmer grasp on the philosophical concepts of "free will" and "choice" than most people do, so everybody claiming to like Reloaded simply because you think it makes you look smart, can just skip the rest of this post but, for the rest of you, here it goes:

The reason I didn't like this movie is that it failed to engage me for the duration. There were always "stoppers" in the way of the story's flow that made it impossible to really get absorbed into the world that the Wachowski Brothers have created. Inane strips of boredom that repeat the same theme over and over again until you find yourself slipping into a coma until the next cool action sequence arrives. How many times do we need to hear about machines and humans needing each other to survive and the consequences of making choices? We get to hear both themes repeated so often that I find myself amazed that there are people that don't understand the film's concept... first that ridiculously dull walk that Neo takes with the head council guy, then again from the Oracle, once more from the Merovingian, and yet again from the Architect. Holy crap... we get it already! And let me add to my complete frustration with the incredibly stupid Zion rave dance sequence, which has been dissed to death on every review I've read. What was the point? I'm sure it was intended to show a celebration of humanity that is worth fighting and dying for, but all it did was grind the movie to a screeching halt. Too many moments like this made me long for a good editor to step in and tighten the story to a watchable pace (and fix the gawd-awful time shifting that destroys the final action sequences as the three teams attempt to break into "The Source").

Enough with the bad, anything good? Well, I was pretty entertained by the action... the freeway chase sequence is astounding to a degree that I would gladly pay another $7 just to see those 15 minutes again. The fights are a bit repetitive, but fun to watch. Monica Bellucci (as Persephone) is breathtaking. And Morpheus' line to Agent Smith: "Does that include a bullet from this gun?" is easily the best line from a movie since Trinity's "Dodge this" in the original. I also like the fact that the film has a decent puzzle in it... is the "real world" that people think is real actually just another level of the Matrix for further control? Did Neo and Agent Smith (in his Zion-acquired body) escape the "Matrix within a Matrix" altogether and make it to the real real world, which is why they ended up in comas at the end? I guess we'll find out in six months.

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X2 Redux

Posted on Saturday, May 24th, 2003

Dave!Ack! First I was disappointed by The Matrix Reloaded, and now another summer blockbuster has underwhelmed me... X2: X-Men United. Boring, boring stuff. The most powerful mutants on earth aren't battling other powerful mutants like "The Hellfire Club," cool aliens like "The Brood," giant robots like "The Sentinels," or even an intergalactic threat like "The Shi'ar." Oh no, this time they are battling boring humans in boring situations with boring action that that makes me wonder why in the heck people are liking this movie.

Even worse, the "big bad" at the end of the film isn't even a boring human, but water. Yes, water. The X-Men battle water in the boring climax to this damn boring film.

The only thing that even remotely salvaged any entertainment value for me was the addition of Nightcrawler, who actually uses his mutant powers in a cool and exciting way throughout the film. But the others? Cyclops gets out maybe two optic blasts. Storm has seemingly lost the ability to fly, Rogue consciously uses her power once in the entire film (and to lame effect)... it goes on and on. About the only action sequence outside of Nightcrawler's attack on the White House that was worth watching was the fight between Wolverine and Lady Deathstrike, but even that was pretty lame, because Wolverine wins by using his brains instead of the brute-force method that would have made it so much more satisfying. Magneto and Mystique are back from the first film, thankfully, because they are the only remotely interesting characters in X2 again.

When are we going to get an X-Men movie that has bad-ass battles that are even half as exciting as the comic book? Where are the all-powerful villains that will make the X-Men struggle? Sure, in X3 we're set up for having Phoenix arrive, but if things go as they have been, she won't be the all-powerful goddess that can destroy a planet, she'll be a bland imitation of Pyro that can burst into flame once or twice. Brian Singer, please prove me wrong and give us a third X-Men film worth watching.

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Star Trek Nemesis Crapfest

Posted on Wednesday, June 4th, 2003

Dave!Holy crap! I bypassed Star Trek Nemesis in the theaters because it looked lame, and I still had visions of the awful Star Trek Insurrection trapped in my head. Well, somehow the idiots in charge of Star Trek have managed to sink to a new low... Nemesis sucks total ass. I don't even know what I can say about it except that it is a boring boring boring film with nothing interesting to say or nothing new to show us. I can only pray that the bad box office, horrid reviews by critics and fans alike, and diminished interest in Star Trek in general will kill off this "Next Generation" franchise for good.

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Terminator 3

Posted on Friday, July 11th, 2003

Dave!I had huge reservations about seeing Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, because it would not be helmed by original writer/creator/director James Cameron. A pleasant surprise, it actually turned out much better than expected. Where Matrix Reloaded disappointed, T3 delivers in spades. In two areas, it actually manages to surpass even T2 (but not the original... no sequel ever could!): 1) The new Terminatrix (played by Kristanna Loken) was even more ruthless (and far more beautiful!) than Robert Patrick's T-1000, and 2) Nick Stahl adds new depth to the John Connor character thanks to a haunting performance that makes me cringe when thinking of the whiny portrayal we had from Edward Furlong in T2. In fact, Stahl's Connor echos nicely the masterful performance by Michael Beihn as his father (Kyle Reece) in the original, which was the part that was so woefully lacking in the first sequel. Yes, it does have a few logical flaws (the Terminatrix should have been able to much more easily dispatch the leads given her vast superiority over Ah-nold's T-100 model) but hey — the action, special effects, performances... just about everything... were high entertainment value, and well worth the $6, which is rare for an action flick now-a-days.

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Underworld

Posted on Saturday, October 4th, 2003

Dave!Let's see... Vampires vs. Werewolves? Cool. An ancient blood feud that comes to a head in modern times? Very cool. Kate Beckinsale in skin-tight latex beating the crap out of people and shooting everything in sight with automatic weapons? Off-the-hook cool. The movie Underworld, which features all three? Laughably bad.

Kate Beckinsale in Underworld

What in the hell happened that such an amazing concept could be ruined so resoundingly? Well, with the exception of Kate, who looks amazing and plays the brooding bad girl perfectly... the acting is just over-the-top bad. Every character tries to be kind of an intense psycho-goth, but ends up funny instead. On top of that, it appears that budgetary constraints must have not allowed for decent special effects, because everything kind of has a retro-1970's look that is also funny. And now I read they are working on a sequel... so I hope they get the money to do it right, because a great vampire vs. werewolf film is something that has been missing in my life (I get women in skin-tight latex beating the crap out of me all the time).

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Uma Kicks Ass!

Posted on Saturday, October 11th, 2003

Dave!I just got back from watching Uma Thurman kick major ass and have to say that Quentin's Tarantino's done it again! While Kill Bill is not a film geared towards deep thinking, and isn't quite up to par with Pulp Fiction or Jackie Brown, it is one hell of an entertaining flick!

Scenes from Kill Bill Part One!

Sure the violence is over-the-top and dripping with more blood than all of his previous films combined, but Tarantino knows exactly what makes a great action movie: hot woman-on-woman cat-fight action! You would think that Uma having a knife fight with hottie Vivica A. Fox would be enough to sell a movie, but oh no... we also get Uma mixing it up with cutie Chiaki Kuriyama and her flying mace ball... and Uma battling it out with bad-ass Lucy Liu with samurai swords! But even that's not enough... Uma kicks plenty of other asses along the way, and also manages to meet up with Japanese acting legend Sony Chiba!

For the movie-going public who doesn't understand that film can be a medium for pure entertainment that doesn't really have to say anything... well, Kill Bill Volume 1 probably isn't for you. But for any film geek that ever wanted to see Quentin's particular brand of beautiful, stylized violence applied to a classic revenge flick, this is your movie. I can't wait to see "Volume 2" in February (it doesn't hurt that we'll get Uma hacking it out with Michael Madsen and Darryl Hannah!).

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Berardinelli Sucks Ass!

Posted on Monday, October 13th, 2003

Dave!Usually, I do not respond to how others review a film because I just don't care what random people think. Granted, I do like taking a peek at the "Tomatometer" (over at Rotten Tomatoes), because it pulls from dozens of film critics to give a general consensus as to how good a film might be... but even then, I don't really let it dictate whether or not I'm going to see a film.

Anyway, I happened across a review from James Berardinelli at his "ReelViews" site where he makes so many ridiculous jibes at Kill Bill that I was pissed off enough to be compelled to respond to his major criticisms (not to him personally, I doubt he would care, but to anybody who may be thinking of taking his "reviews" seriously)...

"...Kill Bill, which was constructed as a single motion picture before being sundered at the eleventh hour. The result is messy and frustrating - a movie that feels incomplete in every aspect." This is such a stupid comment as to be laughable. The entire story of Kill Bill is told in chapters... and not just "implied" chapters... but actual frickin' chapters that are displayed in the movie! It's not as if the film was butchered mid-scene, it actually occurs at a natural breaking point in the film between chapters. I mean, seriously, is Kill Bill really any different than Lord of The Rings or Matrix Reloaded in that respect? I actually feel that both of those films were worse, because story elements truly were incomplete in every aspect... Matrix Reloaded is particularly bad: Neo's in a coma and Zion is under attack? NOTHING is resolved, and you have more questions than answers... and are more confused than entertained! If I never saw Kill Bill: Volume 2, I would at least be able to picture an ending to the story. While I agree the editing could have been tighter, the massive amount of cuts required to make this a single film would not be worth it.

"One aspect of Kill Bill that doesn't disappoint are the action sequences. Although no better than those in The Matrix Reloaded , they are fun to watch, as The Bride slices and dices her way through dozens of enemies..." Bitch, please. No better than Reloaded?? Get off the pipe! While undoubtedly enhanced with some nifty wire work (wholly appropriate to the genre this film is in), the action in Kill Bill is REAL. These fights are not some computer-created crapfest... they are real people bashing it out with real emotion. And the carnage! Heck... compared to Kill Bill, Reloaded is just a video game with good special effects! Compare The Bride's fight against the "Crazy 88" to Neo's fight against 200 Agent Smiths and tell me that they are in any way comparable. Not even close.

"One could argue that the best thing about Pulp Fiction was the delicious dialogue, and that's something almost completely absent here. The number of quotable lines and memorable non-action sequences is small." Uhhh... dude... Pulp Fiction was a character piece. This is an action-revenge flick. They are entirely different films, with entirely different focus points... would you be happier if an action movie was more notable for the dialogue than the action? I saw Kill Bill because I wanted to see Uma kick ass. I was not disappointed. If you want to see Uma spouting cool Tarantino dialogue, then go watch Pulp Fiction again.

"Why show revenge #2 before revenge #1? There doesn't seem to be a reason. Maybe it will all become clear in Volume 2 , although I somehow doubt it."Well, as a professional movie critic, you should understand about a concept called STRUCTURE... and perhaps a rudimentary understanding of "pacing" and "balance" would also be in order. It was necessary to show "Revenge #2" before "Revenge #1" because it started the movie out with a bang and instantly draws the viewer into the story. The first revenge on O-Ren Ishii required way too much foreshadowing and back-story to make for a good opening into this type of film (and would have meant cramming two heavy fight scenes right on top of each other at the end). The way Tarantino has structured it now, there is perfect timing between the action and a balance to how the story of The Bride is revealed. The non-linear structure that Quentin uses is not so much a "signature device," but a method he uses very effectively to keep pacing and mystery through his films. When I saw Uma cross off "Revenge #2" from her list and noticed that "Revenge #1" was already marked... it really got me curious as to what happened there, thus providing a perfect window to dive into that story. The only reason Tarantino needs to mix up the chronology is because it makes for good storytelling.

"This is a problem with a revenge flick, where we're supposed to root for the hero and despise the enemy. Neither is the case here, especially since we never see Bill." Uh... gee... isn't the fact that Bill massacred The Bride's husband-to-be (along with every other person at the wedding) and shot her in the head reason enough to root for her revenge? Bill's actions alone make him an enemy worth despising.

"Everyone else would do better to stay away and avoid the bitter disappointment of seeing how the greed of a distributor can degrade the movie-going experience... Miramax claims that money plays no part in the decision to release Kill Bill in two parts. This is, in their words, a determination based solely upon a desire to respect Tarantino's "artistic vision." If that's the case, then Miramax should offer a free coupon to see Volume 2 with every ticket sold to Volume 1. I bet they won't be doing that." Excuse me, but isn't the alternative to force Tarantino to butcher the story down to a 90 minute film that's nothing but fight scenes? I can't imagine how bitchy your review of that film would be! The fact that Berardinelli cannot seem to fathom the idea that Miramax is taking one hell of a risk in dicing up the film in two parts speaks volumes as to his ignorance of the movie industry. Holy crap... what if Volume 1 tanks? They would still be obligated to release Volume 2 at a huge loss! Do you think that distributing a film and advertising it is free? Do you think that movie theaters can keep their doors open by showing free films? While I don't doubt that Miramax is hopeful that they will make huge bank from having two films... it doesn't make any sense at all to think that this was an easy decision to make. Miramax owes a huge debt to Tarantino for getting their studio on the map with Pulp Fiction. To think that this is anything other than a gift to Quentin so that he can keep his vision for Kill Bill in tact is just stupid. It would be far, far safer for Miramax to take the low road and force a more easily-sellable, butchered version of the movie.

Throughout Kill Bill , I got the sense that Tarantino thinks he is being more clever than he actually is. But, in reality, he's just more clever than James Berardinelli (who, interestingly enough, gives the film 2-1/2 out of 4 stars). I find it astounding that, as a so-called professional film critic, your review consists entirely of petty bitching on how this film is a marketing gimmick by Miramax that's not as good as Pulp Fiction. If you were not so obsessed with the things this film is not and actually concentrated you review on what it actually is, you would see that this is hands-down the most stylish action-revenge flick ever put to film. Berardinelli claims that this is "half-a-movie that runs too long." When a critic's reason for disliking a film isn't about the actual material in the half he saw, but instead is whining because he has to pay to see the ending... it's pretty difficult to take his "review" seriously when other films that are told in parts don't get the same treatment.

UPDATE: After getting a deliciously scathing comment on May 2nd, 2010 berating me for daring to voice my opinion on Berardinelli's opinion (DELETE!), I Googled around and found a genius deconstruction of the guy's reviewing "style" at Your Stupid Minds. Far be it for me to crap all over somebody's passion for film, but now I feel fully justified questioning exactly how this Berardinelli guy got to be a "Top Critic" at Rotten Tomatoes when his reviews are so pedestrian and lacking any kind of real insight or imagination.

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Revolutions… Not

Posted on Saturday, November 8th, 2003

Dave!Just got back from The Matrix: Revolutions and can't imagine that there's any way I could have been more disappointed. What began as a miraculous story with vision and originality in The Matrix disintegrated into a horrid mess of cliches and mundane dialogue interspersed with just enough eye candy to keep me from falling asleep.

Sure the final battle between Zion and the machines has the best special effects ever put to film and are any sci-fi geek's wet dream. Yes the last fight between Smith and Neo above The City was exactly what every super-hero comic fan's been dying to see. But that's just something to look at. What in the hell happened to the story? I didn't mind the fact that Revolutions completely negated or disregarded most everything from Reloaded because, let's face it, there wasn't much worth salvaging (hell, now I'm trying to figure out what the point of Reloaded even was). But what did we get instead? Something even worse.

Neo, who became all-powerful while in The Matrix has somehow inexplicably become super-powered outside the computer world as well, able to shut down sentinels and blow up machine bombs at will. And what explanation do we get? "The power of The One extends beyond The Matrix." Yeah, whatever. In the beginning of the Matrix trilogy, there was a plan... a prophecy to guide the logic of the story and provide a reality where super-powered kung-fu fighting could happen. By the time we get to Revolutions there is no logic, just a pathetic Christ analogy story with nifty visuals, a conversation with the "Big Giant Head," and more of the Oracle's rambling nonsense at the very end. That's a revolution in film-making I don't want. Oh well, we've always got Lord of the Rings: Return of the King coming up (at least that one's got an actual story to it).

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Master and Commander

Posted on Saturday, November 15th, 2003

Dave!From the name of this film, you might think that Master and Commander is some kind of dominatrix-fetish, S&M fantasy flick. You would be wrong. Instead, this is a film loosely adapted from Patrick O'Brian's series of novels chronicling the fictional adventures of Captain Jack "Lucky Jack" Aubrey and his doctor-friend Stephen Maturin during the Napoleonic Wars.

Having never read the books, I didn't know what to expect, and ended up being pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed very much the give-and-take friendship of Aubrey and Maturin, and was glad that fully-realized characters were on-screen as opposed to one-dimensional cut-outs standing in front of the action. Even the lesser players in the film are given a nice level of characterization... including an officer the crew believes is a "Jonah," cursed to bring the ship misfortune, and a young boy who loses an arm but not his spirit in battle.

The action in Master and Commnder is all at once breathtaking and horribly confusing. The broadside battles are really cool to watch, and the brutality of such warfare is captured in detail. But, when it comes to the massive hand-to-hand conflict at the end, it's nearly impossible to tell who is fighting who, and everything degrades into a bunch of anonymous fight scenes that really detach the viewer from the story. If directory Peter Weir had bended historical accuracy a bit, and tried to find a way to better differentiate the opposing forces, I think it would have made for a stronger ending.

Overall, a good historical action film that doesn't suffer from lack of characterization, and is worth a look despite some confusion near the end (and the fact that "Pippin" from the Lord of the Rings films is the ship's helmsman didn't help matters... "Where's Frodo, Sam and Merry?" I kept wondering). I will probably give the Patrick O'Brian's source material a read to see if it holds up as well.

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136,800 Minutes

Posted on Monday, November 17th, 2003

Dave!On the wall staring at me every morning when I wake up is my framed movie poster for Pulp Fiction... you know the one where Uma is laying on a bed smoking a cigarette, having just put down her trashy pulp novel next to her pistol... which means the first thing I think about every single day is "How much longer do I have to wait before Kill Bill Volume 2 is released?" The answer, as it turns out, is 95 days until the February 20th premier.

Uma Kill Bill Two!

According to Time And Date, that's 8,208,000 seconds... or 136,800 minutes... or 2280 hours left to go until Uma once again kicks ass with a righteous fury. That's too damn long. If I can't ride my motorcycle and can't watch Uma kill dozens of people, that makes for a pretty boring three months for me. Winter sucks ass.

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Hellboy!

Posted on Monday, December 22nd, 2003

Dave!One of my long-time favorite comic books, Mike Mignola's Hellboy, is finally getting a movie treatment by none-other than Guillermo del Toro (who crafted the amazing film The Devil's Backbone). Hellboy is the story of a demon who gets drawn to earth at the height of World War II and grows up to be the world's foremost paranormal investigator. The Hellboy comics are filled with all the things that makes comics worth reading, and are a real treat to look at thanks to Mignola's gothic art stylings.

A drawing of Hellboy who is a tall red demon with his horns sanded off his head.

It's going to be interesting to see how del Toro manages to translate such a visually distinctive work to the big screen, but then I see promotional images from the Hellboy movie site, and it looks encouraging:

A darkened promo image of characters from the Hellboy Movie.

There's Abe Sapien, Hellboy, and Liz Sherman... right out of the comics and come to life! How cool is that? For even more Hellboy coolness, you can also track down the movie trailer. I can hardly wait until April 2nd!

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The Last Samurai

Posted on Sunday, December 28th, 2003

Dave!When I travel, I take along my faithful iBook because it's small, rugged, and has great wireless range. When I get back home, I immediately switch back to my PowerBook G4 because it's easier to work on the bigger screen and the faster processor comes in handy for graphics work. Anyway, I was transferring some files off my iBook this morning and ran across an entry I made about The Last Samurai that didn't get posted...

The Last Samurai posters in a Tokyo subway.

The Last Samurai poster with Tom Cruise.

I wasn't planning on seeing The Last Samurai because I am just not a big Tom Cruise fan. He never seems to stop being Tom Cruise and get lost in the part he's playing, which kind of destroys the immersive experience of watching a movie for me. But when I was in Japan last week I kept seeing these beautiful posters for the film that didn't feature Tom Cruise at all. Then I started seeing these stunning commercials on beautiful high-definition Japanese television that got me thinking that this film might transcend Tom Cruise and actually be worth watching. So when I got back to the States, I managed to catch it in Minneapolis and was really glad I did.

A scene from The Last Samurai.

The Last Samurai is one of my favorite films of 2003.

I am rarely emotionally affected by a film... I can count on one hand the films that have moved me to the verge of tears (sappy love stories and hokey dramas just don't do it for me). Given that, you can imagine my complete shock that this would become one of them. And I am still trying to figure out just how that happened. Yes, the film is beautiful... the cinematography is breathtaking and I would gladly sit through 3 hours of it with not a single actor in the frame. Yes, the score is a wonder... the music in the film is a presence that will haunt you long after you leave the theater. Yes, the story is captivating... the samurai's efforts to preserve a way of life that had existed for centuries is good material. Yes, the acting is top-notch... if Ken Watanabe isn't nominated for an Oscar for his brilliant performance, then the award is as irrelevant as I had thought. And yes... Tom Cruise gives one of the best performances of his career (unlike many, I thought his work in Born on the 4th of July was self-indulgent and overly-acted). I can only guess that it is all these factors in concert that makes the movie so compelling.

A scene from The Last Samurai.

So do yourself a favor and see Tha Last Samurai in a really good theater. It will not be the same experience if you wait for the DVD.

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Oscar-Worthy

Posted on Saturday, January 3rd, 2004

Dave!Since everybody else is looking back on the films of 2003, I might as well do the same. And, since I feel the Oscar-winners rarely end up reflecting those actually deserving it, let's go with that...

Best Picture: Lord of the Rings, Return of the King. Okay, the award would really be for the entire trilogy not just the final chapter, but Peter Jackson's film version of an un-filmable book is an incredible achievement and is very much Oscar-worthy. Two other films just as worthy: Lost in Translation, which is one of the best character studies ever put to film, and The Last Samurai which is one of the most beautiful films I've seen in years.

Best Actor: Bill Murray for Lost in Translation. Bill Murray is a comic genius that can salvage even the most inane roles (re: Bosley in Charlie's Angels). But it's his more dramatic turns that make him Oscar-worthy. First there was Rushmore, then there was The Royal Tenenbaums, and now his absolute best role to date in Lost in Translation which completely dominates any other actor this year. And the best is yet to come... Bill is re-teaming with Wes Anderson for The Life Aquatic next year!

Best Actress: Uma Thurman for Kill Bill. Oh come on. Forget Jennifer Connely, Nikole Kidman, Charlize Theron, and all the rest... that sappy drama crap is cliche, and each role is interchangeable with the others. Uma's stylish performance elevates this grinder-flick to new heights, which takes a talent no other actress came close to this year.

Best Supporting Actor: Ken Watanabe for The Last Samurai. Easily one of the best performances this year, it really chaps my ass that he will probably be overlooked. Anybody who has seen this film knows Watanabe's quiet dignity and mind-blowing charisma on the screen deserves the Oscar.

Best Supporting Actress: Scarlett Johansson for Lost in Translation. How many actresses could have held their own against Bill Murray in this film? Very, very few. Johansson actually deserves Best Actress for her stunning work here.

Best Director: Sophia Coppola for Lost in Translation. Yeah, yeah, Peter Jackson did an amazing job for Lord of the Rings. But such effects-heavy films have me question what the role of a director actually is in such a spectacle. And, as if the performances that Coppola managed to coax from Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson weren't enough, she wrote Lost in Translation as well. Every scene was perfectly orchestrated for effect, then sewn together to create a film that was brilliant and Oscar-worthy.

My only regret is not finding a place for Johnny Depp in my list. His performances in Pirates of the Caribbean and Once Upon a Time in Mexico were classics in 2003. Likewise, I haven't a clue as to where Master and Commander should go, but that was a pretty good flick as well.

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Miramax Sucks Ass

Posted on Friday, January 9th, 2004

Dave!One of the only things that was going to make my non-motorcycle-riding winter worthwhile was the coming of Kill Bill 2 on February 20. I was already pissed off that I had to wait that long, but today Variety breaks the news that Miramax has moved the release date to April 13. That's 94 days... over three freakin' months... away.

Uma Kill Bill Two!

What the f#@%?!? The movie is done, what in the hell are we waiting for? I didn't complain when the movie was split in half... whatever Quentin needs to fulfill his vision for the film is fine with me, but to pull something like this is unforgivable and doesn't make any sense at all. Fans of the first film... YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE YOU MIRAMAX DUMB ASSES... are dying to see part 2, and you now go out of your way to piss them off? If this stupidity is due to coinciding with a DVD release or some other moronic marketing crap I will be very disappointed. If this were any other film, I'd boycott the theatrical release just to be happy knowing that I didn't support Miramax for being such bastards. But it's Uma kicking ass on the big screen, so what can you do?

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Sign Me Up!

Posted on Tuesday, January 13th, 2004

Dave!Okay... a movie featuring motorcycles and hottie biker babes (called Torque)? Who is the genius behind such a perfect concept? Oog... looks like it's über-producer Bruce Berman. The guy has his share of hits (well, one anyway: The Matrix) and complete misses (Matrix: Reloaded, Matrix: Revolutions and just about everything else), so I guess it's anybody's guess as to how bad this movie might suck.

Torque: The Movie!

Watching the Torque movie trailer, I can see that they are mixing in some special-effects for the trickier (i.e., impossible) riding shots. I guess it will make for a more exciting movie, but it kind of sucks that reality is so blatantly absent from every film that hits the screen now-a-days. Oh well, I'm sure all the breasts are real...

Torque Biker Babe!

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Speaking of South Park…

Posted on Thursday, January 22nd, 2004

Dave!I ran across a proposed bill which would ban all "objectionable" language from radio and television. Now I can't get the song It's Easy Mmmkay (from the South Park movie) out of my head as I try to mentally picture radio shock jocks trying to learn how to stop swearing on the air...

South Park: The Movie

You can do it Its all up to you-mmmmmkay.
With a little plan you can change your life today!
You dont have to spend your life addicted to smack...
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack.
Follow my plan and very soon you will see, its easy mmmkay...
Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole."
Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo," "poo head," and this "poo is cold."
Step 3: With bitch drop the t because bich is latin for generosity.
Step 4: Dont say f#@% any more because f#@% is the worst word that you can say!
So just use the word "mmmkay!"

South Park: The Movie

Now, out of respect for others, I never swear in mixed company... oh no, I save that kind of language for my friends, family, and this blog. But I have to say that harsh words have lost their shock value to me anymore... through years of constant exposure, words like "f#@%" have no more worse meaning to me than "darn." Yes, it's a shame that today's youth have turned into foul-mouthed little perverts... but what's the use in stopping the swearing on radio and television when kids can hear far worse on the school playground? Mmmkay?

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Oscar Buzz

Posted on Wednesday, January 28th, 2004

Dave!I had already given my take on who should be winning an Oscar this year, but thought I would do a rough follow-up now that nominations are out:

Best picture: "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King," "Lost in Translation," "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World," "Mystic River, " "Seabiscuit." Who should win: This is a really tough call since the first three are all Oscar-worthy. I previously theorized that Return of the King should win based on the strength of the entire trilogy, but in retrospect I feel Lost in Translation is the better film. Who will win: I am guessing Return of the King has the edge.

Best Actor: Johnny Depp, "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl"; Ben Kingsley, "House of Sand and Fog"; Jude Law, "Cold Mountain"; Bill Murray, "Lost in Translation"; Sean Penn, "Mystic River." Who should win: Absolutely Bill Murray... not even a contest (though Johnny Depp made that film). Who will win: Bill Murray... how could he not?

Best Actress: Keisha Castle-Hughes, "Whale Rider"; Diane Keaton, "Something's Gotta Give"; Samantha Morton, "In America"; Charlize Theron, "Monster"; Naomi Watts, "21 Grams." Who should win: Uma's Kill Bill performance was overlooked (idiots!), and the only one of these films I saw was the excellent Whale Rider, so I have no clue. Who will win: It looks like Charlize Theron has the edge, though Nicole Kidman is a Hollywood darling that could prove an upset.

Supporting actor: Alec Baldwin, "The Cooler"; Benicio Del Toro, "21 Grams"; Djimon Hounsou, "In America"; Tim Robbins, "Mystic River"; Ken Watanabe, "The Last Samurai." Who should win: I admit I haven't seen all these films, but I don't need to... Ken Watanabe's performance was one of the best I have ever seen in a film. Who will win: My guess is Tim Robbins.

Supporting actress: Shohreh Aghdashloo, "House of Sand and Fog"; Patricia Clarkson, "Pieces of April"; Marcia Gay Harden, "Mystic River"; Holly Hunter, "Thirteen"; Renee Zellweger, "Cold Mountain." Who should win: I didn't see any of these films, but Holly Hunter stands out because she doesn't usually lower herself to dramatic pap like "Cold Mountain." Who will win: Renee Zellweger can't seem to get any hotter in Hollywood right now.

Best Director: Fernando Meirelles, "City of God"; Peter Jackson, "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"; Sofia Coppola, "Lost in Translation"; Peter Weir, "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"; Clint Eastwood, "Mystic River." Who should win: I maintain that the direction of special-effects spectacles like Rings is too much in the hands of people at the computers rather than directors... so Sophia Coppola easily gets my nod for best director of Translation which she wrote as well. Who will win: They'll probably give it to Jackson for Rings just because of the mammoth effort it took to film the entire trilogy (and that's not entirely wrong, I think).

Best Animated film: "Brother Bear"; "Finding Nemo"; "The Triplets of Belleville." Who should win: The magic that Pixar pulled off in Nemo gets my vote (though Triplets is brilliant). Who will win: Nemo.

As for the other awards... Original screenplay: Sophia Coppola should win and probably will. Adapted screenplay: This is an area where Lord of the Rings deserves to win... it's the impossible task somehow done really well, but I have a feeling Cold Mountain will take it. Art direction: Both Last Samurai and Master and Commander are deserving, and Samurai should take it. Cinematography: Last Samurai really should have been nominated but, since it wasn't, Cold Mountain will probably grab it.

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Uma Teaser Trailer Goodness

Posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2004

Dave!Roger made my morning by sending me the link to the new Kill Bill Vol. 2 teaser trailer that's up at Yahoo in glorious QuickTime (I have no idea why Apple doesn't have it on their trailers page). Somehow I managed to miss it when it was posted last week.

Kill Bill 2 Teaser Trailer frame in black and white of Uma Thurman as The Bride driving a car looking determined to KILL BILL.

While this does nothing to ease my anger about Miramax pushing back the February 20th premiere date to April... it does make me happy to know that the film is out there somewhere.

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Lost and Found

Posted on Thursday, February 5th, 2004

Dave!I didn't think it was possible to ruin the perfection that is Sofia Coppola's brilliant character study Lost in Translation. Unfortunately, I was wrong. As I just found out, you can ruin a film on DVD. All you have to do is make it so that the viewer cannot simply insert the disc and watch the film... you force them to watch dumb-ass previews first...

The Universal Studios logo with You may fast forward to main menu beneath it on the opening to the Lost in Translation DVD

Try hitting the "menu" button so you can watch the film and what do you get? OPERATION FORBIDDEN! You can fast forward through the previews, but you cannot stop them, and that sucks ass! I paid for the movie not your f#@%ing advertising you Universal Studios fuckers.

Bill Murray in a scene from Lost in Translation where he's sitting on a hotel bed feeling lost.

Anyway, this is one of my favorites for 2003 and is highly recommended. But don't rent it expecting to see a cutsey romance or a film that does the thinking for you... this is very different. You are simply an observer of two people that find each other in an ocean of oddities that is a different culture. It is a film of quiet moments that allows you to decide for yourself who these people are and what they are thinking. It's not Hollywood, it's real life. You don't watch it, you experience it.

Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson in a scene from Lost in Translation where they are sitting against a zebra-stripe wall looking tired.

As and added bonus, Lost in Translation also does an amazing job of capturing what it is like to be a foreigner in Japan. Numerous times while watching I had a touch of déjà vu that mirrored my own experiences from my travels to the land of the rising sun. It is respectful of Japanese culture, yet not afraid of poking fun at how foreigners perceive it (which is why I find it ludicrous that some people are calling this film "racist").

About the only thing missing from the DVD was a commentary track... I would have loved to hear Sofia Coppola, Bill Murray, and Scarlett Johansson comment on the various scenes and what went into making them so wonderful to look at. What you do get is a short documentary by Sofia's then-husband Spike Jonze called "Lost on Location" that reveals how difficult it was to film "guerilla-style" in the streets of Tokyo without permits, prior arrangements, or a firm grasp of the language! The only thing that's more astounding than the film itself is what they had to go through to make it.

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Star Wars on DVD

Posted on Tuesday, February 10th, 2004

Dave!The good news is that today Lucasfilm distributed a press release confirming that the original "holy trinity" of Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi will finally be released on DVD in September. The bad news is that these will be the same crappy and much unimproved "Special Editions" from 1997. You know, the version where distracting computer-generated characters are crammed into every frame and Greedo tries to shoot Han Solo first? LAME! I had at least hoped that the original versions of the film would be a selectable option for those of us who love and remember the way they were first shown... you know, when Han Solo really was the scoundrel smuggler that Leia accused him of being... who shoots first and asks questions later... not some whiner in desperate need of a bitch-slapping.

The original Star Wars movie poster.

I simply don't understand how Lucas could be such a twit. First he creates one of the greatest films of all time in Star Wars, then follows that up with an even better film in Empire Strikes Back, only to flush the entire franchise down the toilet with Return of the Jedi (featuring dancing teddy bears, burp and fart jokes, and general moronic stupidity). I won't even go into the flaming pile of shit that are Episode 1 & 2... with even more burp and fart jokes and, heaven help us, Jar Jar Binks. Please, somebody stop Lucas before he can kill again!

Oh well. I still own the originals on LaserDisc, so I suppose I can always go and burn my own copy of the real films onto DVD. Problem is, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT!! I can only hope that when George Lucas dies one of these days that his kids have more sense than he does and allows a re-release of the originals on DVD (or holocube or whatever media we'll be using then). Don't we true Star Wars fans deserve that much?

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Oscar Bait

Posted on Sunday, February 29th, 2004

Dave!Since Billy Crystal came back to hosting the Academy Awards, I decided to have them playing while I worked... Funniest Moment: Adrian Brody's breath freshener (runner up: any moment with Billy Crystal). Most Deserved Oscar: Sofia Coppola's original screenplay (runner up: Finding Nemo's best animated film). Most Undeserved Oscar: Sean Penn's best actor... he's good, but dozens of other actors could have played that role equally well, whereas nobody else could have pulled off Bill Murray's performance in Lost in Translation. Best Unrecognized Performance: Uma Thurman from Kill Bill.... again, how many other actresses could have pulled that off? Best Speech: Renée Zellweger's best supporting actress. Worst Speech: Sean Penn's not-so witty WMD comment (I feel the exact same, but it was completely inappropriate here... Tim Robbins was able to restrain himself, but you couldn't? Dick.)... oh hell, all of the speeches were pretty terrible, because all I heard after the first 20 seconds was "blah blah blah blah blah." Hottest Babe: Jennifer Garner (runners up: Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlize Theron). Most-Missed Babe: Halle Berry.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave standing next to a giant golden Oscar statue.

Overall a pretty good show. The only lingering question is whether Lord of the Rings deserved such overwhelming praise... best adapted screenplay, absolutely... best special effects, definitely... but the others? Perhaps. As I mentioned before, I honestly think that it is winning not for the film Return of the King that was nominated, but is instead winning for the entire trilogy. When thinking about it that way, perhaps it is deserving.

   

Selma

Posted on Tuesday, April 6th, 2004

Dave!Selma Blair is one of those actresses that seems to hover on the fringes of Hollywood, taking memorable small roles in an eclectic mix of films and TV. I first remember her from the television bomb Zoe, Duncan, Jack & Jane and later from the most excellent film Cruel Intentions (where she makes out with Sarah Michelle Gellar in Central Park... sweet!). Then Selma moved on to Legally Blonde and an underrated Cameron Diaz film called The Sweetest Thing.

And now she's playing Liz Sherman in Hellboy which could be her best role yet... I can't wait to see it.

Selma Blair as Liz with fire on her hand in Hellboy

To promote the movie, Selma has been doing the talk-show circuit. I knew from previous interviews that she was funny, but something else is going on now... Selma is hot. While scanning TiVo from yesterday, I ran across her appearance on Ellen where she took my breath away...

Selma Blair on Ellen

Yes. I think the word you are looking for is "radiant."

My favorite part of the interview was when Ellen was asking about Selma's one-eyed dog "Wink"...
Ellen: So his eye was missing when you found him?
Selma: No, but I thought he was cuter that way, sooo...

Selma and Ellen looking at Selma's one-eyed doe Wink.

Classic! Yep, I'm in love again. A pity she just got married to Ahmet Zappa.

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I miss Phil

Posted on Monday, April 12th, 2004

Dave!I just got done watching the Biography tribute to Phil Hartman and it once again hit me how much I miss that man. He was unquestionably one of the funniest people on the planet, and his work on Saturday Night Live makes him my favorite SNL player to date (who could forget Phil as Sinatra? Donahue? Clinton? and so many others?). And then there were his standout characters of Lionel Hutz and Troy McClure on The Simpsons. And, of course, his brilliant performance of Bill McNeil on News Radio.

The incredible Mr. Phil Hartman.

Every time I hear a voiceover that Phil did... or run across an old show or movie Phil was in... my heart sinks a bit as I wonder how many other wonderful projects he could have made for me to laugh with had he not been killed. Phil, you are much missed.

   

Rebel Yell

Posted on Thursday, April 15th, 2004

Dave!Excuse me for a minute... Billy Idol just came on Random Play from my iTunes jukebox...

Dave rockin' out to Billy Idol music and looking very cool.

This is why it's so cool to be able to have all 8626 of my songs with me wherever I go. Just put my iPod or iTunes on random and anything from my music-listening past can come back to haunt me. Billy rocks!

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Kill Bill v2

Posted on Monday, April 19th, 2004

Dave!Yes! More Uma ass-kicking goodness was to be had with Kill Bill: Volume 2. It was not as intense as the first part (which makes it seem a bit boring by comparison) but I'd imagine once Quentin edits them back together into the single film it was meant to be that it will even out a bit. In any event, the wait was worth it... the fight between Uma and Daryl was perfect (and gave me a BladeRunner flashback). As with all of Tarantino's movies, I was left wanting more (much more of Pai Mei!), hopefully in ten years Quentin will make good on his promise and bless us with Volume 3.

Uma!

In the meanwhile, the trailer for Hero with Jet Li has a definite Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon vibe with lush visuals and some cool special effects. Absolutely looking forward to that one.

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Utah Movie Night

Posted on Monday, May 3rd, 2004

Dave!Inbetween work, work, and more work, I've made an effort to see a couple of movies because that's something I don't get to do very often. A quick run to the TomatoMeter over at Rotten Tomatoes revealed only two current movies that have a rating of "fresh"... 13 Going on 30 and Mean Girls. So two "chick flicks" it is then!

Chick Flicks

13 Going on 30: Surprisingly enjoyable. It's the same premise as Big except instead of Tom Hanks, we get the sweet hotness of Jennifer Gardner who all of a sudden becomes a grown-up overnight. What makes this version different is that time has passed, meaning that all the kids from her childhood are grown up as well (including her best friend, played by the always cool Mark Ruffalo). Any doubts about Jennifer Gardner's star power will be buried with this film and, if there's any justice in Hollywood, this will be a major break for her (but hopefully not so much that she'll quit Alias!). In the final analysis, I probably enjoyed this more than Big, and can easily recommend it for a rental.

Mean Girls: I was actually looking forward to this movie since it is the feature film writing debut of my current crush... Tina Fey (who also has a small part in it). Sadly, while smartly written, it's just not very funny. Mean girls rule the school and getting revenge ends up not being the best solution. Lesson learned, movie over. Maybe young girls will get more out of it than I did (I certainly hope so, because mean people suck!).

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Lucas Sucks Ass

Posted on Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Dave!How do you make the shitty finale to two of the greatest movies of all time suck even worse than it already does? Well, with Return of the Jedi, it's not that hard to do... I mean, you've already diminished the Star Wars franchise to teddy bears and burp and fart jokes... but that didn't stop George Lucas from finding a way. Oh no... when it comes to f#@%ing up movies, Geroge Lucas is the master. His latest shot at blasphemy is igniting a firestorm across the internet and, if it proves to be true, is going to make me very cross indeed.

Lucas Sucks Ass

WHAT IN THE HELL?!?!!!

I've already ranted about how much I loathe Lucas for his inane "prequels" and his tampering with his original Star Wars (HAN SOLO SHOOTS FIRST YOU MORON!) but, as bad as Return of the Jedi is, IT'S NOT EVEN GEORGE'S FILM!! It was directed by Richard Marquand!

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE STOP LUCAS?

At the end of Jedi, Luke saves his father from the Dark Side... meaning that Anakin Skywalker is redeemed and gets to take his place as a Jedi in the "afterlife" (or whatever). THAT'S why Luke sees his father... THE MAN HE JUST RESCUED... standing next to Yoda and Obi-Wan there in Jedi attire.

IT MAKES NO SENSE THAT LUKE WOULD SEE "YOUNG ANAKIN" at the end! I mean, how would he even recognize him? Why didn't Yoda and Obi-Wan reverse in age when they died? Where is the man that Luke saved? Bah. I guess I won't be selling my LaserDisc player anytime soon, since that's the only way I can ever see the Star Wars films when they were any good.

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Super Too

Posted on Thursday, May 27th, 2004

Dave!As some of you know (or have guessed) I grew up a comic book fanatic. One of the greatest moments in my young life was seeing a comic book finally come to life in a film... a good film... in 1978 when Superman: The Movie was released. For the first time, things on the screen were matching what my young mind had been envisioning all along. For the first time, I believed a man could fly.

Two years later, a surprising thing happened. A sequel was released (Superman II) that was actually better than the original. Seeing Superman battling it out with the Phantom Zone Villains over Metropolis on the big screen is a memory that gives me goose-bumps to this day.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that the Superman II film which director Richard Donner intended to release never came to pass, and the film I actually saw was a butchered version of a much better film.

Given that Superman II is still one of the best super-hero comic films ever... even 24 years later... nothing would make me happier than to see the movie as it was supposed to be. And now that the film's 25th anniversary is approaching next year, it's the perfect time to do it. That's why I will be adding my voice to those good people at the Forbidden Zone who are petitioning Warner Brothers to let Donner "fix" the film...

Restore Superman II

If you want to read about the amazing film that Superman II could have been, there is an excellent analysis over at Superman Cinema. If you want to do something to try and get the film restored, go to the Forbidden Zone and see how you can help.

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Klaatu Barada Nikto

Posted on Friday, June 4th, 2004

Dave!I was channel surfing and ran across one of my favorite films of all time... The Day The Earth Stood Still, so naturally I was compelled to watch it for the hundredth time. It still sends me into shock when I realize that the movie is over fifty years old, yet is more relevant today than ever. Even though it is in black & white, it is beautifully shot, wonderfully paced, incredibly acted, and has special effects and a music score decades ahead of its time. The film is timeless...

The Day The Earth Stood Still

I take a look at this, then look at the crappy state of today's science fiction, and just want to chop somebody up with a light saber. Back then a film meant something. Whereas today, we've got loonies like George Lucas destroying sci-fi with burp and fart jokes, paper-thin characters, and Jar Jar Frickin' Binks.

"I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet. But if you threaten to extend your violence, this earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder."

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Movie of Dreams

Posted on Monday, June 14th, 2004

Dave!Fifteen years ago my favorite film of all time, Field of Dreams was released. To mark this anniversary, they've released a new edition on DVD that includes a few more extras than the previous release, including never-before seen deleted scenes. Fortunately director Phil Alden Robinson resisted the urge to go insane, "pull a George Lucas," and completely f#@% up a perfect movie... everything is exactly as he left it years ago.

Field of Dreams

I still cannot figure out what is so appealing to me about this film that nothing else has come along to knock it off the top of my list. I've seen it dozens of times, never get tired of watching it, and will probably watch it dozens of more times in the future. There's just something magic about Field of Dreams.

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Spidey Too

Posted on Monday, July 5th, 2004

Dave!It's about time. I've been waiting twenty-four long years for a comic book movie to approach the greatness that was Superman & Superman II, and finally Sam Raimi delivers in spades with the wonderment that is Spider-Man 2. I was a comic book geek that was beginning to lose hope, but now salvation is at hand...

Spider-Man 2

This is not to say that other movies haven't come close... the original Batman was pretty good... Daredevil was better than most people gave it credit for... Hellboy and Blade were serious contenders... even the first Spider-Man flick was a step in the right direction. But it wasn't until Spidey 2 that everything came full circle and you could believe (if just for a moment) that comic books could be real. Not only that, but director Raimi also gives his fans a few inside jokes and is having a bit more fun this time around (Bruce Campbell? Chain-saws? I want another Evil Dead movie now!).

But forget about all that... do you know why this movie works? It's not a big secret: THEY RESPECTED THE SOURCE MATERIAL!! If the huge box-office continues, Spider-Man 2 will be the biggest movie in history, which is why I am all the more puzzled at films like the new Catwoman fiasco that in no way resembles the source material and is sure to be a complete bomb because, HELLO, IT'S NOT CATWOMAN!!

Spider-Man is successful as a fictional character because he's a good fictional character. His history has been refined and built-up for decades... there's no need to f#@% with it, and Raimi understands this. If only we could get him to direct the next X-Men film as well. Hell, if only we could get him to direct all super-hero movies! But, talented as he is, Raimi can't be everywhere at once, which is why I offer Dave's Top Five Tips on How NOT to f#@%-Up a Comic Book Movie in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
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Painful

Posted on Saturday, July 24th, 2004

Dave!Well crap! In preparation for my impending vacation holiday, I somehow managed to pull a muscle in my back. It hurts to walk. It hurts to type this. It hurts to breathe. I can't figure out what I did. Just all of a sudden, wham, welcome to the house of pain. About an hour later I met up with some friends to go see The Bourne Supremacy, and think I made things worse by sitting in a cramped theater seat for two hours instead of staying home and laying down flat.

Fortunately, the movie was pretty darn good. Fast paced, with an entertaining (if fairly straight-forward) plot and a serviceable performance by Matt Damon and Franka Potente (from Run Lola Run fame). I think I liked it even better than the first one. Kind of sweet that we get yet another excellent sequel (like Spider-Man 2!) since they are usually pretty lame the second time around. Here's hoping that the film is a success so we can see a big-screen treatment of The Bourne Ultimatum!

I like the Robert Ludlum novels I've read, but haven't yet taken a look at the Bourne books, so I'll have to give them a try. It will give me something to do instead of lying here in bed moaning in agony.

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Terrorize This

Posted on Saturday, July 31st, 2004

Dave!The trailer for Trey & Matt's new movie Team America: World Police is up (in Quicktime, thankfully). If it's even half as good as South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, I will be very, very happy. The hard part is having to wait until October to see it... I want to see it now. "Putting the "F" back in Freedom" indeed.

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Clerks2

Posted on Sunday, August 29th, 2004

Dave!I just read that Kevin Smith, fresh off his Jersey Girl flop, has decided to return to where he began and make a sequel to Clerks which he is calling The Passion of the Clerks. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I am thrilled that Smith will be again delving into the familiar territory we know and love. On the other, I am terrified that he will pull a George Lucas and needlessly trash some of my favorite movie characters...

Clerks!

I suppose that I should give the guy the benefit of the doubt, because I loved the Clerks animated series. And if there's even a small chance that he will approach the greatness that is Chasing Amy, then perhaps it's worth the risk? But can we at least get rid of the cheesy "Passion" title? South Park already beat you to it, so it's just lame now.

It's just a little over a week until my Clerks: 10th Anniversary Edition DVD set gets here. That's something I have no mixed feelings about... I can't wait!

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Howl

Posted on Sunday, September 5th, 2004

Dave!My jealousy is in overdrive right now because people at the Venice Film Festival got to see the latest Miyazaki animated masterpiece: Howl's Moving Castle (based on the book by Diana Wynne Jones). As if the fact that they are in freakin' Venice isn't cool enough, they also get to see what is sure to be one of the best films of the year...

Howl's Moving Castle

I have blogged several times about my love for all things Miyazaki (he's entry #38 in my "One Hundred Things"), and feel that his stuff is equal to anything Pixar has ever done, and surpasses anything I've seen come out of Disney. Everything he touches is magic, which is why I was devastated when rumors were running around that he would be retiring after his previous piece of genius Spirited Away. Fortunately, his love of children put retirement on hold so he could get this movie made (possibly because it has a strong anti-war message?). Is it too much to hope that he will get a few more movies out before he really retires? I hear he is in poor health and couldn't make it to the festival, so I offer my best wishes for a quick recovery.

The film debuts in Japan on November 20th, so who knows when it will ever reach us here in the States. A preview in Quicktime is available (select "Media" - stunning!). And the official website is up as well (Japanese only).

If only I could afford another trip to Japan this year.

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Steam

Posted on Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

Dave!As if it weren't enough that Miyazaki's Howl's Moving Castle is coming... Ain't it Cool reports that Katsuhiro Otomo's first feature-length film since his masterpiece Akira is finally nearing completion: Steamboy! As you would expect, it looks absolutely amazing, and I have no idea how I am going to be able to wait for it to appear here in the States once I saw the brilliant images they have up at Monsters & Critics...

Steamboy

The film takes place in kind of an "alternate universe" version of Victorian London, which I'm sure will look stunning. It's supposed to be a much more "family-friendly" film than Akira, but fans of Otomo's ability to blow stuff up should not be disappointed. Here we see the Tower Bridge taking quite a hit...

Steamboy2

Otomo packs so much into every frame of his films that it is imperative to see them on the big screen in a really good theater. Since there are only a handful of theaters in the States I consider to be "really good," I wonder where I will end up flying to in order to see it? Now if only Otomo would adapt his excellent manga "Domu: A Child's Dream" into anime.

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Zhang!

Posted on Friday, September 17th, 2004

Dave!Last night after a long day of work, we returned to the city and decided to walk around Insadong so I could buy a few souvenirs to take back with me. This famous shopping area of Seoul is kind of a divide between the old and new of the city, and packed with tourists and natives alike. As night began to fall, we wandered towards the "new side," which reminds me a lot of Tokyo when the bright lights and lively signage is ignited...

Seoul Lights

After shopping, we decided to go see a new movie from China called Shi mian mai fu (which translates to House of Flying Daggers). I've been dying to see Hero but that film had come and gone to Asia over a year ago (even though it is just now making it to the States) and House of Flying Daggers looked as though it might be similar in a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon kind of way... especially since they both star the astoundingly talented and beautiful Ziyi Zhang...

House of Flying Daggers

House of Flying Daggers

I didn't have much trouble following the story even though the film was in spoken Chinese with Korean subtitles. Unfortunately, I think I would have enjoyed myself more if I didn't understand the story! While the film is beautifully shot, has some kick-ass fight sequences, and features Ziyi Zhang being as captivating as ever... the tale itself was mostly laughable with boring stretches that send you into a coma.

The plot basically involves a young blind girl (Zhang) who works as a dancer, but is suspected by two policeman-friends to have secret ties to a team of revolutionaries known as the "House of Flying Daggers." Once she is captured, the police guys decide that they should rescue her, and a bizarre love story filled with inept surprises, mind-boggling plot twists, and over-the top drama ensues. At one point I had to resist the urge to stand up and scream "would you people just die already!" because there is only so much drama I can take in one sitting. Even so, I'll probably buy it on DVD so I can relive the scenery and fight sequences.

Oh well. All-in-all it was a pretty good way to spend my last night in Korea. After breakfast, I'm packing up and heading home.

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Emmybulism

Posted on Monday, September 20th, 2004

Dave!Security: The big news in travel this week is the impending "update" to airport security, which allows TSA screeners to more thoroughly pat-down people with suspicious bulges in their clothing. To alleviate fears about possible misconduct, the TSA assures passengers that any pat-downs will be performed by screeners of the same sex. That's terrific, because having the "suspicious bulge" in my crotch patted down by another guy while the entire airport watches makes me feel so much safer about flying.

20/20: Lucky us! Barbara Walters has an exclusive interview with child-raping piece of shit Mary Kay LeTourneau this Friday on 20/20! I hope I can overcome my compulsion to watch. Can somebody remind me again why it is that she isn't still in jail?

Incredible: Yet another trailer for The Incredibles is out. I can't possibly express how badly I want to see this film, which looks like it just might be the best thing Pixar's done yet. Having Samuel L. Jackson as a super-hero doesn't hurt, but having Brad Bird (of Iron Giant fame) writing and directing is the movie's biggest asset.

Incredibles

Stonebridge: The number of blog visitors I am getting because of the ass-hats at Stonebridge Life Insurance continues to grow. It would seem these idiots are still harassing people with their never-ending telemarketing calls. Tired of the constant hang-ups, victims are entering the phone number from Caller-ID into Google and getting my blog entries bitching about it here and here. Pathetic. At what point is the FCC going to step in and bitch-slap Stonebridge Life for this abuse?

Miami: The ads for the season opener of CSI: Miami are saying that "one won't survive." Is it too much to hope that David Caruso's character is the one to die? I would actually watch the show if he weren't on it because I like Emily Proctor. Why not put her in charge?

Emmy: For the most part, I think the Emmys completely suck. Rarely does the person or series most deserving of the honor ever win... heck, most of the time they aren't even nominated. Where is Wonderfalls? Dead Like Me? Angel? And sure Scrubs was nominated for best writing (and lost) but it deserved so much more, because it is easily the funniest sitcom running right now. And don't even get me started about Sharon Stone winning over Betty White for best guest appearance. Still, a few nice things happened: Drea de Matteo, The Daily Show, and James Spader all deserved those wins.

   

Dave Approved: Clerks X

Posted on Tuesday, September 21st, 2004

Dave!Clerks is one of those films that I can watch over and over without ever tiring of seeing it. It's not the best made film, and it's certainly not well-acted, but it's so smartly written that it's easy to forgive just about any other offense. Kevin Smith just has this amazing insight into how people think, and is somehow able to translate that into characters that seem eerily more life-like than real life. The film is a day in the life of two clerks Dante and Randall, as they work their way through life, love, and annoying customers. Sure the premise may sound boring, but it somehow ends up being one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.

Clerks X

On the occasion of the tenth anniversary of the film's release, Miramax has released the ultimate Clerks 3-DVD collector's set. It includes the theatrical release of the film with original commentary and trivia track, the Sundance Cut with all-new commentary, and a new documentary called The Snowball Effect that talks to just about everybody ever involved with the film. You also get a number of extra features, with two of them alone being worth the price of admission.

The first, Clerks: The Missing Scene fills in the gap as to what exactly happened at the funeral home when Dante and Randall went to Julie Dwyer's funeral. Rather than filming the scene, they decided to animate it in the glorious style of the Clerks: The Animated Series cartoons. I read the story in a comic book that Smith released years ago, but this was magic. This one scene more closely binds Clerks into the Mallrats and Chasing Amy trilogy and fills in some back-story for Dante that enhances the original film.

The second, Flying Car is a sweet short film that Kevin Smith created for an appearance on The Late Show. Until I saw this short, I was hesitant about Smith creating his sequel: Clerks 2: The Passion of the Clerks, but now I can't wait. Something about seeing this brilliant exchange of dialogue that only Dante and Randall can deliver has left me wanting more...

Flying Car

Of the "Jersey Trilogy," Chasing Amy is easily my favorite. But it's hard to ignore the movie that got everything started, and Clerks is a brilliant piece of filmmaking in its own right. If you've never experienced it before (and don't mind a little X-rated dialogue, drug references, and a lot of swearing), this new 10th Anniversary edition is probably the best way outside of a theater to see it. If the impending sequel is half as good, it will still be one of the best movies of 2005.

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Bitching

Posted on Thursday, September 23rd, 2004

Dave!Lucas: Finally got around to watching the Star Wars Trilogy DVD set in-between my marathon work sessions, and am still amazed at how Lucas could have created such genius in the original Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back, only to completely flush the franchise down the toilet with the inane Return of the Jedi and horrifyingly bad prequels. Diminishing Star Wars to a series of burp and fart jokes that's riddled with insipid characters like "Ewoks" and "Jar Jar Binks" so you can sell more toys to the kiddies is about as lame as lame gets. The changes he made to Episodes IV and V are upsetting, but whatever. I don't give a crap about the changes he made to any of the other films, because they all suck. Still, if you're a Star Wars geek, the set is well worth picking up (but then you probably knew that).

Empire: Is not The Empire Strikes Back one of the most perfect action-adventure flicks ever?

Kryptonite: Some idiot in Toronto is organizing a TWO HUNDRED MILLION FREAKIN' DOLLARS lawsuit against Kryptonite, the lock makers, because the cylindrical locks they manufacture are easily defeated by using a Bic pen. It's disturbing to know that America's sue-happy mentality is infecting other countries. I own a Kryptonite lock for my motorcycle. Am I upset that the lock can be so easily picked open? Yes. Am I pissed off that Kryptonite has known about this failing for a decade and chose to ignore it? Sure. But do I think the company should be sued for TWO HUNDRED MILLION FREAKIN' DOLLARS when they have volunteered to contact all registered customers and exchange the locks free of charge? No way! I mean, come on! If your bike was stolen because your Kryptonite lock was defeated, then YES... by all means sue the bastards! But if you've not been a victim of their incompetence, what right do you have to sue them? Just exchange your busted lock for a free new one and shut up. The millions of dollars Kryptonite is already going to have to pay to fix the situation is punishment enough for their stupidity. I mean, TWO HUNDRED MILLION FREAKIN' DOLLARS?!? f#@%ing lawyer ass-hats.

Panasonishit: Panasonic just called to sell me an extended warranty on the piece-of-crap DVD recorder I bought. I felt compelled to ask the saleslady why in the heck I would buy an extended warranty for the junk when it has never worked properly and Panasonic hasn't been able to fix it? Nothing I have ever bought from this company has worked right. Not my VCR. Not my Phone. Definitely not my DVD recorder. Panasonic gear is crap, and the fact that they don't support their customers when it fails makes Panasonic a shitty company that will NEVER get another penny of my money.

Mars: The new television season is pretty bad, but I happened across a show called Veronica Mars that took me by surprise. Then I saw it was created by Rob Thomas and understood why it was good... he's the brilliant mind behind the greatest TV show of all time: Cupid. Only the stupid bastards at ABC would cancel such brilliance. Yargh!

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Fantastic

Posted on Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

Dave!When it comes to comic books, I've always been more of a "DC guy" than a "Marvel guy." During the late 70' when I got into comics, all the cool books were at DC: Green Lantern, The Flash, Batman, Legion of Super-heroes and the rest. But there was one Marvel book that I read faithfully. One book that was so cosmic in scope that it dwarfed all others. One book that dared to go where others fear to tread. I am talking, of course, about the Fantastic Four.

With the huge successes of other Marvel properties like Spider-Man and X-Men, it was only a matter of time before "The World's Greatest Comics Magazine" was given the big-screen treatment. There was an earlier attempt at an FF movie, but it was reported to be so bad that they were embarrassed to release it. I can only hope that this time they get it right, and manage to come up with something as terrific as the Spidey flicks.

Recently, photos have been released of the characters they've developed for the movie. If you can get past the dorky poses, Mr. Fantastic, The Thing, and The Human Torch don't look too bad. They've got kind of an Alex Ross look to them (although The Thing does look a bit puny in this shot, and Johnny doesn't have blonde hair)...

FF_Boys.jpg

But here's where things get interesting. They've cast the sweet hotness that is Jessica Alba to play The Invisible Woman! Alba, who kicked serious ass in the first season of Dark Angel, is an interesting choice. I can only hope that this means the director is going to make the character be an actual participant in the fights instead of pretty window dressing on the sidelines, because nothing could be better than a hottie like Alba kicking butt. Especially when she looks like this doing it...

FF_Alba.jpg

Oh yeah! Halle Berrie's suck-ass Catwoman, eat your heart out (and speaking of Catwoman, why in the heck can't DC make a decent movie from their books? Everything after Superman II has sucked).

Anyway, if the movie pans out, I wonder what it would take for the films to start having fun with the characters like they do in the comics. Have the FF make a guest shot in the next Spider-Man film. Make a few X-Men show up in the Fantastic Four sequel. Have the actors put aside their egos and million-dollar paychecks to just have a bit of fun and give the fans a treat. That's what comic books are all about, and the movies should be too.

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Liz

Posted on Thursday, September 30th, 2004

Dave!I think today shall be declared Elizabeth Hurley Appreciation Day! Well, for me every day is Elizabeth Hurley Appreciation Day, but I'm not letting that stop me. After having gotten Kazza to post a photo of the delectable Ms. Hurley in her blog, I decided to do the same. To top off this day of delights, I think I shall have to watch Bedazzled for the fiftieth time (nothing is quite so very nice as watching Liz being very naughty!).

Again, much link love goes out to the Sexy Sexy Elizabeth Hurley Pictures site, from which I have swiped this photo. It is easily one of the best sites on the Internet, and I highly recommend that you go there and spend an hour or two admiring breathtaking photos like this one...

Elizabeth Hurley Appreciation Day

Lovely. Perhaps this will have to be a double-feature night and I'll watch Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery along with Bedazzled. It's not like one can ever get enough of Elizabeth Hurley.

   

Blogateria

Posted on Saturday, October 2nd, 2004

Dave!Blogography: I awoke this morning to find a baker's dozen of emails from kind people asking me not to shut down my blog (apparently in reaction to my entry yesterday). Sorry to mislead you, but I'm not planning on it anytime soon. I was just wondering how much longer I would continue given that quite a few bloggers seem to be giving it up. Besides, when I started this blog (after two previous failures) I made a commitment to myself that I would stick around for 1000 entries, and this is only #605.

Commentary: It's a mystery to me that I receive far more emails than visitor comments for my blog. From yesterday I got 2 comments but 13 emails? Thinking that perhaps people are afraid to leave comments because an email address is required, I've made some changes... 1) No personal information is required to comment anymore, and 2) If you do leave an email address for personal correspondence, it will never be displayed. I have no idea if it will make any difference, but you can now leave completely anonymous comments if you like (by leaving the name, email, and link fields blank).

Listen: Since I had to rebuild all 604 pages to remove the commenting requirements, I made a few other changes as well. First of all, I've added a link to my FAQ and other info about me to the menu there on the left. Second, the "Dave Gallery" now links to my Flickr album. Third, I've added a "Listening" item to the menu which shows what embarrassing 80's pop music I'm listening to at the moment (currently, that would be Until She Comes, a beautiful song by the Psychedelic Furs).

Angelina: I just saw a trailer for the new Angelina Jolie movie coming out called Mr. & Mrs. Smith (which also stars Brad Pitt, if you care). Sweet! They play a typical suburban married couple, but are unaware of each other's true professions... they are actually highly-paid assassins working for competing organizations. When the secret is revealed, they end up trying to assassinate each other! Looks wicked-funny and action-packed but, sadly, doesn't come out until June 10, 2005 Something about Angelina Jolie as an assassin appeals to me. Maybe it's the outfits?

Angelina Smith

Jessica: I also see that a trailer for Blade: Trinity is out, which I am looking forward to. In addition to more Wesley Snipes ass-kicking action, we also get Jessica Biel for eye candy and Ryan Renolds for comdey relief (cool, it's Berg!). They got Goyer to write again, but this time he is also directing, which worries me a bit because he's a rookie and Guillermo del Toro did such a brilliant job last time.

Season: I have a feeling that my motorcycle is going to be put into storage for the winter very soon now. I haven't had a lot of opportunity to ride it much for the past month, so I'm kind of sad about that. Oh well, just another reason to look forward to Spring, I guess.

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Believe

Posted on Tuesday, October 12th, 2004

Dave!Girls know him as that whiny bitch from Somewhere in Time. Guys know him as the world's greatest hero: Superman (my favorite comic book movie adaptation of all time). I can only hope that Christoper Reeve's passing (as Marlon Brando's before it) will lighten some hearts and finally halt the legal battles that are preventing Richard Donner's original cut of Superman II from being released. What a wonderful tribute it would be if Reeve's intended performance could finally be seen as it was meant to be.

Dave Reeves

Christopher Reeve made us all believe a man could fly. Now it's his turn.

Rest in peace.

   

Jersey

Posted on Sunday, October 17th, 2004

Dave!I feel I must preface this entry by declaring my love of all things Kevin Smith. Clerks and Chasing Amy are utter brilliance in film-making, and I even like his cartoons, comic books, and many other endeavors. Very few people can write dialogue as good as Smith (Quentin Tarantino and a handful of others perhaps), and his sense of comic timing is flawless. So when I say that his latest film, Jersey Girl is kind of lame, well, it's nothing personal.

Ben Affleck plays a publicist named Ollie Trinke who loses his wife (J-Lo, go figure) during childbirth, and ends up having to raise his new baby girl, Gertie, all alone. After a PR incident gone terribly wrong at the Hard Rock Cafe, Ollie is fired from his job and has to move back to New Jersey so he can live with his father (Geroge Carlin) while he tries to find new work. From the moment he meets a new potential love interest (Liv Tyler), the movie forges ahead in a completely predictable manner right up to the cheesy ending you can see a mile away.

Affleck is passable as Trinke (but falls short of his work in Chasing Amy and Bounce) and newcomer Raquel Castro stands out with a terrific performance as young Gertie. The rest of the cast seems to do the best they can in background roles that are pretty one-dimensional... but the problem is never with the acting, it's the writing.

You can definitely see Kevin Smith touches from time to time, but it seems watered down from what I've come to expect. What's really bad though is his tendency to go for stupid jokes to fill in space that greatly distract from the overall story. The aforementioned incident at the Hard Rock Cafe starts out when Ollie's father refuses to watch baby Gertie and so Ollie has to take her to the event (apparently, he's never heard of a babysitter). Then it's time for the same jokes we've seen a million times: Baby poop smells bad. New dad doesn't know how to change a diaper. Baby powder goes flying (after dumping half a bottle on the kid... har dee har har). It's not funny, it's stupid and tired and Kevin Smith is so much better than this.

So, if you want to see a light comedy flick, you could certainly do worse than Jersey Girl (which is to say that you could do much, much better as well). About the only thing highly recommended on the DVD is a selection of Kevin Smith's Roadside Attractions from The Tonight Show so, even if you hate the film, a rental won't be a total loss.

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Errata

Posted on Thursday, November 11th, 2004

Dave!Maher: It would seem that Bill Maher's ex girlfriend is suing him for 9 million dollars. She is claiming that he had her quit her successful career as a Delta Airlines flight attendant with false promises of marriage and buying her a home in Beverly Hills. REMINDER TO SELF: When flying to Salt Lake City this Sunday on Delta, be sure to ask the flight attendant where I can pick up a job application. I loathe the idea of dealing with bitchy passengers all day long, but would gladly do so for the millions of dollars they apparently make.

Lost: I just realized that I forgot to watch the amazing new J.J. Abrams show, Lost, last night! Thank heaven for TiVo!

Jeunet: One of the most brilliant directors in cinema, Jeanne-Pierre Jeunet (who crafted the utterly amazing film Amelie) has a new movie coming out with strong "Best Picture" Oscar buzz called A Very Long Engagement. I cannot wait to see this film, and have watched the trailer at least a dozen times now (drooling over the delicious Audrey Tautou and the breathtaking visuals again and again). Today I learned that this new movie which is set in France, filmed in France, and uses a cast of French actors and technicians, is now being challenged in French court as to whether is a French film and thus eligible for government subsidies. It's nice to know that the USA is not the only country suffering from a serious lapse in logic lately.

Tautou!

Koolerz: Last night I picked me up some "Koolerz Piña Colada flavored Gum" to take to work with me. Today I was dismayed to find out that the gum tastes *fabulous* for 48 seconds (I timed it!), but then all the flavor is gone and you're just chewing a substance that tastes like motor oil on plastic. I was wracking my brain to try and think of another product you can buy that satisfies for such an astoundingly short time period of time... and then remembered my worthless Panasonic Recordable DVD Player, which satisfied me for only 42 seconds. Fortunately, the gum only cost $1.29.

Thanks: For all who served. Thank you.

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Dave Approved: The Incredibles

Posted on Monday, November 15th, 2004

Dave!It's cold here in Salt Lake City. So cold, that after seeing The Incredibles at The Gateway, I had to go buy a pair of gloves so I could manage to walk back to the hotel without having my fingers freeze off.

As for that movie... it was, well, incredible. Given that this film was a collaboration between the brilliance of Pixar animation (easily surpassing Disney as the leading US animated feature house in every way possible) and Brad Bird (whose miraculous Iron Giant film is an all-time favorite of mine), I expected nothing less...

Incredibles!

I dare say that it surpasses even Superman and Spider-Man 2 as best super-hero movie of all time (not to mention burying suck-ass snore-fests like X-Men).

It's that good.

Surprisingly, The Incredibles earns it's PG rating by being a pretty intense flick with death and destruction that you don't normally see in "kiddie pics" like this. Don't get me wrong... kids will love the film, especially once the action builds up during the second half, but adults are the ones who will really get a kick out of the more subtle elements strewn throughout the story.

The premise of the movie is pretty slick: continuous lawsuits have forced super-heroes to retire and go into hiding. Mr. Incredible (voiced by Craig T. Nelson) ended up marrying Elasti-Girl (Holly Hunter) and having super-offsprings who hide their powers from society to live as normal people. But Mr. Incredible is not content to be a paper-pushing insurance claims adjustor, and secretly yearns to be a hero again, commiserating with his super-powered buddy Frozone (a scene-stealing Samuel L. Jackson). Eventually, a mysterious offer for super-heroics (on a secret island worthy of a James Bond villain) proves too tempting to resist, and Mr. Incredible quickly ends up over his head. It's up to the rest of the family to come to the rescue, with breathtaking action sequences and humor that's almost too good to be true - much like this promotional poster by comic book legend Mike (Hellboy) Mignola...

Mignola!

Because this is a Pixar production, the visuals are predictably stunning. But that's only the tip of the iceberg. From beginning to end, there's so much going on that it will take several viewings to truly appreciate the effort that went into making this film so "incredible." Just watching the inventive ways that the characters use their super-powers will have comic book fans geeking out all over the theater. How in the heck the upcoming Fantastic Four film can possibly top this is unknown, as the bar has been set mind-bogglingly high.

Do yourself a favor and be sure to see The Incredibles in a theater rather than waiting for the DVD... it's everything that people love about the movies, and begs to be seen on the big screen to be truly appreciated.

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Elektrik

Posted on Tuesday, November 16th, 2004

Dave!Is it wrong to be looking forward to a movie even though you don't think it has much of a chance of being any good?

Elektra!

Sigh. Let's face it, I'd watch a film of Jennifer Garner filling out her tax return.

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Seriously

Posted on Saturday, November 20th, 2004

Dave!Seriously... how do we go about repealing the antiquated and horrendously stupid electoral voting system here? I don't care which side of the political spectrum you might lay, how can anybody not support the idea of every vote counting? Does anyone (except those comprising the Electoral College) seriously want it this way? Why hasn't a repeal of the 12th Amendment ever been offered to the people? How do we get it put to a vote? Anybody?

Seriously... can't Dave Winer just leave us alone? First he decides to define moblogging for us... badly, and now he's decided to tell us that unless we're reading syndication feeds his way, then we're doing it all wrong. I have no problem with Winer publishing his opinion, but he never seems content to do just that. Instead it's always "Winer's right, everybody else is wrong." End of story. Why can't he just be happy that people are using syndication and suggest a way that works best for him, rather than attacking people who have found a different way of doing things? Shades of gray Dave... shades of gray.

Seriously... why is it that movie comedies can't be complex and intelligent anymore? Have people's attention spans truly diminished to such a low that dumb-ass burp and fart jokes are all we're going to get now? It certainly seems that way. I just purchased the long-awaited DVD release of Foul Play and am amazed that a film starring Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase could be so brilliant while also being so funny at the same time. What's truly amazing is that there are no wasted moments in this film. Even seemingly meaningless scenes are subtext that builds the story. Things going on in the background are essential to solving the mystery they've got going. Unlike the typical Adam Sandler crapfest, you actually have to pay attention... but it's so well-written that you don't care, you want to pay attention (which is cruel, because there are some seat-jumping moments you never see coming). And it was made in 1978. We've certainly dumbed down in the past 26 years. A "comedy" as smart as Foul Play would never be green-lighted today.

Foul Play

Seriously... who is the moron that put David Caruso at the head of C.S.I. Miami? I love the original C.S.I. and am won over by the grittier take on the concept with C.S.I. New York. But I cannot bring myself to get through a single episode of Miami because Caruso is so laughably bad doing his overly-dramatic, arrogant, Gil Grissom impersonation. If Caruso can't be bothered to actually act out something original, can we put Emily Procter's character in charge?

Seriously... why do I feel compelled to participate in really time-consuming and difficult memes? This time I have Dennis to blame. To read through my "Nine Layers," just click the link below...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
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Treasure

Posted on Sunday, November 28th, 2004

Dave!With nothing on my agenda after I got caught up with some work, I headed off to the Mayfair Mall for a showing of National Treasure starring Nicholas Cage. What I expected was a modern-day Indiana Jones type film, but what I got was something entirely different. It's almost as if the success of The DaVinci Code got Jerry Bruckheimer hot to do a conspiracy-genre film that ended up being a sloppy hodgepodge of American mythological elements poorly pasted into a predictable action-driven story.

Not to say that it sucked ass, but it sure could have been better.

Nicholas Cage is Benjamin Franklin Gates, the latest of a long line of Gates fortune hunters who are convinced there is a vast treasure hidden away by this country's founding fathers with the help of Free Masonry and the Templar Knights. Much to the dismay of his father (Jon Voit in a throwaway role), Gates tracks a critical piece of the treasure puzzle to Antarctica (an idea stolen from a Dirk Pitt book). Unfortunately, his need for financing leads to a partnership with Ian Howe (Sean Bean) who, predictably, turns out to be a bad guy. From that moment on, the race is on between Cage and Bean to find the treasure first... one to guard it for all humanity, and one to exploit it for personal gain.

I was sure that the "treasure" was going to be some lame-ass attempt at "idealism" ... perhaps a piece of paper with the words "America's true treasure is her freedom" or some such bullshit. Thankfully, they didn't take that route, but it doesn't matter. The lameness comes from the half-assed attempt to fit American-heritage-themed clues into a paint-by-the-numbers action flick. Strip away the nonsense with the Declaration of Independence, the Liberty Bell, etc. and there's nothing left but crap... tame chase scenes that culminate in an pathetic ending for the bad guys, and a predictably sappy ending for the "heroes."

Oh well. They did toss in a little eye candy (played by Diane Kruger), capable comic relief (played by Justin Bartha), and Harvey Keitel, which brings National Treasure up to a "5" (on a scale of 1 to 10). Not really good, not really bad, just predictably average. I hope that the actual adaptation of The DaVinci Code (starring Tom Hanks) fares better. At least it has a pretty good story to build on.

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Wednesday

Posted on Wednesday, December 8th, 2004

Dave!Nomaaahh!: Let me get this straight, Nomar just signed a 1-year contract with the Cubs for $8 million, after passing on a $60 million 4-year contract with the Red Sox WORLD CHAMPIONS? Even if the Cubbies pick him up for four years, he's still losing $7 million a year. I cried for a week when Nomar left Boston, now I think I'll laugh for a week at his fine business sense (then cry the week after that because he's still making millions of dollars for playing a game).

Joystick: Continuing my video game blathering from yesterday... not only are the games dumbfoundingly complex, but the controllers are ass. Two thumb-pads, four shoulder buttons, four action buttons, and two function buttons seems to be standard now. This leaves me concentrating more on what button I should be pushing than actually playing the game. On top of that, I don't want some tiny pad for directional movement... I want an actual joystick! I thought it would be simple to go buy one, but I thought wrong. The closest thing I can find to what I am wanting is an X-Arcade Stick, but that's as big as a house and costs $100!! Harsh!

Cars: Looks like Pixar's follow-up to The Incredibles (titled Cars) has just been pushed back seven months. They say it's so that they can better time their movies (release a feature in Summer, then crank out the DVD version for the holidays), which makes sense from a business standpoint. But many people are speculating that the bigger reason is to give Pixar CEO Steve Jobs more time to decide about renewing a distribution deal with Disney after he finds out who is replacing Michael Eisner (the guy who's been running Disney into the ground for the past decade). A third option, which is my personal guess, is that the movie sucks...

Cars

First of all, it's a freaky concept... a world where the only life-form is cars?? Second of all, it is a complete rip off of the Chevron Cars (a much better rendition of the concept, beautifully animated in clay by Aardman Animation, who is responsible for the brilliant Wallace and Gromit films). And lastly, one of the feature characters is a broken-down hick tow truck? How very cliche of you Pixar. Still, it is being directed by demi-god John Lasseter (who has Toy Story 1 & 2 and A Bug's Life under his belt), so I can only hope I am very, very wrong. I dunno, judge for yourself by watching the Cars trailer and then taking a look at Aardman's Chevron commercial...

Cars

You can then spend the next two hours of your life exploring the rest of the Aardman web site, which showcases numerous examples if their beautiful work in claymation. Dang. Now I want to go watch Wallace and Gromit!

Stockholm: Since Veronica Mars is now in reruns, I was flipping through channels and saw that The Amazing Race 6 was in Stockholm! Furthermore, contestants were hanging out at The Sheraton Stockholm, which is the same hotel I was at. Anyway, while I like the idea of racing around the world, I cannot bring myself to watch the show... it's just too painful to have to watch rude Americans be assholes to natives and complain all the time. As I was turning the channel, contestants were in Africa complaining about everything from how "gross" the taxis are to how stupid they think people are because they can't speak English ("DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH? I NEED SOMEONE SPEAKING ENGLISH!!!"). Holy crap. Thanks for being such a stellar example, dumbass.

Letterbox: Last night I had to stop by Wal-Mart and noticed that they had The Bourne Supremacy on sale for a staggering $15 (which is cheaper than even DeepDiscountDVD!). Since we are entering rerun season on television, I thought I would grab a copy because I remember it being a pretty good flick. But when I got home and started it up, I noticed it was the STUPID FULL-FRAME VERSION! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! Why in the heck do they even sell butchered films? When are people going to realize that anytime they buy a film that has "been reformatted to fit their television" that they are missing half the movie? Sure the letterbox format's black bars at the top and bottom of your TV screen are annoying, but it's a small price to pay for getting to see the ENTIRE MOVIE AS IT WAS INTENDED TO BE VIEWED!! Argh.

Sorry to rant, but HOLY SHIT... it's bad enough that Chewbacca didn't get a medal at the end of Star Wars, but if you are watching the lame "Full-Screen" version, he doesn't even get to appear on the screen! The Digital Bits has a good argument for widescreen (letterbox) formatted movies, and excellent examples which you can see by clicking here.

Categories: DaveLife 2004, Movies 2004Click To It: Permalink  8 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Sinful

Posted on Monday, December 20th, 2004

Dave!Well crap! Showtime has cancelled Dead Like Me, which is easily one of the more inventive shows on television. I guess that means I can dump the channel, since the only reason I bought it in the first place was to watch this one show. It really pisses me off that they don't at least allow the creators of the show to wrap up all the loose ends, and Dead Like Me had more than most. It must really suck to be Bryan Fuller. This is the second utterly brilliant show of his to be cancelled (the other being the amazing Wonderfalls). I wonder if he'll just give up trying to create intelligent, thought-provoking shows and start creating crappy reality shows like everybody else.

In movie news, there's finally a trailer up for the adaptation of Frank Miller's Sin City... and does it ever look delicious! It would seem that they went for a literal adaptation of the comic's visual style, and I'm quite happy about that. Almost as happy as I am about the sweet hoteness that Miller & Rodriguez have lined up for the female cast (including a disturbingly sexy Alexis Bledel... Rory from Gilmore Girls is hot?!? Who knew?). Yowza! Sin City indeed...

Sin Babes

Oh yeah, they've got some other guys in it you might have heard of before... Mickey Rourke, Clive Owen, Michael Madsen, Bruce Willis, Benicio Del Toro, and Elijah Wood. My gut tells me the film will be fabulous, but I can't help but be pessimistic about the film's chance at commercial success.

It really is too bad that the American population at large is so stupid when it comes to entertainment. It really would be nice to have decent shows on television and movies in our theaters.

   

Sithful

Posted on Sunday, January 2nd, 2005

Dave!Oooh... new spoiler images of the final film in the George Lucas Star Wars prequel trilogy fiasco have been leaked all over the web! Well, not really "spoilers" per se (because we already know how everything turns out) but it would seem that George is trying to find some ways of keeping things interesting for us in Episode III (which would be a pleasant change from the horrendously bad Episodes I and II). Three images jumped out at me...

Sith Spoilers

SPOILER 1) They are finally starting to bridge the gap between trilogies, as we're getting something almost TIE-Fighteresque and almost X-Wingish about the ships now. This space dogfight shot is so delicious it has me wishing that Lucas would drop all pretense about knowing how to write good drama/romance and just stick to what he knows best, because a Star Wars movie made entirely of spaceship fights would kick ass!

SPOILER 2) Badass Christopher Lee (ridiculously named "Count Dooku") gets his ass handed to him by lameass Hayden Christensen (appropriately named "Annie Skywalker"). This is wrong on so many levels. I mean, seriously, why in the heck didn't anybody tell Lucas how implausible this is? "Hey George, you've made an error... I realize that you count on your fans suspending disbelief enough to accept that robots, spaceships, and aliens are real... but NOBODY could possibly believe that Christopher f#@%ing Lee would EVER be served by Hayden Christensen!! It's much more plausible that a puppet with a lightsaber could own Christopher f#@%ing Lee in a fight, so why not have Yoda take care of it?" Not that it would do much good trying to tell him anything... I mean, Lucas thinks high comedy involves burp and fart jokes. But Lucas also seems to think that repeating themes over and over and over again is brilliant writing, so I guess that's why we've got Annie and Dooku battling it out in front of the Emperor in his throne-room now, just like we'll have Annie and Luke battling it out in front of the Emperor in his throne-room come Episode VI. Also, I suppose it's easier to write the same thing over and over and over again rather than having to think of something original... because, heaven forbid we should actually get some fresh new ideas in a Star Wars film (oh look... somebody gets their hand chopped off AGAIN).

I hope that Episode III is at least watchable. I just don't think I can take another movie that's as heinously lame as Episodes I and II. The sci-fi geek in me would probably implode.

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  3 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Elektrafying

Posted on Friday, January 7th, 2005

Dave!Oh my. Yahoo! Movies has put up some yummy production stills along with the first full five minutes of the forthcoming Jennifer Garner love-fest known as Elektra. Sure the movie clip features a brief snippet of badass action and has a kind of interesting opening but, to be totally honest, I am not holding out much hope for the quality of this film. Though that's not exactly why I want to see it so badly...

Elektrafying

At least they made movie Elektra look like the comic book Elektra a little more this time. Not that it matters much... it's not like I am going to be watching the movie thinking "the shape of Elektra's halter top is entirely unlike the comic, thus ruining my enjoyment of the film." Uhhh... no. What will be going through my mind is the exact same thing going through every other guy's mind in the theater. Men are such dogs. What can I say? I'm just doing my best to live up to the label, I guess.

UPDATE: Proving that you just can't get enough of a good thing, Patrick notes that IGN has an exclusive scene from the movie featuring Elektra getting the ultimate "kiss of death" from Typhoid Mary.

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  9 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Aquatic

Posted on Sunday, January 16th, 2005

Dave!Finally got around to seeing Wes Anderson's latest masterpiece... The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou starring Bill Murray and numerous other talented people. This film received a disappointing 50% over at Rotten Tomatoes which leaves me flabbergasted, because I think it is easily one of the best films released in 2004. Not only is Murray's acerbic wit in full force, but all of Anderson's usual comedic touches are sprinkled throughout the film like candy, waiting to be discovered, unwrapped, and savored.

Zissou!

Aquatic tells the story of once-famous (but now washed up) oceanographer-filmmaker Steve Zissou who is hoping to hunt down a kill the mysterious "leopard shark" that ate his best friend. He also plans on documenting the adventure to create a new film which he hopes will bring him back to the limelight. Along the way he has to deal with a stranger who may or may not be his son (Owen Wilson), a failing marriage (to Angelica Houston), overwhelming competition (Jeff Goldblum), and a myriad of money trials to finance the operation.

And all of it is hysterically funny, of course.

What's truly magical about the film is the detours into occasional fantasy with stop-motion animated sea life (Sugar Crabs! Electric Jellyfish! Rhinestone Bluefins!) and a cut-away set that's entirely brilliant...

Zissou!

I understand that the comedy in this film is miles away from more pedestrian fare like you'll find in the latest Adam Sandler flick, but if you like a little intelligence to your funny, I can't recommend The Life Aquatic highly enough.

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  5 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Sideways

Posted on Saturday, February 26th, 2005

Dave!The movie Sideways is racking up all kinds of critical acclaim, and sweeping the art-house awards circuit. Something this special I just had to make time to see.

And... I just don't get it.

It's not that it is a bad film, it's just that I am mystified at how so many people are falling head over heels in love with it. Aside from a few clever bits of writing, some nice character work from Paul Giamatti, and an excellent performance by the ever-brilliant Sandra Oh... well, there was just so much nothing in the film. Mind-numbing stretches of nothing.

Dave Sideways

It's as if the people working on the film got to certain spots where they didn't know what to do, and so they simply said "well, let's just drag things out and maybe people will think we're being artistic." But, for me, it just didn't work. And I'm not saying that every frame of a film has to be wall-to-wall action either. I mean, my favorite film of all time is Field of Dreams, which has plenty of quiet moments... but they mean something. Sideways, on the other hand, is a character piece with very little character and not much else. I've seen episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer that had more of an impact on me.

And that brings me to the Oscars tomorrow night... I saw nothing in Sideways which convinces me it is Best Picture material. Thomas Hayden Church had zero depth to his character, and was so paint-by-numbers predictable that I can't imagine him being in the same league as somebody like Morgan Freeman for Best Supporting Actor. Finally, Virginia Madsen's character had so little screen time and complete lack of emotional detail that I can't even fathom why she was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in the first place. I guess being a "critical darling" gets you a lot of mileage.

And through it all I think back to Kill Bill 2 which had everything going for it, yet it gets snubbed from a nomination to make room for something like this?? Travesty!

Movie Quotable of the Day: "We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live."
Yesterday's Answer: That Darn Cat! (1965) with Dean Jones, Hayley Mills, and Roddy McDowall.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  10 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Golden

Posted on Monday, February 28th, 2005

Dave!When you are a vegetarian in San Francisco, there is really only one thing you need in order to decide where to eat, and that would be Dave's SF Veggie Restaurant Page. This amazing resource gives you the low-down for many of the Bay Area's finest vegetarian establishments, and is updated frequently. Among the most highly recommended on Dave's list is a Chinese restaurant called "Golden Era Vegetarian Cuisine," which has amazing food that's so delicious you will never miss the meat...

Golden Era

About the only thing that could possibly be a better resource than Dave's SF Veggie Restaurant Page for hunting down veggie cuisine in the city is Dave himself...

Dave

After a truly amazing meal of Pot Stickers, Spicy "Chicken" (imitation), and Plum Lemonade, we headed off to see The Aviator, which is a terrific film. And while I haven't seen the Clint Eastwood boxing-snuff flick Million Dollar Baby, I find it difficult to believe that it could be superior to the Scorsese epic about Howard Hughes. It had just the right balance of biography and action to be constantly entertaining though, as usual, Scorsese needs a stronger editor to pare down this 3-hour film by at least a half-hour (particularly the decline of Hughes' mental state, which went on for far too long). I suppose the most surprising thing about the film was the cast, with Leonardo DiCaprio turning in a shockingly good performance that redeems his lame Titanic work. Even more amazing was Cate Blanchett's eerie rendition of Katherin Hepburn... she OWNED that role, and earned the Oscar she got (and then some). I still maintain that Sideways, while somewhat entertaining, is in nowhere near the league of The Aviator, which is truly an Oscar-worthy nomination.

Oh, and before I forget, I just want to mention something that happened while I was at Fisherman's Wharf, on my way to meet Dave for lunch. Here, take a look at this...

Fiver

See that five-dollar bill? Well that's all you need in lieu of an apology now-a-days.

While standing at the street by Pier 39 trying to figure out what bus I wanted to take, some ass-clown in an expensive suit comes out of nowhere, running for a taxi... AND KNOCKS ME COMPLETELY ON MY ASS IN THE PROCESS! He has his wallet out so, as he opens the taxi door, HE THROWS FIVE DOLLARS AT MY HEAD!! He doesn't say he's sorry. He doesn't ask if I am okay. He doesn't bother to help me up. He just throws a fiver at my head and gets in the damn taxi.

What the f#@%?!?

I don't know what makes me more disappointed... 1) That this inconsiderate, monkey-spanking ass-wipe thinks that throwing money at things is an acceptable way of dealing with a problem, or 2) That he thought I was only worth a measly $5. So now I've got a jacked-up leg that feels as though my hip has been ripped out of the socket... with which I have to make a 45-minute drive to the East Bay tomorrow morning. What is WRONG with people now-a-days? When did "sorry" turn into a $5 bill?

Categories: Movies 2005, Travel 2005Click To It: Permalink  2 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Early

Posted on Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

Dave!In a wonderful stroke of luck, I managed to catch an earlier flight and arrive home a full three hours ahead of schedule. A pity that there's no new episode of Veronica Mars running tonight (Save Veronica!), but at least we have a return appearance of Heather Graham on Scrubs.

In more disturbing news, along with the twenty new pornographic TrackBacks I had to de-spam, I also got a scary piece of email which accused me of "stealing" the idea for a graphic which I drew up for my "review" of the movie Sideways. Since the return address was bogus, I'll go ahead and make my reply public here:

I hate to tell you this dumbass, but the only thing I did was parody the official movie poster...

Dave Sideways

Sideways

I don't even know who you are or what picture you are talking about. Sooo... perhaps instead of threatening to "expose" me, you should attack Fox/Searchlight Pictures for coming up with the idea in the first place.

Stupid people suck ass.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Man that ball got outta here in a hurry! I mean, anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?"
Day-Before-Yesterday's Answer: Grease (1978) with John Travolta and Olivia Newton John.
Categories: Blogging 2005, Movies 2003Click To It: Permalink  6 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Gromit

Posted on Thursday, March 3rd, 2005

Dave!I love animation. Well, let me rephrase that... I love good animation. There's something "pure" about a world that is wholly created and realized. Many animators understand this god-like power and use it to full advantage. But few animators are as brilliant at it as Nick Park and the geniuses at his Aardman Studios. Their most famous characters, Wallace & Gromit, are easily one of the best animated creations ever made. Any adventure of the cheese-loving gadget inventor Wallace and his genius dog Gromit is guaranteed big fun.

I love Gromit more than Mickey Mouse. More than Tigger. More than Marvin the Martian. More than any other animated character. Though he never speaks, he is more expressive than most human actors...

Gromit

But there is one character even better than Gromit. One character destined to forever rule over animation with an iron fist. One character I obsess over: Feathers McGraw, the evil penguin criminal mastermind who disguises himself as a chicken to foil the law...

Feathers McGraw

Not only that, but he carries a gun! How can you not love an evil penguin that packs heat?

Thepenguin

The first Aardman major motion picture was the excellent Chicken Run and now, after years of waiting, a Wallace and Gromit feature arrives this October... Wallace & Gromit and the Curse of the Wererabbit! You can catch the teaser trailer from The Sun by clicking here. You can also watch a "making of" featurette by clicking here.

Never seen Wallace & Gromit? Well, if you are a Netflix user, there's a DVD of their first three adventures, and you can add it to your Rental Que. Otherwise, I think it's out of print and you'll have to try eBay or something (hopefully it will be re-issued to coincide with the movie release).

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Now that Billy tried to mutilate her, do you think Sidney would go out with me?"
Yesterday's Answer: Forrest Gump (1994) with Tom Hanks and Robin Wright.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  6 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Sin

Posted on Monday, March 7th, 2005

Dave!Gee... entirely too many good things happening today. Most importantly, my motorcycle is OUT of storage and my car is back IN to storage. Life doesn't get much better than that! I've already gone out for an hour, and realize once again just how trapped I feel driving a car now. Many other people must be feeling the same way, because there were a lot of motorcycles out over the weekend. While this does get a bit tiring because of all the "motorcyclist courtesy waves," there can never be too many motorcycles out on the road. The more people riding, the fewer rights that dumbass lawmakers can take away from us.

I keep "flip-flopping" back and forth over which upcoming movie I am most looking forward to seeing this year. After the fiasco that George Lucas had with the first two Star Wars prequels, I can safely remove the third (and final?) off my list... still, it's got Wookies and Darth Vader, so even that has some amount of excitement around it.

No, setting aside the Wallace and Gromit movie, there are really just two that are coveting for my top spot. The first, Frank Miller's Sin City appears to be very faithful to the stunning comic book that inspired it. It looks exactly like Sin City, has Quentin Tarantino as a guest-director for part of it, and features Gilmore Girls' Alexis Bledel looking disturbingly hot. Moviefone has a new trailer up that totally kicks ass, and has me even more excited to see how it's going to play out...

Sin City Trailer 2

The other film, Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is based on one of my favorite novels of all time, and has been a long, long time coming to the silver screen. The casting looks note-perfect, and since Douglas Adams himself worked on the script before his untimely death, that can only bode well for the adaptation. I want so badly for the film to blow me away and set box office records so that the remaining books in the series will be put to film. The original trilogy deserves at least that much...

Hitchhiker Trailer 2

Yes, a very promising year for movies I think, even if these two films were all we got.

And, in music news, I have a song stuck in my head from a movie trailer I saw for a romantic comedy starring Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon called Fever Pitch (definitely not a movie for me). It's an excellent rendition of the Supertramp classic Give a Little Bit which is not sung by Supertramp! A search on the iTunes Music Store reveals it's a cover by the Goo Goo Dolls, which I proceeded to purchase immediately. Very sweet. It's the instant gratification that makes me so happy to be alive in the digital age.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "See, I did join the army, but I joined a different army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms."
Yesterday's Answer: A League of Their Own (1992) with Tom Hanks and Geena Davis.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  7 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

FridayQ: Cinema

Posted on Friday, March 11th, 2005

Dave!If you could own any item from any movie, what would you take and why? Well, I'd love to have my very own Gort robot from The Day the Earth Stood Still... how cool would that be? My dream of taking over the world would be a piece of cake with Gort there to kick everybody's asses. Or maybe some of the gadgets from the James Bond movies would be handy? Nah, I think the one thing I would want more than any other would be Mace Windu's purple lightsaber from the Star Wars prequels. That way I could open up a can of Samuel L. Jackson-style Jedi whoop-ass all over the stupid people who bug the crap out of me...

Cinemadave1

If you could become any character from any movie, who would it be and why? Dude! No question, it would be Indiana Jones! He got to run around the world having awesome adventures, finding treasure, and shooting Nazis and stuff! On top of that, if I were Indiana Jones I could literally whip somebody's ass with my bull-whip. That would totally rock...

Cineamadave2

If you could visit any location from any movie, where would it be and why? Probably inside The Matrix so I could fly around, shoot lots of guns, and go all kung-fu on people who cut me off in traffic...

Cinemadave3

FQ MOVIE MASH-UP: Combine some items, characters, and locations from different movies to create an entirely new film! What would you call it and what would it be about? I think I'd like to take the chain saw from Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the Alien from Alien, Jason from Friday The 13th, and put them on the ship Discovery with HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Then everybody could battle it out IN OUTER SPACE!! My master-work would then be ready to kick box-office ass and be called: Friday the 13th, 2001: An Alien Chainsaw Massaccre Odyssey. Brilliant! I'd pay serious bank to see that flick.

Davecinema4

Be the movies at the FridayQ.

   

Numbers

Posted on Friday, March 11th, 2005

Dave!For a Friday, I must say it's been a pretty good day for me...

Sixteen. Verizon finally came through with my DSL order today after sixteen days of orders, cancelled orders, re-orders, and a myriad of other problems that wasted hours of my valuable time to get sorted out. Much to my surprise, the new router/modem they sent me had wireless built-in! That's a pretty cool bonus, and shows that (if nothing else) Verizon is at least paying attention to how the customers are accessing the internet. Even better, it seems as though my connection is slightly faster to boot, and the Verizon wireless has more range than my old Apple Airport Base Station. The best part? All of that is at a $20 savings per month over my previous EarthLink DSL line. This couldn't come at a better time, because just this morning I was thinking I'd rather give up the internet than spend another week with dial-up.

Three. Last night while watching the latest episode of The O.C., they ran the new Star Wars: Episode III, Revenge of the Sith trailer. Just for fun, they had "Seth Cohen" from the show (the ultimate sci-fi/comic book nerd) introduce the thing with his Star Wars action figures. The trailer itself is pretty kick-ass cool and features mind-blowing special effects, Samuel L. Jackson with his purple lightsaber I covet so much, Wookies(!) and, best of all... GREEN BOOBIES! Of course, I remember getting all excited about Episodes I and II after watching the trailer, and they both sucked so much ass that I nearly shat myself in the theater. Do I dare muster any hope that the final Star Wars installment will be worth a crap? History tells me no... BUT WOOKIES AND GREEN BOOBIES! How can I not be excited?

Ep III Trailer

Of course, the bigger Star Wars news is the increasing rumors that Kevin Smith will be in charge of some kind of Star Wars television show after Episode III wraps production. Since Kevin Smith on his worst day can fart better dialogue out of his ass than Lucas can write on his best day, this is really enticing gossip. It also seems really plausible given that the show could be done fairly cheap given today's digital special effects... I mean, all the computer models and scenes and such are already there, they just need to be reused in new and interesting ways.

Six. TrackBack spammers are pummeling me today. In the past six hours I've received dozens of email notifications for horrendously disgusting TrackBack pings that I am trying to Blacklist as quickly as they arrive so that any further attempts will be rejected. The problem is, they are using a new domain every time, so Blacklist is only killing a portion of what I'm being hit with. Six Apart has STILL failed to patch MT so that I can force moderation of TrackBack pings for manual approval, which is mind-boggling. I'm left with no choice but to turn of TrackBack for my blog, because I refuse to allow "hot doggy sex bestiality pics" to be promoted here. What in the heck is Six Apart waiting for? It's not like I am asking them to take care of my spam... just give me the ability to do it myself through moderation like I already can with comments. Seesh!

Four. Since putting Scott Plank on my "List of Three Guys I'd Go Gay For", I've received four emails wanting to know more about him. One email was from a woman who "became obsessed with him after seeing that sexy photo on your blog." Unfortunately, as I had mentioned, I don't know much about him at all. I met Scott briefly a few times because he was a potential actor for a role in a movie project I was involved in. Unlike most everybody else I met in Hollywood, Scott was a genuinely nice guy who was kind, funny, and humble. I was sent tape of his appearances in Air America and Melrose Place, but anything else I learned about him was from his entry on IMDB. I am told that he once had a web site at ScottPlank.com, but it isn't there anymore, which is kind of a shame. I have no details about Scott's death, only rumors I don't care to elaborate on. If anybody out there runs across this and knows of a place that has any information about Scott, please pass it along, and I'll be happy to share it.

Eight. And speaking of computer animation, I switched to LightWave[8] today after having used Electric Image Animation System for nearly a decade. I originally started with EIAS because that's what the people at Industrial Light and Magic used in Star Wars: Special Edition. It cost thousands of dollars, didn't come with a modeler, and was a bitch to use... but it produced pretty images very quickly. The problem is that EIAS sucked more and more with each new update. Version 5 has a modeler that crashes constantly doing the simplest of things (like beveling the corner of a cube!), and an animator that is so buggy I keep looking for roaches under my keyboard. The final straw came when I got a notice that I can upgrade to EIAS 5.5 for $300 the same day I got a notice that I could purchase a "sidegrade" to LightWave[8] for $500. Despite my having to re-learn a brand new package from scratch, I decided I was not going to pay $300 for another pile of shit from Electric Image just to get bug fixes to problems they never patched (and a load of potential new problems to worry about). As a perk of switching to LightWave, there's about a hundred books and dozens of training videos available... I think EIAS has at most three books (all out of date) and not much else. So any penalty from switching should be fairly short with such a wealth of material to learn from. Here's hoping.
UPDATE: Interestingly enough, NewTek just hired Jay Roth and Mark Granger... two long-time Electric Image employees. I am hopeful that this is a good thing, but my past problems with EIAS do have me slightly worried.

Seventy-Two. It's a lovely 72 degrees outside this afternoon. I am so taking off work early to go for a nice long ride on my motorcycle.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Doesn't it give you kind of a... a shudder... of electricity through you to be in the same room with me?"
Yesterday's Answer: The Man with Two Brains (1995) with Steve Martin and Kathleen Turner.
Categories: Blogging 2005, Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  1 Comment: Click To Add Yours!  

   

TwoFitty

Posted on Friday, March 18th, 2005

Dave!Well, Neil has gone and done it again... dug up another huge meme that I don't really want to spend time participating in, but feel compelled to nevertheless (and he got it from Richard, so he's equally to blame). This time it's the infamous "Internet Movie DataBase Top 250 Films" (as ranked by IMDB Voters). The idea is that you take the complete list of 250 films and then check-off the ones you've seen. Surprisingly, I've seen all but 77 of them (and only two on the list are unknown to me completely).

It's a terrific idea for a meme and, since I love movies so much, I just can't pass it up (as I have twice before). But TWO-HUNDRED FIFTY?!? Ah well. I've kept the IMDB links, so you can click to learn about the movie if you are so inclined. I've also added my personal rating to those I've seen (Bomb to 5 stars) and, like Neil, have also noted which of the films I own on DVD...

Blogography Movie Rating

For those of you who could care less about my movie habits, I've put the list in an extended entry.

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Memes 2006, Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  12 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Entertainment

Posted on Saturday, March 19th, 2005

Dave!This has not been the best of weeks for me, but it has been a good week in entertainment news...

Oldboy. A movie I have been waiting to see for years now... a Korean film called "Oldboy" finally has a US distributor! When I was last in Korea I looked for it, but it had left theaters there (having been released in 2003). It's a mystery/revenge thriller that won the Grand Prix at the Cannes Film Festival last year, and has critics falling all over themselves with praise (in fact, it's #93 on the IMDB 250 meme I did yesterday, and is assured of going higher on the list once more people have seen it). You can read about the movie and see a trailer over at FilmForce. The only down-side is that I will probably end up having to go to Seattle or L.A. to see it, unless it starts making Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon box office.

Oldboy

Veronica. E! Online's annual "Save One Show" television poll is over, and Veronica Mars devastated the competition with 56% of the vote! All while beating out popular favorites like The West Wing (less that 1%) and Arrested Development (9%)...

  1. Veronica Mars (UPN) 56% — Highly recommended! My favorite show on TV now.
  2. Arrested Development (Fox) 9% — Funniest show on TV. A must-see!
  3. American Dreams (NBC) 7% — Looks cheesy. I don't watch it, and don't care.
  4. Charmed (WB) 6% — Sad. Should have been cancelled when Doherty left.
  5. Life as We Know It (ABC) 5.5% — Pale Freaks & Geeks and Popular imitation.
  6. Tru Calling (Fox) 5% — A good show I was sad to see cancelled.
  7. Enterprise (UPN) 3% — Boring and shitty. Wasted opportunity needed better writers.
  8. Point Pleasant (Fox) 2.5% — Pathetic O.C. imitator.
  9. Joan of Arcadia (CBS) 2% — Stuck in a rut. Stopped watching because Joan is a whiner.
  10. North Shore (Fox) 1% — Yet another pathetic O.C. imitator.
  11. Jack & Bobby (WB) 1% — Unlikable Lahti ruins this otherwise good show.
  12. The West Wing (NBC) <1% — Still good, but slowly dying after Sorkin left.
  13. Medical Investigation (NBC) <1% — Horribly, tragically, laughably bad.
  14. Kevin Hill (UPN) <1% — Started great, then ended up being a one-note show.
  15. The Wire (HBO) <1% — Excellent show HBO has already renewed.

Hartman. After being announced, then unannounced, scheduled, then unscheduled, Phil Hartman's final show News Radio is finally coming to DVD! One of my all-time favorite comedians, Hartman headed up an absolutely brilliant cast that included Dave Foley (Kids in the Hall), Stephen Root (Office Space), Andy Dick (Less Than Perfect), Maura Tierny (E.R.), Vicki Lewis (Celebrity Makeover), and Khandi Alexander (CSI: Miami). I stopped watching after Phil died, but every show until then was GOLD and will be a welcome addition to my DVD collection.

Renewal. NBC has already announced renewals for The West Wing, Crossing Jordan, Las Vegas, ER, and Joey. I stopped watching ER ages ago, never got into Crossing Jordan, and thought Joey sucked ass. That leaves me happy for Las Vegas a guilty pleasure which has four of the hottest ladies on television, and The West Wing which took a nose-dive after creator/writer Aaron Sorkin left, but has been rebounding with great new characters (the new National Security Advisor, "Kate Harper," is the best addition since "Ainsley Hays"). It will be interesting to see what happens when the show gets a new president.

Bullshit. Proving that it can't be all good news all the time, The Sci-Fi Channel has debuted what has to be one of the most embarrassingly bad concepts for a movie in recent memory... MANSQUITO! He's half-man, half-mosquito, and all killer...

Mansquito

They cancelled the brilliant Farscape so they could have money to finance this crap? WTF?!?

Movie Quotable of the Day: "I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin, but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!"
Yesterday's Answer: Soylent Green (1973) with Charlton Heston and Chuck Connors.

   

Dave Approved: Sky Captain

Posted on Monday, March 28th, 2005

Dave!I finally got around to watching Sky Captain And the World of Tomorrow on DVD and found it to be a stunning piece of art. Every frame looks more like a gorgeously rendered painting than a movie, and the visual effects are nothing short of jaw-dropping. This may very well be the most beautiful looking film I've ever seen. As if that weren't enough, it's got giant robots attacking New York, ray guns, and loads of other cool stuff! It's as if all the things that those 1930's sci-fi serials thought was going to happen in the future, actually did happen!!

I remember wanting to see this when it was in theaters, but never managed to make it. I am furious with myself that I didn't get to see it on the big screen (where it absolutely belongs). All I can hope is that it one day hits some kind of limited re-release or is shown at a convention of some kind...

Sky Captain

No still-frame capture will ever do justice to the lush visuals Sky Captain so liberally doles out (and choosing from hundreds of amazing shots is an impossible task), but oh what a movie...

Sky Captain

Sky Captain

The only thing that keeps this flick from being one of the greatest films of all time is A) The story is a bit weak, and B) The acting in places is dreadful awful. Jude Law is fine as the heroic Sky Captain Joe, Giovani Ribisi is great as his sidekick Dex, and Angelina Jolie is radiant in her bit part as Captain Frankie Cook... but Gwyneth Paltrow's take on not-so plucky, plucky reporter "Polly Perkins" is a mess. She wanders through scenes as if she's drugged, never fully committing to the part. I know that she is a capable actress, so I can only guess that she was unable to work in blue-screen environments or she needs a strong director, and first-timer Kerry Conran was too awestruck or timid to get it out of her. Such a shame, because a strong female lead would have improved the film quite a bit.

Still, story faults and Gwyneth aside, the dazzling images and edge-of-your-seat action sequences make this film a must-see. Just accept the fact that it is supposed to be a cheesy 1930's sci-fi serial drama, and embrace it for the masterpiece it is. I rented Sky Captain from NetFlix but, had already ordered myself a copy just 10 minutes into the movie! I must own it so I can watch it again and again and again, because there's no way you will ever absorb everything the film offers in only one or two viewings (even dozens may not be enough).

The bigger news to come out of the Sky Captain front is that writer/director Kerry Conran's next project is an adaptation of my favorite sci-fi novel of all time: Edgar Rice Burroughs' A Princess of Mars. This has me very conflicted. On one hand I am thrilled, because I know that the visuals will be amazing. On the other, I am terrified that he won't have the directing chops to get the acting performances that this story will desperately need. If there is no chemistry between John Carter, Gentleman of Virginia and Deja Thoris, Martian princess of Helium, then the movie will suck ass. And I am telling you right now, this movie simply cannot end up sucking...

John Carter of Mars

I have waited most of my life to see John Carter in the movies, and it will not be in vain. I want this film to rule the earth so we can get a dozen sequels. I want it so fabulous that critics (or, more importantly, Burroughs FANS) cannot find fault with it. If they end up moving the time period from Civil War America, or some other dumbass thing, I would rather there be no movie at all.

I am cautiously optimistic. In the meanwhile, go buy a copy of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow on DVD. It's just too darn pretty not to see it.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "I know I'm old enough to be his mother, but when the Duck laid that kiss on me last night... I swear my thighs just went up in flames! He must practice on melons or something."
Yesterday's Answer: Jurassic Park (1993) with Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum.
Categories: Dave Approved, Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  5 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Sinner

Posted on Saturday, April 2nd, 2005

Dave!I was going to make time next week to go see Sin City, but when I found out that the tightasses over at MovieGuide.org were using words like "depraved," "despicable," "abhorrent" and "evil" to describe it... well, I just had to see it immediately. That's guaranteed box office GOLD, baby!

And I was absolutely not disappointed. The film is a shot-for-shot exact translation of Frank Miller's hyper-violent graphic novels, brilliantly realized by Robert Rodriguez. While there are a few hiccups in the process, the end result is a stunning visual treat that brilliantly captures a world gone mad.

And it doesn't hurt that the film has an astounding cast of talented professionals breathing life into the characters. Bruce Willis, Mickey Roarke, Clive Owen, and dozens of others (including a never-ending buffet of hotties like Jessica Alba and Brittany Murphy)...

Sinjessicaalba

Singirls

Sinbrittanymurphy

In fact, I dare say there isn't a poor performance in the bunch, which only accentuates how beautiful the minimalist splashes of color look over the rich black & white noir feel. So, for me, this film is simply a must-see. But I realize fully that it is not a film for everybody. The violence is pretty heavy throughout, and much of the subject matter is not very pleasant (hey, this is "Sin City" after all!).

Now I'm going to have to go back and re-read all the books again.

UPDATE: I have tried a couple of times now to contact MovieGuide.org to point out a mistake in their review, but they don't offer up an email address, and emails to "webmaster" are bounced. So I guess I might as well make the correction here, since they are not open to communication...

*** SPOILERS AHEAD ***

In the review, among the many violent atrocities they list is "dog eats at dead person." This is not correct. It should say "dog eats at live person!! The reason that Marv took along the surgical tubing was so that he could use it as a tourniquet after cutting off Kevin's arms and legs. That way Kevin would still be ALIVE when the dog ate at him! Since Kevin was a cannibal who would make the women watch him as he ate them, Marv took a cue from The Bible and offered up Kevin a big-old slice of "eye for an eye" type retribution. You would think a so-called "Christian" movie review site could appreciate this.

UPDATE: Thanks to "Carmen" for telling me where to find the contact information at MovieGuide.org. I had problems with their drop-down menus and couldn't see it, but they do work fine in Safari, so I was able to send them the correction.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Hypothetical situation. Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?"
Yesterday's Answer: Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001) with Viggo Mortenson and Elijah Wood.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  3 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

UnSurprise

Posted on Monday, April 4th, 2005

Dave!I won't even pretend to be surprised that somebody decided to take me to task for my overview of the sublime artistic vision that is Sin City. About the only surprise to be had is that there haven't been more such emails. Any time you remotely touch upon religion, it's almost a guarantee.

The short version of the letter is this: apparently everybody is entitled to their opinion, unless you are just positive that you are right and God is on your side... then, of course, everybody else is wrong and shouldn't have an opinion in the first place.

The long version is a little more complicated than that. I won't go into all the boring details, but suffice to say that movies like Sin City are destroying the moral principals God has handed down, and I shouldn't be attacking the MovieGuide.org ministry for doing God's work. Since sending a reply is undoubtedly useless, I'll just reply to her comments here for my own amusement.

Rosario as Gail

I suppose the first thing I should do is provide a disclaimer that I am not a theologian. I have studied numerous religious philosophies over the years (including Buddhist, Christian, Judaic, Islamic, Mormon, Hindu, and Shinto faiths), but am not a practitioner of any of them. As a matter of full disclosure, I should also mention that I find Buddhism closest to my religious "ideal" and endeavor to apply Buddhist teachings to my daily life (but do not consider myself a "true" Buddhist). All of my religion studies were undertaken because of my love of different peoples and cultures in the world, and an effort to understand my fellow humans a little better.

Given all of that, I can say that I understand the world's major religious philosophies quite well. What I will never understand is how people practice the religions they profess to subscribe to. I do not, for example, understand how so-called Christians feel justified in bombing an abortion clinic and killing a doctor who performs abortions when killing is a mortal sin according to The Bible, and judgment is for God alone to pass. I do not, as another example, understand so-called Muslims who would blow up a building with women and children inside when the Prophet Mohammed forbids such actions. I do not, as yet another example, understand so-called Buddhists who own a gun and eat meat when Buddhist precepts discourage such things.

Ultimately, I have decided that people do not live according to any religious doctrine, but instead live according to their INTERPRETATION of said religious doctrine.

So, as a matter of respect, I fully appreciate people's religious beliefs and their opinions and interpretations of the laws that their religion demands of them. But, on the other hand, this is America. The same freedoms that allow you to practice your religion also give me the freedom to watch a movie you consider to be abhorrent (like Sin City). So if you honestly believe that I don't have the right to enjoy a movie your religious interpretation says is wrong, then go f#@% yourself.

Now, addressing the matter of me "attacking" the MovieGuide.org "ministry" (or whatever), this is complete nonsense. I only wanted to notify them of an error in their review. For Christians who find it pleasing to know about offense content and a film's adhesion to a "Christian World View" before going to a movie, then I'm happy that MovieGuide.org exists to spell it out for you. That way, I don't have to listen to you bitch and complain while I'm trying to watch the film. I have no problem with the people over at MovieGuide.org (tightasses though they may be), and wish them the best of luck in stemming the tide of Godlessness in America... unless it results in the removal of movies I want to watch, in which case they can go f#@% themselves too.

My respect only goes so far as to extend to those who would respect my beliefs in kind.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "When two hunters go after the same prey, they usually end up shooting each other in the back... and we don't want to shoot each other in the back."
Yesterday's Answer: City Slickers (1991) with Billy Crystal and Jack Palance.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  6 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Erasure

Posted on Sunday, May 1st, 2005

Dave!After going through a mile of bubble-wrap to get all of the fabulous Blogiversary 2 prizes packed up (just waiting for the T-shirts!) I thought I would update my Mac G4 Cube to Tiger and watch a little TiVo and a couple of NetFlix DVDs.

First up was Shaolin Soccer, which kicks so much ass that you almost need a new genre of film to describe its ass-kicking proficiency. If you've ever wanted to know what would happen if a soccer game took place in The Matrix, then this film is your answer. Really cheesy dialogue also makes this one of the funniest films I've seen in a while. The DVD had both the shitty, butchered "American" version and the vastly superior "Chinese" original (with English subtitles).

Shaolin Soccer

Next was Erasure: Hits!, filled with incredibly bad videos that are so gay that even gay people must think "wow, those are some pretty gay videos!" I am really schizophrenic when it comes to the music I listen to. At home, in my car, and on my iPod are groups like Radiohead, System of a Down, Depeche Mode, Oasis, Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, and Pearl Jam. While at work, I am strictly synth-pop with groups like Erasure, New Order, Thompson Twins, Pet Shop Boys, and Moby (which is why my AudioScrobbler profile looks the way it does). Of all of them, Erasure is easily the undisputed queen of bubblegum synth.

Erasure

Sadly, not a single video in the entire Erasure canon is worth a crap (the low point is when both Andy and Vince are dressed in full drag as very ugly women singing Abba's "Take a Chance on Me"). It's really too bad given they are capable of such beautiful music... "You Surround Me," "Joan," "A Little Respect," "I Broke it All in Two" and so many more. Why can't their videos be as lyrical and beautiful as the songs they depict? Sad.

Lasty, I watched the two-part Enterprise episode: In A Mirror Darkly. It's where we get to have the boring Enterprise characters all evil and interesting (finally) because they're in the Star Trek "Mirror Universe." It's fun to see Archer gone all insane... but even more fun to see Hoshi as a power-crazed whore in a belly-shirt who will sleep with anybody to advance her career. Delicious. I also found it a bit touching to see T'Pol and the other aliens attempt a coup against the evil humans, knowing they would fail completely in order to maintain continuity with future Star Trek series. If the show were this good for the past four years, I might have actually bothered to watch it (and so would everybody else, which means UPN wouldn't have had to cancel it).

Which begs the question... why is it that Trek producers just don't understand what Star Trek fans want to see? We want action! LOTS AND LOTS of ACTION! Don't have characters sit around in decontamination chambers and talk for an hour straight... blow some shit up! The reason Captain Kirk was so cool was because in any given situation he would either fight with somebody, shoot somebody, or have sex with somebody. THAT'S IT!! That's all he did, and we loved it! But now all we get for action is people sitting around the bridge saying stupid shit like "let's re-route the EPS conduits" and then pressing a bunch of buttons so they could go back to boring talk again. Stupid. I have every last episode of the original Star Trek on DVD and watch them all the time. I don't own any of the other series, and usually won't be bothered to watch them for free on television either. Why? Because when I tune in to Star Trek I want to actually be entertained (and there wasn't much of that to be found in anything that followed the originals, except the movies #2, #4, #6, and #8). Please, if there is a god of science fiction television, let Paramount fire the dumbasses who have been running Star Trek into the ground for the past 20 years and get somebody who will actually entertain us with the next series.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "...and I hope the people of the United States of America will be able to sleep better knowing that women like us have guns."
Yesterday's Answer: The Black Hole (1979) with Robert Forster and Anthony Perkins.

And now for a few more MacOS X Tiger observations in an extended entry.

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

SerenityHD

Posted on Sunday, May 1st, 2005

Dave!One of the (many) things to love in the new MacOS X Tiger release is the new High Definition video codec that's built into QuickTime 7. The technical name for it is "H.264," whereas the "H" stands for "Holy crap this is amazing-looking video!" At first I had a little trouble with playing samples from Apple's HD Gallery, and assumed it was because my computer wasn't fast enough. But I think that might have just been because Spotlight was indexing in the background at the time... now it works great on my Dual 1.42GHz G4 Mac.

All the clips are amazing (and big!), but the movie trailer for "Serenity" is just jaw-dropping. I must have watched it a dozen times now. Each and every frame looks like a hi-res photograph instead of the blurry mess you get from regular video compression. Just look at the detail...

Serenity

Serenity

Every pore in her face... ever hair... is clearly visible. It's almost surreal. Now compare that to the previously released "large-sized" trailer...

Serenity

Incredible. It doesn't hurt that the movie looks like it's going to kick huge amounts of ass when it arrives on September 30th. I was not a real fan of the cancelled "Firefly" television show, but I will absolutely be going to the feature film sequel.

Right now, QuickTime 7 is only available for the Mac, but a Windows version is promised soon.

I so want a $10,000 HD video camera right now.

   

Crash

Posted on Saturday, May 14th, 2005

Dave!Just got back from seeing Crash, a film about nothing... and everything. I guess I'd describe it as a character study that's a commentary on racism and race relations in a way that's both enlightening and frightening at the same time. Every character has their flaws, and nobody is what they seem or what you'd expect. What's interesting is the way the lives of the people inhabiting this film keep intersecting in so many ways... sometimes lame, but most-times fascinating.

I loved it.

And it doesn't hurt that every single performance was flawless... Sandra Bullock's brief part is the best I've seen from her in years. Don Cheadle's here in yet another jaw-dropping performace. Thandie Newton looking beautiful as always. Matt Dillon proving again that he's moved far past his teen-idol status. Michael Pena in an Oscar-worthy role. And even rapper Ludacris shatters expectations. And that's just a fraction of this amazing ensemble that's almost too good to be true.

Crash Poster

It's refreshing to find that Hollywood is still occasionally giving us thought-provoking films to challenge us, rather than the spoon-fed cliches that are so predominant now. Life doesn't always turn out all wrapped up in a pretty bow... and movies shouldn't either.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Why are hurricanes named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild... and when they leave, they take your house and your car."
Yesterday's Answer: Airplane! (1980) with Robert Hays and Leslie Nielsen.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  0 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Utah Day 1: The Guide

Posted on Sunday, May 15th, 2005

Dave!Watched "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" today and have mixed feelings about it. I am a huge, huge Douglas Adams fan. I've read every one of his books and have met the man three times at readings he's done. On top of that, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one of my favorite books of all time. Given that kind of devotion to the material, I admit that I was biased against it going in. How could it possibly live up to what's been in my head for twenty years?

On one hand, it was an entertaining flick with absolutely perfect casting and beautiful effects (Shynola could have really dropped the ball in animating The Guide but shined instead). Compared to many movies out there, it's brilliant. On the other hand... well, compared to the actual book, it sucks. They made too many senseless changes that meandered off into distraction. If the changes improved the story for film, I wouldn't have objected... but the majority of the changes just didn't make sense. They didn't make the film funnier. They didn't make the story easier to follow. They didn't explain things for those unfamiliar with the books. They were changes for no reason I could see, and they would have been better off sticking to the source material. Why mess with perfection?

Guide Poster

For true fans, there were a few nice touches... like the original theme from the radio show that played when The Guide was opening up. The original "Marvin" from the television version standing in line at the Vogosphere. And Douglas Adam's head being the last object transformed into by The Heart of Gold (to name a few). It's not enough to make up for some gross errors, but it helps.

Complaints aside, I am glad I saw the film. As I mentioned, the casting is so good that I can never again read one of The Guide books without picturing characters and settings imagined here (except Zaphod's second head, which was stupidly handled in the film). All I can say is that if you see the film and haven't yet read the book... you really must. You can't not read it.

And while we are on the subject of Douglas Adams, his book Last Chance To See (about his quest to see endangered species around the globe before they disappear forever), is also worth a look. Funny and heartbreaking at the same time... all while being an incredibly important work as well.

One last thing. For the love of Zarquon... SUBWAY, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP PUTTING THAT f#@%ING TOOL JARED IN ALL YOUR LAME-ASS COMMERCIALS! Seriously, I don't give a crap if you are toasting your subs now... I will drive 20 minutes into Wenatchee so I can get a real toasted sub at Quiznos so long as you keep having that moron advertise your shit. Jared had a fat ass, ate some sandwiches, and lost weight... BIG f#@%ING DEAL, it doesn't make him any less annoying. All you're doing is pissing people off by keeping his dumb ass on television. And yes, I still want him dead... now more than ever.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
Yesterday's Answer: Traffic (2000) with Benicio Del Toro and Don Cheadle.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  10 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Utah Day 6: Kolob of the Sith

Posted on Friday, May 20th, 2005

Dave!Ah, my last day in beautiful Utah started out in Zion to watch the sun rise over the park. After that, it was all about heading North so I could get back to Salt Lake City. But, along the way, I decided to get the most out of my $20 Zion Entrance Fee and take a look at the Northwestern corner called "Kolob Canyons." It's pretty sweet, but going in the morning was a big mistake, because you have to look directly into the sun to see all the coolest scenery. That means photos are pretty much out of the question, though I did snag one that wasn't all glare...

Kolob

Once back in SLC, I decided to go watch Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith in a decent theater. After reading all the rave reviews, I was really, really looking forward to it. Well, now that I've seen it, I have one thing to say...

George Lucas should never be allowed to write or direct ever again.

Ever.

George Lucas sucks so much ass as a filmmaker NOW that I find it impossible to believe that he was responsible for films like American Graffiti and the original Star Wars THEN. He is an embarrassment to himself and his profession. His once brilliant talent has been pissed away to depths impossible to fathom twenty years ago.

Revenge of the Sith was indeed better than the first two prequels... but that wasn't hard to do. Both Episodes I and II were tragically bad. Horrendously, praying-for-death bad. Lucas had nowhere to go BUT up. That he managed to do so just shows he at least has the smarts to hire some very talented people to save his hack ass. In the grand scheme of the Star Wars universe, I'd probably rate them like this...

Star Wars Ranking

And before you decide to attack me because you think that Revenge of the Sith is the coolest movie you've ever seen... think about it for a second. What was so cool about it? The awesome space battles? The mind-blowing special effects? The stunning settings? The kick-ass light-saber fights? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But Lucas didn't do any of that shit. Industrial Light and Magic created all of that. Let's take a look at what Lucas WAS responsible for... horrible, cheesy dialog that is so bad that I was visibly wincing as phrases like "it is your love that makes me beautiful" stank up the screen. He's also responsible for getting crap performances out of otherwise incredible actors. Does he even bother to actually DIRECT his characters? You can tell they're trying, but there's simply too many scenes where they wander through like zombies spouting all that f#@%ed-up dialogue.

But what I loathe most of all is that Lucas excels at drawing you into these fantastic worlds, only to sabotage himself with stupid, unforgivable shit. A fantastic scenes of Wookies on the rampage has me totally engrossed... until it's f#@%ed up by a Wookie doing the "Tarzan yell" as he swings through the jungle. WTF?!? Congratulations you dumbass, you've just shattered the illusion you worked so hard to create. But it's nothing new... Lucas is ALWAYS destroying scenes with childish bullshit like burps and farts. He defends himself by saying that these movies are written for kids... but kids from WHEN? The 1960's when this kind of idiotic, juvenile behavior was actually funny? Now it's not just lame, it's stupid.

Despite all of that, I must admit to having a good time at the movie. If you can ignore the dialogue and acting, it's a Sci-Fi lover's dream come true to finally see the birth of Darth Vader... those epic space battles... all those geeky touches (was that the Millenium Falcon?)... it's the first movie since Empire Strikes Back that actually feels like Star Wars again. I just can't help but wonder how amazing this film could have been had Lucas done the right thing and passed the dialogue writing and directing to more capable hands.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "No... I am your father."
Yesterday's Answer: Charlie's Angels (2000) with Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore.
Categories: Movies 2005, Travel 2005Click To It: Permalink  18 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Awarded

Posted on Thursday, June 9th, 2005

Dave!I don't know about you, but I definitely plan on tuning in to the MTV Movie Awards tonight...

Alba Boobies

From the press photos for the event, it looks to be a bit more... uhhhh... exciting than The Oscars, I think.

Categories: Movies 2004Click To It: Permalink  18 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Ham

Posted on Saturday, June 11th, 2005

Dave!I went and saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith today, and it has to be the most entertaining movie I've seen this year. It also has the highest body count. Angelina Jolie was stunningly hot, and this was the first role since 12 Monkeys that Brad Pitt has done that I've enjoyed (a pleasant surprise). The only problem was the ending, which fell a little flat, but getting there was so good that I didn't much care. I am embarrassed to admit that I am secretly hoping for a sequel. I could watch Angelina Jolie blow stuff up and shoot people for hours. I could especially watch her shoot the dumbass behind me WHO MADE A MOBILE PHONE CALL DURING THE MOVIE!!

Whenever you think you've seen the ultimate depths of human rudeness, somebody comes along to prove you wrong. One day that idiot is going to end up with his mobile phone deeply impacted into his ass. That would rule.

My love and addiction for Kitty Spangles Solitaire is well documented. But Kitty and I drifted apart after I upgraded to MacOS X Tiger, because she refused to play anymore. I had forgotten about it, but then Swoop released a Kitty upgrade, so I wrote and got a working serial number and she's all better now. There's a few improvements in the new version. One option is that a pig comes out and tells you when there are no more moves...

The Pig!

It's great at first. You don't waste any time running through a deck when there's no cards you can play. But after a while, all I want to do is bake that little ham when he comes on and tells me I'm a loser. That's pretty drastic considering I'm a vegetarian...

Ham!

Mmmmmm... bacon!

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?"
Yesterday's Answer: American Pie (1999) with Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott.

   

Bats

Posted on Sunday, June 19th, 2005

Dave!It seems that every time I go to the movies, it ends up being more about the morons who are sitting around me than the film itself. When I went to see Batman Begins, this did not change.

Sitting two chairs beside me was a woman who wheeled in what I thought was a suitcase. But it wasn't luggage, it was an oxygen tank. Ordinarily, this would not be a problem, but it was a defective oxygen tank that kept making a "sssst - sssst - sssst" noise throughout most of the film. I was getting so angry that I was contemplating either beating her over the head with the tank, or strangling her with the surgical tubing. I have no problem with people who need oxygen to breathe, but come on! If you are going to a public venue, be sure you've got a tank that isn't going to annoy the crap out of people.

But tank-woman was nothing compared to the f#@%ing sack-licking dumbshit that sat two rows behind me. It wasn't the fact that the redneck asshat felt the need to constantly talk to his inbred cracker clan... IT WAS THE FACT THAT HE TALKED TO THEM VERY LOUDLY!! He was forever dropping pearls of insight like "THAT FALL WOULD KILL A NORMAL MAN" and HEH, HEH... HE HIT HIM IN THE FACE. IT WAS THE FACE!!!!" and, my personal favorite... HE'S ON FIRE! THAT MAKES HIM THE HUMAN TORCH! HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH!!!" People like this should not be allowed in public... let alone be allowed to breed. He's just propagating an entire generation of movie-talking white trash that should be wiped from the face of the planet. If I had the ability to set things on fire with my mind, he'd be crispy like a burnt marshmallow. And, after I tossed the oxygen tank on him, he'd be like a crispy-dead exploded marshmallow.

BatDave

Now, on to the movie. I don't really talk spoilers but, just in case you want to stay pure and haven't seen it yet, I'm putting my comments into an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  11 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Neverland

Posted on Sunday, July 24th, 2005

Dave!After toiling away at work until 3:00, I decided to take a break so I could watch the Oscar-nominated film Finding Neverland and eat some Cheesy Potato Quesadillas. Both the movie and the food were spectacular.

Finding Neverland is a shockingly good film of brilliant imagination that showcases just how amazing an actor Johnny Depp has become. His performance is the epitome of subtlety and nuance that few others can match. It's been a long road since 21 Jump Street...

Finding Neverland

Depp portrays J.M. Barrie, creator of Peter Pan, and the film shows the real-life inspirations that led him to write about the little boy who would never grow up. Of equal brilliance is the supporting cast which includes Kate Winslet, Dustin Hoffman, and four boys who are beyond gifted. I always marvel at how child actors can manage to pull it together, and this movie features some of the best I've seen in quite some time. Highly recommended.

Dave's Cheesy Potato Quesadillas.

  • Four Large Flour Tortillas
  • Grated Mix of Cheddar & Monterey Jack Cheeses
  • Southern-Style (Small Cubed) Potatoes
  • Taco Seasoning Mix
  • Black Olives
  • Green Onions (Scallions)
  • Your Favorite Brand of Salsa
  • Sour Cream

Heat 1/3 cup of cooking oil in a skillet and then add one pound (1/2 bag, if frozen) of Southern-Style (Small Cubed) Potatoes. Sprinkle with Taco Seasoning to taste. Cook until crispy and golden brown, then drain the oil and set aside over low heat.

Take a Large Flour Tortilla and lightly butter one side. Place into large skillet over medium heat (butter-side down). Sprinkle with potatoes and plenty of cheese, then add a spoonful of salsa with green onions and black olives to taste. Cook until cheese is starting to melt (don't over-cook!). Fold tortilla over in half with a spatula, then continue to cook until both sides are a nice golden brown.

Cut into thirds, then serve with Sour Cream and Salsa (if desired). Delicious!

After Finding Neverland, I took a look at Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, which was moderately entertaining. I've never read the books, but it seems as though they must all be the same story... Orphans get taken in by some freaky unknown fringe relative, then the evil Count Olaf comes along in disguise and tries to get them back so he can kill them and inherit the family fortune. I guess it's a formula that works, since the books are wildly successful, but it all seems a bit redundant to me.

Back to work...

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Even if you hadn't grown up a savage, you'd be lost... there are no trails through a woman's heart."
Yesterday's Answer: Clueless (1995) with Alicia Silverstone and Stacey Dash.
Categories: Food 2005, Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  6 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Engagement

Posted on Saturday, August 20th, 2005

Dave!I finally got around to watching Jean-Pierre Jeunet's Un long dimanche de fiançailles (A Very Long Engagement) starring the ever-radiant Audrey Tautou. I can't image the pressure of following up his previous success with Tautou (the incredible Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain), but Jeunet somehow managed to deliver.

Engagement takes place after World War I, as Mathilde (Tautou) begins a search for her fiance, who disappeared during the war. She's been told he is dead but feels that if he had died, she would somehow know it. And since his body hasn't been uncovered, she refuses to believe it. Her search takes her on a fascinating journey that uncovers secrets, lies, danger, and a mystery...

Tautou!

The pacing of the 2 hours and 13 minutes is deliberately slow but, because the story was so beautifully shot, I never minded a bit. In addition, there were stunning special effects woven into the visuals which means there is always something incredible to see. This being Jeunet there were other quirky treats along the way, including a cameo by Jodie Foster (speaking flawless French), that was just icing on the cake.

By the time the movie had ended I was ready to watch the entire film again. And, if I had another 2-1/2 hours to spare, I would have. I've never had a desire to learn French, but if Jeneut continues to crank out these masterpieces I may have to start. The temptation to watch his work without subtitles is simply too great.

As for Tautou, she is starring with Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code come next year, so at least there will be something nice to look at if they screw up the book adaptation.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "A woman without love wilts like a flower without sun."
Day-Before-Yesterday's Answer: The Punisher (2004) with Thomas Jane and John Travolta.
Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  5 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Newness

Posted on Wednesday, September 14th, 2005

Dave!NEW! Google Blogs. Google has released a search tool exclusively for blogs. I guess that makes it "Bloggle?" I'm not very impressed... at least not yet. The search results often look totally random, even when sorted by date. In addition, problems I have with other search services haven't been fixed with Google. For instance, when I search for my name, my own blog doesn't show up in the results. This is despite the fact that my name appears in the sidebar of every single page here. WTF?

NEW! Bankruptcy. Today both Delta and Northwest filed for bankruptcy (or, to make it sound pretty they are calling it "restructuring"). This is kind of sad, because if our major airlines start crapping out, it's going to be really interesting trying to go anywhere when you have to string together a bunch of uncoordinated hops on small carriers. United Airlines, who has gone through bankruptcy itself in 2002, shows that surviving is possible... but operating conditions are getting progressively difficult. My guess is that fares are finally going to start climbing to levels where people are not going to be able to afford it. This, in turn, will cause airlines to shrink or die. Entire tourism industries to fold. More people to lose jobs. We are trapped in a downward spiral and nobody seems to be trying to find a way out. I'd say this is a job for our government but, well, you know...

NEW! Hero Cards. I've received quite a few emails wanting to know how to make hero cards. Just in case anybody is serious, click here to download a ZIP archive with a blank card in both Adobe Illustrator and GIF format. The GIF blank requires you to add your own text... the Illustrator files have text in place. Have fun.

Supreme Pontiff

NEW! Television. I just realized that I'm going to be gone as most of the new television season is starting up. Even worse, my TiVo doesn't have room to record everything I'm wanting to see. Even worse than that, my TiVo appears to be dying and I can't find a dual-tuner replacement. And just when you think you can't get any worse, it's been revealed that TiVo is going to start allowing networks to limit how long you can store their shows and disallow you from transferring them to tapes or DVDs. As if TiVo couldn't suck any worse after having canceled their Mac version of TiVo2Go, now they are actively hostile towards their customers. Hopefully DirecTV will come up with another option soon, so I can drop TiVo and tell the dumbasses to bite me.

NEW! Transporter. I am a huge fan of the first The Transporter film. Jason Statham kicks major ass, and tears through a fight scene better than just about any white guy I've ever seen. And when you get down to it, fight scenes and killer car chases are what an action film is all about. It helped that the script was actually worth a crap, but I suppose I should have expected as much from Luc Besson. Keeping all this in mind, I was freaking out when The Transporter 2 was announced, and Statham and Besson were both back onboard. This time, the action has moved to Miami, and "Frank" is a hired as a fill-in driver for a powerful politician's son. But when the son is kidnapped, the plot grows a bit complicated, and more sinister motives are revealed. Is it as good as the first movie? Not even. There's too many slow moments that attempt some really forced drama, and a few of the stunts go way past the relm of believability. But, as far as action films go, it's still pretty good. If you were a fan of the original, it's worth a look just so long as you keep your expectations in check.

UPDATE: Bwaaaahh ha ha haaaah! Thanks Susie! I have no doubt that a bitch could kick my ass... it's been done too many times before...

Wonder Bitch

UPDATE: Now Patrick has a really cool card up! I think "1EE7 H4X0R" would make for a sweet battle against "Tube Dude" by hacking his nuclear-powered remote control!

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Transportation is a precise business."
Two-Days-Before-Yesterday's Answer: Superman II (198o) with Christopher Reeve and Gene Hackman.
Categories: DaveLife 2005, Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  9 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Heaven

Posted on Saturday, September 17th, 2005

Dave!Tonight I went to a showing of Just Like Heaven with some friends from work. I was the only guy in the theater. For a chick-flick, it was a pleasant surprise. Mainly due to stars Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo, who waltz their way through this romantic comedy almost effortlessly.

The story revolves around Ruffalo's character "David" who moves into an apartment only to discover that it is already occupied by Reese's character "Elizabeth." Problem is... she's a ghost... or is she?

Just Like Heaven

The first half of the film is a bit cliched, but entertaining. The last half a bit sappy, but also entertaining. So overall not such a bad flick, and the dialogue is fairly snappy which is always a plus. Even if you can see the ending coming from miles away, there's always Reese to look at, so some fumbling in the plot is excusable.

The title of the film, Just Like Heaven is from a song by The Cure. I was a bit upset when they opened the movie with some other singer interpreting the song in a very different way, but the Robert Smith original played over the closing credits, so I guess it's all good. What's not so good is that they have the song Brass in Pocket in the film which is not sung by Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders... instead they got somebody else to sing it just like Hynde which leaves me asking "what's the point?" Why not just use the original if you want it to sound the same? Probably a money thing, but whatever.

If they're looking for another song by The Cure to base a movie on... I suggest Fascination Street. That would be a sick bit of deliciously naughty cinema!

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  7 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Serenity

Posted on Saturday, October 8th, 2005

Dave!Me, my friend, and a theater packed with nerds were treated to Joss Whedon's genius in the form of Serenity, the movie sequel to the ill-fated cult-favorite television series Firefly.

But as the credits were rolling, I couldn't help but think about what could have been. NOT for Serenity, which I enjoyed quite a lot. NOT for Firefly which was cancelled because of network morons grossly mishandling the show. NOT for Joss Whedon, who abandoned the "Buffyverse" to try something new. But for Star Wars.

Yes, Star Wars.

Star Wars started out as total brilliance, and then escalated into one of the greatest science fiction films of all-time (and best sequels ever) with The Empire Strikes Back. It remains my undisputed favorite sci-fi film, and a total masterwork in the canon of filmmaking. But then George Lucas found out how much money there was to be made in toys and merchandising rights (of which he maintains 100% control), and Star Wars was flushed down the toilet.

No longer were the Star Wars sequels about the story. It was about everything except the story. It was about selling action figures and stuffed Ewok dolls (case in point: everybody knows what an Ewok is, even though they were never named in the film). By the time Return of the Jedi came along, serious sci-fi was shoved aside for burp and fart jokes to appeal to the kiddies. The prequels gave us even more fart jokes, and then descended into untold levels of suckage with cardboard characters so boring and annoying that they were the least interesting thing on the screen.

Star Wars became a joke of cosmic proportions, and only partially redeemed itself with Revenge of the Sith.

Enter Serenity...

Serenity River

So this is what a sequel looks like when the creator resists the temptation to sell out.

Whedon didn't introduce cutesy characters to sell toys. Whedon didn't dumb down the show to the lowest denominator so two-year-olds would be entertained. Whedon didn't destroy what he created for the sake of special effects. Everything that made the original Firefly series so compelling is right here in spades.

Unlike dumbass characters that typify the "new" Star Wars universe (exemplified by Jar Jar Binks) who you wish dead every minute they're on-screen, you actually care about the people whose story you are watching. You feel their pain and share in their triumphs. You relate. Serenity is all about the characters, and everything else takes a back seat... just as it should be. Sure it makes for a slower pace, but by the end of the film you're totally absorbed in a world that's not your own.

That's not to say that there aren't problems. The film is unevenly balanced in parts, clumsily shifting between action and drama that accentuates its television heritage, but it never self-destructs as it so easily could. Trademark Whedon humor and witty dialogue drive the story forward through the rough patches, and easily make up for any shortcomings.

The story revolves around killing-machine savant River Tam, and the mystery of why "The Alliance" is so desperate to reclaim her. Along the way there are kick-ass fight scenes, stellar special effects, and more than a little dose of tragedy. I enjoyed it all, even if my favorite character had to suffer for it (proving once again that Whedon knows just what buttons to push to involve the viewer).

I'm not convinced that a 2-hour movie is the best format for Whedon's talent... he needs time to develop his stories that he just doesn't get here. But he did the best he could with what he was given and wraps things up in a way that won't disappoint the fans. I can only hope that between the box office and DVD sales, Serenity makes enough money that the dumbass network execs second-guess their decision to cancel Firefly.

And if there were any justice, the show would return in a new television series in better hands than those at Fox who worked so hard to make it fail the last time.

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  8 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Ketchup

Posted on Friday, October 28th, 2005

Dave!Returning home from back-to-back travels is never a good thing. Not only has work piled up while you were gone, but your TiVo ends up so packed with television shows to watch that you have to wonder if you will ever manage to work your way free.

Fortunately, there are only two shows I can't live without, and all the rest I am pretty much skimming through, so it's not as bad as it could be. Good thing, because I don't have the time for television right now...

Veronica Mars

Sigh. When a television genius like Joss Whedon says that Veronica Mars is the best TV show ever you would think that people would want to watch it. The fact that this is a true statement makes you think that people would be dying to watch it. Every episode is so tightly written and so brilliantly acted that the show seems to redeem television all on its own. Sadly, despite all of this (or, knowing American viewing habits, IN spite of this), the show will be lucky to last out its second season.

What is wrong with you people?

Last season was excellent from start to finish, and the last few episodes had jaw-dropping moments so profound that I wanted to have Rob Thomas' baby (he's the guy who created the show). This year, Veronica has shown no signs of slowing down and the episodes have been as amazing as ever. If you think this is just another high school angst crapfest, you couldn't be more wrong. It's a brilliant detective drama/comedy that's the one of the most clever and intelligent series ever to air on network television. It's only been five episodes and already we've had a tragic bus crash, a cameo appearance by Kevin Smith, Charisma Carpenter in a bikini, Steve Guttenberg, and Veronica is being her usual self... destroying powerful people and solving mysteries that Jessica Fletcher wouldn't have the balls to face. If you are missing Veronica Mars, you are missing life. The first season is out on DVD now, so there are no excuses.

Wanda Sykes!

Speaking of Kevin Smith, he's got a blog running for the filming of Clerks 2 and a spoiler images he's provided shows that one of the funniest people on the planet, Wanda Sykes, will be making an appearance. This woman is so funny that I actually sat through the movie Monster-in-Law (starring, heaven help us, Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez) because Sykes was in it. I am trying really, really hard not to get overly-psyched for Clerks 2, but I absolutely cannot wait to see what crazy stuff Smith is going to do with the "Jersey Trilogy" this time.

Grey's Anatomy

After Veronica Mars, the best show going has to be Grey's Anatomy (Sundays at 10pm, ABC). The medical drama part is better than ER, the comedy part is sheer writing genius, the eye candy is sweet (in the form of Katherine Heigl and Sandra Oh), and it has my favorite character on television (George). This show could have failed so easily because the dialogue doesn't really impress on the page, but the cast somehow makes every line sparkle. Who could guess that a simple exchange like this could be the funniest thing on television all week...

Izzy: "Way to go George!"
George: "I have my finger in a heart."
Izzy: "Very cool!"

It's just so flat when you see it in print, but when performed by Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight it totally kills. I have no idea how they can keep things going so well for more than a couple of seasons, but I sure hope they manage it. Veronica doesn't have the ratings (a scary 2.5) to run much longer, but Grey's is a hit (a stellar 12.2) and can have a nice long run if they keep things interesting enough.

Mr. Sulu

And speaking of stellar, Mr. Sulu has just come out of the closet and announced he's gay. Well, not really Mr. Sulu... he's married and has a daughter just out of Starfleet Academy... but the guy who plays him, George Takei. This got me to wondering why we haven't yet seen a gay character in Star Trek. I mean, in the Star Trek future everybody is supposed to be so advanced and tolerant of alternative lifestyles (you'd have to be with aliens walking around), yet it seems that anything not hetero has been jettisoned into space. It's all kind of bizarre when you stop and think about it. For the next Star Trek series, why not toss in a couple of hot alien lesbians and see if that affects ratings any. Nothing makes a sci-fi geek happier than hot alien lesbians.

And, since there is no better way to end a post than by talking about hot alien lesbians, I guess there's no point blathering on any further.

   

Violence

Posted on Saturday, October 29th, 2005

Dave!Watching A History of Violence is an exercise in patience that is rewarded with some terrific performances. Surprisingly, a big part of that is unexpected talent from Lord of the Rings vet Viggo Mortensen. I've seen him in miscellaneous movies, but usually in throw-away roles requiring zero acting ability. This time around he turns in a carefully crafted performance of measured subtlety that salvages an otherwise predictable film.

Oh yeah... there's also nifty left-field roles for Ed Harris (spooky!) and William Hurt (12 shades of crazy!).

As the title suggests, there are moments of gross-out violence that are only partially gratuitous. I suppose you could argue they are necessary to put the characters into context, but I'm not quite convinced. I thought the movie Crash had more to say, but A History of Violence is still noteworthy. The story revolves around an apparently meek and mild diner owner who has a shocking and violent run-in with armed robbers. Once he becomes a local hero things start to escalate out of control. The plot-holes and completely unrealistic ending aside, it's worth a look when it hits video.

Speaking of violence... people who can't shut the f#@% up during a movie shouldn't go to movies in the first place. One of these days I'm going to be sitting in front of a rude talker and they're going to end up DEAD DEAD DEAD!! If I would have killed the dumbass, I wonder if he could appreciate the irony of dying during a film with "violence" in the title? I sincerely doubt it.

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  4 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Kong

Posted on Friday, November 4th, 2005

Dave!After Peter Jackson finished up the Lord of the Rings trilogy, my hopes were high that he would finally get the movie rights sorted out so that The Hobbit could be made and the story would be complete. Instead he decided to remake King Kong.

This isn't really unexpected... if you've just finished a trilogy of box-office blockbusters, you can pretty much do whatever you want. King Kong was a dream project for Jackson, and he decided to go for the brass ring. I must admit, the idea of seeing Kong unleashed with today's special effect capabilities and a decent script adaptation is certainly compelling (it will help to erase the memory of the Jessica Lange remake crapfest from the 70's).

From the looks of the delicious new hi-def trailer up at Apple, not only did Jackson do a sweet job of capturing the spirit of the original, but he is composing the film to take full advantage of wide-screen, which should make for a mind-blowing movie experience come December 14...

King Kong

King Kong

King Kong

King Kong

King Kong

King Kong

King Kong

Sweet!

I still want to see The Hobbit though. Unfortunately, Jackson's directing The Lovely Bones next, so I have no idea if that will ever happen.

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  13 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Funny

Posted on Monday, December 12th, 2005

Dave!I am sick.

And I have gone totally gay over Ryan Reynolds.

It's entirely possible that I am sick because I've gone totally gay over Ryan Reynolds, but I'm pretty sure it was the crappy dinner I ate. And when I say "crappy" I don't mean that there was literally crap in it, but that it tasted terrible. And now my stomach aches and I've got cramps so bad that it feels like my intestines are trying to claw their way out of my torso.

HEY! You don't think that there actually WAS crap in my food do you?!? Because that would certainly explain a lot.

It's no fun being sick, but it's even worse when you are far from home...

Davesick

Anyway, before the gastronomical disaster that was my dinner tonight, I went to go see the movie Aeon Flux. But Aeon Flux was sold out until midnight, so I decided to go see Just Friends starring Ryan Reynolds. It was not a good movie. It was, in fact, a pretty bad movie. It was cliched and slapsticky and there was too much time between genuinely funny moments. In the end, I think it had potential to be a good movie, except the pacing was all off and it wasn't charming enough to make for good romantic comedy.

But I ended up liking the film anyway.

And it's all because of Ryan Reynolds. The guy is hysterical funny...

Ryanreynolds

I first remember seeing him in Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place, but he eventually worked his way up to starring roles in Van Wilder, Blade Trinity, The Amityville Horror remake, and now Just Friends. None of these films were anything remarkable, but I think Ryan Reynolds was entertaining in all of them (how can you not love "Berg" from Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place?). I can only guess that it's because he's an astoundingly talented actor and a genuinely funny guy...

...or because I find him totally hot.

When I get that all figured out, I'll be sure you let you know. In the meanwhile, I think I need to go puke my guts out.

CHAPTER 12: Christmas, Bloody Christmas..
LEGO ADVENT CALENDAR TOY OF THE DAY: Crossing Guard with Traffic Paddle.
   
Lego Dave and his faithful companion Barky the Dog are rushing the brave construction worker to the hospital, but the evil Lego Buzz has caught up to them...
   
"NOW YOU CAN ALL DIIIIIIE!" screams Lego Buzz, his eyes filled with hate.
   
"Don't stop!" yells the construction worker. "Smash through the barrier and run him down!"
"Bark! Bark!" agrees Barky the Dog.
   
Lego Dave grits his teeth and charges forward, busting through the barrier and knocking Lego Buzz on his ass. The resulting crash tips over the wheelbarrow, and everybody goes tumbling to the ground.
   
"Hey!" yells a crossing guard running up to the scene of the crash. "You can't run a construction barrier! That's illegal! I'm going to have to write you a ticket!"
   
Then, out of nowhere, Lego Buzz appears... "TICKET THIS!!" he yells and he plunges his rotary saw into the crossing guard's stomach. "WAAH HA HA HA HAAAAHHH!"
Lego Holiday Twelve
"Dude!" exclaims Lego Dave.
"Bark! Bark!" frets Barky the Dog.
   
"AND NOW YOU'RE NEXT! ALL OF YOU!" screeches Lego Buzz, clearly out of his mind. "BWAH HA HA HAAAAH!"
   
Has time finally run out for our heroes?
   
FIND OUT TOMORROW WHEN DAVE'S "A VERY LEGO HOLIDAY TALE" CONTINUES!

Categories: LEGO, Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink  19 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Geisha

Posted on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006

Dave!Despite working my guts out over the holiday weekend, I still made time to go see Memoirs of a Geisha at the movies. As a Japanophile, it was an absolute necessity.

But make no mistake that I wanted to see the movie because I was a fan of the book... nothing could be further from the truth. I positively despise the book Memoirs of a Geisha on which the movie is based. It is a highly fictionalized crap-fest that shits all over the secret "flower and willow world" of the geisha and is an insult to Japanese culture on several levels. I am positively horrified that the book is the big success that it is, because it propagates stereotypes and false information that go against everything geisha are supposed to be about.

No, I went to see the movie because I am a mega-huge fan of Michelle Yeoh. And also the incomparable Ziyi Zhang, who I fell in love with ever since watching the sublime Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon...

Ziyi Zhang Geisha

Ziyi Zhang Geisha

But here's the problem. Neither Michelle Yeoh or Ziyi Zhang are Japanese.

Sure their performances weren't terrible, but they should have never been cast in the first place. They were hired for the job solely because they have name recognition (no matter how vague here in the US) and because Western audiences won't know or care that they aren't Japanese. They look "Asian" and that, apparently, was enough.

Unless you appreciate Japanese culture, in which case they are about as Japanese as I am. Seriously, I could have been cast as the geisha, and it would have been just as "authentic"...

Dave Geisha

Anyway...

The word "geisha" literally means "arts person" in Japanese. Geisha are not prostitutes, as most Westerners would think, but living, breathing, moving, works of exquisitely beautiful art. Sex never enters the picture (which is not to say that geisha don't have sex, it's just that they do not have sex as geisha, which is a big difference). Geisha are highly trained from a young age to sing, dance, play instruments, compose poetry, facilitate conversation, and dozens of other art forms... like gracefully pouring tea and making ikebana (interpretive Japanese flower arrangements). They are entertainers of the highest caliber, and respected artists both in action and appearance.

Which is why the movie and book sucks ass. in order to appeal to the tawdry nature of Americans, everything is infused with sex. You've got geishas having sex (in their okiya!)... geishas selling their virginity... geishas having their clothes ripped off... all these ridiculous things which are included solely to sell books and movie tickets. Obviously I can't say that these things never happened to a geisha in real-life, but they are in no way indicative of what geisha represent, and it saddens me to think that this is the image Westerners will have of them. I mean, sure it's one-step above the prostitutes that most people have in mind now, but not much of one.

Putting the true nature of geisha and reality aside, the film still fails in my opinion. It was beautifully shot with capable actors, but that doesn't compensate for the uneven pacing that's paired with a poor (and somewhat pedophile-freaky) story. Unlike The Last Samurai, which I was able to buy into as fanciful Japanese fiction, Memoirs of a Geisha never managed to absorb me. Too many flaws kept getting in the way.

   

Entertainment

Posted on Wednesday, January 18th, 2006

Dave!I had to work every waking minute today. No blog for you!

Well, okay... maybe a little blog for you since Veronica Mars is yet another rerun tonight.

Time for Dave's Entertainment Minute...

Davehollywood

Scrubbed! Holy crap! Scrubs used to be one of the most brilliant shows on television. A show you could count on for smart comedy tempered with poignant moments of human drama. But then the new season happened, and all of a sudden it sucks ass... hard. Gone are the wonderful story threads that weave together beautifully every episode. Instead it's just a patchwork mess of sloppy gags that aren't even funny. The back-to-back episodes I just watched off the TiVo were a complete embarrassment to this once-great show. Please, just cancel it now while people still have good Scrubs memories.

Carter! Little Aaron Carter has just released Come Get It: The Very Best of Aaron Carter, which is a greatest hits collection for an artist who has no actual hits. Ordinarily, I wouldn't care. But I ran across the user comments on the iTunes Music Store and laughed my ass off. Over 300 reviews that include such gems as "If crap had a soundtrack, it would be this" and "A disgrace to music. William Hung is 10 times better than Aaron" and "There is no God" and "The Geneva Convention considers it a war crime to listen to this album". I wish I had the guts to actually buy it.

Oh! By some miracle, the self-congratulating Golden Globes wank-fest actually gave out an award that was deserved... the brutally hot Sandra Oh won Best Supporting Actress for her work on Grey's Anatomy. Sweet.

Super! The more information that gets released from the upcoming Superman Returns motion picture, the more anxious I am to see it. While I love the original Superman and Superman II films, the idea of seeing a Superman treatment with modern special effects is just too good. And now I have to wonder... they've finally got momentum going with DC Comics two most notable franchises... Superman and Batman. Who do I have to blow in order to make every comic book lover's dream come true: a Superman & Batman movie? And once Joss Whedon gets his Wonder Woman flick off the ground, how cool would a Superman & Wonder Woman movie be?

Underwhelm! The original Underworld movie was laughably bad. But what's even worse is that I will be lining up at the theater to see the sequel: Underworld Evolution for the sole purpose of seeing Kate Beckinsale run around in tight latex blowing shit up. High entertainment value with no actual entertainment... it's a conundrum of movie physics that compels me.

Not! Ouch. After airing only a single episode, Heather Graham's new sitcom Emily's Reasons Why Not has been canned, and all production has stopped. Given the millions of dollars that ABC pumped into advertising the show, I am experiencing a moment of perverse pleasure. This is the crappy network who cancelled the greatest show ever to air on television (Jeremy Piven's Cupid) after doing everything they could to sabotage it. Suck it ABC dumbasses! You so totally deserve it.

Back to work I go.

   

Apeshit

Posted on Friday, January 20th, 2006

Dave!Sigh. Nothing like a dead laptop battery to ruin your day. I wrote this entry at 5:30am with the intention of posting it on my lunch hour. But then my battery ended up being totally dead, so I had to wait until I got home to the sweet embrace of my power adapter at 10:30pm.

And that's a real shame, because now I'm going to feel the need to proofread it. So an entry that took me 15 minutes to write and draw this morning will now be picked apart for two hours. It seems that once I start proofreading I have no idea how to stop myself. Worst of all, the proofreading isn't going to do anything to fix my crappy writing skills. If anything, I'll probably make things worse.

You've been warned.

Anyway...

It seems that Hollywood is just going apeshit over monkeys.

Everywhere you turn, there's monkeys. Monkeys in movies. Monkeys on television. Monkeys in advertisements. Monkeys everywhere. It's a monkey renaissance.

And that's cool because it means that Bad Monkey can get work in porn remakes! You know how they take a movie like Free Willy and remake it as a porn flick called Free THE Willy... or Under the Tuscan Sun becomes a porno called Under the Tuscan BUNS or something like that. It's all good harmless X-rated fun! Like this...

King Kong

Here we take King Kong, add Bad Monkey, and the porno remake could become...

King Dong

An instant classic! Here's another...

Curious George

We remake the upcoming Curious George animated film, add Bad Monkey, and it could become...

Bi-Curious George

And I'm sure that something porn-tastic could be made from Grandma's Boy which has a monkey in a starring role, or even the new CBS show Love Monkey which doesn't have any monkeys, but probably should because it's totally confusing otherwise...

Monkey Show

See? The possibilities are endless! Sadly, some of the best monkey porn titles are already taken by regular movies. Iron Monkey? Ha ha ha. Monkeybone? BWAH HA HA HAAAAAH!

So bring on the primates.

Bad Monkey could use the cash, and I'd be happy to have him throwing his feces on somebody else's walls for a change.

BLOGOGRAPHY FLASHBACK ENTRY: Banana
BLOGDATE: May 11, 2005
   
In which Dave learns how to peel a banana from a monkey while avoiding Thai hookers.
Click here to go back in time...

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  9 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Broke

Posted on Friday, January 27th, 2006

Dave!Here is my one word review of Brokeback Mountain from last night...

Borrrrrrrrrrring.

It was boring. Beyond boring. The cowboy love story was not enough of a story, and everything in-between was so mind-numbingly, coma-inducing, kill-me-now, BORING that I found myself counting ceiling tiles. Yes the cinematography was first rate and the scenery was pretty... but that doesn't excuse this long, drawn-out, snore-fest of a film. I remain positively dumbfounded that Brokeback Mountain is getting such critical acclaim. Between Heath Ledger mumbling every word of his incomprehensible dialogue and having to sit through long stretches of NOTHING, I can honestly say that this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

I never thought I would find myself looking forward to watching some hot man-on-man action but, since that was the only action to be found, there was nothing else to do. The story tried to show how society was so unforgiving of their love that they had no choice but to enter into straight marriages that neither were happy in. But the result was cliched and felt tacked on... as if stereotypical screaming babies and an unapproving father-in-law were supposed to be some kind of excuse for them to keep having feelings for each other. In the end, the wives who were being cheated on for the sake of forbidden romance were the more sympathetic characters. I always felt that Ennis and Jack's marriages should have been a sad result of something both wanted but weren't brave enough to have... but this didn't come across in the film. At least not to me.

On a more positive note, I'll bet the porn remakes are going to be entertaining...

Bareback Monkey

The thing that surprised me most was not the actual movie, but that there were so many people there to watch it. Despite this being 2006, I live in a somewhat redneck area of Central Washington. To have a fairly good-sized audience of mostly older people at a 4:45 showing is remarkable. I can only hope that this indicates society is becoming more accepting of gay cowboys having sex. It would be nice to live in a world where consenting adults can have love and happiness wherever they are lucky enough to find it, and not have to worry about being judged or killed for it.

Overheard in the parking lot after the movie was over: "I nearly choked on my popcorn when that boy took that other fella from behind like that... heh heh heh, homos!"

Errr, well... maybe there's a ways to go yet, but at least the guy had a mind open enough to go watch a Western where the cowboys had been all homosexualized by the homosexualizations of those homosexualizers in Hollywood. That's a start.

Anyway, the night wasn't a total loss. Thanks to Michelle leaving me a hot tip in a comment, I was able to drop by Safeway and pick up a couple boxes of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch cereal for the bargain price of 2 for $5... score!

I wish I could quit you, Captain Crunch.

   

Colored

Posted on Monday, February 27th, 2006

Dave!Just as I was finishing this catch-all Monday entry, Yellow by Coldplay hit on my iPod, and I suddenly realized that there was a freaky color-theme running through all my bullet points. Funny how that happens...

Grey: In what has to be one of the best shows currently showing on television (now that Veronica Mars has seemingly vanished), Grey's Anatomy continues to surprise me. The SuperBowl two-parter was mind-blowing. Last week's follow-up was classic. And, even though last night's show was kind of slow and boring, I still find myself completely absorbed by it. Unlike crap-fests such as Lost which drags shit on forever with no resolution, Grey's never fails to plunge forward into new territory. You may not like where it goes, but you will always be entertained. Isn't that what television is all about?

Greysmontage

Purple, Green, & Gold: Oh how I wish I was in New Orleans right now for Mardi Gras.

Black: Balancing pain and nausea makes you pretty much useless for anything more difficult than watching television. But, other than the aforementioned Grey's Anatomy, the most interesting thing on television was a commercial for the new video game called Black, which focuses on one thing only: blowing shit up. Beautifully. That's all you do. You go from one location to another and blow... shit... up. It's got to be the most brilliant idea for a game ever, because they've cut out all the boring crap that you usually have to sit through to get to the good part. Which is, of course, to blow shit up. My copy is on pre-order, and ships tomorrow...

Xbox Black

Brown: The current round of ads featuring Jay Mohr as a talent agent for Diet Pepsi are the most incredibly stupid ads I've seen in a long time. I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised that Jay Mohr is whoring himself out for something so outrageously asinine... what else has he got to do? But Jackie Chan and P. Diddy? Pepsi must be paying them a shit-load of bank in order for them to ignore how idiotic they look in these spots. P. Diddy's is especially embarrassing, considering he cuts a new hit single with a can of Diet Pepsi called "Brown & Bubbly". Seriously, "Brown & Bubbly". I am still trying to decide if it is more embarrassing to be starring in this crap... or to be responsible for coming up with the idea in the first place. Pepsi... it's past time for a new ad agency.

Violet: Around seven years ago, there was a brilliant British television mini series called Ultraviolet that shows what happens when a cop played by Jack Davenport ("Steve" from Coupling) accidentally gets wrapped up in the world of "Code V's" which is a clever way of saying "vampires". I keep waiting for it to be released on DVD in the US, but nothing ever comes. Instead, now we have another Ultraviolet entirely, but this time it's a movie starring Milla Jovovitch. She's playing a "Hemophage" which is yet another clever way of saying "vampires", or so I am guessing. All I do know is that Milla kicks total ass, and I can't wait to see it. Please, please be better than the ridiculous Underworld...

Ultraviolet

Blue: I just learned that Octavia E. Butler, a prominent Seattle science fiction writer who created some truly amazing works, died this weekend. If you want to give her stuff a try, I recommend the critically acclaimed Wild Seed, a tale of two immortal beings that's a magical read and hard to put down. Truly a great loss to sci-fi fans, and a reason to be blue this Monday.

Lime: Still depressed that Coke with Lime is disappearing from store shelves, but Mooselet was kind enough to pass along a tasty reminder of the greatness that once was (only in Australia, alas). It's the "Coke with Lime Girls"...

Coke with Lime Girls

Hmmm... since kidney stones are still plaguing me, let's see how well I manage at work today while totally drugged up...

   

Vendetta

Posted on Saturday, March 18th, 2006

Dave!As a big fan of the original graphic novel by Alan Moore and David Lloyd, I was very nervous about V for Vendetta being turned into a movie. After all, Moore's previous works League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and From Hell were positively butchered in the translation to film, and the odds of V bucking this trend seemed unlikely.

As it turned out, the result wasn't half bad. Sure several characters and events were changed, but I think the Wachowski Brothers did capture a bit of what made the original story so great...

V for Vendetta

The problem is that the context of the book when I first read it fifteen years ago was very different than now. Back then, the Orwellian world in the story echoed a possible future... today it seems to be a likely future. Because of that, the movie seems like a clumsy attempt at socio-political commentary instead of the elegant revelation it was when Moore wrote it.

In any event, this tale of an oppressed future society and its masked terrorist liberator is still worth a look as a film or, better yet, even more amazing if read from the book as it was originally intended.

Then you can be V too...

Dave for Vendetta

...and understand why the ending of the book is SO much cooler than what's in the movie.

   

Unwritten

Posted on Sunday, April 16th, 2006

Dave!Well, The Lost Blogs Grassroots Blogger Marketing Campaign is now over, and I am exhausted. On top of having to write two entries every day, I also made daily rounds of the 40 blogs that were participating, which left little time for anything else. I have 63 non-spam emails in my in-box. I have hundreds of entries from the 224 web feeds I subscribe to that need to be read. A big chunk of my Easter Sunday is going to be spent in bed with my PowerBook just trying to get caught up.

But it was all worth it. I had a great time, and there were some very interesting reads among the participants. In fact, I dare say that I did not find a single one that didn't entertain or educate me in some way. On top of all that, lounging around in bed reading email and blogs isn't the worst way to spend the day.

And speaking of a good way to spend time, I went to see the film Thank You for Smoking and enjoyed it immensely...

Aaron Eckhart Thank You for Smoking

This is not a movie for everybody, but I was completely hooked in the opening minutes and was laughing out loud more than once during the film. The story revolves around Nick Naylor who is a lobbyist for big tobacco, and spends his days defending the right of people everywhere to smoke and get cancer. And though the movie features great guest spots by William H. Macy, Rob Lowe, and many others... the really interesting stuff happens when Nick is with his son. That's where you get to understand why Nick is the way he is and how he is able to do the things he does. It's in these moments that a one-note story with only superficial satire becomes a brilliant commentary on the human condition.

Most of the praise for how much I liked this movie can be placed on Aaron Eckhart, who's portrayal of Nick was note-perfect in every scene. He approaches each new situation with an almost child-like sense of wonder that never for a moment has you disliking the character despite the "morally flexibility" in things he does. Eckhart has a scene where Nick gets to fly on a private jet for the first time. Even though the scene itself does absolutely nothing to progress the story, Eckhart speaks volumes for his character in the way he reacts to this new environment. Just one of many magical moments that make Thank You for Smoking one of the best films I've seen in quite a while.

And, while I am on the subject of Aaron Eckhart, can I just say it's amazing how he can completely change from movie to movie? He's like a chameleon who has me struggling to see him as anything except the character he's being at the moment. From In The Company of Men to Erin Brockovich to Nurse Betty to Suspect Zero... he somehow manages to elevate even crappy films like Paycheck and The Core to watchable fare. I can't wait to see what he does next.

In other good news, James Bow was kind enough to send me a review copy of his new book The Unwritten Girl...

Unwritten Girl

Because of how much stuff I've got going on, I had thought I would just read a chapter or two so I could say something about the story here, then read the rest once I got caught up with everything.

But one chapter led to another, and I didn't stop until I had read the whole thing (and once you've read the book, you'll understand why that's kind of ironic!).

The Unwritten Girl is a terrific fantasy-adventure read that's categorized as "Young-Adult Fiction" but, like Harry Potter, can easily be enjoyed by anyone. It tells the story of a young girl named Rosemary whose brother (literally) becomes lost in a book, and it's up to her and a friend named Peter to try and rescue him. What follows is a clever blend of fantasy and reality that kept me turning pages until the very end.

One of the things that I enjoy about James' writing is how his character dialogue seems so natural. I had mentioned once how envious I was that it was so easy for him to create such "real" people, only to have him assure me that he works very hard to get it right. This makes me feel better about how difficult I find it to write good dialogue, but now I can't help but wonder if he was just saying that to make me feel better. The Unwritten Girl certainly makes it seem effortless! In any event, congratulation James for a job well done, and I am looking forward to your next book!

Categories: Books, Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  13 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Blogiversary III… WATCH with DAVE!

Posted on Friday, April 21st, 2006

Dave!TODAYS'S PRIZES: $290 worth of DVDs (and stuff)!

  SORRY! THIS DRAWING IS NOW CLOSED! No new entries are being accepted.  

Coming up with prizes for a blogiversary celebration is a difficult task. Not only do you run the risk of picking out stuff that people don't want, but you have to make your prize world-friendly. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. Last year I did a food entry, and found out export of food items is prohibited to many countries. Books are heavy, so shipping is expensive. And when it comes to videos... well, that's the toughest of all. DVDs are "region encoded", which mean that they don't play outside of the area you bought them. Last year, I thought I would fix this by including both a DVD and a VHS videotape for each movie. Little did I know, this was even more stupid, because video formats are different around the world too. Apparently there's no real solution.

So unfortunately, if you live outside of "Region 1" (the USA and Canada), you won't be able to watch any of today's prize-winning DVDs unless you have a "region-free" DVD player. Sorry, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. Please keep all this in mind if you live outside the USA and Canada and decide to enter. Though, I must say, this collection of brilliant video may well be worth tracking down a region-free player to watch...

B3 Watch Dave

Sweet! And away we go...

TODAY'S $200 "WATCH WITH DAVE" GRAND PRIZE INCLUDES...
   
B3 ShirtBlogography T-Shirt
Even the best movie or television show pales in comparison to how cool you are when wearing a sweet Blogography T-shirt! Artfully silk-screened by hand on high-quality Hanes Beefy-T shirts, these Blogography-inspired masterpieces are comfortable, durable, and are guaranteed to make you the best-dressed person in the room... Dave not included! (Value: $14.95 to $16.95)
   
B3 Veronica MarsVeronica Mars: The Complete First Season
Yeah, big surprise considering I feel Veronica Mars is the best show on television. Period. The only show I've ever enjoyed more was another Rob Thomas creation, Jeremy Piven's Cupid. And to think I almost passed it up because I had thought it was going to be yet another high school drama crapfest. But NOOOOoooo! Veronica Mars is smart, funny, brilliant television with the best mysteries of any show yet seen. Veronica is a typical student at uber-posh Neptune High, until the murder of her best friend turns her world upside down. Now she helps her father run a private investigation office, all while helping her friends at school, and always trying to solve the biggest mystery of all: who killed Lilly Kane? Every episode is a piece of a bigger puzzle, with the ultimate solution so good that you'll be compelled to watch every episode all over again top spot the clues you missed. Highest possible recommendation. (Value: $49.95)
   
B3 WonderfallsWonderfalls: The Complete Series
As if to prove that ABC isn't the only television network that can destroy a brilliant television show with incompetent scheduling and marketing... FOX decided to screw one of the freshest, most interesting show they've ever had: Wonderfalls. Jaye Tyler is uninspired and going nowhere in life. She passes her time by working in a gift shop at Niagara Falls and avoiding meaningful interaction with people at all costs. But when inanimate objects start speaking to her, she's forced to get involved with not only her family, but complete strangers as well. Featuring funny, biting humor that's anchored by an amazing cast, Wonderfalls is must-see television that very few people got to see. (Value $39.95)
   
B3 South ParkSouth Park: The Complete Second Season
South Park is one of those shows you either love or hate. You either appreciate it as some of the smartest, guttiest, satire of pop culture ever created... or condemn it as a crappily-animated cartoon with four foul-mouthed kids that should be banned from the air. Me? I love it for both reasons! The second season of South Park is probably one of my most favorite, mostly because it contains an episode devoted entirely to Terrance & Philip, who are probably my favorite animated characters ever. Sure this isn't a show for everybody, but if you can get past the potty humor, foul language, and sometimes disgusting antics... it remains brilliant commentary on just about everything going on in the world today. (Value: $49.95)
   
B3 Cinema ParadisoCinema Paradiso: The Director's Expanded Edition
I can't stand romance movies. They're all so lame and cliched... with sappy dialogue and often totally unrealistic premises. Only rarely do I ever see a romance film that's worth a crap, and most of the time it's because they have something else to offer. And most of those films are foreign (Amelie, A Very Long Engagement, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon being excellent examples). And so we come to Cinema Paradiso. This film tells the story of Toto, a young boy growing up in a small village in war-torn Italy. With his father gone, Toto turns to the projectionist at the local theater for guidance. He quickly develops a love for movies, which become the driving passion in his life. But as Toto grows up, he finds that movies don't have all the answers when it comes to love and life. Easily one of my favorite films of all time, Cimena Paradiso is a rare movie romance that works on every possible level. The DVD contains TWO versions of the film... the original, and an extended version that has a revelation so shocking that it completely changes the meaning of the movie. I recommend watching the original (shorter) edit first, because it would be difficult to feel the same about some of the characters if you watched the extended cut first. (Value: $14.95)
   
B3 Clerks AnimatedClerks, The Complete Animated Series: Uncensored
In counting the ways that ABC television has screwed brilliant television shows because of rampant stupidity, the animated Clerks series would occupy at least five spots... probably more. It is well-made, highly entertaining, and laugh-out-loud funny (basically, everything you want in a cartoon). I had my doubts that a fairly vulgar movie like Clerks could ever be adequately adapted for network television, but Kevin Smith somehow managed to do it, and do it well. At the core of Clerks is two guys stuck in a dead-end job who stopped caring about it long ago... now they're just trying to make it through another day. Hilarity ensues. Watch it now as preparation for Clerks II, coming this summer! (Value: $14.95)
   
B3 Veronica MarsBedazzled
This movie stars the incomparable Elizabeth Hurley as the Devil. What more do you really need to know? As an added bonus, this is actually a really good film... filled with all the things that make life worth living: Liz being funny, Liz being sexy, Liz being cute, Liz being naughty, and Liz in a bikini. If that weren't enough, there's also a positive life message to wrap it all up. If you haven't seen this movie yet, then I fear for your immortal soul. (Declared Value: $9.95. Actual Value: Priceless)
   

And, as if that weren't enough, you've got two other chances to win if the Grand Prize eludes you...

TWO $45 "WATCH WITH DAVE" RUNNER-UP PRIZES INCLUDE...
   
B3 ShirtBlogography T-Shirt
Even the best movie or television show pales in comparison to how cool you are when wearing a sweet Blogography T-shirt! Artfully silk-screened by hand on high-quality Hanes Beefy-T shirts, these Blogography-inspired masterpieces are comfortable, durable, and are guaranteed to make you the best-dressed person in the room... Dave not included! (Value: $14.95 to $16.95)
   
B3 Cinema ParadisoCinema Paradiso: The Director's Expanded Edition
I can't stand romance movies. They're all so lame and cliched... with sappy dialogue and often totally unrealistic premises. Only rarely do I ever see a romance film that's worth a crap, and most of the time it's because they have something else to offer. And most of those films are foreign (Amelie, A Very Long Engagement, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon being excellent examples). And so we come to Cinema Paradiso. This film tells the story of Toto, a young boy growing up in a small village in war-torn Italy. With his father gone, Toto turns to the projectionist at the local theater for guidance. He quickly develops a love for movies, which become the driving passion in his life. But as Toto grows up, he finds that movies don't have all the answers when it comes to love and life. Easily one of my favorite films of all time, Cimena Paradiso is a rare movie romance that works on every possible level. The DVD contains TWO versions of the film... the original, and an extended version that has a revelation so shocking that it completely changes the meaning of the movie. I recommend watching the original (shorter) edit first, because it would be difficult to feel the same about some of the characters if you watched the extended cut first. (Value: $14.95)
   
B3 Clerks AnimatedClerks, The Complete Animated Series: Uncensored
In counting the ways that ABC television has screwed brilliant television shows because of rampant stupidity, the animated Clerks series would occupy at least five spots... probably more. It is well-made, highly entertaining, and laugh-out-loud funny (basically, everything you want in a cartoon). I had my doubts that a fairly vulgar movie like Clerks could ever be adequately adapted for network television, but Kevin Smith somehow managed to do it, and do it well. At the core of Clerks is two guys stuck in a dead-end job who stopped caring about it long ago... now their just trying to make it through another day. Hilarity ensues. Watch it now as preparation for Clerks II, coming this summer! (Value: $14.95)
   

Prizes so good, I almost wish that I could enter this one myself! To see how YOU can enter, read onward...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

M:i:III

Posted on Sunday, May 21st, 2006

Dave!After working myself to death for 26 hours, I managed to get a few hours sleep before going back out to an on-site job. After that was over, I should have gone back to bed, but instead went to the cinema to see Mission: Impossible III. The fact that I did not fall asleep during the film kind of speaks for itself. I enjoyed it quite a lot (certainly more than the pervious two).

Given that JJ Abrams wrote and directed M:i:III, it should come as no surprise that it plays like a really good episode of Alias (well, an early episode of Alias, back in the first season when the show was actually worth a crap). Except this time JJ had a massive budget and got to really let his mind run wild. Between the action, stunts, and locations... there's plenty of stuff to keep things interesting. This is a good thing, because the story itself is pretty formulaic with a not-so-surprising surprise along the way. There's also a slightly annoying plot hole around who knew what and when, but it's all in good fun.

Kind of makes me glad that the cool (yet cheesy) original-original series is going to be released on DVD.

That leaves only one movie left that I am really looking forward to this summer (and a handful of others I'll probably see)...

Super Dave

  • June 30th - Superman Returns (YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!!).
  • July 7th - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (Pirates!!).
  • July 21st - Clerks II (Kevin Smith!).
  • July 21st - My Super Ex-Girlfriend (Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson!).
  • September 21st - The Black Dahlia (Based on the James Elroy novel!).

Pretty slim pickings. You just know it's a crappy summer for movies when one of the films on my top-5 must-see list is My Super Ex-Girlfriend.

Bleh.

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  27 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

X3

Posted on Tuesday, May 30th, 2006

Dave!Well, I went ahead and saw X-Men 3: The Last Stand despite the fact that I thought the first two X-movies sucked major ass. Turns out that X3 sucks too, but not nearly as badly as the previous films (hey, at least this time the super-powered mutants had moments where they were actually shown being super-powered mutants). In order to avoid ruining the film for anybody who hasn't seen it, my spoiler-ridden notes are in an extended entry. Suffice to say that I thought the film had a few geeky moments to please X-fans, but fell way short of being a worthy adaptation of the source material. Such a pity, because I am a major X-whore...

X-Dave

But here's the deal... as bad as I felt X3 was, it positively shines in comparison to the total ass-draining suckage that is known as The Da Vinci Code. Holy shit what a crap-fest of a film! Sure it was hampered by the lame source material, but Ron Howard & Company failed on just about every possible level to create any semblance of movie entertainment.

Long. Boring. Pandering. Safe. Uninspired. DEAD.

Even though I am not a big fan of the book, at least the written version had a small amount of bite to it. The film is just a mess that takes otherwise capable actors and waters them down to base stupidity. Audrey Tautou is absolutely brilliant in Amelie and the astounding A Very Long Engagement, but is given nothing to do here. All she gets is to stand in the corner all doe-eyed while Tom Hanks solves a series of by-the-numbers puzzles. A total waste of her considerable talent, and an even further embarrassment to the movie.

Maybe The Da Vinci Code is worth a video rental for a boring evening, but it's completely miss-able at the theater. Do yourself a favor and save your money. While you wait to rent the DVD at NetFlix, you can read The DAVEinci Code instead...

DAVEinci Code

And there you have it. A bad night for movies all around. If you haven't seen X3 and don't want it ruined, DO NOT read onward...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  24 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Eight

Posted on Friday, June 16th, 2006

Dave!This morning there was a major panic attack when I couldn't find a clean pair of underwear. Eventually I did manage to find some in my flight carry-on bag but, as I was searching, it did get me to wondering what I would do if I couldn't find any. Wear a used pair... or go commando?? Fortunately, I didn't have to choose, but I really should make up my mind in case I'm ever faced with this problem again.

Underwear aside, there was big fun to be had today. I finally got the little buttons I ordered...

Dave Buttons

They turned out great (much better than this photo will attest), which was a pleasant surprise because some of the stuff I order from CafePress ends up looking like crap. But every button was beautiful, had bright colors, and looks professionally made, so I'm happy. Now all I have to do is wait until the weather turns cold so that I can pin them on my jacket. It'll be just like the 80's!

Speaking of orders, I am dangerously close to FINALLY filling all of the T-shirt orders from Blogiversary III week... I have a mere 64 left to go! Thanks to everybody for their patience, and everything should be shipped out by Monday.

Since it's Friday, I'll be picking up a meme from James to finish up the day. You are supposed to come up with eight random things about you which most people might not know...

  1. I was approached about turning my blog into a set of mini-books. At first I declined, but was eventually talked into it. Unfortunately, the deal has recently fallen through because we could not agree on the direction of the project. But since I've already put a lot of work into the books, I'm toying with the idea of self-publishing them at Lulu or something (once I find time to start finishing them up). You can take a look at the cover concepts here.
  2. When I was in high school I started collecting comic books. Though I don't buy as many as I used to, I still read some titles and have amassed a huge collection of books. My current favorites are Age of Bronze, All-Star Batman & Robin, The Avengers, Superman/Batman, Powers, and Usagi Yojimbo. My favorite comic book of all time is Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes.
  3. I've always got something smart-assed to say, and am rarely at a loss for words. Given this, you would think commenting on other people's blogs is a piece of cake... but this is not the case. I like to comment on other blogs when I have time, but sometimes it's difficult. Take one of my long-time reads: What's a Delmer Look Like. Delmer's writing is great and he's always got something entertaining to say... but I always feel that his entries are perfect as they are, and any smart-ass remark I might add would be an intrusion. And then there's Tonya at Adventure Journalist. I eagerly await her every word, marvel over her astoundingly beautiful photography, and have been a fan of her blog forever. To read Tonya is to love her. But eventually you run out of ways to say "beautiful" when looking at her pictures, and so I usually just end up looking at the latest additions to her jaw-dropping gallery, and sneaking away without a word. I don't know why some blogs have this affect on me and other's don't.
  4. I love to paint with watercolors. If I were to win the lotto and become obscenely wealthy, I'd do nothing but travel the world and paint.
  5. I am a huge movie-buff, but am humiliated to admit some of the films that I like. Off the top of my head, they include The Associate, in which Whoopi Goldberg plays a woman trying to break into a job as a stockbroker, but finds that prejudice keeps her shut out. Eventually she invents an alter-ego of an old white guy, but finds that her new success makes the deception difficult to maintain. And then there's Earth Girl's Are Easy which features Jim Carey, Jeff Goldblum, and Damon Wayans as furry aliens who crash-land in Geena Davis' swimming pool. And, of course, Exit to Eden which has Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd as undercover cops at a private island sex resort run by Dana Delany (and Iman as an ultra-hot bad girl assassin). There are dozens, perhaps hundreds, of others.
  6. Likewise, there are also musical groups that I am downright embarrassed to admit I listen to from time to time. Probably the most scary is A-Teens, who sing bubblegum pop at its absolute worst. Then there's even more tragic groups like Bananarama, Erasure and even Flock of Seagulls. Even more odd is that right after listening to this stuff, I can turn right around and pop in Rage Against the Machine or Pantera without skipping a beat.
  7. I choose not to eat any kind of meat, fish, or fowl... and choose to ignore broccoli, cauliflower, and any other vegetable that smells bad when you cook it. There is one food I cannot eat however, and that's mushrooms. They make me violently ill and seem to cause my throat to close up if I eat too many of them. That's a fungus for you.
  8. What I am looking forward to most of all next week is an appearance by Betty White on Game Show Marathon, which is a freaky show which dredges up old game shows that are played by quasi-celebrities. Betty will be an actual celebrity guest on the Match Game segment on the 22nd. Naturally, I can't wait.

Argh. I've been working all day and it's late. I think I'll go to bed and slip into a coma.

   

Q-n-A

Posted on Monday, July 3rd, 2006

Dave!In my previous entry, I had asked if anyone had questions that they might ask if I were to ask for questions, and some of you actually sent me some!

So here's a "Question and Answers" session with Dave....

First up, Exposed left me these...

  1. If you had 24 hours to live and could do whatever you wish with it - even outside the bounds of time/space etc. what would you do? I would bounce through time to watch Michelangelo create his most famous works. The Sistine Chapel, David, Moses, La Pieta, the dome of St. Peter's Basilica, and so many others. I would want my last day to be filled with beauty, and that would pretty much do it. Why? I just love Italy... everything from the art and architecture to the language, people, and food.
  2. If you had to redo high school (had to - no one would ever do this by choice) what would you do differently? Not much. There are some classes I took that I wouldn't bother with now that I know they're useless, but that's about it.
  3. What is your biggest regret and why haven't you fixed it? I really have only one regret, but it's not something I ever really discuss with anybody. Seriously though, life is really too short for regrets and worrying about the past doesn't do you any good anyway.
  4. You love to travel - you have 3 months with all expenses paid to do with whatever you wish - where do you go and why? I'd probably stay in Italy for the entire three months. I would live in Tuscany for a month, then head south and explore the Amalfi Coast and Sicily.
  5. Will you marry me? =) Elizabeth Hurley? Is that YOU?!?

And Wayne (of the Blog of Whall fame) left me these...

  1. How old is the picture on your gravatar? The Gravatar is from this entry in March, 2004.
  2. Which was your favorite Matrix? Are you kidding? The first was mind-blowingly amazing. The sequels had their moments, but were pretty much crap.
  3. Do you really hate our President? If yes, please rate on a Scale of Hatred, like the Hotness Scale, and make sure it includes Jared, bad parents, dumbasses who can't use a turn signal and Clay Aiken. I don't hate anybody, including President Bush. The problem is that I lost any respect I had for him after his utterly asinine comments at the 2004 Radio & Television Correspondents' Association Dinner (which I wrote about here). It's only gone downhill from there. I honestly think he is very narrow-minded in that he has no interest in representing all Americans... he only wants to give voice to those who think like he does. He also seems to be of the opinion that the USA is the entire world, and other countries shouldn't have a say in what happens in it. Overall, I find him very ill-suited for the job... and, though I don't hate him for his incompetence, I do dislike him for it. A lot.
  4. Did you know that 'Lovely Lady Elizabeth Hurley' could be 'HELL" backwards? No! I did not know that! Must be why she got to play The Devil in Bedazzled.
  5. Do you think I should trademark the term "BlogBerry"? I'm using my blackberry 8700c to compose this right now and I'm starting to use it a lot more for blog review more than email and phone. While that's a clever term, and I think you should use it all you like, I don't think you can trademark a phrase unless you are using it as the name of a business, or a service, or the name of a product. Sorry. :-(

And Alexander left this one question...

  1. I'm just curious. What are your thoughts on gaming? As a hardcore gamer I simply must know. I love video games. I've owned dozens of systems over the decades, starting with Pong and the Atari 2600... all the way to the Xbox and Nintendo DS. Unfortunately, I pretty much suck at gaming because I never have much time to play them. My favorite titles are usually strategy Advance Wars DS or StarCraft), RPG (like Sid Meyer's Pirates or Fable), or adventure games that kids can play (like Lego Star Wars, which is probably one of my favorite games ever). I also love board games (especially trivia games, where I kick ass) and card games (everybody should get a group of friends together and play the computer version of Apples to Apples).

Annette also sent me a single question...

  1. Is your diet a healty one? Probably not as much as it could be, as I eat way too much sugar and not enough fruits and vegetables. Though I don't eat meat, which I consider to be much healthier than a diet where one consumes steroid-laden animal flesh. Darn that Coke with Lime all to heck!! :-)

And, for my last questions, SJ asked me to try out her "Movieographeme" meme, which I've put in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Memes 2006, Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  18 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Quatro

Posted on Tuesday, July 4th, 2006

Dave!"They can be a great people, Kal-El. They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way."

I don't know why that famous line from Marlon Brando in Superman The Movie was echoing through my mind when I woke up this morning. Probably because I have not yet seen Superman Returns, though I want to quite badly. Perhaps that will be on the agenda in New York or Chicago, since they have far better theaters than I have here. Local cinemas are pretty much crap... with poor screens, uncomfortable seats, and sound systems so bad you can barely hear dialogue. Good movies always mean a three-hour drive to Seattle, but so few films are worth it now-a-days.

Dave Fourth

I am spending my Independence Day holiday working — but, to everybody else, have a safe and happy Fourth of July!

   

Clerks2

Posted on Friday, July 21st, 2006

Dave!The thing that makes Kevin Smith such a brilliant filmmaker is the way he can create a universe that seems more "real" than actual real-life. His characters always have witty, profound things to say, and are never at a loss for words in even the most bizarre situations. This was made clearly evident in his very first movie, Clerks which has long been one of my favorite films of all time.

Where Kevin falters is when he strays from his carefully-constructed reality and ruins the world he's built. This is why Mallrats, Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back and Dogma will always be inferior to Chasing Amy and Clerks... sure they're entertaining, but the un-reality built into the movies spoil things for me. They rip me out of the film and turn me into a mere observer instead of a part of the story.

Clerks2 Rosario Dawson!

So which side of the fence does Clerks II land on? Well, it's a mixed bag. For the most part, it is everything I love about a Kevin Smith film, with only a few moments of distraction. An example... at one point in the movie, the luscious Rosario Dawson's character, Becky, is trying to teach Dante how to dance to The Jackson Five's ABC. It is a magical, heartwarming moment that's tempered with funny inserts of the other characters bopping along to the music. It's perfect. But then, for no reason at all, Jay and Silent Bob appear in pig-tails mugging for the camera as a dance number breaks out.

WTF?!?

There goes reality. No longer are you a part of the Clerks II universe which seems so very real... you are torn from their world with such violence that the moment is destroyed. And I just don't get it. Why? What purpose does it serve? I've forgotten all about Dante and Becky during a pivotal scene in the film and am all of a sudden watching people dance? It's almost tragic how horribly this nonsensical moment puts the brakes on an otherwise great film. Where was Scott Mosier when this travesty of a scene was edited into the movie?

Sadly, if it weren't for this really bad decision, Clerks II would easily slide right up next to Clerks and Chasing Amy on the Kevin Smith scale of greatness. As it is, it ends up somewhere in the middle. I want very badly for the DVD to come out so I can buy it, rip it, then re-edit it into the brilliant film it could have been.

Anyway, focusing on the positive now...

Clerks II opens with Dante and Randal still working their menial job as clerks at the Quick Stop. But when the store burns down, everything is thrown into chaos and they must start a new life working an even worse job at the McDonald's-inspired Mooby's restaurant. A year later, it's Dante's last day before packing up and moving to Florida with his fiance, but Randal (of course) has other plans...

Clerks 2

The dialogue is, as always, note-perfect. Randal's tirades are among my favorite moments in movie history, and we are treated to some hilarious new material as only he can deliver it. The wordplay between Dante and Randal is as sharp as it's ever been, and is worth the price of admission alone.

Rosario Dawson, who is an incredibly talented actress, slides effortlessly into the world of Clerks and looks frickin' amazing while doing it. Her very presence elevates the movie to another level entirely, and adds substance to scenes that could have otherwise gone very wrong.

But my favorite moments of the film (besides the "inter-species erotica," of course) are served up by Trevor Fehrman. His almost painful level of naivety as the Lord of the Rings-and-Transformers-loving geek Elias, come very close to stealing the show. His reactions to the ever-increasing insanity that's forever following Dante and Randal around offers up a fresh perspective on the story that wouldn't be nearly as entertaining without it.

After all is said and done, it's a highly entertaining film with only a few mistakes keeping it from greatness. I can only hope that this is not the last we'll be seeing of these characters, as the movie ends on a note that only leaves you wanting more.

Much like Clerks did over a decade ago.

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  15 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Buffalo

Posted on Sunday, July 23rd, 2006

Dave!I really hate it when I get a song stuck in my head.

After seeing Clerks II it's the song Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus, which is a pretty messed up tune to have running through your mind all day long. If you don't recognize the name, you will probably still know of it as the song that "Buffalo Bill" dances to in Silence of the Lambs. Well, in Clerks II you get to see a flawless reenactment by Jason Mewes that's even more disturbing.

Well, not the dance itself... I mean, what guy hasn't put on makeup, dressed up in the skin of dead women, then danced around the house with his penis tucked between his legs? Yeah, we've all been there...

Buffalo Dave

No. What's truly disturbing is that once you start thinking of Buffalo Bill, you think of the actor who portrayed him... Ted Levine. And then you have to freak over how he now plays Lt. Stottlemeyer on the television show Monk. For some reason I find this transition of characters to be very disturbing...

Buffalo Stottlemeyer

I mean, he's obviously a very talented actor to be able to play such diverse roles... but damn. I just can't stop imagining that after Stottlemeyer gets home from a busy day of solving crimes with Mr. Monk, he's dancing around like this just for kicks before bedtime.

And then the image won't leave my mind as I hear... ♬ "Goodbye horses. I'm flying, flying, flying over youuuu..." ♬

Yikes.

For anybody into self-torture, the beautiful Q Lazzarus version of Goodbye Horses isn't for sale on iTunes, but a pretty good cover by the band Psyche is. Listen at your peril.

As if that wasn't enough on my mind...

Star Trek 9

Coming 2008?!? What kind of tease is that? I have to wonder if J.J. Abrams is going to manage to screw up Star Trek as badly as he's trashed Lost and destroyed Alias. He always starts off so strong then crashes and burns. Please have somebody with enough sense to know this cut him loose when things start to slide on yet another good franchise before it goes bad.

Though he has a LONG ways to go before it gets as bad as the totally boring Star Trek: Enterprise and the utterly crappy Star Trek: Voyager.

Categories: Movies 2006, Music 2006Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Super!

Posted on Friday, July 28th, 2006

Dave!w00t!!

PRAISE BE TO KRYPTON! FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY... Richard Donner is going to be given the cash to re-cut Superman II into the movie it was supposed to be. I have been dreaming of this for over two decades, and cannot WAIT to see it when released on DVD this November 28th!

I have written about Donner's Superman II here. And there is also a Wikipedia entry on it as well.

Restore Superman II

In other totally sweet DVD news... my copy of Pinky and The Brain: The Complete First Season arrived today!

Pinkybraindvd

I love this cartoon and have been waiting for YEARS for it to show up on DVD. Something about mice plotting for world domination just fills my heart with joy.

And now, since I want to watch my DVDs rather than figure out what else to write, I've filled out a meme from over at Avitable's blog in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Rage

Posted on Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006

Dave!Must... not... kill. Must... contain... overwhelming... rage.

There will be no blog entry today. I have returned from Seattle and am so freakin' pissed that I would probably punch my fingers through the keyboard on my PowerBook if I were to even attempt to explain the crap I've had to put up with.

It's all I can do to keep from screaming my head off...

Dave Fuck

So instead I will talk about My Super Ex-Girlfriend, which was a pleasant surprise for me. I was going to wait for the DVD rental, but it was the only movie playing in the theater next to my hotel that looked even remotely interesting...

Superex

Luke Wilson plays Matt Saunders, an architect who's unlucky in love until he meets Jenny Johnson (played by Uma Thurman), a quirky woman with an amazing secret: she's the hero "G-Girl" who flies around New York as its super-powered protector. But when things don't turn out as planned, Matt breaks off the relationship and ends up with an ex set on revenge.

While the film doesn't work on all levels, the compelling cast and occasional humorous moment makes me glad I saw it. Eddie Izzard? Anna Faris? Rainn Wilson? WANDA SYKES?!? I am so there. But the real star is Luke Wilson, who manages to play this kind of sympathetic role with an ease and humility that makes the movie work despite some serious flaws in pacing... even when Uma goes overboard psycho.

In the end, I'm very glad that the super-hero genre has managed to cross over into comedy in a way that actually works. Somehow I don't think this will hold true for Tim Allen's upcoming Zoom! (because it sure as heck didn't for the ridiculous Sky High).

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow I'll be calm enough to blog again.

But I doubt it.

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  30 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Wheel

Posted on Friday, August 11th, 2006

Dave!Last night I had somebody ask me how the recent airline terrorist story coming out of the U.K. would be affecting my travel plans. The answer? It doesn't... not even a little bit. If I had the time, money, and energy, I'd hop on a flight to London right now. I refuse to live my life in fear over something that may or may not happen. I mean, what's the alternative? Am I supposed to barricade myself in my home for the rest of my life? Never go anywhere ever again? F#@% that. Sure the world is getting more scary and more dangerous every day, but that's just the way it is. If I die in a terrorist attack on a plane, then my time is up and I die on a terrorist attack on a plane. Life goes on, and I'm not going to waste time worrying about it.

What I will waste time on is a way to classify people making news. This way, whenever I am not sure what to think, I can just spin my magical "WHEEL OF LABELS" and instantly know how I should feel about the person in question...

Fugly Wheel

For example...

Geraldo (who has apparently forgotten that he used to host the "Geraldo" show, which regularly had topics such as "Men in Lace Panties and the Women Who Love Them") has pulled out the hypocrite card and decided to trash Comedy Central and The Daily Show. He says: "You know, Comedy Central is now a big hit, Stewart and the Colbert guy... they make a living putting on video of old ladies slipping on ice and people laughing. That’s their life. They exist in a small little place where they count for nothing."

Say what? This is how he makes himself feel important? Trashing one of the most insightful, smart, witty, and important shows on television for political commentary? Sounds pretty stupid to me. And the fact that he insists on continuing to wear that dorky mustache that makes him look like a 1970's gay porn star just makes it all the harder to take. In any event, I have no idea what to think about this. Time to spin the wheel...

Geraldo Sucks

There you have it. Turns out Geraldo is a dumbass. Actually, the needle got kind of stuck between two sections so technically he's a dumbass-f#@%er. Perhaps somebody needs to hit him in the face with another chair to smarten him up.

But how does Daily Show host John Stewart rate?

Stewart Rules

Yeah, that's kind of what I thought.

And lastly we have Samuel L. Jackson, who talked about his most recent film Snakes on a Plane in an AICN interview. When asked about going back to re-shoot scenes in order to show the snakes actually biting people instead of cutting the camera away, here is what he had to say...

"You want the snake hit! You want to see it. You have two people goin' to screw in a bathroom on a plane and you know that there are some snakes in there... you know that when that tit comes out, you want to see a snake on that tit! At some point you gonna go, 'Man, I know a snake's going to show up somewhere... and hopefully that snake's going to be on that tit!'"

Brilliant. I couldn't have said it better myself! I'm assuming the sequel to Snakes on a Plane will be Snakes on a Tit. So how does Bad-Ass MoFo Samuel L. Jackson rate?

Jackson Cool

Yeah... like that's any surprise. He was about the only cool thing in those crappy Star Wars prequels. Well, him and Emperor Palpatine. Palpatine was balls-nasty evil! You gotta love that.

Dang. Now I want to watch Pulp Fiction again.

   

Snakes!

Posted on Wednesday, August 16th, 2006

Dave!Long-time Blogography readers will know of my good friend Bad Robert. He was one of the earliest supporters of my blog, one of my very first commenters, and has been providing fodder for my entries for years. If you don't know Bad Robert, then you should read my infamous "Blue Balls Button" entry to get a feel for what I have to deal with (metaphorically speaking).

Anyway...

Snakes On A Plane!

For the past few weeks, Robert has been calling me up at random times during the day and night... screaming "SNAKES ON A MUTHERF#@%ING PLANE!"... then hanging up. To say he is psyched to see this movie is an understatement of gargantuan proportions. I can only guess that this kind of insane behavior will escalate until the film actually drops in two days.

This morning as I am getting ready for work, my mobile phone rings and I see it's Robert calling. I prepare myself for being screamed at, but the actual conversation was quite different...

phone rings...
   
Dave: WHAT?!?
   
Robert: Did you know that you came up with the idea for Snakes on a Mutherf#@%ing Plane??
   
Dave: Errr... no? What are you talking about?
   
Robert: I was Google searching and your blog came up. I clicked on it, and there it was... YOU came up with the idea for Snakes on a Mutherf#@%ing Plane back in 2004!
   
Dave: Wow. I'm going to have to hunt down Samuel L. Jackson and get my mutherf#@%ing check!
   
Robert: No doubt. And don't forget who told you about it when you get mutherf#@%ing paid.

I had no idea what he was talking about until I looked through my archives.

And there it was...

Passenger

Bad Robert was right. I DID come up with the idea on mutherf#@%ing July 19th, 2004. Don't believe me? Then go and read it for yourself!

Somebody is getting mutherf#@%ing sued.

UPDATE: Turns out Robert wasn't the first to bring this to my attention... I totally overlooked the comment from Cat that was left earlier this week! Great. Now she's going to want to get mutherf#@%ing paid too!

   

Sunshine

Posted on Saturday, August 26th, 2006

Dave!There are movies that entertain, and then there are movies which actually have something to say.

Little Miss Sunshine actually has something to say.

On the surface, it's just a funny movie about a family with major issues that's fun to watch. But when you dig a little deeper, it's a brilliant commentary on just how messed up life is and all the crazy crap we have to put up with in order to make our way through it. By the time they finally reach the Little Miss Sunshine Pageant, the absurdity of it all is in vivid relief.

Hands-down the best movie I've seen this year...

Dave Sunshine

Basking in sunshine has never felt so good.

   

Laborless

Posted on Monday, September 4th, 2006

Dave!Happy No-Labor Day, bulleted for your reading pleasure.

• MUTHERF#@%ING SNAKES ON A PLANE! I finally saw SNAKES ON A MUTHERF#@%ING PLANE today. It couldn't possibly live up to the hype, and it really didn't. The problem is that it's supposed to be a suspense thriller... but, in reality, not so much. It's like the writer/director didn't know the formula... 1) Something startling but harmless happens. 2) There's a moment of calm for the audience to catch their breath and be thrown off-guard. 3) Then something TRULY shocking happens, smacking the audience in the face and scaring the crap out of them. Sure it's formula, but it WORKS. The movie wasn't bad and turned out to be a great way to kill an afternoon... but could have been so much better in more capable hands. Like mine, for example.

Snakes on a Plane

• GO GO GO! Just noticed that OK Go's brilliant music video for Here It Goes Again is now available at the iTunes Music Store.

• BAD MONKEY! Yesterday I was guest-blogging over at Hilly's blog and today Jenny left a comment asking who is watching Bad Monkey while Lil' Dave is away. That's a good question! Turns out nobody is watching after him...

Smoking Bad Monkey

What?!? BAD MONKEY HAS TAKEN UP SMOKING!! BAD MONKEY! BAD, BAD MONKEY!! And they're Marlboro Reds too! Sure the cigarette companies have to spend money educating children as to the dangers of smoking... but what about the monkeys?

• STUPID-ASS ANNOYING COMMERCIALS! Television advertising is expensive and difficult to do correctly. It has to be impactful enough to get attention, clever enough to be memorable, and unique enough to be effective. But really stupid f#@%ing idiots seem to confuse impactful, clever, and memorable with ANNOYING! Screaming kids, people crunching on breakfast cereal, bad music... and now I've got "moo" to deal with. I'm sitting here working, minding my own business with the television on in the background when all of a sudden screeching at full volume is "MOO! MOO! MOO! MOO! MOO! MOO!" piercing my eardrums...

Puyallup Fair

It's a commercial for the Puyallup Fair and has a little girl in a cow suit mooing. I suppose it's supposed to be cute, but it's really just ANNOYING! WTF? You think that pissing people off with your dumbass commercials is going to entice them to visit? Needless to say I won't be attending... even if Depeche Mode is having a concert and Elizabeth Hurley is appearing nude.

• RETRACTION! Obviously, that was a lie. Even if Elizabeth Hurley were appearing fully-clothed at the Puyallup Fair, I would be there. Probably for Depeche Mode too.

   

LAMENESS!

Posted on Tuesday, September 12th, 2006

Dave!Today was supposed to be a good day. Lego Star Wars 2 (the sequel to my most favoritist video game ever!) is in release. The ORIGINAL (CGI crapfest-free) Star Wars movies are out. Apple is announcing some (hopefully) cool new stuff. What could possibly go wrong??

Uhhh... yeah. Pretty much everything.

First of all, Apple's big-ass media event was crap. They're selling movies now... which would be a good thing except that they are selling shitty 640x480 DRM-infested versions that nobody in their right mind will buy. Pay $9.99 to $14.99 for a low-res film? Are you insane? Far better to put that money toward a DVD that you can rip into any resolution you want and view wherever you want. Where is a widescreen video iPod so we can watch movies the way they were MEANT to be watched? That tiny SQUARE iPod screen is fine for watching a music video... but an entire movie?!? WTF??

UPDATE: For those who question how I could possibly think that Apple's claim of "near DVD quality" is "shitty"... here's a comparison of actual DVD resolution to that which is sold in the iTunes Store. An almost 25% reduction in picture information, which I think is considerably less than "near" when it comes to quality (note that this graphic has been shrunk to 420 pixels wide to fit my blog, but the proportions are correct)...

iPod Movies

Now, on an iPod's tiny screen... it's no big deal (and the file size is smaller, which is nice for portables with limited storage)... but blow that up to an HDTV with Apple's new "iTV" device?? Yeah. We have a problem.

iTunes 7 looked promising, but the new "automatic album art" feature worked on very few of my actual songs. For example, Alan Parsons Project is well represented on the iTunes Music Store but, since they don't offer the "Anthology" album for sale, the artwork isn't available. None of the other new features will be of much use to me, and I think the user interface is actually a step backwards. Even worse, audio that played fine in iTunes 6 keeps cutting out in iTunes 7 for reasons unknown.

About the only thing to come out of the media event that sparked my curiosity is the new iPod Shuffle. It's even more compact and wearable than the brilliant original version. Naturally, I want one...

Shuffle Redux

Next we have the re-re-re-re-release of the original Star Wars trilogy (i.e. "the good one") on DVD. What's special about it this time around is that they are including the "ORIGINAL-original" films where Han shoots first and all the extraneous CGI shit isn't there to distract you. I should be happy, right? After all, this is what I've wanted ever since I got a DVD player years ago, isn't it? WRONG! What I EXPECTED was that LucasFilm would clean up the originals and provide us with an anamorphic (widescreen) transfer. What they actually did was do a quick-n-dirty transfer of the same letterbox crap that they put on LaserDisc decades ago. Well thanks a lot George, but go f#@% yourself. I know that you consider the "new and improved" crap to be the definitive version of the films, but why couldn't you have taken the cleaned-up version of the original and give us an anamorphic version that doesn't suck donkey balls? Haven't you ever heard that "anything worth doing is doing right?" Or is this yet another ploy to take money from the fans and then suck us dry five years from now when you re-re-re-re-re-release the original films as anamorphic?

Lastly, I drove 20 minutes into the neighboring city of Wenatchee first thing this morning so I could be first in line at Target to purchase Star Wars Lego 2: The Original Trilogy for Xbox and Nintendo DS. Target has a special deal where you get a $5 gift card with each SW2: TOT game you buy (while supplies last!), which saved me $10 and made me happy. I rushed back home and played them a bit before work and have to say that they are AWESOME!! Better than the original by far (probably because the source material is so much better!). It's not the most challenging game ever, but I was laughing my ass off and having a great time, which is all that counts...

Lego Star Wars 2
Screenshots swiped from the excellent IC Games site.

Cute as hell.

What was really surprising is how amazing the little Nintendo DS version turned out. The graphics are terrific and the sound is just amazing. Toss in the multi-player goodness, and you've got one of the best handheld games I've ever played. If you've got two cartridges, you can do Wireless 2-Player Co-Op Mode... otherwise, up to 4 people can play "Bounty Hunter Battle Arena: Search for Han Solo" off of a single cartridge! Brilliant.

So, with all this praise for Star Wars Lego 2: The Original Trilogy, what's so lame about it?

I don't have time to play it (insert frowny-face here).

Categories: LEGO, Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  45 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 1

Posted on Sunday, October 8th, 2006

Dave!Holy crap! Is it just me, or is this season of Saturday Night Live just painfully bad? The show last night with Jamie Pressly has to be the worst episode I can ever recall seeing, and horribly embarrassing for everybody involved. Losing Tina Fey as head writer (and Weekend Update anchor) has killed what little was left of a once great show. I never thought I'd be longing for the insanely stupid "Goat Boy" to come back to SNL, but ANYTHING would be better than this. Who in their right mind will want to host a show that can make even the usually-funny Dane Cook suck ass?

It's a lazy Sunday and so it must be time for bullet points...

• Tower: Sad news this weekend, Tower Records is closing its doors around the globe. Back in high school and college I would look forward to trips to Seattle with my friends because we would often stop at Tower and browse their collection of imports and 12-inch singles. Many times, we'd hit all three locations in Bellevue, Seattle Center, and the U-District to be sure nothing was missed. Of course now-a-days eBay and online specialty shops are a far more reliable and efficient way of finding music, but Tower is responsible for filling many holes in my collection in those early years. Since the store has fond memories for me, I've always stopped at other locations I find in my travels, including shops in London, Dublin, Hong Kong, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur... plus some shops throughout Japan, and several here across the US.

• CBGB: As if that wasn't enough, CBGB is closing its doors as well. I've only been once, but still consider it to be an essential NYC experience and am sad to see it go. Rumor has it that a new CBGB is to be opened in Vegas, which seems wrong in so many ways. If this is actually true, I don't feel so bad that my CBGB T-shirt was ruined years ago.

• Quake: Washington's own Mt. Rainier, which I fly past frequently when inbound to SeaTac Airport, was hit by a minor earthquake last night which I could feel almost a hundred miles away. It is a bit worrisome to think that volcanic activity might be in its future. If such a beautiful landmark were to become another crater (like Mt. St. Helens), it would really put a dent in Seattle's southern view...

TT Wing Rainier

• The Departed: As somebody who thinks that Martin Scorsese hasn't made a great film since Goodfellas, I was most pleased with The Departed which may be his best work to date. This is kind of mixed praise though, because this film is essentially a remake of the brilliant trilogy of Infernal Affairs films out of Hong Kong. In many ways, I'd say the original works are superior (and well worth renting), but it's hard to deny that Scorsese did a remarkable job with his interpretation (cops with moles battle organized crime with moles in modern-day Boston). The violence, while harsh, is nowhere near the ridiculous levels of Gangs of New York (which I loathed) and the performances by Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio are fantastic. Jack Nicholson is also great, as expected, but it's difficult to see him as his character instead of "Jack Nicholson" on the screen. About the only negative is the wholly implausible love triangle that develops unnecessarily, but it's a minor quibble. If incidents of blood and violence don't bother you, The Departed well-worth checking out.

Streaming: How is it that YouTube can serve up millions of streaming videos every day, and yet just about everybody else fails miserably at it? Every site I try to watch video on from Sony to Fox to E Online all end up re-buffering every 5 seconds which is just stupid. Why even offer video if it's going to be completely unwatchable? Just put your shit up on YouTube and let somebody who actually knows what they're doing deal with it.

   

Pro

Posted on Saturday, October 14th, 2006

Dave!Halfway through each month, I have an alarm set so I will remember to check my server stats and see if I need to be offloading some bandwidth. This ensures that I won't overrun my limit and have to pay pay pay. Fortunately, there are some very kind and generous people out there who donate bandwidth when I need it... if I remember to use it.

Anyway, for the first time in years, unique visitor counts for Blogography went down. It was bound to happen eventually... I was expecting it to happen... but I still admit to being surprised. Apparently nobody loves me any more.

Well, 1.2% of the people who used to love me don't love me any more.

I should have never put up those pictures of Lindsay Lohan.

It's a good thing I am not a stats whore or I might have to do something drastic, like post those amateur porn videos I made when I was young and needed the money. Nothing makes visitor counts skyrocket like amateur porn! Well, except professional porn. I suppose if I drop another 5% I'll have to look into turning pro. Nothing quite like whoring myself out to keep my -ahem- stats up.

Speaking of surprises... I rented a Samuel L. Jackson film I somehow overlooked called The 51st State which had the amazing Emily Mortimer as a bitchin' lady-assassin who likes to drive motorcycles and kill people. In other words, she's the perfect woman...

Emily Mortimer

Emily Mortimer

The movie was okay, but not nearly as good as the other Emily Mortimer film I recently saw... a sappy drama called Dear Frankie. This flick also stars Gerard Butler who, in turn, is starring in the most eagerly anticipated film of next year... 300, which is based on Frank Miller's awesome graphic novel of the same name. It looks amazing. An even better adaptation than Sin City, if you can believe it...

Frankmiller300

The totally bitchin' sneak preview trailer (along with a nifty making-of featurette) is available at Apple in delicious hi-def QuickTime. For those of you who (like me) fell totally in love with Miller's graphic novel, there's a very cool comparison between the film and book here. Even if you aren't interested in 300, it's still worth checking out.

And now I'm off to "research" my pending porn star career...

   

Bullet Sunday 3

Posted on Sunday, October 22nd, 2006

Dave!• Despite having way too much work, I made time to go see The Prestige, because it's a film by Christopher Nolan. I thought his Batman Begins was the best of all Batman fims. Insomnia was a little dull, but still a good movie. Memento was sheer genius, and I've lost count the number of times I've seen it. I had high hopes for The Prestige, and was not disappointed. The film, much like a magic trick, is a delicate balance. The trick is putting in enough clues to make the viewer have an idea of what's happening, but not so many that the viewer figures it out too early. Sadly (just like The Sixth Sense) I had everything figured out before the end, but managed to enjoy the film quite a lot anyway. I wish I could detach myself from movies like this enough to get fooled, but it doesn't ever seem to be...

The Prestige Bowie

The Prestige is a film about rival magicians (played by Hugh Jackman & Christian Bale) and their ever-escalating obsession to be the best. Along the way there are some surprising turns, shocking twists, and clever casting (David Bowie?). This is one of my favorite films this year (despite being inexplicably slow in parts). I was surprised to see that it was based on a book by Christopher Priest, who wrote the totally brilliant book The Affirmation which I read years ago. To say I'm dying to read the original novel after seeing the movie is an understatement.

• Speaking of totally brilliant books, I've been reading my new DC Absolute Edition of Neil Gaiman's The Sandman. The volume is absolutely beautiful (looking much like Destiny's tome!) and has raised the bar for future Absolute releases. I've read that eventually all Sandman books will be given the Absolute treatment (four volumes in all) and hope that this includes the Death mini series... Chris Bachalo's stunning art would be amazing when blown up to a larger size! Highly recommended.

• In other movie news, I finally ended up renting Bride & Prejudice (the Indian remake of Pride & Prejudice) so I could see the brutally hot Aishwarya Rai in an English film because, well, damn...

Aishwarya Rai

I'm not much into musicals, but having the delicious Miss Rai around made up for a lot of cheesy song and dance numbers. One surprise... Naveen Andrews has a notable role that is very different than the brooding Sayid on Lost.

• As if Washington State's absurd "Say WA Campaign" wasn't embarrassing enough... Seattle has a new campaign of absurdity all its own... "Metronatural" for which they spent a hefty $200,000 and SIXTEEN MONTHS to come up with. And now they're going to blow $300,000 promoting it, which is odd, because I'd spend $600,000 to erase all traces of it ever existing (assuming I had $600,000 burning a hole in my pocket). What the heck does "Metronatural" say about Seattle? How is "Metronatural" going to inspire anybody to see Seattle? It's utterly bizarre, and sounds badly dated. The sad thing here is that Seattle is a remarkable city with a lot going for it, and I worry that "Metronatural" may actually have the opposite effect of scaring people away.

• My ENORMOUS PHONE is starting to go flaky, which means it's time to look for a new mobile. That's kind of a bummer, because I thought I'd have time to wait for Apple's iPhone to debut. But with no release date in sight, I've had to look elsewhere. At first I wanted the beautiful new Motorola KRZR, but that was before I found the ultra-sweet LG Migo...

LG Migo Phone

How cool is that? It looks kind of like Shrek! So I get all excited and am determined to get one when I read on and find out that it is a phone for kids, and doesn't allow you to dial anything except four pre-programmed numbers and 911. How crappy is that? So now I am going to have to find something else. Bummer.

• After watching a few snippets of Kylie Minogue's Showgirl concert on BBC America and writing about it, I decided to take up the advice in my reader comments and rent the DVD. It was... uhhhhh... interesting. Mostly because Kylie is a very entertaining performer... but more so because the show has obviously been created for an audience of women and gay men. There is so much man-candy piled on her stage that I turned at least 10% more gay just from having watched it...

Kylie Showgirl Guys

There's also quite a bit of Kylie's remarkable =ahem= assets shown as well, so all is not lost...

Kylie Showgirl

OMG! Aren't those red shoes just like totally the most fabulous thing ever? I'd kill or die to have the calves you need to pull off that look!

Uhhhhh... okay... maybe that would be 15%...

   

Motherfrakker

Posted on Tuesday, November 7th, 2006

Dave!The Pacific Northwest has been slammed with torrential rains for the past several days. In my town, for example, one of the two major bridges into the city has been closed because the river is running so high. Seattle is getting hit even worse, and the TV news is replete with scary pictures. This made driving back from Seattle a bit of a challenge yesterday, because the rain made for low visibility and the water was pooling on the roadway. Hydroplaning at high speed sounds a lot more fun than it really is.

As usual, the worst part of the drive wasn't the weather.

It was the other drivers on the road.

The remainder of this entry is brought to you by the word FRAK.

So there I was exceeding the weather-mandated posted speed limit of 45 miles per hour (I was going 55). I was passing a car that kept speeding up and slowing down, and just wanted to get by. It was then that some asshole in a dark grey Lexus LX07 came zooming up on my ass... AND STARTED FLASHING HIS BRIGHTS AT ME! What the frak? This isn't the frakkin' Autobahn, motherfrakker! I was EXCEEDING the speed limit AND PASSING SOMEBODY you frakkin' dumbass! So you can take your flashing brights and shove them straight up your frakkin' ass. This idiot had better pray that I never contract some terminal disease, because I've memorized his license plate number and have added him to my List of People I Fully Intend on Hunting Down and Killing Before I Die.

Speaking of The List, we have yet another addition...

Daveraiders

Three-time Oscar nominee Frank Darabont, who was tapped to write Indiana Jones IV, has finally spilled the beans as to why we haven't yet seen the film... George Lucas didn't like his script. Apparently Steven Spielberg absolutely loved it (calling it the best draft he's read since the original Raiders), but Lucas nixed it.

Yes, the person whose last three films were the craptacular piles of shit known as Star Wars: Episodes 1, 2, & 3 has passed judgement over a script beloved by one of the greatest directors of all time AND the guy who wrote the screenplay adaptation for The Shawshank Redemption (not to mention having the experience of a bunch of Young Indiana Jones scripts under his belt).

Frakkin' unbelievable.

Which is pretty much how one could sum up the mid-term elections here in the USA. I wonder if somebody is getting the frakkin' message?

Sigh. It's raining again, which is kind of a bummer. Though I do like the sound of it on the roof as I fall asleep.

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Fountain

Posted on Monday, December 4th, 2006

Dave!I woke up in the middle of the night with that "feeling" you get when a cold or other sickness is coming on. I immediately crawled out of bed and downed a dose of Airborne (never travel without it!) and stuffed some Zicam up my nose. Then went back to bed. Went back to bed pissed. I was absolutely livid at the idea of catching a cold. I fell asleep cursing my fellow airline passengers for infecting me. Cursing the weather. Cursing the entire world at the injustice of it all.

But then I woke up this morning and everything was fine.

I didn't have a cold or the flu and jumped right into work with a smile on my face because I wasn't sick. I needed to get through the day's To-Do List in a hurry, because I had three things that had to be done...

  • Pick up the new camera I ordered from Circuit City.
  • Go see Darren Aronofsky's new film The Fountain.
  • Eat crinkle-cut fries and a caramel-cashew sundae from Culver's.

The camera is a mixed bag. There are some incredible things about it. There are some inexplicably stupid things about it. I've still got a bit of playing around to do before I post sample images and write about it... suffice to say that the Canon SD800 is an interesting product.

I wish I could say the same about The Fountain...

Thefountain

I have been waiting to see this movie for years. I am a big fan of Aronofsky's Requiem for a Dream and Pi films, and his long struggle to get The Fountain made was inspiring. On top of that, the visuals in the trailer looked incredible.

Of the seven people in the theater, two left before the half-way mark, another fell asleep, and another spent a good portion of their time texting on their mobile phone. This left three of us... out of seven... who even made an attempt to watch this pointless, boring, mess of a film. The plot takes place in three time periods and gravitates around the "fountain of eternal youth" mythology. I was wanting to walk out of the theater myself, but I was counting on Aronofsky to somehow tie it all together in some brilliant way at the end. But he really didn't. All we got was a series of clumsy cuts which pass objects between the centuries in no meaningful (or even artful) way. A huge, massively huge, disappointment that was beautiful in spots, passionate in others, but overall redundant and boring, boring, oh so boring.

Fortunately my caramel-cashew sundae was amazing, as usual.

Frozen custard is always good... even when it's snowing.

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  17 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Rosebud

Posted on Saturday, December 16th, 2006

Dave!I should be working, but I woke up feeling pretty terrible so I've decided to wash clothes and watch television instead.

But when I turned on the TV, I was assaulted by Michael Bolton singing When a Man Loves a Woman LIVE while some guy is ice skating to it. Not knowing what in the heck I've stumbled on to, I check the channel guide and find out that it's Michael Bolton: Tribute on Ice.

Rather than having to gouge my ears out, I change the channel only to find Fran Drescher hosting some kind of Hanukkah show, which is even more horrifying. Suddenly I was terrified that I'd turn the channel and run into The Clay Aiken Christmas Special or something equally shitty, so I decided to watch DVDs instead.

I have a stack of new DVDs waiting to be watched, but ultimately decided on watching the Back To The Future trilogy for the hundredth time...

Back2Thefuture

Sometimes there's no substitute for the classics!

I still think that the way they used the second movie to go back INTO the first movie is one of the more brilliant moments in motion picture history.

Right up there with "Rosebud" in Citizen Cane.

And, of course, that "Luke I am your father" thing from Star Wars.

Wah. Now I want to see the Star Wars trilogy again.

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Surfer

Posted on Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

Dave!If it were possible for me to have any holiday spirit, it would have certainly been driven from me on the way home tonight. It's snowing like a muther, and the roads are for crap. To make matters worse, I got to the train crossing only to find a stupid train parked on the crossing-arm switch, which made it impossible for me to go through (even though the train wasn't blocking the intersection). This meant I had to back-up, then go all the way back through town (filled with dumbass maniac drivers), just so I could get to the other crossing in town. After all that, I finally get home only to find out that the parking lot hasn't been plowed. GAH! SNOW SUCKS!!

But there was good news...

THE NEW FANTASTIC FOUR TRAILER IS OUT AT APPLE!! It's odd that I could possibly be excited about this given how lame the first F4 movie was... BUT OMG! THE SILVER SURFER IS IN IT AND HE'S KICKING THE HUMAN TORCH'S ASS!!

Silver Surfer and Human Torch

And thanks to the miracle of CGI, Silver Surfer can do some freakin' cool stuff... like melt through buildings and even his own surfboard!

Silver Surfer Melting

Sweeeeeeet!

Here's hoping that they nail it this time, because it would be very cool to have Fantastic Four movies that are as good as the Spider-Man films.

I so totally want to be the Silver Surfer, who has to be one of the coolest super-heroes ever...

Davesurfer

Bleh. Six whole months to wait.

At least the snow will be gone by then.

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  17 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

UnSuper

Posted on Thursday, December 28th, 2006

Dave!Warner Home Video can kiss my ass.

Today I received my long-awaited copy of the massive 14-DVD Superman Ultimate Collector's Edition which contains the coveted "Richard Donner Director's Cut" of Superman II that I have been waiting 25 years to see. But when I open it up, I find out that my box has TWO copies of Disc 3 and NO copy of Disc 5. I'm pretty upset about it, but mistakes happen, and so I figure I'll just give Warner Home Video a call and swap the duplicate DVD for the one I'm missing. Simple, right?

Supermandvd

Except I can't find a customer service number anywhere in the box.

The closest thing I can find is an address for WarnerVideo.com. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem... EXCEPT WARNER HOME VIDEO'S WEB SITE USES F#@%ING UNDERTONE NETWORKS "POP-UNDER" ADVERTISING ON EVERY F#@%ING PAGE!! Even with pop-up blocking turned on, I am still having to constantly close all their f#@%ing pop-under windows with advertisements for NetFlix. The thing is, I already subscribe to NetFlix, but now I am seriously considering switching to Blockbuster, because I don't want to give money to ANY company who supports the donkey-raping shit-eaters at "Undertone Networks" who hijacks my browser for advertising.

Eventually I find a customer service phone number to call. But when I call it I am told I have the wrong department and am given a different number. Then I am told I again have the wrong department and am given another number. Then I am told I STILL have the wrong number and am given another number.

So there I sit on hold for A HALF HOUR before I am told that the line I've reached is to replace Disc 1 and Disc 8, which have the wrong content on them. That's fine by me, but what about my missing Disc 5 and duplicate Disc 3?

"Oh, you have to return that to where you bought it."

This is such a crock of shit. Nearly an HOUR of time wasted, and they won't even help me.

So I call up Deep Discount DVD and am emailed a return-label TO RETURN ALL 14 DVDS in under five minutes.

Of course, in the meanwhile, I don't get to watch the remaining 11 DVDs which are perfectly okay (except for the disasters that are Superman III, and the horrendous Superman IV: Quest For Peace)... oh no. I have to wait for the box to get back to DDDVD, then wait even longer for the replacement box to get back to me.

When all Warner Home Video had to do was mail me my Disc 5 and process my replacements for Disc 1 and Disc 8.

But instead I have to frantically search for a customer service number that doesn't exist, visit their Undertone-infested web site to get a number, get passed around THREE TIMES before getting the right number, ultimately get no help at all, and then find out I have to wait another week or two before I even get to watch the movies... all because of THEIR mistake! THIS is customer service??

Seriously... Warner Home Video can kiss my ass. It's crap like this that makes me want to illegally download movies off the internet. Why pay money to get treated like shit when I can download movies with no hassle for free? Movie studios and record labels should be bending over backwards to treat their legal, paying customers with respect and impeccable service. Instead, we get treated like shit, branded as criminals, and are forced to suffer for their errors. And yet, somehow, I am supposed to care when these idiots say that profits are down because of piracy? YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM, DUMBASSES!! After all this, why would I ever want to buy anything from Warner Home Video again?

I don't steal music or movies. I never have. Maybe I should start?

Categories: Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink  35 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 11

Posted on Sunday, December 31st, 2006

Dave!How can I be so exhausted yet not be able to sleep?

I went to bed at 9:30 and was relieved that I might actually catch up on some much-needed shuteye. But then I woke up at midnight, and haven't been able to get back to sleep all night. Insomnia sucks ass, but it did give me time to write the final Bullet Sunday of 2006... BLOGOGRAPHY'S BEST OF THE YEAR LIST!

• Best New Television Show... For nine glorious weeks, Project Catwalk featured Elizabeth Hurley being Elizabeth Hurley which makes it one of the greatest shows ever. At least it was, until this tragic event occurred.

• Best Returning Television Show... How does one choose between Veronica Mars and Battlestar Galactica? (if you are a guy, trust me... you want to follow those links!).

• Best Guest Appearance on a Television Show...

Peterotica
Betty White in "Peterotica" from The Family Guy.

• Best Movie... This is a tough call, but I was taken completely by surprise at how much I loved Little Miss Sunshine. A close second is The Prestige, which haunted me for weeks.

• Best Bad Movie Hype... I went to Brokeback Mountain because of all the hype and was so bored that I consider this to be one of the worst films ever. I prefer my remake, Bareback Monkey. "I wish I could quit you, Captain Crunch!"

• Best Video Game... Lego Star Wars 2: The Original Trilogy. I only wish I had time to play it.

• Best Funny... I never claimed that Blogography was a humor blog but, when I set my mind to it, this can be the funniest blog ever.

• Best Poetry... I hate to be tooting my own horn here, but my Seven Odes From My Day-Trip To Chicago kick ass! I should totally write a book of poetry!

• Best Charitable Cause... There is nothing more important right now than immortalizing my greatness. Give generously to the Dave Monument Fund.

• Best Explanation of Why I Am The Way I Am...

Dave Universe
Yes, the world really does revolve around me.

• Best Reason to Have a Blog... Davecago was one of the year's biggest highlights for me.

• Best Shock... Randomly running into fellow blogger Timothy while in New York City just before he's off to Uganda. What are the odds? Considering he previously lived in American Samoa before moving to Africa, he would be voted the Blogger I'm Least Likely To Ever Meet, yet there he was in the middle of one of the biggest cities on earth.

• Best Non-Government Holiday... Yeah, it would be pretty hard to top Day of Slayer! (and getting to meet Mistress Eve and Dave3 a month later was icing on the cake).

• Best Garfield Strip in 25 Years... Well, it's not like Jim Davis was ever going to get around to doing it. You may think I'm joking here, but I'm totally not.

• Best Bad Influence... Bad Monkey really is bad... he's teaching kids to smoke cigarettes and then getting them into trouble at school.

• Best Blog Fan... Turns out that I'm not good-looking, not funny, and not nice, and somebody was kind enough to point it out to me.

• Best Identity Theft... And here I only thought I was joking about people wanting to be me...

Dave Hair
Who could possibly want to be me with hair like this?

• Best Bad Robert Story... Well, of those stories I was actually able to share without getting sued, I guess it would have to be Bad Robert's Blue Balls.

• Best Advice... How to make your blog be like every other blog (though some people hated me for this one).

• Best Way To Hide a Fart... Who knew a pack of gum would make the best odor eliminator ever?

• Best Lie... Bob is a psychopath.

• Best Lesson Learned... One thing at a time.

• Best Blogography Entry... How can I choose when they're all so good? I've narrowed it down to these ten...

  • Pain. I read this one and even I laugh out loud.
  • Wipe. If only all entries could be about wiping my ass.
  • Chasm. So bizarre that I have no idea what it means, but I like it.
  • Uhura. Hah! It's a penis with a bluetooth headset!
  • Worse. Sometimes a cartoon can say more than words ever can.
  • Cake. Bad Monkey with a urinal cake in his mouth was one of my best ideas ever.
  • Drawn. How DaveToons are created.
  • Forty. Best imaginary birthday ever.
  • Bagged. I'm amazed I managed to make an entry out of a plastic shopping bag.
  • Stevenote. Sometimes my wacky imagination surprises even me.

• Best Reader... It's totally you! How could it be anybody but you? Thanks for stopping by, and we'll see you next year.

Best Friends

   

Voice

Posted on Monday, January 15th, 2007

Dave!After a long day at work on a public holiday, I was looking forward to finally seeing Children of Men and going out to a nice dinner.

Unfortunately my favorite restaurant in Wenatchee (McGlinns) has, for some stupid-ass reason, decided to stop offering veggie burger substitutions on their burger menu. WTF?!? THEY'RE FROZEN!! How hard is it to keep a box of frozen veggie burgers in your freezer for those times you have vegetarian guests? Is that really too much to ask? Sheesh. It's inexplicable shit like this that causes me to abandon local haunts in favor of sanitized chains like Applebees. Hey, they may be a chain, but at least they don't f#@%-over their vegetarian clientele.

Children of Men

As for the movie... it was pretty freakin' amazing. I was blown away at some of the more shocking turns (of which there are several). It is now readily apparent why Children of Men is garnering such critical praise... it's relentless. And beautifully acted. And wonderfully shot. And skillfully directed. It's not a feel-good film by any means, but it is a film that will make you think. And feel. Just watching Children of Men is thoroughly exhausting, but in a good way. If you can handle the violence and a few meandering scenes, it's worth checking out.

Anyway, if you will now excuse me, I'm choosing to retire on this Martin Luther King Jr. Day by listening to a few of his speeches. So many of his words are as profoundly stirring today as they were when he spoke them, and I don't know whether I should be happy or sad about that. Happy, because it just goes to show that great words withstand the test of time. Sad, because if I were asked to name a "Martin Luther King Jr." for our day, I could not. Why is it that America's greatest voices all seem to come from the past?

Bleh. I'd feel a little less depressed about that if there was a new Veronica Mars on tomorrow night, but she doesn't return until the 23rd.

Categories: Food 2007, Movies 2007Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Panned

Posted on Saturday, February 10th, 2007

Dave!Wow. I just got back from watching Guillermo del Toro's motion picture masterpiece, Pan's Labyrinth. I already knew he was genius from his works on Hellboy and The Devil's Backbone... but this film exceeded even my loftiest expectations. It somehow manages to seamlessly blend a brutal reality with fantasy in a way that doesn't totally suck. If you can stomach the violence (and don't mind subtitles), it's definitely worth a look.

Taking place in Spain during World War II, Pan's Labyrinth is a little girl's attempt to escape the horrors of war to a fantasy realm that has perils of its own. Along the way she meets some interesting friends and even more interesting adversaries...

Pan's Labyrinth

About the only negative was having to see the film in a theater filled with idiots which included...

  • A group of emo goth dumbasses who talked the entire time. Assumably because they were too f#@%ing stupid to read subtitles and too lame to just leave the theater and sit at McDonalds for ten hours.
  • Three rude whores resembling Jabba the Hutt who not only couldn't shut the f#@% up, but snuck in large bags of Doritos that they then crinkled constantly while stuffing their faces with chips.
  • One moron who wasn't able to drink without choking, and spent most of the film hacking up phlegm.
  • Two stupid bitches who had to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes... together. From their non-stop giggling, I can only guess they were snorting cocaine, blazing up on meth, or otherwise killing their few remaining brain cells.

Whatever happened to the good old days when you went to the movies, sat down, shut the f#@% up, and watched the film?

Speaking of "the good old days" — I find it amazing how the "remastered" special effects they're sneaking into the original Star Trek series has reinvigorated the show. I just finished watching a remastered The Doomsday Machine, and it was pretty sweet! The originals could always hold their own against any of the crappy Trek spin-offs that followed, but now they're at a whole new level of greatness. And, unlike George Lucas shitting all over the Star Wars trilogy, the people working on Star Trek are actually respecting the source material. The stories and spirit remain unchanged... the show just looks fresher.

If only we could do the same for Jennifer Love Hewitt's freaky bangs on the first season of The Ghost Whisperer.

Categories: Movies 2007Click To It: Permalink  22 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 18

Posted on Sunday, February 18th, 2007

Dave!Lost is Lost... This morning I awoke to find a couple of emails from people pointing me to a story in The Washington Post about how Lost has plummeted in the television ratings and may be facing cancelation. I could try to act surprised, but what's the point? The show sucks ass. It was a brilliant concept that started out as a lot of fun, then disintegrated into boredom when the writers were either too stupid or too lazy to try and come up with cool new mysteries, choosing instead to drag out the same old shit... FOREVER. I mean, holy crap... I was pointing out this problem ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, and I'm not even in television! Are the people running the show on crack? It's like a lesson in what NOT to do, where everybody sees the wreck coming except the people driving the bus. Next up... Heroes! Or will they learn from Lost's mistakes in time?

• Best Breakfast Ever... Snack-Pack Chocolate Pudding, five Golden Oreo cookies, and a glass of chocolate milk.

Ghost Rider

• Spirit of Vengeance... One of the cooler comic book creations, Ghost Rider, has finally been given the movie treatment starring long-time comic fan Nicholas Cage. And here's the thing... despite the shitty reviews, I enjoyed this film. Cage totally had a handle on the character, injecting humor where appropriate and not taking the role too seriously. The special effects were kick-ass. The story was entertaining. But, most importantly, there was enough action to keep things moving and the film was fairly faithful to the comics. What's not to love? It amazes me that reviewers are going to a movie about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle thinking it will be about something else, then are disappointed to find out it actually IS about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle. Well, duh. It's not supposed to be Shakespeare, it's just a cheesy popcorn flick. Taking it for what it is, I found it brilliant, and will be buying it on DVD.

• Not-So-Daily Show... Whilst clearing old shows off my TiVo, I ran across the October 26th, 2006 episode of The Daily Show which I've saved because it is one of my all-time favorites. Remembering that The Daily Show can be purchased at the iTunes Music Store, I thought I would just buy the episode so I could free up some space on my TiVo box. Well, it was a good plan, except that you can only purchase the last 8 episodes and nothing before that. WHY? I would think that one of the benefits of selling shows online is that you have a library of archived shows to offer for sale. Both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have segments and guests that demand future exploration... why not offer them? Once again I am put in a position where my only option is to acquire the show "unofficially" — not by choice, but by stupid circumstance.

• Un-Trekable... Speaking of the iTunes Music Store... I was thrilled that the new "re-mastered" episodes of the original (i.e. "real") Star Trek were being offered for sale. Now, for reasons unknown, Paramount has withdrawn them. Which means last week's brilliant update of The Doomsday Machine and this week's beautiful tweaks to the classic Amok Time are nowhere to be found. WTF?!? So here I am, again, perfectly willing to pay money to get something I want, yet my only option is to hope somebody has uploaded it to BitTorrent. Oh well, T'Pring is a total bitch hottie at $1.99 or $0.00, so it's all the same to me. The only loser here is Paramount. Dumbasses. They will, of course, blame internet piracy for lost profits when it's their own stupid asses who are refusing to take my money.

• Six Meme... After avoiding the "Six Weird Things About You Meme" like the plague, Kyle descended like the Black Death and infected me with it. So here goes... 1) I don't like coffee or coffee-flavored products, which I don't think is weird, but others sure do. 2) I am perfectly happy watching the same movies over and over again... I've seen such films as EuroTrip, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Fifth Element, and Bedazzled dozens of times. 3) I have written exactly one fan letter in my entire life... it was to 80's Atari Computer game programmer Tom Hudson, and I still have his kind reply stuffed in a box somewhere. 4) My love of all things Betty White is not a joke... I really do think she kicks ass, and am a huge fan. 5) I am a total comic book geek, and own over 12,000 of them. 6) Weirdest of all? I write in my blog every day and this is the one-thousand-six-hundred-and-thirty-fifth time I've done so. FINI) I'm breaking the rules by not tagging six people now, but I don't tag.

Three weeks until TequilaCon...

   

Bullet Sunday 19

Posted on Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Dave!It's Bullet Sunday on Oscar night!

And while I am not a big fan of the Oscars (they never seem to award the proper films), I am a huge fan of movies, so here we go with the big four...

• Best Picture... Who should win: Little Miss Sunshine. Who will probably win: The Departed. Martin Scorsese, who has done some amazing work, will probably be given the statue for The Departed as a gimmee for being passed-over all these years... even though I don't think it is the best picture this year. I honestly feel that every other film nominated is more deserving to win, with Little Miss Sunshine topping my list.

• Best Director... Who should win: Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima. Who will probably win: Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima. This astounding film had some incredible artistic choices in direction that nobody can deny... Clint totally deserves to win for his hauntingly beautiful picture, and undoubtedly will. No other direction on a film comes close.

• Best Actor... Who should win: Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson. Who will probably win: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland. I am sure that Forest Whitaker turned in a wonderful performance as Idi Amin (I haven't seen the movie yet), but I find it impossible to believe that anybody topped Ryan Gosling's mind-blowing performance in Half Nelson. I had mixed feelings on the film, but there's no denying Gosling's brilliance in it. As an aside here, if I could pick ANYBODY to win this award, and not just a nominee, it would be Ken Watanabe for his work in Letters From Iwo Jima. This actor puts more into every amazing performance than any other actor I know, and this role was no difference. It's pretty criminal that he wasn't nominated.

• Best Actress... Who should win: Helen Mirren, The Queen. Who will probably win: Helen Mirren, The Queen. Probably the best performance in a movie this year. She WAS The Queen in this film, and humanized a very real person in a way that few actors could have managed. I would be shocked if she doesn't win.

Dave & Oscar

And now, I have about six hours of work to do yet tonight, so I'll be signing off. If you hear screaming, it's because Pan's Labyrinth didn't win Best Foreign Language Film...

   

Bullet Sunday 22

Posted on Sunday, March 18th, 2007

Dave!It's Bullet Sunday with the lights out! Problems with the electrical power have wrecked havoc with my work plans today, so here I am blogging on my laptop where it's safe.

As a side-note, I should mention that I am aware that Blogography has been having problems recently. My web hosting company, Media Temple, has been having serious issues with their new "Grid Server," and being able to access my site or comment on entries has been hit-or-miss as of late. Media Temple is supposedly working on the problem, but these issues have been going on for months now, so I'm not sure how much faith I can put in that. All I can say is "sorry" and please come back later if you're having problems.

Reeses Racing

• Disappointment! There's a dilemma I like to call "The Reese's Gambit." It hinges on the mysterious Russian-Roulette game you play every time you buy a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup candy bar. Will the peanut butter in the center be deliciously moist and tasty... or will it be all dried-up, powdery, and disgusting? There's no way of knowing, so you just have to buy one and find out what you get. When the center is good, there's very few candy bars I like better than a Reese's. When it's BAD, however, it usually pisses me off so much that I will go months without eating one again. Today, after a suitable three-month mourning period following a crappy Reese's experience, I tried again and got a good one. Yay me. Thinking I'd hit the jackpot, I went running back to the mini-mart to buy more... and was horrified to find that all of them had gross dried-out centers. So now I'm thinking it will be a while before I'm willing to play the Reese's Gambit again. I guess I'll just have to live off the memory of that yummy first Reese's for a while, and that sucks ass.

Remo Williams

• Destroyer! I watched Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins on DVD for the hundredth time last night, and wondered for the thousandth time why somebody hasn't made any more movies based on the series of excellent Destroyer books. Sure the original film (starring Fred Ward and Joel Grey) wasn't much of a financial success, and Destroyer fans disliked it because the story didn't follow the books closely enough... but I loved the movie. I still love it. And now that Tor Books is reviving the book line again with a series of "New Destroyer" novels in May, isn't it about time somebody step up and revive the movie franchise as well? The series really has it all... action, drama, intrigue, humor, and some of the most brilliant characters ever written. With the right director and cast, a Destroyer film would kick ass.

Cathy Dennis Move to This

• Deception! Back in 1994 there was a radio hit called Touch Me (All Night Long) by Cathy Dennis. The vocals were quite good, Cathy was suitably hot, and it had a sweet Europop electro-beat I liked. After a couple of listens I decided to run down to Hastings so I could buy the CD, which was titled Move to This (I was going on a road trip, and wanted something new to listen to). Imagine my surprise when I found out that the Touch Me song they were playing on the radio was not the same song on the CD. Instead of that kicky Europop beat driving the song, the CD track was all boring and shitty. I have a running joke with my friends about kicking the crap out of Cathy Dennis if I ever see her for betraying me this way. It may have been a dozen years past, but I just can't let it go. And then this morning I check my email to find that my friend Meagan had gifted the crappy song to me on iTunes... presumably as a joke. Well ha ha, the joke's on her because, as I was claiming the song, I noticed that iTunes had the REAL version of the song for sale off of a compilation called 100% Pure Dance. It's a mix that runs a little long, but it has the proper beat and I've been rocking out to it all morning. I think that I am finally... finally able to release my rabid hatred of Cathy Dennis now.

Hard Rock Dallas
Photo swiped from Virgil LaFerney's EXCELLENT Hard Rock Dallas Page.

• Dallas! I've been meaning to write about the sad closing of the Hard Rock Cafe Dallas since it happened two weeks ago, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. The pet project of Hard Rock co-founder Isaac Tigrett, the Dallas cafe was a special property indeed. Originally a Baptist Church, 13 million dollars was spent renovating the building and creating the cafe, which finally opened on November, 1986 (the fourth Hard Rock in the US and ninth world-wide). There were many features that made this cafe unique in the chain, and the property quickly became one of my favorites when I first visited in July, 2001. Hearing about the closing was painful, and I feel terrible that I didn't manage to get back once I heard they were shutting their doors for good. It's things like this that really have me questioning why I care about the Hard Rock anymore. If the owners can't appreciate the chain's history, why should I? Oh well, at least I got to visit this one before they dumped it... nothing is more frustrating than having a cafe close before I have a chance to visit.

Robert Downey Jr. Zodiac

• Downey! How is it that Robert Downey Jr. can steal every movie he's in... even if it is a relatively minor role? Sure Jake Gyllenhaal and Mark Ruffalo were excellent as the driving force behind David Fincher's latest film, Zodiac, but it's Downey who makes the film truly interesting to me. Playing seriously flawed reporter Paul Avery, he just blows everybody else off the screen. Suddenly a film that seems more like a crime reenactment than a cohesive story comes alive because Robert Downey Jr. just sucks you into his character. My only real criticism of this beautifully-shot movie is that it didn't have enough Downey in it. Well, that and the really bad toupee that Anthony Edwards was forced to wear throughout the film. Holy crap did it ever look like a ferret died on his head. Why why why couldn't they have just left his character bald so as not to distract the audience and embarrass the actor?

Oooh... the power is back on again! Guess I'll save my remaining bullets for next Sunday, because it's back to work for me...

   

Punk'd

Posted on Friday, April 6th, 2007

Dave!As I was walking to my car this morning, I very nearly stepped in a pile of dog shit. The close call was made even more strange when I got to my car and saw that a dog was across the parking lot staring at me. I can only guess that he was the perpetrator, and was undoubtedly disappointed that I hadn't stepped into his trap. If he had a video camera, I'd say it's like an episode of "Doggy Punk'd" or something. More likely that he was just bored, and this is what he does for laughs.

Except now he knows what car I drive, so I can only imagine where he will choose to take a crap next. If I find a steaming pile on the hood of my car tomorrow, I'm going to hunt down that dog and shove it back up his ass. Who will be laughing then?

Dave Doggy Punk'd

And speaking of putting shit back in the dog...

I just saw the single worst movie ever: National Lampoon's Gold Diggers, and am trying to figure out why in the hell National Lampoon would put their name on such a bad, BAD film. The terrible story and acting would have been forgivable... except IT WASN'T FUNNY!! And isn't that what National Lampoon is all about? Rotten Tomatoes has listed an aggregated review score of 0%, AND lists it as #7 on the "100 Worst-Reviewed Films of All Time," so why in the heck would they ever release it on DVD? Far better to lock this piece of shit in a vault and drop it to the bottom of the ocean than to tarnish the National Lampoon name! They may not be as respected now as in their Animal House days, but there's no reason to flush their reputation down the toilet entirely...

Golddiggerssucks

You know a film is bad when it features ultra-hot Nikki Ziering topless, and I still can't find anything good to say about it.

   

Glorious

Posted on Saturday, April 7th, 2007

Dave!I have yet to figure out why I am chronically unlucky when it comes to driving karma.

You can bet your ass that if there is a dumbass on the road, he'll be in my immediate vicinity. If there is a traffic accident, it will happen right in front of me. If there is road construction closing down a lane, I'll be the one they make stop and wait. If a 90-year-old woman is out for a Sunday drive, I'll be the one stuck behind her. When it comes to being delayed, interrupted, stopped, or cut-off, I'm the guy who is going to be selected by the driving gods to get shafted.

And it's always when I'm in a hurry.

Today I had to run home really quick before I left for the movies. Naturally, a train decided to pass right as I got to the crossing...

Stopped for a Train

Once I finally got past the crossing, a fruit truck going 15 miles under the speed limit pulls out in front of me...

Stopped for a Fruit Truck

After I got home, dropped my stuff, and finally made it out to the highway, a State Patrol car decided to pull out as well, which meant speeding to the theater to make up for lost time wasn't an option (forgive me for not including a photo, but something tells me that the State Patrol frowns upon taking photos from a moving car going 60mph on the highway... especially when it's the driver doing the photography).

Typical.

But somehow I made it to the movie on time, which is where I got to watch the greatest film released in recent memory, BLADES OF GLORY!

Blades of Glory

Forget 300, Last King of Scotland, The Queen, Zodiac, Blood Diamond, and even Ghost Rider, THIS is the movie which will stand the test of time! I'd put it right up there with The Godfather and The Terminator in terms of greatness!

Okay, maybe not. But it was a lot of fun, and much better than I expected...

Monkey of Glory

I just can't figure out why nobody has thought of building a comedy around double-men pairs skating before. It's a brilliant concept. Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Amy Poehler, Will Arnett, and Craig T. Nelson were all perfectly cast in their roles... but I'd have to say that it's Jenna Fischer who will end up with an Oscar nomination out of this film. She has a lingerie scene which will have people completely forgetting her mousy "Pam" character from The Office. Who knew?

Bring on Spider-Man 3.

   

Bullet Sunday 25

Posted on Sunday, April 8th, 2007

Dave!Make a joyful noise for Bullet Sunday has risen!

• Easter... I gave up celebrating Easter around the same time I gave up being Catholic (almost 20 years ago now!) but still love the holiday for one very good reason: the candy. I absolutely love Easter candy. From having my teeth shiver as I bite into the sweetness that is a Cadbury Chocolate Cream Egg... to getting some of my favorite candies in egg shapes and pastel colors... Easter is a candy-lover's dream come true. In many ways, I'm thinking it even eclipses Halloween in terms of confectionary importance to me now...

Dave Easter Chocolate
Nothing wrong with getting a little tail on Easter.

Which is probably why I'm choosing to celebrate the holiday by lapsing into a chocolate coma.

• Voicemail... ABC Television has an amazing new video player on their site which, get this, IS MACINTOSH COMPATIBLE!! As if that weren't cool enough, you can watch full episodes of sweet ABC shows like Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy. But here's the best thing... they have an original online series called Voicemail that's priceless...

Voicemail
Mike is a character that just about any guy can relate to at some point in their lives.

For best effect, you'll want to go to ABC.com and choose their New Video Player. But you can also access the webisodes in the old Flash player format from the Voicemail web site (which is also funny). This is one of those rare online series that is actually worth your valuable time. I hope they sell the episodes at iTunes after the first "season" is over, because I would gladly pay money to have this show saved on iTunes for a rainy day when I need a laugh.

Of course, this being ABC, they will undoubtedly cancel it half-way through the current season and we'll never see it again. It's what they do.

• Three... There is no bullet point three. Move along.

• Flash!... Ever since seeing Blades of Glory, I've had Queen's brilliant Flash Gordon Theme playing in my head. Depiste the poor reviews, I always liked the 1980 Flash Gordon film... largely due to the funky visuals, excellent film score by Queen, and the sweet hotness of Melody Anderson. I bought the soundtrack album long ago on vinyl (long since lost) but lucky for me it's available at the iTunes Music store. Sweet! I also note that one of my favorite videos, Radio Ga Ga, is also available. The song has never been one of my favorites, but the epic dream-like quality of the video is a winner...

Queen Radio Ga Ga
Freddie looking fierce, fabulous, and very gay wearing leather pants, feathers, and a sash.

• Extracurricular... Why is it that every time I turn around, there's another teacher being busted for sleeping with their under-aged students? And, even more importantly, why wasn't this part of the educational curriculum when I was in school? Granted, there were very few of my teachers I would have wanted to sleep with, but I can think of one or two that I'd have gladly let tutor me in some after-school sessions. Just think of the embarrassment that could have been avoided in fumbling to remove that first bra had a teacher been kind enough to show me how it's done! That being said, you would think that the penalty for violating the trust of parents who put their kids in a teacher's care like this would be death. Of course, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that somebody finds underage girls and boys to be sexually attractive, so maybe I'm just biased.

And, on that note, I must now have jellybeans. JELLYBEANS I SAY!!

   

Movied

Posted on Tuesday, April 10th, 2007

Dave!Yeesh. Another night of writing my entry just as midnight approaches. I guess that's what happens when you are slaving away morning noon and night to get caught up with work.

I suppose there are lots of things I could write about, but it's late, so I think I'll just grab that movie meme that's been floating around. Kevin has done is now, so I guess I pretty much have to...

  • Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times. Wow. Many, many of my favorite films have been seen at least 10 times. Here's a few from memory... Aliens, Back to the Future 1 & 2, Bedazzled, Beverly Hills Cop, The Birdcage, Buckaroo Banzai, Chasing Amy, Clerks, Coming to America, Commando, The Day The Earth Stood Still, Field of Dreams, The Fifth Element, Groundhog Day, The Matrix, Office Space, Real Genius, Remo Williams, Sneakers, South Park: Bigger-Longer-Uncut, Star Trek II & IV, Star Wars, Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back, The Terminator, Terminator 2, This is Spinal Tap, True Lies, and Undercover Blues.
  • Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in the theater. Recently that would be Clerks 2 and Casino Royale. My personal record would probably be The Matrix, which I believe I've seen in a theater 6 times.
  • Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie. Elizabeth Hurley.
  • Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie. David Caruso.
  • Name a movie that you can and do quote from. So many. I'm pretty good with Buckaroo Banzai quotes.
  • Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs. I don't do musicals. Though I liked the soundtrack from Xanadu back in the day, so maybe that one. Or Grease maybe?
  • Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with. Uh. None that I know of.
  • Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see. Undercover Blues, which is one of my favorite movies that people are always overlooking.
  • Name a movie that you own. I own many, many films.
  • Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops. Elizabeth Hurley is an obvious choice.
  • Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what? When I was a kid, this was a popular summer pass-time, so I'm sure there are many. I do remember seeing the original Star Wars for the third time at the drive-in.
  • Ever made out in a movie? Sure.
  • Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't yet gotten around to it. Talladega Nights.
  • Ever walked out of a movie? Born American, which made me embarrassed to be American. It's the worst movie I've ever seen in a theater (though I very nearly walked out on Spanglish, which was almost as bad).
  • Name a movie that made you cry in the theater. Dirty Dancing, but only because I was drunk and had gotten some really bad news earlier in the evening.
  • What's the last movie you saw in the theater? The most excellent Blades of Glory.
  • What's your favorite/preferred genre of movie? Action/Adventure is probably at the top.
  • What's the first movie you remember seeing in the theater? Herbie the Love Bug.
  • What movie do you wish you had never seen? Recently? The horrendously bad National Lampoon's Gold Diggers. Wretched, awful stuff.
  • What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed? Being John Malkovich is probably an easy pick for this one.
  • What is the scariest movie you've seen? Movies don't scare me much like they used to... back in the day, I was terrified from watching the original Alien.
  • What is the funniest movie you've seen? Gee, have no idea... Basketball, Stripes, or The Birdcage maybe? Eurotrip always makes me laugh.
  • Oog. Time for bed. But before I go, I was pleased to see that the plans for the first "Hard Rock Park" in Myrtle Beach have finally been released. It's looking pretty sweet, and bigger than I had thought it would be...

    Hard Rock Park

    Hard Rock Park

    The juicy details can be found at Myrtle Beach Online (which is where I snagged these photos). I guess that will be one more property to add to my list when it opens in 2008.

       

    Skywalker

    Posted on Saturday, May 26th, 2007

    Dave!I remember it as if it were yesterday.

    I did not see Star Wars in a theater when it was first released. I saw it at a drive-in later that summer. This was kind of a bummer because the picture... and especially the sound... at a drive-in is pretty crappy. But it was still Star Wars, and I remember being completely and totally absorbed from the moment that Star Destroyer crossed the screen. It was more than my 11-year-old mind could fathom, and my life (like so many others) had just been changed forever.

    Princess Dave Organa
    Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope...

    To say I became obsessed with Star Wars is an understatement of epic proportions.

    I bought everything Star Wars I could afford from my allowance or beg out of my parents. I collected the action figures and toys (when they were eventually released the next year). I devoured the comic book adaptation. I started drawing Star Wars stories of my own (Dart Vader lives!). I even made my own Star Wars films using stuffed animals, a 16mm movie camera, and time-consuming stop-motion photography. I was a pioneer in special effects, using a magnifying glass and permanent markers to draw laser blasts and lightsabers directly on the film. My world revolved around Star Wars, and once I rented the movie on VHS for the 100th time, I didn't want my old world back.

    But it was three years later that my obsession would be rewarded with one of the greatest movies of all time: The Empire Strikes Back. Everything that made Star Wars such an incredible experience was doubled. The action was intense. The special effects were mind-blowing. But most important of all, the story was brilliant. It was everything you hope for in a sequel, but rarely get. It was... it is... the perfect film.

    Sadly, things took a drastic dive after Empire, but that did nothing to diminish my enthusiasm for all things Star Wars, even to this very day.

    I lived through the heinous embarrassment of the Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks. I survived all the inane burp and fart jokes that all but destroyed Star Wars credibility. I endured through the devastating "acting" of Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen in the awful, awful prequels. I remained faithful as Lucas butchered his original brilliance in "special editions" where Greedo shoots first. I stuck it out as serious science fiction was degraded for the sake of making toys. But despite it all (or perhaps because of it all?), I still love Star Wars.

    Star Wars Logo

    Which is why today, in celebration of 30 years of Star Wars, I am re-watching all the movies on DVD while I get some work done.

    Hmmm...

    Boy was Luke Skywalker a whiny little bitch back at the beginning! I still wince when I hear: "But I was going into Toshi's Station to pick up some powerrrr converterrrrrrrs!" or "Uncle Owennnnn! This R-2 unit has a bad motivatorrrrrr!" and most of all "It's just not fairrrrrr!" I can't believe that Han never bitch-slapped the little whiner. Hard.

    Oh well. I guess it all turned out okay in the end.

    At least until George Lucas had Hayden Christensen show up as a Jedi Ghost at the end of Jedi and screwed it all up.

    Categories: Movies 2007Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 32

    Posted on Sunday, May 27th, 2007

    Dave!It's a Bullet Sunday Holiday! Well, not really... I'm still catching up on piles and piles of work over Memorial Day weekend. But at least it's quiet.

    • DaveToons. While I was on vacation, I worked on one of the many animated sequences for my video. I'm guessing that I'm about 25%-30% finished now. The cool thing about the project is that I am trying really hard to put Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey in places and situations I've never drawn before. It helps to keep things interesting to me so I don't get bored. Outer-space seemed to be a natural, but since I had already done Star Wars and Star Trek stuff before, I decided to take a more "reality-based" approach this time, choosing instead to make them astronaut heroes...

    DaveToons Animation Boards

    DaveToons Animation Boards

    DaveToons Animation Boards

    • Robin. One of my favorite Disney toons when I was a kid was Robin Hood. Growing up, I continued to enjoy the character, and was glad that there were plenty of books and movies to explore. Unfortunately, the movies were dated and crappy, but in the mid-80's there was a British television series called Robin of Sherwood which is probably the best interpretation of the character I've ever seen (even when Jason Connery took over for the amazing Michael Praed after series two). The show was tough and gritty, filled with brilliant acting and an almost spiritual reverence for the characters.I've re-watched the episodes many times, and purchased the DVD set a while back. Then in 1991 disaster struck. The Kevin Costner movie Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves was unleashed. This steaming pile of shit was beyond bad, and killed Robin to me for years. Flash forward a decade-and-a-half, and the BBC has taken another stab at Robin Hood with a 13-episode series which has also been airing on BBC America. This time they've attempted to modernize the story a bit, with mixed results...

    Robin Hood

    On one hand, they did try to do away with Robin as some kind of poser prancing through the forest in tights and blow-dry hair. This Robin is a mangy scavenger which seems more realistic to me. In addition, they've done a fairly good job of casting the roles, and have filmed the show beautifully, with lush photography and some nice cinematography. Where the show falls flat is that it's a bit boring and drawn-out. Robin starts out as a kind of wimpy pacifist, and there's not a lot of action to be had. In the end I'd have to say I liked it okay, but it still pales in comparison to Robin of Sherwood, which is a real shame. It's my understanding that they have started filming a second series, so I can only hope that the show will improve as it moves forward... the world needs Robin Hood now more than ever.

    • Fuzz. Finally got to see Hot Fuzz this weekend and absolutely loved it. Coming from the creators of the fantastic comedy-horror film Shaun of the Dead, this is a tongue-in-cheek look at all those quaint English countryside tele-dramas... but nicely blended with comedy, action, violence, and occasional gory situations. As if that wasn't enough, there's actually a really good mystery story to build upon, and all the acting is top-notch. Much of the humor and situations will be lost on American audiences, but I think that's why it's so amazing... they dumbed it down for nobody. Brilliant writer/star Simon Pegg was not afraid to start the film out slow, gradually building to a violent and action-packed finale that will have Shaun of the Dead fans cheering.

    Hot Fuzz

    In the movie, London police officer Nicholas Angel is so good at his job that he's making everybody else on the force look bad. The solution? Ship him off to the boring English countryside where he won't have the opportunity to show up anybody. But things are never quite what they seem, even in the sleepy village of Sandford, where everybody has secrets and a shocking mystery is waiting to be uncovered. Five stars from me.

    • Fascism. When I made my Blogography Political Sanity Chart last Wednesday, a couple of people asked why I didn't have Ann Coulter on it representing the Nut-Job Right. The reason is that such a hateful, fascist, moronic, lying bitch would throw off the entire balance, causing the chart to be completely messed up like this...

    Political Sanity 2

    Ann Coulter goes beyond "dangerous" and skates right up to "total fucking destruction." Her never-ending parade of hate and lies is so horrendously bad for this country that the damage she's done is incalculable. She professes to love America, but preaches against everything this country stands for. She's nothing but a skanky whore that will say anything, anything... regardless of consequences... to sell her piece of shit books. The fact that people even listen to what she has to say is surely a sign of the Apocalypse. Ann Coulter is representative of everything that is wrong with the USA, and indicative of all we must triumph over before we can come together and start rebuilding the America we once were.
    "I take the Biblical idea. God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees... God says, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'" — Ann Coulter (obviously living up to her really fucked-up interpretation of The Bible).

    Ugh. Time to get back to work. And I had better think of washing clothes too, because my pile of dirty vacation clothes is starting to smell funny...

       

    Paprika

    Posted on Tuesday, June 12th, 2007

    Dave!"The 24-bit eggplant will be analyzed!"

    I always pay a visit to Rotten Tomatoes before I even think about seeing a movie. But when I noticed that Satoshi Kon had a new film out called パプリカ (Papurika = Paprika) I didn't care what any critic might have to say. This is the genius behind one of the best animated films ever, Millennium Actress, and I knew immediately that I simply must see it. I had essentially been working two jobs all day, and this was just what I needed to decompress before going back to the hotel for another five hours of work that still needed to be done.

    Turns out I didn't need to worry. Rotten Tomatoes has an aggregated score of 90% Fresh for Paprika, and I totally loved it.

    Paprika4

    The story centers around a brilliant woman psychologist named Dr. Chiba who is working with a team of dream research scientists. Thanks to the invention of a device known as "DC Mini" she can enter the dreams of patients as her psychic alter-ego, Paprika, and help them with their psychological problems. Unfortunately, a set of three DC Mini devices are stolen, and somebody is using them to merge reality into the dream world. It's now up to Dr. Chiba/Paprika to figure out how to track down the devices, find out who is behind the theft, and save the world from madness.

    The result is a mind-bending explosions of animated imagery that's about the coolest thing you'll see this year.

    Paprika1

    Paprika2

    Paprika3

    To be honest though, this movie will not appeal to everybody. People who don't care for Japanese anime may be put off by the fantastical story elements and nonsensical visuals that permeate the film. Another problem is that the plot for Paprika may be difficult to follow for those used to having every last detail spelled out for them, and don't like to use their imagination to fill in the blanks. But if you can put your brain on hold and just go with it, this in one film that's really worth seeing.

    And as much as I enjoyed Paprika, the movie soundtrack is almost even more impressive, and has some very cool music by Susumu Hirasawa (who also scored Millennium Actress). The film's theme song The Girl in Byakkoya has been stuck in my head from the moment the movie started. Fortunately the track is available at the iTunes Music Store, so I can obsess over it until my mind goes mooshy. If you even think you might like Japanese Electronica... you can sample the album at iTMS (Meditation Field and A Drop Filled with Memories are beautiful).

    Lastly, for anybody interested, Apple has the super-sweet movie trailer for Paprika on their QuickTime site, which will give you a taste of what you're in for (turn your volume way up to hear that amazing Hirasawa soundtrack!).

    How depressing that Japan regularly cranks out these amazing animated art-pieces that are challenging and thought-provoking, and we get tired retread shit like Shrek III. Blargh.

    Categories: Movies 2007Click To It: Permalink  23 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Recovery

    Posted on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

    Dave!Firstly, to all my friends and family reading this who know about the situation here in Seattle... thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and positive energy. This has been one of the longest days in my life but, despite all the delays and the waiting, everything turned out with the best possible results we could hope for.

    Waiting, as they say, is the hardest part.

    In an effort to distract my head, I put in a very full day. First I went to see Transformers, which was pretty freakin' cool. I love that they never cheated you out of a transformation or a battle. You see everything. And there are few things better than watching giant robots beat the crap out of each other...

    Transformers

    Where the film failed me was in the utterly pointless deviations from the actual story. By the time we got to Sam's mom talking about masturbation, I was just plain pissed. It wasn't funny. It wasn't interesting. It was just needless distraction. Why? And then there's the whole military sub-plot that goes nowhere. Why? But worst of all... John Turturro, who I actually enjoy as an actor, plays a character "Agent Simmons" who was so unbelievably annoying and stupid that he very nearly ruined the movie for me. Why? Somebody needs to be in the editing room with Michael Bay so they can slap him upside the head when he makes stupid decisions to include crap like this, because otherwise it was pretty good flick.

    Then I went to see Fantastic Four 2, which was better than the awful first film, but still a far cry from what a Fantastic Four film should be. The only real reason to see the movie is for Silver Surfer, who rightfully kicks ass...

    Silver Surfer

    I found myself almost wishing that the Fantastic Four weren't in their own film so I could see more of him. That's pretty sad. Overall it was mediocre, but I was glad to have seen it.

    And, of course, I stopped to take a look at the iPhone up close and in person. And, of course, it's just as amazing as everybody says it is. And, of course, I want to have an iPhone now more than ever before. Everything about it is just cool. Particularly the screen and web browser, which is mind blowing...

    iPhone Blogography

    Blogography looks great, and is totally readable in horizontal mode, even without zooming...

    iPhone Blogography

    A pity that they're sold out absolutely everywhere.

    But not surprising.

       

    Fact!

    Posted on Monday, August 6th, 2007

    Dave!I was just flicking through channels and see that BravoTV is airing Eddie Murphy: RAW... except they are silencing all the curses. This makes the jokes incomprehensible, and renders the entire show 50% silent. Why even attempt run a censored version of Eddie Murphy standup? It makes no sense.

    Anyway, earlier today I mentioned on a message board that had I re-watched Battlefield Earth this weekend and was surprised that it wasn't as horrendously terrible as I had remembered. Sure the acting was mostly awful and the makeup on the Psychlos was embarrassingly bad (their "hands" didn't work, and looked like giant mittens)... but it had good FX, a passable (if implausible) story, and was decent mindless entertainment. Whatever...

    Battlefield Lame

    A couple of hours later, some dumbass leaves this enlightening response...

    "Don't be such a fag. Battlefield Earth sucked and that's a FACT!!!

    I ignored his obvious struggle with his sexuality, and went on to explain that Battlefied Earth "sucking" was an opinion, not a fact. Believe it or not, there actually are people who like it, and the flick did receive a few positive reviews by the critics. But, much like Bill O'Reilly, the moron simply could not distinguish between opinion and fact. The conversation immediately degenerated into idiocy, at which point I took my leave. I'd rather give up than waste time with inane crap like this.

    Much like I've given up on the antiquated and stupid state of patent law. I've written about the absurdity of the US patent system before, but without using curse words. Today I feel like writing about it again, but this time I can't be as generous in watching my language (much like Eddie Murphy in RAW)...

    Rated R

    If you're not afraid of the word "fuck" and aren't bothered by mindless ranting, then feel free to proceed...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Self-Assigned

    Posted on Wednesday, August 8th, 2007

    Dave!BUILT-IN ETHERNET IS CURRENTLY ACTIVE. BUILT-IN ETHERNET HAS A SELF-ASSIGNED IP ADDRESS AND MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CONNECT TO THE INTERNET.

    Sigh.

    I've got to start staying in a different hotel. Bad enough that this place doesn't have wireless and I have to bring my own ethernet cable for internet... even worse that it doesn't work half the time, so I end up having to drag my sorry ass down to the lobby for their crappy lobby wireless (which is almost as bad). Why is it some hotels just don't seem to get it? Most everybody NEEDS reliable internet now-a-days. If you don't provide it, and people are going to go somewhere else.

    Today was yet another three-hour drive through n-o-t-h-i-n-g to the "Inland Empire" of Spokane. It's a hypnotic journey of flat plains and wide-open spaces...

    Road to Spokane

    Road to Spokane

    The good news is that if you leave at the right time of day, you don't have to share the road with anybody. The bad news is that if you've done the drive once, you've done it a million times... and it's always the same.

    Of course, once you actually get to Spokane, you can drown your sorrows in two delicious slices of the Best Pizza in The Universe at David's Pizza...

    David's Pizza AGAIN

    I know I've blogged about this pizza like a hundred times now, but that's about all there is for me to write about here. I've lost count of the number of times I've taken that same photo composition, but oh well... here it is again: two slices of DaVinci pizza with a Stewart's Orange Cream Soda (which, coincidentally, is exactly what I would order for my last meal if I were on death row).

    After dinner, I went to go see The Simpsons Movie which was kind of boring. The show definitely works better when the writers are condensed for time on your typical half-hour episode. Giving them 90 minutes just drags everything out. The real reason I wanted to see it, however, was to know if anything in the film would have a lasting affect on The Simpsons' "universe." For one character it actually does, which made me a bit sad (hey, I liked that character!).

    And now it's time to head back to the lobby so I can post this. Fortunately, everything else I wanted to do on the internet tonight can be done on my iPhone while running around my hotel room in my underwear.

    They don't let you do that in the lobby.

    Categories: Movies 2007, Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink  28 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Flash!

    Posted on Thursday, August 16th, 2007

    Dave!♫ Ahhh AHHHHHHH! He'll save every one of us! ♫

    I finally got around to watching the Sci-Fi Channel's Flash Gordon show. I was really stoked for the series, which is why I was devastated to find out that it sucks ass. This is probably one of the worst television shows ever, and that's saying a lot. Not only is the writing complete and total shite, but the acting is horrendously bad and the special effects (what few of them they use) are laughable. I can't find a single thing worth praising on this trainwreck of a series, and am dumbfounded that Sci-Fi... who are supposed to be fans of good science fiction... would screw things up this badly.

    Which begs the question... how could you possibly fuck up Flash Gordon? There's so much source material to work from.

    I mean, come on, the crazy-cheesey 27-year-old movie staring Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, and Max von Sydow was sheer genius by comparison. I love that flick! Not only have I see the film dozens of times and purchased all iterations released that I could find (VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Import Special Edition DVD, and Saviour of the Universe Edition DVD), I've also got the movie poster framed and hanging on my wall...

    Flash Gordon Poster

    And here's the puzzler... the writing on this film was over-the-top, the acting was far from great, and the special effects weren't anything to write home about (though there was a musical score by Queen!). So why did the movie work, while the television show fails so miserably?

    BECAUSE IT WAS ENTERTAINING!! Hell, I'd argue that the FIFTY year-old Black & White Buster Crabbe serials were more fun to watch that this shitty television atrocity!

    In the movie, Flash was trying to save the entire earth. In the TV show, Flash was trying to find an iMac (or whatever). In the movie, Ming was a sadistically evil egomaniac. In the TV show, Ming is a whiny little bitch. In the movie, Dr. Zarkov is a brilliantly mad scientist. In the TV show, Dr. Zarkov is a bumbling idiot. In the movie, Aura is a brutally hot psychotic bitch. In the TV show, Aura is just plain boring. Much like the show itself... totally boring.

    Flash Gordon fans deserve so much better.

    Dave Flash Gordon

    With even a little effort and creativity, a new Flash Gordon show could have been brilliant. I was counting on it being brilliant. Instead I was only setting myself up for disappointment.

    Stupid Sci-Fi Channel bastards.

       

    Superbad

    Posted on Monday, August 20th, 2007

    Dave!My work schedule keeps changing. One minute I've got two days before I start... the next minute I've got two hours. This makes any grand adventure out of the question, so I decided to just wander down toward Milwaukee and catch a movie or something.

    But first, breakfast.

    Since it was 11:30am before I got my work situation figured out, I missed my breakfast window of opportunity... but still wanted breakfast. Remembering that Cracker Barrel serves breakfast all day, I decide to see if there's a location near me. Thanks to iPhone, stuff like this is simple...

    1. Wake up iPhone and select Google Maps.
    2. Enter my location and press the "search" button.
    3. Type in "Cracker Barrel" and press the "search" button.

    And, just like that, iPhone pops up with the nearest Cracker Barrel down on County Line Road Q in Menomonee Falls (if Apple ever adds a GPS unit, that would eliminate step 2...hint, hint). Have I said how much I totally love my iPhone?

    After a plate of eggs and corn bread muffins with a side of grits, I consult iPhone once again to see what movies are playing at the AMC down at the Mayfair Mall. Turns out that Superbad doesn't start until 1:40, so I decide to take a look at the new Apple Store at Bayshore Town Center in Glendale before I go. I have no idea where that is but, once again, iPhone comes to the rescue with detailed maps and driving directions, complete with traffic status. How did I ever get along in life without it?

    The Glendale Apple Store is nice enough, but it turns out that Bayshore Town Center is a kind of elitist-fascist shopping area with a "Code of Conduct" posted at the entrances. Rules include "no congregating in groups of more than four people" and "no profanity" and "you must carry photo identification" and "no unauthorized photography." This kind of scary crap made me feel very much out of place and unwelcome, so I decided to bail. But not before screaming "FUCK YOU BAYSHORE TOWN CENTER" at the top of my lungs and taking this completely unauthorized photo of the Apple Store there...

    Apple Store Bayshore Town Center

    Surprisingly, this anti-conduct behavior did not cause a swarm of security guards to come beat me up and kick me out of Bayshore Town Center as I expected. It's too bad, because then I would have REALLY had something to blog about.

    Then I was off to the much more sane and friendly Mayfair Mall, where I arrived just in time to see Superbad. Except not really. Once the twenty minutes of commercials, advertising, previews, and crap had aired, THEN I got to see the movie.

    Superbad was pretty darn funny, and seeing Michael Cera on the big screen just makes me miss Arrested Development all the more. Oddly enough, however, I found the main story-line with Jonah Hill to be kind of annoying... it was the sub-plot with two cops played by Bill Hader (funnier here than he's ever been on Saturday Night Live) and Seth Rogen (who co-wrote Superbad) that completely stole the show for me. Funny, funny, stuff... McLovin.

    Almost as funny as when I went to pick up my rental car yesterday and saw that two guys had decided to ignore the warning signs, arrows, and big-ass spikes so they could exit through the entrance gate...

    Severe Tire Damage

    I hope that they purchased the full insurance coverage option on their rental. But I'm guessing that they probably didn't, because once I got inside I noticed them in a heated discussion with the manager. I think that they were actually trying to blame him for their mistake, so good luck with that guys!

    And now I'm at work. But I can't hook my laptop up to internet here for some reason, so heaven only knows when I'll get to post this (my schedule has me working straight through until 9:00am). Bleh. Maybe I can escape for a midnight "lunch break" or something.

    UPDATE: And so I run back to my hotel where I will have internet to post this, and decide to stop at McDonald's for a large fries and a chocolate shake. But when I get to my room and open the bag, I see that my large fries is only HALF-FULL!!! Frickin' rip-off McDonald's bastards! Is nothing sacred?

       

    Wrong

    Posted on Monday, August 27th, 2007

    Dave!And so I'm back from Chicago browsing through all the TV shows stacked up on my TiVo, when I notice that one of my favorite shows, My Boys has several new episodes waiting for me. I've always known that the show is based in Chicago, but I never realized how entrenched the show is in Chicago until tonight. The characters regularly drop the names of Chi-Town locations I've been to or through, but it wasn't until they talked about eating tapas at Emilio's that it finally sunk in. That's the restaurant where RW invited me to dinner, then subsequently went insane and had to be taken away by the police (or something like that). It's cool to know that not only is the show funny, but it works hard at being authentic as well.

    Anyway...

    On the way home from work today, I made the turn onto my street and noticed something odd in the distance. A car on my side of the road was going in the wrong direction, heading straight for me. Thinking that it was a temporary adjustment because of a cat or pothole (or whatever) on their side of road, I wasn't worried. But he never went back into his lane. He kept coming. My concerned deepened when he started honking his horn as he approached. Not knowing what else to do, I slowed down to a near-stop, and waited to see what's going on. But the guy kept coming. And once he got almost to the hood of my car, he swerved into the proper lane (still honking), flipping me off as he passed, then went back into my lane.

    And then it happened.

    Suddenly I found that I was doubting myself over something I knew to be correct.

    "Holy crap! Am I driving in the wrong lane?!?"

    It was only for a fleeting second that I thought the right lane was the wrong lane, but it's been bothering me all night. I'm a total genius! How could I question myself like that? Especially over something so fundamental like driving, which I do every day.

    It's a mystery. And I still don't know why that guy was driving on the wrong side of the road. Perhaps he just got back from living in England or something? Dunno.

    And, lastly, speaking of wrong...

    NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

    Geeks of Doom is reporting that Keanu Reeves has been tapped to play Klaatu in the remake of one of my favorite films ever, The Day The Earth Stood Still. I mean, come on, the movie really doesn't need to be remade in the first place... but Keanu Reeves?!? That's like getting Bender from Futurama to play the intergalactic peace-keeping robot Gort...

    Keanu Day The Earth Stood Still

    Heh, heh, heh... "Klaatu barada niktooooo-bite my shiny metal ass, humans!"

    It's a sick, sad world.

    Categories: Movies 2007Click To It: Permalink  18 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Blu-Ray

    Posted on Saturday, November 24th, 2007

    Dave!For better or worse, I'm an early adopter.

    I love tech gadgetry, and have always put myself on the bleeding edge of new technology... from computers, phones, and cameras, to stereos, media players, and video games. I am always seeking out the newest of the new to play with. Sometimes I get burned (MiniDisc Music Player, Apple QuickTake Camera, Panasonic Recordable DVD Player, to name a few) but overall I've been happy with my decision to be first out of the gate (and so are my friends and family, because they get the "old" equipment it replaces).

    I was one of the first people in Washington State to own a DVD player. It was one of seven Sony reference players sold in Seattle, and cost just under $2000 once I got everything I needed. Sure that's a lot of money, but when a friend and I were invited to a technology demo of DVD in early 1997, I simply could not resist. The quality was such a huge leap over VHS tape that a total movie whore like myself was compelled to purchase it. As it turns out, this was money well-spent. My Sony DVP-S7000 player has been in service for almost 11 years now, surpassing the PIECE OF SHIT Panasonic Recordable DVD Player I bought a while back which never once managed to record a single DVD, despite two trips to the repair shop (which is why I will never buy from Panasonic again). I still curse director Kevin Smith for that mistake, because it was his advertisements that led me to buy Panasonic.

    Buying into DVD was an easy decision. It was superior to anything else out there (including my LaserDisc player... also an early adopter purchase), and was clearly the future of the home theater experience. I wasn't the least bit worried about investing in the technology, because all the major manufacturers and studios endorsed it. This was probably one of the safest bets I had ever made.

    Buying into Blu-Ray was not an easy decision. Mostly because manufacturers and studios are split between endorsing Blu-Ray and a competing format, HD-DVD. Choose wrong, and it's the Betamax vs. VHS tape format war all over again... and somebody is going to lose. That time, it was Sony's Beta that lost, so jumping onto their Blu-Ray format was not a sure bet. So I waited.

    But soon it became clear that there wasn't going to be an early victory in the format war. Blu-Ray and HD-DVD were both surviving at a near-equal pace. This was going to be a long, very stupid, drawn-out battle, and if I didn't choose a side I would be waiting quite a while. So a few weeks ago I decided on Blu-Ray, because that's where Disney-Pixar was at. I wanted to buy their brilliant new film Ratatouille in Hi-Def, and you couldn't get it on HD-DVD. So I ordered a Samsung BD-P1400 player at $369 (which has subsequently dropped at many vendors to $339 because of Black Friday).

    The player itself is good, but not great. The biggest problem was that the BD-P1400 did not come with an actual hi-def cable! So right out of the box, I couldn't see the Blu-Ray movies I bought in the way they were meant to be seen. This brought up the nightmare of cable-shopping, because they are SO FREAKIN' EXPENSIVE! The cheapest HDMI cable I could find locally was $79! Fortunately, the good people at Optimized Cable Company had what I wanted at $19.95 (quick shipping...highly recommend). A few days later, and I was in business.

    PROS...
    The picture and sound are incredible. The clarity and detail in the picture has to be seen to be believed. This all came to light when I watched Terminator 2. At first, I thought the picture was just a little better. But then I played the same movie on "regular" DVD and started switching between the two. The difference was astounding. Tiny details like hair and other small elements were noticeably blurrier when I dropped out of Blu-Ray. Since I can't do a screen capture of Blu-Ray (yet), I decided to simulate what a very small Terminator looks like when extracted from a scene and blown up. It's something like this...

    Bluraycompare
    Simulated DVD Enlargement on the left, simulated Blu-Ray enlargement on the right.

    Of course, the quality of the picture is wholly dependent on the source material. My Blu-Ray movie of Superman II, The Richard Donner Cut is an older film with noticeable softness and grain. Blu-Ray actually seems to make this more noticeable, because it presents such flaws so clearly. On the other hand, for movies like Ratatouille, which was a 100% digital conversion, there are -zero- flaws, and the picture quality is jaw-dropping spectacular.

    CONS...
    For reasons that totally escape me, Blu-Ray movies takes FOREVER to start up. Unlike a DVD player where you drop in the disc and can start watching immediately, Blu-Ray has a lot of waiting. At first I thought it was my Samsung BD-1400 that was to blame, but a quick check in online forums shows that this is a common problem in all hi-def players. This is really frustrating, and difficult to comprehend. Three steps forward in quality, one step backwards in convenience. Other than excessive waits for menus and such, the only other quality problem I've noted is occasional stuttering in some movies. It's very quick, so it's not too distracting, but can be irritating. Hopefully a future firmware upgrade will help solve this. But the biggest con? Some hi-def titles are not available on Blu-Ray, the studio having chosen to go the HD-DVD route. This includes many favorites (like the remastered Star Trek: The Original Series) and is kind of a bummer. Not wanting to buy a new film on the older format when not available for Blu-Ray, I've decided to rent them on Netflix until a Blu-Ray version is (hopefully) released. I suppose I could buy a second HD-DVD player (or a new combi-player) but really don't want to divide my media like that.

    The worst part of switching from DVD to Blu-Ray is my existing library of now-antiquated DVD movies, because it's not like I am going to run out and re-buy my entire collection again. Fortunately, the BD-1400 has "upconverter" technology which makes my old DVDs look pretty darn good, so this is not much of an issue for me. I'll re-buy some of my favorites, and absolutely buy new titles in Blu-Ray... but the bulk of my collection with remain in "regular" DVD.

    In the end, I am happy to recommend Blu-Ray over DVD. I am not, however, ready to recommend Blu-Ray over HD-DVD. The quality is reported to be about the same, so it's a personal choice as to which road to take. Many people might want to wait for the "combi-players" to come out so they can play either... but if you want to go with a single HD format, the choice will have to be made as to which has more movies and studio support that you're interested in.

    Am I happy with my decision? Sure.

    Am I confident I backed the right Hi-Def format? I have no idea.

    In the meanwhile, I'll be enjoying the stunning quality and terrific sound that Blu-Ray offers. Movies at home have never looked better.

    Categories: Movies 2007Click To It: Permalink  33 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 57

    Posted on Sunday, November 25th, 2007

    Dave!Where did this day go? Seriously, it's coming up on dinner-time and it feels like I just woke up a couple of hours ago. I know I went to work, but I didn't get nearly enough done. Must be a Bullet Sunday.

    • Pole! What is it with the latest fitness trends that keep popping up, disappearing, then popping up again? I'm seeing ads (once again) for POLE DANCING as exercise. I could make a number of smart-ass comments here, but instead I decided to buy a pole and get into shape! Off I went to Amazon to get an instructional video... and imagine my surprise when I found out there's a whole world of slutty exercise programs to choose from!

    Poledancingexcercise

    And now I can't decide if I want to learn exotic dancing, pole dancing, lap dancing, or bump n' grind strip-dancing. My gut instinct is to stick with pole dancing, but I'm thinking there's more money to be made in lap dancing. At least that's always been the case when I'm paying for it. Because, hey, there's nothing to say a guy can't earn a little cash while getting into shape.

    • South Park! Last night I finally had a chance to pull out my South Park: The Complete 10th Season DVD set and watch my second favorite episode of the series ever: Make Love, Not Warcraft (my all-time favorite being Christian Rock Hard). In addition to being hysterically funny, the episode is just so incredibly well made. I'd go so far as to say that it's practically flawless. Anybody who hasn't seen it should definitely take a look...

    Make Love, Not Warcraft

    • WOW! Included with my new South Park DVD set, there was a free 14-day trial for World of Warcraft. This is a really brilliant idea, because after having watched that South Park episode, I was in the mood to give it a try. I had played the original WarCraft games but, since I am not so much into the whole "online massive multi-player" thing, I never tried WOW. And now that I have, I know what all the fuss is about. It's pretty sweet!

    Dave WOW!
    This is me! I'm a Tauren Shamen, which I picked because he looks badass cool.

    Dave WOW!
    I use my mace to unleash my righteous fury on giant turkeys.

    Dave WOW!
    Then I figure out that I can shoot lightning, which I use to fry green pigs.

    Dave WOW!
    Oh shit! I'm dead!! I got my ass handed to me by a giant super-pig!

    Dave WOW!
    Oooh! The moon is all pretty and stuff.

    For a while there, I was having me some fun... being all kick-ass by running around and killing giant turkeys and pigs and stuff. But then people started asking me to join their group every 15 minutes, and I didn't want to play anymore. I don't want to join a group. I'm busy all the time, and can't commit to playing with a group... I just want people to leave me alone. But I couldn't find a way to hang a big "DON'T ASK ME TO BE IN YOUR GROUP" sign around my neck, so I gave up and stopped playing. Oh well. Hopefully Blizzard will release Warcraft IV soon, so I can play alone. Of course, right now I'm more interested in Starcraft II, which is the sequel to my favorite Blizzard game of all time.

    &bull Starbucks! I have written about the song I Love N.Y.E. by Badly Drawn Boy (from the amazing About A Boy movie soundtrack) a couple of times now (here and here). It's beautiful, magical, and I've always been puzzled as to why it was never nabbed for a television commercial. Well, somebody really smart in Starbucks' marketing department finally found it, and it's playing on a really cool animated ad for their calorie-laden holiday drinks (it's got penguins in it!). Beutifully done, Starbucks! If you're curious about this wonderful piece of music, you can take a listen at iTunes here.

    • Ghost Rider! After goofing off with WOW, I capped off my evening by watching my Blu-Ray copy of Nicholas Cage in Ghost Rider. It's not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a fun movie to watch and has nifty special effects. The critics, of course, savaged the movie in their reviews (it mustered only 28% on Rotten Tomatoes), which is probably justified, but kind of lame since this was such an easy target. I mean, come on, it's got a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle and Nicholas Cage in a hairpiece for crying out loud! At some point you have to just let go...

    Ghost Rider!

    Besides, any movie that's got Sam Elliott and Peter Fonda in it can't be too bad!

    And thus ends Bullet Sunday (though I've got a iTunes meme in an extended entry which was tagged me by James). Tomorrow I'm traveling cross-country, so my entry for Monday will be posted pretty late. For anybody interested, I'll be updating my journey throughout the day via DaveStalker™, so feel free to travel along with me if you've got nothing better to do.

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Speed

    Posted on Thursday, December 6th, 2007

    Dave!Well today totally sucked ass.

    Just as I knew it would. I expected it to suck ass. Somehow I thought this foresight would make it easier to live through to the rain of shit that fell all over my life, but I was wrong. So wrong. With every new horror that popped up, I was worn down just a little further. I haven't measured my height or anything, but I must be at least 3 feet shorter than I started out this morning. And my head hurts.

    But there was a bright spot when I woke up and saw that USA Today has a sneak peak at the new Speed Racer movie in production. And the photos are incredible. Word is that the Wachowski Brothers are creating a movie unlike anything seen before (not a surprise considering they were also responsible for The Matrix)...

    Mach 5

    Speed Racer

    I was a massive fan of the original Speed Racer cartoon when I was a kid (it had a monkey in it!), and am really psyched to see how this film is going to play out. Unfortunately, I have a long five months to wait. In the meanwhile, I guess I'll just go stare at the sneak peak photos again, and play make-believe Speed Racer like I used to...

    Dave Racer

    And then prepare myself for yet another crappy day tomorrow.

    UPDATE: The Speed Racer teaser trailer is now online. This is going to be so cool. Look, it's Chim Chim!!

    Chim Chim

    Chim Chim

       

    Hero

    Posted on Saturday, December 29th, 2007

    Dave!Is there anything more terrifying than having a few drinks and playing Guitar Hero?

    I suck ass at even the "easy" level, and alcohol doesn't seem to help.


    Dave Hero

    In happier news, I finally saw the film Kinky Boots and am absolutely astounded at the acting ability (flexibility?) of Chiwetel Ejiofor. The guy is amazingly talented. His role as "The Operative" in Serenity is by far my favorite, but his playing the transvestite "Lola" in Kinky Boots blew my mind. Now I am really wanting to see Dirty Pretty Things.

    Despite being rainy and a bit depressing, the weather in Seattle is still a massive improvement over Spokane.

       

    Indy

    Posted on Thursday, January 3rd, 2008

    Dave!Gah! I am addicted to Guitar Hero! Every time I hear a song now, I picture those notes coming at me and start doing air-guitar button mashing. This is particularly embarrassing when the song is something stupid playing on the radio (this morning I was rocking to All Out of Love by Air Supply). I would buy Guitar Hero for my Wii, but I'm afraid that I would never leave the house again.

    In other news... OMG! INDIANA JONES LEGO!!!

    Indy Lego

    Indy Lego

    I can't stand tossing the word "cute" around... but aren't these so totally cute? While I thought the sequels pretty much sucked ass, Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of the greatest movies ever made, and has been a favorite of mine from the minute I saw it.

    Which is why I'm terrified after reading comments by George Lucas in the recent Vanity Fair about the new Indy adventure... Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull...

    Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

    Basically, Lucas came up with a shitty idea for a fourth film that neither Steven Spielberg or Harrison Ford liked. But he kept ramming it down their throats and refused to come up with something different. Since Ford isn't getting any younger and everybody wanted to make a new Indy film, they eventually relented and let Lucas get his way. Considering the fucked-up mess that Lucas made out of the Star Wars prequels, my hopes for a decent film are pretty much dashed. I can only hope that Spielberg and Ford can transcend the material and at least come up with something entertaining that doesn't suck too badly...

    Daveraiders

    Oh well. I suppose I can always make my own Indiana Jones movie using Lego.

    Wow... now that I think about it, that's a totally kick-ass idea.

    Categories: Movies 2008Click To It: Permalink  29 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Goofy

    Posted on Monday, January 14th, 2008

    Dave!Yesterday I left for the Biloxi airport at 4:00am and was dreading the day to come. With four connecting flights ahead of me... all with very short layovers... the odds of something going wrong along the way was huge. First flight: Biloxi to Memphis - on time. Second flight: Memphis to Minneapolis - on time. Third flight: Minneapolis to Seattle - on time. Fourth flight: Seattle to Wenatchee - uhhhhhhhhhh... not so much.

    Wenatchee was fogged-in, and not a single flight had made it into the city all day. Not surprisingly, my flight was also canceled. This meant I got to hang around the airport with a bunch of really cranky people while waiting to see if we were going to be bussed, or if I would have to find a hotel and get re-booked for another flight.

    And so the bus it was.

    Three hours on a bus with 56 of my closest friends.

    Which was lovely, let me tell you.

    And yet, that was nothing... nothing... compared to the torture I was forced to endure tonight.

    Because tonight was when a group of us from work decided to go see National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

    Don't misunderstand me here though... the torture wasn't in watching the movie. Sure it was a complete re-tread of the first movie with no real improvements or memorable story elements. Sure it had so many plot holes that I was pulling my hair out at the end. And sure it pained me to see the remarkable Helen Mirren lowering herself to appear in something so mediocre and poorly directed. But all that was to be expected.

    What was NOT expected was that Disney would make you sit through a Goofy cartoon before the film actually started. I fucking HATE Goofy. I find absurdly stupid cartoon characters to be just a annoying and un-funny as absurdly stupid people. I mean, seriously, this shit is supposed to be humor?

    Goofy Bullshit

    Well, no thanks.

    I prefer to take my crappy movies WITHOUT a shitty cartoon up front.

    Goofy?

    Sigh. I would gladly trade every Goofy cartoon ever made for a single new episode of Invader Zim.

    Categories: Movies 2008Click To It: Permalink  27 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Relate

    Posted on Wednesday, February 6th, 2008

    Dave!Well then... thanks to some help from people far smarter than me, Blogography appears to be up-and-running again. Here's hoping it stays that way for a little while.

    Yesterday I was handed a movie meme and, since I had nothing better to blog about, I decided to fill it out. But after a few questions I realized it was just a variation on a half-dozen movie memes I had already done before, so I decided to toss it out and write about unclogging my shower drain instead.

    But then, just as I was getting ready to take a photo of the bottle of Liquid Plumr that had saved my day, I noticed one of the movie questions was different. It asked: "Name three characters from the movies you can personally relate to and why." Interesting! That's pretty much an entry all by itself, so I'll blog about my shower drain another day.

    And now, three people from the movies I personally relate to and why...


    "Mark" from Love Actually (played by Andrew Licoln).

    Love Actually is one of those films you either fall in love with immediately... or you despise because it is so contrived, manipulative, and filled with one-dimensional characters. On first viewing, I was firmly in the latter camp. I was disappointed that Richard Curtis would slap together a bunch of short bits from stories we've seen a hundred times before (including his own Notting Hill) and call it a film. The result is a patchwork of fantastic actors doing their best to add depth to characters that are so ill-defined that it's almost impossible to care about them.

    But then it grows on you. You see it at the rental store and remember it had some funny bits so you watch it again. And again during the holidays because it's a Christmas film. And again because it happens to be on HBO. And soon you're watching it for no reason at all, when suddenly it dawns on you... the characters don't have to be three-dimensional, because the characters are you. Or your family & friends. Or people you know. You don't need the details of their lives to become invested in them, because you already know them.

    This revelation dawned on me as I came upon the scene where Juliet has just discovered that her new husband's best friend is secretly in love with her. Mark is all at once overcome with the heartache, longing, shame, and the crushing disappointment of being in love with somebody he can never have...

    Love Actually

    Yeah. Definitely been there, done that, and can totally relate. Watching Andrew Licoln's brilliant, wordless interpretation of his character's agony is eerie, because it's as if he reached into my own experience and is expressing it on screen for everybody to see. Unfortunately, the director didn't allow his performance to stand on its own, and felt the need to blast music (Dido's lovely Here With Me) over the top... trying once again to manipulate the viewer unnecessarily... but it's still a scene that strikes me at my core every time I see it.


    "Bob and Charlotte" from Lost in Translation (played by Bill Murray & Scarlett Johansson).

    There are very few moments in Sophia Coppola's masterwork Lost in Translation which don't resonate with me. She managed to capture with almost supernatural accuracy exactly what it's like to be a foreigner in Japan... Being surrounded by millions of people yet feeling completely alone... The bizarre yet captivating world of Tokyo at night... Seeing your fellow foreigners over and over again because you're all stuck in the same loop... Not being able to sleep... Trying your best to fit into a culture which you will never, ever be able to fit into... The language barrier facing you at every turn... Feeling like an alien because you're so tall and freaky-looking compared to everybody else... It's all here. When I first saw Lost in Translation, I related so closely to Bob and Charlotte that I felt as if the film was speaking just to me. Like it was made just for me. Numerous subsequent viewings haven't changed my mind...

    Lost In Translation

    Scene after scene I find myself mentally going "that was me!" and the memories of my trips to Japan come flooding back. It's not often that a film so totally enters my psyche and consumes me, but this would definitely be one of them. Many people I know didn't care for this movie at all, and something in the back of my head is always wondering if the only reason I love it so much is because I relate to it so well.

    And now, because I feel it's a public service to mention it, the Lost In Translation soundtrack is sublime, and available on iTunes. Each track is an atmospheric piece of magic that haunts you long after the last track has played. Of course, the song that everybody wants from the movie, Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches, is not on the soundtrack, but is also available on iTunes if you're looking for it.


    "Joe" from Idiocracy (played by Luke Wilson).

    Yeah, like a movie about a guy trapped in a world filled with morons is really that much of a stretch from my life of being trapped in a world filled with morons (present company excepted, of course). While not up to the impossibly high standards set by Mike Judge with his first film, Office Space, the not-so-implausible future depicted in Idiocracy is still brilliantly realized...

    Idiocracy

    Everything run by dumbass politicians... Corporations taking over the country... Starbucks expanding into the sex trade... Tell me that this is anything but an accurate portrayal of the world of tomorrow! So yeah, seriously I can totally relate.

    Brawndo. It's Got Electrolytes. It's What Plants Crave!

    Categories: Memes 2006, Movies 2008Click To It: Permalink  23 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Sharpie

    Posted on Thursday, April 10th, 2008

    Dave!Free at last.

    This morning at 9:47am, after a week of agony and discomfort, my kidney stone finally decided to exit the building. And by "building" I mean "me." I had a feeling things were coming to an end yesterday because things started feeling different in my internals, but it wasn't until the pain subsided and was replaced with burning discomfort that I knew for certain. My guess is that appearing on The Jester Show last night scared the stone out of me, but it was more likely due to the massive quantities of water I drank afterwards.

    The hospital scan revealed that the stone was only 4mm, but it might as well have been 4-inches for all the trauma it caused me. Surprisingly, as I stood there gazing at the instrument of my destruction in the toilet, I marveled at how innocent it looked. Like a little pebble that might get stuck in your shoe or something. And by "shoe" I mean "penis."

    Though I'm sure if you looked at it under a microscope, it would be a different story. I've taken to calling my kidney stone "Mr. Sharpie" because it's the only explanation for how unbelievably fucking painful it's been...

    Mr.Sharpie
    Please note that Mr. Sharpie is no relation to Sharpie Brand Markers, ©Sanford, A Newell Rubbermaid Company
    I really don't want to be sued over this shit.

    Oh well. It's all over now. After having gone through this crap twice, I've decided that I'm drinking fifty glasses of water each day to flush this stuff out before it has a chance to accumulate into SPIKEY BALLS OF EXTREME PAIN!!

       

    In other news, the movie trailer for Battle In Seattle has been released over at MovieSet.

    It looks like complete and total shit.

    I don't know why they'd make a movie over a frickin' protest, but here you have it. While the event was very real, I have no idea if the drama they've added to the film is based on real stories or not. From the over-clocked intensity of the scenes in the trailer, I'm guessing it's mostly speculation and fiction, but who knows?

    In any event, I have no plans for seeing it. I was in Seattle working on November 30th, 1999... and blissfully unaware of everything that was going on. I was a dozen blocks away and cut off from news sources when things started up, and had no idea how intense things were getting until I went back downtown to my hotel later in the day. Fortunately, my hotel was on the edge of the riots, but I could still look out my window and catch a glimpse of the crazy stuff happening just a couple blocks away. Part of me wanted to go check it out, but after watching TV news I decided to stay in my room (which was largely tear-gas free!) and eat a bag of potato chips and a Coke for dinner.

    But my true memories of the WTO protest riots were formed the next two days while walking through the streets of downtown Seattle. The spray-painted buildings and smashed windows provided a vivid picture of just how fucked-up some people can get. I'm all for protest, but using violence to promote your cause doesn't do anything but make you look like a douchebag. I'd like to believe that the vast majority of the people who showed up were there for peaceful protest (even if most of them probably didn't even understand what they were protesting), but the fact that nothing was done to stop the violence has me blaming the protestors as much as I blame the Seattle Police for being so grossly unprepared.

    Ugh.

    Now that I'm back to normal, I suppose I should get back to reality.

    For once I'm actually happy about that.

       

    Newyorkatoria

    Posted on Friday, May 2nd, 2008

    Dave!IRON MAN, BITCHES!!!

    There was no real plan today. About the only thing any of us knew was that we were going to see Iron Man at 4:00. Everything else was just a matter of narrowing down the million options for things to do in New York City and picking something. Which is a heck of a lot more difficult than you'd think.

    Down the street from our hotel is the beautiful Grand Central Station, so we stopped by for a quick look...

    Grand Central Station

    Eventually it was decided that the main goal for the day was to go up the Empire State Building for an aerial view of Manhattan. Unfortunately, New York City has been under a perpetual fog blanket all morning, and visibility at the top was zero, so we decided to take a pass. Instead we headed downtown to see what progress was being made at the World Trade Center site. Along the way, we passed by Macy's, which was hosting an exhibit of Iron Man movie props in their exterior displays. There were little pieces littered from window to window like Tony Stark business cards, prototype armor boots, and the electro-magnet that keeps Tony's heart beating...

    Iron Man Props at Macy's

    But the big prize was the Iron Man Mach-1 armor! Totally sweet!!

    Iron Man Pano Macy's

    As if I didn't want to see the movie bad enough already!

    The last time I was at WTC Ground Zero, there was still a lot of debris, but it's all gone now, and things are finally starting to take shape. It's no less emotional, however...

    World Trade Center

    World Trade Center

    Unfortunately, it's really difficult to see anything. On the contrary, it's almost as if they were trying to obstruct your view of the site in every way possible. I have no idea what the reasoning is for this, but the only remotely viewable area is from a skybridge nearby...

    World Trade Center

    Back to the Empire State Building, where the fog looked like like it might be clearing up, but the operator assured us there was still no visibility at the top. Time for a "B-Plan." We headed up to Central Park to wander through The Metropolitan Museum of Art for a while...

    Paprika Painting

    Then it was time to meet up with Eve and Dave3 from Geeks of Doom for IRON MAN!!

    IRON MAN!

    Totally awesome movie! I dare say it's the best super-hero comic book movie made since the original Superman and Superman II. As expected, Robert Downey Jr. was flawlessly brilliant in his portrayal of Tony Stark. It's hard to imagine how anybody else could have played the role, really. Plenty of action. Plenty of story. Totally faithful to the comic book source material. Can you really ask for anything else?

    After an incredible vegetarian dinner at Quantum Leap in The Village, we ended the night at The Apple Store Soho.

    And now it's 11:30 and time to rest-up for tomorrows pilgrimage to Philadelphia.

    I can't wait.

    Categories: Movies 2008, Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 81

    Posted on Sunday, May 18th, 2008

    Dave!w00t! Today it's Bullet Sunday from one of my favorite cities: CHICAGO!!

    • Johhny. After struggling to catch up with work all morning, I decided to take the train into the city... even though the CTA has both the Blue-Line and the Red-Line under construction. A Johnny Rockets veggie burger was calling me. And since Chicago has one of my favorite restaurants in the chain, it would be worth the effort. Imagine my surprise when I get there to find that my beloved Johnny Rockets on Rush Street had CLOSED!! I was equally sad and enraged, and I don't think I'm ever going to recover. Goodbye Johnny, you will be missed...

    Johnny Rockets restaurant on Rush Street in Chicago at night.

    • Beautiful. I looked out the window and was happy to see that the weather had cleared up from the overcast skies and rain we had last night. It was beautiful out! Unfortunately, looks can be a bit deceiving, because it was actually chilly and windy. Fortunately, I had a jacket with me out of habit, because how would you expect to be cold on a day like this?

    Looking up at Hancock Tower and the Chicago city skyline.

    • Bean. After getting a surprise call from a former co-worker and meeting for coffee (her) and hot cocoa (me)... I met up with friends who were in the city from suburbia to do some shopping and go see Speed Racer (my review of the film along with reviews for two other movies I saw on the plane follows below). From there I decided to meet up with a current co-worker for dinner at the ever-excellent Pizano's Pizza and a walk through Millennium Park. I can't get enough of The Cloud Gate "Coffee Bean" sculpture, which was looking especially cool today...

    Cloud Gate sculpture... a giant 'coffee bean' shape with a mirrored surface reflecting the Chicago city skyline.

    Cloud Gate sculpture... a giant 'coffee bean' shape with a mirrored surface reflecting the Chicago city skyline.

    • Movie #1: Jumper. One sentence review: A great concept diminished to a bucket of shit that not even Samuel L. Jackson can save. Didn't we suffer enough when Hayden Christensen played Anakin Skywalker in the shitty Star Wars sequels? NOTE TO FILMMAKERS: THIS GUY CANNOT ACT! STOP CASTING HIM IN MOVIES! But even putting the horribleness of Mannequin Skywalker aside, this is a mess of a film. Our story begins when young David Rice discovers he has the ability to teleport anywhere in the world he can visualize. This is handy, because his mother abandoned him to live with his abusive father, and "jumping" provides him with the escape he's been longing for. Using his new-found power to rob banks and live a life of excess that spans the globe, things go terribly wrong when jumper-hating "paladins" (led by Samuel L. Jackson) start hunting David... AND THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T FUCKING CARE! The story then turns into sheer idiocy, and I was salivating over the thought that Samuel L. Jackson will actually kill the stupid bastard. By the time the lame-ass "twist ending" was revealed, I was cursing the moment I decided to watch this joke of a film. FAIL!

    • Movie #2: The Bucket List. Once sentence review: Brilliant performances rises above a pandering and fluff-laden script. Two of my all-time favorite actors? Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. I will watch anything they appear in. To have them both in the same film is absolute magic. The story is about a curmudgeon millionaire (Nicholson) and a genius garage mechanic (Freeman) who discover they have fatal illnesses which compel them to live their final days doing all those things they never got around to doing in life. The resulting ride is a fun one, mostly because the banter between the two leads is so fantastic and the acting note-perfect. If only the script could have been tightened to eliminate some of the more overtly manipulative sentimentality, it could have been elevated to greatness. As it is, it's a good film that tries too hard to find the "fun" side of death. WIN!

    • Movie #3: Speed Racer. One sentence review: Complete and total failure of filmmaking on an epic scale that utterly devastates a beloved classic cartoon. What the hell happened? I have been looking forward to this film ever since I first glimpsed the previews that hit the internets. I was expecting a full-throttle, hyperactive film that pushes visual effects to new levels while redefining a childhood cartoon I loved. What I got was crap. A boring snore-fest of a movie that has shit-loads of stupid exposition and unnecessary drama that undermines any excitement you might get from the actual racing scenes (which are, admittedly, cool in a repetitive video-game kind of way). Just as the Wachowski Brothers managed to fuck-up an unfuck-upable franchise with the awful Matrix sequels, they have turned Speed Racer into a meandering, directionless film that sucks so badly that all the acting talent in the world (including Susan Sarandon, John Goodman, and Christina Ricci) can't keep it on track. Between the never-ending cut-wipe transitions that make you want to scream... and way, WAY too much time devoted to a mindless plot about evil businessmen secretly controlling all the world's racing events... it was all I could do to keep myself from walking out of the theater. EPIC FAIL!

    DAVETOON! Lil' Dave dressed up as Speed Racer with Bad Monkey dressed up as Chim Chim while flipping the bird.

    And that brings to an end another Bullet Sunday.

    I totally should have watched Iron Man again.

    • P.S. Every time I stay at a Sheraton hotel, the internet connection screen always has a photo of a guy smelling a melon. Can anybody tell me what the hell this has to do with anything?

    Guy smelling a cantaloupe melon at a market stall.

       

    Alarm

    Posted on Tuesday, May 20th, 2008

    Dave!Why is it that technology is making life simpler in every area of creation except when it comes to setting an alarm clock??!?

    It used to be that to set the alarm, you press and hold the ALARM button and adjust the hours and minutes until you have the time you want to wake up. Then you slide the OFF/RADIO/BUZZER switch to BUZZER and you're done. That's three out of four buttons and a slider switch until F#@%ING DONE!!!

    But not any more.

    The alarm clock at my hotel has TWENTY-ONE F#@%ING BUTTONS PLUS A SLIDER SWITCH (for Mega Bass)...

    Sony alarm clock with a hideous number of complicated buttons.

    To set your alarm you have to go through FIVE STEPS, two of which you have to repeat, which means there's SEVEN F#@%ING STEPS to set an alarm! It's so absurdly complicated that they have to give you an instruction card to figure the shit out...

    Complicated instruction card for setting an alarm clock.

    FAIL!!!

    All the love I used to have for Sony products is gone. Because of this piece of shit alarm clock, I somehow didn't push enough buttons to set the alarm (even though the alarm indicator was lit?). So even though I got up at 4:30am and didn't need to be up until 6:00am, I was counting on the alarm to tell me what time I needed to stop working and get ready. But it didn't. Suddenly the extra time I had given myself to get ready and make it into the city for my meeting had evaporated because it was 6:45 by the time I looked over and noticed something was wrong.

    Granted the stupid alarm clock has a CD player in it, but big f#@%ing deal... my iPhone has a MP3 player, clock, map, camera, calendar, calculator, notepad, web browser, and all kinds of other stuff in it... but has TWO BUTTONS!!

    Half my kingdom for an Apple-designed alarm clock.

    Work was at the delicious All-Candy Expo here in Chicago. I've bored everybody with accounts of all the cool stuff at the show in previous years, so I'll skip all that... but I did see two things that made me squeal like a little girl when I visited the PEZ booth. As long-time readers already know, I love PEZ. LOVE THE PEZ!!!

    So imagine my delight when I saw that they are coming out with STAR TREK PEZ!!!

    A PEZ collectible Star Trek Set with Original Series crew as PEZ dispensers

    As if that wasn't enough, I turned the corner and saw one of the most amazing things ever... CHOCOLATE PEZ!!!

    Bags of Chocolate PEZ candies hanging on a rack.

    It's as if PEZ is starting to combine all the things I love best in life into a single product family. Next year I'm fully expecting that there will be an Elizabeth Hurley PEZ dispenser waiting for me.

    After working the show for a bit, I was free for the day. Just two goals remained...

    ONE... Go to America's Dog and get me a veggie-dog done up Chicago style (I was going to just put ketchup on it, but I didn't want to risk the wrath of RW's Hotdog Commandments!)...

    A veggie hot dog decked out Chicago-style with mustard, tomatoes, pickle, peppers, and relish in a steamed poppy-seed bun.

    TWO... Make up for the shitty experience of watching the horrific movie tragedy known as Speed Racer by going and seeing Iron Man yet again. Which I did, at the magnificent Muvico 18 Theater in Rosemont...

    Muvico 18 building at night in Rosemont

    I paid for "VIP Premiere Seating" which puts you in the balcony in a huge comfy seat that's reserved for adults only, so you can take a beer into the theater with you! According to Wikipedia, the Muvico 18 Rosemont is the first theater in the country to have Sony SRX 4K digital cinema projectors in all auditoriums, which means the picture quality and sound were frakin' amazing.

    This is my third time watching Iron Man, and I can honestly say that I love it more with each new viewing. I'll probably see it two or three more times before it leaves theaters. I just can't help myself. Robert Downey Jr.'s performance is so sublimely awesome in every way... from his impeccable comedic timing to his note-perfect delivery... that I am positively mesmerized by the character of Tony Stark. The fact that the movie RESPECTS THE F#@%ING SOURCE MATERIAL AT EVERY TURN is just icing on the cake. A big thank you to director Jon Favreau for having the intelligence to understand that there's a f#@%ing REASON that iconic comic book characters have endured for so long, and it is insanely arrogant and stupid to reinvent the wheel when you've already got something that works and people want to see.

    And what I really need to see right now is a pillow, because I have to be to the airport in 5 hours.

    Yay.

       

    Bullet Sunday 91

    Posted on Monday, July 28th, 2008

    Dave!Since yesterday I was threatened with death if I didn't put down my computer, there was no time for bullets. Thus we have Bullet Sunday on Monday today!

    Just a few odds and ends from my Comic-Con experience...

    • Costumed. Why is it that every time I see news coverage on TV, magazines, or in the paper that they always show most everybody at Comic-Con in crazy costumes? In reality, only a small percentage of attendees actually dress up. I guess that it's more fun to portray Comic-Con as some kind of freak show, but even that's way harsh. Why is it cool to dress up in costumes for Halloween, but not cool any other time?

    • Television. The big shows represented at Comic-Con are ones like Lost, Heroes, and Chuck. All of which are shows that I positively loathe. I'd even go so far as to say I hate them. Lost started off incredible, but quickly spun into redundant idiocy. Heroes was always pointless and stupid because you've got all these super-powered people who rarely actually use their super-powers. And Chuck, which started out clever and interesting, dropped to rock-bottom because the lead character is a whiny, bumbling bitch in every frakin' episode and I just got tired of it. I want new geek television shows.

    • Batman. Yes, I've seen Dark Knight twice now (and will see it again this coming weekend). I don't know what I can say that's any different from most everybody else... it's a brilliant, brilliant film, and I totally loved it. Not only is it one of the best comic book super-hero films ever made, it's one of the best films ever made period. Each performance was a revelation, particularly Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, and this movie deserves some serious Oscar love in every applicable category.

    • Watchmen. I am seriously stoked for this film, even though I know better. It can never measure up to the book... but, when taken on its own merits, it's looking like a terrific piece of genre entertainment. March 6th cannot come soon enough.

    And that's going to have to be it. I threw my back out, and the pills I took are starting to kick in. For some nice Dave Diego recaps, here are some by Snackiepoo and Winter and SJ, and Karl, and Motley.

    Categories: Movies 2008Click To It: Permalink  11 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    News

    Posted on Monday, August 4th, 2008

    Dave!I managed to ship out 103 orders before the issuing bank of my credit card decided that something fishy might be going on and decided to refuse authorization of any further charges. This happened once before, but I thought that it had been resolved. Apparently not. One more thing to fix tomorrow.

    When you're working your ass off all day long, a lot of stuff outside of work piles up that you don't find out about until you get home. I used to have a news feed going on my desktop, but once I got addicted to Twitter, something had to give. Otherwise I'd never get anything done at all.

    First of all, one of my favorite actors ever, Morgan Freeman, has been involved in a serious car accident. While discussing The Dark Night with a co-worker this morning, I had mentioned that I would have watched the film even if I hated Batman (as if!) because I love Morgan Freeman so much. He's been in some not-so-great films... but his performance is always exceptional, and I'll see anything he's involved in. My most heart-felt wishes for a speedy recovery, Mr. Freeman...

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave holding a photo of Morgan Freeman

    Next up? They've released an update to the v2 iPhone OS that fixes "bugs." After installing it, I will admit that my iPhone feels a bit snappier... BUT THEY STILL DON'T ALLOW YOU TO SYNC EXTERNAL SUBSCRIBED CALENDARS!! This is horse shit. All of my travel plans are stored on the most excellent TripIt site, so I need to subscribe to its calendar so I can keep up with my schedule. FAIL! FUCKING FAIL!! ULTIMATE APPLE FAIL!!!

    In better news, one of my first super-hero favorites... Green Lantern... has entered production as a movie. Ordinarily I'd be dreading this because B-list super-heroes always get shitty movie treatments by assholes who think that the characters "need fixing." But there are several things going on here in Green Lantern's favor: 1) Recent box office smashes by The Dark Knight and Iron Man prove that these movies are most successful WHEN YOU RESPECT THE FUCKING SOURCE MATERIAL! Hopefully production will take note. 2) They are using the real Green Lantern here... Hal Jordan. 3) The writer on the project is Greg Berlanti, the guy responsible for quality stuff like Everwood, Brothers & Sisters, and Eli Stone! Please, please, please let them get this right... because a good Green Lantern movie could seriously kick ass!

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave dressed as Green Lantern.

    Last up, I am getting ready to leave soon, so if you're in the Chicago area this Saturday (or in the St. Louis area next Saturday) and want to meet up with a great group of bloggers, please send a message to me at dave@blogography.com and I'll get you hooked up with all the details!

    Davecago Poster   Dave Louis Poster

    And now... time to wash underwear.

    Why is it that no matter how many pairs of boxers I buy, I'm forever running out?

       

    Thunder

    Posted on Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

    Dave!After driving back down from Wisconsin, I spent most of the day working in my hotel room... only taking a two-hour break to run into the city and have Chicago Hot Dogs for lunch. Around 8:00, I'd finally had enough, and decided to walk down the street to the awesome Muvico 18 Theater so I could see a late showing of Tropic Thunder.

    Despite some dragging in the middle, the movie was pretty great. Mostly in thanks to Robert Downey Jr. who is simply incapable of giving a bad performance. The guy is absolute genius in everything he touches, and this film is no exception...

    Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder.

    Before watching the movie, I was ready to dismiss the harsh criticism over how it demeans the mentally handicapped. People are just too sensitive now-a-days, and pretty soon you won't be able to poke fun at anything.

    But then I saw the film.

    And I have to admit that it is pretty offensive in this respect. Maybe it doesn't go entirely over the line, but it dances right on top of the line... not once, but many times. Tropic Thunder definitely doesn't seem to be laughing with the mentally challenged here... but instead laughing at them. That's a real shame, because the film doesn't need it. The plot elements could have been easily handled a different way.

    Still, it would be difficult to dismiss the movie entirely... it was entirely too much fun for that.

    Categories: Movies 2008Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Saint Louis

    Posted on Friday, August 15th, 2008

    Manga Dave!Since today is Friday, it's a work day... even when I'm in St. Louis. But I did manage to get out a bit in the morning and afternoon to see some of the sights, so it's all good.

    I've been to St. Louis exactly two times. Once to visit the Hard Rock Cafe on my "Hard Rock Run" road-trip in 2000 (which included Indianapolis, St. Louis, Memphis, Nashville, Gatlinburg, Myrtle Beach, Atlanta). And again for work in 2002. When I went to visit The Gateway Arch on my first trip, it was closed. On my second trip, I became violently ill, and couldn't even think of being trapped in an enclosed space.

    So when Ajooja won the "Dave Event in Your City" Grand Prize for Blogiversary 5, I swore to myself that I would go up The Arch this time, even if I had to climb it on the outside. Fortunately, this wasn't necessary. When I got to park at 8:00 this morning, there was hardly a line at all, and I was the first person to the top when they opened the doors.

    It was totally worth the wait...

    Gateway Arch, St. Louis

    Gateway Arch, St. Louis

    Gateway Arch, St. Louis

    The structure is sublimely beautiful, and photographs simply cannot do it justice. To the naked eye the steel exterior reflects the ambient light in a way that makes parts of The Arch seem to "disappear" into the skyline, giving it an almost ethereal quality.

    To get to the top, you have to board one of eight tiny five-seater cylindrical elevator cars that are chained together and pulled upwards. Gina summed them up perfectly when she said they have a "2001: A Space Odyssey" feel to them. As you climb The Arch, a recording describes the system as "part elevator, part train, and part carnival ride." This sounded very interesting, but there is NOTHING detailing the elevator system in any book, brochure, or postcard I could find. When I asked the nice Park Rangers questions about how the cars worked, I got precious little information (and 9-11 thrown in my face as the reason why). Oh well. Still very, very cool...

    The Arch elevator car interior with five tiny seats.

    For some reason I was expecting the top of the arch to be a tiny cramped room (like the Statue of Liberty, perhaps), but it was actually quite roomy...

    St. Louis Gateway Arch interior view.

    I was blessed with beautiful weather (despite the crappy forecast I had looked up yesterday), so I had an excellent view of the city...

    St. Louis view from the top of The Arch

    Here's a pano I stitched together. If you click on it, it will open a bigger view...

    St. Louis panorama photo shot from the top of The Arch

    Once safely back down to earth, I headed across the street to "The Old Courthouse." This is a famous monument because of the infamous Dred Scott trial where slavery was upheld. The building is quite remarkable because of the beautiful dome interior...

    St. Louis Old Courthouse building with The Arch in the background.

    Interior of the Old Courthouse Dome.

    As I was walking back to my hotel, I happened across "St. Louis Bread Company" which uses the exact same logo as my beloved Panera Bread. Closer inspection showed that they have the same exact menu as Panera as well. A quick look on Wikipedia on my iPhone told me that St. Louis Bread Co. was bought out by Panera, but they kept the original name in St. Louis (for obvious reasons). A delicious Mediterranean Sandwich made the perfect brunch-time meal...

    St. Louis Bread Co. sign.

    After getting some work done, I decided to take the MetroLink to Union Station so I could visit the Hard Rock Cafe to see if anything had changed in the past eight years. The location was originally a massive train station, but they made a kind of shopping mall out of it with a lake in the middle...

    Hard Rock Cafe St. Louis at Union Station

    Since I've been dying to see Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, I decided to catch a movie, but couldn't find it playing anywhere. So instead I went to see Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I wasn't a fan of the prequels, but love cartoons and thought the poster looked kind of badass cool...

    Clone Wars Movie Poster

    Uh huh.

    Due to massive amounts of profanity and adult situations, I've decided to put my "review" in an extended entry.

    As for me, I'm going to call it a night so I can attack the city fresh in the morning. There's a lot left to do, and only one day to do it all.

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
    Categories: Movies 2008, Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  53 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Up!

    Posted on Monday, December 15th, 2008

    Dave!I must be leaving early Wednesday morning on a work trip (weather permitting), and have been working my arse off trying to get caught up before I go. Unfortunately, this leave little time for important stuff like blogging.

    But that's okay, because the new Disney-Pixar film has a trailer out, and it's better than anything I could ever come up with anyway. I cannot wait to see this film.

    May 29th, everybody get ready to go Up!

    Up0

    Up1

    Up2

    Up3

    Up4

    Up5

    Up6

    Up7

    Now, I sincerely doubt that Up will take the place of Monsters, Inc. as my favorite Pixar film... but it may very well knock The Incredibles out of the #2 spot on my countdown list...

    1. Monsters, Inc.
    2. The Incredibles
    3. WALL-E
    4. Toy Story 2
    5. Finding Nemo
    6. Toy Story
    7. Ratatouille
    8. Cars
    9. A Bug's Life

    The trailer for Up can be found at the official website at Disney.

    Categories: Movies 2008Click To It: Permalink  18 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 112

    Posted on Sunday, December 21st, 2008

    Dave!It's Bullet Sunday from the insanity of Seattle-Tacoma International Airport!

    • Success. When it comes to travel, things going right is what's SUPPOSED to happen and doesn't really tell you much about a company. It's when things go wrong that you find out what they're made of. How they handle problems and the way they treat their customers is everything you really need to know. For the most part, Alaska/Horizon Air has been pretty good in dealing with an unprecedented weather situation that you can never really be prepared for. They have a genuinely caring, hard-working bunch of employees that are working their asses off against a never-ending tide of very upset people. This cannot be easy, and is truly a testament to the company philosophy that has made Alaska/Horizon Air such a huge part of my travel plans for decades. I consider myself extremely fortunate that they are "my local airline," and happy to keep flying with them.

    Airport Flight Board All Canceled

    Sea of Luggage!

    • Failure. Where Alaska/Horizon fails... and fails badly... is in organization and communication. There have been several incidents that boggle my mind, and has me wondering just how people in charge thought they were Doing The Right Thing. As I said in my previous entry, there's no point screaming and getting upset at the airport... but I have no problem doing that in my blog!

    1. I needed a current boarding pass for my flight, but couldn't get one from a machine because it was a Northwest Airlines ticket. I headed to the gate where my flight was taking off in two hours so I could get one from the gate agent. After 20 minutes of waiting in line, they closed the counter and told everybody to go to another counter. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! You do not... DO NOT close a counter without reaccommodating customers. EVER. You've just wasted everybody's time and rightfully pissed them off. If you need to close a counter, you CLOSE OFF THE LINE FIRST, then take care of those people who were waiting. There is no fucking excuse what-so-ever for screwing over your customers like this. SHAME! SHAME ON HORIZON AIR FOR THIS ABUSIVE TREATMENT!!
    2. When you tell people their flight will board at 1:20, and you don't board the plane within ten minutes of that time... MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT YOU SADISTIC FUCKS! If you know what's causing the delay, MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! Even if you don't know what's going on, YOU STILL NEED TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! Don't leave people standing there wondering if you've forgotten them and feeling ignored, that's just rude. There were times we waited a half-hour past the boarding time with NO ANNOUNCEMENT, and this is completely unacceptable. Don't be shocked that you piss people off when you fail to keep them informed, or at least acknowledge them if you don't have any information.
    3. Now, I realize that the airport is simply not able to handle the massive amount of luggage piling up from hundreds of canceled flights. I get that. But there is no excuse for the disorganized cluster-fuck that Alaska/Horizon had going on in baggage claim. No notices posted as to where you can find your bags. Nobody to tell you which line to stand in or even what the lines are for. Not even adequate security to keep people from walking off with whatever they could grab... just a sea of suitcases going on forever. They were announcing that you could claim your baggage at a future time, but I honestly have no idea if I will ever see mine again. It is inexcusable that they didn't have people there segregating bags by flight as they came down the carousels, posting signs with flight numbers, and announcing incoming bags by flight. Such a simple thing to do that would have gone a LONG way towards organizing things, but they did pretty much nothing after the hammer was dropped. This is more than annoying... it's borderline criminal.
    4. They announced again and again that you needed to leave the airport by going home or finding a hotel if you didn't live in Seattle, and call back for re-booking of your flight. Which would be fine... if Alaska/Horizon didn't have the STUPIDEST FUCKING PHONE SYSTEM ON EARTH!! Seriously, what is the point of answering the phone only to tell people that all lines are busy? Just let the busy signal come up so people can auto-redial until an agent is available! The only times... ONLY TIMES... I have gotten through on the phone was to get a recording saying that all the lines were busy, which is just insane. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE FUCKING CALL, DON'T ANSWER THE CALL YOU DUMBASS MOTHER-FUCKERS!!! This is stupid on a level of stupid that has me wondering if the Bush Administration is running the call center at Alaska/Horizon Airlines. I know that call volumes are obscenely high and you're doing the best you can... but don't be dicks by teasing people with no help when they finally manage to get through. This just makes you assholes.

    • Redial. Speaking of auto-redial, it is pathetic... PATHETIC that the iPhone doesn't seem to have this most basic of calling functions. Hopefully it will be added soon via an update or third-party application.

    • Outsourced. Last year, a movie came out with the very timely topic of outsourcing. In the film, a Seattle call center manager, Todd Anderson, has his entire department outsourced to India, and ends up having to travel there so he can train his replacement. The trailer looked funny, so I put it on a list of movies I wanted to see...

    But then I was reading a review of Outsourced in the Seattle P.I. where it was just savaged. The reviewer Bill White hated the film. He made it sound highly offensive to Indian culture for the sake of laughs, which I hate, so I ended up skipping it altogether. Turns out this was a mistake. I ended up renting Outsourced for my iPhone on this trip and liked it quite a lot. All of the criticism from the Seattle P.I. review was entirely unjustified. White called the lead actor Josh Hamilton "aggravatingly nondescript," but that was the entire point of his everyman character! White said the film "vulgarized the sacred sex manual, the Kama Sutra," but it absolutely did not! I thought the film was great in communicating the cultural differences between our countries in an entertaining way and, if anything, made more fun of us here in the USA than India. Sure there's some stereotypical humor in there, but it's on BOTH sides! As Todd becomes more and more adjusted to Indian life and starts to embrace his new surroundings, you get a wonderful taste of the culture, and can appreciate the country through his eyes. It doesn't hurt that his love-interest (played by Ayesha Dharker) is freakin' adorable...

    Outsourced: Todd and Asha

    And I love the relationship between Todd and his "replacement" Puro (played by Asif Basra), which was pretty funny...

    Outsourced: Todd and Puro

    Outsourced: Todd and Puro

    Outsorced: Holi

    All-in-all, a wonderful film that I regret having missed on the big screen. The cinematography of India (including the wonderful Holi Festival of Color) begs to be seen big. I guess that will teach me to trust a crappy review over my gut instinct when it comes to picking what movies I see in the theater.

    And now, since I've given up getting home until after the 25th, it's time for Wii Bowling!

       

    Reviewing

    Posted on Monday, December 29th, 2008

    Dave!The snow is piling up and depressing me, so I thought I'd write a few reviews to take my mind off things...

    w00t! It's Movie Review Time!

    All the rumors you've heard are true... Slumdog Millionaire is a wholly remarkable film that is not to be missed. In a day and age when the world seems full of hate and anger and is teetering on the edge of annihilation, having a movie filled with hope, love, and life is a refreshing (and much-needed) change...

    Slumdog Millionaire Poster

    A film about a poor street-kid who surprises everyone in India with his success on a popular game show, I loved Slumdog Millionaire, and can't wait to see it again. Danny Boyle is sheer genius, but I expect nothing less from the man who brought us the amazing film Millions, another long-time favorite of mine. Bravo, Mr. Boyle!

    w00t! It's iPhone App Review Time!

    I'm a world geography junkie, so I was pretty psyched when I saw that there was a new trivia app called "inFact World" available at the iTunes Store. It's pretty sweet, and quizzes you on continents, flags, languages, bodies of water, and other nerdy stuff. The interface is dead-simple and easy to use...

    inFact World Screen

    inFact World Screen

    The app sells for $2.99 and provides endless educational fun! Available at the iTunes Store for iPhone and iPod Touch.

    w00t! It's DVD Review Time!

    Bareback Monkey

    Shortly after posting about how much I hated Brokeback Mountain (which I maintain is one of the most boring, unsympathetic, bloated, overrated piece of cinematic FAIL ever made) I got an email from a reader telling me that I should try Yossi & Jagger, which they felt was a much better film along similar storylines.

    Always looking for a good movie to watch, and not having a problem with gay-themed films (on the contrary, flicks like Philadelphia, The Birdcage, Longtime Companion, and Jeffrey are classics)... I decided to investigate further, because I had never heard of Yossi & Jagger before. What I found was a bunch of promotional images which led me to believe that it was just a lame excuse to parade man-candy around in army gear for some kind of queer military fetish soft-core porn. I decided to take a pass.

    Fast forward to last week while I'm killing time at the airport, and I run across an article called "hidden gems on DVD" (or something like that) and lo-and-behold there's Yossi & Jagger. Since I had seen other films on the list and enjoyed them, I thought I'd give it a try...

    Yossi & Jagger Poster

    It was a brilliant, but odd film.

    Odd because it's an Israeli film about the armed services, but doesn't have any kind of political agenda. Odd because it's a film about gays in the military, but isn't trying to make any statement about it. Odd because it's a gay love story, but doesn't come from an exclusively gay point of view. Very odd because it's less than an hour long.

    Yossi is a company commander in the IDF who is calm, reserved and very private. Jagger is Yossi's subordinate platoon leader and is much more open and less guarded. Somehow they end up together, and this film is kind of a "day in the life" that's filled with humor, compassion, and tragedy. Apparently Israel doesn't distinguish between gays and straights when it comes to their mandatory military service, which is an interesting part of the film. You get the feeling that some of the other characters know something is going on between Yossi and Jagger... but none of them really care. All they care about is having superior officers that are competent and are looking out for them, which is the entire point, I guess.

    Yossi & Jagger is a touching and entertaining love story that made for a great short film. As if that weren't enough, it's supposedly based on a true story. If you're looking for something different, it's worth a rental. (DVD is in Hebrew with English subtitles and available at Netflix).

    w00t! It's Early Bedtime!

    Because I have to be up very, very early in the morning...

       

    KHAAAAAAN!

    Posted on Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

    Dave!I just paid $4.00 for a bottle of Italian Spring Water at my hotel.

    I wish I could say that when I close my eyes and drink it, the taste is evocative of Italy... but all I taste is wet. That's a darn shame.

    So here I am in San Diego. It's a wonderful place that everybody should visit at least once in their life. If, for no other reason, to make a pilgrimage to the city of my birth. There isn't a temple here in honor of the occasion, but there really should be. Or maybe instead of a temple there could be a statue of me standing in Balboa Park. I dunno. There just needs to be someplace my worshippers can go to go pay their respects and place flowers to celebrate my greatness. And make a donation to the Dave Monument I'm planning to build in the land formerly occupied by Mt. Ranier National Park.

    Hmmm... I don't know why it didn't occur to me before, but San Diego would be the perfect place to put my Daveland amusement park! I will convince the city to plow under the San Diego Zoo and put Daveland there instead! What a great location!

    Boy, being back to the city of my birth really has me firing on all cylinders tonight.

    And speaking of San Diego... there's a few people in town wanting to meet up for dinner on Friday night, if you're in the area and would like to come along, please send me an email ASAP so we can make plans. My email address is at the top of the sidebar on every page.

    Kirk says Khaaaaaan

    Unfortunately, I landed to learn of the terrible news that Ricardo Montalban had died.

    I, of course, loved him as Mr. Roarke on the show Fantasy Island. Every kid growing up in the late 70's did, because he was the epitome of coolness. He'd walk around in those flawless white suits being all friendly and good-natured and "Welcome to Fantasy Island" and stuff. But then he'd occasionally show his darker side... proving that he could be a total badass as well. It's unthinkable to envision anybody else playing the character except Mr. Montalban (indeed, even the brilliant Malcolm McDowell couldn't manage it when there was a failed revival series twenty years later).

    But, to me and so many others, Ricardo Montalban will forever be Khan...

    Ricardo Montalban as Khan

    The role of the maniacal villain in the second Star Trek film was not an easy one to play. Indeed, I'd say it was a thankless and impossible role to play. As written, the part was so badly over-the-top... almost to the point of being comical.

    Until it was performed by Ricardo Montalban.

    He played the character deadly-serious, and turned in a performance so riveting that it cemented Khan as one of the greatest movie villains of all time (indeed, even the brilliant Malcolm McDowell couldn't top it in a follow-up film, Star Trek: Generations). After watching Star Trek II, I fell in love with all things Trek again, and I really have Ricardo Montalban to thank for it. He will definitely be missed.

    Even if you don't like Star Trek, you should absolutely check out Wrath of Khan. Montalban's performance is totally worth it. Oh, and don't forget his masterful performance in the first The Naked Gun movie as well!

    Lastly, I urge you to read a fantastic blog entry about what it was like working with Mr. Montalban over at Mark Evanier's News From Me site. He was truly an amazing guy and a class-act.

    P.S. All my best wishes to my personal hero, Steve Jobs, for a speedy and full recovery.

       

    Watchmen

    Posted on Friday, March 6th, 2009

    Dave!In the epic masterwork, Watchmen, the god-like being known as Dr. Manhattan is a being who experiences his past, present, and future all at the same time. Despite his incredible power over matter, time, and space, he's nothing but a slave to an existence that has already been written. His every moment is "going through the motions" of a life that is fully predestined and known to him.

    At one point in the book, Dr. Manhattan is exposed to a stream of tachyons which interrupt his all-knowing vision. Suddenly his boring walk through life is exciting again because he can't see the future. He had forgotten what it's like to not know what's going to happen.

    Which pretty much explains how I felt about the film adaptation.

    I had read the original graphic novel so many times that I knew every detail. I already knew the future of the story because I knew how it would all end. But the movie version of a dense story like Watchmen had to change to be film-able, so suddenly I was experiencing the excitement of not knowing. So many things were the same, but a lot of the details were different. Including the ending.

    For those who haven't seen the film, I can sum it up spoiler-free like this: Watchmen is a surprisingly good film and faithful adaptation that lives up to the hype. It was a remarkable tribute to the source material on almost every level. I really enjoyed the film overall, despite two curious missteps I felt could have been easily avoided.

    My spoiler-riddled review (which assumes knowledge of the original Watchmen graphic novel) follows in an extended entry.

    Watchment Bloody Smile Button

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
    Categories: Movies 2009Click To It: Permalink  12 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 128

    Posted on Sunday, April 19th, 2009

    Dave!It's a beautiful day this Bullet Sunday... which I spent indoors working my ass off and re-watching Veronica Mars on DVD. Man how I miss that show.

    • Follow Me. What am I missing with the whole "FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER" deal? It seems everyone and their dog is whoring themselves out to get more followers in the social media game and I don't understand why. Ashton Kutcher has been all over the place with his march to a million followers, but but seeing an ad for him on a local billboard while I was driving into Wenatchee the other day shocked the hell out of me...

    Follow Ashton Billboard

    For a Hollywood star with movies to promote and stuff to sell, I get it. You want to be relevant in a whole new realm of influence with the populace. But everyday average people? What do they get out of it? Who cares how many followers you have? Will my life suddenly become more fabulous if I get a thousand followers? Oh well, 95% of the stuff on Twitter is crap or spam anyway. The more the merrier.

    &bull Dumbass Quotient. Speaking of Twitter spam... are people so fucking stupid that they are still clicking on links for generic viagra and penis enlargers and other moronic crap? I'd imagine they are, because why else would spammers waste their time of something that doesn't work? It's getting to the point where I can't even blame spammers anymore... they're just trying to make a buck. It's the total dumb-fucks that actually buy stuff from spammers that are the real problem. If people weren't so astronomically brain-dead as to make spamming profitable, we wouldn't have a problem. I just loathe these stupid-ass people who fuck up the internet for the rest of us... they shouldn't even BE on the internet in the first place.

    &bull Undead Poultry. LeSombre nominated me for a Zombie Chicken award, which comes with all kinds of rules you have to follow. Since I'm not much of an award guy and didn't follow any of them, I am expecting to be attacked by zombified poultry any minute now...

    Zombie Chickens

    • On Film. With all the flying I've been doing lately, I've been watching quite a few movies. I even made it to the theater on Friday, which was the second time this year! Monsters vs. Aliens - So good it's good. Crank 2: High Voltage - So bad it's good. The Spirit - So bad it's bad. Twilight - So very bad it's horrendous. The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008) - So far beyond bad that we need to come up with new words to describe just how fucking awful this piece of shit "remake" is. There are some great-looking flicks coming up but, given my luck lately, I'm a little bit afraid to go see them.

    • Flame War. In general, I find "humor" sites to be pretty much hit-or-miss. But every once in a while I come across something so incredibly genius that I can't help but link to it. College Humor has a brilliant parody of the Billy Joel song We Didn't Start The Fire called We Didn't Start The Flame War (language makes this one not quite safe for work). Once I got past the hilariousness of the video, I kept watching again and again because of how frickin' beautiful the animation is. All the words come alive as they hit the screen, and somebody put in a lot of time to make that happen. Not bad for a humor video...

    We Didn't Start the Flame War

    We Didn't Start the Flame War

    We Didn't Start the Flame War

    But it's the inclusion of the ROFL COPTER that seals the deal...

    We Didn't Start the Flame War

    And now it's back to work. I should be able to go for another hour before dropping into a coma.

       

    Bullet Sunday 130

    Posted on Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

    Dave!It's a full-blown epidemic edition of Bullet Sunday!

    • Mapping. Ooh! I almost forgot that I've got another state checked off my Travel Map! Now there's only North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, and Oklahoma left to go. One of these years I'm going to have to just bite the bullet, fly into Fargo, get a one-way car rental, drive down to Tulsa, then fly home. Allowing for a one-day detour to Mount Rushmore, I could do it in three or four days. One more thing to add to my list.

    Dave USA Travel Map

       

    • Jacked. The annual Apple Blossom Festival came to town this weekend. And, while I gave up on celebrating the event a long time ago, there's still one Apple Blossom tradition I feel compelled to embrace... CRACKER JACKS!!!

    Bag of Cracker Jacks

    But something has gone terribly wrong. Right on the front of the bag, it asks you to guess what the surprise might be inside. When I was younger and Cracker Jack had awesome prizes, I might have had a shot at this. Maybe it would be a little plastic truck. Or a magnifying glass. Or even a book of sweet ink tattoos. But TODAY? All the prizes they give out are shit...

    Surprise Inside!

    Now, please tell me how the fuck could I have ever guessed a "pencil topper" that's nothing but a piece of slotted paper with a crappy drawing of cartoon bees on it? NOTE TO CRACKER JACK COMPANY: A PENCIL TOPPER WOULD GO ON TOP OF THE PENCIL. THIS IS A FUCKING PENCIL SLIDER. Or whatever...

    Stupid Pencil "Topper" Pile of Crap

       

    • Chuks. My post from Thursday was half-way understood by half the people commenting on it. While it's probably a mistake to try and explain what goes on in my head, I'll give it a shot...

    In the cinematic masterpiece, Dune (directed by über-genius David Lynch), there's a big battle at the end where the oppressed Fremen warriors rise up against the Galactic Emperor by riding giant worms into a sneak attack...

    Giant Worms of Dune

    In addition to mowing down soldiers with their giant worms, the Fremen also have a sound-activated guns called a "weirding modules." When they scream certain sounds, the guns shoot out a pretty blast of light that blows shit up...

    Fremen Shooting their Modules

    When I saw the film in the theater waaaayyy back in 1984, it was at our shitty local cinema which has horrible sound. Every time the Fremen screamed into their weirding module, I could have sworn that they were saying "INYUK CHUK!" Starting with Rachel, the replicant from Bladerunner...

    Chani Shooting her Module

    And Captain Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation...

    Gurney Shooting His Module

    And, of course, the Cosmic Messiah of the Dune Universe Himself, Muad Dib...

    Paul Shooting His Module

    Now, as everybody knows, "INYUK CHUK" is the phrase that Apache Chief on the Super Friends uses to grown into a big man and battle crime. Since Muad Dib has super powers, I kept expecting him to grow into a giant and start kicking some ass...

    Apache Chief on Dune
    Super-sweet Apache Chief custom action figure by Iron Cow.

    How frackin' awesome would THAT have been?

       

    • Yikes. Speaking of Dune, isn't Alia the freakiest character ever to appear in in a movie?

    Alia Getting Her Freak On

    Alia Gom Jabbar

       

    • Humor. There's a lot of reason to love Star Wars (well, the originals, not the shitty prequels). And one of my favorites is how LucasFilm has no problem poking fun at the franchise. Not only by allowing others to take a shot at Star Wars parody (like the recent brilliance by Family Guy and Robot Chicken)... but the wonderful way they make fun of themselves. If you're a fan, StarWars.com has some beautiful posters for Disney's "Star Wars Weekends" on display. Here's two, but there are many more that are well worth checking out...

    Star Wars Poster

    Star Wars Poster

       

    And now it's time for dinner. I'll be having rice tacos tonight. RICE TACOS WITH CHEESE!

       

    Day Two: Seattle to Savannah

    Posted on Thursday, May 7th, 2009

    Dave!All in all... a fairly uneventful trip. Except I ate a sandwich during my layover in Atlanta and think I got food poisoning. Fortunately, I managed to hold myself together until I got to my hotel.

    The highlight of the trip had to be the movie I watched on the plane... Taken starring Liam Neeson.

    I had seen the movie trailer and thought it looked pretty sweet, but I had no idea this film would be so kick-ass! I'd put it right up there with the original Transporter flick for awesomeness in the action movie genre. Throughout the entire film I kept waiting for some kind of hokey plot twist... but it never came. It's just really cool action that gets you from point A to point B in a predictable, yet entertaining way. Despite some fairly big plot holes, I really liked it...

    Liam Neeson in TAKEN

    Now let's see if I can get a few hours work in before I pass out...

    Categories: Movies 2009Click To It: Permalink  8 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Day Three: Savannah

    Posted on Friday, May 8th, 2009

    Dave!It may appear that I'm writing two entries today. The truth is that I'm writing three entries, because I am also guest-blogging over at Wayne's place.

    Savannah is arguably one of the most beautiful cities on earth. I've only been here once before, and barely had time to drive around for a bit before I had to be on my way. This time around probably won't be much different, because I'm working right up until the day I leave. But I still manage to sneak in glances when I can. Today on my lunch I wandered downtown and meandered through some of the beautiful squares that dot the city. These swathes of green are beautiful refuges that, along with the remarkable buildings, give Savannah it's unique character...

    Savannah Monument

    Savannah Square

    Savannah Church

    After finishing up work I was going to explore the city at night, but decided to relax at a movie theater instead. I'm still recovering from my bought with food poisoning, and watching a good film would take my mind off things. But which movie to choose? The Hannah Montana Movie or Star Trek?

    I went with Star Trek...

    Dave Spock

    The movie was shockingly brilliant. It somehow managed to respect the material that came before it (literally!) but strike out in a bold new direction that is positively thrilling. Not only is this film dangerously close to dethroning Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home as my favorite Star Trek movies... but it may very well be one of the best science fiction flicks ever made. It's that good.

    And now... let's see if some sleep will make me all better.

    Categories: Movies 2009, Travel 2009Click To It: Permalink  12 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bug

    Posted on Friday, May 22nd, 2009

    Dave!The big news blowing through the blogosphere today is former American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken blasting away at how much he thinks current American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert sucks ass. Personally, I don't give a crap, and think Clay Aiken is entitled to his opinion. But what's so odd is that the words Clay uses to talk smack about Adam ("contrived, awful, and slightly frightening") is exactly... exactly... how I would describe Clay. I've never heard him sing a damn thing that didn't make me wish my head would explode... or wish Clay Aiken would explode... or both. This is like the suck-infested pot telling the suck-infested kettle that he sucks. Or something like that.

    And speaking of horrific infestation...

    DAVETOON: I'm a Lil' Dave Mac, and I'm a Lil' Wayne PC

    DAVETOON: Wow PC, you're infested! Yeah, Vista has more bugs than a rotting corpse!

    Shouldn't you do something about that? Yeah, I'm saving up for a Windows 7 upgrade!

    Yeah... Vista sucks ass and should have never been released in the first place, but instead of fixing it,* Microsoft is going to make you pay for an upgrade to Windows 7? What a crock of shit.

    * And no, those Service Pack updates didn't solve nearly enough of my problems with Vista to make me consider it "fixed."

    To see all of the Lil' Dave Mac vs. Lil' Wayne PC ads, click here!

    On a happier note, I got an email from somebody who was very happy with my movie suggestion of Doc Hollywood this past Bullet Sunday, and wanted to know if I had any other "old movies" that I'd recommend. The film was released in 1991, which had me doing some serious reevaluation of what I consider to be an "old movie," but I did come up with two worth watching...

    Creator Poster

    Creator (1985) Starring Peter O'Toole, Mariel Hemmingway, Vincent Spano, and Virginia Madsen. This movie was overlooked by most everybody and it's a real shame. Creator is a comedy with truly touching dramatic elements which has a lot to say about life, love, loss, and the science of it all. Peter O'Toole gives a fantastic performance as a brilliant but eccentric professor who's trying to clone his dead wife. It's definitely a level above your typical popcorn comedy, but oh so rewarding. Unfortunately, the DVD and iTunes versions are absolute shit... they butcher the film to crappy full-screen "pan-and-scan" which chops up the flow and framing of the film... but Flix is airing it in widescreen on the 26th at 12:05am Pacific (3:05am Eastern). If you get the Showtime/Flix channel package, you might want to set your TiVo, because this is probably the only way you're ever going to see this wonderful film unmolested.

    Undercover Blues Poster

    Undercover Blues (1993) Starring Kathleen Turner, Dennis Quaid, Fiona Shaw, and Stanley Tucci. Another overlooked gem that's one of my favorite movies of all time. Spies Jeff and Jane Blue are on maternity leave to spend time with their new baby, starting with a vacation in New Orleans. But when a situation comes up having world-shattering consequences, they are back in action for one more case. Hilarity ensues. I think what I like best about this movie (other than the fantastic way they integrate New Orleans into the story) is that there are no wasted moments. The plot moves ahead at full-speed from frame one, and takes you for a ride that's never boring and always funny. Definitely worth your valuable time to track down and watch.

    I've seen each of these films at least a dozen times, but just writing this makes me want to see them all over again.

    Unfortunately, I have to go back to work instead.

       

    Bullet Sunday 134

    Posted on Sunday, May 31st, 2009

    Dave!It's heatwave edition of Bullet Sunday!

    • Hot. It's eighty-eight degrees Fahrenheit outside.

    • Hotter. I am guessing it's ninety-eight degrees Fahrenheit inside... because the air conditioner is broked. I try to compensate by eating ice cream and drinking ice water, but it's just not happening. All that does is make me realize how bloody miserable I am when I stop.

    • Up. I saw Pixar's latest animated miracle, Up, and found it to be scrumtrelescent.

    • Upper. Seriously, Up is one of the most beautifully animated spectacles ever made. That wouldn't be saying much if the story sucked, but this is Pixar, so the story is genius as usual. Crotchety old widower Carl Fredricksen decides to have the adventure of a lifetime by tying thousands of balloons to his house and floating to South America. Unfortunately, an overly-helpful and annoying Wilderness Scout named Russell accidentally gets taken along for the ride. Hilariousness ensues. I don't know if Up displaces Monsters, Inc. and The Incredibles as my favorite Pixar movie... but it comes darn close. I'd call the film "flawless" except I did have two small problems and one bigger problem with it. To avoid spoiling things, I've dropped that in an extended entry.

    Up Characters

    Up Characters

    • Twitter. I already feel as though Twitter is a massive waste of time... especially when things like "blip.fm" get involved and people are tweeting every frickin' song they listen to (Why should I care about your bad taste in music? Do people actually click on blip.fm links?). Or, even worse, those who live-tweet television shows and sporting events. Why would I want to read tweets about something I don't even want to watch? Or, if I am watching, I ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING AND DON'T NEED TO READ ABOUT IT! Factor in other annoyances like re-tweets, private conversations, and Follow Friday (SERIOUSLY, IF I WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU FOLLOW, I'LL VISIT YOUR FOLLOWERS PAGE!)... and Twitter is mostly noise anymore (don't even get me started on blog post announcements which announce posts that I've ALREADY READ from a webfeed subscription). Bleh. I wish I wasn't so addicted to Twitter. My life would be a lot simpler.

    • Twitterer. But now the ultimate Twitter annoyance has struck... TWITTER GAMES! I keep getting "SpyMaster" invitations, and it's only a matter of time before "Mob Wars" invades. This may very well be the last straw for me. If I can't find a Twitter client that gives me the ability to filter out all the distracting shit that is clogging up my feed, I may just give up. Or unfollow a couple hundred people.

    And now I really need to catch up on some sleep. If you've already seen Up, and want to read me nit-picking over this excellent movie, that's in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Crazies

    Posted on Monday, June 8th, 2009

    Dave!I don't know what it is about me, but I sure do attract the crazies.

    Probably because I am a crazy, which I haven't ruled out.

    It doesn't matter where I go on this planet, I always seem to end up in some kind of messed up situation with my fellow humans. I've been attacked by a drunken knife-weidling moron in Seattle. I've been chased five blocks by a crack-head in Cleveland who wanted my phone. I've been felt up by gypsies trying to find my wallet in Rome. I've been mugged at gun-point by a psychopath in San Francisco who talked to himself. The list goes on and on. Ask Vahid about the time we were walking down the street in Albuquerque and was accosted by a spaced-out "purebred Italian Mexican" who wanted to have his fellow alcoholics kick our asses... everywhere I end up, the crazies come running.

    Tonight, after going to the movies and watching The Hangover I was walking to Johnny Rockets for dinner when another one came out of the woodwork...

    Homeless Guy: Hey have you got any change... a nickel... anything?
       
    Dave2: (looking up at him from his iPhone) No, sorry, I don't have any cash at all (looks back down at his iPhone).
       
    Homeless Guy: Hey! What were you thinking just now?
       
    Dave2: (looking back up) Err... I was thinking I don't have any change on me...
       
    Homeless Guy: (getting angry for no reason) No. NO! What were you THINKING when YOU first saw ME?!?
       
    Dave2: I was thinking "Why is this asshole being so RUDE to me when I'm trying to be NICE?"
       
    Homeless Guy: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING!!
       
    Dave2: WELL, RIGHT NOW I'M THINKING "FUCK OFF!" SO WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?

    He was still calling "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" after me as I was crossing the street. And I still don't know what I did to set him off. I treated him with courtesy and respect. I looked him in the eye when I spoke to him. I was as nice as I could be when I explained I didn't have any cash, but it didn't make any difference. I dunno... maybe there's something about me that makes people crazy. That would explain a lot.

    And it didn't end there... after dinner I was crossing the street and some guy with a tourist map wants my help. I thought he was going to ask for directions, so I stopped. Instead he told me that he picked his mother up from Swedish Hospital after surgery, and now he doesn't have enough money for gas to get her home. This made no sense at all, because he was downtown when Swedish is up on First Hill, but I guess I have to give him the benefit of doubt since he seemed to be lost. In any event, I'm guessing his mother is stuffed in a car somewhere on the side of the road after surgery, and this makes me sad. If I actually had any money, I probably would have given him a couple bucks, even though this goes against my beliefs of causing no harm.

    In any event, it was nice to just be alone for a while after such an exhausting day. It doesn't hurt that The Hangover was such an awesome movie. Most comedies today take some stupid joke and then repeat it to death until the entire movie is run into the ground. The Hangover was refreshingly different. They never let the funny get repetitive or stale, so I was laughing all the whole way through. That almost never happens anymore. Kudos to writers Jon Lucas & Scott Moore, director Todd Phillips, and a fantastic cast and crew for a job well done. A particularly well-deserved shout-out to Bradley Cooper, who took an annoying character that would have driven me insane in most any other movie, and made him totally watchable and brilliant. I liked Cooper in Alias, loved him in Kitchen Confidential, and have been pleasantly surprised at his appearances in movies like Wedding Crashers... I hope he gets more leading roles out of his home-run performance in The Hangover.

    And now I should probably call it a night. Tomorrow is a very long day.

       

    Daveorado

    Posted on Friday, July 10th, 2009

    Dave!The first two comic books I ever bought were Green Lantern #121 and The Flash #277. I ended up liking Green Lantern best because his stories were cosmic in scope and seemed more imaginative. Whatever Hal Jordan could dream up, his magical ring could make a reality... what could be cooler than that?

    How about a Green Lantern movie?

    Last August there was an announcement that a GL movie was going to enter production. I was excited. Now there's news floating around that my hetero-man-crush Ryan Reynolds has beat out Justin Timberlake and Bradley Cooper for the role. Now I'm estatic. I can only hope that they REMAIN FAITHFUL TO THE SOURCE MATERIAL and come up with a decent story. A Green Lantern film should be EPIC. He should battle bad-ass villains like Sinestro and Star Sapphire... not lame-ass regular-people villains that shouldn't even be a challenge. There should be aliens and space battles. There definitely should be Abin Sur and the Guardians... DON'T FUCK WITH GREEN LANTERN'S ORIGIN, OTHERWISE IT ISN'T GREEN LANTERN!!

    The massive box office from the Batman and Iron Man movies should prove that you can remain faithful to the source material and still have a successful film. Hopefully the people behind Green Lantern understand that...

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave dressed as Green Lantern.

    In other news... final dates have been set for Davelanta 3 (August 1st) and Daveorado (August 22nd)...

    DAVETOON: Davelanta August 1st
    The Daveil went down to Georgia...

    DAVETOON: Daveorado August 22nd
    A run to the Rocky Mountains...

    If you haven't already contacted me and would like to meet up with some cool bloggers in Atlanta or Denver, just send me an email at dave@blogography.com and I'll let you know when we have details!

       

    Wizardry

    Posted on Thursday, July 16th, 2009

    Dave!My air conditioner came with a remote control. That's pretty sweet, because you don't have to get up to turn it off and on. You can stay safely on the couch and not have to risk getting eaten by a Carpet Shark or accidentally getting any exercise.

    The problem is that the air conditioner makes an ear-splitting BEEP (shriek?!?) every time you turn it off or on. It has to be about the stupidest thing ever. I mean, it would be different if the air conditioner was totally silent and you couldn't hear when it was on... BUT IT'S AN AIR-CONDITIONER!!! Short of a smoke alarm, it's about the loudest damn appliance you can buy. Until now. It's as if the manufacturer said "I'm tired of smoke alarms stealing our thunder as loudest appliance ever... we can do better!" And they have! I swear that asinine shriek is louder than the test button on any smoke alarm.

    And I just don't get it. Having a loud BEEP go off every time you mess with an air conditioner is about as senseless as trying to find intelligence in an Ann Coulter book. Yet here we are, with me living in fear that turning on the air conditioner will result in the neighbors calling the fire department.

    A fire department which would probably be happy to allow my home go up in flames once they found out I'm not a Harry Potter fan.

    Davepotter

    Every time a new Harry Potter movie comes out, it's always the same. A never-ending stream of "Have you seen Harry Potter yet?!?"

    I've already written about my social inadequacies from not being a Harry Potter fan, but now the fervor has reached all new heights. There are no more Harry Potter books in the pipeline, so new films are all that's left for people to obsess over. This has resulted in an unprecedented level of disdain from Potter-Heads every time I have to explain that I don't like Harry Potter and have no desire to see any of the movies. The shock, disbelief, disgust, and sheer terror that's unloaded on me has never been more blatant.

    I'm still waiting for a Harry Potter edition of CliffsNotes so I can at least pretend to fit into society again.

       

    Miyazaki

    Posted on Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

    Dave!Imagine that there's somebody whose work you so admire that they inspire you every day. Imagine that what this artist creates fills you with such joy that your life is better because of it. Imagine that this visionary is one of your greatest personal heroes and you obsess over everything they've released.

    Now imagine that this person has decided to make a rare public appearance to discuss these works which have been an inspiration to you for your entire adult life... and you have an opportunity to see them do so live and in person.

    That's exactly what happened to me when I found out that animation legend Hayao Miyazaki would be speaking in Los Angeles today.

    Needless to say, I jumped at the chance. You just don't pass up an opportunity to attend a lecture with the man responsible for My Neighbor Totoro...

    Totoro!

    Blogging buddy Howard (from the Web Pen Blog) and I attended the event, and it was an amazing, incredible, wonderful night.

    Too many times the best days of our lives go by unnoticed and are only realized upon reflection.

    I know this was one of the best days of my life.

       

    To read more about Hayao Miyazaki, here's a Wikipedia entry.

    But to really understand him, just go watch his films.

       

    District 9

    Posted on Friday, August 21st, 2009

    Dave!Today started at 3:30am when I awoke to get ready for my early-morning trip to Portland for a quick meeting. Much to my delight, I got finished three hours early, which meant I had three hours to kill in the city before having to return to the airport. This meant a trip to one of my favorite places: Powell's City of Books.

    After an all-too-brief (but wholly unexpected and serendipitous) visit to the City of Roses, I headed back to the airport where I ran into Vahid and Sir, for another all-too-brief (but wholly unexpected and serendipitous) visit before flying out to Denver.

    So here I am in The Mile High City, which I haven't been to in six long years. That's a darn shame, because I love it here and wish I had an excuse to visit more often. After wandering down to the 16th Street Mall for dinner I saw District 9, a movie that came out of nowhere to become my favorite film of 2009 so far...

    District 9 Poster

    South African filmmaker Neill Blomkamp has recreated the horrors of his country's apartheid days in a surprising way. Instead of white colonists subjecting black natives to racial segregation... human natives are subjecting alien refugees to species segregation. And what wonderful-looking aliens they are...

    District 9 Alien

    What's astounding here is how fully-realized the world of District 9 is. By the time the film takes place, the aliens have been around for decades and their presence is treated as commonplace. That the actors were able to inhabit this reality so believably is what makes the story so compelling. You simply believe it's happening as you watch it, even though there are these fantastical creatures wandering around.

    The film is best experienced clean... with no spoilers or story points to ruin it... so run, don't walk, to a good theater and see it before all the talk about it diminishes the impact for you.

       

    Daveorado

    Posted on Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

    Dave!My day wasn't spent wandering around Denver as planned... but working.

    I did get out for a quick walk down the 16th Street Mall in the afternoon, but the heat eventually drove me back to my air-conditioned hotel for still more work. And though I didn't finish nearly enough of what I needed to get done, I finally threw in the towel around 4:30.

    Because it was time to meet up with Tug, Hot Doctor's Wife, and Howard at the Hard Rock Cafe for Daveorado!

    Daveorado

    As usual, good conversation and good times ensued. That I get to continuously meet amazing people like this in my travels is a gift for which I'm wholly inadequate at expressing my gratitude. All I can say is thanks to the three of you for taking valuable time out of your Saturday to let me hang out with you. Hopefully it won't be another six years before I am able to come back!

    After dinner, Howard and I decided to get our Tarantino on and see Inglourious Basterds. The film was total genius, and I loved every minute of it. Particularly shocking to me was how amazing Brad Pitt is in the flick... this is easily his best performance since 12 Monkeys. But the hands-down standout, scene-stealing role in the film belonged to Christoph Waltz's brilliant portrayal of Col. Hans Landa. The guy had to walk a very fine line to get just the right balance of humor and terror, and did it so admirably that the film was elevated to an entirely new level of greatness...

    Christoph Waltz as Col. Hans Landa

    I have no idea how Quentin Tarantino does it. He always manages to write exactly the right dialogue, then cast exactly the right actors to speak it, then direct the entire film flawlessly, then pick precisely the right music to drive it all home. I don't think "visionary" manages to adequately express how astounding a talent he is when it comes to crafting a film, but it's the best word I can think of to describe what it is he does.

    Which, in this case, is to create a film that has many levels, yet blends them all so subtly that they disappear into a singular brute-force narrative. By the time we get to the film-within-a-film theater scenes (which seem to be a thinly-veiled commentary on all the killing that the audience has been manipulated into rooting for thus far), all I can do is shake my head in disbelief that any one man can possess such talent...

    Inglourious Basterds Poster

    I can hardly way to see what Quentin comes up with next.

       

    Bullet Sunday 146

    Posted on Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

    Dave!It's another edition of Bullet Sunday... this time coming to you from beautiful Denver, Colorado!

    • I love Ponyo. Yet another Miyazaki masterpiece. Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea is such joyous, imaginative, feel-good fun that you don't even need kids as an excuse to go see it. Pretty much a retelling of The Little Mermaid, the oft-told tale of the little girl who wants to be human has never been seen in quite this way. Featuring some of the most mesmerizing traditional animated sequences I've ever seen, this is a stunning film which trounces the animated garbage we've been inundated with lately (hey, they're making a sequel to Happy Feet!)...

    Ponyo Teaser Poster

    The main character, Sosuke, is so lovingly crafted that you'd swear he was a real little boy... everything from the way he walks to the way he acts is just captivating to watch. While I prefer to see Miyazaki films in their original Japanese, I have to admit that the vocal talent Disney lined up for the American release is pretty stellar (ZOMG! BETTY WHITE & TINA FEY!) and all the actors seem to ring true to the characters they're dubbing. Well worth seeing in a theater for the sheer spectacle of it all... the pastel-rendered backgrounds are beautiful, and demand to be seen on the big screen.

       

    Epic Fail in the dictionary: George W. Bush and Johnny Rockets.

    • Failure to Launch. I got to the Cherry Creek Center Theater for Ponyo a little early so I could eat dinner at the Johnny Rockets there, only to find out that they didn't have any vegetarian Boca Burgers. AGAIN! Why am I not surprised? After all, I've been denied Boca Burgers in San Francisco (twice), Santa Monica, Seattle University Village (twice), Seattle Pike Place Market, Seattle Pacific Place, Miami Aventura Mall, Seattle South Center, and Kent Station... why should Denver be any different? Still finding it positively absurd that a FROZEN item can't be stocked in such depth that it won't run out 50% of the time a customer would like to order it. If you're not going to bother to watch your inventory, don't bother putting it on the menu so that people like me don't waste their valuable time going to a restaurant expecting to get the food we want.

       

    Denver Capitol Building

    Union Station Denver

    • Denver and Killer Squirrels. After the movie, Howard and Cameron dropped me off downtown so I could take a few photos around the Capitol Building. After goofing around for a bit, I decided to walk back to The 16th Street Mall for dinner and have a look around Union Station. As I was walking through Civic Center Park, I heard something in the tree above me and turned around to look. Much to my surprise it was a very angry squirrel, who glared at me just long enough to let me take a blurry photo of him...

    Squirrel Attack

    That's when I noticed that squirrels were everywhere, and they had no fear of humans. One little guy was eating a pile of sunflower seeds somebody had left and I was able to sit right next to him. He barely noticed...

    Nutty Squirrel

    Just for fun, I was going to reach over and grab a few seeds, but didn't want to risk getting bitten and end up with rabies or something. That would be just my luck.

       

    Tarantino Movie Posters

    • Film by Tarantino. My most consistently favorite director outside of Hayao Miyazaki is Quentin Tarantino. In my capsule review of his latest masterpiece Inglourious Basterds, I said that the word "visionary" was inadequate to describe his cinematic genius. This prompted one reader to ask me how I would rank his films, which would be thusly...

    1. Pulp Fiction. The Tarantino benchmark which instantly established him as one of the world's greatest living writer/directors. Its every scene is masterfully constructed for maximum impact, where even the slow moments serve to amplify the story to an insane degree. Featuring some of the best contemporary dialogue ever written anywhere, Pulp Fiction became one of my favorite films of all time before I was even a quarter of the way through it. How the three stories within the film weave in and out of each other in a non-sequential manner could easily be taken as a cheap filmmaker's gimmick, but Tarantino uses it to genius effect. As if all that weren't enough, Quentin managed to bring together one of the most perfect casts ever assembled, giving us John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Harvey Keitel, Ving Rhames, and Christopher Walken (among others) in the best roles they are likely to ever have. If ever there was a film that encapsulated the word "brilliant" this would be it.
    2. Inglourious Basterds. Everything I wrote about this masterpiece yesterday is only amplified in my mind a day later. Quentin himself says that this is the closest he's gotten to Pulp Fiction and I absolutely agree.
    3. Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2. A revenge flick so epic in scope that Quentin had to break it into two parts. And while I admit the ending was a bit anti-climactic, in this case it's the journey, not the destination, that makes the whole thing worthwhile. The fight scene between Uma Thurman and Lucy Lui is one of the most beautiful ever filmed. The fight scene between Uma and the "Crazy 88" is one of the most brutal ever filmed. The fight scene between Uma and Vivica A. Fox is one of the most engaging ever filmed. The fight scene between Uma and Daryl Hannah has one of the best endings ever filmed. String them all together with Tarantino's patented quirkiness and it's one of the greatest stories of revenge ever seen on the silver screen.
    4. Jackie Brown This film is a love letter from Tarantino to Pam Grier and her blaxsploitation films of the 1970's like Coffy and Foxy Brown. That he actually got Pam Grier to play the lead role rather than casting an imitator just shows how incredibly smart Quentin is when it comes to choosing his actors (we also get Robert DeNiro, Bridget Fonda, Samuel L. Jackson, and Robert Forrester which just confirms it). The story, based on the Elmore Leonard novel Rum Punch, is a crime caper flick so tightly paced and packed with so many brilliant dialogue exchanges that you never want it to end. The world of Jackie Brown lingers long after the credits have rolled.
    5. Reservoir Dogs Tarantino's debut is a hyper-violent heist thriller where the actual heist is never seen. Given that this would be the most interesting part of this movie genre in lesser hands, Quentin manages to create a far more imaginative film by showing everything but the main event. All the things Tarantino would become famous for are here from the very beginning, and it's a thrilling experience that influenced an entire generation of films that would follow. While not for the squeamish and faint-of-heart, this is a film that shows us exactly what cinematic genius is.
    6. Death Proof While decent Tarantino fare that features one of the best car chase sequences ever filmed, this movie pales in comparison to his other efforts. Which means it's still better than the vast majority of the crap which ends up at the local theater, and I enjoyed it quite a lot. Quentin on his worst day knows more about making an entertaining film than many other directors will ever know. Kurt Russell in the lead role as a sadistic misogynist stuntman is just the icing on the cake.

       

    &bull Housekeeping Aggressive. One of the most thankless jobs on the planet has to be that of a housekeeper at a hotel. Forgotten entirely when they do their job well, yet persecuted ruthlessly when they make a mistake, the housekeeper is in the ultimate no-win scenario. Historically, I've always endeavored to be excessively kind and generous with housekeeping staff in order to balance out this wrong, but my attitude has been changing as of late. Because, in addition to being the most thankless job, it can also be the most passive-aggressive career in history. And more and more this is getting to be the case. Housekeepers maintain this front of kindness in service, but all too many of them really don't give a shit and, indeed, are actively hostile in their work.

    As an example... in the hotel I'm currently staying (which shall remain nameless, because it really doesn't matter) the housekeeping staff is so horrendously noisy each morning that I have no choice but to view it as intentional. And it begins the minute they exit the elevator... laughing and whistling and yelling and screaming and banging and slamming. Never mind that it's still fairly early and people are trying to sleep, they just don't give a fuck. Across the hall from my room is a laundry chute. What they could do is prop the door open so that the soiled linens will pass silently down to the laundry. But what they actually do is let the door slam shut again and again and again, which is an endless source of banging that is so forceful that my walls shake every time. And heaven forbid that you should want to sleep in, because if you stay later than they like, they will purposely create a huge racket outside your door until you ultimately give up and flee the premises. Every drawer is banged. Every word is yelled. Every cleaning tool is rattled. Every door is slammed. Because the housekeepers just don't seem to give a flying fuck anymore. They're up at the crack of dawn doing a thankless job, and they want you to suffer for it. Over and over and over again. One of these days I'm going to have had enough and scream into the hallway as loud as I can "SHUT THE HELL UP!" knowing full-well that it will only encourage them to be louder. Because that's what happens when you mess with people having the most passive aggressive job on earth.

       

    Denver at Night

    • Farewell to The City. And that's all she wrote. Tomorrow I'll take a trip to some stores I want to check out which were closed today... and then it's off to the airport and other adventures.

       

       

    Bullet Sunday 147

    Posted on Sunday, August 30th, 2009

    Dave!Ooh! I'm actually home for this edition of Bullet Sunday!

    • Garbage. Having a blog with nearly six years of material makes me an easy target for haters, since I'm bound to have written about something they disagree with. Most of the time I don't care. Either the person trashing me is so incredibly stupid that their garbage is impossible to take seriously, or they are criticizing me for something I never even said in the first place. I have no problem with healthy debate and welcome other people's respectful opinions... but that almost never happens. They're called "haters" for a reason, and are best just forgotten. Except sometimes they just won't go away. The anonymity of the internet makes them impervious to civilized behavior. I wonder if they realize that nobody is ever truly anonymous online? Something to think about, anyway.

       

    • Hurt Locker. I have little to no interest in the whole "war movie" genre. That's because they usually fall into one of three categories: 1) Political statement against war. 2) Political statement for war. 3) Glorification of war and/or war propaganda. The last category is the worst. All those old movies where war is depicted as an entirely one-sided affair, with the horrors nicely sanitized (e.g. the ridiculous "Oh you got me, you dirty Nazi! while the guy grabs his chest and slumps over). But every once in a while there's a film with no obvious political agenda which tries to tell a very human story that just happens to take place during a war (Clint Eastwood's amazing Letters from Iwo Jima comes immediately to mind).

    And now we get The Hurt Locker by the always amazing director Kathryn Bigelow...

    The Hurt Locker Poster

    Any attempt for me to explain the film would be a grave disservice to it. In simplest terms, it's about a three-man team of bomb disposal experts called "Bravo Company" in Iraq circa 2004, and their efforts to dispose of a never-ending supply of explosive weaponry that shows up in a variety of scenarios. After the death of their team leader, a new guy, Staff Sergeant William James, assumes command of the team and things get very interesting. You never really know if James is a reckless maverick who risks lives unnecessarily... or an absolute genius who is so great at his job that it only appears that way. All you do know is that Bravo company has just 38 days left in their tour, and the odds of them surviving long enough to return home grows dimmer with each new encounter. This is a film about guys in a very dangerous job, and there's no political bullshit or anti-war bias to get in the way of telling their story. Miracles do happen.

    One of the very best movies of 2009 (I'd place it at #4, after Inglourious Basterds, District 9, and Star Trek), The Hurt Locker is where I'd put all my Oscar votes. Jeremy Renner as Sgt. James is one of the strongest performances I've seen in a film all year, and is backed up by an army of talent and some spectacular cameo role appearances (which it would be a shame to spoil here). Suspenseful, gritty, and very human, The Hurt Locker is actually worth your valuable time to see.

       

    • Iconic. Every since installing Mac OS X Snow Leopard, I've been transfixed with the ability to view application icons at 512-pixel resolution. It's an entirely new ballgame at such a large size, and reveals surprising details that you would never even know existed at their original size... sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. Let's take these three icons as an example...

    Snow Leopard Tiny Icons

    Transmit, which has always been a nifty little icon, is revealed to be a stunning piece of artwork when you get to see it at full size. The attention to detail is nothing short of amazing, and now people can actually see it...

    Transmit's little truck icon at full-size

    Twitterific, on the other hand, is exactly the opposite. It looks cute and friendly when seen small, but blow it up to full size and it transforms into something vaguely scary. I don't know if the bird is molting... sweating... or has some kind of disease... or what. His beak doesn't even appear to be part of him, but instead bursting through his head, like there's a bird trapped in a bird suit and he's just now breaking out. Granted, this isn't really the designer's fault. This is what happens when you are forced to exaggerate details so they will show up when reduced to a tiny size. Otherwise, it would just look like a little blue blob...

    Twitterific's little bird icon at full-size

    But those issues pale in comparison to the scariness of Apple's own "Mail" icon. It makes absolutely no sense now. The drop shadow makes it appear that the stamp is floating above the surface... but the cancellation mark looks flat, like it's a projection of some kind. Furthermore, the cancellation mark doesn't even look like it's been printed. The gray ink looks like it's actual ink on the white parts of the icon... but mystically transforms into blue ink when it is on the blue parts of the icon. At giant-size, it all looks like some kind of bad Photoshop overlay trick, because it doesn't act like any cancellation mark I've ever seen...

    Mail's little stamp icon at full-size

    Icons, which have historically had to communicate information at very small sizes, are now having to stand on their own as artwork when presented at larger sizes. This is an incredible challenge for icon designers, because it's not easy trying to create one piece of art which works perfectly for two entirely different uses. I suppose the big worry is that designers won't even try, and we'll get icons that suck at any size.

       

    And now I get to go back to work so I can (hopefully) get caught up before I leave again. Life, she is a bitch.

       

    Bullet Sunday 155

    Posted on Sunday, November 1st, 2009

    Dave!I'M SICK! Well, sick as usual. I've been feeling poorly since I got back from Amsterdam. I'm sure it's just fatigue from non-stop-travel and working all hours of the night and day... but it's getting old. I'm tired of feeling crappy. I have a feeling that this will be a shorter than usual Bullet Sunday.

       
    • Vote! Just a reminder to my fellow Washingtonians, there's precious little time left to get your votes in to APPROVE Referendum 71. All ballots are due by November 3rd, so if you haven't mailed your ballot and believe that everybody should have equal rights under the law, be sure to take care of it ASAP! I know I've posted this video before, and I realize it was made for the state of Maine, but it really applies everywhere, and is worth your valuable time to watch...

       
    • Buttah! The latest commercial for "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" is pretty cool...

    The Buttertons Commercial

    Except it looks strangely familiar...

    Butter

    Who do I talk to about getting paid for them using my idea?

       
    • Saints! Guess what's opening this week?

    Aequita Veritas!

    That's right! After nearly a decade of waiting, the sequel to Boondock Saints is nigh!

    The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

    The original Boondock Saints is one of those odd "guilty pleasure" movies that there's no reason on earth I should like... but I do. I've seen it a dozen times, and scare myself with how much of the dialogue I can quote from the film. I can only hope that the long wait for more Boondocks won't be met with disappointment. The crappy Star Wars prequels are still fresh in my mind.

       
    Annnnd... I'm spent.

       

    Trek

    Posted on Thursday, November 26th, 2009

    Dave!I know I should be talking about either how thankful I am for my friends and family or posting my annual DaveToon showing how this is not a good day for turkeys... but what I'm really thankful for on this day of Thanksgiving is Star Trek.

    I finally got around to watching my new Blu-Ray of the J.J. Abrams Trek movie today and fell in love with it all over again. After having seen it three times in the theater, I can safely say it's my favorite movie of 2009, which is strange considering I was set to hate it when it was released...

    Star Trek 2009 Poster

    The problem is that I'm such a massive fan of The Original Series that I never anticipated I could possibly like a "reimagining" of the show. Heck, I didn't even like all the franchises that followed... didn't care for The Next Generation... was not a fan of Deep Space Nine... totally hated Voyager... and was mostly indifferent towards Enterprise. They weren't Kirk, Spock and the gang, so they weren't Star Trek. The new movie, however, is Kirk, Spock and the gang, and I loved it. Even though we had different actors in the roles...

    DAVETOON: Monkey Star Trek Characters

    If I had to pick a second thing to be thankful for, it would be that I don't have a gun. Because if I did have a gun, I might be tempted to hunt down the asshole who decided to make a bunch of movie trailer previews AUTO-PLAY before the actual movie on the Star Trek Blu-Ray disc. I just BOUGHT the frackin' movie... you don't get to hold me hostage for stupid-ass previews I don't want to see. That's about as douchey as it gets.

    Well, not as douchey as, say, Glenn Beck, but still pretty douchey.

    Categories: Movies 2009Click To It: Permalink  9 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 160

    Posted on Sunday, December 6th, 2009

    Dave!Home for Bullet Sunday! Home for an entire month! Of course, now that I've said that, I'm sure I'll end up flying out somewhere tomorrow.

    • Holidays. I got an email from Laurel reminding me that the deadline for sending holiday cards to the troops via the Red Cross's "Holiday Mail for Heroes" program is MONDAY. That's TOMORROW if you're reading this on Sunday... TODAY if you're reading on Monday. If you'd like to make a serviceman or servicewoman's day when they're far from home, here's your opportunity...

    Also... just a quick reminder that one of my favorite organizations, AnySoldier.com is a great way to show your appreciation for the troops any time of year. If you'd like to know what kind of stuff to send, I've written about that here.

       
    • Woodie. Many congratulations to one of my favorite bands, Matt & Kim, on winning a Best Video Woodie for their awesome Lessons Learned video. I've written about my love for all things Matt & Kim here, and you can watch their video below...

       
    • Killer. The question "what's your favorite app for the iPhone" is something I get quite often. Right now the honest truth would be Undercroft. But apps come and go and, once I've finished playing Undercroft, I'm sure some other toy will take its place. But once you remove the distractions, a few apps remain which I find indispensable. For travel, I wouldn't want to live without Flight Update Pro. For photos, I can't imagine not having ShakeItPhoto. And, of course, there's always the most important app ever created, Ask Dave!

    But if I were forced to choose just one killer app I can't live without, it would be Jaadu VNC that gets my vote. For those unfamiliar, Virtual Network Computing (VNC) is a remote access system that allows you to control a computer over the internet. It's always somewhat problematic because of the screen update lag, but it works. And, thanks to Jaadu VNC, it works beautifully on my iPhone...

    Jaadu VNC Screenshot
    This is full-screen view, but you can also zoom in with auto-panning.

    In fact, it works better than the VNC clients for my MacBook, and I often-times end up using Jaadu to do things that go sideways with other clients. Being able to access my work computer from practically anywhere is a game-changer. There's nothing quite like being able to handle a work emergency while standing in line at Splash Mountain. Jaadu makes this kind of thing easy. But the app has some other tricks up its sleeve as well... such as being able to switch to a numeric keypad or even a media remote...

    Jaadu Remote Control Schreenshot

    It costs something like $25, but the value it provides is priceless if you're away from your computer but need access to it.

       
    • Copter. I am reeeeeally looking forward to seeing James Cameron's new film, Avatar. The preview images and video footage look amazing. And since it's James Cameron (Terminator, Aliens, Titanic) you just know it's going to be something special. What I find curious is the dual-fan helicopters featured in the material...

    Dual-Fan Copters from Avatar

    Dual-Fan Copters from Avatar

    They instantly reminded me of the dual-fan helicopters from Disney/Pixar's brilliant animated film The Incredibles...

    Dual-Fan Copters from The Incredibles

    Very cool! And further proof that The Incredibles was operating at a level far above your typical cartoon feature. The design on it was...well... incredible. And it only makes me want to watch the movie all over again.

       
    And that's a wrap. I really should get back to work now...

       

    Etiquette

    Posted on Monday, December 14th, 2009

    Dave!And so... James Cameron's Avatar is dropping in theaters this Friday, and I am near the point of desperation to go see it. The problem is that I positively loathe to go to the movies anymore. People have reached new heights of rudeness, and it's just not as fun as it used to be. I spend most of my time filled with rage because people are getting calls on their mobile phones, lighting up the entire theater by texting, talking in loud voices and making noise, kicking the seats in front of them, and being all-around assholes. Why should I pay $7.50 for a ticket and $6.00 for a Coke to be subjected to that?

    Maybe I should publish a new addition to my growing family of "Dumbasses" books so I can pass them out whenever I go to the movies?

    DAVETOON BOOK: Movie Theater Etiquette for Dumbasses

    Though the odds of anybody too rude to already know theater etiquette actually taking time to read it are slim.

    So maybe I do what I usually do, and wait for the Blu-Ray to be released.

    But then I look at this poster popping up everywhere...

    Blue Alien Avatar Poster

    ...and I really, really want to go.

       
    Here's hoping that if I do go I won't end up killing anybody.

       

    Jeunet

    Posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2009

    Dave!As I type this, Twitter is down. I don't have a lot of time to spend on Twitter, but I feel incredibly disconnected when I go to see what's happening there and can't get through. Amazingly, you don't even get a Fail-Whale anymore... just a blank white screen.

    If I could Twitter right now, I'd undoubtedly tweet my surprise that the stunningly beautiful Audrey Tautou just showed up on my television in an advertisement for Chanel No. 5. A little internet research reveals that the spot was directed by the incomparable Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who had previously worked with Tautou on two of my favorite films: Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (known as Amélie in English-speaking countries) and Un long dimanche de fiançailles (known as A Very Long Engagement here).

    I don't usually post random videos, but this commercial is too beautiful to not be seen...

    Or heard. We're also treated to Billie Holiday for a soundtrack.

    Everything Jeunet touches is surreal and magical. Even a commercial for perfume. And now all I want to do is watch Amélie and A Very Long Engagement back-to-back. Even though it's 10:30 at night and I have a ton of work to do and I'd be up until 2:00am.

    Another time, I guess.

    Interestingly enough, Jeunet has a new film that debuted in France back in October called Micmacs à tire-larigot...

    Micmacs Poster

    I can't wait to see it, even though it sounds like it is very different from his previous two films.

    But sometimes different is good.

       

    Christie

    Posted on Saturday, December 26th, 2009

    Dave!I worked most of the day, trying to solve a very perplexing assignment in every way I could think of. By the time dinner rolled around, I was mentally exhausted and looking for a diversion. While cleaning off a bookshelf, I happened across my DVD copy of Death on the Nile... the movie version of the brilliant Agatha Christie novel of the same name (albeit with a number of characters having been changed or eliminated). It's one of those movies I can watch a hundred times and still enjoy it, so my diversion had been found...

    Death on the Nile Poster

    Equal in brilliance to the story is the cast.

    Peter Ustinov! David Niven! Mia Farrow! George Kennedy! Angela Lansbury! Maggie Smith! Jack Warden! And a crazy-ass BETTE DAVIS! But that's not all, it also had MANIMAL in it!

    It's Manimal.

    Manimal is one of those shows that I vaguely remember enjoying the heck out of during my youth. It featured a guy who could turn into animals to solve mysteries and fight crime and stuff. He had his pick of any animal under the sun, but always ended up changing into a black panther for some reason. Probably to save money on special effects.

    Those were heady days for cheesy TV, because Manimal ran at the same time as another sweet program from my youth... Automan! Though what I remember most about that show was that the character drove a Lamborghini that could make 90-degree turns at high speeds, and had a sidekick named "Cursor" that could build stuff out of thin air. Sure it was pretty much a rip-off of TRON, but it gave me something to watch after my homework was done.

    Speaking of TRON, am I the only one who's excited about the long-awaited sequel, TRON Legacy, finally hitting theaters in 2010?

    Tron Legacy Poster

    Of course, it's DECEMBER 17th, 2010... which kind of sucks. Especially when all we have to hold us over until then is this.

    Oh well, something to look forward to, I guess.

       

    Avatar

    Posted on Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

    Dave!Ummm... yeah. If you live within a hundred miles of an IMAX theater showing Avatar in 3-D... you should go. And if you don't live within a hundred miles radius of an IMAX theater showing Avatar in 3-D... you should still go. It's just that mind-blowing an experience.

    Sure the story is so predictable that you'll feel you've suddenly become psychic. And yes, the plot is so black & white that you could cut yourself with the sharp division between good & evil. And true, it's got some stuff going on that seems so forced that you'll swear a giant shoehorn is going to appear on-screen any minute.

    But...

    It's also the singular most immersive spectacle you're likely to see for a while.

    Avatar Poster

    After seeing the miraculous CGI used to create an entire world, you will believe that anything is possible. Anything...

    Avatar Poster

    You keep telling yourself that it's not real... that it's just a computer-generated image... but then you forget. And pretty soon you just give in to the fact that 10-foot tall blue aliens actually exist.

    And that alone would be amazing.

    But the 3-D pushes it to the next level. There were several times throughout the movie that my fear of heights was literally kicking in. This isn't some cheesy attempt to use 3-D for quirky effects... it's 3-D used with such subtlety and mastery that it puts you in the film. Which is why you really need to make an effort to see it in IMAX 3-D before it's gone.

    Well, until the sequel comes along.

    Bravo, James Cameron. This time you've created a movie that actually deserves to make billions of dollars.

       

    Mars

    Posted on Friday, January 15th, 2010

    Dave!Finally.

    At long last.

    The news I've been waiting over 25 years to hear has just been released by Disney...

    BURBANK, Calif. (January 15, 2010) - Principal photography is underway in London for Walt Disney Pictures' "JOHN CARTER OF MARS." Academy Award-winning filmmaker Andrew Stanton brings this captivating hero to the big screen in a stunning adventure epic set on the wounded planet of Mars, a world inhabited by warrior tribes and exotic desert beings. Based on the first of Edgar Rice Burroughs' "Barsoom Series," the film chronicles the journey of Civil-War veteran John Carter, who finds himself battling a new and mysterious war amidst a host of strange Martian inhabitants.

    After I had watched Star Wars in 1977, my 11-year-old mind was ensnared by science fiction and I was desperate for more. I had read a few teen sci-fi books here and there, but the genre never really caught hold. It wasn't until Star Wars that an obsession was born. I quickly became bored with the "kids" version of science fiction and decided to see what awaited me in the adult section of the library. That's when I found A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs...

    John Carter of Mars

    I devoured all of the Burroughs "Barsoom" books, and used it as a spring-board to the worlds of Asimov, Bradbury, Heinlein, Herbert, and other science fiction giants.

    But it was the John Carter of Mars books that remained my favorite (so much so that I even "became" Edgar Rice Burroughs when joining in on Kapgar's "The Lost Blogs" contest).

    Sure they are relatively flimsy stories filled with outrageous coincidences and tacky dialogue, but the bizarre creatures and fantastic places that are a hallmark of the stories more than compensated. It was those things that had me dying to see John Carter movies on the big screen.

    And, after numerous false starts, that day has finally come.

    Here's hoping Andrew Stanton doesn't fuck up a childhood dream...

       

    Precious

    Posted on Monday, February 8th, 2010

    Dave!Today I noticed that I'm getting increasingly upset over things that just aren't important. This morning, for example, I went on a tirade after listening to somebody on television use the full title of the movie "Precious" while discussing Oscar nominations. I don't know why. Probably because "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" is a stupid-ass name for a movie. I am guessing the film studio wanted to capitalize on the author somehow, but it only makes them look pathetic and desperate when you consider that "Stand By Me wasn't released as "Stand By Me: Based on the Novella 'The Body' by Stephen King." I mean, holy shit, if the people making "Stand By Me" didn't feel the need to whore out STEPHEN FUCKING KING for their movie, should we really have to give two shits where "Precious" came from?

    Granted, my disdain is undoubtedly amplified by the fact that I don't give a crap about EVER seeing the film "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"... but honestly, is this really a reason to start freaking out?

    Apparently it is if you are me.

    I'm really hoping that this unfounded hostility towards inconsequential things goes away soon.

    Preferably before "Alice in Wonderland: Extrapolated from the Novel 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' as Well as the Novel 'Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There' by Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, Better Known as Lewis Carroll" is released to theaters on March 5th.

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    Categories: Movies 2010Click To It: Permalink  15 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 171

    Posted on Sunday, February 21st, 2010

    Dave!It's Bullet Sunday from one of the most beautiful days I've ever seen in Seattle!

       
    • Pet Shop. The hotel I'm staying in tonight is really, really nice (especially considering the bitchin' rate I got off PriceLine), but does have one minor draw-back. It's "pet friendly." Now, don't get me wrong... I love animals. I think it's great that there's hotels which accept our furry friends when they travel with us. I do not, however, think it's great to be woken up at 5:30am by a yappy little dog barking it's head off in the room next door on a Sunday morning. Though I suppose I should count myself lucky that it was just a dog and not a hyena or something.

       
    • Zombie Walk. As far as iPhone games go, Plants Vs. Zombies may be the best game ever released. More addictive than crack (or so I'd guess), it's one of those games that you never want to stop playing. It looks great, plays amazing, and keeps gameplay fresh with new features for a good long time...

    Plants Vs. Zombies Splash Screen

    Plants Vs. Zombies Play Screen

    The game, in a nutshell, has wave after wave of zombies attacking your home, and you have to plant an ever-growing variety of vegetation to fend then off. Highest possible recommendation (unless you have a life, in which case it will will destroy you).

       
    • Spell Check. If you're going to use the word "w00t!" then it's spelled in all lower-case letters with two ZEROS in the middle, like this...

    w00t Spelled Correctly!

    If you don't believe me, you can look it up in the dictionary!

       
    • Saturday Break. After working non-stop for the past several weeks, I decided to take a break and attend a blogger meet in Seattle... thanks to Ms. Sizzle and Chris for putting it together and giving me a much-needed distraction! The beautiful drive alone was worth the effort...

    Snoqualmie Pass

    Snoqualmie Pass

       
    • ONE Ring? Great news! The Lord of the Rings trilogy is finally coming to Blu-Ray! How awesome is that? Oh... wait a second... not so awesome... BECAUSE THE GREEDY FUCKERS AT NEW LINE STUDIOS ARE RELEASING THE BUTCHERED THEATRICAL RELEASE INSTEAD OF THE FULL DIRECTOR'S CUT! They're waiting for everybody to buy the incomplete trilogy THEN they'll release the complete films on Blu-Ray so everybody will have to buy them AGAIN!

    Lord of the Rings Blu-Ray Bullshit

    I mean, seriously, we already had to buy them twice on DVD, so why not give everybody what they want the first time around? Oh... that's right... NEW LINE IS RUN BY GREEDY FUCKERS! Blu-Ray easily allows the option of viewing both the theatrical release OR the director's cut on the SAME disc thanks to their "branching" technology, but why would we want to do that when we can sucker fans into buying the movies FOUR TIMES!

    Well, as much as I'd like to see these beautiful films in HD, I'll take a pass until the COMPLETE films are released. Holy crap I hate it when studio executives try to pull this bullshit. And everybody wonders why otherwise law-abiding citizens turn to piracy! THE MOVIE STUDIOS FORCE THEM TO!

       
    And another week bites the dust...

       

    Oscars

    Posted on Saturday, March 6th, 2010

    Dave!My head-cold only lasted 24 hours, but the resulting sinus infection is ongoing. Yesterday the pain was so bad that I had to leave work early, which meant that my planned half-day of work today turned into a full-day of work. I wouldn't have minded so much, except the weather outside was so beautiful. It makes me miss my motorcycle.

    Of course, right now what I really miss is having the energy to stay out of bed all day. The antibiotics really wipe me out, so pretty much all I can do is work and sleep. This is a darn shame, because I've got a to-do list a mile long before I start traveling again in two weeks.

    Hopefully I'll have the energy to make it through The Oscars tomorrow night...

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Hosts The Oscars

    In general, I find The Oscars to be a load of crap, but it still makes for an interesting evening of television.

    My "best movie" last year was Star Trek. For sheer entertainment value, I just can't seem to get enough of it. But it wasn't nominated for Best Picture, so I'd probably have to go with Inglourious Basterds, followed closely by District 9 and The Hurt Locker which were all amazing films. So was Moon but it wasn't nominated either. The odds of Inglourious Basterds winning Best Picture are slim, but I think it's a lock for Best Original Screenplay (and deservedly so).

    As far as Best Director, I think that Kathryn Bigelow nailed it with Hurt Locker, but I wouldn't be unhappy if James Cameron got it, because his fingerprints are on every frame of Avatar, which is a magnificient achievement in filmmaking. And, of course, I'm not going to have any complaints if Quentin Tarantino wins. Ever.

    I don't care about any of the actor categories except Best Supporting Actor for Christoph Waltz. His incredible performance in Inglourious Basterds is about as Oscar-worthy a role as you will ever see.

    Speaking of Inglourious Basterds, it's my pick for Best Editing. Quentin's films are always paced impeccably, and the way the various storylines are so perfectly woven together in the editing room is a testament to Tarantino's vision.

    The Best Animated Feature Film I saw last year was probably Up, which had a really good story behind it (though I thought the actual "traditional" animation on either Ponyo or The Secret of Kells was the best of the lot). That being said, I also enjoyed Fantastic Mr. Fox, Coraline, and Princess and the Frog so I'd be happy with any of them winning. As for Best Animated Short, that clearly has to go to Nick Park for his Wallace & Gromit short A Matter of Loaf and Death.

    Art Direction and Visual Effects are clearly Avatar's to win. This is the future of filmmaking, and has opened entirely new worlds in movies.

    I'd give Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing, and Best Makeup to Star Trek on principle.

    The other categories I don't have enough information to make an opinion on.

    Of course, this is The Oscars, so I'll be lucky if even one of my picks is actually a winner. But there you have it.

       

    Bullet Sunday 173

    Posted on Sunday, March 7th, 2010

    Dave!Blergh. Muh head is assploding on Buwett Swunday! Sinus infections suck.

       
    • Oscar.
    Look, I liked The Hurt Locker as much as anybody (I saw it twice in theaters and bought the Blu-Ray), but winning Best Original Screenplay over Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds? What the hell? I can see The Hurt Locker taking Best Picture over Basterds, I'm right there with that... but Screenplay?? Seriously? It's things like this that makes me want to swear off ever watching the Academy Awards each year.

       
    • Can't. I have had at least a dozen people tell me that I need to see The Cove which just won Best Documentary. I love films of all kinds and am a huge fan of documentaries, but I cannot watch anything where dolphins are slaughtered. That's a weakness I'm perfectly willing to live with...

    Swimming with Dolphins

       
    • Strange. Katheryn Bigelow was well-known to me long before she directed The Hurt Locker. Mostly because of this poster which has hung on my bedroom wall for the past 13 years...

    Strange Days Poster

    Her movie Strange Days is one of my all-time favorite films. Written by (her then husband?) James Cameron, it's just cool entertainment. It has a great cast (I fell hopelessly in love with Angela Bassett after this performance), a really good story, an intriguing premise, and most everything else I love about the movies. The fact that it was so beautifully directed was just icing on the cake. All I can do is hope that the Oscar win for Kathryn Bigelow will mean we finally get a release of Strange Days on Blu-Ray.

    As an added bonus, Kathryn Bigelow also directed a movie in 2000 called The Weight of Water starring the incomparable Elizabeth Hurley... TOPLESS!! I owe Kathryn Bigelow a massive debt for that astounding moment of brilliance in cinematic history, so congratulations on your Academy Awards!

       
    • Teaser. The stupid-ass "teasers" that television news shows do during commercial breaks are getting more and more asinine. Shows like "Entertainment Tonight" always waste time before taking a break telling you what's coming up after the break. It's stupid, but nobody cares because it's not like you'll die if you miss anything on "Entertainment Tonight." You can, however, die from missing something on the news...

    "And this just in... another big auto-maker launching a recall. We'll show you what cars pose a risk for your safety this time! It's eleven minutes of uninterrupted news at 11:00 on KIRO 7... tonight!"

    Yes, let's not just come out and say which cars might kill you as a public service in the name of safety... instead let's keep it a secret so we can whore out our shitty local news program. Whatever.

       
    And now my sinuses are smooshing into my brain, so I should probably go to bed.

       

    Crasher

    Posted on Monday, March 8th, 2010

    Dave!I can't help myself. I love Crasher Squirrel!

    Crasher Squirrel in The Hurt Locker

    Crasher Squirrel in Avatar

    Crasher Squirrel in District 9

    Crasher Squirrel in Inglourious Basterds

    Crasher Squirrel in Precious

       

    I don't understand why somebody hasn't him to a picture development deal... he's Oscar gold!

       

    Oveur

    Posted on Monday, March 15th, 2010

    Dave!One of these days, I'm going to mount a video camera on my dashboard so I can have evidence of just how insane my 5-minute commute home can get. Today I added stops at the post office and the bank, which just tripled the crazy-ass shit I had to deal with. Being cut-off twice, nearly hit three times, and fuming over the SEVEN CARS coming from the opposite direction that DIDN'T stop while I waited to let a young boy cross the street... it's no wonder I'm near-homicidal by the time I get home. ARRRRRRRRRGH!

    But anyway...

    Peter Graves died over the weekend, which was some really sad news for me. As a mega-huge fan of both his Mission: Impossible television series and the Airplane movies, Graves has been a permanent fixture in my memory as both a brilliant source of suspense and comedy, which is a rare thing for an actor. My respect for him only grew when he turned down what was certainly a nice chunk of money to reprise his Jim Phelps role in the Mission: Impossible movie. The film totally betrayed the character, and Peter Graves would have none of it, which is really cool.

    I always held out hope for another Airplane movie, but any attempt to do so now without Captain Oveur in at least a cameo would be a huge mistake. Most of the best scenes in Airplane are his...

    It's Captain Oveur!
    "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

    Oveur and out.

       

    Speaking of scenes...

    There's a very cool article over at The Guardian where their film critics pick their favorite movie scenes. That got me to thinking about what my favorite scenes might be, so I decided to take a stab at listing them over the next several weeks for MOVIE SCENE MONDAYS! The first scene I look at is from Katheryn Bigelow's Strange Days released in 1995. There be  SPOILERS  below, and the film is well-worth watching if you haven't seen it, so don't click through unless you have!

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Day Ten: Amsterdam to Seattle

    Posted on Monday, March 29th, 2010

    Dave!And so my vacation is over.

    The DutchBitch dropped me off at the train station for an uneventful ride to the airport. I then had a blissfully uneventful 10-hour flight home. I'd like to say I had a blissfully uneventful drive back over the mountains, but that would be a lie. In addition to "wintery mix" blasting the mountain passes (it's a mix of snow and rain)... I nearly got into an accident twice because people apparently don't know what a Yield Sign means...

    DaveToon Yield Sign

    Even though it's pretty much a universal symbol meaning "STOP YOUR STUPID ASS IF TRAFFIC IS APPROACHING, BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY"... but while I was out of the country, apparently here in Washington State they've become merely roadside decorations you can ignore.

    The first incident wasn't too spectacular. I just had to slam on my brakes to let the dumbass into my lane, even though he should have been the one stopping since he was the one with the YIELD MUTHA FUCKA! sign. The second incident was far worse, and took place as I was making the Cle-Elum turn-off from I-90...

    Yield Sign in Cle Elum

    That red line is me. After making my stop at the end of the off-ramp, I continue onward after turning left. That blue line is an oblivious douchebag who didn't even LOOK to see me already in the lane he was merging into. He blew on by the YIELD MUTHA FUCKA! sign and came gunning right at me. Not only did I have to slam on the brakes, but I had to swerve outside of my lane and then swerve back before being hit by oncoming traffic! But you know what the BEST part was? The dumbass lays on his horn when he finally notices me swerving all over the place! And it gets better! Since I was turning right and he was turning left, I pulled up alongside him WHERE HE PROCEEDED TO GIVE ME BITCHY LOOKS AND POINT HIS FINGER AT ME! Like he was calling me out or something.

    It took all the self control I could muster not to ram my car into him and bust his shit, but instead I pointed at him and screamed "YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE YIELD SIGN, ASSHOLE!" He probably couldn't hear me, but I'm pretty sure he sure got the message that HE was the one who made the mistake.

    Oh well.

    It wouldn't be me traveling if there wasn't some drama involved.

    While on the plane I watched a bunch of in-flight movies to pass the time. Usually I only watch movies that I don't care about and don't want to spend the money and time to rent...

    Plane Movies!

    First up was "Precious, Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire". I never wanted to watch this film based on the stupid-ass title alone, but the subject matter didn't appeal to me much either. I ultimately found this movie about an abused and neglected teen a crashing bore, and ended up fast-forwarding through chunks of it. So people are horrible and life is depressing... wah! Big news. There was no break-through plot element here that made the story worth my time. I thought Gabourey Sidibe's performance was good, but not really Oscar-worthy. Mo'Nique was very good at being thoroughly reprehensible though, and probably deserved her nomination. But the break-out performances to me were actually by Paula Patton as Ms. Rain and (heaven help us) Mariah Carey as Mrs. Weiss. I may have hated the movie, but there were no denying the great acting. RATING: D+

    I also watched The Blind Side... a movie I avoided because all these "football inspirational" stories usually bore the crap out of me. Boy was I wrong. The story of a Southern white family who takes in a black homeless student who then goes on to become a football star was definitely entertaining. Sure the "based on a true story" plot was predictable and manipulative, but the performances were all-around amazing. Sandra Bullock earned that Oscar. And who the hell knew Tim McGraw could act? I also thought that Quinton Aaron added dimension to what could have been a pretty pedestrian and straight-forward character. These kind of bland stereotypical pablum films may not be my cup of tea, but I thought it was pretty good for bring in that genre. RATING: B-

    Next up was Pandorum, a sci-fi thriller that I knew nothing about starring Ben Foster and Dennis Quaid. The film was basically a combination of a dozen sci-fi films I've already seen before (mostly Alien and Sunshine with a little Serenity thrown in) but somehow managed to pull off the "zombies in space" idea in an entertaining way. I was happy to have seen it, but didn't think there was anything new or groundbreaking here. Had they found something unique and surprising to catapult the story out of the copycat rut they found themselves in, this could have been a home-run. I was pleasantly surprised by Ben Foster though. He always seemed so one-note in other things I've seen him in, but does a great job here. RATING: B-

    After that was Whiteout, based on the comic book mini-series of the same name that I had never read. It's a story about the first ever murder-mystery in Antarctica, and the special circumstances such an environment creates in trying to solve it. While I enjoyed the movie well enough (I can't help myself because I love Kate Beckinsale), the limited number of characters made guessing the mystery villain and the plot-twist villain absolute child's play. I literally had everything pegged in my head fifteen minutes into the film. Still, the arctic location made for some interesting plot elements and I liked the scenery. RATING: C+

    And then was The Invention of Lying, with one of my favorite comedians Ricky Gervais, plus Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, and a lot of cameos from people like Tina Fey, John Hodgman, Edward Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Jason Bateman (PLUS Jonah Hill, in the ONLY role I haven't positively hated him in!). This thinly-veiled pro-atheism film was pretty much a let-down. Sure the premise of a world where people can't lie is funny at first... but the jokes grow stale far too quickly and the internal logic just didn't hold together for me. It was a half-hour of material that was drawn-out far too long (sometimes painfully so). RATING: C

    And lastly there was The Fantastic Mr. Fox, Wes Anderson's epic retelling of the classic Roald Dahl children's book about a fox who craves adventure and danger... sometimes at the expense of his family and friends. I had already seen the film once, and liked it enough to watch it again. The voice cast is stellar (George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Michael Gambon, and more), the stop-motion animation sublime, and the story just bizarre and quirky enough to keep things interesting. Oddly enough, I can't imagine kids enjoying the film that much, as most of the dialogue and story elements seemed very adult to me. RATING: A-

       
    And now... it's time to try and get a few hours rest. It's hard to get jet-lag when you only sleep 4-5 hours each night, but hopefully this long, long day will make me tired enough to manage some sleep.

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    Kick-Ass!

    Posted on Friday, April 23rd, 2010

    Dave!This afternoon was a beautiful day for driving over to Seattle... until I actually got here. I thought that I could beat rush hour traffic, but somehow arrived right in the middle of it. By the time I had checked into the hotel and made my way to the mall, I was late for my movie date to go see Kick-Ass. Luckily(?) there were twenty minutes of commercials, previews, and other crap, so I didn't miss any of the film.

    I liked the movie, and don't feel I should have to make any apologies for that. Even though I am sure there are plenty of people who probably think that I should apologize for enjoying a movie which features an 11-year-old girl with a foul mouth and a predilection for killing bad-guys in the most violent, bloody, horrifying, way possible.

    But it's a movie.

    Obviously if it were an 11-year-old girl actually murdering people for real, I'd feel different. But it wasn't and so I don't, because I can distinguish hard-core entertainment from real life.

    Kick-Ass tells the story of Dave Lizewski, a geeky high-school comic book fan who decides to become a costumed crime-fighter named "Kick-Ass." Unfortunately, he doesn't have any training or fighting skills, so he spends most of his time getting the crap beat out of him. Repeatedly. Almost dying after his first "adventure."

    On the opposite end of the spectrum is Mindy Macready, who has been trained since early childhood by her father to be a ruthless killing machine. Seeking revenge for Mindy's mother's death at the hand of organized crime, the duo become costumed crime-fighters known as Hit-Girl and Big Daddy (featuring one of Nicholas Cage's best performances ever!).

    If there's a problem with the film, it's that I found Dave Lizewski's screen-time to be mostly boring. Probably because every single scene with Hit-Girl brutally mowing down criminals was awesome times 100. There's just no way that Kick-Ass can compete with her. She completely steals the movie, and it got to the point where I spent my time wishing I could fast-forward to her next appearance...

    Hit-Girl Poster

    All in all, Kick-Ass was solid entertainment that tries to provide a "realistic" take on the super-hero genre film. Of course, it's nowhere near being actually realistic, but the portrayal tries to be. And I give them a solid "B" for the effort.

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    Empire

    Posted on Friday, May 21st, 2010

    Dave!The Hilton SeaTac Airport charges $14.95 for internet. I guess I can post this tomorrow, because Hilton can suck it.

    Today is a day where the entire internet is celebrating a movie so astoundingly brilliant... so wonderfully imaginative... so monumentally game-changing... so vastly superior to everything that came before... that it redefines what cinema entertainment means.

    I am talking, of course, about MacGruber, from which I just returned.

    This was the film I was most looking forward to this summer, and it did not disappoint. It was funny and action-packed from start to finish. Kudos to Will Forte and Kristen Wiig for their fantastic performances, and welcome back to comedy Val Kilmer! Of course, I like MacGruber on Saturday Night Live, so I'm probably biased.

    Coincidentally, today is also the 30th anniversary of one of my favorite films of all time: Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back...

    Empire Strikes Back Poster

    I never saw the original Star Wars in an actual theater until the re-release in 1978. Instead I saw it at a drive-in with some neighbor kids. I, of course, loved the film and became obsessed with it in whatever ways were available to be obsessed with it back then. You couldn't buy VHS tapes until later, but you could buy outrageously expensive snippets on 8mm film. And then there were the books, magazines, posters, and all the other crap an 11-year-old simply must have or else they'll die.

    By the time Empire was released in 1980, my Star Wars mania was at a fever pitch. The idea of seeing the sequel on opening day was too much to resist, so a friend and I got dropped off at the theater so we could wait in line for entirely too long and be among the first to see it. The time spent was, obviously, worth it. The Empire Strikes Back is easily one of the best films ever created, and holds up on all counts to this day. As a movie, that alone is remarkable... but a science fiction movie?!? Magic.

    If I was obsessed with Star Wars, I became positively stupid-insane over Empire. It pushed the Star Wars envelope in all directions, and has some of the best dialogue quotes ever to hit the silver screen in ANY genre (I can only guess that this is because George Lucas didn't write or direct it... if only we were so lucky with the prequels). My imagination wasn't just captured by all the amazing things the film offered up, it was blown away never to return.

    Once you here those immortal words... "Luke, I am your father" you don't have much choice but to be blown away. Screw The Sixth Sense, THIS is the ultimate twist ending in modern cinematic history.

    Even though I was eventually let down by the follow-up effort, Return of the Jedi, my spirit was never dampened. Empire was simply too good to ever die. Toss in all the Ewoks, fart jokes, and other stupid crap you want, it doesn't matter. Once you've learned the ways of The Force from Yoda, there can be no turning back.

    Star Wars is in your heart and mind forever.

    I know it is in mine.

       

    2012

    Posted on Saturday, June 5th, 2010

    Dave!Nobody can see every movie ever released, so when they declare a film to be "the worst movie ever," what they are actually saying is that it's "the worst movie I've ever seen." Still, given the number of movies out there, this is still a pretty bold statement.

    To me, the worst movie ever used to be a Renny Harlin flick called Born American. The tagline on the posters was "Freedom is just a word...until you lose it." It was a Reagan-era flag-waver about three college students vacationing in Finland who decide to cross the Russian border as a joke. Unfortunately for them, they are spotted by the Russian army. They then get captured and tortured as suspected spies... something they consider unjust because they're Americans, dammit! Eventually they escape and, in the process, kill people and destroy a Russian town. The movie was utter shit and made no sense. It was meant to portray Soviet Russia as a nation of monsters, but the only monsters in the film were the Americans. Can you imagine if the situation were reversed and it was the Russians who were caught on American soil blowing up towns and killing people circa 1986? But movie audiences are stupid, so it was easy to cover massive gaps of logic with patriotic "Russia is evil" rhetoric. Born Americans was so bad it made me embarrassed to be American.

    But that was then.

    Now a new movie has taken its place... Rolland Emmerich's 2012.

    2012 Movie Poster

    Worst. Movie. Ever. Truly excrement on just about every level. First of all, it's a film made for idiots. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because even intelligent people can have great fun turning off their brain and enjoying a stupid flick. Heck, there are a lot of stupid movies I really like. But 2012 goes so far beneath stupid that it's fucking insane.

    Heaven only knows I wasn't expecting much, but I was hopeful. Sure Emmerich unleashed such turds as 10,000 BC and Universal Soldier and The Day After Tomorrow and that shitty Godzilla remake. But he also did Stargate, which I liked quite a lot.

    And yet nothing could prepare me for just how awful this film could be.

    Yes, the special effects were stunning in places... breathtaking even... but the story and events were positively asinine. Oh noes! The earth's core is heating up and the world is going to end! Let's pile up catastrophic spectacles and wild-ass coincidences and see if anybody notices that it's all window dressing bullshit!

    What's truly perplexing is that 2012 managed to attract some real talent... actors like John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Thandie Newton, Oliver Platt, Danny Glover, and even Dr. Phlox(!). But it doesn't matter. Even the best actors on earth couldn't save this steamer. Events are so contrived and manipulative, that it feels like you're being force-fed a load of bullshit. And while I could give a dozen examples to illustrate this, the most offensive is the cracks that open up as the earth goes into spasm. They always... always crack across that "perfect spot." Like EXACTLY BETWEEN the fingers of God and Adam in Michelangelo's famous painting in the Sistine Chapel ..

    Sistine Chapel Stupidity 2012

    In some films, this might be interpreted in a number of ways. The original painting has God giving life to man. So maybe this is symbolic of man's abandonment of God, creating a rift between them. Or maybe it's meant to be ironic... the painting depicts God giving life to man, now all mankind is facing extinction. Or perhaps it's allegory for religion in general, illustrating that even God can't help you when the world ends. Etc. Etc.

    But attributing such deep thought to anything in 2012 would be absurd.

    I know this because earlier in the film, Amanda Peet is shopping with her boyfriend when he says something cheesy and ridiculous like "I don't know honey... I feel like there's something pulling us apart..." just before a crack opens up directly between them...

    Supermarket Stupidity in 2012

    Yes. This movie is that fucking stupid.

    But even that's not the reason I loathe the film so vehemently.

    As I said, this film was made for idiots. And because idiots don't have the intelligence to think for themselves or figure things out on their own, filmmakers like Roland Emmerich have to design their films to appeal to the lowest common denominator. They insert obvious clues in order to tell the audience how they should think, feel, and react. More often than not, these clues come in the form of a character. Somebody in the film whose only purpose is to help an audience of idiots know when to laugh, cry, get mad, or be scared. A douchebag moron to spell it all out.

    In the case of 2012, we get this piece of shit...

    Fucking Douchebag in 2012

    First it's the "Oh no, we're doomed!" look. Then the "Hooray, we're saved!" elation. It's so pathetic and absurd that seeing it makes me want to punch somebody in the face. Starting with this asshole...

    I hate characters like this. Fucking HATE THEM!

    And yet they're becoming more and more common in movies... and more and more blatant in their manipulations. It's getting so bad that pretty soon movie directors will just add subtitles which say things like "THIS IS SAD SO YOU SHOULD CRY NOW" and "THIS SCENE IS WHERE YOU GET ANGRY" and "THIS CHARACTER IS A BAD GUY."

    Which is pretty much what 2012 is all about. Telegraphing audience instructions with blatant eye candy and shameless manipulation for no practical purpose... including entertainment.

    The Blogography Movie Rating System...

    Blogography Movie Rating

    Which brings us to...

    Dave2 rating for 2012 (2009) — Bomb!Bomb!Bomb!Bomb!Bomb!Bomb!Bomb!

       

    Vanishing

    Posted on Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

    Dave!Usually I take the direct Amsterdam to Seattle flight at 10:15am, arriving 11:25am. But since I didn't know my schedule in Berlin when I bought my plane tickets, I opted for a later flight via Minneapolis that leaves Amsterdam at 1:25pm and arrives in Seattle at a gut-wrenching 7:19pm... a full five hours of extra travel time.

    At which point I have to drive 2-1/2 hours to get home.

    Usually the drive is no big deal, but yesterday it became one by the time I left the airport at 8:00pm completely exhausted. Things were further drawn out when I stopped 45 minutes outside of Seattle in North Bend at the Mt. Si Shell Station (pronounced "Mount Sigh") to fuel up.

    I only mention this because the gas station is across the street from the Mt. Si Chevron Station, which is the place that Sandra Bullock disappeared without a trace in the Jeff Bridges/Kiefer Sutherland thriller The Vanishing. This was a crappy remake of a pretty good Dutch movie called Spoorloos, but with the customary Hollywood "happy ending" slapped on to ruin the film. Well, it was actually ruined before the ending, but that's what I remember disappointing me most...

    Spoorloos vs. The Vanishing

       
    Speaking of movies, I rather liked the film The Young Victoria that was playing on-demand during my flight home...

    The Young Victoria Poster

    This was surprising to me, because usually I can't stand weepy period romance films. But this was something entirely different, with politics and power playing a bigger role than romance. If that wasn't enough, the production values and performances were all top-notch. Emily Blunt has come a long way since The Devil Wears Prada... which is kind of incredible when you consider the movies were only two years apart!

    And now I suppose I should get back to work. I seem to be buried again.

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    08/20: HEAVEN

    Posted on Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

    Dave!Today's word in the TWENTY/TWENTY meme is "heaven."

    Which is easy, because I've been there...

    Field of Dreams

    Field of Dreams

    Field of Dreams

       
    "Is this... is this heaven?"

    "It's Iowa."

    "Iowa? I could have sworn this was heaven."

    "Is there a heaven?"

    "Oh yeah. It's the place where dreams come true."

       

    "Maybe this is heaven.""

       

    16/20: MOVE

    Posted on Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

    Dave!Today's word in the TWENTY/TWENTY meme is "move."

    I spent most of my day moving... down the highway... so this was an easy one.

    Usually, I drive over the day before I have work in Spokane, spend the night, then start fresh in the morning. But time is so scarce now-a-days that I couldn't afford to do that. So I drove three hours over. Worked for 25 minutes. Ate at David's Pizza for 20 minutes. Then drove three hours back home. All in one day. It's not an ideal situation, but the work is critical and must be performed in person, so whatcha gonna do?

    I constructed a rig out of an old GPS window mount to hold my iPhone. I then use a photo app that lets me take a photo with a simple tap to the screen. This allows me to easily snap photos of my journey safely, since I don't need to look at the display to shoot. Occasionally I stop and relocate the mount to my side window just to mix things up. Most of the photos end up looking like crap, because they're not composed in any way, but I do end up with enough shots to tell a story of my day...

    Spokane Drive

       
    In other news... I finally got around to watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo tonight...

    The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

    Hands down one of the best films I've seen in quite a while.

    And I'm including the awesome MacGruber, so you know I'm serious.

    The Swedish film is actually called Män som hatar kvinnor ("Men who hate women" in English) but it's based on Stieg Larsson's 2005 book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. In some ways, the movie title is more appropriate, because the story has some rather shocking violence in it. Fortunately, it's anything but gratuitous, and serves a very necessary purpose to the plot (a shamed journalist is hired to solve a 40-year-old murder where things aren't as they seem, and gets help from a remarkable and unexpected ally).

    It also has one of the best revenge scenarios I've seen since Kill Bill.

    What's amazing is that the two sequel novels in the "Millennium Trilogy"... The Girl Who Played with Fire (2006) and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest (2007) have already been filmed. In fact, remarkably, all three books were filmed as a six-part mini-series for Swedish television and aired in 2009. Apparently, both sequels are coming to the USA this year as a theatrical release in bigger cities first, then on video at the end of the year. Sweet!

    Due to the massive success of the books here, Hollywood is planning American adaptations, with actors like Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney rumored as leads. It's an interesting idea (though central plot elements seem like they'd need changing if the story is relocated domestically), but the originals are so good that it seems a bit pointless. Unless you factor in American's hatred of reading subtitles, in which case it makes perfect sense. Oh well.

    In any event, if you can handle a bit of violence and can read subtitles, the movie is worth a look. If you're a Netflix customer, you can even watch it instantly!

       

    Bullet Sunday 192

    Posted on Sunday, July 18th, 2010

    Dave!I am really too busy to blog, but if I don't rant about all the fake-ass crap that's been building up inside of me this week, I'll explode. So, apologies in advance...

       
    • Faux Advertising. Am I the only one who thinks that the ads currently running for the new Kia Soul are stupid? I mean, once you get past the cuteness factor of hamsters rapping and driving around, what does it say about the car? That they're so small only hamsters can drive them?

    Kia Hamsters

    What's odd is that the ad is being overplayed. Almost as if Kia is wanting people to get sick of it. I mean sure it's entertaining one or two times but, once the novelty wears off, it's useless. I'd argue it actually works against the brand, as the existence of this bullet would attest. But, then again, any publicity is good publicity. I guess.

       
    • Faux HD. I was channel-surfing for some background noise yesterday while I worked, and ended up watching Kevin Smith's underrated Jersey Girl on the TBS's HD Channel. And ended up screaming the entire time because the movie was NOT presented in HD. They just took the butchered SD version and stretched it out to fit the HD width. Which is bullshit. Don't go calling yourself an "HD" station if you're not going to show movies in HD. This kind of crap drives me insane. To illustrate, here's a scene from the movie Lost in Translation where a critical conversation is reduced to lips talking...

    Lost in Tranlation HD Scene
    The scene as God (and director Sofia Coppola) intended.

    Lost in Tranlation SD Butchered Scene
    The scene butchered on Standard-Def television and Pan-n-Scan DVDs.

    Lost in Tranlation Butchered Faux HD Scene.
    The scene butchered in Stretched-SD-Faux-HD, ala TBS

    And another. This time made worse, because an entire character has been obliterated...

    Lost in Tranlation HD Scene
    The scene as God (and director Sofia Coppola) intended.

    Lost in Tranlation Butchered SD Scene
    The scene butchered on Standard-Def television and Pan-n-Scan DVDs.

    Lost in Tranlation Butchered Faux HD Scene
    The scene butchered in Stretched-SD-Faux-HD, ala TBS

    Now, TBS is hardly the sole offender of butchering movies so stupidly, but they're one of the worst offenders. I wish the FCC would fine stations who misrepresent content. If you're an HD channel showing SD content, then don't distort the content in the hopes that nobody notices. Present it for the butchered bullshit it is...

    Lost SD on HD

       
    • Faux Justice. On Monday, child-raping-piece-of-shit Roman Polanski officially got away with violating a 13-year-old girl when Swiss authorities refused to extradite the infamous sexual-predator director back to the US to face charges from 30 years ago. Ultimately, I'm upset that just because somebody directs a few critically-acclaimed films they can get away with rape... but it was a decision for the Swiss, they made their decision, and I understand that. What I don't understand is how a big chunk of Hollywood stood behind Polanski and advocated for his release. People like Natalie Portman. Penelope Cruz. Whoopie Goldberg. Darren Aronofsky. Wes Anderson. And loads more. It's just baffling. My feelings were pretty well summed-up by Chris Rock on Leno a while back when he said "IT'S RAPE! IT'S RAPE!!! in total disbelief. How in the hell do you defend that?

       
    • Faux Hulk. Word dropped this week that Edward Norton, who played Bruce Banner in the last Incredible Hulk movie, was not going to be reprising the role in the forthcoming Avengers movie, even though he wanted to. This is monumentally stupid on so many levels. Mostly because the Hulk is a computer special effect, and Norton only appears when Bruce Banner is in the scene. And, let's face it, in an Avengers movie they're not going to spend a lot of time with Bruce Banner...

    Hulk Smash!

    Marvel just wanted to save a few bucks, so they used some bullshit conflict with Norton from years ago so they could find a cheaper actor that will kiss their ass. You'd have thought they'd have learned something from the massive success of the Iron Man movie franchise... quality people make a quality product, and you get what you pay for. Not that I'm saying there aren't other actors out there that could do a good job, I just think it's incredibly lame that this is how Marvel has decided to approach the project. Fortunately, Edward Norton has managed to stay classy.

       
    • Faux Righteousness. I've never understood how being Pro-Choice when it comes to abortion automatically removes you from the Pro-Life camp. I am most decidedly Pro-Life... it is the cornerstone of my beliefs. But I fully understand that this is the United States of America where people are allowed to have beliefs that are different from mine, so I am also Pro-Choice (which I explain in further detail here). Being Pro-Choice does not make me "Anti-Life" in any way, it simply makes me supportive of the ideals and freedoms upon which this country was based. And, while I don't in any way support suppressing free speech, I do feel that people should be able to make their choice free from persecution. Especially when the choice is one that's forced upon you and you're heartbroken about it.

    Earlier this week, Aaron over at The Daddy Files blogged about having to take his wife to terminate their pregnancy because the baby had a rare birth defect which was causing it to slowly die inside of her. As they approached the clinic, idiotic protesters were there "doing God's work" of mercilessly abusing people by shouting things like "YOU'RE KILLING YOUR UNBORN BABY!!" Which is horrifying enough for a woman who is already scared and vulnerable... but for somebody who wants to have their baby, but can't? It's nothing less than torture. And Aaron decided to do something about it by confronting these monstrous people. I encourage you to read his story. Yes, I'm a Pro-Life-Pro-Choicer. And I am 100% for free speech. But this is not "free speech" it's harassment. It's abusive. It is literally torture. And I think it should be illegal to so ruthlessly persecute women who are already making what has to be a difficult decision THAT'S AFFORDED TO THEM LEGALLY UNDER THE LAW! These are not compassionate people of any God I know. They're evil, pure and simple.

       
    • Faux Problem. What's surprising... but really not... is how most of the bitching about the iPhone 4 antenna problems come from people who don't own an iPhone 4, don't plan to buy an iPhone 4, and just enjoy mindlessly bashing everything Apple does because they're more fanatically obsessed with iPhone than even the people who own one. Of the dozen people I know that ran out and bought iPhone 4, not one has anything but raves for it. I would be one of those people, but Apple still hasn't released the iPhone 4 White, which is the one I want. With a lime green Bumper...

    iPhone White and Green Bumper

    Not to belittle anybody who is having problems, but... If you don't want an iPhone 4, don't buy it. If you bought one and don't like it, bring it back. It's not rocket science.

       
    • Faux Trust. I am more appreciative than anybody will ever know of the people who drop by here to read my crazy crap... then thank me for creating it. I write and draw and photograph things for Blogography pretty much for myself, but it's nice to know that other people like it too. The friends I've made from this website have been a true gift, and I never feel alone no matter where I end up because my online life is always there (AT&T willing). But, as swell as blogging has been to me, I admit to being afraid of it from time to time. More and more, people are treating personal blogs as if they were irreproachable news sources rather than the opinion-pieces they really are. Even here, everything you read is just one opinion with one view and one side of the story. Mine. And even though I've met dozens of people in-person and have been blogging here for years, the scary truth is that I could be a serial killer. Or one of those Russian spies. Or a pathelogical liar. Or an agent of the devil. Or anything.

    The fact that I'm a genius who is always right may seem to be a reason to trust everything I do at Blogography... and I totally encourage blind trust and allegiance as a part of my quest for world domination... but I feel compelled to point out that no blog, including mine, will ever have the whole story. I would fervently hope that before acting upon or accepting anything I say or do here, people would attempt to be fully informed. It's not a matter of trust... but responsibility.

       
    Well I certainly feel better now. Annnnd... back to work.

       

    Bullet Sunday 193

    Posted on Sunday, July 25th, 2010

    Dave!Here I am in the Peach State of Georgia, where it's time once again for Bullet Sunday. Apparently I'm now in an area which is not included in the "97% of Americans" that AT&T's cellular network professes to cover, so Bullet Sunday is about all I got! Thank heavens for WiFi.

       
    • Weather! Hot with a chance of hot humidity and hot thunderstorms? Well, let's just say I don't plan on spending a lot of time outdoors while I'm here...

    Weather is HOT!

       
    • Wheaton! While at Comic-Con, I posted a photo of Wil Wheaton to my Flickr stream. After responding to @Whall making a Stand By Me joke about it, I mentioned that I had met Wil Wheaton twice, and wasn't going to stand in line for two hours to meet him again. For this, I got called "bullshit" on by some random stranger, and was told that "Standing in line at a Star Trek convention for a two second autograph doesn't count as 'meeting Wil Wheaton'."

    Well, whatever... while I do have an autographed photo of Wesley Crusher that I was happy to stand in line for, that's not what I was talking about. Where I "met" Wil Wheaton was while he was an evangelist touring with NewTek, and it was hardly a "two second autograph." In fact, all I did was talk to him, I didn't even get an autograph at all. Or a photo. Though Wheaton did appear in the background of one of the photos I took of Kiki Stockhammer...

    Wheatooooooon!

    Bazinga! I'd mention that I stood in the airport security line out of San Diego with Paul Sr. of West Coast Choppers (from the TV show American Chopper) yesterday, but you probably wouldn't believe that either. Apparently I have nothing better to do than sit around and invent stories of chance encounters with famous people.

       
    • Waffles! There is not a single Waffle House in all of Washington State (the closest is in COLORADO!), which means the only time I get to eat at one is when I'm traveling. This sucks, but at least I have something to look forward to...

    Waffle House Dinner

    The food is (relatively) inexpensive, tastes good, and available 24 hours. What more could you ask for?

       
    • Wobble! When I was at the San Diego Zoo the other day, I was wandering through the new Elephant exhibit and came across an elephant dancing to some music that was playing nearby (you can barely hear it in the background there, as my iPhone doesn't have the best microphone)...

    Rock on, Tantor! Though a part of me is kind of sad at the idea that he might be wobbling around because he's bored in his cage and doesn't have anything better to do. San Diego Zoo is better than most at providing nice habitats for their animals to live in, but it's still a cage at the end of the day.

       
    • Watch! They keep adding cool bits to the TRON: Legacy trailer, which only makes me want to see the film more than ever. December is so far away...

    They've youthed Jeff Bridges! And did a really good job of it! I hope the movie lives up to even a fraction of the hype that's building around it.

       
    • Web! I hope that Flash videos in my previous two bullets didn't crash on you! For anybody who says that Mac users who whine about Flash are stuck in the past, and Flash has been much improved and runs perfectly on the Mac, I beg to differ. It's still the bug-ridden pile of bloated FAIL! it's always been, and still crashes all the time, as I can testify to because it happened again just today...

    Flash Crash Report

    Flash just can't die fast enough.

       
    And now... I guess I really should get back to work.

       

    DAY ELEVEN: Chicago

    Posted on Saturday, July 31st, 2010

    Dave!Since I couldn't get a flight home today without paying a fortune, I'm flying home tomorrow on the cheap. I thought the whole "Saturday Night Stay" price-reduction scenario had died off in the airline industry, but apparently it's alive and well. Though it's not like I'm going to complain about having a free day in Chicago, which is one of my favorite places. Especially since the city is full of friends that I can hang with when last-minute travel plans drop in my lap.

    My day pretty much went like this... work, take a shower, work, put on clothes, work, lunch and LEGO hunting in the city, work... movies.

    The strange part here is the movies, because I so rarely have time to see them.

    And I hate going to the theater.

    Because going to the movies pretty much sucks ass anymore. People talking. People texting. People taking calls. People sneaking in noisy bags of Doritos and other distracting crap. People in general, really. Because people are stupid, rude, and suck ass.

    But my hotel was near Muvico, which is supposedly a much better class of theater, and so I thought my problems were solved.

    First I saw Angelina Jolie in the post-cold-war spy-thriller Salt, which I enjoyed quite a lot. It's kind of a cross between No Way Out and James Bond in a nicely stylized film that keeps the action moving. Sure there are entire sections that were downright silly in their implausibility, but overall I thought it held up pretty well. At the very least, it was entertaining, which is about all you can ask for in a movie.

    I saw Salt in Muvico's "regular" theater. It's the same as most theaters, but the seats and views are a bit nicer. That didn't change the fact that I ended up staring at glowing mobile phone screens throughout the whole damn movie...

    DaveToon: Theaters Suck with Phone Glows

    Next I saw Inception, which is a clever Christopher Nolan film that proves his previous successes with Memento and The Dark Knight were no fluke. And though I usually don't care for Leonardo DiCaprio, I thought Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ellen Page more than compensated with their excellent performances. The story involves corporate espionage via "shared dreaming" which is an interesting concept to begin with, but Nolan (who both wrote and directed) took it to the next level by tossing in a nice dose of reality-bending twists. The result is both interesting and entertaining, which is a rare surprise. This is not to say that the film is flawless... there were more than a few problems with the internal logic of How Things Work, and Ellen Page's character was a laughable catch-all for any story exposition or filler that Nolan needed to keep things moving. But still... a solid effort, and well-worth your valuable time.

    I saw Inception in Muvico's PREMIUM theater. Here you get a huge comfy seat and free popcorn for the bargain price of $20. Or at least it would be a bargain if it lived up to the hype. The problem is that the theater has other people in it...

    • The idiot to my left was regularly lighting up the theater by checking messages and texting on his phone. This is expressly forbidden but, since Muvico does nothing to enforce it, it happens all the time.
    • The idiots to my right were typical talkers, whose scintillating conversation involved such clever exchanges as "Where's the bathrooms in this place? answered by "They're outside!" Never mind that you pass directly by the bathrooms on your way into the theater AND there are giant signs pointing the way, THIS is worth interrupting the movie for?
    • The idiots behind me didn't understand what the heck was going on in the film, so they decided to talk about how much better Titanic was.
    • The idiot in front of me decided to do yoga stretches every 15 minutes, waving their arms in front of the screen.
    • Despite the high-class nature of the theater, half the chairs squeaked horribly, which meant that I was audibly annoyed even when people shut the hell up. How Muvico can have such poorly-maintained facilities and still justify charging $20 a ticket is beyond me.

    And why do I go to movies in the theater again? Even the so-called "premium" experiences such ass.

    Guess I'll just start waiting for Blu-Ray.

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    Expendables

    Posted on Friday, August 13th, 2010

    Dave!Despite multiple horrible experiences at the movies recently (not with the films, but with the dumbasses in the audience), I hooked up with some friends to go see Sylvester Stallone's latest epic masterpiece The Expendables. I ended up enjoyed it quite a lot.

    Which is somewhat surprising given the number of poor reviews the film has been getting. Critics just can't seem to leave it alone, saying that it "doesn't live up to expectations," like it's a complete waste of the big-name action stars stacked up behind it...

    The Expendables Movie Poster

    Which raises the question... What the hell were the critics expecting?

    What I expected was a lot of bad dialogue, major ass-kicking, and huge explosions attached to a paper-thin plot and recycled storyline. This seemed logical given that it was co-written, directed, and starring... SYLVESTER STALLONE!

    Surprise! The film featured a lot of bad dialogue, major ass-kicking, and huge explosions attached to a paper-thin plot and recycled storyline.

    Yes I wish that they hadn't cast drastically over-used Eric Roberts as the bad guy (yet again). Sure I wish the story was tighter in the pacing and expanded in parts to add depth to the characters. Of course it would have been nice to functional dialogue... but that's obviously not what The Expendables was about. It's an homage to cheesy 80's action flicks, and fits the bill perfectly (even if all those 80's cheesy one-liners are curiously absent... Ahnold didn't even say "I'll be back!"). If you turn off your brain and just go with it, as intended, it's entertaining movie fare.

    Just don't forget to turn your brain back on as you leave the theater.

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    Pilgrim

    Posted on Friday, August 20th, 2010

    Dave!Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is a good film which could have been a great film if it hadn't turned out to be Michael Cera vs. The World.

    My relationship with the original Scott Pilgrim comics by Bryan Lee O'Malley is a long story. Five years ago I was introduced to the book because of a girl I really liked. She was geeky and cool and cute and everything else you could possibly want in a potential girlfriend.

    Except she didn't seem to feel the same way about me, so it wasn't meant to be.

    A friend who knew of my predicament was more amused than sympathetic, and his solution in consoling me was to loan me Scott Pilgrim Volumes 1 & 2. Which, as anybody who has read those books would realize, is not much of a consolation at all.

    But they were an awesome read. I became an instant fan.

    The story of Scott Pilgrim is funny, smart, crazy, random, complex, beautiful, bittersweet, epic, and wholly entertaining. I've read each of the subsequent volumes as they've been released, and made a point of not seeing the movie until I had finished the final book of the series, Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour...

    Scott Pilgrim Books

    Since I read the finale last week, it was just a matter of finding the time to see the film, and tonight was the night. Off to the theater I went with all my expectations firmly in check. Sure the movie was lauded at Comic-Con, critically acclaimed by Scott Pilgrim fans, and getting good reviews in the press... but it was also bound to be a very condensed version of a highly complex story that ran over a thousand pages in six big manga-sized volumes. But would it be enough?

    Scott Pilgrim Poster

    Yes.

    And no.

    First of all, I was shocked at the amount of heart they managed to keep in the love story given how much of the background to the relationship was lost in translation to the Big Screen. I was anticipating that the movie would simply be one stylized fight scene after another with little room for anything else. This was pretty much the case. Except... director Edgar Wright managed to squeeze in just enough to make you actually care how things work out in the end. That was unexpected. That is what elevated the movie to near greatness. That is why I want to love the movie so much.

    Because what's not to love? Boy meets Girl. Boy has to defeat Girl's seven evil exes so he can date her.

    With one major exception, the cast was flawless. Mary Elizabeth Winstead was inspired as Scott's love interest Ramona Flowers. Kieran Culkin was genius as Scott's gay roommate Wallace Wells. Ellen Wong was a revelation as Scott's high-school ex-girlfriend Knives Chau. It was one home run after another. Even the "League of Evil Exes" made a big impression despite their extremely limited screen time...

    Scott Pilgrim Evil Exes

    Where the movie fails... and fails massively... is the casting of Michael Cera as Scott Pilgrim.

    It was an awful, awful choice that dogged the movie from start to finish. Michael Cera was NOT Scott Pilgrim. He was Michael Cera. He's Michael Cera in everything he's ever in. Don't get me wrong... I liked his nervous geeky schtick the first time I saw it in Arrested Development. I even liked his nervous geeky schtick in Superbad... and Juno... and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist... but I'm done with it now. I wanted to see Scott Pilgrim in Scott Pilgrim, and it never happened. You can surround Michael Cera with all the incredibly cool special effects and kick-ass fight scenes you want, and it doesn't change the fact that it's Michael Cera up on the screen... he never lets you forget it...

    Scott Pilgrim Kroww!

    Sword Fight 8-Bit Style!

    Because after all that fades away, you're left with MICHAEL CERA BEING MICHAEL CERA...

    Michael Cera

    I can only guess that the decision to cast him was made to please some movie studio executive so they had a "known name" to sell the film. It was a decision that pretty much sabotaged the flick in every way possible, and it kills me to say that. So much went right with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World that it could have survived just about any flaws that managed to creep in. I mean, they overcame so much just to get it all to come together so beautifully. But when that flaw is the main character?

    In the end, my love of the Scott Pilgrim books makes me mostly love the movie too, despite a near fatal weakness in the lead role. It's one of the most imaginative and artistic flicks I've ever seen, and miraculously manages to capture the core concept of a highly complex and lengthy story. It's well worth your valuable time to check out.

    Next up for Michael Cera? He will be playing Gilligan in a movie remake of Gilligan's Island, which I fully expect will end up being Michael Cera's Island.

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    Bullet Sunday 196

    Posted on Sunday, August 22nd, 2010

    Dave!It's a boring day for Bullet Sunday, but here it comes...

       
    • Read. It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of the Curious George. It was George who ignited my life-long love of monkeys, and his books remain some of my favorites of all time (the best being Curious George Goes to the Hospital. For this reason, I was happy to see that the Library of Congress was using him to promote reading with a series of cool ads...

    Curious George Reads

    Curious George Reads

    Books come and go, but the classics are forever.

       
    • Digital. As a long-time fan of comic books, there's something... wrong... with the idea of reading them digitally on an iPad or computer screen instead of the wonderful tactile experience of flipping through the pages of a book. But, after downloading a bunch of freebies on my mom's iPad using the Comixology app, I have to say... I'm almost convinced. I'm growing to love the effortless navigation, brilliant colors, and distraction-free panel-by-panel "Guide View" that leads you through the stories. As if that weren't enough, you can store a lot of comics on a digital device, which beats having to lug around stacks of books and finding room to store them all...

    Comixology iPad App

    However... pricing and availability sucks ass.

    Take for example the acclaimed Vertigo series Y: The Last Man. I've never read the series, but have always wanted to. The first issue was FREE on Comixology so I snapped it up and was immediately hooked. I wanted more. So I click on the "Full Series" button only to find this...

    Comixology iPad App

    WTF?!? They have just THREE issues of a SIXTY issue series... FOR A DOLLAR-NINETY-NINE EACH!! Even if the entire series was available, who is going to pay $120 when you can get PHYSICAL COPIES of all ten trade paperback volumes for $90? Heck, you can get all the OVERSIZED DELUXE HARDCOVER volumes for $100. This is insanity. Nobody wants to pay more for less. No printing. No shipping costs. No distribution. No retailer markup. No resale value. Nothing extra or special. Except the price, which just sucks. I would gladly pay $60 for the entire digital series, I may even pay $90, which is what the trade paperbacks would cost me. But $120? Screw that. Especially since there's no guarantee they'll ever release all the issues for digital sale in the first place. If this is the future of publishing, count me out. EPIC FAIL!

       
    • Emmy. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Betty White won an Emmy for her hilarious guest host performance on Saturday Night Live...

    Emmy Statue

    It's Betty White!!

    To this day, I remain astounded at how she cut no corners... she appeared in every sketch, plus an SNL Short, plus all the MacGruber interludes plus Weekend Update. Truly one of the hardest working people in show business (she just signed on for a TWO-book deal!), this is Betty's fifth Emmy win and she deserved every bit of it. As always, I can't wait to see what she'll do next.

       
    • Miyazaki. Good news for fans of Hayao Miyazaki (perhaps the greatest animator in history). Despite saying he was going to retire years ago, a recent interview revealed that he has no plans to retire. In fact, he's planning two films and is musing over a sequel to his underrated gem, Porco Rosso...

    Hayao Miyazaki

    When I flew to L.A. and met up with Howard for a rare live appearance of Miyazaki-san discussing his career, I thought it was a kind of "retrospective farewell," and am happier than words could express that this is not the case. Next up, Karigurashi no Arietti (The Borrower Arrietty) based on Mary Norton's 1952 novel The Borrowers...

    The Borrower Arrietty

    If there's anything you can rely on, it's that this movie will be yet another awesome Miyazaki work of art.

       
    • Eggs. My fried egg sandwich was delicious. So far so good... but salmonella can take up to three days to incubate, so I could have a diarrhea explosion any minute now. I'll keep you posted.

       
    Annnnd... I'm spent. This is going to be a loooooong week.

       

    Hollywood

    Posted on Thursday, August 26th, 2010

    Dave!The internet is all abuzz over Taylor Lautner filing a lawsuit against an RV dealership because they didn't deliver a $300,000 custom trailer to his movie set on time. For people (like me) who don't give a crap about the Twilight movies, Taylor Lautner is the "Jacob" of that whole "Team Edward vs. Team Jacob" debate that has every teenage girl's panties in a bunch. Apparently he's like a werewolf but he can change anytime, not just when the moon is full. Or something like that. I dunno. All I do know is that in those movie ads he hangs out with a bunch of other guys and they all take their shirts off a lot...

    Pack!

    Now, on one hand, breach of contract is a breach of contract. If the RV dealership said they would deliver something on time and didn't, well, they're in breach of contract. Legally, Taylor Lautner has every right to sue.

    On the other hand, shit happens. Maybe the gold-plated toilet Taylor wanted wasn't delivered to the dealership on time, and it's not their fault they're late. Maybe the person installing the diamond-studded bumper on the trailer got sick and had to go to the hospital. Maybe the platinum coating on the hubcaps needed to be polished up before they could deliver the thing. We just don't know. Because shit happens.

    But surely the movie studio could get Lautner a substitute trailer for a few days until his $300,000 dream-home-on-wheels arrives. It's not like the guy wasn't going to have a place to stay. And it's not like the RV dealership was grossly negligent and gave him a motorhome with exposed wiring in the crystal chandelier hanging in the shower so he got electrocuted or something horrible like that... they're just late.

    Which makes Taylor Lautner kind of a douchebag diva here.

    Apparently now that he's a big-ass star, the universe is supposed to bow to his whims. Shit happens, but it doesn't get to happen to him. He's too important. He's too special. He's too deserving. You don't fuck with Taylor Lautner or you get your ass sued.

    Whatever.

    Something tells me that Taylor Lautner has forgotten who he is. Where he came from. What it's like to be merely human.

    He's gone full-on Hollywood douchebag.

    But...

    Taylor, dude, you were fucking "Shark Boy" in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D!

    Shark Boy and Lava Girl

    You don't go from being "Shark Boy" to suing people for "emotional distress" because your $300,000 RV is late to your movie set... unless your intention is to make people hate your spoiled ass. The internet is cruel and unforgiving that way.

    Something also tells me we won't be seeing a sequel... a Shark Man and Lava Woman, if you will... any time soon. Taylor Lautner is just too big a star for something like that now.

    What a darn shame.

       

    Bullet Sunday 197

    Posted on Sunday, August 29th, 2010

    Dave!This Bullet Sunday is my last before I leave this Saturday. Bullet Sundays 198, 199, and 200 will be written while I'm on vacation. I'm happy just thinking about it. But happiness, as always, is tempered by sadness...

       
    • Dreaming Machines. I was profoundly sad to learn that the brilliant animation director Satoshi Kon had passed away earlier this week from pancreatic cancer. As the man behind Millenium Actress, Tokyo Godfathers, and his brilliant tour de force of the imagination Paprika, this is a terrible loss to Japanese anime fans around the world.

    Satoshi Kon
    "The 24-bit eggplant will be analyzed!"

    ••• IF YOU READ ONLY ONE THING FROM THIS ENTRY, PLEASE READ THIS! •••
    Even if you dislike Satoshi Kon's movies. Even if you don't like Japanese animation. Even if you have never heard of Satoshi Kon. Even if you don't care about any of this... you must... MUST read the translation of Kon-san's final words, which his family generously posted on his blog. Because when it comes to facing mortality with a grace and dignity above and beyond what you could ever dream a human being is capable of, this is it. Satoshi Kon's letter is about as inspiring a message as you'll find, and his words are some of the most beautiful I have ever read.

    Click here for Mr. Kon's final words (in English).

    I am heartsick over the fact that he did not live to finish the production of his latest film, Yume Miru Kikai ("Dreaming Machines") which was sure to be yet another work of genius. I am hopeful that Masao Maruyama of Madhouse Animation manages to "figure everything out" and complete the film in Mr. Kon's absence. Given their past collaborations, I have ever confidence in Maruyama-san to carry out Satoshi Kon's vision and create a movie worthy of his legacy.

       
    • Paprika. And just because I can't express in mere words what it means to lose a man of such boundless imagination and sublime vision as Mr. Satoshi Kon, here is the crazy-ass trailer and genius opening credits for his film Paprika. Crank up the volume, because the stunning soundtrack by Mr. Kon's frequent collaborator, composer Susumu Hirasawa, is worth a listen...

       

    Rumor has it that director Wolfgang Petersen (The NeverEnding Story, In the Line of Fire, Outbreak, etc.) is working on a live-action version of the film. Heaven only knows how he'll manage it, as Paprika has imagery that doesn't seem as though it would work in "the real world"). Personally, I think a live-action adaptation of Paprika has already been made with Christopher Nolan's Inception, which is a very different film, but operates along the same ideas.

    Rest in peace, Kon-san, you will be missed.

       
    • Alas, MacGruber. One of my favorite performers on the current Saturday Night Live line-up, Will Forte, has announced he will not be returning for another season of the show. Now, I'm firmly of the opinion that SNL started tanking after Eddie Murphy left, and then went on a full-on decline once Phil Hartman left... but I still watched because there were occasional flashes of brilliance. Will Forte was responsible for many of them...

    Will Forte as MacGruber

    So long, MacGruber... you will be missed.

       
    • Unloading. If I've depressed you with my first three bullets, I'm sorry. For a dose of funny to cheer you back up, check out the Madge & Dave podcast where they unload on pop culture with style. Well... not so much "style" per se... but they do unload.

       
    • Booky. DK Publishing produces some of my favorite books. Their visual travel guides are the benchmark by which I judge all others. Their visual history titles redefine how interesting our past can be presented. Their visual art and architecture volumes can make a fascinating subject even more amazing. But my favorite thing they do is their pop culture visual guides for such worthy subjects as comic books, television & movies, toys like LEGO, and... STAR WARS! Their amazing reference works and brilliant cut-away guides has added depth to the Star Wars universe in more ways than a fan could hope for. Their latest visual title is sheer genius... Star Wars: Year by Year...

    Star Wars Year By Year

    What makes this book so great is that it's about the things both surrounding and involving the Star Wars films. Influences, comics, games, books, interviews, production notes, television shows, posters... anything and everything... all taken year by year. It's a fascinating look at all things Star Wars that no fan can miss.

       
    And now... I'm off to try an fit 16 days of clothes into a suitcase...

       

    Amazonia

    Posted on Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

    Dave!I am starting to really, really despise Amazon.com — not because they suck or anything... for the most part I find their pricing and service to be excellent. No, the reason I hate them is because they make it entirely too easy for me to spend money I don't have. Stupid Amazon and their stupid product suggestions and their stupid One-Click ordering!

    Here are three of my latest totally non-essential purchases that I just had to own or else I would die...

       
    THE MAKING OF THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
    Star Wars is awesomeness defined. So awesome that at the time it was released, it was nearly impossible to process. Most everything about it was so new and revolutionary that the brain had no choice but to explode at the thought of it all. But by the time The Empire Strikes Back came along three years later, we were accustomed to all the amazing special effects and mind-blowing elements that made Star Wars such a phenomena. We wouldn't be surprised again.

    Or so we thought. The Empire Strikes Back proved us wrong. Upping the ante in every possible way, the film raised the bar so high that few... very few... films have managed to top it. It remains one of my top-five favorite films of all time, and cemented my love of Star Wars for all eternity (even when the franchise turned to shit with Return of the Jedi and the horrendously craptastic prequels).

    So how could I possibly not purchase The Making of The Empire Strikes Back, J.W. Rinzler's stunning follow-up to The Making of Star Wars and The Complete Making of Indiana Jones? This massive 372-page tome has a definitive look at every aspect of the movie's creation taken from countless hours of research and interviews. It includes numerous pieces of production art, behind-the-scenes photos, and other tidbits which gives the reader an insider's look at Empire in a way that will make you not only fall in love with the film all over again... but have an entirely new appreciation for the people behind it...

    DAVE APPROVED: The Making of The Empire Strikes Back

    It's a complete and total steal at $49.72 (list price $85.00!), and I give it my highest possible recommendation for Star Wars fans and anybody who's interested in film production. The Force is indeed strong with this one!

       
    THE SECRET OF KELLS BLU-RAY/DVD COMBO
    Where to start with this one. Probably with the fact that I am a total animation whore. I remain hopelessly fascinated with the artform and obsess over its every incarnation. Everything from a simple flip-book to full-blown computer-generated animations captivate me. But hand-drawn animated features are my favorite. Even when Pixar unleashes their latest computer-rendered genius, I still find myself pining for the animated classics I grew up with.

    So imagine my surprise when I happened across a production blog back in 2006 for an animated feature called The Secret of Kells. I had visited Dublin and seen the jaw-dropping beauty of The Book of Kells the previous year, and thought it was pure genius to use it as the foundation for a movie. For years I followed the updates, watching with amazement as the film took shape...

    Blog of Kells Art

    With each update at The Blog of Kells, I became more and more excited at the visual feast that was being created. Even at its very earliest stages, you could feel this would be something special. When peeks of the animated sequences were revealed, you knew it was something special. And when it finally opened in limited release in Washington State back in May, I finally got to see it and know that "special" was a drastic understatement. The film was magic. And I don't use that term lightly.

    Infused with Celtic mythology, The Secret of Kells tells the story of a young boy named Brendan who sees an unfinished book of secret wisdom and magical powers which holds the hope of banishing darkness and defeating evil. Leaving his world behind, Brendan undertakes an amazing journey through an enchanted forest to help complete The Book of Kells. Along the way he meets mystical creatures and the fairy spirit Aisling to aid him in his quest...

    The Secret of Kells Art

    The Secret of Kells Art

    The Secret of Kells Art

    The Secret of Kells Art

    The Secret of Kells Art

    The Secret of Kells Art

    The Secret of Kells Art

    Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. Every frame of this movie is a sublime work of art in its own right. Every frickin' frame! The fact that it's all beautifully animated in old-school stylings is just the icing on the cake. I could use words like "stunning" and "breathtaking" and "Glorious" to describe it, but there is simply nothing I can say which would adequately prepare you for the experience of viewing the film. Though a part of me wonders if the story is a bit too abstract for younger kids, I can't imagine anybody not enjoying The Secret of Kells.

    For $25 you get a combo Blu-Ray/DVD pack (alas, no digital version to be found) and it's worth every penny. Again, my highest possible recommendation.

       
    GRINDHOUSE: COLLECTOR'S EDITION BLU-RAY
    Finally... finally... Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's wonderful experiment in old-school double-feature cinema has been released on home video as they intended it to be seen... an uninterrupted back-to-back experience complete with all the pseudo-trailers, aged film damage, missing reels, and intermission card goodness!

    Grindhouse combines two films of senseless campy violence, horror, and action by two of Hollywood's most genius and unconventional directors... Death Proof by Quentin Tarantino, and Planet Terror by Robert Rodriguez. You also get a bunch of brutally cool "faux trailers" for films like Werewolf Women of the S.S. by Rob Zombie and Don't by Edgar Wright (and, of course, Machete which was later made into an actual film!). It's not going to be for everybody, but any fan of shlock horror films will probably love it...

    Grindhouse Movie Poster

    While both films have their charms, it's Death Proof that I can't get enough of. When it comes to Tarantino movies, it's but a blip on the radar of his impressive oeuvre, but it's still genius when compared to most of the shit that gets released. Kurt Russell(!) plays a psychopathically homicidal stuntman who likes to stalk lady drivers in his "death-proof" stunt car, eventually running them off the road and killing them. It's all fun and games for the maniac... until he terrorizes the wrong women! This twisted tale of suspense and revenge has one of the best car chase sequences ever put to film, and is chock-full of Tarantino's witty (and borderline scandalous) dialogue. As I said, it's not going to be for everybody, but it's dead-on target for its intended audience. If that's you, I give Grindhouse my highest recommendation. Amazon has it for just $23, which is more entertainment per dollar than you can shake a machine gun at!

       
    And there you have it. $100 of my hard-earned money blown with three clicks. I wish I could say this was a rare event but, alas, there are even more unnecessary but essential items waiting for me, I'm sure.

    Don't act surprised when I'm selling myself on the street for Amazon gift certificates. It's only a matter of time...

       

    Captain!

    Posted on Thursday, October 28th, 2010

    Dave!Comic book super-hero movies are a mixed bag. For every great film (like Superman, Iron Man, Dark Knight, and Spider-Man 2), there's a crapfest unleashed (like Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Elektra, Batman & Robin, Spider-Man 3 and any of the boring X-Men films).

    But the latest round of Christopher Nolan Batman flicks and Jon Favreau Iron Man flicks are leading the charge in a new era of comic book super-hero awesomeness. Filmmakers are getting serious about making good films that are true to the source material because they realize there's a reason the originals are such enduring characters.

    And there's every indication that even more great stuff is coming down the pipe.

    I'm fairly certain that Thor is in capable hands with director Kenneth Branagh and acting talent like Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman onboard. I loved the comic during the Walt Simonson era, so hopefully Thor won't disappoint. Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern sounds almost too good to be true. The upcoming Batman film, The Dark Night Rises, is certain to be awesome. And I'm sure Iron Man 3 will be fantastic. I'm not so sure about the Spider-Man reboot, but surely it can't suck more than Spider-Man 3.

    But it's Captain America that I'm holding my breath over. He's easily one of my favorite Marvel heroes, and I've followed his exploits for decades. The movie is set during World War II, (before Cap was frozen in an iceberg and awoke in modern times), which is true to his origin. Chris Evans seemed like perfect casting, and leaked concept art for the contemporary costume looked promising...

    Captain America Suit

       
    And today Entertainment Weekly unveiled the World War II period costume on its cover...

    Captain America Cover

    Yep, that's Captain America alright.

    This means there's only one of the "big guns" left who has yet to get their major motion picture...

    Wonder Woman

    I'll be really disappointed if Wonder Woman gets screwed out of a movie because she's a girl. Her origin and mythology are amongst the most interesting of any comic book super-hero, and she deserves a shot.

       

    Bullet Sunday 205

    Posted on Sunday, November 7th, 2010

    Dave!Welcome to an ALL-REVIEW EDITION of Bullet Sunday!

       
    • SIDEWALKS! I still haven't come down off the high I got from Matt and Kim's second album masterpiece, Grand, so when I heard they were dropping their third album, Sidewalks, I was skeptical. How could they possible come up with anything even near as awesome? Well, they're Matt and Kim, so how could it not be awesome? I love it, and have been listening to Sidewalks constantly. Here's a short video talking about the album with a sweet taste of the awesome first track...

    The only song I don't much care for is Northeast, which deviates from the happy funtime sound that makes me love the band so much. The other nine tracks are gold, however, with my clear favorites being Block After Block, Cameras, AM/FM Sound, and Good for Great. My only criticism of Sidewalks would be that it seems over-produced compared to what's come before. The charm of Matt and Kim's music has always been the raw, unpolished, basement sound that lets their indie roots shine through. But everything here is polished so heavily that no rough edges show, and I'm not sure that's a good thing. Kim's wild, unapologetic brashness when banging on the drums is kinda... muted... this time around. And while the complexity they've layered into their latest songs adds a welcome maturity to their sound, I'd hate for them to eventually be buried by it.
    SIDEWALKS RATING: B (Recommended).

       
    • THE WALKING DEAD! Comic book adaptations for television have historically been hit-or-miss, with even the most successful translations feeling like something is lacking. So imagine my surprise when one of my favorite comic books ever, The Walking Dead, actually managed to elevate the source material so high that it exceeds my impossibly high expectations. In some ways, it's even better than the comic book upon which it's based...

    The Walking Dead Volume 1

    Shocking, I know. But no more shocking than a comic book where no character is sacred and anybody can die at any minute. What's truly shocking is the production values on the series. AMC is putting some serious cash into all aspects of the program, and it shows. The special effects and location shooting are brilliant. The zombies are works of art and not the schlocky B-movie retreads I was expecting. And the acting is top-notch, with Andrew Lincoln's flawless performance as Rick Grimes adding a sense of danger and realism that's almost too good to be true...

    The Walking Dead AMC Poster

    The Walking Dead TV Cast

    Zombie Woman from The Walking Dead TV Show

    Genius television on every level, and already renewed for a second season!
    COMIC RATING: A+ (Highly Recommended).
    TV SHOW RATING: A (Highly Recommended).

       
    • EARTH! As a huge fan of The Daily Show, I was quick to snap up their humorous primer on all things USA called America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction. Even though The Daily Show is a comedy program, it still manages to have an intelligent discussion of news and politics between the funny. With America (The Book), they poke fun at the country by reducing our culture and history down to a ridiculous grade-school textbook filled with witty essays that illuminate while they amuse. It was a terrific book, which compelled me to pick up the follow-up tome, Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race...

    EARTH (The Book)

    It's reminiscent of America (The Book), but on a global scale. Except this time they dismissed with the essays and went with page after page of easy jokes and witty one-liners slapped on wacky infographics and amusing photos. While still funny and moderately insightful, it doesn't leave the reader with much to think about (which seems to be the point). So while I definitely enjoyed Earth (The Book) it was kind of a step-down from their previous effort.
    AMERICA (THE BOOK) RATING: A (Highly Recommended).
    EARTH (THE BOOK) RATING: B (Recommended).

       
    • BLU-RAY COLLECTIONS! I've been opposed to wasting my money on re-purchasing videos on Blu-Ray that I already own on DVD unless there's a very good reason for doing so. Unfortunately, two new sets have dropped which left me with no choice, because they both contain some of my favorite films of all time PLUS very good reasons for buying them...

    Back to the Future Trilogy and Alien Anthology

    Back to the Future: 25th Anniversary Trilogy. I am convinced that all three of these films are some of the most brilliant and inventive movies to ever grace the silver screen... and it's all because of the details. The original Back to the Future not only had a great story, but showed the consequences of time travel with numerous small details that geeks like myself go crazy over (such as when Marty destroyed one of Old Man Peabody's trees in 1955, causing the "Twin Pines Mall" in 1985 to transform into "Lone Pine Mall"). Then we got Back to the Future II, which managed to create an all-new story WITHIN the original film all while giving us a fantastical look at the future. Sheer genius. Back to the Future III was a bit more mundane, trading the future for the Old West, but managed to wrap-up the trilogy in a way that was satisfying and respectful to those that came before. This new Blu-Ray set has an incredible transfer to hi-def that's a marked improvement over the old DVD versions. Despite having been filmed in the 80's, everything looks crisp and new, and there's tons of extras that any BTTF fan will love (some of which I have never seen before). An added bonus... digital copies of all three films is included, so you can transfer everything to your iPod, which is awesome. Two down-sides. 1) The packaging can make releasing the discs a real challenge. You pull down on the disc to unhook it, but sometimes it doesn't work like it should, and I worried that I'd snap the thing in half. 2) The menu system is FUCKING STUPID! Maybe it's just my player, but every damn time I view something, the menu won't come back and I have to eject the disc, then wait the five minutes it takes for the menu to load again. A serious flaw that drops my rating... I'll take functionality over design any day.
    BACK TO THE FUTURE: 25TH ANNIVERSARY TRILOGY RATING: B+ (Highly Recommended).

    Alien Anthology The issue here is picture quality. The Alien films are fairly dark, which is a real problem for DVD/TV. You can get some nasty compression artifacts and murky shadows that obliterate details and kill the spooky atmosphere that makes the movies work so well. Thankfully, the new Blu-Ray Hi-Def transfer is fantastic. The picture is probably better now than it ever was, which makes me wish they'd re-release the films in digital theaters. In any event, the original Ridley Scott Alien film was a masterpiece blend of science fiction and horror that can still scare the crap out of me even today. It was followed by Aliens, where James Cameron did the impossible by grafting a high-octane "space marine" action flick onto the original sci-fi/horror concept... and actually made it work. David Fincher's Alien3 was a disastrous disservice to the story from Aliens, but a pretty good film when looked at independently. Jean-Pierre Jeunet's Alien: Resurrection has some amazing visual sequences that are tied together by a rather weak story which revives Sigourney Weaver's deceased character in a way that never really worked for me. And even though I hated the freaky-ass mutant alien that provided the "villain" for the fourth installment, I think I enjoyed the film overall. Everything is brought together beautifully with a shitload of awesome extras that will take me days to get through. The packaging (again) is a bit odd (WTF-?), but workable. For any fan of any of the films, Alien Anthology is a must-have.
    ALIEN ANTHOLOGY RATING: A (Highly Recommended).

       
    And now I'm out of money, so that will have to be enough unabashed consumerism for the day.

       

    Schwan

    Posted on Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

    Dave!Tonight I'm going to discuss the hot mess of a film Black Swan.

    I never intended to see this movie because A) I don't like ballet, and B) I find Darren Aronofsky films to be very hit-or-miss (I loathed The Fountain and The Wrestler but loved Requiem for a Dream and Pi). I was perfectly content waiting for it to come to Netflix so I could rent it and not have to suffer through it in a theater with a bunch of rude assholes. However... I kept hearing what a brilliant masterpiece Black Swan is. And Rotten Tomatoes has it pegged at 87% which is pretty darn good.

    Sooooo... tonight was the night...

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave is the Black Swan!

    Needless to say, this review will be riddled with spoilers. If you haven't seen the film and are planning to, you might want to bookmark this page and come back later.

    For the most part, I found Black Swan to be pretentious crap with fantastic performances and some admittedly disturbing scenes. Despite wanting to enjoy it, I was mostly bored through the predictable story and unimpressed with the heavy-handed presentation. The only reason I can honestly say I'm glad I saw it is so that I can knowingly roll my eyes into the back of my head when people start talking about what a fantastical work of art it is.

    And I suppose I should get that problem out of the way first, because THEY NEVER LET YOU FORGET IT...

    THIS FILM IS ART BECAUSE IT HAS A LOT OF FUCKING FILM GRAIN!

    30 minutes into the movie I wanted to stand up and scream "OKAY, IT'S ART! WE FUCKING GET IT!" because I was so sick and tired of the massive film grain that was so obviously meant to give the picture an art-house cinema look. I mean give me a break... usually when movies are this bad, they're deemed to be in need of restoration. Studios spend millions trying to get rid of abusive grain when re-issuing old films because modern movie audiences are accustomed to a cleaner picture. But Aronofsky is apparently so desperate that Black Swan not be mistaken for anything but art, that he takes it to an entirely new level.

    And I get that. As somebody who started out in photography using a film camera, I totally miss the beautiful, warm, classic "feel" of film that's been lost in the digital age. But there has to be limits. When I spend more time trying to ignore the grainy haze obstructing the picture than I do on the story, you've failed. Artistic visual choices I totally understand. But, just like JJ Abrams' absurdly stupid overuse of lens flair in nearly every fucking scene of Star Trek, I didn't agree with the choice here, finding it more "distractive" than "artistic."

    That's kind of a shame, because if there's one thing that truly shines here, it's the actors. Natalie Portman's wooden and shitty performance in the heinous Star Wars prequels can forever rest directly on George Lucas's shoulders, because she is genius working with Aronofsky. Her vulnerable and damaged brand of crazy is nothing short of remarkable here. And it doesn't stop there. Barbara Hershey played her abusive-obsessive mother with such beautiful restraint and subtlety that it was disturbing to watch. There was nothing forced or synthetic about it, which makes me look at her work in Beaches in an entirely different light. Mila Kunis turned in an unexpectedly great performance as well (SHE'S MEG ON FAMILY GUY FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!). And then there's Winona Rider. I have no idea what it is, but every time I see her on screen I am inexplicably mesmerized, and her tiny role in Black Swan was no exception.

    Sadly, none none of the awesome acting can save the story, which was remarkably unremarkable despite special effects and bizarre pandering to make it appear that way.

    Natalie Portman plays Nina, an aspiring prima ballerina who hammers away at her dancing with a fury so intense that she's borderline crazy before she goes literally crazy. Nina's golden ticket arrives when she is given the lead performance in Swan Lake. It's then that her never-ending drive to achieve perfection ultimately consumes her, and the movie takes us along for the ride right to the bitter end (which, if you know the story of Swan Lake, is exactly what you'd think it is).

    As I mentioned, Nina has serious psychological problems... assumably brought on by her controlling and equally crazy mother, but amplified by her overwhelming obsession to perform flawlessly at the ballet. This eventually starts to transform her with ever-escalating psycho-delusions which are meant to echo the transformation she undergoes from White Swan to Black Swan within the performance of Swan Lake (even though they are different characters, they are played by the same dancer to illustrate the mirrored duality of good vs. evil, or so I'd imagine).

    The reason we know this is because THEY BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

    I gave up on counting the direct references, which usually go something like this: "Oh Nina, we know you can play the graceful White Swan perfectly, now you just need to let yourself go so you can transform into the seductive Black Swan!"

    And let herself go she does... falling deeper and deeper into her transformation until she destroys herself getting there.

    The film tries some trickery to make you wonder how much of Nina's world is real and how much is just her twisted delusions. It's very cool at first, but it ultimately goes over the top and fails. At one point Nina goes into her mother's room where dozens of mommy's painting self-portraits come alive to torment her. Until this point, you only get flashes of crazy, but now it's bluntly spelled out for you. Nina is fucking insane. Any blurring of the line from this point onward is pointless because you've already got The Big Picture. Even worse... it doesn't matter from then on what's real and what's not. It doesn't matter if her dancing partner Lily is trying to be a friend or is instead a vicious, conniving rival who is intentionally messing with her head. It doesn't matter whether her director is just trying to get her best performance or is instead manipulating her in some kind of seductive game. It doesn't matter whether her mother is just concerned and over-protective or instead an abusive, crazy oppressor. It doesn't even matter if her mother is even real or instead just a delusional invention. None of it matters at a point when it very much should matter.

    But it doesn't, and so I stopped caring.

    Instead I was just bored. If I liked ballet even a little bit, I could have at least found entertainment in the many beautifully-filmed dance sequences. But, alas...

    I truly wish that Aronofsky would have had a lighter touch when crafting this movie. Something tells me that it could have been so much more had only he not tried so damn hard to make "art" and just let it become art.

    As an example...

    At one point Nina goes out with Lily for a wild night of clubbing with drugs, alcohol, and men — all in defiance of her mother. The evening culminates when Nina brings Lily home for some hot lesbionic sex — also in defiance of her mother. In order to make sure they're not disturbed, Nina props her bedroom door with a wood board so Mommy Dearest can't open it. The next morning she oversleeps and awakes to see the board has been moved, the door is ajar, and Lily has gone. NOW... since the board was moved, the only assumption you can make is that Lily was really there and Nina didn't imagine it. EXCEPT... when Nina arrives late to the theater, Lily acts as if she never went home with her (delivering the movie's best line in the process). This leaves the viewer wondering... "Did Nina imagine it all and never prop the door, or is Lily lying to make her (more) crazy and steal her role?"

    Had the film continued down THAT road, we could have had a beautifully fucked-up ending where the viewer is left to decide what was real, what wasn't, and what that all means to them... instead of what it means to Aronofsky.

    Except, as I said, it ended up not mattering what's real or not when you've got over-the-top scenes of Natalie Portman literally becoming the Black Swan at the end (an "homage" to Jeff Goldblum in The Fly?). Way to spell it out. I would have totally missed the symbolism if you hadn't done that. So instead of letting Portman's performance stand on its own, we get special effects to take the audience by the hand and lead them to the only conclusion possible. In my humble opinion, this sucked all the power out of her character, but c'est la vie.

    Black Swan ultimately fails as a film and lost my interest. Still, I give it a C- for the awesome performances.

    Darren Aronofsky has been hired to direct Hugh Jackman in Marvel Comics next Wolverine movie. Granted, he has no choice to be fairly direct with such a mainstream film, but I'm hoping he can elevate the material to something worth watching. He is, after all, still the guy who made Requiem for a Dream and Pi, so he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

    Though Black Swan leaves me with more doubts than I had before I saw it.

    I'm fickle that way.

       

    Video10

    Posted on Thursday, December 30th, 2010

    Dave!2010 -> AUDIO -> VIDEO -> DAVE

    I'm going to split my list of top ten video entertainments for 2010 between television and movies. I'm only including stuff I've seen, which is why films like True Grit (which I understand is great) aren't showing up.

    Here is a list of my favorite television shows from 2010 :

       
    Raising Hope

    #1 Raising Hope.
    As perfect as a television show gets. Flawless cast. Priceless writing. Endlessly entertaining. Hysterically funny. Nothing I could say would do the show justice... just tune in and watch it.

       
    The Human Target

    #2 The Human Target.
    To be honest, I don't quite have the words to describe how much I love this show. Loosely based on a comic book of the same name, The Human Target is the story of Christopher Chance, an ex-assassin who now works as a bodyguard for hire. His dark and mysterious past is always coming back to haunt him, but with help from his business parter (an ex-cop named Winston played by Chi McBride) and fellow rogue assassin (Guerrero played by Jackie Earle Haley) he tries to make up for past wrongs. Part of what makes the show so great is that it has a low bullshit factor. Bad guys die when the shit goes down. This is a welcome change from the unrealistic approach taken by other shows in this genre. Two new characters were added this season, which is a little annoying since it messes up the dynamic of the show, but it's not a deal-breaker for me.

       
    Castle Cast

    #3 Castle.
    It's Murder She Wrote for the 20th century! Smart, clever, and funny, Castle stars Nathan Fillion as famous mystery writer Rick Castle who gets inspiration for his novels by helping out the police, led by the brutally hot Kate Beckett (played by Stana Katic). Hilarity and murder ensues.

       
    The Walking Dead Cast

    #4 The Walking Dead.
    Somewhat based on the comic book of the same name, this show is about a small group of people trying to survive a zombie apocalypse of unknown origin. It's totally brutal and kicks copious amounts of ass.

       
    Tower Prep Cast

    #5 Tower Prep.
    I started out as a big fan of Lost but eventually grew tired of the show meandering without purpose because the writers didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Enter Tower Prep. Billed as a school for kids with special abilities, students are recruited for some mysterious purpose with no memory of how they arrived. With no escape possible, a small group of students make it their mission to figure out the secrets of this mysterious place and find a way back home. Unlike Lost, the writers behind Tower Prep actually seem to have a plan for what's happening. Don't let the fact that it airs on Cartoon Network and stars a bunch of kids fool you, this is a great show.

       
    ALSO GOOD IN 2010: The Big C (smart, smart, smart television), 30 Rock (Consistently funny. Thank you Tina Fey), Community (Defining excellence in television comedy), Grey's Anatomy (Still managing to surprise me), Modern Family (Isn't running out of steam yet!), Fringe (I initially didn't care for this show, but am really digging it now), Breaking Bad (Um. Wow), Mad Men (Declining, but I can't help watching it), Cougar Town, The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Burn Notice, White Collar, Psych, Project Runway, Graham Norton, Top Chef, On the Road with Austin & Santino, Rules of Engagement, Hot in Cleveland (BETTY WHITE!!), Doctor Who, Hawaii Five-0.

    DISAPPOINTING IN 2010: Outsourced (Holy crap. Take a movie a really liked, strip it of everything that made it great, and you get this pile of FAIL!), The Event (Boring, plodding, meandering, bad television).

    COMPLETE SHIT IN 2010: Survivor (Look, the formula for this show is dead-simple... find interesting people, make them play games. The end. Stop fucking up the show by having Jeff Probst inject himself into the drama at Tribal Council. Stop influencing the natural progression of things with producer-meddling bullshit. Stop picking boring-ass people to be on the show).

       

    Here is a list of my favorite movies from 2010 (with ALL the films I remember seeing this year):

       
    Iron Man 2

    #1 Iron Man 2.
    Look, I know that this was a massive drop from the sheer awesomeness of John Favreau's original Iron Man. I know it didn't crack the vast majority of "best of" lists this year. I know a lot of comic fans criticized the movie. I know. I know. I know. So how DARE I have it as my #1? Simple. I just don't care what anybody else thinks. I loved this film. Robert Downey Jr. embodies the role of Tony Stark so brilliantly that he's easily my favorite movie version of a super-hero ever... even surpassing Batman, my favorite comic book character. Add in yet another great performance by Sam Rockwell, plus Scarlett Johansson in her skin-tight Black Widow costume, plus an over-the-top Mickey Roarke as the villain Whiplash, and you've got a movie I am compelled to enjoy. I've watched Iron Man 2 on Blu-Ray no less than a half-dozen times, and will undoubtedly watch it dozens more.

       
    Toy Story 3

    #2 Toy Story 3.
    It always amazes me how Pixar manages to pack such heartfelt emotion into a computer-generated cartoon, but they never fail to deliver. Near-perfect, Toy Story 3 is an amazing finale to two of the best films ever made. I love how Lasseter & Co. are not afraid to keep moving things forward as opposed to constantly re-treading the same stories over and over again. And, when you consider the fact that all the human characters are computer generated and could stay the same age forever, it's even more remarkable. This sequel sequel has the toys treading waaayyy outside their comfort zone and finding the value of friendship in even the worst of circumstances. Touching and funny, it makes me hope there's more Toy Stories to come.

       
    Kick Ass Cast

    #3 Kick-Ass.
    Yet another comic book adaptation, and one that still surprises me it was ever made at all. Kick-Ass is the story of an ordinary teenage kid who decides to become a real-life super-hero. Things quickly get out of hand when he gets tangled up with Big-Daddy and Hit-Girl's mission to take down crime kingpin Frank D'Amico. Things also get more interesting. As a hyper-violent, foul-mouthed, and deadly "hero" of entirely another kind, Hit-Girl ends up stealing the movie. Assuming you can stomach all the bloodshed, it's bloody good fun.

       
    Inception Cast

    #4 Inception.
    In many ways, I'm not 100% convinced that I even liked this film, which is just part of the reason it's so darn compelling. Another reason would be that the story wasn't dumbed down for the typical movie-going audience. There was real complexity and ambiguity that you just don't find in the dreck that usually comes out of Hollywood. Even putting aside the mind-bending special effects, Inception has a lot going for it.

       
    Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander

    #5 The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
    This is one of those rare instances where I am very glad I saw the movie before I read the book... for one reason only: Noomi Rapace's absolutely brilliant portrayal of troubled punk-rock hacker Lisbeth Salander. Being able to picture her as I read the novel made it that much better. Easily one of the best movie characters ever, Lisbeth gets embroiled in an investigative reporter's quest to unwrap a mysterious murder in the powerful Vanger family. Since the film is Swedish, of course there's an American remake underway, though I can't for the life of me understand why. Maybe too many Americans are just too damn stupid to have to deal with subtitles? In any event, I genuinely pity whatever actress they get to fill Noomi's shoes on this one. There's just no way they can measure up. Dark, disturbing, violent, and wholly wonderful, I can't wait to see the two sequels (which, like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo were released in 2009 in the rest of the world, but are flowing like molasses here in the USA).

       
    ALSO GOOD IN 2010: The Social Network (A much better film than the subject would imply, I loved it), The Illusionist (Wonderful animated feature from France that's a bit depressing but ultimately rewarding), Salt (Angelina Jolie brings it in this taught action-thriller), The Kids Are All Right (A much-deserved slap in the face to assholes everywhere who think their definition of "family" is the only one that matters), Exit Through The Gift Shop (surprisingly smart and entertaining), MacGruber (Go ahead, mock me, but this film was funny as hell), Red (Actually improved a bit over the comic book it was based upon. Not great movie fare, but highly entertaining), Despicable Me (Clever, fun, animated delight that ISN'T from Pixar... who'd a thunk it?), Last Train Home (Brilliant film from China that's guaranteed to move you), TRON: Legacy (As a fan of the original, I am compelled to enjoy this flawed sequel with lots of eye-popping visuals, but little character), Let Me In (Color me shocked. A fantastic remake of a fantastic Swedish vampire film that puts that Twilight shit to shame).

    DISAPPOINTING IN 2010: Black Swan (My review is here), Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (It had such awesome potential but Michael Cera IS NOT SCOTT PILGRIM!), Alice in Wonderland (It has Tim Burton and some excellent production values... but didn't click with me for some reason. Maybe if I see it again but skip the 3D this time?), Jonah Hex (I have no fucking clue what in the hell they were thinking. While not a huge fan of the comic book it was based on, the source material is literary GENIUS compared to this bullshit, The Ghost Writer (I struggled not putting this film on my "GOOD" list but, despite some tense moments, I think it ultimately falls a bit flat).

    COMPLETE SHIT IN 2010: The Last Airbender (What. The. Fuck. A joyful, fun, exciting, amazing cartoon had the very life sucked out of it to create this horrendous pile of shit. Shameful. Just shameful.), Skyline (Who greenlit this crap? HELLO, YOU NEED A STORY BEFORE YOU SHOOT THE MOVIE!).

       

    Bullet Sunday 213

    Posted on Sunday, January 2nd, 2011

    Dave!"You're not dying... you just can't think of anything better to do."
                                                  — Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

    I've had cheese pizza for dinner three times in the past week. It's not that I'm particularly craving cheese pizza, I just can't think of anything better to eat. Well, I can, but flying to Amsterdam for a cheese sandwich or jetting off to Rome for Fettucine Alfredo seems a bit excessive. Oh well, pizza and bullets it is then. Welcome to a Very Special NEW YEAR Edition of Bullet Sunday!

       
    • NEW CHANNELS! I relented and purchased an expanded cable television package because my sister got me hooked on The Big C which you can only get on the Showtime Channel. Unfortunately, The Big C was just the beginning. Now I'm hooked on Dexter again... PLUS Boardwalk Empire on HBO. What an amazing show that is. I've always liked Steve Buscemi's acting, but damn...

    Steve Buscemi as Nucky

    And that's just the tip of the iceberg. The other actors in Boardwalk Empire are great too ( ZOMG! Erik Weiner?)... along with the writing, the directing, the production values, and everything else associated with the show. I guess with Martin Scorsese involved I shouldn't be surprised, but damn...

       
    • NEW HOTNESS! Well, okay, Summer Glau is not exactly "new," having appeared as "River Tam" in fan-favorite Joss Whedon awesomeness Firefly. And then she did a smattering of guest appearances in television shows meant to appeal to a sci-fi geek's wet dreams, including The 4400 and Dollhouse... along with playing a FRICKIN' TERMINATOR in the sweet Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles...

    Summer Glau as a Terminator

    And now she's moving into comic book geek territory by taking a role on The Cape, a super-hero series debuting on the 9th...

    Summer Glau in The Cape

    I can only guess that her next role will be as Wonder Woman, because that's about the only thing in the genre left for her to play! Hopefully her new show will be worth a crap, and not some lame knock-off of a lame show like Heroes.

       
    • NEW AWESOME! As a huge, huge fan of Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, the movie I am most looking forward to this year is... PAUL! The movie looks entertaining as hell and, since it's Frost & Pegg, you know it's going to be funny. AND THE CAST! It's got Kristin Wigg, Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, AND SIGOURNEY WEAVER IN IT! I can't for the life of me understand why the buzz on this film isn't bigger than it is...

       
    • NEW SHIT? Last year Steve Ballmer took the stage of the annual Consumer Electronics Show to show off Microsoft's revolutionary new tablet version of Windows 7 to be released on an upcoming "slate" hardware device.

    THIS year Steve Ballmer will be taking the stage of the annual Consumer Electronics Show to show off Microsoft's revolutionary new tablet version of Windows 7 to be released on an upcoming "tablet" hardware device.

    See, "slate" was the old shit. "Slates" ended up sucking ass and nobody bought them because "slates" don't have the power necessary to run a resource-sucking pile of shit like Windows. But then Apple unveiled the "iPad" which everybody made fun of because it sounded like "maxi pad" (or whatever). Everybody in the industry also made fun of iPad because it wasn't a "real" computer at all but just a "big phone that can't make calls" or perhaps a "grossly underpowered computer that can't do anything."

    But then Apple had the last laugh (as usual) because iPad went on to sell a bajillion units.

    So now Microsoft is recycling the same fucked-up bullshit that nobody wanted the first time around and pretending it's new because apparently, thanks to Apple, everybody came to their senses and decided they want a tablet computer all along. Microsoft was just ahead of its time last year, and THIS year will be totally different!

    Except that's not what happened at all. People didn't all of a sudden embrace tablet computer... they embraced the iPad which, as everybody in the industry was so quick to point out, IS NOT A COMPUTER. Sure it has some computer functionality, but it's more an "appliance" that becomes different electronic devices as opposed to a traditional computer. The fact that it's NOT A COMPUTER is what makes it so compelling. People who need a computer aren't going to be satisfied with a stripped down, crippled, slow tablet device. It's people who are looking for something simple and functional who are the iPad's target customer, and Apple understood this.

    Microsoft (as usual) is playing catch-up and doing it all wrong. Again. I'm sure after the "tablet" fails just like the "slate" failed, Balmer will be standing on the stage in 2012 with the "new" Microsoft "pad" device running the tablet edition of Windows 7 because THAT'S what the problem was... it was the NAME that sabotaged the previous two attempts!

    That same name that everybody made fun of when Apple unleashed it last year.

    Oh how I loathe Microsoft. They have access to unlimited money and unlimited technology, but there's nobody there with any kind of vision to make any use of it. I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY FLYING CAR, STEVE BALMER, YOU DEMENTED FOOL!!

    Microsoft Flying DeLorean

       
    • NEW OUTLOOK! I promise myself that I will be 50% less critical of Microsoft this year, because I know everybody it tired of hearing it.

    That will be really fucking easy to do, because this year Microsoft will be 50% less relevant to the computer industry, the mobile phone industry, and the electronic industry in general, just like they were last year (KIN PHONES FOR EVERYBODY!).

    The only place Microsoft is holding any ground is with their Xbox 360 video game console. You know, their SIX YEAR OLD ENTERTAINMENT TECHNOLOGY?!? Of course, six years in electronics years is like SIXTY years in human years, so heaven only knows how long that gravy train is going to last. Hopefully they've got an Xbox 720 (or whatever) up their sleeves so that SUPER Wii (or whatever) and ÜBER PLAYSTATION 1,000,000 (or whatever) doesn't come along and eat their lunch. Sure they released Kinect last year to freshen things up and let you control your Xbox via dancing, but that's hardly revolutionary like the Wii was. God only knows what Nintendo, the real innovators in entertainment technology, are cooking up next.

    Of course, it's not inconceivable that Apple won't come out with iPlay (or whatever) and swipe the gaming market as well. Thanks to iPod Touch, iPhone, and now iPad, they've pretty much sewn up the portable gaming market already. What's one more area of global domination to Steve Jobs?

       
    • NEW INSIGHT! Well, not really. Despite Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back being two of my most favorite movies of all time, I found the "prequels" to be massive piles of shit. Not only were they boring as hell, but they barely made any sense. When I initially wrote my thoughts on Revenge of the Sith after it was released, I ranked it as "okay" even though I fully admitted it sucked. Probably because compared to The Phantom Mencace and Attack of the Clones it was utter genius. I was so desperate to like Star Wars again that ranking it "okay" was more of a cry for help than any acknowledgement of cinematic greatness...

    Star Wars Ranking

    This got me roundly despised by many of my fellow Star Wars fans who thought Revenge of the Sith was the best thing ever. Not that I can blame them... if you've been eating nothing but vomit and fond memories for decades, a plate of moldy bread is going to feel like dinner at the Ritz.

    Now that time has passed, perspective has only managed to take the bloom off the rose. Or, in the case of Mr. Plinkett, to shred the rose into pieces, cover it in raw sewage, then fart on it as you toss it into a nuclear explosion. His biting, scathing analysis is horrifyingly accurate. He not only addresses all the problems I had with the film* but expands upon them with some insight I hadn't considered.

    If you're okay with lots of profanity and a shocking lack of taste and morals masquerading as a movie review, then this is something you must see.

       
    And there you have it. The first Bullet Sunday of a new year. Let's hope I survive the week to do a second one.

       


    *Well, one thing he DOESN'T address is the bullshit about "midichlorian count" being an indicator as to how powerful somebody is with The Force. If a massive number of midichlorians determines your strength, how can Darth Vader be so fucking powerful when he lost both legs and both arms? That's an ass-load of midichlorians to lose. And can somebody who has low midichlorians inject a bunch of them and instantly become a Jed Master? ARRRGH! Like everything else in the prequels, this shit doesn't make any fucking sense!

       

    Bullet Sunday 218

    Posted on Sunday, February 6th, 2011

    Dave!Blargh. Two days of travel have left me more dead than usual. On to the bullets while I still have a will to live...

       
    • TequilaCon. Unfortunately, there will be no TequilaCon event in 2011. In previous years, we've been extremely fortunate that the stars have aligned and everything has come together to make for an awesome event... but it just isn't happening this year for one reason or another. So rather than forcing together something mediocre, calling it "TequilaCon," and leaving people disappointed, we've decided to take a pass this year. The last thing anybody wants is to go to the time and expense of attending TequilaCon only to have it not live up to the high expectations set by previous years. As for the future... who can say? So long as there is tequila somewhere out there in the world, the possibility for a new TequilaCon will always be there. In the meanwhile... thanks for all your support. May your limes be juicy and your salt be salty until next we meet. Jenny, Brandon, Dave2, Vahid, and Mr. Tequila...

    TequilaCon Planning Posse

       
    • Mayo. One of these days I'm bringing an extra suitcase with me so that I can pack it full of creamy delicious Dutch mayonnaise. I would have tried to smuggle a jar back this trip, but US Customs are real tight-asses when it comes to bringing superior food products into the country. The bastards.

    Dutch Mayo Jars

    Please note that I was NOT the person who opened the jar of mayo on the right, ate a few spoonfuls, then put the jar back on the shelf. Not that I could blame this person, but it wasn't me.

       
    • Seriousness. But in all seriousness, who the fuck would open a jar of mayo in a grocery store, eat some of it, then put it back? If I looked, would there be slices of bread, cheese, and ham missing too? Did somebody make a fucking sandwich at the store? What the hell?

       
    • Honestly. I mean, truly... honestly... what the bloody fuck? Did somebody obsessed with the creamy deliciousness of Dutch mayo realize that smuggling an entire jar was impossible... but smuggling a handful down their pants might work?

       
    • Obsessive. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm honestly not getting all obsessive over this, but these are the things that keep me awake at night, people. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT MAYO?

       
    • Foreigner. This morning as I was waiting to board my flight home, I made my way to some website where a video was available. After clicking on the video, I got an error message saying "I'm sorry this video is not available in your country." This left me dumbfounded and more than a little pissed off. I don't think that people should get to put videos on the internet unless the entire internet is allowed to look at them.

       
    • Easy. One of the many movies I watched on my way home was Emma Stone in Easy A. It wasn't that this was a film I was dying to see, but it was one of the last things available that I hadn't already seen at least twice. Much to my shock and horror, I actually enjoyed this movie. It unapologetically borrows from a lot of those great 80's flicks like Sixteen Candies, Pretty in Pink, Say Anything, and the like. And does so pretty well. It always shocks me that quality films of any genre end up being made in this day and age... but for something in the teen angst/romance genre that doesn't completely suck? Miraculous.

    Olive Penderghast is a forgettable nobody high school student who decides to embrace her newfound infamy as "school harlot" once a false rumor about her losing her virginity spreads throughout the school. Hilarity ensues. Not only is Emma Stone flawless as the witty and lethally unflappable lead, but they somehow managed to assemble a genius cast including Stanley Tucci, Thomas Haden Church, Patricia Clarkson, Malcolm McDowell, and a surprisingly appropriately cast Lisa Kudrow. If you're looking for some mindless fun (that's actually fun), here's your film...

    Easy A Poster

       
    • Hard. As opposed to the total shit-stain of a movie called Life As We Know It. I mean, holy crap, does Katherine Heigl actively search out the shittiest, most pedestrian, predictable, ridiculously stupid scripts in the gutters of Hollywood to find her movie projects? How many sublimely idiotic spit-take reactions to the foul smell of baby poop do we really need? Wasn't Three Men and a Baby enough? Are we doomed to see it replayed in a movie every three years until the end of time? Granted, I fast-forwarded through most of this film as redundant pap, so perhaps some of the nuance was lost on me... but what the fuck?!?

       
    Annnnnd... I'm spent.

    There are plenty more bullets left in me, but my fingers stopped working about ten minutes ago. Just three more hours layover until I get to go home and (hopefully) sleep.

       

    Bullet Sunday 220

    Posted on Sunday, February 20th, 2011

    Dave!This morning I had waffles for breakfast. Isn't that what Sundays are for?

       
    • Spy. A couple of people brought to my attention that Google Books has put some issues of Spy online for your reading pleasure! One of my favorite magazines of all time, Spy was the ultimate repository for satire writing, and had some of the most biting pranks and hoaxes ever committed. But this did not preclude Spy from tackling some serious matters in pop culture and politics as well. Hopefully Google will continue adding issues until all of them are online... that would save me from having to dig mine out of storage. If you want to take a look at what all the fuss was about, click here to visit Spy on Google Books!

    Spy Magazine Cover

       
    • Endangered. It's that time of year when television shows are reaching their do-or-die point in the ratings. If not renewed soon, some shows I like are in danger of being cancelled...

    Endangered Television Shows

    • Better With You. Surprisingly, I don't hate this comedy featuring the differences in relationships between three family couples. It's not the smartest sitcom on television, but I find it entertaining enough to keep watching. It's not so much that I would be devastated if it got canceled, I'm just afraid it would be replaced with something shittier... or yet another pathetic reality pile of crap.
    • Community. Probably the best show that nobody seems to be watching, and I don't understand it. This Joel McHale sitcom is smart, entertaining, and funny... which you just don't see that often. And it's got Chevy Chase in it!
    • Fringe. This show managed to captivate me in a way that X-Files never did... and I was a huge X-Files fan. Chronicling the "Fringe Division" of the FBI which uses "fringe science" to solve bizarre and unexplained phenomena, the show just keeps getting better and better. The primary theme tying the episodes together is the idea of a parallel earth which is oddly similar, yet wildly divergent, to the world we know. Now we've got entire episodes taking place in this alternate universe which is about the coolest thing you'll find on TV. I would be crushed if Fringe were cancelled.
    • Human Target. Yet another series that should be a massive hit, but languishes in obscurity. Loosely based on the comic book of the same name, this show features security expert and bodyguard-for-hire, Christopher Chance. It's got loads of bad-ass action sequences, clever stories, and a lot of humor... the holy trinity of perfect television. And yet, few people are watching. It would be a real shame if Human Target gets cancelled, because it's one of the few shows that proves to be a really sweet escape with every episode.
    • Nikita. I fully admit that I was late to the party with this one. I watched the first episode, didn't really think it was worth my time, and dumped it early. But now I'm regretting it. Yet another take-off from the brilliant film La Femme Nikita, the show is more a sequel than a remake... following Nikita after her escape from Division. It's actually really good television and star Maggie Q is exceptional in the lead. I'm hoping both the show, and myself, get another chance.
    • Parks and Recreation. I waffle on this show... alternating between loving it, then feeling indifferent. One thing is for sure though, I'd miss it if it were gone. Mostly because Amy Poehler is comedy gold, partly because I am a huge fan of Aziz Ansari, and partly because it's actually funny more often than not.

    Sadly, odds are that most of these shows are not long for this world. They'll probably be replaced with shitty "reality" shows that are inexplicably popular with the public at large. Heaven help us all.

       
    • 18. After seeing the Mars landing hoax conspiracy movie Capricorn One on VHS rental sometime in the 80's, my mind was pretty much blown. It encouraged me to think about what actual cool stuff our government might be keeping from us. Area 51 was a good start. But the various moon landing conspiracy theories floating around became my obsession. Not so much that the landings were faked... but about what happened while we were up on the moon. And there were a lot of theories. Everything from alien encounters to extraterrestrial artifacts to weapon installations to secret missions. It was a tin-hat wearing dream come true. And now a new horror movie, Apollo 18, is being released to reveal the secret of NASA's "cancelled" final moon mission... and why we've never gone back...

    Apollo 18 Poster

    It's been shot "documentary-style" (think Blair Witch Project) which I usually loathe in movies, but I just might make an exception this time if the reviews don't suck. The cheesy but intriguing trailer is on QuickTime, and the release date is March 4th.

       
    Annnnd... I only have time for three bullets today. There are many things to be done yet today.

       

    Moment

    Posted on Saturday, February 26th, 2011

    Dave!When working at home I often have a DVD playing to drown out any background noise. Most times I pick a movie I've seen a bajillion times so I can focus on my work. It doesn't always happen though, because some movies I can watch over and over again without ever getting tired of them.

    One of my favorite movies of all time is the Kevin Costner & James Earl Jones baseball-themed masterpiece, Field of Dreams. It's an astounding work on just about every level. The characters are rich and fully-formed. The story is deep and reflective. But it's the philosophy behind the film that is all-consuming to me. Every time I watch it, I latch onto some bit of wisdom that won't leave me. When I had it playing as background noise a couple months ago, this was the line that grabbed me...

    "You know, we just don't recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they're happening."
    — Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham, Field of Dreams

    Field of Dreams Significant Moments

    Ever since then I've been obsessed with recognizing my significant moments while they're happening.

    Today I completed a big part of a project I've been dreaming of for a long time. Right after clicking the "SAVE" button, I went and made myself a big salad with all the fixings and began to eat.

    It was then that I realized I had just experienced a significant moment in my life.

    ZOMFG! HAVE YOU TRIED THIS NEW KRAFT MEXICAN CHEESE BLEND WITH A TOUCH OF PHILADELPHIA CREAM CHEESE?!? IT'S FRICKIN' DELICIOUS!

    NEW! Kraft brand Mexican Four Cheese Blend with a touch of Philadelphia Cream Cheese for extra creaminess!

    Take THAT Archibald "Moonlight" Graham!

       

    Bullet Sunday 221

    Posted on Sunday, February 27th, 2011

    Dave!Welcome to a fabulous OSCARS EDITION of Bullet Sunday!

       
    • Intro! This new tradition of inserting Oscar hosts into scenes from the nominated films just keeps getting better and better. Using technology from Inception, James Franco and Anne Hathaway go into the mind of former Oscar host Alec Baldwin to learn the secrets of hosting the show. The fact that they managed to work in Back to the Future at the end was just the icing on the cake...

    Oscars 2011 Intro Montage
    Oscar telecast ©2011 by ABC Television

       
    • The Winners! Not surprisingly, there were a few awards passed out that I felt could have gone elsewhere, but overall I was happy with the winners. Here's my break-down...

    • Art Direction.
      Who won? Alice in Wonderland — Who should have won? Inception
      Come on. Alice in Wonderland was beautiful to look at, but it was a wacky invention that you couldn't really get wrong. Inception was practically the opposite, having to take the fantastical and make it appear very real, obviously the more difficult of the two... and a good part of what made Inception such a success.
    • Cinematography.
      Who won? Inception — Who should have won? True Grit
      Don't get me wrong... the cinematography in Inception was beautiful, but a lot of the most arresting visuals in the film were computer-generated. True Grit, on the other hand, was a stunning return to the classic grandeur of the Old West, beautifully captured by Roger Deakins.
    • Best Supporting Actress.
      Who won? Melissa Leo, The Fighter
      Who should have won? Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech
      First of all, I love Kirk Douglas' contribution to film more than anybody, but this drug-out presentation was just awful. Almost as awful as Melissa Leo's profanity-laden, overly-long acceptance. This was a close call, but I gave the edge to Helena Bonham Carter because I felt her contribution to the film had the biggest impact of the performances I liked best.
    • Best Animated Short Film.
      Who won? The Lost Thing — Who should have won? The Lost Thing
      I admit that I didn't see two of these films, but I'd have a hard time believing anything could have topped The Lost Thing, which was fantastic.
    • Best Animated Feature Film.
      Who won? Toy Story 3 — Who should have won? Toy Story 3
      This was such a difficult choice, as I loved all three films. A part of me was secretly hoping that the beautiful "traditional" animation in Illusionist would pull off a surprise win... but this was truly Toy Story 3's award. Flawlessly animated and hauntingly touching, it was about as perfect as you could hope for in any film, animated or not.
    • Best Adapted Screenplay.
      Who won? The Social Network — Who should have won? The Social Network
      This was the story of a boring-ass legal battle somehow made fascinating by Aaron Sorkin. I'm not the least bit surprised. It's what Sorkin does.
    • Best Original Screenplay.
      Who won? The King's Speech — Who should have won? The King's Speech
      I wanted The King's Speech to win just so I could hear the speech by the guy who wrote The King's Speech! It was a great movie... my pick for best film... but I also wanted The Kids Are All Right to win because it was such a witty and special story that really should be getting more recognition.
    • Best Supporting Actor.
      Who won? Christian Bale, The Fighter
      Who should have won? Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech
      I am a massively huge fan of Christian Bale, and truly believe he gives Oscar-worthy performances in just about every single role he takes. On top of it all, his acceptance speech tonight was perfect, making me appreciate him all the more. The problem is that I just wasn't a big fan of The Fighter. Yes, he was wonderful in it, but Geoffrey Rush was equally wonderful in a film I liked a lot better. Still, congratulations, Christian.
    • Best Original Score.
      Who won? The Social Network — Who should have won? The Social Network
      Seriously. Trent. Reznor. It seems like only yesterday he was screaming "I WANT TO FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL!" and here he is accepting a well-deserved Oscar with Attcus Ross for their absolutely wonderful work on the music for The Social Network. Out of all the awards handed out tonight, this is the only one which would have caused me to go insane if The Academy got it wrong.
    • Best Visual Effects.
      Who won? Inception — Who should have won? Iron Man 2
      Look, the special effects in Inception were nothing short of amazing. Seriously mind-bendingly wonderful stuff in there. But I gotta give it up for Iron Man 2's team who managed to not only create the title character in a totally believable way, but an entire array of bad guys for him to fight as well. The entire film depended on it, and the effects team delivered. But that wasn't even what made the visual effects so incredible. The best part was that the effects team showed incredible restraint in not burying Robert Downey Jr.'s flawless performance. In every case the effects accented the film instead of standing out in a way that distracted from it.
    • Best Film Editing.
      Who won? The Social Network — Who should have won? The Social Network
      The flow of this story could have been completely sabotaged by shitty editing, but that didn't happen. The way they cut in some subtle (yet very effective) edits to keep even static moments moving really worked for the film.
    • Best Director.
      Who won? Tom Hooper, The King's Speech
      Who should have won? David Fincher, The Social Network
      I'm not complaining that Tom Hooper won. Truly The King's Speech was a beautifully directed film and his efforts are well-deserving. I certainly enjoyed his acceptance speech. But I thought Fincher's job on The Social Network was probably the more challenging of the two, and should have got the shiny gold statue.
    • Best Actress.
      Who won? Natalie Portman, Black Swan
      Who should have won? Natalie Portman, Black Swan
      I really didn't like Black Swan, but there's no denying Natalie Portman's performance in it was brilliant. She had to have put a lot of hard work into that role, and it paid off in spades. I never saw Blue Valentine, but if Michelle William's performance was anywhere near the others, she deserved her nomination.
    • Best Actor.
      Who won? Colin Firth, The King's Speech
      Who should have won? Colin Firth, The King's Speech
      Colin Firth's performance was staggering, and his Oscar win was both expected and deserved. But, man, did Jesse Eisenberg make The Social Network worth watching. I was truly torn in my pick this year, but ultimately thought Mr. Firth had the more challenging role.
    • Best Picture.
      Who won? The King's Speech — Who should have won? The King's Speech
      By having a narrative from The King's Speech run through the roll of all ten films that were nominated, it's pretty obvious who was projected to win. And while I was a bit torn between that film, Toy Story 3, True Grit, The Social Network, and Inception for my favorite movie (DISCLOSURE: I haven't seen Winter's Bone yet), The King's Speech was my pick for best picture. I might have went with Toy Story 3 if it weren't a lock for best animated picture... or The Social Network if it held up a little better on second-viewing... but the right film won the Oscar.

       
    • Wrap-Up! Though James Franco faltered a bit at times, overall he and Anne Hathaway did a surprisingly good job hosting the show. The musical performances were mercifully short and half-way decent (including Gwyneth Paltrow, who I thought did a pretty good job considering she's not a professional singer... it was crazy seeing all the online haters unload on her while she performed). I also thought the presentations went very well. It will be interesting to see who hosts next year.

       
    Annnnd... I've got a long day ahead of me tomorrow, so I guess that's all she wrote. See you at the movies.

       

    Bullet Sunday 225

    Posted on Sunday, March 27th, 2011

    Dave!Back to reality for a super-hero-fashion episode of Bullet Sunday! But, before we get there, I need to remind everybody that the best podcast on the internet you're probably not listening to is now on iTunes! Cannot recommend it highly enough: Hey! That's My Hummus on iTunes. And for baseball talk, don't forget Just Talking to the Cornfield on iTunes.

       
    • Wonder Woman! I've had very strong reservations over the whole David E. Kelley Wonder Woman television pilot from the very beginning. From everything I've read, it seems as though he's dead-set on putting his personal stamp on the material, which means we're not going to get Wonder Woman... it's going to be Ally McBeal in bad latex. The first episode's villain is perfume company CEO Veronica Cale (WTF?) which is being played by the incomparable Elizabeth Hurley (who arrived in L.A. a while back to film her scenes)...

    Liz Hurley arrives in L.A. for Wonder Woman shoot
    ©2011 Michael Wright/WENN (from AceShowbiz)

    Since Elizabeth Hurley is in it, I'm pretty much obligated to watch the show now. Which is a shame, because the official Wonder Woman costume photo looks like crap...

    Shitty New Wonder Woman Costume

    In all seriousness, I've been to comic book conventions where the fan costumes looked better than this cheap-n-glossy joke. She looks like a badly-dressed dominatrix or something. Such a horrible departure from the classic Wonder Woman uniform that was worn so perfectly by Linda Carter in the original TV show...

    Linda Carter as Wonder Woman.

    Call it cheesy if you want, but THAT'S what Wonder Woman is supposed to look like. COSTUME GRADE: F

       
    • Spider-Man! And speaking of truly terrible costumes... I loved the first two Spider-Man movies. The third one was awful story-wise, but had really good action sequences. Still, I was hoping for another Sam Raimi/Tobey Maguire installment because I liked the "feel" they gave the character. Alas, it was not to be. So now we've moved on to something new which could be good or could be bad. And if the costume is what we have to go on, this is going to be as bad as it gets...

    New Spider-Man Movie Costume

    Even if he didn't have an inexplicably black crotch, this would be a horrible interpretation of an iconic costume. COSTUME GRADE: D

       
    • Captain America! The modern-day Captain America comics have never interested me very much. Sure there are good stories that pop up from time to time but, overall, it's a one-note concept to me. But I have to say, everything I've seen for the upcoming Cap film looks flawless. First of all, they set the movie in World War II, which is faithful to the character's origin. Second of all, it seems as if director Joe Johnston is going out of his way to make it a fun and entertaining film to watch...

    Chris Evans as Captain America

    Hugo Weaving as The Red Skull

    Captain America Film Still

    What's so killer about Cap's costume is how you can see they're clearly building up to his modern-day outfit by starting with a WWII era interpretation. He was designed to be a symbol for the guys in the trenches, and its coming across perfectly. And just look at the Red Skull! Cannot wait for this movie. COSTUME GRADE: A

       
    • Thor! Other than Walter Simonson's brilliant run on the character in the 1980's, I've never been a big fan of Thor. He just never seems to work in the context of the super-hero genre very well. But this film has Kenneth Branagh directing, and the trailers look to be pretty epic in scope, so we'll see...

    Thor Costume

    I am the first to admit that translating Thor's costume to the big screen is no easy task... but this looks all cheesy and plastic to me. I'm guessing it's supposed to be metal (maybe it is!), but I'm still not impressed and think it would have looked better with a brushed metal? This is probably going to appear much better on-screen when lit properly, so it's hard for me to be too critical. It is, after all, pretty faithful in "feel" to the original. COSTUME GRADE: C+

       
    • Green Lantern! This is the hardest movie of all to figure out. I think my hetero-man-crush Ryan Reynolds was flawless casting for Hal Jordan, but the movie is looking like a George Lucas CGI party instead of a film of any substance. The special-effects generated costume in the preview trailer looked so bad that I couldn't fathom how the movie could possibly work...

    Ryan Reynolds in Bad Green Lantern Costume

    But then I saw this shot of Mark Strong as Sinestro and thought "maybe"...

    Sinestro Movie Costume

    Green Lantern was one of the first comic books I ever read, and so I continue to hope that everything comes together. Out of all the super-hero projects underway, it has the most potential for greatness... or disaster.

    Ryan Reynolds and the Ring

    It's pretty hard to get a feel for how the costume works from still images. On Hal Jordan, all the crazy lines look just plain stupid. On Sinestro, they look awesome. I'm guessing that when they're in-motion they'll be all glowing and stuff, which will probably look cool. Or corny. I have no idea. I do think it would have been better to not go with 100% CGI though, which seems like a recipe for disaster. COSTUME GRADE: Wait and C

       
    • X-Men! I should probably get this out of the way... I loathed all of the X-Men films. They were SO BORING. The X-Men were never really given any battles. Sure there were some silly little scrapes here and there, but they didn't have any scope. Everything in the movie seemed so much smaller than life. And while the costumes weren't anything to write home about, I thought they were okay. Sadly, the costumes weren't the problem. And so now we're re-booting the franchise with a prequel...

    X-Men First Class Photo

    X-Men First Class Photo

    From what I can tell, the costumes here are pretty good. They are a faithful (albeit upgraded) interpretation of the "original" X-Men costumes, which was no easy task. All we can do is wait and see if the movie has the scope and story to make any use of them. COSTUME GRADE: B

       
    That's a lot of super-heroes. And it doesn't even account for the new Superman movie reboot, the third Iron Man film, the third Batman film, The Hulk reboot, The Avengers, and whatever else that's coming up. I hope that people don't get burnt out on comic book movies.

       

    Bullet Sunday 229

    Posted on Sunday, April 24th, 2011

    Dave!Well whadda ya know, it's an EASTER edition of Bullet Sunday!

       
    • Like! Bad Monkey is now on Facebook. Heaven help us all...

    Bad Monkey on Facebook

    If you want to see the mayhem for yourself, here you go...

       
    • Kubrick! The holy grail for Stanley Kubrick fans (outside his movies, obviously) is a copy of a book called Full Metal Jacket Diary by Matthew Modine, who was an actor in the film. The reason it's such a big deal is twofold... 1) Not only is it a nifty personal account of working on the film, it's a photographic account of Kubrick's filmmaking process. This is unheard of access into the mind of one of the world's greatest filmmakers. 2) The book was limited to 20,000 copies and never reprinted, because Modine intended it to be a collector's item. What this means is that legions of Kubrick fans have been denied access to this important work. Until now. Maybe. A guy named Adam Rackoff is attempting to bring Full Metal Jacket Diary out as an iPad app. This nicely retains the collector value of the original book while also allowing the information to be released to anybody with access to an iPad.

    Just looking at the few amazing behind-the-scenes photos on the official website should have any Kubrick fan dying to own it...

    Copyright Matthew Modine
    Jayne, errrr I mean Animal Mother never looked so badass as when getting light metered!

    But... to do the iPad app right is going to cost a lot of money. $20,000 money. In order to fund the project, Rackoff has put it up on Kickstarter so people can donate to get the work done. Anybody chipping in $5 or more will get a 'special thanks" credit on the app's credits page. If you've got money to burn, there are bigger rewards for bigger pledges. If you're a Kubrick fan... or a Matthew Modine fan... or a Full Metal Jacket fan... or just a movie fan... head over to Kickstarter so we can get this funded!

       
    • Blows! Microsoft has been (rightfully) bragging about crossing the 350 million license milestone for Windows 7 in only 18 months. Except... I can't help but wonder how much of the rapid adoption rate is thanks to its predecessor, Windows Vista, being such a steaming pile of shit. Even with the Service Packs (mostly) fixing all the crap that made me want to take a flamethrower to my PC, I maintain that everybody who purchased a Vista license should have gotten Windows 7 as a free upgrade. Because anybody forced to suffer through Vista after updowngrading from the (relatively) painless Windows XP experience deserves to be compensated. Instead, we were forced to add billions of dollars to Microsoft's bank account to get out of a shitty OS that was never ready for release in the first place (after SIX YEARS of development). Any doubts I had about being an Apple Whore were eradicated by the release of Windows Fucking Vista and subsequently having to pay for Windows 7. I long for the day I never have to use Windows again.

       
    • Bunny! If you celebrate the holiday, hope it's a happy one for you!

    DAVETOON: Bad Monkey Easter Bunny

       
    Annnd... time to start hauling all this crap back into my bedroom. Spring cleaning blows.

       

    Bullet Sunday 234

    Posted on Sunday, May 29th, 2011

    Dave!It's Bullet Sunday from The Windy City!

       
    • Forecasting. And when I say "windy" I actually mean "stormy with torrential rains." This afternoon there was thunder, lightning, black clouds, and a literal flood pouring from the sky. What's so odd is that the forecast for tomorrow is "mostly sunny" which is almost impossible to believe. But, then again, looking at the extended forecast, impossible weather seems to be a continuing event here over the next week...

    Chicago Weather Forecast

    Make up your mind, Chicago!

       
    • Thor. Back in the 1980's I was mostly reading DC Comics, with only occasional dalliances with Marvel Comics' stable of characters. All that changed when I got hooked on Walter Simon's absolutely brilliant work on Mighty Thor. His critically acclaimed run on the book was the stuff of legends, and I instantly became a massive fan of the epic stories he was telling there. Eventually Simonson left the book and my interest in the series waned, but I never lost my love of Thor as a character...

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Thor

    Fast-forward to earlier this month, and Marvel has released a massive tome which collects Walter Simon's work and called it the Thor Omnibus. It runs 1200 pages and is almost too big to hold comfortably (it should have been a 2-volume set!). The interior is absolutely stellar, having been completely recolored. They also added 50 pages of bonus material including drawings from Simonson's sketchbook...

    Thor Omnibus

    If you are a Thor fan, this is essential. If you are not a Thor fan, this book will make you one. Highest possible recommendation.

       
    • Thorified. Which brings us to the brand new Kenneth Branagh-helmed film Thor, a faithful and wholly amazing adaptation of the comic book series. It is a massive, brilliant, totally EPIC film that I simply didn't want to end. Everything from the acting to the special effects to the design to the story was near-flawless...

    Thor Movie Poster

    If I have one complaint, it's that the story seems oddly rushed. What should have taken months to unfold seems to happen in mere days, providing an unrealistic edge to the character development. I don't care who you are, you don't completely change your entire outlook on life in two days, and yet that's exactly what we're given.

    Anyway... the movie tells the story of an ancient race of Norse gods who live in Asgard, one of the "Nine Realms" of our universe. One of these gods is Thor, a vain and arrogant warrior who is due to succeed his father Odin as king. But all this changes when Thor makes a big mistake and ends up being banished from Asgard to "Midgard" which we know as earth. Love, loss, and adventure ensue.

    I gotta hand it to Marvel Comics here. First Iron Man came along and blew me away. Now Thor. Next up is Captain America, which looks even more amazing. And then there's X-Men: First Class which looks like it's going to kick all kinds of ass and finally make up for the totally shitty X-Men films that came before. All this will culminate with The Avengers in 2012 which has the potential to redefine the word "epic"... especially with Joss Whedon behind it. All in all, this is a great time to be a comic book fan.

       
    • Bridesmaids. Even with all the critical acclaim and internet love, I was still wary of going to see Bridesmaids. Too many times the things other people think of as being "funny" I just think of as being "stupid" and a big waste of time. And then along comes Kristen Wiig's answer to The Hangover. And it's actually funny. And more than a little touching. But mostly entertaining...

    Bridesmaids Movie Poster

    Wiig plays Annie whose best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph) is getting married and wants her to be her maid of honor. Hilarity ensues. And while there are moments where it felt like an SNL skit that goes on way too long had been shoehorned into the plot, overall I really enjoyed the story. Probably because it went for "funny-smart" instead of "funny-stupid." Add to that a really good cast, and you've got a movie actually worth your valuable time.

    Assuming you're an adult who can appreciate an R-rated movie with occasional lapses into gross-out humor.

       
    • Pasta. I seem to be going through a ravioli renaissance. I stopped eating the stuff (despite it being one of the things on an Italian menu I could eat) because it always ended up being gummy and squidgy. The last Wednesday I had some of the best cheese ravioli in my life at Piccolo Sogno... followed by an amazing dish of butternut squash ravioli tonight at Prasino. Apparently the greater Chicagoland area knows how to make the stuff. Which is little help as I head back home where nobody seem to know how to make it very well at all.

       
    And speaking of home... I suppose it's time to finish up my work, pack my bags, check in for my flight, and post this blog entry so I can fly out tomorrow. Hopefully in better weather than today.

       

    Class

    Posted on Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

    Dave!Work managed to crush me today, so I decided to step away for a while and recharge. The plan was to go back to my hotel room and read a book, but I knew if I did that I'd just end up checking email and getting sucked back into work all over again.

    So I decided to go to a movie.

    And despite my raging hatred of the first three crappy X-Men movies, I went and saw X-Men: First Class.

    I thought that the "first class" in the title was referring to the first class of students in "Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters" from the comics... but it would seem it's actually referring to the movie itself. Because this film was one classy affair from start to finish.

    I loved it.

    From the retro 60's styling and amazing cast to the cohesive story and terrific special effects... this movie has it all...

    X-Mex First Class

    The plot revolves around the formation of the mutant super-hero group, The X-Men, and the initial friendship of Charles Xavier and Erik Leshner, who would eventually become deadliest of enemies as Professor X and Magneto. The story begins with Xavier working with the US government to help mutants help humans so they can be better accepted by humanity. Along the way he meets Leshner, who is tracking down the Nazis responsible for the death of his mother in a Polish concentration camp. This eventually leads to a confrontation with The Hellfire Club, who is attempting to kick-start World War III during the Cuban Missile Crisis and rule the earth.

    Awesomeness ensues.

    What made the previous three X-Men films fail so stupendously, was that there was ZERO attempt to make any of the characters kick the copious amounts of ass that the X-Men are known to do in the comics. They were just pathetic dumbasses who wandered around in lame stories and not really doing much of anything.

    In the original X-Men, there are minor scuffles between the team and Magneto's henchmen, but the only real "fight" the X-Men get into is fighting army men. Lame. In the sequel, X2: X-Men United, the filmmakers make a half-assed attempt to start up the "Dark Phoenix Saga," but failed on every possible level. Even worse, the only real "fight" the X-Men get into this time is with water. Yes, fucking water! Super-lame. After watching the previews, I thought that finally things were heading in the right direction with X-Men 3: The Last Stand. They hinted that there would be an all-out battle between mutants, which would have kicked all kinds of ass... if it would have actually happened. Instead they pussed out again and gave us a watered-down fight with mutants mostly just running around. Not only did we get no fights worth watching, but there wasn't a decent story either. Hella-lame.

    X-Men: First Class isn't overwhelmed with the mutant-on-mutant special effects battles I was hoping for, but it does do something we've never seen before in an X-Men film... have compelling characters and a good story. And when it comes to ass-kicking, Michael Fassbender's brilliant portrayal of Magneto delivers the goods. I can only hope that if (when we get a First Class sequel that they continue with the brilliant set-up in this film and add tons of cool action sequences that will finally depict the X-Men the way we see them in the comics.

    That would be a movie worth waiting for.

    In the meanwhile, there are a lot of potentially awesome comic book films in the pipe, so it's a really good time to be a fanboy right now.

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    Corps

    Posted on Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

    Dave!Despite the bad reviews, I simply had to go see Green Lantern after checking into my hotel.

    The reason I had to see it was because Green Lantern is one of my favorite super-heroes (after Batman, of course). In fact, an issue of Green Lantern was the first comic book I ever bought. I've been a fan through thick and thin ever since...

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave dressed as Green Lantern.

    Sadly, the movie itself is pretty bad. Several elements are good, but the big picture is a hot mess with too many inexplicably boring bits. Since I really have no idea how to review such a scattered film (let alone attempt to sum up the story!), I guess I'll just run through the bullets...

    The Good

    • Casting. Ryan Reynolds was perfectly cast. He captured the cocky charm of a fearless test pilot effortlessly. Likewise, Peter Skarsgard playing Hector Hammond and Mark Strong's turn as Sinestro were shockingly good. Blake Lively as Carol Ferris seemed a little forced and awkward at times... and her character had really lame similarities to Pepper Potts from the Iron Man films... but it wasn't as disastrously bad as say... January Jones in X-Men: First Class.

    • Scope.I really enjoyed that they went a little "cosmic" with the movie. Green Lantern is at his best when he's out amongst the stars, and having him mixing it up with aliens and other worlds was a very good thing. If, by some miracle, a sequel happens, I hope that they ignore earth completely (especially since that's where most of the boring bits happen).

    The Bad

    Parallax. As far as villains go, Parallax was probably not the best choice. His comic book back-story is rather long and complex, and the way they dumbed it down to fit in a movie was kind of lame and dismissive. On top of that, he just wasn't very compelling an opponent in the film, because his powers weren't really defined. He could be almost god-like one minute... then surprisingly weak the next.

    Pacing. As I mentioned, there's unnecessary stretches of sheer boredom plaguing the film. It's totally amateurish, and I'm guessing the writer(s) simply didn't know how to edit for a streamlined story... so they just threw in as many bits as possible in the hopes that something would gel together and "stick." It doesn't.

    The Fugly

    • CGI Uniforms. I understand the logic of the Green Lantern Corps uniforms being pure energy, and the concept of computer graphics being the best way to show this is sound... but it failed on every possible level. Ryan Reynolds looked like he had been Photoshop-painted, badly in every scene he's Green Lantern, and it took me completely out of the movie. You can tell that the effects team knew the uniforms looked like shit because they went back and added "energy crackles" and "energy glows" here and there in an attempt to camouflage them. If anything, it just ended up making things worse by drawing attention to how tragically bad they looked. I simply cannot fathom how anybody could look at test footage and decide this was the best way to go. I mean, they did render test footage of the uniforms, didn't they?

    Case in point... ONE of these photos is fake. I spent two minutes slapping on some green pixels in Photoshop. Can you spot it? Guessing isn't as easy as you'd think since they're all pretty shitty...

    Green Lantern Shitty Uniform

    • Internal Logic. I understand that you have to suspend disbelief in order to accept a movie universe where people are flying around playing super-hero... but, even so, there has to be an internal logic to the story and plot so you can suspend disbelief. Green Lantern has so many inconsistencies and gaps of internal logic that I found it impossible to get into the film. There was this whole deus ex machina thing going on where plot points existed not because they made sense, but because it was the only way the writers found to move the story forward. This caused me to constantly question the characters, which is a very bad thing from a story standpoint.

    • The Story. Green Lantern has a classic origin story... dying alien gives hotshot test pilot Hal Jordan a ring with amazing powers and inducts him into the Green Lantern Corps, which is a kind of intergalactic police force. This part is handled fairly well in the movie, but things go off the rails really quickly afterwards. The problem is that there's just not a story you can grab ahold of and be taken away by. There's only fragments of different stories woven together seemingly at random. This didn't hold my interest because my attention was never focused on one thing long enough to give a crap about the stuff happening on-screen. For me, at least, the film can never overcome this deficiency, and comes out totally mediocre because of it.

    And this updates my whole "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard as follows...

    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Ghost Rider... C
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Watchmen... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B

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    Bullet Sunday 239

    Posted on Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

    Dave!Oh, wipe your tears away... Sunday, bloody Sunday...

       
    • Plus! Annnnd... Google debuted their "Google+" social media services this week. As a so-called "Facebook killer" it's pretty interesting. I like that its smarter at controlling who sees the things you post. I like being able to organize people into my "Circles"... which are kind of like old rotary phone dials...

    Google Plus Circles

    Of course, if you have a hundred friends, you can only see thirteen in your little dial until you click on it, but I guess that's better than nothing.

    Except...

    I've already got Facebook, Twitter, and this blog sucking up my time. Do I really need another "thing" cutting into my already mega-packed offline life? I mean, I suppose I can give up sleeping and going to the bathroom, but is Google+ really worth it? Time will tell.

       
    • Colbert. This past week Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central's Colbert Report received approval from the FEC to form his own Political Action Committee. But, unlike regular PACs, he formed a Super PAC which has no restrictions on the amount of money he can raise. I'm absolutely fascinated at the prospect of a comedian having access to a PAC, and can't wait to see how much he can raise and what he's eventually going to do with it.

    So I donated some money. And got an autographed photo for my trouble...

    Colbert Super PAC Autograph

    Whatever he does with his money, I'm betting it's going to be a heck of a lot more interesting than what Sarah Palin has been doing with her PAC monies.

       
    • Roundabout. I noted an article link over on Neil Turner's Blog about how the British roundabout is conquering the US. This is something I can confirm as true. Years ago, the only roundabouts I'd ever seen in the USA were in Massachusetts. But now they are popping up everywhere. The first I remember seeing in my home state of Washington was at the I-90 interchange in North Bend...

    North Bend Roundabout
    Image taken from Google Maps

    And now, even small local cities like nearby Wenatchee are getting roundabouts.

    The problem is that nobody here seems to know how to drive on them. Most of the time I've seen people encounter a roundabout, they full-stop instead of yield. And, even then, they don't know what to do, preferring to just sit there for a while until they get up the courage to enter. Hopefully this will change as they become more prevalent, but right now they're more trouble than they're worth.

       
    • Arrietty. The next film by animation genius Hayao Miyazaki's Studio Ghibli is called Arrietty, and is based on the beloved book The Borrowers by Mary Norton. As with everything Miyazaki touches, it looks stunning...

    My loved of all things Miyazaki is well documented. He has been a massive influence on me for decades, and his works are without peer in the animation world (the people at Pixar practically worship the man, for example). That he has continued to work after his "retirement" in 1998 has been a source of absolute joy to me, and seeing yet another film with his fingerprints on it makes me happier than I can possibly express. And while his role at Ghibli seems mostly supervisory now (though he appears to still be doing some writing and drawing too), he seems to have good people (including his son) carrying on his work...

    Arietty English Poster Miyazaki

    Arrietty was released in Japan almost a year ago and I have yet to see it. Today I learned that it won't reach the USA until FEBRUARY, 2012!! And while I would prefer to see the movie with the original Japanese soundtrack and subtitles, the North American release is certain to be an English dub (as usual). I don't even care. I just want to see it! Then hopefully the Blu-Ray release will preserve the Japanese version like Ponyo did. In the meanwhile... I wait.

       
    And that's all she wrote since I have to get up early for work in the morning. Here's hoping all my fellow USAsians have a good holiday tomorrow!

       

    Cap!

    Posted on Thursday, August 18th, 2011

    Dave!Before we do this, GO GET FREE MATT & KIM!! Yes! FREE! And not a bad track!

    Last night after my complete mental breakdown over losing David's Pizza, home of my favorite pizza on earth, I decided to drink a lot of alcohol and go see Captain America. While neither eased my pain completely, I was a lot better off at the end of the day.

    I'm going to review Captain America: The First Avenger now, because I'm a total comic book geek like that but, if that's not something you care to read about, I'll just sum it up thusly: This film is pretty close to flawless. Not just for a comic book movie, but for ANY movie. Even if you're not into the whole super-hero thing, it would be worth your time to watch. I love, love, loved it...

    Captain America Poster

    Before we get into the movie itself, a little background on me and Captain America.

    Growing up, I was a total DC Comics fan (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, etc.)... and not much of a Marvel Comics fan (Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, etc.). That being said, Cap was the first Marvel comic that I got into. It all started with Captain America and Falcon #211-213 by comics giant Jack Kirby. The stories were originally published in 1977, but I got ahold of them as a poly-bagged set the early 1980's (I'm guessing they were re-prints?). These issues were a great read, having plenty of action and featuring the quintessential Cap villains The Red Skull and Arnim Zola. Unfortunately, my new-found infatuation with the Captain America universe was short-lived, because the current issues of the title were a drastic step down from the Kirby reprints I had just read. After that I pretty much ignored Captain America unless he was in other Marvel titles, like The Avengers.

    Captain America #212

    All that changed in 2004 when Ed Brubaker came onboard for a Captain America relaunch. Since then I've been a fan of the character, snapping up most of the graphic novel collections as they are released. Far from being an exercise in one-dimensional blind patriotism, Burbaker's treatment of the character was a fascinating exploration that actually had some depth to it. Even though he eventually ended up killing Steve Rogers, then bringing him back (of course), the book remains an excellent read.

    Which is why I was terrified over the Captain America film despite the awesome set photos that were released. There was just too much to lose.

    Fortunately, I had nothing to worry about. The First Avenger is near-flawless, and works on so many levels. As a straight-up action movie, it's a good time. As a war-movie, it's an immediate classic. As a super-hero film, it's faithful to the source material. Like Iron Man and Thor before it, the character just works on film. Beautifully.

    It all starts as the USA has entered World War II and weakling Steve Rogers wants to join the fight. Unfortunately, a multitude of chronic illnesses makes him unfit for duty. Never one to be discouraged, Steve keeps trying until he has the good fortune to be noticed by Dr. Abraham Erskine. The good doctor is secretly working with the US Army to develop a new "super soldier" serum, and Steve Rogers has the qualities of heroism, bravery, and kindness he's looking for. The experiment is a complete success, and Captain America is eventually born... becoming the "Sentinel of Liberty" for the American war effort. Lots of cool action sequences ensue.

    The Good Great

    • Casting. I'm not the biggest Chris Evans fan, but there is no denying that he is Captain America on-screen. Unlike his previous role as The Human Torch in the Fantastic Four films, Evans actually has to project something more than cocky aloofness here. He has to be a living, breathing icon, and he nails it. The early scenes where special effects have turned Evans' perfect physique into wimpy Steve Rogers is where he really shines as an actor, and his every scene is exceedingly good. Other roles are equally well-cast, most notably the incredible Stanley Tucci as Dr. Erskine, Tommy Lee Jones as Colonel Phillips, and an absolutely amazing Hugo Weaving as The Red Skull.

    • Story. Usually origin stories are notoriously superficial and boring on the screen, but director Joe Johnston and writers Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely somehow managed to make Captain America work perfectly. The set-up is just right, telling the viewer everything they need to know about the world they'll be visiting. The progressive origin of Cap is both logical and entertaining. The action is full-on excitement without becoming comical. It's everything you want in a comic book movie... or any adventure movie, really.

    • Costumes. Captain America's garish outfit would be a really easy thing to screw-up on the big screen. That didn't happen. The evolution of his costume is handled incredibly well, with everything making perfect sense. The period-specific costumes for all the other actors were equally amazing, and really made you feel you were back in time. Somebody should win an Oscar here.

    • Rewards. There were clever moments with some of the characters which hinted to their futures (as shown in the comic books). They were clever enough to reward comic fans, but subtle enough not to confuse newbies. My favorite? Arnim Zola's intro. Genius.

    • Effects. The tough thing about having futuristic energy weapons showing up in the 1940's is that it just doesn't work logistically. But the integration was so deftly handled and so logically explained that it just didn't matter. And, again, mad props to the people responsible for turning Chris Evans into wimpy Steve Rogers at the beginning of the film...

    Real Chris Evans VS. Wimpy Chris Evans
    I know special effects are good now-a-days, but this is a-m-a-z-i-n-g.

    The Not-So-Great

    • Set-Up. I love the way that the Marvel Universe films are all fitting together (ultimately culminating with The Avengers movie next Summer)... but Captain America goes overboard. Having Tony (Iron Man) Stark's dad be the leading scientist of the war effort? Cool. Having the Cosmic Cube come from Thor's dad's treasure room? Great. But having the so much of the plot being a set-up for future films? Dangerous. Especially at the very end of the film, which seems a little tacked-on and artificial. In the future, let the movies stand on their own... if they're well-made and faithful to the source material, they'll still fit into the Marvel film universe and get people excited to see more.

    • Bullets. Near the beginning of the film, a Hydra Nazi is being chased by Steve soon-to-be-Captain-America Rogers. Along the way he fires like a bajillion bullets from his gun... without re-loading. Man, how I hate that.

       
    So overall? Fantastic and faithful film with a lot of action, honesty, and heart.

    And this updates my whole "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard as follows...

    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Ghost Rider... C
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Watchmen... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B

       

    Plutocracy

    Posted on Thursday, August 25th, 2011

    Dave!Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of Pluto being demoted from "planet" to "dwarf planet."

    It all happened because astronomers are finding a shitload of planetoids orbiting the sun beyond Pluto's orbit... some of which are bigger than Pluto. Rather than declare that they're all planets, they decided instead to demote Pluto so none of them are planets.

    Personally, I think it was a monumentally shitty decision. Yeah, it makes sense from a scientific classification standpoint, and I get that. But Pluto should have been grandfathered in and kept the planetary status it's had since 1930. The planetary status it had when I made my science fair project in Middle School...

    Science Fair

    What drives me a little nuts here is that a group of people made this awful decision with no involvement from any of us. There wasn't a vote. there wasn't any conversation. One day Pluto just wasn't a planet anymore.

    Which made yesterday the fifth anniversary of SUCK!

    Or not.

    Because yesterday was ALSO a monumental day for fans of the best new show from this past television season... Happy Endings!

    ABC finally decided to bless us with the long-lost mysterious "missing episode" of the show. It wasn't the best of the bunch, but it was still better than most of the crap on television, so I have no idea why they skipped it in the first place.

    In any event, it has me really looking forward to new episodes come September. As does this promo shot they've released...

    Happy Endings Season Two

    And speaking of photos... the stuff leaking off the set for the new Avengers movie looks amazing...

    Thor and Captain America in The Avengers!

    If only DC Comics could get their shit together the way that Marvel Comics has. To see a Justice League movie that teams up Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and the Flash would be freakin' insanely awesome.

    Or insanely stupid, if they got the wrong writer and director.

    Perhaps I should be careful what I wish for.

       

    Spice

    Posted on Saturday, August 27th, 2011

    Dave!For the first time in... well... months ... I didn't do any work today.

    Instead I continued on with my Life Simplification Plan. The entire day was spent cataloging my DVDs, books, comics, and CDs to see what I can get rid of.

    Unfortunately, the answer was "not much." But at least everything is organized now.

    I also made time to watch Dune while I was going through all my storage boxes...

    Alia Gom Jabbar

    I don't care how many times I see the film, Alia always freaks me out.

    The Spice must flow.

    And I really must get to bed.

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    Bullet Sunday 249

    Posted on Saturday, September 10th, 2011

    Dave!Bet you never expected Bullet Sunday on Saturday! NOBODY expects Bullet Sunday on Saturday!

    And didn't I just do a Bullet Sunday a couple minutes ago? Time, she is a flying. Probably because I am leaving for vacation in ten days. It's going to be a real struggle to get caught up with work and get myself organized by the time I leave.

       
    • Adapt. And speaking of getting organized for my trip... for years there's been this one plug sitting unwrapped and unused in my Apple World Travel Adapter Kit...

    Apple World Power Adapter Kit

    I know this sounds kind of silly, but unwrapping the cellophane from that plug was a pretty emotional experience. This shit is about to get real, yo.

       
    • Heroine. A couple weeks ago, the "Great House" on Sir Richard Branson's private island caught fire. Apparently a storm created by Hurricane Irene caused a lightning strike that burned the place to the ground. Nobody was hurt, but it was a beautiful structure and it's sad that it was destroyed. Sad, but not very interesting. I'll get to the interesting bit in a minute, but first a few photos from Necker Island...

    Necker Island

    Necker Island Pool View

    Necker Island Bedroom

    Necker Island Window View

    Yes. Yes I know. What a shithole.

    If you've got tens of thousands of dollars, you can rent a room for a night. That would put you in good company, because it's a coveted hangout for celebrities, royalty (Princess Diana was a guest), and the über-wealthy. One famous visitor who was there when the fire struck: Kate Winslet. Who, after making sure her kids were okay, ran back into the flames so she could carry out Branson's 90-year-old grandmother...

    Kate Winslet

    Beautiful, talented, and heroic.

    But that's not the interesting bit. Winslet's ex-husband, director Sam Mendes, was supposed to be on American Airlines Flight 77, which was hijacked on 9/11 and crashed into The Pentagon. For some reason, he wasn't on the flight. One month later, Winslet was on a plane where somebody claiming to be a terrorist stood up and said that everybody was going to die. It apparently turned out to be a hoax of something. After that moment, Mendes and Winslet made a decision never to both be on the same flight together so if something happened, their kids wouldn't be left parentless.

    I swear, just when I think there's nothing about the 9/11 tragedy that can surprise me, something utterly surprising comes along to prove me wrong. Until I read about the fire on Necker Island, I had no idea that Kate Winslet's life was touched by the terrorist attacks to this degree. But, then again, I suppose all our lives were in one way or another. Has it really been ten years?

       
    • New? As a huge fan of Zooey Deschanel, I have been eagerly anticipating her new buzz-heavy TV show, New Girl, set to debut later this month. So imagine my surprise when I downloaded the first episode from an iTunes "sneak preview"... only to find that it is complete and total shit...

    New Girl Poster

    Holy crap did I hate this unbelievable turd of a show. Hate it.

    How in the fuck they managed to take an infinitely adorable and likable person like Zooey Deschanel and turn her into a pathetic, annoying, unwatchable character is simply beyond my ability to fathom. She plays Jess, who is advertised as "Simply Adorkable" but I sure wasn't seeing any of that. When she gets dumped by her boyfriend in the first two minutes I was barely surprised. I was already annoyed with her after the first ONE minute. The story then takes the laughable (but not funny) "surprise turn" by having her move in with three single guys. Hilarity most definitely does not ensue.

    Zooey's supporting players aren't much better. Deputy Leo (from Veronica Mars) plays a douchebag. And I'm not being judgmental here... he's literally a douche. His character is such a big douche that they have to make a "Douche Jar" for him to donate a dollar every time he does douchey things. Which is all the time. One of the douchey things he does is take his shirt off when he meets a girl because he thinks he's God's gift or something. His character's name is "Schmidt" which is used in place of "shit" in conversation to be funny. Ha ha ha. Not. Next up is Damon Wayans Jr. who plays "Coach," a fitness trainer with rage issues. The character has zero depth and is given nothing interesting to do. I can only guess that Wayans gets down on his knees every day and thanks the television gods that the brilliant Happy Endings got picked up for a second season so he doesn't have to come back to New Girl and play such a pathetic one-note character. I pity whomever they get to replace him. The last of Zooey's new roommates is "Nick" (played by Jake M. Johnson) who is somewhat likable and interesting (mostly because he's the only character with any depth to him) but ultimately not enough to compensate for everything else going wrong with this horrible show.

    I cannot imagine that New Girl will last a full season. Even with Justin Long coming on-board as Zooey's romantic interest. It is so awkward, annoying, and blatantly not-funny that I have no idea who is going to want to watch it. Personally, I am hoping for a quick cancellation so the amazing Zooey Deschanel can go on to something better. Something much, much, better.

       
    • Indebted. Is it possible to hate a movie to the point of despair, yet still love it at the same time? That pretty much sums up my take on The Debt, Helen Mirren's new film as directed by John Madden...

    The Debt Poster

    The movie is based on a 2007 Israeli film called HaHov ("The Debt"), which I can find nothing about, because any attempt to search for it on IMDB redirects to this version of The Debt. The story revolves around a former Mossad Nazi-Hunter named Rachel Singer (Mirren) who's past comes back to haunt her 30 years after a mission in East Germany went terribly wrong. The movie jumps back and forth between 1966 and 1997 as Singer recalls past events that changed her life, and their consequences on her future.

    The problem with the film... the only problem, really... is that it is boring. Mind-numbingly boring. Stick your head in the microwave boring. Gouge out your spleen so you have something to do boring. I was dumbfounded at how incredibly slow, unnecessarily plodding, and just plain BORING this movie was. Far, far too much time was spent rehashing the past for no particular reason at all. Yes, there's a nice twist in there, but the set-up was so hideously drawn-out that I just didn't give a shit when we got there. They could have easily cut 75% of the hot boring mess from 1966 and used the time to make an interesting film about Rachel cleaning up that mess in 1997. That would have been an amazing, thrilling, exciting film. Instead you get mere glimpses of Mirren being kick-ass cool, which is simply not enough to save The Debt from the bland, banal, repetitive disaster it is.

    Except...

    Holy crap was the acting good. Helen Mirren didn't get nearly enough screen time, but her every second in the film is amazing. And it doesn't stop there. Jessica Chastain, who played the 1966 Rachel, had a role that demanded her to be tough and capable, but with a dark vulnerable side that defined her. She was absolutely mesmerizing. The biggest surprise had to be Sam Worthington, whom I had dismissed for his not-so-engaging performances in films like Avatar and Clash of the Titans, but he really got his shit together for this film. His accent kept lapsing into Aussie casual from time to time, yet his performance was rock-solid. Jesper Christensen's turn as a Hannibal Lecter-ish Nazi war criminal was also worth watching.

    So there you have it The Debt is a boring-ass film you hate to love because the performances were too damn good.

       
    • Fini. And now, after two bullets filled with disappointment, I'm going back to organizing my crap so I can be ready to pack my suitcase next weekend.

       

    Surrender

    Posted on Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

    Dave!Dear Hollywood Movie & Television Studios,

    I give up... you win!

    For decades you have been trying your best to keep my from buying your movies and shows, but I've resisted. You've treated me like a criminal, you've crippled your products so that they don't work, you force me to watch advertising, you've even flat-out refused to sell me stuff I want to buy... but I persisted. The more you abused me, the more products I bought. The more you hated me, the more money I spent. The more you betrayed me, the more of your stuff I added to my collection.

    You have done every shameless, dirty, despicable, evil, horrifying act you can think of to get rid of me, but still I kept coming back. Which is not to say that I wasn't tempted by those glorious DRM-free, advertising-free, menu-free, illegal copies available at no charge on the internet... I was... but my desire to not break the law was too strong. I had to come crawling back to you, don't you see?

    Except now you've finally done it. You've finally lost me as a customer after years of trying so hard.

    Congratulations!

    Just in case you're wondering, it's your new piece of shit "UltraViolet Digital Locker System" that was the last straw. Just like your DRM-crippled Blu-Ray disks that are so fucked up that I can't get them to work on my Blu-Ray player, your "UltraViolet Digital Copy" bullshit is so fucked up that I can't get it to work on...well... anything. I jumped through all your hoops, put up with your violation of my privacy, and agreed to terms so one-sided that I think I agreed to be your sex-slave for life, but still your stupid shit doesn't work.

    And so I'm done.

    Those thousands of VHS Tapes, LaserDiscs, S-VHS Tapes, DVDs, and Blu-Ray Discs I purchased are the end of the road.

    For the most part.

    With television shows, I can buy them digitally from Apple's iTunes store and stream them to my AppleTV or download them to my iPhone. At least their shit actually works... but the iTunes digital copies cost a lot more than DVDs/Blu-Rays for some reason (and don't come with any extras), so that's rarely an option. Hopefully Hulu and Netflix Streaming will allow me to watch TV shows I want, but who knows how long that will last.

    When it comes to movies, I guess I could buy them from iTunes, but you don't allow Apple to stream them. This means I've got to keep the copies (and backup copies) myself, which is too big a hassle. I guess I could buy DVDs and rip legal "digital backups." That way I can always re-rip if I lose the file or don't have hard drive space. But that's an even bigger hassle (and the files aren't even hi-def!). Perhaps renting movies via iTunes or Netflix Streaming is how it'll have to be from now on... assuming they're even available.

    Or maybe I should just become a pirate and download everything illegally? This does, after all, seem to be what you are wanting. If you didn't want people to acquire your product illegally, wouldn't you strive to treat your customers well, sell them product that works, and make legal purchases be the most user-friendly, easiest, most desirable, best way to own TV shows and movies ever? I mean, people are fucking paying you here, after all.

    But I have no desire to go to jail or be fined for something that's not critical to my well-being, so it's not a pirate's life for me.

    Guess I'll just have to learn to get over your product the same way I am now over your bullshit.

    Congratulations again on your victory.

    It's hard for me to be upset when you've worked so fucking hard to win it.

       

    Fade

    Posted on Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

    Dave!It's a Wonderful Life is playing on television. I loathe that movie. It's one of the single worst films I've ever had to endure. For the life of me I can't figure out why people are so in love with it. Is it the crappy, boring-ass story? The cheesy over-the-top acting? The nausea-inducing predictably clichéd happy ending? What?

    Of course, I haven't ruled out that it's because I'm a soulless bastard. I'm totally open to that as a possibility.

    It would certainly explain my joy at watching Herman Cain's presidential campaign implode.

    I was really hoping he would just shut up, drop out, and go away... but apparently that's not his plan. It would seem he wants to fade into irrelevance like Sarah Palin did. Of course, she managed to make millions of dollars along the way, so there's that...

    Herman Cain, Baby

    It's odd thinking back to the days when Cain was on the rise and I was actually a fan. Not so much politically, but because he had such a fantastic personality. Back then I was always tuning into his interviews because he was so darn entertaining. But then the crazy started to set in, and there's was no stopping the downward spiral that ensued.

    Have to say I didn't anticipate an alleged mistress and all those sexual harassment claims hurrying things along though. If they're not true, as Cain claims, you'd think that dropping out of the race would only make him look guilty... so who knows how that's going to play out.

    Guess I'll have to wait for the book.

    Or the next Pokémon movie.

       

    Wilhelm

    Posted on Friday, December 23rd, 2011

    Dave!Dear Hollywood...

    ... ENOUGH WITH THE WILHELM SCREAM!!

    Look, I realize that there are always going to be traditions and nods to the past in a creative endeavor. I understand that there's an urge to honor that which has come before by echoing it in the present. But it should be subtle. It shouldn't be a distraction.

    And the Wilhelm Scream has been so overused that it can't help but be a distraction...

    The turning point for me was The Lord of the Rings films. Until then, I was able to ignore the Wilhelm Scream. But once Peter Jackson decided to force it into Middle Earth, I could not. And what a waste that was. Jackson and his team took painstaking care to draw you into the film and make you feel as though you were in another world. Only to rip you out of it because of a stupid, obtrusive sound effect.

    And don't get me started over how Joe Johnston fucked up the best movie I saw in 2011, Captain America. There I was, basking in the glory of one of the best comic films I had ever seen and then... HeeYAAAAAahhAAAAAH!!!

    Blargh.

    Enough is enough.

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    Video11

    Posted on Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

    Dave!Time for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw. Now, I fully admit that most of these were seen on an airplane or via iTunes rental on my iPad. That's about the only way I can find time to see movies anymore. Still, I don't think the small screen influenced my decision any. Stupid crap like Your Highness isn't going to suddenly become brilliant if seen on the big screen...

    Dave's Favorite Movies 2011: 1-6

    #1 Captain America. Captain America in the comics has been a mixed bag. When played as the American icon he was created to be, he seems cheesy and dated. When played as a straight super-hero he seems flashy and lame. But they somehow managed to sidestep both of these obstacles to not only make an awesome super-hero film, but an awesome film period. My review of the film is here.

    #2 Thor. My only problem with this film... only problem is that the timing was way off. It seemed to take place over days when the events pretty much dictated that it should have taken place over months. That being said, director Kenneth Branagh and Co. did the impossible: film a magical super-hero film in a realistic way without having it turn into a big joke. Loved this movie more than I ever thought I would.

    #3 Paul. Reaffirming my belief that Simon Pegg & Nick Frost can do no wrong (seriously... Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead!) they turn their engaging comedic talents to geek sci-fi. As if that wasn't an intriguing enough premise, Seth Rogan was cast as the voice of titular alien escapee "Paul." The result is a new take on the buddy comedy movie with a sci-fi twist and plenty of surprises. Genius.

    #4 Mission: Impossible, Ghost Protocol. Brad Bird, the mastermind behind such animated genius as The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, and Ratatouille, makes an effortless leap to live action in one of this year's most exciting and stylish films. Ghost Protocol is the best M:I installment yet, with the entire IMF team being disavowed and having to clear their name in one awesome action sequence to another.

    #5 The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. While I'm not sure that I liked this David Fincher remake as well as the Swedish original, I can say it's a great film in its own right. Dark, disturbing, beautiful, and wholly engrossing, this movie is the whole taco. Disgraced reporter Mikael Blomkvist sets out to solve an old family mystery with the help of brilliant anti-hero Lisbeth Salander. The journey is more interesting than the ultimate end, but Fincher gives us one heck of a ride.

    #6 X-Men: First Class. FINALLY! After three increasingly shitty films, we finally get a decent X-Men flick. Check that, it's more than decent... it's brilliant entertainment that fully captures the promise of what an "X-film" could be. Showing the early beginnings of the Marvel Universe's most famous mutants, First Class gives us engaging characters with enough super-hero action to keep things interesting. I am hoping beyond hope that they continue this story in future films instead of sliding back to the Bryan Singer franchise shit-fest.

    Dave's Favorite Movies 2011: 7-12

    #7 Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Make no mistake, the Sherlock Holmes in Guy Ritchie's films is not the Sherlock Holmes of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novels. He's a sad imitation that happens to be entertaining as hell. So if you can manage to leave the "real" Sherlock behind, this is a highly entertaining film with nice stylistic touches and a decent story to boot. Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law are both note-perfect for the material, and the addition of Jared Harris as arch-nemesis Moriarty has me liking "Game of Shadows" even more than the first film.

    #8 Horrible Bosses. By all accounts, this movie should have been an embarrassing mess. The previews assured me that it was one of those "so stupid it's stupid" flicks instead of one of those "so stupid it's funny" treasures. But my sister wanted to see it, so off we went... to one of my favorite films of 2011. I loved the way all the various plot-threads resolved themselves at the end. I loved that the characters were funny and felt three-dimensional and unique. I love that the "horrible bosses" were note-perfect in every way. Kevin Spacey was given room to be pure evil psycho genius. Colin Farrell was plain reprehensible. And then there was Jennifer Aniston... holy crap. Jennifer Aniston was not only brutally hot, but hysterically funny.

    #9 Source Code. Duncan Jones, who gave us the utterly brilliant sci-fi film Moon, now gives us a thinking man's time-travel sci-fi thriller as a follow-up that doesn't disappoint.

    #10 Bridesmaids. You will note that The Hangover 2 does not make my list. That film was just a pathetic retread of the original movie in a different location. The worthy successor to the R-rated comedy crown of The Hangover is actually Bridesmaids, which takes a similar idea to all new territory.

    #11 Attack the Block. This flawless British sci-fi horror flick was a complete surprise as I was trying to kill time on the long, long flight back from Australia. It's action-sci-fi thrills that don't disappoint. Aliens are descending on street gang's turf in London and the war is on.

    #12 Tucker & Dale vs. Evil. I have no idea where this redneck-buddy-comedy-horror-movie came from, but it was a guilty pleasure that was worth watching from start to finish. The film is more inline with the genius that is Shaun of the Dead or Evil Dead than stupid crap like Scary Movie. As if that weren't enough, it's got an actual message to it.

    THE HONORABLE MENTIONS...
    Winnie The Pooh. Go ahead. Laugh. But as an animation-lover who has been a fan of Pooh for as long as I can remember, this movie was amazing.

       

    THE UNSEEN...
    Here are some movies that might have made the list had I the time to have seen them...
    Miyazaki genius Arrietty; Martin Scorsese's critically acclaimed 3D epic Hugo; Cancer buddy comedy 50/50; Cold War LeCarre thriller Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy; Romanian black comedy Tales from the Golden Age; Johnny Depp animated madness Rango; Monkey armageddon in Rise of the Planet of the Apes; Disease outbreak thriller Contagion; Classic cartoon adventure with The Adventures of Tintin; Heavily-praised chase film Drive; Silent B&W art flick The Artist; and Planet-demolishing mind-bender Melancholia.

       

    THE SIX WORST...
    There were quite a few disappointments in 2011 (like Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) but there were few movies I actively loathed (though none of them as badly as the steaming pile of crap called Black Swan from last year)...

    Dave's Worst Movies of 2011

    #1 Green Lantern. One of my favorite comic book characters was completely butchered on the big screen with a hot mess of a story and an over abundance of shitty CGI effects. Yeah, It's probably not the worst movie of the year, but such a crushing disappointment made it feel that way. You can read my review here.

    #2 Sucker Punch. Zack Snyder is a fascinating director. His take on 300 was genius. And, despite my disgust at the unnecessarily altered ending, I thought his take on Watchmen was also excellent. So when I saw the jaw-dropping visuals in the trailer for Sucker Punch, I was understandably excited. Finally Zack Snyder was giving us a world he wrote instead of reinterpreting what he'd seen in a comic book. Unfortunately, the film was absolute garbage. Sexist, convoluted, trite, boring, senseless, asinine, garbage. Abused girl is dropped into a mental institution to be lobotomized, but "escapes" into her imagination in sequences that alternate between pole dancing and super-heroics. This film is the epitome of style over substance and failed on just about every level. Let's hope Snyder doesn't bury his Superman movie under such a huge layer of idiotic crap like he did Sucker Punch.

    #3 Tree of Life. This was a beautiful turd of a film. Wonderful to look at, but ultimately a pile of self-indulgent bullshit that was so pointless and boring that I was praying for it to just END already, even if it took the destruction of the entire earth to make it happen. I keep seeing this movie on people's "Best List" and am completely clueless over what I missed as I was being bored to tears.

    #4 Cars 2. Holy shit... a Pixar film made my "worst list?" What is the world coming to? Admittedly, I wasn't a big fan of the original Cars, but it had enough charming moments to make me ultimately like the film. The sequel tosses all that out the window and instead gives us an extended Larry The Cable Guy comedy routine that is stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID! How in the hell this film ever made it out of the storyboarding room at Pixar is a complete mystery to me. An obvious cash-grab by Disney if there ever were one.

    #5 Arthur. If you would have ever told me that I would have a movie with Helen Mirren end up in my "Worst List" I would have bitch-slapped you so hard your teeth would fall out. It's inconceivable that an actor of such renown would ever agree to be in such a film. And then the shitty and embarrassing Arthur remake happened. Holy crap what a soulless pile of shit. I guess my sole consolation is that Helen Mirren was the best thing in this worst film.

    #6 Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Chicago is one of my favorite cities on earth, and the opportunity to see it blown to shit was too good to resist. Even if it meant having to suffer through another crappy "Transformers" movie with crappy Shia LaBeouf as the crappy focus instead of the fucking cool Transformers as it should be. Shockingly, these movies continue to be successful, so I'm guessing a fourth one will be crapped out of Michael Bay's ass any day now.

    THE HONORABLE MENTIONS...
    The movie so bad it couldn't be saved if Cameron Diaz was nude the entire time Bad Teacher; The "OMG I can't believe I watched it even if I was bored on an airplane" Mr. Popper's Penguins; So stupid it's stupid medieval farce Your Highness; This year's sci-fi answer to last year's absurdly stupid "Skyline" is the absurdly stupid Battle: Los Angeles; Shameless retread of a terrific original The Hangover 2; Insanely stupid and disrespectful adaptation of a great character in The Green Hornet; Scary trailer for a not scary and totally shitty movie with Apollo 18.

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    Cinematic

    Posted on Friday, January 6th, 2012

    Dave!I used to love going to the movies.

    I rarely go anymore.

    Roger Ebert recently wrote an editorial commentary called "I'll tell you why movie revenue is dropping..." In it, he dissects why people aren't going out to the theater anymore. I thought I'd go through point by point to figure out where I fit in.

    • Absence of a must-see mass-market movies. Meh. Sure I like the mass-market popcorn movies, but I'm just as entertained by smaller independent films.
    • Ticket prices are too high. Meh. I honestly don't mind paying a premium to see a movie in the theater on a big screen with great sound.
    • Refreshment prices. Meh. I don't buy refreshments very often because a movie usually follows going out to dinner and I'm not hungry enough to eat again.
    • Lack of choice. Meh. There's pretty much always something out there I'd like to see.
    • Competition from other forms of delivery. Meh. I'd just as soon get out of the house and see a movie when it's released than wait and watch at home.
    • The theater experience. BINGO! This is the one true reason I fucking HATE going to the theater: other people show up. And they're usually rude assholes that make going to a theater a horrible, horrible experience.

    I remember several years ago... like ten years... maybe more like eight years ago... I was on a movie date watching Spider-Man 2. About 20 minutes in, some idiot's mobile phone goes off... and he answers it. My date dug into my arm with her nails because she knew this is exactly the kind of situation that causes me to go off. But somebody else beat me to it. "HOPE THE MOVIE ISN'T DISTURBING YOUR PHONE CALL, BUDDY!" he yelled. The man who took the call screamed back "MY WIFE WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL THIS MORNING, SO I HAVE TO TAKE THE CALL YOU ASSHOLE!" At this point I couldn't take it any longer and screamed "YOUR WIFE IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE AT A MOVIE THEATER? WHAT A DICK!" This cause the crowd to start applauding and the idiot with the phone left never to return.

    It was at that point I realized that movie theaters were doomed.

    Moviegoers have always had to deal with people who talk during the film and smack their popcorn and kick the seats, but mobile phones? This was a disaster. Who the heck is going to want to pay a stack of money for movie and overpriced refreshments if they're going to have to listen to people talk on the phone while they're trying to watch a film? Hell, escaping from having to listen to people on their phones is one of the best reasons to go to the theater!

    Clearly movie theater companies would have to do something about this.

    But other than those lame "turn off your mobile phone" messages that are flashed for a second after the previews, they don't seem to give a crap.

    And now it's even worse because people are texting during the movie. Theater companies seem to care even less about texters because they "aren't disturbing anybody." Except they ARE. All those glowing screens are a huge fucking distraction when you're trying to watch the film...

    DaveToon: Theaters Suck with Phone Glows

    Though SOME theaters have the right idea about that...

    ...but most don't.

    And since I don't have an Alamo Drafthouse nearby to kick the rude assholes out of the theater, I just stopped going. Now the only time I'll go is when it's a movie I'm just dying to see... and even then I usually go to mid-day showings and wait for as long as I can so the crowds will have died down.

    So attention theater companies: Stop your whining about falling revenue.

    Because if you really wanted to lure me back as a customer, you'd start doing your part to make it a worthwhile experience. Which means kicking out the talkers, seat kickers, phone callers, and texters so people can actually enjoy watching the movie they paid to see.

    Until that happens, I'd rather watch a movie on my iPhone than in your stupid, annoying theater, even though David Lynch will eat my soul...

    Maybe I won't be "experiencing the movie" but at least I won't be "experiencing movie theater hell."

       

    HAPPY 90TH BIRTHDAY, BETTY WHITE!

    Posted on Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

    Dave!I first became a fan of Betty White while watching reruns of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Her character of Sue Ann Nivens was about the most beautifully messed-up thing I had ever seen on television, and any episode where she appeared was guaranteed to be a laugh riot.

    This led to me watching game shows where Betty might appear, and her guest-spots on Match Game, Password, and many others became the stuff of legends.

    After that, Betty became a bit of an obsession, and I'd watch anything she'd appear on. And yes, this included 180 episodes of The Golden Girls plus twenty-some-odd episodes of The Golden Palace. Probably because of all the things Betty has done, playing naive and innocent Rose Nylund was the most bizarre. It was not only opposite of what Betty White was like in real-life... but it was also opposite from most other characters she had played. The easy route would have been for her to take the role of man-obsessed sex-fiend Blanche Devereaux (which she was originally offered), but instead she went for the role that would be more of a challenge.

    Though, I dare say that playing one of the sweetest, kindest people on earth wasn't too much of a stretch. Betty's tireless efforts on behalf of animals and other worthwhile organizations sets the bar for others to follow. And despite her having always been a bit raunchy, the fact that she is so widely known to be incredibly kind, caring, and generous makes it easy for me to be a huge, huge fan...

    Betty & Dave

    As you can imagine, I was very happy when she made such a huge comeback in recent years. Though, in reality, she never really went anywhere (as her massive IMDB page will show). To see legions of people loving on Betty as I had for decades is pretty amazing. That this newfound popularity led to even more fantastic appearances... such as her groundbreaking guest-hosting gig on Saturday Night Live... not to mention a new television show with Hot in Cleveland... is a Betty-fan's dream come true.

    So Happy 90th Birthday to one of my favorite people on earth!

    Here's hoping for many more birthdays, and many more years of doing what you do best... entertaining the world in a way few people have ever done!

    If you want to help her celebrate, I can think of no better way than cruising YouTube for Betty White videos. That can bring a smile on even the worst days!

       

    Bullet Sunday 265

    Posted on Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

    Dave!THE SNOWPOCALYPSE IS UPON US! SNOWMAGEDDON IS HERE! Grab that special someone and bundle up tight, because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Depp! People can say what they like, but nobody in cinema amazes me like Johnny Depp. The guy is absolutely talented... absolutely fearless... and absolutely brilliant. He can disappear into a role unlike anybody else, and owns any character he takes on. And this time it's yet another Tim Burton collaboration where he will be playing Barnabas Collins in the movie adaptation of Dark Shadows. This one image that's been released is enough to make me want to see this movie...

    Johnny Depp in Dark Shadows

    Just like it only took one image for me to want to see these movies...

    Johnny Depp Brilliance

    I'll be the first to admit that not every film Johnny Depp signs onto ends up being great. But his performances are always interesting. It's hard to ask for anything more than that, so I'm always looking forward to his next performance.

       
    • Sniffle! I tend to look at everything as a learning experience. Even having a cold. This time around I learned about a new tissue... COOL TOUCH KLEENEX...

    Cool Touch Kleenex

    It is awesome on a sore nose because it is, in fact, cool to the touch. And it feels great on your nose. I think it must be some kind of scent-free menthol-like substance that is body-heat activated. Or not. But however they make it happen, it's a pretty sweet advance in tissue technology, and the only tissue I'll be buying from now on.

       
    • Must-See TV! I have to say, I am loving the new FOX television series The Finder, and that was totally unexpected given that it's a spin-off of Bones, which is a show I can't stand...

    The Finder Poster

    I could tell you what a terrific, quirky character Walter "The Finder" Sherman is (played by Geoff Stults) and how entertaining the stories are, but all I really need to say is that it has Michael Clarke Duncan in it. If you're looking for something a little different to watch this winter, this show may be worth a look. You can catch the last couple episodes streaming on the official FOX site.

       
    • Netflix Streaming Movie of the Month! Lately I've been on a foreign movie binge and discovering some real gems. The latest is a wonderful French film called The Grocer's Son now streaming on Netflix...

    The Grocer's Son Poster

    After his father has a heart attack, a guy living in Paris returns to his family home in the countryside to help his mother with their store. His job is to drive a grocery van to small villages and remote homes so that the elderly people there can buy foodstuffs. After a while he begins to form a bond with his customers and his outlook on life starts to change. If you're looking for some "comfort cinema" this sweet story is worth watching.

       
    • Netflix Streaming TV Series of the Month! The contemporary re-imagining of Sherlock Holmes by Steven Moffat and the BBC is currently streaming on Netflix. It is beyond brilliant, and I highly recommend giving it a look if you haven't already...

    BBC Sherlock Poster

    Like most shows from across the pond, Sherlock has stories, acting, and production values that are leagues above what typically passes for American television. Probably because each series only has three episodes. They put all their good ideas into small number of shows rather than trying to stretch everything out over 22 episodes like they do here.

       
    • Cinematic Anticipation! There's been a movie hovering on the horizon that has me pretty excited. Now Robot and Frank has been unleashed at Sundance and the reviews have been pretty great...

    Robot and Frank

    I mean, come on, it's got Frank Langella playing a retired cat burglar who is given a robot to help around the house. But Frank discovers a much more interesting use for his robot pal... crime. As a premise, it doesn't get much better than that!

       
    Annnnnd... scene. I need toast and jam.

       

    Eagle

    Posted on Friday, January 27th, 2012

    Dave!I think most everyone has experienced a time when they feel very small and alone.

    The last time I remember truly feeling that way was in the 1990's when I was doing a lot of traveling by myself. Nothing makes you feel more small and alone than wandering in a strange country where you don't speak the language and don't really know what you're doing. Many times it was just me, my backpack, a map, and very little money.

    Small Dave

    It was a different time. Blogging hadn't quite arrived. Social networking as we know it now didn't exist. Sure the internet was around, but it wasn't something you carried around in your pocket like today. The way I can best describe life back then is disconnected.

    Now I'm never alone. Not really.

    Even when I'm alone.

    Thanks to the internet, I have friends around the world. Somebody I know somewhere is online at any given time and all it takes is a Tweet or a Facebook update to reach them. I'm hardly ever disconnected... even when I'm traveling in foreign lands far from home. I just pull out my iPhone and the entire world is at my fingertips.

    Feeling "alone" for me now-a-days has radically changed.

    It's no longer so much about me so much as it's about things around me.

    Last year a movie came out called The Eagle. It was roundly savaged in the reviews. People really disliked the film. This was disappointing to me because I'm a fan of Roman Empire era books and movies and was looking forward to it. But I ended up skipping it. Who has time for bad movies?

    The Eagle Poster

    Tonight I wanted some background noise while working so I turned on the television. As I was whipping through channel after channel of nothing, I saw that HBO had The Eagle playing, so I left it there and went back to work. At least I wouldn't be distracted.

    But slowly the movie sucked me in. I ended up really liking it.

    And knowing that so many people hated it suddenly made me feel very alone.

    I just didn't get it. Yes, the story was simple and straightforward, but it's well-crafted. It's beautifully shot. Good and evil aren't spelled out in black & white, but are subjective and interesting. The film is entertaining overall and even a bit touching in places. So... what's the problem? In an effort to understand what I had missed that was so loathsome, I started reading the bad reviews. I didn't agree with much of them.

    A big deal was made over how Romans were played by Americans speaking English where the Brits were played by actual Brits speaking Gaelic. I guess it's odd, but it had an internal logic that was consistent, so I wasn't bothered. Many reviews criticized Channing Tatum's performance as "uninspiring." This was puzzling to me. His character at its core was disgraced and dejected, and I think that came across. Maybe he could have been a little more passionate as his quest came to a head, but even then I though his emotional detachment worked in the context of the character...

    Channing Tatum in The Eagle

    Tatum plays Marcus Flavius Aquila, a Roman Centurian whose father disappeared with the famous Ninth Legion in the wilds of Scotland, taking the the famed Eagle Standard (a symbol of Rome) with them. Aquila chooses to be posted in Britain in the hopes that he can regain his family honor there. But his military career is cut short when he is badly wounded by a hoard of invading Celts. While recovering, he hears rumors that the Eagle Standard has been seen in the North in the hands of the enemy. The film then becomes a buddy flick as Aquila and his British slave Escra (Jamie Bell) go on a quest to recover The Eagle so Aquila's family name can be cleared and Rome's honor can be snatched from the jaws of defeat. Some fighting and an encounter with "Seal People" ensue...

    It's SEAL PEOPLE!!

    So I liked the movie and I'm pretty much alone in that.

    Oh well.

    Maybe I can commiserate with fans of the television show Chuck which aired its last episode tonight because not very many people liked it*.

    Being alone together makes being alone not so bad!

       

    *Including me. I frickin' hated the show Chuck. The only thing that could get me to watch an episode would be if the whiny little bitch Chuck Bartowski was killed in some horribly gruesome manner.

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    Categories: Movies 2012Click To It: Permalink  6 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Shooter

    Posted on Friday, February 10th, 2012

    Dave!If I have to listen to Mitt Romney mangle the lyrics to American The Beautiful one more time, I'm going to fucking lose it. The lyrics are NOT "for purple mountain's majesty..." it's "for purple mountain majesties." Those are the lyrics. Those are the words in the original poem upon which the song is based. If you're going to pander to the lowest common denominator with a bullshit smokescreen masquerading as patriotism, you should at least put the effort into doing it right.

    Gee. I'm in a bit of a mood tonight.

    That's what happens when you start working at 4:30am.

    And you have to read about George Lucas telling the world that Greedo always shot first... that everybody is just "confused" and bad people want Han "to be a cold-blooded killer."

    I saw the original Star Wars dozens of times... and by "original" I mean the actual film and not the Special Edition crap. I watched it again dozens of more times on LaserDisc. And not once during any of those times did I ever think that Greedo fired first. But, more importantly, I never once thought that Han Solo was a cold-blooded killer. Greedo had a gun pointed on him... he was acting in self-defense...

    Everybody Loves Greedo

    And, as we found out in The Empire Strikes Back, the guy was a scoundrel.

    Which brings me to my point...

    If I have to listen to George Lucas mangle Star Wars one more time, I'm going to fucking lose it.

    HAN SOLO SHOT FIRST! I'd also go a step further and say that Greedo never shot at all... but I must be confused on that too.

    Or sane.

       

    Bullet Sunday 272

    Posted on Sunday, March 25th, 2012

    Dave!And now that I've driven home (again) my vacation from my vacation is officially over. Sadly, I am in more of a need of a vacation now than when I got back from my first vacation. So validate your passport, my permanent vacation (and Bullet Sunday) starts... now.

       
    • Thrice Four. When RW and I started THRICE Fiction magazine, I honestly thought that we'd be lucky if we got our friends and family to read it. Which is why once our first issue passed 100 downloads, I was walking on air. Eventually that number climbed to over 300, which exceeded my every expectation. Subsequent issues dropped a bit as the buzz died down, but we were still getting hundreds of downloads. I remain shocked to this day.

    The newest issue just passed 2500 downloads only two days after release. It's kind of difficult to know how to react to that...

    Thrice Fiction Issue No. 4

    The cover for THRICE No. 4 is something I worked up while I was on vacation, though I had the idea months earlier. For some reason I always think of forks as being "evil" because they violently stab food, while spoons are "good" because they gently scoop food. After watching the amazing video for Rendezvous' The Murf where one culture rises to worship a squid and another a whale, I had an image of one culture rising to worship a fork and another a spoon. And now I finally had an outlet for it... composing them to be mirror-images of each other. For being a last-minute creation, I'm quite happy with the way it turned out. Though I still prefer the original idea. Let's face it... that video is nothing short of genius...

    The Murf's Whale and Squid worshipers

    As always, you can download the latest issue of THRICE Fiction for free at our official website. Apparently we'll be sticking around a while. From the bottom of my heart, thanks to my partner in crime and everybody who has supported us these four issues.

       
    • Trayvon Martin. As I've been on vacation, I haven't been keeping up with the news. Or blogs. Or much of anything. I tend to ignore everything and everyone when vacationing because that's what makes it a vacation. But it was impossible not to hear about the horrific death of Trayvon Martin...

    Trayvon Martin

    Welcome to "Post-Racist America" where you can kill a black child just because you consider him "suspicious," and not even notorious "crusader for justice" and ratings whore Nancy Grace seems to give a shit. Now if somebody can just explain to me how a person can claim "self-defense" when they fucking profiled and stalked the victim... I'd appreciate it. That would go a long way towards explaining why no arrest was made and how a thorough investigation apparently wasn't worth the effort.

    The word "disgusted" is so severely inadequate to describe my feelings here that I am disgusted with myself for even alluding that it could. Will there ever be justice for Trayvon Martin? I suppose that depends on whether people ultimately decide that gunning down a child because he was wearing a hoodie while being black is something worth getting upset about.

       
    • Worship. While I do not consider myself to be a Buddhist, it is Buddhist teachings that form the basis of my belief structure. After decades of wandering when it came to matters of faith, it was Buddhism that "spoke true" to me, and integrating it into my life has done amazing things to contribute to my happiness and understanding of the world. I fully accept that it's not a "religion" for everybody, but that's perfectly fine. It doesn't mean we can't all get along. I respect the religions of others in the hopes that they will respect mine.

    Unfortunately, this is increasingly not the case...

    And he has ties to presidential hopeful Rick "Piece of Shit" Santorum. Shocking.

    And, just like Santorum, this vile piece of crap has -zero- interest in respecting the beliefs of other persons. If you're not Christian like him, you can just get the fuck out of America, and that's all there is to it.

    But it's not his intolerance that bothers me.

    It's at the one-minute mark where he says "We don't worship Buddha! I say we don't worship Buddha! We don't worship Muhammad! We don't worship Allah! We worship God!" Well, whatever, asshole. Nobody is telling you that you have to worship anything. America was, in fact, founded on the idea of freedom of religion so you can worship whatever the hell you want. But you don't get to speak out of ignorance about an entire faith you stupid fuck.

    BUDDHISTS DON'T WORSHIP BUDDHA! THEY DON'T "WORSHIP" ANYTHING.

    Buddha was not a saint or a prophet or a god or somebody to be worshipped. He was a teacher. He discovered a way to find enlightenment and happiness, and chose to share it with people. And that's all. So when you see statues of Buddha and people bowing before them, it's not out of worship. It's merely a way of showing respect to a great teacher.

    And now you know why I can never be a true Buddhist. Buddhists don't believe in "wrong-speaking." But I can't help but call an ignorant asshole an ignorant fucking asshole, so that's the way it's going to have to be. In any event, morons like this glory-seeking piece of shit are the ones that can get the hell out of America. You are betraying everything we are.

       
    • Blueberry. One of my artistic inspirations, Jean Giraud (better known as Moebius), passed away on March 10th. His stories and artwork remain a triumph of the imagination, and I cherished everything he wrote and drew...

    Moebius Art

    Goodbye Mr. Giraud. You've left us a beautiful legacy.

       
    • Prometheus. Holy. Shit.

    Looks like Ridley Scott hasn't lost his touch. To say I'm hyped to see this film come June 8th is a gross understatement.

       
    • LEGO BATMAN!!! And as if Prometheus wasn't enough to get excited about. The sequel to one of my favorite video games of all time is coming later this year...

    This looks incredible. If it's even half the game that the original LEGO Batman game was, I'll be very happy.

       
    And now I suppose I should try and get some sleep since I didn't bother this weekend. Such is the peril of going on vacation.

       

    30 DAYS DRAWING CHALLENGE: Draw Scenery...

    Tropical Scene from THRICE FICTION cover

    Already done, man. Already done.

       

    Hunger

    Posted on Friday, March 30th, 2012

    Dave!I was pretty indifferent when I heard that they were making a movie from The Hunger Games books. Sure I liked the novel quite a lot, but I was in no hurry to see it in the theater. Maybe because I thought the second book wasn't as good... and the third book was disappointing... and I felt done with The Hunger Games.

    But here it is, and I felt compelled to see it. I'll be vague and fairly spoiler-free, but if you really want to avoid any discussion of the film until you've seen it (or read the books), I'd skip down to my final "30 Days Drawing Challenge."

    In summary... an enjoyable enough film, but a big step down from the book upon which it's based...

    Hunger Games Movie Poster

    In the future the US has collapsed, sea level has risen, the world has been reshaped, and civilization has been replaced with "Panem" a new nation divided into twelve districts. As punishment for having risen up against the government, each district holds an annual lottery where a boy and a girl are offered up as "tributes" in a battle to the death where only one shall survive.

    Which sounds kind of familiar if you've read/seen Battle Royale, but whatever. The long and short of it is that the plot of both works is pretty fucked up, seeing as how young kids are going around killing each other.

    Anyway... the tribute from District 12 is Katniss Everdeen, who volunteers to take the place of her young sister who "won" the Hunger Games lottery. She is offered up along with a guy who's a vague acquaintance from her past, and the game for survival is on. Death and destruction ensue.

    The thing that made the book such a good read is that it regularly punches you in the gut as you made your way through the story. It's edgy, personal, disturbing, relentless, and violent. It has mad pacing and a plot that drives ahead like a sledgehammer. By comparison, the movie falls flat. Most of the events are there, but they've been smoothed out until they lack any sort of edge. The sense of danger never feels very high. The second half of the film where the action should be coming to a head was actually kind of boring. And, worst of all, it never felt very personal.

    As expected with a film adaptation, stuff was changed and left out... some of it inexplicably so. But what really pissed me off was how they altered the ending. The filmmakers were clearly more interested in setting up a sequel rather than following the disheartening end-beat of the source novel. This sucks ass, because it completely sabotages the story and robs a major character of their emotional journey. It was a cheap trick and a lame way of trying to make a more "likable" finish.

    As for the casting, I didn't think it was as bad as many Hunger Games fans felt it was. I thought Katniss and Peeta were well represented. I thought Woody Harrelson and Lenny Kravitz were great casting choices. Stanley Tucci gave a great performance for a character that didn't really have a great performance in it. Elizabeth Banks frickin' WAS Effie Trinket, even though the character had a chunk missing from her back-story. Cinematography didn't seem as epic as I would have thought, but the film didn't really suffer from it. Direction and editing were capable, if nothing exceptional... probably stemming from the watered-down PG-13 script.

    Ultimately, I recommend the book, and half-heartedly recommend the film if you've read the book. I don't recommend the movie if you haven't read the book, as it's missing too much to really hold up on its own (so read the book first!).

    And... it's all downhill from here. The second book has some interesting stuff to draw from, but I don't think the third (and final) novel will adapt well at all. But, given the amount of money this flick has been making, that's not going to stop anybody from trying.

       

    30 DAYS DRAWING CHALLENGE: Draw a Congrats Banner for Finishing...

    Bad Monkey and Lil' Dave say

    Well that wasn't quite the big bucket of fun that I thought it would be... I guess I probably shouldn't start stuff like this when I have a vacation in the middle. Oh well. It gave me something to blog about a few times when I didn't have anything to blog about, so there you have it.

       

    Avengers!

    Posted on Friday, May 4th, 2012

    Dave!HOLY CRAP WHAT A FRICKIN' AWESOME MOVIE!!

    I don't want to spoil it for anybody, so I'm not going to give away anything. Except to say that The Avengers is a comic book lover's dream that even people who don't care for comic books will enjoy.

    Which is not to say it's perfect. There are definitely some moments where it dragged a bit. But, unlike the crappy trio of original X-Men films which wimped out in every way possible, The Avengers attempted to show the brutal reality of what it would be like when a super-hero team come to life. And it totally worked...

    The Avengers Movie Poster

    Writer/Director Joss Whedon just eclipsed every other comic book super-hero film ever made. And I loved, loved, loved it.

    With one small exception.

    Which I can't talk about without RUINING THE FILM FOR ANYBODY WHO HASN'T SEEN IT.

    So absolutely DO NOT read the extended entry until you've seen the movie. Seriously, you just can't go any further if you haven't seen the film. Even if that's going to be on DVD two years from now. Which it shouldn't be, because this movie is screaming to be seen on the big screen.

    But before we get to that, time to update my whole "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard as follows...

    The Avengers... A+
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Ghost Rider... C
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Watchmen... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B
    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 277

    Posted on Sunday, May 6th, 2012

    Dave!Put down that margarita, because Cinco de Mayo is over and Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Wonder! Now that Joss Whedon's The Avengers has broken box office records and made $600 MILLION DOLLARS in only twelve days of release (with only three of those days here in the USA), my mind wanders to another project he was attached to a while back... Wonder Woman. Except Warner Bros. screwed him out of the film, which he very much wanted to make. Now, I'm not so deluded to believe that a Whedon Wonder Woman film would do The Avengers box office... far from it. But I do think that Joss could have made it successful if he had just been given a chance...

    George Pérez Wonder Woman
    Wonder Woman perfectly rendered by the incomparable George Pérez

    Whedon has a history of writing amazing female characters (Buffy, anyone?) and his take on Black Window in The Avengers was flawless, so one can only fantasize what he would have done with the most popular female comic book super-hero ever.

    If every person at Warner Bros. responsible for fucking up Whedon's Wonder Woman film hasn't gotten their ass kicked and been fired, it needs to happen. Stupid shit like this is the reason that DC Comics' only success with movie adaptations in recent years has been Batman.

       
    • Repeat! Speaking of The Avengers, am I the only one who saw it and now all they can think about is seeing it again?

    Avengers Agent Coulson Poster

    The movie was just so... big... that I know it's going to take at least a dozen viewings before I manage to process everything that happened.

       
    • Beastly! Sadly, Adam "MCA" Yauch died on Friday at the much-too-young-age of 47. Like everybody else from my generation, The Beastie Boys were a pretty big musical force in my life. And, apparently, other musicians feel the same, because the tributes are already rolling in. Like this one form Chris Martin and Coldplay at a recent concert...

    This rendition of the Beastie Boys' most famous song is completely contrary to the brash "in your face" intent of the original song, but it's so beautifully crafted and heartfelt that it still works. Rest in peace, MCA.

       
    • Comedy! I didn't necessarily agree with all the winners at the Second Annual Comedy Central Comedy Awards... but what a frickin' hilarious show. If you missed it, keep a look out. Comedy Central usually reruns their crap fifty times a week, so it should be popping up soon.

       
    • Let Us! Why is it whenever I buy a bag of shredded lettuce for tacos and hamburgers that the shit goes bad just one day after opening? Oh... hold a second... the answer is staring me right in the face...

    Lettuce Shreds: No Preservatives

    So now I'm conflicted. On one hand, I appreciate that my lettuce doesn't have any chemicals on it to make me sick or give it a funky taste. But on the other hand... I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THROWING MONEY IN THE GARBAGE EVERY TIME I BUY A BAG OF LETTUCE! I'd be happy if I could get a bag of salad that would last a full week. Hell, I'd be fucking thrilled to have a bag that last three days. But it doesn't exist, so one of two things needs to happen... 1) Start making multi-packs that divide the bag into smaller servings so unused portions can stay fresh longer. 2) Add the damn preservatives so I can actually afford to have lettuce on my burger. I suppose a third option could be to buy a head of lettuce and chop it down when I need it, but even that doesn't last for shit. Stupid lettuce.

       
    And now... back to my post-Cinco-de-Mayo reality.

       

    Bullet Sunday 278

    Posted on Sunday, May 13th, 2012

    Dave!Happy Mother's Day! And word to your mother, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bank! The Avengers just blew past ONE BILLION DOLLARS at the worldwide box office. Not bad for a movie built for comic book geeks. The only way things could get much better would be if Marvel could get some cooperation between the various movie studios that have the rights to their characters. It can only benefit everybody involved. A cameo appearance by Spider-Man in an Avengers flick would only raise interest in Spider-Man's movie, for example...

    Avengers Assembled

    But the meeting I most want? X-Men vs. Avengers. Not the cheesy, shitty X-Men from the crappy original trilogy... but the real X-Men we saw in the X-Men: First Class movie. Because the current Avengers vs. X-Men comic book is killing it, and that would make for one incredible flick. But nobody ever accused movie studios of being very smart, so it's probably never going to happen. Such a shame.

       
    • CS6! And so Adobe Creative Suite 6 was unleashed this week. So far... I'm kind of digging it. As somebody who shoots a lot of wide-angle photos, the new "Adaptive Wide Angle" correction filter in Photoshop is worth the upgrade alone. Illustrator gets variable-width strokes and some really nice gradient tools. InDesign gets some really cool layout tools. And everything seems to be a bit snappier thanks to their new "Mercury" graphics engine. I also like the "pro" interface overhaul (even though it doesn't utilize the "full-screen" feature of OS X, which is just stoopid). Overall, a pretty decent upgrade.

    Except for the cost. I bypassed Adobe's insulting and absurd CS5.5, so all my pricing is for upgrading "CS5 Design Premium." Except there is no "Design Premium" any more, so I have to get "Design & Web Premium" to get everything I previously had. Price? $749. Bullshit. In 2010 it was only $599. So I guess I skip "Premium" and get "Design Standard" for $549. It only has Photoshop (NOT Extended), Illustrator, InDesign, and Acrobat... which is lame bullshit.

    Adobe Creative Cloud Graphic

    The high prices are meant to push people to join Adobe's "Creative Cloud" offering, which gets you everything they make for $50 a month. This would be a bargain if I actually used everything they make. As a previous customer I get a year at $30 a month (introductory price), which is still too pricey for what I end up using, but it will give me time to figure out what I'll eventually end up buying. Hopefully Adobe will realize that people don't want to pay for what they don't use and offer an option without the video production tools at a more reasonable cost. As it is, "Creative Cloud" is more a rip-off than anything else.

       
    • Iconic! I've written before about the carousel of progress that's been the evolution of Adobe Creative Suite icons. It went from an inexplicable WTF? in CS2... to a nice white on tone in CS3... to a very classy black on tone in CS4... to a pleasing tone-on-tone in CS5. And now in CS6? I don't even have an opinion...

    Adobe CS Icon Evolution

    Except to say that they feel clunky, amateurish, and look like shit in my Dock...

    Adobe CS6 Icon Mismatch

    Not even color coordinated? Really? Pathetic. And the document icons are even worse. I'd be embarrassed for Adobe, but it's not like they'd give a crap. They're the only game in town now and they know it.

       
    • DVR! Back when I had satellite television, I had a TiVo DVR. It was heaven. The best possible way to watch television. But I had to give up satellite for cable because my location wouldn't let me get HD channels by satellite. Unfortunately, Charter Cable doesn't have TiVo. I was stuck with a HEINOUS PIECE OF SHIT called a "Moxi" DVR. It was a poorly-designed, constantly-over-heating, featureless, stuttering pile of FAIL! It had to be replaced twice. Then the third one died this past week. So Charter gave me a generic Motorola DVR that's a heck of a lot better than MOXI, but still a featureless piece of shit (you can't even hide channels you don't get!).

    Which begs the question... Why is TiVo the only company who can make a DVR that's worth a damn?

    Charter Cable has been promising TiVo to their customers for ages. It was supposed to arrive next month. Now the rollout has been delayed. Who the hell knows if it will ever be released. What I do know is that I am sick and tired of the sub-standard DVR bullshit they keep shoving down my throat. Maybe it's time to ditch cable altogether and buy all the stuff I want to watch with AppleTV?

       
    • Hooray! From the television up-fronts we now know that Person of Interest, Revenge, Castle, Suburgatory, Happy Endings, Scandal, Raising Hope, and Grim have all been renewed for another season. In somewhat good news, Community, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, and Fringe got partial final season orders for them to finish up their shows. While better than a flat-out cancellation, this still sucks pretty hard. Community is essential television viewing.

       
    • Crap! The Finder and Awake... two of my favorite shows were canceled. Awake I kinda get. The show was a bit esoteric and didn't have a huge amount of mainstream appeal with the whole "two worlds" concept. People aren't that smart. But The Finder?!? Such a frickin' amazing and entertaining show. I simply do not understand how it failed to build a huge audience. To add insult to injury, they ended the season with a massive multi-character cliffhanger. I can only hope that Hart Hanson will use a couple episodes of his other show, Bones, to wrap things up. Damn. Fucked by FOX again.

       
    And now? I should probably back-up my laptop now that I've added a bunch of crap. That's a good Sunday project.

       

    Bullet Sunday 282

    Posted on Sunday, June 10th, 2012

    Dave!Take time to be kind... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Prometheus. After getting caught up with work I decided to take a break and go see genius director Ridley Scott's return to science fiction... Prometheus. It's the story of mankind's quest to find the origins of life by following an "invitation" from our "engineers" to another planet. Chaos ensues.

    Prometheus Robot David
    Michael Fassbender as synthetic person "David," the only interesting character in the entire film.

    I still don't know quite what to make of the movie because almost nothing made sense. I simply could not figure out how characters knew what they knew or why they did what they did. But, worst of all, there was no payoff story-wise at the end. Everything seemed totally pointless... even when somebody died. Especially when somebody died. And though there was an effort to tie the film to Ridley Scott's brilliant Alien... any effort to use what happened in Prometheus as a back-story doesn't reveal anything particularly interesting. Maybe that comes in the sequel, for which this movie was an obvious setup.

    Overall I give the movie an A for the stunning visuals (which I experienced in IMAX 3D, and it was amazing)... but knock it down to a C when you factor in the mostly boring characters and a weak story with few thrills. And while it was nice to see some sci-fi on the big screen, I was mostly disappointed with Prometheus.

       
    • Super. Well, I finally managed to eat at Super Duper, which is where some of my friends swear the best veggie burger on earth resides. And while I still prefer the vegetarian fare at Johnny Rockets, I have to say it's a good-tasting burger if you happen to be a vegetarian in San Francisco (it's got hummus on it!)...

    Super Duper Logo

       
    • WWDC 2012. Tomorrow is the start of Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference here in San Francisco. In the past it's been a big event for the release of new hardware and operating system updates, and this year will probably bring us more of the same. New iOS 6. New Siri. New OS X. New Macs and MacBooks. Maybe even a new iPhone and some other surprises...

    WWDC Logo

    I wish I could stick around for the event, but tickets sold out in 2 hours and my flight leaves tomorrow morning. Oh well. Guess I have an excuse to buy internet on the plane now so I can keep up with things while I'm in the air. I'm hoping for an iPhone update that finally makes my "smart phone" into an actual smart phone... with features like AUTO RE-DIAL and SELECTIVE CALLER BLOCKING and TIME-SCHEDULED BLOCKING and all the other stuff that makes my iPhone a not-so-smart phone. Time will tell.

       
    And with that... good bye to the City by the Bay.

       

    John Carter

    Posted on Tuesday, June 12th, 2012

    Dave!This morning began with me staring into the mirror in horror as I saw that my once-beautiful tattoo had started smearing as I put on some healing cream. "GAH! IT'S MELTING!" I shouted to the world as I grabbed the tube of ointment. My first thought was that I had somehow used too much of the stuff and I was reading furiously to see if I had missed any warnings in the instructions. But then I noticed that my fingers had flakes of inked skin on them, and realized that it wasn't smearing at all... the dead skin was just mixing with the ointment to make a smeary mess on my arm. Jester said that would happen, so I stopped freaking out and just left it alone.

    By this evening, most of the blackened dead skin had rubbed off when I put more ointment on, so everything was back to normal.

    Well, not everything was back to normal.

    My Blu-Ray copy of John Carter had arrived so I decided to take a look. Since it was based on one of my favorite books of all time, A Princess of Mars, and the preview footage looked awesome, I was always mad that I had missed it in the theater despite all the bad reviews...

    John Carter Poster

    Now, I should start off my "review" by stating that I had extremely high hopes for this film. Director Andrew Stanton was a self-professed fan of the original Edgar Rice Burroughs novel, and his track record for telling a story with Finding Nemo; Toy Story; Monsters, Inc.; and other amazing Pixar flicks was solid. So when the bad reviews rolled in, I was unconcerned. And when Disney announced they had a massive flop on their hands and were going to lose 200 million dollars on the film, I was even more unconcerned. Obviously Andrew Stanton had created a movie that was so faithful to the source material that the idiot masses of the movie-going-public-at-large were too stupid to appreciate it. And I also blamed the shitty film title and horrible marketing that did nothing to explain the concept of the film. It couldn't be the movie, it was everything else that was bad... right?

    RIGHT?!?

    Um. No. This movie sucks balls and has to be one of the biggest cinematic disappointments in the history of the movies. If you are sensitive to sporadic graphic language, a warning...

    Rated R

    My spoiler-filled "review" is in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    TED!

    Posted on Friday, July 13th, 2012

    Dave!Problems arise when I travel all the time. But I'm not accustomed to having problems when dealing with those problems. I have a stack of loyalty cards... frequent guest cards... preferred guest cards... etc... which make dealing with problems not so problematic. When something comes up, the airline/hotel/rental-car/whatever takes a look at my credentials and makes it go away. It's one of the perks of being a frequent traveler, because your repeat business is something these companies value. They do whatever they can to keep you coming back.

    But every once in a while...

    This morning after a 45-minute nap, the only sleep I'd had in 23 hours, I had to get back to the airport to turn in my rental car by 10am. My plan was to then go directly to the hotel and get an early check-in so I could catch up on some sleep.

    But the hotel was having none of it. No matter how great a customer I was.

    They were overbooked with a convention and, unlike previous times I wanted a room early, there was nothing they could rush to clean so I could get some sleep. In fact, they had no idea when I might get a room... even at their usual 3:00 check-in time.

    Well this was something new.

    After wandering around the lobby in a daze for ten minutes, I eventually decided to drop off my suitcase, drink my fifth 5-Hour Energy, take a MARTA train into Atlanta, see a movie, then have some lunch. What else was there to do?

    The movie I decided to see? TED! The story of a teddy bear that comes to life and the life-long friendship he has with the kid he grows up with.

    Ted!

    It wasn't as funny as I expected.

    It wasn't as raunchy as I had been led to believe.

    But it hits far more often than it misses, and I really enjoyed the film. Yes, it's reminiscent of director/star Seth McFarlane's other work (namely, Family Guy) but it has a surprising amount of heart, some genuine laughs, the creepiest dance scene ever recorded, some great 80's-related homages, and (most importantly) a lead character that's about as real and believable as he could possibly be (despite being a teddy bear). Definitely some R-rated stuff, but worth your valuable time to check out.

    Lunch was at Johnny Rockets, because I just can't help myself.

    Then I took a train back to the airport at 2:30... finally got my room at 3:15... then got dressed and took another train back into the city so I could have a last-minute dinner with some - bloggers - of - great - importance, which is my favorite thing to do in Atlanta.

    Despite having 45-minutes sleep in 38 hours, I was never really tired. I guess that's the power of keeping active with fun stuff to do... and loading-up on energy drinks.

    I'm going to keep this in mind as I try to busy myself before my 7:30pm flight home tomorrow...

    Tags: ,
    Categories: Movies 2012, Travel 2012Click To It: Permalink  3 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Portlandia 1

    Posted on Friday, August 10th, 2012

    Dave!Portland is a real toss-up when it comes to travel. Driving there from my home is about 5 hours. Flying there is also about 5 hours... once driving to the airport, getting through security, waiting for boarding, flight time, and layovers are factored in. So what to do? Usually it comes down to money. If it's cheaper to drive, I drive. If it turns out it's cheaper to fly, I fly.

    This time it was not only cheaper to fly (thanks to a rocking' airfare I found with Alaska Airlines) but I honestly didn't feel like driving for five hours.

    Unfortunately my flight was at 6:00am, which means I had to get up at 3:30am. This makes for a very long day.

    But a good one.

    Eventually.

    Because it started off terrible. After checking in with my airport hotel, I took a shuttle to the MAX light rail station. After buying my ticket I went to look at the schedule and saw a poor little moth trapped behind the glass and unable to move...

    Trapped Moth

    I tried tapping the glass to try and knock him loose but, even if I got him un-stuck, he'd probably just climb right back up again while trying to find a way out. I then contemplated smashing him to put the poor little guy out of his misery, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Calling the TriMet emergency line was my last option, but something told me they wouldn't rush right out to release a trapped moth. So I left the poor bugger to his fate.

    From there I was off to meet fellow bloggers Vahid and Sarah for lunch. Which was at E-San, one of the best Thai restaurants I've eaten at outside of Thailand. I had fried pineapple rice (which they serve in a hollowed-out pineapple half...

    ESan Thai

    It. Was. Awesome.

    Then my Portland hosts decided to show off by taking me to Salt and Straw, which is an ice cream parlor SO GOOD that Oprah has it on her "Favorite Things" list. The line ran all the way out the door, which only confirmed that Oprah knows her ice cream...

    Salt And Straw

    I had Almond Brittle with Salted Chocolate Ganache mixed with Sea Salt Ice Cream with a Caramel Ribbon. And, yes, you read that right... it's not "salted caramel in ice cream" it's actually SALT-FLAVORED ICE CREAM which happens to have caramel in it. Needless to say... it's pretty damn salty. But also pretty amazing. What's even more amazing than the flavors are the staff... you'd think serving all these rather pretentious and upscale flavors from a hugely popular parlor would give them attitude. But it absolutely doesn't. They are all as nice and fun as can be... happy to let you try flavors and make recommendations so that you're thrilled with your dessert. And I was.

    And here's where our day takes an unbelievable turn...

    Portland, Oregon is a city so filled with freedom and American spirit... THAT THEY HAVE CUTE GIRLS HANDING OUT FREE HUMMUS ON THE STREET CORNERS! Yes. You read that right. This is NOT a dream. This is NOT an imaginary story. Free. Hummus. FREE HUMMUS ON THE STREET!!

    Sabra Hummus Free!

    "Is this heaven?"

    "No. It's Portland."

    Sabra Hummus in my Hand!

    Unbelievable!

    And then, because only Batman can top free hummus, Vahid and I went to see The Dark Knight Rises...

    The Dark Knight Rises Poster

    Loved it.

    Not quite as much as The Dark Knight, but it was a very good end to the Nolan-directed Batman series of films. The only negative was that I had completely figured it all out well before the ending. Anybody who religiously follows the comic books would. But... it didn't diminish my enjoyment one bit. Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle (an unnamed Catwoman) totally steals the show. Bane was a much better villain choice than I gave him credit for (thanks to an amazing performance by Tom Hardy)... and Christian Bale once again ruled the cowl in a way no other Batman has ever done. Genius. Here's hoping that whomever takes over the Batman movies will do even half as good a job as Christopher Nolan.

    And now... I'm pretty much dead, and tomorrow is going to be a long day.

    Tags: ,
    Categories: Movies 2012, Travel 2012Click To It: Permalink  6 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 291: Portlandia 3

    Posted on Sunday, August 12th, 2012

    Dave!Put away that razor and pull on those socks and Birkenstocks... because Bullet Sunday LIVE from Portland, Oregon starts... now...

       
    • Olympic. I would have paid serious money for Bob Costas and Ryan Seacrest to shut the fuck up during the Olympic Closing Ceremonies. Seriously, nobody wants to hear your inane and unnecessary banter. People who don't already know the artist and/or song being performed, or what the British flag looks like, or when the "comedic part of the show" starts, or whatever... isn't going to give a shit, so just stop because you're pissing off the rest of us that do.

    Anyway... the mix of musicians was interesting and the performances were top-notch, so I guess that's all you can really hope for. As an 80's music whore and pop music fan, seeing Pet Shop Boys, George Michael, Annie Lennox, Bond, Spice Girls(!), Queen, ELO, and Take That... all in a single event... all with a giant octopusmobile AND ERIC IDLE... was pretty great (alas, no nod to punk?).

    Spice Olympics
    Spicey Olympics Photo by Hassan Ammar/AP

    So congratulations to London and the U.K. for delivering a big "fuck you" to Mitt Romney by being the perfect host for the games... I'm just sorry that here in the Colonies, NBC felt the need to butcher your event and slap bad commentary over everything while injecting "human interest" stories that (for the most part) were neither human nor interesting. Hopefully we'll have better luck in 2016...

    Rio 2016

    ...but I doubt it.

       
    • Rozilla. While I still find the Comedy Central Roasts entertaining, it seems like it's more washed-up celebrity than heavy hitters in comedy any more. I mean, it's Rosanne for Pete's sake...

    Rosanne Roasted

    The opportunity to roast her should have brought out some of the biggest names in comedy. Instead we get Carrie Fisher, Ellen Barkin(?), and Seth Green(?!?). A completely missed opportunity. The surprise appearance by Tom Arnold was (surprisingly) a good thing... and Amy Schumer keeps getting funnier, so I guess there's that. But this pale imitation of the glory days of the Friar's Club Roasts is just kind of sad. If they can't do better than this for somebody like Rosanne then they should just hang it up.

       
    • Totally. And so I went to see Total Recall (the Total 2012 Remake). It wasn't bad. It had good action, good special effects, and a nice Blade Runner-esque environment that pretty much sold the future. And there were a few nods to the original film that were great (TWO WEEKS!)...

    Total Recall 2012

    The problem? It just wasn't any fun. On the contrary, it was essentially joyless, and I'm not sure how it ended up that way with so much going for it. Kate Beckinsale was delicious, as usual. And I thought Colin Farrell did a great job. So I dunno. Maybe the Arnold Schwarzenegger original was just too well done? Paul Verhoeven really knocked it out of the park, creating a film that totally holds up and doesn't need a remake. But it's not like that has ever stopped Hollywood.

       
    • Kubert. I was very sad to learn that comic book icon Joe Kubert has died. Talk about somebody who made a mark in his field. The guy was a true artist and comic book master. I remember his Hawkman stories very well, and always enjoyed it when he popped up in unexpected places.

    Hawkman

    Rest in peace, Mr. Kubert.

       
    • Crazy. As much as I try to ignore the freak show, Pat Robertson seems to be echoing the same bullshit that I keep hearing from other homophobic morons who are twisting The Bible to justify their hate, so here he goes...

    First of all, IT'S NOT ABOUT A CHICKEN SANDWICH OR A MILKSHAKE, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT. It's not even about some rich asshole's right to give money to groups which fosters an environment so horrible that gay youth are killing themselves. It's about people choosing to not support a company whose profits support such un-American ideals as DENYING EQUALITY TO EVERYONE. Why is it that hate groups like "One Million Moms" can call for all kinds of boycotts against things you don't like and that's okay, but when somebody else calls for a boycott against something you do like, they're "attacking freedom?"

    Second of all, cherry-picking only those things out of The Book of Leviticus which you think supports your hateful crap makes for a laughably hypocritical and ignorant "Christian." Where is your outrage for all the other antiquated and ignored parts of The Bible which get violated every single day? Where's the righteous hate towards those wearing an article of clothing woven from two different threads, for example? Not that it matters. Here in the United States of America people don't have to live by the warped, edited, and totally biased interpretation of a religious document that's been butchered by an addle-minded old bigot with a television show. YOU live by it if you want to, that's your right. But keep in mind that it's everybody else's right to tell you to go fuck yourself and live the way they want to. Freedom. You may want to go look it up sometime.

    And, thirdly, I defy... I defy an infertile woman married to an infertile man to bring forth a baby from that part of the anatomy which they concentrate on. I also defy you to comprehend that you can't categorize somebody's relationship eligibility by whether or not their body parts can make a baby. Not according to Christianity, and most certainly not according to the law. It's a very simple concept, and yet you keep avoiding it because the alternative is to come out and admit the truth... you just "hate those filthy homosexuals" and don't feel they deserve any rights because they don't live the way you want them to. Holy crap what a pathetic coward you are that you don't even have the balls to come out and say it.

    So why don't you be the one to shut your mouth? People here in the 21st century are getting sick and tired of religion being used as an excuse for intolerance and hatred. This country is starting to move past your tired old message of bigotry and exclusion. Freedom of religion also means freedom from religion, and this country was based on that ideal. If you can't handle that, feel free to get the fuck out of the USA and go start a country of your own. That way, I won't have to keep seeing your stupid America-hating, freedom-defiling, equality-bashing ass pop up any time you say something new and crazy. Which, apparently, is constantly.

       
    • EXTREME! Dude! SHARK WEEK STARTS TODAY!!

    Shark Extreme Melon

    I wish I knew who created this beyond-awesome fruit carving, because they totally deserve recognition for crafting the most shark extreme watermelon ever. The gummi-fish are a nice touch.

       
    And now? Seacrest out.

    At last.

       

    Bullet Sunday 292

    Posted on Sunday, August 19th, 2012

    Dave!Get over your post-Olympic depression... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Sexytime. Remember the good old days when a teacher would sleep with one of their students? Well, technically, those weren't the "good old days"... but now it's looking like they could be. Because a teacher in Texas has been convicted for having a FIVE-WAY GANG BANG with four of her students at the same time ON VIDEO. Plus a fifth student separately (I guess he was late to the party?)...

    Hot for Teacher

    At least the students were at the age of consent this time. Though the truly shitty part is that the woman is married... with three kids. Which makes her eligible for the grand trifecta of Teacher of the Year, Wife of the Year, and Mother of the Year. I don't pretend to know anything about her marriage or her life (apparently her husband was also into the group thang), so it's not really my place to judge her for the things she's done. But holy crap. Age of consent or not, parents should be able to trust that their kids aren't going to get invited to a gang-bang by their school teachers. Military husbands should be able to leave for their service and trust that their wives aren't going to cheat on them with a bunch of teenagers in their own home. Kids should be able to trust that their mom isn't going drag them into the media spotlight by having a sex video where she's sport-fucking a high school football team. If you want to do this kind of crazy shit, more power to you. But don't make it a contest of how many lives you can ruin along the way... stay single and go fuck the Dallas Cowboys or something. Otherwise you're just making choices to intentionally hurt people you should be caring about... and that makes you selfish garbage. I am so sick and tired of hearing about kids having to live through this this crap. If you can't fully commit to having a spouse and family... don't get married and have kids! And if you do it anyway, then at least have the decency to stick by your choices instead of dragging your innocent kids into your shit.

       
    • Douche. There are some actors I love so much that I am compelled to watch absolutely everything they do no matter how bad it is. Morgan Freeman comes to mind. I don't care how crappy the film, you can count on him to be absolutely brilliant in it, thus making the movie worth your suffering. Of course, the opposite is also true. There are actors I loathe so much that I avoid absolutely everything they do. And at the top of that list would be Shia LaBeouf, who has to be one of the shittiest actors on the planet...

    Boofin'
    Photo take from a douchetastic interview over at Details Magazine

    I mean, this guy played a huge part in fucking up an unfuckable movie franchise for The Transformers! How do you fuck up a movie about giant robots fighting evil giant robots? You hand it over to Michael Bay and put Shia LeBeouff in it, that's how! And how do you fuck up the Indiana Jones movies, one of the most beloved franchises in cinematic history? You have George Lucas write it and put Shia LeBeouff in it, that's how! Everything he touches turns to absolute crap. And, as if that weren't enough, he's a colossal d-bag as well... screwing other guy's girlfriends, trashing the people and studios that gave him work, and squaring off with security guards who kick you out of Walgreen's for smoking. He probably thinks that antics like this make him some kind of "Hollywood bad boy," when it actually just makes him a total dick.

    Which is why it makes total sense that he is swearing off big-budget films forever, and is just going to do little indie films which have artistic "vision." First up? He's making a porn flick called Nymphomaniac with Lars VonTrier. Because making a sex video is totally visionary. Well, whatever. Anything that makes it easier to avoid seeing this complete douchebag's shitty acting in another film is something I approve of.

       
    • Closure. I am always gutted with a Hard Rock Cafe closes that I didn't get to visit. And the worst closings are those that keep me from collecting a complete set of country visits. Like Aspen, the only Hard Rock in the USA I didn't get to visit. Or Oasis, the only Hard Rock in the UK I didn't get to visit. And now... Narita, the only Hard Rock in Japan I didn't get to visit. It really blows that Hard Rock Corporate doesn't warn fans when a cafe is going to close so they have some time to see the property before it's gone forever. If I had known that Narita was going down, I would have found a way to get there, even if it meant selling a kidney so I could afford it. Stupid Hard Rock Cafe hobby.

       
    • Patrik. A Swedish movie was suggested to me called Patrik, Age 1.5, and I finally got around to watching on Netflix Streaming. It's the story of a gay couple who set out to adopt a baby they think is 1.5 years-old... but is actually a 15 year-old homophobic delinquent. Hilarity ensues...

    Well, maybe not "hilarity," but it is a pretty funny movie. And kind of touching. And a little sad. But ultimately uplifting. Thanks again to my blog readers who keep digging up these fantastic obscure films for me to watch.

       
    • Deadly. And so this happened...

    Avitable Dead Celeb Book

    When I first heard that Avitable had turned the "Interviews with Dead Celebrities" feature of his blog into a book, the first thought that came to mind was... I'll bet it wasn't entirely written by Adam. I'll bet that those "15 brand new, never-before-published interviews" were farmed out to some out-of-work writer... or outsourced to India... or copied off the internet or something. No way did he actually fabricate all new interviews with dead people just for a book. And look at that cover! It's a dead giveaway! Avitable is drawn wearing PANTS! Avitable never wears pants. Well, okay... he wears pants when he's out in public... but it's always short pants. This book is obviously a fraud and not entirely by Adam at all. And since I had already read all the real interviews on his blog, I was just going to take a pass. Who wants imitation Avitable? Not me. But then... then something incredible happened. I was reading the book blurb and saw this...

    Written Entirely by Avitable

    HOLY CRAP! The interviews were written ENTIRELY BY AVITABLE!! No ghost writers... no outsourcing... no plagiarism... the guy actually wrote every single interview himself! At first I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. Nay, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT! But there it was... staring me right in the face. The interviews were indeed written entirely by Avitable. He didn't even have any help or anything. So I was compelled to read the book. Partly because Adam is a friend... but mostly because I could read it for FREE with my Amazon Prime membership. And, yep, he may be wearing pants now, but it's still Avitable. If you enjoy the "Interview with Dead Celebrities" on his blog, then you'll probably enjoy this, seeing as how there's new content and all. Consequently, if you hate his Dead Celebrity interviews, you will really hate this book. You will be so outraged by this book that you'll want to buy a copy just so you can burn it. Except you can't, because it's only available electronically for Kindle. So you would have to buy the book, download it to your Kindle, then burn your Kindle. Which is kind of pointless, even if you've got the money to burn, because it will only encourage Avitable to write a sequel. In any event, you can buy a digital Kindle copy for $2.99 (or borrow it FREE with your Amazon Prime membership) by clicking this link over to Amazon.

       
    Annnnd... back to work.

       

    Questioning

    Posted on Monday, September 10th, 2012

    Dave!They say that even a stopped clock is right twice a day, but in my case it's just not true.

    The batteries in my Mickey Mouse wall-clock at work died at 7:28 while I was in Chicago. And since I arrive both after 7:28am and before 7:28pm I don't see the clock being correct even once. And since I don't even know if my office exists when I am not there, I'm not going to make assumptions about what happens when I'm gone. Logic would dictate that the clock does indeed read correct at 7:28am and 7:28pm, but I'm not going to drive to work to find out.

    Because I have more important questions on my mind...

    • What time is it in Bahrain since there's a Hard Rock Cafe I'd like to visit there one day? Google says it's 8:08am tomorrow in Manama, Bahrain.
    • Manama? Mahnahmahna!
    • I miss the Muppets. I wish Pixar would do something with Muppets, like a Pigs in Space movie. I love Pixar. I wonder when the Monsters Inc. prequel is coming? Ugh. Not until June 21st of next year. I think Monsters Inc. is my favorite Pixar film. But I loved The Incredibles too. Why don't they make a sequel to that film?
    • Ooh! What was the name of the woman who played the sexy voice of Mirage in Pixar's The Incredibles? IMDB says it was Elizabeth Peña of I Married Dora fame. A show that ended with the lead character flying off to Bahrain.
    • Why in the heck am I so obsessed with Bahrain now? Probably because I haven't been there.
    • But isn't it odd how I'm thinking of Bahrain and a totally unrelated question leads me back to Bahrain? Everything is connected, I guess. Or all roads lead to Bahrain.
    • And wasn't it Bahrain where Chandler was moving so he could get away from Janice on Friends? No... that was Yemen. Another place I haven't been. I haven't been to a lot of places because I keep going back to the same places.
    • Well, not all places. How many years has it been since the fortune teller I visited in Hong Kong told me that I'd be back to Hong Kong in a year? It was 2005. And since I haven't been back yet, he's off by seven years. so far.
    • I guess predicting the future is a crapshoot. They never get it right in the movies. Have any movies got it right? Not really. Not even Strange Days from 1995... and they were only predicting four years into the future for 1999.
    • Argh. Who was the actress in Strange Days that I don't like? Not Angela Bassett, she's awesome, but the other one? Ah. It was Juliette Lewis that played the toxic waste bitch that Ralph Fiennes was obsessed with.
    • How in the heck did Juliette Lewis become a thing? Holy crap! She was in I Married Dora, which means all roads really do lead to Bahrain!
    • Ah Dora. It seems like only yesterday that show was on. What was I doing yesterday? I was flying back home from Chicago with a First Class upgrade in the Mickey Mouse plane.
    • What was I doing one week ago? I was mourning the loss of Michael Clarke Duncan and waxing poetic about American Cheese.
    • What was I doing one fortnight ago? I was worrying about a cat that's been wandering around my parking lot. I've named her Spanky.
    • What was I doing one month ago? I was flying to Portland for friends, free hummus, really good ice cream, Batman, and a zine show for Thrice Fiction.
    • What was I doing one year ago? I was preparing for my trip to Australia and admiring Kate Winslet.
    • What was I doing one decade ago? Blogography didn't exist. My previous blog that I was writing back then is gone. So I don't know what I was doing. It was a Tuesday. It was also the day before the one-year anniversary of 9/11. At some point I'm certain that I was deciding which of the five photos I've taken of the World Trade Center I was going to post to my old blog in the morning.

    Which means nothing has changed, because that's what I'm going to be doing right now.

    Well, that... and planning a trip to Bahrain.

       

    Debate

    Posted on Monday, October 22nd, 2012

    Dave!Not a lot of differences on foreign policy in tonights debate. It seems that Romney mostly agrees with the President's handling of foreign affairs... he just thinks that he would make the US look "stronger" than President Obama while doing it. Or something like that.

    I try to put myself in the mindset of an undecided voter to understand exactly what it is that each candidate was trying to say to them. Those are, after all, the only viewers of the debate that matter. Romney seemed to be bringing absolutely everything back to our flailing economy, which was probably a smart move. Obama seemed to be doing his best to paint Romney as somebody who it naive and out of touch with how the world works, which is also a smart move... except I have to wonder how much it matters to the majority of American voters, who have a very hard time thinking outside our borders.

    Surveying the media landscape, it would seem that most people felt the debate was a clear win for President Obama. He decimated Mitt Romney at every corner using concise arguments and carefully prepared crowd-pleasing rebuttals. But the problem with relying on cleverly prepared statements on foreign policy means that the President was pretty weak when it came to addressing Romney's economic claims. When Mitt Romney talked about being a good businessman who saved the Olympics in Utah... Obama never brought up that he only managed to do it because of a massive government bail-out. Nor did he talk about how the business talents and ethics which Romney touts have been reported to be fiction. Obama should have been more flexible a debater when it came to talking about subjects outside of foreign policy... especially since the domestic economy is the topic which will most likely swing the undecideds. But he didn't. All we got was "the math don't add up," so Romney got the last word on a critical topic. This is bordering on disastrous when it comes to what Obama needed to accomplish, so I am not so quick to call the debate for the President.

    Except...

    If you ask me to summarize the debate over what I most remember from it, this is what you'd get...

    OBAMA: “I think Governor Romney maybe hasn’t spent enough time looking at how our military works. You mention the Navy, for example, and that we have fewer ships than we did in 1916. Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets. Because the nature of our military has changed. We have these things called aircraft carriers, where planes land on them. We have these ships that go underwater—nuclear submarines. And so the question is not a game of Battleship where we’re counting ships, it’s what are our capabilities.”
       
    ROMNEY: "WAH! STOP ATTACKING MEEEEEEEE!!!"

    And I'm betting I'm not the only one.

    Governor Romney sure talks about how strong and tough he'll be for the country, but he was a complete pussy in the debate. This is made worse when you factor in how he comes across as an out-of-touch Stepford Wives robot with zero personality. I'm not a huge Obama fan because he lied about things that were important to me when it comes to government transparency. No surprise there. He's a politician, which means he's a liar. But the reason I am not a huge Romney fan is because he's a creepy liar (who doesn't believe in personal liberties for people... just corporations).

    Ultimately I ended up voting to reelect President Obama because he was the lesser of two evils. At least to me. I can't feel really great about it though, because the lesser of two evils is still evil. So no matter what "huge secret" Donald Trump comes up with to slam President Obama this week, I'm sure it's just par for the course. Because Romney's closet is undoubtedly full of skeletons too. You just don't get to be a candidate for president without skeletons... it's the very nature of politics.

    Oh well. For me the election is done. My ballot was sent in days ago and there's no way I can change it now... even if we find out that President Obama is a secret space alien sent here to destroy the earth.

    Which, sadly, would actually make me feel better about voting for the guy.

       
    In happier news... The Iron Man 3 trailer is out...

    Holy crap does that look awesome!

    And I see that Shane Black continues with his raw hatred of cliff-side houses that began in Lethal Weapon 2.

    I'm just glad that the events in The Avengers look to be having lasting repercussions, as it should be.

    May 3rd can't come soon enough.

       

    Bullet Sunday 302

    Posted on Sunday, October 28th, 2012

    Dave!Please make sure your seat is in the upright position and your tray table is stowed ... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • In-Flight. I am typing this as I leave the Netherlands on Delta flight 233... a ten hour flight to Seattle WITH NO INTERNET! So how in the heck am I supposed to come up with bullets for Bullet Sunday when all I have here is a bunch of movies to watch on my Delta-On-Demand Entertainment System?

    Oh...

    In-Flight Movies

       
    Game Change. This film is about John McCain's horrendous mistake in choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate based on some very, very bad advice. Is it completely factual? Probably not 100% so. But boy does it feel like could it be. The initial high that came when Sarah Palin completely killed it with her smashing debut on the national political stage had the McCain campaign ecstatic. Palin would be the savior of the ticket, and they couldn't believe their good fortune in having found her. Victory was within their grasp. But then things start to go terribly wrong. One-by-one the campaign staffers have to come to grips with the fact that Sarah Palin doesn't know much about anything. She is completely clueless on critical concepts like foreign policy. And it's the resulting downward spiral that makes the film so darn entertaining. Julianne Moore plays Palin almost too sympathetically as she gets remade from politician to actress, blindly repeating lines which have been prepared for her because she doesn't understand the issues enough to think for herself. And all the while her escalating popularity makes Palin increasingly dangerous, eventually dominating McCain and dooming the campaign to a Saturday Night Live punchline. If there's one thing I took away from Game Change, it's how terrifyingly close we came to having a vapid joke like Sarah Palin just a heartbeat away from the presidency. It's a scare that no horror movie can match. RATING: B

       
    Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I was actually looking forward to the idea of a revisionist history where our 16th president was a ruthless vampire killer. It sounded fun. Alas, the movie was most definitely not fun, because everybody involved took the film way too seriously. This was a big mistake, because there's nothing to take the edge off the intense violence that permeates one blood-soaked scene after another. One would hope that the result would be a bitchin' action-horror film, but there's not a lot of horror to go with the action (which is actually pretty good). And so what we're left with is a crazy-ass concept for a film with very little substance. I was not impressed. RATING: C-

       
    The Iron Lady. I was told by more than a couple people that this film about the life of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was boring. But I decided to watch it anyway because the thought of Meryl Streep as Thatcher was literally too good to be true. And, indeed, it was her performance that held me riveted to my tiny seat-back screen. But that's about all that held me captive. The story was a big ol' mess. It vacillated between present to past with little regard for timing or coherence. One timeline had zero relation to the other, and it was this sloppy writing which sabotaged what could have been a fascinating straightforward biography. Still, Thatcher led a fascinating life which was kind of represented here, and Streep certainly made the film anything but boring to me... so I didn't hate it. Actually kind of enjoyed it, despite the missed opportunity it represented. RATING: B-

       
    Brave. The story of a princess who isn't content to settle down and get married sounds like a modern-day Disney Princess cliché that's the complete opposite of the original Disney Princess cliché. Fortunately, this is a Disney-PIXAR film, where clichés have a tendency to at least be interesting and beautiful to look at. Brave is both. I just wish it was paced a little better. There's a few too many moments that drag on a little long and are a bit morose to fit in with the overall tone of the film. That being said, it IS beautiful. Astoundingly so. There's not a single frame of this film that doesn't look amazing. And there are a lot of clever and funny moments that saved the movie for me. RATING: B+

       
    Battleship. Holy shit. It would be easy to say that making an alien-invasion movie out of a board game doomed this film to failure... but, if anything, it's this one thing that made it barely tolerable. The only moment... the only one... that I found even remotely entertaining was when the heroes were picking their targets on a big "Battleship grid." Everything else was so inanely stupid and ridiculous that not even the decent special effects reel could keep me from fast-forwarding through this utter turd of a movie. RATING: F

       
    Moonrise Kingdom. I am such a huge Wes Anderson fan that I didn't want to experience his latest work on a tiny airplane seat-back screen. But when Battleship turned out to be such a stupid piece of crap, I needed something to watch. I ended up regretting it of course. Moonrise Kingdom is beautiful, wonderful, witty, smart, and filled with a warmth that few filmmakers can manage. I really should have waited to see it on the big screen (or at least my home theater). Which is not to say it's a film for everybody. Those who can't appreciate Wes Anderson's quirky vision may have tough time embracing the odd world he's created. Even so, there's an all-star cast that's performing at the top of their game in a coming-of-age love story that's charming enough to please everybody. RATING: A

       
    • After-Flight. Arriving at Seattle I was once again embarrassed and humiliated that Seatac International Airport is the way that so many people will first experience my home state. The airport just keeps getting worse and worse, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight as to how low things will go. I arrive at Customs only to find that the escalator is broken. This is no surprise. Most of the escalators are busted to shit most of the time. Stuff is always leaking, falling apart, torn up, or broken at Seatac. And, indeed, when I make my way to the C/D concourse and find yet another fucking busted escalator, I press the elevator call button and find that the button light is also not working (which made me think that the elevator was broke too). By the time I get to my gate at the C concourse, where there's no place to sit because Seatac has ripped out most of the seats to make way for shops, I've just fucking had it. Whomever is in charge of this shithole needs to realize that this is no way to run an airport. Flying now-a-days is already miserable enough without having to put up with this kind of shit at an airport.

       
    And... my flight (which is overbooked and on weather watch warning) is maybe leaving in ten minutes. Here's hoping...

       

    LucasFilm

    Posted on Tuesday, October 30th, 2012

    Dave!It's impossible for me to fathom the influence that Star Wars has had on my life.

    In more ways than one, the saga of a "long time ago in a galaxy far far away" changed everything. My fascination with Greek mythology and magical heroes of lore gave way to a love of science fiction. My ambitions of becoming a doctor gave way to an obsession with becoming an astronaut. Drawing flowers and mountains gave way to drawing space ships and alien creatures. Playing with toy cars and trucks gave way to playing with an 8mm camera... complete with hand-drawing laser blasts and lightsabers directly on the film with a magnifying glass and a Sharpie marker. Nothing was the same for me, and that's just as it should be when one grows up in the era of Star Wars.

    The original film was released when I was 11 years old. I don't think I saw it until months later in its second-run at the local Vue-Dale Drive-In (long since torn down). I can't remember the details. But I do remember the obsession that followed. I remember getting my hands on every issue of Starlog magazine I could find and going insane over the speculation for the inevitable Star Wars sequel.

    Then 1980 happened.

    And The Empire Strikes Back was unleashed on an unsuspecting 14-year-old me who stood in line to see the movie on opening day at the Liberty Theater. "Unsuspecting" because there was no way on earth I thought that there could ever be anything greater than Star Wars... only to find out that there absolutely was.

    And it was then that my love of all things Star Wars was made permanent. The Empire Strikes Back remains one of my favorite movies of all time. It led me into a Star Wars obsession which had me collecting every action figure, toy, pillow-case, magazine, and kick-knack that I could find. And, because even that wasn't enough, I became fanatical about tracking down interviews, specials, articles, and anything else related to the making of the films. Eventually the "behind the scenes" information was almost as important to me as the films themselves.

    My addiction was severely tested in 1983.

    Though I loved all the space battles and light saber fighting in Return of the Jedi, the burp jokes and Ewok teddy bears reduced a once great sci-fi epic to kiddie fodder meant to sell toys. It was a pretty big let-down after the sci-fi triumphs that was Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back.

    But Star Wars had been imprinted on my soul, and there was no going back... even when George Lucas unleashed the unbelievably shitty prequel movies.

    Which I hated.

    A lot.

    But there's always something to come along and remind me of my love for the original two films. Most recently was this...

    The Making of Empire Strikes Back Book!

    Which is a book I highly, highly, recommend. You can get it at Amazon here.

    Which brings us to today, where George Lucas dropped this bombshell...

    "It's now time for me to pass Star Wars on to a new generation of filmmakers."

    And, just like that, Disney acquired LucasFilm.

    Which both thrills and terrifies me.

    Thrills me because George Lucas is (assumably) done fucking up the franchise he built.

    Terrifies me because Disney could easily fuck things up even worse if they put the wrong people on the property.

    All I can do is hope that Disney understands that kids today are far more sophisticated than "burp and fart jokes" and Jar Jar Binks idiocy now-a-days (something I don't think Lucas ever comprehended). As the near-miracuous success of The Avengers has so aptly demonstrated, a serious approach to genre entertainment can pay off like gangbusters, because that's what people are dying to see.

    And how frickin' amazing would it be to take Star Wars back to the mind-bogglingly awesomeness we got from Irvin Kershner with The Empire Strikes Back?

    Suddenly I'm 14-years old again.

    I guess we'll find out in 2015 if I stay that way...

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    Darkly

    Posted on Monday, November 19th, 2012

    Dave!I own thousands of DVD and Blu-Ray discs. This is a consequence of my love for movies and television, and my desire to own those videos I love so I can watch them again whenever I want.

    But DVDs and Blu-Rays take up space, and I'm running out of room on my shelf. Now-a-days I am more likely to buy my videos from iTunes to watch on my Apple TV or iPad. Heck... I'm more likely to rent my videos from iTunes to watch on my Apple TV or iPad. But not always. DVDs and Blu-Rays often have supplemental material that enhances my enjoyment of the movie/series, and so I still find myself buying discs of my most favorite movies/series to get all the goodies I can.

    Besides, most Blu-Ray movies are available in "combo-packs" which includes a digital copy of the film. This is the best of both worlds, because then I get the supplementary material to watch at home, and the film added to my iTunes account to take with me. Sweet!

    But it was a situation too good to last.

    Because movie studios stopped offering iTunes codes for the "digital copy" and switched to this stupid fucking "digital locker" scam called "UltraViolet." And, let me tell you, Ultraviolet is one of the biggest fucking turds to ever plague consumers. It's so bad that I categorically refuse to buy any Blu-Ray that has Ultraviolet attached.

    The latest casualty? The Dark Knight Rises...

    Dark Knight Ultraviolet MutherFucker
    FUCK YOU, WARNER BROS. PICTURES! FUCK YOU UP YOUR GREEDY CORPORATE ASSES!

    And so...no $24.96 Blu-Ray for me. I'm instead going to pre-order the iTunes HD "Extras" version for $19.99. I don't know if it contains all the "extras" that are on the Blu-Ray but, as much as I want a physical copy on my shelf, I seriously don't give a fuck. The future is DIGITAL... and if movie studios aren't going to give me what I want, i.e. digital copies in iTunes... NOT shitty "Ultraviolet digital locker"... then the physical disc I covet isn't worth having.

    And what's next? iTunes copies of the movie will be "edited for content" and you'll be forced to buy the Blu-Ray Ultraviolet crap if you want to see the entire film? I wouldn't be surprised. Any money-making plan, no matter how fucking insane, seems to be fair game to greedy executives. If movie studios continues this downward slide, I'm not going to "buy" movies at all. There are so many better alternatives to paying a company to fucking shit on you.

       

    Super?

    Posted on Monday, December 3rd, 2012

    Dave!Holy crap.

    Seriously... HOLY CRAP!

    The new Man of Steel movie poster has been unleashed on an unsuspecting world, and boy oh boy is it a steaming pile of shit. If this... this... is how the people making this movie see Superman, then we're all fucked. And so is the film...

    Man of Steel Shitty Movie Poster

    Are you frickin' kidding me?

    Look, anybody writing Superman has to wrap their head around one concept and one concept only.

    He is a god.

    But a god who was raised as a man, so he walks amongst them.

    But not really.

    Because his powers and abilities are far beyond what any mere mortal can fathom. The problems he has to deal with are on a scale that dwarfs the understanding of any man. Because he's not a man... as much as he aspires to be a man. As much as he tries to pretend he's normal by dressing up as Clark Kent.

    So having the movie poster for a Superman film which shows your "Superman" in handcuffs like a regular guy... being dragged down to our level... it's a complete betrayal of everything that makes Superman be Superman. And I don't for the life of me understand what director Zack Snyder is trying to say with it. Superman could bust out of those fucking handcuffs and beat every soldier around him senseless in seconds. Fractions of seconds. So is this symbolic? A way of saying that, despite all his power, Superman is just a man? He's not above the law? Well, barf... who would want to watch that movie?

    Superman is not Batman. He's not fighting insanity in the gritty streets of Gotham City.

    He is a god.

    Who clings to the humanity that his earthling parents instilled in him.

    All while being the most powerful being on the planet.

    He's about as far removed from the "gritty streets" as you can get. And, yes, he IS above the law.

    Superman is above everything.

       
    Except in this movie, apparently. I mean holy crap, Superman was better portrayed in the LEGO Batman video game. This... this... is just pathetic.

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    SuperToo

    Posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2012

    Dave!And here's where I start to think that perhaps Zack Snyder might understand Superman after all.

    Though it's understandable that I remain skeptical. Between his absurd pet project Sucker Punch (one of the worst films I've ever seen) and the way he managed to fuck up Watchmen while not fucking up Watchmen at the same time... well, his track record rests solely on 300, a film that I'm still very much undecided about. How all that will translate to his Superman movie reboot is anybody's guess.

    As I said when I condemned the asinine movie poster that debuted last week, Superman is a god.

    The level at which a super-man with such powers would operate is so far above us dregs of humanity that there is no way to treat his story than that of a god-like being. But what makes Superman be Superman is that he aspires to be a "regular guy," thanks to his very human upbringing by John and Martha Kent in the American heartland. It's this concept which drives the character, and the way that writers have walked this line over the decades is what defines a good Superman story.

    Which is why the new Man of Steel trailer gives me a lot to be hopeful about...

    There he is... all god-like and feeling very much like Superman... all while clinging to the humanity he was instilled with as a child by his adoptive earth parents. Which is not at all the tone I took away from the shitty poster that made Superman look so small and less than super. Contrast that with Kevin Costner debating the merits of saving people with young Clark, and you get the very real impression that Superman has power over life and death... which is exactly what the character is about.

    And from the snippets of action being shown in the trailer, it also looks as though we're going to get some epic, larger-than-life battles (General Zod!) which will (hopefully) challenge Superman at that god-like level his fans want to see.

    And so now I have something to get excited about.

    Even though I still wish they had done a better job on the costume.

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    Video12

    Posted on Friday, December 28th, 2012

    Dave!Time for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year. Not surprisingly, many of them were viewed on an airplane screen or my iPad since I rarely get to the theater now-a-days. But oh well. I wouldn't have seen a fraction of these films if not for occupying time while on a trip.

    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw...

    Dave Best Movies 2012 Part 1

    #1 The Avengers.
    I'm such a comic book whore that I even like comic book movies when they suck. Which is mostly. But when a comic book film doesn't suck, it is an event to be savored. And The Avengers gave audiences plenty to be happy about thanks to writer/director/genius Joss Whedon. Respectful to the source material at an unheard of level, The Avengers got absolutely everything right. Arguably the best comic book movie of all time, and easily the best film I saw this year.

    #2 The Dark Knight Rises
    The end of Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy is bittersweet. Yes, it was fantastic, but it left you wanting more. Much more. I don't know that it was the perfect story to go out on, but it was a definite win for Batman fans around the world.

    #3 Skyfall
    Some call this the best James Bond film ever made. I don't know that I would go that far, but it was a damn good movie that looked amazing. My favorite thing about it, however, was that it was so fresh, new, and exciting... but unquestionably classic Bond all at the same time.

    #4 Django Unchained
    Everything you love about Quentin Tarantino... but drenched in more blood and violence than usual. Which is saying a lot, if you know what I mean. It's also the most disturbing Tarantino film to date, but not for the reason you might think. Add to that a performance from Samuel L. Jackson that's so brilliantly heinous that you want to crawl out of your own skin... and you've got my fourth favorite film of the year: a Western comedy/drama that's ultimately about slavery and the evils that men do.

    #5 Looper
    Most times, filmmakers don't even bother to try and get the "science" right in a science fiction film. When it comes to depicting time travel in the cinema, it's usually a thousand times worse. But along comes Looper, which not only did a good job being terrific sci-fi, but a fantastic job being a great film. Smart, entertaining, thrilling, and wonderful to look at... this is a movie both geeks and everyday filmgoers can enjoy.

    #6 Argo
    It's a very good movie indeed when you can already know how the story ends... yet be on the edge of your seat the entire time you're watching. Director/Lead Actor Ben Affleck takes a true story from the Iranian Revolution in 1979 and crafted one of the most smartly suspenseful films of this year or any year.

    Dave Best Movies 2012 Part 2

    #7 The Cabin in the Woods
    Nothing quite like taking the horror genre and then completely knocking it on its ass... but that's exactly what Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard have done here. If you haven't seen it, I guarantee that you have no idea what you're in for, no matter how many horror flicks you've seen. Smart, scary, humorous fun that redefines a genre and gives audiences everything you could want in a movie.

    #8 Life of Pi
    This is a beautiful, imaginative, and entertaining work... but Ang Lee wasn't content to stop there. Much like the book upon which it was based, the film is also inspirational in a way that doesn't seem overly-forced or heavy-handed. Even after seeing the movie, I still don't know how they managed to turn a philosophical indulgence featuring a tiger on a raft into something so accessible and entertaining. Try to see this in the theater if you can, because there isn't a television big enough.

    #9 Ted
    A lot of critics thought this film was shit. They call it offensive, unoriginal, and not funny. I, on the other hand, found it brilliant, unique, and hysterical. The titular character was nothing short of a triumph in computer generated effects. Sure, I thought last year's Paul was a better CGI buddy film, but that didn't stop me from loving Ted. And laughing. A lot.

    #10 Moonrise Kingdom
    Usually when a filmmaker is defined as "quirky" they end up producing embarrassing, unwatchable shit that makes me want to get punched in the face. But Wes Anderson isn't defined by anything, he just lives "quirky." And totally makes it work in his films. Moonrise Kingdom is no different, taking a charming coming of age romance and infusing it with characters so surreal and wonderful that the movie lingers long after you've finished watching it. I get why some people don't "get" Wes Anderson but, for those who do, this is a magical film.

    #11 Sleepwalk With Me
    As a long-time Mike Birbiglia fan who loves his brand of comedy, even I was shocked at just how good a film Birbigs managed to create. It's a warm, touching, sweet, and really funny movie that most everybody can relate to in one way or another. It's also neurotic and a little crazy but, unlike Woody Allen films (which I loathe), not annoyingly so. Sleepwalk With Me is humor with note-perfect delivery by a smart comedian at the top of his game. Totally worth a look on video if you missed it in theaters.

    #12 Men In Black 3
    A film that should have been a complete disaster ended up being a terrific addition to the franchise and added to the story in surprising, wonderful ways. That, along with a masterful performance by Josh Brolin as a Young Tommy Lee Jones, put MIB3 on my Best List, bumping other films that were probably more worthy. Assuming Barry Sonnenfeld takes his time to come up with something this good, I am hoping that MIB4 will come out sometime down the line.

       

    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    Dave Best Movies 2012 Part 3

    Monsters Inc 3D/Finding Nemo 3D — I'm not a fan of 3D films, but fully admit that it totally added to the experience of viewing two of my favorite animated movies. Pixar uses 3D with such subtle perfection, even though they could probably get away with just slapping the shit everywhere... but they don't, and that's why I love them.

    The Secret World of Arrietty — Oh shock... Hayao Miyazaki is involved in yet another animated masterpiece. This fantastic interpretation of The Borrowers rings true on every possible level and adds yet another film to Miyazaki's stunning filmography. He keeps saying he's going to retire... oh how I hope he doesn't. Nobody... not even Disney... is making films like this any more.

    Shut Up And Play The Hits — I'm a fan of James Murphy's music, and this remarkable film follows him over 48 hours, both before and after LCD Soundsystems's last show ever. I wish more of my favorite bands would have films like this... knowing them better somehow makes me appreciate what they do all the more.

    Jiro Dreams of Sushi — I fully admit that this film held no surprises for me. I've been to Japan many times and have studied the culture for decades. And yet... there's something about seeing this very Japanese film that encompasses what I love so much about the Japanese people. Yes, I know a documentary about sushi doesn't sound that exciting, but it's what's going on around that which makes this film such a treasure.

    Robot and Frank — The performance by Frank Langella in this film appears so effortless that it's easy to forget the entire story hinges on his ability to deliver when playing against a hunk of plastic and metal. If I had to pick a word to sum up this film, it would be "charming." And don't we all need a little bit of that?

    Chasing Ice — Probably one of the most important documentary films ever made, Chasing Ice tells a story nobody wants to hear... beautifully. The consequences of disappearing ice on our world are so unpleasant that most people choose not to think about it. This film is like a slap in the face that all humanity needs.

    Gayby — So a single woman decides to have a baby with her gay best friend before the time on her biological clock runs out. It's a concept that's so clichéd as to be annoying, and yet... hilarity ensues and you just don't care. Surprisingly quality filmmaking in a genre that isn't known for it... an unexpectedly funny surprise.

    Safety Not Guaranteed — While I didn't love this film as much as the big critics did, I enjoyed it quite a bit. The acting was all top-notch and drove the story to a wonderful conclusion I honestly didn't see coming.

    Salmon Fishing in the Yemen — Kind of a romantic comedy... but not offensively so. For the longest time after seeing the film, I debated with myself over whether I liked it or not. Was it too predictable and lame to be a good film? Does the story come through just enough to save it? Ultimately, I decided I wouldn't debate the film with myself if it wasn't worth debating so, yeah, I liked it.

       

    DIDN'T SEE, PROBABLY WOULD HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    Dave Best Movies 2012 Part 4

    Zero Dark Thirty — This film flew completely under my radar until everybody I know started raving about it. I was gutted that I couldn't find a theater playing the film when I had opportunities, and it will probably go down as my greatest cinematic regret of the year.

    Lincoln — Having read two Lincoln biographies, I just didn't make this film the priority it deserved to be. Now I'm regretting not having seen it on the big screen because I would have undoubtedly enjoyed it given my fascination with our 16th President.

    Silver Linings Playbook — I saw an interview about this film and became convinced I'd enjoy it. That being said, I have no problem waiting for video rental to see it.

    Wreck-It Ralph — When I was at Disney World back in September, this movie was being heavily promoted. Ordinarily, I'd be skeptical, but the retro video game love provided pretty much assures I would like it.

    ParaNorman — Another cartoon I passed on. Just like MegaMind and Despicable Me, this animated feature will undoubtedly be something I regret not seeing on the big screen.

    Frankenweenie — A Burton film that I was looking forward to for the longest time. Unfortunately, I never found time to see it in a theater.

       

    NOT QUITE AS BAD AS I WAS LED TO BELIEVE...

    Dark Shadows Poster

    Dark Shadows — Yes, the film sucked if you were looking for a reboot of the classic television show. Yes, it's not one of Tim Burton's best works. Yes, the story was weak and some of the characters weren't given much to do. But, despite all that, Johnny Depp as Barnabus Collins was pretty damn entertaining to watch. I did not love this film. But there was just enough entertainment at play to make me glad I saw it. I have no idea why everybody else was in such a tizzy over it, but I couldn't throw a stick without hitting somebody rambling on about how much they hated it for weeks after the movie debuted.

       

    OVERRATED BUT NOT TERRIBLE...

    Dave Overrated Movies 2012

    Chronicle — From the way comic book fans were gushing about this film, I thought I was destined to love it. Instead I found it to be one of the most whiny, predictable, boring pieces of super-hero cinema ever made. All efforts of trying to portray the realistic consequences of super-powers was clichéd and uninteresting to me. Still, it was a comic book film, and I was glad I saw it.

    The Master — The critics were practically blowing themselves over how awesome a film this was, so I put quite a bit of effort into making sure I saw it. Only to find that it was cinematic garbage tied to great performances masking as some kind of deep character study. The critics had no choice but to love it because this is the kind of crap that makes them feel smarter than all the people they write for. Meanwhile, I just sat there wallowing in the mediocrity of this movie, but still happy to see the performances which were quite good.

    The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey — WTF?!? I mean, seriously, how could Peter Jackson manage to condense the fucking massive Lord of the Rings trilogy into three films... but not keep a short story like The Hobbit as a single film? I probably could have forgiven stretching it out to two films... but THREE?!? There's so much boring padding attached to this movie that I'm shocked you can even find the story in there. Yes, it's beautifully shot and the performances and all that are great... but holy shit was it repetitive and slow. Granted, I am not a massive fan of The Hobbit novel, but I was still excited to see it after falling in love with The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I immediately regretted it. Here's hoping somebody with some fucking sense in their head will edit all three films down to the story it should have been in the first place so I can love it without shining a LOTR lamp on it.

    The Amazing Spider-Man — I just don't get it. Half of the film we had already seen in the Sam Raimi trilogy, the other half wasn't anything to write home about. I didn't think the humor worked. The romance was dead. The tone seemed too dark for the character. And Garfield just wasn't as good as Maguire in the role. Yes, it's a shitload better than Spider-Man 3 (one of the worst super-hero films ever made), but I think it's pretty weak compared to the first two films. About all I can say is that the special effects were really well-done, and I liked the fight sequences. Such a pity they didn't bother to tie all that together with something bigger and better than what's come before. All I can hope is that all the foreshadowing pays off in the sequel. It had better, because I want the time spent watching this to mean something.

    Prometheus — I am such a huge Ridley Scott fan that I would have his baby if he asked me to. His films are some of the most beautiful, inventive, imaginative stories in cinematic history. The man defines genre entertainment. So when I learned that he was creating a "not-really-a-prequel" to Alien, one of the best films of all time, I lost my fucking mind. So imagine my disappointment when Damon Lidelof turned in another fucking disaster of a script filled with cool elements, but no explanations of story points, and plot-holes so fucking big that you could shove a planet through them. Holy crap was this a jaw-dropping film to look at... even in 3D... but for fuck's sake, WHERE WAS THE GODDAMN STORY?!? Because of my love of Ridley Scott, I actually went out and bought the 4-Disc Blu-Ray Super Deluxe Home Video Package for Prometheus because there was a sticker on the front which said "QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED." And, yes, some questions are. BUT ISN'T THAT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD FUCKING TAKE CARE OF IN THE ACTUAL FUCKING FILM?!?? You honestly expect people to hunt down and watch a bonus disc and listen to a commentary track to know what the fuck was going on and why the characters acted the inexplicable way they did? Really? Fucking bullshit. Damon Lindelof should be ejected from Hollywood for this overrated mess.

    Cloud Atlas — The book by David Mitchell was difficult and demanding, but ultimately brilliant and rewarding to get through. With that in mind, I couldn't figure out how it was going to be turned into a film. But the Wachowski siblings (along with Tom Tykwer) somehow managed to do exactly that... but I'm not sure if it's successful or not. Parts of the movie are just mind-bogglingly amazing and have you convinced that no film ever has managed to do this before. Other parts are just boring, confusing, and so unsatisfying that you wonder how in the hell such talented actors bought into it. Ultimately Cloud Atlas is completely lacking the structure and cohesiveness of the book, but is still something I'm glad I saw. I just don't think it deserves the accolades some critics are hoisting upon it. Nothing here is life-changing, so move along.

    Flight —Denzel Washington is so damned talented that I don't even bother to question whether or not I should watch his films. The guy can act his way out of just about anything... including a shitty script... so why should I? Well, Flight is why. Yes, Denzel is his usual amazingly talented self. Yes, I actually did enjoy the movie overall. But to heap such astounding praise on a movie that's not really sure of how to handle a character that's drunk and high all the time... and instead goes for long stretches of BORING to fill the gaps... isn't my idea of fun.

    The Grey — I get what the filmmakers were doing. I understand the message that was trying to be communicated. And Liam Neeson remains one of the most talented actors in Hollywood. But The Grey fell way short of my expectations... being more boring than entertaining... as the filmmakers tried to bash me over the head with some great message for humanity. In the end, it just didn't work that well for me even though I thought the film itself was pretty good.

       

    WORST OF THE WORST...

    Dave Worst Movies 2012

    John Carter — Take one of my all-time favorite books, add in a massive budget and a very talented director, then put Disney behind it all... and you're pretty much assured of a great movie, right? Wrong. This film was fucking awful. Everything wonderful about one of the most influential books of all time was systematically dumped from the movie, and the lead actors were so horribly miscast that the end result was beyond saving. I have waited most of my life to see A Princess of Mars and the rest of Edgar Rice Burroughs' brilliant Barsoom books brought to the big screen. This box-office bomb and total fuck-up has insured that I'll probably never see it happen in my lifetime. Fuck everybody who crushed my dreams with this hideous turd of a movie.

    Battleship —Taylor Kitsch is on a roll. Not only did he contribute to fucking up John Carter, but he also starred in this crap-fest. You could have guessed that a film based on a board game would turn out badly... but there was no way to anticipate something this fucking stupid. I hated every damn minute spent watching this cinematic disaster, and can't help but blame myself for thinking "YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP" would end up inspiring anything but shit.

    One for the Money — OH MY FUCKING GAWD... STOP GIVING KATHERINE HEIGL NEW FILMS! She was annoying enough when she whined her way through Grey's Anatomy, but this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae of her film career. Why somebody felt the need to remake J-Lo's character in the far, far, far better film Out of Sight, I will never know. This is bland, uninspired, humorless filmmaking at its worst.

    The Watch — OH MY FUCKING GAWD... STOP GIVING JONAH HILL NEW FILMS! He drags down every project he's attached to, including otherwise genius films like Moneyball and MegaMind... so you can just imagine how he could completely sink a turd like this film. Firmly in "so bad it's bad" territory, The Watch is about as lame an alien invasion film as you could possibly imagine.

    Taken 2 —The first film was mindless action fun that I found myself enjoying. The sequel is a heinous mess of a film that takes capable stars and plunges them into something less than mediocre. Just further proof that Hollywood will churn out anything... no matter how creatively bankrupt.

    Total Recall —In one of the most unnecessary remakes in cinema history... the Paul Verhoeven/Arnold Schwarzenegger classic is leveled for a CGI crap-fest that looks incredible, but turns out to be lacking in just about every way possible.

    Wrath of the Titans — This is worse than an unnecessary sequel, it's an unnecessary sequel of an unnecessary remake! The filmmakers had two chances to get it right and failed miserably. Has the distinction of being one of the most action-packed movies this year, yet is still mind-numbingly boring... all thanks to a woefully uninspired and humorless performance by Sam Worthington.

    Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter — I went into this film expecting good ol' cheesy fun, and ended up getting a violent joke of a film that takes itself way too seriously. More like a mindless video game shooter than a serviceable story, this movie is a worse theater experience for Lincoln than he had at the Ford's Theater (I'm betting a lot of critics thought the same).

    The Dictator — Oh look! It's a take on Borat but with a quarter of the laughs! Left me wondering if perhaps Sacha Baron Cohen is out of ideas, because Brüno before it was a take on Borat with half the laughs. Can't wait for his next film with one-eighth the laughs.

    Alex Cross — Okay... this one is my own fault... I was somehow convinced that Tyler Perry could step into the impossibly large shoes left by Morgan Freeman and actually manage to carry an Alex Cross movie. My bad. Though, in retrospect, it's not entirely on him. This movie was so badly written that I sincerely doubt even Morgan Freeman could have saved it. For a psychological crime thriller, this movie sure had a lot of laughs... a pity every one of them was unintentional.

    Red Tails — Okay... this one is my own fault... I let my nostalgia for George Lucas' early work convince me that he could actually be involved with a film that might be worth a shit today. My bad. What's amazing is that the idea only came from Lucas... the unbelievably cheesy characters, groan-inducing dialogue, and pedestrian situations were all written and directed by somebody else. On top of all that, the special effects for the air combat weren't even that great... AND THIS IS LUCASFILM!!! It just kills me is that the story of the Tuskegee Airman is ripe with all the elements needed for an amazing film, and yet nothing in Red Tails seems to take advantage of it. Maybe one day we'll get lucky and somebody like Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg will give us an HBO mini-series as well-crafted as Band of Brothers that is worthy of these brave men and their amazing story. Until then, we get stuck with this crap. Just astounding that George Lucas has fallen so far that he would even consider this flick worth releasing. My pick for the film of 2012 whose poster had more depth than the movie it was advertising.

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    Distinguished

    Posted on Monday, January 14th, 2013

    Dave!In the 1992 movie The Distinguished Gentleman, Eddie Murphy plays a con artist who figures out that the most profitable con jobs of all can be found in American politics, so he bluffs his way into Congress.

    The movie was widely panned by critics. They just couldn't say enough bad things about the film, and most movie-goers seemed to feel the same way. Not me. Yes, it felt like Eddie Murphy was making the shit up as he went along, and the movie would have benefitted greatly from a tighter script... but, overall, it's a pretty funny film.

    And a very disturbing film as well...

    The Distinguished Gentleman

    Early in the movie Eddie's character, Thomas Jefferson Johnson, has just arrived in Washington and is meeting with a lobbyist representative named Terry Corrigan who matches lobbyists to politicians who share their views. Terry asks Thomas how he feels about sugar subsidies. Thomas doesn't know how he feels about sugar subsidies, so he asks Terry whether he should be for them or against them. Terry says something like "Shit, it doesn't matter to me... I can get you money on both sides." This kind of shocks Thomas, who says "Terry, tell me something. With all this money coming in from both sides, how does anything ever get done?" Terry's reply? "It doesn't. That's the genius of the system!"

    The rest of the film is how Eddie and his friends try to maximize the money they can get out of the system, all while being in a constant state of shock at just how fucking easy it is for a Congressman to rake in absurd amounts of cash. At the end of the movie, Eddie's character makes a statement about how all his con-jobs in the past are nothing compared to the massive cons going on every day in the US government, except with Congress it's all perfectly legal.

    The movie is as relevant today as it was when it was made twenty years ago, and I still think it's worth checking out. And here's why... As crazy and as exaggerated and as outrageous as the situations are in The Distinguished Gentleman, I am absolutely certain that what goes on in real-life Congress is a thousand times worse. And the more I read about what's happening with the assholes we elect into office today, the more I'm convinced that has to be true.

    At least in the movie version I can have a laugh while getting fucked by Congress. Reality is not quite so entertaining.

       

    Antiquated

    Posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2013

    Dave!IT'S SATURDAY!

    I'm so happy I could just shit because I only had to work a half-day today. Of course, a "work day" for me is 16 hours long, which means my half-day is the same as most people's full-day, so I guess I should be as excited as I think I am...

    Dancing Bad MonkeyDancing Lil' Dave

    I miss animated GIFs. They seem to be a dying art in the age of YouTube videos. If you're reading this in a feedreader, then odds are that it dropped support for displaying animated GIFs because nobody cares any more. I can only guess web browsers will eventually follow suite.

    I was thinking of that this morning when I found a box of VHS tapes filled with awesome television shows that cannot be found on DVD. The VCR I had been saving to play them wouldn't even turn on, so I guess that's the end of that since the alternatives are pretty terrible. Kind of makes me nervous to try turning on my LaserDisc player.

    I remember when records gave way to 8-track which, in turn, gave away to cassette tapes. Those, of course, gave way to CDs. Now all music is digital, so I guess it's only natural that video catch up.

    The shame of it all being all those terrific television shows and movies that get left behind.

    Like animated GIFs in the wind.

       

    Scotty

    Posted on Monday, January 21st, 2013

    Dave!I started today the same way I start every Martin Luther King Jr. Day... by listening to his brilliant and beautiful "I have a Dream" speech in its entirety. In my humble opinion, it's probably one of the best-known speeches that most people never bother to listen to. That's a real shame, because it's famous for a very good reason.

    Anyway...

    I get MLK Jr. Day off, so I really, really didn't want to go into work today. But it ended up being unavoidable. Now I'm back home where it's 4:00pm, all my energy has been sucked dry, and I don't feel like doing a damn thing. Except watch Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country which is playing on television.

    And it's while watching it that I've suddenly realized something I never knew...

    Scotty is one badass motherfucker and a stone-cold killer!

    For reals. Let me walk you through it. SPOILERS AHEAD!..

    At the end of the film, Captain Kirk discovers a massive conspiracy to destroy a peace conference which involves Starfleet, The Klingons, and The Romulans. To foil the conspiracy, he beams down to the peace conference with his crew. The first thing he does? Tell Scotty to check out the back...

    Captain Kirk tells Scotty to check out the back.

    Meanwhile, a Klingon assassin is going to kill the President of the Federation of Planets...

    Klingon assassin takes aim...

    The President is about to be shot!

    But Captain Kirk saves the President, no problem...

    Kirk saves the President!

    One of the conspirators is Lt. Valeris, who is caught by Spock...

    Spock and Valeris

    Another conspirator is held by Chekov...

    Chekov captures a conspirator

    Dr. McCoy captures a Romulan conspirator...

    McCoy captures a Romluan

    Then Sulu captures Admiral Cartwright, yet another conspirator...

    Sulu captures Cartwright

    As for Scotty?

    That's a different story.

    Mr. Scott finds the assassin hiding in some kind of balcony... so he kicks the fucking door down...

    Scotty kicks in the fucking door

    The assassin turns his head to see what the ruckus is...

    Assassin!

    While his gun is still pointing in the opposite direction out a hole in the glass...

    Gun!

    Does Scotty then say "Drop the weapon!" and take the assassin prisoner? No. No he does not. Even though he's not in any immediate danger, he pulls out his phaser and shoots the guy...

    Scotty fires!

    Assassin is hit!

    Which blows him through the fucking window...

    Smashing through a window!

    Plunging him to his death...

    He's Dead, Jim!

    What does Scotty do then? He marches to the front of the crowd like a boss, gun in hand...

    Scotty on the move...

    Then stands in front of everybody to soak up the applause for a job well done...

    Scotty accepts your admiration!

    Everybody else on the Enterprise takes prisoners. But Scotty don't play that. If you're up to some crooked shit, Scotty shoots your ass dead and pitches you out the fucking window. Making him one of the baddest motherfuckers in the galaxy and a stone-cold killer...

    Don't fuck with Scotty!

    Who knew? Sure he could get a little excitable from time to time, but Scotty's the quiet one of the group! Just goes to show that you never know who the true badass motherfuckers are.

    Even in outer space.

    Live long and prosper, everybody.

       

    Hopefully

    Posted on Thursday, January 24th, 2013

    Dave!The geek news of the day has been burning up the internets, so everything there is to be said about it has probable already been said.

    Not that it's going to stop me from adding my two cents over J.J. Abrams directing the next Star Wars film. As somebody who has been obsessed with the films and the culture surrounding them for most of my life, it would be impossible for me not to say speak my piece because I've never been one to hold my peace.

    In many respects, J.J. Abrams is a no-brainer to helm the next generation of Star Wars movies. He very successfully relaunched Star Trek, so he can obviously handle a special-effects laden sci-fi film... even if his annoying over-use of stupid fucking lens flare was such an amateurish style choice as to be laughable...

    Dave by Abrams

    To be completely honest, flare aside, I loved the Star Trek reboot. It was respectful to the source material as much as it could be (for what it was). It had really good pacing. It had excellent structure with a definable beginning, middle, and ending. Characters were multifaceted and interesting (despite the fact that they were retreads of television icons). The threat was viable and felt dangerous. But, most important of all, it was just good Star Trek and a lot of fun.

    So... maybe.

    But that's just one film. What about the rest of his work?

    As a "Television Guy," Abrams has a pretty big body of work there with writing, directing, and producing. Of his shows, Alias is my clear favorite... for the first couple seasons. After that, it just spiraled out of control in a gradual slide towards an unsatisfying conclusion. Which is pretty much the story of most his stuff, including Felicity, Lost, and Fringe. His other major works... Undercovers, Alcatraz, and Revolution, never managed to grab me at all. A truly mixed bag.

    So... maybe?

    But it's his film work that tells the tale. Since Abrams' projects always start strong, a movie would seem to be the ideal format for him. There's no room for that slow decline that plagues his television projects. Mission Impossible III is a good example. I thought it was a fresh and interesting take on the franchise that was really well thought out. It also ended with a satisfying bang that capped it off perfectly. Just like Star Trek. And while I thought that Super 8 was a whiny, corny, disastrous mess, there's no denying it was a well-made film. The true test, of course, will be when Star Trek Into Darkness comes out, because that will tell us if the first film was a fluke.

    So... maybe.

    In the end, about all I can say for certain is that J.J. Abrams can't do any worse than the shitty Lucas prequels.

    For one thing, he can write dialogue that's not cringe-worthy.

    And he seems to put things like "story" and "characters" above special effects.

    I also get the feeling that he won't dumb everything down to a 2-year-old level by accenting the film with burp and fart jokes.

    And it feels like he might have the cojones and integrity to stand up to Disney and not turn his movie into a 2-hour toy advertisement filled with stupid shit like Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks.

    So... maybe.

    As a huge Star Wars fan, I want so very badly for J.J. Abrams to get a fantastic script from Oscar-winner Michael Arndt and turn it into the most mind-bogglingly amazing Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back. This is an impossibly high expectation but, after what I've been through, I deserve it! We all do. And the wait is going to be torture.

    So... hopefully.

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    Paperman

    Posted on Wednesday, January 30th, 2013

    Dave!My love of animation knows no bounds.

    And while a part of me will always believe that the hand-drawn stuff will never be eclipsed as the ultimate expression of the art-form... there is no denying that the miraculous work being done by Pixar and others in the realm of computer animation bodes well for the future.

    And then today I see that John Kahrs and Disney has come up with a way of making CG look very much like traditional hand-drawn animation with a beautiful and touching short film called Paperman...

    Absolutely magical.

    I've lost track of the number of times I've watched it.

    No, it's not in the same league as a Hayao Miyazaki film. And I wouldn't say that it reaches the heights of Disney classics like Snow White and Jungle Book or even The Lion King and Lilo & Stitch. But the technology is young. And the results are mind-blowing. And there's no telling where this might lead...

    Paperman Frame

    My only worry being that this will be the final nail in the coffin for hand-drawn animation. And as great as this new technology might one day be, I think there will always be a place for putting a pencil to paper... then putting your heart into making something come to life, frame by frame...

    Paperman Frame

    Ones and zeroes has a hard time competing with that. But it's getting closer every day.

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    IM3

    Posted on Thursday, January 31st, 2013

    Dave!Uh. Yeah. About that blog post...

    Usually I just bang out my Blogography entry at the end of the day once I've caught up on work and life. I have no idea what I'm going to write about, I just fire up MarsEdit and away we go. Most of the time this works out okay, but not always. Today was kind of different though, because I had an idea for a post that had been brewing all day long. It came to me in the morning, then kept building and building. By the time I was driving home from work, I pretty much had the entire thing composed in my head, and was quite pleased with myself for having such a great post idea during the usually-boring days of winter.

    But then I decided to catch up with the world during dinner, which turned out to be a big mistake.

    Because that's when I saw this...

    Iron Man 3 Poster

    And it's been all I can think about ever since.

    On May 3rd we're getting another Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man movie.

    Written and directed by Shane Black!

    What else is there to blog about?

       

    Bullet Sunday 315

    Posted on Sunday, February 3rd, 2013

    Dave!Cancel your post-Super-Bowl plans... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Poop! On March 1st, one of the greatest innovations in toilet technology ever conceived will finally be available... THE DIGITAL 2-IN-1 POTTY WITH ACTIVITY SEAT FOR iPAD! Or, as I like to call this stunning testament to genius... the iPotty...

    The IPotty

    Why this isn't available in adult sizes, I will never know. If you want to order one, Amazon is accepting pre-orders!

       
    • Bowl! I really don't give a crap about football in general, and the Super Bowl in particular, but my love of a good television commercial definitely have me looking forward to the big game. Or, since I don't watch the thing, I guess I should say after the big game... where I rush to see all the ads that aired.

    This year was a massive disappointment. Most of the ads sucked ass (that idiotic GoDaddy ad was just fucking gross), and there was only one... ONE commercial that I felt was Super Bowl worthy...

    And even that was a bit manipulative and predictable.

    What happened to the epic Super Bowl commercials of yesteryear?

       
    • Closing! One of my favorite guilty pleasures is searching the internet for "The World's Most Dangerous Airport Landings." There are several really good lists, and a number of scary videos... all glorifying those airports that are insanely difficult to land at. Later this month, one of those airports... Ecuador’s Mariscal Sucre International Airport in Quito... is due to close. I am very familiar with it, because it's appeared on a number of those "Most Dangerous" lists I love, and for good reason. It's right in the middle of a big city, is surrounded by mountains, is plagued by nasty cross-winds, and is at a high altitude...

    Quito Airport

    Having trouble finding it? Yeah... that's just one of the problems...

    Quito Airport Outlined
    Photo was uncredited, but I got it from Flying Magazine.

    I always thought it would be cool to have bragging rights to have landed at one of these crazy airports. Guess there's one less chance of that happening now. Though I'll bet the people whose homes are surrounding Mariscal Sucre aren't sorry about that.

       
    • Trek! The Lone Ranger, Man of Steel, Oblivion, Monsters University, A Good Day to Die Hard, Gravity, World War Z, Elysium, Despicable Me 2, Thor: The Dark World , Oldboy, Pacific Rim, R.I.P.D.... the list of awesome-looking movies coming out this year is nearly endless. But there are two that I am looking forward to above all others. This is the first...

    Talk about boldly going where no Star Trek has gone before... Into Darkness looks amazing.

       
    • Metal! And, numero dos... the ramp-up to Iron Man 3 is going to be excruciating. The new Super Bowl ad seems to indicate that the film will hit all the right notes...

    Of course, after this installment, I'm just going to be pining away for Iron Man 4, so I guess it's always something.

       
    And... time to take my busted body to bed.

       

    Skyfall

    Posted on Monday, February 4th, 2013

    Dave!I never got to see the latest James Bond film, Skyfall, in theaters. I had to watch it on a plane the first time I saw it. But that tiny seat-back screen made it impossible to see the beautiful cinematography that made the movie so compelling, so I watched it again tonight (iTunes has it available in HD a week before the DVD/Blu-Ray hits on the 12th... just $14.99!).

    I really liked this film, even though I thought the story was kind of small for a James Bond flick. The villain isn't out to conquer the world or cause mass destruction or steal tons of money... he just wants to kill M. It makes for a more personal movie, I guess, but kind of one-note...

    Bond in Skyfall

    And now a few SPOILER-FILLED notes from this long-time James Bond fan...

    • While I love Adele the person, I am not a fan of her music. Can't stand it, to be honest (and I fucking hate... hate her big hit Rolling in the Deep). But her theme song for Skyfall is spot-on. It has a very James Bond retro feel, but is thoroughly modern in its approach. It is so good that it makes me want to give her music another chance. Maybe
    • That being said, I found the opening credits a bit convoluted and overdone. They started out promising (and very Bond), but ultimately end up a big-ol'-toss-in-the-kitchen-sink mess.
    • As I mentioned, this film is absolutely gorgeous. The cinematography is stunning at every turn, and the film truly is a work of art in that respect. The assassination scene in Shanghai is the most eye-popping bit of film I've seen in quite a while.
    • Daniel Craig so totally owns the role of James Bond in this film that it makes me almost forget that Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and George Lazenby ever inhabited it. He's damaged and broken in a way that you'd really expect James Bond to be in order to act like he acts and do what he does.
    • When I saw the movie on the airplane the first time, I was really annoyed by Javier Bardem's baddie character, Raoul Silva. He seemed so flighty and non-threatening. Now that I've seen it on a screen considerably larger than 6-inches (with a sound system that actually works), I was blown away at just how chilling and subtle his performance was. Different for a Bond villain, but not in a bad way.
    • SPOILER! As good as Ralph Fiennes is as an actor, I am finding it inconceivable that the next Bond film won't have Dame Judi Dench as M in it. She was absolutely magnificent in the role, and made it her own in a way that few actors could. From a story standpoint, I know why they did what they did... but I still think it was a very stupid move that will ultimately hurt the franchise.
    • SPOILER! The post-end-game twist of making field agent "Eve" actually be "Eve Moneypenny" was a clever one. But here's the thing... they made such a big deal over the idea that "being an agent in the field isn't for everyone" as a foreshadowing to Eve leaving the field to sit behind a desk... but, holy shit, Moneypenny was fucking awesome in the field! She kicked ass in the opening, and was balls-out fearless in following her orders. What a shame.
    • SPOILER! It didn't help that they made Moneypenny so brutally hot. She made for one smokin' secret agent!
    • SPOILER! First they made M a woman in GoldenEye. Then they made Felix Lighter black in Casino Royale. Now they've made Ms. Moneypenny black as well. And while I applaud the franchise's efforts to embrace diversity, I have to question whether flipping genders and races of established characters is the most compelling way to do this. Why not create memorable, fascinating, original characters for women and persons of color? Like Halle Berry's awesome "Jinx" from Die Another Day? Why not give us a baddie who's a black woman, for example? Because, seriously, how amazing would Angela Bassett be as a Bond villain? Just so long as you don't make her Blofeld.
    • SPOILER! When I first saw that the new Q was a young kid, it made perfect sense. Boy genius on the cutting edge of tech? Sign me up? But how fucking stupid did he turn out to be? Not only did he NOT confiscate M's laptop so he could scrub the virus and try to track it back to its source, he plugged in an unsecured laptop into MI6's local network?!? No IT tech guy smart enough to be running Q Branch could possibly be this idiotic.
    • SPOILER! I am conflicted over the big reveal of Bond's back-story. On one hand, it completely screws the character when a key piece of his composition... his "mysterious past"... is no longer mysterious. On the other hand, Bond seems a little more "real" now. I can't decide if it was worth it.
    • All things considered, this is one of the best Bond films in the series. If there's anything coming up short, it's shoehorning the whole "politics of MI6" into the story. The courtroom drama was neither interesting or necessary. In fact, I'd argue it actually worked against the story.
    • When it comes to the next film in the franchise, I sincerely hope that we're going to get a globe-spanning criminal mastermind that pushes the stakes to a new level for the new James Bond. Daniel Craig hasn't really had that yet, and he deserves it. Well, either that... or the return of Jaws!
    • And, on that note, I guess it's 007 out.

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    007

    Posted on Wednesday, February 6th, 2013

    Dave!After reading my take on the latest James Bond feature, Skyfall (which I said was "one of the best"), I was asked "Well, if this wasn't THE best... which movie IS your favorite?"

    The easy answer is to toss out Goldfinger or From Russia with Love... maybe Dr. No... but the truth is that I didn't know. And since your favorite James Bond films probably says a lot more about you than what toothpaste you use, I wanted to think on it.

    And so I did. My ranking of all twenty-four films follows.

    1. Goldfinger. It's quintessential Bond in every possible way. You've got the famous original (Sean Connery) battling one of the best villains in the franchise (Auric Goldfinger!) with the most famous henchmen (Oddjob!) and the perfect Bond girls (Pussy Galore! Jill Masterson!) and a Bond-worthy plot (attack Fort Knox!) and a Shirley Bassey power theme song (HE LOVES ONLY GOLD! HE LOVES GOLD!). This is everything James Bond is in a single film, which is why it tops a lot of "Best of Bond" lists... including this one.
    2. Casino Royale. After years of fumbling, the entire franchise is rebooted with Daniel Craig finally bringing back James Bond as a force to be reckoned with. I am the first to admit that the film does drag a bit... with too much emphasis being put on a card game that is more like a rulebook for Texas Hold'em Poker than a vital story element... but just about everything else is exactly what you want in a 007 film. The contemporary plot was driven by money manipulation, but didn't end up as boring as it would seem. On the contrary, the action was gritty and real in a way that the franchise needed to stay relevant in today's more brutal, less elegant world. I know it's probably heresy to say so, but Craig became my favorite James Bond after just this one outing. The theme song You Know My Name by Soundgarden's Chris Cornell was a rockin' kick to the head, and exactly what was needed for the first film in a new James Bond series.
    3. From Russia with Love. It's been said that this film is the closest to the original James Bond novels. Having never read them, I don't know if that's true, but I do see the film as a much grittier take on the character than we're used to. The plot is Cold War relevant, with 007 having to assist with the defection of a Soviet asset. Unfortunately for Bond, he also has to deal with SPECTRE, who is hell-bent on revenge because he killed Dr. No. The result is a movie that predates the gimmick-laden films that would follow, and relies on smarts and action to tell one of the best 007 stories (indeed, many people name this as their favorite). It also has some of the most memorable moments, including Rosa Klebb with her deadly shoes and that classic slugfest on top the Orient Express. A part of me wants to give the theme song a break because it's from a different era, but Matt Monro's efforts here seem painfully boring to me here in 2013.
    4. For Your Eyes Only. Yes. Yes I know. Most people consider this to be another Roger Moore flop that strayed from the original Bond formula too far (even though it was designed to be just the opposite). But I think that's the reason I like it so much. It's an entirely different take on classic James Bond that's done really, really well. And it was the first Bond I saw in a movie theater, so it kind of rings nostalgic to me in that respect. The location shooting in such locations as Greece, Spain, and Italy featured some really cool visuals and epic stunts that define the series, and that formed a base for a good story to be told. Basically, 007 is trying to recover a computer with deadly security consequences for the entire world. Along the way Bond hooks up with a revenge-minded Melina Havelock, whose deadly mission both helps and hurts his own. Couple all that with a flawless performance by Topol, not to mention one of my favorite theme songs (Sheena Easton!), and this movie deserves a lot more respect in the Bond universe than it gets.
    5. Skyfall. A much smaller, more personal kind of Bond film... but not in a bad way. I've already talked about it here.
    6. Dr. No. As the first "real" James Bond film to come out of Ian Fleming's novels, all the visual stylings of the character were invented here. Including the iconic intro sequence looking at Bond through the barrel of a gun. The plot revolves around Dr. No and his ties to SPECTRE (which would propel the entire film franchise for decades to come) and his plot to sabotage an American Project Mercury human spaceflight launch. Along the way we are treated to many of the things that would become staples of the character, including the original "Bond Girl," Honey Ryder, as played by Ursula Andress. Honey emerging from the ocean in a white bikini is probably one of the most famous Bond moments in history, and that scene alone would put the movie in my top ten. Fortunately, there was a lot more going for it, pushing Dr. No up to #6. The theme song here was THE James Bond theme song, which is timeless and flawless in a way that most movie tracks can only dream about. A pity it ran short and they filled the remainder of the opening with a bunch of crap, including Three Blind Mice.
    7. The Spy Who Loved Me. Okay, I admit that part of my nostalgia for this Bond installment is due to the masterful opening credits with Carly Simon belting out Nobody Does it Better, but that was only the beginning. The insane story involved villain Karl Stromberg wanting to destroy the planet so he could start an entirely new civilization under the ocean. As Bond investigates, he runs across a Russian agent working to stop Stromberg's mad plan. But... uh oh... she's also the wife of a Russian spy that Bond killed in the movie opening. Drama! Probably the thing most people remember from this film (other than the theme song) was an appearance by classic Bond villain Jaws, a ruthless killer with a mouth full of metal. Overall, this was a really good Bond film that cemented my love for the character... even though I saw it after both Moonraker and For Your Eyes Only.
    8. Die Another Day. When Pierce Brosnan took over the role of James Bond, I was ecstatic because I had long thought he was perfect for it. Much to my shock and horror, I ended up thinking he was ill-fit for the role. He over-intensified absolutely everything, and could never capture the casual cool that is a trademark of the character. Every line was delivered not with the winning confidence of the world's foremost super-spy, but as a desperate life-and-death gambit. Like he was wound too tight or something. Ironically, it was Brosnan's final film, Die Another Day, where he finally seemed to calm down and inhabit the character. Or maybe I was just transfixed with Halle Berry being the best "James Bond" in years... talk about casual, cool, and confident! The plot was a good one and revolved around a power-mad North Korean general wanting to eradicate South Korean defenses so he could invade. The theme song was an auto-tune mess by Madonna, but it had a throbbing electronica feel and I still liked it (much more than Madonna's terrible cameo in the film).
    9. Moonraker. This film has one thing going for it that ranks it a bit higher than it probably should be... the world-domination plot is about as Bond as it gets. Yes, injecting the Space Shuttle into the story was an obvious attempt to get a jump on the actual missions that were coming up two years later and to cash in on the Star Wars phenomenon, but I didn't think it was done badly at all. Bond girl Dr. Holly Goodhead was a beautiful, refreshingly competent update from the usual eye-candy, and villain Hugo Drax was classic Bond all the way. As if that weren't enough, the movie was beautifully shot in locations like Venice and Rio de Janeiro, featured some killer visual effects, and had an amazing theme song by Shirley Bassey! Hell, it's James Bond in space! What's not to love?
    10. A View to a Kill. I'm probably going to catch some shit for this film being being in my top-ten, but come on! The villains are CHRISTOPHER WALKEN AND GRACE JONES and the theme song is an awesome track by DURAN DURAN! Yeah, the Nazi-super-child computer-chip world-domination plot was a bit out there. And, yeah, Roger Moore was too old to really do the story justice (opposite Tanya Roberts!) in his final 007 flick. But, ZOMG!, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, GRACE JONES, AND DURAN DURAN!
    11. Thunderball. SPECTRE is up to their naughty hijinks yet again... this time stealing some nuclear bombs to terrorize the earth. Probably most famous for having 007 in a jetpack during the film opening, Thunderball seems to be a love-it or hate-it affair with Bond fans. While I do love it overall (it's Connery, after all), I find big portions of it to be extremely boring. Still, it does have a lot of trademark action and those killer underwater battles going for it. The theme song, crooned with almost gag-inducing drama by Tom Jones is one of my least favorite (ANY WOMAN HE WANTS, HE'LL GET! HE WILL BREAK ANY HEART WITHOUT REGRET!).
    12. Quantum of Solace. It's unbelievable how Daniel Craig's Bond could have such a huge clunker in-between two amazing Bond entries (Casino Royale and Skyfall), but here it is. Overall, it's not a bad film... just a huge mess that made it difficult to enjoy what good bits were there. The theme song was another mess entirely, taking two artists I like (Alicia Keys and Jack White) and somehow delivering something totally sub-par.
    13. Tomorrow Never Dies. I can appreciate the concept of a media mogul wanting to terrorize the world in order to make headlines for the news outlets he controls... we see that in the real world every day... but it didn't hold enough weight to anchor a James Bond film in any serious way. Even when that mogul is played exceedingly well by Jonathan Pryce. About the only thing that kept this film from floating away completely was the sublime presence of Michelle Yeoh as Chinese super-spy Wai Lin. The theme song was sung beautifully by Sheryl Crow (with a vocal range I didn't even know she had), but was ultimately boring and predictable ("Martinis, girls, and guns! It's murder on our love affair!").
    14. Goldeneye. As I mentioned in Die Another Day, Pierce Brosnan fell far short of my lofty expectations as James Bond, and his first turn at 007 is replete with reasons why. CIA agent Jack Wade (confusingly played by The Living Daylights villain Joe Don Baker) said it best when he called James a "stiff-ass Britt"... because Brosnan's every word felt stiff, forced, and overly dramatic. A complete departure from the smooth, classy Remington Steele take I was expecting. The plot was good enough (rogue Russian colonel Arkady Ourumov gets control of the all-powerful GoldenEye satellite)... the casting was good (Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp, and Dame Judi Dench's first film as M!)... and the score by one of my favorite musicians (Eric Sera) was top-notch... but it just didn't come together as well as it should have. On the plus side, we did get Tina Turner belting out the theme song this time around, and she killed it.
    15. On Her Majesty's Secret Service. This is that infamous Bond movie with one-off 007 George Lazenby who stepped in when Sean Connery wanted too much money. He then went on to dis James Bond and declare he'll never do another one, which was a big "fuck you" to fans that makes me not like this film as much as I could have. Indeed, it's Telly Savales' Blofeld and Diana Rigg's all-too-short Mrs. James Bond that make me like it this much. Anyways... this is a decent story with a bitter ending that gave us All the Time in the World, so it's not all bad.
    16. The Man with the Golden Gun. Christopher Lee was the perfect choice for the titular villain in this Bond outing, but there were simply too many absurd clichés to push this film to where it needed to be. Hervé Villechaize as "Nick-Nack" was bad enough, but kung-fu schoolgirls and other attempts to inject comedy where it doesn't belong sabotaged what could have been a really good 007 movie. Still, it did have some exotic location shooting in Thailand which was cool. The theme song was pretty bad, aiming for fanciful frenzy and energy, but ultimately falling flat.
    17. The World is Not Enough. Utterly forgettable Pierce Brosnan flick thanks to a boring plot about blowing up a pipeline (or whatever), not to mention the casting of Denise Richards as nuclear physicist(!) Dr. Christmas Jones. About the only thing I enjoyed from this film was the fantastic theme song by Garbage... Shirley Manson's haunting vocals oozing over a creeping melody set the stage for a much better movie than what we ended up getting.
    18. You Only Live Twice. The theme song was a pleasing but drowsy rendition by Nancy Sinatra that works okay, but could have (should have?) been much more. Which is pretty much what I feel about this gadget-infused take on Bond. The story is confusing and crazy, involving SPECTRE, rockets, and a plot to start World War III. About the only memorable thing I took away from this movie (which I haven't seen in years) was the exotic Japanese locations and outlandish scenarios. Everything else is a forgettable blur.
    19. License to Kill. Timothy Dalton's second and final 007 flick has two things going for it. First of all, the theme song by Gladys Knight was pretty darn good. The other thing was that the story had a very different Bond being all manipulative and devious, which I loved. The problem being that Dalton shitted all over it. He was an awful, awful James Bond. In my fan-boy fantasies, I picture Daniel Craig stepping in and totally owning the script, elevating the film much higher in my list. But that's not what we got. Instead we get a third-rate drug kingpin takedown flick with actors that felt like they'd have a hard time getting cast on a television show. After this we got Pierce Brosnan as 007, which was a huge step up... but not quite the slam-dunk I was hoping for...
    20. Never Say Never Again. This cash grab by an aging Sean Connery can be safely ignored since it's not an official Eon film production, but that's not its greatest sin. No, that would be that it's a remake of a Bond flick that Connery had already done... Thunderball. All that being said, this is not the worst James Bond film because it did feature brilliant casting and a really good director who knew how to push all the right buttons. Among the best was Fatima Bush (Barbara Carrera), whose deranged bad-girl villainy was worth the price of admission. The theme song this time around was pretty but forgettable, and felt more like a lounge act than anything else.
    21. Diamonds are Forever. Sean Connery was lured back to Bond by a massive payday after skipping out on the previous installment, but his heart just wasn't in it. The plot is about diamond smuggling, but it really doesn't matter... this by-the-numbers Bond installment was pretty forgettable, including the theme song by the otherwise amazing Shirley Bassey.
    22. Live and Let Die. Maybe it's because I thought the whole blaxploitation genre was a bad fit for a James Bond flick, but I just could not get into this film. That's surprising considering we have a truly great theme song by Paul McCartney and Wings, Jane Seymour, and a pretty good two-two-two-villains-in-one idea (played brilliantly by Yaphet Kotto). But we also have some truly corny moments and characters (including the horrific Sheriff J.W. Pepper), along with a laughable voodoo-themed drug plot that felt like it would work better in a cheesy porn flick. So, no, I was not impressed with Roger Moore's first outing as Bond, and thought this feeble attempt to cash-in on the blaxploitation gravy-train to be pretty much crap.
    23. The Living Daylights. Hmmm... what do I remember about this one? Well, a-ha sang the incredible theme song brilliantly. And I think this was Timothy Dalton's first bland, dull, lifeless, Bond entry. Ooh! And there was a girl with a cello and drugs on camels... or something. Blergh. You know you're in trouble when the only thing you liked best from the film was the theme song. But it's not the first time (see: Live and Let Die).
    24. Octopussy. Ye gads. Just as I absolutely fucking hated Star Wars II: Revenge of the Sith when Chewbacca broke character (and universe) by doing the "Tarzan yell" as he swung through the trees, I fucking hated Octopussy for the same reason. It's meant to be funny but it's tragically stupid, and sucks you out of the film you're watching. As if that weren't enough for me to take a shit on this Bond installment, 007 dresses up AS A FUCKING CLOWN! Absolutely everything in this film... from the nonsensical plot to the cliché-laden characters and story... is dreadful. Whomever pitched the idea of James Bond joining the circus should be shot. The icing on the cake was the theme song by Rita Coolidge, All Time High, which was a sleepy, boring ballad that started the film off with a snore.

    And that's a wrap. My hope is that Daniel Craig (who is contracted for two more films) will continue doing amazing things with James Bond before the inevitable passing of the torch. Time will tell, but looking at the latter half of this list has me dreading that day.

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    Oscars

    Posted on Friday, February 22nd, 2013

    Dave! The Oscars are on Sunday. Here are my picks.

    BEST PICTURE: My pick is Django Unchained, which I enjoyed more than all the other films combined (excluding Beasts of the Southern Wild and Les Misérables, neither of which I wanted to see). It won't win, of course, but it completely deserves to (like Inglourious Basterds before it).

    BEST ANIMATED PICTURE: Heaven only knows that I wanted Pixar's Brave to blow me away... but, while it was jaw-dropping beautiful to look at, the story just didn't measure up. ParaNorman, Wreck-It Ralph, and The Pirates! Band of Misfits were all good films, but it's Frankenweenie that was my favorite.

    BEST SHORT FILM: John Kahrs' Paperman is haunting and beautiful and has Disney magic all over it. The other nominations are great, sure, but Paperman is genius.

    BEST DIRECTOR: Ang Lee's absolutely masterful handling of Life of Pi makes him my clear favorite. But who doesn't think Spielberg will take it for Lincoln? But the bigger question... how in the heck did Quentin Tarantino get overlooked for Django Unchained?

    BEST ACTOR: While I thought Bradley Coooper gave a winning performance, it's pretty hard not to pick Daniel Day-Lewis for his amazing turn as Lincoln.

    BEST ACTRESS: This was a toughie, but I give the nod to Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook. She just seemed more necessary to the success of her film.

    BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Yeah, Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln with Christoph Waltz a close second for Django Unchained.

    BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Hated The Master so Amy Adams is out. Didn't think Sally Field disappeared into her role enough in Lincoln. Refused to watch Les Misérables for Anne Hathaway. Thought Helen Hunt was "okay" in The Sessions, but not remarkable. So I guess that leaves Jacki Weaver for Silver Linings Playbook... although Anne Hathaway is almost certain to take it.

    BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: The easy choice would be Life of Pi, but I think too much of what made it cinematically amazing was the special effects. Django Unchained would be a solid choice, but I'm going to have to go with Roger Deakins for Skyfall. A big part of what made it such a good film was the stunning cinematography, and the film is definitely Oscar-worthy.

    BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS: For all the reasons I think Life of Pi should not get "Best Cinematography," I think it probably deserves the Oscar for "Best Special Effects." That being said, the incredible visuals of The Battle for New York in The Avengers (not to mention the hundreds of other effects plus Hulk and Iron Man) make me wish a tie could happen here.

    BEST ORIGINAL SONG: I'm not a fan of Adele's music, but have always liked her as a person in interviews and stuff. And yet... Skyfall was about as good a theme as James Bond movies get, and Adele blew the doors off it.

    BEST WRITING, ORIGINAL: I have gone round and round on this, trying to decide between Django Unchained and Moonrise Kingdom, and can't decide. I would be equally thrilled if either won, though Zero Dark Thirty probably has the edge.

    BEST WRITING, ADAPTED: Just about everyone (including me) thought that Life of Pi was unfilmable... and yet, here it is. It would be hard not to reward that ingenuity.

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    Bullet Sunday 318

    Posted on Sunday, February 24th, 2013

    Dave!Another boring February Sunday got you down? Don't despair... because and even MORE boring Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Oscars! Meh.

       
    • Over! By this time next week, Tiwlight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two will have been released on DVD and Blu-Ray. And then it's over, right? I mean, it's the final shitty movie of the shitty Twilight movies based on the shitty Twilight books, isn't it? I won't have to be subjected to any more of this crap... right?

       
    • Overer! And speaking of over... the three internet trends I am so over with this month are...

       
    • Hook! I have to admit that I haven't seen a single episode of Once Upon a Time. I'm not into fables and fairy tales, so the show is not my cup of tea. But I keep seeing these television promos which feature a surprising element...

    Captain Hook!

    That's Colin O'Donoghue, who apparently plays Captain Hook. But I don't care about that. I mean, yeah, I guess he's a good-looking guy and all... and I'm sure he's a decent actor and everything... but I'm talking about something more important than any of that...

    Captain Eye Liner

    EYELINER! Or, as I like to call it, "Captain Jack Sparrow Guyliner"...

    Captain Jack Sparrow

    Apparently it's impossible to be a pirate now-a-days unless you've got eyeliner on. I approve completely. Mostly because I can totally rock the guyliner look...

    Dave Liner

    But also because I'm totally a pirate at heart. The day this goes mainstream, I am so there.

       
    • Suck! I am one of those rare people who believes in paying for the stuff I want. If there's a game I want, I buy it. If there's a movie I want, I buy it. If there's a television series I want, I buy it. If there's a song I want, I buy it. Thanks to Apple's iTunes, most any media I want to own can be purchased quickly and easily, so I pay the price. Until now. I went to purchase the latest season of Archer only to find that FX Network has placed ads in each episode. That's right, I'M PAYING FOR ADS! Well fuck this shit. FX Network is out of the damn minds if they think that I am going to pay for advertising when there are alternatives for getting Archer ad-free.

       
    And now... time to call it a night. Tomorrow promises to be a long, long day.

       

    Hitchcock

    Posted on Tuesday, March 12th, 2013

    Dave!Today is National Alfred Hitchcock Day. I enjoy his films, but am not a huge fan. What I am a huge fan of is the recent movie about Hitchcock starring Sir Anthony Hopkins and Dame Helen Mirren. It details the making of Psycho, the most famous and successful of his films. The story behind the film was far more interesting than I thought it would be. And it was perfectly cast. I don't know that Anthony Hopkins looked much like Hitch, but he felt like Hitch. And Helen Mirren... well... it's Helen Mirren...

    Hitchcock Movie Poster

       
    Well worth your valuable time. You can rent it at iTunes, or own it for $15.

    And speaking of really good films... Disney has decided to release a series of shorts starring Mickey Mouse in June. As a teaser, they released the first installment, Croissant de Triomphe, at Disney.com...

    New Mickey Mouse Animation

       
    It's wonderful. And it has a number of things going for it...

    1. It features beautifully stylized hand-drawn animation.
    2. It has lush textures and a gorgeous background color pallet.
    3. It uses black-and-white Mickey instead of racist caucasian Mickey.
    4. It's set in Paris... and is in French!
    5. It actually is clever and amusing.

    Heaven only knows I'd like to see Disney produce more 2-D animation to offset the escalation of 3-D stuff. This is a good start. Go watch it immediately at Disney.com

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    Passing

    Posted on Thursday, April 4th, 2013

    Dave!The big news today is the passing of famed movie critic Roger Ebert, which I'll get to in a minute. But also passing today is Carmine Infantino, a prolific comic book artist whose work when a long way towards shaping the comic books as we know them today. The man redefined The Flash, for heaven's sake, and paved the way for The Silver Age of comics.

    Despite all his influence and success, I was never a fan of Carmine Infantino. I thought his art style was sketchy and sloppy. I felt his anatomy and proportions were off-putting. I didn't care for the way he used (or didn't use) perspective. And I never like his background art for those rare times he bothered to actually put any detail into his backgrounds. Don't get me wrong, the guy knew how to illustrate a story... I just didn't care for the way he did it...

    The Flash

    Supergirl

    Spider Woman

    And yet, it would be impossible for me not to admire the guy who did so much for the comics medium that I love. For that I thank you, Mr. Infantino... rest in peace.

    As for Roger Ebert...

    Roger Ebert
    Photo by Buena Vista Television/AP Photo

    For me, he was THE film critic. Along with Gene Siskel, he created At the Movies, which was a program I obsessed over in the 1980's. I love movies, and back then there wasn't an internet to hang out with fellow buffs to discuss them. Instead there was Siskel and Ebert every week. Of the two, Ebert was the one who was closest to my tastes, and his "thumbs up" sent me to the local movie theater more times than I can count. He expanded my love of cinema, helped me to find films that I still love to this day, and was a tireless voice in the movie geek community that I valued right up until his death. Even when I didn't agree with him.

    But movies were not the only thing Roger Ebert helped to open my mind to.

    His astounding positive outlook in the face of devastating health problems were inspirational in a way that I can't even begin to enunciate. The guy was in hospitals all the time, he lost his jaw, he lost his ability to speak and eat, he was dealing with crap that would crush the spirit of most anyone. And yet... he refused to let it get him down. He kept working. He kept inspiring. He kept living...

    Roger Ebert
    Photo by Associated Press

    "I believe that if, at the end, according to our abilities we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute to joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn't always know this, and am happy I lived long enough to find it out."

    We should all do so well to leave such a legacy. Rest in peace, Mr. Ebert.

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    Cinematic!

    Posted on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013

    Dave!A fellow cinephile and I were chatting about the large number of awesome movies being released this year, and decided we should make lists of our most anticipated films so we could compare them. We started with 10 films each, then added another 10 to create a "Top 20" list. After some discussion, I added 5 more films, which means I now have a "Top 25 List of Dave's Most Anticipated Films" for the remainder of 2013.

    I should probably come back and grade them all after I've seen them.

    1. Iron Man 3 (3 MAY) — I haven't been this excited for a movie sequel since The Empire Strikes Back. Robert Downey Jr. has created one of the best cinematic adaptations of a comic book character ever, and now he's teaming with writer/director Shane Black, who is literally the perfect candidate for the job. The resulting movie has no choice but to be frickin' amazing, and I can't wait.
    2. Star Trek Into Darkness (17 MAY) — The first film did the impossible... rebooted Star Trek in a way that this here die-hard fan absolutely loved. All I've wanted to do since seeing it was experience more. Here it comes.
    3. Red 2 (JULY 19) — In what I can only describe as "shocking," the movie version RED was actually superior to the comic book original. Partly because it seemed more focus and funny, but mostly because is was so impeccably cast. Here's hoping the sequel is more of the same.
    4. Elysium (9 SUGUST) — I have no idea what this film is about but am dying to see it. It's enough that it's Neil Blomkamp's follow-up to his smash debut District 9.
    5. Thor: The Dark World (31 DECEMBER) — Overall, I loved the first Thor film. They hit all the right notes and really did the character justice, which I wasn't expecting. Now that the set-up story is out of the way and everybody's seen exactly what Thor is capable of (thanks to The Avengers), there's an opportunity here to build a truly great super-hero franchise by focusing on the character's other-wordly Asgardian roots, and this movie looks to be doing exactly that.
    6. Man of Steel (JUNE 14) — I still HATE HATE HATE what they did to Superman's costume (seriously, this is about as the shittiest thing since Green Lantern) but the latest trailer looks pretty impressive. All I can do is hope that the film ends up being more faithful to the source material than I'm expecting. Even with my expectations in check, I'm pretty anxious to see this movie.
    7. Pacific Rim (12 JULY) — Giant. Fighting. Robots. The new trailer for this sci-fi flick is painfully epic, and I can't wait to see Guillermo del Toro's Aliens vs. Human Controlled Robots movie.
    8. Kick-Ass 2 (16 AUGUST) — The Red Mist is out for revenge, and his targets are Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl! Fortunately there are other heroes joining their ranks (including an nearly unrecognizable Jim Carey as Colonel Stars & Stripes). The original film was a guilty pleasure I've watched more times than I'll ever admit, and it looks like the sequel is ramping up the action to new levels of absurdity. How can I say no to that?
    9. Despicable Me 2 (3 JULY) — This animated feature caught me completely off-guard. I had low expectations when I started watching it on a long plane trip, but ended up loving the film. Now I'm a die-hard fan of the little minions from the story, and can't wait to see the sequel. And, speaking of surprisingly good animated films, when are we getting a sequel to Megamind?.
    10. The World's End (23 AUGUST) — Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. What else is there to say?
    11. Monsters University (21 JUNE) — Hands-down my favorite Pixar film is Monsters, Inc.... it was genius on too many levels to count. And, while I'm not enthused about the prequel premise they've got going on here, I am very much excited to revisit Mike and Sully one more time.
    12. The Lone Ranger (3 JULY) — As a huge fan of Johnny Depp in just about everything he's ever done, my expectations are high. His reimagining of Tonto looks fascinating, and the trailer looks action-packed, so I'm in.
    13. Riddick (6 SEPTEMBER) — And we've finally arrived at Chapter 3 of The Chronicles of Riddick film series. The first film was awesome. The second was a major step down but still decent. This installment is anybody's guess. But I'm a sucker for sci-fi so I won't be missing it.
    14. The Hangover: Part III (24 MAY) — The first Hangover is one of my all-time favorite comedies. The sequel copied just about everything from the original, then shitted all over it... but still, it was funny. This time around it sounds like Todd Phillips learned from his mistake and came up with something new. I'll give it a shot.
    15. R.I.P.D. (19 JULY) — The comic book was kind of hit-or-miss for me, but a movie might be a good fit since they can pick out the best bits from the "Rest In Peace Department" stories. Besides, who wouldn't want to see a team of undead cops hunt down criminals? If that wasn't enough to sell the film, it's starring Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges.
    16. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (20 DECEMBER) — The first Anchorman wasn't a great film... but it was packed with so many great moments that a sequel simply had to happen. Everybody's back for the second go-round (thankfully), and we're adding Harrison Ford and Josh Lawson to the cast. It can't possibly live up to my lofty expectations, but I want to see it anyway.
    17. World War Z (21 JUNE) — The book was epic. The audiobook was beyond epic. The movie looks visually interesting, but I'm just not sure of how it's going to translate. Brad Pitt wouldn't have been my first choice here, but he's passionate for the project, which could go a long ways towards selling me on it.
    18. 300: Rise of an Empire (2 AUGUST) — A prequel to 300 explaining how crazy Xerxes became The God King? Sign me up.
    19. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (4 OCTOBER) — While I loved the comic book and thought the first Sin City adaptation was great, it seems like too much time has passed for another movie. I still want to see it, I just wish I was a bit more enthusiastic.
    20. Jack Ryan (25 DECEMBER) — I really enjoyed the Jack Ryan novels by Tom Clancy, and some of the films have been good too (despite starring different actors like Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford, and Ben Affleck). This time it's Chris Pine (Capt. Kirk) in the role, which should be interesting. What worries me is that this time the story isn't based on one of the novels, which could go either way.
    21. Gravity (4 OCTOBER) — The premise of this film is just too fascinating to deny (and the fact that it's by Alfonso Cuarón doesn't hurt either!). Sandra Bullock and George Clooney are astronauts alone in space after things go very, very wrong and their ship explodes.
    22. Machete Kills (13 SEPTEMBER) Look, I'm going to give anything Robert Rodriguez puts out a shot. This sequel to the nasty, violent original may not be the most important film of this year (or any year) but I'm betting it will be entertaining.
    23. The Seventh Son (18 OCTOBER) — This by-the-numbers battle of good vs. evil fantasy flick has a frighteningly large probability of being a disaster... but it's based on The Wardstone Chronicles (The Spook's Apprentice, to you Brits) which has me intrigued.
    24. Oldboy (11 OCTOBER) — The original Korean version of this film is a total master work and an amazing film. That being said, there is no need for a shitty American remake. Except... SPIKE LEE DIRECTING?!? Could not be more curious about how he's going to handle the material.
    25. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (13 DECEMBER) — This movie is here because I can't very well leave it off my list. Even though I probably should. Peter Jackson has taken one small book and stretched it out so far that there's more filler than substance, and it's just an awful mess. I mean, seriously, THREE FILMS?!? At most this should have been two films, and I really think it could have been done in one. In any event, I am anxious to get the middle chapter out of the way so we can finally be done with this damn thing next year.

       
    That's a lot of movies.

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    Fourth!

    Posted on Saturday, May 4th, 2013

    Dave!Happy Star Wars Day!

    Which would be a lot more fun if I had internet. Oh well.

    Darth Monkey

       

    Darth Monkey would say "May the Fourth be with you"... but they don't do that on the Dark Side.

       

    Bullet Sunday 328

    Posted on Monday, May 6th, 2013

    Dave!Don't get confused that bullets are flying on a Monday... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Downey Jr.! Marvel's box office streak continues. Iron Man 3 had the second biggest domestic opening of all time ($175.3 million), second only to Marvel's The Avengers (which bowed last summer with $207.4 million). This is a continuing, shining example of how staying faithful to the source material with popular characters will result in popular movies...

    Iron Man 3 Poster

    I can't wait to see it! I just have no idea when I'll have time to.

       
    • Gates! Look, I understand that Bill Gates has to continue to support Microsoft even though he's not running the place any more. I get it. The company made him billions upon billions of dollars, and he's obligated to say fantastic things about it no matter what happens. Anything less would be ungrateful.

    But really?

    Really?

    Look, if I am going to be doing a lot of data entry or typing a lot of text, I'm going to use a computer. But for surfing the web, taking notes, checking and writing email, reading books and comics, and dozens upon dozens of other everyday tasks? I grab for my iPad. It's not the best tool for typing, of course, but it's really comfortable and useful for a lot of the stuff I do on a regular basis. So, no, Bill... I am not a frustrated iPad user. What I WAS was a frustrated Windows 8 user. So frustrated that I took your new piece-of-shit operating system and tossed it in the garbage after downgrading to Windows 7, which was at least tolerable. So... Bill... before dumping all over iPad with your pathetic whining, you might want to take a look at the turd that you're claiming is such a superior experience. Because it's not. It so totally and absolutely is not.

       
    • Rollins! I just tuned into Hawaii Five-0 tonight only to see that it's guest-starring Henry Rollins and Mare Winningham as child kidnappers! Yes... THE Henry Rollins!

    As a big fan for a very long time, it was cool to see Henry Rollins playing a bad guy on TV. His performance was pretty darn good given that he didn't have a lot to do... however... there was a problem.
          << SPOILER ALERT >>
    At one point, Henry's character has been caught. But he refuses to talk, so the cops decide not to be cops and beat the shit out of him to get the info they need. The first thing to enter my head was "Well this is going to be hilarious!," because the idea of two Hollywood actors beating up Henry frickin' Rollins is absurd. Even if he was handcuffed. But then the camera turns away, which means that the people making the episode also thought the idea of two Hollywood actors beating up Henry frickin' Rollins was absurd. And that made it even more hilarious.

       
    • Restless! So... turns out that "Restless Legs Syndrome" is not the load of bullshit I always thought it was. I've had leg pains for as long as I can remember, but it's always been fairly mild and ignorable. Over the past year, I've been having increasingly odd and un-ignorable "rolling pains" that move up and down my legs. It kind of feels like electricity on the inside that will give me mild shocks in random places, then tingle and go dead. But it only seems to be a problem late in the day when I've been sitting at work... or sitting on the couch... or sitting on a plane... or laying down in bed. But when I move my legs, the weird feeling subsides. This means I am constantly shifting my legs, often-times without even realizing it. So it looks like I now have a neurological disorder. Which makes me wonder yet again "What's going to go to shit on my body next?"

       
    • Riker! HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS?!?

    So... bad back... or lifestyle choice?

       
    And... no internet. Again. This is getting silly.

       

    Iron Man 3

    Posted on Wednesday, May 15th, 2013

    Dave!Despite what you may have read, this is not the best Iron Man movie ever made.

    The best Iron Man movie ever made is The Avengers. And that's because, so far as comic book super-hero films go, that movie was insane. Finally... finally we got to see all-out super-hero action taken to the degree it's at in the comics, and Iron Man was a huge part of that.

    So I guess that Iron Man 3 would be the second-best Iron Man film ever made.

    More or less...

    Iron Man 3 Poster

    Co-written and directed by Shane Black, the writer genius behind Lethal Weapon and The Long Kiss Goodnight, Iron Man 3 is a very good film in a surprising number of ways. Even if you were take Iron Man out of the equation. Which the movie does... a lot... because Tony Stark is the star of this show. Iron Man is relegated to a supporting player (albeit an important one).

    I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, Robert Downey Jr. plays Tony Stark so flawlessly that you're always left wanting more... on the other... well, you're going to an Iron Man movie to see Iron Man.

    Putting all that aside, the film feels very Shane Black. Which is mostly a good thing.

    There be spoilers from here on out, so don't click through to the extended entry unless you've already seen Iron Man 3...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    Darkness

    Posted on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

    Dave!Do you remember in You're a Good Sport, Charlie Brown where Charlie Brown won Pro Bowl tickets in a bike race but it ended up they couldn't afford to give him the Pro Bowl tickets, so they instead gave him a certificate for five free haircuts? And then Charlie Brown laments that even when he wins he loses because his dad's a barber and he hardly has any hair to cut anyway? Remember that?

    That pretty much sums up my entire day.

    It got so bad that, on my way back from running errands in town, I swerved off the road to the movie theater just so I could be distracted for a couple hours. I didn't even care what I watched.

    Much to my delight, the next film playing was Star Trek Into Darkness. I was planning on waiting to see it in IMAX but, at this point, I just didn't care...

    Star Trek Into Darkness

    Overall, I thought the movie was excellent. It was action-packed and oh-so-beautiful to look at. This is the first time I can remember watching an effects-laden film where half my brain wasn't analyzing the special effects shots. They were all executed so flawlessly that there was nothing to really analyze. That went a long ways to taking the edge off of some story points that bothered me, and pushed my love of the film to an A rating.

    It's impossible to discuss the finer points of Star Trek Into Darkness without spoilers, so I've put my thoughts in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    THE MOVIE!

    Posted on Monday, June 17th, 2013

    Dave!Day. Made.

    This may very well be the greatest movie ever.

    And now I can't wait for 2014...

    Because... Morgan Freeman, for real?

    I hope there's a video game released to go along with it.

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    Bullet Sunday 337

    Posted on Sunday, July 7th, 2013

    Dave!I'm in an 80's state of mind... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Sadness. My thoughts are with those affected by the Bodh Gaya Temple bombing in India... including Buddhists around the world. This most holy site is said to be the place that Buddha obtained enlightenment, and is a hugely important pilgrimage spot I have long wanted to visit. Why somebody would wish to destroy a place of importance to a people whose entire belief system revolves around non-violence and inner-peace is beyond me, but here we are.

       
    • Heat! Was very pleasantly surprised by The Heat. From the trailers I couldn't tell if it was going to be funny-funny or funny-stupid. Sure, it dips into funny-stupid a few times... usually when Melissa McCarthy is allowed to improvise for too long a stretch... or Sandra Bullock tries too hard to be awkward and uptight... but it always gets back on track. Basically, Bullock plays an FBI Agent that ends up in Boston to track down a very, very bad man. While there she runs afoul of local cop McCarthy but, as so often happens, ends up teaming up with her. The supporting cast is pure gold, with appearances by Jane Curtin, Michael Rapaport, Taran Killam, Thomas F. Wilson (Biff!), Nate Corddry, Joey McIntyre, Zach Woods, Marlon Wayans... and probably a lot more I don't remember.

    The Heat Poster

    It's worth a matinee price to see in theaters, and definitely worth a rental.

       
    • Concert! The Chateau Ste. Michelle is a winery over in Woodinville that has an amphitheater which gets some pretty decent musical talent to play. It's a beautiful venue, but the lawn seating is mostly obstructed and not laid out very well. This means it's not the best place for a concert, but it's okay. Except when you have to watch a drunken train wreck pee her pants.

    Anyway, tonight it was Pat Benatar headlining with Terri Nunn and Berlin opening up. Benatar was a little rough vocally, but entertaining. Berlin was amazing. They have a new album coming out, and the taste they gave us at the concert will definitely have me checking it out.

       
    • Faced! I've often wondered about what kind of mentality it takes for somebody to think that people would like to see their giant face plastered all over a bus. Whatever it is, I'm seeing more and more of it, so it must be pretty common. This one I saw on my way to The Coast on Friday was particularly clever, because they had to position afore-mentioned giant head between obstacles...

    Flynn's Bus

       
    • Woman! There's a video of Dustin Hoffman discussing his role of Dorothy Michaels in Tootsie which has been burning up the internets. It's a pretty powerful piece, and the epiphany he had about "interesting women" being dismissed because of their looks comes from a perspective most men will never have...

    Not surprisingly, not everybody can appreciate what Mr.. Hoffman is trying to say. Some of the comments I've read are positively awful. But that's the internet for you.

       
    No more bullets... but tomorrow is another day...

       

    Bullet Sunday 338

    Posted on Sunday, July 14th, 2013

    Dave!Don't let invading Kaiju keep you down... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Rim! Okay, I am having trouble deciding if Pacific Rim is so bad it's good... or so bad it's bad. The concept of giant robots fighting giant alien monsters is fantastic. But the story they came up with around that concept was shockingly bad and hugely inconsistent (IT TAKES TWO PILOTS TO OPERATE A JAEGER ROBOT... UNLESS IT DOESN"T!). The acting was, with one exception, awful. And it didn't help that they were being given groan-inducing, cheesy dialogue to work with. That being said, I am still glad I saw the movie in a really good theater because the special effects and battle sequences were mind-blowing...

    Pacific Rim Poster

    All in all, a bit of a misstep for brilliant director Guillermo del Toro... but an entertaining one. If you have time to kill, it's worth watching on the big screen. Just keep your expectations in check.

       
    • Acting! The one exception to the really bad acting in Pacific Rim I was talking about? Mana Ashida's performance as young Mako. Absolutely riveting. You could feel her terror in every frame, and it was almost enough to believe that she was actually being chased by a Godzilla-sized monster. She should get some kind of award for that...

    Mana Ashida
    I'm guessing this photo came from Warner Bros. and/or Legendary Pictures.

    It will be very interesting to see where Mana's considerable talent takes her as an actor.

       
    • Idris! Yeah, okay... if I'm being honest here, Idris Elba was pretty brilliant playing Stacker Pentecost considering the genuinely awful lines he had to deliver.

       
    • Stereotypical! One last comment about Pacific Rim... thanks to everybody involved for once again giving us genius scientists that act so damn stupid and geeky that it's impossible to believe that they are, in fact, genus scientists. Burn Gorman and Charlie Day, both of whom I like as actors, were completely wasted in their roles, being used as some idiotic attempt at comic relief that only served to disrupt the film. Badly. Can we please give up on this overused, stereotypical crutch that never ends up as hysterical as was intended? (see: Brent Spiner in Independence Day or any number of other flicks in genre entertainment where genius scientists appear for "humor value" in a script).

       
    And in another direction entirely...

       
    • Verdict. Well, I wish I could say I'm surprised, but the not-guilty verdict for George Zimmerman was hardly shocking. I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers here, but there's a few things I feel I have to get off my chest...

    • "Are you following him?" — "Yeah." — "Okay, we don't need you to do that." The operative word in the phrase "Neighborhood Watch" is that you are there to watch what's happening, then report anything suspicious to the authorities. Not to hop out of the Batmobile and track down a potential "suspect" whom, by the way, you didn't see commit any criminal act whatsoever. That's for everybody's safety. NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF ZIMMERMAN HADN'T THOUGHT OF HIMSELF AS FUCKING BATMAN OUT TO FIGHT CRIME. You're in the neighborhood watch, not the police force... so, yes, this is all Zimmerman's fault, regardless of his intent, and I don't care what some jury says. Because being followed by a uniformed officer of the law is a completely different situation that being followed by some random creepy guy watching you from his truck, and Treyvon's reaction would have undoubtedly been very different in that confrontation. If he had confronted the police officer at all.
    • The way people have dredged up every conceivable infraction that Trayvon Martin ever had in order to paint him as a villain who was somehow deserving of death disgusts me to my very core. People grow and change every day. Who a person was a year ago... a month ago... ten minutes ago... none of that is who they are right now. And it sure as hell doesn't have to be who they will be in the future. And there's the big picture. Nobody knows what Trayvon would have done with his life. And now we'll never know. So paint him however you want if that's what helps you sleep at night. But the simple fact is that George Zimmerman didn't know shit about Trayvon Martin's past when he stalked him into the night. All he did know was that Trayvon was walking while black, which was apparently all he needed to know.
    • Zimmerman's illustrious past which, unlike Trayvon Martin's, is completely relevant when considering his actions.
    • The one bit of testimony during the trial that I just can't let go of is the analysis of George Zimmerman's injuries. It is the story of the defense that Trayvon had jumped Martin and started bashing his head into the concrete over and over again. Then Zimmerman says that Martin told him "You're going to die tonight" after his gun was exposed. Fearing for his life, Zimmerman says that he grabbed the gun first and shot Martin in self-defense. But here's the deal... under expert analysis, Zimmerman's injuries were deemed superficial. The testimony of the expert witness was that the injuries could have come from a single blow. She also implied that the blow could have been self-inflicted. So where is the evidence to support Zimmerman's story if his injuries are not sufficient and, indeed, even questionable? An unarmed 17-year old kid was apparently bludgeoning the shit out of an adult male while covering his mouth while going for his gun... completely overwhelming him to the point that he thought the kid was going to kill him. And yet... no injuries were sustained that even remotely back that up. Hell, didn't somebody testify that Zimmerman refused go to the hospital? After the kind of beating he says he took? Somebody bashes your skull into concrete repeatedly, and you just say "Nah!" when they want to take you to the hospital to get checked out? How in the hell was this not enough to discredit the defense? Maybe it's just Zimmerman trying to exaggerate so that he can support his "self defense" claim, but WTF?
    • And, I'm sorry, but if your excuse for stalking somebody is "I wanted to find a street sign so I could tell where he was going"... when you are part of a neighborhood watch in a neighborhood that has only three fucking streets... which you then explain away by saying that you have a "bad memory?" Really? Exactly how fucking stupid do you think people are that they are going to believe that load of bullshit? Oh... apologies... apparently they did believe it. Just another piece of Zimmerman's story that doesn't add up for me.
    • My takeaway is essentially this: Zimmerman spots a black kid in a hoodie walking through his neighborhood at night. Racial profiling deems this suspicious and so he decides to get out of his vehicle to track the kid down while calling the police. And why not? He's the Neighborhood Fucking Watch and he's got a gun! Zimmerman eventually stops pursuit for whatever reason, returns to his vehicle, then is surprised when Martin shows up to confront him. A scuffle ensues. Martin lands at least one punch, at which point Zimmerman takes out his gun and shoots him dead. Zimmerman then lies about some events and exaggerates others to fabricate a claim of self-defense to cover up the fact that he just shot an unarmed kid he had been stalking. The unarmed kid with his bag of Skittles and fruit drink is painted as a violent thug deserving of death. Zimmerman deemed not guilty. Case closed. Justice is served.
    • But probably not.

    Zimmerman's story is, at the very least, exaggerated and not entirely supported by facts in evidence. And because of Zimmerman's actions and poor judgement, a 17-year-old kid is dead. Hopefully some lessons will be learned from this tragic situation. But the verdict has me worried that people will take away the wrong lesson.

    Heaven help us.

    As always, Faiqa has written up a response that's far better than anything I could come up with, so I leave you with a link to her blog.

       

    Take care of each other out there.

       

    Wrong

    Posted on Thursday, July 18th, 2013

    Dave!The plan was to wake up early, have a quick breakfast, get my work done, go shoe-shopping, have a nice leisurely lunch, then head to the airport a full two hours early.

    The reality was that I woke up early, had a quick breakfast, started in on work... WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN EVERYTHING WENT TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

    And so I managed to get to the aiport just 45 minutes before my international flight, boarding the plane just 30 minutes before take-off (thank you TSA Pre-Check!).

    Without new shoes. Without lunch. Without my santiy.

    The flight to the Netherlands itself wasn't too bad. I just watched movies to pass the time.

    • Sound City. When I first saw this film, I said... "It's brilliant. A total love letter to old-school music production by some big names in the business... including Paul McCartney, Trent Reznor, Lindsey Buckingham, Mick Fleetwood, Stevie Nicks, Tom Petty, Lars Ulrich, and more. If you love music, this is a documentary that's well worth checking out." — Now that I've seen it twice, I love it even more. Seriously amazing documentary by Dave Grohl that is worth your valuable time. Yes, it starts a little slow, but it builds to something important.
    • Don't Stop Believin': Everyman's Journey. This is a docu-drama about the band Journey's efforts to replace lead singer Steve Perry (again) with a fan on YouTube from the Philippines named Arnel Pineda (who sounds exactly like Perry). It's an interesting, yet oddly superficial film... basically acting as an advertisement for seeing Journey on tour. But if you like the band's music, you'll definitely enjoy this movie.
    • Field of Dreams. My favorite film of all time. It is pretty much flawless, and the performances by Kevin Costner and James Earl Jones are sublime. I cannot help myself whenever I see the film playing. I am compelled to watch.
    • Notting Hill. A guilty pleasure I am unable to be embarrassed about. This Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant rom-com hits all the right notes, even though it feels remarkably clumsy in spots.
    • The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. I held out -zero- hope for this film because the previews looked so stupid. But Jim Carrey's take on a new-wave street magician who challenges old-school magicians Steve Carell and Steve Buscemi was actually pretty funny.

    Add in some episodes of The Newsroom and the 10-hour flight was over just like that.

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    Affleck???

    Posted on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

    Dave!BEN AFFLECK AS BATMAN?!??

    I mean, I know he was the bomb in Phantoms, but BATMAN?!?

    Affleck as Batman?!??

       

    Look, it's not like I have anything against Ben Affleck. He's a decent actor who has played several parts I've enjoyed, and I think a lot of times the criticism he gets is just because people like to hate on Ben Affleck, not because he deserves it.

    He's also really funny, and not above poking fun at himself... or others, which gives him high marks in my book...

    Genius.

    But he's NOT Batman.

    He's not.

    He doesn't have the gravitas to pull off the Dark Knight.

    He doesn't have the suave sophistication to pull off Bruce Wayne.

    And it's not that hard to understand.

    When playing the part of a man that is supposed to be taken seriously when dressed up as a big bat, the actor doing the job has to be able to ground that character in some sense of reality. He has to have the weight to make you believe that Batman is on the screen. Ben Affleck is not that actor. He's just going to come across as a guy in a suit.

    And it's not like there's no precedent to see how this will play out.

    Daredevil, which I enjoyed more than most people, has Affleck struggling to make a guy in a relatively "normal" looking vigilante outfit feel real. He never quite pulled it off. You could never get past the fact that it was Ben Affleck gritting his teeth in a red leather suit.

    And now he's going to attempt Batman?

    Batman?!?

    Again, this is a guy dressed up as a frickin' BAT.

    I'm sure Ben will give it his best shot. I'm sure it won't be truly horrible.

    But it's not going to be Batman.

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    Bullet Sunday 352

    Posted on Sunday, October 27th, 2013

    Dave!No need to be Sleepless in Seattle... because a boring, coma-inducing Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • SALTALAMACCHIA! Well this is bad. You can candy-coat it all you want, but an error in judgement by one of my favorite players, Boston catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia, pretty much cost the Red Sox the third game of the World Series last night. At first I didn't even understand what happened... and even after they walked through it, I'm not entirely convinced it was the right call to make... but there's no denying that this is not going to bode well for Salty. The last couple games have not been good for him and, considering they're World Series games, it's tough to see what the upshot might be. I'd be heartbroken if this was the factor that resulted in him leaving the team, but it's not like Boston would be without cause. The good news is that the Red Sox came back in tonight's game to tie things up 2 games to 2... albeit without Saltalamacchia behind home plate... and I guess that's the thing I should be focusing on. But... damn...

       
    • DIMENSION! I've said it many times before... but I loves me a great television advertisement!

    Considering how badly most TV ads suck, it's always great to see somebody put effort into creating one that people are actually going to want to watch. With the cost of a national ad campaign being so hideously expensive, I remain shocked that more companies aren't more clever with their money. Especially given the advent of DVRs, where being able to fast-forward through commercials is commonplace. Well played, Honda.

       
    • CURFEW! I used to watch the ending to the Danny Boyle film Millions whenever I needed to crawl my way out of depression. Now I find myself watching Curfew, which feels so much bigger than the little short film it is...

    Curfew Movie Poster

    Surprising how something so dark can manage to be so uplifting, but here it is. Totally deserving of the dozens of awards it's racked up... including an Academy Award for Best Short Film. But the best news? You can get it for just $2.99 at the iTunes Store! I can't wait to see what writer/director/actor Shawn Christensen is up to next after "Grandma's Not a Toaster."

       
    • VELVET! I was never a big fan of Velvet Underground singer Lou Reed, but it's tough to deny his influence when it comes to music. Perhaps this was best expressed by Brian Eno who had this to say about The Velvet Underground's first album selling only 30,000 copies... "I think everyone who bought one of those 30,000 copies started a band!" Keeping that in mind, it was pretty tough to hear that Mr. Reed as died at age 71. He was still making music, and undoubtedly had a lot more to say with his work. Rest in peace, sir, your influence will live on.

       
    • WALLACE! And, ending things on another down note, I was sad to learn that actor Marcia Wallace had died at age 70. Probably best-known for playing Bob's acerbic receptionist on The Bob Newhart Show, she went on to make dozens of appearances... including a reoccurring role on The Simpsons as 4th grade teacher Mrs. Krabappel. It had to be tough coming up with a character that could be so well-liked while also being an adversary for Bart Simpson, but Marcia Wallace was a big part of what made it work. Her many flirtations in early Simpsons episodes was a staple of the show, and I was always upset that they ended up marrying Mrs. K to Ned Flanders... but there's no denying Marcia Wallace maintained her character's appeal despite it all. You will very much be missed.

       
    Annnnd... I'm spent.

       

    Bullet Sunday 353 – Movie Edition!

    Posted on Sunday, November 3rd, 2013

    Dave!With nothing but work to write about, I've decided to take a look at some films I've seen recently.

    So grab your popcorn... because a Special All Movie Edition of Bullet Sunday starts now...

    Movie Review Posters

       
    The Way Way Back (B+). Every once in a while you tune into a movie on a long plane ride simply because it's the least unappealing option out of the crap you haven't seen. In this case, I picked The Way Way Back because the cast included Toni Collette, Allison Janney, Steve Carell, and the amazing Sam Rockwell. Turns out it's a really good "coming of age" story about an awkward kid named Duncan who is forced to accompany his mom, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's spoiled daughter to a summer resort town. There he meets the slacker manager of the local Water Wizz theme park, learns what life is really about, and has his life forever changed. Yeah, it sounds like a movie you've seen a hundred times before, but it's surprisingly fresh (despite the ending, which falls back to more familiar territory). The great cast and smart performances were just the icing on the cake.

    Now You See Me (D+). Holy crap what a stupid, stupid film. The movie begins as four D-list magicians are recruited by a mystery man to band together to become the hottest magic act in the world, "The Four Horsemen." Of course, absolutely no explanation is given as to how they actually become the hottest magic act in the world... all of a sudden they just are. With their fame escalating, they perform their biggest show yet (or one would assume, since you don't see a single magic trick before the finale), where they proceed to "magically" rob a bank. Thus begins a tedious game of cat and mouse between The Four Horsemen and a special investigator (Mark Ruffalo), his Interpol collaborator (Mélanie Laurent), and a famous magician de-bunker (Morgan Freeman). With each new show the foursome become inexplicably more famous... and understandably more wanted by the law for the crimes they perform on stage. Along the way they perform elaborate but unnecessary magic tricks which make -zero- sense to the plot (why in the hell pretend to rob a vault and come back later for the money when you can just JUST TAKE THE FUCKING MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE?!). And that's the problem... nothing here really makes sense. Even the things that might make sense go unexplained, which doesn't make sense. Regardless of whether or not the magicians get away with their crimes... they're still going to be wanted by the law. And for what? To join some secret society that nobody gives a shit about except them? And the ending is about as stupid as it gets... the nonsensical "trap" set for one of the characters can be defeated in five minutes if the character calls a lawyer... or ANYBODY... to explain who set the trap and what happened. Dumb. SO dumb. I'm embarrassed for everyone involved.

    Monsters University (B). Make no mistake, Monsters, Inc. is my favorite Pixar film by far, and the idea of getting to revisit that world had my expectations running high. And I wasn't let down. Mike and Sully were just as funny and appealing as ever, and Pixar's attention to detail was shining through stronger than I've seen in years. So why did this feel like a sorry retread of Revenge of the Nerds via a made-for-TV animated special? Probably because it didn't really break any new ground. Since it's a prequel to Monsters, Inc., characterization actually takes a big step backwards so you can start from the beginning. Not that it wasn't cute to see a young Mike Wazowski and James P. Sullivan pal around, but I'd rather see what they're doing now instead of looking back at where they were. Still, the story isn't all bad. After starting out as rivals, Mike and Sully team up with the nerds of a forgotten Monsters University fraternity to prove they have what it takes to become "scarers" at Monsters Inc. Except they don't, which means the entire premise of the story was moot. Oh well. It had funny moments and was beautifully imagined... that alone from Pixar is better than most movies you'll see.

    World War Z (B-). Anybody expecting that this film will in any way resemble the brilliant novel by Max Brooks (or the even more brilliant audiobook of the same novel) is in for severe disappointment. This is an action flick which just happens to share a name with the afore-mentioned book, and that's all. However... if you are able to put that behind you, it's a pretty good action flick. Gone are the lumbering zombies of old, these zombies are shockingly fast and virtually unstoppable. Lucky for us, Brad Pitt arrives on the scene to save us all as a United Nations investigator intent on scouring the globe for a cure. What ensues is an intense and dark thriller that relies on really good special effects and some surprisingly good acting talent. At times the combo proves lethal, sucking you in and suffocating you with a plague that never seems anything less than overwhelming. It's for this reason that I enjoyed the film so much, despite fully expecting to hate it. As if that weren't delicious enough, there are scenes that won't leave your head any time soon, and I can't offer bigger praise than that.

    Enough Said (C). I went into this film with high hopes given the 95% positive rating from Rotten Tomatoes. It was painted as a romantic comedy, which I generally hate, but the previews featuring James Gandolfini and Julia Louis Dreyfus looked as though it was a rom-com that was thinking outside the box. Unfortunately, the exact opposite proved to be true. This movie is so far inside the box that it simply didn't work for me. I go to movies to escape my boring life, and Enough Said was so pedestrian that it had me longing for the more exciting things I experience every day... like sitting on the toilet. What's worse is that the big "twist" at the center of the story (Julia Louis Dreyfus finds out that she is dating the man her new best friend divorced) is something right out of a bad Seinfeld plot, but not as funny. Not even a little bit. It's actually painful to watch, and the predictable outcome is so unsurprising that you'll wonder what the point of the movie was in the first place. From what I can tell, it was to prove that James Gandolfini is a gifted actor who has unexpected range. And he does. He's easily the most enjoyable part of the film, and about the only thing I enjoyed in it. Which makes his passing all that more painful.

    Man of Steel (F-). When I first saw the latest Superman re-re-boot, I loathed the film so much that I didn't even want to think about reviewing it. Instead I decided to wait until it hit video so that I could look at it with fresh eyes and see if I would revise my opinion. Nope! If anything, I hate the movie even more upon second viewing. This is incredibly painful to type given that I love the character of Superman, felt the cast assembled was top-notch, and had such high hopes for the film. Instead I was disappointed at every turn. I hated just about everything to do with Man of Steel, and am horrified that this abomination is the cinematic future direction for the character. The is not Superman. Not the Superman I know, anyway. This imitation origin story begins on planet Krypton where scientist Jor-El is predicting doom and gloom for the planet, and decides to salvage the legacy of his people by stealing "The Codex"... a wholly unnecessary plot device masquerading as some kind of genetic program that breeds Kryptonians. This raises the ire of General Zod, though who knows why. Anyway, Zod is exiled to the Phantom Zone, Krypton goes boom, and baby Kal-El is rocketed to earth where he is raised as human Clark Kent by Kevin Costner and Diane Lane (easily the two best things about the film). The death of his father results in Clark wandering the earth... saving lives and trying to find his place in the world. Meanwhile intrepid reporter Lois Lane tries to track down this "mystery man" and stumbles upon one of the worst-kept secrets ever. But that's not Clark's only problem, as General Zod has escaped and returned to Earth to reclaim The Codex and remake our planet into a new Krypton... destroying everything in the process. Loads and loads of laughable super-battles and disaster porn ensues. None of it even remotely worth watching. The controversial moment in the film comes when Superman chooses to kill General Zod because humans are too fucking stupid to run away when somebody is trying to vaporize them with heat vision, at which point I didn't give a shit if Superman, Lois Lane, Perry White, or any other idiotic characters in the film lived or died. And why should I? The people behind this atrocity aren't writing about Superman and don't give a flying fuck about maintaining the integrity of the characters. Next up? Imitation Superman vs. Ben Affleck Batman. Oh how thrilling. Praise be to Odin's raven that Marvel's new Thor and Captain America films are coming to rescue us.

    And now it's time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance Scorecard" as follows...

    The Amazing Spider-Man... B-
    The Avengers... A+
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... C
    Man of Steel... F+
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    R.I.P.D.... C-
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... B
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B

       

    Cage

    Posted on Thursday, November 7th, 2013

    Dave!On my recent flight from Da Nang to Hanoi, I spotted an ad for Montblanc watches in the in-flight magazine...

    "In acting as in real life, Nicholas Cage pursues perfection, a value he shares with his Montblanc Star Classique Automatic."

    And the price for such perfection? $3340.00 cash! Cheap!

    Mont Blanc Nicholas Cage

       
    Now I'm trying to reconcile Nicholas Cage in Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance as "pursuing perfection."

    Unless you consider his $7,500,000 salary for appearing in that turd of a film as perfection.

    I know I do.

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    Bullet Sunday 355

    Posted on Sunday, November 17th, 2013

    Dave!Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Disaster. First a typhoon in The Philippines, now tornadoes in the USA Midwest outside Peoria. Again, my heart goes out to everybody affected by these tragic events.

       
    • Cornetto. After thuroughly enjoying the first two movies of the "Cornetto Trilogy" (Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) I was really looking forward to seeing the final film of the trilogy, The World's End. And I wasn't disappointed. It may very well be the best of the lot...

    The World's End Poster

    Alcoholic loser Gary King sets out to recapture the heady days of his youth by assembling his old schoolmates for a trip back to the town they grew up in. There he wants to complete "The Golden Mile," which means drinking a pint at all twelve pubs in the town. His mates reluctantly agree and everything is going fine... until they discover that the town has been taken over by space robots. Hilarity ensues. What really surprised me with the film is how great the visual effects were. Not once was I taken out of the story by some random shot where the effects were off. Everything was seamless, which was a pleasant surprise. In the end, the movie was almost too good... it left me wanting a fourth movie in the Cornetto Trilogy.

       
    • Frank. I wasn't terribly impressed with the Warren Ellis comic Red when it debuted back in 2003. So imagine my surprise when I ended up really enjoying the movie that was inspired by it starring Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, and Morgan Freeman. It was a smart, funny, action-packed film with an impeccable cast and a really good script. Willis plays Retired Extremely Dangerous ex-black-ops CIA agent Frank Moses. One day somebody decides they want him dead. Hilarity ensues. Three years later, and here comes Red 2...

    Red2 Poster

    It's pretty much more of the same... but bogged down by some unnecessary complications and an astounding body count that makes it less fun than the original. And yet, it's still a really good film and I enjoyed it quite a bit. The movie picks up where the first left off, as Frank Moses is trying to lead a normal life with girlfriend Sarah. Unfortunately for them, Frank is framed as a participant in a secret op called "Nightshade." Because of this, a lot of people want him dead. Hilarity ensues. Kinda. It's not as funny as the first one. But Anthony Hopkins and Catherine Zeta-Jones have joined up this time around, and that counts for something (but it's still Mirren and Malkovich that steal the show). If you liked the first one, the sequel is worth checking out on video.

       
    • Gondola. Venice is one of those cities that really leaves an impression. There's simply no confusing it with any other city on earth, and exploring it has been a highlight of my travels. Which is why I was very happy to learn that Google has gone above and beyond their "Street View" technology to create "Canal View" for the floating city of Venice...

    Google Venice

    So now, thanks to Google Maps, not only can I walk the crazy maze-like route from the Rialto Bridge to the hotel I usually stay at... I can also explore the city as seen from the canals. It's pretty nifty, and I don't even have to leave the comfort of my own home... or put on pants. If you want to have a little web holiday in Venice, Google has an info hub that's a good place to start.

       
    • Coin! Ever since I started carrying a wallet again, I've been looking for ways to make it slimmer. But no matter which brand I buy and how thin the wallet may be, it's the stack of cards I have to carry that thicken the thing back up again. A big part of that is the four credit/debit cards I carry. Now a company has come along with a product that may be able to help. Introducing Coin...

    If you'd like to get a Coin at 50% off the $100 retail price, just follow this link they gave me and pre-order your own for $50! They aren't shipping until next summer, but it looks like they'll be worth the wait!

       
    Annnnnnd...scene. Take care of yourself out there.

       

    Cinematic

    Posted on Friday, November 22nd, 2013

    Dave!As a life-long comic book geek, the influx of comic book movies over the years has been both a blessing and a curse. The blessing comes when a comic is faithfully adapted to the screen and you get to live out your geek fantasy by seeing characters you love come to life on the big screen.

    For me it all began in 1978 when the super-hero to end all super-heroes was unleashed on an unsuspecting world and Richard Donner made you believe a man could fly. There had been other super-hero movies, of course, but it was Superman... followed by Superman II... that defined what it meant to make a comic book movie work.

    A decade later, Tim Burton would give us Batman. While lacking the darker elements that made Batman be Batman, it nevertheless was a decent interpretation. Unfortunately, like Superman, it was a franchise doomed to degenerate into idiocy after its second outing.

    What followed was a murky period filled with a few highs (Spider-Man, Spider-Man2, and Blade come to mind), a few disappointing lows (the Fantastic 4 and X-Men franchises), and a few epic disasters (Elektra, Catwoman, and Superman Returns were all soul-crushingly awful).

    But then the current cinematic super-hero renaissance began.

    Christopher Nolan finally gave us Batman.

    Robert Downey Jr. was flawlessly cast in a series of brilliant Iron Man movies.

    Captain America and Thor were given fantastic films, then Marvel owned the cinematic universe when The Avengers brought everything together.

    Even 20th Century Fox finally got their shit together when they rose above their X-Man disasters by releasing X-Men: First Class and The Wolverine, both of which were excellent.

    DC Comics has fared less well, unleashing turds like Green Lantern and Man of Steel, but I remain hopeful. More or less. Time for a look at ten upcoming super-hero film projects...

    • Thor: The Dark World. Haven't seen it yet. Hear it's great. I expect it to be great.
    • Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Previews look amazing, and it looks like we'll finally get to see S.H.I.E.L.D. the way it was meant to be seen and the way the boring-ass television show will never reach.
    • Amazing Spider-Man 2. I thought the reboot was okay, but wasted a lot of time retreading old territory. This should be a much better film.
    • X-Men: Days of Future Past. Despite being helmed by Bryan Singer, who fucked up both the X-Men and Superman franchises, the previews look pretty darn amazing. Hopefully Singer finally has material so awesome even he can't screw it up.
    • Guardians of the Galaxy. I just don't know. This is one wacky property (Rocket Raccoon!), but Marvel obviously knows what they're doing given their flawless run of films, so I'm trusting it will be worth watching.
    • The Fantastic Four. The past two F.F. films were tragically bad, but I am very hopeful that 20th Century Fox's recent turn-around will knock the reboot out of the park. This is one franchise that really deserves a great film.
    • Ant-Man. Beloved director Edgar Wright has been working on this film a very long time, and I had no doubt he would come up with something brilliant and unique. Now it seems he is re-tooling the material to fit better into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which gives me pause. And yet... I hear rumors that Paul Rudd is being considered for Hank Pym, which would be perfect. So I keep positive.
    • Avengers: Age of Ultron. There's no movie I am anticipating more than this one. If, for no other reason, to see more Iron Man.
    • Batman vs. Superman A version of Superman I hate and Ben Affleck horribly miscast as Batman. Oh well, here's hoping.
    • X-Force. Since 20th Century Fox is limited to the X-Men/Mutant and Fantastic Four franchises, it's kind of smart to expand in new directions within those territories. Whether or not this is the way to go is anybody's guess, but the introduction of Cable (who happens to be the future-son of Cyclops and Jean Grey) and his X-Force could be a logical follow-up from time-traveling Days of Future Past.

    But what's missing? Time for a look at ten super-hero projects I want to see happen...

    • Wonder Woman. I mean, holy crap. COME ON ALREADY! I dare say that no other character has a more fascinating, movie-ready, cinematic story to tell than Wonder Woman, and her film could be positively epic... assuming somebody steps up to the plate and actually tells it that way.
    • Catwoman. Despite the flaming pile of excrement we got with the Halle Berry crap-fest, The Dark Knight Rises gave us Anne Hathaway as a Selina Kyle so flawless that she demands her own film.
    • Black Panther. The back-story for the Black Panther is the stuff movies were made for. This has all the potential to become Marvel's answer to Nolan's Batman, and the fact that they can't seem to see that blows my mind.
    • Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds was perfect casting, but the movie they built around him was a pile of heinous shit with an idiotic story and horrible special effects. Despite it all, Green Lantern remains one of the best possible comic book characters for the movie treatment. Sadly, the odds of that happening any time soon are slim.
    • Doctor Strange. As the Marvel Cinematic Universe keeps edging ever closer to the realm of things magical, Doctor Strange becomes a necessity. The fact that he has some very interesting story possibilities is just the icing on the cake.
    • Death. Neil Gaiman's Death: The High Cost of Living is ready-made for a movie. It could be a great one.
    • Daredevil. I never thought that the Ben Affleck movie was that bad, but there was absolutely room for improvement. A great flick for the Man Without Fear is worth persuing.
    • Namor. The New 52 version of Aquaman shows that DC's premiere underwater super-hero can actually work without being lame. Yet the odds of him getting a movie outside of some kind of Justice League effort are crazy-small. But on Marvel's side they have Namor, The Sub-Mariner, which has no such baggage to sabotage things, and there's little doubt his story would make a compelling film. But something tells me his introduction might better be served as conflict material in an Avengers film? I dunno. But he needs to be on the big screen.
    • Black Widow & Hawkeye. Well, mostly Black Widow. But since female leads in a film are shunned by Hollywood, I guess Scarlett Johansson can bring her boyfriend along. Black Widow's brilliant efforts as a supporting character have shown she's totally deserving of her own movie.
    • Alpha Flight. Canada's answer to the Avengers could actually be a more interesting take on a super-hero team for movies. The characters would certainly provide for some deep material to draw from. And the fact that most people have never heard of them could make defying expectations less of a challenge.

    There are loads of other properties I think would make good films... The Hulk, The Flash, Captain Marvel, Blue Beetle, Deadpool, Power Pack, Luke Cage, and Doom Patrol, to name a few... but the above ten would probably have the best chance. If they're handled correctly.

    And that's the trick isn't it?

    Assuming studios keep getting it right more than they get it wrong, there's no reason that the success of the super-hero film genre has to end any time soon.

    And now, just because this entry wouldn't feel complete without it, my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance Scorecard" is in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    Bullet Sunday 356

    Posted on Sunday, November 24th, 2013

    Dave!Don't give another thought to your impending doom... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Einstein. You know how somebody comes out with a product you just love, so you buy and buy and buy... fully expecting to get sick of it, but all that happens is you end up loving it more? That was me when it came to Kraft "Bagel-fuls." These delicious bits of amazing are pre-cooked bagels wrapped around cream cheese (and other fillings) then frozen. You keep them in your refrigerator, then pop them in your toaster when you have a bagel craving. The brilliant part? The outside is deliciously crispy while the cream cheese stays cool. Truly an amazing product, and I ate them constantly...

    Bagel-fuls

    Until they were discontinued. I couldn't find them anywhere.

    Then, like a miracle, Bagel-fuls mysteriously reappeared in my grocer's freezer... but now they're branded as coming from Einstein Bros. Bagels. Regardless, they're the same thing and taste as amazing as ever. Now everybody needs to go to their local grocery store and buy every box so that they don't get discontinued again. Thanks!

       
    • LEGO. At long last, the follow-up to LEGO Batman 2 has arrived... LEGO Marvel Super-Heroes!

    LEGO Marvel Super Heroes

    If you've played any of the LEGO video games before, this is pretty much more of the same... but with some nice upgrades in play mechanics and graphics. For the most part, it's an amazing game that's just as good as Batman 2... featuring the same easy puzzles, massive list of playable characters, adorable story-lines, clever cut-scenes (that now TALK!), and open-world play. All is not perfect though. LEGO still has shitty flying and targeting controls, and it drives me nuts from time to time when the pressure's on. Still... the Xbox 360 version I bought is an awesome and fun game that even an adult can play. Highly recommended.

    IMPORTANT... I should note that the reviews for the Nintendo 3DS version of LEGO Marvel Superheroes are really bad. I bought a copy because I love LEGO on the go gaming... but I returned it unopened the minute the reviews started pouring in. This is really sad given the quality of other 3DS LEGO games (save Lord of the Rungs, which is a rare exception), and I wonder how something like this happens given how great Batman 2 was. Oh well. Money saved and all that.

       
    • Kermit. I admit that I am not a big fan of the post-Henson Muppets... but holy cow does this look like fun...

    Count me in!

       
    • LAIKA. Speaking of fun... the stop-motion animated film ParaNorman was on sale for Halloween and I had heard good things about it, so I grabbed it. For reasons unknown, I only got around to watching it now. It's absolutely beautiful. Between this and films like Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline, stop-motion-animation just keeps blowing me away. Bravo LAIKA Studios...

    Interestingly enough, this cartoon was considered "controversial" when it was released because one of the lead characters ends up being gay. I kept waiting for the kid-inappropriate graphic gay sex scene, but it never came. All I saw was one quick throw-away joke about a character's sexuality at the end, and that was it. So, apparently, just the fact that gay people are acknowledged to exist in a cartoon is enough to spark controversy. The only thing controversial to me is that idiots who find this controversial n the year 2013.

       
    • Hunger. And, while we're on the subject of movies... THIS has to be the funniest movie review I've ever seen...

    The Onion strikes again! When it comes to The Funny, they consistently knock it out of the park.

       
    And... another Bullet Sunday slides into the sweet abyss.

       

    Kinky

    Posted on Saturday, November 30th, 2013

    Dave!I had written a long, drawn-out entry about the absurd reactions I've been reading regarding the cast of Kinky Boots performing at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade... but even I didn't want to read it, so I trashed it and moved on with my life.

    Suffice to say that I just don't get it. What is so terrifying about drag queens in shiny boots?

    Kinky Boots Macys

    I especially don't get the "BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY CHILDREN?!?? reaction, which has to be about the most incredibly stupid thing to say in ANY situation. Tell them whatever the heck you want. If you're hugely offended that drag queens exist, just channel your inner bigot and say something to that effect. They're your kids and you're the one raising them, so be a fucking parent and do your damn job.

    Years ago I was at my friends' house where we were watching The Bird Cage while their kids were out playing in the pool. When one of the kids came in for a snack, he saw the television and said "Why is that man dressed like a girl? To which his mother replied "Oh he's just being silly and having fun."AND THAT WAS THE END OF IT. The kid shrugged his shoulders, finished his sandwich, then went outside to play some more. Nobody ever gave it a second thought. Nobody was scarred for life. Society didn't fall. Humanity endured. The universe soldiered onward.

    And yet, to read some of the reactions by "parents" whose kids were   =gasp!=   exposed to men wearing women's clothing during a parade... you would think that the world had ended.

    Which, naturally, means that they're training their children to think the world is ending. Because of the clothes somebody was wearing.

    These are sure going to be some well-adjusted kids when they grow up.

    In other news... the Broadway show Kinky Boots (which I have not seen) is based on an awesome movie of the same name starring Chiwetel Ejiofor...

    Kinky Boots Movie Poster

    If you haven't seen it, it's worth a look.

    Unless, of course, the idea of seeing a man in women's clothing is so traumatic that you'll get the vapors. In that case, I don't know what to tell you.

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    O’Toole

    Posted on Saturday, December 14th, 2013

    Dave!I was very sad to learn that actor Peter O'Toole had died today at age 81.

    He was an amazingly talented actor who could make the most of any role regardless of how grand... or how small... the part. The guy was a giant of stage and screen, having been nominated for eight Academy Awards (but, remarkably, never won). And though an Oscar eluded him, Mr. O'Toole received untold numbers of accolades and awards for his work spanning the 55 years of his career (including an honorary, and much-deserved, Academy Award).

    He is, of course, best known from one of his earliest films... Lawrence of Arabia...

    Lawrence of Arabia

       
    But if I had to pick a single Peter O'Toole film as my favorite, the choice would be easy... a little-known and terribly under-appreciated 1985 Ivan Passer film called Creator. Everything I love about O'Toole as an actor is vividly on display in this movie. It doesn't hurt that he had such wonderfully funny and touching material to work with. I give the film my highest possible recommendation (just $2.99 to rent, $4.99 to buy at the iTunes Store but, sadly, not in HD)...

    Creator Poster

    For decades I've been secretly hoping that Peter O'Toole might one day re-visit the role of Dr. Harry Wolper... easily one of my favorite movie characters of all time.

    Yes, I knew that the possibility was beyond remote, but it wasn't until today that I could truly accept it would never happen.

    Rest in peace, sir, your incredible body of work will ensure you are not soon forgotten.

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    Ant Man!

    Posted on Thursday, December 19th, 2013

    Dave!Couldn't be happier!

    "When Edgar Wright came to us with the idea of Paul Rudd, we felt a huge sense of relief because the first step in creating any Marvel Studios film is finding the right star. We knew early on that we had found the right person in Paul. When he not only agreed to do it but became as enthusiastic as any actor we'd ever met with about doing the work, we knew we'd found the right guy. We couldn't be more excited for our audiences to see what he's going to do to bring Ant-Man to life."
    — Kevin Feige, President of Production Marvel Studios

       

    Paul Rudd

    Plus Sign

    Ant Man

    Plus Sign

    Edgar Wright

       
    Well, you do the math.

    It works out to several magnitudes of awesome, I'm sure. Oh how I hope that Hank Pym (aka Ant Man) makes an appearance in Avengers 2: Age of Ultron! Seeing as how he's the guy who created Ultron in the comics, it should be mandatory. But something tells me that he won't, given that the Ant Man film will be released after the next Avengers movie. It also makes sense to have Ultron inadvertently created by Tony Stark, given the sentient armor that appeared in Iron Man 3. This way things are continued to be tied together in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Oh well. That'll give Robert Downey Jr. an emotional arc to play with, that's for sure.

    Can. Not. Wait. 2015 is going to be a good year for movies!

       
    As a side-note... whatever happened to crediting the photographer or artist of a work you use in your story? I searched and searched for photos of Paul Rudd and Edgar Wright that had credits on them... nothing. Then I searched for an epic shot of Ant Man with artist credit... nothing. That's really unfair to the people whose hard work deserves recognition. But I guess even "professional" websites disagree, seeing as how nobody is giving credit where credit is due. It's even more infuriating when there are sites making money off of somebody's work uncredited. Shouldn't we be doing better than that?

    So thanks to whomever took those photos and drew that art! I wish I knew who you were so I could give you the recognition you deserve.

       

    Bullet Sunday 360

    Posted on Sunday, December 22nd, 2013

    Dave!Times to put down that snow shovel and grab a mug of delicious hot chocolate... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Thrice Nine. I am very happy to announce that today we have released the ninth issue of THRICE Fiction Magazine, featuring a bevy of talented writers and artists all wrapped up in this stunning cover by the amazingly talented Katelin Kinney...

    Thrice FictionIssue No. 9

    Do yourself a favor and go download a FREE copy at the THRICE Fiction website... you'll be glad you did!

       
    • Light. If I ever come up lacking blog fodder, all I have to do is drive down Wenatchee Avenue (the main drag running the entire length of the city of Wenatchee). Today I nearly ran over a guy crossing the street against the light while hauling a filled body bag! Filled with what, I have no idea. But that's not all, as I also saw... two white guys poppin' and lockin' on a street corner... a woman in a motorized wheelchair dragging a wagon filled with Christmas presents... a little girl twirling like she just don't care in front of an Indian restaurant... Santa Claus... a guy in shorts and a fur parka sitting on the trunk of his(?) car smoking a cigarette and drinking from a giant coffee mug... AND this...

    Light of the Turd

    It says "CHURCH THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD"... but they drew a streaming pile of shit in the middle of it? Which is covering the secondary brake light, rendering it useless. Oh... and if you think that I managed to get into Denny's at 2:30 on the Sunday before Christmas? NO! No I did not! Which makes me sad, because that Hobbit Specialty Menu ain't gonna last forever.

       
    • Mango! I'm a Kool-Aid kid. I would rather have a cold glass of Kool-Aid than soda pop any day. Tropical Punch is my favorite flavor, but I try to shake things up by making classic flavors like Orange, Grape, Lemon-Lime, and Watermelon. I also have tried specialty flavors that pop up from time to time like Purplesaurus Rex, Arctic Green Apple, and Sharkleberry Fin. And then this week I found Mango, which I almost skipped because I worried it would be too weird like the Pineapple flavor I tried last month. But, sanity prevailed, and I thought I'd give it a try...

    Mango Kool-Aid

    Delicious! Really good color, aroma, and flavor! If you like mango, then this is absolutely worth a shot.

       
    • Reel. I've mentioned a couple times how I'm really stoked to see the Russian film Stalingrad, which takes place during World War II in the middle of one of the bloodiest battles in world history. The trailer looks absolutely amazing, even though I'm not a big fan of war movies. And now they've released a special effects real showing how they were rendered for 3-D. It's pretty mind-blowing...

    Needless to say, I want to see the movie now more than ever. I guess it's in limited release, because I haven't seen it playing anywhere yet. It'll be a pretty big bummer if it leaves theaters before I can see it.

       
    • Bittersweet. On one hand, New Mexico and Utah have joined the marriage equality bandwagon...

    Equality Wins

    On the other hand, Uganda has passed an "Anti-Homosexuality Bill" which mandates life in prison for anybody having gay sex. I suppose we should all be thankful that the punishment wasn't set to "death," which was their original idea for a sentence. But I'm too busy being absolutely horrified. Even more so because anti-gay abominations of humanity here in the USA played a part in it. The very ideal of "The United States of America" is one of a beacon of freedom and hope known throughout the world. What in the hell happened? Our government is spying on its own people. We're passing horrific laws allowing the indefinite unlawful detention of American citizens. Our politicians are bought and paid for by Special Interest money with no consideration given to the people they profess to serve. Our media so thoroughly polarizes us that we've become a country hopelessly divided in venom and hate. And now? Now? We have assholes so filled with blind hatred and homophobia that they're exporting it to other countries because their efforts are finally failing here at home. Hardly a new concept, to be sure, but still fucking abhorrent given that these people are professing to be spreading hate in the name of religion. God bless America.

    Because somebody has to.

       
    • Pass. And lastly, in what I can only describe as a Christmas miracle come early, BARRY EFFIN' GIBB actually made an effin' appearance on The Barry Gibb Talk Show on last night's surprisingly funny Saturday Night Live...

    Ordinarily, I wouldn't spoil the surprise like this, but... 1) he's right there on the video frame, and 2) The show featured guest host Jimmy Fallon and musical guest Justin Timberlake... was there any question that The Barry Gibb Talk Show wasn't going to make an appearance? Not the best installment of the long-running sketch, but certainly one of the most eventful! And a sad reminder that Robin Gibb is no longer with us, having died May last year.

       
    And... time to make some holiday magic happen, people...

       

    Video13

    Posted on Saturday, December 28th, 2013

    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year. As usual, many of them were viewed on an airplane screen or my iPad since I rarely get to the theater now-a-days. Not the most engaging movie experience, but I wouldn't have seen a fraction of these films if not for killing time while traveling. Not having to deal with idiots talking and texting on their mobile phones at the theater is just a bonus.

       
    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Best Movies 2013 Part 1

    #1 Iron Man 3
    Another flawless performance by Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, without which this movie would have been half the film it was... even with Shane Black writing and directing it. Marvel truly has a handle on their cinematic universe, and the fact that their films just keep getting better and better makes no sense at all. Comic book movies usually suck, after all. But Black did exactly what he had to do to keep Marvel moving forward... which included giving Iron Man a case of post-traumatic-stress syndrome (after the events in The Avengers) for Robert Downey Jr. to flex his acting chops. The story was great, and this is probably the first time in history I haven't been annoyed to death by a kid-sidekick. Please, please, please, somebody get Downey Jr. onboard for Iron Man 4.

    #2 Star Trek Into Darkness
    I shouldn't like this film as much as I do, because I absolutely hated the unnecessary Khan re-tread. I mean, why? Yes, they added a few new twists to the story, but that's all window dressing. The simple fact is that we've seen it all before, and I'm not convinced this was a better version than we got years ago from Space Seed. But boy did it look good on-screen. And man was it entertaining as all get out. And wow did they nail the characters. And it's frickin' Star Trek! So I loved it, of course. Here's hoping Star Trek 3 boldly goes in its own direction rather than continuing to re-write the past.

    #3 Gravity
    A stunning film by Alfonso Cuaron that has more sphincter-puckering moments than should be legally allowed. Yeah, it dragged a bit in spots, but that didn't pull me out of the movie at all. Kind of makes me wonder how anybody could possibly follow with a "disaster in space" film now that Gravity is out there. If I have one criticism, Sandra Bullock's escalating fear should have started at zero. Instead they start at 5, which means it gets a little irritating by the time they crank it up to 10.

    #4 Thor: The Dark World
    The first Thor film was a wonderful exploration and introduction of the character. This sequel tries to do one-better by playing with the more mystical elements of The God of Thunder... and it mostly succeeds. What's missing is character development, which seems as though it was so far on the back burner that even The Avengers did a better job (and that was an ensemble film!). Regardless, it's a gorgeous spectacle with fantastic performances... some truly humorous moments... and yet another opportunity for Tom Hiddleston to chew up the scenery as Loki. I just wish that it was a little tighter in ramping up the impending doom and a little better at exploring what makes Thor and Jane tick. Still, I'm completely onboard for Thor 3.

    #5 The World's End
    Holy crap does Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost know how to make an entertaining film! The third (and final?) film in the so-called "Cornetto Trilogy" (preceded by Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) takes things to another level entirely... this time in the science fiction genre. Well, kind of. The real element that makes this movie so compelling is the characters, all of which have stories and interactions that are not only critical to the storyline... but also provide a genuinely moving look at friendship and our transition into adulthood. Here's hoping that the team behind three really good films realize there's more than three flavors of Cornetto out there!

    #6 Sound City
    In an age of shitty reality shows like American Idol telling us what music is, Sound City comes along to tell the real story. This documentary by Dave Grohl is a love letter to actual MUSIC that every music-lover needs to see. I've watched it three times and am just as caught up the last time as the first. I have always appreciated Grohl's talent, intelligence, and creativity as a musician... but his film still hit me as something incredibly smart and unexpected. I hope he continues to raise my expectations, because there's a lot more stories he can tell.

       
    Best Movies 2013 Part 2

    #7 American Hustle
    Despite having a killer cast including Jennifer Lawrence, Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner, and Robert De Niro... I had really low expectations for this film because I just don't care much for 60's and 70's period films (X-Men: First Class being a notable exception). But I needed to kill some time and American Hustle was there, so away I went. And I ended up loving the movie. David O. Russell has crafted a mafia con epic that is about as compelling a film as I've ever seen... and did it with an unexpected level of humor that was like piling gravy on top of gravy. But what I loved most was just how amazing Jennifer Lawrence is in her role. She's hands-down one of my favorite actresses because she comes off as incredibly likable, smart, and funny in "real life"... but she's got jaw-dropping talent as well. I can't wait to see where she... and David O. Russell... go next.

    #8 Saving Mr. Banks
    Yes, yes... I know. This is a highly fictionalized account of Walt Disney and how he managed to get the film Mary Poppins made. I've read the press and I've seen the rants over the unreality of it all (including the Harlan Ellison smack-down). But none of that changes the fact that Saving Mr. Banks is a really good film with a terrific story and some great performances by Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson. I enjoyed it more than I ever thought I would, and the fact that it's more myth than fact doesn't take away from that for me. Mostly because I know it's fiction... but also because I've tried to get to the root of all the atrocities that modern pop culture attributes to Walt Disney. Ultimately I ended up feeling quite badly for him, because the things I've read about these claims of fascism, racism, anti-semitism, and the like, seem to be mostly exaggerated. Yes, it was a different time and, yes, he even stepped over the line of what was disgustingly considered "acceptable" back then, but there's a lot of research showing that he was hardly the rabid racist, anti-semite, fascist, Nazi he gets painted as even today (he's a big target in Family Guy). But I guess that's the way it goes. Heaven only knows I'm not attempting to excuse anything he actually did here, but it's disheartening to know that there's a lot of evidence against the severity of these claims that's widely overlooked. As for "ignoring" Mary Poppins author P.L. Traver's bisexuality... why is it that a person's sexuality is so critical to their make-up as a person that excluding such information in a film portrayal is some kind of travesty? Had she been straight, would anybody even care? No. It's only because she was bisexual that suddenly it's CRITICAL that her sexuality MUST be splashed on screen. Absurd. There is more to a person than their sexuality, and it actually seems a bit bigoted to suggest that a bisexual can't be an interesting character without their sexuality being explored in the story. And... blargh. I've rambled on way too much. This is a good film and terrific entertainment. I hope that doesn't get lost in the shuffle here.

    #9 The Heat
    YES, I'VE PUT THE HEAT ON MY BEST MOVIES LIST FOR 2013! And the reason is simple... it was funny. Much funnier than I thought it would be. And despite Melissa McCarthy going off the rails a few times, Paul Feig ended up using her to brilliant comedic effect as a rough-and-tumble police officer on the mean streets of Boston. As if that wasn't enough, Sandra Bullock was pretty much perfect playing a by-the-book FBI officer having to team up with her. AND, YES, I WANT A SEQUEL!

    #10 Blackfish
    I've voiced my concerns over parks, zoos, and animal captivity many times. On one hand, I realize there are places that do their level-best to care for animals and create a habitat that they can feel at home in (Disney's Animal Kingdom and the San Diego Zoo come to mind). But, on the other hand, I know that these animals would be much "happier" outside their captivity. And yet... if not for animal captivity, species like the Tasmanian Devil are sure to go extinct. So I'm not sure what the answer is. Animals as entertainment seems wrong, but a lot of times it's this entertainment which pays to save them. That being said, Blackfish sure makes a compelling argument against Sea World. This is absolute must-see material, and the ramifications of the film's popularity could be far-reaching. Especially if you own stock in an animal entertainment park...

    #11 World War Z
    Anybody expecting that this film will in any way resemble the brilliant novel by Max Brooks (or the even more brilliant audiobook of the same novel) is in for severe disappointment. This is an action flick which just happens to share a name with the afore-mentioned book, and that's all. However... if you are able to put that behind you, it's a pretty good action flick. Gone are the lumbering zombies of old, these zombies are shockingly fast and virtually unstoppable. Lucky for us, Brad Pitt arrives on the scene to save us all as a United Nations investigator intent on scouring the globe for a cure. What ensues is an intense and dark thriller that relies on really good special effects and some surprisingly good acting talent. At times the combo proves lethal, sucking you in and suffocating you with a plague that never seems anything less than overwhelming. It's for this reason that I enjoyed the film so much, despite fully expecting to hate it. As if that weren't delicious enough, there are scenes that won't leave your head any time soon, and I can't offer bigger praise than that.

    #12 The Way Way Back
    Every once in a while you tune into a movie on a long plane ride simply because it's the least unappealing option out of the crap you haven't seen. In this case, I picked The Way Way Back because the cast included Toni Collette, Allison Janney, Steve Carell, and the amazing Sam Rockwell. Turns out it's a really good "coming of age" story about an awkward kid named Duncan who is forced to accompany his mom, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's spoiled daughter to a summer resort town. There he meets the slacker manager of the local Water Wizz theme park, learns what life is really about, and has his life forever changed. Yeah, it sounds like a movie you've seen a hundred times before, but it's surprisingly fresh (despite the ending, which falls back to more familiar territory). The great cast and smart performances were just the icing on the cake.

       
    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    Best Movies 2013 Part 3

    42
    What a great film! I'd recommend it, even if you're not a baseball fan. The movie focuses on Jackie Robinson's struggle for acceptance as he becomes the first African-American to play for the major leagues. In that respect, it really does the job, and the casting is flawless. Chadwick Boseman, who I've never heard of before, plays Robinson with an enthusiasm and dignity that is essential to the character, and his performance anchored the movie beautifully. The biggest surprise to me was Harrison Ford's role as Dodgers President and GM Branch Rickey, which is probably one of the best performances of his career. Maybe it's because I fully expected John Goodman to get the part, but I honestly didn't think Ford was going to work as well as he did. No less shocking to me was seeing Alan Tudyk (my favorite actor from Firefly) as racist Phillies manager, Ben Chapman, and I have to give him credit for taking on a part that is the polar opposite of the lovable roles his fans love him for. If I have one bit of criticism, I wish the film had dug even a little deeper into Robinson's life outside of the game. Yeah, I know that's not the focus of the film, but I can't help but feel it would have been a much stronger movie if they had added more dimension to Robinson's personal life. Still, a film worth seeing.

    Monsters University
    Make no mistake, Monsters, Inc. is my favorite Pixar film by far, and the idea of getting to revisit that world had my expectations running high. And I wasn't let down. Mike and Sully were just as funny and appealing as ever, and Pixar's attention to detail was shining through stronger than I've seen in years. So why did this feel like a sorry retread of Revenge of the Nerds via a made-for-TV animated special? Probably because it didn't really break any new ground. Since it's a prequel to Monsters, Inc., characterization actually takes a big step backwards so you can start from the beginning. Not that it wasn't cute to see a young Mike Wazowski and James P. Sullivan pal around, but I'd rather see what they're doing now instead of looking back at where they were. Still, the story isn't all bad. After starting out as rivals, Mike and Sully team up with the nerds of a forgotten Monsters University fraternity to prove they have what it takes to become "scarers" at Monsters Inc. Except they don't, which means the entire premise of the story was moot. Oh well. It had funny moments and was beautifully imagined... that alone from Pixar is better than most movies you'll see.

    Despicable Me 2
    If you liked the first one, this is more of the same. Steve Carrell and a cast of hundreds (of Minions) make for smart fun that's perfectly realized cartoon entertainment. While not reaching the heights of the original, this sequel manages to keep things funny while moving in a new direction. Evil genius Gru is back along with his adorable trio of adoptive daughters... who are intent on finding Gru a wife so they can have a mom (Kristen Wiig!). But Gru has bigger fish to fry, as he's been recruited to use his talents for good by tracking down another evil genius. The result is a bit scattered, but worth your time.

    The Wolverine
    Well imagine that... another X-film that somehow managed to not suck. Who knew that X-Men: First Class would set such a precedent? This film pretty much ignores all the previous shitty X-Men film travesties (including the first Wolverine film... X-Men Origins: Wolverine) to forge onward with a story that actually bothers to stay faithful to the source material. The result is pretty darn good, playing into the Japanese roots of the character. If this is the kind of thing we can expect from future films in the X-Men Cinematic Universe, then there's hope after all. And I need a little hope seeing as how crap director Bryan Singer (responsible for much of why the X-Men movies suck so badly) is heading up the forthcoming X-Men: Days of Future Past.

    Nebraska
    Now-a-days, more often than not, black & white films are a pretentious effort at creating "art cinema" for projects that are anything but. Happily, sometimes that's not the case, and Nebraska was a refreshing return to actual art. Bruce Dern is receiving a lot of praise for his portrayal of a cantankerous old fart who wins the lottery and has to travel through four states to claim his prize. But his role seemed the easy one compared to Will Forte's fantastic turn as his son who's along for the ride. While not quite as great as the reviews would lead you to believe, this is still a very good movie that manages to be entertaining in all the right ways.

    In a World...
    Seeing this movie was a complete accident, and it ended up taking me completely by surprise. Lake Bell (whom you may recognize from The Practice and Boston Legal) wrote, directed, and produced this comedy which revolves around the life of a voice-over artist. Hilarity ensues. Well worth a rental on video when it comes around.

       
    DIDN'T SEE, PROBABLY WOULD HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    Movies 2013

    Her
    This movie just came out, so I still have a chance to see it. Spike Jonze's latest film is a futuristic tale about a man (Joaquin Phoenix) who falls in love with the advanced operating system of his computer (voiced by Scarlett Johansson) who is more than a little human. The trailer looks fantastic, so I can't wait.

    Twelve Years a Slave
    Chiwetel Ejiofor is one of my favorite actors, and I would watch a movie where he did nothing but open mail for 90 minutes, because I know he'd do it in the most interesting way possible. But give him a compelling story that actually means something? Boy do I regret not getting to see this in the theater.

    The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
    My comments on the first Hobbit movie still stand... "WTF?!? I mean, seriously, how could Peter Jackson manage to condense the fucking massive Lord of the Rings trilogy into three films... but not keep a short story like The Hobbit as a single film? I probably could have forgiven stretching it out to two films... but THREE?!?" The Hobbit was a pretty simple and straight-forward story. There was no need to pad it out to such a ridiculous level. And yet... Desolation of Smaug is when we get to the good stuff, so I'm sure it made for a much better film than the first one. If nothing else, I bet it looked amazing, so I'm sad to have missed its theatrical run.

    Fruitvale Station
    The buzz out of Cannes was that this was the most powerful movie to play at the festival, so it made my "must-see list." I remember hearing the news that a man named Oscar Grant had been shot and killed at a BART station on New Years Day in 2008, and this film follows his final 24 hours leading up to this tragic moment.

    Philomena
    Dame Judi Dench and Steve Coogan? Sign me up.

    Prisoners
    I was aware of this movie, but it didn't sound like it was something I wanted to see so I passed it by. Then I started seeing reviews heaping praise on the film, saw friends were talking about it, and ended up wanting to see it after all once I had taken a closer look. Sadly, I waited too long.

    Catching Fire
    I enjoyed The Hunger Games novels well enough... but the film adaptation of the first book left me cold. They changed the ending, skipped over some pretty important points, and generally made a watered-down version of a better story. So I was going to pass on the sequel... until everybody started talking how much better it was... how it was so faithful to the source material. Well, darn. Another one to catch on video, I guess.

       
    THE WORST...

    Movies 2013

    The Man of Steel
    I hated just about everything to do with Man of Steel, and am horrified that this abomination is the cinematic future direction for the character. This is not Superman. Not the Superman I know, anyway. This imitation origin story begins on planet Krypton where scientist Jor-El is predicting doom and gloom for the planet, and decides to salvage the legacy of his people by stealing "The Codex"... a wholly unnecessary plot device masquerading as some kind of genetic program that breeds Kryptonians. This raises the ire of General Zod, though who knows why. Anyway, Zod is exiled to the Phantom Zone, Krypton goes boom, and baby Kal-El is rocketed to earth where he is raised as human Clark Kent by Kevin Costner and Diane Lane (easily the two best things about the film). The death of his father results in Clark wandering the earth... saving lives and trying to find his place in the world. Meanwhile intrepid reporter Lois Lane tries to track down this "mystery man" and stumbles upon one of the worst-kept secrets ever. But that's not Clark's only problem, as General Zod has escaped and returned to Earth to reclaim The Codex and remake our planet into a new Krypton... destroying everything in the process. Loads and loads of laughable super-battles and disaster porn ensues. None of it even remotely worth watching. The controversial moment in the film comes when Superman chooses to kill General Zod because humans are too fucking stupid to run away when somebody is trying to vaporize them with heat vision, at which point I didn't give a shit if Superman, Lois Lane, Perry White, or any other idiotic characters in the film lived or died. And why should I? The people behind this atrocity aren't writing about Superman and don't give a flying fuck about maintaining the integrity of the characters. Next up? Imitation Superman vs. Ben Affleck Batman. Oh how thrilling.

    Now You See Me
    Holy crap what a stupid, stupid film. The movie begins as four D-list magicians are recruited by a mystery man to band together to become the hottest magic act in the world, "The Four Horsemen." Of course, absolutely no explanation is given as to how they actually become the hottest magic act in the world... all of a sudden they just are. With their fame escalating, they perform their biggest show yet (or one would assume, since you don't see a single magic trick before the finale), where they proceed to "magically" rob a bank. Thus begins a tedious game of cat and mouse between The Four Horsemen and a special investigator (Mark Ruffalo), his Interpol collaborator (Mélanie Laurent), and a famous magician de-bunker (Morgan Freeman). With each new show the foursome become inexplicably more famous... and understandably more wanted by the law for the crimes they perform on stage. Along the way they perform elaborate but unnecessary magic tricks which make -zero- sense to the plot (why in the hell pretend to rob a vault and come back later for the money when you can just JUST TAKE THE FUCKING MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE?!). And that's the problem... nothing here really makes sense. Even the things that might make sense go unexplained, which doesn't make sense. Regardless of whether or not the magicians get away with their crimes... they're still going to be wanted by the law. And for what? To join some secret society that nobody gives a shit about except them? And the ending is about as stupid as it gets... the nonsensical "trap" set for one of the characters can be defeated in five minutes if the character calls a lawyer... or ANYBODY... to explain who set the trap and what happened. Dumb. SO dumb. I'm embarrassed for everyone involved.

    The Lone Ranger
    Marry a flawless cast with a script that's filled with action yet incomprehensibly dull, and you get this turd of a film that was my biggest disappointment of 2013 (I already figured Man of Steel would be shit, but this was a shocker). The whole project was inexplicably more complex than it had to be... but not in an interesting way at all. Both Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer were completely wasted, and I'm still trying to figure out how Gore Verbinski could have fucked-up such an un-fuck-uppable franchise. Even so, I still have to say The Lone Ranger had moments that saved it from being the horrific failure that the reviews would lead you to believe. But not by much.

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    Bullet Sunday 365

    Posted on Sunday, January 26th, 2014

    Dave!Now there's a full year of Bullet Sundays ... because a Very Special THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIFTH edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Mac! Happy 30th Birthday to the Macintosh. It's easy to overlook the importance of something when you use it every single day, but I love my Mac more now than I ever have...

    Macintosh 30th Birthday

    If you haven't seen Apple's look back at Mac innovations, it's well worth exploring If I were forced to pick that one year of Macintosh history that was the biggest for me, it would have to be the release of the Titanium PowerBook G4 in 2001. Not only was it sexy as hell, but it was also the first time I felt I could do everything on a portable that I could do on my desktop Mac.

    Here's to 30 more years of kicking ass.

       
    • Truth! The greatest concert I ever saw was Depeche Mode's Music for the Masses tour back in 1988. A close second would be P!nk's Truth About Love tour from last year. Absolutely spectacular. If you didn't get to see it... or just want to see it again... it's been released on video and is for sale at the iTunes Music Store for just $15 and it's worth every penny...

    P!nk Truth About Love Tour Poster

    Just an FYI... the tour is actually still ongoing, with three more dates remaining for Anaheim, Fresno, and Las Vegas. If you've got loads of money sitting around, it's worth tracking down tickets for this sold-out show.

       
    • Bernice! Looks like I need to start watching South Beach Tow! Because, BERNICE! How awesome is she?!?

    Holy shit! I hope her ObamaCare has kicked in by now... she's got a rough job!

       
    • Unintelligent! I have been recording the new show Intelligence on my DVR, stacking them up in the hopes of discovering another Black List. No joy. This is easily one of the stupidest shows ever to air on television. It's yet another one of those shitty series where the writers are constantly pulling some kind of random techno-bullshit out of their asses not because it makes sense for the story... but because they're too fucking lazy to come up with something... intelligent... for lack of a better word. "HOW ARE WE GOING TO STOP HER? SHE HAS A COMPUTER CHIP IN HER HEAD?""I KNOW! LET'S PRESS A BUNCH OF RANDOM BUTTONS AND EXPLOIT SOME HERE-UNTO NON-EXISTENT FLAW IN THE CHIP SO WE CAN HACK HER HEAD AND SAVE THE DAY!"YEAH! WHO GIVES A SHIT IF WE ARE THE VERY DEFINITION OF DEUS EX MACHINA! IT BEATS HAVING TO USE LOGIC FOR A LIVING! Seriously, I don't understand how this crap-fest ever made it to air.

       
    • LEGO! Just when I think that I couldn't possibly be more excited about the upcoming LEGO movie, this comes along...

    "Epic" isn't an epic enough word to describe the epicness of just how epic this movie is gonna be.

       
    And there it is... a year's worth of 365 Bullet Sundays in the can. And you said it wouldn't last. Shame on you!

       

    Gravity

    Posted on Monday, January 27th, 2014

    Dave!The iTunes Music Store had the Duncan Jones film Moon on sale for $10 so I snapped it up. In many ways, I consider it to be the 2001 for a new generation... but without all the ambiguity and confusion. It's just really good straightforward "science sci-fi" at its best (a genre that seems to be rapidly disappearing). The entire film is a showpiece for Sam Rockwell, who should have been Oscar nominated for the role of Sam Bell (Sean Penn in Milk was good... but Rockwell's performance in Moon eclipsed it, in my humble opinion). Having Kevin Spacey as the voice of the HAL-inspired GERTY was just the icing on the cake...

    Moon Poster

    I've probably seen the film three times already.

    But this was the first time it occurred to me that the scenes outside the moon base make a half-hearted effort to simulate the moon's lesser gravity... but all the scenes inside the moon base take place with full earth gravity.

    Now, from an artistic and budgetary standpoint, this makes perfect sense. If Sam were in 1/6th gravity as he was running his scenes, that would be a huge distraction from his performance. Not to mention a very expensive series of special effects shots. And I get that. But now it kind of bothers me when I'm watching the film. Obviously, there's got to be some kind of Star Trek type artificial gravity thing going on... but no mention is made of it. Duncan Jones probably doesn't want to mention it specifically because it would make his serious attempt at science-fiction feel too much like fiction.

    But it's there.

    And it's to the film's credit that I didn't pay much attention to it until my fourth viewing.

    I can pretty much count on it being at the forefront of my mind on my fifth.

    Darnit.

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    Bullet Sunday 366

    Posted on Sunday, February 2nd, 2014

    Dave!Put down that foam finger, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bowl! Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks for their massive Super Bowl win. I'm especially happy for long-time Seahawks fans who have kept the faith for so very long and have now had their devotion rewarded...

    Seahawks Victorious!
    Pete Carroll, 9/11 Truther and Seahawks Coach, celebrates! Photo by Charlie Riedel at the Associated Press

    I'm less excited for all the fair-weather Hawks fans who are all too happy to shit all over Seattle when they're losing... but will still be celebrating "their" victory tonight.

       
    • Twelfth! Personally, I think the whole "Twelfth Man" thing is annoying as shit, but there's no denying that it's become bigger than the team they're dedicated to supporting. This was made abundantly clear when a Boeing jet was taken out to draw a big "12" across Washington State...

    Boeing Twelfth Man Plane Ride

    It's the ultimate Etch-A-Sketch!

    Though, I have to say that this huge display of fandom pales in comparison to this guy...

    He's probably the only person happier about the Seahawks' victory than the actual Seahawks.

       
    • Kitteh! Everybody knows about The Puppy Bowl... but did you know there's a KITTEN BOWL?!? I just finished watching the big game, featuring Meowshawn Lynch...

    Kitteh Bowl at the Kitten Bowl!

    Adorable. You can get more info at The Hallmark Channel.

       
    • Cap! Holy cats does Captain America: Winter Soldier look frickin' amazing...

    Thrilled to see The Falcon debut at last... would be even more thrilled if a black super-hero would get their own film. Hello? Black Panther? Luke Cage? Brother Voodoo!? And while I'm equally thrilled to see Black Widow making an appearance (which makes total sense because of The Winter Soldier)... where is her frickin' movie? Even if the film is a dud, at least we're finally getting to see S.H.I.E.L.D. at the high-tech kick-ass organization it is (as opposed to the embarrassment we've been getting from the lame-ass television show).

       
    • Mine! I'm probably going to catch some crap for posting this... BUT IT'S JUST SO TRUE!

    I've lost count of the number of times I've asked "Do you want something?" and am told "No!"... only to have my date/girlfriend EAT MY FOOD! Seriously, you said you didn't want any... SO KEEP YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF MY FRIES! Not that I can actually say that, but I want all the fries!

       
    • LEGO! Okay... okay... I know I won't shut up over The LEGO Movie's impending release, but how can you blame me? The latest trailer is beyond awesome...

    And...

    Could Chris Pratt BE any more perfect for the role?

    This may very well be the greatest movie ever made. I cannot wait to see it.

       
    Annnnd... chocolate pudding time!

       

    Awesome!

    Posted on Thursday, February 6th, 2014

    Dave!To say I am excited for The LEGO Movie is a drastic understatement.

    And tomorrow is the day we've all been waiting for!

       
    Everything IS awesome!

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    The LEGO Movie

    Posted on Friday, February 7th, 2014

    LEGO Emmet!This could have so easily been a five-star film.

    Seriously. The casting was impeccable. Chris Pratt embodied the lead flawlessly. Will Arnett redefined LEGO Batman. The voice talent behind every character was perfectly executed. Even Jonah Hill, who I cannot stand as an actor, was unerringly lovable as a Green Lantern who nobody can stand ("I super-hate you!"). And don't even get me started on Will Ferrell, who played the "villain" as only Will Ferrell can.

    As the story unfolded, I was near-giddy in my seat. It's so beautiful and... fun! Genuine laugh-out-loud fun! You don't have to be familiar with LEGO to enjoy the movie... but true fans expecting cameos and a little LEGO history will not be disappointed. This is a movie that will beg to be seen over and over again just to get a handle on all the little details packed into every scene...

    The LEGO Movie Poster

    And the animation.

    Holy crap is it amazing. Every frame had a lot of thought put into it.

    From a cursory glance, the animators behind The LEGO Movie made it all look so effortlessly "LEGO." But when you look a little closer, each scene was meticulously executed in a way that had to be anything but easy. Action has a stop-motion feel to make it look hand-animated where it helps the story... but they weren't chained to that, and smooth motion was used when jerky movement would have been distracting. I love the fluid dynamics. Water and smoke are all rendered with LEGO, yet flow with a bizarre kind of realism that makes "the world" seem fully-realized. Fire is likewise grounded in LEGO reality, but has a kind of eerie presence that transcends those little orange "flame pieces" that any LEGO builder will recognize instantly. And I love, love, love how everything has a solidity to it. Laser blasts are rendered like rods that are physical pieces instead of blobs of light. It's all so... awesome!

    If The LEGO Movie doesn't get nominated for a ship-load of animation awards, it will surprise the hell out of me.

    When it comes to the story, things start off brilliantly.

    Emmet is a LEGO minifig who is average in every way. He follows instructions to the letter like every good LEGO minifig should. He just wants to fit in and have people like him. And that's all he aspires for. It's all he knows and needs. But then he meets Wyldstyle... a minifig who doesn't follow instructions. From her Emmet finds out that he is "The Special," a fulfillment of a prophecy (by Morgan Freeman, in yet another example of flawless casting) who is destined to stop the evil Lord Business and save the world.

    Hilarity... genuine hilarity... ensues. And it's all adorably funny and a joy to watch.

    Until...

    Spoiler Zone!

    WARNING! Spoilers (kinda) are below!

    ...the movie then takes this utterly bizarre meta "fourth-wall" turn in the last quarter. And, to be perfectly honest, it kind of ruins the film for me.

    Had they just stuck to the animated LEGO story everybody has been dying to see, this would have been a flawless motion picture. Everybody wins.

    But they didn't. For reasons completely unknown, the creators decided to spin off on this crazy tangent that undermines all the characters, grinds the movie to a halt, and is completely unnecessary! All of a sudden Emmet, Batman, Benny, and Wyldstyle are not living out their own lives and shaping the story of the world they live in... they're just pieces of cute plastic crap being manipulated by people "in the Real World." Which I guess could be argued to make sense to the story. But not really. There's no internal logic to it. If Will Ferrell is the real-life "bad guy" and his son is the real-life "hero" then why wasn't Emmet voiced by the real-life kid just like Lord Business was voiced by the real-life Will Ferrell? I guess it's the kid's imagination at work voicing the characters, so that could make sense. I guess. But if the entire movie is just a story made-up in the imagination of the kid (and, eventually, Will Ferrell), how can we care about the individual mini-fig personalities when they don't actually exist? Emmet's "journey" as a character who learns that breaking free from the mold allows them to live happier, more fulfilling and creative lives is all rendered moot... because it's not his experience at all... it's a lesson Will Ferrel learns from his kid.

    And for what? I just don't get it. And I really don't get the half-hearted "effort" of dropping real-world items into the LEGO world like they're some kind of "clue" as to what's going on. Suddenly the things that internally make sense become senseless when you stop and think about it. Why does Will Ferrell decide to start gluing everything down... it's as if he's suddenly being inspired by the evil alter-ego his kid invented? Say what-?!? Why couldn't there just be real-world items introduced as weird artifacts to LEGO World... just as they would be in real life? THAT was all the "meta" the story really needed.

    It's almost as if the people behind the film said "Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! This is turning out to be entirely too cute and fun. Let's just toss a monkey-wrench into the whole damn thing so that our audience will be ripped out of the story we've worked so hard to build. Because we certainly don't want to deliver on the promise of a fun and engaging movie starring LEGO characters everybody will love... we need to go deeper. That way we can confuse everyone and bore the fuck out of any kids in the audience! But, hey, at least we can pretend to be something smarter than a stupid toy movie... right?

    The answer, in case you're wondering, is a resounding "no."

    This kind of twist has been done many times before. And done far better. And in a way that makes sense. And doesn't completely undermine all the characters that people want to fall in love with.

    Well, whatever.

    I hope somebody edits out all the "fourth wall" crap and LEGO fans get to experience the pure LEGO extravaganza they deserve.

       
    So... taking away one star for a senseless finale in a five-star movie? Four stars. You will love the film... a lot... but, if you're like me, not all of it. Oh... and one last thing... don't bother with the idiotic 3-D version of The LEGO Movie. The bright and colorful world of LEGO is dimmed to the point of being depressing. And the 3-D effects actually ruin otherwise brilliantly realized action scenes.

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    Monumental

    Posted on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014

    Dave!Yesterday I went and saw The Monuments Men. Given the high-caliber cast (George Clooney, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Matt Damon, Hugh Bonneville, and Cate Blanchett), I expected this was going to be a killer film. But it turns out that the cast was about the only thing I enjoyed. There just wasn't much of a story... the characters broke up into pairs and wandered around Europe trying to save art during the final days of World War II. The End. I was told this was a "caper" film... kind of like Ocena's 11 or something. But other than trying to blow a mine open before the Russians arrive, there wasn't much of a "caper" to speak of. I was bored.

    Which is a shame, because the movie is based on real events that sound anything but boring.

    Oh well.

    I did see this poster in the theater...

    Maleficent Poster

    That's Angelina Jolie starring as Maleficent.

    Which would be the evil witch from Walt Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

    Heaven help me I actually want to see this film.

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    Bullet Sunday 370

    Posted on Sunday, March 2nd, 2014

    Dave!No more bitching about how your favorite movie/actor/director didn't win an Oscar, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Oscar! First of all, I just have to say that Ellen DeGeneres did an amazing job as host. Funny, entertaining, yet still nice to everybody. And now my take on the big awards...

    • BEST PICTURE: Should have won: 12 Years a Slave. Won: 12 Years a Slave. This was an incredible movie that was painful to watch. Totally Oscar-worthy, even though I doubt I will ever watch it again.
    • BEST DIRECTOR: Should have won: ? Three-Way Tie ?. Won: Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity). This was hard. I honestly felt that David O. Russell (American Hustle), Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity), and Steve McQueen (12 Years a Slave), all had a claim to the prize. That Russell both wrote and directed American Hustle made me want him to win a bit more over the others, but the technical challenges that Cuarón had to rise above were legion, so I get it. McQueen is a solid choice too, so I just don't know.
    • BEST ACTOR: Should have won: Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave). Won: Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club). McConaughey was good, but I just didn't see his role (or the film, in general) to be riveting enough to grab the prize. Ejiofor on the other hand?
    • BEST ACTRESS: Should have won: Sandra Bullock (Gravity). Won: Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine). I fucking hate Woody Allen and, even though I'm sure Blanchett was her usual incredible self, I'd rather any other picture win. Bullock managed to overcome a lot of technical challenges to pull out a very good performance, so I'd probably give her the nod.
    • BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Should have won: Michael Fassbender (12 Years a Slave). Won: Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club). Leto was the best thing about Dallas Buyers Club, but the sheer volume of emotional wreckage that Fassbender had to claw his way out of to deliver his performance must have been epic.
    • BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Should have won: Lupita Nyong'o, (12 Years a Slave). Won: Lupita Nyong'o, (12 Years a Slave). A complete no-brainer. Nyong'o had the performance to beat (even though I love Jennifer Lawrence so much that I probably wouldn't complain if she won it for her awesome turn on American Hustle).
    • BEST ANIMATED PICTURE: Should have won: Frozen. Won: Frozen. Animation god, Hayao Miyazaki, had his final feature film (The Wind Rises) in the running and I would have loved for him to have won... but Frozen was the film to beat.

       
    • Marshmallow! And speaking of Frozen... there's a lot of things I could say about this brilliant Disney animated feature. Maybe that will happen later in the week. In the meanwhile, how much does everybody love Marshmallow? Probably my favorite animated character since Sully from Monster's Inc....

    Frozen Marshmallow

    If you love Marshmallow too, be sure to keep watching past the Frozen credits.

       
    • Ark! As I mentioned a year-and-a-half ago when I visited The Creation Museum, the group behind it all (Answers in Genesis) is working on a second museum... ARK ENCOUNTER! Apparently it's going to be a life-size replica of Noah's Ark (or something like that). They were in a bit of financial trouble but, after their leader Ken Ham had a much-publicized debate with Bill Nye The Science Guy, it apparently garnered them enough attention that they got their money after all. Personally, I can't wait to go... even though I believe absolutely none of it...

    Ark Encounter Drawing

    There's some pretty harsh criticism of Bill Nye for giving Ken Ham a platform to "legitimatize" his beliefs... but that seems kinda lame. I may vehemently disagree with Ken Ham, but I find value in understanding what he (and countless others) believe to be true, so I was happy to have a chance to see him actively debating it. And I'm looking forward to ARK ENCOUNTER as well... if it's as nicely done as The Creation Museum, it'll be worth a stop.

       
    • About! Nick Hornby's About a Boy is a remarkable book that I've read at least three times. Much to my shock, the movie adaptation starring Hugh Grant was quite good... though very different in parts (and with a crappy Hollywood ending slapped on). So when I heard NBC was creating a television series for About a Boy, I was intrigued...

    About a Boy TV Poster

    And so I watched it only to find out it was TOTAL SHIT. As an adaptation of the book. As a television show though? Not terrible. Not good, but not terrible. It seems to be based more on the movie adaptation than the book, but it fails pretty badly there too. The concept is the same, however. Will Freeman's dad wrote a hit Christmas song that set him up for life. Since he doesn't have to worry about money, he's living a self-absorbed life that revolves around fun instead of responsibility. Enter Marcus Brewer. He's an odd kid (mostly due to his mother, Fiona, who has severe emotional problems), and he's ruthlessly bullied at school. Will and Marcus cross paths, and both their lives are forever changed. The movie, while not entirely faithful to the book, does get a number of things right. Most importantly, they very clearly show just how miserable a life that Marcus leads and how terrifying it is to not know from moment to moment whether his mom is going to survive her depression. The TV show? Pretty much none of that. They focus more on Will being an idiot than the boy in About a Boy. And that's the biggest problem. The kid playing Marcus is good, but you never feel for him or his situation. And that leads to the entire premise of the show falling apart. And who knows if we'll ever see Ellie, a critical character from the book who was glossed over in the film and seems to be absent from the TV show entirely (so far). I dunno. I guess I'll give it a shot for a while, but my love of the book and movie is kind of killing me here. Maybe if I play the absolutely amazing movie soundtrack while I watch the TV version it'll be more tolerable?

       
    • OREO! So Marshmallow Crispy OREOs and Cookie Dough OREOs happened a while back, but I've only just now gotten around to trying them...

    New OREOs! Marshmallow Crispy OREO Cookie Dough OREO

    Love the Marshmallow Crispy version. They're very sweet, but the crap actually tastes like a Rice Krispies treat in the middle! The Cookie Dough? Not so much. The flavor is vaguely there, but it actually seems more like coffee(?) (which I hate) than cookie dough. Doen layik it.

       
    Sorry to end on a down-note, but I do proclaim this Sunday's bullets ended!

       

    Mars

    Posted on Friday, March 14th, 2014

    Dave!Veronica Mars is my second favorite television show of all time. Coincidentally enough, Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas (not the singer) is also responsible for my first favorite television show of all time, Cupid (the Jeremy Piven original, not the shitty remake). Given my adoration of all things Rob Thomas, I had zero hesitation in joining 91,584 other fans in supporting his highly successful Kickstarter campaign to bring Veronica Mars to the big screen.

    As part of my "reward" for being a backer, I get a digital copy of the film so I can watch it on the day of release. Which is today. Much to my horror, the code to access the film wasn't through iTunes, but instead via UltraViolet, which is one of the single biggest technological pieces of shit of all time. But I'll get into that in an extended entry. Meanwhile, back to the movie...

    Veronica Mars Movie Poster

    I'm just going to come out and say it. The central "whodunit mystery" around which the story revolves is pretty lame. A few red herrings, but none of the twists and turns or shocking revelations that made the television show so compelling. This is hardly surprising. The movie has the rather daunting disadvantage of having to educate viewers new to the franchise plus showcasing enough insider goodies to satisfy die-hard fans as well as having to catch up with an entire cast of characters people haven't seen for seven years.

    To be honest, I'm surprised they managed to fit a mystery in there at all.

    But squeeze it in they did, and the result is a love-letter to everybody who put up their hard-earned money to get the film made. Which is to say it's a total success story, and I don't think anybody who's a fan of the show is going to be disappointed.

    The plot is fairly straight-forward. Veronica's bad-boy ex-boyfriend, Logan Echolls, has been framed for murder, which results in Veronica dropping her new life in New York City so she can return home to help him out after nine long years away. Once back in Neptune, which is even more deadly, ruthless, and corrupt than ever, we catch up with all her old friends and enemies. Well, not all of them... but most of them. The laundry list of cameo appearances is shockingly long.

    Where the movie shines is in the way the Rob Thomas manages to get everybody on that list involved in the story. Yes, a few of the cameos are just quick distractions (hey, Corny!), but the bulk of them are carefully interwoven into events so they are appearing for a reason. Not many writers could pull that off without everything degenerating into a pile of crap, but Thomas seems to excel at it. And that's the fun. That's what makes the movie so darn good. Yes, your appreciation of the murder mystery is deeper if you know that Carrie Bishop put herself in the firing line to seek revenge for her best friend Susan Knight getting seduced and knocked up by their history professor. Yes, Piz's familiarity with Wallace and Mac makes more sense if you knew that Piz was Wallace's roommate in college. Yes, Veronica's relationship with her father is more meaningful if you know that she destroyed his chance at a career, but he still loves her unconditionally anyway. Yes, there are scads of moments in the film that only pay-off fully if you're intimately familiar with the Veronica Mars universe. But, much to my surprise, it's still perfectly watchable even if you've never seen a minute of the television show.

    But totally watch all three seasons of the television show if you plan on seeing the movie. It's so much sweeter if you do, and the original show is required viewing anyway.

    So two thumbs way up and no spoilers from me!

    And my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, and everybody else who worked so hard to get the movie made. It was worth the wait. And if there's a Kickstarter campaign for a sequel... TAKE ALL MY MONEY, PLEASE! Heaven only knows the ending to the movie leaves that door wide open (perfect for the forthcoming line of books).

    BONUS FEATURE! I was very happy to hear that one of my favorite bands, Mackintosh Braun, has a great new song on the Veronica Mars soundtrack. Here's their lyrics video for Don't Give In for your listening pleasure...

    And now, for anybody who wants to read a rant about my efforts to plow though the pile of shit that is the "UltraViolet" digital video service, that's in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 375

    Posted on Sunday, April 6th, 2014

    Dave!Ooh! Game of Thrones is on!

    Don't blink... because an express edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Lucy. It would seem that Luc Besson has something new...

    Now this I am looking forward to. And a sequel to The Fifth Element, of course.

       
    • Super. Well okay then...

    I liked Gravity well enough, but thought it dragged in spots. This would have made for a bit more exciting film... assuming General Zod would show up. Then Sandra Bullock could KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

       
    • Popular. It would seem that CBS News recommends meth addiction thanks to unfortunate placement of the story below this one...

    Frisian Flag

    Unfortunate placement happens all the time in magazines and newspapers, but for some reason I thought that websites were immune. Oh goodie... something new to worry about. In other news... how about that meth? It's a heck of a drug.

       
    • Anti-Vax. Oh look! The mumps outbreak in Central Ohio has now reached 150 cases!

    Jenny Stupid Fucking McCarthy

    A job well done! Smoke 'em if ya got 'em, you crazy bitch!

       
    • Micro. But to end things on a positive note, how amazing is this?

    Absolute genius. I just love innovative stuff like this.

       
    And now? Winter is coming...

       

    Bullet Sunday 378

    Posted on Sunday, April 27th, 2014

    Dave!Finish up all those boiled eggs leftover from last weekend... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bricked. If you are an iPhone user upgrading your iOS to version 7.1.1, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR PHONE IS BACKED UP FIRST! I attempted to update my iPhone and ended up getting it completely bricked. The only way I could make it useable again was to plug it into my MacBook and use iTunes to manually update it. Luckily, my phone had backed up to iCloud that morning, or I would have lost a lot of photos. Usually, I don't even think about backups because I've never had any update problems, but I guess there's a first time for everything.

       
    • Quick. The recent run of absolutely brilliant Marvel Comics movie adaptations has been nothing short of miraculous. Everything Marvel Studios touches... from Iron-Man to Captain America to Thor to Avengers has been amazing. But we haven't been so lucky with Marvel movies from other studios. In particular, Bryan Singer's horrendously shitty X-Men films over at 20th Century Fox. The first three were gut-wrenchingly bad. The first Wolverine spin-off was tragic. But then the pendulum swung in the other direction. Matthew Vaughn gave us the excellent X-Men: First Class, then James Mangold unleashed a terrific sequel with The Wolverine. My hopes for the X-Universe were restored. UNTIL 20th CENTURY FOX GAVE IT BACK TO BRYAN SINGER! I mean, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!? And, naturally, once we started seeing photos, it looked like Singer had once again spread his butt-cheeks and plopped a load of crap on the franchise. One of my biggest disappointments was his shitty interpretation of the character Quicksilver...

    Shitty Fucking Quicksilver from Bryan Singer

    The ugly hair, freaky glasses, and idiotic belt of clunky gadgets just had to be a joke, right? And what's with that stupid jacket? But, no, it wasn't a joke. Subsequent photos confirmed the hideous outfit... but I was relieved to see the belt gone and the hair looking marginally better...

    Shitty Fucking Quicksilver from Bryan Singer

    At least until a fucking hamburger commercial, of all things, showed the character in full lighting...

    Shitty Fucking Quicksilver from Bryan Singer

    Holy shit. I MEAN, HOLY SHIT! Somebody dressing up for ComicCon does a better job than this embarrassment! But it's Bryan Singer. After the colossal dump he took on Superman Returns, nothing surprises me. This is what we expect.

    But the good news is that Marvel Studios owns the right to The Avengers, of which Quicksilver is a part. Sure, they can't have him be a mutant, because 20th Century Fox gets all that with their X-Men license... but, hey, JOSS WHEDON WILL AT LEAST DO THE CHARACTER RIGHT IN AVENGERS 2!

    Right?

    And then I see this...

    Shitty Fucking Quicksilver from Bryan Singer

    Okay. I admit it's a vast, vast improvement over the shitty X-Men version... but this is the best they could do? A nonsensical shirt with an ugly design and pants from some kind of Members Only 80's collection. Really? WHY? LORD, WHY?!?

       
    • Smack. Advice as true then as it is now... DON'T BE A GUM-SMACKING WHORE, PEOPLE!

    Shitty Fucking Quicksilver from Bryan Singer

    For more timeless dating advice, here's a link for you.

       
    • Ten. And so Ronald McDonald got a makeover to make him less creepy. Here's the old Ronald....

    Shitty Fucking Quicksilver from Bryan Singer

    And here's the new...

    Shitty Fucking Quicksilver from Bryan Singer

    FAIL! If anything, the attempt to fashion-forward a fucking clown only makes the scary asshole even creepier. If this thing were to come walking towards me I would lose my shit.

       
    • Shhhh! I've watched this at least a half-dozen times. You couldn't hope for a better end to Bullet Sunday...

       
    And... have a good week, everybody!

       

    Dreams

    Posted on Monday, April 28th, 2014

    Dave!"It's unbelievable."
    "It's more than that. It's perfect."

    Today is the 25th anniversary of my most favorite movie ever made, Field of Dreams. I've seen it dozens of times and love it more with each new viewing. In the past I've describe the film as "flawless" and, after having watched it again tonight, still feel that to be true...

    Field of Dreams Poster

    The filmmakers somehow managed to pull together the perfect cast (including James Earl Jones, a long-time favorite) for a story that really shouldn't translate to the screen very well. So much of the plot revolves around things so fantastical, unbelievable, or just plain nuts that reenacting them in real life seemed like a ticket to disaster. But Kevin Costner was able to ground his character so fully into his world that it just didn't matter. His every reaction to the bizarre things going on around him made you believe there was nothing bizarre about it. He believes it, so you do too.

    Spoilers, obviously...

    One of my favorite things about the film is that nothing is explained. Absolutely no effort is put into explaining how any of the crazy events are transpiring because the only thing that matters is why they are happening... which results in one of the best movie endings ever.

    And compelled me to visit the Field of Dreams movie site in Iowa.

    Perhaps a movie will come along in the next 25 years that will knock Field of Dreams off the top spot in my list of favorite films. But somehow I doubt it. It's pretty hard to do better than perfect.

       
    And now? A bit of trivia...

    The little girl who played Karen Kinsella was named Gaby Hoffmann...

    Field of Dreams' Karen Kinsella

    Who grew up to play Ruby Jetson in the Veronica Mars movie...

    Veronica Mars' Ruby Jetson

       

    Greenwich

    Posted on Friday, May 2nd, 2014

    Dave!Why does that lady in the subway give Thor the wrong directions to Greenwich in his The Dark World movie?

    The bullshit "three stops from Charing Cross Station" line bothered me when I first saw the film... and it really bothers me whenever I re-watch it on video. Like tonight. I can only imagine how badly it pisses off a Londoner. I mean, sure, it would have sucked to say "YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE, GOD OF THUNDER! YOU NEED TO TAKE THE DOCKLANDS LIGHT RAIL BY SWITCHING TO THE JUBILEE LINE!" or whatever (I think that's how I got there when I went). But wouldn't that be better than forever having the distinction of being known as a writer who didn't bother to take two minutes to look at a frickin' London tube map?

    Field of Dreams Poster

    Don't make Thor angry. You won't like him when he's angry.

    And angry is what he would be if he were to find out that he was lied to about how to get to Greenwich.

    Next up? Where was Captain Britain when London was being torn to shit by the Dark Elves?

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    Antsy

    Posted on Friday, May 23rd, 2014

    Dave!Remember how excited I was over the upcoming Ant Man movie by Edgar Wright?

    So, yeah... that's no longer happening.

    "Marvel and Edgar Wright jointly announced today that the studio and director have parted ways on Ant-Man due to differences in their vision of the film. The decision to move on is amicable and does not impact the release date on July 17, 2015. A new director will be announced shortly."

    Ant Man

    That ugly bit of news was the cherry on the shit sundae of a day, and I'm not sure what this means for the film. Sure, it's still got Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas in starring roles... but what made this such a highly anticipated event for me was that Edgar Wright writing and directing Ant Man. It was such a perfect pairing. I can only guess that Marvel wanted a more serious take on the material than Wright had planned. Which is bound to happen when it's occupying the same universe as such massively lucrative properties as Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers.

    Ant Man, after all, IS an Avenger, and that's a billion dollars in bank that I'm sure Marvel is nervous about jeopardizing.

    But I have to wonder if Marvel's efforts will ultimately be wasted when people get tired of all their "Cinematic Universe" films becoming too much the same and stop going to see the films. Ant Man skewing a bit more funny and wacky was a good thing.

    Alas, given Marvel's stellar track record in film adaptations, it's really hard for me to be too critical.

    I just hope I can say the same thing after Ant Man is released.

       

    Bullet Sunday 382

    Posted on Sunday, May 25th, 2014

    Dave!If you're in the USA, I hope you're in serviceable condition this three-day holiday weekend... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • SOLAR. FREAKIN'. ROADWAYS! This project is so mind-bogglingly awesome that I really want to believe it's going to happen. Until I remember that all our fucking politicians are in the pocket of fucking oil industry billionaires who will undoubtedly stop at nothing to make sure it doesn't happen. No... our government will finally decide to allow something like this when we're finally OUT of oil, and there's no more Big Oil teat for them to suckle... at which point we won't have the energy to do it, but whatever...

    The project has reached their funding goal... but you can still contribute and they can still put your money to good use. Click here to donate in the next six days.

    UPDATE: An interesting look at why this idea is fantasy...

       
    • The R-Word. And so this happened...

            50 Senators Call On NFL To Change Redskins' Name.

    Look, it doesn't matter what the intent is. It doesn't matter the context. It doesn't matter what legacy has been established. It doesn't matter how "respectful" you are. It doesn't matter what tradition and history mean to the team. "Redskins" is a historically hateful, dismissive, disrespectful, racist, and wholly offensive term for Native Americans. Period. It hasn't changed meaning. It hasn't been "taken back." It hasn't "moved past" its vile history. It is just as hurtful to those of Native American heritage today as it has always been. So why is this even a debate? Why has it taken THIS long? I mean, I KNOW this country's history of treatment for its Natives has been atrocious from the very beginning, but how can it ever be too late to start changing that? Despite our tragic history's best efforts, THESE PEOPLE EXIST! And there is no possible reason, context, intent, or excuse where "redskins" is an acceptable term to be used for anything. Then. Now. Forever. That there are people who can't even see how horrifically offensive this word is to an entire people and their culture only goes to show just how ugly it really is. And it needs to stop.

       
    • Assholes. Hearing crazy shit from assholes like Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh doesn't phase me any more. They say outrageous crap every day in order to shock people into paying attention to them, and I'm just done with it. But when it comes to everyday people? People who say outrageous crap for no other reason than being assholes towards their fellow human beings? That still freaks me the hell out...

    Look, I've already written about the idea of people being forced to participate in activities that violate their religious convictions... but this is getting insane. Does nobody learn from history? Does any of this sound familiar? What's the next step? Do we just round up all the gays and the Jews so they don't accidentally offend somebody's religious sensibilities?? Seriously... what the fuck?!? I mean, THIS is the thinking of ignorant America now? I can't help but wonder how many surviving World War II vets are losing their ever-fucking minds right now. Exactly how far does this crap have to go before people wake up and just learn to live together?

       
    • The Talk. Helpful video advice for parents...

    I don't know what to say about this other than "genius." And holy shit.

       
    • BIG! Well, since The Incredibles 2 has finally been announced, but is undoubtedly still years away, it seems like Marvel stepped up to the animation plate to fill the gap with little-known comic book property Big Hero 6...

    Looks adorable. Baymax is the cutest thing to come to life since Schmoo.

       
    And... unlike the rest of the known Universe (aka "The United States of America"), I have to work tomorrow, so until next week.

       

    Tomorrow

    Posted on Wednesday, June 11th, 2014

    Dave!Since I didn't get around to seeing a movie yesterday, I made sure that tonight was the night. My intent was to see Million Dollar Arm since everybody I know that's seen it says it's a must-see movie. Unfortunately, it wasn't playing at the SouthCenter AMC, so I ended up seeing another movie that was on my radar... Edge of Tomorrow, starring Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt.

    In the near-future, Earth has been invaded by hordes of vicious aliens who slaughter humans at a horrific pace... eventually taking over most of Europe. They seem unstoppable, but a glimmer of hope arrives when a new battle suit technology emerges that allows a woman named Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt) to almost single-handedly win a victory at the new "Battle of Verdun." Confident that an army of humans in battle suits can win the war, Earth's allied commander General Brigham decides to send Major William Cage (Tom Cruise) to record the battle for a propaganda campaign to get more people to enlist in the military. This horrifies Cage, a former ad exec who has absolutely no combat experience. In a last-ditch effort to avoid going into battle, he attempts to bribe the General.

    This does not go over very well.

    Cage is arrested, branded a coward and a deserter, busted down from a Major to a Private, then sent to the front lines of the war, where things are definitely not going as planned. In his first battle he is killed within five minutes.

    But then, just like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, he wakes up to start the day all over again.

    And again.

    And again.

    Eventually he gets pretty good at being a soldier, and all humanity might just have a chance...

    Edge of Tomorrow Movie Poster: Live. Die. Repeat.

    The movie is highly entertaining with terrific performances and some unexpected humor. The visual effects are incredible, and almost worth the price of admission alone.

    But, alas, the story itself makes little sense. There is no internal logic at all. You never fully understand how the characters know what they know about the aliens or how they work. The mechanics of how time resets is equally inexplicable. It's as if the filmmakers are saying "Well, it's aliens..." as a catch-all excuse to explain away every senseless plot device. As a sci-fi geek, I was hoping for something... more.

    That being said, Edge of Tomorrow is still a really good movie experience and well worth your valuable time if you're into this kind of thing.

    Just be sure to turn off your brain when you enter the theater so you don't think too hard about what you're seeing.

    Tags:
    Categories: Movies 2014Click To It: Permalink  4 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 385

    Posted on Sunday, June 15th, 2014

    Dave!Hope your dad wanted a half-dozen bullets for Father's Day... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Fathers. And, speaking of Father's Day... happiest of holidays to all the dads out there... especially mine!

    Dave and Dave2!

    Wow! I look so young in that photo!

       
    • Radio. Growing up in the 70's and 80's the voice of music was Casey Kasem. He was also the voice of our cartoons, as he was Shaggy in Scooby Doo and the voice of Robin in Super Friends! I was sad to hear that Mr. Kasem passed away today...

    Casey Kasem!

    "Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars..."

       
    • Feline. Three marines saved some kittens in Afghanistan, bringing us one of the best things I've read all week...

    Marine Cats!

    Marine Cats!

    The story is worth a look over at Love Meow.

       
    • Halloween. In what looks to be the best thing to happen to Halloween since Tim Burton's A Nightmare Before Christmas, here comes Guillermo del Toro's The Book of Life...

    Absolutely beautiful. I can't wait.

       
    • Dreams. Kevin Costner and other cast members assembled in Iowa at the Field of Dreams movie site to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the film. Needless to say, I am pretty crushed that I didn't get to go...

    Kevin Costner Hits!
    Photo copyrighted by the Associated Press

    Yep, still my favorite movie of all time.

       
    • Bat-Cave. My second choice for a place to watch Field of Dreams? THE ULTIMATE BAT-CAVE THEATER, OF COURSE!

    Ultimate Bat-Cave Theater!
    Photo courtesy of Elite Home Theater Seating

    When a friend sent this link to me, I poured over the photos for a long time. The detail and thoughtfulness that went into planning this room is amazing. It feels very authentic to the style of the Christopher Nolan trilogy of films, though I can't fathom the $2.5 million is will cost to implement. If only I had too much money to know what to do with it.

       
    Now we return you to your previous Father's Day activities...

       

    Vihdeo

    Posted on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014

    Dave!Today was sure a good day for videos!

    Starting with the international trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy, which is shaping up to be a must-see film. This pleases me, because I was highly skeptical when Marvel announced it was on their development schedule. The comic book has all kinds of weird ties to the "galactic" side of the Marvel Universe, which needs a lot of subtext to be fully understood.

    It also features a talking raccoon.

    But with each new sneak peek and trailer that gets released, I love the idea a little more.

    Especially the talking raccoon...

    Can you imagine if we get an Avenger or two in the sequel? Holy crap is Marvel doing absolutely everything right in their film properties.

       
    My love of The Daily Show is well-known. A lot of that has to do with Jon Stewart's genius delivery of the "news" stories he reports. But he's not the only talent on the show. His supporting reporters are all pretty darn good. One of the best was John Oliver before he left to do his own show... Last Week Tonight.

    Now he's even better.

    He is able to distill complex topics to bits that are as easy to understand as they are funny. His latest story on Fifa is an excellent example...

    His take on Net Neutrality, one of the most important topics in this country today, was genius...

    The YouTube Channel for Last Week Tonight is well worth a look.

       
    In music news... OK Go has done it again. They've crafted an incredible video for their latest track, The Writing's on the Wall...

    What's great about OK Go is not just that they know how to make uniquely great music videos... but that the music they put in those videos is really great too. This song has been stuck in my head from the minute I heard it.

       

    If you've ever wondered what would happen if Trey Parker and Matt Stone's brilliant Broadway musical The Book of Mormon were mashed-up with Trey Parker and Matt Stone's brilliant cartoon South Park... well, wonder no more. Simon Chong has flawlessly animated exactly that...

    I'm no fan of musicals... but The Book of Mormon was absolute genius, and this just makes me hope that we eventually get a movie version of the show.

       
    The Brian Williams rap mashups that have been appearing on Jimmy Fallon are amazing because they're so brilliantly crafted. The latest installment for Baby Got Back is no exception...

    In case you hadn't seen it, my favorite of all of them is Rapper's Delight...

    If you can't get enough, here's a link to more.

       
    And lastly... such a cool rescue catch by Brock Holt of the ever-awesome Boston Red Sox...

    How sweet was that?

       

    See? A pretty good day for videos!

       

    Bullet Sunday 386

    Posted on Sunday, June 22nd, 2014

    Dave!It must be Sunday... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Paws. It won't be easy to watch... but if you care about our furry feline friends, you'll want to see The Paws Project, now available to stream on Netflix. It documents the horrifying effect of declawing cats, which is far worse than taking off a nail on a human. It's more like taking off the finger-tips down to the first knuckle on a human...

    The PAWS PROJECT Poster

    Declawing is just awful. And yet there are still veterinary hospitals that promote it because it's profitable... even though there are far more humane alternatives. Hopefully this barbaric practice will be outlawed nation-wide if enough people start speaking up about it.

       
    • Pledge. I have no idea where this photo comes from. But it's genius, and every time I run across it I love it even more. Because: 'MURICA!

    I pledge aliegence to the flags...

    I've finally decided to blog it so I can look it up easily every time I need a laugh.

       
    • Silence! As if this video wasn't already freaky as hell with the sound...

    Of course, anything featuring Jagger and Bowie is bound to be freaky as hell.

       
    • Kare! As a huge, huge, mega-huge fan of Susan Kare's work, I was thrilled when Foodiddy sent me this link...

    I wish she would have had time to go a bit deeper into her creative process, but this is a must-watch video for anybody interested in graphic design.

       
    • Cozy My Ass. Of all the "Hitler Dubs" floating around out there, THIS is by far my favorite: Hitler tries to rent an apartment in San Francisco...

    Oh, Hitler!

       
    • Perry! I've grown so accustomed to Texas Governor Rick Perry being a raging douche that the insane shit he says doesn't phase me any more. Comparing homosexuality to alcoholism... while repugnant, ignorant an fucking stupid... is a relatively mild offense for him. I'd argue his pathetic attempt to write that off as a mistake after doubling down on it is even more ridiculous. Regardless, Funny or Die has a brilliant commentary on this particular bit of Rick Perry idiocy...

    Can you believe the piece of shit is probably going to run for president again in 2016?

       
    And... that clicking sound you here is me out of bullets in my blog-based six-shooter. Until next week...

       

    Yahoo!

    Posted on Monday, June 30th, 2014

    Dave!I'm a big fan of the television show Community.

    When NBC decided to cancel the show after its fifth season, I was understandably upset.

    YAHOO! TO THE RESCUE! — Thanks, Yahoo!

    In other entertainment news, a trailer for The Skeleton Twins was released today. It looks pretty great. If nothing else, the soundtrack sounds terrific...

    Secret by OMD!

    Holy crap does than bring back memories...

    =sniff!=

    I miss the 80's.

       

    Bullet Sunday 388

    Posted on Sunday, July 6th, 2014

    Dave!It's a great day to stay inside and surf the internet all day... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Drone! Most of the time I am not a fan of the successor to RC helicopters... RC drones. When they're not making an annoying whine as the scream across the sky, they're blowing stuff up. But every once in a while, somebody finds a good use for drones that makes me forget all about the negatives. This viral video of a drone flying through 4th of July fireworks is one of them...

    WARNING: It may not be all fun and games, however, as this link will tell you.

       
    • Evian! Speaking of viral videos... how in the heck did I miss this one?

    Guess this is the inevitable next step from stupid talking baby and talking animal commercials?

       
    • Proud! During San Francisco Pride, Burger King sold a "Proud Whopper" in one of their restaurants along the parade route. Not surprisingly, I heard about the outcry before I heard about the burger. People were saying things like "I'M NEVER EATING AT BURGER KING AGAIN!" and "STOP CRAMMING HOMOSEXUALITY DOWN MY THOAT!" (ahem). Which is about as fucking stupid as it gets, because this was not a nation-wide project. It was specifically made for a single event in one restaurant in a localized area where the event took place. The only way you'd have "homosexuality crammed down your throat" would be if your were there for San Francisco Pride... and, even then, you could choose to have a plain-old Whopper if you wanted. Burger King never forced you to eat a "Proud Whopper" at all. Putting the usual homophobic idiocy aside, the idea of it all was actually pretty cool. Especially when people found out what a "Proud Whopper" was...

    Exactly. Which is why seeing the insane reaction to a completely innocent publicity stunt (which had a positive message for everybody) just reinforces my disgust at what my LGBT friends have to deal with every day. Which I'm guessing is something like this...

    The only thing that gives me hope for the future is that people like this will soon be dead and their absurd bigotry will one day be dead with them. Until then, I guess everybody can just "Be Your Way."

       
    • Horrible! The movie Horrible Bosses was a complete surprise when I saw it... namely because it didn't suck. I actually really liked it. Well-written, well-acted, and funnier than it had a right to be. Largely thanks to one of Jennifer Anniston's best movie roles ever as a truly horrible boss. I had no idea they were making a sequel, but here it is...

    Can't wait! I just hope that it doesn't go all The Hangover on us and do a crappy rehash of the first film in the sequel... then shit the bed in the third one.

       
    • Democracy? It will come as no surprise that I'm completely disgusted with the state of government in this country. Politicians are bought and paid for every damn day, which has effectively destroyed any chance of true democracy in this country. It seems an insurmountable problem. But then I saw something that has me intrigued...

    Surprisingly, MayDay US reached their $5 million goal. Whether or not it can make any difference against politicians backed by unlimited funds remains to be seen... but it's worth a shot, I suppose.

       
    • Shark! After the idiotic crap that tainted Shark Week last year, I was kind of soured on the idea. Then I see this ad...

    SHARK EXTREME! Oh Shark Week, how can I quit you?

       
    And now I get to go to work! How awesome is that?

       

    Best/Worst 1

    Posted on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

    Dave!On days where I do nothing but work, there's never much to blog about.

    So I'm starting a new category here at Blogography to make my life easier. Whenever I have nothing to write about, I'll just toss out the best and worst things I've seen that day. Which will usually be YouTue videos I watch while eating lunch at my desk.

    Bullet Sunday it ain't... but, eh...

    The best thing I saw all day...

    Miyazaki-san may have retired from Studio Ghibli, but his fingerprints are still on everything they release. Absolutely beautiful animation.

       
    The worst thing I saw all day...

    You have to watch it all the way through to appreciate the true horror of it all. Seriously, who wants to listen to this crap? Was the crowd actually digging it? Or were they waving ironically? What has humanity done to deserve this?

       
    Now I have to get back to work. At 11:36pm.

    I'm pretty sure I know what I did to deserve that.

       

    Bullet Sunday 389

    Posted on Sunday, July 13th, 2014

    Dave!Smoke is in the air and so are bullets... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Spoilers! Since I have no desire to see yet another flaming pile of shit Transformers movie that's not about Transformers, I jumped right on io9's "Spoiler FAQ" for Transformers 4. Sounds just as heinous as I knew it would be. Even if you have no interest in this turd of a film franchise, Rob Bricken's comments are pretty epic. If you want an entertaining read that encapsulates everything that's wrong with modern movies, it's an article absolutely work reading.

       
    • Don't Come! But... but... I've already been to Belgium!

    Antarctica has been at the top of my travel destination list for years. Now I just don't know. Tourist crowds? In freakin' Antarctica? Blargh.

       
    • Murder! I would like to add my outrage to all those people condemning dinosaur hunters for murdering these magnificent creatures...

    Steven Spielberg, Dinosaur Hunter
    Photo © Universal Pictures

    What a bastard! NOT COOL, STEVEN SPIELBERG!

       
    • Shawn! Started out my day listening to Jay-Z and found myself Googling him to see what he's up to (besides Beyonce). Ended up watching about 20 Jay-Z interviews on YouTube. He is awesome in all of them. This is probably my favorite. Not many people can out-Letterman Dave Letterman...

    It's nice how Jay-Z feels the need to keep reminding us that he's cooler than 99% of the people on earth.

       
    • Pepe! Click here for some wisdom from a true leader... President José "Pepe" Mujica....

    President José
    Photo © The Associated Press

    They saved the most telling quote for last on the secret to happiness...
    "To live in accordance with how one thinks. Be yourself and don't try to impose your criteria on the rest. I don't expect others to live like me. I want to respect people's freedom, but I defend my freedom. And that comes with the courage to say what you think, even if sometimes others don't share those views."

    Sounds oddly familiar... a pity politicians in this country aren't so forward (er, backwards?) thinking when it comes to imposing their criteria (or, more likely, the criteria of the lobbyists who have bought them off) on the people they claim to represent.

       
    • Thanks! Have you thanked your parents today?

    And, to the woman hosting this video... marry me?

       
    Now I suppose I should try to get some rest before The Week From Hell rears its ugly head. Blargh.

       

    Age

    Posted on Friday, July 25th, 2014

    Dave!After what I can only describe as "The Week I Wish Never Happened," I was more than a little thrilled to be getting the heck out of Dodge.

    So this morning I packed up my crap for a drive over the mountins to catch a flight out of Seattle for Knoxville, Tennessee. This is a city I have driven by four or five times, but have never actually spent any time in. Hopefully there will be a little time for that tomorrow, but right now I am so tired I can barely even think about it.

    The trip wasn't bad at all. Even my layover in Detroit was fairly painless. Mostly because I had loads of news coming out of ComicCon in San Diego all day long to distract me. Now-a-days it's more about comic book movies than actual comic books, which is fine by me. Especially all the amazing stuff coming out of The House of Marvel, which has been one amazing cinematic feat after another since the first Iron Man movie.

    And they're really upping the game with the next Avengers movie... Age of Ultron... which looks epic...

    Avengers: Age of Ultron Poster

    If I die before this film is released in May of next year, I will be very disappointed.

    Tags: ,
    Categories: Movies 2014, Travel 2014Click To It: Permalink  4 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 391

    Posted on Sunday, July 27th, 2014

    Dave!It's lobstah time... because a Very Special Bullet Sunday from Maine starts... now...

       
    • Jet. You might find it interesting to know that Portland, Maine doesn't have an airport... they have a jetport! So I guess if you have an old-style prop plane, you're just going to have to land somewhere else. Only jets get the privilege of landing in Portland!

       
    • Waterfront. Unlike so many fishing waterfronts that have been reimagined as tourist attractions or shopping destinations... Portland's waterfront is still in use by the fishing industry. This affords some excellent photographic opportunities which, alas, were lost on my because I didn't pack my camera. iPhone to the rescue!

    Waterfront in Portland, Maine

    Waterfront in Portland, Maine

    Waterfront in Portland, Maine

    Waterfront in Portland, Maine

    Waterfront in Portland, Maine

    It's a cool place to explore... assuming the smell of rotting fish doesn't offend you.

       
    • Flatbread. For dinner I decided to stop at Flatbread Company, which was recommended by my hotel. This ended up being a fantastic choice, as I loved absolutely everything about the place. Exceptional service. Amazing food featuring local organic ingredients. And a very good beer selection...

    Flatbread Company in Portland, Maine

    Flatbread Company in Portland, Maine

    I had a flatbread with zucchini, summer squash, maple glaze, and a bunch of other stuff I don't remember. Dessert was a Maine blueberry crisp with vanilla ice cream and maple-sweetened cream.

    Flatbread Company in Portland, Maine

    Flatbread Company in Portland, Maine

    Flatbread Company in Portland, Maine

    If you're ever in Portland, Flatbread Company gets my highest recommendation.

       
    • Cobble. Old Downtown Portland is a really nice place. Some of the streets are still in cobblestones, and there's a wide variety of shops and eateries to visit...

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    If you're an ice cream lover, Portland has you covered. There are a lot of shops here selling it (I only ate at two of them, swear)....

    Downtown Old Town Portland, Maine

    Turns out "The Other Portland" (if you're a west-coaster) is worth a trip. Can't believe I haven't been here sooner.

       
    • BatMaine? Gotta love any city that's selling a decal like this one...

    Batman Symbol with MAINE inside!

       
    • Lucy. I am a huge fan of filmmaker Luc Besson. I am a huge fan of Scarlett Johansson and Morgan Freeman. So a movie combining all three of those things should be amazing, right? Enter Lucy...

    After some ridiculous circumstances involving a new synthetic drug end up giving Scarlett super-human abilities, she decides to make the best of the situation by passing her massive knowledge about life, the universe, and everything on to all mankind. An evil drug lord is having none of it, however, and decides to pursue her so he can have the drug for himself. Along the way there are some terrific action sequences... mostly involving Scarlett being awesome with her newfound abilities. It's all a bit cheesy, sure, but it's fun. And then things start to fall apart in the third act. Badly. Instead of escalating the cool super-human action to a grand finale, the film takes a massive detour into some kind of metaphysical artistic statement that is really unsatisfying and senseless. Lucy was ultimately disappointed to me because the ending sabotaged the whole movie.

    So... it turns out that all the best stuff from Lucy is in the trailer. The movie might still be worth a rental, but I don't know I'd recommending paying the money to see it in a theater.

       
    And... bullets begone! Seeyou next Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 392

    Posted on Sunday, August 3rd, 2014

    Dave!Don't worry about the temperature... because it's a dry heat and Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Ghibli. From the "News So Horrible You Want to Scream" department... Studio Ghibli announced that they will be closing down their animation studio. Later this was changed to "evaluating closing down their animation studio." Either way, the production company responsible for some of my favorite films of all time is not going to be making another animated feature any time soon...

    My Neighbor Totoro, copyright Studio Ghibli

    To say I am absolutely gutted is an understatement. Mainly an outlet for animation god Hayao Miyazaki, Studio Ghibli has produced some of the most stunning animated works of all time. Even with the retirement of Miyazaki-san, I was still looking forward to new movies by the team responsible for such cinematic genius as My Neighbor Totoro, Howl's Moving Castle, Spirited Away, and Kiki's Delivery Service.

    Kiki's Delivery Service

    I'm very sad for a world where Studio Ghibli isn't in the animation business.

       
    • Black. And speaking of black cats (like Jiji, the cat from Kiki's Delivery Service), I was shocked to read an article about how black cats are being rejected at animal shelters because they don't take good selfie photos. This is a horrifying prospect given that black fur is really common on a cat, and there's always going to be plenty to go around.

       
    • School. We support religious freedom! You are free to be any flavor of Christian you want to be! Holy crap what a repugnant dumbass.

       
    • Bouncy. Hey, kids! Jump on my crotch!

    Tiger Bouncy House

       
    • Berlin. When I was in Maine, I saw that they had yet another piece of the Berlin Wall on display in Portland. I remember thinking at the time that every major city in the world must have a piece, because I see them quite a lot when I travel...

    Berlin Wall in Portland, Maine

    And now I'm really regretting that I didn't make a point of photographing all the pieces I've seen. So many of them offer a fascinating insight into those Cold War days.

       
    • Chocolate. This video of cocoa farmers getting to taste chocolate for the first time is one of the best things I've seen all week!

    I find it fascinating how the farmers had no clue as to why foreigners wanted to buy cocoa beans... and had never been given the opportunity to share in the fruits of their labor. Just the way the world works, I guess.

       
    • Whoopie. And speaking of chocolate... while visiting Maine I had my first "Whoopie Pie" which is nothing like the "Moon Pies" I'm used to. They're massively huge and very, very sweet...

    Eating a Whoopie Pie in Maine

    I wasn't able to eat but half of it over the course of a day. My teeth were shaking with each bite. The gift shop at Portland Light Head had a Whoopie Pie book...

    Whoopie Pie Book in Maine

       
    And... I'm out of bullets. Guess I'll have to shoot ya next week.

       

    Guardians

    Posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

    Dave!I have to wonder if JJ Abrams has seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet... and, if he has, did he shit his pants at the thought of his Star Wars installment having to follow it? Because Guardians of the Galaxy is quite possibly my favorite sci-fi film since The Empire Strikes Back. It's that good.

    And I just can’t quite wrap my head around that statement, because there have been some really good sci-fi films since Empire. Alien, Aliens, Blade Runner, The Terminator, Terminator 2, The Matrix, Stargate, Serenity… even the recent Star Trek remakes and cartoons like WALL-E… all great films. So how is this possible?

    Guardians of the Galaxy Poster

    I think it’s a combination of two things.

    First of all, it’s a fantastic film. Surprisingly awesome in almost every way. Really funny when it needs to be. Story, cast, special effects, direction, cinematography, characters, music, score... all great.

    But mainly I think it’s because I’ve been living with The Marvel Universe comics for what seems like forever. There’s something about seeing The Nova Corps... Thanos... Ronan & Nebula... Drax the Destroyer... all these cosmic comic characters... each come to life on-screen in a way that has completely captivated me. Not an easy task, I assure you, but Marvel seems to be making it look easy as they keep knocking it out of the park in comic book movie after comic book movie. And, I fully admit that I was a doubter when Guardians was announced because it just seemed like such an unlikely property to make into a good film. It’s got a talking raccoon, for heavens sake! But writer/director James Gunn (along with co-writer Nicole Perlman) figured out how to make it work. Actually... no... they not only “figured it out,” they completely and totally nailed it in a movie so near perfection that I am still having trouble believing it exists...

    Guardians of the Galaxy Rocket & Groot

    And sooooo...

    Twenty-six years ago a young Peter Quill watches in horror as his mother dies, then runs away from the hospital in a futile attempt at escaping the trauma life has thrown at him. At which point he’s abducted by aliens. So far as openers go, it’s kind of lame, right? What are the odds? But, of course, there’s much more to it than all that… you just need to have patience to get there.

    Fortunately, James Gunn makes the wait easy.

    Now a grown man, Peter lives his life as a rogue thief. His time spent roaming the galaxy, breaking hearts, and trying to stay out of trouble. But trouble always seems to find him, and when he steals an artifact that some Very Powerful People are after, his life becomes a lot more complicated. Action, adventure, and hilarity ensues...

    Guardians of the Galaxy Rocket & Groot

    To discuss the plot is to spoil the film, and I'm just not willing to do that. This is a movie you must see on the big screen. Don't wait for DVD... see it BIG. The eye-popping visuals demand it.

    I will, however, discuss the cast. Which is flawless. Chris Pratt as Star-Lord is note-perfect. He encapsulates everything you could possibly want Peter Quill to be. He headlines the movie so effortlessly that even the most unbelievable parts of the film seem anchored and believable. And it's all gravy from there. Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Lee Pace... just amazing performances all the way around. And Bradley Cooper (the last person I envisioned as the voice of Rocket Raccoon) owns the role and steals every scene he's in.

    If I have one quibble, it would be that the ending is over-the-top schmaltzy, predictable, and cheesy. But I don't think the film suffers too much for it, and I think Gunn explained it away in a way that kinda works.

    Guardians of the Galaxy is a beautiful-looking film with a great story... and funny! It gets an easy A+ from me, which means it's time to update the score card...

    The Avengers... A+
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: First Class... B

       

    Robin

    Posted on Monday, August 11th, 2014

    Dave!I was very, very sad to hear that Robin Williams died today.

    I first became obsessed with his comedic antics on Mork and Mindy... then followed his career right up through The Crazy Ones, a fantastic television show that had the good sense to reign him in a bit, which is always when he's at his best.

    But there's one role that will forever cement Robin Williams as a favorite performer of mine... The Genie on Alladin...

       

    You will most definitely be missed, sir.

       

    Bullet Sunday 394

    Posted on Sunday, August 17th, 2014

    Dave!Time to find some shade... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Theif! If I were going to be a master criminal. This would be my jam.

       
    • Change.
    You can't change the world
    But you can change the facts
    And when you change the facts
    You change points of view
    If you change points of view
    You may change a vote
    When you change a vote
    You may change the world

    The media controls us. It's what they do. Sadly, nobody seems to care... they're too busy feeling what they're told. But the ones we should really be worrying about is not the media... it's who controls them.

       
    • Baddies?! Comedy is at its best when it has some harsh truth to it. This bit from Mitchell and Webb has been in my mind a lot lately...

    Doesn't hurt to stop from time to time and evaluate your situation. You might not be where you think you are.

       
    • Yossi! As I was digging through Netflix for background noise while I worked, I was shocked to find that there is sequel to the Israeli film Yossi & Jager (which I talked about here). Titled Yossi, it picks up ten years later. Shattered after watching his boyfriend die in his arms, Yossi Gutmann has buried his life as a gay man and put all his energy into becoming a cardiologist. Depressed, lonely, and with no social life to speak of, everything changes one day when the mother of his former lover appears at the hospital...

    Yossi Movie Poster

    So rarely does a sequel live up to its predecessor. This is an exception. I was really glad a reader had recommended the original film, and even gladder to have come across the followup. In many ways it not only provides closure for Yossi... but also the audiences who came to care about the character. Since this is a foreign film with subtitles... AND gay cinema... it hasn't gotten much exposure in its two years of release here in the States. That's a shame, because it's a good story regardless of your nationality or sexuality.

       
    • Sunny! Wow. Be safe out there. And carry SPF 50...

    The sun is your friend. So long as you're wearing protection.

       
    • MMMMMEEEEEAT! According to Popular Science, there's a tick whose bite can make you severely allergic to meat. Obviously a sign from God that we're all meant to be vegetarians. Why else would something like this exist? No confirmation from Pat Robertson on that yet though...

    Meat Allergy Tick
    Photo from the Center for Disease Control

    If this becomes an epidemic, it's good news for cows. And pigs. Maybe chickens and turkeys... I don't know about birds. Bad news for fish and sea creatures who'll have to take up the slack. Really terrible news for carrots, I suppose.

       
    Annnnd... I need to reload.

       

    Groot!

    Posted on Monday, August 25th, 2014

    Dave!After what I can only describe as "Shitty Monday," it's the little things that make me want to keep going.

    Like the news that Funko will indeed be making a dancing Groot Bobble Head toy from the amazing, must-see-in-theaters Guardians of the Galaxy movie.

    Sadly, he's not available until January, but he is coming...

    Funko Pop! Dancing Baby Groot!

    You can pre-order one of your vey own at ToyWiz.

    In the meanwhile, you can just watch this over and over and over again...

    All I need now is a LEGO Guardians of the Galaxy video game for my life to be complete.

    Dang. Now I want to see Guardians again.

       

    Bullet Sunday 396

    Posted on Sunday, August 31st, 2014

    Dave!Don't you dare despair... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • The Ramones! HOLY CRAP! If this is true... IF THIS IS TRUE... wow.

       
    • Fun! Funko Pop! finally announced that they are releasing some Firefly characters in their line of vinyl pop culture figures...

    Funko Pop! Does Firefly

    I, of course, was compelled to pre-order my favorite character, Hoban Washburne, complete with one of his toy dinosaurs...

    Funko Pop! Does Firefly

    You can get your own over at ToyWiz.

       
    • Dreamy! The entire Skyer album by the Swedish dream-pop group Postiljonen is achingly beautiful... but this song is just... beyond. How they managed to create such a lovely song around Whitney Houston's How Will I Know? is a mystery...

    Though if forced to pick a favorite off the album, Plastic Panorama is absolute magic...

    Of course, I'm a sucker for anything that quotes The Princess Bride.

       
    • Cancelation. With quality television being a rare thing indeed now-a-days, I was disturbed to see that the A&E series Longmire has been canceled...

    Longmire Poster

    What's interesting in this case is that the show is being canceled despite pulling big ratings. The studio is shopping the show around to try and keep it on the air, which is encouraging, but it's hard to take news like this given the overwhelming amount of crap clogging network schedules.

       
    • Roofs! If you have a head for heights, Vadim Makhorov and Vitaliy Raskalov have posted a stunning set of sphincter-puckering photos from Hong Kong on their website...

    On the Roofs Hong Kong

    Actually, "stunning" is under-selling it.

       
    • Diane! A big thank you to Diane Sawyer for five years anchoring ABC's World News Tonight. I've been tuning in throughout her run and have become a fan. I look forward to future appearances as a "special correspondent"...

    Diane Sawyer

    The diversity was nice while it lasted. Now the "Big Three" networks are all once again being safely anchored by white guys.

       
    And... my six-shooter has done ran out of Bullets.

       

    Hero

    Posted on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

    Dave!Without a doubt, one of the shittiest days on record.

    Except Disney released a new clip for Big Hero 6, which is officially the movie I am most looking forward to seeing this year. November 7th can't get here soon enough...


       
    And now I just want to hide under the covers and make the world go away.

       

    Skeletons

    Posted on Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

    Dave!Last night I went to see The Skeleton Twins starring Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader... two SNL alums I like very much. I like them so much, in fact, that I actually went to see this movie it in a theater. Which I almost never do any more. The theater experience is absolute shit now-a-days because people are awful.

    Skeleton Twins Poster

    I wanted to see the movie ever since I saw the trailer...

    It's hard not to see a movie that features the song Secret by OMD, which fits perfectly into the film...

    As did the Starship song Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, which was actually written for a different film entirely...

       
    I'm just going to get this out of the way... The Skeleton Twins is a slow film. It's a slice of life drama that takes forever to go nowhere, but the journey is so well crafted that it doesn't really matter.

    Maggie and Milo are twin siblings who haven't spoken in ten years because an incident in their past tore them apart. But when they both (unsuccessfully) attempt suicide on the same day at opposite sides of the country, they come back together to she if healing their relationship can heal themselves.

    And that's pretty much all there is to it.

    This is a dark comedy with some truly funny moments... but I don't know that I'd classify it as a "funny" film. Even so, I liked it quite a lot. Definitely worth a rental on video.

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    Marvelous

    Posted on Monday, November 3rd, 2014

    Dave!And so the undisputed master of super-hero movies... Marvel Comics... held an event last week to announce their upcoming plans for "Phase Three" of their Cinematic Universe.

    Nothing too unexpected.

    Though the absence of a Hulk film still has me reeling. Marvel finally managed to do the character right in The Avengers... so give us Planet Hulk!

    Anyway... random thoughts on the proceedings...

    Captain America: Cival War

    Captain America: Civil War
    Marvel-lovers around the globe went ape-shit when Robert Downey Jr. said that Iron Man would be appearing in the next Captain American film. Being a massive fan of how the Marvel Cinematic Universe is so well connected by exactly this kind of thing, I was one of them. At first. But then I heard that the story would be following Marvel's "Civil War" event and I was given pause. "Civil War" was a major comic book event which pitted hero against hero because of the "Super Hero Registration Act" that would force super-heroes to register with the government and be under direct government supervision. As a crusader for freedom, Captain America objected... whereas Iron Man supported the idea. Chaos (and a lot of fight scenes) ensued. Personally, I was not a fan of the storyline. Especially since it resulted in Captain America's death (don't worry, he got better). The movie version can't exactly follow the comic book version for a number of reasons, so who knows how the film will retread the material... but it doesn't seem like a very interesting prospect for a movie. I'd rather have a super-villain fight. And yet... the first two Captain America films were absolute genius, so I'm trying to trust that Cap 3 will follow suit.

       

    Doctor Strange

    Doctor Strange
    When building their universe, Marvel has wisely been taking things one step at a time. They wanted to add a space-fantasy aspect, so they unleashed Guardians of the Galaxy. Now they want to show the mystic side of Marvel, so they put the Scarlet Witch into Avengers 2 and fast-tracked Doctor Strange, which is a character ripe with possibilities. Stephen Strange is a brain surgeon and asshole who only cares about money and maintaining his selfish lifestyle. Then one day his hands are crushed in a car accident and he loses it all. Desperate to reclaim his ruined career, Strange wanders the world looking for a cure. His search leads him to the Himalayas where he ends up studying magic and ultimately leaves his selfish ways behind to become the Sorcerer Supreme... earth's ultimate protector against mystical evil. The film is being helmed by Scott Derrickson who, despite his shitty The Day the Earth Stood Still remake, is a capable director. Rumor has it that Benedict Cumberbatch is in final talks to take the title role. Further rumor has it that the story will be taken from the amazing Into Shamballa graphic novel (pretty much the definitive take on Dr. Strange). All rumors considered, this movie has amazing potential. If Marvel can keep the story moving and deliver some jaw-dropping visuals to keep things interesting... it just might be another comic film breakthrough.

       

    Guardians of the Galaxy 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy 2
    The first Guardians of the Galaxy film sounded like it was going to be Marvel's first misfire. It's an esoteric, little-known property with bizarre characters. There's a talking cartoon for heavens sake! How in the hell is that going to be successful? Well, thanks to an amazing story that hit all the right notes... a flawless cast... some incredible special effects... and James Gunn's capable direction... it didn't just "work," it completely killed at the box office. Easily my favorite movie of 2014 (so far), there's no reason to expect that the sequel is going to be anything but amazing. Marvel knows exactly where they have to go in order to keep the momentum going... and getting James Gunn back was step one.

       

    Thor: Ragnarok

    Thor: Ragnarok
    Thor has been a bit of a dark horse in the holy trilogy of comic book heroes that anchored Phase One and Phase Two of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. He's a terrific concept for a super-hero, yet far removed from Captain America and Iron Man... two characters that even non-comic-book fans can easily grasp. But then Kenneth Branagh's first Thor film proved that a great character is a great character so long as you have an interesting story to make him great. It didn't hurt that Loki was along for the ride... one of Marvel's most iconic villains. Sure the second film stumbled a bit, but it was still terrific entertainment. Thor 3 will undoubtedly be more of the same... but on a much larger scale. In Norse mythology Ragnarök is pretty much the end of the world, and results in the death of a number of major gods, including Thor. In the comics, it's not quite so dire, but still a major, major event. If Marvel can pull out all the stops and create a story as huge, impactful, and worthy of the title, it should be a heck of a ride.

       

    Black Panther

    Black Panther
    Finally. Finally. It's unbelievable to me that Black Panther wasn't made into a film before there was a "Marvel Cinematic Universe." He's a fantastic super-hero with a terrific origin that will translate easily to a movie. And yet... nope. In all seriousness, Black Panther has potential to be Marvel's equivalent to DC's Batman movies (he's always seemed more "Batman" to me than Daredevil ever was). Ruler of the African nation of Wakanda, King T'Challa uses his access to advanced technology and mystical artifacts (not to mention his massive wealth) to battle enemies of his homeland... and the world... both solo and as an Avenger. As if that wasn't enough, Marvel nabbed Chadwick Boseman for the role (he was seriously fantastic in 42). This movie is a no-brainer. All Marvel has to do is think Nolan's "Batman," but focus on all the things that makes Black Panther truly unique in the world of super-heroes. Piece of cake, really.

       

    Captain Marvel

    Captain Marvel
    Of all the movie announcements that Marvel dropped at their event, Captain Marvel was both a surprise... and not a surprise. The surprise being that A) Captain Marvel (NOT DC's "Shazam") is kinda a fringe character. B) They're going with the current female version of the character. and C) The first female-lead film from Marvel isn't starring Black Widow. The non-surprise being that Marvel wants female competition for DC's Wonder Woman movie that is scheduled to drop in 2017 and, power-wise, their best shot is probably Ms. Marvel (Captain Marvel to be). I'm going to be honest here... I'm pissed that Scarlett Johansson wasn't given her shot at a solo movie. I mean, come on! Fair is fair, and she's paid her dues in Iron Man 2, The Avengers, and Captain America 2! When's it gonna be her time?!? Anyway... Carol Danvers has one of the most complex stories of any super-hero in existence, all of which is undoubtedly going to be massively streamlined for the movie. This is probably a good thing, because the title "Captain Marvel" has been used by so many people in the comics that even comic book nerds can't keep it straight. If Marvel is smart, Captain Marvel is going to fall out of the second Guardians of the Galaxy film, which would be a perfect fit. My guess being that DC is going to screw up Wonder Woman so badly that it won't matter she has infinitely better name recognition... Captain Marvel will be the film to beat in the battle of super-heroine box-office.

       

    Inhumans

    Inhumans
    Like most Marvel properties, how much I like the Inhumans will solely depend on which version of the characters end up on the screen. If past precedent is any indication, Marvel is going to take all the best bits and pieces from the comics, mix them up with something new, and create something utterly amazing. And when it comes to potential for "amazing," you could do much worse than the Inhumans. A secret society of super-powered humanoids living on the moon ruled by a royal family of heroes led by Black Bolt, a man who can unleash ultimate destruction by uttering a single word from his mouth... and Medusa, a woman with living hair? Yeah. Sign me up. All I can hope is that Marvel will take this opportunity to go a little... weird... on us. By this point, they'll have done the mainstream heroes thing to death. We'll be ready for something new and different.

       

    Captain America: Cival War

    Avengers: Infinity War (Parts 1 & 2)
    And it all leads to this. I can't even speculate where Marvel will go in the battle of Thanos vs. The Universe. If I had to wager, I'd say that they'll be closing out Phase Three in 2019 with the biggest event in super-hero movie history. Every hero who has ever been in every Marvel film will join the fray... Avengers, Guardians, Inhumans, Asgardians, whatever... they're all here. Perhaps Marvel will even drop in appearances of their television and Netflix properties. And why not? These films are going to make billions upon billions of dollars. All Marvel has to do is exceed expectations with the spectacle of it all. Is there any doubt they'll do exactly that?

       

    Can't wait for 2016.

    Though getting Avengers2: Age of Ultron and Ant-Man in 2015 will make the wait a little easier...

    Excelsior!

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    Iron Sky

    Posted on Thursday, November 6th, 2014

    Dave!Crowdsourced funding for movie projects has been hit-or-miss. On one hand, you've got major movie projects like Veronica Mars raising millions... not necessarily to pay for the film (that's pocket change for Warner Bros.), but instead to demonstrate to movie studios that fans want to see it. On the other hand, you've got indie movie-makers who haven't a prayer of breaking into the Big Studio System for funding, so they appeal to strangers to get the money they need. Most of the time, these projects are unrealistic or just plain shit but, every once in a while, something... interesting... comes along that show everybody what crowdsourcing is meant for.

    And, heaven help us, this time around it's Nazi's from the dark side of the moon on dinosaurs...

    Um... yeah... where do I sign up for that action?

    Over at the movie's IndieGoGo page, that's where...

    Iron Sky Poster

    Films like this just don't get made anymore unless the fans step up and pitch in.

    And I, for one, welcome our new Moon Nazi overlords.

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    Six

    Posted on Wednesday, November 12th, 2014

    Dave!Beautiful. Magical.

    Big Hero 6 is a movie well worth a look.


    Big Hero Six Poster

       

    And, if you're a fan of the film like me, I'd recommend checking out the art book. Disney usually does a great job on these, but this is above and beyond...

    Big Hero Six Poster

       

    If ever there was a reason to celebrate Disney buying out Marvel Comics, this would be it. Hopefully this isn't the last animation collaboration we'll see.

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    Sedaris

    Posted on Monday, November 17th, 2014

    Dave!David Sedaris is my favorite living author.

    Not just because his wry humor, observational wit, and charming self-deprecation is about the funniest stuff I've ever read... it's because David Sedaris is an exceptional writer. His prose is so flawlessly constructed... so beautifully realized... so wonderfully clever... you don't just read it, you let it wash over your senses like a warm bath from which you never want to leave.

    And, as good as an adventure as reading his work may be... it's not even the best way to experience it. Having David Sedaris read his writings to you adds an entirely new load of genius to an already brilliant work. Which is why I always buy the book and the audiobook of everything he releases...

    I also try to attend his readings, so I can listen to him live and in person, which is about the best entertainment ever. Sadly, it's never easy with my crazy schedule, and I've only heard him speak once before. But there was no way I was going to miss this event given that it was a mere two-hour drive away.

    Especially since I finally got to meet him up-close-and-personal to get his autograph... complete with a bloody tomahawk...

    Sedaris Autograph

    Benaroya Hall, which is truly a lovely space with fantastic acoustics, was completely sold out for the event...

    Benaroya Hall

    I couldn't have had a better seat. Right on the first level in the second balcony...

    Benaroya Hall

    Mr. Sedaris was, as expected, completely worth the trip.

    Smart, witty, charming... and utterly brilliant in every way... it was an evening I'll not soon forget.

    Oh yeah... earlier in the day I also went to go see Big Hero 6 again. Such a great film. And this time I saw it in a pretty great theater. Not for screen size or anything... but for comfort...

    iPic Redmond

    The iPic Theater in Redmond is more comfortable than my bed. It doesn't help that people are waiting on you hand and foot. Want a beer and some Junior Mints? Your wish is their command...

    iPic Redmond

    Sure it's expensive... but "expensive" means that people won't waste the money to bring their bratty kids along so you won't have to listen to their bullshit. My first time seeing Big Hero 6 was pretty much ruined by kids who would rather be playing video games than stuck in a theater for 105 minutes being quiet. Not this time, baby.

    Oh... and I stuck around for the post-credit sequence of the film, which was kinda nice.

    Almost as nice as my Big Hero 6 Funko POP! Baymax figure that finally arrived...

    iPic Redmond

    I got the "Amazon Exclusive" so he glows in the dark.

    Just like a playtime pal should.

       

    Bullet Sunday 409

    Posted on Sunday, November 30th, 2014

    Dave!Don't go all Cyber Monday just yet... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bats! The Tolga Bat Hospital posted some amazing photos of young bats experiencing the rain for the first time this week...

    Tolga Bar Sanctuary

    Tolga Bar Sanctuary

    Tolga Bar Sanctuary

    Adorable. Oh how I love bats! Much love to Tolga Bat Hospital for posting such fantastic shots. They do good work.

       
    • War! Unless you've been spending the past few days dead for tax reasons, you're undoubtedly aware that the first teaser trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens was released. If you weren't aware, you can watch the thing here.

    Star Wars 7 Teaser

    And then the fan trailers came. First up is this brilliant (literally!) nod to director JJ Abrams' love of lens flare (in his Star Trek movies)...

    Nice! Next up... the very funny George Lucas' Special Edition...

    What? No fart jokes? And, lastly, heeeeeeere's LEGO...

    Genius. I have to say... this trailer had a good Star Wars feel to it. Which is something I can't say about the horrendously shitty prequel trilogy. Just over a year to wait... sigh.

       
    • Space! I really don't have the words for just how amazing this it...

    Wow. Star Wars Shmar Wors. More information on this jaw-dropping short film can be found at creator Erik Wernquist's site.

       
    • Sugar! If this Brita commercial is accurate, it's kind of scary. I probably drink double this amount of soda in a year...

    Why oh why are all the things that are bad for us so darn tasty?

       
    • Lap! Came across a photo while backing up my image library and was pretty shocked at how big laptops used to be...

    Big Laptop!

    Even harder to believe that boat anchor has only a fraction of the computational power that an iPhone has. Probably a fraction of the screen resolution as well. Might have an iPhone beat on battery life though.

       
    • Arthur! A story about a stray dog who became part of a team attempting to complete a 430-mile race through the Amazon is probably my favorite story on the interwebs this week...

    Arthur the Dog!

    So great. I get a lump in my throat every time I read it. If you want to see Arthur arriving at his new home in Sweden, here's the link.

       
    And... I should probably go to bed seeing as how I have to get up early for work tomorrow.

       

    Video14

    Posted on Sunday, December 28th, 2014

    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    Or, more accurately, a "wrap-up of movies I saw that came out this year." Every time I write one of these things, there's always a bunch of movies I never saw that would have ended up on the list (last year it would have been Twelve Years a Slave, The Square, and Fruitvale Station, for example). But I can only do what I can do, so here we go...

       
    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Best Movies 2014 Part 1

    #1 Guardians of the Galaxy
    Hands-down my favorite film of 2014 in every possible way. After his mom dies, Peter Jason Quill is abducted by aliens for a life of adventure beyond his wildest dreams. Skating through life as an intergalactic thief, Peter makes the ultimate score... only to find out that the fate of the galaxy is literally in his hands. Banding together with an odd assortment of criminals, "Star-Lord" faces a powerful evil none of them might survive. Hilarity and jaw-dropping special effects ensue. INTERESTING ASIDE: A Marvel movie has topped my list every year since I've been doing this... Iron Man 2 in 2010, Captain America and Thor in 2011, The Avengers in 2012, Iron Man 3 in 2013, and now Guardians of the Galaxy in 2014. My guess is that Iron Man would have topped my list in 2008 (if I had one), and it seems inevitable that Avengers 2: Age of Ultron or Ant Man will top it next year. That's quite a feat!.

    #2 Captain America: The Winter Soldier
    So good. Where do I start? The very concept of "Captain America" is dated and cheesy, but Anthony and Joe Russo turn this weakness into a strength by cutting to the core of what "America" even means in this day and age. And completely knock it out of the park. Captain America stumbles upon a plot that puts our very freedom at risk and teams up with Black Widow to find answers to a political mystery that reaches back to World War II. Along the way we are introduced to Falcon, a staple from Captain America's comic book history, and a welcome addition to the team. As if that wasn't enough, we also get... Robert Redford? Yet another flawless comic book translation by Marvel Studios.

    #3 Kaguya-hime no Monogatari
    An absolutely mesmerizing film that is an animation fan's hand-drawn dream come true. For a good taste of the stunning, mind-blowing artistry this movie has to offer... YouTube to the rescue.

    #4 Veronica Mars
    I'm just going to come out and say it. The central "whodunit mystery" around which the story revolves is pretty lame. A few red herrings, but none of the twists and turns or shocking revelations that made the television show so compelling. This is hardly surprising. The movie has the rather daunting disadvantage of having to educate viewers new to the franchise plus showcasing enough insider goodies to satisfy die-hard fans as well as having to catch up with an entire cast of characters people haven't seen for seven years. Even so, the film was a dream come true for this fan, who ranks Veronica Mars as the "second-best television show of all time." Not only did it finally give closure to the non-ending of the series, it also brilliantly opened up the possibilities of more films. Which I would absolutely welcome, because anything new for Veronica Mars by Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell is bound to be good stuff.

    #5 Big Hero 6
    The third Marvel Studios film on my list also happens to be a Disney masterpiece. After a young genius watches his older brother head to his death trying to help people, he seeks revenge on the person responsible by assembling a team of heroes for the impending battle. That alone is a concept worth experiencing, but Disney didn't stop there... they created BayMax, my favorite cartoon character since Sully on Monsters Inc., and I loved his every second on-screen. If we're going to see more Marvel/Disney collaborations like this, count me in.

    #6 The LEGO Movie
    This seriously could have been my favorite movie of 2014... if it weren't for the horrendous detour it took at the end which I absolutely hated. HATED! But everything up to that point was gold. The film is funny in all the right spots and a total blast to watch. Not only that, but the animation is sublime and the voice talent flawless (particularly Chris Pratt as Emmett and Will Arnett as LEGO Batman). If you haven't seen it, you really owe it to yourself to submerse yourself into the world of LEGO like you've never seen it before. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!

    Best Movies 2014 Part 2

    #7 Under the Skin
    Scarlett Johansson was everywhere this year, including this sci-fi thriller that's almost too good to be true. Stylish, disturbing, and haunting, the film defies description and is probably best experienced without knowing anything ahead of time. That being said, this is definitely a movie that's not for everyone. It requires a real mental leap to appreciate, and if you're not able to make the jump you're probably going to dislike it. Maybe even hate it. As for myself? I can't decide. All I know is that Under the Skin hasn't left me since I saw it, and you can't say that about many films now-a-days.

    #8 Edge of Tomorrow
    I had -zero- hope for this film, but gave it a shot because it's an adaptation of Hiroshi Sakurazaka's epic All You Need Is Kill (also adapted to manga by Ryōsuke Takeuchi and Takeshi Obata). So imagine my surprise when it ended up being a fantastic movie with amazing visuals and a darn good story. In the near future a disgraced military officer has a mishap that results in him re-living the same day over and over again every time he dies. This allows him to attempt to find a way to repell an alien invasion on the brink of humanity's defeat. Great performances by Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt sealed the deal.

    #9 Boyhood
    A film that was shot over an 11-year period that shows the life on a young boy as he (and his family) grows to adulthood. It's a very brave idea that paid off big-time. The only down-side being that the story was fluid and tended to wander around. This resulted in some dead spots that ground things to a halt from time to time. Still, it's hard not to appreciate what a feat this was to film and how amazing it turned out. Props to Richard Linklater for having the vision to see it through.

    #10 X-Men Days of Future Past
    I enjoyed this film a lot despite it being a steaming pile of shit, and I don't know why. Probably because I love comic book movies... even when they take a massive dump over both the comic book source material and the continuity of the film franchise. It's like "We need to send Wolverine's mind back in time into the body of his younger self but we're too lazy and stupid to figure out a logical way, so... KITTY PRIDE HAS A NEW POWER SHE'S NEVER HAD BEFORE FOR NO REASON EXCEPT IT SERVICES THE PLOT!" And, once they committed to that utter stupidity, everything else was fair game... no matter how absurd. And yet... there was plenty of entertainment to be found, despite Bryan Singer's best efforts, so it makes my list.

    #11 Frozen
    While not in the same league as Kaguya-hime no Monogatari, Disney managed to craft a beautifully-animated feature with great characters, a terrific story, and addictive music. But I don't need to tell you that. This movie was a massive box office success, and the inevitable sequel is undoubtedly already under way. One of my favorite parts of the film is Kristoff, who managed to hold his own against two Disney princesses in a way that was more about him being himself rather than becoming somebody new so he was "worthy of a princess." Bravo Disney.

    #12 Coherence
    This movie came completely out of nowhere to blow my mind into itty-bitty pieces. A group of friends are having a dinner party when a comet flies overhead and knocks out the power. Adventures in quantum physics ensues. As if that weren't bizarre enough for you, the film was shot without a script. Director James Ward Byrkit simply handed out character notes to each actor every day of the five-day shoot (which was in his own home) and let things unfold from there. Once you've seen the film, you'll marvel that this gambit actually worked. To understand the goings on a little better, here's a SPOILER-FILLED interview with the director (which you don't want to watch until you've seen the film, obviously).

       
    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    Gone Girl
    I read the book and enjoyed it, but was going to pass on the film adaptation... until I found out David Fincher was behind it. Surprisingly tight and well-crafted film that did the novel justice.

    Tim's Vermeer
    Now this is a documentary. Hobbyist Tim Jenison attempts to discover how 17th-century Dutch Master Johannes Vermeer managed to get near photographic realism in his paintings.

    Interstellar
    I did not see this in IMAX and which I had, because the visuals are excellent. Wish I could say the same thing about the story, which I found hokey and mediocre. Still entertainment as you'll rarely see it in the cinema, so worth your valuable time to see.

    The Grand Budapest Hotel
    A terrific film with a flawless cast that's yet another feather in Wes Anderson's cap. The problem is that the quirky films that Anderson makes are starting to lose their luster for me. They've gone from being charming and unexpected to merely more of the same.

    Finding Vivian Maier
    A Chicago nanny spent her days capturing life around her with a collection of over 100,000 photographs that went undiscovered and unseen until they were purchased at auction after her death. The discovery of Maier's impressive catalog of work propelled her to the spotlight and had critics hailing her as a master of street photography. Not always a flattering take on her life, the film is a fascinating look at photography and art.

    Life Itself
    The life and times of Roger Ebert, both professional and personal. It's a surprisingly compelling work.

    Nightcrawler
    While I was not as enamoured with this movie as the critics seem to be, it was still a pretty darn good film about the life of an independent crime photographer.

    Snowpiercer
    This was a pretty tight action film that was beautifully realized from the French comic book... but the ending was utterly insane. My take? SPOILER ALERT! Any survivors surely perished within days of the final frame.

    The Skeleton Twins
    This was a really well-written, well-acted film about a suicide attempt bringing together two siblings who are living far from perfect lives. It dragged a bit in places, but was ultimately worth the ride.

    Jodorowsky's Dune
    A documentary that looks back on the making of the greatest movie never made! And, by the end of the film, you really wish it had been...

       
    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    The Strange Little Cat
    The trailer is utterly bizarre and more than a little annoying, but the critics won't shut up about it, and it's supposed to be based on Kafka's The Metamorphosis. How can I refuse that?

    Top Five
    Chris. Rock.

    Two Days, One Night
    A character piece that looks unlike anything I've see... in a very good way. A woman has to convince her fellow employees to give up a bonus so she can keep her job.

    Winter Sleep
    A Turkish film examining the class divide against a backdrop of winter at a mountain hotel. Looks dramatic... but without the drama. If you know what I mean.

    Listen Up Philip
    Jason Schwartzman and Jonathan Pryce. I'm intrigued already.

    National Gallery
    As an art lover, a documentary about the goings on of the National Gallery in London is too tempting to ignore. Can't wait to see it.

    Whiplash
    An obsessive instructor teaches his student how to become a world-class drummer using intimidation and fear. Doesn't sound like my cup of tea, but the critical acclaim is hard to ignore.

    Ida
    I have no idea if this is something I will enjoy, but the preview certainly seems like it could be. A Catholic nun learns she's Jewish just as she prepares to take her vows. A journey of discovery ensues.

    Birdman
    I just can't tell if this is going to be brilliant-brilliant or stupid-brilliant, but I'm happy to spend the time finding out.

    Pride
    British historical-based comedies are my weak point, and this film telling the story of gays and lesbians lending their support to striking coal miners in 1984 Wales sounds like an entertaining concept.

       
    THE WORST...

    A Million Ways to Die in the West
    How in the hell Seth MacFarlane went from the total genius that was Ted to this painfully un-funny turd is a total mystery. I can't believe I wasted my valuable time on this dud.

    Lucy
    From the previews, I was ready to love this film. Scarlett Johansson gets mind-bogglingly awesome super-powers and proceeds to kick ass? Fantastic! But that's not what we got. Instead of escalating the cool super-human action to a grand finale, the film takes a massive detour into some kind of metaphysical artistic statement that is really unsatisfying and senseless. Lucy was ultimately disappointed to me because the ending sabotaged the whole movie.

    Monuments Men
    Given the high-caliber cast (George Clooney, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Matt Damon, Hugh Bonneville, and Cate Blanchett), I expected this was going to be a killer film. But it turns out that the cast was about the only thing I enjoyed. There just wasn't much of a story... the characters broke up into pairs and wandered around Europe trying to save art during the final days of World War II. The End. I was told this was a "caper" film... kind of like Ocena's 11 or something. But other than trying to blow a mine open before the Russians arrive, there wasn't much of a "caper" to speak of. Even worse, it was just so horribly boring.

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    Bullet Sunday 418

    Posted on Sunday, February 1st, 2015

    Dave!Enjoy a second helping of bullets... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Super! Not a good day for Seahawks fans...

    DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Disappointed Seahawk Fan

    Better luck net year, guys... and congratulations to the Patriots!

       
    • Two! My disappointment that Mila Kunis is not in the sequel is equal to my excitement that Morgan Freeman is...

    My guess is that they'll write her off in one line. As in "Hey Johnny, sorry that your wife died in a tragic liposuction accident!. How clever.

       
    • Fantastic? Oh joy. Another looks like we're getting yet another comic book movie that shits all over the source material...

    This may very well end up being a really good science fiction movie... but, from the looks of things, it has precious little hope of being a good Fantastic Four movie. I wish all the rights for Spider-Man, X-Men, and Fantastic Four would revert back to Marvel where they belong. Sony and 20th Century Fox don't have the slightest frickin' clue what they're doing.

       
    • Free the Music! Holy crap do I long for the day that music recording labels just die already so artists can sell the music they want to make directly to their fans... REGARDLESS OF WHERE THOSE FANS MAY LIVE ON THIS PLANET! I am so tired of having to pay astronomical amounts of money for pricey import albums simply because a label refuses to release the music in North America. In case you haven't heard, WE LIVE IN A GLOBAL ECONOMY, ASSHOLES! So instead of bitching and whining about music piracy, why don't you... oh... I dunno... SELL YOUR FUCKING MUSIC TO THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BUY IT SO THEY WON'T HAVE TO STEAL IT?

       
    • Live! Even when the guest-host has been good, Saturday Night Live has been pretty sub-par this season. Then Blake Shelton came to visit and we get the funniest episode in ages...

    Rumor has it that Eddie Murphy is going to make an appearance for the SNL40 celebration.If anything would get me to tune in... that would be it.

       
    It's the end of the bullets as we know it... and I feel fine.

       

    Eventfully

    Posted on Tuesday, February 10th, 2015

    Dave!Today was most definitely not a good day.

    Try as I might, I could not seem to get ahead... and having to deal with boatloads of crap from too many people didn't help matters.

    When I finally had a moment to catch up with the internets and what's been going on in the world, I was shocked to find out all the stuff I've been missing.

    • Jon Stewart Leaving "The Daily Show." Of all the things that went wrong today, coming home to find out Stewart is quitting hit me the hardest. He has some very, very big shoes to fill, and making sure they find the right person is critical to the show's continued success.
    • Spider-Man is Officially Joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The horrendously bad news about The Daily Show was balanced out by Marvel coming to an agreement with Sony over Spider-Man licensing. Finally. Finally! Spider-Man will be appearing alongside Marvel Cinematic Universe heroes like Iron Man, Captain America, Black Widow, The Hulk, Hawkeye, and Thor. Equally good? Marvel is going to oversee the creative for Sony's future Spider-Man films. IGN has the best coverage I've found on the news.
    • Brian Williams Suspended. I honestly don't know where to weigh in on this. Brian Williams has no need... absolutely zero need... to embellish his already stellar career and accomplishments. So I tend to want to believe him when he said it was poor recollection that caused him to lie about events that happened while he was covering the Iraq War. Hell, the guy has covered so much news that it's not inconceivable he'd start mixing things up. But, seriously, how could you forget whether or not your helicopter was shot at? I dunno. I like the guy, but this is not the first time he's been caught in an untruth, and I wonder if somebody who can't be trusted to tell the truth is fit to read the news.
    • Shirley Manson, front-man for Garbage and one of my favorite people on earth, has the absolute last word on Kanye West's utterly disgusting disrespect for Beck over his Grammy win. Meanwhile, Beck, whose music I'm not a fan of but still like because he's extremely talented, had a reply that was so typically... Beck. Thanks for being you, man.
    • Richard Sher, the guy behind Says You! on NPR has died at age 66.

    As if all that was enough drama, new Matt & Kim...

    Geez... can Kim cut a rug or what?

    And lastly...

    This happened last month but I'm just seeing it now. If you're a fan of David Tennant... and why wouldn't you be?... here he is being surprised with a rather prestigious award...

    I really, really wish he'd return to Dr. Who.

       

    Bullet Sunday 420

    Posted on Sunday, February 15th, 2015

    Dave!Don't let radical winter weather get you down... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Rescue! Am I the only one who thought that CHAPPiE was the sequel to Real Steel?

    Big Robot Posters!

    They're both robot movies starring Hugh Jackman. Since I never even saw Real Steel it took me a while before I even knew they were different films.

       
    • SNL 40! Overall, the 40th Anniversary Celebration for Saturday Night Live was a winner. Plenty of famous SNL performers and guests and a look back at some truly amazing sketches that have come out of the show in its long history. And Betty White saying she'd guest-host again if she were asked. How could you not love that? EXCEPT... no new Eddie Murphy Sketch? What the hell? Maybe he refused to do something, but how fantastic would that have been? All we got was some kind of awkward speech that left me dying to have him host the show. Oh well. If you're an SNL fan, The Hollywood Reporter has a lot of cool stuff you should check out.

       
    • Balls! ScreenCrush unleashed something I've been waiting decades to hear: Mel Brooks is Developing a Sequel to Spaceballs, Finally...

    Spaceballs Posters!

    With John Candy and Joan Rivers gone, it's hard to know if they will be replaced... or if their characters are going to be dropped. All I know is that Sarah Silverman would make a killer Dot Matrix 2.0. And even though I'm not a big Josh Gads fan he'd make a pretty good offspring of Barf the mog. Really hoping this gets off the ground.

       
    • Carter! I have been loving, loving, loving the Marvel's Agent Carter mini series. Everything about it has been beautifully crafted and highly entertaining...

    Marvel's Agent Carter Poster

    I'm hoping quite badly that it gets picked up for another run in 2016.

    If you're liking the show as much as I am, you may be interested in an article from The Mary Sue which investigates the real "Agent Carters" from history.

       
    • Thanks! And here we go...

    Guess that's the last word on that meme.

       
    • UNCLE! After Avengers: Age of Ultron, one of the films I am most looking forward to is The Man from U.N.C.L.E. remake...

    Incredible stuff. Few people know retro classy like Guy Ritchie, and it looks like he's done a remarkable job. Kinda sad we have to wait until August 15th to see it though.

       
    And away we go... stay cozy out there.

       

    Bullet Sunday 421

    Posted on Monday, February 23rd, 2015

    Dave!Don't be sad that my trip to California delayed your favorite post of the week... because Bullet Sunday on Monday starts... now...

       
    • Weekend! Had such an amazing time in San Diego for Jester's birthday weekend...

    Jester's Birthday Weekend San Diego 2015
    Thanks to Chuy for the Group Photo!

    A nicer bunch of people you will not meet.

       
    • Heart! Speaking of Jester... a song he wrote with Matthew Hayes is being performed by Kenyth Mogan in a clever Wizard of Oz inspired video... with a twist. Jester appears as Scarecrow, by the way...

    And here's a behind the scenes making-of video for the video where Jester (Aaron) explains the origins of the song...

    I love having talented friends!

       
    • Horror! One of the biggest surprises from this past weekend was attending the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Ken Cinema...

    Dave at the Rocky Horror Picture Show
    Newspaper and squirt gun ready! Thanks to Jester for the Photo!

    I haven't "done" the Rocky Horror in 25 years. I remember a lot of the audience participation lines... but I was surprised by how much everything has evolved. There were plenty of current pop culture references (Justin Bieber?) to be found, and a lot of stuff had been added. Hopefully it won't be 25 years before the next time... it was a lot of fun.

       
    • Carrots! Best episode of Billy on the Street ever!

    We have the coolest First Lady ever.

       
    • Sausages! Whilst having Sunday Brunch at the marvelous Cafe 1134 yesterday, I was introduced to the fact that Soy Chorizo exists. It was absolutely wonderful in my breakfast burrito, and made an ordinarily boring egg and cheese entrée into something flavorful and amazing. Now I just gotta find it local.

       
    • Spock! As I was flying home today, I learned the Leonard Nimoy has been hospitalized for chest pains. Wishing him the speediest of recoveries. Nothing would make me happier than having him make a third appearance in the Star Trek reboot.

       
    And that's the end of the bullets, everybody!

       

    Bullet Sunday 422

    Posted on Sunday, March 1st, 2015

    Dave!Don't let the drone surveillance get you down... because Bullet Sunday on Monday starts... now...

       
    • Vaccinate! Classic...

    And yet... the measles epidemic rages on. Thanks, Jenny McCarthy!

    Jenny Stupid Fucking McCarthy

    You're a horrible, horrible person.

       
    • MURICA! Because nothing says "freedom" better than being able to scream "YOU'RE FIRED, FAGGOT!" when you find out that one of your employees is gay, and being 100% within the law... Arkansas has passed an anti-non-discrimination bill SB 202...

    Odd Couple Promo

    I've heard of legislating morality... but legislating immorality? Way to go, Arkansas. There's some terrific things about your state, but this is a fucking embarrassment. Shame on everyone who had a hand in dragging "The Natural State" back to less enlightened times.

       
    • Widow! The hype machine for Avengers: Age of Ultron is really amping up, with individual character posters being released this week. Could not possibly be more excited to see this film come May...

    BLACK WIDOW, BABY

    Looks like Black Widow may finally... finally be getting some tech that ups her game. They showed her using a built-in taser in the last Avengers film, but that's a far cry from the "Widow's Bite" blasters she sports in the comics. I certainly hope it comes to pass, because it seems completely illogical that Tony Stark wouldn't give her some advanced weaponry to make her a stronger part of the team.

       
    • Laugh? The Matthew Perry version of The Odd Couple finally debuted and it's far, far worse than I imagined. Mostly because they're using a frickin' laugh track. This idiotic and antiquated method of attempting to make unfunny crap seem hilarious is just pathetic, and only serves to underline how funny something is not to modern audiences...

    Odd Couple Promo

    What kills me is how Matthew Perry can't seem to find a lead role in a vehicle that's worth his talent lately. He was essential viewing in Friends, he was a revelation as Joe Quincy on The West Wing, he was bordering on genius on Studio 60, and he was terrific on The Good Wife... I even liked his movies okay. But when it comes to finding a new show, he's been rolling in shit. Mr. Sunshine was abysmal. Go On was horrific. And now there's this hot mess? Sad. Just sad.

       
    • MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA! Hot on the heels of Snicker's awesome Brady Bunch/Danny Trejo mashup comes this epic art installation...

    I love it when companies create ad campaigns you actually want to see. In case you missed the original commercial, here you go...

    The teaser ad was equally filled with awesome...

    Yep. That's advertising done right, right there.

       
    • Photographic! I used to carry a pocket camera with me everywhere I went to capture those unexpected moments that are begging for a picture to be taken. Then the iPhone 4 came along with its terrific built-in camera, and I started leaving my pocket camera at home more often than not. Why bother when I can get shots like this...

    Wenatchee River Fall Colors

    Then the iPhone 5 was released with an even better camera, and suddenly I found myself ditching the pocket camera completely. Now that I've got an iPhone 6 with its amazing camera, I've been doing something I never thought I'd do... go on some of my travels without taking my DSLR with me. It's a mind-boggling prospect, but the shots I can get out of a frickin' camera phone are so good that it's not a much of a sacrifice at all.

    This week Apple finally realized what most of us already know... the iPhone is a really good camera. And they've started a nifty ad campaign to let everybody else know it too. They've also added an amazing "World Gallery" to their website...

    Shot with iPhone
    Shot by Silke W. in Bali, Indonesia

    A lot of people are carrying smart phone with them everywhere they go now-a-days. Which means a lot of people have a camera on them all the times. Which means a lot of photo opportunities that were once missed are being captured. It's an amazing time we live in.

       
    And... I'm wrecked. See you next Sunday.

       

    ULTRON!

    Posted on Wednesday, March 4th, 2015

    Dave!The new Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer is out.

    And it's a good one...


    Avengers Age of Ultron: THE VISION!

    Avengers Age of Ultron: AVENGERS ATTACK!

       

    May 15th can't get here fast enough.

       

    Gere

    Posted on Friday, March 6th, 2015

    Dave!So there I was discussing upcoming movies when The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel came up. I said that I was looking forward to the film, but had to question adding Americans to the largely British cast, saying "Do we really need Richard Gere in the sequel?" This caused someone to say "Ooh! I loved Richard Gere in Sommersby!... a film I had never heard of before.

    Sommersby, as it turns out, is a 1993 romance/drama starring Richard Gere and Jodie Foster. It's the story of a woman (Foster) married to a complete bastard named Sommersby who leaves her to fight in the Civil War. Years later, after being presumed dead, Sommersby (Gere) returns to town a changed man. As in, really changed. He is, in fact, not Sommersby... he's somebody who looks a little similar and assumed the identity of the original after he died in the war...

    Sommersby Movie Poster

    After reading the plot summary, the first thing that went through my head was "Wait a minute! Wasn't that the same thing that happened with Principal Skinner from The Simpsons?!?

    So I Googled that and was taken right back to the same Wikipedia page on Sommersby that I had been looking at. If you scroll down there's a "Related Stories" section where the episode of The Simpsons was mentioned.

    I was shocked to learn that this episode, called The Principal and the Pauper, was roundly hated by critics and fans alike. In fact, it's widely seen as the episode that signaled the end of the "Gold Age" of The Simpsons, where the quality of the show began a steep decline into mediocrity.

    I thought I remembered the episode fairly well, and didn't recall thinking negatively about it at the time. On the contrary, I actually thought it was a clever way of keeping the show fresh... taking a character from the periphery that you thought you knew and completely changing things up... but not in a way that drastically alters the show. In fact, by the end of the show everything pretty much went back to the way it was, so the episode really didn't make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things.

    And then it suddenly struck me...

    My moment of zen...

    When I realized that Richard Gere had made a guest appearance on The Simpsons, that everything is connected, and all the world is one...

    Sommersby Movie Poster

    Kind of funny how that works.

       

    Turdsday

    Posted on Thursday, March 19th, 2015

    Dave!What a turd of a day!

    The only thing that saved it from complete and total suckage was that a new Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer was released. And it's glorious...

    May 1st.

    How am I expected to wait until May 1st?

       

    Hanks

    Posted on Thursday, March 26th, 2015

    Dave!I set my DVR to record The Late Late Show with James Corden because the guy has been part of some pretty great stuff (including Gavin & Stacey, a long-time favorite Britcom). He seemed an odd choice for replacing Craig Ferguson, but I thought the same thing when Craig Ferguson replaced Craig Kilborn, so why not?

    I have to admit... the show was more entertaining than I anticipated. Mostly because Tom Hanks stopped by for one of the best bits of late-night television in recent memory...

    Guess I'll keep tuning in. Though I think my DVR is quickly reaching critical mass... I'm dangerously close to recording more shows than I can comfortably keep up with.

    Not that it's ever stopped me before.

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    Aged

    Posted on Monday, April 6th, 2015
    Dave!I'd like to blog about... something... but the only thing I care about now-a-days is watching new trailers for Avengers: Age of Ultron.  
    Yeah, I'm pretty much checked-out on life for the next 25 days.

       

    Bullet Sunday 428

    Posted on Sunday, April 12th, 2015

    Dave!Don't let the crappy political landscape in these United State drive you to drink just yet... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Argh! While my politics are more inline with fiscal conservative ideals, I usually end up voting Democrat because I am a hardcore social progressive. Everybody's bought and paid for by lobbyists anyway, so what's the difference? That being said, I frickin' loathe Hillary Clinton and am absolutely gutted that she's almost certain to be the Democratic candidate for president. Not that I'm not ready for a woman in The White House... on the contrary, I totally am... it's just that I don't want this woman anywhere near the Commander in Chief's desk.

    I just don't get it. Her foreign policy as Secretary of State was disastrous. Against all advice, she fucked up Libya so bad that the country may never recover. She's taken so much foreign money for her campaign that I find it laughable she could possibly have this country's best interests at heart. And anybody thinking liberal anti-war ideology factors into her thinking should take a look at the shit-loads of cash she's taken from defense contractors. You think the wars we're fighting are never-ending now? Wait until Hillary Clinton is running the show. And while you're at it, take a look at the piles of money she's taken from the banking industry cesspool... she's got funds from Goldman Fucking Sachs on the books! Much as she claims otherwise, the status quo for Washington politics and its filthy finances ain't changing one damn bit with her in office. Odds are, they'd only get worse.

    But of course the idiot Republicans won't give us someone I can vote for. GOP candidates I could live with (like Jon Huntsman) are eviscerated by the party even though a progressive who embraces equality and diversity is the ONLY WAY they're going to take the White House. And so let's give it up for President Clinton!

    The sequel, that is.

       
    • Argh Redux. Case in point for the Republicans? So far we've got Ted Cruz and Rand Paul on the ticket. I'm sure Rick "Piece of Shit" Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, and Chris Christie will be up next. No word from God as to whether he'll be asking Michelle Bachmann to run again. A sorrier lineup of assholes, bigots, and idiots you will not find.

    Unless, of course, Sarah Palin decides to entertain us all with another run.

    Shit. At this point, I'm actually missing Mitt Romney.

    Not that he's any more a gem than the rest of the GOP freak show that seems intent to run unelectable candidates guaranteed to put Hillary Clinton in the Big Chair.

    Meh. Guess I shouldn't be too torn up... in the end it doesn't seem to matter who gets into office anyway.

       
    • Honesty. What we need is this guy...

    At least then we'd know where we stand.

       
    • Babe. Tell me something I don't know.

       
    • Underline. A moment of silence for the passing of The Bold Italic... a San Francisco-centric web zine that quickly became one of my favorite things online. You will be missed.

       
    • The Ant Man! Looking better and better with each new preview...

    I had sincere reservations once Edgar Wright left the project, but it looks like Marvel has another terrific film under their belt.

       
    • Fight! And speaking of Marvel Cinematic hits, this week we were treated to the longest look at the film yet...

    And comic book geeks around the world just peed a little bit.

    And then there's this...

    Three weeks to go...

       
    See you next week, True Believer!

       

    Awakens!

    Posted on Thursday, April 16th, 2015

    Dave!GAAAAAHHHH!

    I am losing my ever-loving' mind here!

    We have to wait until CHRISTMAS for this?

    Please just put me into a coma after Avengers: Age of Ultron... wake me up for Ant Man... then drop me back into slumber until Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

    I just can't handle it.

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    Digitally

    Posted on Saturday, April 18th, 2015

    Dave!My relationship with Star Wars is a complicated one.

    The original film revolutionized cinematic sci-fi and cemented my love for the genre that originated with the original Star Trek series. After The Empire Strikes Back came along, I became obsessed with the Star Wars Universe and it felt as though my entire life was leading up to the premiere of Return of the Jedi.

    At which time my faith in Star Wars was completely shattered. Jedi was more burp and fart jokes than sci-fi. More silly than serious. More an effort to sell toys than to close out the Holy Trilogy with the respect it deserved. If not for the lightsaber duel at the end (and one amazing space battle), the film would have been a complete loss.

    Then, as if fucking up the final installment wasn't bad enough, George Lucas decided to go back and take a huge shit all over the two original films with his "Special Edition" insanity. Adding stupid shit that had no business being there and generally changing stuff for the worse.

    So I moved on to bigger and better things.

    Eventually the Star Wars prequels were unleashed.

    After the travesty that was Return of the Jedi and the "Special Editions," I held out zero hope that any new Star Wars movies would be worth a crap, but secretly I hoped. Hoped in vain, as it turned out. The prequels were utter shit, and Star Wars became nothing more than a fond memory.

    And now Star Wards: The Force Awakens is coming and I find myself excited about Star Wars again. Perhaps with George Lucas exiting the franchise there's reason to hope. JJ Abrams did okay with his take on Mission Impossible and Star Trek, after all.

    But that's not until Christmas.

    In the meanwhile, Disney/Lucasfilm has decided to finally release all six Star Wars films on digital.

    Which would be reason to celebrate if not for a few things...

    1. They're the shitty "Special Edition" films.
    2. There's no option to watch the original cuts with updated special effects, which is the only way I want to see them.
    3. The only bundled savings available are when you buy all six movies together... there's no way to get a savings on the original trilogy only.
    4. It's a massive cash grab to purchase the films individually... $20 each.
    5. You just know they're going to do another release of the original films in HD that everybody is waiting for, so if you buy the movies now, you'll end up buying them again down the road.

    So... nope.

    Nope. Nope. Nope.

    There's only so much suffering a Star Wars fan can put up with.

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    Bullet Sunday 429

    Posted on Sunday, April 19th, 2015

    Dave!No need to look for an excuse to go on living... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Raptor! Too many good movies on the way this year.

    Jurassic World is one of them...

    Daredevil Affleck

    If he gets the lead in the Indiana Jones reboot as well, Chris Pratt is going to own the known universe.

       
    • Movies! Speaking of movies to look forward to, where did this come from?

    Ian McKellen as a 93-year-old Sherlock Homes off to solve one last case? Count me in.

       
    • Farce! On the other hand...

    This might very well be be a good movie. Not the Fantastic Four, however. Is it too much to hope that Marvel gets the rights back after this movie shits the bed? Worked for Spider-Man. Kinda.

    And don't even get me started...

       
    • George! He may have irreparably damaged the Star Wars franchise for an entire generation... but George Lucas isn't 100% evil. His epic plan to build affordable housing in Marin County.

       
    • Blam! When did the National Rifle Association go from being an organization dedicated to gun safety to a political mouthpiece for bigoted assholes?

    The NRA made a fundraising career out of terrifying people with "OBAMA'S GONNA TAKE YOUR GUNS!" Now that it all turned out to be a steaming pile of bullshit, I guess the NRA is moving on to "There ain't gonna be no more coloreds in The White House... and no bitches either!" rhetoric to bring in the donations.

    Anxiously looking forward to the next round of NRA FUD designed to keep the country divided and their wallets filled.

       
    • Awww! Trying to end things on a positive note for once, introducing... The Incredible Nursing Cat!

       
    Until next we meet...

       

    Bullet Sunday 430

    Posted on Sunday, April 26th, 2015

    Dave!My eyes may be bruised and battered, but I'm glad to be alive... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Thanks, Obama! The president's speech at this year's White House correspondents' dinner was literally laugh-out-loud funny. Probably the best CD speech I've ever heard. Self-deprecating in all the right ways... yet nicely vicious in the right ways too...

    Killed it.

       
    • Speech! And Cecily Strong did an amazing job too...

    I'm guessing that's going to rub some people the wrong way...

       
    • Mo! Oh shit! Did the Surgeon General's nurse just give Elmo autism?!?

    Av ery good question indeed! Hmmm...

       
    • Color! Man of Steel was a shitty movie that took a huge, steaming dump all over Superman... but this makeover would have gone a long way towards at least making it LOOK like a Superman movie...

    Next up, Zach Snyder gets to drop a load all over Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

       
    • Joker Products! And speaking of taking a dump all over a beloved DC Comics character, here comes Suicide Squad...

    DAVETOON! Lil' Dave is sick with his eyes closed and his tongue hanging out.

    I am interested in seeing what Jared Leto brings to the role, as he's an incredibly talented actor who seems a perfect fit. But this "look" they've got going for him seems more silly than scary. I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but Hipster Joker? Really?

       
    • Relief. A massive earthquake has killed over 3000 people in Nepal, injured scores of others, and affected millions. As always, Doctors Without Borders is there. If you have a few extra bucks in your pocket, you can help them to help others by donating here.

       
    And now it's time to put my aching eyes to bed. See you in seven days... same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel.

       

    Bullet Sunday 431

    Posted on Sunday, May 3rd, 2015

    Dave!Don't be intimidated by The Biggest Little City in the World... because Bullet Sunday from Reno starts... now...

       
    • Reno! I have been to Reno exactly once, years ago. It looks much the same. Except the Planet Hollywood restaurant is gone. That cool sign is still there though...

    Reno Arch

    Too bad I'm not much of a gambler.

       
    • Avengers! Well...

    Avengers: Age of Ultron

    Not that I didn't have fun. I had a great time. It's a comic book geek's dream come true. Except it wasn't quite the movie I was hoping for. But I'll get to that on Wednesday. Probably.

       
    • Rand. Was very sad to learn that the lovely Grace Lee Whitney has died...

    Grace Lee Whitney as Janice Rand

    So many Star Trek alums are passing on. And suddenly I feel very old.

       
    • Supremes! Food for thought while The Supreme Court battles it out over marriage equality...

    When churches get involved in politics, they should have their tax-exempt status revoked. Never seems to happen though, and they're more active than ever before.

       
    • Chocolate! The flight attendant for my Reno trip was sweet to give me a chocolate bar snack. They often do this when you're an Alaska Air elite flyer and the plane doesn't have a First Class section. I guess it's supposed to make you forget you're in coach? In any event, it's such a nice gesture and is always appreciated. The interesting thing about this bar was the flavor...

    Agave Quinoa Sesame Chocolate?

    Agave Quinoa Sesame Chocolate? Isn't that about the most hipster flavor you can imagine? Turns out it's quite tasty though. Interesting texture and a pleasing taste. And then there's the inside of the wrapper...

    Chocolate with a Side of Ass?

    Chocolate plus a donation... with a Side of butt-shot? So weird.

       
    • Mime Time! And, lastly, here's something to end your Sunday on a high note. Kinda.

       
    And here... we... go...

       

    Jupiter

    Posted on Wednesday, May 6th, 2015

    Dave!Oh good Lord.

    STOP GIVING THE WACHOWSKIS MONEY TO MAKE SHITTY FILMS! Everything since The Matrix has been utter crap, and Jupiter Ascending is no different. Granted, it's one of the most beautiful disasters I've ever seen, but...

    ...by the time we get to the genetically-spliced human-slash-elephant spaceship pilot trumpeting before engaging thrusters, I found myself longing for the good ol' days of George Lucas burp and fart jokes.

    It's just that bad...

    Jupiter Ascending Poster

    And yet... as I said, this is one gorgeous film. The art direction, design, and special effects are stunning.

    A shame it was all wasted on such a convoluted pile of shit.

    Mila Kunis, the most beautiful toilet-scrubbing maid ever, discovers that she's the genetic inheritor of the entire earth after aliens try to kill her. Luckily Channing Tatum (a half-dog-slash-half-man space warrior) drops in on his magical flying boots to save her. Then we get dragged from pretty action sequence to pretty action sequence while investigating such thrilling concepts as "bureaucracy" and "rules of succession."

    The only bright spots in this heinous mess outside of the visuals are Mila Kunis (obviously) and a welcome appearance by Sean Bean as a half-honey-bee-half-man space warrior (yes, really).

    Oh well.

    Guess I'll go rekindle my faith in sci-fi cinema by watching The Fifth Element for the hundredth time.

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    ULTRON!

    Posted on Saturday, May 9th, 2015

    Dave!Okay then.

    I wrote up my thoughts about Avengers: Age of Ultron immediately after having seen the film last Sunday while I was in Reno. Originally, I was going to post everything Monday, but ultimately decided I'd "sit on it" for a couple days in case I had new thoughts upon further reflection. "Days" turned into a "week" because new information kept leaking out about the film. Information that had direct bearing on my comments.

    And so now there are a couple comments on my comments.

    Which makes me wish I had just posted everything last Monday as originally planned, because that would have been a lot less work.

    But anyway...

    I am a huge, huge, huge fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

    A Marvel movie has topped my list of favorite films every year since I started making lists... Iron Man 2 in 2010, Captain America and Thor in 2011, The Avengers in 2012, Iron Man 3 in 2013, and Guardians of the Galaxy in 2014. My guess is that Iron Man would have topped my list in 2008 (if I had one back then), and it seems inevitable that Avengers 2: Age of Ultron (or possibly Ant Man) will top it this year. These films are a dream come true for a long-time comic book geek like me, and Marvel seems incapable of making a misstep with their various franchises.

    At least from the "big-picture" perspective. But I'll get to that in a minute.

    Avengers: Age of Ultron is a mind-bogglingly huge film that defies a quick description, so I'm not even going to try. Instead, I'll just reprint the official description thusly: "When Tony Stark and Bruce Banner try to jump-start a dormant peacekeeping program called Ultron, things go horribly wrong and it's up to Earth's Mightiest Heroes to stop the villainous Ultron from enacting his terrible plans."

    (UPDATE COMMENT: And the result is going to end up being one of the most successful movies of all time)...

    Avengers: Age of Ultron

    And, for the most part, I loved it.

    It's a highly entertaining effort that has some of the most ambitious and mid-blowing action sequences ever put to film.

    But it's not without its problems.

    Which I get into in an extended entry. Needless to say, spoilers will ensue...

    Spoiler Zone!

       
    Before I begin, I feel compelled to mention that the title of the film is taken from a comic book maxi-series by Brian Michael Bendis from 2013. And yet it's an entirely different story that bears no resemblance to the source material. This is probably a good thing, because I found the comic book a bit uneven. In some places it felt rushed and oddly incomplete... in others it was plodding, bordering on tedious with an ending you could see from miles away. As if that weren't reason enough to go in a different direction, many of the key characters (like Wolverine) aren't available to Marvel Studios, having been licensed away to other companies.

    And off we go...

    As the movie begins, Earth's Mightiest Heroes are hell-bent on retrieving Loki's magical scepter (from the first Avengers film) and track it down to a HYDRA base in the fictional Eastern European country of Sokovia. It's much too powerful and dangerous to be left in the hands of mere mortals, so Thor is quite serious about getting it off the earth.

    Unfortunately for the Avengers, their efforts are hampered by the evil Baron Strucker, who has been infusing people with energy from the scepter to give them super-powers. His only(?) success story is with "The Twins"... Pietro and Wanda Maximoff... who volunteered for experimentation after their parents were killed by Stark weaponry. Pietro (AKA Quicksilver) has super-speed and Wanda (AKA Scarlet Witch) has the ability to manipulate energy in the form of physical blasts or telekinesis. She also has limited telepathy and the ability to manipulate minds by clouding them with a person's darkest fears.

    AN ASIDE: I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this depiction of Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch is quite different than what you get in the comic books. In the source material, Pietro and Wanda are mutants... the next evolution of humanity, and developed their powers naturally (UPDATE COMMENT: Except not any more, as it turns out). But since 20th Century Fox owns all rights to the X-Men and, by extension, mutants, writer/director Joss Whedon had to take a different approach. He chose to tie their origin to previous Marvel Cinematic Universe events, and I think his solution was a very good one. Though I sure wish Wanda's powers weren't so deus ex machina to the plot, the whole "mental manipulation" stuff conveniently coming from nowhere because Joss needed a story beat.

    Anyway...

    Despite Scarlet Witch using her powers to enchant Black Widow, Iron Man, and Thor, The Avengers prevail and recover the scepter... only because Wanda determines that Tony (whom she hates for making the weapons that orphaned her) will destroy himself with it. Sure enough, Stark then convinces Thor to let him run some test on the artifact, which results in him finding out that the gemstone powering the scepter contains a highly advanced artificial intelligence. Thinking this might be the key to powering his plans for a global "Ultron" defense network, he convinces Bruce Banner to help him download the AI. Chaos ensues when Ultron overtakes Tony's J.A.R.V.I.S. AI (which has been much loved since he first appeared way back in the first Iron Man) and decides (rightly) he needs to inhabit one of Stark's robots and eliminate all of humanity to save the planet. To do so, he steals the scepter and takes over Iron Man's "Iron Legion" manufacturing equipment so he can create scores of Ultron Drones to do his bidding.

    So far as plots go, so far so good. Whedon got James Spader to voice Ultron, which is about all he needed to do. Spader can read the frickin' phone book and make it sound compelling, so the hard part of defining the movie's "villain" was done. The only thing that rubs me the wrong way is the utter stupidity of, once again, having totally alien technology somehow being compatible with earth-based computers (shades of Independence Day, Batman!). It's a plot point that never works well because it makes so little sense.

    And then things kind of went off the rails for me.

    Ultron ends up convincing Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch to work with him to destroy The Avengers. Which seems utterly bizarre. Even given the context of a sci-fi/fantasy epic like Age of Ultron, who in their right mind thinks that teaming up with a giant evil robot ends well? I guess an argument could be made that their lives in Sokovia kept them sheltered from every evil robot book/movie ever made, but it still seems a huge stretch that Pietro and Wanda would ignore something as obvious as "never trust an evil robot," even as a tool for revenge.

    But trust him they do, so off they go to Africa so they can purchase a ship-load of vibranium from arms dealer Ulysses Klaue to make an invulnerable body from which Ultron can rule the planet. Vibranium also being the metal from which Captain America's indestructible shield is made.

    AN ASIDE: Here is where Marvel brings Black Panther, super-hero ruler of Wakanda, to the Marvel Cinematic Universe... even if they don't show him directly. It also sets things up for super-villain "Klaw" (as "Klaue") and his sonic-powers to eventually show up. And while Whedon did it with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, I still think it ultimately worked. Even if it was a tad distracting from the story.

    Anyway...

    When the Avengers inevitably show up to stop Ultron, Scarlet Witch turns her powers on The Hulk, which causes him to flee and then tear apart Johannesburg. An awesome battle with a Hulk-Buster Iron Man suit ensues. As does one of the best action sequences of the film. An action sequence so destructive that it makes the world turn against The Avengers. Thinking they need to lie low for a while, Hawkeye flies everybody to his safe house (a farm in the countryside)... which comes complete with a wife and kids. This is a really nice turn for Jeremy Renner, whose character spent almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie being a mind-controlled stooge (which Hawkeye acknowledges earlier in a beautiful Whedonesque moment).

    And it's at this point that the movie shits the bed.

    Though it's probably not Joss Whedon's fault.

    In order to set up future Marvel Films... primary of which is the two-part Avengers: Infinity War, the Infinity Gems are finally named by name. Which is not a bad thing except for how they did it: Thor flies off and convinces Erik Selvig to watch him take a bath. Yes, you read that right, a frickin' bath! Granted, it was a bath in magical waters that somehow allow Thor to access the visions he had while enchanted by Scarlet Witch, but come on! A magic bath? Really? This idiocy was shoehorned into the film so badly that one has to wonder if Joss Whedon was forced to do it at gun-point (UPDATE COMMENT: Sure enough, he was).

    More copious amounts of bed-shitting were had as we watch Black Widow share a tender moment with Bruce Banner, who's now her boyfriend... I guess (no clue where this leaves Bruce Banner's long-time girlfriend in the comics, Betty Ross). Which has no real purpose for the story except to set-up even more future Marvel films by taking The Hulk out of the picture later on. But no worries... I'm sure he'll be back in Avengers: The Infinity War. Or perhaps a Planet Hulk film, which would be awesome.

    Eventually Nick Fury shows up to give a pep-talk and pull the team together. Which is a good thing, because Ultron has now globe-hopped to Seoul so he can use the scepter to compel The Avengers' personal doctor, Helen Cho, to use her tissue-creation technology to make him that dreamy indestructible vibranium body he's always wanted (assumably so he can survive the end of the world?). As if that weren't enough balls in the air, meanwhile-meanwhile we have Tony Stark jetting off to some secret "heart of the internet" access point called "NEXUS" to find out what's preventing Ultron from gaining access to the world's nuclear arsenal and simply blowing up the earth to eliminate all mankind.

    SPOILER ALERT: Turns out it's the J.A.R.V.I.S. AI that's keeping Ultron away from the nukes. Which means Ultron is just going to have to find another way to end it all.

    But Ultron will have a hard time doing so without his cool new indestructible bio-mechanical body, so The Avengers make plans to steal it before he can upload his consciousness to it. Which is kinda hokey, but it gives Black Widow some awesome screen-time, so I try to be forgiving. Especially since she succeeds in stealing it so beautifully. Alas, she's captured in the process, but them's the breaks.

    And now we go from "off the rails" to "off the continent" as Tony Stark decides to put Helen Cho's empty android body to good use... by uploading Jarvis into it. This does not sit well at all with the rest of The Avengers... especially Captain America... who worry that one insane homicidal all-powerful killer robot is enough. They don't need Tony making a second one. But the decision is taken out of their hands when Thor comes back from his magic bath and uses his magic hammer to create magic lightning to magically bring the J.A.R.V.I.S.-infused android shell to life (Shades of Frankenstein, Batman!). Thus we end up with something not-quite Ultron, not-quite-J.A.R.V.I.S., but something all new... Thor's magic bath vision becomes THE VISION! And one of the all-powerful Infinity Stones bonds to his forehead.

    AN ASIDE: The Vision is my favorite Avenger in the comic books. His Pinocchio-inspired "I want to be a real-live boy" story arc (long before Data in Star Trek: The Next Generation) when paired with his super-cool density-manipulating properties, his awesome abilities, his relationship with Scarlet Witch, and his amazing design... well, he's the complete super-hero package. He has it all. Over the years many of my favorite Avengers stories center around The Vision or have him as a major factor. He has links to so many pieces of the Avengers puzzle that he could arguably be considered the key component to the entire team from the moment he debuted. Needless to say I was thrilled that he was being added to the Cinematic Avengers. But a little less than thrilled with his cape, which looks like some kind of nebulous CGI blob. It's so distracting that it sabotages this otherwise cool interpretation of the character.

    Anyway...

    The Vision is so pure of form that he has no problem lifting Thor's hammer... a test of worthiness that conveniently makes him trusted by the team and an instant Avenger...

    Avengers Age of Ultron: THE VISION!

    AN ASIDE: A scene of all the various Avengers attempting to lift Thor's hammer earlier in the film... but being found unworthy thus unable... is a favorite moment of the movie for me. Captain America was slightly able to budge it (much to the horror of Thor!), which had me convinced Steve Rogers would be wielding Mjolnir against Ultron at the climatic end-battle of the film once all else failed (which would been a much better ending than we got, but oh well).

    Anyway...

    The Black Widow manages to get an S.O.S. to Hawkeye during her captivity, which leads the entire team back to where the movie began: Sokovia. It's then that they discover how Ultron plans to destroy all humanity since he couldn't get ahold of any nukes... he's going to go all "asteroid killed the dinosaurs" and use the vibranium to elevate a massive chunk of Sokovia high above the planet, then let it fall back to earth... causing an extinction-level event.

    Kind of a convoluted plan for somebody as smart as Ultron, but it leads to the best line in the movie when Hawkeye says "The city is flying, and all I've got is a bow and arrow"... so why not?

    This is the part of the movie where Ultron distracts the team by sending an endless onslaught of drones against them. Which would be pretty cool... except there was so much going on that it was tough to take in everything you were seeing. Maybe subsequent viewings will make it easier to digest, but I feel this was a bit of a problem for the movie. The action felt more abstract than personal. Something Joss must have felt as well, because he decided to do what he always does to up the stakes... kill somebody off. Which, in this case, was Quicksilver. He died in a hail of bullets while saving Hawkeye who was saving a child during a massive evacuation of Flying Sokovia (courtesy of Nick Fury and a S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier).

    It was a Whedon move that didn't really have any impact at all. Partly because it is just so damn predictable of him... but mostly because nobody gave a shit about Quicksilver. Unlike when he killed off Coulson in the first film, Pietro had so little screen time that the audience barely knew who he was. All we did know was that he's fast... so fast he can grab Ulysses Klaue's pistol, unload all the bullets, and line them up on a table in the blink of an eye. Which makes you think that evading a hail of bullets would be a piece of cake for him, but Whedon wanted him dead, so internal logic goes out the window.

    UPDATE COMMENT: Apparently I was wrong in thinking nobody gave a shit about Quicksilver. Some people cared so deeply that Joss Whedon got death threats for offing him. Stay classy, internet!

    Eventually The Avengers save all the people on Floating Sokovia and figure out a way of destroying the land mass before it can destroy the world. The Vision then tracks down Ultron's last remaining body and evaporates him. So, yay, I guess. It was all so anticlimactic to me that I had a hard time really caring.

    Then the team kind of breaks up. The Hulk didn't want to make Black Widow be a fugitive, so he flies off in a Quinjet. Thor's visions have him needing to return to Asgard. Tony Stark leaves to focus on bigger things. Hawkeye goes home to his family.

    Which means it's time for a new team of Avengers to assemble... Captain America and Black Widow join The Vision, Scarlet Witch, War Machine, and The Falcon to form Avengers 2.0 (with the help of Erik Selvig, Helen Cho, and (of course) Nick Fury (and probably Maria Hill as well). Roll credits.

    Not that Avengers: Infinity War needed any more setting up, but a mid-credits sequence has Thanos putting on The Infinity Gauntlet so he can (finally) "do it himself." Which I'm guessing means collect all the Infinity Gems and destroy the universe so he can impress Death, whom he has a major crush on.

    The end.

    Like I said, in the "big picture" sense, I loved the film... despite its many problems. It just hit so many geeky buttons in me that I couldn't help but love it.

    Though three overreaching problems I haven't addressed yet made it more difficult for me than it should have been...

    1) Ultron is not scary or very threatening.
    In the comics, Ultron is a terrifying presence. He's whacked out of his artificial mind, and the death and destruction that comes from his insanity-driven rage is a horrifying part of his character. The movie version was positively tame by comparison. Sure he wanted to destroy all humanity, but it never felt as though the Avengers were in much danger stopping him. James Spader was flawless casting, but his Ultron needed more heinous things to do to live up to his legacy.

    2) The movie was all over the place.
    And I mean that literally. It hops all over the globe at such a breakneck pace that you're left wondering if The Avengers and Ultron have access to some kind of secret teleportation technology we don't see. Even with Tony Stark's advanced transportation, it would take many hours to get from place to place... yet it always seems instantaneous. I like the idea of Earth's Mightiest Heroes actually spanning the entire earth, but it got a bit ridiculous.

    3) Too little time for too much stuff.
    In the first film, everybody had a role to play, and that's what made it such genius. For the sequel, I have a hard time recollecting exactly what Thor and Captain America had to contribute other than non-stop fighting. The Vision, Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver were all introduced, but had so little screen time that they were pretty much reduced to cameos. And speaking of cameos... was anybody not in this movie? Oh yeah... Jane Foster and Pepper Potts... except they got screen time without actually appearing. Couple the massive cast with the abundance of time wasted setting up future films and there was barely time enough for this film. Had things been stripped down a bit and more screen time was devoted to the task at hand instead of what's coming next, it would have been a much better movie.

       
    Next up, Captain America: Civil War, which is already promising to have a cast that equals or exceeds The Avengers: Age of Ultron. In addition to The Avengers 2.0 team (Cap, Widow, Falcon, Vision, Scarlet Witch, and War Machine), we're also getting Iron Man, Black Panther, Ant Man, Winter Soldier, Agent Thirteen, General Thunderbolt Ross(!), Crossbones, Baron Zemo, and... wait for it... the Marvel Cinematic Universe debut of Spider-Man. PLUS Martin Freeman just signed on for some unspecified role as well. I can only guess Agent Carter, Maria Hill, and Nick Fury will be shoehorned in as well. How are they going to fit an actual story in there?

    I honestly dunno. But I can't wait to find out.

    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard...

    The Avengers... A+
    Avengers: Age of Ultron... A
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Big Hero Six... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: First Class... B

       

    Bullet Sunday 432

    Posted on Sunday, May 10th, 2015

    Dave!Don't be intimidated by The Biggest Little City in the World... because Bullet Sunday from Reno starts... now...

       
    • Love! Yeah. Uh huh.

       
    • Carter! ABC has given Agent Carter a second season!

    Marvel's Agent Carter Poster

    They also renewed Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., which would be exciting if the show wasn't so awful. Who knows... maybe they'll actually do something with it this Fall to make it worth my valuable time. But somehow I doubt it.

       
    • Dawson! In other terrific Marvel news, Rosario Dawson has been confirmed for Season Two of Daredevil... plus other Netflix Marvel projects! In the comics, she's kinda an important piece of the Luke Cage puzzle, so it will be interesting to see how they work that into his series...

    Marvel's Agent Carter Poster

    One of my few regrets for Season One of Daredevil was that Rosario didn't have more screen time. Hopefully that will be rectified next year.

       
    • Remember? I didn't read into Age of Ultron the anti-feminist viewpoint that has some people up in arms over how Black Widow was written. I save my rage for crap like this...

    I'm guessing this is a case of "manwashing" the character of Black Widow so it will better appeal to young boys. Meanwhile, young girls that are into comics and super-hero movies get shitted on. Not that they can't enjoy a Captain America toy too... but come on.

       
    • Lucifer! UPDATE: This doesn't look like it's going to be a faithful adaptation of the comic book of the same name, but I'm excited to see it nevertheless...

    I don't suppose it's too much to hope that we get an appearance of Constantine in this series now that his own series has been canceled? It's a natural fit.

       
    And... so much for bullets this week...

       

    Bullet Sunday 433

    Posted on Sunday, May 17th, 2015

    Dave!Rainy days and Sundays shouldn't get you down... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Carson! This clip is SO good. Makes me realize how much I miss Carson... and how much I'm going to miss Letterman...

    As much as I'm looking forward to seeing what Stephen Colbert is going to do in late-night space, I am gutted at the prospect of Letterman closing out The Late Show. I may not be a consistent viewer, but I go on Letterman binges that make me very glad he's around. Until he won't be.

       
    • Slider! Before I became a vegetarian, I was a fan of White Castle and their infamous mini hamburgers, better known as "sliders." There's no White Castle near me... I only got to eat there when I went to the coast, so it was a rare treat. After I became a vegetarian, White Castle (and my beloved In-N-Out Burger) were off the menu. Earlier this year White Castle did the unthinkable... they released a VEGETARIAN SLIDER! And I was beyond thrilled. Until I went to actually order one. Instead of a mini vegetarian burger topped with onions and a pickle like a real slider, you got a vegetable patty packed with carrots and peas and shit topped with your choice of honey mustard, ranch or Thai sauce. WHAT THE FUCK, WHITE CASTLE?!? I don't want that vegetable shit with salad dressing... I want a damn WHITE CASTLE SLIDER! To say I was disappointed is a massive understatement. Once again a restaurant tries to do a good thing badly by grossly misreading what vegetarians want. We don't want a vegetable version of what everybody else is getting... we want what everybody else is getting without having to kill an animal to get it. McDonalds totally nailed it with their "McVeggie Deluxe," but White Castle... like Burger King before them... failed utterly with their vegetable-infused monstrosity. Enter Gardein's "The Ultimate Beefless Sliders"...

    Kingsman Movie Poster

    They're perfect. And delicious. Add some lightly grilled onions and a pickle and it's the slider I've been wanting all along. Except... holy crap are they expensive. $6.00 a box! That's $1.50 a slider! Isn't a White Castle slider like 50¢ or something? All those government subsidies for America's toxic beef industry must be nice.

       
    • Kingsman! I had rather high expectations after viewing the trailers for Kingsman: The Secret Service... and Michael Vaughn blew past every one of them...

    Kingsman Movie Poster

    Such a great movie! It's a smart, funny, action-packed spy thriller with a cast to die for, a really good story, and violence so over the top it verges on comedic.

    Following in his father's footsteps, Eggsy Unwin trains to be an elite agent in Britain's premiere secret spy organization: Kingsman. And it's a good thing too... evil internet billionaire Valentine (played to the hilt by Samuel L. Jackson) has plans to wipe out the human race! Features epic appearances by Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Jack Davenport, Mark Hammill, Jack Davenport, and Michael Caine... along with strong breakout performances by Sofia Boutella and Taron Egerton. The film did some major box office action, so I'm hoping for a sequel. If you've read the comic book version, this is considerably different, but not in a bad way at all.

       
    • Seventh Son! Unfortunately, another movie I had been looking forward to did not fare so well...

    Seventh Son Movie Poster

    Despite a really good cast, Seventh Son ended up being a complete and total turd. Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore are great actors that defy all expectations by turning in truly awful performances. And while the story (based on a series of books) had huge potential (an 18th century evil spirit hunter learning his trade), it was utterly wasted in this mess of a film. Fortunately, like Jupiter Ascending, it bombed at the box office so we'll be spared any sequels. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

       
    • Super! When I saw the extended "First Look" for the new Supergirl series, I was pleasantly surprised...

    Looks like the team behind Arrow and The Flash have done it again! And then I watched the first actual trailer... only to discover that, apparently, we're getting "Team Supergirl." Which sucks ass. "Team Arrow" I get... it was core to the concept of the show's take on the character. But "Team Flash" is just unnecessary layers of shit, as Barry would have been much more interesting figuring out everything on his own. And "Team Supergirl" is an even worse idea. Why in the hell can't super-heroes exist on their own without some kind of stupid "team" there to constantly steal their thunder? Greg Berlanti and Andrew Kreisberg are clearly out of ideas here, and I wish that they would stop being called in to rehash their same tired concepts over and over again on new super-hero shows.

       
    • Toys! Ending things on a down-note... I was sad to learn that F.A.O. Schwarz will be closing their doors come July. This iconic toy store is probably best remembered for it's part in the movie Big, but I'll better remember it as "that one place I visit every single time I'm in New York."

    F.A.O. Schwarz in the movie Big

    On one hand, I get it... online shopping is rapidly displacing retail shops for things like toys, so profits can't keep up with the cost of rent... but it's still sad that such a special part of New York City is going to evaporate. I mean, damn, 145 years?

       
    And... back to my rainy Sunday...

       

    Rank

    Posted on Tuesday, June 2nd, 2015
    Dave!I just saw my second ranking of all the Marvel Cinematic Universe films, and thought it was about time I make my own. Which is harder than it sounds considering that I pretty much love every one of them! But rank them I did, and there wasn't anything truly unexpected to come out of it. Except for perhaps a new appreciation of the original Iron Man film. And away we go...

    Marvel Cinematic Universe Character Rolecall

    1. The Avengers (Score: A+). This is the film that came along and made every comic book geek's wet dream come true. Finally. After suffering through the X-Men and Fantastic Four franchises with their shitty stories, weak-ass villains, and nonsensical plots, we get an actual comic book team-up that's worth watching! Joss Whedon miraculously managed to weave a cohesive story that gives each character an equal share of screen-time. And having Loki as the villain was not only true to the comic book origins, but a flawless foil for Earth's Mightiest Heroes thanks to Tom Hiddleston's spot-on portrayal. Add in a jaw-dropping battle to repel a full-scale alien invasion and you've got a film I've watched more times than I can count. And am not done with it yet. Not by a longshot.
    2. Guardians of the Galaxy (Score: A+). I held out very little hope for Guardians of the Galaxy from the minute I heard that Marvel was so foolish as to try and bring it to the big screen. I mean, come on... a talking tree and raccoon? How in the hell is that going to work? But thanks in no small part to the utter genius of James Gunn's vision, we ended up with what's probably the best Marvel film to date (even though The Avengers got there first for me and claims my top spot). Rocket and Groot not only made a flawless transition to film, they were essential to what made the team work so well. Mind-bending action and effects, a serious threat to overcome, some of the funniest ideas in a super-hero movie ever, and a faithful take on the source material makes this a movie that's almost too good to be true.
    3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Score: A+). The first Captain America film took an absurd, antiquated concept and somehow made it work. Beautifully. But now that we've left World War II, how could they possibly bring Cap to modern times and have him be relevant or a character to take seriously? By pulling at the threads of what is supposed to make America be "America" and having Steve Roger's unique viewpoint deal with the unraveling. This film wasn't just great... it was painfully so, reflecting on current events in a way I never thought possible from a comic book movie. As if that weren't enough, we got Falcon and more glorious Black Widow screen time. And Robert Redford.
    4. Iron Man (Score: A+). The movie that started it all. What made Iron Man so revolutionary is that it was such a fantastic translation from the comic book... faithful almost to a fault. But what really sold it was Robert Downey Jr. as Stark. Probably one of the most brilliant casting decisions in cinematic history, his performance set the tone for everything that followed. Getting Jeff Bridges to turn in one of his best modern performances as villainous Obadiah Stane was just the icing on the cake. I don't think Jon Favreau gets nearly enough credit for the founding of the Marvel Cinematic Universe... and all it takes is a fresh look at his film to see exactly why he is so deserving.
    5. Captain America: The First Avenger (Score: A+). I was beyond nervous for this movie, fearing that a flag-waving super-soldier would translate badly to the big screen. But Joe Johnston made all the right moves and it turned out far better than I had dreamed it could have. First, he was true to the source material and set the story in World War II. Second, he convinced Chris Evans to take the lead role (let's face it, the guy is Captain America). Third, he did an amazing job of reigning in such epic scope to such a beautiful, personal story. Bonus: Cap's costume here is hands-down the best cinematic super-hero costume I've ever seen. A wondrous melding of World War II gear with the iconic flag design that defines Captain America. Sadly he'd get a massive downgrade in The Avengers, but things got much better in Winter Soldier and Age of Ultron.
    6. Iron Man 3 (Score: A+). Yes, I gave this movie an "A+" which technically means it ties with the five movies above... but somebody had to end up at the bottom of the stack and it feels as though Iron Man 3... great as it is... should be there. And I can't quite put my finger as to why. I liked the story very much. I loved the action. The performances (featuring yet another Robert Downey Jr. stunner) were top notch. The humor was as witty and sharp as ever. And I was so very, very grateful that we didn't go down the "Demon in a Bottle" alcoholism storyline from the comics (and hinted at in Iron Man 2) that Shane Black could have done almost anything and still got my stamp of approval. So what is it that sets Iron Man 3 below the rest? Thinking about it, I'm guessing it could be two things. 1) The whole Ben Kingsley Mandarin reveal felt awkward and forced, even though it made better sense than the racist stereotype Mandarin from the comics. And 2) The post-traumatic stress syndrome plaguing Tony in the aftermath of The Battle for New York was handled about as good as it could have been in the context of the film... but still felt a bit out of place in the grand scheme of things. The fact that it's completely disappeared come Age of Ultron just reinforces this. All things considered, however, it's still about as good as a movie gets for me and did not disappoint.
    7. Avengers: Age of Ultron (Score: A). A great film that could have been genius if only it had the discipline to be more focused... and had Ultron being the terrifying villain he was made to be. But instead the story wandered all over the map (literally) with a series of story beats that seemed way too random... and Ultron never once felt like a threat, even when he was trying to destroy the world. So no A+ here. And yet... still a mind-blowing film that lived up to the unprecedented hype that had been built up around it. The Vision may have felt shoe-horned in (and his cape looked like shit) but we have The Vision! Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch may have powers that didn't maintain consistency and felt weirdly deus ex machina to the plot, but we have Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch! And the action sequences? Amazing. The special effects? Mind-blowing. There was just too much good stuff here to deny, and we got the sequel we all deserved. It's just that it could have been better... should have been better... and that will haunt the movie every time I watch it.
    8. Thor: The Dark World (Score: B). Truth to tell, I didn't really think this was a better film than the first one when it comes to the character of Thor. It's just that it came together in such a fantastic way in the grand scheme of things that I couldn't help but give it near-equal marks. It was a much bigger film since it didn't have an origin story tied to it, but that was expected. What wasn't expected was the little things that were so perfectly realized that make Thor be Thor. First of all, I absolutely loved how Thor's hammer was portrayed. The enchantment that makes it always return to Thor's hand was just so beautifully depicted as Thor went tumbling through dimensions that I felt as though I was actually watching THOR instead of a movie version of him. Second of all, Thor is a cosmic hero that goes far beyond earthly confines, and we finally get to see that here. And thirdly, Asgardians are in an entirely different world... literally... and though we didn't get as much as we probably should have, I think it was communicated much stronger in this movie than the first film (and absolutely The Avengers)... for that alone, I really enjoyed the film. Yes, the Dark Elves plot was a bit weak and we could have used a much stronger villain, but at least the antagonists in this film were consequential to the story, which can't really be said for most comic book villains at the cinema. And we got more of Hiddleston's Loki... that's always a good time.
    9. Iron Man 2 (Score: A-). For the life of me I don't understand the critical reception this movie got. Critics and fans alike lambasted it as a bad film, but I loved it. Great action beats, a compelling story, a fun villain, the introduction of Black Widow and War Machine... what's not to love? Yes, it's probably more "comic book" than "cinematic event"... but is that really such a bad thing for what's supposed to be a comic book movie? I took off half a point because it rambled a bit and didn't seem as tight as the first film... but Robert Downey Jr. once again brought Tony Stark as only Robert Downey Jr. can, and that compensates for just about any sin you can find in Iron Man 2.
    10. Thor (Score: B+). Don't get me wrong... I absolutely loved this film. Kenneth Branagh took the mystical side of the Marvel Universe and not only made it work in a way that surprised me, but somehow managed to both ground Thor as a man, yet elevate him as a super-hero. His characterization of the Asgardians (not to mention the stunning rendition of Asgard itself) approached a majesty that truly made them gods on-screen. The story was note-perfect. The special effects... especially in icy Jotunheim... were amazing. Where the movie fails and loses half a grade is the timing. The main storyline in the film takes place over what seems like two days, and it just doesn't add up when you factor in all the things that happened. Loki's false reign as king has almost zero weight when you consider he was on the throne for all of five minutes. Thor and Jane's romance seems even more implausible when you realize they're head-over-heels a day after she hits him with her car. Thor was made mortal for less than a day, and yet he somehow completely changed his views from arrogance to compassionate because of it? Yes, if you can put the timeline out of your head, this is a fantastic film (hence the B+) but I can't help but think it could have been so much better if they had just taken care to show the passage of time so events could breathe... rather than piling them all on top of each other in a ridiculous mishmash of happenings.
    11. The Incredible Hulk (Score: B). I honestly thought that Ang Lee's 2003 movie would nail The Hulk perfectly, because he seemed to grasp the concept that makes the character so compelling in the comics during his interviews about the film. Unfortunately, I didn't care for his take at all, and thought it was was a step backwards from even the Bill Bixby television show. The re-boot in 2008 was tied to the Marvel Cinematic Universe thanks to a cameo by Tony Stark, so it gets included here, but a part of me doesn't think it really belongs. For one thing, the ending of The Incredible Hulk was a weak-ass mess that pretty much sabotages the entire flick... which is very un-Marvel-like. For another, Hulk was done so mind-blowingly brilliantly in The Avengers that it's tough to look back on this effort as being the "real" Hulk. Still, it has some shining moments and very good performances married to a decent script (up until the end, that is), so it makes a better than passing grade and is worth your valuable time to watch.
    And there you have it. Next up? Ant Man! Which, unless I am totally taken by surprise, will end up in the middle of the pack. I can't wait.

       

    Bullet Sunday 436

    Posted on Sunday, June 7th, 2015

    Dave!Don't let the impending heat of summer get you down... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Charity! Before donating your hard-earned money to any organization... no matter how well-known or popular, RESEARCH THEM FIRST! That's what sites like Charity Navigator are for! Given how little charity money is available, it's critical that donations be spent somewhere where they'll be put to the best possible use instead of pissed away by people who either don't know what they're doing... or are corrupt.

    THE WASHINGTON POST: The Red Cross had $500 million in Haitian relief money, but it built just 6 houses.

       
    • Balls! First of all, congratulations to Serena Williams for her 20th Grand Slam Singles Victory. But it was her sister Venus who was part of the best tennis-related video I saw this week...

    So frickin' adorable.

       
    • Aw! And speaking of dogs who steal your heart, pull out the box of tissues...

    I admit to being perplexed at the ending... until the real ending appeared. If only all advertising were this moving... and effective.

       
    • Fletch! WHY, LORD? WHY WAS THERE NO "FLETCH 3?" I loved both Fletch films so hard. I purchased them the minute iTunes Store had them in HD. Of course I have them both on DVD (and Fletch on Blu-Ray... I don't think they ever released Fletch Lives on Blu-Ray).

    Fletch Movie Poster

    The first Fletch was probably a better film with a more interesting, complex story... but there were so many amazing funny moments in Fletch Lives (including everything by Cleavon Little!) that I ended up liking it equally.

    Fletch Movie Poster

    Fletch Lives earned $40 million in box office on an $8 million budget. That's down from the $60 million box office and the same budget for Fletch, but it's still a respectable haul. Especially when you consider that millions more dollars were raked in from home video. So why in the hell was there no Fletch 3?!? I dunno. Maybe Chevy didn't want to make another one? I remember that Kevin Smith was supposed to be filming Fletch Won with Jason Lee a while back (awesome casting), but apparently nothing came of it. With Hollywood remaking everything in existence, I wonder why Fletch isn't making the grade? It's too funny to be stuck in development hell like this.

       
    • Africa! Misconceptions about Africa here in the USA continue to baffle me. Mostly because people keep referring to "Africa" as a "country" instead of a "continent," but there's so much more...

    If you are lucky enough to have the opportunity, visit Africa and leave your stereotypes and misconceptions behind.

    If you are not so lucky as to visit Africa, for heaven's sake... educate yourself!

       
    • Fields! Many congratulations to Maryam Mirzakhani for her historic win of the Fields Medal... one of the most prestigious honors that mathematicians can have bestowed upon them. She's the first woman to do so, and will hopefully break down a few more barriers for women in mathematics. Mirzakhani credits her brother for getting her interested in science. Unfortunately, many girls don't have such inspiration, and studies have shown over and over again that girls are actively discouraged from pursuing math and science when it comes to their education and career planning. This needs to change.

       
    Annnnnnnd... DONE! See you next week!

       

    Christopher Lee

    Posted on Wednesday, June 10th, 2015

    Dave!I was sad to learn that Christopher Lee had died. He's had some great roles, and has elevated a number of films with his talents... including playing Saruman in The Lord of the Rings and Count Dooku / Darth Tyranus in the shitty Star Wars prequels (seriously one of the few good things to come out of the pre-trilogy trilogy... who else could make a character called "Count Dooku be this cool?)...

    Christopher Lee as Count Dooku / Darth Tyranus

    Christopher Lee as Saruman

    He's had many, many other roles, of course. He actually made it into the Guinness Book of World Records, he's played so many parts.

    Which brings me to something I've known for a while.

    Fuck that Dos Equis guy, Christopher Lee is truly The Most Interesting Man in the World.

    If you don't believe me, first of all he has two LEGO minifigs modeled after him...

    Christopher Lee as LEGO

       
    And then, as if that weren't enough, there's something amazing you should read.

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    Bigger

    Posted on Thursday, June 11th, 2015

    Dave!And so the hype machine is starting to ramp up for Ant-Man.

    Nice to know that Marvel Studios isn't losing their touch...


    "I think our first move should be calling The Avengers" — Ha!

    Nice to know the film will be buying into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It's only fitting considering that in the comic books Ant-Man was a founding member...

    Ant-Man Movie Poster

    Ant-Man Movie Poster

    Ant-Man Movie Poster

    Now I'm more excited for this movie than I thought I would be.

       

    Spy

    Posted on Saturday, June 13th, 2015

    Dave!Today I went to see Spy starring Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Rose Byrne, and Jude Law. Since McCarthy films can be a bit hit-or-miss (Identity Thief and Tammy were pretty awful... whereas Paul Feig's Bridesmaids and The Heat were pretty great), I was planning on waiting until it hit video, but the jaw-dropping 95% score at Rotten Tomatoes and another outing with writer/director Paul Feig convinced me it might be theater-worthy.

    And boy was it. As much as I liked The Heat, I'm thinking this is her best film yet.

    Spy Movie Poster

    Susan Cooper (McCarthy) is CIA ops assistant who sits at a desk all day providing support for super-agent Bradley Fine (Law) in the field. But when a suitcase-sized nuclear weapon falls into the hands of Rayna Boyanov (Byrne) the daughter of one of the world's most dangerous criminals, Cooper gets to put her CIA training to the test in the real world. Along the way she's "helped" by rogue agent Rick Ford (Statham)... and her boss Director Crocker (Alison Janey) and fellow CIA assistant Nancy (Miranda Hart).

    Hilarity ensues...

    Except this is not just a comedy movie with espionage elements slapped on top... it's actually a really good spy movie that happens to be funny. And I think that's why I liked it so much. Melissa McCarthy isn't playing some bumbling idiot who does stupid crap for comedic effect, she's playing a highly capable agent that gets herself into situations that are funny. And, in a surprising twist, McCarthy's weight isn't written into the film as a comedic prop either. No idiotic bullshit like her not being able to fit through a door... or her breaking a chair when she sits on it... the tired old stereotypes are entirely unneeded here and joyously omitted. McCarthy's action scenes show her as a brutally effective spy in every way. As if that weren't enough, they let McCarthy be beautiful! She's a very pretty woman and, though she does go through some funny disguises, she also gets to be glamorous and sexy, which is almost unheard of for a woman her size in Hollywood movies. So thank you Paul Feig for making a film that's not only highly entertaining... but also showing the world that being heavy doesn't have to mean frumpy when it comes to the cinema.

    So... all-in-all, a terrific summer movie. I'm really hoping it gets a sequel, because it would be cool to see Susan Cooper again. And since we wouldn't have to have the meek & mild character intro again, we'd be getting the all-out spy action/comedy film she deserves.

    And before I go... a promo site for the movie let's you create your own Spy-Dentity...

    Spy-Dentity Dave!

    Getting your own Spy-Dentity is just a click away...

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    WIDOW!

    Posted on Tuesday, June 30th, 2015

    Dave!GAAAAAAHHHH!

    FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, MARVEL... JUST GIVE BLACK WIDOW HER OWN MOVIE ALREADY!


    Black Widow

       

    The Marvel Cinematic Universe is expanding in all kinds of awesome directions... but no real "spy thriller" has hit yet. This is categorically absurd given that Black Widow and Nick Fury are freakin' made for this kind of movie. Build up some kind of amazing Mission: Impossible scenario, drop them in the middle of it, then watch them go.

    Tell me people wouldn't pay good money to see that.

       

    RUBY!

    Posted on Wednesday, July 1st, 2015

    Dave!TAKE MY MONEY!

    Funko is going to release a series of POP! figures from The Fifth Element. Needless to say, I am beside myself with happiness...

       

    "She's... perfect."

    Funko POP! Fifth Element Figures

       

    "KORBEN DALLAS!!!"

    Funko POP! Fifth Element Figures

       

    "LEELOO DALLAS MULTIPASS!!!"

    Funko POP! Fifth Element Figures

       

    "The Diva Plavalaguna!"

    Funko POP! Fifth Element Figures

       

    "You're a monster, Zorg..."

    Funko POP! Fifth Element Figures

       

    "We need to find the leader, Mangalores won't fight without the leader."

    Funko POP! Fifth Element Figures

       

    Now... for the question of the day... WHERE IN THE HELL IS RUBY RHOD?!?

    The Fifth Element Ruby Rhod!

    The Fifth Element Ruby Rhod!

    Ruby is easily one of the most memorable things about The Fifth Element, and it is criminal that he doesn't get a Funko POP! figure! It would have also been nice if Father Vito Cornelius would get one, but Ruby? Essential.

    UPDATE: Apparently there IS going to be a Ruby Rhod POP!... they just must be having trouble with the sculpt, because a rendering has been posted (see an image in the comments).

       

    Back 30

    Posted on Friday, July 3rd, 2015

    Dave! Thirty years ago today, one of my favorite movies of all time was released... Back to the Future!

    I've lost count of the number of times I've seen the film. Probably at least 30 times in the 30 years since release. It's just one of those movies you can watch over and over again and never tire of it. In celebration of this landmark anniversary, I'll be watching it again tonight...

    Back To The Future!

    Few films have had this kind of impact on me.

    Seamlessly blending science fiction and time travel with a genuinely sweet romantic comedy, Back to the Future hits all the right notes, and is pretty much the perfect movie.

    And then the sequels came along.

    Back to the Future II very nearly eclipses the original film for me. I absolutely love the movie. The clever way they managed to go back into the original film continues to blow my mind to this day. Yes, it doesn't have the heart that made the original such a special film... but my mind can't separate them, so it's all the same to me. The "future" of The Future remains one of my favorite fictionalized takes on... errr... the future...

    Back To The Future!

    I wasn't quite so enamored with the third film since it lacked the deep connection to the original the second one had... but still enjoyed it a lot.

    And then, just like that, The Future was over.

    Except it wasn't.

    Thanks to some brilliant minds at Universal Studios, the franchise lived on with Back to the Future: The Ride!

    Back To The Future Ride

    My favorite theme park attraction of all time, the ride fit flawlessly within the Back to the Future films and was so fantastically realized that it felt as though it were a part of the trilogy from the beginning rather than tacked on for a quick buck. Unfortunately, the ride eventually closed in 2007 when it was replaced with a ride based on The Simpsons. Fortunately, the footage was preserved and is up on YouTube...

    Not the same experience you got from being jostled around in a motion-controlled 8-seater DeLorean, but better than nothing!

    The end of the ride wasn't the end for Back to the Future though...

    Most people don't seem to be aware that the Back to the Future trilogy didn't end with Part III.

    TellTale Games released a series of five Back to the Future games back in 2010. Serving as a direct sequel to the original films, they pick up directly after BTTF III...

    And here's the surprising part... the games are actually good. Very good. Especially the first three installments. You should check them out!

    Even if you don't like video games, you can still enjoy the story that came out of them. There are several postings on YouTube that screen-capped the whole thing. Though, obviously, if you have plans to play the games, watching the following video with utterly ruin them for you...

    I don't know if there are plans to make more video games, but the movies live on in all kinds of knick-knacks... puzzles... greeting cards... and the like. Oh... and lest we forget Back to the Future: The Slot Machine!

    Back to the Future... THE SLOT MACHINE!

    And next up for the future of The Future?

    LEGO Dimensions!

    We already got a LEGO Back to the Future DeLorean Time Machine set, which is fantastic...

    Back To The Future LEGO!

    So naturally I am beyond thrilled at the prospect of finally getting a BTTF title out of the amazing LEGO video game franchise.

       
    And what's the future of The Future past LEGO Dimensions?

    I dunno. Robert Zemeckis refuses to allow a remake while he and co-writer Bob Gale still alive, thank heavens... but given that the original films are still much-loved even today, I wouldn't rule out more Back to the Future in the future. More LEGO? More video games? Comics? Animation? Who knows?

    The future is whatever you make it.

    So make it a good one.

       

    Hair

    Posted on Wednesday, July 8th, 2015

    Dave!Finally.

    Something as inexplicably bizarre as Donald Trump himself...


       
    Though The Donald should be orange, not yellow.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go sob quietly in a corner over how somebody like this can be considered a serious contender for President of the United States. If this is where we're going, I'd rather have President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, (former porn star and five-time Ultimate Smackdown Wrestling Champion) as my leader...

    Idiocracy. The gift that keeps on giving.

       

    Presidential

    Posted on Thursday, July 9th, 2015

    Dave!Screw it.

    I've got my candidate...


    Captain America Suit

       
    Might as well. It's not like anybody else that's running is worth a crap.

       

    VS.

    Posted on Saturday, July 11th, 2015

    Dave!As a massively huge Batman fan, nobody wants Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice to be a great film more than I do.

    Problem is, it's a continuation of the crap-fest that was Zach Snyder's Man of Steel... a movie I hate so much that just typing Man of Steel is enough for me to to start going into an apoplectic fit of rage. Snyder took a gigantic dump all over Superman, and DC Comics didn't seem to care... despite the fact that it took in "only" $668 million (against a budget of $225 million). That may seem like a lot, but it pales in comparison to Nolan's The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises (each earning in excess of 1 billion). And don't even start on The Avengers (1.5 billion). But whatever, it was a bad Superman movie because it wasn't Superman on the screen.

    And now Zach Snyder is back at it with the afore-mentioned Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice.

    Which looks like utter shit...

    Wait... was that... The Comedian?!?

    From the trailer it looks like Snyder tried to make a present-day version of Miller's The Dark Knight Returns, but had no concept as to what made that book so great... Frank Miller stayed respectful to the source material.

    Oh well. Luckily for everybody, Marvel continues to knock their super-hero films out of the park. Next up? Ant-Man! Which looks amazing, by the way...

    What I wouldn't give to have Marvel take over DC's film franchises.

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    Bullet Sunday 442

    Posted on Sunday, July 19th, 2015

    Dave!Time to get all cinematic with your fine self, because a special MOVIE edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Terminated! When James Cameron released a statement saying that Terminator: Genisys was a fantastic film, I remember being relieved that finally... finally we were getting a Terminator sequel that was a worthy follow-up to T1 and T2. The trailer certainly made it look like we were getting a good film...

    Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. This horrible mess of a movie actually had me fondly remembering Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (which I didn't much care for), and the epic McG directed disaster that was Terminator: Salvation (which I hated). First of all, nothing makes sense. The plot is complete shit and ruthlessly eviscerates any hope for future Terminator films. Arnold was at his absolute worst, which was surprising given his recent work in Maggie. Emilia Clarke, though a good actress, was woefully miscast as Sarah Connor. But the worst offense was casting Jai Courtney as Kyle Reese, who was just awful... as in film-destroying, franchise-ending awful. I mean, I guess he kind of worked for that crappy Die Hard film, but here he is so lifeless... so horribly lacking in the charm needed to pull off this iconic role... that any other flaw in Genysis is rendered moot. Even the mind-bogglingly stupid storyline which involves Sarah Connor using a 1984 time machine(?) to go FORWARD in time to stop Skynet. Yes, FORWARD. The entire film is asinine, but the leap of logic needed to get over this idea is just too much to bear. Oh well. Maybe it's time that the Terminator films just die already. Because this one... like the two that preceded it, is seriously not worth your time. Possibly even on video. Holy crap what a disappointment.
    DAVE RATING: ★☆☆☆☆

       
    • Teddy! Seth McFarlane's follow-up to his shockingly rude and oh-so-good good Teddy Bear film, Ted (★★★★★) disappointed in the worst way. Partly because I was looking forward to a sequel so badly and any film would have had a hard time living up to the hype... but mostly because, in an effort to top himself, McFarlane shit the bed. First of all, Mila Kunis... arguably the true heart of Ted, has been jettisoned. I don't care if she was pregnant, they should have waited until she was available, because a big part of what made Ted work so damn well was Lori and her relationship with both Johnny and Ted. By having her vanish from the storyline, they were just setting up the movie to fail. And it mostly did, despite having some funny moments...

    The biggest sin for Ted 2 is that it didn't have enough funny moments. There was an attempt to go ruder, cruder, and more outrageous, but it pretty much backfired. This made the film seem too long and too humorless compared to the original. And when a comedy that's hit-or-miss in the funny dept. feels like it mostly misses... well... let's just say I had hoped for much more.
    DAVE RATING: ★★★☆☆

       
    • Joy! I'm going to be completely honest... the concept for Pixar's Inside Out! didn't appeal to me at all, and I was seriously thinking that it was going to be a Cars 2 level disaster. The trailer did little to change my mind...

    And then I saw it and it was kinda wonderful and a little magical and oh so beautiful and just about everything a Pixar film should be. Yes, it drags enough in places to lose a star, but overall a solid flick. And now I'm looking forward to seeing it on home video because I want to see it again. Can't ask for much more of an endorsement than that.
    DAVE RATING: ★★★★☆

       
    • Minions! And then there's Minions... a prequel of sort to Despicable Me. I fully admit to looking forward to this film, as the little yellow terrors are easily my favorite thing about both Despicable Me and it's lackluster sequel...

    Problem is... it just doesn't work. Minions are cute when they're taken in small doses, but an entire film devoted to them turns out to be borderline annoying. Hopefully Despicable Me 3 will get back to what made the original movie such a success and allow me to love minions again, because this film didn't do it.
    DAVE RATING: ★★☆☆☆

       
    • Fury! Mad Max: Fury Road is dangerously close to being my favorite film of 2015 so far. It was brilliantly cast, amazingly written, and beautifully crafted. As if that weren't enough, it's got balls-out action that's wrapped around a George Romero love letter to Charlize Theron and feminism. Such a good film. And just when I think that it couldn't get any better, THIS comes along...

    I am not a huge fan of black-and-white films that are black-and-white for art's sake... but this? Gorgeous. I would pay to see this in the theater in a heartbeat. Sadly, while it was once promised for home video release, now it looks as though the project is dead. Very sad about that. Still, even in glorious color, Mad Max: Fury Road is well worth your valuable time. Preferably seen in a theater on a big screen.
    DAVE RATING: ★★★★★

       
    Next up? Definitely Ant Man. And hopefully Trainwreck, which looks like it's entertaining enough for a theater visit...

    Gotta love Amy Schumer.

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    Strangelove

    Posted on Monday, July 20th, 2015

    Dave!Can't even attempt to sum up what a complete cluster-fuck my day was today.

    If I were to try, it would probably go something like this...


       
    I need a vacation.

       

    THE ANT-MAN!

    Posted on Tuesday, July 28th, 2015

    Dave!ZOMG! ANT-MAN WAS AWESOME!

    Terrific movie. A Marvel Studios film in every sense of the word... albeit on a smaller scale. Which was part of what made it so much fun to watch...


    Ant-Man UK Poster

       
    And I do mean fun.

    While it has serious moments, this is by far the lightest of the Marvel Studios Universe stable of films (and, yes, I'm including the wonderful Guardians of the Galaxy).

    I admit that I was pretty shaken up when former helmer Edgar Wright left the project, but it turns out the movie was in good hands. Peyton Reed put together a super-hero heist flick that was firing on all cylinders and ended up better than it had a right to be.

    Master burglar Scott Lang (a flawlessly cast Paul Rudd) gets out of prison only to find that life ain't easy for an ex-con. He can't hold a job and is having a tough time trying to stay involved in his daughter's life now that his ex-wife is engaged to be married. But everything changes when he meets legendary inventor Hank Pym, whose revolutionary shrinking technology is threatening to destroy the world if Scott can't harness the power of The Ant-Man.

    The story was very good, albeit a bit formulaic in spots. Probably because super-hero origin tales all seem to blend together after a while. Luckily, they took advantage of the one thing that makes Ant-Man so unique... his diminutive size. Oh... and his ability to talk to ants. In both regards, the special effects were pretty darn impressive. Not an easy thing to accomplish when you've got a tiny, tiny man riding a flying ant.

    Casting was excellent. In addition to Paul Rudd, we also get the legendary Michael Douglas in perfect form as Hank Pym, Evangeline Lilly as his daughter Hope, Corey Stoll playing bad-guy Darren Cross, and a scene-stealing Michael Peña as Scott Lang's partner in crime, Luis (holy cats do I hope he makes future appearances in Marvel films).

    From a comic book geek standpoint, it's hard to be disappointed in Ant-Man. If forced to try, I'd have to say not getting an appearance by The Wasp was somewhat disappointing. Sure, this is Ant-Man's story, but Hope Van Dyne not getting a slice of the super-hero spotlight this time around seems unfair given that Marvel's movie slate is so full that another Ant-Man movie is probably far off. If we ever get a sequel at all. My guess is that she'll be suited up for the next two The Avengers flicks once "The Infinity War" is in full force... but The Wasp getting any major screen time in stories already overflowing with super-heroes seems unlikely.

    Ultimately, Ant-Man is well worth your valuable time on the big screen. I really liked it and actually do hope we end up getting a sequel. RATING: A.

       

    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard...

    Ant-Man... A
    The Avengers... A+
    Avengers: Age of Ultron... A
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Big Hero Six... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: First Class... B

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    Bullet Sunday 448

    Posted on Sunday, August 30th, 2015

    Dave!Don't play with matches... because a smokey edition Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Horror! I was very sad to learn that famed "Horror Maestro," Wes Craven, passed away. While he was most famous for his Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream series of films, I'll forever think of him as the director of Vampire in Brooklyn. This "so bad it's good" movie was supposed to be a comedy-horror film, but came up a bit short in both departments. Even so, I've watched it a half-dozen times because my love of all things Eddie Murphy has no shame. Well, that... and ANGELA BASSETT...

    Vampire in Brooklyn Poster

    Rest in peace sir. Yours is a legacy that shall haunt the night for a very long time.

       
    • Denali. At long last, North America's tallest mountain, Denali, has its name back. I'm sure President McKinley of Ohio was a great guy and everything, but it's categorically stupid that an entire mountain which he never visited and had nothing to do with him or his legacy could be renamed without permission from the native people living there. This goes for a lot of lands and landmarks around the world similarly appropriated, so it's kind of nice to see the right thing happen every once in a while. Despite objections, of course. As noted in Wikipedia: Ohio Congressman Mike Turner vowed to fight the change, commenting that "I’m certain [Obama] didn’t notify President McKinley’s descendants, who find this outrageous." Which, so far as statements go, is even more outrageous given that McKinley's two daughters died as children, thus leaving McKinley with no descendants to notify. Just another piece of shit lying politician trying to manipulate people with bullshit. What a fucking surprise.

       
    • NEVER GIVE UP!. I cannot decide if this is good news or bad news.

       
    • BETTY! This, on the other hand, is great news. Even if I'll have to watch the horrendously shitty show Bones to see it happen.

       
    • Soap. Nurse Kathy is high again!

    You're welcome!

       
    • Hypocrisy. For the handful of county clerks saying "I'D RATHER DIE THAN ISSUE A MARRIAGE LICENSE FOR GAY COUPLES"... you're not the heroes you think you are. You regularly grant licenses for divorced couples, atheist couples, and a myriad of other couples who are getting married against "Biblical principal," so you are, in fact, just a bunch of pathetic hypocrites and certified assholes refusing to do the work your job requires. If marriage equality is SO offensive that you can't bring yourself to do what you're paid to do... then quit and find something that won't go against your hypocrisy.

    Or just fuck off and kill yourself so you can be the martyr you profess to be. Except I think we all know that, in reality, it's more likely you're just being an attention-whore drama queen whose words are as hollow as your true convictions. Or whatever. I dunno. Feel free to prove me wrong.

    Whichever. Totally up to you. Just so long as I don't have to see your "religious liberty" bullshit hypocrisy being applied to a government job that's supposed to be independent of your faith. Something you knew when you signed up.

       
    And... I can't see to post any more bullets because the air has gotten too smokey.

       

    Vision

    Posted on Saturday, September 12th, 2015

    Dave!Though I loathed the unnecessary complexity they came up with for the Marvel Cinematic Universe version of The Vision, I have to say that I loves me the LEGO Minifig adaptation.

    Out of necessity, LEGO had to simplify him a bit, and the result is so much better. I like him quite a lot, even though his "mind stone" is blue instead of yellow...

    The Vision LEGO MiniFig

    At least I did until I saw a rendering of The Vision that is much closer to his original design (minus the "sun jewel" on his head)...

    The Vision LEGO MiniFig by Concore
    Image by Concore at DeviantArt.

    Man, even the LEGO version is vastly superior when they stick to what works!

    Why Why Why Why did Marvel and Joss Whedon mess with the sublime perfection of the source material?

    Oh well. Maybe The Vision will get an upgrade in Captain America: Civil War... because, damn... that ratty patchwork cape looks like something that belongs on Ragman, not The Vision...

    The Vision LEGO MiniFig

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    Real

    Posted on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015

    Dave!Yesterday as I was waiting at the airport to fly home from Denver, I was trying to decide which movie I wanted on my iPad. I had a number of new films waiting on iTunes, but was so tired I decided to download a comfort movie I've seen a hundred times so I wouldn't feel bad if I fell asleep.

    Real Genius, if you're curious.

    The movie never gets old...

    The Vision LEGO MiniFig

    Where are films this funny, smart, and witty now-a-days?

    I was wondering the same thing last week when Ruthless People was on.

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    Panther

    Posted on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2015

    Dave!The explosion of diversity in comic books lately has been amazing, but it's only been half-hearted. While there have been CHARACTERS coming along that are non-White, non-straight, non-Christian... the writers and artists BEHIND the characters haven't necessarily followed suit. But that's starting to change, and it's a great time for comic book fans because of it. By embracing diversity behind the scenes, there's going to be an even better mix of stories to read instead of the same old take over and over again.

    DC Comics' Batman is my favorite comic book character. His equivalent on the Marvel side is Black Panther, also a favorite. In some ways, Black Panther is even MORE interesting than Bruce Wayne, as T'Challa is the ruler of the entire country of Wakanda, one of the wealthiest and most technologically advanced nations on earth, and the sole producer of the rare metal vibranium...

    Marvel Comics Black Panther!

    And now Black Panther is going to be written by Ta-Nehisi Coates! I cannot wait to see where he takes the character, and am hopeful that it will be something new, different, authentic, and exciting!

    All this and a movie too. A good time to be a Black Panther fan!

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    Brave

    Posted on Friday, September 25th, 2015

    Dave!Worth your valuable time...


       

       

       

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    Bullet Sunday 453

    Posted on Sunday, October 4th, 2015

    Dave!The weekend may be ending, but the fun is just beginning because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bond? Oh Lord. Worst. Bond. Theme. Ever. Seriously... who saddles James Bond with this whiny shit? I cannot believe that the same director who used Adele's amazingly powerful masterpiece Skyfall in his previous film would follow it up with this crap... AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE ADELE!

    My expectations are running very high for Spectre, but listening to this mind-numbing drivel has me seriously questioning why. Hell, if Mendes wanted a song called Writing's On The Wall for his movie, I'm sure OK Go would have been happy to re-work their vastly superior song...

    Ugh. Just ugh.

       
    • JELL-O! Leave it to The Slo-Mo Guys to crank out yet another entertaining video...

    Everything really IS better in slo-mo!

       
    • Restless. Absolutely gutted that Catherine Coulson, "The Log Lady," has passed away just as they were finally getting around to filming new Twin Peaks...

    Log Lady

    She has one of my favorite character introductions of all time...

    You will be so very missed in the upcoming Twin Peaks revival. Rest in peace, ma'am, the owls are quiet at last.

       
    • Water! Liquid love on Mars? Thompson Twins called it...

    But can you drink it?

       
    • Derp! Pretty much...

    It burrrrrrns.

       
    • Family! This photo of a father making sure his daughter's step-father was a part of her wedding was the best thing I saw all week...

    Fathers
    © 2015 Delia D Blackburn Photography, and thanks for sharing such a fantastic moment.

    The story here is just great, and proves that people don't have to be horrible to each other all the time. If you want to see an interview with the fathers in question, here's your link.

       
    Until next week... buh bye.

       

    Awakens

    Posted on Monday, October 19th, 2015

    Dave!And so the new trailer for Star Wars VII, The Force Awakens has dropped. Is there really anything else that matters today? Probably not.

    Meh, I think I'll give it a shot come December...


       
    This movie is going to make a gazillion dollars.

       

    BTTF Day!

    Posted on Wednesday, October 21st, 2015

    Dave!Pepsi Perfect! Pepsi!

    It's October 21st! AKA "Back to the Future Day." The day that Doc, Marty, and Jennifer traveled 30 years to the future and the year 2015! Which means that the entirety of the Back to the Future trilogy will very quickly take place in the past...

    Back to the Future!

       
    My plan was to blow off work and stay home so I could watch the entire trilogy from start to finish.

    But, alas, responsibilities and all that.

    And no Pepsi Perfect for you.

       

    Making Of…

    Posted on Saturday, October 24th, 2015

    Dave!I think that I've mentioned a couple times now how much I love "making of" and "art of" books for movies I enjoy. There's something about getting a behind-the-scenes look at the filmmaking process and all the hard work involved that makes me love great movies even more.

    My obsession started when I was 11 years old. I saw Star Wars and was desperate to find out everything I could about the movie. In the days before the internet, this meant scouring the magazine stands. Fortunately, Star Wars was such a huge phenomena that there was no shortage of magazine articles. Unfortunately, most of them were devoted to fluff pieces and corny interviews with the stars. Nothing had much depth or new information.

    Until I discovered Starlog magazine, issue no. 7...

    Starlog No. 7

    This amazing resource for science fiction fans provided a glimpse into movies that was unlike anything else. Not only did they talk about the films I loved... they featured articles that discussed how they were made...

    Starlog No. 7
    You too can download issues of Starlog from the Internet Archive!

    And I was hooked.

    Starlog eventually led to a love affair with Cinefex in 1980, which was nothing but lush, in-depth, behind the scenes information! The magazine dissected movie special effects to an unprecedented level, and I was in cinephile heaven...

    Cinefex No. 1

    Eventually the "making of" books came along. Most of the time they were a step backwards from Cinefex, but I still bought them. Reluctantly.

    All that changed in 2007 when The Making of Star Wars: The Definitive Story Behind the Original Film was released...

    Making of Star Wars Book

    This absolute masterpiece of film documentation reignited my love of "behind the scenes" books and has been leading me on the road to bankruptcy ever since. Not just with new releases, but with past releases as well. Like The Story of The Fifth Element, a terrific book from 1997...

    LEELOO DALLAS MULTIPASS!

       
    Currently, I'm obsessed with all the "art of" books for Disney/Pixar feature films... and, of course, all the Marvel movie books, which have been fantastic...

    The Art of Guardians of the Galaxy

       
    If you're a fan of these books like me, there are two new releases you should be aware of...

    Ultimate Visual Guide Back to the Future and Ghostbusters

    "Ultimate Visual History" books for Back to the Future and Ghostbusters!

    Both volumes are very nicely made and have loads of great info. Spot varnish on the photos is featured throughout (something I love in a book!) and they tried to make them a bit more fun and accessible by including "souvenirs" from the movies that they stick to pages here and there.

    In the Back to the Future book you get such things as the "Save the Clock Tower" flyer that Jennifer writes her phone number on (but it's white instead of blue)... the letter Marty writes to Doc to warn him about getting shot... the receipt from "Blast from the Past" for Grays Sports Almanac (but it's paper instead of clear plastic).

    The Ghostbusters book doesn't have "souvenirs" so much as "production inserts" that feature artwork, storyboards, and an animation cell. Overall I wish they had not included the extra pieces, because they're just going to damage the pages they've been adhered to. You can easily remove them (the "glue" they use is that removable "booger snot" stuff) but then they're going to get lost. This kind of gimmicky crap never works as well as publishers think it does.

    Still, Back to the Future and Ghostbusters are two of my favorite movies of all time, so I'm happy to have these editions. They claim to feature never-before-seen images and exclusive interviews, so that alone will make the books essential buys for the completist.

    Hopefully publisher Insight Editions will release other books in this series. I'm still waiting for a making of Spaceballs book.

       

    Zoo2

    Posted on Thursday, November 19th, 2015

    Dave!And so the first trailer for Zoolander 2 has dropped.

    I am more excited for this film than I have any right to be...

    Mugatu is one of my favorite movie villains in the history of cinema. SO glad they brought him back for the sequel.

       
    That trailer is so hot right now.

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    Bullet Sunday 464

    Posted on Monday, December 21st, 2015

    Dave!Thanks to Home Automation Week, Bullet Sunday is on Monday and starts... now...

       
    • The 1975! Definitely a highlight of my week... if not a highlight of my entire year... was flying to San Francisco so I could see The 1975 in concert with Jester. This has quickly become one of my very favorite bands, and their live show did not disappoint. Not only did they play tracks from their flawless debut album, there was plenty of amazing new stuff off their forthcoming one. Like my favorite song of the night, Change of Heart...

    I was very surprised by how fantastic their stage set was. It's dead simple... consisting of a large video screen and four video columns... but it's what they DO with it that made the show so spectacular. If you have a chance to see them in concert (which might be tough... they're selling out everywhere) by all means give them a shot.

       
    • Elephant Walk! When I was on vacation in Africa last year, my first stop on safari was at Ruckomechi camp in Zimbabwe. It's a beautiful reserve in a region known as "Mana Pools" and is billed as "The Elephant's Favourite Camp" because elephants are roaming around everywhere. They were always around, and you are constantly running across them throughout your time at camp... I even found an elephant in my shower once. For the most part, if you leave the elephants alone, they leave you alone. Just don't approach them. And absolutely do NOT get near a baby elephant unless you want a momma elephant getting annoyed with you. I loved having the elephants around, and never once had any problems with them. Which is why I was surprised to see this viral video going around of an elephant attack that was most definitely shot at Ruckomechi camp. I ate at that very table...

    While this incident is alarming, it also has to be exceedingly rare, because thousands of guests (including me) have been through Ruckomechi Camp without incident. Hopefully this won't dissuade people from visiting, because it is easily one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life.

       
    • Star Wars! I have no intention of seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens while the hype is still running high. While I love Star Wars, that's greatly overshadowed by my hatred of people at the movies now-a-days. Used to be you only had to worry about people talking during the film. Now you've got mobile phones, which has made things even worse. I'm doing my best to avoid spoilers for The Force Awakens, but am still getting excited by the build-up to the movie. And this video by Jimmy Fallon with The Roots and stars of Star Wars is pretty awesome...

       
    • Feeding! Probably one of the funniest things I've seen all year...

    Ghost Mom

       
    • Kitten! And now, before I go, the most heartwarming thing I've seen all week...

    Amazing. I love happy endings like this. Best of luck, Lazarus!

       
    Enjoy the rest of your Monday, everybody!

       

    Bullet Sunday 465

    Posted on Sunday, December 27th, 2015

    Dave!Time to put the holidays behind you, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • COMICS! Ordinarily, today would be filled with my favorite comic books of 2015. But I've drastically reduced the amount of comics I'm reading because I'm just not finding the compelling reads I've found in previous years. The biggest disappointment being that we didn't get more installments of Jupiter's Legacy, whose first volume ended in a massive cliffhanger back in January. I dunno. Maybe I'll find my comic book renaissance in 2016, but I'm just not feeling it this year.

       
    • GAH! As if I weren't already excited enough for the upcoming Doctor Strange film...

    Doctor Strange on Entertainment Weekly

    Less than a year away!

       
    • FOOD! Food costs are going through the roof. Even a meager bag of groceries will cost $25 or more. My average trip to the store is running around $75. With this kind of cash involved, you can bet I'm trying to get the most for my money. Which is why I am getting sick and tired of having to throw food in the garbage because the quality is in the shitter. Latest example? I bought a box of Eggo Waffles only to find that once again they're covered in crystal frost. Even when you scrape as much as you can off, they still end up wet in spots. Gross. And a total waste of money. I can only guess that they are partially thawing at some point, then getting re-frozen. But it's not me. I'm seven minutes from the grocery store. From now on, I'm going to start seeing if I can take the shit back for a refund. If not, I'm done shopping there. Or done with the product.

       
    • WINTERY! The weather has been pretty shitty this past week, but it made for a beautiful couple days this past week once the sun came back out...

    Winter Wonderland

    Winter Wonderland

    Not bad, Mother Nature, not bad at all.

       
    • HOLIDAYS. It's not been a very good holiday season for me. The days from from Thanksgiving right through Christmas has been filled with sadness, loss, and more challenges than I would wish on anyone. With less than a week left in 2015, I'm ready to move on. So... let's wrap up the year with entries looking back at my favorite movies, television shows, and music... followed by a recap of the year here at Blogography, then get on with a fresh start in 2016.

       
    And... the bullets have landed.

       

    Video15

    Posted on Monday, December 28th, 2015

    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    Or, more accurately, a "wrap-up of movies I saw that came out this year." As always, there's a bunch of movies I never saw that would have probably ended up on my list (we'll get to that later). And here we go...

       
    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Best Movies 2015 Part 1

    #1 Mad Max: Fury Road
    I don't know what I could possibly add to the praise that's been heaped on this film from just about everybody. It was pure entertainment from start to finish, impeccably cast, beautifully shot... and took me completely by surprise given that I was never impressed by the original films. And then there's Charlize Theron's Imperator Furiosa... INTERESTING ASIDE: This is the first time a Marvel movie hasn't topped my list since I started making the list.

    #2 Ant-Man
    When Edgar Wright left this movie, I thought for sure that Marvel's run of amazing super-hero films was over. Instead of letting Wright make something interesting and shake things up a bit, Marvel was going to go the safe and stale route. What a bummer. Except it all somehow ended up working out. Mostly due to the impeccable casting of Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas... and a story that put a lot of fun into the genre. The result was a terrific caper film that hit all the right notes for me.

    #3 Star Wars, Episode VII: The Force Awakens
    Groundbreaking? Probably not. Entertaining? Absolutely. And that was pretty much the long and short of it, wasn't it? After a crappy third act with Return of the Jedi and a trio of prequels so horrendous that I lost all faith in the franchise, JJ Abrams finally gave us Star Wars back. As a massive, massive fan of things a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, that's all I could ask for.

    #4 Avengers: Age of Ultron
    I know. I know. The story was weak, fragmented, and featured a villain that wasn't the least bit scary or threatening... but it had super-hero action scenes that were mind-blowingly on-point, and proved more than entertaining (even on multiple viewings). The trick is to let go of all the things this movie could have been and just appreciate it for what it is.

    #5 Spy
    Melissa McCartney is hit and miss for me. I loved her in The Heat and St. Vincent, didn't care for her at all in Tammy and Identity Theif. Then along comes Spy which is her best effort yet. Rather than slapping spy thriller elements onto a comedy, Paul Feig started with a good spy thriller then made it funny. It's a difference you can bank on, and features flawless supporting cast of Jude Law, Jason Statham, and Rose Byrne. My biggest surprise of the year.

    #6 Song of the Sea
    As a massive fan of animation, I was fully expecting the latest Studio Ghibli release, The Tale of Princess Kaguya, would be making this list. But I never got to see it. I did, however, see another animated film that was genius... Song of the Sea. Stylistically charming and wholly magical, this came out of nowhere to take my breath away

    Best Movies 2015 Part 2

    #7 Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation
    I don't know why I was surprised the latest M:I made my list... they've been increasingly entertaining films with quality directors behind the camera. This time it's Christopher McQuarrie, and he hit it out of the park. A strong story, a good villain, and an entertaining mission... just what the doctor ordered.

    #8 Selma
    You only think you know the story behind Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s march from Selma, a critical point in the civil rights movement. At least I thought I did. Then I saw Selma and realized that history had a few surprises in store for me. This is an important film, beautifully realized.

    #9 The Martian
    Having read the book, I was surprised when I learned there was a movie being made of The Martian. The story is a little technical in nature, and I didn't see it translating to the screen in a compelling way. But it turns out if you shift focus to the actual action in the book, it makes for a really good movie. Surprisingly, they didn't shy away from the technical bits that made the book so good, AND found a way to keep it from bogging down the film. Somebody deserves a screenplay Oscar.

    #10 It Follows
    I don't want to say anything about this movie that could give something away. Suffice to say that it's a stylish horror flick that lives up to... perhaps even surpasses... the hype. If you are even a little bit of a fan of the horror genre, here's you're film.

    #11 Spectre
    I honestly expected that this James Bond outing would rank much higher on my list. But while it was a good and entertaining film, it wasn't a great one. And yet, if nothing else, it is beautiful to look at, just like Skyfall before it. I just wish that A) Christoph Waltz was better utilized as the villain and, B) the story actually ended up in a place that was worth the journey. Still, new James Bond.

    #12 The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
    I bought this on sale from the iTunes Store so I had something to watch on a business trip. I knew practically nothing about it except it was cheap entertainment and didn't have entirely bad reviews. Turns out it was actually a darn good Cold War thriller that was worth my valuable time. It was nice to see Henry Cavill and Armie Hammer in a film which didn't totally suck (=cough= Man of Steel =cough= The Lone Ranger =cough=). Really hoping for a sequel.

       
    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    Shaun the Sheep
    Aardman does it again. To the surprise of nobody. Hilarious movie version of the funny television series. Wish I would have seen it in a theater.

    Inside Out
    Pixar does it again. Beautifully-animated feature film with flawless voice talent and a unique concept.

       
    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    The Hateful Eight
    Quentin. Tarantino.

    The Tale of Princess Kaguya
    Studio. Ghibli.

    Brooklyn
    All it took was one viewing of the commercial and I really wanted to see this film. Didn't hurt that the reviews were stellar. I'm not one for period romance films, but this looks like something really special.

    Mr. Holmes
    I actually purchased this the day it was available on the iTunes Music Store, but haven't gotten around to watching it for some reason. Ian McKellen playing an elderly Sherlock Holmes that tries to solve his last case before dying? Yes please.

    Creed
    I'm just going to come out and say it... I was never a fan of the Rocky films. Probably because I'm not a fan of boxing. But Creed looks to be something a bit more.

    Amy
    I was always a big fan of Amy Winehouse's music, but not her antics. But apparently they are somethign worth watching, because everybody is raving about this film.

    Straight Outta Compton
    I'm a fan of the album. I expect I'd be a fan of the film telling the story of the album.

       
    THE WORST...

    Terminator Genisys
    I didn't hold out much hope for yet another bad Terminator sequel... but then James Cameron chimed in with how great Genysis was, and I was intrigued. Not enough to go see it in the theater, of course, but enough to buy it from the iTunes Store. I was not impressed. This reboot/reimagining had a few good special effect sequences and it was good to see Arnold again... but everything else was kinda crap. Jai Courtney was an awful Kyle Reese, but that was eclipsed by the mind-bogglingly stupid storyline which involves Sarah Connor using a 1984 time machine(?) to go FORWARD in time to stop Skynet. Yes, FORWARD. Please. For the love of God... just stop with the Terminator movies.

    Minions
    I thought my favorite part of the Despicable Me movies would make for a fun ride on their own. Apparently not. Too. Much. Minions.

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    Bullet Sunday 466

    Posted on Monday, January 4th, 2016

    Dave!A new year, 52 new opportunities for bullets, because Bullet Sunday on Monday starts... now...

       
    • STRANGE! As a huge, huge, massively huge devotee of the Marvel Studios films, I'm ecstatic that The Powers The Be are finally getting around to exploring the mystical, magical side of the Marvel Universe. I've long been a fan of Doctor Strange, and everything we've been teased with shows that they're doing it right. Starting with the casting of Benedict Cumberbatch...

    Doctor Strange Movie

    Will be very interested to see how they integrate magic into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. That's going to be a delicate line to walk.

       
    • ARETHA! Watching Carole King's reaction is almost as entertaining as watching Aretha Franklin flawlessly belt out her song at age 73. Almost.

    Talent like that don't come along every day.

       
    • WEESA GONNA DIIIIE! I loathe the Star Wars prequels with the burning hatred of a thousand suns. And then there's this...

    Not that it would make me hate Jar Jar Binks any less, but it would certainly make me feel better about his presence in those shitty films.

       
    • Grapes! "I sold Star Wars to white slavers?" Really? Sour grapes are sour. Geroge Lucas is just pissed that people loathe his shitty prequel movies with a passion reserved for explosive diarrhea while JJ Abrams unleashed the Star Wars film everybody wanted. The Force Awakens is on target to becoming the most successful movie in the history of the universe, and that's gotta hurt. Though I'm sure the billions of dollars Lucas got for selling off Lucasfilm to the "White Slavers" at Disney is some small consolation. Time to go count your money and shut the fuck up, George.

       
    • ZONE! I'm the mayor of The Friend Zone...

    It's funny because it's true.

       
    Thanks, internet, I needed that.

       

    Things I Bought Week: Part 5

    Posted on Saturday, January 9th, 2016

    Dave!Welcome to the fifth installment of Things I Bought Week, showcasing stuff that I recently purchased and what I think of what I got for my hard earned money!

    What did I buy this time? The Denon AVR-S910W Dolby 7.2 Channel 4K Receiver.


    Denone AVR-S910W

    I loathe having to buy new stereo equipment.

    But receivers are handling a heck of a lot more than just audio now-a-days... receivers are the hub for both audio and video. So whenever video standards change, your equipment has to change with it. When we went from RCA jack video to composite video and optical sound? New receiver. When we got S-Video? New receiver. When we went to HDMI? New receiver. And now that HDMI has been improved with a new version 2 at 4K and shitty fucking copy protection has been unimproved with HDCP 2.2? New receiver.

    I mean, sure, you can always use old inputs on an old receiver... I've been doing that for years and living with the lower quality picture... but it's time to upgrade.

    I've been a huge fan of Pioneer equipment over the years, but they don't seem to be pushing the envelope now-a-days. My next favorite brand is Sony, but it was a more expensive option for what I wanted. So I spent days researching which receivers were getting good marks now-a-days and settled on Denon. The have a number of different models, but the AVR-S910W was on sale for a great price and did more than I needed, so here we are.

    Aesthetically, the unit could easily be confused with dozens of other receivers since they're all looking the same now-a-days... though this line seems to be a bit more minimalistic, which I like. It has a fraction of the buttons of the old Pioneer it's replacing. Since most HDMI electronics can talk to each other via CEC (Consumer Electronic Control), you rarely need to press anything anyway. Turn on your AppleTV and CEC switches the receiver for you. It's mostly automatic and entirely awesome. What's crazy, however, is that the buttons you most need for non-HDMI devices (because they can't be automatically controlled) ARE MISSING. Want to switch the audio source to Bluetooth so you can play music off your iPhone? Hope you have the remote handy, because there's no button for that on the receiver itself.

    And speaking of the remote... it's yet another button nightmare where you have to go hunting for what you want. Which sucks to be sure (why is it only Apple can minimize crap on remotes?) but it is fairly well organized, so there's that.

    In addition to the afore-mentioned HDMI 2.0a and HDCP 2.2 compliance on all 8 of its HDMI ports (nice!), the 910 can also handle the forthcoming HDR picture spec and upscale signal from your old video equipment to full 4K. It's this last feature that sold me on the 910 over the cheaper 710, as I have old 8mm decks that will benefit from the upscaling technology. Since the 910 has an $80 instant rebate in effect, the price difference was $0, which is money well-spent.

    For gamers out there worried about video processing lag, I couldn't detect any. But, then again, I'm playing everything on a Wii U now-a-days, which isn't quite so demanding compared to next-gen consoles by Sony and Microsoft. I'm assuming it won't be a problem, as the 910 has plenty of processing power to get the job done.

    But enough about the video... what's going on with the audio?

    Since I prefer to listen to music in headphones, the primary function of my new Denon receiver will be for home theater surround sound. Support for 7.1 surround is a given, but the unit can also handle new 3D spatial sound technology like Dolby Atmos and DTS:X... which seems a cool idea, but there's nothing really available in the consumer space encoded with those technologies yet and it requires adding more speakers than I want in my small living room. Still... nice for future-proofing the unit, I suppose. Surprisingly, you can run two subwoofers off this receiver, which I didn't even know was a thing. Since low frequencies are non-directional, I thought this was a one-and-done, but apparently two subwoofers provide a richer bass experience.

    The sound itself seems very good. I'm no audiophile, but everything I've listened to is well-defined and separated out perfectly on my speaker system. Since my setup is small and fairly undemanding, the 910 is massive overkill in the power department, but it's nice to know I've got the ability to run some serious speakers at 185w per channel if I ever need to.

    Denon has its own proprietary system for wireless speakers called "HEOS" which is meant to be direct competition with SONOS. If I could afford a wireless speaker system, I'd bypass HEOS because it has to share your WiFi network instead of creating a separate mesh network like SONOS does. This is a serious deal breaker, because most WiFi networks are close to saturated given all the crap we keep connected to the internet in these modern times. So while HEOS support is nice, I supposed, I have a feeling most people won't bother with it.

    If you sacrifice 2 channels from a 7.1 system and can live with a 5.1 surround setup, you can repurpose those two channels as a different speaker "zone" which can be placed in another room and play from a completely different audio source. I honestly think this is kind of silly, but I guess there are some scenarios where it might be useful.

    Like most receivers today, the Denon has built-in Bluetooth and WiFi for live streaming. It has support for Pandora, Spotify and Sirius XM on-deck, and can also interface with Apple Airplay-enabled devices like iPhones, iPads, and Macs. There's also support for internet radio, but the "stations" are kind of clubky to access, so I probably wouldn't. Thanks to Denon's apps for mobile devices, you can control the receiver with your iOS and Android devices. It seem capable, but also overly complex and cluttered. Still, it does easily allow you to control functions and tie into media servers as sources fairly easily, so worth the free-fitty-free pricetag.

    When it comes to set-up, the AVR-S910W is dead-simple. You can use your iPhone to grab all the WiFi settings via Airplay which is super-sweet (no WiFi? Ethernet is also available). Then it's just a matter of following the on-screen instructions displayed on your TV to match your speaker setup. Thanks to the Audyssey Bronze calibration system being built-in, you can optimize your levels with ease. Just place the included microphone on a tripod in the middle of the room and the 910 will play tones to measure your speakers. The system them creates a custom profile based on room acoustics to give you optimal sound at every volume level. I know this reeks of silly gadgetry that usually ends up being useless... but can honestly say I noticed an immediate quality improvement after running through the Audyssey program. Pretty cool.

    The on-screen user interface is serviceable enough, but kind of pathetic by today's standards. Mostly a bunch of text staring at you, it looks badly dated. Why Denon would invest money in all the latest bells and whistles only to choose to saddle it with a 1990's wrapper is more than a little inexplicable.

    Something I've never seen before is Denon's "Eco Mode" which attempts to save electricity by restricting power to each channel based on the volume you've set. I notice no difference on my tiny speakers with Eco Mode on, so I've just left it there.

    If there's a flaw to be found with the AVR-S910W, it's this... THERE IS NO SWITCHED POWER OUTLET ON THE BACK! Which means your subwoofer gets to be powered on all the time unless you want to get up, walk across the room, and manually cycle the power off when you aren't using it. Which begs the question... WHO FUCKING DOES THIS?!? Seriously, what idiotic excuse could they have for leaving off a switched outlet for your subwoofer from the feature list? Every fucking receiver I've ever owned has had a switched power outlet until now. It's senseless bullshit like this that takes great products and sabotages them utterly. This is such a moronic oversight that I am compelled to drop a grade from my score even though the unit is otherwise perfect. I just naturally assumed I'd have my outlet and was dumbfounded when I went to plug in my subwoofer and saw there wasn't one. Somebody at Denon needs to pull their head out of their ass on this one, because it makes the company look like complete idiots. Had I known about this inexcusable flaw, I don't know if I would have purchased it. But probably. There's just so many great things about it compared to the competition in this price range.

    RATING: B • RELUCTANTLY DAVE APPROVEDCurrently selling for $479 at Amazon.

       

    Bullet Sunday 467

    Posted on Sunday, January 10th, 2016

    Dave!Your cold, boring January day is about to get better, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • AUTOMANIMAL! If you're a child of the 80's like I am, you're a massive fan of Glen A. Larson's two epic masterpieces of cheesy television perfection... Automan and Manimal... NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD!

    Automan and Manimal

    Really cool that these shows are available again. Something tells me that they won't hold up... but that just makes them all the more perfect.

       
    • CLOSED! Macy's has announced that they're closing 40 stores. Our local Macy's isn't on the "close" list... thankfully... but there's two Macy's on the list I'll be sad to have go. Downtown Spokane, which has been open since 1947 (94 people losing their jobs) and Downtown Pittsburgh, which has been open since 1946 (170 people losing their jobs). Shopped at both of them. The Spokane location had an amazing men's department... the Pittsburgh location had a great sports shop... and I will miss them both.

       
    • COLBERT! While I am not a fan of the music that Jon Batiste and Stay Human blast through commercial breaks over at The Late Show, their opening credits song is probably my favorite late-night theme ever. Melodic, playful... beautiful, really... it fit the tone of the show perfectly. As if that wasn't awesome enough, the opening credit visuals by Fernando Livschitz are amazing. Lucky for us, they released a "director's cut" with tons more footage for our viewing pleasure...

    Wonderful.

       
    • JUSTICE? Well isn't that cute. Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore is overruling the Supreme Court. Um... yeah... me no think that works like you think it works. How small of a penis do you have to have in order to be waving your gavel around with this kind of delusion of grandeur? I mean, clearly he's compensating for SOMETHING. I dunno. Maybe he's scared to death that marriage equality will be too tempting and he's going to end up marrying the pool boy? The mind boggles.

       
    • POOL! I have to say... this is looking very faithful to the comics...

    In many ways, I'm glad that Deadpool is not a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and is stuck over at 20th Century Fox. That way he gets to be his insane self in a contained environment.

       
    Annnnd... time to go play in the snow.

       

    Bowie

    Posted on Monday, January 11th, 2016

    Dave!A very sad goodbye to one of my favorite musical artists...


    Lil' Dave Bowie and Bowie Monkey

       

    David Bowie's album Let's Dance was an amazing pop reinvention that I've played to death...


       

    But my favorite Bowie is from his work on the film Labyrinth in which he managed to turn in incredible performances for both acting and music... including the song As The World Falls Down, which is about as good as it gets...

    So many amazing works. You will be very much missed.

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    Rickman

    Posted on Thursday, January 14th, 2016

    Dave!And so one of my favorite actors has died. And so soon after one of my favorite musicians.

    Alan Rickman is probably best known for his role of Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies... or for his awesome performance as Hans Gruber in the original Die Hard... but there are three roles which I will forever associate with him that, in my mind, defined his genius...

    Metatron from Dogma.
    It only makes sense that Kevin Smith would cast Rickman and his golden voice to play The Voice of God in Dogma. As the angel Metatron, Rickman was at his snarky, sarcastic best, and most all of the reasons I like the film are because he's in it...

    Alan Rickman in Dogma

       
    Marvin (voice) from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
    Like anybody else could have given life to the terminally depressed robot, Marvin. The movie adaptation of one of my favorite books of all time wasn't all I was hoping for, but one thing is for sure... Rickman did not disappoint...

    Alan Rickman in HGTTG

       
    Alexander Dane as Dr. Lazarus from Galaxy Quest
    By a wide, wide margin, my favorite Alan Rickman role is his brilliantly hilarious turn as classically-trained actor Alexander Dane who has to endure life inhabiting his most famous part... Dr. Lazarus from the cheesy television series Galaxy Quest. The level of disdain and self-loathing that Rickman has to generate for this character is beyond what any other actor could dream of achieving. And yet, he has to dig even deeper than that for one of the most touching scenes ever found in a science fiction or comedy film...

    Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest

    You can't watch Galaxy Quest and not become a huge Alan Rickman fan...

    Truly, he will be missed.

    And now I'm off to watch Galaxy Quest for the hundredth time.

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    Anomalisa

    Posted on Friday, January 15th, 2016

    Dave!Huh.

    I like to think that I'm pretty well informed as to what's coming down the animation pipeline, but this trailer for Anomalisa came out of nowhere.

    And it looks amazing...

    Something new to look forward to!

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    Suicide

    Posted on Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

    Dave!Nobody wants DC to succeed with their movie efforts more than I do. I love superheroes. I really love superhero films. And it would be great if DC could churn out movies for their characters that are on-par with the amazing stuff that Marvel's been doing.

    But their record has been utter shit. With the exception of the Nolan Bat-films, there's been too much terrible lately. Green Lantern was gut-wrenchingly awful. Man of Steel was one of the worst comic book films I've ever seen... and I'm including turds like Jonah Hex and Catwoman (also DC character films, by the way). For whatever reason, DC just can't seem to get their shit together. Even though they've got some fantastic characters to play with.

    And then there's Suicide Squad. Which finally got a full trailer. And it looks like total shit...

    Ugh.

    And don't even get me started on what they've done to The Joker.

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    BvS

    Posted on Monday, February 22nd, 2016

    Dave!I wish I could get excited for the upcoming Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice movie.

    Batman is my favorite super-hero. I've always been a Superman fan. This should be the movie event of 2016.

    But it's not.

    After the heinous pile of shit that Man of Steel turned out to be, Zack Snyder has made me lose all confidence in his ability to bring super-heroes to the screen.

    Even if the trailer is a bit intriguing...

    But not necessarily in the right ways?

    I dunno.

    I'll probably go see it just because I feel I have to.

    Hopefully I'll even enjoy it.

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    Keanu

    Posted on Wednesday, February 24th, 2016

    Dave!Um. Yeah.

    I can honestly say there's no movie I'm looking forward to more than this one now that this trailer has dropped in my lap...


       

    Looks epic.

    And is totally appealing to my current mindset because: KITTEN!

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    Oskarz

    Posted on Sunday, February 28th, 2016

    Dave!Not a big fan of the Oscars.

    The movies and people behind the movies that I feel most deserve to win so rarely do... if they even get nominated at all.

    This year that was made vividly clear to me as the Worst. Fucking. Bond. Theme. Ever. won best song. This kind of whiny shit masquerading as "music" drives me insane. But use it as a James Bond theme? Sacrilege. It doesn't help that Sam Smith is sounds like crap live. If they wanted a song called "Writing's on the Wall," they should have called OK Go!

    Yeah. I know. I already said this.

    But, damn.

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    War!

    Posted on Saturday, March 12th, 2016

    Dave!My brain.

    My brain is melting.


       

    Marvel continues to blow past my expectations with each new film.

    Cannot wait for this.

       

    Bullet Sunday 477

    Posted on Sunday, March 20th, 2016

    Dave!Take time to make time, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Panther. Could not possibly be more excited for the Brian Stelfreeze illustrated version of Ta-Nehisi Coates' BLACK PANTHER comic! It looks like the book will pay homage to the origins of the character, but also give us something new and different to enjoy... hats off to Marvel for giving one of my all-time favorite super heroes a creative team that's knocking it out of the park...

    T'Challa the Black Panther

    An interview!

    If you're interested in a behind-the-scenes look at how the book is shaping up, there's a Briam Stelfreeze Fan Page on Facebook. The book launches on April 6.

       
    • Encryption. And, leave it to John Oliver to explain the current situation with Apple and encryption...

    Forget everything else. Safeguarding our privacy is the threat of the future today.

       
    • Dumbfuckery. And, speaking of John Oliver. Today being DAYLIGHT DUMBFUCKERY TIME seems like the perfect opportunity to repost this from last year...

    And the idiocy continues.

       
    • Prince. After Paramount dumped one of my most anticipated releases, The Little Prince, I was pretty bummed. Turned out Netflix has picked up the ball so badly dropped by Paramount...

    Really looking forward to seeing this film. Whenever that might be.

       
    • Humans. If I weren't such a foul-mouthed asshole, this is probably along the lines of how I'd respond to the idea of a Trump presidency. Alas...

       
    And... no more bullet-time.

       

    Bullet Sunday 479

    Posted on Sunday, April 3rd, 2016

    Dave!Put down that leftover Easter Egg Salad Sandwich, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Peanuts! As a long-time Peanuts fan, I was not especially looking forward to seeing Schultz's strip and classic cartoons butchered for modern audiences, as is so often the case (see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Jem, and and just about every other cartoon translation). Turns out I needn't have worried. The Peanuts Movie was pretty amazing...

    Snoopy and Woodstock!

    Very faithful to the source material and lots of hidden gems for Peanuts fans to find. And it was just beautiful. It LOOKED like "Peanuts" and had plenty of nods to the classic Schultz style that was the hallmark of both the strip and the animation. Loved it. Purchased it immediately on iTunes so I can watch it many times.

       
    • Yes. Oh yes...

    Heckling a good comic is about the stupidest thing you can do.

       
    • Entitlement. An iPhone app developer announced a new app they had just released. I wish I hadn't read the comments, because they pretty much went like this...

            $2.99 WTF?!?

            Better be good for $2.99!

            Should be free.

    The entitlement generation makes me want to put my head in the microwave. Assholes will spend $5 for a cup of fucking coffee without thinking twice... but doesn't believe an app developer deserves $3 for their efforts? How in the hell do you make a living from free?

       
    • Miitomo. And so Nintendo released their long-awaited iPhone app called Miitomo. It's a senseless time-waster, like most of these things... but it does allow you to get creatively absurd with your wardrobe, so there's that...

    Davetomo Miitomo!

    Davetomo Miitomo!

    Those fishnet tights are the gift that keep on giving. Davetomo FTW!

       
    • Youth. I was entirely too adorable as a child...

    Baby Dave Loves Watermelon!

    You can tell I'm old because, unlike today's fruit, watermelon had seeds when I was a kid.

       
    And... that's it for bullets this week. See you in seven days!

       

    Awakens

    Posted on Tuesday, April 5th, 2016

    Dave!

    I'm on my fifth run-through of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and I love the movie more with each viewing. Not because it's the greatest film I've seen... it definitely has its problems... but because after thirty-five years of waiting for a Star Wars film that didn't suck balls, here it is. Sure it's a complete re-tread of Star Wars, didn't break any new sci-fi ground whatsoever, and lacked the imagination and risk that a truly great Star Wars film should have... but maybe re-telling the Star Wars story over again in a new way is what we needed to reset everything? A re-starting point that reminds everyone why the Star Wars universe is so amazing?

    I dunno.

    So let's talk about the film shall we? But first... a warning...

    Spoiler Zone!

    Yeah, spoilers follow. So if you're one of the three people on earth who hasn't yet seen The Force Awakens, you might not want to proceed.

    Okay?

    Okay!

    Since everybody has seen the film, it's pointless for me to recap the story, so let's skip that part.

    The thing that strikes me most about Episode VII is the spaceship battles... in that so few of them take place in space. Much like The Empire Strikes Back melted my brain with Snow Speeders bringing a space battle down to "earth" (so to speak), The Force Awakens has all kinds of amazing shots which make the battles considerably more grounded. And they do it so beautifully. Shot after shot of stunning interactions between ship and environment provide a thrill much more personal than the cold emptiness of space. I mean, sure it makes no sense that Rey can fly the Millenium Falcon at expert level when she's never flown it before, but look how beautiful that shot is! And... MILLENNIUM FUCKING FALCON, BITCH...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Even when there's no battle, you can't help but be impressed. I could watch the Millennium Falcon fly across the water to Maz Kanata's palace over and over again without getting tired of it. It's just so gorgeous...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    As are all the special effects, which are about as flawless as it gets.

    Granted, Abrams has the benefit of better technology than Lucas did for the shit-fest that was Episodes I-III, but it was Abrams choice to do practical effects whenever possible that truly made Episode VII a vastly superior movie. The actors were able to inhabit their environments in a way that elevated their performances. And it shows. Instead of being stuck in a big green room trying to use half their brain to figure out what the hell is going on while the other half tries to make their character's lines convincing, Episode VII actors could focus on their performance. Natalie Portman and Ewan McGregor are exceptionally gifted actors... but just look at the half-baked performances they turned in for Episodes I-III. The fault isn't really theirs, and I can't help but wonder how much better they would have been with a director who understands how acting works.

    And then we get to the cast. Daisy Ridley and John Boyega are superb in The Force Awakens. There's not a moment where they falter, and to see them light up the screen is what makes the movie so compelling. Hell, even fully-CGI characters like Maz feel authentic, and it's all thanks to unparalelled special effects coupled with the perfect casting of talented people like Lupita Nyong'o...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    I hate to keep trouncing all over Lucas, but he anchored his entire pre-saga around horrendous performances from Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen. No amount of acting talent surrounding such horrors can make up for that. Abrams made sure the people anchoring his movie could deliver the goods. And boy did they. Having original cast members show up was just the icing on the cake. Especially Harrison Ford, who gave us the funniest scene in the film...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Of course, it wouldn't be a Star Wars film without lightsabers... and The Force Awakens gave us some memorable saber action. But in a good way. Not in the comical, farcical, over-the-top way that the prequels stunk up the screen. I still laugh my ass off at "The Battle of Genosis" (Episode II: Attack of the Clones) where we finally get the chance to see an entire batallion of Jedi in battle... only to have Lucas shit the bed by conveniently forgetting that the Jedi are capable of stunning acrobatics. No no... let's not have the battle be cool as fuck... let's just have the Jedi sleepily, randomly swing lightsabers around and occasionally "force push" a robot away so he falls down and goes boom...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    And that's about as exciting as the "battle" got. Holy shit was that movie lame.

    But Force Awakens takes a different tact. Even if it doesn't make sense that Rey could take on Kylo Ren when she's probably never even touched a lightsaber before. I don't care how hurt Kylo Ren was... or how "in-tune" with The Force that Rey was, it was a bit ridiculous. I mean, Kylo Ren can stop a fucking laser blast in mid-air, but he can't kick the shit out of an untrained saber newbie because he has an owchie on his side? Please. But, ooh... look how beautiful it looks!

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    A big nod to Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill here. His battle at The House of Blue Leaves between Uma Thurman and Lucy Liu made for great pre-viz...

    Kill Bill The House of Blue Leaves

    Though putting a lightsaber fight in the snow is genius. I love how Kylo Ren and Ren are accidentally chopping trees in half and boiling snow when their sabers touch it...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    And, speaking of lightsabers, about that twist everybody saw coming...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Harrison Ford has been asking for Han Solo to be killed off for years. At least Abrams found a way to make his death mean something. The pity being that the heart and humor of Star Wars is gone. Forget Luke Skywalker, it's Han Solo that encapsulated the awesomeness of the franchise. At least all my best Star Wars memories are of Han Solo. Maybe Darth Vader. But he's already gone. I will miss Han Solo in future installments.

    Ultimately, this next iteration of the Star Wars saga will live or die on the second act: Star Wars Episode VII: Echoes of the Dark Side or Star Wars Episode VII: Space Bear or Star Wars Episode VII: Return of the Return of The Jedi... or whatever. Will it be a retread of the best Star Wars film, The Empire Strikes Back? Or will they strike out in a more inventive direction?

    Who knows.

    But so long as there are spaceships and lightsabers and George Lucas is nowhere near it, I'll be there.

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    Rogue

    Posted on Thursday, April 7th, 2016

    Dave!And. Scene.

    If you haven't been inundated by the teaser trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, you haven't been paying attention. Or you're dead. Better get that looked at...

    On Facebook I saw where there are people complaining that the lead character will be a woman for two Star Wars movies in a row. This is a little unbelievable to me, as there didn't seem to be complaints when the first six films had male-centric leads. I mean, sure there was Princess Leia (Star Wars: damsel in distress. Empire: love interest. Jedi: sex slave.) and Queen Amidala (Menace: damsel in distress. Clones: love interest. Revenge: lovestruck idiot baby-maker.) but does that really count? Not really. I say it's about damn time.

    And the cool thing here is that we don't have long to wait. Rogue One is being released this December!

    And the exciting this here is that we're going back into The Original Trilogy! Whether or not they actually exploit the awesomeness that could result from that remains to be seen (VADER, BITCHES!).

    But I am hopeful.

    And cautious.

    The pain of betrayal from The Phantom Menace still hurts.

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    Bullet Sunday 480

    Posted on Sunday, April 10th, 2016

    Dave!Taco Tuesday let you down? No worries, because it's now Sunday, and Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Peanuts! The Peanuts Movie was pretty amazing. Very faithful to the source material and lots of hidden gems for Peanuts fans to find. And it was just beautiful. It LOOKED like "Peanuts" and had plenty of nods to the classic Schultz style that was the hallmark of both the strip and the animation.

    Guest Room Remodel Project

    Loved the film. Kind of disheartening to hear that there's no plan for a sequel.

       
    • Hunger. We're all in this together, people...

    One person can always make a difference.

       
    • SATAN! Lucifer renewed for a second season?!? But... but... but... One Million Moms boycotted the show! Because: Satan! How can it possibly survive?

    Guest Room Remodel Project

    Oh... that's right... people can just change the channel if they don't like a show. And, in this case, people decided a fictitious interpretation of Satan was something they wanted to watch. NOTE TO ONE MILLION DUMBASSES: THIS IS NOT A SHOW GLORIFYING SATAN! IT'S A FICTIONAL CHARACTER... NOT ACTUALLY SATAN!

       
    • SATAN? Ann Coulter is saying that Donald Trump is the only one who can protect us from "Latin Rape Culture!" Really? WHO IS GOING TO PROTECT US FROM THE SYSTEMIC RAPE CULTURE ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES? Oh... that's right... college campus rape is committed mostly by white men, so that's perfectly okay. Not at all scary. Not even worth talking about. And what the fuck is "Latin Rape Culture" anyway? Some new scare tactic designed to frighten women into voting for a misogynistic asshole who will make things even harder for them? I'm just dumbfounded that people are buying into this crap. Maybe I shouldn't be. Drumpf is on his way towards being a presidential candidate. Anything is possible.

       
    • #RealMenLoveHearts. Amazing people can't like what they like and not be hassled for it in this day and age...

    Guest Room Remodel Project

       
    Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

       

    Bullet Sunday 481

    Posted on Sunday, April 17th, 2016

    Dave!Can't get no satisfaction? You've been looking in the wrong place, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • STRANGE! I love love love love Dr. Strange in the comics. Other than whitewashing The Ancient One from Tibetan to a white English woman (to appease the massive Chinese movie market, I'm guessing), this looks very promising indeed...

    November can't get here quickly enough. But first? Captain America: Civil War, baby! This film is getting amazing pre-release reviews and I cannot wait to see it.

       
    • Representative? Congratulations North Carolina! The homophobic asshole politicians you elected are fucking up your state real good. But you probably don't need all those billions in jobs and visitor cash... I'm sure North Carolina is sitting on piles of money to make up for what you're losing. Oh? You're not? MIGHT WANT TO REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU'RE IN THE VOTING BOOTH NEXT TIME!

    Only hope now is a full-on repeal of this horrendous law, I guess...

    THAT'S NOT A REPEAL, YOU ASSHOLE! Congratulations, North Carolina, you're getting exactly what you deserve for electing this homophobic, transphobic piece of shit. Might want to think about a recall.

       
    • Whores! While looking around at the local antique mall, I spotted these Bible-toting dolls that made me laugh...

    Whores!

    Tres adorbs.

       
    • Nacho Cheese My new favorite snack: over-cooked nachos. Why oh why didn't I discover that over-baking the cheese made nachos ten times more delicious?

    Overbaked Nachos!

    All those chips and cheese wasted.

       
    • Funny Not Funny. I laughed over this for about ten minutes...

    Whores!

    No, I'm not proud of myself.

       
    And... that's all the bullets we have or today. Move along. Nothing more to see here. Move along...

       

    Bullet Sunday 482

    Posted on Sunday, April 24th, 2016

    Dave!Seriousness is overrated, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Anchor! Every dresser, shelf, and storage unit I have that's over two feet tall is anchored to the wall. I'm trying my best to insure that no visiting child... or resident kitty... or even an adult... is going to be hurt by a piece of furniture in my home. This is a very, very important read... especially if you have little ones in your home... furry or not. Make time to read it.

       
    • Space-Muppets! Farscape movie confirmed! When it comes to episodic science-fiction television, you can't beat the original Star Trek. But Farscape came close. I loved the show for it's creativity and imagination from the very first episode, and remained a fan right up until the last show (and The Peacekeeper Wars mini-series that followed).

    Farscape Cast!

    I am such a fan of the show that I have autographed photos of the entire cast of Farscape (except for Rigel because he's a puppet) from when I attended the very first Farscape convention in Burbank. In order to attend the convention, I had to cut short a trip to Japan, which is why my autograph from the beautiful Farscape character Aeryn Sun says: "To David. Thanks for choosing us over Japan - Love, Claudia Black."

    Yes, the show lost its way quite a bit in the last season, but it never lost its ability to entertain. I am hopeful that the movie will give us the very best the show has to offer and remind everybody why it has such a rabid fan-base in the first place.

       
    • Spend. The Secret Shame of Middle Class Americans Living Paycheck to Paycheck is a fascinating read. I had a hard time getting past the fact that 47% of "Middle Class" Americans would have trouble coming up with $400 for an emergency. But then I think back to the medical expenses that were overwhelming me two years ago... and that was me. There were months I'd have trouble coming up with 40¢ for an emergency. Today? Yes, I could do it, but with my savings going towards a remodel and a chunk of my paycheck going towards mortgage and all that... it would not be a piece of cake by any means. Especially if it's a month I've visited Home Depot. As a follow-up, the lovely Bluegrass Food posted another powerful article: Parents are Bankrupting Themselves to Look Adequate.

       
    • Save. Seems like a good time to re-post this timeless SNL gem...

    Logic can be so logical sometimes.

       
    • Redneckity. Nails it...

    Trae Crowder is a comedian, but says he's speaking from the heart in these videos. I don't doubt it. His YouTube channel is essential viewing material.

       
    And that's all she wrote for this week. Whomever "she" is. She's not me, or so I'm guessing.

       

    3D

    Posted on Tuesday, April 26th, 2016

    Dave!Okay... my new Blu-Ray player can play 3D movies... and my TV can display 3D movies... but I've never bothered to watch a 3D movie because I don't like them much in the theater. They're dark. They're blurry. They're most-often not filmed in actual 3D so the separation sucks. All told, it's just a miserable experience. The sole exception being Avatar, which was something I could really plug my hair into because the 3D was so well done. And because it featured giant blue kitty people...

    Giant Blue Kitty People!

    Anyway... I bought the Blu-Ray 3D version of Avatar when it was on sale a while back, and I finally decided to dig out the 3D glasses this weekend and take a look. The 3D was absolutely spectacular... better even than the movie theater! Sure, it looked like a video game, but it was... different. So now I'm anxious to try more 3D films at home, but I don't want the 2D to 3D conversion crap that looks terrible. So I'm trying to track down films that were actually filmed in 3D with 3D cameras. And there just so happens to be a terrific website for that called Real 3D or Fake 3D!

    Now it's just a matter of which movie to watch next. A lot of Pixar movies look promising. And I'm happy to see that Dredd was shot in actual 3D... so I guess that's a start.

    And now for a quick look at my Samsung UBD-K8500 Ultra-HD 4K HDR Blu-Ray Player...

    Samsung UBD-K8500 Ultra-HD 4K HDR Blu-Ray Player

    I bought this player not for the 3D... there are plenty of cheaper options for that... I bought it for the HDR Ultra-HD picture to match up with my HDR-capable Ultra-HD television. To anybody familiar with this blog, the fact that I would buy into another shitty DRM-infested physical format may come as a surprise, but there's really no other way to get this kind of picture digitally, so I bit the bullet.

    The UBD-K8500 player itself buys into the dopey "curve" aesthetic that has been plaguing Samsung as of late (I still don't understand the appeal of their curved TVs), which looks silly in your media center, but oh well. It's what the thing can do that I cared about, and there's actually two parts to that...

    4K Picture.
    With four times the resolution of 1080p, the new 4K format is a sight to behold... if you have a television that can display it! If you don't, this player is good for future-proofing and not much else. Otherwise? Well, it depends. First of all, you need a big TV. Second of all, you need to sit close enough to the television that you can actually appreciate the picture quality. Have too small a display or sit too far back, and you might as well stick with the much cheaper 1080p options out there. I have a 65-inch screen and sit approximately 9 feet away. This is the outer fringe of what's recommended to get any benefit out of the increased resolution but, when running a comparison between 1080p and 4K there is a definite difference you will notice. I sure did. It's not vastly huge since my television upscales the lower resolution quite nicely, but enough to make me want to purchase Movies That Matter in the Ultra-HD 4K format. To truly get the best bang for my buck, I move some furniture and sit 6 feet away from the screen. That's when the Ultra-HD really shines, and the extra money suddenly becomes worth the cost.

    HDR.
    If there were a "killer feature" to the UBD-K8500, it's the ability to send a High Dynamic Range picture to a compatible television. I have such a television, and can say with no hyperbole whatsoever that it's stunning. The expanded color gamut looks great when viewed alone... but it looks jaw-dropping stupendous when compared to a standard HD source. As I switched from 1080p to 4K HDR sources for The Martian and Kingsmen: The Secret Service it was like a hazy veil was being pulled from in front of my eyes, even though the image didn't look as bright. The color fidelity was just fantastic. Everything looks deep, rich, defined, and saturated... all without looking fake and bleeding all over the place. In a dark room on a high-quality display, I dare say that the image you get from the Samsung UBD-K8500 is better than any theater.

    So... great picture quality. But what about the many, many, many pitfalls that plague Blu-Ray players of the past? Especially when it comes to speed? Blu-Ray players have historically been absurdly slow to respond... especially through the klutzy menu systems. Is the UBD-K8500 any different? Yes. And no. Yes, it's much faster than my previous 1st generation and 3rd generation Blu-Ray players, but it can still be infuriating when attempting to navigate through long menus or while attempting to jump around the disc. A lot of this undoubtedly has to do with the shitty DRM encoding (which punishes paying customers instead of the criminals seeking to steal content), but it's not like you can expect movie studios to give a shit.

    The only real down-sides to my purchase were A] The price ($350!), B] The remote (once again Samsung shows that they have no clue what they're doing), and C] The lack of Ultra-HD HDR titles (no Star Wars: The Force Awakens yet, alas). Other than that, I'd recommend the thing if you've got the television/set-up to take advantage of it.

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    Bullet Sunday 483

    Posted on Sunday, May 1st, 2016

    Dave!Don't despair over your impending march to Monday, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • HASTURD! What happens when a complete piece of shit holds political power?

    Apparently they get away with being child-raping garbage. God bless America.

       
    • Jack! And so it looks like John Krasinski has been cast as Jack Ryan in a new Amazon series based on John Clancy's books. In all honesty, I think he may end up being the best Jack Ryan yet. Baldwin wasn't physical enough. Ford was too old. Affleck not cerebral enough. Pine was just (surprisingly) plain bad. They all lacked something essential to the character. Krasinski, on the other hand, is the whole package. If they get the story right, I think he'll knock it out of the park. And if he can get his wife to make a guest appearance, so much the better! The only thing that gives me pause is that Carlton Cuse and Graham Richard are developing the series. Given the way they took an amazing concept and flushed it down the toilet with Lost, my confidence in them delivering with Jack Ryan is very low. Fingers crossed though.

       
    • English! If you're into linguistics, here's a video for you...

    Of course, there are dialects within dialects on both sides of the pond, but this is a pretty great encapsulation of the differences.

       
    • Shame. This is the America we're building...

    PEOPLE. JUST. WANT. TO. FUCKING. PEE! As they've been doing in bathrooms for centuries! And yet, here we are... people being terrified by asshole politicians taking a non-problem and blowing it up so as to distract from what's really going on...

    Again, the people most responsible for doing heinous shit in public bathrooms... ARE ASSHOLE POLITICIANS, ASSHOLE RELIGIOUS NUTS, AND ASSHOLE CRIMINALS... not transgender persons! And if you buy into the lies, guess what, you're the problem!

       
    • Pop! Amazing how I'm still discovering excellent 80's pop music that I somehow missed in the actual 80's. This time? A Good Heart by Feargal Sharkey...

    And, just to show that I'm not above missing out on current pop music, I recently heard Cake by the Ocean by DNCE, which is awesome...

    And, yes, that's a Jonas Brother on the mic there.

       
    Alrighty then... the time has come to say goodbye to another edition of Bullet Sunday. Until next week...

       

    Cross-Section

    Posted on Wednesday, May 4th, 2016

    Dave!It's Star Wars Day! May The Fourth Be With You!

    Interestingly enough, Star Wars has been on my mind a lot lately because I'm finally getting around to looking at all the cool books I bought when The Force Awakens was unleashed. By far my favorite has been Star Wars: The Force Awakens... Incredible Cross-Sections.

    I've long been a huge fan of cross-section illustrations. It all started when I bought a cross-section poster of the USS Enterprise when the movie franchise was started. It was glorious, and made the ship (thus the show) seem more real to me...

    USS Enterprise Cross-Section Poster

    It was around that time that I discovered the incredible books by Stephen Biesty. He did many amazing illustrations of both fantasy, history, and contemporary places and things. I spent hours looking through as many as I could find...

    Stephen Biesty Cross-Section Illustration

    Stephen Biesty Cross-Section Illustration

    Biesty led me to a love of all things David Macaulay, who isn't so much a cross-section artist, but an illustrator who excels at explaining things. He even had his own TV show which supplemented documentary-style looks at cool stuff like the pyramids with his illustrations...

    But I digress...

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens... Incredible Cross-Sections is a book filled with exactly what you'd think it would be filled with... amazing illustrations of all things Star Wars cut away to show inside and how they work...

    Star Wars Cross-Section

    Star Wars Cross-Section

    And yes, this is the infamous book that showed how Han Solo installed a kitchen for Princess Leia that had the internet up in arms a while back. Though, to be honest, I never saw this as sexist... I just saw it as Leia refusing to live like savages...

    Star Wars Cross-Section

       
    Anyway... even if you're not a massive cross-sections fan like myself, if you're a Star Wars fan, this book is still definitely worth a look...

    Star Wars Cross-Section

    You can get your own copy of Star Wars: The Force Awakens... Incredible Cross-Sections for pretty cheap... it's just $14 at Amazon.

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    Civil War

    Posted on Friday, May 13th, 2016

    Dave!As a huge, huge, massively huge fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe films, you would think that I'd have seen Captain America: Civil War on opening day. And heaven only knows I wanted to so as to avoid spoilers that plague the internet... but work got in the way. Today I had to run an errand for work, and decided to see the film on the way back home.

    And it. Was. Spectacular...

    CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

    I'm putting my full comment in an extended entry so people who haven't seen it yet can do so... but, suffice to say, it's absolutely everything you want in a comic book movie. Go see it immediately.

    For everybody else? Continue at your own risk...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    On Trek

    Posted on Monday, May 23rd, 2016

    Dave!It wasn't that I didn't like Star Trek Into Darkness... it's just that any movie which attempts to remake the best of the best Original Series films (namely: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan) is doomed to fail. I spent most of the film remembering back to the original instead of focusing on what was in front of me.

    Ultimately I enjoyed, Into Darkness, but left the theater thinking "Why in the hell couldn't they come up with their own story instead of recycling what's already been done?

    Lucky for all of us, it looks like they're back on Trek...

    I will be very interested in seeing how this shakes out.

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    Bullet Sunday 487

    Posted on Sunday, May 29th, 2016

    Dave!Don't let the depressing lack of Saturday get you down, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Tarzan. As a massively huge fan of the original Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, I'm pretty much done with the Tarzan movie adaptations (if that's what you can call them). The number of times I've seen The Lord of the Jungle reduced to a grunting ignoramus is legion, and has nothing to do with the actual character. Tarzan is a literal genius who speaks dozens of languages and, when he's out of the jungle, highly cultured as well. So you can imagine my eye-rolling reaction to the news that there's a new Tarzan movie coming out...

    Except... apparently the movie starts out with Lord Greystoke (aka "Tarzan") in London's high society, his jungle adventuring days long behind him. Sooooooo... maybe? Heaven only knows that I'd love to finally see a half-way decent Tarzan on the silver screen. The special effects are sure up to the challenge. Alas... the heinous memories of the John Carter movie (Edgar Rice Burroughs' other famous creation) still linger...

       
    • The Force. If you're a fan of Star Wars, then here's the site for you...

    swanh

    Amazing. Keeeeeeep scrolling...

       
    • Uhhhhhhhhhh. ZOMFG! YOU CAN'T HAVE GUNS IN JAIL? WTF?! So much for "American freedom!"

    Bundy

    I cannot believe these stupid assholes. We have sterilized the entire Bundy clan after this idiocy so they can no longer breed, right?

       
    • Taco! IT'S PEOPLE! THE TACOS AT TACO TIME ARE MADE WITH PEOPLE!

    PEOPLE ARE OUR ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT!

    Delicious people! Totally rethinking my stance on vegetarianism...

       
    • Picard! Captain, let's beam down to Rigel for some whores and blow!

    License Plate MAKEITSO!

    Always good to be a starship captain!

       
    And... on that note of ultimate Trekiness... I'm out of Bullets for this week.

       

    Movies

    Posted on Friday, June 3rd, 2016

    Dave!As anybody who has read this blog for any length of time already knows... I love movies.

    Love them.

    I love all kinds of movies. I love everything from stupid stoner comedies to directorial masterworks. I love sci-fi. I love documentaries. I love animation. I love mysteries. I love historical dramas. I even love romance films from time to time. And while I don't like all the movies I see... I do like the majority of them. Film enriches our lives and expands our imagination, and I cannot fathom what my life would be like without the movies.

    I also love people who love movies like I do.

    I especially love people who can add depth and appreciation to the films we love so much.

    One of these people is Lewis Bond from Channel Criswell.

    I became aware of him last Fall when he did an analysis of Hayao Miyazaki films called The Essence of Humanity. Being a massively huge fan of Miyazaki's works, it could have been made just for me...

    Lewis's admiration for all the things that go into a Miyazaki film were brilliantly on-point, and I instantly became a fan. The guy knows how to look at films. His entire YouTube channel is a love-letter to the movies, and his videos have become an important voice in my appreciation of them.

    Then today I find out that Lewis is being sued...

    This is absolutely horrifying. Copyright infringement? Really? I cannot for the life of me understand this. He uses clips from the films that he is analyzing or exploring... in the case of this lawsuit, the films of Stanley Kubrick... to support his thoughts. In no way has he ever been "malicious" with the material... at no point was he exploiting the material or damaging the legacy of Stanley Kubrick. If anything, his efforts are keeping his legacy alive by encouraging people to take a look at Mr. Kubrick's work.

    I am sickened and saddened that somebody at Kubrick's estate is choosing to make money off of a Kubrick fan like Lewis in such a way. Especially considering that they went straight to lawsuit instead of contacting him directly to resolve the matter. This just shows exactly what kind of people they are.

    People who don't love movies.

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    Bullet Sunday 488

    Posted on Sunday, July 3rd, 2016

    Dave!Worried about missing out on a whole month of Dave's life? Well don't be, because an all new SPECIAL CATCH-UP EDITION of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • MY HEALTH. The bill for my first eye surgery arrived. Thank heavens my deductible is so huge... I was worried I wouldn't find anything to do with these piles of cash I've got laying around. The good news is that my eye seems to be doing okay now. The only remaining damage is a bump from where the anesthesia was injected into my eyelid. Hopefully it will disappear in time.

       
    • MY DIET. I've inexplicably become a milk drinker again. I haven't had a glass in years, but recently had one with a slice of chocolate cake and fell in love with the stuff. I no longer have to worry about my milk expiring... which is cool because even though non-fat lasts forever, I was regularly having to throw it out.

    Bad Monkey Lovs Milk

       
    • MY DISCOVERY. Laughing Cow cheese has never been a favorite even though I love spreadable cheeses. But recently they came out with an Asiago-flavored version that's just fantastic. I eat the stuff piled on Ritz Crackers constantly...

    Laughing Cow Creamy Asiago Cheese Spread

    Laughing Cow Spicy Pepper Jack is worth a taste as well.

       
    • MY SHOPPING. For much of my life, I've not been an antique fan. Why by old stuff when you can get brand new stuff that's cooler? My view has softened since renovating my guest room, so now I actually stop by antique shops from time to time. Which lead to my paying $28 for this cookie jar...

    Cookey Cookie Jar

    ...and let me tell you why. 1) The bear looks like Ted! 2) Whomever made this didn't fire it properly, so it's sagging on one side and it looks like he's falling over drunk . 3) The lid is also misshapened, so it doesn't really fit the jar. 4) They misspelled "cookie" as "cookey" which is frickin' adorable. 5) It looks awesome next to my gelato machine! How many more reasons did I need? I was forced to buy it! Antiques FTW!

       
    • MY SCHEDULE. My cats have turned me into a morning person. I now do my grocery shopping at 7am?...

    Shopping Cart

    Oh well. The nice thing is that the store is a ghost town that time of day.

       
    • MY CATS. They're still adorable. Still wonderful. And I still love having them around. Such amazing animals...

    Jake Sleeping Like Only Jake Can

    Jenny Being Her Adorable Self

    Don't know how I managed without them.

       
    • MY DISAPPOINTMENT. I skipped seeing Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in the theater but finally caught the "Ultimate Edition" on digital. My thoughts are below, but beware of SPOILERS for Captain America: Civil War (yes, you read that right)...

    The Horror That Is S v B

    At the end of Captain America: Civil War where Bucky and Cap have beat down Iron Man and are walking away, Tony Stark says "That shield doesn't belong to you! My father made it!" and it's just crushing because of Robert Downey Jr.'s performance. You can feel that Tony is trying to stay proud in the face of defeat, but his heart is breaking on two levels, so there's a tremor in his voice. At that moment... when you are made to feel in the middle of a funny book film... you know that Marvel has completely figured it out. They put the humanity into their cinematic characters in a way that transcends the genre.

    Which is why watching Batman v Superman was such a horrendous fucking ordeal. Zack Snyder thinks that taking everything dark and brooding is what adds character to the characters, but he's missing the target so badly as to be... comical. Heaping artificial drama on characters again and again and again just distracts from whatever humanity they might have. It buries it. He has zero sense of what makes a comic book movie reach past the funny books, and that's a huge problem for DC. Their movies are just dark, boring, artificial piles of shit that don't make you *feel* anything. It's the disaster-porn school of filmmaking and people are tired of it. They've seen it all before. Many, many times.

    Between DC and Marvel, the one who has the most potential and the easiest road to completely slaying the genre is DC Comics. Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are the most beloved and recognizable super-heroes in existence. Everything else pales by comparison. And yet by hiring a hack like Zack Snyder to helm their films... somebody who could give a fuck about the source material and changes things just because he can... somebody who doesn't want to bring Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman to the screen, but his "vision" of them... it doesn't matter. You go to a film called Superman v Batman expecting to see Superman and Batman... but they're not there. It's just Zack Snyder shit piled on something that vaguely resembles them.

    I hated this movie even worse than Man of Steel, if that's even possible. Add another F- to my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard

       
    • MY ENTERTAINMENT. Was thrilled beyond all reason that Mark Millar and Frank Quitely's Jupiter's Legacy: Volume 2 has finally, at long last, been started up...

    Jupiter's Legacy 2 Cover

    This is my favorite comic book series in a long, long time. Apparently they are already working up a movie... here's hoping they get somebody better than Zack Snyder to helm it.

       
    And... that's all the catch-up bullets we have today.

       

    Bullet Sunday 489

    Posted on Sunday, July 10th, 2016

    Dave!Lose not your faith in Blogography, fair human! Because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Broked. As if it weren't painfully apparent, my blog wasn't as fixed as I had thought it was. I honestly don't know what to do about it short of a complete re-install, and I ain't got time for that. But anyway...

       
    • Book. As a massive fan of the original cartoon, I anticipated hating The Jungle Book live-action remake. Well, I watched in on the plane ride home and loved it. Just incredible stuff. Where did they find the kid who played Mowgli? Amazing young actor. The fact that they got Bill Murray as the voice of Baloo is just icing on the cake...

    The Jungle Book 2016

    It's my understanding this was filmed in "real" 3D and is not a converted 2D movie. Looks like I have another 3D Blu-Ray to add to my shopping list.

       
    • Umbrella. Before I got on the plane, I wandered through the French Quarter yesterday and had to hide under some trees in Jackson Square when a downpour started. That's when I saw a group of ladies caught in the rain who were squealing. A guy passing by handed them his umbrella. After several rounds of thank you's, this happened...
    "Oh we gonna have to keep you now!"
    "Sorry ma'am... Im already taken."
    "Well I can see why. God bless you young man!"
    And off he went into the rain without his umbrella. Then this...
    "He was just like Batman!"

    If I wasn't in New Orleans, one of my favorite places on earth, that would have made my day.

       
    • Wrong. Kim Davis Asks Court to Dismiss Marriage License Appeal. Looks like somebody doesn't want to go down on the wrong side of history as a hateful bigot that refused to do her job. Well, I have news for you... that's ALL you're going to be remembered for as long as people remember who you are you pathetic farce. You'd think that this would serve as warning for other bigots out there, but I think we all know that's not true.

       
    • Sodium. A friend of a friend closed his restaurant last December. Recently when he was asked if he would share some of his favorite recipes and he did. Then somebody asked him how in the heck he made his burgers taste so good. His answer? Butter and salt. Saturate the buns in butter before grilling them. Just before flipping, salt and pepper the patty (his restaurant had a touch of garlic powder in the mix) then flip and add more salt. Sodium nightmare? Yes. But restaurants don't have to post Nutrition Facts, so that's how he made his burgers taste great. And so I gave it a try with my Boca Burger patties. *AMAZING* The abundance of butter and salt totally takes them to the next level. High blood pressure, here I come!

       
    • Doloris. When you're watching every episode of The West Wing for the hundredth time and you've JUST gotten over the fact that Mrs. Landingham died... only to have her pop up in a flashback in the episode Bartlett for America. Gets me every time. Boy do I miss this show.

       
    And I'm outta bullets.

       

    X-Men: Apocalyptic Cinema

    Posted on Saturday, September 10th, 2016

    Dave!X-Men: Apocalypse was utter garbage. Fairly decent special effects couldn't save the beyond-stupid plot that featured one of the lamest villains in movie history (a complete 180 from the awesome comic book original). As usual, Bryan Singer can't direct his way out of a paper bag, and continues to randomly assign super-powers to characters and rearrange history just because he needs to fix his crappy "story." So sick of people who obviously don't give a shit about honoring the source material continuing to make comic book films that suck...

    X-Men Apocalypse Poster.

    The X-Men has perhaps the best potential for a comic book movie that is continuously squandered... over six films now. Seven if you count the beyond-shitty first Wolverine film. Of the entire X-franchise, only X-Men: First Class, The Wolverine, and Deadpool gave us a glimpse of what's possible.

    I didn't think any modern comic book film could suck worse than the last Fantastic Four abomination, but here we are. It's incredibly frustrating, and one can't help but wonder how amazing an X-Men film could be in Marvel Studios' hands. We may never know.

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    Categories: Movies 2016Click To It: Permalink  0 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 491

    Posted on Sunday, November 13th, 2016

    Dave!Hold on to your freedoms, fellow Americans, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

    Here's my favorite reaction videos to the US Presidential Election. All of them were chosen carefully and each one is worth your valuable time to watch. But if you just want to go for the jugular, skip down to Jonathan Pie.

       
    • Russell Brand. The title of this video is a bit misleading. This is actually quite insightful and more introspective than reactionary...

    Indeed.

       
    • Dave Chappell. God I've missed Chappelle...

    I hope this truly is a comeback. We need his voice and his humor in the world... now more than ever.

       
    • Samantha Bee. Still one of my favorite commentators on television...

    Anybody who thinks a woman can't be funny... anybody who thinks a woman can't bring it... anybody who thinks a woman shouldn't be given a political soapbox... well, you can shut the fuck up now.

       
    • Jonathan Pie. And then there's this bit of ass-kicking...

    So much agreement. If only Democrats had this kind of clarity.

       
    • John Oliver. And the one I've been waiting for...

    Which pretty much sums it all up.

       
    • And Because It Can't ALL Be Shitty. This may very well be the closest we ever get to The Fifth Element 2...

    Nice! Though, oh man would I love to revisit The Fifth Element universe one more time.

       
    And, speaking of time, mine has run out. See you after the anarchy begins.

       

    Ultra Mega Super

    Posted on Tuesday, November 15th, 2016

    Dave!Last night was Ultra Mega Super Moon night. As usual when celestial events are going on here, it was rainy and overcast. Fortunately, I can still bask in the glory of last year's Regular Super Moon that happened on a rare clear night.

    Today was more of the same. I've been buried in work and struggling to see daylight just as I was struggling to see the moon last night.

    And speaking of things I long to see... have you seen the trailers for Moana? Some of the most gorgeous computer animation I've ever seen. There have been several clips released already, all of them jaw-droppingly beautiful...

    The hair dynamics are beyond amazing...

    And THE WATER!!! HOLY CATS!

    It doesn't hurt that it looks funny as all getout...

    And it's got a chicken in it...

    Moana is in theaters on November 23rd.

       

    Mister Doctor Strange

    Posted on Thursday, November 17th, 2016

    Dave!One of the first things on my agenda while in San Francisco was to see Doctor Strange in IMAX 3D. Apparently it's filled with trippy visuals that make this the only acceptable way to see it. So I drop off my stuff and rush to one of the best IMAX theaters in the country... The Metreon... only to find out that their last ever IMAX showing of Doctor Strange was 40 minutes ago. From now on they're only showing the latest Harry Potter film (Fantastic Beasts?) in the IMAX theater.

    What a bummer.

    Then I remembered that there was a "Mini IMAX" up on Van Ness, and decided that was probably the next best thing. So off I went...

    Doctor Strange Movie Poster.

    The movie was pretty darn close to perfect.

    Painfully faithful to the comic book character in all the most important ways... with a few minor changes that didn't spoil it for me.

    Arrogant surgeon Dr. Stephen Strange is at the top of his game... wealthy, powerful, brilliant at his job, and able to pick and choose where his talents will be used. But then one night he's texting while driving, gets into a devastating car crash, and his hands are ruined in the process.

    Desperate to become a surgeon again, he wastes away his fortune looking for a cure for the severe nerve damage that makes his hands shake uncontrollably. Then, when all hope is lost and he's on his last dollar, he travels to Kathmandu in Nepal to chase down a mystical cure he stumbles upon.

    There he meets The Ancient One who trains him to save lives not with a scalpel... but with the mystic arts. Thus magic has come to The Marvel Universe.

    Awesomeness across the dimensions of the multi-verse ensues.

    The biggest controversy in the film was changing The Ancient One from an older Chinese man to a younger Celtic woman (wonderfully played by Tilda Swinton). This was done partly to sidestep some stereotype landmines, at which it was mostly successful. The other elephant in the room was changing the location from Tibet to Nepal... a move which was made to appease the film board in China so it could be cleared for release in their country. This was a change that bothered me more than The Ancient One, because Tibetan mysticism is at the core of the character. But, oh well... when your budget investment for a film is this massive, I guess you can't afford to cut yourself out of a profitable market.

    Marvel adjusted their filming and release date for Doctor Strange specifically to accommodate Benedict Cumberbatch's schedule. This was an incredibly smart move, because he is flawless as the character. He IS Dr. Strange. This seems to be something that Marvel excels at. Could anybody but Robert Downey Jr. play Tony Stark as Iron Man? Chris Evans as Captain America? Paul Rudd as Ant-Man? Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow? Chris Hemsworth as Thor? Hell, I even have a hard time seeing anybody but Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye! Cumberbatch inhabits the character with a near-unsettling ease, and it's incredible entertainment to watch.

    If you have the opportunity, see the film in IMAX 3D. It's worth the effort, as the visual effects are mind-blowing to behold that way.

    Right now I can't decide whether Doctor Strange or Captain America: Civil War is my favorite super-hero film of 2016. It's a very close race. I rate Civil War higher, but Strange could leapfrog after being so brilliant and fresh.

    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard with another brilliant Marvel effort...

    The Avengers... A+
    Avengers: Age of Ultron... A
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice... D
    Big Hero Six... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Captain America: Civil War... A++ Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Deadpool... A
    Doctor Strange... A
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: Apocalypse... D+

       

    Bullet Sunday 493

    Posted on Sunday, November 27th, 2016

    Dave!Fight through that leftover turkey tryptophan food coma... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • More. As a fan of the show Gilmore Girls, I was naturally curious about the Netflix revival, Gilmore Girls: Year in the Life. The show kind of lost its way in Season 6, then really lost its way in Season 7 after creator Amy Sherman-Palladino and writing/directing partner Daniel Palladino left the show. But now they (and the entire surviving cast) is back for another go in four 90-minute "films" entitled Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall...

    Gilmore Girls A Year in the Life Posters.

    For the most part, I was happy to see all the characters again and felt the stories for all four episodes were solid... even though many of the mistakes I thought were made in Season 6 & 7 were, oddly enough, repeated all over again. As if that weren't enough, we finally got to hear those Four Final Words that Amy Sherman-Palladino had wanted to end the series with all along. And though the words make perfect sense and took the series to a logical place, I had two problems with how things ended. 1) It pretty much begs for more episodes. And 2) I don't know that the words mean as much now when Rory is in her 30's as they would have had they been spoken when she was in her 20's back when the series ended.

    All that being said, boy was Edward Herrmann missed as Richard Gilmore. He was always such a big presence in the show, and his death left a huge void. That the Palladinos used this as an exceptional opportunity to move Emily Gilmore's story forward is to their credit.

    Here's hoping Netflix will bless us with another series in the future.

       
    • Watching. Speaking of television shows... my favorite show going right now is No Tomorrow...

    No Tomottow Poster.

    Girl meets boy. Boy thinks the world is going to get hit by a meteor and be destroyed. Adventures in life ensue. And it's funny to boot. Give it a shot if you have some free time in your television schedule!

       
    • Strange? Doctor Strange has the best "Art of the Movie" book from Marvel yet. So much thought went into the bizarre visuals, and you get a terrific look at how the filmmakers agonized over them. A very cool companion to a very cool movie...

    Art of Doctor Strange Book Cover.

    If you're a fan of the film... or even the comic book... this is a book worth checking out.

       
    • LEGO. As if the upcoming LEGO Batman Movie isn't super-awesome enough...

    LEGO has just announced that the next series of MiniFigs will come from the film!

    LEGO Batman Movie Minifigs.

    Am dying to own them all, but here's the one that I can't live without...

    LEGO Batman Fairy Minifig.

    Fairy Princess Batman! Classic!

       
    • Scream. Pretty much the theme song for my life these past weeks...

    #TrumpsAmerica

       
    And... there's your bullets for the week.

       

    Bullet Sunday 494

    Posted on Sunday, December 4th, 2016

    Dave!Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!...

    for behold! An all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Groot! There can be no greater news on the internet right now than the new teaser trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2...

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 doesn't open until May and I already want to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3...

       
    • Less. Having a mortgage wouldn't be so bad if nothing would ever break down and require expensive repairs. But it does. About every two months. And just when you think everything that has broken down has broken down and been fixed? Along comes something new. Which is why a letter for my lender was cause for excitement...

    LETTER: "Congratulations! Your mortgage payment has gone down!"
    ME: "No way!"
    LETTER: "Way!"
    ME: "NO! WAY!"
    LETTER: "YES WAY!"
    ME: "Dude, sweet!"
    LETTER: "We're deducting $4.15 from your payment starting next month."
    ME: "Fuck you, Letter."

    ...or not.

       
    • Fixed? I love the HGTV series Fixer Upper. Chip and Joanna's design aesthetic and rapport makes for a great show... especially if you're into home renovation like I am. And while I am able to mentally divide my entertainment personality's personal life from their work... it's really tough to watch the show knowing that they attend a church which would happily push conversion therapy on their four kids should any of them be gay. How can you support that?

    Fixer Upper.

    Even if the Gaines's don't advocate conversion therapy or aren't opposed to marriage equality... they (assumably) financially support a church that does. They are a part of the segment of society persecuting LGBT persons and, more specifically LGBT youth, just for being who they are. And it's this part of our society which is responsible for the toxicity behind the epidemic of suicides among our gay youth. They listen to the idiotic rhetoric of a church like this and think nobody... including God... will accept them as they are and see no way out. No amount of Texas charm or design sense can compensate for that.

       
    • Our Dolphin. Here it is... the first book out of Thrice Fiction Magazine's Thrice Publishing. It is a wonderful, wonderful novella by Joel Allegretti that I'm incredibly proud to have had a small part in unleashing on the world...

    Fixer Upper.

    Order a copy for your holiday reading list... or order a dozen for gifts that are sure to be appreciated! Click here to get Our Dolphin at Amazon.

       
    • Crazy. I don't know what's more shocking. That Fake Jake pounded into the catio at a full-on sprint across the back yard... or that Real Jake just sat there at the point of impact and watched it happen without even blinking...

    Jenny is still scared of Fake Jake's crazy antics... but Jake is all "meh" about it now.

       
    • DST. Global humiliation, domestic devastation, and the threat of nuclear war would all be worth it if President Trump abolishes clock changes and makes Daylight Savings Time permanent this coming Spring. Just sayin'.

       
    Well, I guess that's it for bullets. Probably. I dunno. Maybe in an hour I'll come back and add ten more.

       

    Bullet Sunday 495

    Posted on Monday, December 12th, 2016

    Dave!Don't go shovel that driveway just yet, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Does Whatever a Spider Can! I've always been more a Batman guy than a Spider-Man guy, but Marvel is looking to change that with their first Spidey film, Spider-Man: Homecoming...

    I mean... seriously. Marvel seems incapable of fucking up a movie. They respect the source material and give fans exactly what they're dying to see. This is the complete opposite of what DC does, which is rewrite everything that makes the characters great and give fans what Zack Snyder wants to see... which is always a pile of shit. Couldn't be happier to be getting what looks like an amazing Spider-Man movie. The fact that Tony Stark is in there being Tony Stark just makes it too good to be true.

       
    • The Artist Formerly Known As... If you're a Prince fan, GQ has a long, but highly entertaining look at his life from the perspective of people who knew him best. As if that wasn't enough... another genius, Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto, was interviewed over at Glixel. You're welcome!

       
    • No Toys for Tots. After coming across this sorry story, I have concluded that it's probably the stupidest fucking thing I've read in a long time. A charity that collects toys for children won't accept toys raised by a tavern because they prayed on it and decided that toys coming from a bar is a bad thing? Who did this idiot pray to? I mean, she did read The Bible and know who Jesus hung out with, right? Yet another case of Faux Christians following in the footsteps of Jesus... just so long as those footsteps don't lead to conflict with their moral superiority and false virtue.

       
    • Can I Be a Lesbian? This had me laughing out loud in the middle of the night at my hotel...

    Fortunately, I must not have disturbed my neighbors because nobody beat the door down and strangled me.

       
    • Kitty Homebody. Ever since I got back home in the early AM, the cats have been all over me. When I sat down tonight to work and watch Wedding Crashers, Jake came running in and attached himself to me then fell asleep...

    Jake Asleep On Me

    After a bit he ran to get a snack and I thought I was free... but then Jenny came running in and took his place...

    Jenny While I Work

    Then she ran to use the Litter-Robot and I figured that was the end of it... except Jake came running back to take her place...

    Jenny While I Work

    Eventually they must have decided I wasn't going anywhere tonight, and went back to life as usual. Until next time. As if I didn't already feel bad enough about having to leave them...

       
    • Paranoia and Smoke Alarms. Just before my trip to Maine, I started getting paranoid about a fire in my garage. That's where my electrical panel is. That's where my furnace is. That's where my whole-home humidifier is. Any of those things could burst into flames and I wouldn't know about it until it burned through the walls and into the house. To set my mind at ease, I ordered another Nest Protect (smart smoke detector) to put in the garage. Now I'm wondering why smoke detectors in garages isn't a thing. Shouldn't they be? Sure it's $100 down the drain, but that's pretty cheap if my electrical panel caught fire while I was in Maine and unaware. Now my house will send me a text if the garage is on fire. So... yay? I suppose now I need to find out how to call a fire into my local fire department so I can actually do something about an alarm when I'm across the country and 9-1-1 won't connect me to the right place.

       
    • A New History for Humanity. I whole-heartedly approve of this calendar. A simple change that adds loads of perspective...

    Too many people think that all of humanity didn't begin until Jesus came along. This fixes the problem without completely disrupting everything. Until scientists decide that

       
    • Trump Diplomacy. This pretty much sums it up...

    Trump Being Trump

    And anybody still calling me "alarmist" for posting end-of-days scenarios around President-Elect Trump's ignorance and stupidity can go read this and then go read this and fuck off now. You'll note that I linked to a FOX "News" story the second time since the people who love Trump and are not taking this shit seriously seem to think that FOX is the only "news" source that matters. Guess we don't have to give a shit about Trump cutting Social Security and Medicare since we're all probably going to be dead by the time he gets around to it. In the meanwhile... this is how Republicans are saving American jobs?

       
    And... the bullets have flown. Until next week then.

       

    Bullet Sunday 497

    Posted on Sunday, December 25th, 2016

    Dave!Hoping you're having a Happy Christmas if you're into that kind of thing, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Faith. I was saddened to hear that yet another of my pop artist favorites from the 80's had passed away... this time George Michael. As half of the duo WHAM!, and later a solo artist, he had an entire catalog of hits that influenced a generation of musical artists and pop culture at large...


       

       

    Rest in peace, sir. Your music will live on and on.

       
    • LIVE FROM NEW YORK! I've watched this behind-the-scenes video three times now. Absolutely fascinating how Saturday Night Live can time things down to the wire like this on a live show...

    I wish SNL would release more of these. Sometimes, they would be more entertaining than the actual show.

       
    • BROWN BEAR, BROWN BEAR! This is epic...

    This guy should totally do audio books.

       
    • IT'S NOT MINE! For those who think I'm paranoid for having two complete camera security systems at my house... I give you this IMGUR thread about a guy who found that somebody was living in his home while he was at work. Holy. Crap.

       
    • The 1947. I always love behind-the-scenes videos of manufacturing processes and this one from my favorite ball-cap manufacturer, '47 Brand, is pretty slick...

    A lot of work goes into creating a great cap!

       
    • The 1975. And now, for the best Christmas present of all, here's The 1975's full concert from The O2 in London. Don't know how long they'll keep it posted, so enjoy it while it lasts...

    Amazing. And the only contender for my favorite album of 2016.

       
    Here's ho ho hoping Santa treats you kindly tonight.

       

    Look, Your Worshipfulness…

    Posted on Tuesday, December 27th, 2016

    Dave!To say that Princess Leia was a game-changer for me is an understatement of epic proportions.

    Until having seen Star Wars, I can't recall a "movie princess" being little more than a set decoration in need of saving. Yes, Princess Leia started out that way... she was every bit the damsel in distress for the story's two male heroes (and a walking carpet) who set out to retrieve her from The Death Star... but once Princess Leia actually hit the screen, all that went out the window.

    This princess wasn't taking any shit, and the fact that she could hold her own against Vader and Tarkin was pretty amazing. But the moment I totally fell in love with her was when the door on cell 2187 opened...

            What I was expecting: "Oh, thank goodness you've come to save me!"
            What I got: "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"

    And Leia's sarcasm, strength, and wit didn't end there. As anybody who's seen the Star Wars films (which would be everybody, I'm guessing), Princess Leia was kick-ass whenever she made an appearance.

    A great deal of this can be laid on the doorstop of George Lucas who first wrote her that way.

    But it was Carrie Fisher who made her that way.

    And now Carrie Fisher gone.

    Princess Dave Organa

       
    Despite some incredible contributions to writing and cinema that went well beyond Princess Leia (she wrote Postcards from the Edge and was a highly-in-demand "script doctor" for a surprising number of films), it's this legendary fictional character to which she will be forever remembered.

    My guess is she made her peace with it. Even those times she was wrapped in chains and wearing a metal bikini... something she had strong feelings about.

    For which I'm grateful. Because she'll always be royalty to me.

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    Video16

    Posted on Wednesday, December 28th, 2016

    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    Or, more accurately, a "wrap-up of movies I saw that came out this year." As always, there's a bunch of movies I never saw that would have probably ended up on my list (we'll get to that later). And here we go...

       
    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Best Movies 2015 Part 1

    #1 Captain America: Civil War
    Shocker. My love of comic books was rewarded in two fantastic Marvel films, and it was really tough to decide what should come out on top. I ultimately went with Cap because the movie was just so damn good at giving comic book fans everything they dream about in a film. Hero angst? Check. Cap and Iron Man draw the line over a super-hero registration act that leads them inexorably to conflict. Fresh characters? Check. Not only do we get the debut of one of the most awesome characters in the Marvel Universe, Black Panther, we also get a brand new Spider-Man that's more faithful to the concept than anything that's come before. Super-battles? Check. In what has to be the single best super-hero fight ever committed to film, Team Cap vs. Team Iron Man was flawlessly realized. Having a massive surprise come from Ant-Man in the middle of it all was just icing on the best-tasting cake ever. Granted, the plot was a bit flimsy and filled with coincidence and inexplicable story beats... but I just didn't care. I watched Civil War three times in the theater and another half-dozen on video. I cannot fathom how The Russo Brothers could possibly top this in Avengers: Infinity War, but I'm dying to find out. You can read my review of this epic blockbuster right here.

    #2 Doctor Strange
    After Black Panther, my favorite Marvel comic book hero is probably Doctor Strange. This year I got to see them both on the big screen, and I was not disappointed. This film is an origin story, yes, but it's not like it could have been anything else. Unlike Batman or Spider-Man whose origin has been told to death, Strange is a bit unknown to the general movie-going public. Fortunately, what we get is anything but Yet Another Formulaic Pile of Origin Garbage. Stephen Strange is compelling in all the right ways before he becomes Master of the Mystic Arts. And he's even more compelling before he becomes Sorcerer Supreme. On top of that, we get some mind-boggling special effects that makes Doctor Strange fresh, exciting, and new compared to all the Marvel films that came before it. Yes, I too am a bit flustered by the whitewashing of The Ancient One as a Celtic white woman (deftly played by Tilda Swinton), but I get why. Yes, I am disappointed that the location was shifted from Tibet, but I get why. Avoiding stereotypes and having to be mindful of global box office means that there will be compromises when putting a ton of money into a film of this magnitude. That Marvel did so without completely destroying it is admirable in the face of realities they had to confront. Much of what they got right has to do with the flawless casting of Benedict Cumberbatch as Strange... whom Marvel wisely postponed filming to get. He had absolutely everything the character needed to succeed in a movie, and Cumberbatch held nothing back. Doctor Strange will be appearing in future Marvel films (including Infinity War) but I want a new solo flick that's unfettered from an origin story. Badly. Here's my review of Doctor Strange.

    #3 Deadpool
    Given how utterly shitty 20th Century Fox treated the character of Deadpool in the utterly shitty X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I fully admit that I was skeptical when it was announced a new solo movie was on the way. But when Ryan Reynolds (who was "Deadpool in Origins as well) promised that we'd be seeing something faithful to the outrageous character we knew from the comics, I became hopeful. It was a hope that paid off in spades. This is the fast-talking "merc with a mouth" that every Deadpool fan who suffered though Origins deserved. Mercenary Wade Wilson is diagnosed with inoperable, terminal cancer after finally finding the love of his life... and agrees to experiments meant to unleash super-powered abilities that will cure him. Unfortunately, things go terribly wrong, and the rest of the movie is Wilson trying to get a cure for the cure while also exacting revenge on the guy responsible. Absolute hilarity and fantastic action sequences ensue. Even in its quiet moments, Deadpool delivers... featuring perfect secondary characters played by TJ Miller and Leslie Uggams(!!!). Rated R for a reason... many reasons... but totally worth your time.

    #4 Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
    It's a Star Wars film. It has mind-boggling special effects. It has a return of characters you love and a new character that's destined to be a classic (new favorite droid K-2SO!). It features a plot that doesn't suck. The story is rough... even boring in parts... but serviceable. And, yes, I agree it's the best Star Wars movie since The Empire Strikes Back. So if you're a Star Wars fan, it's a foregone conclusion this movie is going to be on your "Best of 2016" list. That's why it's on mine.

    #5 Kubo and the Two Strings
    My love of animation embraces all its forms... hand-drawn... computer generated... cut-out... whatever. But the form that consistently blows me away is stop-motion animation, and Kubo is probably the most mind-bogglingly beautiful expression of it yet. Every frame is gorgeously orchestrated for scenes that are a dream to watch. It's just a bonus that there's a really great story behind it all. I will do you the favor of not disclosing anything about the plot. It's enough to know that this film is sheer magic and a must-see. Preferably on the big-screen (and, believe it or not, in 3D)... but if you missed it, home video will have to suffice.

    #6 Star Trek Beyond
    Rebooting the Star Trek franchise has been met with mixed feelings, and true fans either seem to love it or hate it. I absolutely love it. From the casting, which is a note-perfect nod to the original cast, to the beautiful special-effects, the films soar even when there is a misstep (of which Star Trek Into Darkness probably qualifies). Star Trek Beyond is yet another entertaining entry in the series, this time with an over-abundance of action filling the screen. But there's some real character moments scattered in there too, which is what makes the film work so well. Sadly, Anton Yelchin passed away after filming, which means this is the last time we'll see his perfect take on Pavel Chekov.

    Best Movies 2015 Part 2

    #7 Moana
    Walt Disney Pictures has been on a roll lately, and Moana is probably my favorite film of theirs since Lilo and Stitch (though Big Hero Six deserves a mention here). The film tells the story of a young woman, Moana, who sets sail on a mission to save her people. Along the way she meets the demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson) and a fantastical adventure follows. The action is bold, beautiful, and larger than life... all animated to stunning effect with lush, sweeping visuals... but it's so much more than just a pretty flick. It's got great music, plenty of magic, and characters with actual depth. If you love computer animation, you owe it to yourself to see Moana on the big screen.

    #8 Finding Dory
    Revisiting the Finding Nemo universe was a risky gambit. But Pixar completely nailed it. I hesitate to say that it's a better film than the original... but Dory is a jaw-dropping, beautiful, overall joyful effort that will not disappoint Nemo fans. Having Sigourney Weaver drop in (as herself!) on the flawless voice cast was just perfection on perfection. If you love Pixar animation, here's your film.

    #9 The Red Turtle (La Tortue Rouge)
    Gorgeous animation from Studio Ghibli that's a warm blanket in visual form. The story is a gripping tale of survival that unfolds like a classic fairytale... but ends up being so much more. I truly hope that this overlooked gem makes a return to theaters after the festival circuit so people can see it as it was meant to be seen.

    #10 The Nice Guys
    Where in the hell did this come from? I completely missed it in the theater, but caught it on a boring cross-country flight. Boy was I glad to have discovered it, because The Nice Guys everything you love in a Shane Black film. And then some. Russell Crowe hasn't been this compelling since Gladiator. Ryan Gosling hasn't been this compelling ever. If you want to see a smart, funny, sophisticated 70's buddy flick that won't bore you (except when it does)... here you go.

    #11 Arrival
    Color me shocked. Smart, cerebral, original sci-fi getting green-lit for a feature film? Whatever is Hollywood coming to? Oddly enough, I had read the original short fiction on which this film is based, Story of Your Life, and was not expecting that it would translate well to film given the time-bending aspects of the story. I was pleasantly surprised that they managed to get it right. Or... as close to "right" as they probably could. When aliens land on earth, world governments race to communicate with them so that they can unlock their secrets before other governments get a technological edge. The movie focuses on the American team (of course) lead by genius linguist Louise Banks (played by Amy Adams) and fellow scientist Ian Donnelly (played by Jeremy Renner). As Banks gets closer and closer to deciphering the language of the alien visitors, she finds that her perception of time is being altered. An ambitious adventure in cinema follows that's a true treat for sci-fi fans.

    #12 The Jungle Book.
    If you had told me that a live-action remake of Disney classic The Jungle Book would hit my "best of..." list for 2016, I would have laughed in your face. But here we are. Filled with incredible CG visuals that bring the story to life like never before... and featuring one of the best "young actors" ever to appear in a movie, The Jungle Book is incomprehensibly great. And the voice cast! Bill Murray as Baloo? Ben Kingsley as Bagheera? Idris Elba as Shere Khan? It never ends. I cannot fathom how Jon Favreau managed to pull off such a feat, but I was completely engrossed in the film and truly didn't want it to end. If you skipped it because you were skeptical, now you know.

       
    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    Best Movies 2015 Part 2

    Zootopia
    This is the film that ranked very high on a lot of critic's lists... and it's easy to see why. The characters are beautifully crafted and the world they inhabit feels fully realized. Everything is wonderfully animated and the voice cast is flawless. As if that wasn't enough greatness, it has a real story filled with humor and heart that's brilliantly told. I loved the film... a lot... but it just didn't have that sweeping, all-encompassing wonder that I got while watching Finding Dory and Moana. I struggled as to whether Zootopia or Jungle Book belongs in the final spot of my list, but settled on the latter because it was such a big surprise.

    Bad Moms
    I was a bit let down by the ending, but everything up to that is funny enough that I didn't care. Surprisingly original with perfect casting.

    The Handmaiden
    This is why people go to the movies... a beautiful story that looks stunning and has a dynamite cast. Yes, there were problems along the way and the ending could have used some work, but this sexy, violent gem gets so much right that it's easy to overlook its flaws.

    Electra Woman and Dyna Girl
    YES, I LIKED IT! A remake of the Sid and Marty Krofft live-action Batman spoof featuring YouTube stars Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart. It's a funny distraction that respects the source material, but is fresh and new at the same time.

    Popstar: Never Stop Stopping
    A complete take-down of the Justin Bieber stereotype that somehow manages to be funny and entertaining. There were some parts that didn't work which kept it from being a new This is Spinal Tap, but is overall a terrific effort.

    Ghostbusters
    Was it as good as the original? Oh hell no. It's not even as good as Ghostbusters 2. But it had some funny moments and excellent special effects to make that made it watchable.

       
    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    Jackie
    Natalie Portman as Jackie Kennedy? Sign me up.

    Sausage Party
    Naughty and animated. A great combination I never got around to seeing.

    Moonlight
    This is the movie that has been most-recommended to me this year. Can't wait to finally see it.

    The Edge of Seventeen
    Completely off my radar, but I've heard amazing things.

    Passengers
    A film starring Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence? Can't help but be worth watching.

    Everybody Wants Some
    Richard Linklater's follow-up to Boyhood. Who wouldn't want to see that?

       
    NOT AS BAD AS THEY SAY...

    Gods of Egypt
    Yes, they whitewashed the cast. Yes, the special effects were all over the place. Yes, the story was a mess. But at least they tried to do something different. And for that alone, I was entertained. There were some big ideas here that were actually kind of cool and fun to watch... things just didn't come together in a way to make this compelling cinema.

       
    THE WORST...

    Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice
    I don't even know where to start. This shitty, blasphemous, idiotic take on two of the most beloved super-heroes in the world was a continuation of Zack Snyder's horrendous Man of Steel. But since it fucked up Batman, it was probably an even worse movie. And while SvB's greatest sin is that it is just no fun (I was bored to tears despite the action beats, which were confusing and senseless)... we did get Wonder Woman on the big screen at last. Gal Godot was perfectly cast and they gave her a look that was amazing. Sadly, she wasn't enough to save this awful, awful mess.

    Suicide Squad
    This unbelievably tedious movie featured a forgettable assortment of villains forced to be heroes that fight an endless horde of magical zombies. In-between all that is some of the most boring, shitty dialogue you'll find. And, as if that weren't bad enough, Jared Leto's "Joker" was a fucking embarrassment.

    Independence Day: Resurgence
    Clearly a case of "We're making a sequel to a popular movie, but we haven't a fucking clue what to do, so... SPECIAL EFFECTS IT!" This would probably be the stupidest, blandest, dullest, most unbelievable shitty film of any year... lucky for Roland Emmerich, Batman vs. Superman and Suicide Squad stepped in to take the punches. I'd discuss the story, but not one bit of it was worth remembering, so I can't.

       

    Suicidal Electra Joke

    Posted on Monday, January 2nd, 2017

    Dave!Since returning from hiatus, there have been a number of half-finished entries floating around that I've been meaning to finish up and post. This is one of them.

    My love of comic books and movies have collided in amazing ways last year... Captain America: Civil War, Deadpool, and Doctor Strange were incredible. Unfortunately there were also boat-loads of crap courtesy of DC Comics, who just can't seem to get their shit together... X-Men: Apocalypse and Batman vs. Superman were complete garbage.

    There were three other super-hero films I saw in 2016, how did they fare, I wonder?

    Movie Posters

    • Suicide Squad. DC Comics' concept of super-villains being forced to become a covert team of super-heroes has been going on in the comic book world since the late 80's. While passably entertaining on occasion, I never saw much potential as a movie franchise, yet here we are. The result is an epic mess that is a notch above the shitty Man of Steel and Batman vs. Superman films... but not by much. The moronic, scattershot plot populated with a bloated cast of forgettable characters and filled with ridiculous dialogue and forced humor (that wasn't funny) ended up being just... bad. Unless you can be entertained by random special effects blowing shit up between periods of utter tedium, there's no entertainment to be found here.

    And now... I'm just going to get this out of the way... Jared Leto's "Joker" was total shit. The look was apparently copied from the comic arc Batman: Endgame, which wouldn't have been too terrible, except they added metal teeth, a bunch of tattoos that were utterly stupid (why the fuck would The Joker ink "damaged" on his forehead?), and then made him a frickin' drugged-out buffoon. A massive downgrade from Heath Ledger's brilliant take in the The Dark Knight. The rest of the cast? They fare somewhat better. Viola Davis was her incredible self and dominated her every scene as Amanda Waller. Will Smith's Deadshot was pretty much Will Smith being Will Smith, but at least he's entertaining. Margot Robbie was designed to be a stand-out as Harley Quinn and, when it works, it's the best thing about the movie (though I still think the character will never be better than she was in Bruce Timm's Batman: The Animated Series). Every other character was just window dressing with nothing of substance to do and mostly boring.

    I'd get into the story, but that would be pointless. It's pretty much Suicide Squad vs. magical zombies and there's pathetic little character development or consequences for anything. RATING: D

    • Electra Woman and Dyna Girl. It would be insanity to put a cheesy Sid & Marty Krofft Batman parody remake up against anything Marvel is doing when it comes to the super-hero film genre. This is not that kind of film. But I found Electra Woman and Dyna Girl infinitely more fun and entertaining than anything DC has put out lately. Based on the Krofft Saturday Morning live-action kid's show of the same name (starring Days of Our Lives' Deidra Hall!), the movie features online media stars Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart as two normal humans named Lori and Judy who dress up and play super-heroes in a world filled with heroes that have real super-powers. Eventually they get "noticed" by a super-hero publicity agent who turns them into the super-powered heroes they dreamed of becoming. Using gadgets dreamed up by genius Frank Heflin, Electra Woman and Dyna Girl hit the big-time and become crime-fighting media sensations. This leads to a rift in their friendship that comes just as the rise of the first super-powered villain to appear in ages. Hilarity (and some surprisingly entertaining antics) ensue. What's surprising about the movie is how it manages to be faithful to the original show, yet be completely fresh, new, and different. And pretty damn funny. For what it was designed to be, Electra Woman and Dyna Girl is a success. RATING: B-

    • Batman: The Killing Joke (animated). Considered one of the best Batman stories to come out of the comics, The Killing Joke has been both praised and mired in controversy since its release in 1988. Praised because it featured Alan Moore and Brian Bolland's thoughtful look at the origin and longtime relationship between Batman and The Joker... controversial because of its misogynistic overtones in the crippling of Barbara (Batgirl) Gordon as a throw-away plot element. Ultimately I liked the book, but understood that it had some serious story issues that would be too much for some comic book fans. So when I heard that DC was turning it into an R-rated animated film, I was curious. Would they stay close to the original story... or would they try and fix some of the things that caused no small amount of backlash?

    Turns out it's Option #3... LET'S MAKE THE STORY WORSE IN EVERY POSSIBLY WAY! I hated this film. There's a myriad of problems that ruin any chance of Batman fans embracing the movie... even if they liked the story on which it was based. Primary of which is that they have Batman and Batgirl in a sexual relationship, which is fucking absurd. Once that bullshit is out of the way, the film tries to get back on track... but the damage has already been done. RATING: F

    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard with another brilliant Marvel effort...

    The Avengers... A+
    Avengers: Age of Ultron... A
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice... D
    Big Hero Six... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Captain America: Civil War... A++
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Deadpool... A
    Doctor Strange... A
    Electra Woman and Dyna Girl... B-
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Suicide Squad... D
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: Apocalypse... D+

       

    Star Trek: The Ranking

    Posted on Friday, January 6th, 2017

    Dave!I can never quite figure out whether I am more of a Star Trek fan or Star Wars fan. It's probably I love them both equally. One big difference is that there's little debate on how the Star Wars films should be ranked. Empire is the best, the original is next, and everything that followed was total shit until Force Awakens kinda made things good again.

    With Star Trek it's a radically different situation. Since I'm old enough to be an original series fan, my picks skew towards Kirk & Co. — while Trek fans that came late to the game tend to gravitate towards Next Generation.

    With that in mind, here we go...

    1. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan The gold standard for Star Trek films. A beloved villain, plenty of action, smart humor, a great story with lots of memorable moments, and a shock ending that rocked the sci-fi universe. On top of that, the special effects were fantastic. But my favorite thing about the film was the dialogue, which was written and performed so beautifully. Weather it's quiet moments of reflection or Khan's unhinged rants... it's a delicious feast for longtime Star Trek fans from beginning to end.
    2. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home A great story built around a great idea is all you really need for a fantastic Star Trek film... everything else will work itself out. But The Voyage Home went beyond that by giving fans a time travel story packed with some of the funniest moments in Trek history. The end result is just a plain fun movie with appeal outside of the franchise's fan-base.
    3. Star Trek The potential for disaster in rebooting the franchise was huge, but JJ Abrams reboot got so many things right... even if it bathed all of them in an ungodly amount of stupid fucking lens flare. The casting was note-perfect... especially with Karl Urban channeling DeForest Kelley as Dr. McCoy. We got a good story as well, packed to the rafters with excellent action and special effects. Using rogue Romulans as bad guys wasn't exactly inspired, but it worked. Overall? A very good start. Or re-start, as it were.
    4. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country This was a terrific Star Trek adventure, even if there were hiccups along the way. But, more importantly, it was a good send-off for the original series characters (thank heavens it didn't end with the hot mess that was Star Trek V). That the film also built a bridge to The Next Generation without shitting all over itself was just the icing on the cake.
    5. Star Trek Beyond It may have gone off the rails a few times and had an overly-complicated ending... but it was still a lot of fun to watch because there was plenty of action and "Star Trek magic" to keep things moving. A nice recovery in the reboot universe after being disappointed with Into Darkness.
    6. Star Trek: First Contact The only Nest Generation film I enjoyed, this was a smart, clever outing that moved at a speedy clip and featured one of the best thing to come out of Next Gen: The Borg. But they didn't just leave it at that, they came up with The Borg Queen to make things fresh... and added time travel to make things fun. If only everything that followed was even half this good.
    7. Star Trek Into Darkness Though the reboot sequel had some harsh criticism lobbed its way, I actually enjoyed it. Would I have rather see something different than a re-telling of the best Star Trek film on this list? Sure. But it was entertaining to the end, and that's more than you can say than many films on this list.
    8. Star Trek: The Motion Picture Yes, it was unbearably long, drawn-out, and even boring in spots, but it was the first film in the franchise and there was a lot to love, even if just the chance to see all the characters again. And I still think the story concept is one of the best to come out of Trek canon. It's just that it could have been so much more entertaining with action added to the mix and less pertinent elements dropped.
    9. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock When an entire movie is devoted to rectifying the mistake of killing off Spock, you're sure to get into trouble real fast. If not for the inspired casting of Christopher Lloyd, this movie would be pretty much a loss.
    10. Star Trek: Generations I never understood how anybody could greenlight a script with so many obvious problems, but I'm guessing that they felt the historic mingling of new and old would cover any sin. They were wrong. I didn't think Star Trek could get worse than killing off Captain Kirk in such a lame-ass manner, but all I had to do was wait for the final two movies.
    11. Star Trek: The Final Frontier This movie was a huge waste of time, effort, and money. Surely they could have come up with something better than this to follow The Voyage Home, but no. Instead we got Spock's half-brother in an idiotic quest to find God in the center of the galaxy. Barf.
    12. Star Trek: Nemesis This is a film that could have slayed with its story concept... if only the writers would have had bothered to find a way to make it interesting. Instead we get something that plays out like a forgettable episode of the TV show. They could have at least let the Next Generation crew go out on a high note after the previous disaster (see below), but instead we got this mess.
    13. Star Trek: Insurrection So awful I don't even know where to begin. This was like a very long, boring, and badly-written episode of Next Generation but with less scope and precious little genuine humor.

    And next up? Star Trek: Discovery. I had high hopes when it was announced that Bryan Fuller was at the helm. Then became worried when it was announced he had stepped away. But, still... it's Star Trek, so I'll be watching.

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    I Did Not Have Urinary Relations With Those Women

    Posted on Tuesday, January 10th, 2017

    Dave!And so... about those Golden Globes...

    I'm not a huge fan of award shows, because the winners rarely reflect the movies I enjoy and the performances I gravitate towards. But, then again, my favorite films of 2016 were Captain America: Civil War, Doctor Strange, and Deadpool, so make of that what you will.

    Anyway... this year the Globes were better than most, but there are still some corrections I would make...

       

    MOVIES

    Best Supporting Actor: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Nocturnal Animals
    Who Should Have Won: Sebastian Stan, Captain America: Civil War (the entire weight of the movie rested on The Winter Soldier, and Stan killed it).

    Best Original Score: La La Land
    Who Should Have Won: Jóhann Jóhannsson, Arrival (beautiful, powerful stuff).

    Best Original Song, Motion Picture: "City of Stars," La La Land
    Who Should Have Won: "How Far I'll Go," Moana (never saw "La La Land").

    Best Supporting Actress: Viola Davis, Fences
    Who Should Have Won: Viola Davis, Fences (never saw the film, but... Viola Davis).

    Best Actor, Musical or Comedy: Ryan Gosling, La La Land
    Who Should Have Won: Ryan Reynolds, Deadpool (not even a contest).

    Best Screenplay: Damien Chazelle, La La Land
    Who Should Have Won: Jon Spaihts, Scott Derrickson, C. Robert Cargill, Doctor Strange (markedly fresh super-hero fare).

    Best Animated Film: Zootopia
    Who Should Have Won: Kubo and the Two Strings (Zootopia was fun, but Kubo was on another level entirely).

    Best Foreign-Language Film: Elle
    Who Should Have Won: The Handmaiden (absolutely stunning cinema).

    Best Director: Damian Chazelle, La La Land
    Who Should Have Won: Joe Russo, Anthony Russo, Captain America: Civil War (wrangling this many heroes in a coherent film is amazing).

    Best Actress, Musical or Comedy: Emma Stone, La La Land
    Who Should Have Won: Grace Helbig, Electra Woman & Dyna Girl (no joke... the funniest female performance I saw all year).

    Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy: La La Land
    Who Should Have Won: Deadpool (so obvious).

    Best Actor, Drama: Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea
    Who Should Have Won: I dunno.

    Best Actress, Drama: Isabelle Huppert, Elle
    Who Should Have Won: I dunno.

    Best Picture, Drama: Moonlight
    Who Should Have Won: I dunno. Moonlight looks good, but Arrival was the best drama I saw in 2016.

       

    TELEVISION

    Best Actor, Television Drama: Billie Bob Thornton, Goliath
    Who Should Have Won: Matthew Rhys, The Americans (a great show and he's great in it).

    Best Actress, Television Series Comedy or Musical: Tracee Ellis Ross, Black-ish
    Who Should Have Won: Kristen Bell, The Good Place (what can I say, I love her and I love this show).

    Best Television Series Comedy or Musical: Atlanta
    Who Should Have Won: No Tomorrow (love Atlanta, but No Tomorrow is my favorite show of 2016)

    Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Sarah Paulson, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
    Who Should Have Won: Charlotte Rampling, London Spy (this was a great show, and Rampling had a lot to do with why).

    Best Television Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
    Who Should Have Won: The Night Manager (such a great spy thriller).

    Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Hugh Laurie, The Night Manager
    Who Should Have Won: Hugh Laurie, The Night Manager (seriously, such a good show).

    Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Olivia Colman, The Night Manager
    Who Should Have Won: Olivia Colman, The Night Manager (ditto).

    Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Tom Hiddleston, The Night Manager
    Who Should Have Won: Tom Hiddleston, The Night Manager (ditto again).

    Best Actress, Television Drama: Claire Foy, The Crown
    Who Should Have Won: Keri Russell, The Americans (toughie... loved Foy, but think Russell had the edge).

    Best Television Drama: The Crown
    Who Should Have Won: Westworld (as much as I liked The Crown, Westworld was my favorite).

    Best Actor, Television Series Comedy or Musical: Donald Glover, Atlanta
    Who Should Have Won: Donald Glover, Atlanta (absolutely deserved).

       

    Bullet Sunday 508

    Posted on Sunday, March 12th, 2017

    Dave!Thank heavens I'm taking half-a-day off work, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Stop the Insanity! Make it permanent... abolish it... split the difference... I honestly don't give a fuck. Just make it so that we're not dicking around with the clocks twice a year. This stupid shit... this utter madness... has got to end...



    Seriously. If Trump wants to do ONE FUCKING THING that will benefit humanity in a way that every other fucking thing he's done has not... GET RID OF THIS IDIOTIC BULLSHIT!!!

       
    • Healthcare. Finally. Broken down so even I can understand it! The puzzling way Republicans want to replace the individual mandate, explained with a cartoon.

       
    • Wonderful. Do I dare get my hopes up after DC has shit the bed so many times now?

    It could be incredible. If... only if...

       
    • Loneliness. A sobering article that makes for an interesting... albeit more than a little depressing... read: The biggest threat facing middle-age men isn’t smoking or obesity. It’s loneliness...

    Loneliness
    Illustration by Mario Zucca / Boston Globe

    I don't know that I'm "lonely" so to speak. But most of the people I'm closest to don't live near me, and that can be difficult.

       
    • Olive Garden. I had no business laughing at this as hard as I did. The whole concept of people in Olive Garden commercials acting like they've never seen a restaurant... or food... before, is epic...

    I dare say that President Trump existing has made Saturday Night Live the funniest it's been in years. Even for sketches that don't feature President Trump.

       
    • The Most Important Thing You'll See All Day. Yes. You can resist authority. In some cases, you're obligated to resist authority. Like when you are being lied to and your rights are being violated by authority. The video below is in three parts. Watch all three of them. Know your rights...



    And here's a follow-up interview (good information, terrible sound)...

    Have a phone with video capabilities? Film everything. Always film everything when it comes to the police. Even if you support the ideal of law enforcement (as I do)... Always. Film. Everything. Even when it's not happening to you. Because the police are not above the law and you just never know.

    Note that the guy who filmed the video, Jesse Bright, tried to handle this without going public. All he wanted was an apology for having been lied to and illegally searched. Only after he was deterred at every turn did he released to video... not for personal gain, but to let everybody know what their rights are. He has no interest in any officers being punished or fired or anything. He just wants this critical information out there. Good for him.

    I have a card in my wallet and in my car with the following statement:

    Statement If Stopped or Questioned by Police or any Government Official
       
    “Officer, I Assert My Fifth Amendment Rights As Stated On This Card”
       
    Pursuant to the law, as established by the United States Supreme Court, my lawyer has advised me not to talk to anyone and not to answer questions about any pending criminal case or any other civil, administrative, judicial, investigatory or adjudicatory matter. Following his advice, I do not wish to talk to anyone about any criminal, civil, administrative, judicial, investigatory or adjudicatory matter, without my lawyer present. I waive no legal rights, nor give any consents, nor submit to any tests or other procedures, without my lawyer present. I ask that no one question or talk to me, without my lawyer here to advise me. I do not wish to answer any questions. I want to see my lawyer. Please call my lawyer immediately.
       
    See: Miranda v. Arizona, 86 S.Ct. 1602, 384 U.S. 436 (1966), Maness v. Myers, 419 U.S. 449 (1975), Hoffman v. United States, 341 U.S. 479, (1951), Lefkowitz

    Know. Your. Rights.

       
    And now it's time to chew gum and vacuum. And I'm all out of gum...

       

    The Hangover

    Posted on Wednesday, March 22nd, 2017

    Dave!Is there anything worse than hanging out at your hotel waiting for your flight home once your vacation is over?

    Probably.

    Probably lots of things are worse than that.

    But when you are sleep-deprived and drinking for three days straight?

    No. No there most certainly is nothing worse than that.

    But on the plane I watched possibly the greatest Las Vegas movie ever, The Hangover, so I guess it's all good...

    Jenny at the Window!

    This movie fascinates me no matter how many times I see it. It came out of nowhere and was just so good. Sure it was followed by two crappy sequels, but that first one? Magic. Everything about it was perfect... from the story to the casting to the jokes. I've lost track of the number of times I've seen the film, but I laugh every time.

    Which is a good thing, because my vacation is done.

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    Bullet Sunday 509

    Posted on Sunday, March 26th, 2017

    Dave!Time to burn this muther to the ground, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • The Government is Not Your Friend. In all seriousness, I wonder what it's going to fucking take before US citizens wake the hell up to how their privacy rights are being chipped away by elected officials. Our bought-and-paid-for-Senators just voted to undo internet privacy regulations, which means that you ISP can sell your browsing history to advertisers. Our privacy is up for grabs, and fuckers in the GOP are the pimps making it happen. Might want to look into a VPN to protect yourself before this gets run through the House.

       
    • GET OUT! I'm just going to chime in with the vast majority of critics and say that Get Out is one of the best films this year...

    Get Out Movie Poster

    Jordan Peele has absolutely killed it. So far as suspense thrillers go, this is a tough movie to top. Easily going to make y "Best Of" list for 2017. Go see it!

       
    • Final Dimensions? Rumors have been swirling that my favorite game of the moment... LEGO Dimensions is getting canceled. Back in January I was dismissive of such rumors. But now? Evidence is mounting.

    LEGO Dimensions Super Friends

    Needless to say... this sucks if it's true. Sucks hard. The sets that have been coming out lately are better than ever, and a lot of fun to play. More sets for properties like Beetlejuice, Powderpuff Girls, and Teen Titans GO! have been delayed, but are still on the way, so there's that. But still... I hope we're getting even more sets before LEGO hangs it up.

       
    • Headlines. So... when you see a headline like this pop up in your newsfeed...

    State Senator Found with Teenage Boy in Hotel Room

    You have to guess... will this be some godless liberal senator scumbag with no moral values... or will it be a "family values" Christian who supports anti-gay, anti-trans legislation? Lets find out together, shall we?

    State senator found with teenage boy in hotel room.

    Big fucking surprise. It's the "family values" Christian who ends up being the fucking pervert. YET AGAIN! It's always these assholes getting caught texting things like "I'm gonna fuck you like a good little boy if you keep calling me daddy." They can't seem to help themselves. Which is why every fucking time I see some politician asshole going out of their way to shit all over LGBT equality, I automatically expect they're fucking pedophiles. And history seems to back this up.

       
    • Assemble! Oh goody. Justice League looks like a total rehash of Batman vs. Superman... incomprehensible action sequences strung together with boring shit nobody cares about...

    At least Zack Snyder is consistent with his suckage.

       
    • Gubermint! There's so much fucked up shit going on with our Trump-infused government that I could fire off another fifty bullets just to touch on it. But doing so will probably make me want to blow my head off, so I'll pick just one...

    Senate sanctions killing hibernating bears and pups in their den

    You can read about it here. What a bunch of fucking monsters we have representing us. If they are willing to treat innocent animals like this, there's no hope for us. None.

       
    So over bullets for today.

       

    Bullet Sunday 510

    Posted on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

    Dave!You may be thinking that after 499 Bullet Sundays I'd be giving up! But never fear, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Whedon! I am beside myself with hope... JOSS WHEDON IS GOING TO DIRECT A BATGIRL MOVIE! Which is both really great... and incredibly odd. Great, because Whedon may actually end up with a seriously good take on the character... odd because you'd think he'd hit Marvel up for a Black Widow movie, since he's already played around in that universe. Especially since Black Widow is, potentially at least, a much more interesting character.

    Oh well. I'll take Whedon BatGirl...

    It's BatGirl!

    Hopefully he'll make it a fun film instead of glomming onto the absurdly shitty "dark" DC Comics cinematic disasters that Zack Snyder has crapped out of his ass. Nobody wants that.

    What I would like is a LEGO BatGirl movie...

    It's BatGirl!

    How awesome would that be?

       
    • Homecoming. I swear... it's as if Marvel doesn't know how to fail...

    This trailer looks like we're getting not only an amazing Spidey-film... but we're also getting a film that's firmly entrenched in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. At last. Can't wait!

       
    • Besson! I know I'm pining away in vain at the idea of a sequel for The Fifth Element... but I guess Luck Besson's Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is as close as we're going to get...

    It certainly looks like compelling sci-fi. Here's hoping.

       
    • Funneh. Anybody out there watching Trial and Error? I find it surprisingly entertaining and quite funny...

    MURDER BOARD! MURDER BOARD! MURDER BOARD!

       
    • Guess. Okay then... will the pedophile principal be a godless liberal from a public school... or a God-fearing Christian from a private Christian school? Let's read and find out together, shall we?

    Tulsa School Principal Arrested For Child Pornography.

    Big fucking surprise... it's the God-fearing Christian. YET AGAIN. And yet over and over again we're told it's trans persons using bathrooms that's the big danger. It's homosexual teachers that's the big danger. It's gay characters in cartoon movies that's the big danger. Anything to distract people from the actual fucking danger that kids have to face. Give me a fucking break.

       
    • Song Like You. My current earworm...

    Just 18 years old. Amazing.

       
    And... onwards towards another 500 Bullet Sundays.

       

    Vapor In The Shell

    Posted on Thursday, April 6th, 2017

    Dave!The ScarJo Ghost in the Shell film was a weird amalgam of the original anime movies (based on the manga), the TV series, and a new story arc for the main character. I didn't hate it... and it was very pretty to look at... but the film itself was kinda boring. Maybe it's because I was so familiar with the source material, but it felt like the film was all future-city fly-overs, expositional dialogue, and a misguided attempt to make some kind of statement on technology that completely missed the target. The action beats were good (and pretty faithful), but not enough to elevate the film to any level of excitement for me...

    Ghost in the Shell Movie Poster!

    The whole whitewashing issue was not as bothersome as I expected... I mean, I get why they felt the need to do it... but it was disappointing just the same that they didn't give the role to a Japanese actor. Yes, they wrote an explanation for it into the film as a central theme, but it was still kind of half-assed. How frickin' sweet would it have been to get Rinko Kikuchi (Pacific Rim) or Chiaki Kuriyama (Go Go Yubari!) as The Major?

    Oh well. It didn't end up mattering. The film is bombing despite the star casting, so I guess that's that.

    Major, out.

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    Rogue One Redux

    Posted on Friday, April 7th, 2017

    Dave!To 3D or not to 3D?

    Before James Cameron's Avatar, I was firmly against 3D movies. They always looked like crap and tended to be more of a distraction than an enhancement to the film. But then Avatar did 3D right. It was stunning. It added to the entertainment value of the movie. I decided to start taking a look at the rash of 3D films that followed... and was disappointed. Unlike Cameron, who developed special 3D cameras, the vast majority of films were "post-processed" into "fake 3D" that were headache-inducing garbage.

    But then things started to change.

    Even though most films were still not filmed in 3D, they were shot with 3D conversion in mind. The end result just kept getting better and better. Unfortunately, theaters didn't keep up. Faulty equipment and old projector bulbs meant 3D movies were dark and muddy. Even though the films themselves were looking great, you rarely got to see them that way. I gave up on 3D for a second time.

    And then I got a 3D television and Blu-Ray player.

    After a few "test" 3D films, I became more and more impressed with what I was seeing. After a while, any major movie I had to own was purchased in 3D. It's more expensive, but you often get the iTunes digital version along with it, so it seemed worth the investment.

    I mention all this, because I just got Star Wars: Rogue One on 3D Blu-Ray, and while the movie is fantastic, the 3D quality seems to be going backwards. Instead of the stunning 3D conversion we got with Star Wars: The Force Awakens, this film is bland by comparison. The 3D is weak, dark, muddy, and even a bit blurry...

    Ghost in the Shell Movie Poster!

       
    Given how much I loved the movie and how high my expectations were after the last Star Wars 3D Blu-Ray release, this was a major disappointment. Especially given that it cost a whopping $30 plus tax.

    Before I get to my spoiler-ridden observations, I think it would be helpful to explain just how much I loved Rogue One by putting it into context of the other movies...

    Ghost in the Shell Movie Poster!

       
    Yes. You are seeing this correctly... I put it above the original Star Wars. It's that good. Heavy on awesome special effects, but with a story that doesn't get overwhelmed by them. Flawlessly cast and faithful to the original "world" in just about every way.

    If you haven't seen it yet, don't go any further. If you have, my thoughts are in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    Bullet Sunday 512

    Posted on Sunday, April 16th, 2017

    Dave!Sure it's Easter, but there are other reasons to celebrate the day, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Kitty! Everything I love about cats can be found in this one clip of a kitty trying to escape the field at a Marlins game...

    What a trooper! Apparently a Marlins' employee adopted the cat, who was named "Don Cattingly" in a Twitter poll.

       
    • Kedi! And, speaking of cats...

    Can't believe I have to wait until November for this to come out on video!

       
    • Atomic! Okay... putting aside the fact that the trailer for Atomic Blonde features music by both Depeche Mode and New Order... how badly does watching this make me want to see the movie?

    Charlize Theron should be in a lot more movies.

       
    • Ragnarok! Speaking of movie trailers... how amazing is the latest Thor movie looking?

    I'm part of the minority who actually likes the Thor films. The first one was really great at establishing the characters. The second stumbled quite a bit, but was still entertaining. But this? Probably the best Thor yet. Possibly one of the best Marvel films yet.

       
    • Spicey! Melissa McCarthy is hosting SNL on May 15th. I'm hoping it's just an hour-and-a-half of her impersonating Sean Spicer, playing out the best of his ongoing fuck-ups. Verbatim. In the meanwhile, we have yet another flawless sketch from last night's episode...

    What a big, beautiful slice of chocolate cake.

       
    • Politics! The more you know about how politics work in this country, the more you think that we should burn the entire system to the ground and start over...

    Politicians don't act in the best interest of those they represent because they don't have to. That's the underlying reason we're as fucked as we are.

       
    Now go eat some eggs, you animal.

       

    A Flashback and Steve Jobs

    Posted on Tuesday, April 18th, 2017

    Dave!This morning when I stepped into the shower, my foot hit the cold tile and I immediately had a flashback to my vacation in Fiji. This is not unusual... most people have experienced sights or smells or other sensations which trigger memories. But usually it's a memory that makes sense. And I could not for the life of me figure out how my foot stepping on cold tile could be associated with Fiji when everything in Fiji is hot. At best, the apartment I stayed at was cool. Nothing in it, including the tile, was cold. So what they heck?

    It was an hour later as I was packing up my junk to go to work that it dawned on me...

    Steve Jobs.

    Last night I had finally gotten around to watching the movie Steve Jobs which was a fascinating (albeit fictional) look at my all-time favorite personal hero. And while people who knew Steve said that it didn't reflect reality and the character in the movie seemed far more hostile and cruel than the Real Steve Jobs (especially later in life where he mellowed quite a bit), it was nevertheless an entertaining movie. Michael Fassbender was a compelling and charismatic Jobs and, much to my surprise, Kate Winslet completely nailed playing Joanna Hoffman. Getting Seth Rogan to play Woz and Jeff Daniels for John Sculley was just icing on the cake. Loved the movie. I give it five stars.

    And so... Fiji.

    I had been snorkeling with sea snakes and sharks then cruising with dolphins. The boat had just returned to the shallows where I was getting ready to trudge across the mud-flats back to shore. My iPhone, which was safely stored in a waterproof tote, came into cellular range and beeped. There was a text message waiting for me. A text I dreaded, because it was likely bad news. Eventually I made it back to the scuba shop and fished my mobile out of the bag.

    It was a text from my brother telling me that Steve Jobs had died.

    My feet were still wet. I was standing in the shade on terra cotta tile made cold thanks to a box fan blowing on it.

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    Bullet Sunday 513

    Posted on Sunday, April 23rd, 2017

    Dave!Everybody have a nice Earth Day?

    Good! Because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Sikh! Essential viewing...

    The more you know...

    Sikhism is a fascinating faith that I haven't studied nearly enough.

       
    • Kingsman! Holy shit! Going back to insert this in Bullet Sunday because it's just too good. I loved the first film, and it looks like the second is going to be more of the same!

    Very cool that the American version of "The Kingsmen" makes their debut... " The Statesmen!" I wonder if a spin-off franchise is at hand? So long as Matthew Vaughn is involved, that's fine by me!

       
    • Krypton! Ooh a TV show based on Superman's home planet... Krypton. This could be interesting! Wonder how faithful they'll be to the source material? Will we get to see the Scarlet Jungle? The Gold Volcano? How about Vathlo Island? The Jewel Mountains? Or even the Red Ocean? Can't wait to find out. The series is being developed at SyFy but, for reasons too fucking stupid to comprehend, they're killing the trailer everywhere it pops up. So I can't share the trailer. I can only share this hilarious reaction video from Double Toasted, which only shows parts of it (NSFW)...

    The trailer is getting pretty good buzz. God only knows why SyFy is keeping people from sharing it.

       
    • Mountains? When your CAPTCHA tells you to select all the mountain images, so you do... only to find out that they must live in Nebraska and think hills are mountains, which they most certainly are not...

    CAPTCH Mountains... Not

    #1 and #8 qualify as "mountains"... alrighty then.

       
    • These Days! "Take That!" is a band that didn't get huge success here in the US when compared to their home in the UK, where they are massively popular. Even so, I've always liked the band, and was surprised to find out that they released an album back in 2014 that I missed entirely called III. The lead single is a track filled with poppy fun that I can't seem to get out of my head...

    Kind of cool how Take That! keeps chugging along even after losing two of their bandmates.

       
    • Puppy! And, lastly, your weekly dose of "Awwwww... cute!" is right here...

    Amazing how Mother Nature works.

       
    And now... I could really use another day of my weekend.

       

    Bullet Sunday 514

    Posted on Sunday, April 30th, 2017

    Dave!Time to celebrate another week down the toilet, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • DC! I have made no secret of my love of all things coming out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe... and my deep loathing of all things coming out of the DC Cinematic Universe. This fan video puts the reason why in vivid relief...

    100% accurate. DC has a habit of taking fun, exciting, uplifting hero stories and degrading them to joyless sequences of death and destruction that are a chore to watch. Why in the hell they don't put the team in charge of their TV shows in charge of their movies I will never know. At least they know how to make the characters fun to watch. Justice League, a movie I should be on pins and needles to see, is something I honestly don't give a shit about. Not when we've got Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Spider-Man: Homecoming, Thor: Ragnarok, and Black Panther coming up. Not to mention Infinity War, which promises to blow the doors off of any super-hero film yet seen.

       
    • Piper! I never got to see Finding Dory in theaters, but bought the Blue-Ray in 3D so I could watch it at home. Never had time to explore the "extras" on the disc, but today discovered it has a Pixar Short called Piper included...

    That snippet is just the tip of the iceberg. Such a wonderfully adorable bit of animation! Well worth tracking down if you haven't seen it yet.

       
    • Tarzan! The novels of Edgar Rice Burroughs are some of the most imaginative and entertaining reads I've ever experienced. That he started writing them in 1912 just goes to show how incredible a storyteller he was. Between John Carter of Mars and Tarzan of the Apes (and a slew of others), he has a wealth of material just begging to be adapted into movies.

    And they have been.

    Unfortunately, they've mostly sucked. John Carter was a total shit-fest that abandoned everything that made the character so compelling. And Tarzan? In the books he is an extremely intelligent character who speaks dozens of languages and is as accomplished in civilization as Lord Greystoke as he is in the jungle as Tarzan. But what do we get? Every time Tarzan comes to the screen, he's a grunting ignoramus that barely knows how to speak because he's written more as an animal than a man. For any Tarzan fan it's a massive disappointment, and I'd all but given up hope that we'd ever get an adaptation of The Lord of The Jungle that wasn't crap. Enter The Legend of Tarzan...

    Now, this is not a perfect film by any stretch of the imagination. It's not even a flawless adaptation of Tarzan. But holy crap... it's the closest thing I've yet seen, and I loved it. All that plus it has Samuel L. Jackson and Christoph Waltz in it! And gone are the days of Tarzan being a stupid savage! Hell, they even made an effort for Jane to be more than a damsel in perpetual distress! Sure the CGI, which actually started out quite good, ultimately degrades to a level that was below-par, but it didn't destroy how much I enjoyed watching the story unfold. So... ignore the critics. If you like Tarzan... the REAL Tarzan... this is a film that's definitely worth a look!

       
    • TRADER JOE'S CONSUMER ALERT!
    "Have you got any more Black Bean and Jack Cheese burritos? I took the last two."
    "I think that's all we got. Have you tried the Super Burrito? It's the same except it's made with quinoa and sweet potatoes. Really good."
    "Okay, I'll try it, thanks!"

    And so tonight I decided to have a late lunch /slash/ early dinner and give it a try. I take a bite and it's not bad... light on the sweet potato and heavy on the quinoa... but it's got a nice spicy bite to it. And then... AND THEN... I take another bite and there's something crunchy/leafy/weird. Is that spinach, I wonder? I dig the wrapper out of the garbage and... IT'S NOT SPINACH... IT'S FUCKING KALE!

    Trader Joe's Super Burrito HAS FUCKING KALE IN IT!!!!!

    TRADER JOE'S TRICKED ME INTO EATING KALE AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE!!!

    KALE!!!!!!! GAH!!!!

    Needless to say, I am not in a good place right now, and I appreciate everybody's understanding as I attempt to mentally and physically recover from this tragedy. I will soon be setting up a GoFundMe page in an effort to help with the massive costs involved in getting me healthy again. WAAAAAHHH!!!! WHO PUTS KALE IN A BURRITO?!? WHY, LORD? WHYYYYYYY?!?.

       
    • Let's Play! Alrighty then... time once again to play the "Will the piece of shit turn out to be a godless liberal... or will they be from the party of family values and moral righteousness?"...

    JUDGE ARRESTED ON CHARGES OF HUMAN SEX TRAFFICKING OF A MINOR.

    Oh yeah. Big fucking surprise... he's not only Tea Party and Ku Klux Klan supporter, but also a former Trump campaign chair! Because disgusting shit like this is only bad when Democrats are doing it, I guess? Republicans do this kind of heinous shit and "their base" elects them to the school board!

    BONUS ROUND!
    "Will the piece of shit turn out to be a godless liberal... or will they be from the party of family values and moral righteousness?"...

    GOVERNOR RESIGNS AMID SEX SCANDAL.

    Hmmm... let me guess...

       
    • Bullshit! And lastly, an article that's well-worth a read, regardless of religious affiliation is here: America Isn’t Growing Hostile Towards Christians, It’s Growing Hostile Towards Religious Bullies. Because, look... so long as you can walk into a post office and buy a stamp with Jesus on it for Christmas... I've had just about enough of this bullshit notion that Christians are some kind of persecuted class and there's a war on Christian ideology. As somebody who is not a Christian and sees just how pervasive the religion is in dominating so many aspects of American culture, it's embarrassing that people are trying to keep this one alive. And yet FOX "News" is undoubtedly already warming up new ideas to make "The War on Christmas" become something out of nothing again. Because what plays better than victimization on TV?

       
    Time to reload...

       

    Volume Two

    Posted on Saturday, May 6th, 2017

    Dave!Today was long-time blogging friend Howard's 50th birthday!

    And to celebrate, he rented out a theater at The Alamo Draft House Denver so a group of us could watch Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2.

    Given my love of the first film, I was really, really looking forward to seeing it...

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Movie Poster

    And my verdict? Not as good as the first movie, but a fantastic film that's high on entertainment value.

    For more of my spoiler-filled thoughts, you'll have to read on in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 515

    Posted on Sunday, May 7th, 2017

    Dave!It's good to be home, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Travel Day! Last night I was going to head into Denver for some dinner and bumming around after Howard's birthday party, but made the mistake of "laying down for a minute" and decided I'd rather order out pizza and watch TV. After pizza, I decided to pack up my crap, iron tomorrow's clothes, and get everything ready to go for today. Always a smart move, because I just love being able to roll out of bed, shower, and head out on a travel day. Why I don't do this more often I will never know. I guess that deep down I prefer the mad dash of getting ready in the ten minutes before my ride arrives? Who can say?

       
    • Home! When I arrived back home today, the first thing I did was start unpacking. Jenny felt threatened by dirty clothes flying and retreated to her basket...

    Jenny in a Basket

    Jake kept trying to crawl all over me, so I grabbed his favorite blanket and finally gave in while I was sorting laundry...

    Jake Cuddles

    Laying down was a mistake, as I fell asleep almost immediately. When I woke up, Jenny had joined in and I was covered in kittens. There are certainly worse homecomings.

       
    • Things to do in Denver. Side-by-side on the Denver "Things to Do" rack at my hotel...

    Guns and Weed Brochures

    But which to do first? Hmmmm...

       
    • Hope! As a huge fan of Greek mythology for as long as I could read, I've always had a soft spot for Wonder Woman. When George Pérez reinvented the character in 1987 by jettisoning decades of bad choices so she could be tied even stronger to her Greek mythological origins, Wonder Woman quickly became one of my favorite super-heroes. Which is why I've been awaiting her big-screen debut with absolute dread given the horrendously shitty movies DC has been churning out lately. And yet... there's hope...

    Not bad. Not bad at all. I guess we'll know for sure on June 2.

       
    • Spidey! And lest we forget that Marvel has a super-hero film of their own coming out this summer...

    I mean, holy shit. I liked the first two Tobey Maguire films okay, but this... THIS... is Spider-Man! He moves like you'd expect Spider-Man to move, and it's a glorious thing to see. Cannot wait for July 5th!

       
    • Neutrality 2. I have said pretty much all I have to say about the pig-fuckers in our government wanting to sell-out the internet to big media companies. But now that our corrupt asshole of a president is mounting a new assault, all I want to do is explode with rage. Here's a more rational response...

    How the American people can be SO FUCKING STUPID as to put up with this FUCKING BULLSHIT is beyond me. But, hey... the American people elected a pussy-grabbing Cheeto Jesus as president, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

       
    And I'm fucking done.

       

    The LEGO Batman Movie

    Posted on Thursday, May 18th, 2017

    Dave!My plan was to wait and review The LEGO Batman Movie after it hit home-video so that I wouldn't spoil anything for those who hadn't seen it. That day is tomorrow. And I'm still hesitant to spoil anything by reviewing it, because it's just so frickin' hilarious and amazing.

    Suffice to say, it's about the best thing you'll ever see, and you simply must watch it.

    The movie is everything great about LEGO Batman's appearance in The LEGO Movie, but ramped up to an absurd degree...

    The LEGO Batman Movie Poster!

    I have no doubt that I'm going to end up watching the film a hundred times when it goes on sale tomorrow. It's that good.

    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard...

    The Avengers... A+
    Avengers: Age of Ultron... A
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice... D
    Big Hero Six... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Captain America: Civil War... A++
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Deadpool... A
    Doctor Strange... A
    Electra Woman and Dyna Girl... B-
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2... A
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    The LEGO Batman Movie... A++
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Suicide Squad... D
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: Apocalypse... D+

       

    LEGO Cinemania

    Posted on Saturday, May 20th, 2017

    Dave!In celebration of The LEGO Batman Movie being released on iTunes (a film I absolutely recommend you should see)... Apple put a bunch of movies on sale and gave their visuals a LEGO treatment.

    I liked them so much that I wanted to be sure and save them to my blog in case I ever wanted to see them again...

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    LEGO-fied Movie Poster!

    A couple of these films could have been vastly pproved if they were LEGO creations... just sayin'.

       

    Spy Pain and the Homecoming King

    Posted on Tuesday, May 23rd, 2017

    Dave!Even through the pain-medication-induced haze I was mired in, sleep last night was fitful.

    Around 4:30am the pain medication wore off, so I reluctantly downed another pill in the hopes that I might get a bit more rest before having to go to work. Unfortunately, my body was not having it. Sleep is pretty much impossible when you can't get comfortable, and I was about as uncomfortable as I could be.

    And so I turned on Netflix with the plan of distracting myself to sleep as the medication hit. The first thing I see? Hasan Minhaj has a comedy special out called Homecoming King. I love the guy on The Daily Show... really love the guy for his work at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner... and thought it was worth a shot.

    It ended up being one of the best things I've seen...

    Seriously. If you are a Netflix subscriber, stop reading this and go watch it. If you are not a Netflix subscriber, then start your free trial and watch it. If you have already burned your free trial, then bite the bullet and pay the $8 to watch. Because Homecoming King is everything you could want in a comedy show... funny, smart, painful, charming, hopeful, devastating, educational, sad, witty, and beautiful.

    But mostly funny. Which was the vacation I needed right now.

    Because the minute I turned off the TV and checked into The World... I saw coverages of the bombing in Manchester and that Roger Moore had died.

    I've run out words when it comes to news of yet another terrorist attack. Except to say that I can't fathom the hatred that fuels somebody to bomb a venue that was filled with kids. It's a horrific act that has me wondering if this planet is quickly getting to a point that it's beyond saving. That any of us... even a terrorist... can do something like this... the case for humanity's continuing existence just gets weaker and weaker.

    And then there's 007.

    They say that the James Bond you like best is the one you grew up with. For me, that was Roger Moore.

    Not that I knew anything about James Bond when I was a kid.

    But then come 1977, Star Wars was unleashed on my 11-year-old brain. Needless to say I became completely obsessed, and was so hungry for more sci-fi space opera that I was tuning into anything that even hinted Star Wars. Including the James Bond film Moonraker in 1979. Which sealed my fate as a huge James Bod fan as well...

    James Bond Returns in MOONRAKER!

    Yes, yes, I know Moonraker is not rated very highly in the Bond canon, but I loved it. I still do. I loved it so much that when VHS rentals were ushered in with the 1980's, my family would rent that giant VHS player so I could see all the Bond movies I had missed. Which, for me were Live and Let Die, The Man with the Golden Gun, and The Spy Who Loved Me. I never much cared to see the Sean Connery films because Roger Moore was the Bond I knew.

    Then we got more Moore with For Your Eyes Only (still one of my favorites!), Octopussy (not one of my favorites), and finally A View to a Kill (with the incomparable Grace Jones and a made-for-Bond-villain Christopher Walken!). And while I eventually grew to love Sean Connery's films... enjoy Pierce Brosnan's films... and rekindle my love of the ultimate spy when James Bond was reimagined for a modern world with Daniel Craig... Roger Moore will always be the James Bond to me. Say what you will about his take on the character, it was always entertaining.

    Not that Roger Moore defined himself by the character he played. He spent decades working with UNICEF and other children charities. He also used his celebrity to fight against animal cruelty, and is credited with getting foie gras removed from British store shelves (a food born out of horrendously inhumane treatment of ducks and geese).

    Sir Roger Moore, you will be missed.

       

    Shave and a Hair Cut… Two Bits!

    Posted on Thursday, May 25th, 2017

    Dave!Yesterday morning I woke up early. I was too uncomfortable to sleep, so I took Oxycodone to keep my kidney stone pain at bay... then decided cut my hair. In retrospect, that was a terrible decision, because my hair ended up all jacked up. Despite opiates coursing through my system, it hurt too much for me to attempt to fix it, so I just put on a Red Sox hat and let it go.

    Probably would have been smarter to wait until I'm feeling better. But I've gotten pretty good at cutting my hair... and my grandfather was a barber... so experience and genetics were on my side.

    The Fifth Element!

       
    Until they weren't.

    I joked with friends that I look like the insane "Smoke You" neighbor of Korbin Dallas in The Fifth Element...

    The Fifth Element!

       
    LEELOODALLASMULTIPASS!

    The Fifth Element!

       
    Anyway...

    This morning I attempted to fix my hair. I was in surprisingly little pain, didn't have to take an Oxycodone, and felt in good enough shape to tackle my head.

    I think I made things worse.

    Apparently touch-ups are a more complicated matter than cutting your hair correctly the first time...

    The Fifth Element!

       
    I haven't decided if I'm going to give it another go this weekend. I'm pretty sure I can fix it if I wet my head first next time. And, hey, I always have the option of buzz-cutting it, or coming up with something totally different, so there's that...

    The Fifth Element!

       
    I should probably also look into making better life choices.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do a couple lines of cocaine and work on the electrical wiring in my bathroom.

       

    She’s a Wonder…

    Posted on Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

    Dave!I've been a fan of Wonder Woman since I was 11 years old and Lynda Carter appeared on my television wearing those satin tights. By the time her final season aired, my 13-year old self was head over heels in love. Lynda Carter was Wonder Woman. At least she was the closest thing to Wonder Woman mere mortals could get.

    After the cancelation of The New Adventures of Wonder Woman, my interest in the Amazonian princess waned. I was a huge DC Comics nerd, but never bought many Wonder Woman comics unless a guest star I liked was showing up. Most of my exposure to her came from her appearances in Justice League of America, where she was almost always overshadowed.

    And then... genius artist and storyteller George Pérez rebooted Wonder Woman in 1987...

    Wonder Woman #1 Cover

    The series is a master-work, delving deep into the Greek mythology of the character. No longer a "female Superman," Diana had a clear purpose and direction that distinguished her from other super-heroes in the DC stable. Having married my love of Greek mythology with my love of comic books, I became a massive Wonder Woman fan.

    Fast-forward to today, and we have a new iteration of Wonder Woman to capture our imaginations. This time, finally... at long last, on the silver screen...

    Wonder Woman Movie Poster

    I'm going to put my spoiler-laden review in an extended entry, because the last thing I want to do is ruin such an amazing film for those who haven't seen it. Suffice to say that it is one of the best DC Comics adaptation we've yet seen. Only The Dark Knight can touch it. And nobody could be more thrilled than I am to say that. After the horrendously shitty string of DC movies we've endured... Man of Steel, Suicide Squad, and (Lord help us) the pile of shit known as Batman vs. Superman... I was beginning to lose hope.

    But Wonder Woman changes everything. Faithful to the source material. Beautifully designed with mind-blowing special effects. Flawlessly cast. Terrific story. Awesome directing. Great music. It's the total package, and everything you want in a super-hero film. It's so good that you'd almost think it was a Marvel movie!

    So... definitely go see it before reading any further...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 520

    Posted on Sunday, June 11th, 2017

    Dave!Time to bask in the rosy glow of the blogosphere, because an all new edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Batman! It's difficult for me to think about Sunday bullets when my head is trying to wrap itself around the passing of original Batman Adam West. It's even tougher to try and explain how his television show influenced my childhood. Yes, the show was cheesy as all get-out, but my love of comic books and super-heroes all goes back to Batman, which I faithfully watched in reruns every day after school...

    Adam West and Burt Ward as Batman and Robin!

    But the thing that cemented me as an Adam West fan is how the actor totally owned his character, and leveraged everybody's love of who he was to get an entirely new career as an animation voice actor. While probably best known for the Mayor of Quahog in The Family Guy, he voiced dozens of roles...

    The Family Guy Mayor Adam West

    There have been a lot of famous people rushing to express their condolences, but the one we've been waiting for is from Adam West's Robin, Burt Ward. And with that... godspeed, Adam West. You will be missed.

       
    • Black Panther! And... we're finally getting a real look at the long-awaited Black Panther movie. Like everything Marvel touches, it's looking incredible...

    And, to think, we've got the new Spider-Man: Homecoming and Thor: Ragnarok movies coming soon! So great.

       
    • LEGO CATS! What happens when two of your favorite things get smooshed into one? There is a company making LEGO Cats!

    LEGO Cats!

    AWESOME! Thanks to long-time friend and food blogger extraordinaire, Foodiddy, for the link!

       
    • Nail Me! Of the many tools I've invested in, my pneumatic brad nailer is one of my favorites. Being able to BAP! BAP! BAP! nails into place is a time-saving bit of wonderful I can't get enough of. There's a price you pay, however, and that's having to lug around an air compressor. For this reason, I've been dreaming of buying a nailer that is cordless and tankless... like the Milwaukee 18-Volt 15-Gauge Angled Finish Nailer...

    Milwaukee Fuel 18 Nailer

    Problem is... it's like $400, which is a lot of money.

    But then Home Depot sends me an email saying it's on sale at 40% off... just $240! And that comes with a new M18 Fuel battery! Sweet! I mean, I don't have $240, so it will have to sit on my credit card with my biscuit cutter, but it's still pretty great. If you're in the market for such a thing, the sale runs through June 21st!

       
    • NEWSFLASH: A Studio Ghibli Theme Park Is CONFIRMED for 2020. — And... guess where I'll be going in 2021? There is no way to properly express my enthusiasm for even the idea of such a magical place.

       
    • Humanity! I think it's awful we have to make commercials to explain lessons in Humanity 101 but, if we must, this is what it should look like...

    This wonderful spot on foster homes for kids is not something new for Norway, they are also responsible for this amazing commercial...

    And yet I live in a country that would rather build a useless border wall that will ultimately cause more harm than good (while doing fuck-all nothing to solve drugs or illegal immigration problems) instead of put any money towards those who need it most. That's how fucked up things are now, and how far we've fallen from the basic humanity that used to define us. Shameful.

       
    • NEWSFLASH! Jeff Sessions says he’s ‘surprised’ Americans aren’t embracing his anti-marijuana stance. I'm betting a LOT of things surprise this dumbass moron. Like electricity. And indoor toilets. And being able to bring a woman to orgasm...

    Sessions Dumbfuckery
    Photo by Pablo Martinez Monsivais / AP

    I am sick and fucking tired of wealthy old white men making decisions based on their idiotic, antiquated notions. Legalization of cannabis is a growing trend because THE CITIZENS OF THIS COUNTRY WANT IT, and I find it ironic that Sessions comes from a party who's all about state's rights... except when it comes to something he doesn't like. What a fucking hypocritical douche.

       
    And... no more bullets. There's a new episode of American Gods to be watching!

       

    One Hundred Sixteen

    Posted on Thursday, June 15th, 2017

    Dave!Thanks to ceiling fans and evening ventilation, I have yet to turn on the air conditioner this year despite having some 90°+ days.

    Needless to say, I'm ecstatic. Next to heating, running the air conditioner is the most expensive use of electricity I have. It can easily approach $100 per month if I'm not careful. Like last year when, apparently, I really liked being cool on hot days. This year I can't afford not to be careful, hence my ecstatic nature.

    Next week this time I will be in Las Vegas for some meetings and to visit friends. The temperature there has consistently been over 100° with the forecast calling for a high of 116°... that's ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN DEGREES.

    Fortunately I am not paying for that air conditioning.

    In other news, I finally got my hands on the Wonder Woman: The Art and The Making of the Film book...

    Wonder Woman: The Art of The Making of The Film Book

    I love these kind of movie books... especially for the Marvel super-hero films and the Disney/Pixar films. I usually end up buying all of them, as the "how" is sometimes even more interesting than the movies themselves. This one is no exception. The production values on Wonder Woman were incredible, and seeing all the thought behind some of the decisions made just adds to the experience.

    Of particular interest is the design for Themiscyra, home of the Amazons. If you've seen the film, you can just imagine.

    And if you've seen the film and like it as much as I do, then checking out this book is a must.

       

    Bullet Sunday 523

    Posted on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017

    Dave!It's the Sunday before the Monday before the 4th! And there's even more to celebrate, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Wonderful! Over the decades we've had DC Comic Book heroes make their way to the movies with persistent regularity. Batman and Superman have had numerous incarnations in dozens of films... including the recent piles of shit that Zack Snyder has unleashed upon the world with Man of Steel and Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice. But what about the other hero in the DC holy trinity? What about Wonder Woman? Where's her movie? She's always been shoved aside, presumably because DC questioned whether anybody would go see her in a feature film. Heck, even Green Lantern finally got a movie back in 2011, and he's not nearly as recognizable as Wonder Woman. Everybody knows who she is.

    And then, at long last, our patience was rewarded when Wonder Woman hit the big screen.

    And has been completely killing it.

    This week Wonder Woman trounced both Man of Steel and Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice to become the top-earning film in DC Comics history at the domestic box office...

    Box Office Mojo DC Universe Films Ranking!
    Stats taken from Box Office Mojo

    Internationally, the film has considerable ground to cover before it eclipses Batman vs. Superman and Suicide Squad, but the point has been made.

    It's Marvel all over again, proving that good movies with second-string characters that are faithful to the source material will be more critically (and quite possibly financially) successful than crappy movies with top-tier characters that shit all over the source material. There is a reason that these characters endure. To ignore what got them there is to ignore what people want to see.

       
    • Flash! And, speaking of shitting all over the source material in a Zack Snyder DC Comics movie... everything that's wrong with the new costume that The Flash is sporting in the upcoming Justice League film is on full display when you look at what LEGO had to do to translate it into a minifig...

    LEGO Flash Minifigs!

    I can't even tell what the hell is going on there. The Flash is the "fastest man alive." As such, his costume has always been painfully sleek and minimal in appearance. But not now. Now they've wrapped him is laughably idiotic armor plating that makes him look anything but sleek. He's the exact opposite of sleek...

    Zack Snyder Flash Movie Abortion!

    I mean, COME ON! He looks like a clunky robot with an inexplicably massive codpiece! Even more clunky and robotic than Cyborg, WHO IS LITERALLY A HALF-ROBOT CHARACTER. Grotesque and more than a little embarrassing for DC, who has had such excellent translations of The Flash in previous endeavors. Particularly in their animation department...

    Animated Flash Costume!

    And even their television show...

    Television Flash Costume!

    To "think outside the box" is not a bad thing... sometimes it's critical to making the leap from comics to screen work. But what we have here is a fundamental lack of knowledge about what makes The Flash be "The Flash." Which means the Justice League movie is undoubtedly going to suck ass. What a shame.

       
    • Balls! This past week was the 30th anniversary of Spaceballs, one of my favorite comedies...

    Spaceballs Movie Poster
    Photo from Getty Images

    Over the years there have been numerous rumors of a sequel (including this past Spring), but the only thing we've gotten is thirteen episodes of an animated series. My hope is that one of these days it will actually happen.

       
    • Vaccinate! The amount of misinformation out in the world is horrifying. Everybody has an agenda, and you can never be sure what's behind the information you're getting. But the fact that diseases we once eradicated have come back... and come back huge... should give pause when it comes to condemning vaccinations...

    Scary. Too scary.

       
    • Hjalmarsson! Though I've found it harder and harder to keep up with hockey, I nevertheless obsessed over my beloved Blackhawks as they battled their way to the playoffs last season. That Nashville took them out immediately did not dampen my enthusiasm for the team. What did dampen my enthusiasm was finding out that one of my favorites players, Niklas Hjalmarsson, had been traded...

    Niklas Hjalmarsson via Getty Images
    Photo from Getty Images

    The guy was a big part of what got them to three Stanley Cup wins, so I'm understandably gutted. He would throw himself in front of the puck under circumstances no sane player would, which only made me love him more. He gave everything he had to the team, and this is a serious blow to Blackhawks hockey. Yes, I know that it relieves some salary cap problems, but I can't wrap my head around a team without Hjalmarsson there. Thank you, sir, you will most definitely be missed.

       
    • Freedom! When you use freedom of speech to speak out on the issues that are important to you but criticize others for doing the exact same thing, you're no patriot. You're a douchebag. And speaking of... I don't always agree with Chelsea Handler, but thought this was an important message to share...

    Of course, "freedom of speech" doesn't mean "freedom from consequences of free speech," which is an increasingly popular misunderstanding to have... but let's save that for another holiday.

       
    And... I gotta be to work tomorrow, so no more bullets for you!

       

    Bullet Sunday 524

    Posted on Sunday, July 9th, 2017

    Dave!The heat may be blasting like a furnace outside, but there's hope for all humanity because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Moana Three Dee! I used an Amazon gift card I got back on my birthday to buy the Moana Ultimate Collector's Edition Blu-Ray set. The animation is so gorgeous that I was interested to see how it looked when rendered out in 3-D...

    Moana 3D Blu-Ray Set

    Turns out that it's pretty great. For the most part. The 3-D kind of falls apart when the action gets really fast, but is otherwise an amazing visual treat. The astounding quality of computer animation now-a-days is just mind-blowing. Marry that to some of the best songs to ever come out of a Disney film and you've got magic. My favorite Disney song ever would be Jermaine Clement playing a giant crab...

    And who knew that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson had it in him?

    Forget Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda's best work is with Opetaia Foa'i in Moana...

    I prefer the 2-D version to 3-D, but the movie is so amazing that there really isn't any wrong way to watch it. If you haven't seen Moana, you need to get on that.

       
    • Artifacts! I fucking hate Hobby Lobby. Which is to say I wasn't the least bit shocked when it was revealed that they had been caught with illegal ancient artifacts from Iraq. Undoubtedly purchased from terrorist organizations like ISIS, who are well-known to fund their terrorism by doing exactly this kind of thing. But yeah, tell me again how "Plan B" is morally reprehensible to you. Because a cluster of cells in the womb is more vital than fully-formed humans trying to survive relentless terrorist attacks? OH... THAT'S RIGHT... THE FULLY-FORMED HUMANS ARE BROWN PEOPLE HALF-A-WORLD-AWAY WHO PROBABLY HAVE ICKY RELIGIOUS BELIEFS! MAKES PERFECT SENSE! Hobby Lobby and their morally superior bullshit is utter garbage.

       
    • Fight or Flight! More United Airlines fuckery. It doesn't matter that they "scanned the second ticket wrong"... the standby passenger is the one who should have left once the mistake had been discovered. And United's shitty solution is absurd. A voucher? That's what they offered me after I got screwed over, and I told them to shove it up their ass because I was never flying their shithole of an airline again. I don't understand why anybody does.

       
    • Jupiter! Nine months waiting for Jupiter's Legacy Volume 2, Issue 5. Nine months. And it was about the most anti-climactic comic book ending they could have possibly given us...

    Jupiter's Legacy Vol. 2 No. 5

    Absolutely no surprises. After all the imagination that went into the nine issues prior, we get a straight-forward story that could have been created by absolutely anybody. And we had to wait NINE MONTHS for it? Nothing even remotely special. I don't know why I get my hopes up for shit anymore.

       
    • Comma! One of my favorite West Wing episodes is titled after a Mark Twain quote: "There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damn lies, and statistics." Except... Aaron Sorkin abandoned the Oxford comma and butchered it to be Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics, which changes the meaning (hey, Lies and Statistics could be the name of a book like Dungeons and Dragons or something). It drives me insane. As does most sentences where an Oxford comma would be helpful to clarify intent but instead goes unused. Every time I spot a missing Oxford comma, I can't help but assume that the writer doesn't know how the English language works. And yet... there is still debate over this crap like there should actually be a question over whether Oxford commas should be used. IT TOTALLY SHOULD! There is no penalty for using one when it's really not necessary. There can be huge penalties for not using one when you should have. Case in point? Click through to this hot mess.

       
    • Holy Shit! I have become numb to the daily dose of horror and idiocy that comes from having President Trump in office, but his latest round of tweets has me convinced that the man running the country is one of the stupidest people on earth...

    Putin Trump Fuckery

    Can you imagine... can you even fathom in your wildest imagination... what the reaction would have been by Republicans if President Obama had said this? They would have completely lost their minds. Apparently it finally dawned on Clownface VonFuckstick how insane this is, because he later tweeted that he believes it "can't happen," over something he says never happened in the first place? Or did happen? Or didn't? Depending on the day. Or whatever. Ivanka is catching serious heat for being an unelected, unqualified seat-filler at the G-20 conference, but at least she can form a coherent sentence. Why not put her in charge? Because nothing could be worse than what we have now.

       
    And that aughta do it! See you next Sunday!

       

    Emoji Movies

    Posted on Monday, July 17th, 2017

    Dave!I love good marketing.

    The problem is that so few companies manage it.

    Apple happens to be a company that excels at good marketing. Like when they converted the banners in the iTunes Store to LEGO in celebration of The LEGO Batman Movie being released.

    And now... the banners across the top of the "Movies" section of the iTunes Store were all movie titles constructed out of emojis! (in celebration of The Emoji Movie perhaps?) I copied all of them because I just couldn't stand the idea of such brilliance being lost. How many can you guess?

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Even the "featured titles" were spelled out in emoji...

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    Emoji Movies

    So great.

       

    The Golden Circle

    Posted on Wednesday, July 19th, 2017

    Dave!Of all the movies coming out this year, the one I am most looking forward to is Kingsman: The Golden Circle, which is a sequel to Kingsman: The Secret Service. The first film was fantastic because it was one of those rare movies that comes along and feels entirely fresh while being wholly familiar at the same time. Yes, there's a lot of James Bond in there, but it doesn't tread the same waters at all. In many ways, Kingsman out-Bonded Bond by rebooting the British spy thriller to new heights.

    I mean, just look at it...

    As for the rest of the movies I'm dying to see in 2017? Here are my top ten so far...

    1. Kingsman: The Golden Circle
    2. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
    3. Blade Runner 2049
    4. Thor: Ragnarok
    5. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
    6. The Dark Tower
    7. Atomic Blonde
    8. Dunkirk
    9. Coco
    10. The Disaster Artist

    I grant you that The Disaster Artist is an odd choice. But the first trailer debuted, and watching Dave Franco channel Tommy Wiseau is absolute cinematic magic...

    Compare to the original...

    A movie about the making of one of the worst movies of all time that actually looks good? Sign me up.

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    Categories: Movies 2017Click To It: Permalink  1 Comment: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 526

    Posted on Sunday, July 23rd, 2017

    Dave!Never fear, super-fans, because a Very Special Comic-Con Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • THOR: RAGNAROK! I liked the first two Thor movies quite a lot. Especially the first one, which did a masterful job of introducing Thor to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It was grandiose and epic in a way you need a movie with gods to be, and set the tone for Thor in everything that would come after (including a couple Avengers movies). And now, the third Thor film is ready to be unleashed this November:

    Super sweet! Kind of an 80's vibe, even in the amazing poster...

    Thor Ragnarok Poster

    Marvel amazes me. Every movie they release is an escalation of what's come before. Sometimes it doesn't work 100% (I'm looking at you, Age of Ultron) but most of the time it seriously does. And Thor: Ragnarok looks to be knocking it out of the park. Can't. Wait.

       
    • THE DEFENDERS! But before we get treated to new Thor, first we get to see the culmination of all four Netflix series... Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, and Iron First... with The Defenders. This seems like a great idea, and a logical culmination of all that's come before...

    Time (and August 18th) will tell whether or not it's clever enough to be worthy, but getting Sigourney Weaver as your villain was a great start. Cool. All this and The Punisher coming by years' end too.

       
    • THE INHUMANS! Also dropping prior to new Thor? The Inhumans. Originally they were getting their own movie but, after the franchise was turned to shit in ABC's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., I guess they felt a movie was aiming too high. Instead we get a compromise. The first episode is being released to IMAX theaters in September, then the show continues on ABC...

    Eh. Probably good that they didn't attempt this in a feature film, because Medusa's magical hair was never going to look fantastic. Regardless, nothing I'm seeing here has me too excited. ABC had an amazing opportunity to do something truly different by taking The Inhumans into extreme weirdness, but it looks like Just Another Super-Hero Show on the Small Screen. Not surprising... I can't stand Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and it doesn't look like ABC is attempting to break any new ground here like they did with the amazing Agent Carter series. Pity.

       
    • BLACK PANTHER! And here is where I start to lose my shit. I'm a huge, huge, massively huge fan of Black Panther. I was thrilled to see him finally join the MCU with Captain America: Civil War, and am positively giddy at the prospect of seeing him get a film all to himself. The technically advanced world of Wakanda is going to make for a heck of a movie, assuming they get the story right. And, from the looks the first trailer, they are definitely trying...

    And that poster...

    Black Panther Poster

    Since this is Marvel, I'm assuming they've nailed it. Not knowing is kinda killing me. Having to wait until February 16th to find out is really killing me.

       
    • AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR And then there's the culmination of every Marvel Studios movie ever released coming to a theater near you on May 4th. The footage at Comic-Con has not been released yet (if ever), but they did give us a gatefold poster to drool over...

    Avengers Infinity War Poster

    Which conveniently breaks down into three panels for closer inspection of all the awesomeness there is to unpack...

    Avengers Infinity War Poster Panel

    Avengers Infinity War Poster Panel

    Avengers Infinity War Poster Panel

    First of all... BLACK WIDOW IS A BLONDE THIS TIME AROUND? Wonder what in the hell that's all about. Second of all... why is Hawkeye getting the short end of the stick again? He's barely in the poster at all, and doesn't even get an action pose with his bow and arrow! Granted, he could arguably be seen as the weak link in The Avengers, but his fantastic ongoing comic book series show that this is not the fault of the character. It's what the writers do with him that makes him a weak link. Holy crap I wish they'd give him a Netflix series where he can finally shine. Next up... Spider-Man in a black suit is interesting. I don't hate it but, after so many movies where they weren't faithful to the comic book, I felt they finally nailed it with Civil War and Homecoming... so, why? And then... so very, very happy that they are apparently pushing the Scarlet Witch & Vision romance forward. That's an element 100% from the comic books, and I think it totally works. Then penultimately... holy crap did they do a frickin' amazing job capturing Thanos! Bad. Ass. And lastly... Cap with a beard! My expectations for Avengers: Infinity War are on overdrive. I'm expecting they'll be exceeded.

       
    • JUSTICE LEAGUE! Blargh. DC Comics and Zack Snyder's idea of what makes a good super-hero movie is so nausea-inducing that I'll tackle that one tomorrow. I'm having too much fun loving on all of Marvel's awesomeness tonight.

       
    And that's it for Comic-Con 2017. Until next year, True Believers...

       

    Justissssss Leeeeaguuuuue

    Posted on Monday, July 24th, 2017

    Dave! I am so far beyond giving a shit about Zack Snyder's shitty DC Comics super-hero movies that I honestly don't know if I'll even bother seeing Justice League in theaters.

    I mean, just look at this bullshit trailer...


    Some observations...

    • Dark. Dark. Dark. Dark. And more dark. Jesus, what an awful-looking downer of a movie. The occasional attempts at humor are completely wasted when the atmosphere is nothing but bleak, dire, and depressing.
    • Cyborg and The Flash look like total and complete shit. Whomever designed their fucking horrifically bad costumes should just give it up. Aquaman is equally incomprehensible, but at least he doesn't look defective.
    • In an obvious attempt at playing off the tremendous success of Wonder Woman, they lead off with her... but she's fighting a small group of regular human bad guys? Pathetic. FUCKING PATHETIC!!! We've seen this stupid shit over and over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!! IT'S NOT FUN! IT'S NOT INTERESTING! IT'S JUST BORING AND SAD. WHAT THE FUCK?!???
    • And OH MY GAWD... ENOUGH WITH THE SECRET IDENTITY CRAP! I am so very, very thankful that Marvel gave up on this silly bullshit. They use it when it makes sense (ala Spider-Man, who is ultimately just a kid with a regular life to hang onto) but everywhere that it is just a tired distraction, they've not bothered to bore us with it. But DC? No. We've still got Bruce Wayne crap to bore us. Still got Clark Kent crap to REALLY bore us. And now they've decided to saddle Wonder Woman with Diana Prince working as a fucking museum cleaning lady? WHO GIVES A FUCKING SHIT?!? Seriously... does Zack Snyder EVER take a minute to look at what makes modern super-hero movies work? EVER?!??? Secret identities were a great way to fill time without a need for expensive special effect shots in the 1980's... but we're waaayyyy past that now. We get it. DC heroes have secret identities... but you don't have to fill precious screen time with it anymore. GET OVER IT ALREADY!
    • Nice to see the Amazons again... but the introduction of the movie's big bad (Steppenwolf?) is almost cringe-worthy. Are DC's costume designers forced at gunpoint to put unnecessary and distracting textures EVERYWHERE? It looks fucking ridiculous. Jack Kirby's creations deserve so much better than this.
    • At least they make Aquaman's underwater action look good. Maybe there's hope for the upcoming Aquaman movie, and it will be another Wonder Woman rather than a shitty Man of Steel or Batman vs. Superman. If, for no other reason, than we're getting James Wan in the director's chair. Hopefully he'll add some fucking FUN to the film instead of fifty layers of depressing. Again.
    • Oh joy. I was worried we would get all the way through the trailer without seeing a Wonder Woman ass shot. But, nope... even after helping to win World War I, she's still just another piece of ass to DC's movie division!
    • After getting a frickin' amazing "speed effect" with Quicksilver in the X-Men films... and a more subtle, but equally good speed effect for Quicksilver in Age of Ultron, just look at the awful thing they came up with for The Flash. Running in slow motion to simulate super-speed? Groundbreaking. Or it would be if The Six Million Dollar Man hadn't pioneered it in the 1970's. Even when they do move him at actual super-speed, the overabundance of lightning is just silly. Does he kill people with all that stupid electricity when he runs by them? I mean, it's fine when used with subtlety, but this? Zack Snyder is obviously compensating for something here. Probably a shitty story.
    • And... again with the disaster porn. It's as if Zack Snyder doesn't know how to make a movie without the entire world exploding. Which begs the question... how the fuck are there any people left alive on earth when absolutely everything is getting destroyed all the time? This is fucking absurd, and I don't understand how the entire plot of DC's latest film slate can be summed up as "explosions." Doesn't anybody at DC care?

    It's said that Joss Whedon is doing extensive reshoots for Justice League after Zack Snyder had to remove himself from the film to deal with a family emergency. I don't think punching up the dialogue (Whedon's specialty) is going to help. It's just pouring more money down a hole. What's really sad here... almost to the point of tragedy... is how much better the DC television division is at making good super-hero live action. They should have turned the Justice League movie over to them and built on the terrific, faithful, and far-superior versions of The Flash and Superman they already have on TV.

    But instead we got this crapfest.

    Maybe one day we'll finally get a DC Cinematic Universe that doesn't suck copious amounts of ass... but, sadly, that day is not today.

    Or even tomorrow, apparently.

       

    Boston Logan Blonde

    Posted on Monday, July 31st, 2017

    Dave!I've been (mostly) awake from 4:00am last Friday. As the hours all blend together, I'm finding it hard to wrap my head around what day it is. Or where I'm at.

    This morning I drove from Maine to Boston so that I can fly out tomorrow morning. Early. The plan is to try and get some sleep, but first... falafel lunch and a movie.

    Because you just cannot resist Charlize Theron...

    Atomic Blonde Movie Poster!

       
    Before I even get to Atomic Blonde... the soundtrack is frickin' amazing (seriously amazing, and the story behind the soundtrack is interesting as well).

    The movie is a spy-thriller that takes place during the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, and here's (most of) the German-infused/inspired-pop tracks from that era that they picked...

    • David Bowie - Cat People (Putting Out the Fire)
    • Peter Schilling - Major Tom (Völlig Losgelöst)
    • HEALTH - Blue Monday
    • Tyler Bates - C*Cks*Cker
    • Nena - 99 Luftballons
    • George Michael - Father Figure
    • After the Fire - Der Commissar
    • Siouxsie and the Banshees - Cities in Dust
    • Re-Flex - the Politics of Dancing
    • Marilyn Manson & Tyler Bates - Stigmata
    • Tyler Bates - Demonstration
    • A Flock of Seagulls - I Ran (So Far Away)
    • Kaleida - 99 Luftballons
    • Til Tuesday - Voices Carry
    • The Clash - London Calling
    • Tyler Bates - Finding the Uhf Device

    Since I have bought almost all of those songs already, I don't even need to buy the soundtrack... I just need to make a playlist! One song I just had to have was HEALTH's cover of Blue Monday, which wasn't better than the New Order original, but it had a different "feel" I really liked.

    Anyway...

    As I mentioned, this is a spy-thriller set in Berlin in November 1989 just as the Berlin Wall is about to fall. An MI6 agent is killed by a rogue KGB operative who steals "The List" off him which contains all allied field agents operating in The Soviet Union and Europe. Charlize Theron plays Lorraine Broughton, one of MI6's top spies, who is being interrogated about her actions in Berlin to recover "The List"... meaning that the bulk of the movie is being told in flashbacks.

    TEN DAYS EARLIER: Lorraine's contact in Berlin is MI6's top operative there, David Percival (played by James McAvoy). Working together (and even against each other), the movie is a cat-and-mouse game against the Soviets to find "The List" and identify "Satchel," a double agent for the Soviets who betrayed the MI6 agent that was killed. Along the way there are some nice twists and turns that kept me interested... but I have to admit the penultimate "twists" could be seen coming from miles away. The final "twist" was not something I anticipated, but it didn't really have any effect on the story, so it honestly didn't matter much. The film, while pretty great, could have been SO much better had they only made it so that the final moments were an interesting payoff for everything that came before. It wasn't.

    That being said, I still recommend Atomic Blonde because the action sequences and soundtrack are just too perfect. And Charlize Theron is beyond kick-ass in every way possible. I would not mind at all seeing a sequel if it gets me more Lorraine Broughton!

    If I had a negative, it would be that director David Leitch, who handled most of the movie with such brilliant ease, showed himself to be a fucking hack of the lowest order when he injected a Wilhelm Scream into the action. When are directors going to learn that the gig is up on this bullshit? Everybody knows what to listen for and, when they finally hear it, the sound effect immediately takes them out of the movie. Criminally stupid, and yet directors are still being idiots about using it. I wish studios would forbid Wilhelm Screams until the end of time.

    And that was that.

    Using the awesome Boston Silver Line, I headed back the the airport and my hotel for an epic nap experience. I would have loved to have gone to the Red Sox game at 7:00, but lack of sleep would have made that impossible.

    Oh well. Next time, Boston. Next time.

       

    Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    Posted on Tuesday, August 1st, 2017

    Dave!As anybody who has read this blog for any length of time knows... I am obsessed with Luc Besson's The Fifth Element. In some ways, it eclipses sci-fi greats like Star Wars and Star Trek for me because it was just so damn fresh when it was first released in 1997.

    I've spent many days pining away for a sequel that never came.

    So you can imagine my anticipation level when I learned that Besson's new film was being touted as the "spiritual successor" to The Fifth Element... even though the source material for the film actually served as the original inspiration for sci-fi films like The Fifth Element.

    Thus the French comic book Valérian and Laureline becomes the movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets...

    Valerian Movie Poster!

    And... well... it's no Fifth Element.

    What Valerian is can be summed up as "visually breathtaking and sublimely imaginative." Everything about the film is beautiful to look at and exciting to behold because it's just so fully realized. You get the impression that Besson must have spent insane amounts of time figuring out even the tiniest details of the Valerian universe... and it shows.

    Unfortunately... there's too much else lacking for me to fall in love with the movie.

    First of all is the casting. Dane DeHaan (Valerion) is certainly doing his best to be charming and interesting amongst the lavish scenery, but he never quite pulls it off. He's supposed to be head-over-heels in love with his partner in the Space Police (or whatever), but it never feels real. Instead of the roguish charms we got with characters like Han Solo, Valerian comes across as too stiff one minute, too detached the next, and downright wooden the next. I could never get vested in him at all. Slightly better was Cara Delevingne as Laureline, but it was hard to buy into her character when the sparring with Valerian feels so forced. The whole "Oh we hate each other, but the whole time we were actually falling in love" trope falls entirely flat, even though Valerian professes his feelings from the get-go.

    Where the casting most decidedly did not fall flat was when we got to Rhianna playing a shape-shifting exotic dancer called "Bubble." She gave her performance everything, and the nature of her character's abilities lit up the screen. Sadly, near the end of her screen-time, Bubble condenses into tired platitudes of love that never came across as convincing, thus sabotaging my favorite character in the movie.

    As I mentioned, the CGI work is mind-bogglingly good and, if there's a reason to see this film before it leaves theaters, this would be it. The reason would most certainly not be the dialogue that Besson came up with. Encrusted with enough corny lines about the nature of love to make you cringe, it's an even heavier ham-fisted effort than we got from Leeloo in The Fifth Element... which is to say that it was horribly distracting. Too many lines fell flat either by construction or delivery ("Time flies when you're having fun!" - groan, really?).

    As for the story?

    I don't even know.

    Decades ago a peaceful race of beautiful beach-dwelling aliens on planet Mül are wiped out during a battle between two forces above their world. The small group of aliens that managed to survive are trying to get their world back by getting their hands on an adorable alien pet known as a "Mül Converter" who can shake out duplicates of everything it eats... including "pearls," a powerful energy source needed by the aliens. What follows seems to involve the aliens taking over a growing section of the massive space station, Alpha, which causes the Space Police (or whatever) to call in two of their best operatives, Valerian and Laureline, to solve the mystery of what's happening in there... because all other soldiers sent in have disappeared.

    I'd hate to say that the story then becomes boring... the wild special effects are anything but boring... but it kinda does. It's also wildly inconsistent. One minute Valerian and Laureline's sentient ship ("Alex") is essential to explaining story elements... then it is completely forgotten and ignored the next. When Valerian enters the "mystery section" of Alpha, Alex loses contact. Then she gains contact. Then she drops off the face of the earth again. These kind of "deus ex machina" interludes drive me insane. If you can't be fucking consistent with a "character," or offer a clear arc for their time on screen, then it's probably best to not have that character screwing up your screenplay with inexplicable drop-ins that are more frustrating and intrusive than anything else.

    By the time things finally wrap up, I was almost relieved that I wouldn't have to suffer through it anymore. There's only so far that incredible CGI effects can take you. This isn't "Star Wars Prequels Bad," but it could have been much, much better if there was something... more... to support the visuals.

    So... overall? A disappointment. This was not The Fifth Element I was looking for. That being said, I'd still recommend seeing it in theaters just to experience the jaw-dropping beauty of it all the way it was meant to be seen.

    Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is tanking hard at the box office. As I'm writing this, it's barely cleared $60 million against a production budget of $172 million. This is a real shame, because I think there was room for some very interesting stories to be told in that universe. Given a sequel, I'm confident that Luc Besson could have taken the criticism of what didn't work, fix it, then give us something that truly delivers on everything that Valerian could have been. Alas, it's probably not going to happen.

    And now I'll just be sitting over here... still pining away for my sequel to The Fifth Element... something else that, alas, will probably never happen.

       

    Ultra HD 4K HDR

    Posted on Friday, August 4th, 2017

    Dave!As going to movie theaters gets more and more annoying with assholes texting on their phones and smacking their popcorn and talking non-stop, I've spent a goodly chunk of money building a decent home theater. My setup is not extravagant by any means, but it is nice enough that I don't necessary miss the theater as much as I thought I would.

    The cornerstone of my set-up is an Ultra HD 4K HDR television and Blu-Ray player plus a decent stereo A/V receiver capable of processing it all.

    But that's only half the battle.

    The other half being Ultra HD 4K HDR movies to play on it all. It's the only way you're going to get the fantastic picture clarity and high dynamic range color that the format offers.

    And so I've been buying 4K movies from time to time... especially when they go on sale.

    The verdict?

    Almost too good. The picture is more like what you'd get from a hi-def cam-corder than what you'd see in a movie theater. It looks... fake?... kinda. Not necessarily in a bad way, it just takes some getting used to. It also takes a lot of futzing with your television picture settings to get the best possible visuals. For me that meant upping the brightness, lowering the contrast, and finding a saturation level that works.

    What you see, thanks to the 4K Ultra High Definition picture, is even the tiniest details of everything happening on-screen. Every stray hair... every spec of dirt... every line and crease... there is nothing that can hide from such a ridiculously high resolution.

    What you also see, thanks to the High Dynamic Range, is a color pallet that's jaw dropping. You only thought that Leeloo's brilliant orange hair was bright... until you see it in HDR. It's so vivid and bright that it almost takes on a life of its own.

    So... is Ultra HD 4K HDR worth it?

    Yes.

    And no.

    Yes, because it's the absolute best way to watch movies at home... assuming you have a system that can take advantage of it and a television big enough to do it justice. Newer movies (like Kingsman: The Secret Service) are mind-blowingly beautiful with their stunning color fidelity and clarity. Even older movies (like The Fifth Element tend to be gorgeous, though be forewarned that film grain will be perfectly preserved and on vivid display if you get too close.

    No, because I am not entirely convinced that the cost is worth it. My 65-inch television is great, but in order to get any benefit from a 4K picture, I have to be sitting a maximum of 8-1/2 feet away, with the ideal distance being 4-feet, 9-inches. This means I have to push my coffee table out of the way and slide my couch forward every time I watch a 4K movie.

    In this respect, the resolution isn't as big a selling point as the high dynamic range color, which is great at any distance.

    And so...

    If you can afford a massive screen on your television... or just want color that's next level... it might be worth a look. Otherwise? Probably not. For most people 1080p is plenty.

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    Rotten Movies

    Posted on Tuesday, August 15th, 2017

    Dave!The movie review compendium site Rotten Tomatoes is both a good thing and a bad thing for the movies I love. Good because movies that critics like which might be missed are getting some exposure and hype they deserve. Bad because movies that critics hate which aren't necessarily "rotten" will dissuade movie-goers from seeing something they might otherwise enjoy.

    My movie tastes are all over the map but, in general, I tend to agree with the majority of critics.

    But not always.

    And apparently I'm not alone, because last night I saw this article pop up: IGNORE THE CRITICS! 10 ‘ROTTEN’ MOVIES YOU SHOULD TOTALLY WATCH ANYWAY. As I read through the films in their list I was all "Yes! Yes! ZOMG, YES!" and so I thought I'd post the link and offer up a short comment on why I agree some of these films are not actually all that "rotten." Though some of them, like To Rome with Love, a film by asshole Woody Allen that stars Roberto Benigni and Jesse Eisenberg (two actors I don't care for at all)... I'll take a pass on.

    Anwyay, here we go...

    Rotten Movies 2017 List

    • The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is a hauntingly beautiful film that has an overall life message that I strive to achieve. And that's on top of being a wholly wonderful work of art to behold... despite starring Ben Stiller (who is perfect).
    • 50 First Dates is a movie I've seen dozens of times because I cannot bring myself to flip past any channel playing it. Poignant, funny, beautifully shot, and charming to the end... despite starring Adam Sandler (who is not perfect, but actually very good).
    • Eurotrip is indeed a raunchy comedy that is wall-to-wall offensive and overflowing with bad taste. It's also hilariously funny, despite kinda falling flat at the end. Some of my favorite cinematic comedy moments of all time are right here, and seeing Lucy Lawless as a Dutch dominatrix is everything. SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW! SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW!
    • Mr. & Mrs. Smith is such over-the-top fun that I cannot comprehend that it received bad reviews. The chemistry between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt is probably one of the best pairings in modern film, and it is used to brutal effect from start to finish for high entertainment value. As if that weren't enough, the story is well-written and the special effects are great.
    • Troy is not a favorite, but I did find it an enjoyable take on the genre. Certainly a better film in every respect than horrendous Ben-Hur remake. Yes, it could have been edited with more care because it's "flow" is off and scenes run too long, but it's still worth your valuable time.
    • Defiance kinda collapsed under its own weight, but it's a great story that gave us a well-crafted film. And you seriously cannot complain about the cast, which was very good. Flawless? No. Worth watching? Absolutely.
    • Wet Hot American Summer is a movie you absolutely have to be in the mood for... it's silly-stupid in the worst possible way... but that's why I like it so much. Well, that and the great cast, which delivers every raunchy, stupid line like their lives depended on it.

    So... if you're ever looking for a movie to watch and you skipped one of these because of poor reviews, you might want to take another look!

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    Apple TV 4K HDR

    Posted on Thursday, September 28th, 2017

    Dave!Investing in a new Apple TV when I have such blind hatred for the previous iteration is probably incredibly stupid... but I have a huge chunk of movies and music purchased from the Apple ecosystem, so it's kind of a necessity to keep up. Especially now that Apple is offering free upgrades to 4K HDR video for all your previous movie purchases (when available, of course).

    And... I suppose I should just run through the fine points rather than re-hash the broad strokes, since those are mostly the same.

    Apple TV Box
    Looks identical to the previous one. I'm sure there's probably quite a few differences under the hood, but I ain't opening it up to check.

    Shitty Fucking Apple Remote
    Still unbelievably fucking shitty. The touch-input area is just as stuttery and unresponsive as ever, making simple tasks like navigation frustrating... and complex tasks like keyboard input unbearable. I fucking HATE this piece of shit. The only difference between the new one and the previous one is that the "menu" button has an elevated white circle drawn around it.

    Shitty Fucking User Interface
    Still unbelievably fucking shitty. If you've purchased anything more than a dozen movies or TV shows, you'll go absolutely bat-shit crazy trying to navigate through pages upon pages upon pages upon pages upon pages of crap. Especially when you're forced to use the unbelievably fucking shitty remote.

    4K
    The 4K picture is totally great. Remarkably, I've not yet gotten any of the streaming errors or throughput problems which plagued the previous Apple TV. Considering that there's probably a lot more data coming through the pipe for a 4K picture, this is truly shocking. My guess is that there's new compression tech that makes this possible... but only time will tell as to whether or not Apple's unbelievably fucking shitty media delivery will rear its ugly head.

    HDR
    I have an HDR-capable TV. My stereo receiver is HDR-capable. When I plug Apple TV directly into my TV, the Apple test-program says that HDR will be used. When I plug into my stereo receiver, however, the Apple test-program says that my television isn't HDR capable, and it will downgrade to regular color fidelity. And, of course, since this is Apple we're talking about, there's no way to just force the fucking thing to deliver the HDR signal that my receiver and TV are capable of. This kind of shit drives me i-n-s-a-n-e. Do it Apple's way or no way at all.

    Picture Quality
    I put in my copy of Kingsman on 4K HDR Blu-Ray then started up Kingsman 4K HDR from Apple TV. Then I switched between them. Not even close. The 4K Blu-Ray picture is superior in every possible way. The color is better. The clarity is better. The contrast is better. Black levels are better. There's literally nothing that's not better on 4K Blu-Ray. The Apple TV 4K image has crisp details in fine items like hair and text... but mooshy areas of softness any time the color values are similar, particularly in bright spots. This is undoubtedly a function of the high compression, but I have no idea what's responsible for the other issues. The bright, almost washed-out haze that permeates every scene is just bad compared to cable or Blu-Ray. I don't recall the older Apple TV having this problem?

    Audio
    Seems on-par with what I got from the Blu-Ray. Rich, full sound.

    HomeKit
    Apple's pathetic attempt at Home Automation... which they call "HomeKit"... is pretty awful. I'm guessing a big part of why it's awful has to do with it being run through Apple TV. Sure it beats having to purchase a dedicated hub, but maybe with a dedicated hub it would have been worth a crap. When I swapped out the old Apple TV for the new Apple TV, it took several attempts to get HomeKit commands working... but at least they ended up working without my having to do any crazy setup revision or anything.

    And So...
    If you're dying for the best possible picture on your 4K HDR television, you'll have to keep buying 4K HDR Blu-Ray discs. Apple isn't even in the same ballpark. That being said, the picture quality is a step up from non-4K non-HDR Apple TV. So... until HDR 4K Blu-Rays drop to the same price as Apple TV digital purchases, you may still gain benefit from the latest and greatest Apple TV. The fact that Apple doesn't charge a premium for the higher quality is a nice bonus for anybody investing in the 4K HDR... but don't be fooled into thinking it'll be the same quality as the equivalent Blu-Ray.

       

    Bullet Sunday 536

    Posted on Sunday, October 1st, 2017

    Dave!Time won't give me time, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Discovery! I can honestly say that the new Star Trek: Discovery is shaping up to be my favorite television Trek since the original series. Rather than recycle the same old thing, they seem to be intent on taking the show in entirely new directions. Some for the better (ditching the "one big happy family" concept is refreshing), some for the worse (why in the hell re-imagine the Klingons yet AGAIN?). Tonight's episode introduces us to Captain Lorca (brilliantly played by Jason Isaacs) and the USS Discovery (with a gorgeous saucer section married to a butt-ugly triangle body) along with a rather unique premise for the show involving "space spores" which is just bizarre enough to work...

    Star Trek Discovery Logo

    Given the exceedingly high production values, I'm not going to bitch about the $6.00 a month fee to watch the show on "CBS All Access." But, if what I'm hearing is true, CBS plans on airing the first half of the season now, then waiting until 2018 to air the rest. Thus dragging out the length of time their subscribers have to be subscribed (assuming they aren't smart enough to cancel Access until Discovery starts airing again). This is just shitty as all get out (if true) and I have to wonder if CBS realizes how pissed off people already are that they have to pay a premium in the first place?

       
    • So Sick! I've been wanting to see The Big Sick since it debuted. I finally got my chance...

    The Big Sick

    Such a good film. The fact that it's based on a true story is just icing on the cake. Other than playing Dinesh in Silicon Valley, I haven't seen Kumail Nanjiani in anything but bit parts previously (including his hilarious spot in an otherwise awful movie Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates). He's pretty fantastic, and this movie just goes to show how somebody's real life can be every bit as entertaining as fiction. If you're looking for a movie to rent, it's worth a look.

       
    • So Sicker! Apparently co-writing and starring in "The Big Sick" is not Kumail Nanjiani's only brush with brilliance...

    Joe Walsh Is A Fucking Asshole

    Joe Walsh is fucking garbage.

       
    • Gag! And speaking of fucking garbage... Megyn Kelly is fucking garbage. For years she was a divisive shill for the far right masquerading as a "journalist," and now she's decided to reimagine herself as a non-political talk show host...

    I cannot fathom why NBC hired her. Did they really think they were going to attract FOX "News" viewers?

       
    • Tweeter! If you mine President Trump's Twitter feed there's a dose of hypocrisy to be found for everything he does...

    Another Stupid Fucking Tweet by the Asshole in Chief

    But the Toxic Cheeto Dumbass dedicated his golf trophy to Puerto Rico, so I guess that makes all the difference?

       
    • Just Jack Plus One! I love British comedian travel shows. As if having funny moments isn't enough, they always visit interesting places. Jack Whitehall and his father are in Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam in this first season and it's great. If you enjoy travel shows... it's worth a look!

    Jack Whitehall: Travels with My Father is available on Netflix now. And, while you're at Netflix, be sure to check out Master of None and Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King.

       
    See you next week

       

    Blade Runner 2049

    Posted on Friday, October 13th, 2017

    Dave!And so I went to see Blade Runner 2049 last night. When it was announced, I did not have my hopes set very high because A) Twin Peaks returning was one of the worst things to happen to that franchise and I was certain they would destroy a classic film that's one of my all-time favorites, and B) I don't care for Ryan Gosling that much... probably because he's not cast in the type of movies I like to watch (the only appearance I could remember was The Nice Guys where he was great).

    Then the reviews started pouring in... each one praising the film for both story and visuals, some saying the effects were as stunning as the original. I was baffled that this could be happening, but totally bought into it.

    Walking into the theater, my expectations were very, very high...

    Blade Runner 2049 Poster

       
    And I was not disappointed.

    First of all, I think they continued the story in a way that made perfect sense and was painstakingly faithful to the original film. Second of all, Ryan Gosling was absolutely perfect.

    I am not going to spoil anything here. This is a film you need to experience for yourself. The only thing I will say is that it's a long, long movie and scenes go on for just a little more than they have to. But overall I think this leisurely pace sucks you into the world that is being built, and was not necessarily a bad thing.

    If you were a fan of the original, see it.

    If you like good science fiction, see it.

    If you appreciate beautifully-crafted films, definitely see it.

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    Bullet Sunday 538

    Posted on Sunday, October 15th, 2017

    Dave!Put on your Sunday Best, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Midnight Trailer! It's great how Marvel attempts to distinguish their movies in tone and look. Black Panther appears to have all the hallmarks of a Marvel Studios movie... but is very different at the same time. Kinda a sci-fi take on super-heroes with a heavy African influence...

    First Doctor Strange, now this? Needless to say, I can't wait. Black Panther is one of my favorite Marvel heroes, and the fact that he's getting a movie fills my fanboy heart with joy.

       
    • Hammer Time? You know how when you read a news headline and you think it's just too crazy to be real and it certainly has to be from some parody site? Yeah, that... Home Depot Panics Over Millennials; Forced To Host Tutorials On Using Tape Measures, Hammering Nails.

       
    • Have Bigotry, Will Travel! America's new biggest export... hate...

    Kim Davis Takes Struggle Against Gay Marriage To Another Theater: Romania.

    This idiotic piece of shit is not a hero. She's not a marriage role model. She's just a bigot who refused to do her job. And now she's taking her bigotry on a world tour. Fuck her. Fuck her up her hypocritical thrice divorced ass.

       
    • Jack is Back! I'm a pretty big of theTom Clancy "Jack Ryan" books... and even liked the movies despite the fact that they kept changing the actor (from Alec Baldwin to Harrison Ford to Ben Affleck). So when Amazon Prime announced they were developing a show around the character starring John Krasinski, I was intrigued. And here we go...

    Interesting! Definitely something I'll be checking out.

       
    • Gently! Last year we were treated to yet another television treatment of Douglas Adams' Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. It was insane, but in the best possible way. A dozen random threads that made no sense somehow managed to come together at the end in a way that made you want to go back and watch the whole thing over again. The show itself is really tough to describe, but here's Dirk Gently himself to make an attempt...

    Season two just started. The first three minutes immediately got me addicted to the show again...

    It probably helps to have seen (experienced?) the first season for yourself before heading into the second. But, if you enjoy the utterly bizarre, it's worth a look.

       
    • Poopsie! And, lastly, just because I feel the need to not have suffered through this alone, I present Poopsie...

    There's a lot of ways to sell pet food, but this is probably the most unique I've seen.

       
    And, on that note, no more bullets today. Go make a poopsie and enjoy your week!

       

    Bullet Sunday 539

    Posted on Sunday, October 22nd, 2017

    Dave!I am Sundaying so hard right now, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Feral! This past Monday was "National Feral Cat Day." My cats, Jake and Jenny, were feral kittens when they were found. I don't think they quite adapted to foster care, and were still very much feral little scrubbers when I adopted them. Weeks of patience turned into months of building trust which has turned into 1-3/4 years of the best furry friends I could hope for. They are still, in their hearts, feral cats who are very slow to trust. And they hide the minute anything out of the ordinary happens. Sometimes, on rare occasions, they are even wary of me. But most of the time they love crawling all over me for pets and attention and I've never been lonely since they took over my home. Feral cats are more work than those kitten raised around people... but I wouldn't trade mine for the world. If anything, I think I appreciate them more than I would other cats because I had to put effort into getting them to accept me. And once they did? There's no better feeling...

    Jake Naps

    Jenny is a Cuddle Bug

    Kitty Pals

    If you have the opportunity to help out a feral cat, the work is definitely worth the reward!

       
    • Dimensions? And so... it would seem that LEGO Dimensions is no more. Typical. Oh well. The gameplay was getting tired... but it was kept fresh by the licensed properties they kept bringing to the table.

    LEGO Dimensions Game

    Wish they would have got LEGO Star Wars in the mix before signing off... after Disney Infinity dried up, it seemed a natural.

       
    • Get Help! The reviews for Thor: Ragnarok have been stellar. And with each new clip released, I just want to see it more...

    Cannot. Wait.

       
    • Lucifer! Right now there's a lot of good television going on. In addition to The Good Place, which is the best show on television right now, we've also got Star Trek: Discovery, The Flash, The Orville, and Supergirl... not to mention some of the indy oddball stuff (like Dirk Gently), which makes it tough for me to keep up with my shows. But that one show I will always make time for? Lucifer!

    Lucifer's Maze on a not-so-good day

    Last season was fantastic because "Mom" came to visit, which led to some interesting directions for the show. Now they seem to be focusing on fleshing out secondary characters instead of bringing in new ones, and I couldn't be happier. Maze is probably the best character on the show after Lucifer, but has been largely marginalized. But this last episode (S03:E03 Mr. and Mrs. Mazikeen Smith) puts her in the spotlight and the results are so amazing I find myself wishing they would spin her off into her own show. If you're not watching, you really should be.

       
    • Jack! Another show I've been very much enjoying has been the revival of Will & Grace. Though I strongly dislike the two main characters, secondary characters Jack and Karen always seem to salvage the show. The latest episode (S09:E04 Grandpa Jack) is no exception. Jack, who discovered he had a son (thanks to a sperm bank "donation") gets an even bigger surprise when he discovers his son had a son, so he's now a grandpa!

    Jack meets his grandson

    I will not spoil the story except to say... it's both hysterically funny and emotionally devastating at the same time. And it has two guest appearances that are absolute gold. When they restarted the show, I was hoping that we'd see Jack's son again. I never expected that his story would be this good. Well worth a look.

       
    • Decor! When I moved into my home, I noticed that the previous owner had left a lot of decor scattered about. None of it was too my taste, so I made it my mission to toss it all out. The only thing left is a lion head above my doorbell and a weird dried flowers plaque with hooks I use for my keys and hats. The plaque was useful, but I vowed to replace it when I found something better... I never did. The lion I was going to ditch when it was removed for painting... but I ended up putting it back. Don't know why. I kinda like him, I guess...

    My feisty lion head!

    My key hooks!

    I suppose one of these days I really should go shopping to find a replacement for my key hooks.

       
    And... Sunday is over. So too are the bullets.

       

    Bullet Sunday 541

    Posted on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

    Dave!Snow may be here but be of good cheer, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • RAGNAROK! I haven't seen Thor: Ragnarok yet because life has been insane lately... but I will be doing so sometime soon. I hope. If you haven't seen it yet and want a spoiler-free experience, DO NOT watch the video below, which is somewhat spoilery, but hilarious...

    Of course, the commercials are more spoilery than this, but, yeah.

       
    • Tokyo! There are many places on this earth I feel at home in when I visit. Tokyo is one of those places. Which is strange, because it's a city on my list that's very much removed from my "normal." Maybe I lived there in a past life? I dunno. But I love it there. And because I love Tokyo, I also love films which feature the city (Lost In Translation is a great example). And now there's a short film called The Tokyo Project...

    If you have HBO and a half-hour to kill, I highly recommend it. Clever story. Beautifully shot. Well worth your valuable time.

       
    • Miyazaki! One of the many, many reasons I love Miyazaki films so much is the incredible attention to detail that goes into every frame. I watch them over and over and over because the wealth of details is something to be savored. Here's an Instagram by en93kitchen that focuses on the food in his films, and shows a side-by-side comparison to actual food that's been prepared to look like what's in the movie...

    XXX

    Amazing!

       
    • Busted! Despite the fact that "Mr. Plinkett" is a fictional character (played by Red Letter Media's Mike Stoklasa) the movies analyzed under that monicker are, for the most part, spot-on. His reviews are as insightful as they are entertaining, and I've spent a lot of time watching the Red Letter Media YouTube channel. The latest Mr. Plinkett in-depth was for the Ghostbusters 2016 reboot. A film I mostly hated, but could never really articulate why. Luckily, I no longer have to try. It's nearly an hour long, but balls-on accurate and worth your valuable time...

    That fact that the review also includes smart analysis of what made the original Ghostbusters so damn brilliant is just a bonus.

       
    • What Happened? So... essentially you can take Hillary's book, rip out the pages, insert this Politico story, and then read What Happened for reals I guess? My loathing for Hillary Clinton is well documented. The fact that I was forced to vote for her because I didn't want a Trump presidency is something that enrages me to this day. The more information that comes out about how there is nothing "democratic" about the Democratic Party should shock nobody. That's the way politics work in this country. What should shock people is that nothing will be done and nothing will change. Ever. We just don't want it badly enough.

       
    • Dip! I swear... Eric Trump discovering Fun Dip on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" is one of the best thing I've seen all week...

    Dies. Again.

       
    It's the end of bullets as we know it...

       

    X-Men! Fantastic Four! Fox News!

    Posted on Monday, November 6th, 2017

    Dave!The big news of the day is the rumor that Twenty-First Century Fox is in talks to sell off most of the company to Disney. Not exactly groundbreaking, as movie studio consolidation has been ongoing over the years... except one thing.

    Disney is the corporation that owns Marvel Comics and, more relevant to the point, Marvel Studios.

    And since Twenty-First Century Fox had bought the Marvel movie rights for X-Men, Fantastic Four, Silver Surfer, and Deadpool (and subsequently crapped out a series of shitty X-Men films and even shittier Fantastic Four films plus an awesome Deadpool movie) buying the studio would mean the potential to fold these stellar properties into the Marvel Cinematic Universe proper. I mean, look how frickin' incredible bringing Sony's Spider-Man rights into the Marvel cinematic fold ended up being?

    What could possibly top Avengers: Infinity War? I dunno. But Avengers vs. X-Men might do the trick, if handled properly.

    Because a part of me wonders if merging the X-Universe with the Avengers universe would be a good thing. First of all... the entire concept of "mutants" would have to be woven into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Until now, they haven't even existed. The creation of mutants could easily be dropped into the fourth Avengers film... maybe Thanos explodes and the energy washes over earth and mutates a bunch of people... but would that be too much in an already crowded universe of characters? Maybe. Then again, to finally... finally get a decent X-Men film after years of mostly shit would sure be a treat. I am just not convinced that they shouldn't remain separate, even if Marvel takes over the property.

    The Fantastic Four, on the other hand? No such reservations. Integrate them into the MCU as soon as possible!

    The Fantastic Four by Mike Wieringo!

    In the comics, The Fantastic Four was Marvel's first "super team" and is literally the cornerstone of their entire integrated super-hero-verse. Their footprint looms large over everything that came after, and it has always amazed me that with such a wealth of material (over 50 years' worth!) that we can't seem to get a FF movie that's worth a shit.

    My hands-down favorite version of The Fantastic Four was Mark Waid and Mike Wieringo's take which began with an arc called "Imaginauts." In an effort to make them more than Just Another Super Hero Team, Waid/Wieringo imagined them as a team of explorers who happened to have super-powers, and their relationship as a family was put front-and-center. It was entertaining as all get-out. And, despite being one of Marvel's oldest franchises, it felt fresh, new, and exciting. As the MCU passes 10 years of existence, isn't an infusion of fresh, new, and exciting what they need to carry them into the next 10 years?

    Marvel hardly needs counseling on how to handle their movies... I mean, holy crap, they just keep getting better and better... but please. Can we pretty please finally get a Fantastic Four movie that lives up to their potential? We've been waiting for so long.

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    Ragnarok And Roll

    Posted on Friday, November 10th, 2017

    Dave!It is tempting... so very tempting... to say that Thor: Ragnarok is my favorite film to come out of Marvel Studios. Except... how can it be? Surely my favorite film is the first Avengers movie. Isn't it? I mean, that was the prize. That's what everything had been leading to. Finally, at long last, we had a super-hero team movie that actually worked. That was actually good.

    And yet... holy crap was Ragnarok amazing. Hilariously funny, but not so farcical that the action beats and serious bits fell flat. Game-changing, but still completely faithful to the source material. Different in feeling and tone from the Marvel we're accustomed to, but still familiar and wholly entertaining.

    Thor: Ragnarok is the complete package.

    XXX

    There are precious few things about this movie I don't love. A short list, just to name a few things off the top of my head, that I love most...

    • Chris Hemsworth's considerable comedic talents on full blast.
    • Cate Blanchett as Marvel's best (and most deliciously evil) movie villain yet.
    • Jeff Goldblum being the most Jeff Goldblum we've ever seen... or will likely ever see again.
    • Loki. Just Loki being Loki.
    • Every second Valkyrie is on the screen.
    • A smart... so very smart... evolution of The Hulk.
    • Idris Elba. Finally being given something worthwhile to do as Heimdall.
    • Kirby-inspired amazing visuals.
    • Mind-bogglingly awesome special effects.
    • Just a really good, funny, highly entertaining story.

    I have no idea what the coming Avengers: Infinity War means for Marvel's original character base. Iron Man? Captain America? Thor? will any of them even survive it? If Thor does, they could do a lot worse than to invite back Ragnarok director Taika Waititi (who says he'd love to do another one).

    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard...

    Ant-Man... A
    The Avengers... A+
    Avengers: Age of Ultron... A
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice... D
    Big Hero Six... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Captain America: Civil War... A++
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Deadpool... A
    Doctor Strange... A
    Electra Woman and Dyna Girl... B-
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four (2005)... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Fantastic Four (2015)... D+
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2... A
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Spider-Man: Homecoming... A+
    Suicide Squad... D
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Thor: Ragnarok... A++
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    Wonder Woman... A
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: Apocalypse... D+

       

    Marvel Cinematic Rank

    Posted on Monday, November 13th, 2017

    Dave!When I put in my two cents on Thor: Ragnarok, I mentioned that I was questioning if it were my new favorite Marvel Studios movie. Ultimately, I decided it just couldn't be. When The Avengers came along, it was my every comic book fanboy dream come true on the screen. The magic from that movie hasn't gone away. Yet.

    But then I had somebody ask me... How would you rank the rest of the Marvel movies then?

    Well, this is how... at this moment, anyway...

    1. The Avengers (A+) — My comic book fanboy dream come true. Not much else I can say.
    2. Thor: Ragnarok (A++) — Hilariously funny while staying true to the character. A complete surprise.
    3. Captain America: Winter Soldier (A+) — Technically Marvel's #1 movie because it was just so flawlessly put together.
    4. Captain America: Civil War (A++) — If The Avengers was my fanboy team-up dream come true... this... this is the cherry on the top.
    5. Guardians of the Galaxy (A+) — A D-list team given one of the best Marvel movie treatments.
    6. Captain America: The First Avenger (A+) — Brilliant origin story that plays on nostalgia rather than blind patriotism.
    7. Spider-Man: Homecoming (A+) — Everything you want a Spider-Man movie to be.
    8. Doctor Strange (A) — Mind-bogglingly brilliant, beautiful, and fun.
    9. Iron Man (A+) — The movie that started it all. Still holds up today.
    10. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 (A) — A terrific follow-up to the original made great by Baby Groot.
    11. Ant-Man (A) — A complete home-run for a character that doesn't seem movie-worthy.
    12. Iron Man 3 (A+) — A great Shane Black spin on the character that pays off because Robert Downey Jr.
    13. Avengers: Age of Ultron (A) — Though I enjoyed it, this was not the movie I was hoping for. Ultron was not made at all scary enough of a villain to take on The Avengers.
    14. Thor (B+) — Timing issues aside, this is an underrated gem of a movie.
    15. Thor: The Dark World (B) — I actually liked this movie a great deal, it just has a hard time when pitted against the others in this list.
    16. Iron Man 2 (A-) — Again... I really liked this movie (hey, it introduced us to Black Widow and Rhodey!), but it just falls short in comparison to the others.
    17. The Incredible Hulk (B) — A decent-but-not-great movie that feels divorced from the rest after the role was switched to Mark Ruffalo.

    Interesting to note how some movies rank higher when I grade them, but lower when compared to other movies in the list. Iron Man 2 with an A- rating, for example, comes in below Thor: The Dark World with a B rating. On its own merits, Iron Man 2 had so much to love with Black Widow and Rhodey coming onboard. But it's just not as good a story as what we got with Thor: The Dark World (though, admittedly, not by much).

    But what's even more interesting to note? There is not a clunker on that list. I love all the films. Marvel is firing on on cylinders, and the movies they release just keep getting better and better and the universe they're building continues to grow.

    And they show no signs of slowing down. Still to come? Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, Ant-Man and The Wasp, Captain Marvel, Avengers 4, Spider-Man 2, and Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3.

    And, if rumors are to be believed, we may actually finally get a Black Widow movie after 2019, so.... bonus points.

       

    Bullet Sunday 544

    Posted on Sunday, December 17th, 2017

    Dave!It's time for a Very Special Antarctic edition of Bullet Sunday, which starts... now...

       
    • Go! Antarctica is a pricey trip, but it's not the horrific monetary spectacle you might think. Not including airfare, you can take the same ship I did... have the same type of experiences I did... for as little as $5,000 in Antarpply's 2018 season. I went via Muench Photography Workshops, which was quite a bit more expensive... but it had world-class photography instruction with people like Will Burrard-Lucas, which made it worth the ridiculous cost. If you've always had a hankering to see the bottom of the world, it's worth saving your pennies to do, and doesn't necessarily have to cost $15,000 for a great experience... penguins and all.

    Penguins!

       
    • Darkness! The strangest part of being back to the Real World? That it gets dark. Something that barely happened when I was in Antarctica. The fact that it starts getting dark around 4:00 and is pitch-black by 5:00 just makes it all the stranger. I've gotten used to light at 10:00 at night!

       
    • Photography! My most used lens was a 24mm-70mm. It worked for glaciers, icebergs, and wildlife that was near me. My second most-used lens was a 70mm-200mm... which I really, really wish was a 70mm-400mm. Fortunately, my 200mm lens optical quality is excellent and I had massive 42.4 MP images I could easily crop into... but things would have been much easier if my telephoto had more reach. I also took a 10mm-18mm ultra-wide angle which I used occasionally. I didn't use any other lenses I took.

    I highly recommend having two camera bodies on you. That way you can have both zooms handy and be sure to capture most anything at a moment's notice. You also have a backup body in case one fails, which is pretty much essential isn't it? You aren't going to go all that way and not have a camera!

    I took a monopod because it was easier to pack than a tripod. I never once used it. I imagine that you could set up for taking shots, but there was plenty of light to go handheld 100% of the time, and the flexibility was critical towards getting my best shots.

    I fretted over condensation accumulating when I came from the cold outdoors to the warm indoors ruining my cameras. Was never a problem (heck, my glasses never even fogged over). It was suggested that I take a plastic zipper-bag to put my camera in so that the condensation forms on the bag and not my camera. After spending weeks finding one big enough, I never had to use it.

    I bought a massive dry-bag that I could put my whole camera bag into so my gear would be safe during a Zodiac landing. Thing was... I never took my entire camera bag. Just my two cameras and their lenses. Which meant my dry-bag was massive overkill. I should have bought a smaller one and just wrapped my cameras in towels or something.

    I took circular polarizing filters. Never used them. They might have been handy to cut glare on the water when the whales turned up... but they were just a hassle every other minute of the day, so I ignored them.

       
    • Un-Borrowed! I needed a backup camera body, but couldn't afford to buy a full-frame one to take with me. So I decided to rent one from BorrowLenses.com. I received an email telling me that I could pick it up at Kenmore Camera the day before I left. I went to pick it up and it wasn't there. I called and found out there was a mess-up of some kind with UPS, and it wouldn't be arriving until after I left for the airport. Their attitude was absolutely shitty. First of all, they would never give me a tracking number so I could find out if it was THEIR fault or UPS's fault (of course they blamed it on UPS). Second of all, they did nothing... NOTHING... to try and make the situation right. It was all "Oh well... stuff happens!" No offer to buy a body from Kenmore Camera and rent that to me. No offer to express ship to my hotel in Buenos Aires. No attempt to find an alternative. No offer to try and find a rental company in Argentina. Absolutely NOTHING. They didn't care about helping me out in any way, despite their promise to have the camera available on the date I requested.

    And so... I had to spend $1400 I did not have to buy a camera I did not want. Especially since I could have put that money (if I had it) towards a new Sony a7R mark III. Such a crappy situation. I mean, what choice did I have? What was I going to do? Go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Antarctica without a backup camera? Impossible. Thanks for absolutely nothing, BorrowLenses.com for being a total piece of shit.

    UPDATE: I complained on Facebook. Borrow Lenses refunded my money and gave me a credit for future rentals. They were apologetic about the situation (this time) which has me wondering if I just got the wrong customer service agent... or if they only act this way when called out publicly?

       
    • SmartWool! There was a lot learned on my expedition to Antarctica. The most surprising? How fantastic SmartWool socks are. I have been wearing them ever since I got back and have had warm, comfy feet despite cold temperatures in my home town (and a history of cold feet).

    SmartWool Sock!

    Don't know how I'd get through winter without them now that I know about them.

       
    • Warmth! As it turned out, I worried way too much about being too cold. As it's summer in Antarctica and global warming is actually a thing, it was never all that cold. Certainly not even close to how freezing cold it was on Cadillac Mountain when I was waiting for the sun to rise in Acadia last month! I usually ended up taking off my winter coat on land excursions and just wore my fleece, waterproof pants over jeans and long underwear. Only a couple of times when the sun was clouded over and it was snowing did I double up on long underwear and wear my coat. And, despite buying hand-warmers and spending two days in Ushuaia finding Zippo lighter fluid to put in them, they went unused. So glad I didn't rent an arctic parka and snow pants. I would have never put them on. I guess what I'm trying to say is... prepare for the worst. Make sure you have enough clothes to stay warm if the weather is terrible. Have layers and layers available so you can build the outfit you need to be comfortable in cold weather. But... don't obsess over the idea that you need to buy Antarctic-winter-level expedition gear to stay warm. Unless something goes really sideways, you just won't need it (and if things go that sideways, your landing will probably be canceled anyway). I'd recommend following the advice you'll get from your ship if it conflicts with my experience... but it really shouldn't.

    The only thing that ended up being a little cold was my feet because the rubber boots you get from the ship for the landing are not well-insulated. My SmartWool socks with liners made sure it never got that bad. On cold days where I'd be in snow for long periods, I doubled my SmartWool socks, and... problem solved (seriously, those socks are amazing).

    One final tip... it was highly recommended that I get two or three pair of Merino Wool long underwear. The stuff is soft (not scratchy) and does a really good job of keeping you warm. Best of all? It doesn't trap odors, so you can wear a pair for several days and not smell like a locker room. Which is what I did... except... I bought some inexpensive disposable men's underwear (which seem very much like cotton panties... or "manties") as a fresh daily barrier to help keep my long undies clean. Worked great. Took up practically no space in my suitcase. In the end, Merino Wool is a bit pricey but so worth it. I bought two pair of the mid-weight tops/bottoms directly from Minus 33 and was very happy with it. I loved that it was so thin that I could double it up on colder days and be toasty warm.

       
    • Sun! The sun reflecting off the snow and ice is pretty harsh. Take good sunglasses (and, if you wear glasses, get good prescription sunglasses). And, oh yeah... TAKE SUN SCREEN! I had a friend tell me that he got sunburned pretty bad on his Antarctica trip. So I took Banana Boat SPF 30 and applied it liberally to my face. Wore it every landing we had. Still got burned. So... take a higher SPF than 30 if you want to avoid sunburn!

       
    • Expectations! I was warned many times to keep my expectations in check. Antarctica is wildly unpredictable on all fronts, and having lofty expectations is almost certainly setting yourself up for disappointment. All you can really do is get excited for the possibilities... then roll with whatever comes your way. I mean, just look at my trip! We had to cancel one of our landings so we could detour to have somebody airlifted to Chile for a medical emergency. We had to cancel another landing because of bad weather. And yet... everything worked out. I was just thrilled to see what I got to see and do what I got to do...

    Antarctica Neko Harbor

    And, seriously, it could have been worse. It can always be worse!

       
    • Inflight Movies! With nearly thirty hours in planes that had a rather large film library, I was able to watch a few movies to occupy my time getting to Buenos Aires and back...

    • Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets — I went into this movie with such huge expectations... it was to be the spiritual sequel to The Fifth Element for heaven's sake. But it let me down in so many ways. Watching it again with zero expectations let me enjoy it for what it was, and I may actually kinda like it now.
    • Atomic Blonde — I loved this movie so hard. Between the Cold War spy plot, perfect 80's soundtrack, and Charlize Theron kicking abundant amounts of ass... it was too good to be true. It only improves on second viewing.
    • The Mummy — THIS is what was supposed to kick off the new, improved, and unified "Dark Universe?" So bad. So groan-inducing awful. Tried too hard to capture the fun of the Brendan Fraser version and failed miserably. Really hated it.
    • Logan Lucky — Smart. Funny. Surprisingly good entertainment.
    • Ghost in the Shell — As a huge fan of the original manga and animated series/film, I was let down by this ScarJo movie spectacle. On second viewing, the problems are still there... but the amazing visuals are too. I don't hate it. I just wish it could have lived up to its potential.
    • Power Rangers — It starts with a bull masturbation joke and just gets progressively worse from there. The TV show reveled in its cheesiness... the movie tries to take it seriously and failed utterly. Nothing makes sense. Everything is stupid to the point of being offensive. I'm embarrassed for everybody involved.
    • John Wick: Chapter Two — Really wish I saw this in the theater. The original completely surprised me with how good it was. This one was just as good despite my high expectations. The ending sets us up for a third installment that promises to up the stakes yet again... I'm ready.
    • Alien: Covenant — While not the disappointment that Prometheus was, it still falls way, way short of being Alien-worthy.

       
    And... no more Antarctica for you. Or for me. See you next week.

       

    Video17

    Posted on Thursday, December 28th, 2017

    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    Or, more accurately, a "wrap-up of movies I saw that came out this year." As always, there's a bunch of movies I never saw that would have probably ended up on my list (we'll get to that later). And here we go...

    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Favorite Movies 2017

    #1 Thor: Ragnarok
    While critics were kind of meh on the first two Thor movies, I loved them. The first captured the grandeur and majesty of a prince of Asgard and set up Loki as a major player in all that would follow. The second faltered a bit on story, but had the best Thor action we had seen to date. And now we get Thor: Ragnarok which heads into new, more comedic territory to deliver one of the most entertaining Marvel Studios films to date. Writer Eric Pearson, who came out of nowhere with only episodes of television's Agent Carter under his belt absolutely nailed the perfect balance of action to laughs. Director Taika Waititi went full-on Jack Kirby with the visuals and made the script absolutely sing. And then there's the flawless cast headed by Chris Hemsworth and his way underutilized comedic chops... plus Tom Hiddleston being the best Loki yet, Cate Blanchett taking the crown as Marvel's best villain yet, Jeff Goldblum being the most Jeff Goldblum we've seen yet, Mark Ruffalo giving us (by far) the best Hulk yet, Idris Elba finally being given something substantial to do and bringing the best Haimdall yet, plus Tessa Thompson's Valkyrie... easily one of the best additions to the Thor saga yet. The plot is almost incidental given the amazing cast and visuals, but it doesn't suck. Thor and Hulk in a buddy movie and it's glorious. By far my favorite film of this year. Of most years.

    #2 Spider-Man: Homecoming
    The Sony Spider-Man films went from pretty good and took a slow slide to comic book tragedy. I was always glad when a new one was released, but never cared much for what I saw. Until Marvel got the character back and made him exactly the character he needed to be. Spider-Man: Homecoming is easily the best Spider-Man to ever hit the screen. Painfully respectful to the source material (holy crap... Spider-Man is just a kid!) with some fantastic updates (Aunt May isn't ancient! Tony Stark is his mentor!) and laced with dazzling special effects that never overwhelm the story, I loved every minute of the movie. Michael Keaton adds new dimension to The Vulture, who is stealing all the tech in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and creating powerfully-armed super-criminals which Peter Parker stumbles upon. Trying to balance being a super-hero with school, his friends, his aunt, and his love-life gets to be quite a challenge, but makes for fantastic entertainment. Robert Downey Jr. popping up from time to time is just the icing on the cake.

    #3 Wonder Woman
    It's no secret that I positively loathe the new "cinematic universe" being created by DC Comics and Zack Snyder. Dark, depressing, and absolutely no fun... Man of Steel, Batman vs. Superman, and Suicide Squad just plain suck. I hated them all. But then Patty Jenkin comes along and plucks Wonder Woman from the gloom to create a glorious representative of what the DC films should be. Taking place in World War I, Steve Trevor crashes into the ocean near Themiscyra, home of the Amazons. Princess Diana, born into a destiny for greater things, leaves paradise to search for Ares, god of war and whom she is convinced is behind the horrors emveloping the world. Things don't go quite as she planned, but Diana becomes the hero we need along the way. Kudos to Gal Gadot and Chris Pine for their amazing performances, which elevate an already remarkable story. When Diana climbs out of the trenches to cross "no-man's land" and save a village in France, we were treated to one of the most surprisingly emotional moments on film in 2017. It was that moment that Princess Diana became Wonder Woman, and Patty Jenkins brought hope to the future of DC Comics on film.

    #4 Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2
    The original Guardians of the Galaxy has long been one of my favorite Marvel films. It was a complete surprise. I held no hope at all it would be any good, but James Gunn figured out a way to make it more than "good" and I loved everything about it. The sequel didn't capture my imagination like the first... the story is a bit convoluted and lost a bit of the emotional charm... but it's still a wholly entertaining ride that I loved to watch. Kurt Russel pulled off the character of "Ego" the way few others could, which just added to an already flawless cast... the highlight being "Baby Groot," who absolutely nobody can help falling in love with. But above everything is the emotional center that Gunn put at the core of it all. Peter Quill's self-discovery and need for family drives the story in ways that most super-hero flicks can't match, and that's why the movie works as well as it does. Cannot wait for Volume 3.

    #5 Blade Runner 2049
    It's an unnecessary sequel with a story that was in desperate need of editing, but it was also a revelation with stunning visuals that made it a worth successor to the original film. Most people I know either loved it or hated it with nothing in-between, and I totally get that. And it's part of the reason I liked the film so much... it totally went for the brass ring and took risks that could alienate its audience. Was it the story I most wanted to see? No. But it was still very much in keeping faith with the original, and Ryan Gosling as the Replicant "K" has once again upped my opinion of his talents (the first time being in The Good Guys where he was amazing). Harrison Ford's return as Deckard was in many ways underwhelming, but this isn't his story, so it works. Yes, the film dragged on with every scene feeling far longer than it needed to be, but it was also amazing to look at, has one of the best sound mixes I've ever experienced, and packed an unexpected emotional punch. Dismal box-office practically ensures we won't be getting any more Blade Runners until the inevitable reboot seven years from now, and that's probably okay. Though, by the end of the movie, I was left very much wanting to see more of the dreamy future world that K lives in. I guess that's about as good as an endorsement as I can give.

    #6 Atomic Blonde
    Charlize Theron is a fantastic actress who knows exactly how to inhabit the roles she takes on. Never is this more apparent than with this 1989 Cold War spy thriller that is filled with some of the best "James Bond" action you will ever see. Relentless action highlighted by some of the most brutal fight scenes you'll see by a woman... or a man. The fact that it was such an amazing 80's soundtrack attached is just the icing on the cake (though I honestly can't picture the movie without it). The twist on a twist at the end was not as surprising as it could have been, but it wraps things up well and has me dying to see a sequel.

    Favorite Movies 2017

    #7 Get Out
    Who knew? I dismissed Get Out as another Key and Peele bit of funny fluff like Keanu and had no plans to ever see it in theaters... thinking maybe I'll catch it on video. But the critical acclaim built up so fast and was so overwhelmingly positive that I had to see it. I was not disappointed. Jordan Peele has stepped away from comedy (while leaving one foot in the pool) to craft a remarkable thriller that has a running commentary on society that few others could handle so deftly. And yet... wholly entertaining on top of that.

    #8 LEGO Batman: The Movie
    Amazing. DC should just scrap everything they're doing and just LEGO everything. I laughed more time in this film than any film in recent memory. I was sorely tempted to just slap this at #1 and be done with the list... but... so many good films this year.

    #9 Coco
    It's as if Pixar releases shit like Cars 2 and Cars 3 then compensates for it by releasing stunning works like Brave, Finding Dory, and now Coco.... A heartfelt story married to lush, colorful, gorgeous visuals. Seriously, this is one of the prettiest films ever made.

    #10 Kedi
    It took owning cats for me to fall in love with cats. Kedi is a love-letter to the stray cats of Istanbul... thousands of them... and the people who interact with them. If you're fascinated by felines, documentaries, and other cultures, this is your movie. Heck, even if you're not into any of those things, this is still your movie.

    #11 Baby Driver
    A lot of movies tout themselves to be "thrill-rides" and end up being anything but. This movie is a thrill-ride that actually delivers. Edgar Wright took both car chase movies and heist movies to another level by combining gritty action with a phenomenal cast and a killer soundtrack. It's a real shame that Kevin Spacey turned out to be a shit, because this movie typifies him taking on a subordinate role in a film and just killing it.

    #12 Kimi No Na Wa (Your Name)
    Just when you thing the body-swap trope has been done to death and you never want to see it again, director Makoto Shinkai uses it to craft a beautiful, compelling, complex love story unlike any other. Besides being beautifully animated, the story has real emotional impact and a twist you feel. It's a real shame that so few Westerners will see this movie because it's well worth seeing.

       
    SPECIAL MENTION...
    I love a good standup film. I live for a great standup film. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King is a standup film to die for. I've seen it five times. I will undoubtedly watch it a dozen more...

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    Because I am not an Indian-American Muslim, Minhaj cannot speak to my experience being an Indian-American Muslim. But he makes it so that I can relate to his story and reach a place where I can better understand what it means to be an Indian-American Muslim in this country... and only the very best comedians can do something like that. This is game-changing, groundbreaking, beautifully-realized, entirely entertaining comedy film that is not to be missed. And that's true no matter who you are or what you believe.

       
    SPECIAL MENTION...
    Last year my #9 movie was La Tortue Rouge (The Red Turtle), which was a 2016 movie for me because I saw it on the festival circuit. It was put in general USA release this year, so I'm mentioning it again because it's just too beautiful to overlook...

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    La Tortue Rouge - The Red Turtle

    Gorgeous animation from Studio Ghibli that's a warm blanket in visual form (there's no dialogue). The story is a tale of survival that unfolds like a classic fairytale... but ends up being so much more. I feel incredibly fortunate to have seen it on the big screen where it's visual grandeur can truly be appreciated, but it will resonate with you when viewed at any size. Watch it. And watch it without distraction so you can soak it all in the way it was meant to be experienced.

       
    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    • Dunkirk. I didn't think of Christopher Nolan as a historical drama filmmaker, but this is a film which proves his storytelling knows no boundaries. Everything about it is meticulously orchestrated to deliver emotional impact in the best possible way. I saw this in IMAX, which is probably the best way to experience it, but it's really unmissable, glorious filmmaking in any form.
    • The Big Sick. Based on comedian Kumail Nanjiani's real-life relationship with (now-wife) Emily V. Gordon, this is a romantic comedy filled with wit and charm that's made fresh by the cultural divide in the middle of it all. With beats of dark humor popping up from time to time, it's a movie that strives for entertaining substance... and succeeds.
    • I Am Not Your Negro. "The story of the Negro in America is the story of America. It is not a pretty story." Based on an incomplete manuscript by James Baldwin, this is a telling of that not-so-pretty story. A brilliant, visionary film taking a hard look at race in this country that demands to be seen.
    • Colossal. Where? Where did this come from? I saw no advertising for it when it was in theaters. I only saw it when it popped up on iTunes as an "editor's choice" kind of thing while I was bored and looking for a movie to watch. I was so intrigued by the cast (Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudeikis?) and the concept (movie monsters?) and the reviews (critics absolutely loved it?) that I was compelled to buy it. Loved it. Brilliant in every way.
    • Gifted. I loathe "heartwarming kid movies" and avoid anything that even looks it like the plague. But this was the only movie I hadn't seen on a long flight, so I dug in hoping that Chris Evans would do a decent enough job to salvage it. Imagine my surprise when not only did Evans turn in a phenomenal performance... but the story was really good as well. Oh... and the kid wasn't nearly as annoying as they usually are.
    • It. A pleasant surprise in many ways, I avoided this film in theaters because I didn't see how they could top Tim Curry's amazing take on Pennywise the Clown. Turns out they didn't attempt. to top it... they just went in a different direction entirely. Interestingly enough, this movie is only half the book. I'm guessing that, given the huge box office it did, the second half of the story will make it to screen sometime soon.
    • John Wick: Chapter 2. The original John Wick completely surprised me with how good it was. This one was just as good despite my high expectations. The ending sets us up for a third installment that promises to up the stakes yet again... I'm ready.
    • Kingsman: The Golden Circle. I loved the first film. A lot. The sequel had escalating entertainment value, but really faltered in a number of places. I liked the movie. I wanted to love it. The fact that I didn't has me worried for the future of the franchise.
    • Logan Lucky. Smart. Funny. Surprisingly good entertainment. If you haven't seen it but are looking for a good film to watch, then just watch it. Don't go researching it or even watch a trailer. Let Logan Lucky take you by surprise like it did me.
    • Hidden Figures. A beautiful movie with a flawless cast marred by the fact that we apparently can't have accurate mainstream Black history movies based on real events without tossing in fictional white saviors to make it "feel-good-marketable" in the process.
    • War for the Planet of the Apes. We're in our third movie of the new trilogy and I don't know how they do it. All three of the Planet of the Apes films are good, but this may be the best yet. I honestly want for there to be another one if we're going to get a film like this.
    • Umi Yori Mo Mada Fukaku (After the Storm). This is a film that is intrinsically Japanese in that it is a simple, beautiful movie on the surface... with plunging depths that are only hinted at lurking underneath. Surprisingly, it's perfectly enjoyable just to let the surface wash over you without having to think so much... but there's more to the story waiting if you are game to look for it. Stars Abe Hiroshi, one of my favorite Japanese actors of the moment.

       
    HAVEN'T SEEN YET, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    • Star Wars: The Last Jedi
    • Downsizing
    • The Shape of Water
    • Loving Vincent
    • Professor Marston and the Wonder Women
    • Lady Bird
    • Call Me By Your Name
    • Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
    • The Disaster Artist
    • God’s Own Country
    • Loving
    • City of Ghosts
    • Jane: In The Shadow Of Man
    • A Ghost Story
    • Okja

       
    NOT AS BAD AS THEY SAY...

    • Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. I went into this movie with such huge expectations... it was to be the spiritual sequel to The Fifth Element for heaven's sake. But it let me down in so many ways. Watching it a second time with zero expectations let me enjoy it for what it was, and I may actually kinda like it now.
    • Ghost in the Shell. As a huge fan of the original manga and animated series/film, I was let down by this ScarJo movie spectacle. On second viewing, the problems are still there... but the amazing visuals are too. I don't hate it. I just wish it could have lived up to its potential.

       
    THE WORST...

    • Power Rangers. It starts with a bull masturbation joke and just gets progressively worse from there. The TV show reveled in its cheesiness... the movie tries to take it seriously and failed utterly. Nothing makes sense. Everything is stupid to the point of being offensive. I'm embarrassed for everybody involved.
    • Justice League. I held out no hope for this continuation of the Zack Snyder travesty wrecking the DC Comics Cinematic Universe, and swore I would wait for video. I broke my oath because I was bored while at a work site. I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would... but still hated it. A disjointed, disaster-porn mess with a useless villain that not even Wonder Woman can save. The only thing positive to come out of it was the glimmer of hope that Ezra Miller's "The Flash" could be a fun movie.
    • The Mummy. THIS is what was supposed to kick off the new, improved, and unified "Dark Universe?" So bad. So groan-inducing awful. Tried too hard to capture the fun of the Brendan Fraser version and failed miserably. Really hated everything about it.
    • The Dark Tower. You know your movie is shit when not even having Idris Elba starring in it can save the thing. A confusing, incoherent, poorly-conceived movie where even the action is boring.

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    Young Hollywood Obsession

    Posted on Thursday, January 4th, 2018

    Dave!My first screen crush was Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. Not from her initial run that started in 1975 (I was 9 years old) but later on when the show was syndicated on whatever cable channel reran old pop culture TV shows in 1981. I was flicking through channels and happened upon what I thought was some kind of military show, until Diana Prince exploded in a burst of light and Wonder Woman appeared on my television.

    She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

    In every sense that mattered, Lynda Carter was Wonder Woman.

    To say I was obsessed is an understatement. I kept watching the show every chance I got... even when they destroyed it by abandoning the World War II setting and had Lyle Waggoner play his own son in "modern times" (while accompanied by a bleep-bloop computer named IRAC and a robot called ROVER).

    My Lynda Carter awakening game me an all new appreciation for other shows I was tuning into at the time...
    • Erin Gray who played Wilma Deering in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
    • Pamela Hensley who played Princess Ardala in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
    • Barbara Eden who played Genie in I Dream of Genie reruns.

    Of these four women who shaped my fantasy life in my developing years, I've only met one of them, Erin Gray...

    Me and Erin Gray

    Note she is just as beautiful now as she ever was. And she was nice!

    Other crushes came and went... depending on who was the "it-girl" of the moment on MTV or in the latest TV show or Movie I liked, but everything began with Lynda, Erin, Pamela, and Barbara.

    And then came Blade Runner in 1982.

    Always looking for the next big sci-fi extravaganza to fuel the fire lit by Star Wars (or, more likely, The Empire Strikes Back), I trudged to the theater to take in Blade Runner, which was a big treat for me at the time.

    It was there that I literally had my breath taken away when "Racheal" appeared from the dim recesses of Eldon Tyrell's corporate headquarters...

    The cool, detached demeanor that Rachel exhibited throughout Harrison Ford's interrogation was just the icing on the cake. I had just fallen in love with Sean Young.

    This meant saving up the insane amount of money to buy a copy of Blade Runner on VHS tape when it was released in 1983 (seriously, it was like $100 or something). It also meant following her career (going backwards to see her first film appearance in Stripes first), which was pretty hit-or-miss over the years. But I always loved Sean. Even when she would play to the absurd, like she did in 1994's Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

    And so you can imagine my shock when 1982 Sean Young appeared on-screen in last year's Blade Runner 2049 sequel. Looking exactly as she did when I fell in love with her 35 years ago...

    Digital Rachael

    Unlike the way they resurrected Carrie Fischer's Princess Leia in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Sean Young looked real. So real that I was convinced they must have digitally cleaned up footage from the first movie and reused it somehow. How could it be otherwise, because everything about it Was. Real.

    It also lead to a moment of confusion for me when Deckard (Harrison Ford) spoils his reunion moment in Blade Runner 2049 by telling Wallace he screwed up because the real Rachael had green eyes. Except... from my staring into them for hours at a time, I knew that her eyes were actually originally brown, just like the new copy. It's then I had an "ah ha!" moment when I realized that Decker was merely using the eye color line to screw with Wallace by essentially saying he would always know she was a fake.

    I had kind of forgotten about this somewhat shocking moment from 2017 cinema until today when I ran across a story about how they actually did recreate Sean Young digitally for the cameo appearance. They just took the time to do an extraordinary job of it...

    Digital Rachael

    And here's the VFX reel...

    Amazing.

    I'm guessing in the next ten to twenty years, the visual effects will be so jaw-droppingly realistic that they can resurrect anybody from any time and bring them to life again on-screen.

    I'm not going to dwell on the legal or moral consequences of doing so. But I am going to dwell on the possibility that we'll one day get an "animated" feature film of 1975 Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman.

    15-year-old me is counting on it.

       

    Super Cinematic

    Posted on Tuesday, January 30th, 2018

    Dave!Wow. 2018 is shaping up to be a heck of a year for super-hero movies! Let's take a look at the eight flicks that are coming up this year...

       
    FEBRUARY 16: Black Panther
    Black Panther has long been one of my favorites characters, and to see his phenomenal appearance in Captain America: Civil War was almost too good to be true. Getting an actual Black Panther feature film, however? Ordinarily I'd be wary, but Marvel Studios has not had a single misstep, and I'm not counting on this film being its first. It looks incredible. I like that Marvel is also heading in another direction now that they got other sub-genres covered. Tech: Iron Man, Politics: Captain America, Legendary: Thor, Action: Avengers, Magical/Mystical: Doctor Strange, Teen Angst: Spider-Man, Science Fiction: Guardians of the Galaxy... and now for Marvel's take on international intrigue done James Bond style, Black Panther. It's just all so perfect...

    I actually prefer the teaser trailer below to the final official trailer above, because it sets up Wakanda for what it is in the Marvel Universe: The wealthiest, most technologically advanced society on earth, and one of the planet's biggest secrets...

       
    APRIL 13: New Mutants
    I like the idea of super-hero movies heading into horror territory, but not sure what to think of the trailer for New Mutants, which probably doesn't go far enough to make it worthwhile as a horror film. And quite possibly not far enough as a super-hero film either. But, hey, fingers crossed, as I really like the "Demon Bear" comic book storyline which this is rumored to follow...

       
    MAY 4: Avengers: Infinity War
    And here we are... what all the Marvel Studios films to date have been leading up to. I have incredibly high expectations, which I fully expect to be exceeded...

       
    MAY 18: Deadpool 2
    The first Deadpool was a pleasant surprise. Wonderfully faithful to the original comic book and starring the most perfect casting yet seen on film, the movie was a mega-blockbuster smash that deserved every penny it made...

       
    JULY 6: Ant Man and The Wasp
    When talking about the different sub-genres that Marvel Studios has been running through above, one that I left out was "fun" the original Ant-Man movie was a seriously fun caper flick. The sequel looks to be more of the same, but without the need for an origin story, which means it should be better than the original. I'm certainly counting on it...

       
    OCTOBER 5: Venom
    While I generally enjoyed the first two Tobey Maguire Spider-Man films, the franchise majorly shit the bed with Sam Raimi's third installment which (attempted) to bring the massively popular villain, Venom on the silver screen. It was done badly, which was a shame. Venom can be an interesting character when handled right. To do that, they brought in director Ruben Fleischer and cast Bane himself, Tom Hardy, in the lead role. Apparently the movie's story will be based on the "Planet of the Symbiotes" comic book stories, which means über-villain Carnage will be making an appearance. I have no clue if this will be any good but, if the reviews aren't tragic, I'll probably take a look.

       
    NOVEMBER 21: X-Men: Dark Phoenix
    I can only guess that this is an attempt to make up for the pile of shit that was X-Men 3: Last Stand, which attempted to touch on the seminal X-Men comic book arc... The Dark Phoenix Saga. But the ultimate villain of X-Men 3 was water (yes, seriously, it was fucking water) which was surprising as it was predictable considering it had Brett Ratner's stank all over it. Which, I suppose is a notch above Bryan Singer stank... but not by much. In any event, it would be nice to see a movie which takes the actual Dark Phoenix Saga seriously, though I'm not holding out too much hope given the laughable joke that X-Men: Apocalypse was... and that young-cast Wolverine doesn't seem to be a part of it...

    Dark Phoenix Teaser Poster

       
    DECEMBER 21: Aquaman
    The fact that this is a film by James Wan and not another Zack Snyder shit-fest gives me a glimmer of hope that he'll pull a Patty Jenkins and make a DC Cinematic Universe film that's worth a crap...

    Aquaman Teaser Poster

       
    And tah-dah. I wish we got four Marvel Studios films each year. Three just isn't enough. Maybe that will change now that the X-Men franchise characters are back in the fold. At least one would hope so. If Marvel Studios started giving the X-franchise the care they've extended to their other films, we're within striking distance of Avengers vs. X-Men.

       

    To Infinity… And Beyond!

    Posted on Monday, February 5th, 2018

    Dave!I don't watch the Super Bowl. That's probably because I don't give a crap about football. Most years I still have the game on while I work because I want to see the commercials, but this year I figured I'd just watch them all on YouTube after the game. That way I don't have to add to the NFL viewer numbers since I feel that any sport which allows owners to shit all over The United States of America with it's mandated faux-patriotism can go fuck themselves. Colin Kaepernick did not disrespect this country, its people, or our troops when he respectfully took a knee in protest during the National Anthem... and yet he was treated as if he did, and is now paying the price for what became of it. So much for freedom.

    Anyway... the one commercial I was wanting to see more than any other was the trailer for Avengers: Infinity War. A movie I am very, very much looking forward to come May...

       
    Pretty great, right?

    Everybody and their dog will be rushing to analyze every frame of the trailer, so I'm going to take a pass on that. Instead I'm just going to run through the eighteen scenes found therein and offer up my commentary. BE WARNED! If you aren't caught up on the past Marvel Studios films, there may be spoilers ahead...

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    And this is how you do it... lead off with the true promise of this movie: all the various Marvel Studios franchises are coming together in interesting ways. Here Technology, science, and magic are converging in a single shot.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    The romance between The Scarlet Witch and The Vision is a major staple of the Marvel comic book universe. I'm very, very happy that they've been advancing this in the cinematic universe as well. Though I'm not sure what's going on here. Vision is projecting a human form, which is great... but what's the deal with the stone? Weirdest foreplay ever?

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Though Thanos had been hinted at in the first Avengers film, he really didn't become a "thing" until Guardians of the Galaxy. There it was revealed he was as the father of both Gamora and Nebula. This firmly cemented Guardians as a part of the narrative build-up for this film, even though it took place in a galaxy far, far away.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    "It's all been leading to this." Yes. Yes it most definitely has. Interesting to note that Bruce Banner somehow made it back to earth ahead of Thor, which is a little surprising considering they were last seen together in space. As an aside... what's with Tony Stark having an Arc Reactor in his chest again? that was removed in Iron Man 3.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    One can only guess that the post-credits scene in Thor: Ragnarok has Thanos destroying the space ark with all the Asgardians on it, and only Thor survived to be picked up by The Guardians. That would suck, considering the destruction of Asgard itself has already punched Thor in the gut. But even more so because that means Korg probably perished with them. It's strongly hinted that time travel is going to play a part in the movie, so maybe dead isn't dead, just like the comic books. If so... dare we hope for a Quicksilver appearance?

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    If there's anybody who should be worried about Thanos showing up, it's Loki, who failed to secure The Tesseract for him way back in the first Avengers film. Maybe the fact that he managed to swipe it from Asgard before it went boom will be enough for him to be spared being killed?

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Spider-Man, once again biting off more than he can chew. No telling how he managed to get up to the big dimensional portal device(?) that appeared above NYC, but it's weird to think that he would think there's anything he could do about it. But, that's what makes him a hero... he has to try. And, thanks to his Spider-Sense, he knows it's a bad, bad thing.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Black Widow was originally Team Iron Man in Civil War, but switched to Team Cap at the end. The Vision was always Team Iron Man, which means this is undoubtedly a scene from later in the movie when everybody has become friends again?

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    For anybody wondering if Thor losing an eye at the end of Ragnarok would be carried over to this film, here's your answer.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Fanboys are up in arms over Cap's new "shield" being this thing. I can't help but agree it's a shitty move. One of the coolest thing about his shield (other than being indestructible, of course) is that he can toss it like a Frisbee thanks to its saucer-like aerodynamics. Hopefully he gets the shield back somewhere along the line.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    And so Tony Stark now has armor that chika-chika-chikas into place like Black Panther? More practical, of course, but not nearly as much fun. Until now, it's been a mechanical process that very much comes down to him donning a suit of armor to do battle. This is a lazy cop-out when it comes to storytelling.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Is it sad that I want Teen Groot to be blown to pieces so we can start over with Baby Groot again? Oh how I loved Baby Groot!

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Nebula wants Thanos dead more than anybody else in the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe. She also probably knows Thanos better than anybody else in the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe. I'm really hoping that she gets thrust into the spotlight in this film as she deserves to. Keeping her in the background can't possibly service the story they are telling. But, comparatively speaking, she's small potatoes amongst the cast, so who knows.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Not a fan of Black Widow as a blonde. Yes, they've changed her hair in every movie she's appeared in. Yes, she's a spy and it's feasible she was undercover as a blonde just as events of the movie open. But dammit, Black Widow is a red-head! And, while we're here, I'd just like to say that the rumors of Black Widow finally getting her own movie after being a guest in like... every other movie... had better be happening.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Well, it's Bucky. Awakened from his deep-freeze and fighting for Wakanda. Best of luck there, Buck.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    And here's the money shot for me. Dr. Strange, Wong, and Iron Man teaming up in battle. THIS is what Avengers: Infinity War is truly about... having all the various Marvel Cinematic Universe pieces coming together in cool ways. I am all fangirling out at this point.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Remember... before you get all sucked into the Infinity War hype... Black Panther is coming out in a mere eleven days. WAKANDA FOREVER! — And, can I just say one more time how utterly silly and stupid Cap's "arm shields" look? No? Okay.

       
    Avengers Infinity War Trailer Still

    Thanos! Why U mad, bro? Black Panther scratch your face? Seriously, I'm asking... I don't recall seeing those scratches before.

       
    Annnnnnd... scene. See you in May, Avenger!

       

    All The Stars Are Closer

    Posted on Tuesday, February 6th, 2018

    Dave!And so... it would seem that Black Panther is going to kick ass in more than just the writing, directing, acting, visuals, and special effects.

    The songs from the soundtrack released so far have been incredible and, as if that wasn't enough, the video for All the Stars by Kendrick Lamar and SZA has dropped, and it is absolutely mind-blowing beautiful...

       
    Seriously, the artistry here is nothing short of feature film worthy, and I cannot stop looking at it. Every frame is a sublime work of art...

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA All the Stars from the Black Panther Soundtrack

       
    Stunning work by Dave Meyers and the little homies.

       

    “You’re Dumbo!”

    Posted on Friday, February 9th, 2018

    Dave!Thor: Ragnarok was my favorite movie of 2017 by a wide margin. It was smart, imaginative, and funny in a way that most films never reach, and the fact that they somehow got that out of a super-hero movie is pretty remarkable.

    Ragnarok hits home video on February 20th (DVD and Blu-Ray in March, I think). Needless to say, I can't wait. Especially when I saw this deleted scene making its way around the internet where Jeff Goldblum is being his most Jeff Goldblumiest...

    Scenes this good have had entire movies built around them. In this movie, it's a deleted scene. Unbelievable.

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    Bullet Sunday 550

    Posted on Sunday, February 11th, 2018

    Dave!Spring is just around the corner... so better prepare yourself, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Priced to Move! And... Blade Runner 2049 just dropped to $15 on iTunes. Knew it wouldn't stay at $20 forever given how badly they need to make up for the poor box office showing. Such a shame. I loved this movie. Yes, it ran a bit too long in parts and was in desperate need of further editing, but it ultimately pays off I think. Beautiful film...

    Blade Runner 2049 Poster

    The sound mix on Blade Runner 2049 is one of the best I've ever heard. Completely immersive, and all channels are beautifully distinct or blended as required. My cats are more than a little confused by the effectiveness of the spatial sound.

       
    • No! Got a call from the Democratic party this past week wanting donations. My response? "Democrats representing my state are running off lobbyist money and obviously don't need my help. Why don't you go ask Patty Murray's Big Pharma friends for money and leave me the hell out of it. Take me off your call list and never, EVER call me for money again." Hopefully that will scare them off, just like I've already scared off the Republicans. Since I am not party-affiliated and vote for /donate to both of them, I have double the bullshit to deal with. I will never allow a political party to send my money to corrupt assholes in the pocket of lobbyists... from now on, I donate to specific candidates I feel are worth it. Not that there's many of them left.

       
    • Good! Despite the fast that The Good Doctor was created by David Shore, I held off watching it because I have a friend whose son is autistic, and I don't like the idea of the struggles that autistic persons go through being exploited for entertainment. Then this past week I finally decided to take a look and was just amazed...

    The Good Doctor Poster

    It's a very good show and didn't seem exploitative at all. I binged all 14 episodes I had. If you're not watching and like medical dramas, it's worth a look.

       
    • Bio! And speaking of good television shows... iTunes has a free preview of A.P. Bio which stars Glenn Howerton (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and That 80's Show) as a teacher who is stuck in Ohio once his Harvard dream job passes him by. The result is actually funny... but also smart and even touching...

    These things always look so stupid. When they turn out to be more than that, it's such a pleasant surprise. Patton Oswald is just the icing on the cake.

       
    • Jones! And it seems as though Netflix will be keeping my monthly fee for.a while longer... new Jessica Jones is coming next month...

    It's been revealed that Disney has no plans to take over the Netflix Marvel shows and move them to their new streaming service. Thankfully. Don't fix what's not broken. The Netflix shows are mostly awesome, unlike the ABC Television shows which suck ass.

       
    • Unmolded! When I had my home renovated, I hired a fairly pricey contractor because I didn't want crap falling apart after a year. For the most part, I think it was a smart move... though there are some details of their work that pisses me off. Primary of which is the shitty molding installation.

    My home has rounded "California Corners" which I hate hate hate. Mostly I just don't like how they look. But also because it made finding molding so difficult that I had to have it all custom made to get the clean and simple look I wanted. It was more money than I wanted to pay, but whatever.

    Except... the installation was shitty. The corners were just slapped on there with no attempt made to blend the seams. I caught some of them before painting and sanded them a bit, but most of them had already been done and looked like this...

    California Corner Molding Fix

    What chaps my ass is that it would have taken minutes to fix this before painting. But, since it wasn't fixed, that means I have to spend considerable more time sanding them out while making sure I'm not damaging the wall or floor...

    California Corner Molding Fix

    California Corner Molding Fix

    But the result is worth it. I'm just one more coat of leveling paint (after the first coat dries) to the seamless molding I should have had from the beginning...

    California Corner Molding Fix

    One down, eight to go.

       
    Until next Bullet Sunday, enjoy winter's last gasp...

       

    Overboard Once Again

    Posted on Monday, February 12th, 2018

    Dave!The Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russel film "Overboard" is one of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures. I've seen it dozens of times because I cannot bring myself to turn the channel any time it's on and I need background noise running. Now I see they are remaking it. They've swapped the genders of the original story... but it's the same damn movie...

    WHY?!??

    Look, I like Anna Farris and all, but she's no Goldie Hawn. And I don't know who the actor is, but he is absolutely no Kurt Russell. And if you're not going to bring anything new to the table, why do it? Is Hollywood really so bankrupt on ideas that this is where they want to sink their money?

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    Direct Currents, Brick Edition

    Posted on Thursday, February 15th, 2018

    Dave!I've made no secret about how much I loathe the current crop of DC Comics movies. With the exception of Wonder Woman, they are bad films that take a massive shit on the original source material. Batman vs. Superman, Suicide Squad, and Justice League were all gut-wrenchingly awful and only get worse upon subsequent viewings. How DC can fuck up this badly when Marvel is nailing it film after film is a complete mystery to me. It's as if the people in charge of DC movie production have taken what made their characters so popular for so long, and then just done the opposite of that.

    Fortunately, the people running DC's television shows are on an entirely different level. Arrow, The Flash, and Supergirl are consistently good, and now we get Black Lightning, which may be saddled with a lame disco costume and sub-par villain... but is otherwise fantastic. I'm not particularly fond of Legends of Tomorrow, but it's still a watchable show. Bravo to The CW Network showrunners who totally get what they need to be doing with DC characters to make them work.

    What fans need is for The CW to be given rights to a Superman series and a Batman series. Hell, turn the network into The DC Network and give us Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Legion of Super-Heroes shows too! If there's one thing that Tyler Hoechlin's amazing turn as Superman guest starring in Supergirl has shown us, we need these shows.

    In the meanwhile though?

    I've been completely hooked on the LEGO DC Comics movies. They are not all home runs, but they are great entertainment and totally watchable in a way the Zack-Snyder-infused movies will never be...




       
    And so... If you're a DC Comics fan who hasn't checked out the movies that LEGO is cranking out, you might want to give them a try. Sure they're filmed with toys, made for kids, and aren't at all serious... but, until Patty Jenkins becomes showrunner for the DC Cinematic Universe, it's about as good as it's going to get.

    Until Wonder Woman 2 comes along, of course.

       

    WAKANDA FOREVER!

    Posted on Friday, February 16th, 2018

    Dave!One of my all-time favorite Marvel super-heroes is coming to the Big Screen. I have never been so ready to see a movie.

    It's time for The Black Panther...


    LEGO Black Panther Poster

       

    No idea when I'll have time to go see it, but hopefully sooner rather than later.

       

    Bullet Sunday 551

    Posted on Sunday, February 18th, 2018

    Dave!I was lying last week when I said that Spring was just around the corner, because Winter reared its ugly head again this weekend... so better really prepare yourself, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Camera Historica! As somebody who loves photography, loves cameras, and loves history, the story of Sean Flynn's Leica M2 camera is an amazing read. It's a short read, and you should stop reading this and go take a look right now...

    XXX

    After reading this article, I started Googling Sean Flynn because he sounds like such a fascinating person. Turns out he absolutely was. The son of Errol Flynn and Lili Damita, he had an interesting life, a mysterious death, and everything in-between was an effort to forge his own path and find his own way. If you'd like to read more, this article is a good start.

       
    • Black Panther Fever! If you're playing LEGO Marvel Super-Heroes 2 (and why wouldn't you be?) then you must get the Black Panther DLC immediately. If not sooner...

    I was hoping for an actual Black Panther movie LEGO game, but I guess this will have to do.

       
    • Pneumatic! Well this is scary. If you only knew the number of times I've rested my pneumatic nail gun on somebody's head... I never thought that it might be dangerous! You learn something new every day!

    Pneumatic Tool Safety

    And, as an aside... ZOMG! DID YOU GUYS KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT TIDE PODS? IT SAYS SO RIGHT ON THE PACKAGE!! WHO KNEW?!? So much is coming to light now that I've started reading stuff!

       
    • Chaotic Neutral! Every once in a while I fall down the rabbit hole of YouTube videos. And it's not always just cat videos I'm watching. I stumbled upon this one, which is pretty epic...

    This is one of those situations where I'm not sure exactly how to feel after having seen it. I definitely agree that it's the perfect way to explain "Chaotic Neutral" to somebody who isn't familiar with Dungeons & Dragons.

       
    • Netflix Binge! I had to work this holiday weekend, but while I was working at home I had Netflix running. Every once in a while I feel the need to watch the service between Marvel shows and seasons of One Day at a Time so that I don't feel bad about paying the monthly fee. Here is what I watched...

    • The Joel McHale Show. ZOMG! Netflix has essentially brought back Talk Soup and it's glorious! I didn't realize how much I missed this show. Guest star cameos galore! Hilarious television fun.
    • Playing it Cool. After watching Chris Evans just kill it in Gifted, The Losers, and as Captain America in all the Marvel movies, I was interested in seeing what else he's been up to that I might not have seen. Playing it Cool was the first I came across. I'm not into RomComs, but have to admit that this was pretty good. Kinda had a different perspective, despite being predictably predictable.
    • Before We Go. Another Chris Evans movie and his directorial debut. So awful. An impossibly long, drawn-out mess of a movie that is boring to a fault, despite having some amazing acting by Evans and Alice Eve. What's sad is that I think Chris Evans would make a hell of a director... he just needs much better material.
    • The Cloverfield Paradox. I haven't been impressed with any of the "Cloverfield" films, despite critical acclaim, and this was really no different. The latest installment seems a mishmash of much better films and is just so weak in story and character development as to kill any investment the horror aspects of the film. A complete dud.
    • Tamborine As a huge fan of Chris Rock, I was excited to see new standup after so long. He's got a lot to say and he says it all. As always, he's funny and painfully socially relevant.
    • A Futile and Stupid Gesture. I admit I took a look at this movie just because I'm a fan of Will Forte and didn't bother investigating anything about it. Turns out it's the story of the rise and fall of National Lampoon Magazine and Doug Kenney. Surprisingly entertaining and well worth watching.
    • Burnt. Bradley Cooper seems to have dropped off the radar after some very high profile films, and I completely missed this movie where he plays a talented chef who implodes, then tries to work his way back to fame and glory by earning a third Michelin star.

       
    • Skippy! And speaking of Chris Evans in The Losers, this scene is pretty much perfect...

    Such a great character from such a great movie... I wish they would make a sequel.

       
    Later, bullet gators!

       

    The Black Panther

    Posted on Saturday, February 24th, 2018

    Dave!For comic book geeks, this truly is the golden age of cinema. On the Marvel side of the aisle, they have been killing it over and over and over again. This time it's with one of my most favorite Marvel heroes, Black Panther.

    Given my passion for comic books, this is going to be a long one, so strap yourself in.

    From the time I first started reading comic books, I was mostly a "DC Comics guy." This was undoubtedly because of DC being the home of Batman, probably my favorite super-hero. Batman doesn't have any powers except being absurdly rich, and yet he can hold his own on any super-team against even the most powerful villains. He made me think that I could be a super-hero too one day... all I needed was millions of dollars and a butler.

    When I branched out into Marvel comics, it was a very different world. Sure their stories happened in a real place like New York City and not a fictional one like Metropolis or Gotham City, but that was just geography. To a kid in central Washington State, New York might as well have been the moon (home of The Inhumans!). The fact that Marvel tried to give larger-than-life heroes mundane problems was kind of lost on me. Spider-Man has all these amazing powers where he could earn hundreds of thousands of dollars as a body guard, but he chooses to be a struggling photographer? What sense does that make? Superman may live a mundane life as Clark Kent, but at least he had the sense to pick a career where he could pay the rent.

    It went on and on like that for me with Marvel, the X-Men being the most perplexing of all. They never got tired of being persecuted as mutants, even with all the powers they possessed. I mean, yeah, many of them had human parents that probably made them sympathetic to the plight of mere humans... but come on. That's a plot point that gets really old, really fast.

    There were two exceptions with Marvel, however.

    1. Doctor Strange whose magical world was far more fascinating to me than anything Dr. Fate was ever given to do over at DC Comics.
    2. Black Panther who was nothing like any other super-hero I had ever seen.

    Doctor Strange already had his own fantastic movie, and now it's Black Panther's turn.

    At last.

    Black Panther by Jack Kirby

    For those who have not yet seen the film, my spoiler-free review would have to be "It's faithful to the source material with plenty of nods to the comics... along with being wonderfully written, superbly cast, beautifully filmed, and fully realized... all while being painfully socially relevant." I seriously loved every frame of it, and Ryan Coogler, his team, and his cast deserves every bit of praise being sent their way.

    For everybody else?

    Spoiler Zone!

    Alrighty then.

    Prior to seeing Black Panther I pretty much knew what to expect. King T'Chaka was killed in Captain America: Civil War, his son T'Challa returned to Wakanda to become king... and somewhere along the way Killmonger shows up to ruin his day. And since we all know that Black Panther and many characters from his film will be showing up in Avengers: Infinity War, it's a forgone conclusion that T'Challa comes out on top. The hero wins. The villain dies. End of story. Right?

    Surprisingly? It's not quite so cut-and-dry at that.

    But I'm getting ahead of myself. You'll find my thoughts on Black Panther in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 552

    Posted on Sunday, February 25th, 2018

    Dave!Prepare yourself, because a Very Special BLACK PANTHER EDITION of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Art! One of the best things about Black Panther is the production design. A lot of what went into that is explored in yet another wonderful edition of Marvel Studio's Art of the Movie books, which somebody on YouTube was kind enough to thumb through...

    There's very little of the book that's not fascinating... or gorgeous...

    Black Panther Art of the Movie Page

    I own the entire series and love them. You can pick up the absolutely beautiful Black Panther edition from Amazon.

       
    • Trevor! The detractors for Black Panther have been pretty stupid about it. I mean, if you don't like the movie, fine... to each their own. But the whole "This movie is racist because it's mostly Black people" is laughably stupid. My favorite commentary on this was by Trevor Noah from The Daily Show...

    Speaking of Trevor Noah, if you haven't read or, better yet, listened to the audiobook of his Born a Crime, then it is absolutely worth your valuable time to do so. While interviewing Lupita Nyong'o for Black Panther, it was revealed that she will be producing and playing his mother in the movie adaptation...

    Can't wait!

       
    • Mother! Speaking of audiobooks, a momentary aside... I am just now finding out that Jenifer Lewis released a book last month called The Mother of Black Hollywood. Whether you know her as Ruby from Blackish or one of her many roles over nearly 30 years in Hollywood, it is so good...

    Here is Jenifer Lewis being Jenifer Lewis... while plugging her book (and other things)...

    If you want to be entertained for hours, search for "Jenifer Lewis" on YouTube and prepare yourself. This video is an hour of amazing...

    I have only just started listening to the audiobook, but it is fantastic already. If you are a member of Audible, it's worth a credit. If you are not a member of Audible, you get a FREE credit when you sign up! Go do that and get this book!

       
    • Comics! If you've seen the movie (and I'm assuming you have), there's a lot more to the story in the original comic books. Here's my four favorite series...

    Black Panther Comic Book Covers

    • Black Panther by Christopher Priest (Vol. 1 Amazon link).
      During his epic run on the character, Priest defined and redefined a lot of what we know today about Black Panther. The movie owes a lot to his work on the character.
    • Black Panther: A Nation Under Our Feet by Ta-Nehisi Coates (Amazon Link).
      Having a writer of Coates' caliber take over Black Panther is the gift that keeps on giving. The beautiful art by Brian Stelfreeze is just the icing on the cake.
    • Who is The Black Panther? by Reginald Hudlin (Amazon Link)
      I like this series because it has a good ties between Black Panther and the rest of the Marvel Universe. They actually made this into a motion-comic you can watch.
    • Black Panther: Masterworks by Don McGregor (Vol. 1 Amazon Link)
      Here it is... the 1970's masterwork that gave us an epic story arc that's just as thrilling today as it ever was: Panther's Rage.

    I would be remiss if I didn't add Jack Kirby's work on the Black Panther, which is also an important read.

       
    • Wrong Panther! It'll be reiterated below, but I think it important to state it here: There is NO relation between the Black Panther of the comic books and the Black Panther Party. And yet... I've seen this pop up more times than I can count online.

       
    • Panther Facts! Let's wrap up this Bullet Sunday with a list of interesting Black Panther bullets, courtesy of Kevin E. Ross, who has asked that people share it...

    • The Black Panther (real name: T'Challa) is the first mainstream black superhero ever. He was created by Marvel Comics and the team of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, the same two responsible for heroes like Thor, the Fantastic Four, and Captain America.
    • Created in 1966 during the turbulent Civil Rights era, he is the first black superhero not created as an "token," a dependent, or a sidekick. This was considered extremely controversial for the time period. He predates Captain America's Falcon (1969) and Luke Cage (1971). He also preceded the revolutionary activist group the Black Panther Party by 3 months (he was introduced in July of 1966, and the Black Panther Party in October of 1966. They were not connected).
    • T'Challa (his real name), is also the ruler of a fictional African kingdom called Wakanda (population 6,000,000). Wakanda is considered one of the wealthiest nations on Earth as well as one of the most technologically-advanced. Imagine if Disney World's Tomorrowland and the Rainforest Cafe merged.
    • Wakanda's wealth is the result of a meteorite that crashed on to the continent 10,000 years ago. Composed of a rare alien material called Vibranium, the metal is sought by many in the world for its scientific applications and its military capabilities. It is only available in Wakanda, thus the country keeps itself closed and shielded from the outside world. Vibranium basically absorbs any energy directed towards it and holds it like a sponge. Imagine buildings that wouldn't crumble under the force of an earthquake, or soldiers protected against explosions from grenades and other explosive devices. Wakanda does export other commodities such as coal, diamonds, and technology, which contributes to its worth.
    • Wakanda has tons of vibranium in underground storage. One gram of vibranium is worth $10,000. That means Captain America's 12-pound shield, which is composed of the material, is worth just over $54 million dollars.
    • Being the monarch of the world's richest nation also makes you rich. T'Challa's net worth is $90.7 trillion dollars, which makes him richer than Batman's Bruce Wayne (9.2 billion) or fellow Marvel running mate Tony "Iron Man" Stark (12.4 billion). By a lot.
    • In the comics, the Black Panther is also one of the most well-respected men in the world. He is a combination of nobility (Thor), patriotism (Captain America), and superior intellect (Iron Man). He is also an Oxford graduate with a PhD in physics and is considered one of the top-5 minds on the planet.
    • The Black Panther is more than the special costume he wears. He is also a world-class athlete who was trained in martial arts, judo, wrestling (a popular Wakandan sport), and all forms of hand-to-hand combat. He also has enhanced healing properties, strength, speed, agility, and tracking senses. This is the result of ingesting a special heart-shaped herb that grows only around the site of the crashed vibranium meteorite. The radiation from the meteorite produces the plant which, once ingested, gives the recipient the aforementioned special abilities. Only those in the royal hierarchy and heirs to the panther mantle are eligible to use it. This means that the Black Panther has absolutely no problem going toe-to-toe with Captain America, who is considered the world's best hand-to-hand combatant and fighter.
    • Steeped deep in African tradition, Wakandans worship Bast, a female deity known also as the Panther God. The symbolic mythology here is also directly connected to ancient Egypt. She is revered as a protector and defender of the nation. This makes the Black Panther her agent outside the spirit realm, and thus more than a hero, but a true mythical figure. Imagine if the Pope wore a costume, had superhuman abilities, and defended the Vatican from its enemies both foreign and domestic.
    • Because of Bast, Wakandan women are highly-respected. The king's personal guard, the Dora Milaje, are an elite female fighting force. T'Challa's younger sister Shuri is a genius level intellect and considered one of the smartest women on the planet. Not only does she give the Black Panthers technologically-advanced suit & tech superior upgrades, but also other inventions to help further her country's technological dominance. While Tony Stark, who is considered one of the smartest men on the planet, graduated from MIT at age 17, he did not invent the Iron Man suit until age 42. By contrast, Shuri is only 16 years old.
    • In the comic books, the Black Panther was briefly married to Storm of the X-Men (remember Halle Berry?). Storm was from Wakanda's African neighbor Kenya (but grew up in Cairo, Egypt).

       
    Until next week... WAKANDA FOREVER!

       

    Strange Days Have Found Us

    Posted on Wednesday, February 28th, 2018

    Dave!My love of movies runs the gamut. There's something in just about every genre that I have found to like. Science fiction, animation, and comedies are my favorite, but I have favorites in action, mystery, drama, musical, adventure, fantasy, romance, spy, thriller, horror, biography, Western... even period dramas and (my least favorite) war.

    There's a number of underappreciated films that I obsess over which I have no earthly idea why they're underappreciated. I mean, some of them, I get. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension is a brilliant film that I love dearly (hell, a quote from it is tattooed on my arm). It is also one of the most bizarre mainstream releases ever, and it's no surprise that it's been relegated to cult classic...

    No matter where you go... there you are.

       
    But one underappreciated movie I absolutely do not understand why is underappreciated is the 1995 film Strange Days...

    Strange Days Movie Poster

       
    This future-noir film (bordering on cyberpunk) which takes place in the final days of 1999 should have been a blockbuster. It was written by James Cameron, who is responsible for The Terminator, Titanic, and Avatar (among others). It was directed by none other than Oscar-winner Kathryn Bigelow, who is responsible for The Hurt Locker and Zero Dark Thirty. It stars Oscar-nominated Ralph Fiennes, Oscar-nominated Angela Bassett, and Oscar-nominated Juliette Lewis. It also features revolutionary camera work which shouldn't have been possible in 1995. As if all that wasn't enough, it's just a really good movie.

    And yet... Strange Days was a huge flop. A massively huge flop. It grossed $8 million against a budget of $42 million.

    Recently while talking to a friend, I was reminded of it and decided to watch it again.

    Which isn't as easy as you'd think, because Strange Days is not available domestically on Blu-Ray or any digital format. This is due to conflicting studio distribution rights or some stupid crap. And since it stunk up the box office, the desire to spend money and effort getting it all straightened out is minimal, I'm sure. It's only available on VHS, LaserDisc, and DVD. I own all of them. I also own a German Blu-Ray import, but I have no idea where my region-code-free Blu-Ray player is at.

    DVD it is...

    Strange Days DVD Menu Screen

       
    Strange Days is surprisingly relevant 22 years after it was released... and 18 years after it takes place.

    Much of the plot involves the future of how we consume entertainment, but there are significant story elements which revolve around police corruption and racism. It's a movie designed for the times we live. Which is to say it was most definitely a movie ahead of its time despite the fact that police corruption and racism are hardly new.

    If you haven't seen it and can find a copy somehow, it's definitely worth a look.

    Anyway… as if all that wasn’t enough, the soundtrack still holds up and is pretty great. One of my favorite tracks is a collaboration between Peter Gabriel and Deep Forest called While the Earth Sleeps that plays over the closing credits…

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    Good Bye Apple TV?

    Posted on Thursday, March 8th, 2018

    Dave!Yesterday I talked about finally being able to dump Apple's home automation disaster, HomeKit. Today I'm contemplating dumping Apple TV for a number of reasons...

    First of all, the streaming quality of shows purchased through Apple iTunes is awful... assuming you can get them to stream at all. Do you know how many times I've gone to watch a movie or TV Show I've purchased, only to have Apple TV go catatonic? Do you know how many times I've been watching something only to have Apple TV suddenly stop streaming and then not start again unless I reset everything? And when I complain? Apple blames my internet connection. Without fail. But here's the thing... ALL OTHER STREAMING SERVICES WORK FINE! Even on Apple TV! Episodes of The West Wing I've purchased from Apple won't stream. But episodes of The West Wing stream just fine through the Netflix app... ON MY APPLE TV!!! The problem clearly isn't my internet connection. The problem is that Apple has billions of dollars but can't build a content delivery system that's worth a shit.

    Second of all... digital purchases from Apple iTunes are almost always more expensive than purchasing them elsewhere. Movies that are $19.99 at the iTunes Store can be purchased at Vudu or Amazon or wherever for $12.99. Now, the one thing Apple has that other don't (yet) is a no-charge upgrade to 4K and HDR content. But what good is it if you can't watch it?

    But the worst offense of all with Apple TV? Apple is happy to take your money, but they absolutely, positively do not give a shit about making sure you get what you pay for.

    As an example... I use the Sundance Now app on my Apple TV to watch a show called This Close. I purchased my subscription through my Apple TV and pay my $6.99 a month to Apple. But when Sundance Now is suddenly asking me for a login... but I don't have a login because I purchased through Apple TV... Apple says "Sorry, you have to contact Sundance Now because it's their app." Except... I'm not paying Sundance Now. I'm paying Apple. And the best that Apple can do is cancel my subscription. Problem is... I'm paid up through March 21st. If Apple cancels my subscription, I'm losing almost a month of subscription I've paid for. Their response?

    Apple Don't Give a Shit

    That's right. They can't guarantee that they can refund me money THEY TOOK for something I CAN'T ACCESS because their only solution is to TERMINATE MY SUBSCRIPTION on THEIR PRODUCT using apps that THEY AUTHORIZE.

    What a garbage company.

    But here's my dilemma...

    All my movie purchases through Apple are safe because Apple is a part of the "Movies Now" collective. I can watch any of my movie purchases on any other device which supports a vendor that is also a "Movies Anywhere" member.

    But what about the hundreds of TV shows I've purchased?

    I have no idea. I'd ask Apple to refund all my money for all the shows I've ever purchased... but we've already seen how they treat me over a $6.99 subscription fee, so that's probably out of the question.

    I remember the days when Apple was an amazing company which stood behind its products. If I had a problem with something I purchased... they fixed it. Or they refunded my money. Or they made it right somehow. Now? I get the feeling they couldn't care less about their customers. Which wouldn't be such a big problem if anything they made was worth a crap now-a-days. But that's not really true, is it? Used to be you could trust Apple products to "just work." That hasn't been the case in years.

    The Apple hasn't just fallen from the tree once Steve Jobs left us... it's rotted and turned to mush.

    UPDATE: Just to give you an idea of how utterly shitty a product Apple TV is, I ended up purchasing a "smart plug" so I can cut the power and restart the unit when it goes catatonic. Yes, it happens often enough that spending $13 was a worthwhile investment. First the screen goes black. Then the screen goes white. Then it tries to load... something... then it fails and goes black again... lather, rinse, repeat. Over and over until I get up and unplug it, then plug it back in again. Hence... the smart plug so I don't have to climb behind my media center each time this happens...

    AppleTV Goes White

    Of course, then the Apple TV gives me this...

    AppleTV Goes Reset

    I regret ever having purchased Apple TV. Version 1. Version 2. Version 3. And Version 4. I absolutely regret having spent money buying media from Apple. You'd think I'd finally learn something here... maybe now I finally am.

       

    SONOS and PLAYBAR: Part 6 of 5

    Posted on Saturday, March 17th, 2018

    Dave!Welcome to Sonos Week here at Blogography! Each day I will be talking about my leap to the Sonos platform for "smart speakers" and how it integrates with Amazon's Alexa assistant. If you haven't read past entries in Sonos Week, you'll probably want to start at the beginning by clicking here.

    And now on with the show...

    "Dodge this."

    When I started SONOS WEEK here at Blogography, I broke down what I wanted to say into five parts. Little did I know that a sixth part would unexpectedly appear.

    Sonos gear is incredibly expensive. Whether it's worth the money is debatable. Given what it can do and how it works, it was worth it to me and my needs. I was able to afford the $350 for the pair of Sonos One speakers because I had a $120 credit at Amazon plus some tax refund money. And while I thought I might buy more pieces eventually, it was not on my radar. I have a nice Denon receiver plus a decent speaker setup and a living room wired for surround sound, and that's more than enough.

    But then I had a long-time online friend notice I was reviewing Sonos on my blog who offered to sell me his PLAYBAR for cheap (well, maybe not "cheap," but for less than I could buy it new). He had upgraded to a Dolby Atmos 7.1 setup (Sonos can only do 5.1) and his PLAYBAR was sitting in his attic.

    He had all the original packaging and said it was in perfect condition, so I said "Wrap it up, I'll take it."

    The next day the UPS driver paid a visit and Christmas morning came early.

    I anticipated that setting things up would be a bit problematic because I was having to shuffle around my existing Sonos speakers to get a surround sound system. The PLAYBAR would become the Left, Right, and Center channels... my existing Sonos One speakers (from the living room and kitchen) would become the Rear-Left and Rear-Right channels. Turns out it wasn't a problem at all. I plugged in the PLAYBAR, used the Sonos app to set it up, then was asked if I had rear speakers. Since I did, I tapped a button on the backs of them when instructed and everything was reconfigured for me automatically. Such is the joy of Sonos.

    I was worried that a single PLAYBAR speaker taking the place of three speakers would destroy the stereo separation I was used to, but that was not the case at all. The Left, Right, and Center channels were fairly distinct after TruePlay tuning. The rear channels being in separate speakers were even more distinct, as expected. My go-to movie for demonstrating surround-sound is The Matrix, and it sounded terrific through Sonos.

    It's a great system and the amount of wires and crap it replaces is very cool...

    Bunch of old speaker stuff.
    Denon receiver: $500 - Speakers: $300 - I should have just bought the $700 PLAYBAR to begin with.

       

    There are some caveats to PLAYBAR, however...

    • Sonos does not support DTS, a popular multichannel sound system. A friend warned me about this ahead of time but I still find it more than a little shocking. Many an audiophile loves their DTS, and Sonos not implementing it is kinda weird. If you buy DVD or Blu-Ray for their DTS encoding option, PLAYBAR ain't for you.
    • Sonos also does not support PCM, DD+, or Dolby Atmos (among others). All you get is regular stereo and Dolby Digital 5.1 surround. If your devices can't output or convert to these formats, they won't work (I lucked out... my Blu-Ray player can be set to encode all outgoing sound as Dolby Digital).
    • PLAYBAR only supports an optical TOSLINK connection. Nothing else. Nothing. I was fully expecting to plug my devices in via HDMI cables or a single cable from the HDMI ARC port on my television. Nope. The only ports on your PLAYBAR are two ethernet ports and the single optical-in port.
    • With that in mind... some televisions don't have optical output... most televisions don't output 5.1 sound via their optical port. When I saw this was my only option, I nearly shit myself because I had no idea if my TV downgraded its optical sound to 2-channel stereo or not. I scrambled to Google it, but couldn't find my model listed anywhere. When I did find a list, all the Samsung televisions said No-No-No-No-No-No-No. Since HDMI is a current standard and optical is antiquated, this is a problem I never even considered. Turns out my particular TV is one of the rare Samsung models which can output Dolby Digital 5.1 via optical, but holy crap!
    • The PLAYBAR debuted in 2013. I don't think it has been updated since then. This means its aesthetic does not match the current black-on-black scheme which my Sonos One speakers use (along with the PLAY:5 and PLAYBASE). I'm not saying the thing is ugly... far from it, this is one beautiful piece of equipment... but it's kind of lame that even if you're buying a brand new unit you can't get a matching system. Mine are on opposite sides of the room, so it's not a big deal, but still. Would be nice if you could buy a strip to put across the metal piece so it can match.
    • The fabric covering the speaker array is a thin, stretchy dust-magnet and tough to clean. Sonos recommends vacuuming it, but if something won't vacuum off, you're kinda screwed. I used a damp towel to brush it in spots, which was better, but I worry about how the fabric is going to end up looking after years of service. There are so many audio-neutral fabrics out there which are much tougher... the choice they used here is perplexing. Ideally, Sonos would use a metal grill like they do on their other speakers.
    • The PLAYBAR is designed to sit on a table in front of your TV or be hung on a wall above or below it. The friend I bought it from said that it sounds much better on the wall. This meant I had to order some mounting hardware ($40 down the drain) and an electrical-code-compliant kit for putting the wiring in the wall ($50 down the drain). I'd like to mount it above my TV so my cats can't mess with it... but I think that's weird, so I'll end up mounting it below. Then pray my cats don't claw at the flimsy fabric mesh.
    • When it comes to music, I'm not so enamored with the PLAYBAR. I don't know what it's trying to do with the stereo separation, but it feels lacking. Fortunately I've got my two Sonos Ones in the rear channel to pick up the slack. If you're in a large room, you'd probably want a pair of PLAY:3 speakers in the rear for music (which would be expensive, but totally doable).

    Some really nice things about PLAYBAR before I go...

    Sonos PLAYBAR Exploded View

    • The sound on this thing, as I said, is very nice. Its nine-speaker array can separate sounds well and come in a good-looking package.
    • The "Speech Enhancement" option on PLAYBAR is surprisingly good. No more having to crank the volume to hear dialogue. I've always hated having to do that, but have found all the "enhancers" I've run across don't do a very good job. It seems to work with Sonos, probably because their speaker quality allows it to be good. On my wishlist... a way to temper it to a lower setting because on some movies it can be a bit too powerful.
    • In my old setup I had a subwoofer because the bass wasn't very punchy on my stereo. I like to feel the rumble of an explosion when I'm watching a movie. With PLAYBAR I'm liking the bass just fine. If my opinion ever changes, I can get a Sonos SUB. But for right now? I'm happy to save myself the $700.
    • I can't overstate how easy PLAYBAR is to set up. It's a simple step-by-step process with the Sonos app. Most things are handled automatically.

    One horrible downside for me is that I lost my kitchen Sonos One speaker so it could fill out my rear channel. No more listening to music while I cook dinner or load the dishwasher. Replacing it is another $200, so that's the end of that.

    The good news? Now that I could put my Amazon Echo in my bedroom and my Echo Dot in my garage, I have Alexa in every room of my house. All I need now is to embed an Echo Dot inside my brain and I guess I'm set.

    Meanwhile, Neo has just realized he's The One and a fight has ensued, so I gotta get back to The Matrix.

       
    UPDATE: And so my POWERBAR mounting kit came. It's pretty basic for $40... just a metal plate and some drywall screws. But it does the job. Kinda. There's a major problem with it.

    Electrical codes make it illegal to run a power cable behind a wall. You have to purchase a electrical outlet wall kit which is code compliant. Then you can plug stuff into the outlet. But the six-foot power cable that came with my POWERBAR can't fit behind the speakers, so it has to hang below it in a big wad...

    Bunch of old speaker stuff.

    Kinda defeats the whole purpose. You'd think that since SONOS makes you buy a kit to wall-mount the thing that they would include a tiny power cable with it. Assumably they know that you can't run the cable in the wall, right? I mean, come on, every single photo they ever show of their stuff being wall-mounted shows the cables hidden in the wall... so how are they doing it? No frickin' clue since I can't find where they sell a short power cable anywhere. Maybe they don't care about complying with the electrical code and are mounting their stuff illegally.

    I've emailed Sonos Customer Service, so I guess we'll see what they say.

    UPDATE: Sonos Customer Service is all... "Uhhhh... nope, we don't sell that. We hire professional installers for our photos and they use adhesives and stuff to hide the wires!" (or something to that effect). Well, whatever. It really chaps my ass that Sonos has most every damn photo with the wires hidden, yet it's something they don't really provide for.

    UPDATE: I found a Dell laptop 4.5-inch power cable that works much better than the 6-foot cord from Sonos. The plug is a tad too long, so it sticks out at the bottom a tiny bit, but it's better than the wad of Sonos cable I was dealing with. Hopefully one day Sonos will get off their asses and sell a short power cable with a small plug so you can legally get hidden wire mounting like they show in all their photos.

    UPDATE: I have given up on wall-mounting my Sonos One speakers. With no screw-mount on the back, the solutions I've found are far from pretty. Furthermore, even if you buy short power cables, there's no really solution to bury the cables legally... at least not yet. Instead I'm using two IKEA 4-drawer shoe cabinets that are only 8 5/8-inches deep, wall-mounted, to put my Sonos One speakers on. They are the perfect height for the speakers to rise above my couch, but not so tall that they take up a lot of wall space. By drilling new holes to shift the top board, they can be set side-by-side. And once I drill holes in the top boards for power cables, they drop through and are completely hidden. Best solution I could find given hiding power cables in the wall was not an option for me.

       

    Bullet Sunday 555

    Posted on Sunday, March 18th, 2018

    Dave!Don't click that "Back Button" just yet, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • To Infinity! And so... here we are. A little over a month until the beginning of the end. Ten years of build-up all comes down to Avengers: Infinity War in April and its sequel next year...

    So much to unpack here, which is not surprising considering the final movie has a runtime is 2 hours 36 minutes.

       
    • A Brief History of Time. Stephen Hawking is gone! So remarkable that he managed to live so long with a disease which he was told would kill him decades ago. And look what his brilliant mind accomplished while trapped in a body which betrayed him! That he was a character on The Simpsons is just icing on the cake. An amazing, amazing man...

    Stephen Hawking on The Simpsons

    And funny...

    Rest in peace, sir.

       
    • LOLZ! Probably the funniest thing I've ever seen on Twitter...

    Sarah Silverman Tweet

    And yet... this is utterly insane as well. How in the hell do you confuse Kumail Nanjiani, Kunal Nayyar, and Kal Penn? They look nothing alike! I guess some people just see skin color and don't look any further.

       
    • Fourth World! Looks like DC is finally moving past Zack Snyder's laughably bad take on super-heroes. After Patty Jenkins hit gold with Wonder Woman, they're striking a deal with another celebrated woman to helm New Gods for the big screen. Congrats to Ava DuVernay! My first choice would be Taika Waititi since his love letter to Jack Kirby in Thor: Ragnarok was so perfect... but this is a great choice too...

    Kirby New Gods Cover

    It will be interesting to see if DuVernay goes full-on Kirby or heads in another direction entirely.

       
    • Incredible! ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG... It's REAL!

    Incredibles LEGO Game

    Needless to say, I want want want want this game!

       
    • Chain Gang! Since subscribing to Amazon Music Unlimited, I've been going a bit crazy over music. Now that I have "tens of millions" of songs available anytime, anywhere, I'm asking Alexa to play esoteric stuff all day long that it would never have occurred to me to play before I subscribed. Something pops in my head? Play it Hear a song mentioned somewhere? Play it. Song pops up on a commercial? Play it. For the past two days I've been obsessed with Sam Cooke. He was mentioned on an episode of The West Wing, and I've been listening to everything available ever since. So many songs of his I recognize but never really knew where they came from.

     

    Such an amazing talent. Which makes the bizarre circumstances of his death even more tragic.

       
    Until next Sunday then...

       

    Bullet Sunday 556

    Posted on Sunday, March 25th, 2018

    Dave!Welcome to the place where the kisses are hers are his and hers and Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Paint! Really good television ads are so rare that they might as well be said not to exist. I certainly spend enough time fast-forwarding through crappy ads. Which is why running across one that's a joy to watch is so great...

    Computer animation is getting cheaper and easier every day. But coming up with ideas to use it for effective advertising is as tough as its always been. Congrats, Sherwin-Williams for putting your ad dollars to such good use.

       
    • LEGOtron! This new LEGO set is amazing, though I wish it was from the original film instead of the Tron: Legacy sequel...

    LEGO Tron Legacy

    LEGO Tron Legacy

    Oh please oh please oh please can we get a LEGO TRON video game?

       
    • FAIL! Don't get me wrong... I love that I can get some fairly decent quality furniture at good prices thanks to IKEA... but their quality has taken a total nose-dive. For the third time now I've purchased something that had a mistake in it. This time they stained the wrong edge of a board, leaving the front edge bare...

    IKEA Fail... AGAIN!

    Given that it's a 3-hour drive back to the Renton showroom, here's hoping that they are able to send me a replacement part in the mail.

       
    • Mr Pool! As the rare X-men film that was actually worth a crap, I loved Deadpool. The sequel is looking even better...

    No telling what could happen if Marvel gets the movie rights back for all their mutant comics. Hopefully it's a complete reboot with some decent films which know how to respect the source material.

       
    • Krapton! And speaking of comic book translations... I don't get it. The people behind the new SyFy TV show, Krypton, didn't even attempt to make Krypton seem foreign... let alone alien. So what's the point? They could have saved a lot of money on the special effects and set this in Cleveland or somewhere in England since they say "mate" a lot, have English accents, and use phrases like "chip on your shoulder."

    SyFy Channel Krypton Series

    I dunno. Maybe it gets interesting after a few episodes. But it all seems pretty lame to me so far.

       
    • Mission? Apparently a sign that says "NO SOLICITING. NO UNINVITED VISITORS. NO RELIGIOUS APPEALS. NO POLITICAL CAUSES. NO SALESPEOPLE. NO PETITIONS, NO CHARITY." means nothing to some people...

    NO SOLICITING. NO UNINVITED VISITORS. NO RELIGIOUS APPEALS. NO POLITICAL CAUSES. NO SALESPEOPLE. NO PETITIONS, NO CHARITY.

    When I asked the missionaries who showed up tonight AT 8:45PM what part of the giant red sign they didn't understand, they said they were curious about what's behind putting a sign up like that. Well, genius, it's not a big fucking mystery. The sign is up because I don't want to listen to your shit... and I really don't want you terrorizing my feral rescue cats by ringing my doorbell.

    What kills me is that they have a laugh over ignoring the sign before they ring the bell. They also ignored they sign telling them that they were being recorded...

    And apparently after you've violated somebody's posted request, then are specifically told to leave because the property-owner is not interested... the way to change their mind is to leave unwanted pamphlets on their door?

    Unwanted Mormon Jesus Pamphlets

    I have no problem with a person's beliefs, just so long as they don't infringe on mine. Like showing up at my home uninvited and not respecting my request for privacy. You can believe that Joseph Smith dug up some magical plates with Bible 2.0 on them if you want (something which, if you have studied The Bible even a little bit, is a hysterical concept)... but when somebody tells you to please leave them alone, your believing that you have a right to disrespect that request makes you a fucking asshole... I don't care who you are.

       
    Happy trails to you, until next Sunday...

       

    Bullet Sunday 558

    Posted on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

    Dave!Time for you to do that voodoo that you do so well... because a brand new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • KATY?!?! I don't watch American Idol, but I happened upon a commercial where I saw that Katy Perry is a judge now, so I had to check it out. Her new look is amazing...

    Katy Perry American Idol

    Modern rock glam with a punk sensibility stirred into the mix? Yes please.

       
    • Shiplap! Shiplap! Shiplap! And so the final Episode of Fixer Upper has come and gone. I didn't sob uncontrollably as expected. There are many home renovation shows I enjoy watching... but none of them... NOT ONE... can compare to the taste level of Joanna Gaines. In all these years, I can't think of a single thing on any of her projects where I've thought "Well that's horrible!" Sure there are some decisions she makes that aren't my favorite... but it's rare, and it's never so bad I would rip it out if it were in my home. Joanna's Behind the Design starts on the 11th, and there's 15 half-hour episodes to be had. After that? I guess it's game over...

    HGTV Behind the Design

    My favorite of all the design shows, Fixer Upper will be missed.

       
    • Pro! APPLE IS CONSULTING WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE USING THEIR SHIT? WELL THAT'S A WELCOME AND PLEASANT FUCKING SURPRISE! I've been absolutely furious that self-proclaimed "pro" Macs are anything but "professional." They're designed to be pretty rather than functional, and Apple keeps ripping out features that pros actually need. Though something tells me this is a case of "too little too late," as many professionals I know have moved to Windows. My mind reels over how Apple has abandoned a market they used to own. Makes me wonder how much longer they plan to make Macs at all.

       
    • Solo! A new trailer was released for the Han Solo Star Wars prequel. It looks pretty great... but the plague of problems that have descended on the film has me wondering if this is just showing some of the best bits and the rest of the movie if going to be crap...

    I guess we shall see. I am really hoping that the movie is great compared to the mixed bag we got last time. Though the special effects, settings, and battles were amazing, I wasn't really happy with the story for The Last Jedi, which had some of the stupidest bits since the prequels...

    Leia in SPAAAAAACE!

    I mean... Space Leia? What in the hell were they thinking?

       
    • Incredible! As a huge, huge, mega-huge fan of the first Incredibles movie, I am anxiously awaiting the sequel. Seeing awesome marketing materials like this doesn't make me any more patient...

    XXX

    Hopefully they kept the design sensibility that made the first movie so stylishly iconic.

       
    Later, gators!

       

    Star Trekking

    Posted on Monday, April 9th, 2018

    Dave!Today is a busy day because I am off for vacation starting tomorrow. In an effort to save time so I can pack and clean house before tearing out of here, I thought I would cut-and-paste a ranking of my top-five episodes from each Star Trek series that I had made last week. A fellow fan and I were discussing the merits (or lack thereof) of all things Trek, and this is how we let each other know exactly What Kind of Star Trek Fan We Are. Because, let's face it, wars have been started over this kind of thing.

    But then I decided to rank the series themselves.

    Then I decided to write my thoughts on each series.

    Then I had to go back through my lists and question some of my choices.

    Next thing I know, a half hour has passed, and my entire reason for this entry have all come crashing down. I spent more time making a blog post out of something that I would have been much better off starting from nothing. Cat photos take hardly any time at all.

    Star Trekking

    But anyway... here we go, starting with my ranking of all the series best-to-worst...

    1. Star Trek: The Original Series
    2. Star Trek: Discovery
    3. Star Trek: The Next Generation
    4. Star Trek: Enterprise
    5. Star Trek: Deep Space 9
    6. Star Trek: Voyager

       
    And here are my top-five episodes within each, in series order...

       
    Star Trek
    The first Trek is undeniably the best Trek with strong stories that hold up even to this day. That they managed to make it look so good given the effects technology at the time is just icing on the cake. Yes, the acting was less than subtle, but there's no denying that the cast was a magical combination that sustained the franchise well past cancelation. If there's a grievous fault in the series, it would be almost the entirety of the third and final season, which saw budgets slashed and shitty stories like And the Children Shall Lead taking a steaming dump on the sublime excellence of the first two seasons. No spin-off even comes close to how imaginative and revolutionary a show Star Trek was, is, and will always be.

    1. Mirror, Mirror
    2. The City on the Edge of Forever
    3. Space Seed
    4. Balance of Terror
    5. Assignment Earth

       
    Star Trek: The Next Generation
    Gene Roddenberry's bizarre edict that the future was perfect, everybody on The Enterprise was buddy-buddy, and all internal conflict on the ship was to be purged, made for a bland return to a once-great show. I was on vacation in Maui when the premiere debuted. But I was such a Trek fan that I gave up precious time in paradise to watch the first episode. It was so heinously boring and shitty... from the story to the sets to the effects to the costumes to (some) of the acting... that I was mired in shock and disbelief. How in the hell did anybody making the show thing this was Star Trek? Not to say it was all crap. Things improved after the first season and some true gems were to be found amongst the ruins... but, yeah, it was mostly crap. Though it wasn't the crappiest thing to come out of Star Trek. Not by a long shot.

    1. The Inner Light
    2. Darmok
    3. Yesterday’s Enterprise
    4. The Best of Both Worlds
    5. Remember Me -tie- The Ensigns of Command

       
    Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
    Despite having the series elevated by the amazing talents of Avery Brooks in the lead (ZOMG! It's Hawk!), this low-rent Trek knock-off was absurd to new extremes. Made infamous for Odo being the shape-changing alien that never changed shape, everything seemed to be done on the cheap. They blew their budgetary wad on the Deep Space Nine space station set, then had no money to go anywhere interesting, do anything interesting, or see anything interesting. They tried to compensate with the whole Bajoran/Cardassian conflict, but it was poorly handled and came across as false drama. The religious angle with the "Prophets" was boring in ways Next Generation could only dream about, and things were off to a bad start from the beginning because of it. Eventually even the people running the show realized what a turd they had crapped out, and added a ship (The USS Defiant) so they could go places... and fan-favorite character Worf... but it was too late. All that had come before had mired the show in mediocrity, and precious few episodes managed to escape it. But when they did manage to escape it, the series showed such amazing promise. A glimpse at what could have been. Unfortunately it was too rare an event to make me care about the show, because they always went crawling back to what made it suck.

    1. The Visitor
    2. Trials and Tribble-ations
    3. Far Beyond the Stars
    4. Little Green Men
    5. Second Skin

       
    Star Trek: Voyager
    Holy shit where do I even start? Because I am having a tough time finding the words to express just how much I hated this show. Hated it. There were elements I liked... in particular Robert Picardo as The Doctor and Tim Russ as Tuvok. And eventually we got Jeri Ryan as the Borg's "Seven of Nine" which was another coup. But that wasn't even remotely enough to salvage what a mess things were. First of all... the entire concept of the show was to remove "Star Trek" from everything "Star Trek" so writers could throw out the rules and let their imaginations run wild. A crew formed from conflict! No support system! Limited resources! Life on Voyager was to be a brutal struggle for survival in a strange and hostile universe far, far from home. But we never got that! Well, we rarely got that. What we got was yet another Next Generation retread that didn't even come close to the standards set by Next Generation (such as they were). As if that weren't shitty enough, "button-pushing action" was elevated to new heights. A conflict arises. Buttons are pushed to solve it. All while the "EPS conduits" are failing and the plasma is rerouted. Over and over and over and over again. I barely watched the show, but ended up binging on DVD rentals after everything ended so I could fast-forward through the boring crap. Which is to say I was fast-forwarding most of the time. The fact that I couldn't even manage to think of five episodes I liked well enough to list speaks volumes. It was all Oh... I remember that one with Sarah Silverman! and Oh... that episode with the rapid-evolving civilization was good enough that "The Orville" ripped it off!" Give me a break.

    1. Blink of an Eye
    2. Year of Hell
    3. Future's End

       
    Star Trek: Enterprise
    It was a good concept. Go back to all the newness and exploration of the unknown that made Star Trek so amazing by setting a show before Star Trek existed. Then get a big name like Scott Bakula to star in it. Then spend the money needed to make the show actually look great. It would be different. It would build pre-continuity continuity for the original series. It would focus on all the things Star Trek fans love and jettison those things they didn't. It would be a love letter to everything Star Trek! That would be great, right? Well, it sure could have been. Except some genius decided to mire the whole thing in the so-called "Temporal Cold War" which had death-grip on the show for three whole seasons. Sure, they were creative enough to escape it from time to time, but it pretty much killed what should have been an enjoyable outing. The fact that it never really paid off just added insult to injury. No surprise that my favorite episodes are ones that tried to side-step the restrictions that plagued the series.

    1. Carbon Creek
    2. In a Mirror, Darkly
    3. Similitude
    4. Twilight
    5. Dear Doctor

       
    Star Trek: Discovery
    And here we are. The latest Star Trek spin-off that has divided fans and set the internet on fire. It seems most people either love it or hate it, though the reason they love it or hate it differ completely. I absolutely loved it. And the reason I loved it is because I felt it finally... finally... recaptured what I loved about the original series. At long last, we had actual Star Trek happening again! And yet there are people who hated it because they didn't feel it was Star Trek at all. And I get it. Honestly I do. It has many problems continuity-wise. It completely and utterly rejects Roddenberry's silly "no internal conflict" edict. There were inexplicably stupid changes made (WTF with the Klingons?). And some of the tech is just plain silly (spore drive?!?). But, as a die-hard fan of the original, I just didn't care about any of that because the "flavor" or what captured my imagination from the start was there. It also had some brilliant re-workings of some of Trek's best ideas. As if all that wasn't enough, the special effects and casting were choice. Sure the last two episodes fizzled, but the slow burn and massive payoff for everything before that was all I could want in a Star Trek show. I cannot wait to see what they come up with for their second season.

    1. The Wolf Inside
    2. Despite Yourself
    3. Into the Forest I Go
    4. Vaulting Ambition
    5. Context is for Kings

       
    Just for duck soup (and a need for completeness), here is my ranking of the Star Trek movies which I took from my blog post here (with details, if you need them!)...

    1. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
    2. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
    3. Star Trek
    4. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
    5. Star Trek Beyond
    6. Star Trek: First Contact
    7. Star Trek Into Darkness
    8. Star Trek: The Motion Picture
    9. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
    10. Star Trek: Generations
    11. Star Trek: The Final Frontier
    12. Star Trek: Nemesis
    13. Star Trek: Insurrection

       
    And I guess that's a wrap on Star Trek. If all goes as planned, tomorrow's entry will be written from the airport.

       

    Day One: SEA -> AMS

    Posted on Tuesday, April 10th, 2018

    Dave!Time to Amsterdam is just under ten hours, which means I can burn through five movies to pass the time.

    Fortunately, there were plenty of films available on my flight that I was interested in seeing, so I didn't have to resort to binge-watching West Wing episodes on my iPhone...

    • Disaster Artist I was really looking forward to seeing a film documenting the making of one of the world's worst movies... The Room. It was everything I could have hoped for.
    • Shape of Water A beautiful film with fantastic effects, sets, and acting which was somewhat hampered by being entirely predictable right up until the last frame. Still, very glad I saw it, though I wish I had managed to see it in a theater.
    • Darkest Hour Easily Gary Oldman's best performance, it was everything you'd expect from such a heavily lauded and award-nominated film.
    • Downsizing Not at all what I expected. The ads implied it was a comedy, but completely left out the darker nature of the movie. Enjoyed it quite a bit once I got into it.
    • Dealt A documentary about one of the foremost card magicians in the world... who happens to be blind. The film runs in two tracks, one devoted to Richard Turner's magical talents, the other to his blindness, and both are fascinating. Highly recommended.

    And... next stop, Schiphol...

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    Not Actual Size

    Posted on Monday, April 30th, 2018

    Dave!It's tough to fault Marvel Studios for their slate of movies. I love all of them. Some more than others, of course, but each one has a certain something that makes it a comic book geek's dream come true.

    One film that always seems to get lost in the shuffle is Ant Man, which is a real shame because it's such a good movie. It's an awesome caper flick that just happens to have a super-hero in it.

    And it's really funny.

    And now the trailer for the sequel, Ant Man and The Wasp, has dropped. No surprise, it looks like a total home run...

    What shocks me about the trailer is just how seamless the special effects are. Every unreal moment is handled so flawlessly as to accentuate the unique nature of the story... not distract from it... and that's not nothin'.

    Interesting to note that Marvel is finally addressing one of the biggest flaws of their films. The villain is usually just a duplicate of the hero with the same powers and abilities. This time? Ghost has an entirely different power set, which is great...

    Ant-Man and The Wasp Movie Poster

    This movie pre-dates Avengers: Infinity War for obvious reasons... it's a two-parter that won't complete until next year. Typical to Ant-Man, this is explained in the best way possible...

    I can't wait to see this movie.

    And I haven't even seen Infinity War yet!

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    The Avengers: Infinity War

    Posted on Wednesday, May 2nd, 2018

    Dave!And lo, Marvel Studios absolutely wasn't kidding when they taunted that Avengers: Infinity War is the culmination of the past ten years of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. This is not idle hype. Though Comic Book Reality being what it is, you have to wonder just how much of what happens in this truly epic film will have lasting effects on where we are going forward.

    Something tells me not all of it is going to all be washed away. What ends up sticking is anybody's guess.

    Except not really...

    Avengers: Infinity War Movie Poster

    If you've ever read comics before... if you've ever been left hanging in the middle of a two-part comic book story before... then there's nothing much in Infinity War that could be all that shocking to you. Likewise, anticipating the thrust of the story in next year's still-untitled-conclusion-movie also doesn't take much effort.

    And yet...

    Infinity War actually did redefine the word "epic" when it comes to super-hero movies... or movies in general, really.

    Obviously, my thoughts on the film are going into a spoiler-laden extended entry, which you absolutely do not want to read if you haven't seen Avengers: Infinity War yet.

    You've been warned.

    And also... another warning? Skip any trailers you haven't watched yet. One pretty major spoiler was dropped in one of the trailers I saw, and I'm still pretty raw about it.

    And now? This is your last chance. Do not proceed unless having a movie ruined is something you enjoy.

    Spoilers await in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Marvel Colorform Crapfest

    Posted on Thursday, May 17th, 2018

    Dave!You would think that when you pay for a movie in iTunes that the poster art would remain the same as when you bought it. But that's not the case. A while back Marvel started changing all the artwork in their store, which ended up changing the artwork on all the movies I bought.

    And it all sucks.

    Not that I'd be thrilled if it were better than the originals... I want the art that I recognize so I can recognize the movies I own. I want what I originally purchased.

    Take for example the poster for Guardians of the Galaxy...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    They hacked up pieces of the original poster, rearranged them, then slapped them on a boring-ass background. It looks worse than shitty, because there's no composition or context. Can you tell what in the hell Star-Lord is doing? Holding on to a handle? Who the hell knows?

    The sequel poster is even worse. The cool and colorful art with all kinds of cool movie imagery in the background. It's been replaced with something so boring as to be sedate by comparison...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    Thor: The Dark World is especially horrific in that he no longer looks like the god of thunder, but somebody in a red cape and bad hair...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    Since most Marvel movies take place in New York City, Ant-Man was a breath of fresh air since it switched it up to the West Coast and San Francisco. To be sure there was no mistaking this, they put it right there on the poster...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    When they remade it, they simply stripped away all the cool supporting elements and slapped some ugly-ass faux-metallic effect. Lame.

    Group films like Avengers have posters that are carefully crafted to show the dynamic of the team. But now all we get is a grotesque cut-and-paste hack-job that has no interplay between characters and no dynamic. Somebody with a box of Colorforms could do the same damn thing... and probably better, since people wouldn't have their legs cut off and be suspended in air...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    Another great example of this... Captain America: Civil War. What was the most incredible part of the film? The fact that there was a massive battle which pits hero against hero. But the new poster rips this away, completely confusing the story. For all we know from looking at the shitty art, this is a Captain America and Iron Man buddy picture. Or an Iron Man movie with a guest-spot by Cap, since the figures have been reversed and Stark is in the #1 spot...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    Doctor Strange is a mind-bending film which introduces magic and other dimensional planes to the Marvel Universe. But now? Some guy in a red cape with a tall collar? Shitty. Utterly shitty...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    I think my most hated poster remake is for Iron Man 3...

    Shitty Marvel Movie Poster Remakes

    The original poster was SO cool. Foreboding atmosphere, Tony's house exploding, and The Iron Legion are all there... along with a ravaged but determined Iron Man. But the remake? You can barely even tell that's Iron Man. Looks like the cover to some kind of Harlequin Romance or a shitty, low-budget crapfest. And can somebody please explain why the characters are fading into a star-field?

    I understand the thinking in redoing the posters. They are trying to create something that will be easily understood at the smaller thumbnail sizes that you'll find in iTunes or other movie streaming services. But when they come up with something this shitty, does it really matter if you more easily understand them? If anything, I'd argue that the original posters are more distinct and interesting... even if you can't fully tell what's going on when reduced to tiny sizes.

    At the very least, they could leave it up to the buyer which poster to display in their iTunes library.

    Because the new crop is more than just ugly and boring... they're offensively bad design.

       

    Bullet Sunday 563

    Posted on Sunday, May 27th, 2018

    Dave!It may be the last day of the week, but this holiday weekend keeps on rolling... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Pooh! Of all the movies coming up, I have to admit that Christopher Robin is the one I'm most looking forward to at the moment...

    With all the advancements in special effects, it's the ability to make films like this which impress me most.

       
    • Whoa! Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder? Sign me up!

    I'm not a romantic-comedy "romcom" kinda guy, but this movie will be worth seeing for the casting alone. Not in theaters, of course, but when it hits HBO or Netflix, I'm on it.

       
    • Hotness! I've been running across a lot of treasures from my past as I work my way through my garage. As an example... look how brutally hot I was on my learner permit!

    Dave's Hot Learner's Permit

    Yep... if I were legal in that photo, I'd do me!

       
    • Togs! The closer they get to making Mon-El have his iconic comic book costume, the closer my inner fanboy gets to peeing my pants...

    Dave's Hot Learner's Permit

    Almost there. Just need that waistcoat... then call it good!

       
    • Thanks, Obama! Yes, I had problems with some of President Obama's policies... but I never stopped admiring him as a person. That goes double Michelle Obama, who was such an exemplary First Lady. So to say that I'm anxious to get my hands on her forthcoming book is an epic understatement...

    Becoming by Michelle Obama

    The unabridged audiobook is available for pre-order at Audible. Since Michelle Obama is narrating all 14 hours of it, I couldn't press the purchase button fast enough.

       
    • Quilt! Hey OG bloggers! Somebody made this incredible quilt for me back in the day, but I can't remember who it was? Does anybody know?

    XXX

    I'm hanging it up to display in my room, and I'd like to attach a tag with the author.

       
    What are you still doing here? The bullets are over. They're over! Go home. There's nothing more for you here.

       

    Bullet Sunday 565

    Posted on Sunday, June 10th, 2018

    Dave!It's been yet another week full of hypocrisy and evil, but it's all good, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Two! I loved everything about the first LEGO Movie... except the ending. When they dropped into "The Real World," everything fell apart for me. With this in mind, I have mixed feelings about the sequel...

    Yes, I'm excited to see it. But can we please just stick in the world of LEGO and let Chris Pratt be hilarious? That would be great, thanks.

       
    • No Reservations. There wasn't much I didn't like about Anthony Bourdain. He was responsible for some highly entertaining television. He was a world traveler and advocate for better understanding and acceptance between cultures. He used his celebrity to advocate for worthwhile causes and draw attention to injustices. He was an incredible guest on any talk show he dropped by. He was somebody I liked and admired, which is why his death has hit me so hard. You will be missed, sir.

       
    • Darkness and Light! I was never a fan of the Cloak & Dagger comic books. They all had the same story. Cloak & Dagger hunt down drug dealers. Cloak goes a little crazy because he's hungry. Dagger feeds him a light sandwich. Lather, rinse, repeat. On occasion they team up with other heroes, but their baggage is always the same. And now Freeform TV has created a Cloak & Dagger television show...

    Marvel's Cloak and Dagger on Freeform

    Now, I'm not saying that every super-hero show has to be packed with super-power fights... but there has to be something to make it interesting... otherwise it's just another boring TV drama I don't care about. And if the first two episodes of Cloak & Dagger are any indication, here's yet another boring TV drama I don't care about. Which is a shame, because the actors are very good.

       
    • You! Other than an occasional song here and there, I haven't given much thought to Maroon 5 in years. But now they've dropped a new video for their song Girls Like You that's packed with more guest-stars than you can shake a stick at.

    Not a bad song at all. And if you're having trouble putting a name to all the faces, here's a link for you. And, as much as I like it, this is not going to displace my favorite Maroon 5 video...

    And if that's not enough Maroon 5 for you... here they are covering Bob Marley's Three Little Birds...

    'Cause every little thing gonna be alright.

       
    • NEWS: With deal to close this week, Bayer to retire Monsanto name
    Well of course they are retiring the Monsanto name! Monsanto is fucking evil incarnate, and people were finally waking up to it. But now? Bayer is just the aspirin people! Evil + Evil = Bigger Evil.

       
    • A Red Letter Day! As my final bullet of the day, I leave you with one of my favorite Pet Shop Boys songs that's woefully under-appreciated... and highly relevant to my life as of late...

    Doesn't get much more Pet Shop Boys than that.

       
    So long until next Bullet Sunday!

       

    Bullet Sunday 566

    Posted on Sunday, June 17th, 2018

    Dave!Time to celebrate all the good that's left in the world, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • The Carters! As if there could be any news bigger than Beyoncé and Jay Z dropping a duet album out of nowhere called Everything Is Love... there's the fact that they shot the first video for the single Apeshit in the frickin' Louvre. I mean, seriously! They rented out THE LOUVRE! Who does that? Who has the money to do that? Beyoncé and Jay Z, that's who...

    Amazing stuff. Can't wait to get my hands on the finished album.

       
    • Part Two! And so this popped up on the internet last week...

    Avengers 4 Sneak Peek

    I have some thoughts...

    • Captain Marvel! ZOMG! She looks amazing. Needless to say, I cannot wait for her movie to drop. It will be very interesting to see how she factors into the Marvel Cinematic Universe given her raw power that dwarfs everybody else. One thing is for certain, she's going to be one of the most dynamic visual treats to come along in super-hero movies.
    • The arc they've given Bruce Banner has been an interesting one. At first he could barely control The Hulk and hated the life he lost because of it... then he was near-despair over the destruction caused in South Africa... then he was kind of taken over by The Hulk in Thor: Ragnarok... then he lost The Hulk in Infinity War... and now it looks like he's reached some kind of compromise between himself and The Hulk. It's been a great ride, and I'm worried it might end.
    • How sad is it that Rocket Raccoon is the only Guardian left?
    • Disappointed that there's n representation from Black Panther here. T'Challa may be gone... but Shuri? Okoye?
    • So many questions about Thor and Asgard. Apparently some of them survived. But where does the Thor franchise go from here? Where's Valkyrie?
    • Ant-Man is there. Where's The Wasp? I'm guessing that she is part of the one-half gone, which is a shame. I thought I heard somewhere that she was in this.
    • Hawkeye is here. Odds are very good that some of his family is part of the one-half gone, so he's got serious stakes in this.
    • Odds are incredibly high that this is going to be the final appearance of Steve Rogers as Captain America. To have him go out on a high note, it's almost a given that he's going to sacrifice himself to save the universe. And that's okay... but... is it wrong that I want Nebula to be the one who defeats Thanos? Out of everybody, she deserves it most.
    • Iron Man's armor has evolved to kind of a weird place. The whole "legs merge to jet" thing in Infinity War was a breaking point for me.
    • War Machine, on the other hand, has a more logical progression to his look.
    • Black Widow had better get her own damn movie after all this. Seriously. What character has given more to other characters' films with nothing for themselves? She's woefully underutilized, and a solo movie will help fix that... and hopefully other characters she's supported over the years will support her.

    Next up? Ant Man and The Wasp, which looks fantastic.

       
    • Super! Here's the thing. With the exception of Wonder Woman, the DC Cinematic Universe has devolved into a heap of shit. Man of Steel... Batman vs. Superman... Suicide Squad... Justice League... they were all heinous crap that ignored huge portions of what makes DC characters so timeless and special. At the other end of the spectrum is the DC Television Universe (or Arrowverse, if you will) which has been killing it. Yes, Legends of Tomorrow has never quite worked... and Arrow has gotten stale... and the overall story arc for The Flash this past season went way too long and was ultimately pretty lame... but then there's Supergirl. It's been so good. And the season finale was no exception...

    Supergirl Season Finale

    Is it too much to ask that the people in charge of Supergirl give us a Superman show? Preferably a show where the central character STANDS ON THEIR OWN instead of yet another team show? The movie Superman is going nowhere, while Tyler Hoechlin has proven he's the best on-screen Superman since Christopher Reeve....

    Supergirl Season Finale

    DC should really just expand the Arrowverse into movies that don't suck. Because haven't we suffered enough? All I can hope is that we get another excellent season of SuperGirl. And a first season of Superman. Oh... and I would totally watch a Legion of Super-Heroes show too.

       
    • 4K! I fell into a YouTube 4K HDR rabbit hole when I found out that my television can display them. Amazing stuff... even if you can't view 4K HDR. Here are some of my favorites...




    But if you can watch 4K HDR on your TV...

       
    • Beam! Don't get me wrong, I love my Sonos smart speaker setup, but there are some serious shortfalls that plague the system. Namely... it's stuck in the past. They've been clinging to optical cables for their PlayBar and PlayBase like a dead lemming, despite the fact that everybody else abandoned it a decade ago. And then this past week Sonos released a new product: Beam. Which is essentially a mini PlayBar that costs $399. But the biggest news? It's not using optical cable... it's HDMI ARC. Welcome to the future, Sonos...

    Supergirl Season Finale

    It's a step in the right direction, but not a very big one. Still no Dolby Atmos or other modern sound technologies have been announced. On the contrary, they say they have no plans for Atmos at all. Instead we're getting IKEA furniture with Sonos built-in. Wheee.

       
    Good luck getting Apeshit out of your head this week...

       

    Bullet Sunday 567

    Posted on Sunday, June 24th, 2018

    Dave!Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Go West! And so tonight was the second season finale of HBO's Westworld. After being shocked to my core my the brilliance of the first season, I was really looking forward to what happens next. Unfortunately what happens next has largely been a confusing mess and a disappointment. All sympathy built up for the hosts trying to break free of their endless torture evaporated as psycho-Dolores lowered herself to the level of a human and wholesale slaughtered people by the hundreds...

    Psycho Dolores Westworld

    But there were bright spots of course. The diversion into Shogunworld was a bit boring, but at least it was different. The return of "Ford" was a welcome treat. And then came episode 8, Kiksuya, which was a totally random departure, but absolutely beautiful to behold...

    Akecheta in the Kiksya Episode Westworld

    And then there was the finale.

    I won't delve too deep into spoilers here for those who haven't seen it. But I will say that this season was a frustrating jumble of timeline jumps that were needlessly complex... and clumsy in execution compared to the first season. The finale didn't do much to make the more esoteric story beats any easier to comprehend, but it did wrap up some critical storylines and toss in enough twists to make me glad I invested my time in watching it. Here's hoping that the third season will try not to go so absurdly meta-philosophical and be more clever than obtuse.

       
    • Paul! If you're even a casual fan of The Beatles, this is for you...

    If you're a massive fan like me, it's really for you though.

       
    • Batfleck! This article about DC's horrible handling of the Affleck Batman era nails it. How can you have a Batman at the end of his career be a part of a larger, continuing story? The Batman that Zack Snyder created makes absolutely no sense for The beginning of a franchise... Affleck or no Affleck... and it drives me crazy that Snyder was so sublimely oblivious to this fact. What? Batman is just going to be this old, broken, sad character on his last legs in every movie from here on out? So stupid. I've waited most of my life for DC characters to come together on the big screen... I've been dreaming about it since the Christopher Reeves' Superman movies... and I'll never forgive Zack Snyder for his heinously bad vision that ruined everything. All he had to do was look at the Bruce Timm animated shows (or decades of actual DC comic books) to see how Batman could work... both alone and in a larger narrative... but he decided to make something totally lame, incoherent, and just plain awful instead. He was the wrong choice for these films from the very start because he had no interest in portraying the characters as they are, but instead wanted to"put his own stamp"on them. And sadly, that's exactly what we got.

       
    • Simba? This was made over a year ago. I am just now finding it. High-larious...

    Genius!

       
    • Fan! Jake was hanging around while I was working in bed. He wanted to be petted, so I obliged for a bit...

    Cat Fan-Spreading

    Then the temperature started rising so I turned on the ceiling fan...

    Cat Fan-Spreading

    Jake loves airing out his junk, that's for sure.

       
    • Act! Posted for no particular reason...

    It's textbook, really.

       
    And, on that foreboding note... time to finish up Luke Cage on Netflix! If you're not watching this, it's worth your time. The show is a slow-burn with incredible acting by a cast to die for. If Alfre Woodard doesn't get a truck-full of awards for her amazing work on Luke Cage, there's something wrong.

       

    EDDIE!

    Posted on Friday, July 6th, 2018

    Dave!As a movie-lover, it's tough to put my finger on my favorite films. Such a list would change from day to day depending on my mood or what I find entertaining at the moment. Sure, some movies will always be near the top (there's no way that Field of Dreams is ever going to drop off my favorites) but I don't think I would even attempt a definitive list for the ages.

    That being said, there are many films that I love watching over and over that would not rank highly on such a list if I were to make one.

    Like Eddie Murphy movies.

    I simply cannot pass them up when I see them pop up on my television. And when I'm looking for a movie to run while I work, Eddie's films comes up far more often than others...

    Eddie Murphy

    Despite being enormously talented and having this uncanny ability to make mediocre movies into something fantastic, it's not like Eddie is perfect, however. I mean, films like Meet Dave, Pluto Nash, and Holy Man seem to suggest he's not exactly worried about missteps.

    Anyway...

    Last night Eddie Murphy movies came up in conversation and we were all trying to decide on our favorites. This is pretty much what I came up with...

    1. Beverly Hills Cop If there's one movie that defines the absolute core of what Eddie Murphy can accomplish on-screen, it's this. From a really good script to some hilarious improvisation, all that I love about Eddie Murphy is right here.
    2. Coming to America This movie so deftly drifted between hilarious moments and genuinely touching romance that I think it gave Hollywood pause as to what Eddie Murphy was capable of. I've seen this movie so many times that I can practically recite it from memory.
    3. Trading Places I debated putting this film in the top spot, because it was the first time I truly "got" how huge a movie star Eddie was going to be. All the performances were spot-on here (the casting was flawless), but this was Eddie's film from start to finish.
    4. Harlem Nights I don't understand the critical disdain for this film. I absolutely loved it. Some of the best funny moments in Eddie's career. And not only did it drop in some amazing A-list talent (Redd Foxx? Richard Pryor? Della Reese?), but it was absolutely beautiful to look at. The sets... the wardrobe... the styling... all so beautifully done. And Murphy directed it as well? Too much greatness for people to handle, I guess.
    5. Beverly Hills Cop II Did it match the first one? No. Did it completely live up to my expectations? Absolutely. The whole "Alphabet Killer" thing was a weak plot element (how could you be labeled the Alphabet Killer after one crime?), but it was otherwise a good story with some genuinely funny moments.
    6. The Distinguished Gentleman This movie is so overlooked and I don't understand why. In many ways I think it's a smarter film than others ranking higher on this list, and have always felt that the story was perfect for the day (and painfully relevant even now). The thing that keeps me watching it over and over is how beautifully all the pieces fit together. Everything is scripted to keep moving the story along as bit after bit clicks perfectly into place. No, the characters aren't fleshed out to any depth, but they don't have to be. Everybody is designed to contribute to making things funny and keep Eddie at the top of his game. And with this movie he definitely is.
    7. The Golden Child This was not a great film. And it felt as though Eddie was phoning it in the entire time. Some of his delivery was just plain awful, and so much less than he was capable of. It's like he insisted that he only have to perform one take per scene because nothing felt as polished as his other movies. And yet... even when he's phoning it in, Murphy is still funnier than most people on the planet combined, and the film worked on that basis alone. It was non-stop Eddie doing exactly what makes him so hilarious to watch.
    8. 48 Hours It's hard to ignore the film that started his big screen career, though I don't think it holds up as well as his other works. Still, this is a great film and a terrific debut.
    9. Boomerang Okay... I'm going to admit that Eartha Kitt, Grace Jones, and Halle Berry went a long, long ways towards me liking this film as much as I did, but they didn't overshadow Murphy's performance. He was just so on-the-money scene after scene as the story kept building to its inevitable conclusion.
    10. Bowfinger I couldn't decide between Bowfinger, Dr. Doolittle, and Life for my last film because I like them equally. But Bowfinger had these genuinely wacky moments that could have only come from Eddie Murphy. And it was great to see him matched with a talent like Steve Martin who could so easily hold his own on screen.

    This list doesn't include his standup.

    Oh man I hope he does at least one more standup movie before he retires.

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    Bullet Sunday 569

    Posted on Sunday, July 8th, 2018

    Dave!Everything in the world seems to suck... but life goes on, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Science Fiction! One of my all-time favorite bands is the Thompson Twins. I maintain that Quick Step and Side Kick, Into the Gap, and Here's to Future Days is one of the best trifecta of albums released. Not bad for a band that considered themselves to be a joke. Eventually lead singer and writer for the Twins resurfaced for a series of 80's flashback tours. He ended up having so much fun that he decided to write new material... sticking to the slick hooks and 80's vibe that made his work so popular. And now there's an album coming from Tom Bailey called Science Fiction. If the single What Kind of World is any indication, I'm going to love it...

    Only have to wait five more days...

       
    • Coaster! That Kayla is a lucky girl...

    Who needs Disneyland?

       
    • Gaston! And speaking of Disneyland... whomever hired this cast member struck gold...

    The rides are cool and all that, but it's the people at Disney that make it theme park magic.

       
    • Coaster! And speaking of theme park magic, take a look at this amazing video...

    The riders are lucky that the camera and selfie-stick didn't fly out of his hand and kill somebody... but... very cool.

       
    • MALKOVICH! How did I miss that Spike Jonze and Jordan Peele accepted a fan theory about a link between Being John Malkovich and Get Out? Then Peele confirmed that he now considers it to be true?

    Being John Malkovich

    Bizarre! Which is what you'd expect when Being John Malkovich is involved.

       
    • NOT MALKOVICH! Now, I hesitate to compare any film to Being John Malkovich, but this sure looks like a contender in the bizarre department...

    So cool that there are people trying to do something different in movies... and that there are studios supporting them.

       
    • Triple Header! I still have no idea how Luca Stricagnoli does what he does. You'd think that his brain would explode trying to do so many things at once...

    Beautiful. Amazing how his interpretation just keeps getting better and more complex as time goes on.

       
    And that's all she wrote for bullets this Sunday. See you again in a mere seven days.

       

    Friday Not Friday This Time

    Posted on Friday, July 13th, 2018

    Dave!I just noticed something... odd.

    Rachel McAdams sure ends up in a lot of movies with a time traveler.

       
    Rachel McAdams and a time traveler in The Time Traveler's Wife, a silly concept for time travel that doesn't quite work as sci-fi or romance...

       
    Rachel McAdams and a time traveler in Midnight in Paris, a Woody Allen film I refuse to watch because I loathe Woody Allen...

       
    Rachel McAdams and a time traveler in About Time, one of the sweeter romance films I've seen with time travel used to good effect...

       
    Rachel McAdams and a time traveler in Doctor Strange, one of the better super-hero movies I've seen...

       
    Kind of surprising that she wasn't cast as Rita in Edge of Tomorrow.

    Is it too much to hope that my favorite Dean Koontz book, Lightning, gets made into a film? Rachel McAdams would make a good Laura Shane.

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    Bullet Sunday 572

    Posted on Sunday, July 29th, 2018

    Dave!Home again home again... and just in time too, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Mutants! The news of the week? Disney's offer to buy out 21st Century Fox's movie properties was approved by the shareholders on both sides. They still have to get regulatory approval, but it's expected there won't be any issues. And so? The X-Men, The Fantastic Four, and Deadpool franchises will be headed to Marvel Studios. Which means we might finally get to see a good X-Men film... and we hopefully won't get more horrendously shitty Fantastic Four films. Deadpool was done right (twice!), but he lives outside of comic book reality, so he won't require a reboot. He'll just comment about his new universe and move on. In all honesty, I don't give too big a crap about the mutant teams showing up alongside The Avengers and so-on... but I am beyond excited to see The Fantastic Four popping up everywhere...

    The Fantastic Four by Art Adams

    There is so much potential there.

       
    • Big Gunn! And speaking of Marvel Studios... they've cut loose Guardians of the Galaxy writer/director James Gunn over offensive tweets he made almost a decade ago. I have mixed feelings over it all. On one hand he has repeatedly apologized for what he said, explained that it was a poor attempt at being provocative, he has moved on, and he tries hard to not be that person any more. On the other hand though... the jokes(?) were about things like pedophilia and rape and really don't qualify as "jokes" at all, assuming that was the intent. They certainly weren't funny. But... is that worth losing the third act of The Guardians of the Galaxy over? In the end I'd have to say "no." It would be a different matter entirely if he actually was a rapist and pedophile... but he's not. He was just entirely too stupid to understand he wasn't being provocative or funny... he was just being an asshole. And if we're going to start firing people in Hollywood for being stupid assholes, at least half of the industry would be gone.

       
    • Printables! Downloadable guns? Well that sure took less time than I thought.

       
    • Roasted! The Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis was on tonight. It was raunchy, horrible fun as always...

    Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis

    But every time one of these comes up, I cannot help but think back to one of the best roast lines ever said. Sandra Bernhard was preceding Jeffrey Ross at the roast of Jerry Stiller. Jeffrey stepped up and said "Yeesh, I wouldn't fuck you with Bea Arthur's dick!"... with Bea Arthur in attendance. I had always wondered if Bea Arthur ever reacted to it, so tonight I Googled it. Turns out Jeffrey Ross has a story about that.

       
    • McWrong! Ever wonder what happens when McDonald's wraps your Egg & Cheese Biscuit Sandwich inside-out? Here you go...

    Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis

    I was too hungry to throw it all out, so I tore off as much of the color as I could. Hopefully it's non-toxic in case I didn't get it all.

       
    • Kurzge-wha?! And here's my new favorite thing of the moment on the internet the Kurzgesagt Channel on YouTube...

    If you've got time to waste, here's the place to go.

       
    And that's the end of that. See you next Sunday.

       

    Justice League: Revisited

    Posted on Tuesday, July 31st, 2018

    Dave!Today Marvel's Avengers: Infinity War was released on digital home video. I thought before I sat down and wrote my thoughts on the movie, I'd take a run through Justice League from the Distinguished Competition and jot down some notes on it as well.

    It's no secret that, with one exception, I loathe the DC Comics Cinematic Universe. Wonder Woman was pretty great. But Man of Steel, Batman vs. Superman, Suicide Squad, and Justice League were all festering piles of crap that were not only bad movies... they were bad adaptations of the comic books they were taken from.

    Justice League was so bad that I couldn't even get through it. I've only just watched various chunks when I've seen it on HBO. But, in the interest of fairness, I thought that I would sit through the whole thing last night to see if that changes my opinion.

    Turns out that, no, it most definitely does not...

    Justice League Poster

       
    If anything, it sucks even harder in one viewing because it's such an epic slog to force your way through. All that did was make me end up resenting the film even more than I already did. My notes are something I'm posting for myself so I don't lose them, but feel free to read along if you want to.

    And now? Do not proceed unless you've already seen the movie. LOL! JUST KIDDING! You do not want to see this movie, trust me.

    Spoilers await in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Infinity War: Revisited

    Posted on Wednesday, August 1st, 2018

    Dave!Of course I rushed to the theater when Avengers: Infinity War was released. I saw it twice, just because it was such a huge spectacle that I had a tough time absorbing it all. I liked it much better the second time around.Now that the film has been released on digital home video and I've had some distance between my last viewing... I like it even more.

    Everything I said in my first review still holds true. But I wanted to revisit it now and figure out just why this film keeps growing on me...

    Avengers: Infinity War Movie Poster

       
    But, before we go there... an aside about those extras you get. They are pretty lame. At least what I'm finding in the "iTunes Extras" you get on the digital release...

    1) The directors/writers commentary doesn't really add a huge amount of insight to the film. Not that it's bad... just that so much of what's discussed is obvious. This is fairly understandable though. If they went into much depth, they'd spoil the second part that's coming in the fourth Avengers film.

    2) That being said... there is a "Director's Roundtable" with eight past Marvel Studios directors (Jon Favreau, Joss Whedon, Peyton Reed, James Gunn, Ryan Coogler, The Russo Brothers, and Taika Waititi via FaceTime... sadly, no Kenneth Branagh, Shane Black, Alan Taylor,Scott Derrickson, Jon Watts, or Joe Johnston) which is fantastic. Listening to these people talk about their films made me want to go back and watch every last one of them all over again. If only it could have gone on longer.

    3) The featurettes are okay but, again, don't add a heck of a lot to the film. Strange Alchemy touches on my favorite thing about the film, which would be the mixing up of the characters. The Mad Titan talks about Thanos from comics to film. Beyond the Battle: Titan and Beyond the Battle: Wakanda reveals the FX and stunts that went into the ultimate super-hero battles ever seen on film.

    4) The deleted scenes are all worth watching. In the case of the extended scene between Thanos and Gamora... well worth watching.

    5) LOLOLOL! As I was watching Infinity War tonight and Thanos starts speaking, Jenny immediately goes running for the television. And she was transfixed! "Jenny... are you in love with Thanos?!??" She turns and looks at me like "DUH!" — I think that Rick from Rick and Morty will be jealous. He's the only other character that Jenny reacts to this way...

    Jenny Loves Thanos

    Jenny Loves Thanos

    Jenny Loves Thanos

       
    And now? Do not proceed unless you've already seen the movie.

    Spoilers await in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    Cat Bites and Iron Man

    Posted on Thursday, August 2nd, 2018

    Dave!When it comes to cats, I truly lucked out. Jake and Jenny are wonderful animals and rarely give me any trouble. They don't chew on my stuff. They don't scratch anything they're not supposed to. They rarely puke. They leave me alone when I sleep. They're affectionate but not too clingy. They don't meow constantly. They're just the greatest most perfect cats.

    99.9% of the time.

    Every once in a while though...

    I've been bitten three times.

    When I first got my cats, they came with hospital collars from having been fixed. My cats were absolutely terrified of me, so I couldn't get close enough to cut them off...

    Kittens!
    Calm Before the Storm.

    After a few days, Jake would be distracted enough while eating that I was easily able to cut his off. Jenny though? Not on your life. And it was scaring me. They spent a lot of time hiding under stuff, and I was worried the collar would get caught and she'd hurt herself. Finally I managed to grab her and cut it... except she was not having it. She clawed my arm so badly I still have marks. And she bit my nose repeatedly, resulting in blood gushing down my face. Not fun for me... and Jenny hid under the couch for two days.

    The second time I got bit was when Jake escaped from the catio. Eventually he made his way back to the door, but he wouldn't come inside. So I grabbed him...

    Jake Rescued from Outside!

    Jake, who is usually a very mellow cat, went full-on psychotic. He was a Tasmanian devil of fury... biting my arm and clawing at my abdomen so deep that I thought my guts were going to spill out Hannibal Lecter style.

    And the latest time I got bit? TODAY.

    With the heat we've been having, my cats have been shedding their fur constantly. It's so bad that I've been brushing them with The Furminator every day. Jenny loves it. She rolls around while getting brushed and purrs like a diesel truck. Jake, however, merely tolerates it. Most times he doesn't mind so much, but there are other times you can tell he's annoyed. He'll "fake bite" me a couple times, but that's as far as it goes. Today was no different. He was irritated, he pretended to bite me a few times, I ignored him as I always do... and then he lashed out. With a real bite. It wasn't all that painful, but it was shocking.

    And so...

    Lesson learned. From now on when Jake acts perturbed while being brushed, I'll wait for one "fake bite" and then stop brushing.

    Because I like having the greatest most perfect cats.


    As I mentioned yesterday, watching the "Director's Roundtable" extra from the Avengers: Infinity War digital home video release made me want to watch all the Marvel Studios movies all over again. And so I am. Starting today...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 1: Iron Man
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
       
    At the time it was released, it was impossible to comprehend just how revolutionary Iron Man would be, nor what it would lead to. In retrospect, it should not be as surprising as it is. All the elements were there. Robert Downey Jr. inhabiting Tony Stark in a way that was beyond flawless... painstaking faithfulness to the source material... exceedingly good special effects... a story that was highly entertaining, laced with humor, and had no wasted moments... and... did I mention Robert Downey Jr. being beyond flawless? As impressed as I was with this film back in 2008, I am doubly impressed today because it holds up so damn well. It was the perfect beginning to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and I love it as much now as I did then. Of particular note is the raw mechanical nature of the suit, which literally had to be bolted around Tony. This was incredibly cool to see and, though the process was streamlined with each new appearance, it always maintained its awesome brute-force physically mechanical nature. Until Infinity War where the suit was "nanite enabled" which completely ruins what makes Iron Man be Iron Man. Bummer.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: So many. But when Tony first dons the finished Iron Man armor and takes out all the bad guys in Afghanistan... it's movie magic. And when he returns home and Pepper catches him doing "not the worst things she's caught him doing?"... it's LOL funny too.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: While Jeff Bridges makes the perfect Obadiah Stane, I question why the villain always has to be a slightly more powerful duplicate of the hero in these films. Iron Man vs. Iron Monger? Sure. But it set a lame precident for too many Marvel Studios films which followed. So much so that they're only just now breaking free of of that trap.
       
    SIDENOTE: Nick Fury showing up in the post-credits scene to discuss "The Avengers Initiative" is the icing on a very delicious cake. When I saw this movie in the theater, I was leaving during the credits when some guy started shouting to everybody "DON'T GO! THERE'S MORE AFTER THE CREDITS!" and so I stayed. I was already thrilled with the film. After that scene I was downright giddy leaving the theater.

       

    Berries In Bed and The Incredible Hulk

    Posted on Friday, August 3rd, 2018

    Dave!I've never been a really big dessert person. My vice has always been chocolate pudding, but once I had to start limiting carbs and go sugar-free, it got scratched from my list (sugar-free chocolate pudding is heinous). I like an occasional chocolate cupcake, but those had to be dropped too. So now I have an occasional cookie and call it good.

    Except...

    I have a real tough time passing up on berries.

    My favorite berries are Maine blueberries. There's really nothing like them. They are smaller than the blueberries I can get here and the flavor is unreal. I will gladly chow down on Maine blueberries on any occasion I can get them. But any berry will do, really. I love strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, Marionberries, boysenberries, blackberries, huckleberries... so many berries to eat.

    But... berries have sugar... and so I try not to eat them too often. The fact that berries are so insanely expensive makes this easy. I bought a tiny container of fresh blueberries and raspberries for $8 to eat at breakfast with some poundcake. I managed to get three servings for my money...

    Berries in Bed

    And yet my $8 will buy me 8 shitty burritos at Taco Bell or 8 shitty hamburgers at McDonalds off their dollar menus. Fresh, healthy foods are out of reach for so many people, but crappy unhealthy food is abundant and cheap. Crazy.

    But typical of what government lobbyists can achieve when they put their mind and money towards something.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 2: The Incredible Hulk
    Original Grade: B • Today's Grade: B-
    Coming out a mere month after the summer blockbuster that was Iron Man, the second movie in Marvel's lineup falls short when you you drop it in the mix. Still... this is not a bad movie, and if you judge it on its own merits instead of comparing it to the rest of the Marvel Universe of films, it fares far better. Unfortunately, I can't do that, so it just doesn't hold up for me. The special effects are good for the day. The story is good enough. The acting is better than good. But it doesn't feel like a Marvel Studios film and I mostly forget about it. Especially after all the amazing stuff that followed. With that considered, I have to drop it a point.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: Can I say the pre-credits scene where Tony Stark walks in the bar to talk to General Ross, thus starting the long trend of all the movies being stitched together? No? I can't? Okay. Well, The Hulk tearing apart anything and everything is worth watching... but I love the scene where General Ross is in the gunship chasing down The Abomination over rooftops at sunset and The Hulk grabs hold. The aerial battle and subsequent crash is a visual and audio treat.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: General "Thunderbolt" Ross's near maniacal obsession with tracking down The Hulk borders on ridiculous and William Hurt badly overplays it. Doesn't help that he's so damn stupid. Leave The Hulk alone and nobody gets hurt. Fuck with Banner and The Hulk destroys everything. So why not just let him be? And while I really like Edward Norton's body of work and appreciate what he brought to this film, it's tough to overlook just how much better suited Mark Ruffalo is for this particular role. He has an easy charm about him that Bruce Banner needs in order to play against the non-stop angst he lives day to day. Without it, things are just too serious and bleak.
       
    SIDENOTE: Is Betty Ross ever mentioned again? Like ever? I know they eventually paired up Banner with Black Widow, but it still seems odd.

       

    Caturday 71 and Iron Man 2

    Posted on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

    Dave!This morning I grabbed my phone and delayed Alexa's breakfast alarm because Jake was industriously cleaning his butt, and the last thing I wanted to do was interrupt that. Every once in a while he lets his butt-grooming go, so if he's paying that much attention to things I figure he must need it.

    The Alexa alarms I have set for breakfast and dinner are always a great source of amusement. And a smart move on my part, because my cats have been trained to not bother me for food until they hear the alarm. When it gets close to 7:00am/6:00pm, Jake and Jenny will assemble and wait. Then they go nuts when the alarm goes off. I've recorded it these past couple mornings...

    Butt first...

    XXX

    And now? My turn for breakfast.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 3: Iron Man 2
    Original Grade: A- • Today's Grade: A-
    I have never understood why this movie was so poorly received. Yeah, the story had some problems. Yeah, there were scenes that didn't hang together right. But it was still an enjoyable outing. The acting and visual effects were great. Sam Rockwell was perfect. And Mickey Rourke was not nearly the problem that critics made him to be. On top of all that? The debut of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow! I enjoyed the film then. I enjoyed watching it again now. And the credits scene with Thor's hammer in the dessert still gives me chills.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: The opening where Iron Man jumps out of a plane and lands on the Stark Expo stage only to be robotically disassembled to reveal Tony Stark... being Tony Stark, courtesy of Robert Downey Jr. firing on all cylinders. The Iron Man dancers are just a bonus. A close second? Black Widow mowing through a bunch of security guards at Hammer Tech. Amazing.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Whiplash is just another guy in a suit, following Iron Monger in the last movie... a different guy in a suit. It's a missed opportunity trap that so many Marvel Studios movies would fall into.
       
    SIDENOTE: One of the most famous Iron Man comic book arcs was the Demon in a Bottle storyline where Iron Man became an alcoholic. That they did a quick nod to it in this film at Tony's party was an interesting choice. I think it was a mistake, but... better a quick nod than an entire movie dedicated to alcoholic Iron Man.

       

    Smoke, Fire, and Captain America: The First Avenger

    Posted on Monday, August 6th, 2018

    Dave!I've been in two fires.

    The first one was at a friend's house. He asked for help packing up he and his family's stuff because they were in the path of a wildfire that was out of control and advancing too quickly for them to evacuate on their own. I drove a rental truck up to their place, helped them pack it up, then drove it to his parent's house. By the time I had retrieved my car and headed back, they were told to leave and had evacuated. They ended up losing their garage and a chunk of their roof.

    The second fire was at my home (well, the one before last) and it was terrifying. I spent eleven hours on the roof of my apartment building keeping the roof wet and putting out so many small fires that I lost count. Once I climbed down to go to the bathroom because I couldn't hold it any more. When I finally got back on the roof everything had caught fire. Fire on the bushes. Fire on the lawn. Fire on the shed. Fire on the roof. From then on I peed off the roof. Not that it mattered... everybody else had left. When the police came to force me to evacuate, both buildings to the side of me had caught fire. I had no idea if I would ever see my home again as I left.

    Luckily, thanks to an amazing group of firefighters, my home was spared while everything around my apartment was burned to the ground or badly damaged. I was told that it was because I stayed behind when everybody else had left that the firefighters decided to hold the line at my building and save it. I was... and still am... incredibly grateful. Everything I owned was in there except the clothes on my back, my car, my hard drive, and the two photo albums I managed to grab as I evacuated.

    The price being that I still wake up from time to time in a blind panic because I think I smell smoke.

    And on days like today where there are wildfires burning and I smell actual smoke, I have a tough time of it. Apparently that's all it can take to send my head back to the roof of my old apartment when the whole world was burning around me.

    The difference being that if I were caught in another fire, I wouldn't worry about losing everything I own as much as I used to. All my photos are stored in the cloud and backed up on a hard drive I keep at work. Everything else is just "stuff" and can (mostly) be replaced.

    All I need out of life is underwear and my cats.

    And the underwear are optional, as always.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 5: Captain America: The Last Avenger
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
    Even as Marvel Studios was pulling all the pieces together to assemble The Avengers I had no idea how Captain America was going to fit into it. Developed in 1940 as a pro-America response to the rise of the Nazis, Cap was kept relevant in the comic books by constantly reinventing him in the face of modern times. But that's in comics. How would they translate a star-spangled antique to the movies and not have him look ridiculous? Well, this movie is how. An origin film through and through The First Avenger stripped away decades of jingoistic baggage to create an every-man hero who wanted to fight for the little guy by standing up to the bullies of the world. Taking place almost entirely during World War II, the story was everything you could hope for in a super-hero movie, and there were zero missteps in how it was laid out. Steve Rogers desperately wants to save people by joining the war effort but he's physically incapable of doing so, and branded 4F for service. But his heart and courage land him in the US Super Soldier Program where science turns him into the most celebrated hero of the war. Along the way he battles classic Cap villain The Red Skull, and absolutely everything about it was flawless.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: When Cap is leading back all the soldiers he rescued after his first outing, you get to see exactly who he is and how he will work in the MCU.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Seriously. Nothing. There's nothing that could have made this a more perfect introduction of Captain Rogers to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
       
    SIDENOTE: At the end of the movie Cap sacrifices himself to save New York and ends up frozen in the Arctic ice shelf. Fast forward to modern times and he's dug up from the ice to become a founding member of The Avengers and one of the most famous comic book super-heroes of all time. That tracks pretty closely to what we got in the comics, and the movie is painstakingly faithful to the source material. What's interesting is just how closely the events of this film lead into The Avengers. Black Widow came from Iron Man 2, Loki and Hawkeye came from Thor, and The Tesseract came from Captain America: The First Avenger. Everything up until now has been moving the football forward, all in preparation for the home run which was to come. The patience and planning it took to have such a plan in place is absolutely mind-boggling, and Marvel producer Kevin Feige was: The One in charge of keeping it all together. That he's still in charge just goes to show how successful he's been at his job.

       

    Deadpool 2 and The Avengers

    Posted on Tuesday, August 7th, 2018

    Dave!After fucking up just about every single Marvel film they've ever made, 20th Century Fox finally got it right when they unleashed Deadpool on an undeserving world back in 2016. It was shockingly good and easily slid into my third favorite film slot of the year.

    Needless to say, my expectations were rather high for the sequel. My fear was that they would just take Ryan Reynolds off the leash, substitute jokes for story, go full-on stupid, and destroy everything that made the first film work so well.

    Instead they did the exact opposite of that and I think I might actually like it better than the original...

    Deadpool 2 Poster

    First of all, Deadpool is just as ruthlessly violent and hilariously funny as ever. This is the role Ryan Reynolds was born to play and he completely owns it in every possible way. But like the poster says, he doesn't come alone. Cable and Domino are with him, and Josh Brolin and Zazie Beetz are everything you could possibly hope for. Domino was particularly surprising, possessing a joy that lights up the screen. She comes dangerously close to stealing the entire show and an argument could be made that her scenes are the best in the film. Zazie could easily carry a solo film, and I hope somebody is seriously investigating it.

    If there's a fault(?) in Deadpool 2 it's that the film is so dense with story and jokes that it demands repeat viewings to get it all. It was my intent to see it a second time in the theater but I didn't make it back to the multiplex in time. Now that it's been released on home video I can watch it as many times as I want.

    And I will watch it a lot, I'm sure.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 5: The Avengers
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
    And here is what we've been leading up to these past four movies. And it did not disappoint. The trick in team-up films like this is always going to be balancing screen time between multiple characters and balancing the power levels of everybody involved so heavy hitters like Thor don't obliterate weaker characters like Hawkeye. Joss Whedon did a superb job of that... and managed to make a witty, fun, and entertaining movie to boot. As if that wasn't achievement enough? The Battle of New York was eye-candy on a level yet unseen. But the best part? The groundwork has just been laid for the next 15 films.
       
    MOMENT TO BEAT: Hulk smashing Loki.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: The first ten minutes of the film are spent not with The Avengers but with SHIELD. And while I understand the need to set things up with Loki and The Tesseract, it seems a lot of time (relatively) to invest. I would rather have had half of that cinematic indulgence used elsewhere because a lot of time was spent with SHIELD as it is. There's also the matter of timing, where Captain America and Black Widow can get from New York to Germany in minutes. Other than that, I really hate what they did with Cap's uniform. The helmet is goofy-looking and the nonsensical metallic shoulder cuffs look stupid. And speaking of questionable design, whose idea was it to put the Subway sandwich logo on Stark Tower's helipad? But the thing that bothers me most is how nuking the alien mother ship somehow causes every last Chitauri warrior, transport, and ship to suddenly keel over dead. Talk about lazy writing.
       
    SIDENOTE: In the tradition of comic books since the dawn of time, super-heroes end up fighting when they first meet. And the battle between Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor is a good one.

       

    International Cat Day and Iron Man 3

    Posted on Wednesday, August 8th, 2018

    Dave!Oh look... it's International Cat Day! As well it should be. I love my cats more than just about anything, so they should have their own day.

    My cats decided to celebrate their holiday by eating and sleeping. Though they also decided to walk all over my kitchen counters, which means I have to scrub everything down now. Fun...

    Jake and Jenny on the countertops

    Oh... and they also put a nice big scratch in my coffee table. Fun...

    Jake and Jenny Sleeping by a Big Scratch

    The fact that I didn't strangle them today should perfectly illustrate why every day is International Cat Day around my house.

    Well, not my house, really. I just pay for everything... I'm pretty sure it's their house.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 7: Iron Man 3
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A
    Being the one to helm the film which followed The Avengers must have been a daunting task. In their infinite wisdom Marvel decided to hire Shane Black to write and direct. This was an interesting move but not an altogether bad fit. As writer of the Lethal Weapon movies and the genius that was The Long Kiss Goodnight, he knows how to create an action beat. Many of Black's decisions were questionable. Retooling Iron Man's long-time villain, The Mandarin, as a Ben-Kingsley-enabled decoy for Aldrich Killian from AIM was a bit weak. The modular armor was fun, but was handled poorly (if the parts were 832 miles from Miami, how did they arrive in 10 minutes?)... not to mention that the suit, which has always been powered by the ARC reactor in Tony's chest, suddenly needs to be recharged with electricity? The whole Extremis angle was lifted from a famous reboot arc from the comics, but used entirely differently... not necessarily in a bad way, though it was certainly a step down. And yet... this was a highly entertaining film with fantastic special effects and an awesome finale (Iron Legion!) that makes for good repeat viewing. I love the movie almost as much as the original, though it kind of falls short in the grand scheme of things these five years later so it gets dropped a half-grade.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: I usually hate whiny child actors ruining films that aren't about children, but Ty Simpkins (who plays Harley Keener) is fantastic. IMDB says he's making a Marvel Cinematic Universe return with The Avengers 4 which is kinda cool. Anyway, despite some great action sequences, all the scenes between Tony and Harley are my favorite. With the possible exception of when Tony chops Killian's arm off and says "Yeah, you take a minute." I LOL every time.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Other than the villain being able to magically take over television sets, a trope I absolutely loathe? And the Oracle product placement that's not at all subtle? There are times that seemed as though Tony's dialogue was too scattered and improvised. It didn't come off as natural, and it felt as if Shane Black wasn't sure how to handle it.
       
    SIDENOTE: Probably the last Iron Man movie with Robert Downey Jr. which is a darn shame. Seeing hom pop up in Captain America: Civil War and Spider-Man: Homecoming (not to mention Avengers: Infinity War) is better than nothing, but boy would I like to see another solo Iron Man flick.

       

    Berries and Thor: The Dark World

    Posted on Thursday, August 9th, 2018

    Dave!Ooh! Strawberries and blueberries were on sale!

    I've been eating them morning noon and night in an effort to get through them all before they rot. Because the only thing worse than having berries be absurdly expensive is having affordable berries that you end up throwing away...

    XXX

    Now I'm on the hunt for marionberries, blackberries, or (if I've very lucky) boysenberries on sale.

    Thought it's probably better if I don't find them, because those suckers would end up going in a pie, and I don't need that kind of carb load this late in my life!


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 8: Thor: The Dark World
    Original Grade: B • Today's Grade: B+
    Often seen as a weak link in the Marvel Cinematic Universe canon, I actually liked this film very much. Not necessarily for the story, which feels slapped together and disjointed... nor the villain, since Malekith looks more silly than threatening... but for all the parts that work so well. Hemsworth and Hiddleston are totally on their game as Thor and Loki. Natalie Portman, Stellan Skarsgård, and Kat Dennings are perfectly inhabiting the roles of Jane, Selvig, and Darcy that they created. But my favorite part is marveling over the sheer adventure of it all. The battle at Vanaheim... the Dark Elves attack... the escape from Asgard... every minute on Svartalfheim... Thor's hammer finally acting exactly like Thor's hammer should... so many cool comic book moments. Marry all that to lush visuals, stunning production design, and epic special effects, and it was a much better movie than some critics made it out to be. This is one of the Marvel Studios films I've only seen a couple times and I hadn't watched it in years. I ended up enjoying it more than I thought I would so I'm bumping it up a half grade.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: Loki becoming Captain America. Bless Chris Evans for being such a good sport and making appearances like this!
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Malekith and the Dark Elves were just awful as antagonists. And it drives me bonkers how Jane and Selvig could "science" their way out of a situation they have practically zero knowledge to combat. The result being Jane's "science box" which inexplicably transports exactly the stuff needed for the story? And Selvig's "science poles" which save the day in the most deus ex machina way possible? Beyond lame.
       
    SIDENOTE: "The Aether" MacGuffin actually being the Reality Stone in liquid form was just one more step to Avengers: Infinity War... and giving it to The Collector in the mid-credits scene beautifully set up Guardians of the Galaxy. Loki becoming Odin seemed like such a tired decision at the time, but was so wonderfully wrapped up in the third Thor movie, Ragnarok, that it turned out to be a great twist.

       

    Art and Captain America: Winter Soldier

    Posted on Friday, August 10th, 2018

    Dave!This was one of those days.

    I compensated by hiding in my bedroom and reading through all the of "Art of the Movie" books from the first eight Marvel Studios films. Except... it's actually nine books because I bought the art book for the Peggy Carter series that was on ABC, which I love (there's also books for the Agents of SHIELD series, but I don't love that show even a little bit). It made me want to watch Agent Carter all over again, but that will have to wait...

    Art of Marvel Studios Books

    The only book I'm missing is the one for Agent Carter: Season Two, which was an okay-not-great-series, but I'd still like to have it because the production design was fantastic for it. But... $48. Yeesh. That's a chunk of money considering I wasn't a big fan of the show.

    And now It's time to re-watch one of the best movies ever so I can finish up this entry!


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 9: Captain America: Winter Soldier
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
    There's a part of me that wants to call this my favorite Marvel Studios film. It gives us a flawless portrayal of Captain America, Black Widow, Winter Soldier, Nick Fury, Agent 13, and also? Robert Redford(!) as Alexander Pierce! But the real beauty of this movie is that it defines Captain America in a way that makes his 1940's mentality painfully relevant to the modern world, and positions him as the definitive conscience of the entire MCU. And speaking of relevant... how cool is it that a film set in 2014 managed to continue story elements of the first movie set in 1942 so amazingly well. Bucky, Zola, and Hydra were old ideas made fresh. And not in a way that rang hollow or was contrived. Even Cap's original uniform (which is far superior to what he got in The Avengers) was dusted off and came back. Genius.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: Pick one. There are no wasted moments in this entire film. The action sequences are all brilliant. But that scene where Steve goes to visit a dying Peggy Carter... yargh... a lump in my throat every time.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Not a damn thing. If a perfect comic book movie exists, this is a contender.
       
    SIDENOTE: The way they updated Falcon is, as with everything else in this movie, perfect. By the way... that's Jenny Agutter as the lone woman on The World Security Council and the one that Black Widow impersonates to infiltrate SHIELD. Many Americans probably won't know who she is, but anybody familiar with British Television knows that this is just as cool casting as Robert Redford!

       

    Caturday 72 and Guardians of the Galaxy

    Posted on Saturday, August 11th, 2018

    Dave!I fell asleep on the couch last night while watching the Marvel Studios movie for today. Not easy to do when it's Guardians of the Galaxy, which is one of my favorites of the bunch. Guess it just goes to show how exhausted I was.

    I woke up again when I got an alert that the security camera in my driveway had gone down.

    This is the email I got...

    Your Security Camera is Down!

    And... look closer...

    XXX

    I'm thinking that Fake Jake might be behind my camera going down? The rascal.

    I have two more cameras out front, so I was in no hurry to fix whatever it was that was wrong. Instead I finished up my movie and went to bed.

    As for Real Jake? Just helping me open my mail this morning...

    Fake Jake Opens Mail

    Fake Jake Opens Mail

    Fake Jake Opens Mail

    The rascal.

    Jenny would rather lay on the floor for some reason...

    Jenny on the Floor

    When I went to Petco for kibble, I saw that the low-carb Tiki Cat dry food was on sale. This was cool... until I noticed that one of the flavors was marked as "clearance," which scares the hell out of me. I really, really hope that they aren't discontinuing this stuff. It's the most affordable food I've found that doesn't overload on carbs. In the meanwhile though, I snagged all eight bags and my cats are set for the rest of the year...

    Jenny Investigates Tiki Cat

    I can probably replace the dry with... something... I guess. But nobody makes the Tiki Cat Velvet Mousse that Jenny eats. And I seriously don't want to have to go back to blending my own. So gross.

    Fingers crossed I won't have to.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 10: Guardians of the Galaxy
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
    I re-watched this movie for the fifth?... sixth? time back in June, so I didn't really have to watch it again to jot down my thoughts. But I did it anyway. And I am hooked from the opening scene of Star-Lord dancing through a dead planet every time. If that doesn't sum up my feelings about Marvel's first "sci-fi" entry into the MCU, I don't know what will. The humor... the characters... the settings... the story... the music... all perfect. And perfectly executed, with amazing casting and brilliant special effects (which are so crucial to a film like this). I've admitted that I laughed when I first heard they were bringing this comic book to the big screen, because characters like Rocket and Groot were just an absurd thing to try and translate. But how wrong was I? And after watching Avengers: Infinity War, I'm even more impressed, because they were able to seamlessly mix Rocket and Groot with everybody else to amazing effect.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: Escape from the Kyln? Escape from Knowhere? The battle at Xandar maybe? I dunno. There are entirely too many good scenes to pick from. I can't even single it out to scenes with one character, because I love them all.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Ronan the Accuser is a powerful Kree warrior, but I don't get how he was able to wield the Power Stone. I understand that he only touched it for a few seconds, which is why he didn't die... but how was he able to command it after he smashed it into his Universal Weapon hammer? He's an important Kree but, in the end, he's just a Kree. Not a god or ancient being. Or, in Peter's case, the son of an ancient being. It's a puzzler. And I still think the whole "holding hands" at the end was kinda silly.
       
    SIDENOTE: It's amazing how critical this film was to everything that came after it in the MCU. Thanos... Gamora... Nebula... The Collector... and, looking even further forward for next year's Captain Marvel, The Kree. This was also the first time we got a full explanation on The Infinity Stones as well. Doesn't seem possible that such important stuff was set up in what's essentially a comedy, but there's Marvel Studios being all brilliant again.

       

    Bullet Sunday 574 and Avengers: Age of Ultron

    Posted on Sunday, August 12th, 2018

    Dave!Time to be cruel to be kind... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Birdfeeding! I used to feed birds only in the winter, but started feeding them in the Summertime as entertainment for my cats. Problem is, when I hang the feeder in front of their window, the birds stay away... unlike in winter where food is scarce and they don't care. Apparently having predators staring at you while dining is unappetizing if you have other options. So I moved the feeder to the corner of the house where there are no windows so I could get rid of the feed I had bought. Problem is... I felt bad when there was no more food, so I kept on buying it because they kept hanging around. The little scroungers run through loads of the stuff, and I'm refilling it three times a week now...

    Insatiable

    Probably wouldn't be so bad if they were content to eat the cheap seed... but their favorite is thistle seed, AKA nyjer seed. The stuff is crazy expensive. I've tried mixing it with the cheap seed, but they pick it out and drop it on the ground... along with loads of thistle seed shells. I can't seem to win when it comes to birds.

       
    • Bears! So there I was... flipping through channels... when I ran across We Bare Bears, which is one of the best things I've ever seen...

    It's in its fourth season. No idea how I've missed it for this long, but I'm kinda obsessed with it now.

       
    • Bears Again! What makes me love We Bare Bears even more? A storyboard artist from the show created an animatic of Ice Bear punching a Neo Nazi...

    Bear Punches Neo Nazi

    The tiki torch is a nice touch. You can see it over at Cartoon Brew.

       
    • Unsatiable! When internet controversy was unleashed against the new Netflix series Insatiable, calling for it to be canceled before it even aired, I was intrigued. Rather than jump on the bandwagon I decided to take a look. It was funny as hell and, though it was pretty crude, I didn't understand what the fuss was about...

    Insatiable

    UNTIL THINGS TURNED TO SHIT IN THE TENTH EPISODE. Holy crap. I have never seen a show completely turn a corner like this. It's as if they had no idea what to do for an ending and just slapped some stupid crap together. EXCEPT THERE WASN'T AN ENDING! Blargh. The only way I was offended by this show was that Netflix greenlit it when IT HAD NO ENDING!

       
    • Potato! Netflix kinda redeemed themselves after the disaster of Insatiable by recommending The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I don't go much for period films... and especially not period romance films... but this one has really beautiful atmosphere to it...

    The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

    Taking place in the days after World War II, author Juliet Ashton receives a letter from Dawsey Adams of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, a reading club. Curious to know more about the society, Juliet writes back... and a story unfolds. It's a nice escape, if you're looking for that wort of thing.

       
    • Agatha! I've read most of the Agatha Christie novels. My mom loved them, and they made for good reading. My favorite has always been Death on the Nile, followed by Five Little Pigs and probably And Then There Were None. Amazon Prime is now showing an adaption of Ordeal by Innocence, which is one I remember...

    Ordeal by Innocence

    After having watched all three parts while I was working this morning, I was a bit taken aback that they had changed the story. Which is to say that they changed the murderer. I'm sure other details were altered as well, but I don't remember things well enough to list them. It seems strange to me that they would adapt a book and change it so significantly. If they didn't want to tell the story Agatha Christie had written, why wouldn't they have just written their own story? Setting all that aside, the series is pretty good and has a great cast lead by Bill Nighy. If you've got three hours to kill, there are worse things to watch. Like Insatiable, for example.

       
    Time to regroup and reload. See you next Sunday.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 11: Avengers: Age of Ultron
    Original Grade: A • Today's Grade: A-
    I'm just going to get this out of the way... Ultron was not nearly as horrifying a villain as he should have been. The absurdity of it has me dropping Age of Ultron a half grade, just because it's even more jarring on repeat viewings. While casting James Spader as Ultron's voice was genius, he should have been an unstoppable, unhinged murder-bot instead of the philosophically-bent loon they made him into. That being said, it was great to see The Avengers back in action... even if this was a disjointed mess of a movie which wasted too much time on nonsensical diversions. Oh well. The fight scenes are amazing. The Vision has some serious design issues (WHY PUT DRIBBLE ON HIS CHIN?!?), but is as cool as you'd hope. Wanda's powers are all over the place, but it was great to get the Scarlet Witch onboard. Ultimately it's a heck of an entertaining film that still makes an A grade. It's just that this should have been an A+ movie and it wasn't.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: That opening attack on Baron von Strucker's fortress in Sokovia was pretty great. It was a fight that was very well balanced between our heroes so that nobody was left out. Oh... and I loved the scene when everybody was trying to lift Thor's hammer and Captain America nudged it a bit. The look on Thor's face? Priceless.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Ultron. Holy shit what a boring waste of what should have been a ruthlessly scary super-villain. And his design sucked too. Thor's sidequest was silly.
       
    SIDENOTE: It's fairly obvious that Joss Whedon did not get to make exactly the movie he was wanting to make... and he has confirmed as much. If the studio knew that they were going to be dictating a bunch of crap to be worked into the movie, they should have known better than to force it on Joss Whedon who is at his best when he works alone and can fulfill his vision for the project. What's interesting is that Whedon said "never again" after the movie wrapped... but then ended up taking over for Zack Snyder on the abhorrent Justice League where he was even more at the mercy of the studio. I can only guess that Warner Bros. paid him a shit-ton of money.

       

    Erasure and Captain America: Civil War

    Posted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2018

    Dave!Today I headed over to Seattle to see Erasure with my long-time internet friends Matt and Scott. It was my third time seeing the band, and Andy and Vince were amazing as ever.

    If I had a complaint, it was The Moore Theater Seattle has no air conditioning. I was in the front row and had (relatively) few people next to me and I was dying. Poor Andy Bell was dancing and singing his guts out and I thought he was literally going to die. But he was a total trooper...

    Erasure Seattle 2018

    Erasure Seattle 2018

    Erasure Seattle 2018

    Erasure Seattle 2018

    Erasure Seattle 2018

    The set list was as follows...

    1. Oh L'Amour (One of two tracks from Wonderland, their first album)
    2. Ship of Fools (One of four tracks from The Innocents, their third and most popular album)
    3. Breathe (One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite albums, Nightbird... their eleventh)
    4. Just a Little Love (First of four tracks from their seventeenth and current album, World Be Gone)
    5. Chains of Love (Second of four tracks from The Innocents, their third and most popular album)
    6. Sweet Summer Loving (Second of four tracks from their seventeenth and current album, World Be Gone)
    7. Victim of Love (One of two tracks from The Circus, their second album)
    8. Phantom Bride (Third of four tracks from The Innocents, their third and most popular album)
    9. World Be Gone (Third of four tracks from their seventeenth and current album, World Be Gone)
    10. Who Needs Love Like That (Second of two tracks from Wonderland, their first album)
    11. Atomic (a Blondie cover)
    12. Love to Hate You (lone track from Chorus, their fifth album)
    13. Blue Savannah Song (first of two tracks from Wild!, their fourth album)
    14. Drama! (second of two tracks from Wild!, their fourth album)
    15. Love You to the Sky (Fourth of four tracks from their seventeenth and current album, World Be Gone)
    16. Sometimes (Second of two tracks from The Circus, their second album)
    17. Always (lone track from I Say, I Say, I say, their sixth album)
    18. Stop! (from the Crackers International EP... or album 3.5, I guess)
    19. A Little Respect (Fourth of four tracks from The Innocents, their third and most popular album)

    They skipped tracks from Erasure (their seventh album), Cowboy (their eighth, and probably my favorite, album), Loveboat (their ninth album), Other People's Songs (their tenth album), Union Street (their twelfth album), Light at the End of the World (their thirteenth album), Tomorrow's World (their fourteenth album), Snow Globe (their fifteenth... a Christmas album), and The Violet Flame (their sixteenth album).

    Songs I would have liked to have heard? Heavenly Action, Weight of the World, just about anything from Cowboy plus Don't Say You Love Me, and I Broke It All in Two.

    Not that I can really complain though... nineteen awesome songs was above and beyond!

    If you ever have a chance to see them live, Erasure is worth the ticket of admission.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 13: Captain America: Civil War Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+ Holy crap... what if Robert Downey Jr. had said no? What would this movie have been then? Chris Evans has made no secret of the fact that he never really wanted to sign on for Captain America because he had his fill of super-hero movies with the two awful Fantastic Four flicks. But he was talked into it, and signed a contract for a set number of appearances as Cap. And that was smart. Get the big money while he could, then move on to the directing career he wanted which would pay a lot less. He later extended his contract to include Avengers 4 when Avengers: Infinity War was split, but it's assumed that's the end of it. What's so cool is that Evans is such a stand-up guy that he agreed to cameo appearances in Thor: The Dark World and Spider-Man: Homecoming outside of his contract. Marvel Studios, in its infinite wisdom, decided to make the most of the original Captain America while they had him, and essentially created another Avengers movie instead of a Cap solo film. Taking the general idea from the comic book event of the same name, Civil War was a way to tear everything apart before bringing it back together again. And they pulled out all the stops doing it. In addition to getting the first appearances of Spider-Man and Black Panther, we also get Iron Man, Winter Soldier, Black Widow, The Falcon, Agent 13, Ant-Man, War Machine, Hawkeye, The Vision, and Scarlet Witch. When you consider that this could have easily been a movie with Cap as its only hero battling some random villain, that's beyond incredible. It was, of course, just a warm-up. I don't know that this was a better film than Winter Soldier, but it was a comic book fan's ultimate dream movie at the time. It was certainly mine. Kinda still is.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: Wow does Marvel Studios have the whole de-aging thing down! Seeing young Robert Downey Jr. at the front-end of the film was so cool. And it wasn't just for kicks... it actually had real relevance to the story being told. But, of course, the scene to beat would have to be the airport battle. Finally. Finally! After spending most my life waiting for a live-action super-hero battle that wasn't a pile of shit (I'm looking at you, X-Men 3) we got it. It didn't hurt that Spider-Man and Black Panther were in the mix, and absolutely everybody was used to their full potential. Including... Giant Man!
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Wanda accidentally blew up part of a building when she levitated an exploding Crossbones who was in the middle of exploding. Sure some people got killed because of her inexperience. But the alternative was a lot more people on the ground getting wiped out? Including Captain America? I don't get how that pertinent fact was never raised in the entirety of the film. It bothers me because it's the whole turning point for The Accords being enacted, and it doesn't really make much sense.
       
    SIDENOTE: Still hilarious to see Robert Downey Jr. and Marisa Tomei in a movie together again (I'm a big fan of Only You). Red Wing, which was a real-live falcon pal to The Falcon in the comics was made a drone in the movies. Once again we have Marvel being faithful to the source material... just updating it in a way that makes perfect sense! The Incredible Hulk is a movie largely ignored from the Marvel Studios canon, even though it was firmly established to be a part of it. And every once in a while, they drag out General Thunderbolt Ross to remind people of that. This actually makes me happy, because though Mark Ruffalo is better-suited to the role, the hulk movie was not a bad film at all. I expected that there would be a good reason for Thor and The Hulk being left out of Civil War, I just didn't expect it to be as good a reason as we were handed in Thor: Ragnarok. Once again, Marvel Studios knows exactly what they are doing.

       

    Bird TV and Doctor Strange

    Posted on Wednesday, August 15th, 2018

    Dave! I decided that I didn't want to spend money on bird seed if the birds didn't want to entertain my cats, because the seed they want to eat is expensive stuff. And so... I moved the feeder back to the window with the cat tree, figuring that this would be the end of it because the birds are afraid of the cats looking at them... except... not so much any more. If the feeder has the nyjer seed they love, the birds are more than happy to put fear aside. Darnit. Now I guess I have to keep buying the stuff because Jake and Jenny go nuts over their new television station...

    Bird Feeder Shenanigans

    Bird Feeder Shenanigans

    Bird Feeder Shenanigans

    Bird Feeder Shenanigans

    I suppose it beats a catnip addiction.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 14: Doctor Strange
    Original Grade: A • Today's Grade: A+
    The two Marvel heroes I love above all others are Doctor Strange and Black Panther. To see The Master of the Mystic Arts hit the screen in such a spectacular way... and know that Black Panther was coming a little over a year later? Comic book Nirvana. That Doctor Strange ended up being so amazing was just icing on the cake. I don't know why I didn't give it a top A+ score when I first saw it, but upon repeat viewings there's no question it deserves it. The visuals were stunning. The story was an origin story, but it was a good origin story. Some changes they made to get here were terrific... Wong becoming an important character in his own right instead of a manservant stereotype, for example. Some changes were both good and bad... The Ancient One becoming a Celtic woman was good in that it broke another stereotype, but erasing a major Asian character was not good. Other decisions were bad (see below) but not enough to ruin the movie. When taken as a whole, Doctor Strange not only gave us a look at the mystic side of the MCU, it was just a really great movie. I think I love it more every time I see it.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: The battle in Mirror Dimension New York was flawless. To distinguish itself from other super-hero battles, Doctor Strange needed to do something entirely different. The trippy nature of this fight fit the bill perfectly.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: It still irks me that Marvel Studios eliminated Tibet from Doctor Strange's origin. Yes, yes, I understand that China is a big market and they were being politically "sensitive" to make sure that the film would be shown there... but still. It sucks.
       
    SIDENOTE: I didn't think it could get much better than seeing Doctor Strange's Cloak of Levitation act as a supporting character in the film. Little did I know that it would go on to even greater importance in Avengers: Infinity War. Imbuing it with a certain level of sentience was genius.

       

    Smoking and Spider-Man: Homecoming

    Posted on Friday, August 17th, 2018

    Dave!It's Friday! And I'm heading over the mountains again! Where, hopefully, there will be a lot less smoke than there is here. I'm having a hard time understanding how there's anything left around us to burn. We've had fires every summer for years now. Is it too much to hope for just one summer where I'm not having to struggle to breathe?

    I need a vacation from smoke. But that's just over six weeks away. Hope I survive that long.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 16: Spider-Man: Homecoming
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
    I thought that the first two Tobey Maguire /slash/ Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies were good. Then it all turned to shit in Spider-Man 3, and I was kinda done with the character. Then came The Amazing Spider-Man and its awful sequel and I was really done. At least I was until Captain America: Civil War came along and showed that Spider-Man could not only work in a movie... he could be exceptional in a movie. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the solo film to drop. Say hello to Spider-Man: Homecoming. So many things were perfect about it, but the biggest thing they did to get me onboard was make Spider-Man a kid. That's how he started, it's what made him unique, and the comics went off the rails when they had him getting married and all that. Here we are at the beginning, which is the best part, and it made for a fantastic entertainment. It's also good to see Spider-Man look, move, and act like you'd imagine Spider-Man would look, move, and act. Giving the film an A+ almost seems inadequate.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: Every scene between Tony and Peter is gold... especially the first one. But when Peter opens the door to Liz's house and you get that reveal? Then the follow-up drive to the prom? Sinister.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: I question turning the Spider-Man suit into Iron Man suit light. They address this in the film when Stark takes it away, but it still seems to go against the character. Not nearly as much as the suit he gets in Infinity War, but still.
       
    SIDENOTE: Having Tony Stark be Peter Parker's mentor was yet another stroke of genius from Marvel Studios. What I was unsure about was turning Aunt May from a decrepit old woman to Marisa Tomei in Civil War. But once you see how it works, it's actually really smart. And now that she's found out that Peter is Spider-Man? Well... no old woman having a heart attack. Instead we've got Aunt May saying "What the f#@%?" more genius. Aunt May is fun instead of a wet blanket on the movie. That's a good thing. An observation... I noticed that the principal in Peter's school is the same actor who played one of Cap's Howling Commandos, so I Googled it. Sure enough, it's the same guy: Kenneth Choi. Relative? Descendant? Another observation... When Happy Hogan is loading up the transport plane he talks about a new shield prototype for Captain America. Why would he be making a new shield for somebody he took the original shield from? Weird. One last thought... Michael Keaton's The Vulture was far better, scarier, and capable villain than we got from Ultron, which makes me appreciate this film even more. The great soundtrack was just icing on the cake.

       

    Caturday 73 and Thor: Ragnarok

    Posted on Saturday, August 18th, 2018

    Dave!The bird feeder outside the window continues to be the gift that keeps on giving.

    The cats are happy to spend hours watching the birds come and go. Jake spends the most time watching Bird TV... pawing at the window and chattering at them, but Jenny is a bit stealthier about it, preferring to hide like the hunter she is...

    Jenny the Bird Watcher

    No doubt in my mind that both my cats would be massacring birds by the dozens if they could get at them. Just one more reason to keep them indoors, I suppose. Poor birds.

    And poor bugs.

    Any time a bug finds its way into my house, Jake and Jenny are all too happy to hunt them down. Like the poor cricket which Jenny was kind enough to bring in this past week. I saw she had something in her mouth... feared the worst... then watched as she spit him on the floor so she could chase him. Jake also decided to run up and get in on the action...

    Jenny the Bug Hunter

    Jenny the Bug Hunter

    Jenny the Bug Hunter

    As much as Jake likes chasing an occasional bug, he seems to prefer his toys. In addition to Mufasa, his stuffed lion, he loves his Peeps Bunny...

    Jake and Peeps Bunny

    And he really loves Catnip Lobster...

    Jake and Catnip Lobster

    Every once in a while he plays "Watch the Dummy" and will throw it on the bed and wait for me to pick it up and hand it back...

    Jake and Catnip Lobster

    Jake and Catnip Lobster

    Jake and Catnip Lobster

    Toys are far preferable to bird corpses, I'd think.

    They're definitely preferable to bug vomit.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 17: Thor: Ragnarok
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
    Easily one of my favorite Marvel Studios films... perhaps my very favorite... I love this film now as much as I ever did. Deciding to take Thor in a more comedic direction and deconstruct everything he was to this point was absolutely brilliant, and made the character more cinematically interesting than he had ever been.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: All of them. I mean, yeah, the Hulk reveal and subsequent fight is awesome... as is Valkyrie's... and any scene with the incomparable Cate Blanchett's Hela was gold... and Jeff Goldblum was too perfect as The Grandmaster... and that gorgeous battle between Hela and the Valkyrie... and the battle on the Rainbow Bridge with Thor at full power... and Thor meeting Doctor Strange is the stuff that comic book dreams are made of... and... and... and... it goes on and on and on.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Though I still think it was shortsighted and selfish to kill off The Warriors Three.
       
    SIDENOTE: Could there have been a bigger love letter to the art of Jack Kirby than this movie? With every new viewing, I'm even more amazed at just how beautiful and faithful Sakaar is to Kirby's work.

       

    Bullet Sunday 575 and Black Panther

    Posted on Sunday, August 19th, 2018

    Dave!Attempting to battle my way through the smoke... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Fires! The weather over the mountains was a bit hazy, but the skies were clear much of the time which was a nice change. Looking towards home this morning revealed what was awaiting me. At the top of the pass it was socked in and it never let up all the way home...

    Smoke and Fire Summer 2018

    Supply trucks are on the road, headed towards the fire front...

    Smoke and Fire Summer 2018

    And... I'm home. Such as it is...

    Smoke and Fire Summer 2018

    The largest of the fires, Cougar Creek (currently 36719 acres), is just 16 miles north of me. It's spread a bit since I last checked, but is now 35% contained, which is pretty impressive work by our firefighters considering it was just 5% contained on Monday...

    Central Washington Fire Map Summer 2018

    Central Washington Fire Map Summer 2018

    I guess now is the time we pray for rain. But no lightning, which is what started this fire in the first place.

       
    • Entertainment! Turns out the best toy for a cat is still a cardboard box...

    Jake and Jenny in a Box

    Anything I can do to keep the cats entertained inside the house instead of out in a smokey catio is a good thing.

       
    • Soul. Aretha Franklin passed away which means the Queen of Soul has left us. There are many songs she's given us which put her on the throne... but my favorite is her duet with George Michael for I knew You Were Waiting...

    Too many classic artists are leaving us too soon. Rest in peace, Miss Franklin.

       
    • Bears! This video came across my newsfeed and I had to watch it multiple times...

    I always feel bad for animals who have their territory encroached on by humans. The least we can do is let them take a dip in our pools from time to time.

       
    • Outrage! Oh... I am outraged alright, Pat. Don't you worry your foolish old head about that.

    Lock children in cages and separate them from their parents perhaps never to return because of a line on a map = God's work.

    Reading to children = Work of the devil and the end of all humanity.

    Just die already you vile, worthless, repugnant piece of shit.

       
    • EnChroma! Instead of spending billions on a stupid wall that won't work... and a military parade to compensate for a tiny, tiny penis on a fucking lunatic... why not buy these EnChroma glasses for everybody who needs them? There are literally thousands of things that are a better use for money this country doesn't have...


    And yet... here we are. Getting exactly what we deserve.

       
    And that's a wrap on bullets for this week. Tune in again in a mere seven days...


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 18: Black Panther
    Original Grade: A+ • Today's Grade: A+
    "Hey Auntie." =sigh= As I had mentioned, My favorite Marvel heroes have always been Doctor Strange and Black Panther. To get movies this amazing for both characters was a dream come true. Though calling Black Panther "good" is an epic understatement. This film was sublime. Steeped in African culture, we got something truly different than the Western super-hero fare which had come before. The fact that they were so painfully faithful to the source material is just a bonus. It was all here. The vast hidden wealth and mind-boggling technical superiority of Wakanda. The Dora Milaje. Character references old and new. And then they went and made T'Challa into a super-hero James Bond!
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: That casino fight and subsequent car chase in South Korea was pretty spectacular.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: Not a dang thing.
       
    SIDENOTE: I want sequels to all the Marvel movies. All of them. There is not a single film that's left me thinking "Well, that's enough of that." But when it comes to the sequel I want to see right this minute... it's Black Panther. Things could head in a hundred different directions and almost all of them are going to be fascinating. And then there's the Wakanda outreach program, which has fascinating implications for the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe. Surely another movie is coming soon, right? The first one made like... a billion dollars!

       

    Future MCU and Avengers: Infinity War

    Posted on Monday, August 20th, 2018

    Dave!Since this is the last day of my re-reviewing all the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies until Ant-Man and The Wasp is released on home video, I thought I'd do something related to that.

    Here's a list of Marvel Studios movies I'd like to see that are not sequels...

    • Black Widow. Come on already. This is a literal no-brainer. Natasha has been an anchor for the entire MCU for years, and it's insane that she hasn't been given a story of her own. And, let me tell you, she had better get some major guest stars to cameo.
    • Alpha Flight. Canada's version of The Avengers has long been one of my favorite Marvel teams. And it's a movie which could easily be taken into a supernatural direction, expanding the Marvel Cinematic Universe into a new area. Or just create a straightforward super-team and tie it heavily to Canada in order to keep it unique. Either way, it's a book with characters who would work great as a movie.
    • Fantastic Four. All three previous Non-Marvel-Studios Fantastic Four movies were total shit. First of all, not one of them got The Thing right, which is key. Second of all, the take has always been all wrong. The way to approach this franchise is to go with the idea of them being "Imaginauts" and the first family of adventure.
    • Namor. This is kinda a tricky property given that he is basically a cooler version of Aquaman. But given the right "launch" in a Fantastic Four film, he could easily fall out into a solo movie which would be incredible in the right hands.
    • Moon Knight. This is essentially Marvel's "Batman," and if he were handled right he could make for a very cool movie. Or a Netflix series.
    • Captain Britain & Excalibur. This is kinda a no-brainer, in that he's a popular character tied to a location that's not New York. And while Excalibur is essentially a team of X-Men-type characters, they wouldn't have to be.
    • Vision & Scarlet Witch. Seeing these two characters work so perfectly in Infinity War really had me thinking how amazing a film would be. Their powers are visually interesting which makes for very cool fight scene potential. Their romantic angle makes for an interesting story element. And their comic book history has a lot to draw from.
    • Wonder Man. Simon Williams as a character could make for a fun movie for a dozen different reasons... but if they were to capitalize on the time he was a Hollywood stuntman it would be an excellent setup for comedy gold.
    • Hawkeye. To be honest, I think this would be much better as a Netflix series. And yet, it could also work as a movie that's entirely different than anything that's come before. The direction that Matt Fraction and David Aja took Clint in the comics was sublime, and I think it's a story that needs to be told.
    • Nova. We've already gotten a look at The Nova Corps in Guardians of the Galaxy, so a Nova movie would already have a base to build from (assuming Xandar could be restored after getting destroyed by Thanos).
    • Longshot. This series had it all... a really fun character thrown into bizarre situations with a fantastic villain to keep things interesting. Could be total cinematic eye candy and highly entertaining if they stuck to the comic book roots.
    • Power Pack. Even though this was a comic book geared towards children, I found it to be highly entertaining. This could be one of those films that's made for children but can be appreciated by adults... like so many films that Disney has already made. This is the perfect franchise to turn into a movie.

    Not included in my list, but obvious contenders, are The X-Men... which has been hopelessly fucked up in past films and deserves an official Marvel Studios treatment at last. From there it's just a short hop to Avengers vs. X-Men. Also? Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan) needs to shake out of all this somehow... though I'm not exactly sure how. Despite being an amazing character, her powers are kinda goofy, and I'm not sure how they're going to A) depict them in a realistic way on the big screen and B) make sure there's no confusion between her and Captain Marvel.

    Needless to say, I am hugely interested in where Marvel Studios will be going after Captain Marvel, Avengers 4, Spider-Man: Far from Home, and Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3 are in the can. My guess it we'll start hearing about some of it early next year.


    Continuing on with my revisiting of every Marvel Studios movie...

    MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIE OF THE DAY, No. 19: Avengers: Infinity War
    Original Grade: A • Today's Grade: A+
    The more times I watch this film, the more I love it... hence it jumping to a perfect A+ score. It seems impossible that a movie so epic in scope holds together this well. Still, it's a dense story, which is why I think it needs repeat viewings to be appreciated. I first reviewed this film just four months ago... all the things I love about it have grown stronger while the things I didn't seem to fall away. That's the mark of a great movie.
       
    SCENE TO BEAT: Any moment where Doctor Strange's Cloak of Levitation is treated as a character. Making it sentient was total genius, and I absolutely love the way it interacted with Iron Man and Spider-Man on Ebony Maw's ship.
       
    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER: I still think that Peter Quill getting all emotional and being responsible for Thanos winning on Titan was stupid. I don't care how much he thinks he loves Gamora, it was just ridiculously out of character to have him check out and be an idiot. They could have fixed this by just having Thanos overpower the heroes and leave. End scene.
       
    SIDENOTE: As of this film, the only one of The Nine Relms we haven't seen is Alfheim, home of the Light Elves. Maybe eventually?

       

    Bullet Sunday 577

    Posted on Sunday, September 2nd, 2018

    Dave!When is Sunday not Sunday? When Sunday comes before Labor Day! But don't celebrate just yet... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Real Problems! Couldn't find my iPhone. So I used Find my iPhone to locate my iPhone only to be told that my iPhone was not responding. So I decided to drive home and see if I left my iPhone at home in a lead vault or something. When I got to my car I found my iPhone baking in the passenger seat. Then my iPhone told me that my iPhone has to cool down before I can use it. Which is fine except then I couldn't remember what I wanted my iPhone for in the first place. Probably everything.

       
    • Channel! I love history. I love smart videos. These two things collide in a brilliant YouTube Channel called Oversimplified...

    All their videos are worth watching. You can visit the Oversimplified Channel here.

       
    • New Ocean! Finally got around to watching Ocean's 8. I loved this movie. Not necessarily for the story, which was serviceable and smart (though lacking the abundance of fun of the Clooney flicks)... but for the cast. They made it fun. And stylish. And having it take place at The Met Gala was genius. Really, really hoping for a sequel.

    Ocean's 8 Poster

    Ocean's Eleven made $451 million on an $85 million budget and got two sequels. Ocean's 8 made $292 on a $70 budget. So it definitely made money... but is it enough money for the studio to greenlight another? Fingers crossed.

       
    • Be Like Coke! The true power of good advertising...

    I hope some ad agency is getting a bonus.

       
    • Squatchie! And speaking of amazing advertising, I laughed more than a couple times at this viral marketing brilliance...

    I hope some ad agency is getting a bonus.

       
    • Clancey! After a lot of weeks waiting in anticipation for the latest adaptation of Jack Ryan to be released on Amazon Prime, I ended up a little disappointed.

    Jack Ryan Poster

    This show has a lot of activity buzzing around too little story. I ended up liking it well enough... but it could have easily been distilled into a much shorter, stronger series with a more disciplined approach to the material. The original movies (namely The Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games, and Clear and Present Danger) showed just how good these stories can be in the right hands. Hopefully the second season (which was greenlit before a single episode aired) will end up having tighter pacing.

       
    And... back to Real Life.

       

    That’s Marvelous

    Posted on Wednesday, September 5th, 2018

    Dave!Entertainment Weekly has a feature on the new Captain Marvel movie coming up from Marvel Studios.

    I was never a fan of the original Captain Marvel and didn't care much about his cosmic exploits unless they crossed over with other Marvel characters I liked. But things got a lot more interesting when Carol Danvers (formerly Ms. Marvel, formerly Binary, formerly Warbird) took over the role. Her comic book run by Kelly Sue DeConnick was fantastic stuff and I've been a fan of Captain Marvel ever since

    And now this...

    Captain Marvel EW Cover

    I think I peed myself a little bit when I saw it.

    I cannot fathom what they are going to put her up against. She's the most powerful character in the MCU, so they will undoubtedly come up with an antagonist to match. The brutality of the battles had better be epic and put The Hulk to shame. I mean, we know the primary antagonist will be the Skrulls... but in what way? The Skrull/Kree War is a huge staple of the comic books, but how is that going to translate? No idea. I'll bet it's awesome though...

    Captain Marvel Images

    Another photo shows Ronan the Accuser, but this movie takes place in the 90's long before he got an Infinity Stone and was killed in the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie. So he's just a regular, albeit talented, Kree warrior...

    Captain Marvel Images

    Thanks to Marvel's love of de-aging characters, a young Nick Fury is in the mix. Apparently he has a major role to play, because Samuel L. Jackson's part is being touted as the first time a character has been de-aged for an entire movie!

    Captain Marvel Images

    Amazing, amazing stuff.

    It's a long wait until Captain Marvel debuts on March 8, 2019!

       

    Bullet Sunday 579

    Posted on Sunday, September 16th, 2018

    Dave!Fall has arrived and warm Summer days are over, but all is not lost... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Dark! Whilst looking for something new to watch on Netflix I happened upon Dark Tourist. The show was a bit meh until the fourth episode when host David Farrier visited Turkmenistan. Holy shit. If not for North Korea, this would be the most bizarre restricted country on earth! Even if you don't want to watch the show you owe it to yourself to at least watch the animated intro, which is fantastic...

    And here's the trailer for the actual show...

    If you're bored and like off-the-grid travel, Dark Tourist is worth checking out!

       
    • Tourist! And speaking of travel...

    It's funny because it's true.

       
    • Tammy! And speaking of things that are funny because they're true...

    Classic Redneck Tammy!

       
    • Solo! It's difficult to sort through my feeling on a movie which was essentially two hours of Easter eggs. Most likely because this ended up being both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it firmly entrenches the film in the Star Wars universe. A curse because you spend the entire film going "So that's why that happens" and "So that's how that started." Fun as this was, it was a bit distracting. And not in a good way...

    Solo: A Star Wars Story

    The story was actually kind of good, and having it constantly being interrupted with made for a bit of a slog. Even so, it's a beautiful film to look at. It has a great cast. The special effects and sound design are incredible and the action sequences are well-constructed. I just wish it had more of an imagination about it and broke new ground to keep moving the Star Wars Universe forward. Instead it's more of the same. Which puts it in the middle of the pack of Star Wars movies for me...

    Star Wars Movies Ranking

    I was hoping for a bit more, but still liked it quite a lot. I wish I had seen it in a really good theater, but I bought into the rumors that Alden Ehrenreich was so terrible that he required an acting coach and the movie was going to be terrible. But he was terrific as Han Solo. Guess that's what I get for believing internet rumors.

       
    • Caught! You know how you happen across a video and it's pretty great and you want to see more so you click over to YouTube to see what else there is? Yeah... this started it all...

    Adorable. Wouldn't it be wonderful if all judges were like this instead of megalomaniac assholes? If you want to fall down a YouTube rabbit hole of entertaining videos, the Caught in Providence channel is worth a look!

       
    • Heart! Ooh! The latest book from Thrice Publishing is out! This wonderful tale of growing up in Ireland from longtime Thrice Fiction contributor James Claffey is a perfect add to your Fall reading list, and is now in-stock at Amazon with Free 2-Day Shipping for Amazon Prime members!

    Star Wars Movies Ranking

       
    And that's a wrap. Have a great week!

       

    O Captain! My Captain!

    Posted on Tuesday, September 18th, 2018

    Dave!I woke up at 5:00am this morning... crossing my fingers that the emails I was waiting for had been answered so I could get to work. I really, really wanted to start in early so I could get off work early and continue cleaning my garage. But, alas, no work emails.

    What I did get was a notification that Marvel Studios' Captain Marvel trailer and poster had been released. Something that I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for.

    Worth the wait (as if there were any doubt)...

    Captain Marvel Poster

    Totally worth the wait...

    And so I spent the next 20 minutes obsessing over the trailer and what we were going to get out of the finished movie. As one does. Let's unpack this, shall we?

    We start with Carol Danvers crashing into a Blockbuster. Just in case you needed a big ol' slap in the face that this movie takes place in the past...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    LOL. Yep! That's aughtta do it...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    At this point, Carol is still in her Kree warrior costume. I'm not entirely sure how the movie will interpret her long, complicated comic book history, but it would seem that she originated on earth, ended up a part of the Kree Empire due to her hybrid genetic makeup, and eventually ends up back on earth. Assumably to thwart a Skrull invasion (the Skrulls being longtime enemies of the Kree)...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Interesting to note that people are totally ignoring her costume. I mean, yeah, this is New York... but super-heroes are not a "thing" at this point in time so you'd think it would be a strange sight?

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    And... here's Samuel L. Jackson as Agent Nick Fury hanging around a Skrull autopsy. And that other guy in there... could it be?

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    I am guessing that this is where Carol Danvers life is changed forever. She's a fighter pilot for the US military heading into space to investigate a spaceship. I'm guessing it's at this point that her DNA is merged with that of Mar-Vell, a Kree warrior, paving the way for her to become Captain Marvel...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Annnnnd... here's the money shot. To me at least. Carol in full Captain Marvel gear blasting the shit out of something with her energy beams. I had a real concern that Marvel would downgrade her power set because she's Just. That. Powerful. and they didn't know what to do with her. Eliminating her energy manipulation powers was the obvious way to do that. But... here we are... praise be to Kree-Pama...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    We knew that Samuel L. Jackson would be appearing as his younger self in this movie. And while nobody does de-aging special effects better than Marvel, it does seem a little uncanny valley when you take a frame out of the context of motion...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    "Soooo... you're not from around here..." — "It's hard to explain." — Indeed it is...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Back into space. I don't think this is earth, so I'm guessing this is the spaceship carrying Carol Danvers to the Kree Homeworld (which is probably Hala, at this point?)...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    And we're jumping around time and space again. Back to earth. Here's Carol Danvers with Maria Rambeau. Not Monica Rambeau from the modern-day Marvel Cinematic Universe... but Maria "Photon" Rambeau from the past. Which makes her Monica Rambeau's mom... I'm guessing? Monica Rambeau is best known as the super-hero Photon, but was also Captain Marvel at one time. She was also "Pulsar" and "Spectrum"...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Here's where things get interesting. Carol Danvers falls back to earth after her run-in with the Skrulls/Kree. I'm guessing this is after her DNA has been infused with Kree goodness, because otherwise she'd be dead... wouldn't she?

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    And now we're jumping ahead again because Carol is in her blue, red, and gold uniform instead of her green Kree uniform. Apparently she's been captured. And they're experimenting on her? Or maybe just confining her...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Jumping back in time again... because here's Carol in her Kree warrior uniform again. In the comics there are Blue Kree (apparently the default) and Pink Kree and a long, complicated history between them. No idea how that will be streamlined for the movies...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    And... Mr. Jude Law, everyone! My guess (along with every other fanboy on the internet) is that he is playing Mar-Vell. Which is the original Captain Marvel in the comic books...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    The Skrulls... arriving on earth, I'm guessing...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Oh look! Carol is punching a kindly old woman in the face! Except... we all know that she's not a kindly old woman. She's a shape-shifting Skrull pretending to be a kindly old woman! Mark my words... the Skrulls are going to be a major story in the upcoming Marvel Cinematic Universe. If events follow the comics, there are Skrulls who have replaced several Marvel super-heroes and are just waiting for their Skrull brothers and sisters to return to earth for another shot at domination...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    And... heeeeere's Ronan, everybody! This is long before Ronan the Accuser manages to get his hands on an Infinity Stone and make trouble for the Guardians of the Galaxy. At this point he's just a regular Kree. And possibly Carol Danvers' boss...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    There we go! It's young Phil Coulson! Whose first name I'm pretty sure is "Agent." Needless to say, I am positively thrilled to see him return to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I don't watch the Marvel's Agents of SHIELD television show (loathe it so hard), so it's nice to see such a great character again...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    It's Nick Fury with his pocket pager! A different model than the pocket pager he uses to summon Captain Marvel at the end of Avengers: Infinity War...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Underwater Kree! I am really hoping that this is Carol Danvers in this shot. At one point in the comics she had a mohawk, so this would be a fun nod to the source material...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Uh oh... somebody just got zapped...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Yep, looks like Carol to me!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Annnnnnd... could that head be MONICA RAMBEAU?!? I sure hope so! Boy oh boy am I excited to see her join the Marvel Cinematic Universe...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    And here's Captain Marvel's final costume in all its glory...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    "I'm not what you think I am." Nice! And we end with the movie logo, which is oh so pretty...

    Captain Marvel Trailer Breakdown!

    Needless to say, I am 1000% stoked to see this movie. Having to wait until March 8th, 2019 is a bit harsh, but I just know it will be worth the wait. Marvel ain't about to start screwing up now. Not that they've been absolutely killing it movie after movie for ten years!

    If only I could go into a coma until then so I wouldn't have to be here all anticipating it and stuff. I am not a patient man.

       

    Bullet Sunday 580

    Posted on Sunday, September 23rd, 2018

    Dave!Pull up on that pumpkin spice latte... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Boston! My beloved Red Sox are American League East champions for the third year in a row...

    Dave Loves the Red Sox!

    LET'S GO, BOSTON!

       
    • The Last O.G.! I was watching... something... on TBS and saw a commercial for Tracy Morgan in The Last O.G.. As a huge, huge, mega-huge fan of Tracy, I was excited to see it. Only to find out that it had already aired this past Spring...

    It is phenomenal. Funny as hell. But touching too. I loved every episode and am relieved to find out that it has already been renewed for a second season. Highest possible recommendation. If you haven't seen it, please do yourself a favor and take a look.

       
    • Believer! The last thing I would ever want to do is convict an innocent person for a crime they did not commit. That being said, Brett Kavanaugh is up for a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court. There is no walking this back. And since it makes no sense whatsoever that Dr. Christine Blasey Ford would invite a felony by lying to the FBI (or invite death threats towards her and her family), I think it's critical that an investigation be done. Especially now that more women have come forward. Anybody who thinks otherwise is either an asshole or wanting to serve a personal agenda over the good of this country...

    I believe women. I believe in due process. I believe in innocence until proven guilty. I believe in justice. And I seriously question those who would sidestep any of that. Like the fucking piece of shit publisher of our local newspaper who equates rape to cheating at golf and smoking (you only think I'm joking). I don't expect people appointed to the Supreme Court to be perfect. They're human, after all. But I do expect them to not be rapists. Because no, not all boys do it, and rewarding this heinous behavior only propagates the rape culture that keeps creating new generations of rapists. It's got to finally end sometime. That time is now. Because time's up.

       
    • Family! To all the single parents... to all the double dads... to all the double moms... to everyone who is trying to raise the best kid they can while listening to people scream "EVERY CHILD NEEDS A MOM AND A DAD!" over and over and over... know that you are exactly enough. Love alone makes a family. It always has...

    Mom is Dad for Dad Day

    I saw this meme floating through my Facebook feed and was reminded for the hundredth time that the people who think it's their business to stick their nose into other people's business are the ones most likely guilty of whatever it is they are professing to hate. So you do you. Everybody else is just doing the best they can with the cards they were dealt and don't deserve your stupid-ass judgement.

       
    • Cold! This has got to be the most insane political commercial I've seen yet...

    What kind of piece of shit do you have to be to have all your siblings not only not vote for you... but take out a devastating opposition ad to boot? Cold!

       
    • Chewie! It's the little things that add up to make a good thing great. Nobody is more aware of this than Marvel Studios. In their new movie poster for Captain Marvel, people have been noticing a cat walking off-frame in the shadows. I took a look in there with Photoshop and, sure enough, there's a cat there...

    Chewie the Cat?!?

    This is undoubtedly meant to be Carol Danvers' cat, Chewie! Who is not actually a cat, but an alien species called "Flerken" which resemble and earth cat. He's a rather large part of the Captain Marvel comic books, having made several appearances...

    Chewie the Cat?!?

    Chewie the Cat?!?

    Holy crap does Marvel know how to handle their characters. And now it's been confirmed that Kevin Feige will be overseeing The X-Men and The Fantastic Four in addition to the rest of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. As it should have been all along! So long, FOX, your shitty, shitty, unbelievably shitty super-hero movies will not be missed.

    And that's not all in Marvel news... rumor has it that Loki and The Scarlet Witch may be getting their own TV series on Disney's new streaming service. That will be fantastic, if it happens. But if I'm being honest? The character I most want to get a TV show is Hawkeye. If they were to base it on the Matt Fraction and David Aja comic book run, it would be absolutely amazing.

       
    And... I'm done with bullets for the day. I got things to do.

       

    James Bond Themes: RANKED!

    Posted on Monday, September 24th, 2018

    Dave!I've decided this will be a week of ranking random things! And to start? I'm ranking all the James Bond themes (UPDATED).

    As a big fan of the franchise, seeing who they get to crank out the movie's theme song is always part of the fun because it's a real hit-or-miss with me. And here we go...

    1. The original James Bond Theme (John Barry, Dr. No) — The fact that this is one of the most well-known pieces of movie score ever written (and has endured as such even to this day) is a testament to just how amazing it is.
    2. Live and Let Die (Paul McCartney & Wings, Live and Let Die) — Quintessential James Bond movie theme song with all the complexity you'd expect from Paul McCartney. He started soft, building to a frantic assault on your brain... then dropped into a near-whimsical interlude before slamming forward again... then dropped into another interlude of strings and romance... before bringing it home with a bold crescendo of a finish. No theme song that followed captured the entirety of a James Bond story the way that this one did. In lesser hands, it would have undoubtedly been a mess, but that's McCartney for you.
    3. For Your Eyes Only (Sheena Easton, For Your Eyes Only) — In many ways, this is my favorite James Bond theme song. Elegant, powerful, and sublimely beautiful in the way that it set the stage for the film. Lyrically, vocally, and musically is all came together to just work. This was the first James Bond movie I saw in a theater, which probably taints my feelings a bit, but I'm making no apologies for that.
    4. Moonraker (Shirley Bassey, Moonraker) — This is the song that mires any list I make in controversy, because Shirley Bassey's other tracks (for Goldfinger and Diamonds are Forever) are widely regarded as James Bond mainstays and far superior to Moonraker. I disagree. If anything, I feel that this is the song which best uses her immense talent to best service the James Bond aesthetic. Rather than plowing over the top of the music with her power, Bassey's restraint here allows the majesty of a soaring musical score to shine while still showcasing what makes her the Queen of Bond Theme Songs. If there's a misstep, it's the annoying "ting ting" of a triangle that should have been more subtle by at least half, but it's a small blot on an otherwise flawless track.
    5. A View to a Kill (Duran Duran, A View to a Kill) — An exciting theme song opening with a pop flare that only a band like Duran Duran could give it, this is exactly what you want when you ask "the band of the moment" to write the opening track for your Bond movie. Despite being a song so obviously rooted in the 80's I honestly don't think it's badly dated by today's standards, which is quite an accomplishment.
    6. Skyfall (Adelle, Skyfall) — It's weird. I love Adelle, the person, but don't care for her music much. Then Skyfall comes along... and she absolutely nailed it. So painfully Bond it hurts, this is how you you do it. Wonderful, wonderful stuff.
    7. The World is Not Enough (Garbage, The World is Not Enough) — On the surface, this seems like an odd match-up... I mean, Garbage? Really? But then you hear Shirley Manson's flawless vocals carrying you through a dream-like trance of a soaring orchestral score and you totally get it. What's so cool is that it breaks free of being boring with occasional punch and a fantastic finish that leads you right into the movie... which really should have been better than what we got.
    8. License to Kill (Gladys Night, License to Kill) — Gladys Knight totally killing it as you knew she would. This is a beautiful, powerful song with some great vocal and musical moments which make it next-level stuff. The lyrics were perfect as well, feeling very Bond from start to finish.
    9. Nobody Does it Better (Carly Simon, The Spy Who Loved Me) — The most secretly overtly sexual theme song in the entire Bond franchise, this is one of those songs that is both so very James Bond and the least Bond-sounding. It's probably that conundrum that makes me appreciate it over more appropriately-themed tracks on this list.
    10. The Living Daylights (a-ha, The Living Daylights) — Seeing as how a-ha is one of my all-time favorite bands, it should comes as no surprise that I love this track. It's a beautiful song, and I think it was an imaginative way to reflect the themes in the movie (as all good theme songs should). But I seriously struggle a bit as to where it belongs on this list because it lacks the gravitas that songs need to work as a good Bond theme. Rounding out my top-ten felt "right" even though there are tracks below which feel more "Bond" to me.
    11. Goldeneye (Tina Turner, Goldeneye) — Perhaps it was having to work the word "Goldeneye" into the lyrics which made this song not quite come together... but it's otherwise got a lot going for it. Like Tina Turner crooning over a sultry score that feels both retro and modern at the same time. Not quite timeless, but memorable enough to make me like it.
    12. Diamonds are Forever (Shirley Bassey, Diamonds are Forever) — Despite having the unimaginably powerful vocals of Shirley Bassey behind it, the lyrics and singing are a bit of a slog for me. Where this track really shines is in the music, which has some really great moments in there.
    13. No Time to Die (Billy Eilish, No Time to Die) — This is an absolutely beautiful piece of music, and Billy Eilish flows over the score with haunting vocals that bring a melancholy befitting the story of the film (no spoilers). The problem is that it lacks any kind of energy that a lead-in to a Bond film demands. There's a point where you think that it's going to take off... but it's a red herring. Still, pretty as a song.
    14. Die Another Day (Madonna, Die Another Day) — This song does not hold up as well as a James Bond theme should. It's badly dated by the autotune trickery, and I can't help but feel that Madonna had a much, much better Bond theme in her somewhere. Even so, I've always liked this track and felt the rabid criticism of it was unjustified. At least it tries to be interesting both musically and vocally, which is more than you can say for a lot of songs on this list. Sure, there are distractions dragging it down ("Sigmund Freud?!?"), but it paired very well with the Pierce Brosnan torture scenes it was played to.
    15. Goldfinger (Shirley Bassey, Goldfinger) — Yeah, yeah, I'm a heathen for having the most memorable of all the Bond theme songs not make my top ten... but it just doesn't "do it" for me. Bassey can belt it out with the best of them, but this was all power all the time with no subtle moments to make all that power feel as impressive as her other two takes on a Bond theme song. And that ending? Lord. So over the top as to be grating. I just don't get it.
    16. You Only Live Twice (Nancy Sinatra, You Only Live Twice) — This is such a beautiful musical arrangement that it pains me to drop it so low on my list. But the vocals just kill it. Nancy Sinatra didn't have the power to pull it off and the lyrics were forgettable.
    17. Tomorrow Never Dies (Sheryl Crow, Tomorrow Never Dies) — Despite liking Sheryl Crow and finding the musical arrangement to be nice enough, this song doesn't work for me. It seems more disjointed than Live or Let Die, which is really saying something. As if that weren't enough, it's so sleepy and boring that you're nodding off before the movie even gets going.
    18. Thunderball (Tom Jones, Thunderball) — Gag-inducing song with lyrics so awful that Tom Jones attempts to compensate by blasting them out in the most annoying way possible. ANY WOMAN HE WANTS, HE GETS! HE'LL BREAK ANY HEART WITHOUT REGRET! =insert eyeroll emoji= This was the only song on this list that I could not bring myself to listen to all the way through.
    19. You Know My Name (Chris Cornell, Casino Royale) — Just awful. I still can't fathom how the first movie of the brilliant reboot of James Bond with Daniel Craig managed to be saddled with such a horrendous clash of lame rock stylings and dated vocals. The only thing that places it this high on my list is that I think they lyrics have something to say.
    20. All Time High (Rita Coolidge, Octopussy) — This song starts out so subtle and beautiful, which leads you to believe that it's building to something. Except it never does. It dives into sleepy and boring tedium and never escapes. Maybe with someone like Shirley Bassey behind it this track could have broken free of what we got... but, alas, snoozefest.
    21. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (John Barry, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service) — Despite being a musical number, the beautiful build-up feels very James Bond to me, and I can't help but wonder if some vocals would have elevated it past where it ended up, which is notable but not great. What was great? We Have All the Time in the World by Louis Armstrong, which was also in the film.
    22. From Russia with Love (John Barry, From Russia with Love) — A very pretty musical arrangement, but kind of dour and boring too. A James Bond theme needs to slap you in the face and this one puts you to sleep.
    23. The Man with the Golden Gun (Lulu, The Man with the Golden Gun) — If I had to sum up this song in one word it would be "irritating." Everything from Lulu's grating vocals to the inane lyrics were subpar.
    24. Another Way to Die (Jack White & Alicia Keys, Quantum of Solace) — I don't get it. I like Jack White. I love Alicia keys. But put them together and you get this disaster. This is the film that followed the incredible James Bond reboot heading in an amazing new direction... and was a prelude for the movie being a major step down. Blargh.
    25. Writing’s on the Wall (Sam Smith, Spectre) — What a whiny pile of overindulgent shit. Not just the worst James Bond theme song ever, maybe the worst song ever. I cannot understand why people enjoy Sam Smith, as I don't think they can craft a tune to save their life. But plenty of people do, so I'm guessing it's just me? The only song on this list that I didn't bother to listen to because I already know I loathe it on every possible level. I still remember sitting in the theater in utter disbelief that this horrendous crap was blasting through the speakers. The stuff of nightmares. This is what's playing non-stop on the radio in hell. Cannot possibly come up with the words to even remotely describe how much I hate this track, which not only makes me lose my will to live, but also to never watch another James Bond movie again. Just dredging up my suppressed memories of hearing Writing's on the Wall is enough to make me wish I was never born. Or, if I were capable of clearer thinking while writing about such a travesty, that Sam Smith was never born. A song like this ends civilizations. Heaven only knows its very existence killed ours. Lord save us from the universe-leveling apocalypse which must surely be imminent. Or don't. We totally deserve to be wiped from all creation for allowing such a monstrosity to be unleashed on an unsuspecting universe. I hate this song. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it times infinity. Nay, even the infinite does not put my loathing into proper perspective. I hate it far more than that. This is multi-dimensional, timeless, all encompassing hatred which spans everything, everywhere, in realms both real and imagined. And those yet to be imagined. And those unimagined. Oh I hate this song so much.

    And from the Missed Opportunities Department... The worst two songs on my list could have been avoided! Radiohead did a great song for Spectre that wasn't used. Instead they stuck with the Sam Smith pile of shit for reasons unknown. A situation almost as sad is that Amy Winehouse had a great song rejected for Quantum of Solace because of her drug problem. This seems like an incredibly strange thing to do given how many people on the above list used drugs and weren't rejected, but that's Hollywood.

    In retrospect, I probably should have ranked the actual movies. Oh well. Maybe one day.

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    Pixar Movies: RANKED!

    Posted on Wednesday, September 26th, 2018
    Dave!With the exception of the Cars trilogy, there aren't any Pixar films I actively dislike. For everything else, it's just a matter of degrees. Some of them are exceptionally brilliant... others are just really good animated features. Here's my ranking from favorite to not-so-favorite...
    1. Monsters Inc. In my mind, there's no more perfect Pixar film than this. Compelling story. Loads of humor. Amazing characters (including Sully, my favorite). Everything I love about Pixar in one movie.
    2. The Incredibles The best Fantastic 4 film yet made. And, until Marvel Studios hit the scene four years later, one of the best super-hero films ever made. The architectural style of this film is over-the-top beautiful.
    3. The Incredibles 2 More of the same. Which would usually be a bad thing... but they pushed it into another level of brilliance.
    4. Toy Story 2 I was mortified when I heard there was a sequel happening to Toy Story because I was convinced most sequels were crap. Boy did I get proved wrong. A brilliant follow-up that actually improved on the first one.
    5. Up Pixar has a way of putting a lot of heart into their projects. This is probably the film that tugged on the most heartstrings for me. And, as if that wasn't enough, they went and put Dug in there too.
    6. Toy Story The film that started it all, and Pixar completely knocked it out of the park.
    7. Toy Story 3 A lot of people put this at the top of their list. It's easy to see why, but it felt a little emotionally manipulative and deliberate to me. Still an amazing film.
    8. Finding Nemo What I love about this film is how beautifully the story all came together. Sure it looked good. Sure the plot was clever. But it flowed so naturally from scene to scene... from moment to moment... from start to finish.
    9. Coco One of the most beautiful movies ever made. If the story wasn't so overtly manipulative, I probably would have ranked it higher.
    10. Wall-E I think my expectations were too high here. It was a wonderful film, but I had a tougher time buying into the story than I probably should have given that it was about robots. I can say that it had the best end-credits of a Pixar film.
    11. Monsters University A terrific flick, but it seemed like a missed opportunity to go back in time for a prequel. Nobody could come up with a sequel idea worth working on? Even so, Sully remains my favorite Pixar character by a wide margin.
    12. Brave A movie that's insanely gorgeous to look at, but kinda fell apart for me story-wise. Merida seems short-changed, which is a shame, because you can tell they were trying to push the idea of "Disney Princess" into a better direction.
    13. Finding Dory I'm not entirely convinced this was a sequel worth telling. But, then again, it was still a really good movie.
    14. Inside Out This is consistently one of the best-rated Pixar films... and I get that. It's a beautiful, heartfelt story, but it also has a level of detachment to it that made it tough for me to buy into.
    15. Ratatouille Cute characters that are beautifully rendered. But the human characters, particularly the lead, dragged everything down for me.
    16. A Bug's Life It would be easy to say that this movie hasn't held up well, which is why it's so low on my list. That's not entirely true. I think it's just as visually stunning as it ever was. The voice acting and story are entertaining. It's pretty fantastic so far as cartoon movies go. But when compared to all the other Pixar films? It's a weak link for me. Didn't dislike it, just didn't care for it as much as others.
    17. Cars I couldn't get into the world they were building here. Anamorphic cars just did not work for me (surprising given my love of the Chevron cars), and I didn't care for the story much to boot.
    18. The Good Dinosaur It's not that I hated the film... it certainly looked pretty... and it's way above other cartoon crap... it's just that it lacked the multi-level appeal that allows adults to find fun in a juvenile film.
    19. Cars 3 So bad. I was bored, bored, bored. Repetitive and dull from start to finish. Can't believe this got a theatrical release.
    20. Cars 2 So very bad. This was the movie that convinced me that Pixar's magic was in serious decline. The reason I place it dead-last is because of the stupid-as-shit "spy" plot-line. Fortunately, Pixar regrouped and got their crap together. But that didn't stop them from releasing Cars 3.
    Next up is Toy Story 4. Not exactly sure that was a smart move given how nicely things got wrapped up in the last one, but I'm trying to keep an open mind.
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    Bullet Sunday 582: Aloha Bye

    Posted on Sunday, October 7th, 2018

    Dave!Home again and all is well... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Homeward. And, just like that, Hawaii is over for me. I would have liked to have stayed another couple days to hang out with my friends and relax but, alas, I've got a cat back home that is undoubtedly really, really anxious to get out of the hospital. I did get bumped to First Class, which is kinda like a vacation. A vacation with a bowl of warm nuts...

    Aloha Bye

    Aloha Bye

    The last time I came to Hawaii for fun was when I managed to tack a few days on the back-side of a work trip in 2011. The four times since then were all work all the time. And while I wouldn't have missed this wedding in Oahu for anything, coming to photograph an event is still work!

       
    • Salmon. I have been this close to flying Alaska Airlines' Salmon-Thirty-Salmon too many times to count. But I'm always a gate or two away. Like today...

    Aloha Bye

    It's not every day you get to fly in a plane painted to look like a big fish... and, alas, today is not my day either.

       
    • Simon. On my trip to Honolulu on Friday I saw the available movies I hadn't seen (Tomb Raider, yawn... Won't You Be My Neighbor, awesome... and Blockers, surprisingly watchable) and so on my trip back I watched movies I enjoyed that I've already seen... Deadpool 2 and The Disaster Artist... and also Love, Simon...

    This movie is so amazingly good (despite a rough start to the third act) and has an ending that's ten tons of wonderful. I've seen it three times now, and one thing continues to stand out... the casting on this film is phenomenal. Not just the main characters, but supporting roles as well. In particular, Josh Duhamel and Jennifer Garner as Simon's parents. I knew Garner could pull off the emotional weight... but Josh Duhamel?!? And yet...

    And that clip has been edited down from the original scene.

    The first coming-of-age-love-story with a gay lead character from a major studio was going to be a landmark film regardless of how good it was. Or how terrible. The fact that Love, Simon turned out to be something great is just icing on the cake. One can only hope that more films like this entering mainstream culture becomes a step towards more acceptance and less bullying in our schools. Because isn't high school hard enough?

       
    • Haerts. In addition to being one of the sweetest, most charming, funny, genuine films in recent memory, Love, Simon has a great soundtrack. It was especially awesome that Wings by Haerts got a snippet into the movie. It's such an amazing song...

    And now I'm addicted to it all over again.

       
    • Photography. It didn't actually rain on the wedding yesterday, which was nice. A lot easier to shoot photos when you're not soaking wet. The problem was my poor back, which was in spasm the entire day. I was eating muscle relaxers like candy in an attempt to keep being able to move. The good news is that the photos turned out pretty good. Not so much because of my talent as a photographer, but because the bride and groom are phenomenally good-looking... and patient.

    And... despite my not being a professional photographer (and especially not a wedding photographer), this was my sixth wedding shoot. No idea how this keeps happening to me.

       
    • Home. Jenny meowed when I walked through the door. Meowed after me when I rolled my bag in. Meowed after me when I went to the bathroom. Meowed after me when when I went upstairs. Meowed after me when got undressed. Meowed after me when I got in bed. She did not stop. "Sheesh. I am sorry I had to leave you all alone! Are you going to calm down if I can bring your brother home tomorrow?!?"

    Jenny Cuddler

    Such a sweetheart. I hope that Jake and Jenny's reunion goes well.

       
    And... I turn into a pumpkin at midnight, so... much aloha.

       

    Sequel Sequels

    Posted on Friday, October 12th, 2018

    Dave!Now that we're finally getting a sequel to Unbreakable (and Split) with Glass, I got to thinking about other movies I've long wanted a sequel to.

    MOVIES THAT NEED A SEQUEL...

    <insert marvel studios film here>. No kidding. The films I most want sequels to are every film Marvel Studios has ever made. I keep hoping against hope that they will up the number of productions they've got going and, now that the various X-Men franchises are headed back to Marvel, that's a possibility.

    Atomic Blonde. Charlize Theron's brutal take on a cold war spy drama is one of the best films in that genre to ever hit the silver screen. The story, the look, the soundtrack, the fight scenes... every frame of this film was gold and I'm dying to see more.

    Central Intelligence. Nobody was more surprised than me that this Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Kevin Heart spy vehicle was any good... but it really was! I'd like to see where the characters end up next, assuming there's an interesting enough way to bring them back together... of which I'm skeptical.

    The Heat. The best Melissa McCarthy movies are those that reign her in to a good degree, and this was one of those films. This was also a great Sandra Bullock vehicle, which is always a roll of the dice. There's plenty more story here to tell.

    Kill Bill. I don't know if this is possible given how Uma Thurman came forward to speak out against her experience making the films, but boy does the idea have such great possibilities that were set up in the original two.

    Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. Sigh. This was such a beautifully-realized adaptation of the Aubrey-Maturin books that I can't understand why it wasn't a massive box office success. Regardless, it still made enough money that my hopes for a sequel are still burning.

    The Legend of Tarzan. Easily the most faithful adaptation of the amazing Edgar Rice Burroughs books, I was thrilled to see what happens when they actually tried to make a good Tarzan film. I'd like to see another one.

    The LEGO Batman Movie. Just like the LEGO video games, they completely knocked this one out of the park. Better than Man of Steel, Batman vs. Superman, Suicide Squad, and (heaven help us) Justice League.

    The Losers. A very good comic adaptation that was really smart in how it was adapted, I would have thought a sequel would have been greenlit immediately. Alas... the box office was less than stellar.

    MacGruber. I don't care what anybody says. This was a funny movie and I'd love to get a sequel.

    Mr. & Mrs. Smith. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the chemistry of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can overcome any failings that might arise from trying to recapture what made the first movie so good.

    Ocean's 8. As entertaining as the Ocean's Eleven trilogy ever was. One would hope that they'd work hard to come up with as interesting a caper as the first one, because that's what killed Ocean's Twelve.

    Paul. A hilarious film that was so brilliantly realized that I can't fathom how it didn't manage to catch enormous buzz and become a box office juggernaut. It could so easily get a great sequel... if somebody would finance it.

    Serenity. Rumor has it that we may get a Netflix show (or something) to continue on the story. Lord, I hope so. There's some good things happening with sci-fi right now, but you won't find me complaining that there's too much of it.

    Spy. Easily Melissa McCarthy's best film, there are literally a dozens directions this franchise could be taken.

    Star Trek. Apparently there are two films in development... one by Quentin Tarantino... and one that has Kirk time-traveling back to meet his father (Chris Hemsworth!). Both are stalled for one reason or another. Whatever the reality of what's going on, I sure hope they get everything figured out. There's too many good things about the reboot to let it die.

    Team America: World Police. It honestly doesn't have to be a sequel to Trey Parker and Matt Stone's brilliant puppet movie... but it needs to be something. After the brilliance of The South Park Movie, Baseketball, and Team America, you just know they have another amazing movie in them.

       

    MOVIES THAT NEEDED A SEQUEL AT ONE TIME, BUT EVERYBODY IS PROBABLY TOO OLD NOW...

    Beverly Hills Cop I honestly didn't think that Beverly Hills Cop III was that bad. No... it wasn't the sequel I was hoping for, but it was entertaining enough. And it had me hoping that there would be a fourth installment which would wrap things up in a much more satisfying way. Whether Eddie Murphy is too old to churn out another one is debatable... but I still hope.

    Buckaroo Banzai: Across the 8th Dimension. So many years... decades, really... hoping against hope that Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League would see fruition but, alas, it was not to be.

    Eurotrip. SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW! SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW!

    The Fifth Element. Instead of making a sequel to The Fifth Element, Luc Besson gave us the underwhelming Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. It's depressing in entirely too many ways given that Bruce Willis is probably past the point of playing the character by now.

    Hancock. This was a really good super-hero movie before really good super-hero movies were common (thanks, Marvel Studios!), so perhaps a sequel isn't necessary now... even if Will Smith was ten years younger.

    Spaceballs. So much material in sci-fi that's ripe for parody.

    True Lies. I understand why 9/11 was able to remove the possibility of a sequel, but what a waste. The original film was remarkable for how well it was done, and I would have loved to have seen Schwarzenegger and Curtis in one more outing. We ended up with Mr. & Mrs. Smith. which was kinda the same thing... but not really.

    Undercover Blues. One of the best movies you've probably never seen, this is easily in my Top 25 Films of All Time, so naturally I was dying for another outing by Jeff & Jane Blue. And while Dennis Quaid and Kathleen Turner are probably too old for that kind of film... their daughter Janey could follow in their footsteps and end up needing help from mom and dad... just sayin'.

    V.I. Warshawski. If this film had a male lead, I'm betting it would have gotten a sequel. It was smart, funny, and had a good detective story driving it. But, all we got was Kathleen Turner being frickin' awesome, and apparently that wasn't enough.

       

    MOVIES THAT NEEDED A SEQUEL AT ONE TIME, BUT A PRIMARY CHARACTER US DEAD...

    Galaxy Quest. I honestly don't know how this would have ever worked given the clever premise of the original wouldn't work a second time... but boy-oh-boy would I have loved to see these characters try. Alas with Alan Rickman gone, it's too late.

    Sneakers. I always held out hope that we'd get a sequel... but with River Phoenix gone and Robert Redford and Sidney Poitier essentially retired... well...

       

    MOVIES THAT DON'T NEED A SEQUEL, BUT I LOVE THE CHARACTERS TOO MUCH TO IGNORE...

    The Long Kiss Goodnight. No idea how they would come up with a sequel that would work well when the original wrapped up so neatly, but everything here worked so dang well... and Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson had such amazing chemistry... that I'd really love for them to try.

       

    MOVIES THAT NEEDED A SEQUEL BUT WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD...

    The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. The American adaptation didn't suck... it was actually incredible. And Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig were exceptional in it. I was fully expecting that it would get an immediate sequel. And... apparently it is... but not with Mara and Craig? Blergh.

       

    MOVIES THAT NEEDED A SEQUEL IF THE ORIGINAL HAD BEEN WORTH A SHIT...

    John Carter. One of my favorite series of books ever, the John Carter of Mars novels are ripe for a good cinematic adaptation. Unfortunately what we got was a steaming pile of shit that was barely faithful to the books and essentially destroyed what could have been an awesome series. Such a huge disappointment.

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    Bullet Sunday 584

    Posted on Sunday, October 21st, 2018

    Dave!Another weekend of winterizing, plus cleaning out my garage... but there's still a warm spot in my heart... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • BOSTON!!! Congratulations to my beloved Boston Red Sox as they head to The World Series!

    Dave Loves the Red Sox!

    And then there's this, which is pretty funny...

    SUCK IT, YANKEES! BWAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!

       
    • Sears. Five years ago, my local Sears store closed. As I mentioned at the time, Sears was a huge chunk of my childhood, as that's where my first PC was purchased (an Atari 800) and the games and software that I grew up with (viva la Infocom!) all came from there...

    Atari 800 Illustration
       
    I drew this Atari 800 for the cover of Kevin Savetz's terrific book, Terrible Nerd!

    So hearing that Sears is now in bankruptcy is met with a note of sadness for me. After all these decades, my local store is still ingrained in my memory. I remember everything about it. I remember exactly where the computer aisle was located. I remember what the display looked like. I remember the sound that the glass door made when it was unlocked to retrieve a box of software. I remember how excited I was when my family made a trip to Sears where I would immediately run to the computers to see what was new. That's how it was all done back in the 80's. The public internet didn't exist... certainly not like it is now. Computer magazines were always outdated the minute they were printed. There was pre-release information here and there, but I never really knew what was real until I saw it at Sears.

    And now it's likely the entire chain will be gone forever. It's a tough hit to take, even though the only reason I'd ever shop there (if I even knew where to find one) was maybe for tools. Or appliances. Godspeed, Sears, you will always be in my heart.

       
    • Owls. I've watched this too many times this past week...

    Owls are such awesome creatures.

       
    • Security! "Social Security, let’s lay it to rest once in for all... Social Security has nothing to do with the deficit. Social Security is totally funded by the payroll tax levied on employer and employee. If you reduce the outgo of Social Security, that money would not go into the general fund to reduce the deficit. It would go into the Social Security trust fund. So Social Security has nothing to do with balancing the budget or erasing or lowering the deficit." — President Ronald Reagan, 1984.

    President Ronald Reagan

    Once more for the dumbfucks in the back... YOU FUCKING PAID FOR YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE! IT'S TAKEN OUT OF YOUR FUCKING PAYCHECK! So when gaping assholes like Mitch McConnell and other Republican crooks start talking about cutting these programs to cover tax cuts for the rich and out-of-control government spending, THEY ARE STEALING FROM YOU. I honest-to-God do not understand why anybody in their right mind continues to support these pieces of shit when they are openly committed to the destruction of the working middle class. They are for themselves (like all politicians) and their wealthy puppet-masters. And nobody else. So unless you are the 1%, voting for these turds is only cutting your own throat.

       
    • Of Note. We live in hypocritical times...

    And, just in case there was any doubt whatsoever that Pat Robertson is a steaming pile of shit... here you go...

    Excusing evil for lots of money in weapons sales, just like Jesus taught us!

    And had it been a Christian journalist... a journalist from TBN... who was hacked apart with a bone saw? He would be calling for President Clownface VonFuckstick to nuke Saudi Arabia. This fucker cannot die fast enough. Not that I am unaware that there are dozens of assholes waiting to take his place, but still...

       
    • Millennium.I liked the original Swedish movie trilogy based on the famous "Millennium Trilogy" of book... I *loved* the US adaptation of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It was about as flawless as movies get. Daniel Craig was great... Rooney Mara was unbelievably great... she was Lisbeth Salander. Which is why I was really sad to learn that they would not be reprising their roles for the upcoming The Girl in the Spider's Web. Instead we're getting Claire Foy, which is not a terrible choice... but it's not Rooney Mara...

    Fingers crossed. Lisbeth Salander is too good a character to be wasted.

       
    And that's the end of bullets on this fine Sunday morning!

       

    Friday Night at the Movies

    Posted on Friday, October 26th, 2018

    Dave!This Friday blows.

    I'm not even supposed to be here today.

    But since I am here... I've decided to watch the movies I pre-ordered when I coud afford to be buying movies. The first was The Spy Who Dumped Me which I don't even remember buying. I don't even know why I would buy it. I do know why I would watch it, however. I would watch anything with Mila Kunis in it...

    The Spy Who Dumped Me Poster

    It was better than I thought it would be, but still a movie to rent, not a movie to buy. Even though it has some good jokes in it.

    The other movie appearing in my iTunes? The Incredibles 2...

    Incredibles 2 Poster

    I saw this in theaters because I loved the first one so much. I still consider the original to be the best representation of The Fantastic 4 to ever hit the silver screen... and one of the best super-hero movies ever made. The sequel? I don't know if I would go that far, but it was still a highly entertaining film. And beautifully-designed.

    Which is why I bought it. I wanted to be able to step through it frame by frame and just marvel at how amazing everything looks. Also... I love how they took one of my favorite games, Portal, and made it into a super-hero called Voyd. Up until now, we've only gotten to see Doctor Strange and Wong create "portals" in the movies.

    And now I want to watch Avengers: Infinity War for the sixth time.

    Or play some Portal.

    Or maybe... just maybe... both!

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    Open The Pod Bay Doors, HAL

    Posted on Monday, November 12th, 2018

    Dave!Stan Lee, co-creator of a huge chunk of the Marvel Comics Universe... and Douglas Rain, the iconic voice of HAL 9000 (the onboard computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey), have died.

    This was already a tough day for me.

    But now?

    When it comes to being absolutely terrified by a movie, there is no film that compares to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Not for me, anyway. And it all comes down to that one riveting exchange where HAL refuses to let Dave back on the ship. Until I saw this scene while watching the movie on VHS videotape back in the early 80's, I had always thought of computers and robots as fantastical, wonderful inventions here to make our lives better. Then here comes HAL 9000, whose psychopathic method of self-preservation dictates that he straight-up murder the crew.

    This could have been a comical situation. Especially given the dialogue HAL is speaking. But the way Douglas Rain delivered HAL's lines in such a cold, detached manor was horrifying...

    "Without your space helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult." — I mean, holy shit!

    In the sequel, 2010: The Year We Make Contact, we find out that it wasn't HAL's fault that he went crazy. Humans were ultimately responsible... but that movie came out three years later, so it wasn't much consolation to me watching in 1981!

    For years I had HAL as the ringtone on my iPhone. One of the many benefits to being named "Dave." I doubt that would have ever happened if not for the vocal talents of Douglas Rain.

       
    And then there's Stan Lee...

    J. Scott Campbell draws Stan Lee
    Amazing Art by J. Scott Campbell

    When I first started reading comics, I was mostly a DC Comics guy. That's where Batman was, and he was hands-down my favorite comic book character. But eventually (as my allowance increased) I was expanding into Marvel Comics more and more. My "gateway drug," as it were, was Doctor Strange. His surreal adventures were unlike anything happening at DC, and it was a quick hop from there to my reading other Marvel titles like The Avengers, The X-Men, The Fantastic Four, and whatever other team books I could afford (team books, you see, had more heroes in them, so it felt like more bang for my buck than solo titles).

    Stan Lee co-created all of them.

    And many, many more.

    But his prolific comic writing output was almost incidental compared to his being the "face" of Marvel Comics. His rampant enthusiasm for their books in letter columns and his Stan's Soapbox column were the stuff of legend. He made you want to read comics.

    As if that wasn't enough? He was also a wonderful man. Here's one of his most famous Stan's Soapbox columns...

    Stan's Soapbox

    Even if you're not a comic book fan, odds are you've seen Stan in one of his many Marvel Studios Movie cameos...

    Or on one of his many, many television appearances...


    The guy was legendary, and will be missed by a great many people. Thank you, Stan Lee.

    Excelsior, True Believer!

    'Nuff said.

       

    Bullet Sunday 589

    Posted on Saturday, November 24th, 2018

    Dave!Do you enjoy the ramblings of somebody with frozen feet? Then you're in for a treat... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Pooh! I was anxious to see the new Disney movie Christopher Robin, but it was never showing on any flight I was on, so I had to buy it from iTunes when it was released. It's a good (not great) film that I enjoyed quite a lot. Mostly because the CGI version of the animals are amazing. Jaw-dropping amazing. The way they are rendered and the way they move is remarkable. You can believe these stuffed animals are alive...

    Christopher Robin Screencap

    Christopher Robin Screencap

    Christopher Robin Screencap

    Christopher Robin Screencap

    Christopher Robin Screencap

    And here's the trailer...

    I adore the wit and wisdom of Winnie the Pooh. All the Winnie the Pooh. I love the original A.A. Milne books, the Disney movies and book adaptations, and the Benjamin Hoff Tao of Pooh and Te of Piglet books too. If you are a Winnie the Pooh fan (and why wouldn't you be?) the movie is worth a look. Disney movie magic!

       
    • Care! Hallmark has been airing some wonderful commercials for their #CareEnough campaign...


    This last one reminded me of one of my all-time favorite ads...

    Always amazed that people can create commercials I want to stop and watch!

       
    • Proposal! This was my favorite thing on the internet this past week...

    So sweet. And that reminded me of this...

    The effort that must go into planning these things is mind-boggling.

       
    • Winter is NEVER Coming!

    "George R.R. Martin will be on Colbert to promote his new book..."

    "WINDS OF WINTER IS FINISHED?!??"

    "Of course not. He wasted his time on yet another Westeros history book. He still has no idea when Winds of Winter will be completed."

    In all honesty, I don't think Martin will ever finish A Song of Ice and Fire. I don't think he gives a shit (regardless of how much he pretends to care). He's got the HBO money coming in. He's got a Nightflyers series coming up. He's got the Game of Thrones prequels coming up. He's got millions of dollars. And he has said repeatedly that writing the Song of Ice and Fire books is hard work, so why would he bother? The HBO series will wrap things up so he doesn't have to, and he can keep getting distracted with writing "easy books" that still make him tons of money. What incentive is there to finish up Westeros? It's all too easy to procrastinate until you die and leave your notes to another author so THEY can deal with it.

    All that being said... how excited am I for April to get here so we can see the final season of Game of Thrones?

       
    • Unpossible! Mission Impossible: Fallout (AKA MI6) is easily the best of the entire series. Everybody is brilliant in it, and Henry Cavill is exceptionally good. Which makes me all the happier that Paramount told Warner Bros. to go fuck themselves when they wanted Cavill to shave his mustache for reshoots as Superman on the abysmally shitty Justice League movie. Otherwise Cavill's continuity would be jeopardized and he may have had some of his part cut in a far, far better film...

    Tom Cruise does the majority of his own stunts. And the dedication he has in delivering some really scary and dangerous scenes really pay off in Fallout. If you haven't seen it and like a good action flick, this is the movie for you.

       
    • No NOAA! Now that winter is here, I wanted to see if I could re-code the program which controls the heat tapes on my roof. Right now they turn on when it's 33° or less. Which is better than having them on all the time, but also not ideal because they turn on whether there's snow on my roof or not. What I want to do is capture NOAA data to see if it's snowing and then turn on the heat tapes. If we have heavy snowfall with a lot of accumulation, then I'll switch to the old temperature-based program until it's melted.

    NOAA Weather Data

    Problem is... the local NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) station has closed. So now I'm having to pull data from 6 miles away. Which would be fine if I lived on a flat plain, but I'm in a valley. The weather 6 miles away will be similar, but different. And so... better than nothing, but now I don't know if trying to adapt for snow is going to be worth it since the data may not apply to me. Time to start my own weather station, I guess.

       
    And there's your bullets this fine Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 591

    Posted on Sunday, December 9th, 2018

    Dave!I may have been to Maine and back this week, but that just means I'm locked and loaded... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Endings! Obviously the news of the week is that the Avengers 4 trailer finally dropped. It's everything it needed to be, with plenty to unpack. If you don't want to hear about it, best skip to the next bullet...

    Okay, first of all, the name... Endgame is lame as shit. For months we've been told that the name was being kept secret because it revealed the plot and gave too much away. But does it really? No. Not even a little bit. LAME!

    It's not much of a leap to figure that Ant-Man is going to be the key here. The Quantum Realm and its time-bending properties is an obvious way to undo what was done and bring back all those dusted characters so they can continue to print money for Marvel Studios (and Disney). I also wouldn't be surprised to find that Hawkeye (who looks like he's in his Ronin persona in the trailer) will have a major arc. Odds are his entire family was dusted and that's going to be the push to answer the question: "Why in the hell is he an Avenger?" No sign of Captain Marvel, but we know she's going to be kicking around...

    Avengers 4 Sneak Peek

    April seems a long, long ways away...

       
    • Pet Shop Christmas! This week I received an email from The Pet Shop Boys wishing a Merry Christmas to their fans. Which is nice, I guess, but it's the way they did it that was so cool...

    Pet Shop Boys Merry Christmas

    Now, if you're a fan, you'll immediately "get it." But if you're not... does this help?

    XXX

    Seriously, how cool is that?

       
    • MIB4! This week we finally learned the title of the fourth Men in Black movie... Men in Black International. It stars Chris Hemsworth as Agent H and Tessa Thompson as Agent M...

    Men in Black 4

    The spinoff film will not have Tommy Lee Jones (Agent K) or Will Smith (Agent J) in it, but it will have Emma Thompson reprising her role as Agent O.

       
    • Outlook! As I prepare my home for winter, I ran across something interesting...

    XXX

    Apparently my region of the country will be "much above average" when it comes to temperature this winter. I'm not quite sure what to think about that, because the nighttime temperatures seem as though they're the same as they've been for years now (which is not as cold as it was a decade ago, I can tell you that). I took a look at weather averages for the past couple years and it reads similar to what's been recorded lately. And while we haven't had any snow yet, I'm guessing it will be on its way any day now? While I'm happy at the idea of saving on heating costs, we really need good snow pack in the mountains or else we'll end up in drought conditions in the Summer. That's something we absolutely do not want.

       
    • NHL! Good news, everybody! Something I've been waiting for... for a very long time, actually... is Major League Hockey coming to Seattle! I became a hockey fan when I got into The Milwaukee Admirals while working in the Mid-West. From there it was a short hop to the Chicago Blackhawks, which has been my team ever since...

    Spy Movie Poster

    I've been to a couple local games here at home, but love the idea of escaping to an NHL game from time to time. Earlier this week they finally gave Seattle an expansion team, which will debut in 2021. But what will they be called? It's a big mystery. I was greatly amused to find that Bovada is running Vegas odds on it...

    Bovada Book on Seattle NHL

    Oh dear Lord. The odds favorite is the Totems?!? Now, I get it... that's the historic name for the team. It's a name which has emotional appeal to those who have been fighting to get a team here for a very long time. BUT COME ON! Are we really going to go down the cultural appropriation route again? My team, the Blackhawks, was named in honor of Black Hawk, a real-life Illinois historical figure. The team has kinda gotten a pass on this because it's not an offensive stereotype (like "Redskins") but it is still mired in controversy...

    In 2010, for instance, Joe Podlasek stated that, "The stance is very clear. We want the Chicago Blackhawks logo to change. For us, that's one of our grandfathers. Would you do that with your grandfather's picture? Take it and throw it on a rug? Walk on it and dance on it?" John Blackhawk, Chairman of the Winnebago Tribe of Nebraska, has suggested that the change in position for the American Indian Center may be connected to contributions the Blackhawks organization has recently begun making to the center: "We all do contributions, but we don't do it for the sake of wanting to be forgiven for something we've done that's offensive."
    Wikipedia

    So can we please just not this time? Personally I'm really liking the Sockeyes. There's a lot of logo potential there, and it's a fish that has cultural significance to Seattle both past and presence. The Emeralds isn't bad, but what do you do with it for a logo? And tying the name to The Wizard of Oz is kinda silly. Rainiers is already tied to a crappy beer. Kraken might be fine, but it's too abstract since it's mythological and all. Renegades, Cougars, and Eagles are boring and done to death. Sea Lions, Seals, and Whales just sound silly. Evergreens would give us a frickin' TREE as a logo? I dunno. Might work in the right hands? Firebirds isn't bad, but it's within spitting distance of Totems for me.

    So... can we just be the Sockeyes and be done with it? Please?

       
    • So Long, Fuckers! I finally managed to transfer everything away from my previous web hosting company, Media Temple. After being a loyal customer for over a decade and putting up with their broken promises and bullshit, the last straw was the horrific way I was treated when I tried to get an issue resolved. No help, shitty service, and a bill for $38 that they wouldn't reverse. Seriously, what a bunch of assholes. If you're looking for a place to host your stuff, keep looking.

       
    And that's the end of that. See you next week.

       

    Movie Merrython

    Posted on Wednesday, December 12th, 2018

    Dave!I've taken a break from Hallmark Christmas movies to watch other Christmas films I like. Though, technically, most of them aren't "Christmas films" they just take place around the holiday.

    But they totally count!

    Here's a list of the movies I'm making my way through...

    • Die Hard (1988) with Bruce Willis.
    • The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) with Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson.
    • Lethal Weapon (1987) with Mel Gibson and Danny Glover.
    • Ghostbusters (1984) with Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, and Harold Ramis.
    • Iron Man 3 (2013) with Robert Downey Jr.
    • About a Boy (2002) with Hugh Grant and Toni Collette.
    • Scrooged (1988) with Bill Murray.
    • Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) with Robert Downey Jr.
    • The Last Boy Scout (1991) with Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans.
    • Elf (2003) with Will Ferrell.
    • The Nice Guys (2016) with Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling.
    • The Thin Man (1934) with William Powell and Myrna Loy.
    • Millions (2004) by Danny Boyle.
    • Trading Places (1983) with Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd.
    • Gremlins (1984) with Phoebe Cates.
    • Love Actually (2003) with everybody.

    Over the years I've removed movies like Batman Returns that haven't held up well enough for me to want to bother. But the rest of them? Every year. Especially movies like The Long Kiss Goodnight which totally hold up.

    Ho Ho Ho.

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    Bullet Sunday 592

    Posted on Sunday, December 16th, 2018

    Dave!The weather outside may be frightful, but there's warmth to be had... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Stranger Strange! It was announced earlier this week that Scott Derrickson will be returning for the sequel to Doctor Strange, which is fantastic news considering how amazing the first one turned out...

    XXX

    There are dozens of different directions that a new story might take. Baron Mordo (played by Chiwetel Ejiofor) is almost certain to be the villain. Or one of the villains anyway. Since magic-based characters in the MCU are scarce, they wouldn't necessarily have to go off-earth in order to come up with something wildly different, but some kind of inter-dimensional aspect to the plot is probably a safe bet. But what else? Will we get to see Mephisto? Clea? Umar? Nightmare?

       
    • Julia Sans Julie! Did you know that somebody edited out all the horrible Julie Powell parts from Julie and Julia? Well they did! And it's so much better...

    Makes me wish that they would have just made a Julia Child movie from the start. Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci were magic, and Julia's story is a fascinating one. Thanks to Run Jen Run for the tip!

       
    • Musical Guest! Talk about lighting in a bottle. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus (along with Sean Ono Lennon) performed the classic John Lemmon track Happy Xmas (War Is Over) on Saturday Night Live last night...

    I've been a big Miley fan since I first saw her on Hannah Montana. She has an incredible voice... in and out of the studio... and, crazy antics aside, she knows how to sing. She's especially great at interpreting other people's music (as the above video shows). One of my favorites remains her beautiful take of the Crowded House song Don't Dream It's Over with Ariana Grande...

    Can't wait to see what she's got lined up next.

       
    • Echo! "Alexa, what song is this?"

    "This is Good Time featuring Owl City and Carly Rae Jepson by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepson from the album Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepson."

    "HOLY SHIT, ALEXA! ENOUGH WITH GOOD TIME FEATURING OWL CITY AND CARLY RAE JEPSON!"

    "Now playing Good Time featuring Owl City and Carly Rae Jepson by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepson from the album Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepson."

    "Well played, Alexa. Well played."

       
    • Don't Look Here, Look There! It's always the people with fucked up shit in their closet that goes after the LGBTQ community. Always. You can set your clocks by it. Whenever I see somebody "railing against the gays" I just set an egg-timer until the news drops about them going to prison for something heinous. Then a Facebook friend shared this...

    There's a reason that there are people who are virulently attacking people who have nothing to do with them. Set your egg timers.

       
    Stay warm there, buckaroos.

       

    Video18

    Posted on Friday, December 28th, 2018

    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    Or, more accurately, a "wrap-up of movies I saw that came out this year." As always, there's a bunch of movies I never saw that would have probably ended up on my list (we'll get to that later). And here we go...

    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Favorite Movies 2018

    #1 Black Panther
    My two favorite Marvel Comics characters are Doctor Strange and Black Panther. Both got terrific movie adaptations. But Black Panther is next-level greatness that went beyond my every expectation. You can read all about my unabashed love for the movie here, but suffice to say that making T'Challa into the Marvel James Bond and crafting a beautifully-realized African world for him to inhabit makes Black Panther not just a great comic book film... but a great film period.

    #2 Avengers: Infinity War
    When I first saw Infinity War it was so much... everything... that I left the theater in a daze. There's just too much to take in, and made for a less than perfect experience. But then I watched it on home video... again and again and again... and came to appreciate just how spectacular a job that The Russo Brothers did given all they had to achieve. Now I absolutely love the film, and can't wait for the conclusion in 2019. My original review is here.

    #3 Ant Man & The Wasp
    The action sequences and humor have been ramped up to eleven, but it's the performances by Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lilly that make the sequel work so well. And it was a pleasant surprise that they had Ghost as one of the villains, because her power-set is completely different (breaking the "villain has the same powers as the hero" trend that's getting so boring). The whole deus-ex-machina lameness of giving Michelle Pfeiffer magical quantum powers at the end kept the movie from being flawless... but it was darn close.

    #4 Deadpool 2
    The first Deadpool was a life-affirming love-letter to the character and proof that not all of Fox's X-Men-related movies have to suck ass. I liked the sequel even more. Partly because they just amped up everything that made the first film work... but mostly because they introduced Cable and Domino in a way that had you praying for an X-Force movie. Hilarious, bloody fun.

    #5 Love, Simon
    The first coming-of-age-love-story with a gay lead character from a major studio was going to be a landmark film regardless of how good it was. Or how terrible. The fact that Love, Simon turned out to be something great is just icing on the cake. One can only hope that more films like this entering mainstream culture becomes a step towards more acceptance and less bullying in our schools. Because isn't high school hard enough? A big shout out to Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel who made for the best movie parents ever.

    #6 Mission: Impossible — Fallout
    It's a mystery how the Mission: Impossible franchise keeps getting better with each new installment... but it totally does. Fallout is easily my favorite of the lot, filled with mind-boggling stunts, incredible action, and a story that is actually interesting and completely works. I can't believe that I'm dying to see a seventh installment of any movie, but here we are.

    Favorite Movies 2018

    #7 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
    I've seen plenty of animated comic book movies and TV shows. And while some of them are very good, they never seem to reach the epic level of greatness you would expect. And then Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse comes along and blows the doors off the entire concept. It's visually stunning and has a story that is brimming with heart and humor. More please.

    #8 Ocean's 8
    While extending the George Clooney franchise with a cast of women is not a terrible idea, it was ripe for disaster if it weren't the right cast of women. Fortunately, they got that part exactly right and everything else fell into place perfectly. Entertaining from start to finish... with a few surprises along the way... I am hopeful that the film makes enough money to get us Ocean's 9 with an even bigger caper to pull off.

    #9 Crazy Rich Asians
    This is an old, tired story but told in a way that was interesting and fresh. It's also lavish, lush, and beautiful to behold. Fortunately, it didn't 100% rely on making the female protagonist be a total embarrassment in front of her rich boyfriend's family (typical for these things), but merely touched on it. Surprisingly, the standout for me was not Constance Wu (whom I love in Fresh Off the Boat and was excellent as always), but Awkwafina in yet another scene-stealing role (her first being in Ocean's 8 above). Talk about a breath of fresh air. I seriously hope somebody is developing a project around her.

    #10 The Incredibles 2
    I've long felt that The Incredibles was one of the best super-hero movies ever made... and easily the best interpretation of The Fantastic Four to hit the screen. The sequel was fantastic adventure and had more of what made the first one so good... but it also adds layers of complication that kept it from being as good as it could have been. Still, Pixar magic at its finest and a movie I really enjoyed.

    #11 Isle of Dogs
    It's Wes Anderson, so of course I liked it. And while I appreciate the viewpoint that the entire film is cultural appropriation (stealing from Japanese culture for entertainment value) I don't know that I agree with that. The film very much feels like Anderson just wanted his story to be set in Japan. I am, however, going on record to blast him for cultural insensitivity. I hate hate hated the fact that we had to have the "Tracy Walker" character be yet another white savior in film. Seriously, what the fuck? Why does there always have to be a white hero? The film is set in JAPAN, for heaven's sake. But who leads the fight against injustice?

    Favorite Movies 2018

    Last year I dropped Hidden Figures from my Top Twelve because the story of Black women making the moon landings possible was hijacked by Kevin Costner "defeating racism." This kind of crap categorically stupid, and I am sick to death of it. LET. PEOPLE. OF. COLOR. BE. THE. HEROES. OF. THEIR. OWN. DAMN. STORIES! When it came to Isle of Dogs I very nearly dropped it for the same reason. But ultimately I felt it wasn't quite the outrageous blunder that assaulted me when I saw it in the theater. Upon tonight's repeat viewing, this is much more a movie about Akira searching for his lost canine than Tracy's revolution. On top of that, the film is a wonderful, jaw-dropping spectacle to behold (be sure to watch the cast interviews in the Special Features). And yet... holy shit. Enough with this white savior bullshit.

    #12 Solo: A Star Wars Story
    This is going to be a controversial pick. Partly because it was not a great film... but mostly because it was completely unnecessary. And told a story we honestly didn't need to see. But then again... it did have some good action sequences and a better story than we've seen in any of the shitty prequels (and probably Force Awakens or Last Jedi). Plus? Emilia Clarke and Donald Glover, who were perfect. And I loved L3-37 and Chewie in it.

       
    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    • BlacKkKlansmen. While I'm not fawning all over the film like so many critics did (I found it a bit boring in spots) I did enjoy it quite a lot. Not only that, but it was based on a true story I had never heard of before. Probably deserves to be #12 on my list, but I had such higher expectations for BlacKkKlansmen than I did Solo.
    • Won’t You Be My Neighbor. A terrific love letter to Mr. Rogers from people who knew and worked with him. With a lesser subject, this could have been a cheesy, even laughable documentary... but Fred Rogers brought it all together beautifully.
    • Christopher Robin. The story was only so-so, but the loving care put into animating Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Eeyore, and friends was sublimely perfect. They look like stuffed animals come to life and their every frame on-screen is magical.
    • Revenge. A brutal and stylish revenge thriller that was too good to be true.
    • The Guernsey Literary And Potato Peel Pie Society. While historical romance movies are not my thing, I found this post-World-War-II flick to have a really good story.
    • The Endless. An utterly bizarre movie that ends up smarter than you'd think. And yet... slow and plodding to the point of tedium, which kept it from greatness. Even so... I'm anxious to see where Benson and Moorhead take their "shared universe of movies" next.
    • Ideal Home. Never even heard of this movie before it popped up on HBO. When a celebrity chef's grandson-he-didn't-know-he-had shows up on his doorstep, he and his longtime boyfriend have some lifestyle adjustments to make.

       
    HAVEN'T SEEN YET, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    • Aquaman
    • Ben is Back
    • Boy Erased
    • Bumblebee
    • The Cakemaker
    • Can You Ever Forgive Me
    • The Favourite
    • Free Solo
    • First Man
    • Green Book
    • Leave No Trace
    • Mary Poppins
    • A Quiet Place
    • Sorry to Bother You
    • Welcome to Marwen
    • Widows

       
    THE WORST...

    • The Predator. Shane Black, the guy responsible for some of my favorite films, wasn't content with just shitting the bed for the latest flick in the Predator franchise... he shit the bed then filled a pumper truck from twenty porta-potties and deluged the bed with more shit than you ever thought possible. Gut-wrenchingly awful and lacking any semblance of spark that Black's dialogue is famous for, I was furious that I wasted my time and money on this dreck. By the time you get to the part where a kid has decoded an alien language just because he's autistic... well...
    • A Wrinkle in Time. Never read the book. But with the magical cast they rounded up for the movie, I was totally on board! Then I saw it. What a steaming turd of a movie. An incoherent mess that went for style over substance... or any kind of story.
    • The Happytime Murders. A puppet film with nasty, gross-out humor and Melissa McCarthy? Count me in! I was expecting another Team America: World Police, but that movie had some smarts behind it. This one just went for lowbrow disgust and never ended up rising much above that. It wasn't 100% terrible, but it could have been so much more.
    • Pacific Rim Uprising. I honestly didn't think it could be worse than the original film (which took an awesome concept and destroyed it with a nonsensical story and bad acting)... but here we are. I can't even say that it was "so bad it's good" because it was just heinously bad.
    • The Cloverfield Paradox. Take a shitty sci-fi snoozer... shoe-horn in a Cloverfield tie-in... wrap it up in an awful ending... and there you have it! One of the worst movies of 2018.
    • The Girl In The Spider's Web. I was a mega-huge fan of David Fincher's take on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which is to say I was gutted when plans for a sequel failed. Years later we get a soft-reboot where Lisbeth Salander (one of the best female characters ever) has been completely changed in all the worst ways. Could not have been more disappointed.
    • The Darkest Minds. Here's an idea! Let's cash in on the super-hero movie craze and the Young Adult genre craze by mashing them together into one of the shittiest movies ever made!
    • Mute. Paul Rudd? Justin Theroux? Alexander Skarsgård? Duncan Jones?!? TAKE MY MONEY! And now that I've seen it? GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!
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    Behind the Scenes: LEGO Craig

    Posted on Thursday, January 3rd, 2019

    Dave!Ages ago (when blogging was still a thing) I had "met" a guy named Craig on his blog, Puntabulous! It was one of the funniest things I've ever read and I became an immediate fan (so much so that I ended up guest-posting there). Sadly, Puntabulous! Has been lost to the ages (and the Wayback Machine has only spotty entries archived). Currently Craig's old site seems to have been poached by a Slovakian link farm or something, but we'll always have the memories!

    Fast-forward nine years and I'm part of a gift exchange where, miracle of miracles, I get Craig's name. I'm never sure what I am supposed to buy for gift exchanges, so I decided to to mash-up some of his favorite things and make something for him (the only way I could be sure I wasn't getting him something he already had!). And those things are... LEGO, Power Rangers, Star Trek: The Next Generation, his boyfriend Steve, and his cabin.

    Custom LEGO Craig posters it is then!

    This is what I came up with...

    LEGO Craig Posters

    I am a huge fan of LEGO video games, so I thought I could just draw little minifies doing fun things and be done with it. Except it was a lot harder than it looked to get them looking "real" so I ended up downloading a 3D model that I could pose in Blender...

    LEGO Craig Posters

    LEGO Craig Posters

    Then drop them into the layouts I had come up with...

    LEGO Craig Posters

       
    Power Rangers: Ninja Craig

    I didn't know much about the Power Rangers except that they would scream "It's Morphin Time!" and transform from super-powered-ninjas into robot dinosaurs. Or something like that. After little Google research I found out there were loads of Power Rangers series. I liked the logo for Ninja Steel because I could turn it into Ninja Craig. All I had to do was drop in Steve Blue Ranger and Rita Repulsa, and, done...

    LEGO Craig Power Ranger

    At first I had the same generic helmets for both Rangers but, upon closer inspection, I noticed that all the Rangers had different helmets! This meant I had to go back and re-draw them to be accurate...

    LEGO Craig Power Ranger

       
    Star Trek: The Craig Generation

    I'm more of a "original series" guy than a "Next Generation guy," but had seen all the episodes (of course), so it was easy to decide what I wanted to do...

    LEGO Craig Power Ranger

    I drew Craig as Number One, Steve as Data, and was planning on putting a LEGO Enterprise-D in the background. But I could never get it to look recognizable in simple LEGO form. Then I did some cyber-stalking and found a photo of Craig wearing a T-shirt that had the "LEGO Space" logo drawn as an X-Wing circling the Death Star...

    LEGO Star Wars

    Very cool! The original logo is the one I grew up with and looks like this...

    LEGO Space Logo

    It was made cool again when they introduced Benny in The LEGO Movie ...

    LEGO Movie Benny SPACESHIP!

    It was a simple matter to redraw it for Star Trek: The Next Generation like so...

    LEGO Star Trek

       
    Craig's Cabin

    My original idea (shown in my sketch above) was to have LEGO Craig in a majestic pose while Steve was being surprised by a bear in the background. The LEGO bear is a rare piece that goes for big money on eBay, but I was able to find enough photos of it that I could probably draw it. Problem is, the LEGO bear is kinda hard to recognize in a cartoon drawing, so I decided to give poor LEGO Steve a break and attempt to draw Craig's actual cabin in LEGO back there...

    LEGO Craig Power Ranger

    It ended up looking pretty good once I got the LEGO studs on the roof panels. Then I added some happy little LEGO trees and happy little LEGO plants and I was good to go. But my favorite part is the plaid shirt "print" on LEGO Craig...

    LEGO Star Trek

       

    Fun!

    Has me anxious for February 2019 to get here so I can see The LEGO Movie 2...

    Who knew that LEGO DUPLO would end up being so evil?

       

    Bullet Sunday 595

    Posted on Sunday, January 13th, 2019

    Dave!Don't let the long cold nights of winter get you down... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Duck! It's no secret that I love museums. I've made it my mission in life to see many of the world's great (and not-so-great) museums as I can. Which is why I got a big kick out of this article: Museums around the world are soliciting duck pics from each other...

    A very old duck photograph
    Image Courtesy of The Museum of English Rural Life.

    If you're even a little fan of art, this article is a must-see.

       
    • Cars! These Walmart curbside pickup "cars" commercials are phenomenal...

    I can't fathom how much money it cost to license all these properties.

       
    • Akeem! One of my all-time favorite movies is Coming to America starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in multiple roles. It's a great story chock-full of funny situations and had some real heart to it...

    Coming to America Movie Poster

    There are many other things to love about the film... namely James Earl Jones and Madge Sinclair as Eddie Murphy's parents. But there are also the incredible designs for the country of Zamunda. Make no mistake, Zamunda was Wakanda way before Wakanda was the benchmark for fictional African countries!

    And now it comes to light that there is a sequel in the works with Eddie Murphy reprising his role as Prince Akeem. Right now, I am deliriously happy about that. But given how badly things could go wrong, I'm also more than a little nervous.

       
    • Again! Again! Speaking of an Eddie Murphy movie getting sequels... apparently Boomerang, another movie I love more than butter, is getting a television sequel...

    Coming to America Movie Poster

    The show will continue the story with Marcus and Angela's son and Jaqueline's daughter. No word if Eddie Murphy, Halle Berry, or Robin Givens will be making an appearance. But I sure hope so. The thing that gives me hope is that Lena Waithe is onboard. As is Halle Berry as an executive producer. Fingers crossed.

       
    • Monument! As somebody who loves travel photography but can't stand people walking through my shots, I was excited to hear about "Monument." This new technology that Adobe is developing will automatically remove moving objects from photos. It's a fascinating idea that I'm anxious to try out. There's a video which takes a look at Moment but Nick Offerman is an idiotic distraction throughout. Why in the hell they couldn't have just presented the tech without the comedic bullshit is beyond me...

    It's only a matter of time before machine learning with this kind of smarts gets dropped into all our cameras. As popular attractions become more and more crowded, it will be a handy and very welcome thing to have.

       
    • Puck! My new brown sugar container came with a small terra cotta coaster in the box. I was telling a friend about it and laughing because I don't have any glasses small enough to fit on it. "ARE YOU HIGH? YOU SOAK IT IN WATER AND PUT IT IN THE CONTAINER SO YOUR BROWN SUGAR DOESN'T DRY OUT!" In my defense, there weren't any instructions. Just the little puck thingy in a baggie. How was I to know?

    Brown Sugar Terra Cotta Disc

    Is this some secret everybody knows but me? Is there some brown sugar conspiracy to exclude me from this magic?

       
    And... I'm spent. No more bullets for you.

       

    Spidey Marvel Time!

    Posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2019

    Dave!My only complaint about Marvel Studios is that they are restricting themselves to three movies per year. This seems lacking in ambition. I understand not wanting to crowd the theaters in a wash of super-hero films, but maybe after the 21st Century Fox merger is complete they will up their game a bit? Hopefully.

    In the meanwhile...

    The first trailer for Spider-Man: Far From Home dropped earlier this week...

    The most obvious piece of new information here is Jake Gyllenhaal as Mysterio...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    He doesn't seem like he's a villain... yet? I guess?

    From appearances, it would seem Peter Parker is being deputized by Nick Fury to become "Spider-Man: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." or something like that. Apparently to fight some elementals terrorizing Europe. That's seems pretty mundane and impersonal for a Marvel movie, so I'm guessing something (or more likely, someone) is behind it all.

    Since the new Spider-Man takes place after Avengers: Endgame it's interesting to note that life on earth has returned to normal. Which means it returns to normal in Endgame. Which seems to indicate that Thanos and his snap were eradicated from the timeline? We shall see.

    And then there's Captain Marvel...

    New character posters for the forthcoming movie have been unleashed. Notably absent is a poster for Ronan the Accuser. Kinda weird that he didn't get one when everybody else did...

    Captain Marvel / Carol Danvers, of course...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Agent Nick Fury, having been CGI youthed to his 90's self...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Agent Phil Coulson, likewise youthified...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Maria Rambeau, whom I'm guessing is future-hero Monica Rambeau's mom and fellow pilot...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Goose, Carol's cat... which is named "Chewie" in the comic books (after Chewbacca)... and is apparently named after Anthony Edward's Top Gun character here...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Mar-Vell(?) is the original Captain Marvel in the comic books but, since the origin is changing for the movies, he could be playing somebody completely different...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Korath, whose last appearance was in the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Minn-Erva, an enemy of Carol in the comics, but apparently isn't that (yet) in the movie...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    Talos, an evil alien Skrull shown here in his human form...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    ??? No idea who Annette Bening is playing in the movie... Supreme Intelligence in human form perhaps...

    Captain Marvel Character Posters

    March 8th can't get here soon enough.

       

    Hairy Obsolescence

    Posted on Thursday, January 31st, 2019

    Dave!This morning before heading off to work I decided to dust off my entertainment center. It's a futile endeavor with two cats, because everything will go back to being covered in hair within seconds. As I was dodging in and out of the many crevasses with my Swiffer duster, I made my way to the fancy Blu-Ray player I had bought and couldn't recall the last time I used it. Probably to watch one of those rare movies I love that never made its way to digital.

    This is more than a little depressing because the thing was top-of-the-line back in the day and cost me a small fortune. At the time it seemed like a wise investment because it could play both 3D and 4K Blu-ray discs. Little did I know that 3D would be a stupid feature because the special glasses eat batteries like crazy... and all the discs are glitchy.* As for 4K? Apple started releasing most new movies in 4K digitally (no Blu-Ray required) within months of my hooking up the player.

    And so the pricey but useless piece of tech just sits there collecting more dust and hair until I want to watch Undercover Blues or True Lies or The Abyss or Strange Days again. WHICH JUST HAPPEN TO BE FOUR OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME...

    Undercover Blues Movie

    True Lies Movie

    The Abyss Movie

    Strange Days Movie

       

    The rumor mill has been going on for years that James Cameron is working on bringing True Lies and The Abyss to Blu-Ray and (hopefully) digital. I have no idea what the holdup is with Kathryn Bigelow & James Cameron releasing Strange Days (which is oddly more relevant now than it was when it was released 20 years ago). And then there's Undercover Blues. This movie is 100% awesome, and it seems impossible that nobody has released it digitally since it actually has a Blu-Ray release (albeit not a great one).

    So many television shows and movies that have been lost to time. It seems... weird... somehow, that everything released within the past 25 years isn't out there for digital purchase. Though I should count myself lucky. At least these movies have DVD releases. Entirely too many of my favorite television shows (like Jeremy Piven's Cupid and Alan Ball's Oh Grow Up!) do not.

    Which has me wondering how long it will be before they won't be making DVD/Blu-Ray players any more. These things always seem to happen sooner than you think.

       
    *Seriously, I have yet to find a 3D Blu-Ray which will play properly all the way through. Their quality is for shit.

       

    Digitalization Proclamation

    Posted on Friday, February 1st, 2019

    Dave!Are you converting your DVD/Blu-Ray library to digital? Upgrading your SD DVDs to digital HD?

    Yesterday I talked about my Blu-Ray player and how I rarely use it. I haven't bought a DVD or Blu-Ray in years, preferring to purchase everything digitally. And mostly on sale. Few movies are worth paying full price for,* (usually if you wait a couple of months they'll drop to $10 or less). I do still have bunches of old DVDs and Blu-Ray discs hanging around. Those I watch over and over again I repurchased digitally for convenience... but most movies aren't worth buying twice.

    Until Vudu joined up with Movies Anywhere, that is.

    Movies Anywhere is an alliance of digital media stores and movie studios which allow you to buy a film from one store... then watch it at any other. Buy a movie from Google Play and, so long as it's a part of Movies Anywhere, it will show up in your Apple iTunes (or whatever).

    This also goes for DVDs/Blu-Rays converted by Vudu, so long as...

    1. The movie is available digitally at Vudu (some aren't).
    2. The movie in question is participating in Movies Anywhere (some aren't).
    3. The movie is available for conversion (some aren't).

    Assuming these conditions are true, you're in luck!

    • DVDs will covert to SD Digital for $2. Most of them can also convert to HD Digital for $5 if you prefer.
    • Most HD Blu-Rays will convert to HD Digital for $2. For some reason there are a few titles which will still cost $5 for HD.

    Since I want to play everything on iTunes, here's how I've been converting my DVD/Blu-Ray library...

    1) Look up my disc on MoviesAnywhere.com. If they have it, scroll to the bottom for the title info and verify that it's a part of Movies Anywhere...

    Vudu Purchase

    2) If the movie is eligible, I grab my iPhone and point its browser to Vudu.com/disc (GPS location and camera are required). From there you can scan the UPC code off of you DVD or Blu-Ray and see if it's available for digital conversion...

    Vudu Purchase

    3) If it is, you select SD or HD, and off you go!

    For older movies I own on DVD, I mostly choose the cheaper $2 conversion. Many modern televisions will upscale the SD picture to something that looks just fine, even on a large display. But if it's an older movie I love which underwent remastering or it's a more recent movie which will benefit from the HD image, I spend the $5. Weirdly enough, Vudu will only allow you to convert 100 movies per calendar year. After that, you have to wait until January 1 in order to convert any more... just in case you're flush with cash and have a huge DVD library.

    It will take me a few years yet to be able to afford to convert all the titles I want into digital format, but it's sure nice not having loads of DVDs taking up space in my home. It's also handy to have movies I like in digital format that can be watched anywhere. There is a drawback to conversion, however. Most digital movies don't have "iTunes Extras," so those DVDs which come with "extra features" will likely be lost. If that's something important to you, be sure to check what features iTunes has before spending your hard-earned money.

    And now, if you'll excuse me, my biological clock is ticking like this... =stomp stomp stomp= so I've got My Cousin Vinny to watch.

       

    *The exception being all the Marvel Studios movies. I buy those the minute they go on sale.

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    Bullet Sunday 601

    Posted on Sunday, February 24th, 2019

    Dave!Don't let Oscar-mania get you down... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • Oscar! I stopped watching the Oscars and other award shows years ago. The movies I like best rarely win anything and, given how little weight awards seem to carry in casting, it seems like pointless endeavor anyway. Just an excuse for Hollywood to congratulate itself in a pricey spectacle that seems to award based on factors outside of actual talent. Suffice to say I want Black Panther to win as many awards as possible (even though it will be passed over for Best Picture by The Favourite or (more likely) yet another white savior tale with Green Book. I am also pulling for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse to win for Best Animated Feature. Other than that? =yawn=.

       
    • WAKANDA FOREVER! One bit I did see from The Oscars was this hilarious intro of Black Panther by Trevor Noah...

    But it gets better. Not soon after the video was posted, I ran across this...

    The real translation is 'white people don't know I'm lying' ahahahahahahahahahaha

    Xhosa is a fascinating language. And every time I hear it, I think of this video I saw years ago which attempts to explain the sounds...

    Things like this makes me love this planet. How exciting is it that there's so much incredible diversity out there waiting to be discovered?

       
    • Whiskey! While I did not watch The Oscars, I most certainly watched Whiskey Cavalier which followed The Oscars...

    Whiskey Cavalier Poster

    I was not disappointed. It's kinda a James-Bond-ish spy show with some humor and a darn good cast. Time will tell if they fall into the trap of having to two lead characters fall in love (which is always when things go terribly, terribly wrong). Hopefully if they do jump that shark, it will happen later rather than sooner, because I'd like to enjoy it for a while longer.

       
    • Oh Captain! While I am absolutely dying to see Avengers: Endgame on April 26th, I think I'm even more excited for Captain Marvel to be released next month. Everything about it looks amazing, and the fact that Carol Danvers will play a big part in Endgame is interesting to me. And speaking of Captain Marvel... I really wanted the original one-sheet movie poster that was released, but couldn't find it available for a sane price anywhere. It was Wonder Woman all over again, where I wanted the gorgeous pre-release poster but could only find it second-market for obscene amounts of money. I think they were under printed because "women super-heroes won't sell," which is really a shame. But then I was looking to see if there were any pre-orders available for Spider-Man: Far From Home when I saw that both posters had gotten a second printing! Sweet! Now they're both hanging in my upstairs hallway where they belong...

    Captain Marvel and Wonder Woman hanging in my hallway

    Such amazing colors in both of them! So happy that they were reprinted at something I could afford.

       
    • Curiosity! The Mars rovers Spirit and Opportunity were incredible feats of engineering that exceeded their projected lifespan or two years by quite a wide margin. Spirit ran for 6 years and traveled nearly 5 miles. Opportunity ran for 14 years and traveled nearly 28 miles. And then there's Curiosity, which landed in August 2012 and is still running. Or so NASA thinks. On its most recent reboot, the poor thing went into an unexpected "safe mode" and engineers had to get that straightened out...

    Curiosity Mars Rover

    Curiosity Mars Rover

    Personally? I think it was a moment of silence to honor the end of Opportunity's mission, which NASA called on February 12th after it had gone silent since June 10th last year. Great job, buddy. Hopefully humans will get to visit you one day.

       
    • Pika! I've never been into Pokémon that much (despite enjoying Pokémon Let's Go on the Switch), but I gotta say... I'm looking forward to Detective Pikachu on May 10th...

    Probably because they gave him Ryan Reynold's voice and rendered all the Pokémon so brilliantly. One more interesting-looking movies in a string of interesting-looking movies for 2019. With some exceptions, of course...

    Will Smith as Genie in the live-action Disney's Aladdin movie

    Absolutely no idea how Disney's Aladdin is going to pan out. By and large I haven't been enjoying the live-action remakes that much, but this one looks like the diciest translation yet.

       
    And the award for best bullets goes to...

       

    Bullet Sunday 602

    Posted on Sunday, March 3rd, 2019

    Dave!The King of Pop may be gone, but he's not forgotten... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts now...

       
    • WAH! WAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Walmart has released a new online ad series called "Love is in the Aisle" which is a dating show that takes place in their stores. The second episode features two guys, so naturally hate organizations (like The American Family Association) are losing their fucking minds...

    Dating is in the Aisle

    Which is kinda pathetic and sad, but it's not like you can expect anything less from a bunch of homophobic bigots who hide behind their warped ideal of "family" while persecuting actual families who happen to have two moms or two dads. Looks like these assholes are running out of places to shop.

       
    • Porn and Candy. The new HBO documentary, Leaving Neverland, has finally aired. It details allegations of sexual abuse against Michael Jackson, and a $100 million lawsuit by his estate has already been unleashed...

    Michael Jackson photo by Dave Hogan and Getty Images
    Photo by Dave Hogan and Getty Images

    As you can imagine, it's incredibly fucked up. What's surprising to me is in the way it's fucked up. The sexual abuse was horrific, yes, but the mental abuse was magnitudes worse. One minute you're made the center of Michael Jackson's life and promised the world... the next you've been replaced with another young boy and made to wonder what you did wrong to deserve that. I'm not a huge Michael Jackson fan, but there are songs of his I like. Until this documentary, I was able to separate the art from the man. But now? There's just no way. I believe his victims. It's entirely too likely that Michael Jackson was a total piece of shit and I'm glad he's not around to abuse children any more.

       
    • Sparkly! "Will she spit or poop?" — A question that always makes date night interesting...

    And to think... I had to make do with G.I. Joe when I was a kid.

       
    • Worthy! And lo did Steven Spielberg descend from his throne in Hollywood to decree that films from online studios like Netflix should be exempt from Oscar consideration. Apparently he feels that only films which have a full theatrical run (as opposed to a limited run just to qualify for awards) should be classified as "real films." Or something like that. You know... real films... like Hook or Joe vs. The Volcano.

    Ummm... yeah... no.

    I love a movie theaters better than most. I love the cinema. I love viewing films where the entire experience, from the size of the screen to the sounds you hear, are all optimized for the best enjoyment of a movie and the way the filmmakers wanted it to be seen. But how often does that happen? Now-a-days, you've got people texting and talking on their mobile phones... people eating and making noise... people letting their kids run wild... people being overall assholes who don't care that they are ruining the movie for everybody else. And that doesn't even begin to cover the reality that many movies could never be made or even get distribution within the major Hollywood movie system. Unlike Steven Spielberg, they are locked out and wouldn't get to tell their stories if not for alternative studios like Netflix. Movies that deserve recognition if they're worthy of recognition.

    So... Spielberg can just take a damn seat and shut the entire fuck up. I'd argue that my home theater "experience" is far better than dealing with the constant distractions from assholes at the theater. AND I don't have to pay $20 for a popcorn and a Coke. AND I get to see movies that Hollywood would never touch in a million years. God Save Netflix.

       
    • Flerf! And speaking of Netflix, they've got a documentary on the "flat earth" movement called Behind the Curve. It's mostly ridiculous, but a part of it seems to be advocating for... tolerance? BWAH HA HA HA HAAA! Yeah, right. I am not going to "respect the opinion" of dumbass flat earthers. I have zero problem mocking idiots who deny what can be observed with their own eyes and goes against fundamental scientific truths and irrefutable evidence. Every hilarious "explanation" that flat earthers come up with for things like eclipses, how GPS works, Antarctica, and the curvature of the earth, are so fucking stupid that I can't even fathom how anybody could possibly buy into it. Unless they're fucking idiots as well. These tin foil hat wearing morons aren't even worth debunking... so this documentary doesn't even try. They just present mentally deficient people like Mark Sargent and Nathan Thompson in their LITERAL bubble-reality worldview. It's all more infuriating than fascinating or enlightening. But they do have an occasional moment where they drop actual knowledge (including a hysterical bit at the end), so I guess that's something.

       
    Until next week, stay vigilant, young crusader...

       

    Aquaman: The Movie

    Posted on Thursday, March 7th, 2019

    Dave!I missed Aquaman in the theater. I had wanted to see it but life kept getting in the way and, to be honest, it was not a priority for me. Despite a home run with Wonder Woman, DC has a horrendous track record with their new "universe" of films, and I just don't give a shit. Especially not enough to have to sit with a bunch of rude assholes at the local cineplex. If ever there was a movie studio screaming "wait-for-video," it's DC.

    But now that Aquaman is on iTunes, I plunked down my $20 to take a look. Not as good as it could have been... much better than what I was expecting. I don't plan on spoiling anything major here... but, if you haven't seen it yet (and are planning on doing so), you might want to wait before reading.

    There was some stuff I liked...

    • This was essentially a super-hero mash-up of Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider. Which sounds awful, but it mostly worked.
    • Jason Momoa does not disappoint. His frat-bro demeanor may be a bizarre character choice, but it does make him different amongst the crowded field of super-heroes and that's a good thing.
    • We finally get to see Aquaman in a costume that respects the source material...

    Aquaman Movie Poster

    • Amber Heard, Nicole Kidman, and Willem DaFoe were perfectly cast. And the fact that they made Heard's take on Mera a hero instead of damsel in distress was a pleasant surprise...

    Mera Aquaman Movie Poster

    Atlanna Aquaman Movie Poster

    Vulko Movie Poster

    • The underwater effects are pretty great.
    • The movie's visual design is mostly excellent.
    • The sound design is amazing.
    • The soundtrack is fantastic.
    • The chase through Sicily is one of my favorite action sequences in a super-hero movie, which is weird given that this movie centers around an underwater world.
    • The final underwater battle is spectacular. I wish I had seen it in IMAX.
    • In stark contrast to the steaming pile of shit that Zack Snyder brought to Batman vs. Superman and Justice League, this movie is actually fun.

    And the stuff I didn't...

    • As much as I loathed Justice League, it seems moronic that they completely ignored what happened in that movie. Aquaman is supposed to be a part of a bigger universe but failed, utterly, to remember that.
    • In the comic books, Mera is an alien from another dimension... which explains her powers. In the cinematic version her powers are basically unexplained?
    • While I did like the visual design, they made Atlantis into underwater Asgard (complete with Odin and the Rainbow Bridge) which was lame...

    Atlantis in Aquaman

    • Black Manta, one of the coolest villains in comics, was kinda wasted. They essentially made him DC's answer to Iron Man (where does his tech training come from though?), then disposed of him... hopefully to return, as teased in the end-credits...

    Black Manta Movie Poster

    • I like Patrick Wilson well enough, but didn't feel he brought much to the role of Orm. This is probably more the fault of the dialogue he was given than his talent as an actor. And then there's his metal Ocean Master mask which distorts to show his emotions. It looked really tacky and stupid, which is why I'm glad he wasn't in it very often...

    Orm Ocean Master Movie Poster

    • The attempted slapsticky comic beats are juvenile and stupid. The octopus playing drums. The goat on the plane. Holy shit, why do this absurd bullshit when your movie doesn't need it?

    In the end, Aquaman wasn't a bad effort. Far from it, there was actually a lot to enjoy here. Partly because of the imagination at work in bringing Atlantis alive... but mostly because director James Wan went out of his way to run as far away from Justice League as he could. The problem with DC movies being that he had to do so in the first place. Still, they've already announced a sequel to be released in 2022, so maybe the best Aquaman movie is yet to come? Time will tell.

       
    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    Captain Marvel: The Movie

    Posted on Friday, March 8th, 2019

    Dave!Happy International Women's Day! It seems only fitting that I saw Captain Marvel, the first movie by Marvel Studios to headline a woman, today.

    When you are a huge fan of comic book movies... but also well-versed in the original comics which inspired them... you have a fine line to walk. On one hand, you have to understand that what works in comic books doesn't always translate to screen, so there will be changes made. On the other hand, movies that stray too far from the source material are throwing away what made them popular enough to be made into movies in the first place.

    DC Comics' attempt at a "shared universe" of stories has been a complete disaster. They not only take a steaming shit on their source material*, they can't even be consistent between films. Batman vs. Superman, Justice League, Wonder Woman, and Aquaman don't match up, even though the entire point of rebooting everything was to make it so they do match up.

    Marvel, on the other hand, has made painstaking strides to ensure that their entire "Marvel Cinematic Universe" is consistent and everything syncs together. There have been minor missteps but, for the most part, they have succeeded beyond all reason. On top of that, they have also been exceedingly respectful of their source material. Changes are made, of course, but they are changes that (mostly) make sense.

    And then along comes Captain Marvel...

    Captain Marvel Poster

    The comic book character has a long... very long... history. "She" was originally a "he" and explaining how we got from point A to point B would take pages to explain. Suffice to say that the original (male) was a Kree warrior. An explosion of an alien device merged his DNA with that of Carol Danvers, turning her into a super-powered Human/Kree hybrid known as "Ms. Marvel." Over the years she became "Binary" followed by "Warbird." Eventually she came back around to "Ms. Marvel" before landing on "Captain Marvel" in her character-defining series of the same name by Kelly Sue DeConnick. Last year Marvel completely changed her origin. Instead of being a human that became a Kree hybrid in an explosion, it turns out her mother was a Kree all along, and the explosion just "awakened" her powers.

    Personally, I thought that the change was a load of shit that was entirely unnecessary. But apparently Marvel wanted a strong, independent female character whose powers weren't derived from a man, so this is what we got.

    The movie is something entirely different. Ordinarily this would be a major sticking point for me... but, in this case, I understand why they did what they did. Unlike the Marvel Comic Book Universe which is going on 60 years now, the Marvel Cinematic Universe is just 10 years old. Adding a new character with such an extensive and complicated history like Captain Marvel and having them work within such a truncated timeline is nigh impossible unless liberties are taken. How do you have her get her powers from the original Captain Marvel without having to explain who he is? Well, within a 2-hour movie, you don't.

    That being said, I think Marvel did the best they could to find a way to get Captain Marvel into their Cinematic Universe while still respecting the source material as best they could. Sure, there's a part of me that believes better choices could have been made, but only if the MCU was standing still. Which it's not. The current Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame storylines are massive undertakings which are the culmination of a decade's worth of films. Even by having Captain Marvel take place in the 1990's, there's only so much you can do.

    And what Kevin Feige and Marvel did do is make a pretty darn good movie.

    The story is mostly entertaining and cohesive within the bigger MCU picture. The characters are well-crafted, the dialogue is well-written (even if the humor doesn't always land), and Samuel L. Jackson turns in a computer-youthified performance that's as great as you would expect. Brie Larsen was terrific as Carol Danvers, though parts of her character felt oddly detached and lacking in subtlety. I'm hoping that this was an attempt to make her seem more "alien-like," but we won't know that until her future appearances (such as Avengers: Endgame, coming next month!).

    If I have a criticism of the film, it would be that the action is not as engaging as it should have been. If you're going spend a good chunk of the movie playing detective so you can uncover Carol's past, you'd better darn well deliver when the fighting starts. Except the battles weren't quite "there"... sometimes bordering on tedious. I wish a little more thought had been put into providing more memorable action beats.

    If you want to read my spoiler-filled comments on the film, you can do that in an extended entry.

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 603

    Posted on Sunday, March 10th, 2019

    Dave!Stop worrying your pretty little head over whether Spring is here or not here... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Free! As I've mentioned more than a few times on this blog, I'm a huge fan of Alex Honnold. He's a world-famous free solo rock climber who recently rocketed into the limelight because of the Oscar-winning documentary film Free Solo (sadly, I didn't get to see it in IMAX like I wanted to, and ended up renting it). I first heard of the guy in 2007 or 2008 after he free soloed Yosemite. At first I thought he was a lunatic with a death-wish, but after reading numerous interviews over the years, I found him to be one of the most philosophical, funny, genuine people on the face of the planet. And the most talented athlete on earth...

    If you haven't seen free Solo yet, it's absolutely worth your time. It's an amazing film that changed my perception of Honnold yet again. But if you want to see Alex being the Alex that I became obsessed over the past decade, here he is (watch to the end, because it gets better as it goes on)...

    It used to be that every year on Christmas as a part of my "End-of-Year Checklist" I would Google Alex to see if he was still alive. Now that he's so incredibly famous, I don't have to. If something were to happen to him I'm sure the entire world would know.

       
    • Zero Stars! When I had to start eliminating carbs, the transition from "regular" to "sugar-free" sodas was a tough leap to make. What made it easier was Coke Zero, which is far and away my favorite carb-free pop (followed by Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet A&W Root Beer, and Sunkist Orange). One of my favorite sodas, Stewart's Orange Cream, has no diet equivalent... which is why I was thrilled to see "Coke Zero Orange Vanilla" at my local Safeway...

    Coke Orange Vanilla

    Holy shit what a horrendous load of toxic sludge! It tastes nothing like an orange cream soda, but instead tastes like an extremely artificial vanilla cola with a weird orange aftertaste. Really gross, which is why I am mad I bought an entire 12-pack. Looks like I need to investigate adding a hint of vanilla to Sunkist Diet Orange Soda to see if I can get what I'm looking for.

       
    • Life! Ricky Gervais is one of the most brilliant minds in entertainment, and I'm always looking forward to what he's doing next. Turns out it's the Netflix series After Life, and it's one of my favorite things he's done thus far...

    The show has a rocky start because his character is pretty awful. But the 6-episode series is a journey that ends in a very different place, and it's a worthwhile trip to take. With all the horrors I've been facing these past couple years, it's nice to run across something that is saying exactly what I need to hear. Highly recommended.

       
    • Stick! One of my favorite kitchen brands is OXO Good Grips. I ended up replacing almost all my bakeware with their stuff and was happy with that... at first. Then I found out that my "non-stick pizza pan" can't even cook biscuits without them sticking like cement...

    Non Stick Sticking on OXO Good Grips

    Even worse? The bread pans and jelly roll pan are rusting under the folded edges. And so... I guess OXO Good Grips is no longer my favorite kitchen brand. Really sad that I wasted my money on this garbage.

       
    • Billions and Billions! Wealth inequality is something that I don't really think about because there's nothing I can do about it. Obscenely wealthy people own this country and get to decide how things are going to be. The fact that what they decide inevitably benefits only them (and their pocketbook) regardless of how it screws the rest of us... or the environment... or whatever else is in their way, is just our sad reality. Which is why shit like this is so unsurprising...

    Thinking that these horrible people will ever have to pay for the lives they've destroyed is laughable.

       
    And, on that note, I guess we're out of bullets...

       

    Bullet Sunday 604

    Posted on Monday, March 18th, 2019

    Dave!It's hard to believe that March is already half-over, but don't let the march of time discourage you... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Queer Happy! Since I have (temporarily) stepped away from social media, I've been pretty much out of the loop. But I did have a news story pop up which mentioned that Queer Eye Season Three had just dropped on Netflix...

    Queer Eye Season Three Promo Image

    Sweet! I absolutely love Queer Eye because it packs one of the most emotional gut-punches you'll find on television. Some of those the Fab Five help out are genuinely good people who just need a little break to be happy, and the guys always manage to come through. And then I read the comments on the story. You think I'd know better. Because the amount of hatred that people have for this show is downright unfathomable and I just don't get it. Seriously... who gives a crap how other people live their lives when it does not affect you? Do these haters honestly think that there is a finite amount of happiness in the world and if other people find happiness in ways they don't approve of it means there's less happiness for them? Gay people aren't allowed to be who they are and be happy because if they are, there's no way anti-gay bigots can be happy? What pathetic, sad, miserable assholes these people are. But I don't care. This is one of the best seasons yet, and I watched all eight episodes back-to-back. I can't wait for Season Four.

       
    • Top Gunn! Guardians of the Galaxy mastermind James Gunn made some horrific and terrible jokes about rape and pedophilia when we was young and stupid. He subsequently offered heartfelt apologies numerous times, promised to do better, and moved on to become an incredibly talented writer and director. But Disney/Marvel fired him anyway, despite him providing them two incredible hit movies....

    Guardian of the Galaxy Promo Image

    This was a rash and idiotic knee-jerk reaction that made me (and plenty of others) pretty mad. How many of us haven't made stupid mistakes when we were younger? The guy was wasn't an actual rapist and pedophile... he just made hurtful and overall moronic "jokes" about the subjects which weren't at all funny (unlike James Carr, who may be completely tasteless and inappropriate, but is really funny about it). His apologies were sincere. He grew up. And now Disney/Marvel finally seemed to realize how fucking stupid they were... probably not because it was wrong to fire him over his bad judgement... but because they couldn't find another writer/director to replace him. Money being more important than manufactured outrage, Gunn was rehired to direct his already-completed script for Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume Three!

    Guardian of the Galaxy Promo Image

    So happy about this. I don't believe in second chances for everyone, but James Gunn has earned the support he's gotten to be reinstated.

       
    • BURN! I was raised Catholic. I still have family and friends who are in the Catholic Church. I say this to qualify that I would never recklessly disparage The Church and its followers. Except... The Catholic Church has a history of horrifically problematic issues that have not been adequately dealt with. Big on that list is the seemingly never-ending sexual abuse of children by their pastors and officials. Abuse that The Church has been outright denying or only half-heartedly acknowledging. It is next-level fucked up, and I am outraged that it's still happening and victims are still being ignored or shoved aside. Which is why the Diocese of Brooklyn can seriously go fuck themselves for demanding an apology for this segment on Saturday Night Live...

    Pete Davidson has said some truly stupid stuff... and it's not always funny. In this case what he's saying is not only funny, it's also 100% true. Until the Catholic Church reforms... and at this point it can't really be anything except a total reform because we're way, way past second chances for them to do the right thing... I'm done. See how that works?

       
    • Aladdin! For me, the jury was very much out on Disney's upcoming live-action version of Aladdin. The original animated movie with Robin Williams is one of my favorites, and it just seemed... bizarre... that Disney would even attempt to replace him with Will Smith. But now that I've seen an actual trailer, I'm much more hopeful...

    Will it take the place of the original masterpiece? Almost certainly not? Can it be an entertaining distraction in its own right? Sure! Guess we'll find out in May.

       
    • Honey Honey! I try to use honey instead of sugar whenever I can. Honey is the only thing I add to my tea, and I'd rather drink it unsweetened if honey isn't available. I do have packets of "Sugar in the Raw" and artificial sweetener for my guests, if they want it, but there's always honey at my home. Over the years I've read some truly misguided comments about honey and people who want me to switch to agave nectar. Finally I've found a couple of people on Tumblr who have summed up why I'll never switch to agave...

    Vegans of tumblr, listen up. Harvesting agave in the quantities required so you don't have to eat honey is killing Mexican long-nosed bats. They feed off the nectar and pollinate the plants. They need the agave. You want to help the environment? Go back to honey. Your liver and thyroid will thank you, as well. Agave is 90% fructose, which can cause a host of issues. Bye.
       
    VampireGirl2345 via Tumblr

    Beekeeper here! Just wanted to say that the fact that vegans won’t eat honey is very silly. Harvesting honey does not hurt bees. The invention of modern moveable-frame hives means we can remove a selected frame, extract the honey and return it without killing a single bee.
       
    If we destroyed the colony to harvest honey there would be no bees for next year, and beekeepers are incredibly careful to keep their bees healthy and thriving. We take *excess* honey that they don’t need, and it stops the hive from becoming honey-bound, meaning that there’s so much honey the Queen has nowhere to lay eggs. And if the winter is harsher than expected and the remaining honey store runs low, we feed the bees plenty to make sure they survive. We also make sure that pests are controlled, bees are treated for disease, and the hive is weatherproof and in good repair, all things that wild bees struggle with.
       
    Keeping bees in properly managed hives where they don’t starve or die from preventable disease is much better for them than being left to fend for themselves, and they’re far too important to be left alone. All the fruits and vegetables that vegans *do* eat couldn’t exist without bees, and the hives which pollinate those crops also produce excess honey which the beekeepers can sell to help keep themselves and their hives going.
       
    TLDR: BUY THE HONEY, HELP THE BEES.
       
    Vertiga via Tumblr

    Bats are some of the most beneficial creatures on earth. Trading in a non-existent problem for a very real problem which threatens their survival is not helping.

       
    • Coaster! I'm a big fan of interesting roller coasters and have been on many, many of them. My current favorite is "The Incredible Hulk Coaster" at Universal Studios Orlando. It's not as well-themed as Space Mountain or Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland... or as iconic as The Cyclone at Coney Island... or as scary as Wicked Twister at Cedar Point... but The Incredible Hulk is really fun to ride. But for me right now? The coaster I most want to ride is the brand new "Yukon Striker" coming to Canada's Wonderland this Spring...

    Yukon Striker Roller Coaster Canada's Wonderland

    Yukon Striker will be the fastest, longest, tallest dive roller coaster in the world. It goes up to 80mph, is 3,625 feet long, has four inversions, and lasts three minutes, 25 seconds. And it looks like loads of fun...

    Hopefully I can get to Toronto one of these days to ride it!

       
    And that's all he wrote for writing bullets this week! See you next Sunday!

       

    I Really Don’t Care, Do U?

    Posted on Thursday, March 21st, 2019

    Dave!I am not a huge horror movie fan, but I do like a well-crafted story... in any genre.

    For this reason I was exited to see that Jordan Peele has a new horror movie out called Us. I loved Get Out, and the reviews for Us are phenomenal. And yet... I loathe going to the theater so much that I was debating whether or not I was going to buy a ticket or wait for home video...

    Us Movie Poster

    To help with my decision, I emailed a document to a friend who was going to see the movie last night. In it I wrote what I thought the "twist ending" was going to be. After seeing a couple commercials and clips on talk shows, it seemed pretty obvious to me what was going on.

    This morning my friend opened the document and texted me that I was 100% correct with my guess. But he also said that the movie was so great that I really should go see it in the theater anyway.

    So I don't know.

    I'll probably wait for home video. Having to share the theater with a bunch of rude people makes me long to be watching at home.

    And speaking of watching at home...

    Apparently Viacom is in a fight with my television provider, DirecTV. While watching The Daily Show and The Other Two on Comedy Central and RuPul's Drag Race on Logo, there's a black box on the screen warning you that AT&T (owners of DirecTV) are going to drop the channel...

    Us Movie Poster

    At first the box was stationary on the left-hand side. But then AT&T started putting a black box on top of it. So now Viacom is making the box jump around the screen so AT&T has to keep moving their box. Eventually AT&T gave up. It's such bullshit and trying to watch a show where a box is bouncing all over the place is headache-inducing.

    Well, whatever.

    All I can say is that if DirecTV drops Comedy Central, one of the few channels I watch with any regularity, I will be dropping DirecTV. As I mentioned previously, thanks to streaming services and such, I don't need DirecTV much anymore anyway.

    The monopolies of cable companies and satellite companies are over and I really don't care. Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of assholes. They've been forcing bundled channels down our throats that we don't want for decades and karma is a bitch.

       

    Bullet Sunday 607

    Posted on Sunday, April 7th, 2019

    Dave! Time to celebrate because I think I'm finally over my cold/flu/whatever, but also... because an all new Special Movie Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

    Putting aside Marvel movies I'm already dying to see (Avengers: Endgame and Spider-Man: Far From Home), a new Star Wars movie I couldn't care less about (the still unnamed Star Wars: Episode IX), a new Hellboy that doesn't look to be bringing anything new to the table, a new Kingsman that may or may not be happening, and a couple of Disney live-action revamps that don't have me very excited (Aladdin and The Lion King)... here's the most interesting things headed to the cinemaplex in 2019...

       
    • John Wick 3! The Keanu Reeves contract killer movies that have no reason to be as awesome as they are...

    It seems impossible that they could write their way out of the corner they painted at the end of 2, but here we are. And we're getting Halle Berry and Anjelica Houston as well? Sign me up!

       
    • Brightburn! The Superman legend rewritten as a horror flick. Alrighty...

    It's a fantastic concept, and it looks like they might have nailed the implementation. Sign me up!

       
    • Dark Phoenix! The shitty Bryan Singer X-Men movies were redeemed a bit when Matthew Vaughn took over for First Class, took a nosedive when Singer came back for Days of Future Past, and now look to be on the up-swing again with Simon Kinberg taking over...

    My guess is that I will wait for the movie to come out on home-video. Perhaps if the reviews are amazing I might be tempted to drag myself to the theater. Only problem is that this film is going to make little difference no matter how good or bad it is. The absurd convoluted timeline antics of Singer's X-Men is going to be flushed down the toilet now that Marvel Studios will be able to reboot everything into something worth a shit.

       
    • Men in Black International! This franchise has more downs than ups for me, but it ultimately finds a way of being entertaining enough even when it's at its worst. Now we're getting a soft-reboot that could be the best way forward...

    Chris Hemsworth is hilarious when the material is right. And while Art Marcum and Matt Holloway did write the original Iron Man... they also wrote Transformers: The Last Knight which was a pile of shit... and so... this will be another "wait and see" films for me. If the reviews have them knocking it out of the park, fine. Otherwise? Home video for sure.

       
    • Toy Story 4! If there's one franchise that hasn't had a misstep, this is it. And while the plot seems as though it will be a retread of what we've seen before, it also looks mesmerizing and charming in equal measure...

    Unless people hate it, I'll probably sneak into a late theater showing to take a look. Pixar films always look beautiful on the big screen of a really good theater.

       
    • Once Upon a Time in Hollywood! Hey, its Quentin Tarantino. He hasn't steered me wrong yet...

    I truly hope that Tarantino doesn't follow through on his threat of retiring after his tenth movie, because this will be his ninth. I will absolutely be seeing this one in theaters.

       
    • Shaft! Samuel L. Jackson is back as Shaft? Isn't that a kick in the pants...

    What makes it too good to be true though? RICHARD ROUNDTREE is back too?!? With maybe a bit more to do this time around.

       
    And now for a nap...

       

    Secondhand Allergies

    Posted on Wednesday, April 10th, 2019

    Dave!After spending a week being sick I was ready to start feeling myself again. Alas, it was not to be, because now Spring allergies have hit me like a truck. There goes the next two months of my life. It's all sinus pressure, post-nasal drip, and coughing from here on out.

    When I was younger I had allergy shots to keep me from being a complete mess. Eventually I outgrew my allergies and the shots stopped. Then, without warning, my mid-forties arrived and Spring allergies along with them. I've tried dozens of drugs... both prescription and over-the-counter... and have found only two things that help: 1) Flonase which, unfortunately, causes nose bleeds... and 2) Benadryl which, unfortunately, causes me to become useless and fall asleep. Obviously I can't go to work while falling into a coma, so I have to suffer through every day and drug myself to oblivion every night.

    Such is my life.

    As I mentioned a while back, every year on January 1st I convert the maximum-allowable 100 of my DVDs to digital. Sure it's $200 down the drain, but I then have access to all those movies anywhere I have internet. So much more convenient than having to dig through hundreds of DVDs to find something to watch.

    Dozens of these movies I haven't seen in decades, and it's been well-worth the $2 conversion fee. I just finished Secondhand Lions which is a fantastic film I didn't even remember existed. Surprising to me that it wasn't a much bigger hit than it ended up being...

    Secondhand Lions Movie Poster

    A few things...

    1. Haley Joel Osment deserved a lot more films as he grew up. He's spectacular in Secondhand Lions, and it's a shame that he wasn't getting more work after he was no longer that adorable "Sixth Sense" kid.
    2. Kyra Sedgwick can play literally anything. Her role in this film was unlike anything else I've seen her do... and yet it was still her.
    3. Casting Robert Duvall and Michael Caine as two cantankerous old farts with a rather exotic and interesting past was total genius.
    4. Christian Kane and Kevin Haberer could not possibly have been more convincing action stars for their roles. They managed to be younger versions of Robert Duvall and Michael Caine without being enslaved to the idea of becoming Robert Duvall and Michael Caine.
    5. Few movies which switch between the past and the present do so in a way that "clicks" this beautifully. There are subtle echos going both ways that are wonderfully crafted.
    6. Whomever trained the dogs used in this movie should have been given some kind of award. The canines have small, but critical roles to the story.
    7. It is fucking criminal that Secondhand Lions only has a 59% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The bad reviews are completely vexing to me. I read the criticisms and can't help but wonder if they watched a different film than I did.
    8. "What Every Boy Needs to Know About Being a Man" is one of the most inspired speeches in cinema (even though you only get to hear a part of it). Not because of what it says, but because of how they wrap it up with a disclaimer that it may not be true but you should believe in it anyway.
    9. If you don't feel for what Walter is going through (thanks to Haley Joel Osment's inspired performance) you don't have a heart. I'll say it again... it is a tragedy that Osment didn't get put into more movies when he was at this age. He's a sublime actor, and could have brought everything to "coming of age" movies of the day.
    10. I'd give just about anything to see all the comic strips and artwork that Berkeley Breathed created for the movie. Some of it pops up online, but I'm sure there's pages and pages of stuff that we've never seen.

    Needless to say, if you like movies and haven't seen this one... you should probably get on that.

       

    The Rise of The Return of The Revenge

    Posted on Friday, April 12th, 2019

    Dave!And so... we have an official title for the final film in the Star Wars sequel trilogy.

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.

    By and large, I have not been a fan of any of the Star Wars movies after The Empire Strikes Back. I positively loathed Return of the Jedi, and things didn't get too much better from there. The notable exception being Rogue One, which I actually enjoyed quite a lot. My ranking of the films is something like this...

    Star Wars Movies Ranking

    So when it comes to Episode IX, I have no idea where it might land on my list. I never bothered to see Episode VIII in the theater (preferring to wait until home video), but maybe the last one will drag me back? Guess it will depend on the reviews. One thing for sure, there's not a lot to go on from the trailer...

       
    Lando is in there, which is nice. And is that... Emperor Palpatine laughing at the end?!? Interesting!

    Guess we'll see if it's worth a crap come December.

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    Bullet Sunday 608

    Posted on Sunday, April 14th, 2019

    Dave!Time to bend the knee... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Thrones! The much-anticipated premiere of the final season of Game of Thrones has finally come. Since it was just an hour of set-up for the five episodes that follow, it was a bit boring... but did have some interesting moments...

    Game of Thrones Ice Dragon

    One would hope that they managed to find an ending that doesn't suck... but I've seen finales fail more often than win, so I'm not counting on it. So long as it's a fun ride, I suppose I'll be happy enough. But I really want them to knock it out of the park.

       
    • The Hawk! And so Disney has announced that Jeremy Renner has been signed to a new series for their forthcoming streaming network. I have been begging for a Hawkeye series based on the Matt Fraction and David Aja comic book series for years. It's hands-down one of the best series I've ever read...

    Hawkeye by David Aja

    No idea if the Disney+ series would go in that directions, but... hot damn. Looks like Disney+ is going to be absolutely killing it with amazing content.

       
    • Only in America! A politician from Texas is so pro-life that he wants the death penalty for anybody involved with getting an abortion. You cannot make this shit up. This is after his tireless crusade to "protect the sanctity of marriage" by opposing marriage equality. He's been married five times. You cannot make this shit up. At some point you'd think that people would get tired of this kind of hypocritical bullshit... but here we are.

       
    • Aurebesh Coke! Apparently Coca-Cola is creating special packaging for Disneyland and Walt Disney World's upcoming "Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge" lands...

    Cool. Except... no Coke Zero? I cannot fathom why people continue to drink shitty Diet Coke when Coke Zero exists.

       
    • Evil! There are few things I'm more passionate about than Net Neutrality. As expected, The Trump Administration killed it. As expected, the Democrats created a bill to restore it. I fully expect that it will be vetoed by the president. This is reprehensible and evil. The reasons given for killing Net Neutrality are all fucking bullshit. And the reasons for restoring it are legion. Which is why it's not surprising that President Trump hates it. Anything which levels the playing field for everybody works against dumbasses who have to rely on their daddy's money to get ahead in life.

       
    • Kerning Fail! Few things freak me out like bad typography...

    Kerning Failure

    You'd think that the people in charge of using type would know how. Doesn't happen as often as you'd hope though.

       
    And... that's enough bullets on your Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 609

    Posted on Sunday, April 21st, 2019

    Dave!The Easter Bunny may be bringing you chocolate and boiled eggs, but something better is in store... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Cathedral. It has been exceedingly difficult to gather my thoughts on the fire at Notre Dame. I've visited it all three times I've been to Paris, and loved it more with each trip. Such architectural wonders are a testament to mankind's accomplishments, and it is filled with sublime artistic treasures...

    Notre Dame of Paris

    Notre Dame of Paris

    Notre Dame of Paris

    Notre Dame of Paris

    I am relieved that so much of it survived. I am thankful that nobody perished in the flames. I am happy that it can be rebuilt. But I am more than a little disheartened that three Black churches being burned in Louisiana barely made the news while Notre Dame could not be escaped. Yes, three small churches don't have the renown nor the grandeur of one of the most well-known landmarks on the planet, but still... it supports the false narrative that "racism is over" when it's happening around us every day. When something is invisible, people don't care about it. I'm not saying that every incident of racism has to be reported (you'd need dozens 24-hour news channel just to keep up with it all) but three churches being targeted and burned because its parishioners are Black is newsworthy, and people who think "racism is over" need to be reminded that it's not.

       
    • Turkish Delight! While I've been spending time taking care of Jake, I've been running through foreign films on Amazon Prime Streaming. One of the best I've found kinda surprised me with not just how good it was... but with the way it had a bit of an interesting twist to it. Originally titled Kardeşim Benim in its original Turkish, it's listed on Amazon as My Brother (be sure Close Captioning (the CC button) is on)...

    If you're not an Amazon Prime subscriber, you can rent it for $3 or purchase it for $6 on iTunes. There's a sequel that was made a couple years ago that looks every bit as good, but I haven't seen it available here in the USA...

    Hopefully it gets English subtitles and shows up here soon.

       
    • Dickey! This song is lyrically embarrassing, but the animation and cast of guest voices are pretty great...

    Interesting that Lil' Dickey was the one to spearhead something like this, but here we are.

       
    • Oh Boy! I was a bit late to the Garth Ennis comic book The Boys, but found it an interesting and often enjoyable series. Yes, it was filled with gratuitous... well... everything... but in a very good way. When I heard that Amazon Prime was adapting it, I was worried the show would end up being a pale shadow of the source material. Turns out I worried for nothing...

    Savage. Needless to say, I'll be tuning into that.

       
    • Trash! Senator Maureen Walsh is fucking garbage from the heart of Redneckistan. She is the one who made an impassioned plea advocating for marriage equality in Washington State because she has a lesbian daughter. We quickly found out that she only cares about marginalized people when they affect her directly, because she subsequently went after trans persons by saying that trans kids invite getting bullied because they intentionally stand out. Now she says that nurses don't deserve workplace protections with guarantees of breaks and time for lunch because they spend most of their time playing cards. Uh huh. Ask any nurse how much time they get to play cards while busting their assess to save lives. Exhaustion breeds mistakes. Do we really want nurses pushed to exhaustion given the job responsibilities they have? Of course not. Which makes Maureen Walsh a fucking dumbass on top of being an asshole. There are few people I regret believing in more than this epic fail...

    Maureen Walsh is Fucking Garbage

    UPDATE: Yes, I do know the context of what she was talking about, it was still way out of line. You can prove your point about critical care hospitals in rural communities without degrading nurses like this. For me the greater context is that Walsh has consistently voted against things like paid sick leave, guaranteed minimum wage, and other laws protecting workers. So, despite her apology or any context, what other conclusion are people supposed to make when she says stuff like this?

       
    • Mueller? Mueller? I have a lot I could say. Maybe I will one day. In the meanwhile...

    Pretty much this link right here.

    Oh. And this tweet right here...

    I laugh my ass off at the idea that the Mueller Report in any way exonerates the president. On the contrary, it positively reeks with all the things that make him an affront to the office he holds and the country which allows him to hold it.

    UPDATE: Here we go...

       
    And 'tis time at last for the bullets to be done this fine Easter Sunday.

       

    At the End of the Game

    Posted on Friday, April 26th, 2019

    Dave!Welp.

    Avengers: Endgame was a movie alright!

    My expectations were phenomenally high for this film. Lucky for me, it was a pretty phenomenal movie and definitely lived up to all the pre-hype that Marvel has been shoveling out over the past several months. I absolutely loved it...

    Milwaukee Cordless M18 Random Orbital Sander

    Needless to say I can't really talk about the film without spoiling some of the stuff that happens.

    YOU DO NOT WANT THAT!

    Trust me. If there's one film you do not want spoiled, it's this one. So absolutely do not proceed any further until you have seen Avengers: Endgame!

    You've been warned.

    Spoilers await in an extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Rabbits, Discarded and Unloved

    Posted on Monday, May 6th, 2019

    Dave!This morning I put in three hours working at home before I walked to work, so I was already exhausted by the time I left the house. Apparently I'm better driving while exhausted over walking while exhausted because I kept tripping over stuff. Rocks, roots, raised seams in the sidewalk... getting my exercise in today is a dangerous business.

    But then, at the half-way mark, I had a heart-stopping moment that caused me to wake right up.

    As I started rounding a corner, I saw a rabbit in the middle of the road...

    Bunny in the Road!

    This is a very busy corner and, despite distracted driving laws, I regularly see people driving while texting. Driving while putting on makeup. Driving while eating a bowl of cereal. My instinct was to rush into the street and see if I could block traffic until the rabbit had a chance to get wherever it was going. But then I worried he would get scared and run away from me into oncoming traffic. So I decided to walk around it while recording video... because if some texting asshole were to run him over as I was trying to flag them down, I wanted to have footage I could use to turn them into the police.

    And then a bus started barreling around the corner and I held my breath because I had no idea what their visibility might be.

    But, much to my delight, the bus stopped. Cars coming from the opposite direction stopped. And the bunny ran back to the (relative) safety of the yard from whence he came...

    Bunny in the Road!

    As I walked along the sidewalk, I scoped out the bushes in the yard to see if I could see him. Sure enough...

    Bunny in the Bushes!

    I've lived in this town since I was five. I've seen bunnies in the wilds surrounding the town... but I've never seen a rabbit walking around civilization like this. My hope is that this is an anomaly, and he just got lost or something.

    I really hope that some asshole didn't buy a rabbit for their kids at Easter then decide it was too much work so they just kicked it to the curb. I read about this happening with bunnies and chicks every year around Eastertime, and have to wonder who the fuck could be that big of an asshole. Probably the same people who want to punish poor people for being poor, which is a reoccurring theme in today's political arena. The prevailing thought seems to be that poor people want to be poor. That poor people are lazy and don't want to work. That poor people live like royalty with their free hi-def televisions and mobile phones. That poor people are to blame for high taxes. That poor people get all the breaks while honest hard-working people get none. That poor people don't deserve healthcare or places to live or food to eat... because they're poor.

    Of course these same people tend to be the ones that persecute the shit out of our LGBT communities because of a couple passages in the Bible they think tells them it's okay... while completely ignoring the multitude of passages telling them that ignoring those in poverty is most definitely not okay. So I've given up on trying to apply rational thought to crap like this. But I don't blame myself here. Hypocrisy often defies rational thought.

       
    Over the weekend I noted that G.I. Jane (a 1997 film starring Demi Moore and Viggo Mortensen) was playing as I cycled through TV channels. I've always liked this film and have never understood the contempt that critics have for it. Demi Moore seemed highly dedicated to the role and did a fine job. Viggo Mortensen's contemptible, yet oddly complex Master Chief is one of the better movie characters I've seen. And Ridley Scott's thoughtful direction, hallmark scene composition, and wonderful cinematography is a beautiful thing to behold...

    G.I. Jane Poster!

       
    I ended up watching it, of course. Or, to be more accurate, I had it on while I was working. I quickly learned to regret my decision though, because the Ovation TV network is a steaming pile of shit*... but I hadn't seen the film in at least a decade, so I was happy to get to see it again.

    One notable thing (for me) about the movie is that it features a poem by one of my favorite poets, D.H. Lawrence. Much like Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, which features a line from a Lawrence poem along similar lines (Wales Weep Not), it provides a small (yet critical) expansion of the story.

    Rumor has it that Viggo Mortensen himself injected it into the film...

    This is absolutely remarkable if it's true, because finding out that his speech was a poem called Self-Pity and not just badass rhetoric completely changes everything about the character at the very end of the film in the best possible way...

    Self Pity by D.H. Lawrence!

    My guess is that rabbits, discarded and unloved, probably feel no self-pity as well.

    It's our job as humans to feel pity for them and we are failing miserably.

    But not on my walk to work today, thankfully.

       
    *What a fucking shitty network Ovation TV is. I swear they air more commercials per hour than any other network I've ever seen... and that's saying something. G.I. Jane has a runtime of 2 hours and 5 minutes. Ovation is taking THREE HOURS to air it. Which means anything you watch on this laughably pathetic network is ONE THIRD COMMERCIALS! And so... Ovation is being deprogrammed from my DirecTV and I'm never watching this bullshit again. It's things like this that make me want to tell cable and satellite television providers to go fuck themselves. FIRST you have to pay a massive amount of money just to GET the channel... then you have to waste your fucking time watching an abundance of ads. Ad-free streaming direct from the source is the wave of the future... like CBS All Access. If I'm going to pay a shit-load of money to watch television, why pay DirecTV to watch ads?

       

    Bullet Sunday 612

    Posted on Sunday, May 19th, 2019

    Dave!Who cares who sits on The Iron Throne... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • No Spoilers! Seven years of complex characters and world-building tossed away for a rushed and unsatisfying conclusion. Game of Thrones was HBO's most popular show of all time. You just know that money was not an issue when it came to wrapping things up. But apparently David Benioff and D.B. Weiss were tired of their show and wanted to move on, so they just hacked together some of the most mundane and lazy storytelling they could muster, crammed it into six episodes, and called it good. You'd think if they were tired and wanted to move on they would hand the show off to somebody who gives a shit, but no. This is what we got. I'll wait a week before posting my thoughts so as not to spoil things for any latecomers, but dang. Lame.

       
    • Keanu! I know more than a few people working in Hollywood. Not one of them has ever had anything but nice words to say about Keanu Reeves. He's a kind, generous soul and everybody loves working with him. On top of that he has a self-realized wisdom that makes me happy for his every success...

    John Wick: Chapter 3 was pretty kick-ass. Can't wait for Chapter 4.

       
    • Represent! When stars like Brie Larson say they are using their celebrity to insist on a more diverse, inclusive group of interviewers, they get attacked by people wanting to keep the status quo of the same voices. I find this absurd. Making room for more is not taking away from who's there now. It's making room for more. And here's the incomparable Halle Berry walking the walk and doing her part...

    How can anybody watch this and think anybody is losing here? More people winning doesn't equate to more people are losing, and it's shitty that this attitude continues to be our default. Make room at the table... your dinner party will only get more interesting.

       
    • Again. HEADLINE: Trump Tries to Win Over Midwest Farmers with Socialist Promises. Because socialism is bad when it comes to keeping people healthy or fed or housed... but good when it's used as pathetic compensation to keep your base happy due to your complete failure to understand how global trade works in the year 2019.

       
    • Hypocrisy in Action! HEADLINE: Anti-abortion Rep. Tim Murphy resigns after report he asked lover to end pregnancy...

    Make no mistake... NONE... that wealthy politicians will ALWAYS have access to safe abortions for their mistresses and family. For everybody else? Wire hangers and back alleys, baby. This hypocritical bullshit disgusts me to my core.

       
    • Evolution! Ummm...

    It's only a matter of time before they go all Plant of the Apes on our asses.

       
    And, on that apocalyptic note, see you next Sunday!

       

    Gemma in Fashion

    Posted on Thursday, May 23rd, 2019

    Dave!I used to watch Project Runway from time to time... not because I'm big into fashion but because I love Tim Gunn. When Gunn and Heidi Klum left after last season in favor of a yet-unknown project for Amazon, I stopped watching. Sure the creativity is fun, but not so much a draw that I want to spend my time watching without Tim.

    I'm just not that into fashion.

    Which would be clear to you if you've ever seen how I dress myself.

    And yet... when it comes to obsessing over a fashion icon, I'm perfectly qualified. And right now the icon I'm obsessing over is Gemma Chan. I've seen her in a few things (including Humans), but it wasn't until her entrance into Crazy Rich Asians that I saw her as the epitome of class and glamor she is...

    Gemma Chan in Crazy Rich Asians!

    Hands down one of the best entrances in a movie ever.

    But thinking that Gemma Chan can't be fashionable outside of the movies would be a mistake. She's stunning all the time everywhere and is always fashionable...

    Gemma Chan Fashion!
    Image by Getty Images

    Gemma Chan Fashion!
    Image by Hew Hood for Esquire Singapore

    Gemma Chan Fashion!
    Image by David M. Benett / Getty Images

    Gemma Chan Fashion!
    Image by Getty Images

    Heck, she even looks amazing blue in her role for Captain Marvel...

    Gemma Chan Fashion!

    Here's hoping we see a lot more of Ms. Chan before China Rich Girlfriend and Rich People Problems start shooting back-to-back next year.

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    Bullet Sunday 614

    Posted on Sunday, June 2nd, 2019

    Dave!The summer heat has arrived, but it's cool here... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Mufasa! I'm mostly indifferent to all these Disney live-action remakes, having taken a pass on Dumbo, Aladdin, Alice in Wonderland, and the rest. The exception being The Jungle Book, which was exceptional. And now there's another I will absolutely be tuning into... The Lion King. I mean, just look at this screen grab...

    Simba and Zazu from The Lion King!

    The teaser trailer sure looks great...

    And, the icing on the cake? Disney wisely got James Earl Jones to reprise the role of Mufasa...

    Simba and Zazu from The Lion King!

    While nothing could ever replace really good animation for me, really good CGI can also be fun.

       
    • Fake! I don't know what's more impressive. Bill Heder's incredible impersonations... or the "Deep Fake" technology that puts their faces over his...

    I'm going to go with "both" on this.

       
    • Codex! One of the highlights of my visit to Milan, Italy was a visit to Biblioteca Ambrosiana (Library of Ambrose) so I could view pages from the Codex Atlanticus, a collection of works and writings by Leonardo DaVinci. Much to my surprise, they've now put this master work online, which you can look at here. It's pretty spectacular stuff...

    Codex Atlanticus Online!

    Codex Atlanticus Online!

    Codex Atlanticus Online!

    All too easy to lose a lot of time exploring.

       
    • Cracker! Remember the good old days when you wanted to eat crackers in bed... AND THE FUCKING PACKAGE WOULD ACTUALLY OPEN AT THE SEAMS INSTEAD OF YOU HAVING TO RIP INTO IT LIKE AN ANIMAL?!?

    Stupid Saltine Cracker Package Won't Open!

    So stupid. How difficult is it to go back to packaging that actually opens, PREMIUM BRAND SALTINE CRACKERS?

       
    • Burnt! I guess the money for all those golf trips has to come from somewhere. But cutting wildland firefighting jobs ahead of fire seasons that just continue to get worse and worse is insanity. Guess this country is literally going to go down in flames.

       
    • Once More For the People in the Back! I've posted this before. It can't be shared enough...

    I keep seeing misinformation as to how tax brackets work over and over and over and over again. I can't believe that there are people who don't get it.

       
    And that's a wrap. if you're in the Northern Hemisphere, don't overheat!

       

    Bullet Sunday 615

    Posted on Sunday, June 9th, 2019

    Dave!The time for revolution is now... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Lander! In celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the first Apollo Moon Landing, LEGO has released this amazing new set...

    LEGO Moon Lander Set!

    It's pretty dope...

    LEGO Moon Lander Set!

    LEGO Moon Lander Set!

    LEGO Moon Lander Set!

    LEGO Moon Lander Set!

    It's also $99, which seems totally worth it, if you've got that kind of money to burn.

       
    • Saga! Speaking of LEGO... they've just announced that LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga will be released in 2020, combining all nine films in a single game...

    I'm guessing that it will be the existing Star Wars games but with new material added at the end to close out the saga. Since it is being released for the Nintendo Switch, I don't mind that at all. I'd love to replay everything from the beginning.

       
    • Lucifer! One of my favorite shows, Lucifer was cancelled, then picked up by Netflix. Apparently it did well enough that they are giving the show a fifth season to wrap everything up...

    Lucifer Season 5!

    Time to celebrate...

    Lucifer Season 5!

    It's a bit depressing that the show will finally be ending... but at least they have the opportunity to create an actually ending.

       
    • Eighty-Four! Director Patty Jenkins released a teaser poster for Wonder Woman 84 this week. One year to go before we know whether this "Not A Sequel But a Reimagining" is going to be worth a crap...

    Wonder Woman 84!

    I'd like to think it will be, especially since Jenkins is back onboard, but it's really impossible to say. Why they would toss away a continuing story for some kind of soft reboot is puzzling. Unless it's because the DC Cinematic Universe was a pile of shit and they wanted to just bury that once and for all? 360-whatever days until we find out.

       
    • Jedi Thrones! Well, this is pretty special...

    Given what a massive disappointment the final season of Game of Thrones was, I'm happy to see anything that redeems the franchise, so I'll take what I can get. In the meanwhile, there's this interesting look at how things went South.

       
    • Chase Dreams! One of the biggest surprises of the past year's television season was The Other Two, which was hilariously funny in places, despite kinda sliding late in the season...

    Still, if you're bored and want something to watch over the summer, this is worth a look. It's pretty foul and definitely not a good fit for mixed company, but you can stream it for a limited time at Comedy Central.

       
    • Fan! A bit of a different direction for MUNA here...

    Can't wait for their new album in September!

       
    Have a great Sunday!

       

    Bullet Sunday 617

    Posted on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

    Dave!The weekend's almost over, but there's still reason to celebrate... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • McFlerfin! This is a terrific read on the dumbass flerfer (Flat Earther) movement.

       
    • NOKEA! When I was in Seattle last week, I finally took a minute to drop by IKEA and pick up a nightstand for my second guest room so I don't have to steal one from the main guest room whenever somebody needs it. I swear... the quality on IKEA crap worsens with each new purchase. From when I bought these three years ago, they have gotten cheaper and less solid, even though the look is pretty much the same...

    Jake in the second guest bedroom

    But at least they gave me all the right parts so I could actually put the stupid thing together this time.

       
    • Arturo! I thought I'd give Comedy Central's new show Alternatino a try after seeing Arturo Castro (who created and stars in it) on The Daily Show. It's nuts in the best possible way... and so good. And you can watch the entire thing on Youtube!

    I have no idea if all the best ideas were put in the first episode and the rest of them are going to be crap, but I certainly hope not! Highly recommended.

       
    • King's Man! The prequel to one of my favorite films, Kingsman (and not so-favorite film Kingsman 2: The Golden Circle), was just announced. Titled The King's Man, they released the logo for it. And the kerning (spacing between letters) is total shit. So I fixed it for them...

    It's weird to me how these obvious mistakes keep happening. I mean, is it intentional? Surely they have actual designers working on this stuff... don't they? If so, then why don't they know to adjust the kerning when designing a logo? Or know how to structure it for clarity? I dunno. But it drives me more than a little nuts.

       
    • Just in time for Pride Month! Diane Gramley (President at American Family Association of Pennsylvania) is such a peach. When she's not regularly equating homosexuality to murder, she's unleashing a whole host of bizarre bullshit. Like saying that the police officers who raided Stonewall in 1969 were trying to rescue a young transgender boy. “He was being used sexually and the police were trying to rescue him.”

    Jesus.

    She's a non-stop lying hate machine. Which begs the question... exactly what is she trying to distract people from in her own life? My guess is that it's putting pineapple on pizza, which is just one step below murder. But probably bestiality. "Everybody! Don't look at me... look over there! Persecute the gays so I can get fucked by this horse." What else makes sense when somebody is this overtly homophobic? So set your stopwatches. And when Diane Gramley gets caught in a stable being fucked by a horse, remember you heard it here first!

       
    • No More Mr. Frosty! Does anybody know if there's a vaccine to inoculate against the bubonic plague and all the other dormant diseases that might be filling our atmosphere as I type this? No? Guess we're all fucked then.

       
    And I guess that's a wrap. Good luck with that bubonic plague thing!

       

    Bullet Sunday 618

    Posted on Sunday, June 30th, 2019

    Dave!Grey skies are going to clear up... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Hard Rockin'! Life is weird. I'm flipping through channels and see Suicide Squad is on. Not a fan, but I pause when I see Batman chasing Joker and Harley Quinn because they pass by a Hard Rock Cafe. I'm pretty sure it's Toronto (which has since closed) so I Google to find out what's happened to the location. I find an article on CBC talking about it.

    I AM INTERVIEWED IN THE ARTICLE...

    HRC Nottingham

    I vaguely remember somebody calling me, but I gave them a better name to talk to, and thought that was the end of it. Turns out... nope... I'm in the article and didn't even know it.

       
    • Angels! And so they're remaking Charlie's Angels, yet again. First there was the original TV show, then the Drew Barrymore films, then the awful TV show revival, and now yet another series of films...

    Meh. Maybe. Seems like the main trio is a little low on star-power for a movie. Interesting that there are three actors for Bosley listed at IMDB: Patrick Stewart, Djimon Hounsou, and Elizabeth Banks (who also directs).

       
    • Break! Okay... I am really liking this new show called Reef Break. I expected to like it just because Poppy Montgomery is the star of the series, but it's interesting and well-written on top of that...

    I wish they would have just set it in Hawaii instead of some fictional island. But with Hawaii Five-O and Magnum P.I. already there, maybe they were worried about Hawaii fatigue?

       
    • Grand! I like an occasional dip into trashy television, which is why I was intrigued by Grand Hotel... the new ABC show Executive Produced by Eva Longoria...

    The first two episodes are pretty decent. Full of mysteries, secrets, and intrigue. The problem is that shows like this usually blow all their best ideas early, then whither away as crappy new ideas are rotated in. I guess we'll see if this one has legs.

       
    • Letterman! Tiffany Haddish, whom I fell in love with after seeing her hilarious role on The Last O.G., is on an episode of David Letterman's My Next Guest Needs No Introduction. She is absolutely fascinating. I had no idea the incredible obstacles she had to overcome to get where she is today... and she's done it all with a humor that is luminous...

    Remarkable. I love shows like this.

       
    • Design! Jony Ive, the industrial designer who helped Steve Jobs reinvigorate Apple with such gems as the iMac, is leaving the company to start his own design group. Apple claims that Ive will still have Apple as a client, so apparently he will still be a guiding force in the design of Apple's wares. And that sucks. Ive is so focused on making everything pretty and thin now-a-days that he has forgotten that computers need to be functional. The keyboard on Ive's latest MacBooks is fucking garbage. My hope was that Apple would bring in somebody who gives a shit that you can actually use their products. I guess that's not going to happen. At least not yet.

    In another interesting move at Apple, they just hired ARM's lead CPU architect, Mike Filippo. The rumor is that Apple is switching from Intel to ARM as soon as next year. Given how well it's worked out when Apple started designing their own chips for iPhones, iPads, AirPods and the like, this is probably a good move.

       
    • Green! The Oregon "Cap and Invest" bill that Republicans were hiding from this last week is a bit complex. When I was trying to understand what was happening, all the articles I read said that there would be minimal impact on Oregon businesses, because the money collected would go back into helping the same businesses who are having to buy "energy credits" reduce their energy needs or switch to greener options. So it's designed to be a win-win for everybody. There are questions as to whether that would actually be the case. It's not like the corner coffee shop is going to suddenly face insurmountable increases in energy costs... businesses have to be producing 25,000 metric tons of CO2 for it to affect them... but the smaller businesses supplied by larger businesses would have higher costs passed on to them until the energy needs/supply is balanced. That could be a problem (hopefully only in the short-run). It's not the business-destroying Armageddon-painted scenario Republicans are selling (they get loads of money from the energy lobby, remember), but it's also not the cake-walk Democrats are selling. As with most thing, the story is in-between. The only difference being that the fate of all humanity is on the line here. Green energy is the future. The sooner we embrace that, the less painful it will be.

       
    And now... time to draw up plans for a week of fun in the sun. See you next Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 619

    Posted on Sunday, July 7th, 2019

    Dave!It's a glorious day to be alive... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • IN THE NEWS: Mississippi makes it a jailable offense to call plant-based or cultured-meat patties "burgers."

    Seeing as how Mississippi ranks 49th out of the 50 states in education. Perhaps it's understandable that their state government thinks the populace is TOO FUCKING STUPID TO KNOW THAT A VEGGIE BURGER ISN'T MADE FROM A COW. But are they smart enough to know that a veggie dog isn't made from a dog or do hot dogs confuse them too?

       
    • Ski! Somehow I missed this excellent short video on Jim Niehues, the guy responsible for painting so many of those ski run posters you see at all the resorts...

    Incredible stuff.

       
    • Dreaming! Any comic book series is going to have its ups and downs. A series which had less downs than usual was Neil Gaiman's Sandman. A complete reimagining of the cheesy DC Comics character...

    My favorite thing to come out of the series was Sandman's sister, Death, as she appeared in the mini-series spin-offs by Gaiman Chris Bachalo...

    Death: The High Cost of Living is easily one of my all-time favorite comic books.

    And now comes the news that Netflix has commissioned a Sandman TV show. Despite the fact that Gaiman himself will be involved, I am more than a little nervous. The series seems all but unfilmable given the visual language of Sandman's world. And the stories are wildly tied to the medium they were created for, and I question how well they will translate to television. I hope it's good. I hope Death makes an appearance...

    "A wizard attempting to capture Death to bargain for eternal life traps her younger brother Dream instead. Fearful for his safety, the wizard kept him imprisoned in a glass bottle for decades. After his escape, Dream, also known as Morpheus, goes on a quest for his lost objects of power."

       
    • German! I ran across one of my favorite Trevor Noah's Between the Scenes the other day...

    I mean, they're all good... but his wit is at its sharpest here.

       
    • Mermaids! Disney has found their latest live-action princess when they cast Halle Bailey as Ariel in The Little Mermaid. She's incredibly talented and I know of her from appearing in Grown-ish (the TV spin-off from Black-ish)...

    Halle Bailey
    Photo by Evan Agostini

    Disney, being the savvy company they are, cast who they felt was best for bringing the character to life... regardless of race. She's a Grammy nominee, for heaven's sake. But of course the bigot brigade is all #NotMyAriel because the idea of a fictional half-fish girl being played by a Person of Color is just too much for their tiny brains to process. Time will tell If Bailey will make a good Ariel. Personally I am trusting Disney on this. But holy crap... give the young woman a chance! They haven't even started filming yet! I sure hope she isn't bothered by all this nonsense.

       
    • Plus Plus! Speaking of Disney... as if the Marvel and Star Wars series in development weren't enough reason to compel me to subscribe to the Disney+ streaming service when it debuts later this year, now they've got a new series called Life and Deaf in development with one of my all-time favorite actors, Marlee Matlin. Somebody at Disney is very, very serious about competing with Netflix!

       
    Have a great Sunday!

       

    Bullet Sunday 620

    Posted on Sunday, July 14th, 2019

    Dave!I'd rather be anywhere else today, but escape is not in the cards... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • MADness! It was announced this past week that MAD magazine will end its original-content run with the August 2019 issue. After that, it's all reprints with new covers that will only be available by subscription or in comic shops. Despite not having picked up an issue in years, this is more than a little sad to me, because MAD was a huge part of my past. I bought occasional issues in the latter-half of the 1970's, but became a MAD addict after the December 1978 issue (the Star Wars musical parody issue)...

    I purchased every single issue from No. 203 through No. 250, at which time I went back to only buying issues that had material I was interested in. I also purchased every reprint book I could get my hands on, scouring the local News Agency to obtain as many as I could find by my favorite MAD contributors... like Al Jaffe, Sergio Aragonés, Don Martin, and Dave Berg... and, of course, Antonio Prohías, who was the guy behind Spy vs. Spy. It's not just my favorites that are burned into my brain... contributors like Mort Drucker, Dick DeBartolo, and Jack Davis did a huge amount of work for the magazine and were a big influence on how I saw the world.

       
    • Mushu? A gorgeous trailer dropped for the live-action version of Mulan...

    It looks like Disney put some serious money into this remake! But where's Mushu? Is Eddie Murphy coming back to voice Mulan's dragon? Is Mushu even going to BE in the film? I will be sorely disappointed if he is not. Characters like that are what make it a Disney movie.

       
    • Blown Away! I've never blown glass myself, but I love the art of it and I've been to many, many glassblowing shops. Including my idol Dale Chihuly's shop in Tacoma (and many of his installations) plus I've traveled to the "glassblowing island" of Murano in Venice so I could see the famous shops there as well. I love glass and have circled the globe to see the best of it. So you can imagine how excited I was when I learned that Netflix was developing a show called Blown Away...

    Fortunately it's a show like Forged in Fire where the focus of the series is on the artistry rather than the shitty manufactured personal drama (ala Ink Master), which makes it fun to watch. The contestants are pretty great... the massive 10-furnace facility they built to host the show is amazing... some of the pieces are truly remarkable.... and the tension and drama from breakage is high. I do have some problems, however... A) Why aren't there enough tools for everybody that they have to wait for somebody to finish at a critical juncture? Also find it strange that they have to share hot-boxes. B) I don't get how the host got this gig. What experience does he have in order to be qualified to weigh in on the judging? According to his site, he's a professional rollerblader and organic chemist? WTF? C) Why can't we hear the judges deliberate? This would go a long way towards understanding their decisions. D) Why the time limit for a GLASS art competition? I'd much rather give them enough time that they can take risks and not be finished if they break late in the game.

    Despite all that, Blown Away is still a great show if you love glass... or art... or demonstrations of skill.

       
    • Blank! Netflix keeps blowing up their original entertainment, and Blown Away is not the only thing that's new this week... we also got a movie called Point Blank, a remake of a French film starring Anthony Mackie and Frank Grillo...

    The concept is good. Mackie and Grillo are good. And money was spent on getting the action scenes right. Which is why I'm kinda puzzled as to why I feel so "meh" about the film. Perhaps because the most memorable thing about it was some truly bizarre 80's music choices. I guess I'm glad I watched it, but it didn't really grab me as I would have expected.

       
    • Aziz! And Netflix isn't done there! They also released a new stand-up special by one of my favorite comedians, Aziz Ansari...

    Aziz Ansari on Netflix

    I'm not going to lie, it was an awkward show to watch. Aziz addressed the sexual misconduct allegations which were brought against him at the very beginning. But not really. He more "acknowledged" it than really "addressed" it. But he does seem sincere about having regrets and having learned something, so I guess that's better than nothing. From there Aziz goes on to deliver a varied set covering a range of topics, and most of it is pretty funny. What's not so funny is his delivery, which is subdued and kinda sad as he sits on a stool and sometimes speaks so quietly you can barely hear him. This is a wild departure from his previous stand-up specials which were crackling with energy... but he has moments of poignancy which wouldn't have worked otherwise, so I guess it was necessary. If you're a fan, Aziz Ansari: Right Now is worth a look. But don't expect what you've been conditioned to expect from him.

       
    • Tacumentary! Last up on my parade of new Netflix shows? Las Crónicas del Taco. A documentary film on one of my favorite dishes... tacos! This trailer is in Spanish, but the documentary series has subtitles in English and French available...

    Even though I'm a vegetarian, I still found this meat-based-documentary series to be fascinating. And depressing at times when brief glimpses of the animals are shown, because the conditions they are kept is not ideal. And with six different episodes exploring the history and preparation of six different style of tacos... Pastor (shepherd-style pork), Carnitas (slow-cooked pork), Canasta (basket-stacked tacos), Asada (grilled beef), Barbacoa (barbecue pit-style), and Guisado (stew)... there's more than enough taco here for your viewing pleasure. Worth a look if you're a foodie... or even if you're not, really.

       
    • IN THE NEWS: TRUMP TAX PLAN LEADS TO $54 BILLION DECLINE IN CHARITABLE GIVING. "Many Americans want to give generously to charities, but they may not be able to afford to do so now with the changes implemented in the 2018 tax law." — The charity I work with knew that there would be a hit. Nobody had any idea it would be this bad. What's so horrible is that many charities fill in the gaps for people who are just trying to survive. As more and more people lose government assistance thanks to Trump Administration cuts, the number of people who will rely on charities increases... all while donations to these charities decreases. It's a recipe for disaster. But, hey... billionaires got tax cuts so they could gold-plate the toilets on their private jets, and that's what's important, right?

       
    • Boys from the Dwarf! If the truth be told, Red Dwarf went on longer than it should have. Things started to go downhill with Series VI, and everything that came after that was really hit or miss. But, man, those early seasons are some of my most favorite television ever, so I'm always glad to see "The Boys from the Dwarf" again... even if it's just in a commercial...

    And now I want to go back and watch the show all over again.

       
    Bon Voyage, my Sunday bullets.

       

    Bullet Sunday 621: Comic-Con Edition

    Posted on Saturday, July 20th, 2019

    Dave!Hope you like comic book super-hero movies... because a Very Special Marvel Cinematic Universe at Comic-Con Edition of Bullet Sunday (filled with post Avengers: Endgame spoilers) starts... now...

       
    • Black Widow — May 1, 2020

    Black Widow Logo

    The crowd at Hall H at Comic-Con were treated to actual footage of Black Widow's solo movie (AT LONG LAST!). Since she's, like, um... dead... the film takes place in the past, but that's better than nothing, I suppose. It's a spy-action thriller featuring Captain America villain Taskmaster and promises lots of the cool hand-to-hand combat that Natasha is famous for. As with every other Marvel film which delves into the MCU's past, there's bound to be a motherlode of clever back-story surprises for stuff that's happening in current movies. I love that. But I sure hope it doesn't detract from Black Widow, since this is likely her last major MCU appearance. I would definitely be okay if Hawkeye shows up so we can finally find out what happened in Budapest!

       
    • The Falcon and Winter Soldier — Fall, 2020 (Disney+)

    Falcon and Winter Soldier Logo

    Look... the minute that John Wick’s Derek Kolstad signed on as a writer, I didn't need to hear anything else. I love Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan in their roles, so everything else is gravy. And it looks like Marvel is serious about the flavor of that gravy because Kolstad knows how to write kick-ass action and they're bringing back Daniel Brühl as Baron Zemo. I'd pay for six months of Disney+ just to see this show.

       
    • The Eternals — Nov. 6, 2020

    Eternals Logo

    All the rumors proved to be true when Angelina Jolie walked out on the stage, confirming that she would be headlining the film about Marvel's god-like beings, The Eternals. The comic book has revised the characters so many times that I've lost count, but their astounding power is sure to make them interesting cinematic material. The cast announced was as follows... Angelina Jolie as Athena, Richard Madden as Icarus, Kumail Nanjiani as Kingo, Lauren Ridloff as Makari, Brian Tyree Henry as Fastos, Salma Hayek as Ajak, Don Lee as Gilgamesh, Lia McHugh as Sprite. I was never a huge fan of the comics, but I am interested to see how the characters will be fit into the MCU. This being Marvel, I'm guessing characters from the current movies will make an appearance, but I'm not quite sure how that's going to work. Could be that Marvel is just going to keep them entirely separate, but I doubt it.

       
    • Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings — Feb. 12, 2021

    Shang-Chi Logo

    What began as a comic book rip-off of the television show Kung-Fu (which was called Master of Kung-Fu), Shang-Chi was gradually worked into the Marvel Universe proper. Unfortunately, most times he was shoe-horned into stories in ways I didn't think worked very well. Like him showing up and training Spider-Man how to fight better or something silly like that. For the movie, it looks like Marvel is working hard to not have the character seem silly. First of all they are bringing in the real Mandarin as the villain (as opposed to the fake Mandarin from Iron Man 3). Second of all, they've added Awkwafina to the cast. That alone guarantees I'll be watching.

       
    • Loki — Spring 2021 (Disney+)

    Loki Logo

    When it was announced that Loki would be getting a series for Disney+, there was a lot of speculation as to how that would happen... seeing as how he's dead and all. But then Avengers: Endgame comes along and shows how the Loki from the past (immediately following the first Avengers movie) escapes with the Space Infinity Stone. This means the Loki we'll be seeing in this series has never experienced the events in Thor: The Dark World, Doctor Strange, Thor: Ragnarok, or Avengers: Infinity War. He's just been defeated by Thor and likely still hates him. A lot. That should prove interesting. Especially if Chris Hemsworth is kind enough to make an appearance.

       
    • WandaVision — Spring, 2021 (Disney+)

    WandaVision Logo

    Yet another show with a dead main character... this time The Vision... who perished in Infinity War. In the comics Wanda went insane when the children she conceived with Vision were erased and used her substantial powers to create an alternate reality. That could be what we end up with here. Wanda somehow creates a new reality where The Vision was never killed by Thanos. Whether Vision will be back for good at the end of the series is anybody's guess (I hope so!) but the big news to come from Comic-Con was that Teyonah Parris was cast to play an adult Monica Rambeau, and she'd be a big part of the show. Monica is the daughter of Maria Rambeau, Carol Danvers' best friend in Captain Marvel. Since that film took place in the past, she'd be all grown up in the present. Cool.

       
    • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness — May 7, 2021

    Doctor Strange 2 Logo

    Now this is interesting. Apparently the events of WandaVision will lead directly into this movie, and Scarlet Witch will be a big part of it. Sooooo... perhaps Wanda pulls a new Vision from an alternate universe which causes a big multiverse problem that Doctor Strange has to deal with? Hopefully Wong will be back. And Mordo (I want my Chiwetel Ejiofor!). Apparently this time it's a full-on horror film, which could be very interesting. If nothing else, it will be different! What I love here is how Marvel Studios is so tightly integrating the Disney+ shows into the MCU... this won't be a Netflix situation where the shows are kinda-maybe-sorta-possibly in the MCU.

       
    • Hawkeye — Fall, 2021 (Disney+)

    Hawkeye Logo

    The Matt Fraction and David Aja Hawkeye comic series is one of my favorite comic books of all time. When they announced that Disney + would be giving us a Hawkeye series, all I wanted... ALL I wanted... was to have them adapt the comic book... or at least draw inspiration from it. Well... wish granted. Not only are they using the logo from the comic book, it was announced that Kate Bishop (a character from the comics) would be in the show! They also said that we'll see more of Clint's time as Ronin between Infinity War and Endgame. Assumably a huge part of the series will be Clint dealing with the guilt of Black Widow's death, which is important. A lot of people hate that Hawkeye wasn't the one to die, so hopefully this series will change their mind as to why Hawkeye needed to live.

       
    • Thor Love & Thunder — Nov. 5, 2021

    Thor 4 Logo

    Of all the bombshells dropped in Hall H at Comic-Con, here was the big one. We knew that Chris Hemsworth was coming back as Thor... we knew that Tessa Thompson was coming back as Valkyrie... and we knew that Taika Waititi would be back to helm the whole thing. But the big surprise? NATALIE PORTMAN appeared on stage when it was announced that not only would Jane Foster be returning... she would be the new Thor! This storyline was a very good one for the comics, so I'm excited to see it happen in the MCU. In many ways, it makes sense. Chris Hemsworth has said that he wants to take time off for a while to be with his family, so this allows there to be a new Thor movie where he can play an (assumably) smaller part. It also opens the door to Original Thor appearing in Guardians of The Galaxy: Volume 3, something I'm dying to see. How great was that team-up in Endgame?

       
    • What If? — Date Unknown (Disney+)

    What If? Logo

    All we know is that this will be an animated series on Disney+ which features the voice talents of the actors who originally portrayed the characters... but since this is an alternate reality "What if this happened...???" kind of show, they won't be the characters we know. They'll be altered versions of those from the movies. In addition to Jeffrey Wright narrating the show as Uatu The Watcher, the cast announced so far has been: Hayley Atwell (Peggy Carter), Chadwick Boseman (Black Panther), Josh Brolin (Thanos), Dominic Cooper (Howard Stark), David Dastmalchian (one of Scott Lang's friends from the Ant-Man films), Michael Douglas (Hank Pym), Karen Gillan (Nebula), Jeff Goldblum (The Grandmaster), Sean Gunn (Kraglin), Tom Hiddleston (Loki), Djimon Hounsou (Korath), Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury), Toby Jones (Arnim Zola), Michael B. Jordan (Killmonger), Natalie Portman (Jane Foster), Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye), Michael Rooker (Yondu), Paul Rudd (Ant-Man), Mark Ruffalo (The Hulk), Sebastian Stan (The Winter Soldier), Chris Sullivan (Taserface), Stanley Tucci (Dr. Erskine), and Taika Waititi (Korg). No idea where they're going to go with this, but I'm interested in finding out!

       
    • Blade — Date Unknown

    Blade Logo

    At the end of the event, MCU Mastermind Kevin Feige said he was sorry he didn't have time to get into Fantastic Four, mutants (X-Men), and all the rest... but he did have one final surprise... Mahershala Ali walked out and put a Blade hat on, so apparently they're rebooting that series! Ali is a phenomenal actor (he was Cottonmouth in Luke Cage!) and is memorable in everything he does (even in small parts like in Hidden Figures). He's a fantastic successor to Wesley Snipes for the role, and I will be interested to see if they go with an R rating or drop down to a PG-13. I am really hoping for the former.

       
    And that's all she wrote from Marvel. I was disappointed that we didn't get any information on Black Panther 2, Ant-Man 3, Captain Marvel 2, Spider-Man 3, Fantastic Four, and Guardians of the Galaxy 3... but I guess you can't have everything. I'm guessing all of these will be released in 2022 and beyond, which seems like a long, long time away.

    The surprising thing here is that there are only two new Marvel movies for 2020, and they're far from heavy hitters (Black Widow and The Eternals). This feels like a misstep, but maybe everybody has to catch their breath after Infinity War/Endgame? Oh well. Looks like Disney+ will be taking up the slack. I was really hoping that once the FOX acquisition was finalized that Marvel Studios might move from three movies a year to four movies a year, which would still be less super-hero flicks than when both studios were actively producing them.

    And that leaves Iron Man. Obviously they're going to have a new one at some point. My guess is that they will let the character rest for a while first. But seeds will have to be planted. Pepper Potts is pretty much out now that Gwyneth Paltrow wants out. Will they make it be Riri Williams as Ironheart?

    As for what's still missing in the MCU that I want to see?

    • Alpha Flight. Canada's super-hero team, which was done so very well in the Scott Lobdell and Clayton Henry run.

    • Moon Knight. This is essentially Marvel's Batman. If they got the right actor, this could be a really interesting addition.

    • Namor. This is essentially Marvel's Aquaman... with arguably a more interesting take on an undersea hero.

    • Ms. Marvel. Might be a better fit for Disney+ but I still want to see Kamala Khan in the MCU.

    • Power Pack. Super-power kids? The perfect animated series for Disney+ methinks.

    • Captain Britain. And if he wanted to bring along Excalibur, Britain's super-team, that would be great!

    • Longshot Another perfect property for Disney+, this is a really fun character and one few mainstream audiences seem to know about.

    Eventually they need to reboot The Defenders back into the MCU as well, don't they? At the very least Daredevil and Luke Cage!

    And that's a wrap. So many Marvel bullets to look forward to, but I'm always wanting more.

       

    Endgame and Again

    Posted on Wednesday, July 31st, 2019

    Dave! I wrote about Avengers: Endgame after watching it at the theater.

    But when it was released on digital earlier this week, I decided to give it another look... then another look... so I could comment on it in a bit more linear fashion.

    I still feel it's an amazing movie.... and even more amazing accomplishment...

    Avengers Endgame Movie Poster

       
    Obviously there's going to be an abumndance of spoilers, so you've been warned...

    Spoiler Zone!

    The opening of the movie acts as a good recap of where we left off in Infinity War but, thankfully, isn't repetitive. Then Captain Marvel shows up, you realize that the Avengers she met in the Captain Marvel mid-credits scene ("Where's Fury?") must have sent her to find any off-planet Avengers survivors, and we're off to the races. The idea that the Earth Avengers and Space Avengers have no idea which of their teammates survived "The Snap" is pretty gutting. Especially when you get to Rocket comforting Nebula. And watching Rocket in these opening scenes just boggles my mind. You simply do not question that he's an actual character on-par with everybody else in the film. And he's a raccoon! Talk about movie magic.

    Right from the start of Endgame you can tell that the entire purpose of the film is to wrap up everything which came before it. There's never-ending echos to past movies, and true fans are constantly being rewarded. This is pretty wild when you consider that Captain Marvel, easily the most powerful character in the entire film and the lynchpin for dealing with Thanos, hadn't even shot her solo movie when Endgame was being made. How everybody collaborated to make her appearance here sync up power-wise, visual-wise, and tone-wise with the Captain Marvel movie is the true marvel of Marvel Studios. There are single films which lack this kind of consistency. But here's Marvel making it look (relatively) effortless across 22 films (23 if you count Spider-Man: Far From Home).

    Nowhere is Marvel's cohesiveness more visible than when Nebula is on-screen. She is a bit-part villain from a D-List comic book which has now become a central figure in the biggest super-hero team-up in cinematic history. It's so jaw-dropping amazing that I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. Yes, Marvel had a master plan to use Infinity Gems as MacGuffins in all their films from very early on with the intent of somehow tying them all together in the end, but the fact that they managed to pull it all of this well? Thank you Kevin Feige.

    Back to Captain Marvel... it's fairly easy to see how her off-the-charts power level is going to be challenging going forward. The current solution seems to be to have her be "off-planet and unavailable" but that's going to get really tired really fast. I mean, come on... just look at her when they're off to attack Thanos! How many problems couldn't she solve in five minutes? Sure it's cool how totally confident she is, how kick-ass she is, how powerful she is... and her glowing aura is giddy-inducing wonderful... but I'm more than a little curious to see how she's going to play out in the future of the MCU.

    Killing Thanos in the first twenty minutes is pretty ballsy, but it definitely leaves you wondering where they're going to go from here if the main villain of the movie is gone. And little did we suspect...

    Five Years Later.

    And lo did a rat activate the Quantum Tunnel which freed Ant-Man from being trapped in The Quantum Realm! It's funny to think about how Ant-Man ends up being the key to absolutely everything, but that's how Marvel rolls. They find surprising ways to make small characters have big impact in the grand scheme of things. Fortunately, they've got the ample acting chops of Paul Rudd behind the character or these scenes of "life after The Snap" would have rang hollow (ditto for Scarlett Johansson, who has a handle on somebody being haunted like nobody's business).

    At the 30-minute-mark, Scott Lang shows up at Avengers Compound and the movie starts for real.

    It also shows its hand.

    Because the minute that I saw how much time they were devoting to Tony Stark's happy post-Snap life, I knew... knew... he was a goner. Luckily, Robert Downey Jr. gives the performance of a lifetime and totally sells it. Watching him interact with his daughter... with Pepper... with his former teammates... it's all so... beautiful?... I guess is the word I'm looking for? Tony's character arc over the past decade has totally come full-circle, and it's everything you could hope for. And speaking of story arcs...

    Here we are introduced to Smart Hulk... the merging of The Hulk and Bruce Banner. It's a wonderful coda to Bruce Banner's arc through all the Marvel Studios films. Finally, at long last, Banner and Hulk are at peace and living in harmony. It's also a terrific starting point for new Hulk stories (should we be lucky enough to get them). What's even more remarkable than Smart Hulk is the absolutely mind-blowing computer graphics which brought him to life. Flawless. His every facial expression is realized to such a degree that the whole "Uncanny Valley Effect" is minimized. At no point did he take me out of the story. It's just... all Mark Ruffalo all the time.

    If there's a scene which illustrates just how deftly Marvel manages to work humor into their stories, it's the time travel experiments with Scott. It's funny, but it's not just being injected at random for the sake of being funny (like the horrific Joss Whedon "humor" that was shoe-horned into DC's Justice League after the fact). Marvel's humor feels like it has purpose and is there to advance and serve the story. And that's why it succeeds. Plus we get Smart Hulk handing out tacos!

    If you didn't think that Tony Stark was going to die after watching his family scenes, you definitely knew it when he handed Cap his shield back.

    The reunion between Hulk and Valkyrie, completely cementing Thor: Ragnarok even further into the MCU grand narrative, is one of the rare moments in the film that had me scrambling for an explanation. In Ragnarok, Bruce didn't remember anything about his 5 years as The Grandmaster's "beloved champion." But here he does. Which means that when Banner and Hulk merged, the result has memory experience of both? That's gotta be the stuff of nightmares.

    I read more than a few comments about how Thor's weight gain was just a way to make fun of heavier people. I didn't see this at all. The result of Thor's PTSD actually seemed like it was handled with great thought and care... even if there were some comments made by other characters which were pretty mean and played for laughs. What did bother me was the whole "shake it off and move on" attitude that was leveled at poor Thor. That seems deliberately cruel and unjust. After what he's been through, you'd expect a bit more empathy from his friends. On the bright side, this is yet another remarkable performance by Chris Hemsworth which has me dying to see more Thor.

    Clint Barton's descent into a murdering vengeance-seeking bastard seems a bit forced but, seeing as how the guy lost his entire family, perhaps it's not such a stretch. This "Ronin" persona is kinda-sorta from the comics, but it makes even less sense in this film. Why in the hell would Hawkeye give up the bow and arrow with which he reigns supreme? Obviously the ramifications of Endgame will be explored in the Hawkeye series on Disney+, so I guess they can afford to short-change his character here... but it still seems wild how his character could change so much with so little explanation.

    And here's where we get to how time travel works in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

    I'm saving my thoughts on how it works for further down the page, but suffice to say I really like what they've done here. It makes perfect sense. Regardless, we get current Avengers going back into earlier Marvel Studios movies, and how cool is that?

    Ahead to the Past.

    And here's where the fun begins...

    ANT MAN, IRON MAN, & CAPTAIN AMERICA: The "behind the scenes" of what happened after the Battle of New York was kinda cool... but hands-down the best moment was how Cap managed to secure the scepter from Hydra. Right before Robert Redford makes a guest appearance! I was even more surprised by this than I was at seeing The Ancient One! And of course this is where Loki from the past becomes the new Loki, allowing him to appear in his Disney+ series while not negating his death in Avengers: Infinity War. Clever that. Almost as clever as "America's Ass."

    SMART HULK: The amount I died when Smart Hulk was "smashing" to impersonate his more rage-fueled earlier self was pretty huge. Then he goes to retrieve the Time Stone and the first of many guest-appearance bombshells is dropped... The Ancient One is back! Mainly as a way to explain how time works in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Again. Which, again, I will comment on further down the page.

    THOR & ROCKET: Frigga coming back to help Thor in the way only a mother can was exceedingly sweet. Finally, here's somebody not making fun of Thor for being traumatized by what he's experienced and genuinely trying to help. At least until she told him to eat a salad. We also get the tiniest of appearances by Natalie Portman's Jane Foster, which was nice. And was probably due to her coming back for Thor: Love and Thunder.

    NEBULA & RHODEY: They could have easily come up with a way to remove the Power Stone without stripping the shell off of Nebula's robotic arm, but it's actually a genius move because it will be an easy visual cue for distinguishing "good" Nebula from her "bad" past-self. Out of all the teams, this is the one that gets a lot complex in a little amount of time thanks to Thanos of the time finding out what The Avengers are up to.

    IRON MAN, & CAPTAIN AMERICA: Well this was an added bonus. We get guest appearances not only by 1970's hippie Stan Lee and Farrah-hair Hank Pym... but Howard Stark and Peggy Carter as well! Seeing as how Tony dies and Steve ends up retired, I suppose it's only fitting that they get to reconcile the relationships which most haunt them.

    BLACK WIDOW & HAWKEYE: I realize that the only way to make victory ring true would be for some sacrifices to be made along the way... but Black Widow? Like Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury, she's the glue that holds all the movies together. Unlike Nick Fury, Natasha has been pretty much shafted over the years. She exists only to forward other characters' stories without getting much of story of her own. Sure they are remedying that by finally giving her her own film, but she's forever stuck in the past now, and that's lame. She deserved a future in the MCU after how she's been there for literally everybody else, and now she ain't got one. Still, given how The Soul Stone works, I guess somebody had to die. I don't know that Hawkeye would be a better choice, so maybe this was the right choice. I certainly feel it more than if it had been Clint. But I'm still bitter about it.

    Avengers Assemble!

    I'll try to ignore the question of how The Milano (ship to The Guardians of the Galaxy) has evaporated only to appear again at the end of the film... let's just assume that Clint shrunk it again before he went forward in time. And it seems weird it is that The Infinity Gauntlet conveniently courses with gamma radiation just like The Hulk, giving him the ability to wield it... whatever. What I'd like to focus on is how Ant-Man has the ability to shrink... then grow into Giant-Man... when it was made abundantly clear that he was out of Pym particles? This gaping plot hole is ridiculously easy to see, and yet it was totally ignored. And Janet VanDyne was absolutely not wearing The Wasp suit when she was dusted (I checked) so where did she get her Pym Particles?

    The final battle was pretty phenomenal, all things considered.

    Even when you give a pass to Captain America being able to lift Thor's hammer. There's plenty of comic book history precedent for Steve being able to wield Mjölnir. Heck, the MCU hinted that it was possible back in Avengers: Age of Ultron. It was a smart way to give Captain America the ability to take on Thanos which was believable. What I don't understand is how he got to control lightning with it. As explained by Odin in Thor: Ragnarok, Thor himself is where the lightning comes from, and Mjölnir merely allows him to focus it more easily. Perhaps Mjölnir has some kind of residual lightning charge which makes this possible, but it still seems an odd thing to have happen. How does Cap even know how to make the lightning work? How does he know how to summon Mjölnir in the first place?

    No other point in the movie hit more of an emotional note with me than when Cap is facing horrific odds all alone against Thanos and his entire army... than when he hears Sam say "On your left" through his earpiece. That's yet another nod to a past MCU film (Winter Soldier). It's the turning point of the entire movie, and any fan of the past decade will be cheering.

    Back in Civil War when Hawkeye is facing off against Black Panther, an opponent for which he's badly outmatched, he buys time by saying "We haven't been introduced. My name is Clint." Black Panter says "I don't care." and proceeds to start pummeling his ass. During the Endgame final battle, Black Panther wants the Infinity Gauntlet and says "Clint, give it to me," at which point I got the warm fuzzies. Awwwwwww. T'Challa remembered his name! He must care a little bit after all!

    Poor Wanda. She has to deliver the same line to Thanos that she gave to Ultron. Lucky for her, she's definitely got the power to back up any threat she makes, and having her battle Thanos was pretty sweet.

    Spider-Man bringing back "instant-kill" from Homecoming was an LOL moment for me.

    Captain Marvel gets the entrance to beat all entrances, and watching her decimate Thanos's ship all by her lonesome was pretty epic. Though not quite as epic as it would have been had we not already seen her so that in Captain Marvel. Still, having her be the only one who can truly go toe-to-toe with Thanos via brute force was more than enough.

    The "Ladies of the MCU" moment may have been artificial and manufactured, but I just don't care. We've come a long way from when Black Widow was the sole female super-hero in the MCU.

    And then we reach the end of the battle when Doctor Strange tells Tony that this is the moment.

    I really, really, wish somebody had laughed at Thanos as his shit faded away.

    Ending Endgame!

    Rumor has it that Tony originally had dialogue as he lay dying. Robert Downey Jr. felt it would be more powerful if there was nothing left for him to say... his actions and sacrifice speaking more than words ever could... and he's absolutely right. Watching as the beginning of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe from the very first film has his life fade away was about as powerful way to close out The first decade as we could have hoped for.

    The reactions from the characters at Tony's service are interesting... as is the order which they appear. His family is first, of course. Followed by his closest friends. Followed by Captain America, who has seen many, many soldiers die in battle, and you kind of get that perspective on his face... stoic, but showing loss. Since Peter Parker is just a kid, I'm glad they had Aunt May there for him. Thor has experienced loss that nobody else here could possibly fathom, so Hemsworth gave him an unease that is perfectly fitting. Smart Hulk's more emotional response was exactly what was needed to drive home that this Hulk is very different from the early days of the character. Doctor Strange is in the unique position of knowing that he essentially sent Tony to his death, but also knows there was literally no other possible way to win this. The Ant-Man "family" had little to do with Tony Stark, so they appear a bit more detached, as they should be. The Guardians of the Galaxy have the most interesting response. All but Quill are aliens, and their perspectives on death are undoubtedly far removed from ours, which is smartly reflected. Note that Gamora is gone, her character having reverted back to a more raw state (something confirmed in the deleted scenes). Also note that Nebula gets a longer shot than most, which is apt considering how she is closest to the entire Infinity Saga and crucial to how it played out. Black Panther, Okoye, and Shuri's presence representing Wakanda is appropriately stately and reserved. Clint and his family here are a bit more affected than you'd expect... until you realize that this goodbye is more about Natasha to them than Tony Stark. Sam and Bucky, who have done nothing but fight since they met, have common ground here, leading directly into their upcoming Disney+ series, I'm sure. Wanda, likewise, is probably thinking more about losing Vision than Tony, but that too is leading into a Disney+ series. The young guy standing alone confused some people, but I recognized him immediately as Harley, the kid from Iron Man 3, and I'm glad they thought to add him here. I completely missed Maria Hill and General Ross when I saw the film in theaters, but it makes sense they're here. Captain Marvel is the one character who feels a bit out of place, yet it would be strange if she weren't here given her impact on the final battle. And then there's Nick Fury, the glue that holds the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe together saved for last. Perfect.

    It was nice at the end to acknowledge that Tony wasn't the only one who sacrificed his life. Black Widow and Vision are gone as well. Though Black Widow has a movie coming up, and Vision is assumably a part of the WandaVision Disney+ series.

    Valkyrie becoming queen of New Asgard is absolutely fitting, and sure to be explored in the upcoming Thor: Love and Thunder. Having Thor rejoin the "Asguardians of the Galaxy" should have interesting consequences going forward for both these franchises.

    And... here's the end-end-end of the movie. Cap heads back with the Infinity Stones to prevent new realities from ever forming, Hulk acknowledges that he misses Natasha, and Falcon is given Old Cap's shield (from an alternate reality, see below) so he can become the new Captain America. Of course Bucky is there, which is a jumping off point for the new Falcon and Winter Soldier Disney+ series. Neat!

    The End!

    Paradoxically Speaking?

    After the movie debuted, fanboys immediately got their panties in a bunch because of Steve Rogers' decision to go back in time and lives a life with Peggy Carter that he would have had if he hadn't been frozen in ice for decades. "THIS CONFLICTS WITH PEGGY SAYING THAT SHE MARRYING SOMEBODY STEVE RESCUED IN THE FIRST MOVIE!" and "STEVE ERASED PEGGY'S LIFE WITH HER HUSBAND AND KIDS! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!" Except... he didn't. As the movie went into meticulous detail explaining, that's not what happens with time travel disruptions in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. As explained by Hulk and Nebula to Ant-Man and Rhodey before they experiment on Clint... any change to the past creates an alternate reality...

    This was such an important point for the story that they had The Ancient One re-explain it to The Hulk. The writers literally provided visuals to make it crystal clear...

    Which is why I go crazy every time I hear a new diatribe on Captain America's time travel being a plot-hole. Let's break this down one more time, shall we? If you go to the past, the future becomes your past, so the future can't be changed. So when you change something in the past (like take an Infinity Stone), a new reality is created where that Infinity Stone has disappeared from existence. In order to fix this, Captain America went back in time and returned the stones to a point before any changes would create a new reality. Namely, he returned them to immediately after they were taken in the first place. This closed the loop and the new reality which was created then fades away because it never existed...

    Visual representation of Infinity Stone time travel in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

    It's an incredibly simple concept.

    And it applies to Steve Rogers' journey back in time as well.

    At the end of Endgame, Steve returns the Infinity Stones and all the new realities created by their removal no longer exist. He then goes back in time to the late 40's or early 50's... before Peggy Carter got married and had kids... to live out his life with her. As clearly stated, this change creates a new reality where Steve is the one who marries Peggy. His original reality... the reality of all the Marvel Studios movies... where Peggy got married to some other guy, had kids, got dementia, then died... still exists because, to Steve, it's the past. And after Peggy died and Steve was ready to return to his original reality, he traveled back into the past BEFORE the new reality was created... then traveled into the future of the original reality as an old man (which is what we see at the end of the movie)...

    Visual representation of Captain America time travel in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

    So does this mean that other reality where he married Peggy was erased? NO! because now that is in Steve's past! That reality is still there too. An alternate reality which may or may not be revisited in future Marvel films.

    It all makes perfect sense, and everything works exactly as it was spelled out in the movie. If there's a plot-hole here, it's that the objects which the stones were encased were forgotten...

    I love that YouTube Channel. And, no, I have no clue as to what happened in the new reality which was created when Loki escaped with the Space Stone. Perhaps that will be addressed in his Disney+ series? Because unless he crosses back over into the primary reality, that's where he is now. Our Loki is still dead. I guess I'll just ignore it all until we actually get the series.

    And yet...

    WHERE DID OLD CAP'S SHIELD COME FROM?!? If he brought it from the new reality he created when he went back to be with Peggy... if he found his other-dimensional-self in the ice there, then dug up the shield, but left himself frozen... does that Captain America not get a shield when he is rescued from the ice in the future? Or maybe Old Cap waits until New Reality Cap wakes up, then asks himself for the shield so he can take it back to his original reality, leaving New Reality Cap with nothing? Or did he go to New Reality Wakanda and convince them to make him a second shield so he had one to take back with him? That would have been interesting to see. Or... best theory... New Reality Captain America dies, and Old Cap retrieves the shield? Who the heck know? Regardless, it's incredibly lame that this gaping plot hole was left dangling. One can only hope that the New Reality Steve created will be revisited in future MCU films so we can have an answer... or ten.

    Final Thoughts.

    Given the nature of comic books, there's nothing to say that Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Natasha Romanoff can't return in future movies, even though somebody new will undoubtedly be taking up their super-hero mantles (ala Sam becoming Captain America). They could come back in dream sequences... flashbacks... resurrections... alternate reality versions... whatever. Black Widow's movie takes place entirely in the past, so that's yet another way to have them come back. Though, to be honest, it's probably more powerful if their characters aren't brought back. That kinda cheapens their sacrifice and will diminish their legacies.

    So... good flick. Impossible flick given the complexities of juggling so many Marvel Studios franchises, a decade of history, and dealing with the astronomically high expectations of Marvel fans. For the most part, it feels like they succeeded. I certainly had no complaints walking out of the movie theater... or turning off my AppleTV.

    As for the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Well, if Spider-Man: Far From Home is any indication, it's going to be just fine. Hopefully Kevin Feige will find a way to pull another rabbit out of the battered old hat with weak series like The Eternals and Shang-Chi in the pipeline. Hey, he sure managed it with Guardians of the Galaxy!

    Here's hoping the next decade is even half as exciting as the first.

       

    Far From Home and Alone

    Posted on Thursday, August 1st, 2019

    Dave!I saw Spider-Man: Far From Home quite a while ago.

    But then I got busy and there never seemed to be time to sit down and write up my thoughts on it. So I just kept jotting down notes until I managed to get enough to put them in an entry. Overall I liked the movie quite a lot. Though it hasn't displaced Homecoming as my favorite MCU Spider-Man film, there was still a lot to love...

    Needless to say, spoilers will follow...

    Spoiler Zone!

       
    Spiderman: Far From Home is a pretty great flick. I don't know that I like it better than Spider-Man: Homecoming, because that film was about as flawless as it gets, but Far From Home is a close second. Jon Watts keeps knocking Spider-Man out of the park, and I couldn't be happier about it.

    Let's just bullet-point the major talking points here...

    • Tom Holland remains a flawless choice for Peter Parker / Spider-Man. First of all, he's convincing as a high school kid, which is what was missing from the previous Spider-Man films where he was an adult. Starting out as a kid is what makes Spider-Man different, and is what should be embraced. Finally we're getting that.
    • Zendaya may be underused (again), but she's got the talent and drive to make the most of every second she's on screen. I absolutely love her character, and having her discover Spider-Man's identity the way she did was pretty great.
    • I actually liked Ned better in this film even though he had a better part in the previous film. In Homecoming Ned was the "Man In The Chair" helping Spider-Man out, but that felt kinda intrusive to me. Now that Ned is just Peter's friend again (albeit one who knows his secret identity) I think he works better.
    • Happy Hogan is as critical to the MCU Spider-Man as Aunt May is, and working him in to the story they way they did was sublime. I sure hope they find ways to keep him around the MCU like this now that Iron Man is out of the picture.
    • Reimagining Mysterio the way they did was both disappointing and the smartest thing about the film. In the comics, Quentin Beck is a Hollywood stuntman and special effects artist. When he was rejected as an actor, he decided to use his ability to create movie illusions to become a super-criminal. That would take a lot to explain in a 2-hour movie, so the rumor was that they were going to reinvent him as a failed stage magician who uses magical illusions to commit crimes. While this would be a more plausible idea in a day-and-age where the vast majority of movie special effects are computer-generated, I don't know that what they ultimately came up with was better. Turns out Mysterio is actually an entire team of former Stark employees who feel wronged by Tony Stark. They combined their various talents to create a new hero so they could con the world into doing whatever they wanted to do. A part of me was like... um... you're creating some of the most advance tech on earth and can make people see whatever you want to see. Why not just covertly do whatever you want to do? Why create Mysterio at all, if this is your goal? Doesn't that just draw attention to you? It's kinda silly.
    • It used to be that I would thrill to how Marvel Studios keeps integrating all their films so tightly. I'd be all "HOW COOL IS IT THAT THE REASON THIS HAPPENED IN THIS MOVIE IS BECAUSE THAT HAPPENED IN THAT MOVIE?!?" But now that they're pulling random background people from older movies to create Team Mysterio, it's getting kinda lame. Oh look! It's the science guy that Obadiah Stane yelled at in the first Iron Man movie! Yay? Keep integrating all the Marvel films into a coherent universe for these MCU characters? Yes please! Start pulling out random background extras so you can build these connections? Nah. We're good.
    • That being said, Jake Gyllenhaal was pretty great as Quentin Beck though, right? His entire character arc hinged on him being a Tony Stark mentor replacement for Peter Parker. He had to get that just right, or the movie's premise would fail. Once he put on the EDITH glasses, Quentin's greatest illusion was complete, and you totally buy why Peter handed over EDITH to him. Brilliant casting.
    • When it comes to the EDITH glasses, however, I don't really get it. Assumably Tony built this massive drone defense system in case there's a dire threat to all humanity. Good idea. But the fact that it's useless without EDITH to control it is insane. What then... if Peter Parker dies then the system which could have helped thwart an alien invasion just sits there because the only guy who could control it is six feet under? Isn't that a bit crazy? How does that make sense? I dunno. Maybe upon Peter's death EDITH goes to Rhodey or something but, so far as plot points go, this still feels kinda nuts.
    • Another thing that seemed nuts? The crazy-ass coincidences that plague this movie. Ned and Betty just HAPPEN to be in the Ferris wheel which just HAPPENS to be where the merged elemental appears? And it just HAPPENS to be made out of the metal the elemental needs to grow more powerful so it gravitates towards it? MJ just HAPPENS to be standing where the ONLY hologram projector falls off? I mean, I get it. I read Edgar Rice Burroughs, so I know that a never-ending string of coincidences can make good fiction. But with a little more thought put into these things, it seems as though we'd have a much tighter narrative where blatant coincidences aren't required to move the story forward.
    • Nick Fury is always a welcome addition to any MCU film. How they manage to always find such smart ways to integrate him into the movies is a mystery, but I'm thankful they don't feel at all gratuitous. Not yet anyway.
    • Spider-Man's "spider sense" (branded "The Peter Tingle" in the movies) which alerts him to impending danger has always felt like a stretch in the comics. The idea is that spiders seem to be able to predict when you're about to smash them, because they always seem to be able to get out of the way first. And that's clever. In real-life it doesn't work like that (I think spiders are just sensitive to air movement and pressure changes which gives them the illusion of having a spider sense), so I was happy when the concept was seemingly abandoned in the MCU. But here it is, and it's just as inexplicable and sloppy as it's always been. Abandoned most of the time Peter should be sensing danger... but suddenly making an appearance when the writers need a way for Spider-Man to see through Mysterio's illusions. That's just a lazy crutch, and I think the movies are poorer for it.
    • I think we're at a point where the idea of amping up the action for each new Marvel film has finally reached a breaking point. Some of the action sequences in Far From Home were almost incomprehensible because there's so much going on so quickly that you can't wrap your head around it. When Spider-Man is whipping around at break-neck speeds and still able to dodge drones and handle three problems at the same time, that's his enhanced speed and reflexes doing their thing. But the audience doesn't have enhanced speed and reflexes.

    If there were no huge surprises to be found in the film proper, there was one heck of a bombshell that dropped in the mid-credits sequence. First they had Mysterio reaching up from the grave to paint Spider-Man as the bad guy. This is straight out of the comics I read in the 1980's. Because in the Spider-Man comics back then (maybe even today), even when Peter wins, he ultimately loses. There's always bad to go along with the good.

    Then, of course, Spider-Man's secret identity was revealed. Whoa. I like that Marvel is ditching all these stupid secret identities which feel so antiquated now... but Spider-Man is an actual kid, and this seems like a pretty Big Deal. I am very much curious to know where they go from here.

    And now for some random bullets...

    • Whitney Houston's cover of Dolly Parton's I Will Always Love You (at the opening) and The Go-Go's Vacation (at the end) were note-perfect choices. We also got more of The Ramones with I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend (using their Blitzkrieg Bop in Homecoming remains my second favorite Marvel music cue... second only to Immigrant Song in Thor: Ragnarok). I don't know how the 80's songs keep making their way into these movies, but I'm pretty happy about it.
    • A shout-out to Martin Starr, who plays Mr. Harrington. Starr manages to play the semi-clueless teacher in a way that's charming more than stupid, and I don't think many actors could pull that off as well. Casting him out of Silicon Valley is right up there with Tom Holland and Zendaya to me, because the wrong choice would have ripped you out of the movie every time he shows up.
    • Turning the Netherlands into the European Canada seemed distracting and unnecessary, and any humor that they think came from it fell pretty flat.
    • Thank heavens Peter's Iron Spider costume was left at home. He's got enough powers... more than enough powers... without having Iron-Man-like enhancements on top of it all. I was really, really hopeful that once we watched it all fall apart in Avengers: Endgame, we'd never be seeing it again.

    And that's a wrap.

    Time to update my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard...

    Ant-Man... A
    Ant-Man and The Wasp... A-
    Aquaman... B-
    The Avengers... A+
    Avengers: Age of Ultron... A
    Avengers: Infinity War... A
    Avengers: Endgame... A+
    Batman Begins... A
    Batman Dark Knight... A+
    Batman Dark Knight Rises... A
    Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice... D
    Big Hero Six... A+
    Black Panther... A+
    Blade... B
    Blade 2... B
    Blade Trinity... B-
    Captain America... A+
    Captain America: The Winter Soldier... A+
    Captain America: Civil War... A+
    Captain Marvel... B+
    Catwoman... F
    Daredevil... B-
    Daredevil (Director's Cut)... B+
    Deadpool... A
    Deadpool 2... A
    Doctor Strange... A
    Electra Woman and Dyna Girl... B-
    Elektra... D
    Fantastic Four (2005)... C
    Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer... D
    Fantastic Four (2015)... D+
    Guardians of the Galaxy... A+
    Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2... A
    Ghost Rider... C
    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance... D
    Green Hornet... D
    Green Lantern... C+
    Hellboy... A
    Hellboy 2: Golden Army... A
    Hulk... C-
    Incredible Hulk... B
    The Incredibles... A+
    Iron Man... A+
    Iron Man 2... A-
    Iron Man 3... A+
    Jonah Hex... F
    Justice League... F
    Kick-Ass... B+
    Kick-Ass 2... B-
    Man of Steel... F-
    Punisher... C+
    Punisher War Zone... C
    Scott Pilgrim vs. The World... C
    Spider-Man... B+
    Spider-Man 2... A
    Spider-Man 3... D-
    Amazing Spider-Man... D
    Amazing Spider-Man 2... D-
    Spider-Man: Homecoming... A+
    Spider-Man: Far From Home... A
    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse... A
    Suicide Squad... D
    Superman Returns... C+
    Thor... B+
    Thor: The Dark World... B
    Thor: Ragnarok... A+
    Watchmen... B
    The Wolverine... B
    Wonder Woman... A
    X-Men... C
    X-Men 2: United... D
    X-Men 3: Last Stand... F-
    X-Men Origins: Wolverine... D
    X-Men: First Class... B
    X-Men: Days of Future Past... B-
    X-Men: Apocalypse... D+

       

    Bullet Sunday 624

    Posted on Sunday, August 11th, 2019

    Dave!You are not ready... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • "You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down." I was sad to learn that Toni Morrison has passed away. I read her first novel, The Bluest Eye, after graduating high school. I was looking for new voices to expand my thinking and Morrison absolutely fit that bill. She was a master of the written word, able to construct beautiful prose which can inspire you one minute then destroy you the next. Beloved, her gut-wrenching fictional account of an escaped slave who is haunted by her past, won a slew of awards (including a Pulitzer), and is essential reading. When it comes to voices defining this country, Toni Morrison will definitely be missed.

       
    • Alien! If you love the movie "Alien," you should know that J.W. Rinzler's massive The Making of Alien book is on sale at Amazon for $33... regular $60. It is incredible. Easily on-par with Rinzler's other "Making of" books (like Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back). Absolutely everything that went into making the film is thoroughly covered. So many amazing pre-production design drawings by H.R. Giger and many others... tons of behind-the-scenes photos... all kinds of insights into the production from people who were there... it's all so well done...

    The book cover to The Making of Alien with the DAVE APPROVED sticker on it.

    Seriously, this book is easily worth $60. It's a downright steal at $33. Love love love it.

       
    • Epidemic Scary as hell... and getting scarier. Big Pharma is destroying us, and politicians sucking Big Pharma lobbyist cock are looking the other way...

    Lobbyist payola should be banned. Any politician accepting lobbyist payola should be shot for treason.

       
    • Rookie. Well this fucking sucks. Afton Williamson is a huge reason I love The Rookie so much. This past week she quit the show, alleging that she endured sexual assault and racism while working on it...

    Afton Williamson as police officer Talia Bishop on The Rookie holding a gun and about to kick ass.

    WTF is wrong with people? And WTF is wrong with ABC for not creating a safe environment for their employees? This is such a great show and, to be honest, I can't really picture how it can continue without Talia Bishop. It probably can't. At least not for me.

       
    • The Truth is Out There. While I would have preferred to get a sequel to Paul, I will absolutely take Truth Seekers, a new ghost-hunting show from Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Amazon Prime seems to be serious about investing real money into some top=shelf talent for their streaming programs, and this should definitely (hopefully) be a feather in their cap.

       
    • Bro! I have been far from a fan of Bernie Sanders. While some of his ideas make sense, he's always been past the "tipping point" on the Democrat scale for me. Then I saw this interview by Joe Rogan where he was given time to actually explain his positions and... I have to say... I'm warming up to him as a candidate. No, he likely won't get to do all the things he wants to do because he has Congressional approval to deal with, but I do think he would move this country in a more healthy direction. He certainly couldn't be worse than what we have now...

    In other news? Please let Joe Rogan interview all the candidates. These idiotic "debates" that keep happening are less than useless.

       
    Bye bye bye, Bullet Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 625

    Posted on Sunday, August 18th, 2019

    Dave!Prepare to be launched into a Galaxy far, far away... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Falcon Maps! It's interesting how the advent of Google Maps' "Aerial View" has forced Disney to change the way they build their theme parks. Originally, construction was treated like a movie set, where everything is just a big facade. The only thing that was themed is what people see. The best way to explain this is Main Street, where the dozens of little buildings you see on the ground are revealed to essentially be two giant buildings...

    An aerial view of Disneyland's Main Street showing how all the buildings are under two big roofs.

    They didn't build fake roofs over each building because they didn't have to. Unless somebody chartered a helicopter, nobody was ever going to see it in 1955. But now there's Google Maps that anybody can call up on their phone, so they are more careful that the illusion is complete...

    Had this been built in 1955, the fine detailing would likely have been ignored. The only thing they would bother theming would be what you could see from the ground. Personally, I think this is fantastically cool. You can literally see the Millennium Falcon parked at Disneyland, and that's no small thing.

    An interesting aside here... apparently Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge has been a bit of a flop. People are complaining that there's only one ride and the rest of the place is just a giant shopping mall where you can buy overpriced souvenirs and food. That's it. Eventually a second ride will open but, again, that seems pretty lame. Perhaps Disney will add more stuff to make it more worth visiting, but right now it just seems like a cash grab. Another problem? Disney didn't recreate an authentic place from the movies. You're not walking around Tatooine or even shitty Jakku, you're at "Black Spire Outpost" which, let's face it, who cares? This seems like a major misstep, and I just don't get it. When Disney made an Avatar-themed land, they built Pandora from the movies so when you go there it's like stepping into the film. That's what people want to see, and anything less is inviting a tepid reaction. And that's exactly what Disney got.

       
    • ZIM!!! One of the most impossibly brilliant animated series to ever grace our television sets was Invader Zim. In addition to being so brilliantly written, the look of the show was was blew my mind. It's just so beautiful. As if that weren't enough, it has GIR, Zim's robot companion, and one of my favorite characters of all-time...

    Despite unprecedented critical acclaim, the series was uncerimoniously canceled by Nickelodeon because network executives are stupid. But now Netflix has revived the show for a new feature called Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus...

    The movie has everything that Zim fans could want and, while it kinda-sorta wraps up the series, it also leaves things wide open for more. And I want quite badly for there to be more. Because can you ever truly have enough Zim in your life?

       
    • Passport! I am not even going to spoil this. Just trust me when I tell you to click this link. Genius. Every last one of them is genius.

       
    • Shazam? Ninety-one percent? Shazam got NINETY-ONE PERCENT on Rotten Tomatoes? Really? One minute it's childish and stupid as shit... the next minute there's a demon is biting somebody's head off. So exactly who was this movie made for? Psychotic children?

    Shazam in his stupid suit looking at a stupid mobile phone while stupidly blowing a bubble with some gum.

    Even if you ignore the stupid glowing lightning-bolt-that-looks-more-like-a-triangle on his uniform, Shazam was awful. WHAT HAPPENED TO HAVING THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON? THIS SHAZAM IS A FUCKING IDIOT! About the only thing I enjoyed was Mark Strong as Sivana, despite the fact that he was a complete departure from the comic book's Dr. Sivana (and not in a good way, of course). I cannot fathom how this managed to rate 91%. I just don't get it. The only thing that kept it from total disaster for me is that they didn’t have any burp or fart jokes. At least I think the movie didn’t... I fast forwarded through the foster home stuff because all the kids were just so annoying. GRADE: D+

       
    • Days of Meat! On my blog entry for "The Impossible Whopper" I mentioned that it has been 33 years, 3 months, and 24 days since I last ate meat. A friend messaged me and asked how I could possibly remember the last day I ate meat. It's actually pretty easy. It was Earth Day, 1986. I remember it because my girlfriend at the time was a vegan and didn't want to kiss me because I "smelled like meat." I had a hamburger for lunch and she got mad because I "couldn't even go meat-free on Earth Day." And so I gave up eating meat right then and there. We broke up a month-and-a-half later, so I was going to go back to eating meat... except I was feeling better than I had ever felt. The allergies which had plagued me since adolescence were gone, so I stuck with a vegetarian diet. I've since learned that many people are allergic to the antibiotics they inject into animals, which probably explains why I was in such poor health my first 20 years.

       
    • Cook Cook Cooking! Yesterday I spent a big chunk of my day in the kitchen making up meals to refrigerate and freeze. I made burritos. I made rolls. I made Mac & Cheese, I made quiche... and I made my grandmother's enchiladas recipe. While not rocket science, enchiladas make a lot of dirty dishes and a big mess (especially when you make the sauce from scratch). It's also time consuming to put them all together. And even though I started three hours before dinner-time, my cats were all excited because they thought they were getting fed. So it went something like this...

    THE ENCHILADA WALTZ
    Remove tortilla from the frying oil.
    Put fresh tortilla in the frying oil.
    "No, kitties, it's not dinner time yet."
    Put the filling in the tortilla.
    Put the cheese in the tortilla.
    Flip the tortilla that's in the frying oil.
    Fold up the enchilada and add it to the pan.
    "No, kitties, it's not dinner time yet."
    Repeat.

    After a full day and two loads in the dishwasher, I flopped down on the couch exhausted. But then it really was dinner time for the cats and I had to get up again. I really wish that ten million dollars would fall into my lap so I could hire somebody to come in and cook for me.

       
    • Visitations! For the first time ever, the number of people visiting my blog on a mobile phone has eclipsed desktop users. Guess I'd better work on a new "responsive" template sooner rather than later. Blogography looks okay on a mobile phone, but it could be friendlier on smaller screens...

    The problem is finding time to actually code a new template. The tags and expected behaviors have changed so much since I made the current template that I would have to re-learn Wordpress in order to even begin! That seems like a lot of work.

       
    And I guess that's all the bullets I have for this week.

       

    Movie News Musings

    Posted on Tuesday, August 20th, 2019

    Dave!Well this sucks.

    In what can only be described as a shit-storm of awfulness, Hollywood has dropped two pieces of horrifically bad news on movie lovers today.

    First of all, Sony and Marvel Studios can't come to an agreement over Spider-Man, so the character will no longer be appearing in Marvel Studios movies. This is unbelievably shitty, because he's become such a big part of them. Can you imagine Infinity War without Spider-Man? I sure can't. And then there's the beautiful and effortless integration of Tony Stark into the Spider-Man cinematic mythos. The new Spider-Man is heavily rooted in the MCU, and all that is going to have to be ripped away once he goes solo at Sony again. Poor, stupid Sony, who doesn't want to share future movie grosses after the BILLION DOLLARS that Marvel Studios is responsible for them making (their highest gross for a film ever). And if you thought that Sony wouldn't shit all over its fans like Marvel Studios did with their theatrical re-release of Avengers: Endgame, think again. They're bringing back Spider-Man: Far From Home with four whole minutes of extra footage!

    Spider-Man fades away to dust while Tony Stark watches from Avengers: Endgame.

       
    Next up? Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss are coming back for yet another The Matrix sequel. Now, don't get me wrong, the original film was genius in every way and remains one of my favorite movies of all time... but the sequels were complete and total shit. They were lazy, effects-driven idiocy masking as high-concept art. "GAH! ORACLE, WHAT DO I DO?!?" — "You know what you must do." — "GAH! MORPHEUS, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, WHAT'S NEO GOING TO DO TO SAVE US?" — "Neo will do that which he must do." — "GAH! MEROVINGIAN, GIVE US THE KEYMAKER TO SAVE US ALL!" — "You see there is only one constant. One universal. It is the only real truth... causality, action, reaction. Cause and effect." — "WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?"

    No idea how Neo and Trinity are coming back since they are dead and all... but I'm sure something will be rebooted or turned off and turned back on to make it all possible. Ugh.

    Neo is reflected in Morpheus' glasses taking the red pill in a scene from The Matrix.

       
    In good movie news?

    The 25th James Bond film will be titled No Time To Die, still starring Daniel Craig as God intended. And while it won't be helmed by Danny Boyle as originally planned, it will be directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga, which is an interesting choice. He is the guy responsible for the most excellent Sin Nombre and Beasts of No Nation... and also the writer of the highly successful It movie adaptation. Since he's both co-writing and directing the new Bond, I am hopeful we're going to get something interesting and entertaining... more along the lines of the excellent Skyfall as opposed to the mediocre Spectre.

       
    And in still more good movie news?

    It's already been confirmed that Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, James Earl Jones, Paul Bates, John Amos, Shari Headly, and Louie Anderson will all be reprising their roles in Coming 2 America (sadly Madge Sinclair has passed so we won't have our Queen)... and we know that Wesley Snipes, Leslie Jones, and Jermaine Fowler will be added. But now we know that Tracy Morgan and Rotimi Boards are also onboard for the Coming to America sequel! Sounds like the cast is on-point, so now we just have to hold our breath for December 18, 2020 to see if the story pans out.

       
    And lastly in good movie news?

    A new holiday movie, Last Christmas by Emma Thompson and Paul Feig starring Emilia Clarke, Henry Golding, Michele Yeoh, and Emma Thompson, is hitting theaters this November!

    I had no idea this was even in development... let alone ready for release this year! Looks like yet another cheesy Christmas movies I can't live without.

       
    Untill next time, true believers...

       

    Easy to Learn, Hard to Master

    Posted on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

    Dave!With the new television season a month away, I'm in an odd position of having very little television to watch. Since I like background noise while I work, this means I've been re-watching shows I like or checking off shows and movies I've been meaning to watch but haven't gotten around to.

    One of these being Easy to Learn, Hard to Master: The Fate of Atari which is currently streaming on Amazon Prime...

    Easy to Learn, Hard to Master movie poster featuring a graphical spaceship with lasers coming out of the bottom.

    This was not the first movie which chronicled the downfall of my video-gaming childhood... there was Atari: Game Over which came out three years before... but Easy to Learn, Hard to Master was the one which had the most interesting assortment of talking heads discussing the rise and fall of Atari in the video game arena. Nolan Bushnell, Al Alcorn, Howard Warshaw, Steve Wozniak, David Crane, and more were all interviewed. It also included insight from Manny Gerard and Ray Kassar from the Warner side of the disaster.

    The movie was a good watch, even though I didn't learn anything astonishingly new. Atari's meteoric rise and fall has been commentary fodder for decades and is well-known. It did, however, get me thinking about the whole video game revolution that was my childhood. Along with comic books, the Atari 2600 was probably the most important part of my childhood...

    The Atari 2600 Video Game System with controllers!

    As I've mentioned before, I coveted the thing from the minute I was aware that it existed. I think it was being sold at Sears, and my non-stop begging eventually wore my parents down. I finally got one for my birthday or for Christmas or something. And from that moment onward... I was playing video games, saving my money for video games, and begging for new video games at every turn.

    I amassed quite a collection.*

    Well, not really... I managed to get 32 of the 532 games that were available in North America.

    Which brings me to my next movie: Nintendo Quest...

    Nintendo Quest Movie Poster featuring two guys in a van hopping around North America with NES cartridges flying everywhere.

    In this movie, a guy named Jay Bartlett attempted to collect all 687 Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) games that were released in North America... in 30 days... but without using the internet. Nope, he drove around northern North America trying to find them.

    To be honest, I was more than a little bored throughout it. The actual collecting didn't have much going on. It was the stuff in-between than made it worth watching. And remembering back to so many of those awesome NES games!

    And my last video game movie? A "mocumentary" film that was clearly trying to be the This Is Spinal Tap for video games called Going for Golden Eye...

    Going for Golden Eye Movie Poster featuring video gamers ready for action!

    While nowhere near the level of This is Spinal Tap, I thought it was a pretty good effort. It definitely had some funny moments to make it all worthwhile.

    And I think I've had my fill of video game movies for a while.

    Until the next one comes along, I'd imagine.

       
    *And here's the Atari 2600 titles I ended up collecting...

    • Air-Sea Battle
    • Combat
    • Indy 500
    • Star Ship
    • Basketball
    • Breakout
    • Casino
    • Night Driver
    • Superman
    • Bowling
    • Adventure
    • Circus
    • Dodge 'Em
    • Space Invaders
    • Asteroids
    • Missile Command
    • Warlords
    • Bezerk
    • Centipede
    • Defender
    • Haunted House
    • Pac-Man

    Third Party Games...

    • Skiing
    • Freeway
    • Kaboom!
    • Stampede
    • Atlantis
    • Chopper Command
    • Demon Attack
    • Frogger
    • Pitfall!
    • River Raid

       

    Disney+ at D23 2019

    Posted on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

    Dave!Disney's annual D23 Expo has begun, and even more news has been released for Disney+, the new streaming service that's packed with all kinds of awesome projects (many of which I've already talked about here). Hilary Duff is coming back as Lizzie McGuire, but Miley Cyrus isn't coming back as Hannah Montana... at least not yet.

    As for the other Disney+ news? Let's run that down, shall we?

    The Disney D23 Expo Poster with Black Panther, Princess Elsa, R2D2, Woody from Toy Story, and Mickey Mouse.

       
    CASSIAN & K-2SO
    I actually really liked Rogue One. It felt the more "Star Wars" than we've seen in a while. Now the best part of the entire movie, Cassian and K-2SO, have their own show... which shoots next year. When coupled with the other excellent Star Wars projects in the pipe, Disney+ is essential viewing for fans.

    A scene from Star Wars: Rogue One including Cassian and K-2SO.

       
    CLONE WARS
    The animated Star Wars efforts have been pretty fantastic. Between Star Wars: Rebels and Star Wars: Clone Wars, one could argue that the cartoons have done more to keep the spirit of Star Wars alive than any other media. Rebels ended with Season Four. Now Clone Wars is ending with Season Seven.

    I have no idea if Disney will develop any new animated shows, but I certainly hope so.

    Clone Wars Poster

       
    ENCORE
    Disney is leveraging their relationship with Kristen Bell from Frozen and Frozen 2 to build a new reality series...

    Interesting idea, I guess? But not my cup of tea.

       
    THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER
    The only real news here is that Emily VanCamp is returning to the MCU as Sharon Carter. And oh... some guy named Wyatt Russell is coming onboard to play John Walker, which everybody knows is U.S. Agent formerly Super-Patriot formerly Patriot from the comics.

       
    LADY & THE TRAMP
    Okay, how cool is it that Disney found rescue dogs to play the lead in their new Disney+ show?

    Looks great. Of course I'll be giving it a try...

    Poster for Lady and the Tramp.

       
    LOKI
    It's a "remarkably ambition show" is all the new we got. Alrighty then.

       
    THE MANDALORIAN
    This is actually looking more Star Wars than the new trilogy of Star Wars sequel trilogy... and a hell of a lot more Star Wars than the shitty Star Wars prequel trilogy...

    With Jon Favreau in charge, I would subscribe to Disney+ just to watch this show...

       
    MONSTERS AT WORK
    I find it a bit odd that there's only one Pixar property being developed for Disney+ (from what they've announced), but at least they picked the right property. The city of Monstropolis is ripe for interesting stories, and the fact that Billy Crystal and John Goodman are back as Mike and Sully is just icing on the cake (after Stitch, Sully is my most favorite Disney character). But the stars of the show will be entirely new characters with the voices of Ben Feldman and Aisha Tyler, which could be interesting. They also announced Pixar's Forky Asks a Question, but it's more a collection of shorts than a series, apparently.

       
    MOON KNOGHT
    As I've said more than once, this is a no-brainer. I honestly thought it would be a new Netflix show before that development dissolved. Early versions of the character were essentially the Marvel Universe's version of Batman. Later versions of the character gave him multiple personalities and delved more into more mystical aspects of Marc Spector, giving him enhanced strength and other powers based on how full the moon is. Regardless of which way they take things, I am very much interested in seeing what Disney comes up with given that we are promised all the Marvel Disney+ shows will be an integral part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe...

    Moon Knight Logo

       
    MS. MARVEL
    In yet another no-brainer, Disney+ is giving us a series featuring the comic book character of Kamala Khan, a shape-shifting super-powered Muslim teen. I love the comic book, and have high hopes that the live-action show will do her justice. I do worry about how well the more goofy aspects of her powers will be translated visually, but it certainly can't be any worse than the horrific job they did with Mr. Fantastic in the awful Fantastic Four movies.

    Ms. Marvel Logo

       
    MUPPETS NOW
    Yeah, I love the idea of Kermit and The Muppets getting a new show, but I do worry about whether or not they will let The Muppets be The Muppets... or whether they'll do something stupid to try and "update" them when nothing like that is desired or required.

    Muppets! Animal, Fozzie Bear, Kermit, Ms. Piggy, and Gonzo.

       
    NOELLE
    What looks like a mediocre Hallmark comedy film revolving around Santa's sister would be a complete throwaway if not for the fact that it stars Anna Kendrick and Bill Hader.

    If nothing else, the leads will make it worth checking out.

    Anna Kendrick and Bill Hader dressed in Santa suits.

       
    OBI-WAN
    Disney says an Obi-Wan Kenobe series has been in development for four years. Which means Disney+ has been in development for more than four years? Really? Well, whatever. All I need to know is that Ewan McGregor is coming back to play the part when it starts shooting next year. One of the few good things to come from the shitty prequels, a series revolving around McGregor's Obi-Wan is good news.

    Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobe

       
    ONE DAY AT DISNEY
    The behind-the-scenes at Disney's theme parks must be at least as interesting as the parks themselves. Probably even more so. No idea just how sanitized this three-issue-series will be (my guess: very), but at least we're getting something.

       
    PHINEAS AND FERB THE MOVIE: CANDACE AGAINST THE UNIVERSE
    While I loved Phones and Ferb when it debuted, it eventually got run into the ground over four seasons. My hope was that maybe they'd spin off Perry the Platypus or something interesting, but perhaps a new film will prove worthwhile if they try to break from the status quo in even a small way.

    Phineas and Ferb The Movie logo.

       
    SHE-HULK
    In the comics, She-Hulk became a much lighter, funnier character than her brooding, tragic, drama-prone cousin Bruce Banner. In the movies they've taken Hulk in a direction more like comic book She-Hulk, which begs the question... what does that leave for the Jennifer Walters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? I guess we're going to be finding out now that she's getting her own series.

    She-Hulk Logo

       
    WANDAVISION
    Oh Lord. The inspiration for this series is The Dick van Dyke Show? That sounds absurdly self-defeating, but who knows. They did add Kat Dennings as Darcy (from the Thor movies) and Randall Park (from Ant-Man and The Wasp) so I guess that's something. Except... is Disney+ really going to become a dumping ground for third-tier characters? I mean, sure, I like these characters and it will be nice to see the again... but the choices here are just so random. I guess we'll have to wait and hope.

       
    THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF GOLDBLUM
    The only thing that could be better than Jeff Goldblum being Jeff Goldblum would be if Jeff Goldblum were playing The Grand Master (from Thor: Ragnarok) in a new series. So, yeah, Disney can just take my money now.

    The World According to Jeff Goldblum poster.

       

    Bullet Sunday 626

    Posted on Sunday, August 25th, 2019

    Dave!Prepare to be launched into a Galaxy far, far away... AGAIN because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • The Halcyon! Disney has been making good use of its acquisitions of Marvel Comics and Lucasfilm. Both have been given major plans outside of movies at this year's D23 Expo. Marvel has brought forth "Avengers Campuses" at Disneylands in California, Paris, and Hong Kong which will have new rides, restaurants, and shops. And then there's Star Wars which has not only resulted in new "lands" in Disneyland and Walt Disney World... but a new "2-Night All-Inclusive Adventure" aboard a spaceship called The Halcyon...

    An artists concept for the space ship Halcyon.

    It's a brilliant concept. Essentially, it's like stepping onto a Disney cruise ship... and heading into space... without leaving earth. You get into a pod which flies you up to the ship in orbit, then fly around space before returning back to earth. While in space you can visit Star Wars characters and droids, partake in all kinds of activities, and explore the ship for "secrets" (whatever that means). What would be mind-blowing amazing would be if they eventually add a "shore excursion" to some strange world, which would be bonkers mind-blowing cool.

    An artists concept for what it's like aboard The Halcyon.

    All the cabins have views of outer space, and there's loads of things to see and do onboard. It all sounds amazing. And expensive. I cannot fathom how much it will cost, but I'm betting its thousands for the two nights. Which, sadly, will put it out of reach for most people. Then again, what else is new? But who knows? Maybe if it's successful there will be more of these type "cruises." How long will it be before Universal has a 2-day inclusive experience at Hogwarts for Harry Potter fans with money? And from there it's not much of a leap towards real-life Westworld.

       
    • Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow! More news out of D23? Walt Disney World's EPCOT is getting some serious upgrades...

    An artist concept of EPCOT showing the Spaceship Earth attraction reflecting all kinds of color.

    Aside from the already-announced ride for Guardians of the Galaxy, there are two other things that interest me. First is an attraction for Moana called Journey of Water...

    Artists concept of Moana's Journey of Water which shows people walking towards a tropical mountain with a Moana logo on it.

    And a new restaurant which is kinda like The Halcyon (above) where you get in a space elevator and eat while orbiting the earth...

    Artists concept of a restaurant in space orbiting the earth.

    It would seem that competition amongst theme parks is really ramping up. First Universal Studios announces an all new park in Florida, and now all this. Almost makes me wish I was still working in Orlando every year!

       
    • A Galaxy Far, Far Away! I fully admit to being entirely underwhelmed by the sequel Star Wars trilogy. Sure it's better than the horrendously shitty prequel trilogy, but that's not saying much. The Force Awakens was okay, but that's likely due to the fact that we hadn't seen anything Star Wars for a while and it had original trilogy characters in it. The Last Jedi was so unimpressive that I had to Google the name because I couldn't even remember it. And now there's The Rise of Skywalker, which will close out the trilogies or trilogies...

    Poster for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker with Rey and Kylo Ren battling with lightsabers.

    Details are scarce. About all we know is that it will have old, unused footage of Carrie Fischer's Princess Leia and has some new characters onboard. Including Jet Troopers (with jet-packs!) and Sith Troopers...

    White Jet Trooper and red Sith Trooper armor on display.

    About the only thing I'm looking forward to is that it's all finally going to end. At least until David Benioff and Dan Weiss take a Game-Of-Thrones-sized dump on the Star Wars universe when their trilogy comes out. AND the new trilogy by Rian Johnson that's being worked on (apparently Space Leia from The Last Jedi wasn't torture enough?). Ugh. I have Star Wars fatigue and the new projects are years off.

       
    • The Last Post! The digital age is a dangerous place. You never know when you're going to be sucked down an internet rabbit hole. I was watching an old episode of the hilarious Coupling when I made the mistake of thinking "I wonder what all the actors are doing now?" Jack Davenport is on the new CBS series Why Women Kill. Sarah Alexander is on Epix's Pennyworth. Richard Coyle has been on Netflix's Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. And Ben Miles has been on a non-stop parade of TV mini-series and series... one of which was called The Last Post which was written by Peter Moffat. Which, oddly enough, appears to be no relation to Steven Moffat, who created Coupling...

    A poster for The Last Post showing a military police officer holding on to a beautiful woman in the dessert.

    The Last Post is a pretty good show which takes place at a 1960's British Outpost in Aden (which is now in Yemen). It's a time of high tension as the region fights for independence from British rule. The series is not only about the military police in charge of the post, but their wives families as well. If you're bored and like historical drama, you can stream it from Amazon Prime Video. Sadly, no second series is planned.

       
    • Cardinal! Another series I discovered by accident is Cardinal, which is currently running on Hulu. The series is an adaptation of the John Cardinal novels by Giles Blunt...

    Cardinal poster showing Billy Campbell in a snow parka with his female partner and a police car as a blizzard rages.

    John Cardinal is a police detective at Algonquin Bay in Canada. His past is littered with secrets (of course) and he was removed from homicide because he became obsessed with a missing girl. Years later the girl's body turns up and he's put on the case with a new partner who just so happens to be secretly investigating him. Drama ensues. The show stars Billy Campbell, who I never in a million years thought had the depth and nuance he's brought to Cardinal. I've burned through season one... of three... and a fourth season has been commissioned. Worth your time if brooding police dramas are your thing.

       
    • A Pox On You! It seems every time I look in on the news, there's another story warning people that they may have been exposed to measles. Earlier in the week it was Vegas (where I just was last week) and now it's Disneyland. And for every one of these stories that comes out, you know there are dozens more places that go unreported. Considering you can die from measles, I guess I'm glad that I had an antibodies test to make sure that my childhood immunizations were still protecting me. This is absolute bullcrap, and I'm fucking livid that this anti-vax nonsense has propagated like it has. Thanks to dumbshits like Andrew Wakefield and Jenny McCarthy conning people into thinking that vaccines cause autism despite all scientific evidence to the contrary, heaven only knows which diseases are going to come roaring back. Is polio next?


    How is it that the more advanced our science gets the stupider people get? Between anti-vaxers, flat-earthers, climate-change-deniers, and whatever new dumbfuckery is currently making the rounds, humanity might as well pack it in and go extinct.

       
    • Michael Davis! I happened across a video of juggling comedian Michael Davis from his appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I had never heard of him, but was surprised at how talented and funny he was, so I tracked down various videos he appeared in. There's some overlap in material, but they all have different stuff and are all fantastic, so I'm sharing them here...




       
    And that's all the bullets for this week. See you next Sunday.

       

    Suspension of Belief

    Posted on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

    Dave!As I've mentioned more than a few times, I am a huge fan of shitty Hallmark Christmas movies. Never mind that I find romance movies to be horrible entertainment and I don't even celebrate Christmas, there's something about these films that I completely obsess over. I wrote a little bit about it last November. Every year they come out with more and more of the stupid things, despite the fact that they are all pretty much the same exact story. Last year there were 37 (up from 33 in 2017, 28 in 2016, and 21 in 2015)... this year, on the tenth anniversary of Hallmark's Countdown to Christmas there are FORTY of them. And it all begins on October 25th.

    Of course I'll be watching every single one of them. It's so easy because I can be multitasking while they're on and never get lost. How could I? They're all the same.

    And it gets worse. For the past month I've been catching up on all the non-Christmas Hallmark movies! And, no worries, there's a shitload of them. Hallmark has seasonal movie events which start with Winterfest in January, then go through Countdown to Valentine's Day, Spring Fling, June Weddings, Summer Nights, Fall Harvest, and then we're right back to Countdown to Christmas again. Lucky for me, all of this stuff is repeated endlessly on The Hallmark Channel in-between reruns of The Golden Girls, Frasier, and The Middle. I've build a master checklist on a huge spreadsheet to keep track.

    One thing I've learned in watching all these trash movies is just how huge suspension of disbelief plays in buying into the hilarious storylines that Hallmark writers come up with. Romance in real life is rarely-to-never as adorable as a Hallmark movie. In Hallmark-Land, even the bad parts of the relationships are so cute you want to vomit.

    And, believe me folks, I am 100% onboard.

    Everybody lives in expensive houses, drives expensive cars, and wears expensive clothes... even when they have a business that's struggling? — Sure.

    People fly off the handle and want to break up when they feel they were deceived over some mundane or insignificant plot device that no sane person in love would even worry about? — Okay.

    Guys hardly ever act in ways that actual guys act except when it's to portray them as guys who are in need of "fixing?" — Whatever.

    Without suspension of disbelief, not a single Hallmark movie would work. They're far worse offenders at defying reality than even the craziest science fiction film.

    Except...

    Almost every movie has at least one detail that jerks me right out of the story. One thing that's so outlandishly stupid that my brain would have to go past suspension of disbelief and enter suspension of belief territory. Because the only way to buy into it would be to suspend believing that you're not a complete idiot.

    Even in the context of a crappy Hallmark movie, it's just so sad and lazy.

    A classic example can be found in the movie I was watching last night... Love on the Slopes from Winterfest 2018...

    The movie poster for Love on the Slopes showing a pretty couple in winter clothing standing in front of a snow-covered mountain.

    It stars Thomas Beaudoin (the guy who melted my ovaries in Netflix's The Spirit of Christmas) as an extreme sports photographer who dreams of going to Africa to photograph the wildlife there. After getting involved with a journalist looking to write about extreme sports, he's betrayed when it turns out she was writing a story about him all along. So... even though they were totes falling in love, he broke up with her. To make it up to him, she ends up giving him a ticket to Zimbabwe so he can fulfill his dream...

    A first class open plane ticket  from Denver to Zimbabwe from the Hallmark movie Love on the Slopes.

    Oh please.

    First of all, Zimbabwe is an entire country. This "Denver to Zimbabwe" ticket is the equivalent of having a ticket that says "Winnipeg to The United States," like there's only one city with one airport here. The main airport in Zimbabwe is Harare. So even if they didn't want to show ACTUAL AIRPORTS for dramatic effect, they should have had it say "Denver to Harare, Zimbabwe." At least they didn't make it say "Denver to Africa" which is not even a country, people... it's a continent.

    Second of all, it's a direct flight. Out of Denver. The biggest hub in Denver is United Airlines. If there was any hope at all that there was a direct flight to "Zimbabwe" from there, it would be on United. Except United doesn't service "Zimbabwe," even via a United-coded partner flight. This means that it's a multi-leg, multi-airline trip and could never appear on a single ticket. You would have at least two stops, minimum, even on a major carrier. You might even have three stops given the destination.

    Thirdly, this is an "open" ticket. That's a rare, but entirely valid, type of airline ticket. FOR THE 1980's! The most common ticket today is a roundtrip ticket where the departure and return dates are fixed. Less common is an "open-ended" ticket where the departure date is set, but the return is arranged later. But a full-open ticket? I don't even know how that's possible on a flight now that airlines try to fill every available seat on every flight to maximize profit. Let alone a multi-leg international flight. The cost of such a ticket (IN FIRST CLASS, NEVERTHELESS!) is huge to begin with and, like all destinations, fluctuates based on season. Such an "open" ticket would have to be charged at the highest possible cost to cover any conceivable date. The woman won the ticket for writing the best essay for her company travel magazine. But how many travel magazines could afford to expense such a ticket? Aren't magazines dying?

    Fourthly, what's shown in this stupid movie is a boarding pass. You can't get a fucking boarding pass until you've checked in for your flight. You REALLY can't get a boarding pass on an open ticket where you don't even have a date of travel yet. But it gets stupider... HOW THE FUCK CAN HE HAVE A SEAT ASSIGNMENT WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A DATE OF TRAVEL? What is the airline going to do? Keep seat 14A vacant from now until the end of time in case Cole Taylor wants to cash in his ticket that day? And since this trip is three flights minimum, all possible connecting flights have to keep that same seat open as well? What they should have shown was a ticket, not a boarding pass. Except even that's a stretch. Now-a-days you probably wouldn't even get that. The best she could hope for, assuming she could even buy an international "open ticket," would be a receipt.

    Fifthly, as if the assigned seat on an open ticket wasn't hilarious enough... they provide a flight number, boarding time, and a gate number. The flight has an IATA code of "DH" which is "Discovery Airways." THEY WERE AN INTER-ISLAND CARRIER OPERATING EXCLUSIVELY IN HAWAII THAT WAS SHUT DOWN AFTER THREE MONTHS BECAUSE IT VIOLATED US LAW! But let's assume that Discovery Airways did, in fact, come back from the dead. Let's further assume they had enough money to purchase a single gate at Denver International Airport. They are assigned Gate C8 which, in itself is bullshit, because DEN only has gates numbered C23 through C50... but let's pretend they were able to pry a single gate away from Southwest, which I think pretty much owns the C Concourse at Denver. Assuming all of that... and further assuming that Discovery Airways has a daily flight operating from Denver to "Zimbabwe"... how in the hell can they guarantee that this flight time will never change? Like... ever? Flight schedules change all the time. Gates are changed all the time. But the most laughable part is that she is counting on Discovery Airways... a dead airline which lasted three months but has been resurrected with absurdly stupid daily flights to "Zimbabwe"... is going to be in business long enough for poor Cole to ever cash this in. Right.

    Sixly, boarding pass and ticket "blanks" are often printed in color, yes. But the printers which fill in the blanks are always black ink only (or, more likely, "black" thermal print only). Except here. Where apparently the printer prints in black... AND RED?!? The idiotic seat assignment and "FIRST CLASS" are printed in red. Has the person who designed this prop flown on an airline... like... EVER?!? Have they even seen a boarding pass before? Given that this one is printed on card stock and not some flimsy thermal paper, I'm guessing if they have seen a boarding pass, it was from 20 years ago.

    Lastly, this fictional, resurrected dead airline that offers open tickets direct from Denver to "Zimbabe" has a logo... but the NAME of the airline is just "Airlines?" Really? I mean, given the dicey history of Discovery Airways, I understand wanting to go with something different... but Hallmark is so fucking lazy that they couldn't even invent a new name? I'd suggest "Bullshit Airlines." Or perhaps "Fantasy Airlines." Because expecting people to be able to suspend disbelief on an idiotic story element like this is utter fantasy.

    Do better, Hallmark! You're already asking a lot of your fans with your movie offerings, but there are some things so over the top stupid that they can't be overlooked.

    And can we get a movie starring Autumn Reeser and Thomas Beaudoin together? Because that would be great.

       

    Schadenfreude on a Thursday

    Posted on Thursday, August 29th, 2019

    Dave!I am not one to partake in gossip because I honestly don't care that much about other people's lives. Unless it directly affects me or someone/something I care about, does what other people do in their personal life really matter?

    This is not to say that I am above listening to news which features somebody awful having shit rain down upon their head, however. I am all about the schadenfreude to those who deserve it because it usually has such high entertainment value.

    In practice, this is not in line with my belief structure, but I am inconsistent and evil that way.

    Today I heard something particularly juicy through the grapevine, and it was a doozey. The person in question is a reprehensible excuse for a human being who has caused suffering for people I know, and I was happy to hear that their comeuppance had finally arrived.

    "Happy" is actually not adequate to describe my state of mind... perhaps "gleeful" or "ecstatic" would be more accurate? I dunno. I had a smile on my face for most of the evening, so there's that. I mean, it's not that I want this person dead or anything, but knowing that they were having to suffer in a way quite similar to the suffering they had caused was a nice capper to my day.

    Another capper to my day?

    Netflix finally released their movie Falling Inn Love which has been teased for a while now...

    A pile of desserts for one boxes in a wide variety of flavors.

    And it's fairly obvious what happened here. Netflix went to MarVista Entertainment, the studio for many of the Hallmark movies, and said "We will give you a budget big enough to out-Hallmark the Hallmark." In their infinite wisdom, MarVista didn't hire famous writers or top-shelf actors... instead they merely took the same old movie they always make and relocated it to New Zealand. Genius! I mean, come on, if it ain't broke, don't fix it... just give it an expensive change of scenery! And also some scenery you won't often find on Hallmark, like some guy with his shirt off...

    So far as "Hallmark" movies go, it was pretty good. The actors were all pretty great. But since it's for Netflix, there are some big changes from what you see on everybody's favorite greeting card network. First of all, there's a gay couple who own the local coffee shop. Not "hinted at" gay... but two men who are full-on married and refer to each other as "husbands." Second of all... he's white, she's African Cuban, which is something you rarely see on lily-white Hallmark... and certainly not as the leads. So, from that perspective, Netflix actually HAS out-Hallmarked Hallmark. Good on them.

    Now I guess I better watch sports or rebuild a car engine or whatever else I'm supposed to do to assimilate back into our toxic-masculinity-based culture after watching another one of these crap movies.

       

    Mufasa, Labor, and Hallmark

    Posted on Monday, September 2nd, 2019

    Dave!I worked late last night so I could work a half day today. For whatever reason I just wanted a small piece of my Labor Day holiday to have no work involved. The rest of my day was reading and watching the Hallmark Summer Movie Marathon in the hopes that there were movies I hadn't seen yet in the countdown.

    But I'm getting ahead of myself.

    My day started with Jake running into my bedroom, dropping Mufasa the Lion on the floor, squawking as loud as he could manage, then running back downstairs to run around with his sister until breakfast.

    Since Jenny keeps taking Mufasa away from him and hiding it, I'm guessing that Jake wanted me to watch over his most prized posesstion for him...

    Mufasa the small plush toy lion laying on my brown hardwood floor.

    Jenny is way more crafty than I am, so that probably wasn't one of Jake's best ideas.

    And, yes, I am still on my mission to watch all the Hallmark originals.

    The good news is that I was able to check several that I missed off my list. Including my new favorites Love at the Shore and Summer Villa...

       
    These two movies aren't just "good for a Hallmark movie," they're good for an actual movie. Well, assuming you like cheesy romance flicks.

    And now it's just a matter of waiting for October 25th, which is when all the new Countdown to Christmas movies start up. As I mentioned, this year there are forty of them. FORTY!

       

    Bullet Sunday 628

    Posted on Sunday, September 8th, 2019

    Dave!Summer may be in its last gasp but the weather couldn't be better, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Thunder Rolls. Well, the weather couldn't be better now. Last night was an entirely different story. The thunder was shaking the entire house. The lightning was so bright that it was illuminating everything like it was daytime...

    Mufasa the toy lion sitting in my window with a massive bolt of lightning firing behind him, illuminating the entire sky and my bedroom.

    Lightning striking a nearby hillside.

    Lightning striking a nearby hillside.

    The cats were not happy. Jenny came in crying when all the ruckus started. Jake arrived ten minutes later, and I heard him whining all the way up the stairs. I pet them for a while before finally jumping to the window to take photos.

    Then today... no clouds and flawless blue skies...

    Jenny laying down in the catio squinting because the sunshine is so bright.

    Enjoy it while it lasts, pretty girl. Winter is coming.

       
    • Baked. September is my most favorite month of the year to bake stuff, and I do so often. Something about the combination of temperature and humidity creates the perfect storm for high-rising, wonderfully-textured bread. Today I made some beautiful bread and amazing hamburger buns...

    The most gorgeous loaf of homebaked bread you've ever seen.

    The most beautiful pan of homebaked bread you've ever seen.

    And, let me tell you... homemade hamburger buns are the best! Tonight's selection was a veggie burger with lemon garlic mayo, dijon mustard, thinly-sliced tomato, and pickle on homemade bun...

    My burger dinner.

    Pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself.

       
    • Very Berry. On Thursday when I dropped by the market to pick up some flour, I saw that strawberry cartons were on sale 2 for $5. I bought them on a whim and have been stressing ever since. Fruit usually goes on sale when it doesn't have much life left, so I've been eating them non-stop so I don't waste my $5. I was eating strawberries morning, noon, and night for two days, but I finally managed to power through. I may be sick of strawberries now, but they were some beautiful berries...

    A bowl of beautiful sliced strawberries.

    Strawberries sliced on top of a sliced and toasted bagel with cream cheese.

    Boy does being single suck when it comes to grocery shopping. I always end up having to buy more than I can eat. The good news is that I'm done with strawberries for the year... just in time for the final summer crop to leave us!

       
    • Scary Tech. The trailer for JEXI has been released. It's a comedy exploring what happens when the artificial intelligence on a guy's phone gets a little too smart. It's supposed to be a comedy. But when I watch this trailer I can't help but look at it as a near-future horror story...

    I mean, seriously... isn't this the nightmare scenario that's entirely too plausible? Yeah, that's what I thought.

       
    • Hellmark. Usually I don't give a crap about somebody's politics. I am easily able to separate an actor from their work, and do so all the time. Democrat? Republican? I'm neither, so I honestly don't care. But there's no way I'm supporting the career of somebody who is in bed with the toxic waste assholes at the Family Research Council like Dean Cain. Guess I'll have to be happy with watching all the Hallmark movies except the handful he appears in.

    And speaking of Hallmark, Flip That Romance was finally repeated today...

    This movie is genius. IT'S GENIUS! I've been anxiously waiting seeing Flip That Romance since the moment I found out it exists. The film combines two of my favorite things... home renovation shows and Hallmark movies. And it's good! Funny! Hallmark heaven, as it were.

       
    • Nonstarter. You know... the more I use my Apple Card, the more I absolutely love it. It's just so absurdly easy and the features are crazy-good. So good. The only problem is that the benefits are total shit. 2% back? 3% on Apple products? So lame. I hope that other credit card companies take note of what Apple is doing and step up their game. Or Apple gets with the program and starts offering 5% back like a real card... even if it's just on Apple products (As it is, it's cheaper to buy Apple products on Amazon with my Amazon Card because I get 5% back on Amazon purchases... what sense does that make?). It will be interesting to see if Apple drives change in the industry like it has for so many other things. I would certainly hope so.

       
    Hope your new week is a good one!

       

    Bullet Sunday 630

    Posted on Sunday, September 22nd, 2019

    Dave!I can't believe the weekend is already gone! But all is not lost, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • FAKE FOOD! Like many large cities, Tokyo has several districts which specialize in various goods. If you want to see electronics, head to Akihabara. If you want Western fashion and high-end restaurants, you need to go to Ginza. That kind of thing. One of my favorite places to look around is Kappabashi Street, which specializes in restaurant supplies. Pots, pans, dishes, utensils... and a staple of Japanese restaurants... fake food. Because most all restaurants have their windows filled with representations of the dishes they specialize in so people will get their mouths watering and want to come inside. Most of the plastic foods you can buy here in the US are crap, whereas in Japan it's a true artform...

    Yes most of the stuff has a bit of a high-gloss sheen to it, but once it's wrapped in plastic to keep it from getting dusty it's pretty darn realistic. The above video is a fascinating look at how it's made.

       
    • Goose. After a long time of reading about it being "released in early 2019," Untitled Goose Game is finally here! The object of the game is to be a complete asshole, which is something I can totally do...

    I blazed through everything in just one morning, which is disappointing, but it's a pretty fun game otherwise. Nintendo's eShop has it on sale for Switch at 25% off for a limited time.

       
    • Drugs are Bad, Mmkay? This commercial where the girl takes off her seatbelt and runs her car into a dumpster so she can get more Vicodin? More disturbing than any horror movie I've ever seen...

       
    • X-Pan I had no desire... none at all... to see X-Men: Dark Phoenix. For one thing, it's the capper of a slew of shitty X-movies, after which Marvel will be bringing the X-Men to the MCU and completely rebooting it to (hopefully) something that doesn't suck. So it's essentially a wasted effort and makes no difference. And, if this hilarious "honest trailer" is anything to go by, it's a pile of shit anyway...

    Maybe if it shows up on Hulu or HBO or Disney+ or something I'm already paying for, I'll invest my valuable time. But buying or renting it? Not even a little bit.

       
    • Name. An interesting article: Names That Are Unfamiliar to You Aren't "Hard," They're "Unpracticed"

    My first "real" international trip was to Japan in the late 80's for work. In Japanese, the "V" in my name doesn't exist as a sound. The closest they have is a "B." And yet they made an effort to say the "V" as best they could, even though it was a struggle and unnatural for them. That kindness has never left me, and I feel incredibly blessed that I learned how important a name can be so early in my travels. Which is why I try my very best to listen when I hear names and put my every best effort into pronouncing them correctly.

    So many times I've had co-workers, friends, and people I meet who have "difficult for English speakers to pronounce" names who will say their name... then follow it with "But you can call me..." and give either a completely different "English" name... or some butchered version of their name. Whenever I can, I've asked about their actual name, worked with them to get an acceptable pronunciation, then ask if they mind that I use their real name. And the result is always the same appreciation that I felt that first trip to Japan so many years ago.

    Your name... whether it's yours by birth or the name you've chosen for yourself... is key to your identity. Endeavoring to respect a person's name by listening, working to pronounce it, and saying it with your best effort, is such a small thing, really. But it means so much.

       
    • Emmys. I do not watch the Emmys. The television I like is rarely represented, so I just don't bother. That being said, I do read the results the next day and have some thoughts...

    • DRAMA: The fact that Game of Thrones can take the big prize seems odd given what a pile of shit the final season ended up being, but okay.
    • SUPPORTING ACTOR, DRAMA: That being said, Peter Dinklage 100% earned that Emmy for his performance in the final season. He elevates any material to new levels, and this was no difference.
    • LEAD ACTOR, DRAMA: This was kind of an absurd category because winner Billy Porter from Pose was about the only one who I felt deserved it. Maybe Jason Bateman from Ozark, but Billy owned this and I'm glad he won.
    • COMEDY: I would have taken Fleabag, Barry, Russian Doll, or Schitt's Creek... but was secretly hoping for Schitt's Creek. Yet... not the least bit upset that Fleabag took the prize.
    • VARIETY: I am really torn here. Yes, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver deserves tons of recognition. But overlooking The Daily Show with Trevor Noah is really a tough pill to swallow. Trevor is killing it every night.
    • LIMITED: I would have liked if When They See Us won because A) It deserves awards, and B) It deserves attention. But Chernobyl was incredible. So good. I ended up watching it all the way through twice because it's such a powerful story.
    • DIRECTING: That being said, Ava DuVernay should have gotten the Emmy for best director when it came to When They See Us. Oh well.
    • COMPETITION: I was very happy to hear that RuPaul's Drag Race won this. It is, by far, the most entertaining of all the nominations.
    • LEAD ACTRESS, COMEDY: While I would love for Catherine O'Hara and Natasha Lyonne to get recognition for the incredible work they do, Phoebe Waller-Bridge earned this one for Fleabag.
    • LEAD ACTOR, COMEDY: I'm thrilled that Bill Hader took the Emmy for his work on Barry! The show is 100% bananas in the best possible way, and his work there is just above and beyond.
    • SUPPORTING ACTRESS, COMEDY: I simply do not get the appeal of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, as I find it neither funny nor entertaining. But Alex Borstein definitely does a fantastic job in the show, so I'm kinda torn on this one. I would have preferred that Kate McKinnon won for Saturday Night Live, however.

       
    • SNUBBED! A few nominations that should have been made...

    • Ricky Gervais for acting and/or writing After Life. I am still a bit shocked he got no recognition at all for this one.
    • Tracy Morgan for The Last O.G.. That show is hilarious, and his performance is fantastic. For either to get some recognition is not out of left-field.
    • While I'm not sure The Good Place deserved all the nominations it got, I am sure that D’Arcy Carden should have gotten nominated for Supporting Actress, Comedy... AND WON IT. This is criminal.

       

    And... I'm spent. See you in a week with more bullets.

       

    Bullet Sunday 631

    Posted on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

    Dave!Snow may have arrived but the internets are toasty warm, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • THE END? Years ago I told myself I'd stop blogging after 5,000 posts. Earlier this week I thought to look and see how close I am to that. I've posted 6,124 posts. And so... I guess I'm stopping at 10,000 then. You're welcome!

       
    • Spidey! So maybe Sony isn't filled with buckets of dumbass after all. It was announced earlier this week that Marvel and Sony have come to an agreement for another Spider-Man film to be set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Given how FREAKIN' AMAZING a job Marvel has done with the character, AT LAST!, I'm unapologetically enthusiastic...

    Tom Holland as Spider-Man

    Apparently the deal may include bringing more Spider-Man-based characters than just Spider-Man. A part of me wonders if that's a good thing. But if anybody can figure out how to make it work, that would be Marvel.

       
    • Stumptown! And... just like that, I have a new favorite show. Cobie is absolutely 100% bad-ass in every frame of Stumptown and I love it. You can watch the first episode on the ABC app for free without an account. I suggest you do...

    Based on the comic book of the same name, it's remarkably faithful while changing enough to make darn good television. And, as if that wasn't good enough, it features a cast with Jake Johnson! Michael Ealy! Tantoo Cardinal! Camryn Manheim! They pulled out all the stops in casting this show. Top shelf all around!

       
    • Flerfer Dumbassery! "IF THE EARTH IS ROUND AND SPINNING AT 1000mph, THEN WHY DON'T I GO FLYING OFF WHEN I JUMP UP IN THE AIR?!? THE EARTH MUST BE FLAT IF WE CAN JUMP UP AND DOWN WITHOUT MOVING!!!" — GAAAAAAAHHHH!!! IT'S SCIENCE, BITCH!

    Literally EVERY SINGLE THING that dumbass flat earthers come up with as a reason that globe-earth cannot exist can be refuted with science. Not that that's going to stop anything. Dumbassery is contagious.

       
    • Assholes! NEWSFLASH: Every word Ajit Pai says about Net Neutrality is a lie, including "and" and "the." — Well no shit! Ajit Pai only cares about the Telco lobbyist dicks he has been sucking. He's never given a crap about American consumers. Not even a tiny pebble shit. It's assholes like this who should be strung up and shot for selling out the country. Just like the rest of President Trump's administration of assholes.

       
    • TV! I hate to say it, but here it goes... APPLE'S TV APP FOR MaCOS X IS A STEAMING PILE OF SHIT AND I AM FUCKING EMBARRASSED FOR THE ENTIRE COMPANY FOR RELEASING IT! It's comically inept, buggy, and stupid... and once again has me regretting that I ever bought into Apple's media ecosystem. First of all, it's a crappy experience. You never know what's clickable because the cursor never changes. And when something is clickable, you don't know if your click is registered because the button state doesn't change and there's no feedback whatsoever. This means that you end up clicking again and again and again because you don't know if anything is happening. And the app is so fucking slow that it takes forever to acknowledge when something does happen. Apple essentially developed the modern home computer interface. And they are destroying their legacy with this bullshit. And it just gets worse. Have tons of purchases in your library? Hope you like scrolling! There is NO FUCKING SHORTCUT to get to what you need to be! Want to watch those Magnum P.I.? episodes you purchased? Typing "M" to get there does NOTHING! Just scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll.

    Second of all, it's hard to search for the stuff you want to buy. You type in the search box and often times get random shit for an explicit search term. Then, assuming you do all kinds of acrobatics and manage to navigate to what you want, actually buying something is a joke. It's all a bunch of clicking and clicking and clicking because you have no fucking idea if you actually bought it or not because there's no acknowledgement until an email receipt arrives. AND THEN once you finally manage to buy something, IT DOESN'T SHOW UP IN YOUR LIBRARY UNTIL YOU QUIT THE APP AND START IT UP AGAIN?!? Oh... and when you DO quit and restart? It doesn't remember where you were, so you have to navigate back there again.

    This is insanity, and I cannot fucking believe that Apple actually let this shit go out of beta. Assuming they even bothered to beta test it at all. I never thought I'd be longing for the original iTunes to come back, but here we are. Fuck you, Apple.

       
    See You Next Sunday!

       

    Bullet Sunday 632

    Posted on Sunday, October 6th, 2019

    Dave!Sunday is travel day but I'm not depressed at all, because an all new Bullet Sunday LIVE FROM NEW ORLEANS starts... now...

       
    • Spider-Fan. It was being reported that Tom Holland himself was responsible for getting Disney and Sony back to the bargaining table and keeping Spider-Man in the MCU. This was then confirmed by Bob Iger on Jimmy Kimmel Live! To say I'm thrilled is a gross understatement...

    Tom Holland in his Spider-Man costume.

    All you have to do is watch the post-credits sequence of Spider-Man: Far From Home to know what a huge, huge, massively huge benefit it is to have even the smallest ties to what Marvel has built... it's not just the big players like Nick Fury and Maria Hill. So bless you, Tom Holland.

       
    • FalCap! And speaking of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, this fantastic piece of art appeared this week...

    Sam Wilson in a Captain America costume sporting Cap’s shield with The Winter Solder, Bucky Barnes.

    If Marvel Studios puts as much effort and money into their Disney+ series as their movies, we are in for a real treat.

    It looks like Falcon Cap still has his wing pack on? I would hope so. Since he doesn’t have Cap’s Super Soldier serum, he’s going to need something to give him an edge. Could make for a very interesting fighting style.

       
    • The Horror. This GEICO insurance commercial slays me every time it appears on my television...

    If all commercials were as clever as this, I wouldn’t have to fast-forward through them. But most commercials are stupid and so annoying that I really HAVE to fast forward through them.

       
    • Predator. Speaking of horror... holy crap! Maybe it’s because I buy cheap cars that I actually pay off that I was so oblivious to just how horrific and predatory the auto industry is when it comes to selling their crack cocaine! I mean cars. I had no idea.

       
    • Real Fake. This video explaining the cinematography of Disney Pixar’s Toy Story 4 is absolutely fascinating...

    While a part of me bemoans the impending death of hand-drawn animation, it’s nice to know that 3D computer animators are not resting on their laurels, and continue to push for ever more amazing work in their films.

       
    • A9. Hey, if anybody has $4,500 laying around, you could totally buy me the gorgeous new Sony A9 Mark II camera that’s being released later this year. Just sayin’.

       
    • Enjoy Your Inequity. In what should come as a shock to absolutely nobody, the IRS admits that they audit poor people because it’s easier and cheaper than auditing rich people. And make absolutely no mistake... the wealthy people who own this country designed it to be this way. They get all the loopholes... they get all the breaks... they get everything. And meanwhile, you get to take the shit sandwich they’re feeding you.

       
    See you next Sunday... but probably not from my favorite American city.

       

    Humidity for Days

    Posted on Friday, October 11th, 2019

    Dave!Sometimes having a house that's smarter than you are is a real pain in the ass.

    As I mentioned yesterday, my "smart home" keeps nagging me that the humidity is low, but I've been too busy to move all the tools and junk that are piled in front of the whole-home humidifier so I can turn it on. Then come the afternoon my house got even more freaked out about its precious moisture levels and was all "ZOMG! I'M AT 22% AND I SHOULD BE AT 36%! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS HUMIDITY ALREADY!!!" And so I moved just enough crap that I could use a stick to poke the "on" button...

    Thanks to the steam that immediately started blowing through my vents, the humidity reached acceptable levels in just four hours. And now my house is happily maintaining the humidity it wants and no longer bothering me...

    I left work early today to take down my DirecTV satellite dish, patch the holes, paint over the holes, cut down the flowers and trim the shrubs, clean the security cameras, disassemble the Liter-Robots for cleaning, hose out the catio, bake bread, clean the guest room, wash clothes, steam clean the cat feeding station, make a grocery list, wash out the garbage and recycle bins, dig for winter clothes I can donate, clean out my tool boxes, and gather books for the library book sale.

    Instead I took down the DirecTV dish, filled the holes... then watched El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie on Netflix. Not long after, I heard that Robert Forster, who appears in El Camino, had died. He's had many notable roles but my all-time favorite is in Quentin Tarantino's Jackie Brown, where he's fantastic at conveying so much without even saying a word...

    Amazing. And now I have to go watch that movie for the 100th time. Rest in peace, sir. You will be missed.

    BUT BEFORE WE GO...

    Though I would take Elizabeth Warren over President Trump (hell, I'd pick Pee-Wee Herman over President Trump)... I don't know that I would want her as President of the United States. But then I see how deftly she handles homophobic bigotry, and have to wonder if she might be the person for the job...

    Kinda the perfect video to land on National Coming Out Day, isn't it?

       

    Bullet Sunday 633

    Posted on Sunday, October 13th, 2019

    Dave!I've been catching up with preparing my home for winter this weekend, but I had to make time for blogging, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Compare. I am putting this video here because I just can't believe it exists. Arun Maini (who has a great YouTube Channel) compared all the iPhones ever made for quality and features, plus showed and unboxing of each as well...

    One of the most shocking parts of this video is the end where he compares the cameras. I maintain that the camera in the new iPhone 11 Pro may be the best camera I've ever owned. No, it can't really compare my Sony DSLR... but, in some ways, it actually eclipses it. First of all, it fits in my pocket and is with me at all times. Second of all, it has capabilities you could only get from a device with a massively powerful computer in it... like Night Mode and the forthcoming Deep Fusion. Aside from all that, it's just capable of taking amazing, amazing photos.

    Of course the biggest shock is the benchmark escalation...

    All the iPhone models lined up with their benchmark scores overlayed... starting with the original with a score of 710 all the way up to the iPhone 11 Pro with a score of 699,988!

    I mean... wow. As an aside here, I've owned the following: 2G (The Original), 3G, 4, 5, 6, 7, X, XS, and 11 Pro...

    All my iPhone boxes lined up on a table... with the exception of iPhone 7.

    I kept all the boxes (except I can't find the box for 7). I think the only actual phone I kept was the 5 (it's in the shadows up there in the corner) because I loved the look of it so much (the 4 is a close second). I also have a 2G Original around here somewhere. The other phones I donated because the trade-in value is always worth less to me than helping somebody out... or, as of the iPhone X, I returned it to Apple as part of their iPhone Upgrade Program.

       
    • Vieux Carré. They are building a Hard Rock Hotel in New Orleans at the Northeastern corner of The French Quarter. I was staying just around the corner from the construction site, and walked by while I was there to check things out. Unfortunately I couldn't see much... and, even more unfortunately, there was a horrific accident which has left two workers dead and one still missing...

    As the push to get things done ever cheaper and faster escalates, worker safety seems to be pushed aside. I sincerely hope that's not the case here.

       
    • GROUCH. I do not care how many accolades that the Joker movie gets... I have zero interest in seeing it. The "real" Joker was a career criminal who was driven insane when he dropped in a vat of chemicals. The key takeaway being that he was always a criminal. In this new movie, Joker becomes a criminal due to mental illness, and I'm not here for it. The film is a completely unnecessary revision that simply doesn't interest me. Maybe one day when it's free on HBO or whatever, I'll give it a try out of boredom... but I'm not rushing to the theater to see it. Last night on SNL, there was a parody for Oscar the Grouch which brilliantly captures how I view Joker...

    Perfect. THIS IS PERFECT!

       
    • Three. It came out a short while back that Kevin Smith had finally manages to get Jeff Anderson onboard for Clerks 3. He had written a script ages ago, but Jeff didn't want to do it. Apparently after some discussion, Smith decided to write an all new script inspired by his heart attack that Anderson could get onboard with. Needless to say, I'm ecstatic...

    Kevin Smith has made some of the favorite films. He kinda lost me when he took a detour into Cop Out, Red State, Tusk, and Yoga Hosers... but the idea of getting another Jay & Silent Bob movie this month followed by another Clerks? Too good to be true.

       
    • Vileness. You will be absolutely amazed what Portuguese street artist, Vile, can do with cans of spray paint...

    Tom Holland in his Spider-Man costume.

    Check out the story over at My Modern Met for more of his mind-blowing graffiti art.

       
    • Apple and TV. I absolutely loathe the way Apple handles the video media they peddle. They charge more money than any other provider to sell you something you are forced to watch with their shitty, shitty apps. AppleTV is a grotesque mockery of interface design that barely works. The iPhone and iPad apps are missing so many critical features (LIKE SORTING YOUR HUNDREDS OF PURCHASES) that they're a heinous burden to use. And now there's the TV app for my Mac that came with their new Catalina MacOS. It is the very definition of crap. I never thought I'd be longing to go back to iTunes, but at least it was functional. The TV app is fucking garbage. They regularly send you to places that have no content... THEN DON'T GIVE YOU A FUCKING "BACK" BUTTON TO GO BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE!

    And just try searching for stuff you want to buy. I dare you. I double dare you. I am so fucking embarrassed for Apple that I feel like vomiting. And if Steve Jobs were alive today he'd probably burn the company to the ground. After he strangles all the dumbasses who thought that "butterfly" keyboards in MacBooks was a good idea.

       
    • Stellar. Christopher Nolan's Interstellar is a movie that I didn't like at first but, as time went on and I gave it another chance, I came to appreciate it as pretty good sci-fi. The high-concept science behind it is fascinating. Yes, the way that Nolan tried to inject "humanity" into it was a kludge, but it's still an entertaining story. And while I found everything pretty straightforward (despite some glaring plot holes), I found this cool (spoiler-filled) graphic which explains the time shifts in a great way...

    The complex timeline of the movie Interstellar showing all the characters and their journey through the film.
    Click image to embiggen.

    Of course I ended up watching the movie again last night just to follow along. I like it even better the third time through.

       
    See you next Sunday, buckaroos.

       

    Bullet Sunday 634

    Posted on Sunday, October 20th, 2019

    Dave!Don't let the short, cold, grey days get you down, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Who Watches? Tonight was the premiere of HBO's new Watchmen series, which is a continuation of the graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. I enjoyed the first episode quite a lot, despite many, many. misgivings. Primary of which is using extreme violence against Black persons and the Tulsa Race Riots as entertainment fodder. I always worry that there are people watching not because they find the horror in it all, but because that's what they get off on watching. Anyway... the original comic book series was an epic work of storytelling genius, and having somebody like Damon Lindelhof (who helped turn Lost from a promising television show into a steaming pile of idiocy) was worrisome. But, if this first episode is any indication, we're in for a wild, action-packed ride. But, even better, it seems to be building to... something...

    The new series constructs its story around racism and our ever-escalating conflict with white supremacy. While admirable, I'm going to have to reserve judgement on whether it's an effective take until the end. As for the show itself, HBO put some serious money into it, and it shows. On top of getting top-shelf talent like Regina King, Jean Smart (who was oddly absent the first episode), Louis Gossett Jr., Don Johnson, and Jeremy Irons(!)... it looks gorgeous, and the weird world that Moore and Gibbons created feels fully realized. If you have HBO, it's kinda a no-brainer to tune in. But if that's not incentive enough, here's Dave Gibbons drawing Regina King's character, Sister Night...

    Eight weeks to go until we find out where this is all going. Hopefully somewhere worthwhile. All we need is for Lindelof to drop the ball at the end like he did with Lost.

       
    • A Mystery. After watching the premiere of the new Nancy Drew I cannot fathom how in the hell the conversation went at the initial meeting. But I'm guessing it went something like this...

    NANCY DREW SHOWRUNNER: My plan is to get some of the best talent available to write compelling mysteries with a modern slant. Really push boundaries on excellent storytelling and give viewers some best-of-class television to sink their teeth into.

    NETWORK EXECUTIVES: Or you could just put a bunch of nonsensical drama in it with some gratuitous sex and not give a flying fuck about the quality of the mysteries and stories. Would be cheaper that way.

    NANCY DREW SHOWRUNNER: And a pile of worthless, forgettable shit it will be then.

    NETWORK EXECUTIVES: Put Scott Wolf in there. That'll fix everything!

    NANCY DREW SHOWRUNNER: And a pile of worthless, forgettable shit with an appearance by Scott Wolf it will be then.

    NETWORK EXECUTIVES: Start the first episode with Nancy really getting pounded... we're talking shaking a cup of coffee off the nightstand kind of sex pounding. But put her on top so we don't get complaints about having a weak female lead.

    Nancy Drew is an iconic character who deserves far better than this crap. How it got greenlit is a mystery.

       
    • Shoot Your Shot. I love this series anyway... but this episode with Mindhunter's Holt McCallany is one of my favorites to date...

    What a cool guy!

       
    • Nest, Take Two. I have two sets of security cameras... one is hardwired with local storage and the other is a cloud-cam system by Nest (now owned by Google). The Nest cams are really great, but frustrating because their per-camera pricing for cloud storage is way too expensive. Amazon's cloud storage has a far more reasonable single fee which covers all your cameras. I was going to switch in February when my current Nest contract runs out because the cost to buy all-new Amazon cameras would be offset after just one year. And this week I found out I no longer have to do that. Somebody at Google Nest decided to get serious about being competitive and announced all new cloud storage pricing which will cover all my cameras for one fee like Amazon. So that's refreshing.

       
    • Eyeroll Territory. Not content to let their legacy as some of the greatest filmmakers in the history of cinema speak for itself... two legends insist on criticizing modern filmmaking, and come across as entitled egomaniacs. Just fuck off already. Nobody who loves what Marvel is doing gives a single fuck about your opinions. I mean, holy shit... Coppola acts like he never made Supernova, one of the biggest pile of shit movies I've ever seen. And what about Captain Eo?. I mean, holy shit! I understand the concern that venues for "art house cinema" are waning because theaters have to show the movies that keep them in business and there's not much room left for anything else, but that's the way it goes (and a lot of the blame comes from THE STUDIOS who insist on taking massive amounts of their box-office, leaving them little choice in the matter... you have to fill those seats). Which means it's time to adapt or die. Because there's still room for non-popcorn-flicks, you just have to make them in a way to appeal to modern audiences. There are breakthrough films which do this all the time. If you can't do that, then work with a streaming outlet to find a home for what you want to do. It boggles my mind that this even needs to be said.

       
    • Programming. And, lastly, because I just can't help myself... something to read if you're a code-geek like me: The Lines of Code That Changed Everything. It's pretty fascinating. Even moreso if you've ever programmed before.

       
    And... scene. Have a good week!

       

    Skywalking to the Finish Line

    Posted on Monday, October 21st, 2019

    Dave!And lo after these many months, the final trailer for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker has been released.

    This is supposed to be the final movie in a trilogy of trilogies which follows the story of the Skywalkers from Anakin to Luke to... Rey? Perhaps? I mean, Anakin and Luke are dead, so if Skywalker is going to do any "rising" it will have to come from somebody else, assuming they don't come back from the dead. And what else is there? Just Rey. But wouldn't it be funny if it were Rose Tico?

    I dunno about the story... I haven't been terribly impressed with what we've gotten so far... but boy do the special effects look amazing! I'm guessing that there will be a space battle to end all space battles, and that will be alright with me. It's why I keep going to these things, to be honest.

    The best I can hope for is that this will land somewhere above Star Wars: The Force Awaken but, let's face it, that might be a bit of a stretch when they're going to be focusing on wrapping up everything...

    Star Wars Movies Ranking

    Guess we'll find out in December.

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    Dia de los Muertos y Coco

    Posted on Friday, November 1st, 2019

    Dave!The commercialization of a people's traditions and culture is a practice which fascinates me. Partly because those traditions are usually sanitized for those who would never make even the slightest effort to understand their origins. But mostly because it creates this disgusting mingling of cultural identity blending with people who loathe those behind the culture. The same people who proudly hate immigrants are the same people who love eating a burrito while chugging $5 margaritas at a bar on Cinco de Mayo. The same people who laugh at the plight of our neighbors to the South trying to escape horrific violence are the same people who get sugar skull tattoos and decorate their homes for the Day of the Dead.

    Which is "Dia de los Muertos."

    Which is today.

    Kinda.

    Generally speaking the Day of the Dead is actually a three-day holiday. It begins on All Hallows Eve (October 31) when altars are built to invite the spirits of dead children to visit. On All Saints Day (November 1) spirits of dead adults are invited to visit...

    A frame from the animated masterpiece COCO from Disney Pixar showing a colorful altar decorated with marigold flowers, candles, and photos of the dead while a grandmother is explaining it to her grandson Miguel.

    Then it all culminates on All-Souls Day (November 2) when the spirits of relatives are honored by visiting their gravesites to light incense and decorate them with marigolds, skeletons, calavera de azucar (sugar-skulls), and all kinds of other decorations and offerings... including the departed's favorite foods and drinks or, in the case of children, their favorite toys...

    A frame from the animated masterpiece COCO from Disney Pixar showing skeletal spirits visiting a decorated cemetery while people are praying at a gravesite in the foreground.

    I say "general speaking" because Dia de los Muertos is celebrated in many different ways... even between regions of a single country like Mexico where it is a national holiday. Here in the USA there are, of course, traditional celebrations in our Hispanic communities. Everywhere else, Mexican and Latin American bars and restaurants use it as a way to promote their businesses. And, naturally, there are those who just think that sugar-skulls look cool so they display them on their dashboard or on their mantle for exotically fun decorations.

    And then there are the cultural-appropriation-for-profit endeavors which actually do try to honor the traditions on which the original culture was built so they can enlighten and educate. Take for example the 2017 Pixar film Coco which is a beautifully animated movie that uses Dia de los Muertos as inspiration for both its story and visuals (it's where the stills above come from). This is a jaw-dropping, gorgeous film with a heartwarming message that works very hard to honor rather than exploit the culture which is responsible for it...

    This is not to say that there are not those who would believe that Coco is a prime example of exploitation of a people by a mega-corporation that is appropriating their culture for money... and that's a valid assessment. But there are also those who see the film as a celebration of their culture, and are happy that their traditions are being represented and given visibility so beautifully. This piece on the reaction of indigenous peoples of Oaxaca watching Coco (many of whom had never been to a theater before) is wonderful to see.

    As somebody who is not native to Dia de los Muertos, has never had it be a part of their culture, and knew almost nothing about it aside from seeing sugar skull tattoos on Ink Master, I was grateful to Disney/Pixar for educating me about the Day of the Dead. It's thanks to Coco that I took the time to read up on the holiday by those whose culture is responsible for it. And after educating myself I was able to truly appreciate what a beautiful celebration it is. Not necessarily for the dead... but for the living who keep their spirit and memory alive.

    If you haven't seen Coco yet, this weekend would be the perfect time to remedy that. And if you have? It's a great time to watch it again. I know I will be!

       

    Avengers: Damage Control

    Posted on Wednesday, November 6th, 2019

    Dave!Well that was fun.

    I flew to Minneapolis for one day because I am a Marvel Studios completist and just HAD to do Avengers: Damage Control at The Void (thanks to Kyle for being a good sport and doing it with me!). It's an immersive VR experience that's part game, part virtual world. You strap on a backpack filled with tech, don a VR helmet, then walk through a physical "studio" which has been remapped in your goggles with an entirely new reality. Along the way you fight Ultron robots and stuff...

    So far as the technology goes... it’s pretty glitchy. You're in the "experience" with three other people and move from area to area with them. But the physical representations of the other "players" is not entirely stable or accurately mapped. Sometimes you'll look over at somebody and they will be walking in place oddly or randomly switch directions. The hybrid Black Panther /slash/ Iron Man suits you get mapped on you are pretty cool though...

    People wearing their VR backpack and helmet transforming into VR people dressed in outfits which look to be a cross between Iron Man and Black Panther.

    The mapping of your real hands to your virtual hands is... okay-ish. But many times my hands would disappear or jump to a wildly different spot. Kyle has tattoos on his arms and hands which made it so one of his virtual "hands" rarely functioned at all. And it’s a little tough to “get into the action” when your hands keep disappearing! So... helpful hint, I guess... if you have arm/hand tattoos, maybe you need to wear white lycra sleeves and gloves or something?

    Your VR self holding up their hands to a virtual mirror and seeing your VR self.

    That being said... the coolest part of the experience is not the "game" part. It's being able to look around at the world they created, which is absurdly cool. I almost wanted to go back through again so I could ignore the battle and just see all the stuff going on in your environment that's 360° around you. You go from Shuri's training center to Doctor Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum to a full-on battle with Ultra-Ultron on a New York City rooftop. And along the way you meet a goodly selection of Avengers...

    Your VR self holding up their hands and blasting Ultron robots.

    Your VR self holding up their hands and blasting even more Ultron robots.

    Here comes Ultra-Ultron!

    The major characters in Damage Control are Shuri, Doctor Strange, Ant-Man, and The Wasp. And they actually got Letitia Wright to act in it, plus Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Rudd, and Evangeline Lilly to voice their CGI characters (which is why it was worth my flying to Minneapolis to see it all, since it's the real deal and not some imitation video game. Though all the other characters who speak were imitation, but done pretty well. I guess they ran out of budget to get all the stars?

    Ant-Man waves at you while The Wasp stands nearby.

    Seattle doesn't have a The Void location. And not all locations have Avengers: Damage Control. I just picked the cheapest to get to, which was the Mall of America in Minneapolis (surprisingly, it would have taken more miles to get to Las Vegas or a South-California location, which is weird because they're closer). The price of admission is $40. I don't know that it's worth that to somebody who isn't a fan of Marvel movies... and felt a little overpriced even for somebody like me who is. Apparently the Avengers experience is a limited-time engagement through the 15th, so if this is something you absolutely must try, then you might want to get some tickets and get on that.

    Right now, things are still a bit glitchy, and those glitches do take away from the experience. I'd imagine within another five years you'll just put on some VR specs and be able to do this kind of stuff in your living room perfectly. Until then, you can invest in an Oculus VR headset and have a non-walk-through experience at home, or go to a VR space like The Void and take what you can get.

    And what I need to get is some sleep, because I have to be up at 4am to head home.

       

    Bullet Sunday 637

    Posted on Sunday, November 10th, 2019

    Dave!Hallmark Channel Christmas is in full swing this Sunday, but I'm making time for blogging anyway, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • OctoCup. I don’t know whether to be happy... or bust out crying because of how we’re destroying this planet with our filth...

    Probably both. Poor creatures of earth. Fuck the climate change debate... clean up the planet because we have a moral reponsibility to do so. Humans are not the only thing living here.

       
    • Madalorian. By and large, I've been disappointed with the post-Star Wars offerings. The prequel trilogy was utter crap. The sequel trilogy is lacking. Solo was okay, but not a homerun. And while I did love Rogue One for being the most Star Wars since The Empire Strikes Back, it had serious story issues. The final movie in the trilogy of trilogies, Rise of Skywalker arrives in December and looks like it will be a delicious special-effects spectacle. But what I'm really forward to? Jon Favre and Pedro Pascal's The Mandalorian coming to Disney+ on Tuesday...

    Boy does that look good. Firmly set in the Star Wars Universe, but giving us something new outside of what the past films are mired in. I sure hope it lives up to the hype.

       
    • AT&T Nickel Diming. Upgrading my iPhone through the Apple Upgrade Program was a mess. Worthy of an entire blog post when I have time to document the horror I went through with Apple. Turns out that the fun was just beginning because when I got my AT&T bill, there was a $30 upgrade fee on it. Even though AT&T didn't do a damn thing. The process of activating and transferring my phone was entirely automated and done by me! This is just another case of AT&T squeezing money out of their customers by nickel-and-diming them to death. When I called AT&T to ask them what in the hell they did to merit a $30 charge, their answer was... all the carriers do it. Which may be true. But AT&T costs considerably more than other carriers. And so... time to investigate a possible change. Free HBO that's a massive pain-in-the-ass to activate via AT&T's pitiful AT&T TV Now service (formerly DirecTV Now) is not worth it. Not by a damn sight. And they're dishonest assholes who still charge you full price, even when they are blacking out channels and not paying for them.

       
    • Rank. Step One of getting rid of our fatally-flawed and totally shitty two-party system stranglehold is adopting ranked-choice voting. And... oh my.. here is something interesting.

       
    • Padded. I have been attempting to use the new Adobe Photoshop on iPad. Except, despite it's name, it is NOT Adobe Photoshop. Not even remotely close to Photoshop. Of course I knew that there were going to be sacrifices (especially in the beginning), but this pathetic effort is so feature anemic as to be laughable. For one thing... no resizing or crop tools. I mean, sure there's a "crop tool" but you can't set a dimension. Your only choice is to "lock current ratio." THAT'S IT! Need a certain size? Fuck you. Need a certain resolution? Fuck you. Need a certain ratio? Fuck you. And... oh yeah... the crop tool doesn't snap to edges! What a fucking joke. It's not like I'm upset because I can't use all my filters and am demanding that every possible obscure feature from the desktop Photoshop be added... but holy fucking shit! CROPPING IS A BASIC FEATURE! IT'S NOT EVEN A BASIC FEATURE... IT'S LIKE THE MOST RUDIMENTARY FUNCTION OF AN IMAGE EDITING PROGRAM THERE IS! Pathetic. Can't believe we waited a whole YEAR for this?

       
    • Wavy. Boy does this bring back memories of crossing The Drake Passage! I always wondered how they managed to cook on rough seas!

    There were two times in crossing that dishes were thrown from our tables. Thrown. Which is why the expedition company I went with have to replace half the dishes every season.

       
    • Punch Away. WE LITERALLY FOUGHT A WAR AGAINST THEM!

    Hopefully. Hopefully.

       
    And now... back to our regularly-scheduled Christmastime programming...

       

    Disney+ and a Galaxy Far, Far Away

    Posted on Tuesday, November 12th, 2019

    Dave!And so Disney+ is finally here.

    Unlike Apple TV+, the content you get is staggering. Tons of shows and movies from the Disney archives (some of them having been buried for a long time) plus shows and movies from Disney affiliates (every episode of The Simpsons is right here). And of course the new shows and movies they have been promoting from the very start which will leverage their Disney, Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, and National Geographic properties. I got in on a pre-purchase deal that dropped the cost to less than $4 a month, and at that price this is a bargain and a half for what you get.

    Granted, the Marvel shows that I'm really looking forward to are a ways off yet, but I'd pay $4 a month for The Mandalorian alone, so it's all kinda a no-brainer.

    And now, just as I did with Apple TV+ content, I am dropping my thoughts on what Disney+ originals bring to the table, from my favorite to least favorite...

    The Mandalorian. The entire reason to get Disney+ from the get-go is right here. And, with the exception of Rogue One, it's better than most of the Star Wars stuff that's been released in the past 20 years. Mostly because Jon Favreau and Co. just didn't care about anything but taking all the cool stuff from Star Wars and doing something truly new with it. Between the mysterious nature of Pedro Pascal's namesake Mandalorian... and a freakin' fantastic appearance by a droid from the IG-88 series (IG-11). If you have even the smallest, most basic interest in Star Wars, here's your show. And reason enough to climb onboard the Disney+ train.

    The Imagineering Story. The first of six episodes looking behind the scenes of creating the Disney parks. It's fantastic, featuring archive footage and modern interviews to explain how Disneyland (and everything that followed) came to be. Really cool stuff here... like a look at the incomparable Mary Blair at work. I'd pay the $7 price of admission just to watch this series.

    Marvel: Expanding the Universe. A quick 12 minute sneak peak of all the stuff I am dying to watch on Disney+ (AKA the entire reason I subscribed). There's precious little new information here, but it definitely gets you excited for what's to come.

    SparkShorts. These independent Pixar shorts are, well, everything you expect from Pixar. The first three (Purl, Smash and Grab, and Kitbull) were excellent, so there was no reason to expect anything less from Float. And it doesn't disappoint. Gorgeous animation about a dad trying to deal with a kid who can... float. It's sweet, heartfelt, and amazing. Interesting to note that Disney+ has added other amazing Pixar shorts like Bao and Piper to the service as well.

    The World According to Jeff Goldblum I am not quite sure what this is supposed to be. It's essentially just Jeff Goldblum being Jeff Goldblum at his Jeff Goldblummiest while looking into a subject through the lens of Jeff Goldblum. The result is pretty great, but not exactly groundbreaking. Other shows have done this kind of thing better. But none of them had Jeff Goldblum, and that's the point isn't it? In the premiere, Jeff gets into the inexplicably cutthroat world of sneakers and the jaw-dropping price that people are willing to pay to get collectible pairs. Along the way we get mini-lessons about where vulcanized rubber came from, how companies like Adidas create sneakers, and other tangents. No mention of sweat shops in Indonesia paying children $1 a day to make the sneakers though. I guess you could call this superficially educational... superficial edutainment? Though Jeff slaps back against flat-earthers and dinosaur deniers, so there's that. Definitely watching this one.

    Lady and The Tramp. The live-action remakes from Disney have been a mixed bag. Some of them are amazing (Jungle Book was fantastic), some of them are okay (Christopher Robin has great elements, but kinda flails) and some are just bad (Dumbo was sincerely lacking). The animated Lady and the Tramp was beautiful to look at, but not a favorite. I didn't expect the live-action remake to change my mind. But they pulled out all the stops to create a good film. No, it's not a cinematic masterpiece (and is not as good as the original), but the rescue dog stars they got were great. The casting was perfect (Sam Elliott as Trusty? Come on!). And the CGI talking effects were well-done. This is kinda a perfect example of what Disney+ should be. A place for movies not quite reaching the quality of a feature-film release, but deserving of more than some $9.99 direct-to-video dump.

    Marvel Hero Project. If there's a promise for Disney+ outside of the obvious, shows like this are it. Inspiring, true-life stories that find heroes in humanity and showcase how they are changing our world... THEN, ZOMG, MADE INTO A MARVEL COMIC BOOK! The first issue has Jordan, a girl with limb differences, working to make the world more accessible for everyone. There's an awful lot to like about this show... even without the Marvel element... but made oh so much better because of the Marvel element. I mean, yeah, fashioning a "glitter arm" and shooting sparkly glitter at people may seem like a silly idea to build an episode around, but when you see the show you "get it." It will be interesting to see what future episodes will bring.

    Noelle. Given my predilection for Hallmark Christmas movies, I thought this would be right up my alley. Anna Kendrick and Bill Hader? Oh my garland! Sign me up! And yet... it's not that at all. Instead it's more like a remake of Elf but not really nailing it. Sure it's cute, clever, brimming with Christmas charm, and has the eternal optimism you expect from Disney... but it's all kinda meh despite incredible production values and a great cast. Santa has retired and his son doesn't have the confidence, skills, or desire to take over, so it falls to his daughter Noelle. Given the date of the Disney+ debut, I suppose there had to be a Christmas movie. And this wasn't bad. Though I wonder if kids will be able to get into it? My guess is not.

    Encore! Kristen Bell attempts to revive old productions of amateur high school musical theater... with the original cast! The first episode is Annie with the cast of a 1996 Santana High School production. I don't like musicals, at all, but was fascinated by the concept. And Kristen Bell. They start with a catchup of where all the cast is today... police officers, teachers, stay-at-home moms, and such. Then gather them together with a professional director, music director, and choreographer to stage a modern take on the original. And along the way you get to see them come together and rehash the past and discuss what's been happening in their lives. The result was okay... but ultimately not my thing. Not the personal drama nor the musical theater. And yet... I might keep tuning in on occasion? It's an interesting idea for reality television for sure.

    Ask Forky a Question. Cute to see Forky and Ham again, but this first short (What is Money?) was pretty uneventful. Just Forky being Forky and nothing really happening.

    Pixar in Real Life. A godawful attempt to bring Pixar into the real world. This first one brings in the control panel from Inside Out to the real world where passerby can control the emotions of two actors. Pointless and not the least bit entertaining. It's five minutes long. I made it to a minute-and-a-half before bailing.

    Disney Family Sundays This is some kind of weird-ass crafting show for kids. But a horrifically bad one. In the first episode they make Dumbo's circus tent. The supplies include A PRE-MADE CANOPY TENT?!? WTF? Who has that laying around? Can you even buy that? Then you essentially hot-glue-gun a bunch of garish crap to the pre-made canopy. This is what passes for "crafting" now-a-days? Pathetic. And I just don't get it. First you have to watch the show, then you have to make a massive laundry-list of supplies to go buy (or try to find to buy), then you have to watch the show again as a step-by-step. Lame. I guess I should have expected some cheap "filler" shows to fill in the gaps, but this?!?

    High School Musical: The Series No. Won't do it. This is where I draw the line.

       
    And that's it.

    Well, not really. Tons of Disney, Marvel, and Star Wars content await. Including some stuff from my childhood that I didn't expect to ever see again... like The Love Bug series (including Herbie Rides Again with Helen Hayes) and The Cat from Outer Space. And stuff I don't own that I'd definitely like to revisit (including Saving Mr. Banks and Hannah Montana).

    I've read about people having connection problems with Disney+ but haven't had any major problems. Once or twice I've had an error pop up...

    Something went wrong. Please try again.

    ...but after I dismiss and restart the program everything works just fine. And, much to my surprise, the program picks up right where the problem occurred. Nice!

    The Apple TV interface is fairly good. The web interface is pretty bad. No navigation within the site... you have to use your browser's back button. But, in both cases, the content played just fine so I can't really complain.

    Disney+ is off to a good start. But it's what's to come that has me excited to be a subscriber.

       

    Bullet Sunday 638

    Posted on Sunday, November 17th, 2019

    Dave!Don't despair that yet another weekend is over, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Mando. After only two episodes of The Mandalorian I am prepared to say that it's my favorite thing to come out of Star Wars since The Empire Strikes Back. Or at least tied with Rogue One. I am just completely shocked that they are using their big budget on something more than pew pew space battles. It's all story development... and they are taking their time to get to where they're going. And making everything look 100% gorgeous along the way...

    Baby Yoda creature from The Mandalorian

    And now I want a Baby Yoda doll. But who doesn't?

       
    • MACLUNKEY! And, speaking of Star Wars, I still can't get over how stunning the 4K remaster of the movie looks. Seriously... it looks like it could have been filmed last week! IT WAS RELEASED IN 1977! I was compelled to watch because I heard that the "Han Shot First" scene which was "reimagined" into a "Greedo Shot First" scene is now a "Han and Greedo Shot at the Same Time" scene...

    Greedo from Star Wars looking manacing.

    It's all so damn stupid. Han shot first. It was filmed that way. Any attempt to make it seem otherwise is just fucking embarrassing because it looks fake. BECAUSE IT IS FAKE! Why not just admit that Han Solo had a dicey past but in the end his hero nature prevailed? It sabotages nothing. It changes nothing. And the more you try and play it otherwise, the more you are drawing attention to it. Which is actually more than damn stupid... it's insulting.

       
    • The King. Since the debut of The Impossible Whopper, I've eaten at least a dozen of them. Including the perfect one I had this morning...

    An Impossible Whopper still in its wrapper on top of a Burger King bag inside a car.

    For the most part, I absolutely love them. But here's the thing... like any burger, a number of factors go into how good each one tastes. Unripe, tasteless, tough tomato? Not so good. Ripe, flavorful, juicy tomato? Very good. Lettuce core that's tough and rancid? Not so good. Leafy, fresh lettuce? Very good. It goes on and on. Ordinarily, I'd chalk this up to rolling the dice in a game where I'm happy to play and take my chances. But when they cost $7.50 each? For that kind of money I would hope that Burger King would be a little more careful about making sure everything is good. Because... $7.50?!? Still cheaper than so many other vegetarian options out there... assuming you can find them in the first place.

       
    • Axel! And so Netflix not only ponied up what I'm sure is an ungodly amount of money to Eddie Murphy so he would film a standup special... they must have backed up another dump truck full of cash for him to make a fourth Beverly Hills Cop movie...

    Eddie Murphy as Axel Foley from Beverly Hills Cop making the OKAY sign in one hand while holding a gun in the other.

    I loved the first two... liked the third one... and am hoping against hope that they will make the fourth one be worth a crap. After the long, long, long time that the franchise has languished in development hell, this is probably our last shot.

       
    • Root Beer. I love Japan and adore the Japanese people. I see videos like this pop up in my feed and it's weird how the language starts coming back to me. I really should make time to refresh my skills and get back to Japan one of these days...

    For the record, I love root beer. And A&W Diet Root Beer is fantastic.

       
    • Watching. All-in-all I liked what Zack Snyder did with Watchmen. At least I did until the end where he completely changed Ozymandias's plan and fucked everything up. Which, in retrospect, is no surprise. He has absolutely no respect for the source material and feels as though he can "improve" on everything. In the case of Watchmen, he jettisoned the shock of a giant psychic alien squid destroying New York City, thus depriving us of one of the original series' greatest moments. In tonight's episode of the HBO series, which follows the graphic novel instead of Snyder's film, we finally got to see it in a flashback...

    A giant psychic alien squid destroying New York City, thus depriving us of one of the original series

    Now, this is not really a spoiler since it already happened back in 1987. And if it is a spoiler, how sad that you never read one of the greatest comic book series of all time before watching the show.

    The HBO Watchmen series has been good... very good. And with each new episode I like it even more. But then I have to remind myself that the guy in charge of the show is Damon Lindelof. Talk about somebody who can fuck up an ending. This was one of the guys responsible for Lost. And so... while this series is delicious in all the right ways (mind-bogglingly good scripts and incredible performances) I'm holding onto my final judgement until all nine episodes have aired.

       
    Until next weekend then...

       

    Once Upon a Time…

    Posted on Friday, November 22nd, 2019

    Dave!My favorite director is Quentin Tarantino.

    I love every one of his films, and the fact that he writes his own material is just icing on the cake. His encyclopedic knowledge of cinema gives him the perfect toolbox for creating perfect movies. He knows what works and what doesn't work, and puts only the stuff that works into his art. The only thing I don't like about Quentin Tarantino is his long-standing proclamation that he is stopping after ten films. I hope he ends up ignoring that and only stops when he feels he's done, because I can't believe somebody with his talent and success could ever just... stop.

    Which brings us to his 9th film... Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which was just released on digital. As with all of his movies, I absolutely loved it...

       

    Spoiler Alert. There are spoilers below.

       
    Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is the story of Rick Dalton (perfectly captured by Leonardo DiCaprio) a fading star who had a famous TV show in the 50's called Bounty Law... along with his best friend and stunt double Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt being as amazing as ever). As his career eventually becomes playing a series of bad guys in movies... and a run of Italian Westerns... he has to grapple with the approaching end of his career and an uncertain future. At the same time, Dalton and Booth have the misfortune of becoming entangled with The Manson Family during the Summer of Love thanks to Dalton's home being next door to Roman Polanski and his wife Sharon Tate.

    At this point you need to know that, in real life, Sharon Tate (who was 8 months pregnant) and the friends who were staying with her were murdered by Manson's followers at her home.

    But in Tarantino's alternate history accounting of events, the Manson followers recognize Rick Dalton and decide to kill him instead. Unfortunately for them, they proceed to be brutally killed by Cliff Booth and Booth's dog (and Rick Dalton with a flamethrower). It's glorious. Much in the same way I loved to see Hitler and his brigade of upper-echelon Nazi fucks get brutally murdered in Inglourious Basterds, it's pure cinematic joy to see the Manson pieces of shit get the tables turned on them and get killed in the most painful, horrendous ways possible.

    They call that cinematic justice. Which is a nice departure from the world we live in.

    And that's the movie.

    It's not as complex a narrative as the time shifts in Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill, but this allows Quentin to be laser-focused on the characterization, which is pretty close to his best yet. And a film I highly recommend, if you're so inclined.

       
    And because it's bound to be asked by somebody, here is where I rank the nine films of Quentin Tarantino (that he both wrote and directed)...

    1. Pulp Fiction
    2. Kill Bill (Vol. 1 & 2)
    3. Inglourious Basterds
    4. Jackie Brown
    5. Django Unchained
    6. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
    7. Reservoir Dogs
    8. The Hateful Eight
    9. Grindhouse: Death Proof

    In reality, they are all #1 films to me. The only reason I can rank the movies at all is because there are specific things that register in my head for many of them. Pulp Fiction was the first Tarantino movie I saw. Kill Bill had some of the most remarkable fight scenes of all time. Inglourious Basterds and its revisionist history blew my mind, Jackie Brown was sublimely character-driven with a fun twist... that kind of thing. And any time I re-watch Jackie Brown it becomes my #1 film for a few weeks just because Pam Grier is flawless.

    Rumor has it that Quentin Tarantino is working on a Star Trek film. I have no idea how it will fit in with the various Star Trek properties... perhaps it won't, which would be fantastic because Tarantino could just go nuts and do a true Quentin Tarantino film that heads wherever his imagination takes him. I'm not sure this if this is what I'd want to be his final motion picture... if, indeed, he sticks to his ten-and-done promise, but I'll take what I can get.

    Tarantino has yet to go wrong in my book.

       

    Bullet Sunday 641

    Posted on Sunday, December 8th, 2019

    Dave!Don't let the prelude to holiday madness get your down, because an all new Very Special Video Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • WW84. My first instinct is to trust that Patty Jenkins will deliver an awesome sequel to her amazing Wonder Woman movie. But this new trailer... I just don't know. Apparently this is not actually a "sequel" but instead "the next iteration" of Wonder Woman. Which seems like a cop-out... especially since Steve Trevor looks to be alive(?) after dying in the first movie. Or, if not alive, a figment of Diana's imagination? Or something. And while I'm excited at the prospect of Kristin Wiig playing long-time Wonder Woman adversary The Cheetah, I'm a little less thrilled at the idea of Maxwell Lord factoring into all this as some kind of maniacal infomercial villain...

    The music and action scenes look stellar. I guess we'll find out if this is a Wonder Woman worth watching when the movie is released on June 5th, 2020.

       
    • Guy. I had heard absolutely nothing about Free Guy until I saw this trailer...

    The concept is great. Casting Ryan Reynolds and Taika Waititi is fantastic. The visuals are amazing. I hope all that adds up to a really good movie. I guess we'll find out on July 3rd, 2020.

       
    • Life? And... tonight was yet another bizarre (yet completely watchable) episode of HBO's Watchmen. And with just one episode left, I am anxious to see how everything comes together at the end. And yet... I'm willing to be that the haunting version of David Bowie's Life on Mars by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross from last Sunday will still be stuck in my head...

    Because nothing ever ends.

       
    • LEGO! Two guys after my own heart with their LEGO groom & groom decorations! Their story reminds me of the movie Yossi & Jagger. WHY CAN'T WE HAVE THIS AS A HALLMARK MOVIE?!?

    I mean, come on... how sweet is this...

    Maybe one day nobody will give a crap what other people want for their marriage since it has absolutely no bearing on their life. But, until then, I guess the needle keeps moving.

       
    • Masters. Speaking of LEGO... how in the heck is a competition show like the only just now happening?

    It's kinda a no-brainer concept. But that doesn't mean it will make for good television even though it should make for great television.

       
    • Ad Aware. I love a good advertisement, and am always amazed when somebody creates a truly great ad without the help of an ad agency and a lot of money. Case in point...

    The ad was created for £100 by the shop owner, his kid, and his best friend... in one day. I've seen million-dollar ads which were far less memorable and even less effective.

       
    And that's probably enough videos for one day. So until next time...

       

    Passengers and Problems

    Posted on Friday, December 13th, 2019

    Dave!It's Friday! Which would be great except I'm working all weekend.

    This post is a spoiler-laden discussion of the movie Passengers from 2016 which stars Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt. If you haven't seen the film, then go watch it (or not, it's up to you) before proceeding (or not, it's up to you)...

    Passengers Movie Poster with Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt's faces above a space ship floating through space.

    I put off seeing Passengers despite being a big fan of Chris Pratt and a huge fan of Jennifer Lawrence because I read a couple reviews on Rotten Tomatoes which said it was problematic, so I passed. The review that sticks in my mind most was called Passing Jerks, which I just Googled... it was by Ryan Syrek at The Reader. His review was particularly harsh, because he essentially boiled it down to a "love your abuser" flick. Something I had no interest in watching.

    Fast forward, and...

    A while back I saw that Passengers was on, and decided to see just how awful it was.

    Except I actually liked it.

    Jim Preston is on a space ship that's on a 120-year journey to a colony on another planet. Thanks to damage to his sleep pod by an asteroid strike, he wakes up 90 years early and, because reasons, it's impossible for anybody to go back into hibernation for the rest of the journey.

    It's at this point I am going to agree with Ryan Syrek on one thing... Pratt's character of Jim Preston is pretty awful when he decides to wake up a woman named Aurora from sleep because he fell in love with her writing (and looks, I'm sure). Since she can't go back into sleep, he does this knowing that he's dooming her to die on the journey... then lies to her and tells her that her sleep pod must have been damaged too.

    But to all of Syrek's other points? Not so much.

    • "You get to watch a boring dick grow a beard for the first half of the movie." Well, duh. That's the entire catalyst of the movie. We are meant to feel just how boring and lonely your life would be if you were alone for a year. It's context as to why he does something so reprehensible.
    • "The number of times Aurora is preposterously placed into situations where her clothes must come off would be appalling..." Did I watch the wrong movie? There was exactly once that her clothes "must" come off. Jim takes her for a space-walk and she can't fit in the space suit in the dress she's wearing. But Jim turns around and all that he (and the audience) sees is her dress sliding across the floor. Yeah, she is wearing a swimsuit those times she's like, SWIMMING, but it's a perforated futuristic one-piece with more coverage than a bikini! Where is all this "male-gaze" bullshit Syrek is talking about? Arguably J-Law looks her most alluring when she's fully-covered in a red dress. Did I go to the bathroom when all this bodice-ripping happens? As Syrek noted, the only nudity was Chris Pratt's ass... and it was meant to be humorous... and show that he had completely given up. If anything, this was a movie for the female gaze.
    • "Michael Sheen is forced to watch all this shit as a legless robot chained to a bar." Well, yes. If he were a robot capable of independent motion who could do stuff with Jim, perhaps the guy wouldn't have been so lonely? Sheen played a crucial role as a sounding board for the first half of the movie... and a moral compass at the start of the second half... and the "guy" who eventually spills the beans.
    • "The premise is shut-yo-damn-mouth preposterous, the visuals are “Yeah, I’ve seen 2001 and every other sci-fi movie since too” uninspired." The premise is preposterous? In what way? A meteor strike can't happen in space? Equipment can't malfunction? A person can't make a morally horrific choice? What? When you watch a science-fiction film which takes place in the future, a certain amount of suspension of disbelief has to enter the picture. Otherwise, why the fuck are you watching the movie?
    • "He confines her to die on a spaceship with him because he thinks she’s cute." Except not really. The movie goes out of its way to show that he read all her writing (she's a writer) and fell in love with her smarts, humor, and talent... as well as her looks. When a reviewer sets up a straw-man argument like this, how can you take them seriously? You can't. If you felt that the attempt to build reasons for waking her up were weak, then say that. Don't outright lie.
    • "The naked message in the film then is “ladies, even if a man does the literal worst thing possible to you, forgive him." Except she doesn't forgive him. Up until there's a disaster which forces them to cooperate, she makes this very clear.
    • "Forgive him or die alone like the sad spinster adrift in this life you fear becoming." And here where Syrek is just being an asshole. Once the disaster has passed, Jim finds out that the Auto-Doctor pod can serve as a hibernation chamber to keep Aurora asleep until the ship arrives at the colony in 88 years. She doesn't have to be a "sad spinster"... she can put the entire mess of his disgusting act behind her and move on with the life she intended. By omitting this salient fact, Syrek is being all new levels of disingenuous.
    • "This is gonna sound crazy, but the two fall in love, then have a problem, then work together and reconcile." Crazy how? At the time Aurora falls in love with Jim, she doesn't fucking know that he woke her up, she thinks her pod malfunctioned like his did! They are literally "the last two people on earth" at that point and, thanks to all that Jim researched on Aurora, he knew they were likely compatible. So it's perfectly natural that they would fall in love. And yes, they reconcile, but that's her choice. He is willing to let her go back to sleep. She has the option of going back to sleep. But, as anybody who has been in love can attest, turning off those feelings is not always easy... even when the person you're in love with doomed you to death on a spaceship because he was so horribly lonely that he couldn't help himself. On top of that, they had just faced death together, and that's a bond that's not easy to shake either.
    • "Nothing Jim could say or do could forgive this sociopathic action, but it’s only that much more insulting to women that he’s a boring nothing-person who is, for real here, the supreme goddamn worst." Again, did you fucking forget that she had the option of going back into hibernation? Did you go to the bathroom during that scene? Because, yeah, if she forgave him because she felt she had no other choice and it was better than dying alone, then sure, that would make for an awful movie... but she had another choice! What she forgave was NOT that he had awakened her. What she forgave was that he was so lonely that he wronged her terribly. And the film made this abundantly clear when she thought she was going to be forced to live out the rest of her days alone if Jim died (which is why she risked her life to save his). And how was he a boring nothing-person? She mentioned early on in their relationship that hanging out with him was the first time she didn't feel alone... in her entire life! They did fun things together. He was constantly working to improve himself. He had skills. He was always working on something. He risked his life for her... and was later willing to giver her up (seriously, if he was a sociopath, wouldn't he have kept the fact that the Auto-Doctor pod could hibernate her to himself?). He did everything he could to make up for what he had done. He wasn't a sociopath who thought he did nothing wrong... he was haunted by what he had done, and said he wish he could have stopped himself. On top of that, he looks like Chris Pratt.
    • "Passengers is morally reprehensible and functionally inert." Jim's initial act is reprehensible, but the rest of the movie is about redemption. And if you had paid any sort of attention at all, you might have seen that the story actually makes this exceedingly clear. If Ryan Syrek doesn't feel that anybody is worthy of redemption, then perhaps he is functionally inert?
    • "It is anti-entertaining and potent nightmare fuel for anyone who dares think women have agency outside of finding a nice man." Except Jim is not a nice man. He never thinks of himself as a nice man because of what he did. Aurora made it clear that she didn't think he was a nice man. Even the robot fucking bartender didn't think he was a nice man. And, for the last fucking time, anybody who thinks that the message of the movie is that "women don't have agency outside of finding a nice man" wasn't paying fucking attention. Which is kind of a movie reviewer's job, isn't it? But, being a guy myself, I am not going to let my thinking decide any of this. I will, however, let Jennifer Lawrence's thinking decide it. I've watched countless interviews she's done and I am certain that she wouldn't do a movie with such a message. Indeed, at the time this film was made (and probably even today), she could have made any damn movie she wanted. She didn't have to make Passengers at all. But she did. So perhaps we should listen to women when it comes to this stuff?
    • "A nuclear reactor failure factors into the climax of the film. I rooted so hard for that reactor failure. So hard." Jesus. There were FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE PLUS CREW ONBOARD! Wouldn't wishing 5000+ people dead just to kill one man make Ryan Syrek a morally reprehensible sociopathic nightmare? If it doesn't, it does make him (at the very least) completely self-unaware.

    Ryan Syrek reads like one of those movie reviewers who considers themself to be a morally superior social justice warrior who is so far above any possible failing that they can completely omit pertinent information about a film which doesn't support their narrative. If he would have at least acknowledged that the film addressed his problems... but still failed to win him over... I could at least respect his critique. As it is, I cannot help but go back to his first paragraph...

    "What’s that, Chris? You want to be a super-duper, dimple-chinned movie hunk? Bend over and bore us while your once-charismatic baby blues go fully dead inside."

    First of all, Chris Pratt's eyes are green.

    Second of all, saying that Chris Pratt "bent over," thus using a homophobic slur to say that he sold out his career to star in this movie, makes the only passing jerk here Ryan Syrek. Talk about somebody who must be dead inside. Because, just like J-Law, Chris Pratt is one of the biggest movie stars on earth and doesn't have to sell out a damn thing.

    As for me? Yeah. The movie is highly problematic... at first. But I cannot ignore that there were explanations for why the characters acted the way they did. Jim did a horrendous wrong not just for fun or because Aurora was pretty... it was because he was horrendously lonely and couldn't stop himself after reading her words which felt as though they were speaking just to him. Aurora didn't forgive him because she didn't want to die a lonely spinster, she forgave him because that was the choice which was least painful to her after she had fallen in love with the guy. She chose to forgive him. She chose to rescue him. She chose to stay with him. Far from being a victim, Aurora could have gone right back to her life the way it was going to be at the end of the movie... but all the choices were hers and she made her choice. Then, as we find out from her book, she didn't regret the choice she made and the life she lived.

    Like I said, I enjoyed the film. I thought it had a lot to say about redemption and forgiveness that many critics overlooked in a rush to be politically correct. The special effects were pretty great too.

    And I really liked the ending where they show the tree that was planted and the home that Aurora and Jim built together... plus a maintenance robot who has apparently been harvesting vegetables...

    So... I don't know if I recommend this movie or not. I can see where people might have serious problems with it, and that's okay. To me it worked, and the film itself addressed many of the criticisms that were dropped on it. But don't listen to me... or the critics... if the film looks interesting to you, judge for yourself.

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    Digital Ghibli

    Posted on Tuesday, December 17th, 2019

    Dave!It is no secret that I am a massive, massive fan of the films of Hayao Miyazaki and his Studio Ghibli. I own all the DVDs. I have the VHS and DVD imports. I have all the "making of" books. I even managed to get tickets and attend a rare American appearance by Miyazaki-san himself when he was in Los Angeles. There is just no end to the respect, admiration, and love I have for these animated masterpieces.

    So naturally I jumped at the chance to purchase them digitally when iTunes finally had the films for sale this morning. There goes the iTunes Gift Cards I bought on Black Friday.

    Surprisingly, there's no "Master Collection Bundle" to purchase all the films in one go. The closest you can get is a $100 "Six Films Collection" which includes some of Studio Ghibli's most popular animated classics...

    Six films by Hayao Miyazaki: Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Ponyo, Howl's Moving Castle, Kiki's Delivery Service, and My Neighbor Totoro.

    All the other movies have to be purchased individually. This is a bit odd considering that three of his more critically renowned works (Only Yesterday, The Tale of The Princess Kaguya, and Grave of the Fireflies) don't get a bundle treatment.

    I must say... it was worth the wait. Because every dubbed film purchase also gets you a subtitled version with the original Japanese actors! Don't get me wrong... the English-speaking casting is always good (Phil Hartman as Jiji in Kiki's Delivery Service is sheer genius), but I really enjoy hearing them as they were originally intended. The films are animated to the voice track, and sometimes the English dub doesn't quite get to where the original performances were at.

    I have no idea why Miyazaki-san finally relented to digital distribution. I believe that he's gone on record more than once about wanting his work seen in theaters first... and perhaps television if a theatrical viewing is not possible. I think he bristled at the idea of the sublime subtlety of his animation getting lost on a tiny phone screen. And, to be honest, you can hardly blame him.

    Studio Ghibli struck a deal with HBO Max to distribute all their films for streaming (starting next May, I believe). Given their long association with Disney, this was a bit shocking... but I guess Disney+ didn't want to pony up enough money to make it happen. The iTunes announcement came afterwards and was a bit of a surprise. I thought perhaps the films would never be released digitally... certainly not while Miyazaki-san is alive.

    But here we are.

    Even more exciting is Hayao Miyazaki's final film... an adaptation of 君たちはどう生きるか (How Do You Live?), which is a hugely famous 1937 novel in Japan. It is hoped that this movie will be released next year, but I haven't seen an official release date yet.

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    Video19

    Posted on Saturday, December 28th, 2019

    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    Or, more accurately, a "wrap-up of movies I saw that came out this year." As always, there's a bunch of movies I never saw that would have probably ended up on my list (we'll get to that later). And here we go...

    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Favorite Movies 2019

    #1 Avengers: Endgame
    This should shock absolutely nobody. Easily one of the greatest super-hero movies of all time, and even more easily one of the biggest cinematic spectacles ever created... but also managed to have real heart and some eye-popping entertainment value. My extended review is here, and there's not much more I can add to it except that no other film came close to changing my mind as to what movie deserved the #1 spot on my list.

    #2 Captain Marvel
    As perhaps the single most powerful hero in the Marvel Universe, bringing Carol Danvers to the Marvel Cinematic Universe was like dancing around a keg of lit dynamite. How in the heck do you manage it in a way that doesn't drastically overshadow everybody else? In Avengers: Endgame you do it by having the mother of all-powerful villains. In her solo movie you do it by greatly reducing her powers for the majority of the film. I have no idea what they will do for future appearances. And while the "youthification" CGI for Samuel L. Jackson and Clark Gregg was far from flawless, it was surprisingly good. Good enough that Sam was on-screen almost as much as the lead character! But what really makes this movie a critical touchstone for the future of Marvel's film slate is that they introduced the Kree and the Skrulls. They are both a massive presence in the comics, and I can only imagine that they will be a big part of the MCU going forward.

    #3 Knives Out
    Rian Johnson is tough to pin down. He gives us a spectacular movie like Looper, follows up with something completely off-the-mark like The Last Jedi (SPAAAAACE LEIAAAAA!), then rises to even greater heights with Knives Out. As impressive a take on the murder-mystery as this is, the phenomenal cast is where it lives or dies. Smart, funny, and about as stylish as a movie gets, the twists and turns do not stop until the very end. I would say absolutely nothing on this film out of fears of spoiling it... but I will say to go see it.

    #4 Jojo Rabbit
    Taika Waititi is the gift that keeps on giving. Hunt for the Wilderpeople, What We Do in the Shadows, Thor: Ragnarok, and now this. There is no subject, no genre that's safe from his incredible talent and I couldn't be more happy about it. This is a comedy which features a young boy who's imaginary friend is... Adolf Hitler?!? What kind of filmmaker does that? Well, Taika Waititi does, and he completely knocks it out of the park. Good, silly fun with an innate sweetness that never goes too far, Jojo Rabbit is not without its problems, but the way it rises above them when taken as a whole is pretty darn inspiring.

    #5 Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
    As a massive fan of everything Quentin Tarantino has ever done, this was the movie that I had the least expectation for. A washed-up actor and his stunt-double wandering around L.A. during The Manson Family murders? Really? Except, as usual, Tarantino has a lot more to say than the subject might otherwise suggest. This alternate-history of Sharon Tate is filled with great characters all having great character moments... and has an ending which was worth every minute of screen time it took to get there. Some of the detours were less successful than others (the Spahn Ranch scene went on way too long and the Italian wife came out of nowhere) but they are all parts of a whole, and the "whole" in this case is pretty great.

    #6 Spider-Man: Far From Home
    Whereas the first MCU Spider-Man finally... finally... treated us to a Spider-Man that was actually a kid like in the comic books (and found a story which took full advantage of it), the second outing is a step backwards. Using the idea of an international school trip (seriously, who bought that premise?) which takes students on a random (and changeable!) series of locations across Europe, there were just too many bad coincidences for this thing to hold together. Even worse, the fatherly presence of Tony Stark in the first film was badly missed this time around, even though they tried to cram him in via a magical pair of glasses. And yet... if you can ignore all the wacky coincidences... there's a lot here to love as well. Mysterio was reinvented for the MCU in a way that was actually quite clever. We get more Agent Fury, Happy Hogan, and Maria Hill. The action sequences were fantastic. And Tom Holland is still the best Spider-Man yet.

    Favorite Movies 2019

    #7 John Wick 3: Parabellum
    Look, there's no other way to say it except to just come out and say that this is the movie to see when you just want to see a lot of stylish violence done really well. It's a fun flick that doesn't aspire to be much more than a fun flick, and that's why it works so perfectly. I am totally ready for John Wick 4.

    #8 Changeland
    This movie is about Thailand more than anything else. Which, given my love for the country, would be enough for me to enjoy it. But that's only on the surface. If you take a minute to look under the surface, there's actually a lot going on. When a guy finds out his wife is having an affair, he invites his childhood best friend (the criminally underrated Breckin Meyer) to go on the trip he was surprising his wife with. And then you just kinda follow them along their journey as stuff happens... some of it pretty funny. Seth Green wrote, stars, and directed this gem, so full marks there. But I'd be remiss if I didn't give a shout-out to Patrick Ruth, who is the cinematographer. Every scene is beautifully shot, and that atmosphere is a major character in the film.

    #9 Dolemite is My Name
    I expected this to be funny with Eddie Murphy starring. I didn't expect it to be so touching. The fact that it's based on a real guy and the very real films he made makes this bizarre Blaxploitation story all the more entertaining. Perfectly presented and perfectly cast, this is Netflix at its finest: producing really good movies that major studios would likely pass on.

    #10 The Farewell
    Proving once again that everything Awkwafina touches turns to gold, this is a sweet, touching, and wholly remarkable film. Not a lot happens... and yet everything happens... as a family has to deal with a Chinese matriarch being diagnosed with precious little time to live, and everybody knowing about it except her. Apparently this very real situation exists in China. It allows the family to say goodbye without upsetting the person who's dying. The performances are all fantastic, which is essential for a movie like this. The moral and ethical wrangling are just icing on the cake.

    #11 Us
    If you're Jordan Peele, how do you follow Get Out? Apparently just like this. It's a less subtle effort, going more for outright horror than having an overreaching message (though it does). If there is a flaw, it's leaving too many points ambiguous or not very well fleshed out. And yet... it's a compelling movie even so, which could mean that Peele was smart to stick to the broad strokes and let the details remain unexplored. And yet...

    #12 Late Night
    This was a good story, not a great story, but the performances by Emma Thompson and Mindy Kaling are what make this film appear on my list. As a behind-the-scenes look into late-night television shows it's less successful, but as a character piece for amazing talent it doesn't get much better than this.

       
    HONORABLE MENTIONS...

    • Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker. I didn’t quite know where to put this on my list. It absolutely wasn’t one of my favorite films, and yet I don’t think I would go so far as to say it shit the bed either. It was just so badly cluttered with ideas, and yet it had tremendous special effects. It was a rushed mishmash wasteland, and yet it had fine moments. It was a comically bad ending to nine films, and yet they got Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, and Billy Dee Williams some character closure. The “big reveal” on Rey’s parentage was so poorly handled that you can’t make sense of it all, and yet I still had fun. So, darned if I know. The sequel trilogy still beats the gut-wrenchingly shitty prequel trilogy by a wide margin... but it doesn’t even touch on the first two films of the original trilogy, and that's where they should have been reaching.
    • The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part. I didn't like the live-action component of the first film, thinking it would have been a far stronger movie without it. I feel this is even more the case for the sequel. Still... it did have many charming moments and was funny enough, so perhaps I'm being too harsh?
    • Always Be My Maybe. As a fan of both Randall Park and Ali Wong, I went in expecting this movie would short-change both of them. Exactly the opposite. They were even better together.
    • Zombieland: Double Tap. Though far, far weaker than the original (and suffering more than the first from Jesse Eisenberg playing Jesse Eisenberg), I still had a good time watching the sequel. There was enough new to make this more than a retread, which was much appreciated. And the addition of Zoey Deutch as Madison proved that the "dumb blonde" trope hasn't quite been played out yet.
    • Toy Story 4 I honestly thought that two "Toy Story's" were enough. Until I saw Toy Story 3. Then I was certain that three "Toy Story's" were enough. Until I saw Toy Story 4. As a conclusion to the Woody/Buzz story, it's not as pleasing as what we got in Toy Story 3, but it does have some some definite high points that made me glad they went for another installment. The big question being... do we need a Toy Story 5? Given how things ended up in this one, I really don't think so. It would just push things too far and render the power of this film's finale moot. Though there's no part of me that doesn't want to see more Duke Caboom.

       
    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    • Terminator: Dark Fate
    • Jay & Silent Bob Reboot
    • A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
    • Frozen 2
    • The Favourite
    • Queen & Slim
    • Ford v. Ferrari
    • Parasite
    • The Last Black Man in San Francisco
    • Dr. Sleep
    • Jumanji: The Next Level
    • Last Christmas
    • Long Shot
    • Booksmart

       
    OVERRATED...

    • Ad Astra. I heard some fairly bold claims about Ad Astra "reinventing" the sci-fi genre. Imagine my surprise when the way that the film "reinvented" the genre was to make it boring as fuck. Seriously, I do not get the critical acclaim. There were some nice special effects (the moon buggy chase was great), but everything else was focusing on all the crap I don't find entertaining in my sci-fi. Hell, even 2001: A Space Odyssey was preferable to this! It seems they wanted to focus on the psychological aspects of space travel, but did so in a way that was hardly revolutionary. 2009's Pandorum was a far more entertaining psychological space-faring flick.

       
    SHIT THE BED...

    • Shazam! Ninety-one percent? Shazam got NINETY-ONE PERCENT on Rotten Tomatoes? Really? One minute it's childish and stupid as shit... the next minute there's a demon is biting somebody's head off. So exactly who was this movie made for? Psychotic children? Even if you ignore the stupid glowing lightning-bolt-that-looks-more-like-a-triangle on his uniform, Shazam was awful. WHAT HAPPENED TO HAVING THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON? THIS SHAZAM IS A FUCKING IDIOT! About the only thing I enjoyed was Mark Strong as Sivana, despite the fact that he was a complete departure from the comic book's Dr. Sivana (and not in a good way, of course). I cannot fathom how this managed to rate 91%. I just don't get it. The only thing that kept it from total disaster for me is that they didn’t have any burp or fart jokes. At least I think the movie didn’t... I fast forwarded through the foster home stuff because all the kids were just so annoying.
    • Dark Phoenix. I had no desire... none at all... to see Dark Phoenix. For one thing, it's the capper on a slew of shitty X-movies, after which Marvel will be bringing the X-Men to the MCU and completely rebooting it to (hopefully) something that doesn't suck. So it's essentially a wasted effort and makes no difference. Then I finally caught it on a flight and was mortified that it was even worse than X-Men: Apocalypse which I didn't even think was possible. How in the hell all the non-Marvel super-hero movies keep sucking this badly is a total mystery.
    • Hellboy. So... hold on a second... we were denied the third and final installment of Guillermo del Toro's brilliant Hellboy trilogy with Ron Perlman for this? FOR THIS?!? It's a complete pile of shit that falls so flat as to be unintentionally laughable given the R-rating. David Harbour wasn't a terrible choice for the reboot, I guess, but there was just nothing here to make him a fully realized character. Despite an effort to create a frantic energy throughout, I was bored, bored, bored.
    • The Irishman. Surprisingly funny, impeccably acted and shot, and a cast to die for doing their best work... this should be a slam-dunk win. And yet... it felt like a boring rehashing of stories that I’ve already seen from Scorsese and these actors. It was just so mind-numbingly tedious that even the masterful performances couldn’t save it.
    • The Goldfinch. This is what happens when you are traveling and need to kill a few hours. I watched it because the book (which I haven’t read) was so widely regarded. Looks like I should have read the book, because this movie was so utterly bland and lifeless as to make me wish I had walked out of the theater.
    • Rocketman. I went expecting a bio-pic featuring Elton John’s music. I got this awful musical which shoe-horned songs into a narrative which failed every single time.
    • Glass. M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable was a fantastic exploration of the super-hero genre. Smart, gritty, and a sweet "realism-based" take on how it might work. As if that wasn't enough, it had some pretty good insight into the tropes which make comic books work. I have been waiting for a sequel for a very long time. Alas, what we got was a half-baked effort to cram sequels for Unbreakable and Split into a single movie. Which wasn't a crazy idea... the cameo by Bruce Willis at the end of Split made the idea something that could work. Alas, the approach was severely misguided. There just wasn't a movie here. At least not one I wanted to see.

       
    PROBABLY SHIT THE BED, BUT I WOULDN'T KNOW...

    • Joker. I don’t give a crap how many accolades it gets, the commercials paint this as a horrific departure from the comic books and I just don’t care. I may watch when it ends up on HBO or something, but I ain’t paying anything extra for it.
    • Cats. Have I seen it? No. Just the commercials are enough to get it on my list of worst cinematic experiences this year.
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    The Howling at Midnight

    Posted on Thursday, January 2nd, 2020

    Dave!I have come to the conclusion that once you pass 50 it takes two days to recover for every day you go without a bare minimum of sleep. I went three days without sleep, so it's going to take six days before I recover. Which, for me, will be sometime Saturday.

    It was not always like this. Used to be I would operate on a few hours sleep for weeks and suffer no ill-effects. Sometime in my mid-30's this changed and I needed a couple hours extra sleep to recover from a week of insanity. Then I hit 40 and suddenly I needed a day for every day of missed sleep to recover. That was at least manageable. But two days per day? How do I schedule for something like that? Being able to operate at only half-speed is killing me.

    Last night I went to bed much earlier than I usually do (around 11:00pm instead of 1:30am) in an attempt to make up for lost rest. Jake, who usually sleeps with me most nights now, fell asleep in the downstairs guest room so I wouldn't be bothered by him. This left Jenny, whom will hop off the bed and go sleep in the other guest room the minute I fall asleep.

    But not last night.

    Oh no. I fell asleep while petting her and she was very upset about it.

    VERY.

    I woke up to the sound of her walking around my room howling because I dared to fall asleep before she was done with being petted. When she gets upset or wants attention, she will meow from time to time... but this was howling. Keep in mind that this camera is downstairs, so what you're hearing is one floor and three rooms away from the microphone. That's how unbelievably loud she was...

    I love how she is so loud that Jake wakes up and is all WTF?!? and goes walking upstairs to see what Jenny is on about.

    And so... I pet her for another twenty minutes until she was satisfied, then eventually fell asleep and hour-or-so later. Not quite getting the sleep I was hoping for, but... well... cats... you know.

    Speaking of cats...

    One of my favorite things on YouTube is Super Easy, Barely An Inconvenience, a series of "pitch meetings" for popular films by Ryan George for Screen Rant. The guy does the same thing every time and yet it is hilarious every time. The most recent pitch meeting is for the Cats movie, and it's one of the best yet...

    And so now I'm binge-re-watching all of the episodes of Super Easy, Barely An Inconvenience while I work, which is a fantastic use of my time. Better than most stuff on television if I'm being honest.

    And here's hoping that Jenny gets all her required petting in before I fall asleep so I can maybe... possibly... perhaps... kinda get some sleep tonight?

    Well, she's a cat, so I'm not holding my breath. But maybe I should hold my breath. Can a cat howling in your bedroom wake you up if you've passed out from holding your breath?

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    Bullet Sunday 644

    Posted on Sunday, January 5th, 2020

    Dave!We may be on the verge of World War III as a reckless, clueless president is intent on starting a war to distract from his impeachment, but all is not lost because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Oh Deer. So there I was falling asleep last night when the security system alarm goes off on my phone telling me that there was a person on the side of my house and in my back yard. I thought it might be a cat trying to get into the catio again, but Jake and Jenny were in bed with me. Nope... definitely not a cat... it was A FAMILY OF DEER! A couple others came along after this video...

    Apparently with the warmer weather they are looking for something to eat, because they spent some time in my shrubs before moving on...

    A deer walking through my back yard.

    I feel horrible that somebody may harm them as they try to survive by heading into suburbia.

       
    • RIP Syd Mead. It's unbelievable how so much of how we envision the future was defined by one guy... Syd Mead. He has created a tremendous volume of incredible work, and I was saddened to hear of his passing.

    Syd Mead scene from Bladerunner showing a futuristic city street.

    Syd Mead scene from Bladerunner looking out of a flying car's windshield.

    Syd Mead future submarine-like-craft that shows futuristic construction.

    Syd Mead scene from Bladerunner showing a futuristic cityscape skyline awash in lights.

    2010, him. Aliens, him. Blade Runner, him. Blade Runner 2049, him. Star Trek the Motion Picture, him. Tron, him. You will be missed, sir.

       
    • Poop. I loathe coffee. I have never liked it despite my proximity to Coffee Central (AKA Seattle). On those occasions where it's the only thing to drink, I will try it (again) and want to barf (again) so I've just stopped trying. Finally, finally I've found a video which encapsulates how I feel about the entire situation...

    Smart kitty.

       
    • Persevere. And speaking of cats... for all the challenges you meet in 2020... take courage from this cat who perseveres over whatever life throws at them!

    Way to go, buddy!

       
    • Squishy. HOLD UP A MINUTE... how many butternut squashes were y'all going to let me buy, peel, and cube before telling me that they make LUXURY BUTTERNUT SQUASH that comes pre-peeled, pre-cubed, and frozen for my convenience?

    Me holding a bag of frozen butternut squash.

    Y'all are on my list now. — I think I was dangerously close to breaking down crying in the supermarket when I saw it in the freezer case. This changes so much!

       
    • Fly Someone. And lastly, I missed this adorable Christmas commercial from Heathrow Airport. Well worth your time to watch...

    What a nice way to end Bullet Sunday! Have a good one, everybody.

       
    Stay safe and be kind, everybody...

       

    Bullet Sunday 645

    Posted on Sunday, January 12th, 2020

    Dave!The world may be cold and bleak right now but there's a bit of warmth to be had, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • WWDD? I am very late to the party with What Would Diplo DO? but am very glad that Hulu recommended it to me. James Van Der Beek plays a parody of real-life DJ Diplo and the result is some of the funniest television I've ever seen. I can't believe that Diplo signed off on this (as well as produced it). I hesitate to link to this (NSFW) trailer because the show is so much better than this would indicate, but here it is...

    It seems impossible we haven't seen a second season since the show was originally released in 2017. Since there's only five episodes available (which I've already watched twice), I need more Diplo in my life.

       
    • Deeply Faked. I was disappointed by The Irishman... everybody involved has done better work elsewhere and I was bored by it all. But I did watch it. And a big part of the movie is the fact that the story is told over a long period of time. So Netflix had to pony up a big chunk of money for computer FX to de-age the characters. It was done well enough that it wasn't distracting... nor did it stray too far into uncanny valley territory. But it wasn't terribly convincing either. Which is why I find the fact that some guy used free "deep fake" tools to do a much better job of it for zero dollar so amusing...

    These are the same free tools that did a far superior job of replacing Superman's face after Henry Cavill couldn't shave his mustache for Justice League. I wonder how long until Hollywood gets smart about these tools. I also wonder how long before faked video is indistinguishable from authentic video... and how that's going to change the world. What happens when you can't tell what's real any more?

       
    • HEADLINE: 32-year-old Medford man fighting severe flu case. I stopped getting the flu vaccine because it never seemed to make a difference. I started again when I became a granduncle because I wanted to take every possible precaution that I wouldn't get him sick. My doctor once asked me if I had gotten my flu shot and I told him that I stopped doing that. His reply? "Well, 50,000 people a year die from the flu, but it's your call." That didn't change my mind, but I see this story and what he said is stuck in my head. 32 years old. Man, I wish this poor guy the best of luck and hope he gets better soon. Get your flu vaccine, people. And if you want to know more about it, the CDC has a page for that.

       
    • Front and Center. Holy cats! This $3 utility restores MacOS X window functionality so that clicking on one window will bring all windows for that app to the front. I have NO idea why Apple changed this behavior from all the MacOS's before X, but it drives me insane. And now it's BACK, baby. No idea how much I've missed this. 100% critical app.

       
    • WAKANDA FOREVER! Yo, Marvel Studios... what is it going to take to get an M'Baku series on Disney+? The guy steals every single scene he's in! He lives in one of the most magical places on earth! He's a character everybody loves! Winston Duke is a cinematic treasure! It's like... how many pieces need to click together before you do what needs to be done? Is Kevin Feige asleep at the wheel?

    And who wouldn't guest star in THAT piece of awesome? Black Panther? Shuri? Okoye? Nakia? They could all make an appearance. This is a show that's begging to be made.

       
    And now for some hot chocolate.

       

    Better Than Sliced Bread?

    Posted on Monday, January 13th, 2020

    Dave!When I got home from work I burned through thesecond season of Fleabag. Don't ask me why it took me this long to get around to it. Maybe it's because I didn't freak out over the first season like everybody I know did. Sure I liked it, but it wasn't better than sliced bread, I tell you what.

    No, it's the second season of Fleabag that's better than sliced bread.

    And speaking of better than sliced bread...

    Nice to see that Marvel dumped some serious money into giving Black Widow the movie she deserves. Taskmaster is the perfect opponent, so something to look forward to (as if I weren't already).

       

    QNAP if You’re NASty

    Posted on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2020

    Dave!For years now... a decade really... I've been experimenting with setting up a personal NAS (Network Attached Storage) media server that's connected to the internet. There are a lot of reasons I'd like to have such a thing, but the big one is that I want to be able to access my vast photo library from anywhere on earth. If I'm in Germany and want to show a friend a photo of the Hard Rock Cafe Yokohama (something that actually happened) it would be great if I could do that. Sure I have the option of paying for a photo service, but then I have to convert all my images from RAW format and lose the ability to access/edit the original photo remotely if I want to.

    So I purchased a 1 Terabyte single-drive, internet-enabled "WD My Book Studio" NAS back in 2010 with that in mind. Everything ended up being a total mess and didn't work at all like I was hoping. It's been sitting in a drawer ever since.

    Fast forward to 2019 and I decided to try again. I used money I had saved in 2014 for a trip to Norway's fjords with my mom (that we never got around to taking) and purchased a QNAP TS415+ NAS and two Western Digital 8 Terabyte RED drives to put in it. The drives are mirrored in a RAID configuration so I don't lose any data if one of them dies. Note that there's a television remote. That's because this model has an HDMI port so it can hook up directly to a television...

    Today I finally set it all up. It was fairly straightforward, though not the most user-friendly thing to do. It spent hours doing a "RAID resync" (whatever the hell that is), which makes zero sense. The drives were empty and freshly formatted. How can it take over 24 hours to "resync" NOTHING? Note that QNAP doesn't bother with beta testing their apps. If they did, somebody might have noticed that the displayed percentage overwrites the text label, making it tough to read its progress...

    Before you can do anything, you have to set up a "Storage Pool" from your drives. I maxed my pool out at 100% of my available drive space, because why only use part of your drives? QNAP is pretty brain-dead when you choose to do this... it will endlessly pester you with alerts because it defaults to a threshold of 80% usage. Insanity. If somebody sets their pool to 100% of drive space, why not ask if you want to disable the threshold alerts? I had to do it manually. Sadly, after setting things up, my 8TB mirrored drive resulted in only 7.1TB of space available. No idea what happened to nearly a FULL TERABYTE of storage (this seems high for overhead), but whatever.

    Anyway...

    Rather than have to install a third-party app, I decided to give the QNAP "Qmedia" app a try on my AppleTV since it's the "native" application from QNAP. It is complete and total shit. Despite "pretending" to remember where you left off when viewing videos, it doesn't. You can't even fast-forward the video you're watching, which is mind-blowing. I have no fucking idea why they even bothered. Qmedia is useless.

    I'd rather not have to switch television video input sources from my AppleTV every time I want to watch something off the NAS, but apparently that's going to be how this goes. So I grabbed the QNAP remote and went for it. First I had to install an app (of course) but no big deal. Then I actually tried to use the thing and it's a total clusterfuck. The "VideoStation" app is just a fucking web browser interface. It's difficult to read because it's not sized for a television. It's impossible to use with the included remote because the remote doesn't do anything. You have to plug in a mouse and keyboard to make it work.

    There's an "HD Player" app that looks like it's geared more towards television displays and using the remote control but it's fucking useless too, having many of the same problems as Qmedia. It goes non-responsive constantly, doesn't allow fast-forwarding (pressing the up arrow to skip forward is not the same thing), starts at the beginning of a video even if you tell it to resume from where you stopped, has a shitty interface that makes sorting through a large number of videos a nightmare, has crap video quality that you can't adjust for brightness or anything else, and is an overall steaming pile of fail.

    I swear, QNAP is the most ridiculous fucking company. Why bother to make claims of being a multimedia center that can connect directly to your television if it does THIS shitty of a job of it? The whole thing is a fucking joke.

    Fortunately there's plenty of options for serving your media from a NAS if it has a computer onboard like the TS451+ does. The "big two" are Kodi and Plex. Kodi is open source and free. Plex is free, but you can support the project by paying to subscribe to "Plex Pass" for additional features (like being able to download media on your phone for local playback instead of streaming it). Most people I know who started on Kodi ended up with Plex, so I just skipped a step and installed Plex Server on my NAS.

    For what it is, Plex Server is pretty sweet. It transcodes just about anything you throw at it. Including the RAW Digital Negative photo format from Adobe (DNG) that I use. Which means I don't have to save out JPEGs in order to access my photo library remotely. Nice! I need to work on settings for this, however, because Plex compresses things pretty heavily for transmission. This results in some ugly visual artifacts, banding, and color shifts...

    A visual comparison of an original photo of a sunset vs. the version Plex serves up.

    Video works brilliantly from Plex BECAUSE YOU CAN ACTUALLY FUCKING FAST FORWARD THROUGH IT ON APPLE TV! Plex does a really good job of cataloging it as well. Thank heavens, because I'd light my QNAP NAS on fire if I had to suffer through their shitty apps. The only problem I've run across is having the video stop and tell me that my connection isn't fast enough, which is absurd because AppleTV is literally plugged into the same high-speed hub as the NAS! There must be some kind of setting for that I'm missing. Fortunately, it's a rare event.

    I don't steal media. All the movies and television shows I have are on DVD/Blu-Ray or purchased on Digital. Well, with two exceptions... Cupid (the Jeremy Piven original) and Oh Grow Up! (one of my favorite shows of all time)... are not available to purchase. Lord only knows I wish they were, because my digitized versions of VHS tapes are really poor quality. I've used Vudu's Disc-To-Digital service to convert the bulk of my DVD/Blu-Ray collection to Digital legally. But not all of my stuff is available for conversion. Now I have the option of ripping them to the NAS and viewing them digitally no matter where I am via Plex Server. Technically, any time you break the protection on a DVD you are breaking the law, but that's a bullshit law. I would happily pay to convert them to digital if the studio who owns them would allow them to be converted. What I'm not going to do is buy the same movie all over again. Fuck that. I already paid for it, I should get to pay a small fee for a new format, not have to buy it all over again. And so... I have a small collection of DVDs ripped to my NAS temporarily until the studio allows them to be converted and I can pay for that. Plex does a great job of streaming from my living room to remote locations in HD. No, the video quality is not as good as what comes off of iTunes... especially if the iTunes version is 4K... but it's plenty good enough for my iPad or iPhone. I'm sure if I didn't have tons of security cameras flooding my bandwidth I could set the quality higher, but it's really not necessary.

    Music streaming (local and remote) is handled quite well through Plex, and my SONOS system can address Plex directly. This means I can download all my music from iTunes, put it on the NAS, then drop iTunes Music Match and iTunes itself with no problem.

    And so... bravo Plex.

    I'm going to try out "Plex Pass" for a month and see if I want to upgrade to the lifetime membership for $120. Something tells me that's a purchase I will end up making. I certainly can't do without Plex if my alternative is the QNAP crap.

    UPDATE: Yeah. Easiest decision to make to get the Plex Pass... the apps for streaming are included and you're helping the team behind it to keep developing the app.

    So okay... the QNAP multimedia is bullshit. What about the NAS itself? Well, I'd love to report on that, but the minute I login, it either immediately disconnects me...

    Make sure the NAS can be reached and refresh the page!

    ...or it allows me in but gives me a shitload of error messages. My favorite? Telling me it's running out of memory. If 2GB is not enough memory to do even the most basic tasks, then why ship with just 2GB memory? QNAP has their own version of Microsoft "Clippy" to break the bad news, which is a weird choice...

    QNAP Robot Assistant

    Even better? If you choose "optimize" he does a happy dance when he recovers 0MB of memory! Once I can log in again, I'll turn off and uninstall absolutely everything except the bare minimum I need (which includes Plex Server, of course), so I'm hoping that will fix these problems.

    My NAS can act as a Time Machine backup for my Mac, but I really don't need that any more. All my data is stored in the cloud, so the only thing that would need to be replaced on my MacBook if it were destroyed are the apps, which I can just download from the developer again.

    QNAP provides Apple File Services so I can access my NAS over my local network easily. Weirdly enough, you are required to install Windows File Services in order to install Apple File Services, but (luckily) you can kill the Windows File Services after installation to save precious memory and everything seems to work fine.

    Speaking of memory... QNAP is happy to sell you more, but they charge outrageous pricing for the stuff. I mean laughably outrageous pricing. Far better to buy it yourself (which I'm guessing I'll have to do sometime soon if killing apps don't work).

    Remote management and access to my files is a breeze thanks to QNAP's tools and a service they call CloudLink. The NAS talks with QNAP so even though its IP address may change, you can still reach it with no trouble.

    And so...

    • I fucking hate the fact that QNAP doesn't really work as a media center as advertised. THAT'S WHY I PAID EXTRA FOR THIS MODEL!
    • Their video apps are worthless garbage that can't even do rudimentary shit like fast forward video.
    • They don't include enough memory to do even basic tasks.
    • Their HDMI television output can not be altered for settings like brightness, contrast, color, etc., which is no big deal considering it's fucking useless without decent apps for it anyway.
    • The included remote control doesn't control shit. And what it can control is garbage and doesn't work.
    • Their web interface is brain-dead idiocy that confuses even the most simple things.
    • Nothing about operation of the QNAP unit is even remotely intuitive. Nothing is easy to find and the byzantine menu system is difficult to use. The fact that they don't have an abstraction interface for moderately-experienced users makes zero sense. They ONLY want to serve the professional market? How strange.

    I am still relatively new to the QNAP TS451+ NAS and the Western Digital RED drives, so I can't comment much about them. I can say that Western Digital are the only brand of hard drive that hasn't disappointed me so I'm hoping that trend continues. Also, despite the shitty media center aspects and overly-difficult controls, QNAP is highly respected in the IT industry. I just wouldn't bother paying extra for an HDMI port and remote that you will probably never use because their software is shit. Put that money towards a Plex Pass where it will do some good.

       

    Star Trek: Reboot

    Posted on Thursday, January 23rd, 2020

    Dave!I am a massive fan of the original Star Trek series. And the original cast movies too.

    I did not like Star Trek: The Next Generation because it was just so boring. Aside from an occasional good episode, the lack of conflict on the ship and Gene Roddenberry's "new vision for the future" was a massive downgrade from where he started. Then Star Trek: Deep Space Nine came along and, while beloved by critics and fans, was somehow worse. Odo the non-shape-changing shape-changing alien? Quark comic relief? The Prophets? I mean, sure there was Avery Brooks, but holy crap. AND THEN, just when I thought things couldn't possibly get worse... Star Trek: Voyager. I was totally excited for it. At first. Enemies on the same ship? CONFLICT! Biomechanical ship? COOL! Stranded across the galaxy where survival is a constant struggle and no allies in sight? EXCITING! But then they ended up doing the same old Next Generation shit all over again and boring the heck out of me. Star Trek: Enterprise was a step in the right direction, but they burdened it with a "Temporal Cold War" that was a boat-anchor tied to the show in a horrible way.

    Naturally, when CBS announced they were coming out with Star Trek: Discovery, I was skeptical. The cast was amazing (seriously amazing) and they looked to be doing something new, but the ship looked like shit and the early previews with engine spores and stuff looked like crap.

    Boy was I wrong.

    The first season of Discovery was phenomenal.

    The performances and characters were incredible. The stories were cool as all getout. And the "big twist" was about the best thing to come out of Star Trek in decades. I loved just about everything about it. Critics said it "wasn't Star Trek" and hated on it terribly. This made me laugh my ass off, because it was easily the most "Star Trek" thing to happen since the original series! People who said it "wasn't Star Trek" were saying it wasn't "NEXT GENERATION Star Trek." Which, of course, was my favorite thing about it. The second season wasn't as good, but it was still worth watching.

    And now there's Star Trek: Picard...

    Star Trek: Picard movie poster with Picard at his vineyard with his dog as the sun sets.

    Obviously I was not enthusiastic about the continuation of a show which I feel is the point Star Trek went terribly wrong. I like Patrick Stewart... like him a lot... but more Star Trek: Next Generation was not something I was interested in. Paying extra for CBS All Access to see it was the nail in the coffin. Except... I read more than a couple interviews with Patrick Stewart and other people working on the show who promised that it was not going to be more of the same old thing. They were doing something new.

    Well, sign me up! Even though I was certain it was going to suck.

    Boy was I wrong.

    First of all, Patrick Stewart is phenomenal in this. He's playing up the age of his character rather than trying to act like he's twenty years younger. Second of all, my mind was completely turned around when Picard said the words "Starfleet was no longer Starfleet!"

    Finally somebody understands what the show needs to be interesting. The story being set up feels like it's going to be entertaining. The cast they've assembled is great. The guest-stars from the old new generation seem like they will be used to good effect. And, oh yeah, the special effects are fantastic...

    I have high hopes that the talent behind the show have an ending that's going to be worth it all.

    CBS sure seems to think so... they renewed the show for a second season AND invited Whoopi Goldberg back, who's "Guinan" is one of the most interesting characters to come out of the old new generation. So fingers crossed.

    Something else that was new today? Jay & Silent Bob Reboot...

    Jay and Silent Bob Reboot movie poster.

    I'm a huge fan of Kevin Smith's "Askewniverse" films... Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Clerks II, and (to a lesser degree), Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. And now we're getting the sequel, Jay & Silent Bob Reboot. To me it was a mixed bag. Sure it was great seeing all the characters again and it was pretty funny in spots (though a lot of the humor relies on the viewer having seen all the previous films), but it's almost reached a parody of the parody it was parodying and priority is put on famous cameos and injecting his wife and daughter into things rather than humor, insightful commentary on pop culture, and the characters that made me love the movies so much.

    I was glad I saw the movie (worth the $10 price tag), but couldn't help but think that half of it was wasted. I am really, really hoping that Smith goes back to form with Clerks III instead of sabotaging himself again.

    Kevin Smith needs to Picard himself instead of giving up more Voyager.

       

    $5 Judgement Can Be Yours

    Posted on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020

    Dave!I used to buy a lot of movies. Like... A LOT a lot of movies.

    But now the budget I used to devote to buying films has been transferred to streaming services, so I rarely bother any more. Unless it's a film that I know I'll be watching over and over and over again, it's just not worth the money. For a while I had transitioned from buying to renting, but even that is too high a price. Why rent Terminator: Dark Fate for $6 when that could pay for an entire month of Hulu? The movie will show up on a streaming service I rotate through eventually, so I'm happy to wait.

    My weakness is sale movies.

    A movie I wouldn't rent for $6 is really appealing when it can be purchased for $6.

    As I type this, Dredd is on sale for $5. This is not the absurd "I AM THE LAW!" Stallone version (which I actually thought was semi-decent) but the wonderful Karl Urban version which was excellent...

    Dredd movie poster featuring Judge Dredd standing on top of a building while a city is errupting in destruction and flames.

    Based on the British comic book, Judge Dredd, the new movie version was surprisingly faithful. Blood, guts, gore, destruction, and dark humor abound. I enjoyed it enough that I'd definitely watch it more than once, so $5 is quite a bargain, isn't it? Assuming I live long enough to watch it five times, that's just a buck a showing for 90 minutes of hardcore entertainment.

    And so I bought it.

    Where else can I have this much fun for just $5?

    Speaking of movies... I just read that Kirk Douglas died at 103 years old. He had an amazing career as an actor. I remember him most from a Disney double-feature that ran at the local drive-in where he was in 1954's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I also remember him from such movies as Lust for Life (the Vincent Van Gogh biopic), Spartacus, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. As the father of Michael Douglas, he started a dynasty that continues with his grandson, Cameron Douglas. Resst in peace, sir.

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    Bullet Sunday 649

    Posted on Sunday, February 9th, 2020

    Dave!It's Oscar Sunday but I just don't care, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...


       
    • Crapple! Given my longstanding rant against Apple being complete and total assholes by sticking their customers with shitty butterfly keyboards for years before they FINALLY thought to replace them with something not-quite-so-horrible, this one's for you. It's at the 2-minute mark...

    People think this is funny... but, but I'm the biggest Apple Whore I know, and even I was seriously shopping for PCs before the 16-inch MacBook Pro was released. I hope Apple is fucking embarrassed at this, because they should be.

       
    • Gold! I used to do a big thing on the Oscars, but I stopped giving a shit when they kept rewarding the same old crap. This year it looks like things are on a better track. Here's my list...

    • Best Picture: Should Have WonJojo Rabbit, Won—Parasite. Not the least bit disappointed. Parasite was a remarkable film.
    • Lead Actor: Should Have Won—Jonathan Pryce, Won—Joaquin Phoenix. I have no desire to see Joker. It's not the comic book character and I don't care how many accolades it gets.
    • Lead Actress: Should Have Won—Renee Zellweger, Won—Renee Zellweger. That was a pretty darn impressive performance, even if I was kinda meh on Judy.
    • Supporting Actor: Should Have Won—Brad Pitt, Won—Brad Pitt. It's surprising that Brad Pitt actually lives up to the hype. I've been a fan since 12 Monkeys, and he should have won for Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds AND Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
    • Supporting Actress: Should Have Won—Scarlett Johannson, Won—Laura Dern. Dern is a fine actor, I just hate hate HATE the film Marriage Story. Complete crap. Jojo Rabbit, on the other hand, is genius.
    • Director: Should Have Won—Bong Joon Ho, Won—Bong Joon Ho. As a diehard Tarantino fan, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood should have ben a shoe-in. And he was, until I saw Parasite.
    • Animated Feature Film: Should Have WonToy Story 4, WonToy Story 4. I don't think this was as good a finale for the series as Toy Story 3 was, but it was a good story with mind-blowing animation by Pixar.
    • Animated Short: Should Have WonHair Love, WonHair Love. I liked all the nominees... and Kitbull was such a great short. But Hair Love feels new and timely in a way that made a huge impression on me.
    • Adapted Screenplay: Should Have Won—Taika Waititi, Won—Taika Waititi. This was the no-brainer of the night.
    • Original Screenplay: Should Have Won—Bong Joon-ho and Jin Won Han, Won—Bong Joon-ho and Jin Won Han. This was a tight race for me. I loved Rian Johnson's Knives Out, 1917, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood... but Parasite felt truly original. Don't ask me why Marriage Story is here though. It's just people yelling at each other.
    • Cinematography: Should Have Won—Roger Deakins, Won—Roger Deakins. Despite not liking The Irishman even a little bit, I think the cinematography was great. And Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was gloriously shot. But 1917 was next-level, and I regret deeply not seeing it in theaters.

    The love for Parasite, which would usually be thrown in the "Best Foreign Language Film" category (it still was and won there too), was a breath of fresh air. I didn't see it until last week or else it surely would have been one of my favorite movies of 2019.

       
    • Mythical! If you haven't been watching Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet on Apple TV+, it's worth a look. Especially if you love video games. Apparently Rob McElhenney (who is at his most Rob McElhenneyist here) and Charlie Day consulted heavily with Ubisoft to get some semblance of accuracy even though this is a comedy about what goes on behind the scenes at a video game company. It shows. The show is absolute gold, and will easily make my list of favorites for 2020. It's not quite The Office or The IT Crowd, but it kinda draws from both...

    The jokes come fast and most of them land well. I cannot believe that they got F. Murray Abraham. He has the perfect amount of gravitas for his part. But this is Rob McElhenney from start to finish and he's absolutely perfect.

       
    • Starch! Wow. How come nobody told me that adding corn starch to scrambled eggs makes them taste like they've been slow-cooking for 30 minutes? This is reeeeeally nice. So creamy and rich. If you haven't tried it, these are pretty great. Also works wonders with omelettes. I will never cook scrambled eggs without it.

       
    • NEWS: Antarctica logs hottest temperature on record with a reading of 18.3°C. That's 65°F, people. When I visited, there were many times I took off my jacket because Antarctica was too warm to have it on. I worry for the wildlife which calls this continent home. How is this going to disrupt their habitat and can they survive it?

    Neko Harbor Penguins, Antarctica

    Penguins are already having a tough time of it, and things look to be getting worse. And then there's polar bears starving in the Arctic. Troubling times for our planet.

       
    • trAIn! Apple has put Artificial Intelligence "Machine Learning" in their iPhone and are making good use of it (especially with the camera). As time goes on, it's just going to be surreal how it changes our lives. Take for example this footage from Denis Shiryaev, which upscaled the video to 4K with machine learning and resounded it... Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat, by Auguste and Louis Lumière, 1896...

    Looks old, but almost new. Here's the original footage...

    We are really close to the unreal easily being mistake for the real, if we're not there already.

       
    • Netflix Fix! And, lastly, apparently there is a God... you can finally tell Netflix to STOP AUTO-PLAYING FUCKING PREVIEWS WHILE YOU ARE TRYING TO SEARCH FOR SOMETHING TO WATCH! People have been complaining about this bullshit FOR YEARS and Netflix did nothing. Apparently somebody finally figured that customers were worth listening to... or maybe it's because many other streaming services are treating customers with a lot more respect by not irritating the ever-loving-shit out of them...

    The preference panels in Netflix shwoing that you can disable the autoplay previews..

    Apparently you set it once in your preferences and it goes into effect everywhere. I haven't yet verified this, but I sure hope it's true.

       
    And that's a wrap, little golden statue dude!

       

    Luke Perry and Love in Paradise

    Posted on Tuesday, February 11th, 2020

    Dave!The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences finally addressed the omission of Luke Perry from the "In Memoriam" segment of The Oscars telecast... tl;dr, they only have a limited amount of time so he got bumped to their website instead.

    Now, far be it for me to tell The Academy how to run their low-rated shitshow, but they can shove one of those little gold statues straight up their collective asses.

    First of all... Perry appears in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nominated for Best Picture in the same fucking telecast. And he was glorious in it. Totally held his own against Leonardo DiCaprio in a fantastic, critical scene. You can't claim that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is a great movie without acknowledging his part in it. Of which Quentin Tarantino said this...

    “It was really fun,” says the director. “I had a couple of different roles I could have put Luke in. Luke was like, ‘I want to be on the Western show!’ Because he’s just a really great rider and he loves doing Westerns. When we did one of his big horse scenes, Luke slides the horse to the front of the saloon and all the other riders fall in alongside him. I was like, ‘Luke, do you want us to help you out? Do you want me to put a mark on the ground?’ He was like, ‘Quentin? You could take a dime and throw it in the dirt and I will land on that dime. The take you’ll use is when everyone else gets it right.’”

    Luke Perry in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood on his horse dressed up in a Western suit complete with cowboy hat and leopard-print band.

    Second of all... THIS WAS LUKE PERRY'S FINAL FILM ROLE!!! How the fuck do you use "we were short on time" as an excuse when the guy's last film is a Best Picture nominee at the time of broadcast? Insanity.

    Third of all... did I mention that he was in The Fifth Element? Only like ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME!

    Luke Perry in The Fifth Element, leaning back in a chair while getting ready to tally Aziz, Light!

    But anyway...

    I'd like to end this diatribe on a good note, so here we go...

    As you may or may not be aware, I am a Hallmark Movie fanatic who has seen hundreds of them. If you go to the main screen of Dave's Hallmark Movie Page and scroll down to FAVORITE MOVIES you will see Love in Paradise (2016) listed there. This is essentially "The Luke Perry Hallmark Movie" and I reviewed it thusly...

    Hallmark Movie Poster!   
    ✓ Favorite Love in Paradise
    (Winterfest • Emmanuelle Vaugier and Luke Perry • January 2, 2016)
    Okay, come on, it's a Luke Perry movie! Say what you like about him, he's a surprisingly good actor and can make even the smallest parts something special (remember him in The Fifth Element?). In this one he plays a former Western movie star who's having to do TV commercials for beans in order to make a living. But when a family ranch in Montana calls him away from his pampered New York City lifestyle as a publicity stunt, both parties get more than they bargained for. This one is funnier than you'd think... mostly because Luke Perry has never been one to shy away from poking fun at himself and is just plain funny. As a fake cowboy trying to keep up with a real cowboy's routine, he plays it note-perfect. And you really can't discount Emmanuelle Vaugier as the straight-man, because she's terrific too. The romance is a bit forced, but the chemistry between the leads is flawless. I didn't even mind that this was yet another SAVE THE RANCH FROM EVIL DEVELOPERS story.

       
    In the movie a big point is made about Luke Perry's character being a fake cowboy star who didn't know how to ride a horse. On his movies he had people to ride the horses for him, and he just pretended to mount and dismount. But, by the end of the story, he's a darn good rider and it made me wonder if Perry had to learn how to ride for the movie.

    — queue the laugh track —

    After Googling for an answer, I found out exactly what Quentin Tarantino was talking about. Apparently I missed the riding movie 8 Seconds (1994) where his prowess in the saddle was showcased. After reading his short interview in American Cowboy, I of course checked out 8 Seconds. The movie was panned by the critics, but adored by fans, and I can see why. Technically it wasn't great, but it had a lot of heart... and Luke Perry was at its center. From there I found other Luke Perry Westerns like Fine Step and A Gunfighter's Pledge plus a series of other Hallmark movies in the Goodnight for Justice series. The guy was a serious cowboy actor. Who knew?

    And so... yeah... Luke Perry didn't get an on-broadcast mention in the "In Memoriam" section of The Academy Awards, but he was a dedicated and beloved actor for decades who ended his career in an Oscar-nominated movie. If that's not a qualification, I don't know what is.

    And don't ask The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences because they apparently don't know either.

       

    Bullet Sunday 653

    Posted on Sunday, March 8th, 2020

    Dave!Its... THE SHITTIEST DAY OF THE YEAR, but help is on the way... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Lose an Hour! There are many people who don't like the time change to Daylight Saving Time. Not me... I FUCKING HATE IT! There is nothing more stupid than dicking with the clocks twice a year. Ask anybody...


    And yet politicians won't do a damn about it. They've got bigger things to do... like fuck us over for lobbyist cash. I mean, holy shit. This is the ONE THING they could do to better our quality of life that wouldn't cost them a fucking thing, and yet here we are. JUST PICK A FUCKING TIME AND STICK WITH IT! And now I get to do my taxes.
    UPDATE: Annnnd... my effective tax rate went up AGAIN under the "tax-you-less" president. How nice. And now he wants to cut the Social Security I fucking PAID INTO my entire working life? Oh well. At least we're getting a brand new tennis court at the fucking White House.

       
    • Women! On the bright side, it's International Women's Day! Which is kind of silly because shouldn't every day should be International Women's Day?

       
    • Guardians! James Gunn confirmed that he'd like to see a Drax & Mantis movie. Which I'd love to see too but, let's face it, the ideal home for such a project would be Disney+ streaming...

    A tweet from James Gunn confirming that he thinks a Drax and Mantis movie would be amazing.

    Drax and Mantis sitting on golden steps.

    If James Gunn were to pitch a Disney+ series for Drax and Mantis to Kevin Feige that he would write and direct, Marvel Studios would be falling all over themselves to say yes. First of all, without Chris Pratt and Zoe Saldana, the cast budget is a fraction of a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Second of all, without Rocket and Groot, the special effects budget could be a fraction of a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. This makes good sense. This makes phenomenal sense. And I'm willing to bet that Dave Bautista and Pom Klementieff would 100% be up to do it. These are some of the most fun characters they could possibly play, so why not?

       
    • Just Watch It.

       
    • Sirens! There are plenty of television shows that I'm sad they canceled. One of the biggest is Sirens, which I love beyond all reason. I was rewatching them this weekend while working and started missing it all over again. Especially Billy, which is one of my favorite television characters of all time...

    Billy Moments - Season 1 from mrnmrsreese on Vimeo.

    He was a reoccurring character in Season One... but they (wisely) made him a regular in Season Two. There was no Season Three. But oh man do I wish there was. Both seasons are on sale for $4.99 on Apple's iTunes, if you want to check them out.

       
    • Kern It! OH MY SWEET LORD! STOP ALLOWING PEOPLE WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT TYPOGRAPHY AND KERNING TO MAKE TITLES FOR YOUR TELEVISION SHOW! If this is not the worst I've ever seen... it's certainly in the top ten. SCRIPT TYPEFACES ARE MEANT TO BE CONNECTED! STOP SPACING THEM APART!!! And holy shit! THAT "B" IS SO FAR AWAY IT'S IN ITS OWN FUCKING ZIP CODE!!! GAH! GAAAAAAHHHH!!! My eyes are bleeding...

    Shitty, SHITTY fucking kerning in the movie title for The Perfect Bride.

    I simply do not understand how these kind of blaring typography errors flourish. Proper kerning is not rocket science. Watch a fucking YouTube video or something.

       
    • NO TIME TO DIE! Daniel Craig was on SNL this weekend and, just like his previous hosting gig, it's surprising just how good he is at this. Of course he parodied his upcoming Bond flick, No Time To Die ...

    I am sad that it's his final James Bond film, but if it means he's going to do more movies like Knives Out, which he was also great at.

       
    And that's a wrap. Enjoy your higher taxes and losing an hour of your day!

       

    Pathetic Earthlings!

    Posted on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020

    Dave!For many, many years, I had Max von Sydow staring down at me.

    Well, Max von Sydow as Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon. but, yeah, that guy who has been in so many cool sci-fi movies. The guy who was in Flash Gordon, Conan the Barbarian, Dreamscape, Dune, Judge Dredd, Minority Report, and, of course, he was the Three-Eyed Raven from Game of Thrones (before it turned to shit). Amongst others.

    But to me he was mainly Ming from Flash Gordon because this poster was hanging in my bedroom. A poster I still have, by the way...

    The Flash Gordon movie poster featuring Max Von Sydow as a menacing-looking Ming the Merciless

    Unfortunately Max von Sydow passed away yesterday. Given the number of awesome films he's been in over the years, he will be sadly missed but fondly remembered. He even played Blofeld in the James Bond movie Never Say Never Again, for heaven's sake.

    You can tell that you're getting old when the actors from all the movies which defined your childhood start to die.

    Rest in peace, sir.

       

    Bullet Sunday 654

    Posted on Sunday, March 15th, 2020

    Dave!We all may be in social distance, self-quarantine exile, but you're in good company... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Rise? I both liked and hated Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker when I first saw it. On one hand, seeing many of the original trilogy characters come back one last time was pretty great, and the special effects were visionary and sublime. On the other hand the script was complete and total shit. JJ Abrams perverting The Force into whatever he wanted it to be in order to fill in a few of the many, many plot holes in his crap story was embarrassing and insulting. And the fact that almost nothing in the movie made sense, had past precedent, or was ever explained, was ten buckets of lame. Nowhere was this put into such vivid relief than in a reply by Elijah Wood(!) to one of several expositional chunks of story left out of the film, but dropped in fucking tweets...

    On Friday I got an email from Apple telling me that my digital copy of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker was available to watch (a few days early because Disney is doing their part to keep people home). I ordered it when I didn't think I'd make it to the theater to see it... then forgot to cancel after I finally saw it. And so I watched it again. Now I've totally changed my mind on the film, I just outright hate it now. What a shitty, SHITTY way to close things out. My only consolation is that the shitty sequel trilogy was marginally better than the horrendously shitty prequel trilogy when taken as a whole...

    My ranking of the Star Wars movies from Perfect to Complete Shit in this order: Empire, Rogue One, Star Wars, Awakens, Solo, Sith, Skywalker, Last Jedi, Jedi, Clones, Menace.

    Thank God that whole mess is over. Now just let the Skywalker crap finally die like it should have done after Return of the Jedi. As the excellence of the Disney+ series The Mandalorian has shown us, there's far better things to do with the Star Wars Universe than continuously rain shit upon it.

       
    • Do You Want to Build a Snowman? Along with the digital release of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Disney also released Frozen 2 three months early. I guess they figured they might as well try to drive up subscription numbers for their streaming service since they've had to shutter most all of their movie/television productions...

    I'm going to be perfectly honest... I am not a fan of musicals. Some of them I like more than others, such a The Lion King, for instance. Live-action is more difficult, but tolerable if I like the soundtrack (like Grease and Xanadu, for example). The first Frozen was annoying musically, but I loved the character of Kristoff (wonderfully brought to life by Jonathan Groff). And so I tuned into Frozen 2 to see what his character was up to. Turns out he's acting weird and being made to play the fool while a really tacked-on story unfolds. It's not that this was a bad movie, it's just that I didn't get what I wanted out of it. Still, better than nothing, I guess? Or is it? I can't help but feel that things should have been left alone after the first one. Except... the animation and design is phenomenal, beautiful, mind-blowing stuff.

       
    • Joy! In addition to crap Star Wars and an unneeded animated sequel, I've been delving back into all five seasons of Killjoys. The show always amazes me. It has fairly good (but not extravagant) production values which are complimented by complex stories and multi-faceted, highly interesting characters. Every episode feels as though they made the best possible use of budget and resources while never losing sight of the big picture of the universe they were building...

    Smart, funny, violent, serious, disturbing, and all-around good sci-fi, this is the whole package. My amazement only grows as I rewatch it from the beginning (the fifth and final season ended last September). The series follows three "killjoys"... bounty hunters... as they work through their personal demons while trying to skate a moral divide between doing good and doing their job. It started strong. Got better. Kinda dropped off a bit at the end, even though I can't really complain about how it ended. It probably was good to cancel it before the show bottomed out, but I can't help but think there were more stories to tell. And could be more stories still if we get some movies or specials or something.

       
    • MAR10! March 10th is known in Nintendo circles as MAR10 (MARIO) because a number of games and Mario products end up with a discount. One of the games on sale was Yoshi's Crafted World for $20 off, so I snatched it up. The game itself is a simple, fun, and clever platform puzzler which has a cool "handcrafted" look where everything is made from paper, cardboard, and other crafting junk...

    Yoshi games have always been fairly easy to play... slightly more difficult to complete at 100%... which makes it a perfect choice for a casual gamer like me who wants a distraction instead of a serious challenge. Oh yeah... it's adorable too.

       
    • Go West! And so... the third season premiere of Westworld is finally here. I had read some seriously mixed reviews of the first four episodes that were made available to the press. I, of course, have only seen the first episode. It was... interesting? I mean, they've completely jettisoned what made the show be the show... i.e. Westworld... so it's pretty much just fake people on a murder-spree in Futureworld, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing...

    Watching Delores go full-on Terminator in a wonderfully-imagined future is pretty great... so even if that's all we get, I'll keep watching. The thing about the first season which made it so fantastic is that it was so beautifully plotted and deep in concept. The second season was far shallower, but attempted to compensate by going non-linear with the story to poor effect (the first season played with the timeline amazingly well, so I don't know what happened there). It looks like they are not bothering to play with the timeline this time around... unless this really IS Futureworld and Delores is a GUEST? How mind-bending would that be? Well, Evan Rachel Wood, Thandie Newton, and Jeffrey Wright are phenomenal, regardless, so I'm hoping this reduced 8-episode season is worthy of their talent.

       
    • FIVE! Tonight was also the finale of Avenue 5, a fantastically funny space farce starring Hugh Laurie. I have been loving the show, even when it took a decidedly dark turn last week (in a way that was actually still pretty darn funny). The ending isn't an ending, which would have me furious if not for the fact that HBO has already renewed it for a second season...

    It's surprising that HBO is fostering such a delicious series when I know that the twisted humor is not going to appeal to the masses. But it very much appeals to me, which is all I care about. I am really hoping that they can manage to expand on the show for next season instead of retreading what they've already done (something that was already starting to happen at the end). And thank you to HBO also for giving the show such a massive special effects budget. I mean that... the sets are expansive, beautiful, and look like they cost a fortune. Worth a look if you haven't seen it yet.

       
    And that's enough of that... keep washing those hands, everybody.

       

    What I Do In The Shadows

    Posted on Tuesday, March 17th, 2020

    Dave!I am doing as well as can be expected given everything that's been going on. I occupy my time with lots of work, lots of television, lots of movies, lots of video games, and lots of time with my cats. Basically anything to keep my brain focused on anything except the outside world. Because if I start paying attention I would probably end up with a brain hemorrhage. Especially when our president is going 180º on the coronavirus. First it was a Democratic hoax that's been overblown by the media and going to disappear any day now because he's doing such an amazing job... now it's him knowing it was a pandemic before it was even declared a pandemic... all while none of his followers are calling him out on his crap. I don't expect our government to ever be truthful about anything. We know they're fucking incapable of such a thing. But I don't expect people to roll over and not call politicians out on their bullshit, regardless of which political party they support.

    Oh well. I'm getting used to being perplexed by blind party loyalty.

    And getting used to getting this crap out of my head by re-watching my favorite entertainment. Last night it was What We Do In The Shadows, which is a movie I love beyond all reason...

    The cast of the movie, which includes a scary looking 8000 year-old vampire dude.

    Followed by a marathon of the television series, which is SO good because the original creators are still involved (and even make an appearance in an episode!)...

    The TV cast for What We Do In The Shadows with two vampires pointing fingers at a third vampire

    A second season is dropping on April 15th, and I cannot wait to see it.

    Tonight I will be watching my second-favorite Hallmark movie of all time, A Winter Princess, which was just released on home video...

    Hallmark movies are cheesy and ridiculous to extreme levels which is what makes them so entertaining. I particularly like this version of the holy-shit-it-turns-out-they're-royalty trope because the actor playing the princess (Natalie Hall) actually looks like a frickin' princess. I mean... damn is she brutally gorgeous. The story in this one is tired, but the movie is actually pretty good. Interesting to note that they filmed it at the Big White ski resort (outside of Kelowna, BC) doubling for a ski resort called "Snowden Peak" in Colorado. It is an amazing location and they (surprisingly) make pretty good use of it. From a design perspective, I loved how they made the "Snowden Peak" logo an exact duplicate of the "Big White" logo so that they didn't have to change it out in the long shots. Smart, smart production team there. Anyway... worth a look if they are playing it on the Hallmark Channel, which I have started watching again since they've been working with GLAAD to not be such homophobic idiots.

       

    Quentin Quarantino

    Posted on Monday, March 30th, 2020

    Dave!I am still lucky enough to have work to do, which means my days aren't quite as boring as they could be (knock wood). But, like everybody else, it is a little tough not being able to hang out with my friends. March is usually a month where I spend a lot of time traveling to see friends... going out with local friends... working on projects with friends... and it's just all... gone.

    I'm spending some of my extra time cleaning and getting projects completed around the house, which is always a good thing. I'm also playing some Animal Crossing: New Horizons and catching up on television shows. I've also been checking to-do's off like list like cutting my hair, baking bread, washing windows, repairing clothes, and getting ready for planting my flower beds (assuming that's something I get to do this year).

    But there's also something I've been meaning to do for years that I've never found the time for... watching all of Quentin Tarantino's films in the order he made them. He's my favorite director and I can't watch his films enough times. So tonight I've decided to wrap up my March Foreign Film Festival and watch two Tarantino films a night until I've run through them all.

    Tonight was a double feature of Resevoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction (I am saving True Romance and Natural Born Killers until the very end since he wrote them but did not direct)...

    Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs Movie Poster.

    Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction Movie Poster.

    It's interesting seeing how Tarantino's story and dialogue were equally excellent in both films... but how his directing game improved quite a bit. Pulp Fiction is so incredibly polished and beautiful to watch because so many points were conceived and implemented so incredibly well.

    Not that he had a ton of room for improvement. Resevoir Dogs is about as perfect a debut movie as you'll ever find. Almost unbelievably so.

    If only I could say the same about my debut blog post.

       

    Groceries in the Face of Armageddon

    Posted on Tuesday, March 31st, 2020

    Dave!I have enough groceries to last another two or three weeks. Probably longer. I may be eating pasta with frozen vegetables and cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but I will survive just fine. My cats have enough prescription food for another month. I also have two bags of "regular" dry food with a year left on the expiration date (which I keep on-hand for emergencies), so Jake and Jenny are good.

    Because I've got food for a while I hadn't planned on a grocery store run... until I got a call from a friend in Seattle. They were wondering if I was headed to the store any time soon and, if I was, could I please pick up some things for their elderly mother who can't risk going to the store due to health concerns in our new COVID-19 Reality. I could drop them on her back porch and they would happily Venmo me money to cover the cost.

    And so... off to the grocery store for me.

    I figured that since I was going, I might as well cash in a bunch of Safeway Monopoly Instant Winner Free Product Tickets and Instant Winner Discount Coupons I won before they expire. I would also pick up ingredients I need to make more of my mom's Applesauce Bread...

    • Flour
    • Sugar
    • Applesauce
    • Walnuts

    Well, silly me, the four things I needed were all out of stock. They did have applesauce and walnuts, but they were the tiny containers which cost a fortune, so I passed.

    The lack of flour had me concerned about not being able to bake bread for much longer, so I ended up buying a loaf that I could freeze. I also bought Coke Zero, Lay's Potato Chips, and Quaker Brand Chocolate Rice Cakes. They are not things I need, but they are things I want. Surprisingly, produce was in good supply so I picked up some onion, garlic, cilantro, scallions, tomatoes, and tomatillos to add some nice variety to my meal planning.

    Plus I bought two apples, just because it would be nice to have a fresh fruit treat in the face of armageddon.

    The store had everything on my friend's mom's list except paper towels and toilet paper, of course, but I had some extra rolls to stick in with her groceries so it was all good. Most of the things she wanted were prepared foods like soups and boxed/frozen meals, all of which were in good supply.

    Atmosphere at the store was generally cheery. People didn't seem overly-angsty or angry. A few people with facemasks and gloves and everybody trying to keep their distance... but otherwise it was just like any other shopping day.

    Except I won free AAA batteries, free cooking spray, and a free sesame bagel playing Safeway Monopoly, so that was a bonus. And these days I'll take as many bonuses as I can get, thanks.

    Tonight I continued my Quentin Tarantino movie marathon, but I watched only one Tarantino film, Jackie Brown. That way I can have Kill Bill parts 1 and 2 as a double feature tomorrow night...

    Quentin Tarantino's Jackie Brown Movie Poster.

    Jackie Brown is an adaptation of the Elmore Leonard novel Rum Punch, a book I ran out and bought immediately after finding out it was the basis for this amazing movie. Surprisingly, the movie follows the book fairly closely. There's some elements jettisoned from the secondary characters out of necessity, but Jackie's story is pretty much left intact. She's an airline flight attendant running drugs for the wrong people and just trying to get by in life and get out of a life of crime. It's really smart and surprisingly funny in spots. What's nice about reading the book after seeing the movie is that you can imagine Tarantino's version of the characters while you read plus get additional details as to everybody's back-story and motivations. Rum Punch is a sequel to another Elmore Leonard novel called The Switch, which is also very much worth reading (which could be said of most everything Leonard ever wrote).

    And because the prequel to Jackie Brown was The Switch and because that book had been adapted into a movie called Life of Crime (starring Jennifer Aniston and Tim Robbins), I decided to watch it to complete my double feature since I hadn't seen it before (iTunes $7.99)...

    Life of Crime Movie Poster.

    Surprisingly, it's a decent movie! I mean, not Jackie-Brown-level-great, but still worth a look. The plot is the same as Ruthless People in that a wealthy woman is kidnapped and held for ransom only to have an adulterer husband who wants her dead anyway and refuses to pay. Ordell Robie is played by Mos Def instead of Samuel L. Jackson... and Louis Gara is played by John Hawkes instead of Robert DeNiro... so there's a considerable adjustment you have to make mentally, and yet there are certainly worse actors you could have cast as younger versions of the originals! The movie is definitely worth a watch if you're a fan of Elmore Leonard and Jackie Brown (though I thought Ruthless People was more entertaining).

    And now I think it's time for a crisp apple and a Quaker Brand Chocolate Rice Cake to top off my evening's events. Good thing I ended up at the grocery store today.

       

    Peanut Butter Pastime

    Posted on Wednesday, April 1st, 2020

    Dave!My mom loved peanut butter. She would be happy to eat a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and dinner every day. When her memory was failing her, I saw her eat them for breakfast on more than one occasion. Whenever she was bored and hungry, a peanut butter sandwich was her go-to snack. I once remember her laughing while reading an article out loud to me which had somebody saying that peanut butter breaks down after three months and shouldn't be eaten. For a jar of peanut butter to last her more than two weeks was a rarity.

    After I had to move her out of the house, I threw out a jar with a few spoonfuls left in the bottom and stopped buying peanut butter.

    That was almost four years ago.

    Yesterday when I was buying groceries for a friend's mom, one of the items on her list was peanut butter. It sounded delicious after so long not having it, so I bought a jar. Mom preferred creamy JIF, but she would buy Extra Crunchy JIF too because she was happy to eat it as an occasional change of pace and knew that it was what I preferred.

    And, oh yeah, that loaf of bread I bought yesterday? I thought I would try the new Franz "Keto" bread in case I couldn't find flour to bake my own. But before I stuck the loaf in the the freezer, I pulled out two slices and put them in a baggie to give it a try with lunch today. People were raving about the stuff, so why not? Well, to start with, there's the $6 price tag. Secondly, the loaf is a small.

    Turns out there's a third reason why not... it tastes like crap.

    Maybe it's because I'm used to the delicious breads I bake, but this dry, tasteless, boring "Keto" bread was awful. Don't get me wrong... if you can't have carbs, it's definitely better than nothing... but I will not be buying it again, that's for sure. Even when loaded with tons of Extra Chunky JIF peanut butter I had a tough time choking it down.

    As tonight is my third night of Quentin Quarantino I watched the next two films in his catalog... Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2...

    Kill Bill Volume 1 Movie Poster with Uma Thurman

    Kill Bill Volume 2 Movie Poster with Uma Thurman

    Likely one of the most stylish revenge flicks ever put to film, Kill Bill features Uma Thurman hacking her way through her former fellow assassins until she gets to her former boss, Bill. It's a brilliant and bloody spectacle with amazing fight sequences. The movie features cool wire-work which gives it a magical quality... but not so much that it feels surreal. The dialogue is pure Tarantino and, because he decided to cut the movie in two rather than cut down on the dialogue, it makes for a good balance.

    Like the balance between my delicious homemade bread and this here JIF peanut butter I'm eating while blogging.

    Can't believe I waited four years.

       

    Staycation Day Cleaning

    Posted on Thursday, April 2nd, 2020

    Dave!I worked extra hours over the weekend and through Wednesday so I could take the rest of the week off. It's time for my seasonal cleaning ordeal to prepare for Spring houseguests. This year, thanks to COVID-19 quarantining, I won't be having any houseguests until June or July, at earliest, but I still want to get a jump on my filthy home.

    Well... it's filthy to me. It's not like I ever let my house get overrun with dirt and grime. It's just the little things that bug me. Walls need to be wiped down... rooms need to be torn apart so I can scrub the floors... books and furniture needs to be pulled out and cleaned... windows need to be washed... that kind of thing. I decided today I would jump on the kitchen when I fed the cats at 7:00am, then work my way to the living room.

    I went back to bed after feeding Jake and Jenny, then slept and lounged aroud until 10:00am. Then ate a late breakfast. Then read a book on world mythology.

    I wanted to beat myself up over wasting half my day, but I so rarely get time to do what I want that I decided to congratulate myself instead. Cleaning can commence tomorrow.

    Originally I was going to have my Quarantino Double Feature be Tarantino's Grindhouse: Death Proof with Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse: Planet Terror (since they were originally released that way), but I was anxious to get to Inglourious Basterds, so I resisted...

    Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof Movie Poster

    Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof Movie Poster

    Now, Death Proof is just an excuse to have a car chase with tons of stunts worked into it. There's not a lot of brainpower that the viewer has to summon. Kurt Russell is a sadistic bastard who picks a fight with the wrong women. Zoë Bell, cars, and violence ensue. Surprisingly, as is the case with most of Tarantino's films, dickhead reviewers based their critiques on what the film WAS NOT instead of WHAT IT IS. Go in with the proper mindset, and it's just a fun thrill ride that's a terrific movie experience to have. Go in expecting Shakespeare and you're just an idiot. Not my favorite Tarantino flick, but I do like it a lot.

    Inglourious Basterds, on the other hand, is escapist revisionist history cinematic genius. I love this film to an unhealthy degree. I've seen it at least twenty times. After Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, it's likely my favorite Quentin film. But there are days I like Basterds better than both of them. From the gorgeous cinematography and brilliant performances to the fantastical story and crackling dialogue. It's the complete Tarantino package all wrapped up in a war movie, and an experience I never get tired of. God bless Christof Waltz for giving Quentin his movie.

    And God bless us all as the Coronavirus death toll keeps climbing. Due to our complete lack of preparation and our government completely ignoring and denying what was happening, the deaths here in the USA yesterday were double the worst daily death toll from the flu. And we're just getting started. The highly contagious nature of COVID-19 along with extended incubation period and overall lethalness... not to mention dumbass governors who are still not quarantining the public at large to prevent spreading... are all going to make sure of it.

       

    Caturday 154

    Posted on Saturday, April 4th, 2020

    Dave!I had somebody read about the cat feeding station I built (I needed a way to clean the cats' eating area easily), then email me to ask just how messy Jenny could be when eating. The answer is... very. She loves loves love wet food, but she won't bite it. She always licks it. Problem is that she barely gets any in her mouth that way, so I bought a small blender so I can liquify her half of the wet food for every meal. That way she can lick it all up and be happy as a clam.

    After she's done eating it looks like a murder scene or something...

    Jenny making a mess with cat food being splattered everywhere.

    That was after last night's dinner. This was after this morning's breakfast...

    The mess Jenny made with cat food being splattered everywhere.

    I always clean it after breakfast, though in the summer I usually clean it after breakfast and dinner because I don't want to attract bugs.

    Is it a lot of trouble? Yes. Would my life be easier if I fed my cats only dry food instead of dry and wet? Sure. But I love my cats entirely too much, and this is what you do to keep them happy.

    They're totally worth any amount of trouble...

    Jake and Jenny snuggling in a cat bed.

    Last night I watched my two Quarantino movies after I had blogged for the day, so I'm going to plop them right here. My double feature was Django Unchained and The Hateful Eight...

    Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained Movie Poster.

    Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained Movie Poster.

    Django Unchained is one of my all-time favorite movies. Period. It's a really cool flick filled with terrific characters and fantastic performances by everybody involved. Easily my favorite movie each from Jamie Foxx and Leonardo DiCaprio, the biggest surprise was Samuel L. Jackson playing one of the most loathsome characters in cinematic history. He is vile. Christoph Waltz didn't have the exceptional material that rocketed him to stardom in Inglourious Bastereds, but he makes the most of his every scene.

    My least favorite Tarantino film is Death Proof... not because I don't like it (on the contrary, I love it), but because the rest of his films are just so amazing. The Hateful Eight is in the same boat, coming in just ahead of Death Proof. I love it... and if it were in any other list it would come out near the top... but in a list for Tarantino is comes out near bottom just because some movie has to. This movie is more subtle all the way around, giving us a closed-door mystery with some decent intrigue and stellar performances. It's also one of the most beautifully-shot Tarantino film with the second best red herring in "The Lincoln Letter" (#1 would be "The Briefcase" from Pulp Fiction).

    And now all that's left is Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which I will be watching tonight.

    After which I will have to resist the urge to watch all of Tarantino's movies all over again.

       

    Bullet Sunday 656

    Posted on Sunday, April 5th, 2020

    Dave!The world may be at a standstill, but the blog keeps turning... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Free-Fitty-Free! For the month of April, HBO is streaming some of their most acclaimed content for free, no subscription required. A full list of shows and instructions can be found here and, if you need a recommendation, I'd take a look at Bill Hader's Barry which is a pretty great show. It starts off a little slow... but snowballs into insanity in short order.

       
    • Nice! I love projects like this one...

    The world is smaller than we realize. Given current events, it's good to remember that.

       
    • Upload! You know when you see a trailer and it's so good that all you can think is how the actual show couldn't possibly live up to what you're watching... but you are hopeful anyway? That's me watching this...

    Greg Daniels is running the show, so I have reason to be hopeful. But still... fingers crossed.

       
    • Disney At Home! A Disney animator is teaming up with Josh Gad to create some Frozen shorts while quarantined at home. The result is pretty great...

    The tools make things easier and easier for animators... but they don't mean a lot if the person doing the animating can't tell a story.

       
    • Buttholes! I said a while back that this is the only way I would ever watch Cats. And here's why...

    This is the only way I'd ever watch Batman vs. Superman again too.

       
    • One?! So laughable that an abhorrent network devoted to far-right presidential dick-sucking can in any way claim to be serving "One America," but here it is...

    Thank heavens that John Oliver is still doing his show while under quarantine at home.

       
    • Munneh! I had $90 in PayPal that wasn't doing anything, so I signed up for a Robinhood account and got their app so I can play the stock market. I'm now worth $108.23, so my market savvy has me well on my way towards becoming a billionaire, I can feel it! — I will try not to forget you, the little people, once I am a part of the 1% and above your petty existence.

       
    And that's all the bullets we have for today.

       

    Never Surrender!

    Posted on Monday, April 27th, 2020

    Dave!Last night I was looking at movies on iTunes and saw that there were some titles available to RENT for $20. To RENT!

    Then I realized that they were all movies which had just been released to theaters right before the lockdowns started. They are being shoved to home video early at a premium price in the hopes that they can reclaim some of the money they missed out on. None of which I would pay $20 to see... but heaven only knows that there are movies I'd pay $20 to see. Like Black Widow which keeps getting pushed back.

    Of course I'd much rather pay $0 to see a movie.

    Which is why I'm always looking through services like HBO and Amazon Prime.

    Much to my delight, Amazon Prime has a documentary that I didn't even know existed... Never Surrender: A Galaxy Quest Documentary...

    As one of my all-time favorite movies, I was keen to see this because so many of the people behind the film are in it (including Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver).

    Sadly, my favorite part of the movie... Alan Rickman... had passed away and couldn't participate...

    Alan Rickman in his alien makeup for Galaxy Quest.

    His very dry humor was hilarious, and he has one of the most touching scenes in the entire film. Fortunately, there are others in the documentary who remember his work there. He was Sir Alexander Dane! I love that.

    Never Surrender lead to my watching a documentary on Susan Oliver called The Green Girl, which was absolutely fascinating (and has a short appearance by Betty White!). Unbelievable how shitty she was treated by Hollywood...

    The Green Girl then lead to another documentary called United We Fan (about fan campaigns to save canceled television shows), which was also interesting...

    And THAT lead to my watching yet another great documentary called Geek, and You Shall Find...

    And then I happened upon With Great Power: The Stan Lee Story, which was as interesting as you'd think it would be...

    At that point I could have watched a dozen more, but ended up going to bed instead so I could stare at the ceiling and not sleep.

    Definitely getting my money's worth out of Amazon Prime this month!

       

    Trolls (The Good Kind)

    Posted on Wednesday, April 29th, 2020

    Dave!There was a time I loved going to the movies. Me and my friends meeting up to catch some Summer blockbuster that I'd been dying to see. Sitting in front of that big screen waiting to be blown away by the lush sounds and the smell of popcorn. It was an experience like no other.

    But then my attitude started changing as time marched on. There's always been rude people at the cinema, but it just keeps getting worse and worse as society degrades further and further. And once mobile phones became commonplace, the experience became unbearable. I actually blogged about it ten years ago when I went to see the Angle Jolie thriller Salt while in Chicago. The entire fucking film was spent looking at a sea of mobile phones glowing in the darkness...

    DaveToon: Theaters Suck with Phone Glows

    I was livid.

    Going to the movies is not cheap. And now that movie studios are demanding a bigger cut of the films they release, theater owners have to compensate for their losses by charging huge amounts of money for popcorn, candy, and drinks.

    At this point I downright loathe going to a movie theater. You pay absurd amounts of money to be constantly distracted by rude assholes. It sucks.

    So I don't go to the cinema any more. I'm done. Occasionally I make exceptions so I can see a Marvel Studios movies before any spoilers leak... or will go to hang out with my friends if there's a movie they feel strongly about seeing in a theater... but that's about it. Even then I never go to a "regular" theater but instead go to the "premium" theater in the hopes of having a decent experience.

    The beauty of it all is that I really don't have to go to the theater any more. Not when I have a theater of my own at home. I've got a big-screen TV with a great picture and really good surround sound. Popcorn and drinks at my house are dirt-cheap. There's no assholes to spoil my movie-viewing experience unless I invite them over. It's perfect, really. I love watching movies at home! And, thanks to digital downloads, I can get them the minute they are released! No trudging to the store for a DVD or waiting for it to arrive in the mail.

    The only down-side is that it takes months for the movies to be released digitally because first they have to have a theatrical release. At least they did.

    Enter COVID-19.

    Thanks to people having to quarantine and movie theaters having to close, movie studios are having to release movies to home video without a theatrical release. It's expensive, sure... $20 to rent the movie... but is it really more expensive than going to the cinema? After you buy a ticket and get gouged for popcorn and a Coke, you're likely in for $20 anyway. And if you are a family of four? A $20 rental is far, far less expensive than going to the theater.

    Right now there is a huge dust-up over the movie Trolls: World Tour because Universal Pictures claims that the film made $100 million without ever having seen the inside of a theater. This disclosure made the AMC theater chain so livid that they quickly banned all Universal films from being shown in their cinemas (once they reopen).

    Which is about the most stupid thing they could have possibly done given how it's going to be a long while before people are comfortable sitting in a theater with a bunch of people who may be carrying the plague.

    Furthermore, anybody wanting to see a Universal film is going to have to go to AMC's competition... or not bother seeing it in theaters at all. They should have been understanding as to why Universal had to do a home-rental release to get their money back on a film that was being lost in the Coronavirus shuffle. And why they had to release the non-box-office numbers so they could assure stockholders that they weren't losing money with their decision. Universal literally didn't have a choice here!

    And, who knows, Universal may very well end up saying "Okay then. Fuck it. We don't need theaters anyway!" and just release their movies directly to consumers at $20 a pop rental. Or even $40 a pop if it's a huge expensive movie. I'd gladly pay $40 to watch Black Widow and all the Marvel Studios movies at home! Hell, I'd pay $75 if it meant I didn't have to go to a movie theater to see it on opening night! The theater experience is so shitty now-a-days that I'd do just about anything to avoid it. Whether that means waiting months (for movies I think I like) or paying more up-front (for movies I know I'll like), it doesn't really matter.

    A still frame from Trolls: World Tour showing a mean punk troll with a guitar staring down a cute troll... or something like that... I honestly have no idea who is mean or who is good and honestly don't care.

    One thing is for certain... when this whole COVID-19 thing is over (if it's ever over!), it's doubtful we will ever go back to how things used to be. Every decision we make is going to have to be tainted with the realization that there is a risk involved. People will have to weigh whether going to a movie theater is worth potentially being exposed to a virus or disease. On top of all the other risks that we take just by walking out the door.

    It's a hard truth for AMC to face, I know. And I most certainly don't blame them for the pandemic we're all living with. They are losing money every day and I'm sure a lot of theaters will end up closing in the fallout, so I understand their frustration. The situation is sad for them and for people who love to go to the theater. But lashing out at the hand that feeds you at a time like this is just bad business. Everybody is doing the best they can to accommodate what's happening in the world right now, so let that sink in before making rash decisions... like banning movies from your theater.

    People need to stop acting like it's "business as usual" when it's anything but "business as usual" right now.

       

    Bullet Sunday 660

    Posted on Sunday, May 3rd, 2020

    Dave!I'm bored out of my mind without being able to hang out with my friends, but excitement awaits me... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Nadiya! One of my favorite Great British Bakeoff contestants, Nadiya Hussain, has a new Netflix series out... Nadiya's Time to Eat. Not all of it is vegetarian, but I've gotten some good ideas from her show. Including this gem...

    Sounds amazing, right? And how charming is she with her lovely British accent? Nadiya's got some cool ideas for quick and easy meals that makes her show a great thing to watch. Just keep in mind that the British terms for certain foods can be different ("caster sugar" there is "fine baker's sugar" here), and sometimes products (such as Double Cream, which is 48% milkfat, for example) may not even exist where you live (the thickest I can get is Whipping Cream, which is only 36% milkfat. Also? Nadiya provides all oven temperatures in Celsius, so you'll need to convert to Fahrenheit.

       
    • Facebook "Standards!" It's gotten to the point where I can't understand the point of Facebook any more. They are so wildly inconsistent with the posts they ban that you can't really know what is acceptable or not. Take for instance this tweet I reposted that is clearly a joke on all the "5G causes the Coronavirus" conspiracy theorists...

    Tommy Sinbazo: Just to let everyone know I work in the 5G field. I was doing dome work from home and realized I had the units set to the Corona setting instead of its default Make Everyone Gay setting. Whoopsie.

    Meanwhile, some of the anti-vaxers and homeopaths and flat earthers and other morons are posting shit that is ACTUALLY MISINFORMATION THAT CAN CAUSE HARM and have free reign? Dafuq? I have posts taken down more and more lately, and in no case did I agree with the decision or even see why they took it down in the first place. Facebook has no concept of context or humor and are acting like total dipshits with this ban-hammer crap.

       
    • Love Is Love! One of the members of my "Bible Study for Non-Christians" group brought up the movie Road to Edmond, which they decided to watch because it sharply divided Christians who saw it. None of the rest of us had heard of it, but it was free to watch on Amazon Prime Streaming, so we all agreed to take a look so we could have a discussion about it. I honestly don't know what my takeaway is. I almost stopped watching 20 minutes in because one of the characters was driving me crazy and the non-budget and amateurish acting was almost too much to take. But I stuck with it because I didn't want to be left out of the conversation with my group. Turns out that everything was building to something, not everything is what it seems, and it's actually a fairly remarkable film. I definitely understand why some people are completely incensed with it... heaven only knows there's enough to provoke that reaction. But I also understand why some people have fallen in love with it too. As I said, I honestly don't know how I feel about it... maybe I'll have more perspective once I've discussed it. All I definitely know is that I love the closing credits song as much as I could possibly love any song... it's Love is Love by Trey Pearson.

    Trey Pearson has a lot of great songs, this one is called Silver Horizon and is every bit as good...

    And if not for Road to Edmond, I likely never would have found it.

       
    • Download! Boo! BOOOOOOOO! AMAZON'S GREAT NEW SHOW, UPLOAD, ENDS ON A HUGE CLIFFHANGER! And what are the odds that they won't renew it? Fuck all the television studios who refuse to show a complete story in a season. All this does is fuck over fans of the show when they cancel it.

    BOOOOOO! And what's so frustrating is that they didn't need the cliffhanger. It's just lazy writing, and NO show should end a season on a cliffhanger unless they have the next season already started. So rage-inducing. If Amazon cancels Upload I'll be more furious than usual when this happens.

       
    • After! Somebody edited together the underlaying narrative of grief that runs through one of my favorite shows so far this year... and it's almost unbearable to watch. What makes After Life so amazing is how it tempers the grief with humor. Without the humor though? It's a serious exploration of the human condition. Spoilers, obviously...

    Ricky Gervais really knocked it out of the park with this show. He's already said that he's been so touched by the outpouring of love for the show that he's working on a third season. And, oh well yeah, HE DOESN'T END HIS SERIES ON A FUCKING CLIFFHANGER BECAUSE HE KNOWS THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT THERE WILL BE A NEXT SEASON! He's talented enough to come up with a way to start a new season without cliffhangers.

       
    • Suess Raps! These videos of a guy rapping Dr. Suess over Dr. Dre beats is total genius...


    I hesitate to guess how many times he had to practice these before getting this good.

       
    • Better! TIME IS JUST A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT TO KEEP YOU FROM DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU WANT TO DO IT! WELL SCREW THAT! I AM IN CONTROL OF MY OWN DESTINY! SO... MORNING DRINKING at 9:00AM IN MY UNDERWEAR WITH CHEETOS AND TELEVISION, BABY! — MY DAY IS BETTER THAN YOUR DAY!

    Me watching TV with a beer, Cheetos, and no pants.

    So how was your day?

       
    And that's that for bullets on this fine Sunday in quarantine.

       

    An Iris Revenge Story

    Posted on Tuesday, May 5th, 2020

    Dave!I've been spending a couple hours each day puttering around my flower beds. A neighbor was kind enough to pick out some new plants for me, so I've been working hard to create a home for them.

    One of the things I've been meaning to do for years is pull out the irises in the front of my house. I've never understood these flowers. They're pretty for a few days, sure...

    Flowers!

    But they are top-heavy and fall over... many times before they even bloom, which means they bloom on the ground. Then the yard care team runs over them with the mower and they look horrible until they finally die. Then it all repeats next year. I try to move them off the lawn so they at least don't get torn up by the mower, but they still look pretty bad and have to go...

    Stupid Irises on the Ground!

    And yesterday was the day. I ripped out the two plants in the front of my home. But those flowers got their revenge, let me tell you.

    The pollen got all over me and I had an allergy attack unlike any I've had in years. It was so bad that I had to take a big dose of Benadryl, then have a nap.

    When I woke up an hour later, I was covered in blood.

    I ended up with a nosebleed that would not stop, though it did slow to a trickle when I finally fell asleep around 3:00am. I was expecting to wake up and have to slog to the clinic to get it cauterized, but it had miraculously stopped overnight.

    The irises on the side of my house can stay right where they are. I'm afraid of these flowers. I missed a half-day of work because I had to catch up on sleep because of these flowers.

    Today I tried to take it easy and definitely not sneeze or blow my nose. Instead I laid on the couch and watched television, including a clever movie called The Great Seduction which is not some period romance bullshit as you would expect from the title...

    I love it when I happen across a movie I've never heard of and actually end up enjoying it!

    Kinda a nice way to end a day that started out so badly.

       

    Bullet Sunday 662

    Posted on Sunday, May 17th, 2020

    Dave!The weather is finally warming up, but the hottest place to be is right here... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • More Brothers! One of my favorite films to pop up in my foreign film binges is Kardeşim Benim, a really charming and funny Turkish film about two estranged brothers on a road trip after their father dies. A subtitled version is available on Amazon Prime streaming and for sale on iTunes...

    I loved it and was happy to see that they made a sequel. Alas, Kardeşim Benim 2 was not available anywhere... even without subtitles... and all I could find was a trailer, which looked every bit as good as the first movie...

    Fast forward to this past week and I saw that Amazon Prime Streaming finally had the sequel available to watch... with subtitles! It was darn good, and I enjoyed it just as much as the first film. It was a bit confusing, however, because the female lead from the first one has mysteriously disappeared. I was left scratching my head while thining "Wait... what happened to Zeynep?!? Who is Didem and where did she come from? Hakan is marrying her? Did I miss Kardesim Benim 1-1/2?!?" Still, well worth a look, especially if you saw the first one.

       
    • Mow Your Tuna! I love languages and have studied more than a few of them. The only language I ever felt fluent enough to hold a conversation in was Japanese, which has long-since escaped my memory. Languages I studied just enough to blunder my way through when traveling have been Swedish, Thai, Portuguese, and Italian. The first language I studied was German and I studied Spanish in high school. Neither stuck. I did attempt learning French before my second trip to the country. It did not go well. Which is why I had a good laugh over this...

    Now, I am the first to admit that English is no better. There are loads of homophones that make zero sense and can easily confuse anybody attempting to learn the language. But when it's the language you grow up with, it just makes sense.

       
    • Casting! QUEEN LATIFAH AS THE EQUALIZER?!?!? SIGN ME UP, PLEASE! I am absolutely fascinated at how a show like that might work. I am so happy to have some really different television to look forward to and this fits the bill nicely.

       
    • Electoral Math! "Democrats and losing elections is like Princess Peach and getting kidnapped by a lizard. At a certain point it starts to seem like y'all like this shit." — Oh... here we go... a total breakdown of how politics work where I live and how Democrats are 100% fucking it up. AGAIN...

    He's not wrong. About any of it.

       
    • Mo Betty! NEWSFLASH: Betty White to star in new Lifetime holiday film at 98 years old. — Squeeeeee!

       
    • Magic! As we remain locked down in quarantine, I've been incredibly impressed with how much Disney has been doing to distract us from it all. On their blogs they've been releasing a slew of amazing recipes for some of their most popular dishes and desserts at their parks. As if that wasn't enough, theyve been posting videos to their YouTube channel of all kinds of things... from fireworks displays to attraction ride-throughs, like their latest and greatest: Rise of the Resistance...

    So cool. Really hope I can ride it in person next year. The Disney Parks Blog is here. The Disney YouTube Channel is here. Enjoy!

       
    • Hugs! And because I want to end today on a happy note, here's a video of people hugging animals hugging people...

    Doesn't get much sweeter than that.

       
    And that's all the bullets we have for today.

       

    The Empire at 40

    Posted on Thursday, May 21st, 2020

    Dave!The Empire Strikes Back is one of the greatest movies of all time. Easily the best film of the entire Star Wars franchise. It's an epic sci-fi adventure story that doesn't pander or self-sabotage with kiddie shit like we would get out of Return of the Jedi and the awful prequel trilogy. We wouldn't see anything like it in the Star Wars Universe again until Rogue One and The Mandalorian.

    And today is the 40th anniversary of Empire hitting theaters...

    Movie poster for The Empire Strikes Back

    So naturally I had to watch it for the hundredth time.

    As if I need an excuse.

    The difference being that I watched the original film and not the "Special Edition." Sure the re-release is prettier and the effects are more polished, but it has some idiotic changes that are beyond bad. Greedo shooting first... that hilariously clumsy and inexplicably redundant scene with Jabba (didn't we just go through this conversation with Greedo?)... they're jarring in the worst possible way. What would be great if we could just get the original movie with the updated effects, which is all you really need.

    Obviously, The Empire Strikes Back totally holds up despite being 40(!) years old.

    After viewing the film I ran to my bookshelf to grab the epic The Making of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back book by J.W. Rinzler...

    The Making of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

    If you haven't already read it, the book is well worth tracking down.

    I wanted to re-read the movie novelization, but my copy has long-since fallen apart from use. It's a shame, because it adds some depth to already memorable scenes. Like when Lando is walking Han and Leia to dinner, the door opens up, and Darth Vader is there. In the novel they talk about how Han draws his blaster fast... maybe the fastest he's ever drawn it... which is a cool detail that you can't get from the movie. I'm pretty sure that I have the comic book adaptation somewhere, but that would take more digging than I'm prepared to do.

    Oddly enough, watching The Empire Strikes Back doesn't make me want to forge onward with The Return of the Jedi, but it does make me want to watch Solo: A Star Wars Story. The movie was severely underrated, and Donald Glover's take on Lando Calrissian is pretty great.

    So I guess I've got the rest of my evening planned out then.

       

    LOST: Motivation — REWARD IF FOUND

    Posted on Friday, May 22nd, 2020

    Dave!My house is a total disaster. Which leads me to believe that the only reason I've been keeping everything obsessively clean all these years is because I had people dropping by and regular houseguests staying with me. Now that there's nobody here but me and the cats, I just don't bother. And it's getting completely out of hand.

    This morning I noticed a smell coming from the dishes piled in the sink and finally decided to (begrudgingly) do something about it. Then I looked over at my pile of dirty clothes and decided to do something about that too. But that's as far as I managed to get before running out of motivation. Again.

    It's all psychological of course, and that's something I've been trying to get sorted. Mostly it comes down to acknowledging that I took a great many things in life for granted.

    I never really thought of myself as a social person, but apparently I'm far more social than I realized. Now that I can't just hop in my car and go visit my friends. It makes my world feel very, very small. Which is ironic considering the entire world is literally at my fingertips every time I open my computer.

    That's not the same though, is it?

    I've decided to keep my grocery store visits to once a month. I live in an area where masks are considered "a violation of American freedom" and people are overtly assholish towards you when you wear one. Never mind that it's for their protection in case I've been exposed... I still catch crap for looking out for others. And the fact that they can't extend the same courtesy to me is disheartening, to say the least. Apparently they've bought into all the idiotic nonsense about "masks cause carbon dioxide build-up that will kill you" and "Bill Gates wants to insert microchips in everybody" and whatever else wing-nut anti-science propaganda bullshit is out there being force-fed into social media. Guess it's more fun to believe the stupid shit than the simple reality of it all.

    Not that I wouldn't rather skip out on reality, mind you.

    I try to do exactly that every chance I get.

    This month it's by watching movies from Central and South America that have been piling up on my watchlist. One of the better ones I've seen is a movie from Venezuela called Azul y no tan rosa (which translates to My Straight Son)...

    I very nearly stopped watching because there's a horrific violent scene in the beginning that I really didn't need right now. The world is depressing enough. But man am I happy I kept watching. What a fantastic movie. Highest possible recommendation if you're looking for a sweet film to hunker down with over your Quarantine Memorial Day Weekend.

    When I needed a break from subtitles, I happened upon an interesting art-house sci-fi film run amok called Infinity Chamber...

    I avoided it for the longest time because there were some bad reviews and people were saying that the acting was amateur. This was bizarre to me because I thought Christopher Soren Kelly, upon whose talents the entire movie hinges, was fantastic. Sure the movie went on too long and the ending was a bit meh, but I liked it well enough.

    Beats cleaning my house, that's for sure.

       

    Bullet Sunday 663

    Posted on Sunday, May 24th, 2020

    Dave!You may be stuck in the house, but you won't be lacking for televised entertainment... because a very special Streaming Video Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    Big Eden! For better or worse, small-town rural America has been saddled with a shiny veneer of down-home values and a sense of strong community. And, having lived that my entire life, it feels an accurate way of looking at things. But this image kind of glosses over the general bigotry and specific homophobia that seems to permeate it all. Big Eden is a movie which shows what happens if it didn't permeate it all...

    This is such a warm, charming, and wonderful movie. I don't want to spoil a thing, but suffice to say that it's flawlessly realized cinema. After finishing it, I had to watch it all over again because there are dozens of tiny moments happening in the backgrounds by actors performing at the top of their game. This won a slew of LGBTQ awards, but I'd hardly call it a "gay movie." It's just a movie about a place that you wish existed.

       
    The Ultimate Gift! I had ZERO expectations for yet another "spoiled rich brat loses his fortune and turns his life around" movie... but The Ultimate Gift was a really good take on the genre...

    James Garner is a multi-billionaire with a truly horrible family. This includes a spoiled grandson who spends money like it was water and hasn't worked a day in his life. Everybody gets short-changed in the will when James Garner dies, but the grandson is given a second chance at an inheritance. All he has to do is complete a series of challenges which will win him gifts... ending with "The Ultimate Gift" after all the challenges have been met. But the challenges are not easy and are designed to push him into being a better person. Yes, there are some over-the-top moments to create artificial angst and drama but, overall, I walked away really enjoying this one.

       
    Hide Away! (Josh Lucas, James Cromwell • 2012) — This movie has polarizing reviews. Some people hated it. Some people loved it. I absolutely loved it. Josh Lucas shows up at a small coastal town and buys a beat up old sailboat to refurbish. The entire movie is a metaphor for rebuilding your life after tragedy, and has been filmed beautifully. I mean really beautifully...

    Some of the reviews were screaming "NOTHING HAPPENED IN 85 MINUTES OF RUN-TIME... NOTHING!!!" To which I can only respond "Maybe everything happened and you just weren't paying attention?" The movie 100% relies on Josh Lucas selling it, and he does not falter. From beginning to end, his nuanced performance and commitment to the story were pretty incredible. The ending takes a little thought to process, but was well-handled, I think.

       
    Kid Brother! This was one of those films where I pretty much had to trust Amazon's recommendation because I would have never given it a second look had I just seen the poster on the Prime Streaming page. A reclusive janitor's life takes a very different turn when his kid brother comes to stay with him...

    Do not let the trailer fool you, there is some really good subtle humor and great performances. Where did Alan Longstreet come from and why hasn't he been in like A HUNDRED MOVIES by now? Clever, charming, and some real heart, Kid Brother is worth a look.

       
    The Lovebirds! Amazon doesn't have an exclusive on enjoyable movies. Netflix just dropped The Lovebirds, starring Issa Rae and Kumail Nanjani. I'm big fans of both, so I was planning on tuning in even if it looks kinda slapsticky and goofy...

    And, don't get me wrong, it's absolutely slapsticky and goofy... but it's not without its charms, and I thought Nanjani and Rae did an incredible job of selling it. When all is said and done, it's a cute, sweet film that manages to overcome its weaknesses. It also take place in New Orleans, which is a definite plus.

       
    Mythic Quest: Quarantine! And, lastly, a lot of television shows are doing "quarantine" episodes or finding other imaginative ways to carry on. Late-night talk shows are thriving in the age of COVID-19. But none of them... none of them... can compare to the sheer brilliance that they came up with for an all new episode of Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet...

    The trailer shows none of the ingenuity which makes the episode so bloody brilliant, which is actually pretty great because it doesn't spoil anything... including an amazing finale. I really enjoyed the first season of the show from Apple+... this is just icing on the cake.

       
    And that's all the movie bullets I got. Stay safe, everybody.

       

    Buy a Sad Song on a Monday

    Posted on Monday, June 8th, 2020

    Dave!As I mentioned a while back, I had a DVD stop working and decided to backup my massive CD/DVD/Blu-Ray collection to computer files that I can import into my Plex Media Server. It's been going great so far, and I've been ripping through everything as fast as I can. Then I'm boxing all the physical media up and storing it in my garage. That way I have proof that I bought it in case anybody wants to accuse me of piracy. I don't steal content. On the contrary, I'm proud to support the artists who make the media I enjoy.

    But CDs and DVDs aren't the only thing I'm attempting to back up.

    For those TV shows I have recorded on VHS and 8mm tape which are not available to purchase, I'm converting them as well.

    One of the shows I was going to convert from 8mm tape was My Boys because iTunes didn't have it for sale. But then I thought to check Amazon and managed to get DVDs of seasons 1-3 for just $17! How sweet is that?

    Such a great show. Alas, the final 9 episodes of the series that made up Season 4 can't be found anywhere. Everyplace I've found which has DVDs for sale end up being bootlegs. And since I don't steal content, I certainly don't support people stealing content.

    I've still got many, many shows to convert over but, as of today, all my music has been ripped or re-purchased digitally. Re-purchasing is easiest, but so many things I only have on mix-tapes or cassette singles or LP singles just aren't available. I keep checking through.

    The only thing I cannot figure out how to purchase is some of the short films I've saved over the years. Some of them I've actually found on iTunes to buy. But others? No clue.

    Plex got confused between two of these short movies I love... Sign and Signs. After separating them and telling Plex that they are not the M. Night. Shyamalan movie Signs, I had to watch them again, of course. This first one is entirely too sweet. I've seen it a dozen times and love it more with each viewing ❤️...

    Here's the other short film that Plex got confused on. It's absolutely wonderful. More happens here in 12 minutes than you'd find in most movies that are 2 hours long ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜...

    I sure do wish I could support these filmmakers and actors by buying these films on iTunes... or anywhere, really, so if anybody knows where they're for sale, I'd appreciate a heads-up.

       

    Facing the Music

    Posted on Wednesday, June 10th, 2020

    Dave!Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is one of the greatest movies ever made.

    It's funny, it's smart, and it's got a really good story that doesn't pander or cop out on the time travel elements. Which is amazing when you consider that it's essentially a stoner comedy without the drugs! Bill S. Preston Esq., Ted Theodore Logan, and Rufus are timeless, beloved characters that made a throw-away movie so compelling that it endures even today... despite having a lackluster sequel.

    So of course I'm thrilled that we've got another movie coming...

    Hopefully it's the awesome sequel we should have got out of Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.

    If not, I suppose we've still got the cartoon show...

    EXCELLENT! (well, the first season was, where Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, and George Carlin reprised their roles for the voices. The second season came along with a shitty TV live-action series and those actors do the voices).

    I sure hope that Bill and Ted write their universe-saving song really fucking soon now.

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    Bullet Sunday 666

    Posted on Sunday, June 14th, 2020

    Dave!If I were a religiously superstitious man, I'd say that a Bullet Sunday associated with The Mark of the Beast is strangely apt given the times we live, and yet there's no need to go fearing the apocalypse just yet... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia! There are some people in the world who would have skipped right over a blog post numbered "666" out of fear that this number invokes the devil. This fear is known as "hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia." Quite a mouthful. My fear of satan has long since disappated because we've got hell on earth happening all around us. From Impeached President Trump scheduling a rally at the site of the Tulsa Race Massacre on Juneteenth (then rescheduling, but no worries... we know what you meant)... to Impeached President Trump erasing transgender American health protections during Pride... to Impeached President Trump easing restrictions on killing bear cubs and wolf pups in their dens so Donald Trump Jr. can spend tens of thousands more tax dollars on hunting trips... evil is being unleashed from the very top of our government every fucking day. Who needs the devil?

       
    IMDB That Shit! How my mind works... "What was that series I wanted to watch that has General Hux from Star Wars and Zoey from Nurse Jackie? Was it called "Escape?" And it was on Netflix, wasn't it? No... I saw it advertised before Last Week Tonight a few weeks ago so it must have been HBO? Or was it before Upload on Amazon Prime? Surely it's not one of those Apple TV+ shows is it? No, pretty sure it was HBO. Ugh... so many shows... what was the name... what was the name... what was the name... dang. Guess I'm going to IMDB. The guy was definitely in that amazing time travel movie with Bill Nighy and Rachel McAdams that Richard Curtis made... what was it? Oh yeah! It was About Time! Man I loved that movie. I should remember to watch that again. Hmmm... guess I'll look up About Time on IMDB and... WAIT! I remember, it's DOMHNALL GLEASON! Hard to forget an Irish name like that after he discussed how the M and the H are just there to confuse Americans! Domhnall Gleason. Boy, he's an amazing actor, isn't he? That's why I have to watch this new series. But it's not "Escape." Oh wait... it's Run! The name of the show I want is Run! Sweet! I didn't need IMDB after all because I'm just that smart! SUCK IT IMDB! Huh... wasn't the woman who played Zoey in Nurse Jackie also in The Walking Dead? =sigh= I guess I need to IMDB that shit.

       
    Whoa! I totally missed this. Or forgot I saw it. Or something. This is a "faithful, word-for-word recreation of one colorful day in the American court system" as recreated by Rick and Morty...

    Because American justice sometimes perfectly resembles a cartoon. And Rick and Morty is the perfect cartoon to do it. Insanity.

       
    Damn, Daniel! This is faked, of course, but still hilarious...

    I ended up watching this video five times in a row so I could look at everybody's reactions. Thank heavens all my Zooms are on my iPad and I physically close it when I leave the call (which disconnects everything).

       
    Alexaaaaaa! A slice of life in 2020...
    ALEXA: "From Amazon Product Ratings: Three months ago, you purchased 9 Inch Bread Banneton Proofing Basket. How would you rate this product from one to five stars?"
    ME: "What the fuck? Alexa, stop bothering me with this shit!"
    ALEXA: "Okay. I'll stop asking you for product reviews for a while."
    ME: "A WHILE?!? WHY NOT PERMANENTLY?!?"

    This is how it starts, doesn't it? Technology slowly creeps into your life and eventually just takes over. It's not like The Terminator didn't warn us this would happen.

       
    Not-So-Foxy! Lately FOX "News" has been caught Photoshopping images to support their idiotic narrative as to what's happening in Seattle... to being so desperate for news on what's actually happening in Seattle that they fall for absurd Monty Python parody posts. I guess the truth about what's really happening in the tiny little 6-block section of Seattle which has sectioned itself off as an autonomous zone is just too boring? Better lie and bias it up then. Seems to make no difference to their viewers. Maybe when Impeached President Cadet Bone Spurs invades Seattle personally, as he's threatened to do, they'll have the story they're really looking for.

       
    Party! It's gotten impossible for me to support any facet of the Republican Party. Where I live, I generally voted Republican on State issues because the Democrats which dominate Western Washington don't give two fucks about what happens East of the Cascades... there's no votes for them here, so we get ignored. No, I don't support a lot of what Republicans represent, but there's really no choice if the region where I live wants a fair share of the pie.

    All that stopped after Cadet Bone Spurs Trump was elected. Any party which enables... and continues to support... this monster has completely lost me. There is no reality where I would ever vote Republican now. Instead I do what I swore I would never do... check every fucking Democrat on the ballot. Because even if a Republican publicly condemns the president, there are still too many other horrific people and issues that never get condemned. And ANY Republican who even attempts to be a human being by representing ALL of their constituency is quickly targeted and devoured by the Republican Party. Perform a same-sex wedding to offer support for a segment of your community. Get fucked. It's just the way they operate now. The Republican Party has no future unless they can gerrymander it.

       
    And now back to our regularly-scheduled hell on earth.

       

    Uncanny Canyon

    Posted on Tuesday, June 23rd, 2020

    Dave!uncanny valley • Used in reference to the phenomenon whereby a computer-generated figure or humanoid robot bearing a near-identical resemblance to a human being arouses a sense of unease or revulsion in the person viewing it. — Lexico, Powered by Oxford

    Entering the uncanny valley is a different experience for different people. Some people can't tell the difference between computer-generated humans and actual humans. Some people have a sense something is off, but aren't bothered by it. Still others don't like it at all. As for myself? It freaks me out in ways that I can't express... or even fully comprehend.

    The worst experience for me is easy to pinpoint... it's Star Wars: Rogue One. In this film they have computer-generated appearances by Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess Leia... circa 1977. Peter Cushing (Tarkin) died in 1994. Carie Fisher (Leia) was alive when Rogue One debuted in 2016, but died before I made it to theaters to see the movie.

    Carrie Fisher had only one scene at the end and she looked straight-up bizarre. Her glassy eyes and weird expressions were way freaky to me, especially when her head was 10-feet tall on a movie screen...

    A plastic glassy-eyed fake Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia from Star Wars

    It was like a video game character gone horribly wrong. This was not uncanny valley, it was uncanny canyon.

    Grand Moff Tarkin had many scenes in the movie. In a way, he came off a little better than Leia because there were some shadows at play. Alas, this made the glassy eyes even more pronounced. His skin tone also had some serious issues, looking more like plastic than human skin. I really think that they would have been better off if they got a different human actor for the part... or found a way to eliminate him from the movie entirely. But, still, it was a fun connection to the original movie, and the connections were part of why I liked Rogue One so much. So... who knows? Maybe this is just the way it had to be.

    I was reminded about this all again when somebody posted a video that attempted to fix Grand Moff Tarkin so he wasn't quite so freaky...

    Now, I would hardly consider this to be "fixed," but it is a step in the right direction. It's probably not as good as it could have been if the face-mapping were on an actual human instead of a CGI replica.

    "Deepfake"... a technology which remaps one face on another face... shows far more promise than CGI humans currently do. I've talked about this plenty of time on Blogography... the last time being in January where somebody "fixed" the de-aging effects on The Irishman...

    Now, the place that people always go with deepfakes is this: "Pretty soon the technology will be so good that we won't be able to tell what's real!" And my response is always the same... "Well, yeah, that would be terrible for getting to the truth, but just think of how great it will be for movies!"

    Because if I never see a dead, glassy-eyed, dead person ten feet tall on the movie screen again, that would be okay by me.

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    John Benjamin Hickey and Obsession

    Posted on Friday, June 26th, 2020

    Dave!When it comes to television and movies, I'm a bit of an obsessive-compulsive. Sometimes I will latch onto an actor, pull up their IMDB profile, then watch every last appearance I can find. It's just something I do for whatever reason. This time it happened after I watched the movie The General's Daughter (with John Travolta!)... then went back to rewatching Barry... only to realize that John Benjamin Hickey is in both. He's a solid actor that pops up in a lot of places, but I most remember him as appearing in The Big C. He played Laura Linney's homeless brother. And so... I decided to work my way back through his acting catalog.

    The first movie I found that was free for me to watch was called Forever My Girl...

    It has a crappy 25% on Rotten Tomatoes, but I figured I'd have a higher tolerance for it because I enjoy all those crappy Hallmark romance movies. Despite precious little chemistry between the leads, it's actually a pretty good flick! And the little girl who plays the daughter is great. Sweet, feel-good stuff.

    I went back to Rotten Tomatoes in order to find out what critics hated about it... and did a double-take when I saw that the Audience Score is 79%. This is like... really good for an audience score (as a comparison, Titanic has just 69%). Of course this is exactly the kind of movie that critics feel obligated to hate, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

    What totally did surprise me? The guy who stars in it... Alex Roe (somebody I'd never heard of before)... is British. Not just British... very, very British...

    The movie is also hilarious... if only unintentionally so. Early on Alex is running six blocks BAREFOOT in New Orleans to get his mobile phone fixed. And while running barefoot in any big city could be dangerous... NEW ORLEANS?!? In the French Quarter, no less.

    And now, if you'll excuse me, more John Benjamin Hickey is calling... this time in the movie Tallulah.

    P.S. I don't know which Hollywood types need to hear this, but... voicemails are not stored on your mobile. They are stored on a server at your carrier. So a major plot point in Forever My Girl is pretty laughable. And not in a good way.

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    Old Guard, New Cinema

    Posted on Friday, July 10th, 2020

    Dave!If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that movies based on comic books are a mixed bag. Sometimes they do a great job of translating the source material... other times they do a horrendous job. But in every case, there's always changes that get made.

    Marvel Studios has been the most successful in respecting the original comic books with their films. When they make changes, they are usually in the service of the story and are made so that the essence of the characters and stories will work in an entirely different format. DC had some very good Batman movies with Christopher Nolan's take on The Dark Knight, yet their current movies have been worse than shit. And then there's the 20th Century Fox X-Men movies, which were awful to extreme levels of bad, and about the worst comic book translation you'll find.

    You just never know.

    So when I heard that Netflix was creating a movie based on The Old Guard, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. I loved the comic book. Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernandez told a great story in a cool way and it had incredible potential for a movie. So when Netflix unleashed it, I tuned in with a mix of both excitement and dread. How much of the story would they butcher? How many senseless changes would they make?

    Turns out they did a fucking amazing job.

    This story of immortal beings working as mercenaries stars Charlize Theron, which was reason enough to watch. She has never disappointed. And she absolutely does not disappoint here. She kicks copious amounts of ass and delivers exactly as you'd expect her to. That much was not surprising.

    What was surprising? Not only did Netflix keep two of the major characters gay... but they did not reduce them to platonic shells, which is what studios usually do. Take this scene between them from the comic book, which was incredibly touching and romantic as it gets...

    A page from The Old Guard comic book.

    And compare it to The Old Guard movie...

    The scene is not just faithful... it's word-for-word faithful.

    There was a time not even ten years ago that this would likely have not been the case. If the characters of Joe and Nicky were allowed to stay gay, they would have been neutered or played for laughs. And then there's the fact that the two leads of an action movie are women... and one of them is a Black woman. Don't see a lot of that, even in 2020.

    And so...

    Highest possible recommendation. If you like action movies, it's definitely worth a look.

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    Last Christmas for Travel

    Posted on Monday, July 13th, 2020

    Dave!I've flown somewhere every year since 1983. Today it hit me that this may very well be the first time in 37 years that I go nowhere. And I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it.

    On one hand, it has been SO nice to not have to drive 2-1/2 hours to the airport... deal with airport security... sit on a plane for hours... stand in line at the rental car counter... sleep in weird hotels... live out of a suitcase... not to mention, well, this right here... and... the travel part of travel pretty much sucks.

    On the other hand?

    I've been stuck at home instead of out exploring the world.

    Every place I had on my list to see before I die suddenly doesn't seem as important as it once was. Except possibly India. I am very upset that I haven't got to visit yet and something inside of me dies at the thought of never seeing it. I would also like to visit Africa again. But other than that? It's not so much places as it is people I will miss. I have friends scattered around the globe, and there are more than a few I'd be very sad not to see in person again one day.

    In other news...

    I passed on the movie Last Christmas last year because A) It only got 47% on Rotten Tomatoes... and B) I suspected I knew how the story ends up just from watching the commercials. — I was right about the story, but Rotten Tomatoes got it wrong. Maybe it's the Hallmark Christmas movie lover in me... but I thought this was a really good film. I love Emilia Clarke and the incomparable Michelle Yeoh, but had only ever seen Henry Golding in Crazy Rich Asians. His fantastic performance in that film was no accident. He is crazy charming in this movie. And it's not like you can go wrong building your soundtrack around George Michael...

    A nice mid-month surprise for my annual Christmas in July movie marathon!

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    Every Steven Spielberg Movie RANKED

    Posted on Tuesday, July 14th, 2020

    Dave!ScreenRant recently published Every Steven Spielberg Movie Ranked from Worst to Best and I have thoughts. In some places I definitely agree with their assessment. But in many places I do not. But since lists like this are subjective, that's only natural. If there's one thing I think we can all agree on it's that Spielberg is responsible for some truly great movies. He's got vision that propels stories to movie blockbusters and there's no denying his talent.

    Except...

    If Spielberg had only made the first ten films on my list, he'd be one of my favorite directors of all time. But it's the bottom ten than kinda sink him for me here. It has me wondering if Quentin Tarantino's plan to only direct ten feature films is a good idea. This focuses the director on making ten of the best films they could have possibly made instead of squandering their talents on a scattershot oeuvre that's uneven and mired by mediocre efforts. Heaven only knows how much better some of even Spielberg's best works could have been if he hadn't been distracted with some of these projects.

    Food for thought.

    My list is ordered "best to worst" instead of "worst to best" because I don't buy into the idea that there's any suspense to be found from saving the best for last. My favorite movies deserve to be first on a list! So here we go...

    The original Raiders of the Lost Ark movie poster with Harrison Ford.

    1. Raiders Of The Lost Ark. I disagree with the ranking of much of ScreenRant's list... but have no argument whatsoever that Raiders deserves the top spot. I've seen this movie more times than I can count, and it still delivers each and every time. Sure, much of the credit goes to the inspired casting of Harrison Ford and his sublime performance, but I don't discount Steven Spielberg's contribution in just how brilliant it all turned out. Amazing set-pieces. Thrilling action. Humorous moments which accent but don't overwhelm. And let's not forget plenty of punching Nazis in the face as God intended. Everything good about movie-making can be found right here.
    2. Jurassic Park. Nothing quite prepared me for the dinosaur effects in this movie when I saw it in the theater very early in its run. So many awe-inspiring scenes handled so wonderfully. I would rather watch this again that revisit any of the sequels that followed. That pretty sums up my feelings on just how good Spielberg can be when he isn't mired in over-sentimentality and unnecessary drama.
    3. Jaws. This is a brilliant film that transcends the "special effects" possible at the time it was made. Now-a-days it would be remade with a CGI shark that would be over-used, killing the suspense and build-up that made the original such a fantastic popcorn cinema effort. In some ways, Spielberg's direction was all downhill from here, but that's not necessarily a slam on his talents. It's more blind-admiration that somebody managed something this good so early in their career.
    4. Schindler’s List. A punch in the gut that everybody should see. It paints a picture with such vivid relief that you simply cannot believe the inhumanity of it all... but then look at current events and see how history does indeed repeat itself.
    5. Minority Report. Sure there were some problems here... and plot holes you could drive a truck through, but I really, really enjoyed this sci-fi thriller. It's a fantastic near-future vision that is executed very well. Absolutely agree that this is one of Spielberg's best efforts and one of his most underrated.
    6. Saving Private Ryan. Sometimes the horrors of war have to be shown so people understand why it's to be avoided at all costs, and this movie takes an unflinching look at exactly that. The opening invasion scenes are hold-your-breath-edge-of-your-seat brilliant, then get tempered with hope and heart in a way that elevated above your average war flick. Performances were gut-wrenchingly amazing at every turn, and the fact that Spielberg managed to hold it all together is an amazing effort.
    7. Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade. This movie tried to fix all the things that went so wrong with the previous installment... and succeeded far more than it deserved to. Harrison Ford and Sean Connery were flawless in their roles, and I can't believe this smart, funny, high-action, escapist cinematic delight was allowed to devolve into the utter crap we got in the next movie in the franchise, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
    8. Close Encounters Of The Third Kind. I know. I know. This is a brilliant movie on every possible level and has performances which deliver in spades... but it's also kind of overwrought where it should be thrilling. There's no denying I love the movie... I've seen it multiple times... it just doesn't impact me like other films on this list do.
    9. Munich. This was a well-crafted film that held my attention from start to finish... something that Spielberg rarely accomplishes with me. The complex morals at play here add a depth that he doesn't reach too often, and the performance he got out of Eric Bana was sublime. This was a smart, taught film from a director at the top of his game.
    10. Catch Me If You Can. This is a fun film that didn't have much depth... but boy did it deliver in entertainment. Sure it goes over-the-top at times, but it's fantastically reserved for Spielberg, and the thrill of the chase drives the entire film forward with few stumbling blocks.
    11. Empire Of The Sun. While it gets so many things right... and it certainly feels ambitious... it also suffers from an uneven flow that disrupts the narrative far more often that it should have. Even so, I really like this film because it does what films are supposed to do... take you to another place. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes, sections of the movie seem to trivialize war. Yes, it's strange in not-so-great ways. But it's also really good movie fare.
    12. Duel I had no idea that this was a Steven Spielberg film until I saw it on the list! I mean, at some point I must have known... I've seen the movie at least twice... it just never registered to me. This is Spielberg's directorial debut and it's everything you could want. Suspense and thrills on overdrive, it's no wonder this lead to him getting to direct Jaws.
    13. Bridge Of Spies. Most of my enjoyment of this film can certainly be set on the Coen Brother's script... but there's something to be said for Tom Hanks' brilliant performance and Spielbergs cunning in letting the movie unfold as it needs to. Espionage thrillers are among my most favorite movie genre, and this is a darn good effort amongst a lot of truly great efforts.
    14. The Color Purple. The best thing I can say about this movie is that it made me want to read the original novel, which turned out to be more enjoyable and far more impactful to me. Even so, the actors were all fantastic. Whoopi Goldberg turned in the performance of a lifetime, and it's unreal that this is her first feature film role.
    15. Always. This film was dead-last in ScreenRant's list. They called it "cloying" and a "slog" which I find surprising. To me, it's exactly the opposite of that... a charming movie which takes its time to delivery a beautiful message about life. Audrey Hepburn was her brilliant self, and her final role in Always was a treat to behold.
    16. The Terminal. Second-to-last on ScreenRant's list, I couldn't disagree more that this movie "languishes" and that Tom Hanks is "too starry" for the role. It's actually a sweet story with great characters that doesn't go "full-on-Spielberg" and have over-the-top emoting with annoying kids injected for no reason.
    17. The Post. This was a good film that strives to show the merits of journalism in a time of "fake news," but it didn't necessarily translate into a good story. Ultimately I enjoyed the film very much, but it falls flat too often and takes way too long to truly get moving. For what it was about, I was expecting a more exciting film than what ended up on screen.
    18. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial. For whatever reason, I do not care for this movie at all. Yeah, yeah, it's an iconic film... but it suffers from cloying drama that is so blatantly manipulative as to be criminal. The best thing I can say about it is that I didn't hate the kids, as they were only mildly annoying instead of hugely annoying like what you usually get in movies like this. The John Williams score was also next-level amazing. What I did hate was the stupid 2002 revision that served no good purpose. Turning guns into walkie-talkies? Seriously?
    19. Lincoln. Eh. I mean, it was a good film with stunning visuals and an epic performance by Daniel Day-Lewis... and it was complex in a good way... but it still fell a little flat for me. The camera choices were distracting. The god-like take on Lincoln was trying. And the attempt at turning history into myth was amateurish. I just don't have the same reverence for Lincoln that so many people seem to.
    20. Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. There's moments in this infamous sequel which make you wonder what could have happened if only somebody with actual storytelling ability were to take a run at the script. Instead you've got Kate Capshaw being made to say stupid things and screaming a lot... an annoying kid injected for no good reason who is responsible for such brilliant lines as "No time for love, Doctor Jones!"... and a borderline-racist and highly ignorant look at other cultures. Ouch. Even so, I think this movie gets a bit of a bad rap because, at its core, it's got Harrison Ford turning in a really good performance of Indiana Jones that you really can't fault.
    21. Amistad. While I appreciate Spielberg's effort to not gloss over slavery as a vehicle for some kind of idiotic white savior character, I still think that this movie didn't really do the real-life story much justice. It was just so... dull. A slog of a courtroom drama interrupted with moments of brilliance that are quickly buried. Even so, I'd recommend seeing it for the opening scenes alone... and a truly great performance by Djimon Hounsou.
    22. War Of The Worlds. While there were some really great moments here and the Spielbergian tension was among his best efforts, things just kinda fell apart in the third act. I 100% agree with ScreenRant that Spielberg having Tom Cruise's son end up alive didn't make sense and was a huge misstep that undercuts the narrative. I had exceedingly high expectations for this movie, but ultimately felt it would have ended up a better film if somebody else was at the helm.
    23. The Adventures Of Tintin. This is a really good story that somehow fell apart in the animation for me. It's uncanny valley times one hundred, and I was pulled out of the film more times than I can count because the character design was just so inexplicably horrific. If only this were traditionally-animated... or made live-action... or something to keep the viewer from having to look at these freaky-ass characters for the entire runtime, it would have been a far better movie.
    24. Sugarland Express. I was very late to this movie (seeing it in 2010, maybe?) and that's the problem. Despite some good performances and nice style choices, the movie just felt oddly displaced to me. Not necessarily dated, but not anchored enough in its time to feel real. Still... not a bad film by any means, and really good for a directorial debute.
    25. The BFG. The source material seemed like it was a good fit for a movie... but it didn't quite work out, despite a lot of effort put into the CGI animation to stay faithful to Roald Dahl's story. It just seems so pedestrian given the amazing visuals, and that's a real problem. It's just a slow, forgettable effort that I'll never watch again.
    26. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence. This was a wholly depressing story that had an inexplicably stupid ending-on-top-of-an-ending that sunk any emotional weight that had been building for the entire movie. Painfully manipulative at every turn, this is Spielberg at his worst. Stanley Kubrick's idea should have died with him, because I find it impossible to believe that this is what he would have given us.
    27. War Horse. I never saw the stage play or read the book... both of which I'm told are fantastic... but this was just plain bad from start to finish. I felt terrible for the poor horse, not because of the character in the story, but for being forced to appear in this movie to begin with. Spielberg's biggest fault is that he's so absurdly and obviously manipulative, but this a manipulative fiasco that takes it to an entirely new level.
    28. The Lost World: Jurassic Park. 100% agree with ScreenRant's assessment that this is just a retread of the original movie with better effects but worse story. I remember walking out of the theater wishing I could have those two hours back.
    29. 1941. A painfully unfunny "comedy" that squandered the talents of everybody involved.
    30. Hook. Total disaster of a movie which was poorly conceived and felt forced every step of the way. Heaven only knows what other movie we might have gotten from Robin Williams if he had taken a pass on this dud.
    31. Ready Player One. While I liked the book okay despite a lame plot and even more lame ending, the translation to screen was awful. Visuals were awful. Performances were awful. World-building was awful. Pile that one all the faults the novel had and you end up with a mess that's so unwatchable that I ended up fast-forwarding through many, many parts of it.
    32. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Absolutely shitty fourth installment of one of the best characters in cinematic history. Doesn't help that I fucking detest Shia LaBeouf's "Mutt" character so badly that this alone destroyed any chance of this film having any redeeming qualities... Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, and Karen Allen aside. Nuking the fridge... fucking ALIENS... dumbass Mutt Williams... it all adds up to one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

    See you in the movies, cinema fan.

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    Bullet Sunday 671

    Posted on Sunday, July 19th, 2020

    Dave!The USA may be leading the world in COVID-19 infections, but that's not the worst news you'll hear today... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Psych... Again! NBC's new streaming network, Peacock, launched this week. To entice people to subscribe to yet another service, they are making some content free for a while. Including Psych 2: Lassie Come Home...

    I had forgotten how much I love this show. The one-liners are as fast and funny as ever and the story is actually pretty darn good! It features the return of Timothy Omundson (Carlton Lassiter) after his stroke, and he is wonderful. Everybody is. I tell you, bringing back Psych would be a sure-fire way to get me to subscribe to the network, that's for sure.

       
    • Coming 2! Heaven help me, it might actually be worth getting infected just to go see this...

    With the exception of all the Marvel Studios movies waiting to be released, this is what I most want to see.

       
    • Leibovitz? In my work I've seen this many, many times. Photographers shooting Persons of Color the way they shoot white people because they cannot be bothered to learn how to create a shoot for darker skin. And apparently it can be a challenge for even the best photographers. Annie Leibovitz is a true artist, but she completely and totally failed in her shoot of Simone Biles. The Vogue shots are dim, murky, and poorly adjusted...

    Simone Biles and her family looking murky and green in a shot for Vogue Magazine.

    My guess is that Leibovitz is of a caliber that she can dictate nobody modify her photos, which is a shame because Simone Biles is a beautiful young woman who deserves far better (as does her family). Any pro photographer worth their salt will be able to get stunning shots regardless of skin tone because that's their job. Or, you know, Vogue could hire Black photographers who have a lifetime of experience shooting Persons of Color... just sayin'.

       
    • Viola! Case in point? Meanwhile over at Vanity Fair where they hired the first Black photographer in the history of the magazine to shoot a cover story of Viola Davis...

    Viola Davis looking amazing shot from the back looking off to the left.

    Viola Davis dressed in black shot in front of a gold background looking gorgeous as she looks upward.

    Viola Davis would probably look amazing even if she was murky and tinted green... but, boy, this is phenomenal work by Dario Calmese.

       
    • STOP! I've seen demos of SawStop technology before. It still takes my breath away to see it in action, and here it is in slow motion...

    I use a table saw as an absolute last resort because I am well aware of how dangerous they are. No matter how careful you may be, accidents do happen. SawStop is a pretty brilliant way of keeping the damage to a minimum.

       
    • Hobbes and Me! As a massively huge Calvin and Hobbes fan, I can't believe that I missed these shorts when they were released back in 2014...


    You can see the entire series right here. You're welcome!

       
    And that's a wrap. Enjoy your pandemic, everybody.

       

    Bullet Sunday 672

    Posted on Sunday, July 26th, 2020

    Dave!Comic-Con San Diego may have been canceled this year, but you can't cancel Bullet Sunday, which starts... now...

       
    • EXCELLENT!! Not only did we get a brand-new trailer for the upcoming Bill & Ted movie at Comic-Con at Home, we also got a release date of September 1st. But the best news? It's going to be released for streaming rental day-and-date with the theatrical release!

    Sure it will probably cost $20 to rent early, but I would pay it in a heartbeat to avoid having to go to a bogus COVID-19-infested theater!

       
    • NANDOR! I watched a few virtual panels and, by a wide margin, my favorite of the bunch featured the cast of What We Do In The Shadows. If you're a fan of the show, there's no need to tell you what to do...

    I know the second season just ended, but I want a third season right now.

       
    • SEEKERS! What I want more than anything else from Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright is a sequel to their incredible movie, Paul. But outside of that, I'll take whatever I can get. Including their new paranormal hunter show... Truth Seekers...

    Alas, no date is given as to when the show debuts on Amazon Prime, but here's hoping it's soon-soon rather than later-soon.

       
    • DECKS! I have no problem with an animated Star Trek. The original animated Star Trek series was pretty darn great. But a comedy? I don't know that I get why that has to go under the umbrella. It seems an odd fit...

    Guess I'll see how I feel once I've seen an episode or two. Lower Decks drops on CBS All Access on August 6th.

       
    • Jack! Not exactly Comic-Con-related, but Jack Whitehall has a new Netflix special out. If you like Jack, it's a great waste of time...

    I sure am sad that we likely won't see any more episodes of Travels with My Father, but watching this special makes me want to watch all the episodes we got all over again.

       
    • Cutesplosion! And lastly, I leave you with this...

       
    And that's a wrap, True Believer.

       

    Thursday Night’s Alright for In-Fighting

    Posted on Thursday, July 30th, 2020

    Dave!With life being more virtual than in-person now-a-days, I've been spending more time socializing online. It can't take the place of Real Life, but it's better than nothing... and it does actually have some advantages. Namely that you don't have to get dressed or leave the house. Also? You can find like-minded individuals much easier on the internet.

    And yet...

    Because there's no in-person interaction, things can go sideways very quickly.

    Tonight I left an anime discussion group when there was a fight because somebody started a chat over the upcoming Studio Ghibli film Aya to Majo, which is a computer-animated film instead of traditionally animated feature...

    "COMPUTER ANIMATION IS NOT ANIME!"

    "ANIME LITERALLY MEANS JAPANESE ANIMATION AND THIS IS JAPANESE ANIMATION!"

    It ended up in a shouting match with name-calling and everything.

    Yeah, I'm ready for this whole COVID thing to be over.

       

    Shades of Other People’s Money

    Posted on Monday, August 10th, 2020

    Dave!It's always a pleasant surprise when I watch a television show or movie for entertainment value and walk away learning something. I'm not talking documentaries and true-life story adaptations and stuff like that... I'm talking fictional stories built for entertainment purposes which have at their core some real knowledge to be had.

    Most of the time, this happens with something small. Maybe you learn the capitol city of some country you never knew about. Maybe you learn some oddball scientific fact. Or maybe it's something really off the wall like the way a particular poison can be used to get away with murder. There's all kinds of small facts that are weaved into TV and movies, and it's these facts big and small which can lead your head to accepting the larger fiction.

    A recent example of this is the Tulsa Race Massacre of 1921. Most people had no idea that such a horrific event ever happened until the HBO super-hero show, Watchmen, made it a primary plot point for the mini-series. I'm sure some people even thought it had been invented just for the show. That's how buried it was in our history.

    For me personally, the movie that most comes to mind about learning something was a 1991 film starring Danny DeVito, Gregory Peck, Penelope Ann Miller, and Piper Laurie called Other People's Money. It was based on a play of the same name by Jerry Sterner...

    The movie poster for Other People's Money with Danny DeVito being showered with money as he stands in a suit and tie with a Wall St. Building behind him.

    I went to the theater to see the movie because A) I fell in love with Penelope Ann Miller after she appeared in Kindergarten Cop and I realized she was Brenda in Adventures in Babysitting, and B) It was Danny DeVito starring in a movie that looked like he might be doing something along the lines of Ruthless People, a movie I love, and C) Piper Laurie was hot off of Twin Peaks, a show I love, and D) Gregory Peck...

    Looking back at a film from nearly 30 years ago, you just know that there's going to be plenty of problematic moments. And there truly are. The sexism alone paints Other People's Money as a dinosaur from another age.

    But man if I didn't learn a heck of a lot about how Wall Street works, how stocks and shareholders work, how hostile takeovers work, how money works. Just look at this scene that gets the movie ball rolling...

    And don't think that the movie is all money talk. We got lawyer jokes too!

    But the real education came at the end of the movie when I learned how proxy fights work. Now, if you have any plans to see this movie... and I suggest that you do see it... this video is a bit of a spoiler here. Gregory Peck has just made an impassioned plea to the stockholders to save his wire & cable company and not give in to Danny DeVito and his culture of greed. The room goes wild and he is lauded with thunderous applause. And then it's Danny DeVito's turn...

    Fantastic performance there. And here's the thing... Danny DeVito makes an argument that is completely air-tight. You can't argue with what he's saying in the context of the movie. And the big lesson I took away from this was that when it comes to situations like this, it's not always black-and-white. It's shades of grey. Or, in this case, shades of green.

    I've been thinking a lot about Other People's Money as it relates to contemporary times.

    There are industries that are dying yet we keep propping them up just because it's politically advantageous to do so. There are many, many examples I could drop here. Many. But the one that got me thinking about this movie is the coal industry. Coal is dead. It's beyond dead. Many of its uses have become antiquated. Nobody burns coal to heat their home or make a train run any more. And while I'm sure there are some industrial uses for it... like coal-fired pizza ovens and such... coal has fallen out of use in favor of cheaper sources like natural gas and renewable energy sources (both of which are cleaner as well). The use of coal for electricity production is plummeting year-over-year. It's quickly getting to the point where nobody wants to buy coal any more. The pandemic has put that fact in vivid relief. Coal mining companies are declaring bankruptcy left and right.

    And yet politicians keep dragging it along with their campaigns so that they can pick up some electoral votes in states like West Virginia, Kentucky, and Pennsylvania.

    And it makes zero sense.

    Other than the fact that voters fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

    And you know who gets hurt by all of it? The coal miners. Coal miners get screwed along with all the workers associated with coal mining.

    Because no matter how long politicians want to prop up coal... whether it's with subsidies or by coming up with idiotic nonsense like the notion of "clean coal"... it doesn't change the fact that coal is dead. And rather than accept that coal is dead and move forward by creating new jobs for coal workers with new renewable energy technology jobs, politicians keep dragging it along while foreign countries invest in renewable energy jobs which won't be going to American workers.

    And why is that?

    Lobbyist money, of course.

    Big Coal and Big Oil and Big Pharma and all these "Big" companies OWN our politicians. They BUY them off to promote their bullshit so they continue to make money while American workers lose their jobs and American citizens get screwed.

    And we have nobody to blame but ourselves because we keep re-electing them.

    I feel badly for the people who keep voting for politicians who don't have their best interests at heart because the lie is always so much easier to believe. They trust the people who say they will take care of them even though it rarely turns out to be true... and is getting less true by the minute. I probably learned that from a movie somewhere, but the best way to learn is to just look at the news.

    Assuming you can find actual news any more.

    Much like the buggy whip and coal, actual, factual news seems to be dead...

    A man on The Daily Show saying that if you want to rip the heart out of a democracy, you go after facts... that's what modern authoritatrians do. Step 1: You like all the time. Step 2: You say it's your opponents and the journalists who lie. Step 3: Everyone looks around and says What is Truth? There is no truth. Then resistance is impossible and the game is over.

    So, game over, I guess.

       

    Bullet Sunday 676: FanDumb Edition

    Posted on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020

    Dave!Fan conventions may be on hold, but don't get your super-suit tights in a bunch... because an all new DC Comics Fan Dome Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    FAN DOME! In the absence of fan conventions (like Comic-Con) there's been an awful lot of "virtual cons" happening. DC Comics held their own virtual con event this weekend, called Fan Dome. The only thing I actually tuned in live for was Wonder Woman 1984 and Suicide Squad. Everything else was just when it hit YouTube. Precious little information was dropped for Aquaman 2, Shazam 2, or a new Superman film, but everything else happening in the next 2-3 years was touched upon. Let's take a look, shall we?

       
    THE SUICIDE SQUAD! Technically, this is Suicide Squad 2, but in order to distance James Gunn's take on the franchise from the previous installment, they added "The" in the front and left "2" off the back. Packed to the gills with characters even more obscure than the original team, Gunn promises a unique take on the material which follows his incredible success with the Guardians of the Galaxy flicks over at Marvel. Out of all the films DC is unleashing on us, this has the best shot of my liking it...

    ODDS TO LIKE IT: 85%

       
    WONDER WOMAN 1984! I was completely unprepared for Patty Jenkins' incredible Wonder Woman movie, released in 2017. It was a fantastic, faithful, and fully entertaining representation of everybody's favorite Amazon for the silver screen. Three long years later, we're finally getting a sequel. I am not 100% sure how exactly how this wacky throwback is going to play out, but the trailer sure looks encouraging...

    ODDS TO LIKE IT: 75%

       
    THE BATMAN! When it comes to Batman live-action movies, the character has fared better than most, but there have been some serious missteps...

    • Batman (1989) Demented Tim Burton Batman fun!
    • Batman Returns (1992) Memorable for Danny DeVito and Michelle Pfeiffer and an absurd story.
    • Batman Forever (1995) Joel Schumacher taking a huge, stupid dump on the franchise.
    • Batman & Robin (1997) Joel Schumacher's nail in the coffin of Batman movies.
    • Batman Begins (2005) Christopher Nolan reinvigorates Batman for film in a new trilogy.
    • The Dark Knight (2008) The pinacle of Batman movies with the definitive Joker.
    • The Dark Knight Rises (2012) A drastic step down has Batman ending on a whimper.
    • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) Zack Snyder shits all over Batman, specifically, and super-heroes, in general.

    With the exception of The Dark Knight Rises, the best Batman going has been the LEGO games/movies and the animated cartoons. And here we go again, this time with Matt Reeves directing Robert Pattinson in The Batman. Alas, it's looking like a bit of a mess in the trailer, but who knows?

    ODDS TO LIKE IT: 25%

       
    BLACK ADAM! I hate hate hated the Shazam! movie. Now we're getting a movie around one of Shazam's biggest villains, Black Adam. I have no clue what this is supposed to be. Is he fighting Shazam? Is he going to be an actual villain? Who knows. I'd abandon all hope, except Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is starring in it, so I guess that's something.

    ODDS TO LIKE IT: 20%

       
    THE FLASH! One of the worst parts of Zack Snyder's shitty Justice League was his take on The Flash. Wrapped in one of the shittiest movie super-hero costumes of all time, Ezra Miller's godawful versions looked like a pile of junk instead of the sleek, elegant character from the comics. And those horrific "jokes" that he simply would. not. shut. up. with (courtesy of Joss Whedon, I'm guessing?). has me not giving a crap about this movie. About the only thing even remotely interesting to me is the fact that Michael Keaton's Batman will be making an appearance. Otherwise? Ugh.

    ODDS TO LIKE IT: 10%

       
    JUSTICE LEAGUE: THE SNYDER CUT! One of the worst super-hero films ever created, Justice League was a horrific pile of shit that followed Zack Snyder's truly awful Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice and Man of Steel fiascos. While the fact that Snyder has created it guaranteed it would suck, the fact that Joss Whedon was brought it to make it "funny" in the hopes it would perform like his two Avengers movies made it even worse. An inconsistent mish-mash that I hated more than I ever thought possible. Now Zack Snyder has been given millions of dollars so he can "restore his vision" for the film. Which means it's still going to be a pile of shit... it's just going to be a consistent pile of shit.

    ODDS TO LIKE IT: 2%

       
    I suppose if theaters ever open up in the USA again, I might actually get to see some of these. But, more likely than not, I'll just be waiting for home-video. If I'm going to risk death in a theater, it won't be for anything coming out of DC Comics, that's for sure.

       

    Wakanda Forever

    Posted on Friday, August 28th, 2020

    Dave!It's strange how you just kinda get numb to the horrors of the day. A pandemic is ravaging the world. California is burning from wildfires. Louisiana is getting devastated by a hurricane. It just never stops. Everything is awful and seems to be getting worse.

    Then today Chadwick Boseman dies... at 43 years old?

    Best known for playing Jackie Robinson in 42 and T'Challa in Black Panther, this is truly awful news. The guy was incredibly talented and his career had just gone stratospheric...

    I was so looking forward to seeing him in Black Panther 2. It's one of the things that's been keeping me going through these dark days.

    Condolences to Boseman's wife and family. So incredibly sorry for your loss.

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    Bullet Sunday 677

    Posted on Sunday, August 30th, 2020

    Dave!Summer may be coming to a close, but the bullets are just beginning... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Forever! This weekend I held a Chadwick Boseman memoral marathon... starting with 42, Gods of Egypt, and Marshall yesterday... then blowing through all his Marvel movies, Captain America: Civil War, Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity Gauntlet, and Avengers: Endgame today. Mr. Boseman was diagnosed with third stage colon cancer in 2016. Which means he had to be feeling effects while filming Civil War and Marshall... and was battling it in force while filming Black Panther and the Avengers movies. His amazing acting talent is on screen for all to see. But the strength it took to be filming while undergoing treatment for cancer? You never saw that...

    It's been weighing on me all day. I've read that he said that he prayed that he would get the role of Black Panther before he was cast. I can only imagine that playing the character kept him going. I don't know. What I do know is that I sure would have loved to have seen more movies from him. But, man, what we got was sure amazing wasn't it?

       
    • Jeopardy! Seems an apt time to remember when Chadwick Boseman was responsible for one of the funniest sketches to ever air on Saturday Night Live...

    And now I want potato salad.

       
    • EXCELLENT! One of my favorite movies of all time is Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Far from being a high school stoner comedy (albeit without the drugs), it was actually an incredibly smart film. Time travel was handled exceedinly well, the soundtrack was fantastic, and the casting was genius. George Carlin was an inspired choice as Rufus... and of course Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter were genre-defining in the title roles. The sequel, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey fell short, but was still a fun ride. And now, 30 years after the original debuted, Bill & Ted are back...

    While it's not in the same league as the original... and how could it be when George Carlin is gone?... it was still pretty darn entertaining. I am not going to say a word about the movie because you really need to see for yourself. And you can do that with a $20 rental or $25 purchase price through iTunes and other streaming services. I don't know if it's worth the first-run cost, but it's not like you can run out and see it in theaters.

       
    • #GiantMeteor2020! Well, dang.

       
    • Bird Shit! Johnny Harris does it again... this time with a fascinating video on why the US has all these islands scattered around the Pacific...

    Truth is so often stranger than fiction.

       
    • HAN SHOT FIRST! Restoring old films so they will appeal to modern audiences is nothing new. Cleaning up the dust and scratches. Minimizing grain. Sharpening the picture. It's pretty cool what technology can do to help make old films look new. But there is such a thing as going too far. I first remember this kind of controversy when Turner Network Television "colorized" old black-and-white movies. I never thought this was so terrible, but a lot of people did. What I do think is terrible is when classic films are altered so that the story changes. Guns becoming walkie-talkies in E.T. The Extra Terrestrial... and, of course, Greedo shooting first in Star Wars.

    There was a lot of outcry over Star Wars... so much so that when they released the modified "Special Edition" on DVD they included a "Bonus Disc" which had a cleaned up version of the original film. I was happy to have it, because the only way I could watch the original was on my LaserDisc copy, which was a very nice picture for 1982, but disappointing for 1997. I didn't mind so much that they replaced the special effects shots with new CGI versions... but the other changes (like Han not shooting first) were pretty crappy.

    Now there's a new technique for "stacking" multiple sources of the film so that you can build a more detailed picture...

    Here's a still from the original film off LaserDisc...

    A scene of X-Wing fighters from Star Wars... off LaserDisc.

    Here's the same still from the DVD Special Edition Bonus Disc of the original film...

    A scene of X-Wing fighters from Star Wars... off LaserDisc.

    And here's the restoration version which uses details from multiple sources to create a far sharper version...

    A scene of X-Wing fighters from Star Wars... off LaserDisc.

    Pretty amazing. Here's an explanation video. Fast forward to 40 minutes if you just want to see what's happening...

    Technology so nifty, eh? THIS is a kind of restoration that does more good than harm.

       
    And that's a wrap on my Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 678

    Posted on Sunday, September 6th, 2020

    Dave!Summer doesn't seem to be ending any time soon, but don't let 100° days get you down... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Growth! I don't remember how I ran across this video, but it's really, really cool...

    Jake and Jenny seemed to grow up exactly this fast.

       
    • Squirrel! I somehow missed this amazing Mark Rober video, which is a must see...

    His channel is one of those that I wish posted more often... but you just know that it wouldn't be this good if he did.

       
    • Die! And the new James Bond trailer is out...

    Looks almost worth risking your life going to a movie theater for!

       
    • Expecting! I watched the HBO Max series Expecting Amy which is absolutely fascinating. Not because of Amy Schumer, but because of her husband Chris Fischer. In her Netflix special, Growing, her talking about him and his being on the autism spectrum is the absolute best part of the show. In Expecting Amy you get to see the reverse side of it all. The guy seems as sweet as can be and is a massively famous chef, so he's a lot more than "just Amy Schumer's husband."

    So, yeah, worth a look. And also watch their cooking show Amy Schumer Learns to Cook on Food Network.

       
    • Bash! Earlier this week I had mentioned that NBC had picked up the amazing medical drama, Transplant, starring Hamza Haq. I know absolutely nothing about the guy, so I searched YouTube for some interviews. He does not disappoint...

    But the real treat was spending the day with him during Ramadan during quarantine...

    Very much looking forward to a second season.

       
    • Christie! Back when cable TV first came to town, we got a 6-month trial package that included HBO or Showtime or both or something. It was then that I discovered that one of my favorite Agatha Christie novels, Death on the Nile, had been turned into a film. I watched it many, many times. Now, after a successful remake of Murder on the Orient Express, we're getting a remake of Death on the Nile as well...

    Interesting to note that both versions of the film has quite a few name-brand stars...

    ROLE1978 VERSION2020 VERSION
    Hercule PoirotPeter UstinovKenneth Branagh
    Louise BourgetJane BirkinRose Leslie
    Linnet Ridgeway DoyleLois ChilesGal Gadot
    Marie Van SchuylerBette DavisJennifer Saunders
    Jacqueline de BellefortMia FarrowEmma Mackey
    Mr. FergusonJon Finch 
    Rosalie OtterbourneOlivia HusseyLetitia Wright
    Manager of the KarnakI.S. Johar 
    Andrew PenningtonGeorge Kennedy 
    Andrew Kathchadourian Ali Fazal
    Salome OtterbourneAngela LansburySophie Okonedo
    Simon DoyleSimon MacCorkindaleArmie Hammer
    Colonel RaceDavid Niven 
    Mrs. BowersMaggie SmithDawn French
    Dr. Ludwig BessnerJack WardenRussell Brand
    Euphemia Annette Bening
    Syd Adam Garcia
    Bouc Tom Bateman

    Looks like it will be worth a look!

       
    And that's the end of that. No more bullets to be had this week.

       

    The Sleeper Must Awaken

    Posted on Wednesday, September 9th, 2020

    Dave!To say that I'm excited for the new Dune film is a massive understatement. The original Frank Herbert book is one of my favorite novels ever, I've read it at least a dozen times, and have been mesmerized with the entire "universe" that Herbert built since I first read it on summer break before my freshman year of high school.

    There was a previous Dune film in 1984 by David Lynch that I very much enjoyed... despite it not being a very deep take on the material. This is not really Lynch's fault because the novel is essentially unfilmable. Much of what's going on is what's in people's heads and that's difficult to translate to screen. Even so, Lynch did an amazing job of translating the worlds and technologies to the big screen, and any subsequent readings of the book had his visuals in my head.

    We don't talk about the 2000 Sci Fi Channel mini series adaptations.

    The new Dune film by director Denis Villeneuve is apparently on track for release in theaters on December 18th, and I will likely risk COVID-19 to see it. His track record in cinema is exceptional... Prisoners, Sicario, Arrival, and Blade Runner 2049... so I'm guessing his take on Dune will be, if nothing else, interesting and visually stunning.

    And that was my take before I saw the trailer, which was released today...

    There's a lot to unpack here.

    And since there are many, many geek websites doing exactly that, I'm going to restrain myself and just focus on a few things I saw which interest me.

    Dune 2020 Movie Logo

    SETS

    What makes Dune so incredible is the "world-building" that Frank Herbert accomplished. The planets, the politics, the social structure, the technology... it's just all so solid. It's so deep that you feel it actually exists, and translating that to screen is not an insignificant challenge. I thought Lynch did a brilliant job at a time where practical effects were the norm. Now, of course, you can CGI whatever you can dream up, so of course the visuals have a better chance of mirroring what your imagination built from the books. Villeneuve's take on Blade Runner was about as perfect as you can get, so I have little doubt that his vision for Dune will be incredible. From what little I can see, it looks like he is trying for a muted, less ornate and fussy take on the sets, which is smart... I think? The Lynch film was so warm, lush, and gorgeously visualized, that you can't blame Villeneuve for striking out in a different direction. His take on Caladan feels much more Game of Thrones being more rough-hewn and utilitarian...

    A massive stone study with books lining the walls. Paul is facing down the Reverend Mother who is seated with a box at her hand.

    A large room in shadow made from stone.

    Contrasting with the deep shadows of Caladan is the blown-out sunlight of Arakis...

    Troop transports landed on Dune in glaring sunlight.

    Interesting to see that the sand seems to permeate everywhere on a planet full of the stuff...

    A large hallway in shadow with a fight happening in the middle, sand piled on the floor.

    CASTING

    PAUL: Timothée Chalamet as Paul Atreides seems a good fit. He's 24, but looks younger, which is what we need. In the book, Paul is like 15 or 16 or something, and that's an important point. He's a kid thrown into a situation beyond his years and his story is becoming a man under extraordinary circumnstances. I think Kyle MacLachlan was also 24 in the first Dune film, but looked older than Chalamet, which was a bit of a misstep, in my opinion...

    Timothée Chalamet as Paul Atreides.

    CHANI: Like Chalamet, Zendaya skews younger in this movie than Sean Young did in the previous Dune. In the books, if I remember correctly, she's older than Paul by a bit, but I like the idea of her also being a kid being thrown in a war spanning the known universe...

    Zendaya as Chani.

    DUNCAN: Jason Momoa wouldn't have come to mind for Duncan Idaho, but it looks as though he's playing it a bit more "every man" in which case he's a good choice.

    Jason Momoa as Duncan Idaho.

    LETO: I admit that I know precious little about Oscar Isaac outside of his character on the final Star Wars movies, but he certainly looks the part of Duke Leto...

    Jason Momoa as Duncan Idaho.

    BARON: Villeneuve has said that he's wanting the Harkonnens to be more evil and menacing than we've seen, which certainly has my stamp of approval if he can pull it off! Stellan Skarsgård was an inspired choice, especially if you've seen him in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo!

    Stellan Skarsgård as Baron Vladamir Harkonnen, rising from the mud.

    RABBAN: Dave Bautista is a delightfully versatile actor, and it will be very, very interesting to see his take on The Beast, especially if we're getting something truly villainous from the character...

    Dave Bautista as The Beast Rabban.

    MOHIAM: If there was one area where I thought Lynch's film faltered, it was the weird shaved-head look given to the Bene Gesserit. It absolutely played into the cult-like elements from the sisterhood, but it was distracting. Going with these heavy veils seems a lot more interesting, and you couldn't ask for a more interesting choice as Charlotte Rampling for The Reverend Mother...

    Reverend Mother Mohiam holds a Gom Jabbar at Paul's neck.

    GURNEY: Okay, Josh Brolin is perfect for Gurney. No surprise at all he was cast, because it really is flawless. What surprised me is...

    THUFIR: Holy cats, that's Stephen McKinley Henderson as Thufir Hawat beneath that parasol in back there! I loved him as Omar in the 2008 series New Amsterdam, and this is truly inspired and brilliant casting news. And boy did Villeneuve come up with a fantastic look for the Mentat Master of Assassins! Completely unexpected...

    Paul walking with Gurney and Thufir in the Dune sunlight.

    TECHNOLOGY

    If you've read the Dune novels, you know that technology has a bit of a strange place in the story. Thanks to an uprising by "thinking machines," artificial intelligence has been banished and any advancements are strictly utilitarian. We don't get to see much in the trailer... but we do get a glimpse of the Emperor's Sardaukar troops dropping in with their battle armor...

    Sardaukar troops landing on Dune. Uh oh.

    We do get a better look at the Holtzman personal shields in use. I have to admit that I think Lynch's take was a more visually interesting approach... and his having it centrally located on a belt seems a more logical place to have it instead of on some kind of hand-strap. That being said, Villeneuve did come up with a look that seems a heck of a lot more realistic...

    Holtzman shield fighting practice between Paul and Gurney.

    Holtzman shield fighting practice between Paul and Gurney.

    SANDWORMS

    Now, as cool as giant worms may sound when you read about them in a book... it's an absolutely absurd visual when translated to the screen. Lynch did as best he could, but the effort ultimately looked silly. We were told they were terrifying instead of seeing they were terrifying. Welp... thanks to CGI, that's not a problem any more. Sandworms are like something out of a nightmare, exactly as they should be...

    A sandworm chomping down on a spice harvester.

    A massive sandworm approaches figures in the dessert... thousands of teeth crowding its maw.

    STORY

    Dune is Dune. The political backstabbing and intrigues... the fight for power... the complex family interactions... the fascinating religion and customs of the peoples... it's all woven together into something far more amazing than the sum of its parts. Lynch's movie had to gloss over a lot of it out of necessity. There's only so much you can do in a two-hour movie. Villeneuve caught a bit of a break in that he was able to split the movie into two parts... plus he is getting a companion series on HBO Max. Whenever Dune: The Sisterhood airs, it will allow considerable more world-building than two films could accomplish on their own. This is truly exciting, because it will (hopefully) allow for many of the subtleties and complexities to play out in a way we've never seen. We get a tiny glimpse of this when Paul says "My father rules an entire planet." The Reverend Mother responds "He's losing it." Paul fires back with "He's getting a richer one." Reverend Mother nips that one at the bud with "He'll lose that one too." It's this kind of immense scope that you truly need if Dune is to have the proper weight to it.

    With any luck, we're going to get a movie which Dune fans have been dying to see for over 50 years. And if it fails? Well, I guess I can always re-read the book for the hundredth time.

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    Bullet Sunday 681

    Posted on Sunday, September 27th, 2020

    Dave!September may be coming to a close, but not everything has to end... because an all new Special Video Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Yikes! Need to be filled with awe and wonder today? Need to be filled with awe and wonder while shitting your pants? Well here you go...

    There are some places you'd swear that man was not meant to go. Which is why they go, I suppose.

       
    • Panda! Think wrangling kids is tough? Try looking after pandas...

    It's the cutest kind of mischief, I suppose.

       
    • Circles! I may not like a lot of Posty's music... but this song and video are sublime...

    That he had a hand in writing it as well just makes it all the mor impressive a track.

       
    • Hello! "912, what's your white emergency?"

    If. Only.

       
    • Enola! Looking for something good to watch? Netflix has a movie about Sherlock Holmes's teenage sister, Enola Holmes...

    Really, really hope that we will be getting a sequel.

       
    • Ted! Dang. Apple TV Plus is finally releasing shows compelling enough that I may actually want to pay for it when my free subscription runs out. Mythic Quest, Central Park, and Long Way Up are great television. But Ted Lasso is next level. Funny, sweet, and surprisingly deep... it's sure to make my Best of 2020 list...

    And to think... Foundation is still on the way!

       
    There it was... that was the last bullet for September.

       

    Bullet Sunday 683

    Posted on Sunday, October 11th, 2020

    Dave!Time to make time to be kind as the world crumbles around us... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Lume! If we are COVID-controlled by the time The Lume's immersive Vincent Van Gogh exhibit comes to the Newfields Museum in Indianapolis, I'm so there. Van Gogh is my most favorite painter, and I suffered through an episode of the abysmal Emily in Paris (on Netflix) just to look at this exhibit from when it was in Paris...

    Kinda shocked that this hasn't been to Amsterdam. That would be a much better fit for the experience given that this is where the Van Gogh Museum is located!

       
    • Free! As a huge Ryan Reynolds fan, I've been looking forward to the movie Free Guy... and my anticipation just kicked up a notch with the latest trailer...

    From what I've read, there's already a sequel in development because Ryan Reynolds loved the movie so much. No clue if movie studios are even going to be in the business of making films now that movie theaters are shuttering and attendance is plummeting where theaters are open. Heaven only knows I'd rather bypass theaters since the experience is so shity now-a-days... even without COVID-drenched audiences in tow.

       
    • Trek! The final episode of the new Trek cartoon show, Star Trek: Lower Decks came out and I still don't know what to make of it. It's too adult for kids, but it lacks biting stories to appeal to adults. It aims to be funny, but doesn't have big laughs thanks to lazy comedy tropes. And I while I guess this can exist along-side the Star Trek shows and movies... it seems an odd fit since it is essentially a parody of Trek and doesn't really go anywhere except within it's own bubble. The finale had Riker and Troi in it, but not really...

    JRiker and Troi in the middle of a Red Alert on Star Trek Lower Decks.

    Oh well. I did find the show entertaining enough to keep watching. I would not be made about there being a second season. I just hope they push it a little harder to make it stand out in the world of Star Trek instead of recede like it's doing now.

       
    • Diagnosis! President Trump catching COVID is hardly surprising. He holds super-spreader events, doesn't practice social-distancing, rarely wears a mask, and regularly hangs out with people who are proudly proclaiming their ignorance when it comes to the coronavirus. It was only a matter of time. And THEN... once he got it he was given every conceivable treatment for mild symptoms... treatment that "regular" people have to be on death's door to get. Regardless of how you feel about our impeached leader, there were mistakes on all sides of the president's diagnosis and the media storm around it. This is a fairly balanced critique courtesy of Dr. Mike...

    I remain dumbfounded that there are people who still don't take this shit seriously. And it starts at the top.

       
    • Your'e! This is one of the best things I've seen all week courtesy of Captain Kate McCue's TikTok...

    @captainkatemccue

    Classic.

       
    • DO NOT CALL OR TEXT! Despite telling The Democrats and The Republicans several times that I do not want them calling and texting me and to please remove me from their lists, I keep getting them. And when I complain I'm told that there are multiple lists and names get spread from one to the other. Which means it will never stop...

    JRiker and Troi in the middle of a Red Alert on Star Trek Lower Decks.

    I don't think people understand how awful unsolicited contact is. When my mom was alive and had to be moved to a facility, every single phone call was dread-inducing. Are they calling to tell me she is sick again? Are they calling to tell me she broke the other hip? Are they calling to tell me she's dead? Alerts for texts like this were a complete nightmare. And now that she's gone it's not much better. Most every time I get a phone call... and at least half the time when I get a text... it's bad news. Just hearing my phone alert me that somebody is calling or texting is triggering. Is another one of my friends dead? Is somebody in my family in the hospital? What horrible even is it now? This fucking sucks when it's somebody calling that I KNOW. But when it's somebody I DON'T KNOW who is sending a text or a call that I DON'T WANT and DIDN'T ASK FOR? Fuck that. It is an invasion of my privacy and my life and it should be ILLEGAL.

       
    • What? Holy shit. This is absolute insanity...

    And it just gets worse...

    I've been working my way through David Pakman's video catalog and occasionally come across stuff like this which defies belief. I would come unglued. Credit to Pakman for staying sane while addressing this guy, because it's all I can do to stay sane just watching.

       
    • Beouf! I may detest Shia LaBeouf's "acting"... but holy crap what a great guy! This is awesome!

    I sure wish I could get past his work on such travesties as Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Man Down, and the shitty Transformers movies. Apparently his last two films (Honey Boy and The Peanut Butter Falcon) don't suck but I've refused to watch them! I dunno. Maybe one day I'll have to get over it and just give them a try.

       
    And I guess that's the end of my bullets this fine Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 684

    Posted on Sunday, October 18th, 2020

    Dave!Cooking on Sunday seems like a tough sell before facing your Monday, but sometimes life throws you an easy recipe... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • LEWKS! Dolly Parton is one of my favorite people on earth. This video of her looking back on her leaks over the year is a great indication why...

    National. Treasure.

       
    • Rona! Thinking that overcoming COVID gives you immunity is most probably a mistake.

       
    • UnHallmark! SQUEEEs in Hallmark...

    Amazing how some of the best Hallmark movies aren't actually made by Hallmark any more. This film, for example, features an interracial couple. That is so exceedingly rare at Hallmark that you could reasonably argue that it doesn't exist. But, hey, they're producing a gay Hallmark Christmas movie this year, so maybe anything is possible?

       
    • Meow! This made my week. Do not mess with a cat's pet!

    The cat is fantastic, yes... but that puppy is too adorable.

       
    • Pete! I think it's important to revisit this moment in Pete Buttigieg's "town hall" on FOX "News" from 2019. It's where he's asked about what people are labeling "late-term abortion"... something which is not medically accurate ("late-term" is past an expected due-date for birth), but generally accepted to mean 21 weeks or later in pregnancy. I keep seeing "late-term abortion" pop up in conversation lately, and I honestly don't think people truly get what it is. As explained by Mayor Pete in the video below, for the vast majority of women who have been carrying a baby for 21 weeks, they're expecting to carry it to term. They want that baby. So if they're needing to get an abortion into the third trimester, it's not because they've changed their mind, but because of a catastrophic medical problem for either the mother or child. So to deny women a necessary medical procedure under those circumstances is both horrifying and cruel (read this, as just one example... there are thousands more). Yet this is what some very unreasonable and sadistic people are wanting to deny a woman in need at one of the worst times in their lives.

    I was initially a fan of Buttigieg, but ultimately problematic in some areas. That being said, I'd sure pick him over Trump or Biden. His thoughtful, measured response to serious issues is something we are sorely lacking in government.

       
    • Flix! I laughed far more than I should have at this...

    Lord only knows what people would think when looking at my Netflix!

       
    • T-RAV! One of the best things about visiting St. Louis is their "Toasted Ravioli" (AKA "T-Rav"). Which, most places, is actually deep-fat-fried instead of toasted. It's amazing stuff. It's not always easy to find a non-meat version, but it's always worth it. My problem is that St. Louis is 1600 miles away, so the only way I'm going to get it is to make it myself. Fortunately, it's pretty easy, and I'm giving my recipe below...

    A bowl of small raviolis, a bowl of beaten egg, and a bowl of seasoned breadcrumbs.

    Dipped and battered raviolis resting on a baking sheet.

    Finished T-Rav on a plate with a dollop of marinara and parmesan sprinkled on top.

    • I use Buitoni Fresh ravioli (in the refrigerator section at the grocery store) because it's smaller and I don't have to worry about the center not cooking completely. Freeze it for about 10 minutes until the outside of the pasta is chilled. You can use frozen ravioli, but you need to thaw it enough that the center is thawed, then re-chill it because the outside must be cold for stuff to stick properly.
    • While the ravioli is chilling, mix 1-1/4 cups of panko breadcrumbs, dash of rosemary, dash of garlic salt, scant teaspoon of dried oregano, scant teaspoon of dried basil, and a 1/3 cup of fine-grated parmesan cheese. Beat three eggs until smooth.
    • After the pasta has chilled, drench each piece in the beaten egg, shake a bit to get the excess off, then put in the breadcrumb mixture. Cover and press down a bit to make sure the crumbs have adhered. Place each piece on a cookie sheet to set.
    • Put the tray of coated ravioli in the freezer for 15-20 minutes so the batter is frozen to the pasta. If you're going to cook much later, you'll need to transfer to an air-tight container. Otherwise... heat up 3/4" of oil to medium to med-high (range tops vary... you want to quick-fry until golden without burning). Cook about one minute each side and set on paper towels to drain.
    • Serve with fine-grated parmesan and dried parsley on top and marinara sauce to dip. Enjoy!
    •    
      And that's a wrap on this delicious Bullet Sunday. THIS TIME!

       

    Nothing Days and Nothing Nights

    Posted on Monday, October 19th, 2020

    Dave!After seeing a rainbow out my window on Friday I decided not to go into the office over the weekend. I needed a short break so I can relax for a minute.

    It didn't work out quite that way. Instead of putting in 8 hours at the office on Saturday, I put in 8 hours cleaning out my garage. Tore down my wood-shop... put away my tools... took out the trash... swept up the concrete... all because I didn't want to scrape frost off my windows in the morning.

    Sunday I did a little better. Cooked up some toasted ravioli, vacuumed the stairs, used a leaf blower to clean out the catio and blow the cobwebs off my home... THEN DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! Well, not "nothing." But close to it. I ate crap food, watched crap television, and surfed crap internet. That's it.

    Then I felt guilty about it.

    What a waste of a day.

    I fell asleep last night creating a list in my head of all the things that I could have done but didn't. I really should have cleaned the cat feeding station and scrubbed out my sink, right? Or steam-cleaned my floors. Or scrubbed my bathroom. Or washed my windows. Or vacuumed out my laundry room. Or cleaned out my refrigerator and freezer. Or any of a hundred other things that really need to be done around the house.

    Instead I watched all the Police Academy movies.

    I was compelled to after happening upon a story where Steve Guttenberg was talking about how they are wanting to reboot the series. Gutenberg left after #4 (Citizens on Patrol), which was pretty bad, and yet they slogged on for three more movies. By the time they got to #7 (Mission to Moscow) they had run the series so far into the ground that I’m amazed they think they can bring it back.

    But you can say that about a lot of things, I suppose.

       

    Bullet Sunday 685

    Posted on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

    Dave!The first snow of the season would cause lesser blogs to crumble, but not this blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bridges! One of the things that boggles my mind when I travel is how old the world's architecture is. Notre Dame de Paris cathedral started construction in 1163, for example. The Colosseum in Rome was built in in the year 0070-something. And the Great Pyramid of Giza? Oh... that started in the year 2580 BC. How they were constructed is not really a mystery (despite people thinking the pyramids were built by aliens and shit) and it's no less fascinating than the structures themselves. Still, reading about how they were made is not the same as seeing it...

    Makes me think of the amazing David Macaulay books, which were responsible for my escalating love of architecture as a kid. Some of them were animated by PBS, and boy wouldn't it be amazing to see more of that. In the meanwhile, we get an occasional video like this tossed our way.

       
    • More! And so... Borders is dead. LONG LIVE BORDERS!


    Thank heavens Johnny Harris is still making videos despite the rug being pulled out from under him when his series was canceled.

       
    • Quibi-Free! It's kinda hilarious that absolutely everybody knew that crappy short-form streaming service, Quibi, would be a massive failure... except founder Jeffrey Katzenberg and CEO Meg Whitman. They had a shitty concept with shitty "shows" and it was inevitable that it wouldn't work (WE BELIEVE SHORT-FORM VIDEOS ARE THE FUTURE OF ENTERTAINMENT... HERE'S PART ONE OF SEVEN!). I thought it might take a year before they shut it down. It only took six months. Not a good day for the people and companies which invested ONE POINT SEVEN BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS! Wealth is wasted on the wealthy. Holy shit... just think of the shows we could have gotten for that kind of money. Blergh.

       
    • Hallmark? Weird that the promos from Netflix's slate of cheesy romance movies are out-Hallmarking Hallmark. As shown in the movie Falling Inn Love and the trailer for Operation Christmas Drop, Netflix is serious about quality over quantity, which is the exact opposite of Hallmark. We got another darn fine looking cheesy trailer for another cheesy Christmas romance...

    Yeah, I'll be tuning into that one too.

       
    • Normalization! I've added my pronouns to all my social media crap because I am 100% onboard with anything that encourages somebody to be who they are and live their best life at zero cost to me...

    He/Him: I'm Dave2 from Blogography!

    If you can remember their name, you can remember their pronouns. You don't have to agree with it. You don't even have to care. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It's just common courtesy and common courtesy should be normalized. This should be our default.

       
    • Bennu! After a little over four years, NASA's OSIRIS-REx (Origins, Spectral Interpretation, Resource Identification, Security, Regolith Explorer) finally made contact with the asteroid 101955 Bennu. It's mission is to grab a 2oz. sample of "asteroid stuff" off the asteroid...

    Miraculously, OSIRIS-REx did too good a job. It ended up grabbing for more than anticipated. It sucked up so much that the sample collection door couldn't close and they are having to deal with that. But will this sample give us any insight into the origins of the universe? We won't know until OSIRIS-REx returns in three years. After that, we're not exactly done with 101955 Bennu. In its Wikipedia entry, we learn that the asteroid has a "cumulative 1-in-2,700 chance of impacting Earth between 2175 and 2199."

       
    • Hole! Falling down a YouTube rabbit hole is not always a bad thing. I've grown tired of trying to hunt down new podcasts to listen to while I work, so I've been playing YouTube videos that I can listen to while I work. One such YouTube channel I've been obsessed over this past week is Lindsay Ellis. She's a writer who has an interesting viewpoint on a number of topics. I accidentally came across her while researching the term "Streisand Effect" and there was no turning back. My favorite videos are when she does deep dives on Disney. They're fantastic...



    But don't stop there, she's got thoughts on a myriad of topics. This one completely surprised me...

    Intrigued? You can find her YouTube Channel here.

       
    I'd go out to play in the snow, but it has long since melted.

       

    The Flu Vaccine and All The Sleep

    Posted on Thursday, October 29th, 2020

    Dave!Today was "Flu Shot Day" at work. I got it for years, then stopped because I so rarely get sick, then started again when my doctor said "Tens of thousands of people die each year from the flu, but you do you." Physically, the shots never bother me. I used to get three allergy shots a year for decades. It's the psychological game that does me in. It's like I can FEEL those tiny amounts of weakened flu strain viruses whooshing into my arm... along with my body going "Oh shit!" and creating antibodies to battle it out. I can't really, of course, but that's my imagination for you. Creating a horror narrative where none exist.

    And speaking of a horror narrative...

    As I think I've mentioned a few times, I have "themed" months for the movies I watch. October, of course, is devoted to horror films. It's not my preferred genre, to be sure, but there are gems to be had. Last night I finally got around to watching Doctor Sleep. And since HBO had the extended "Director's Cut" available, that's the one I went with...

    The poster for Doctor Sleep featuring Ewan McGregor.

    I liked it. I liked it a lot.

    It's light on genuine frights, but has some truly disturbing moments. One of the moments is so disturbing that I question how they even managed to film it. Acting is acting, but some things are just too "out-there" even when you're pretending.

    Doctor Sleep is Stephen King's follow-up to The Shining. The sequel book was excellent, and very much worthy of the original novel. Even as a King fan, I find some of his books miss the mark for me, but this was definitely not one of them. It continues the story of Danny Torrance, now all grown up, after what he went through at the Overlook Hotel. Some of the beats are predictable (Danny is using drugs and alcohol to dull his "gifts") but there are still some good surprises to be had. Along the way he is contacted by Abra, a young girl with shining powers that eclipse his own. There's also a spooky group of villains in "The True Knot" who hunt people with the shining so they can torture them, kill them, and extract their power as life-extending "steam."

    King infamously hated the Stanley Kubrick film adaptation of The Shining. I was disappointed in the changed that were made, but found Jack Nicholson's performance more than made up for it. This was one of those rare instances where I liked both the book and the movie... but for different reasons.

    The Doctor Sleep film is kinda strange in that it's not a direct sequel to the movie, though it definitely takes its cues from there. It's also not a true adaptation of the book. It pays homage to both and I think is better because of it. Suffice to say that fans of both will find things to love and to not love so much.

    The best part of the film is the casting. Ewan McGregor as Danny is flawless. He has an amazing knack for being able to draw on the haunted narrative that his character demands, and I don't know that many other actors could have done as good a job of it. They also struck gold with Kyliegh Curran as Abra, a critical role that would have ruined the movie if they cast somebody up to the task. But the real standout to me was Rebecca Ferguson as Rose The Hat. She completely nailed the role. You walk away from the film hating her. In a good way...

    The poster for Doctor Sleep featuring Ewan McGregor.

    There wasn't a minute she was on screen where I wasn't wanting her dead.

    I think the movie is approachable even if you didn't read/see The Shining. Though, of course, you'll get a little more out of it if you've seen the Kubrick film). If you're looking something to watch to get in the Halloween spirit, this is worth a look (and see the Director's Cut, if you can find it... HBO Max has it as an "extra").

    And now, if you'll excuse me, the battle for flu virus supremacy continues in my bloodstream. I was told this year that they are giving out higher doses, so I guess we'll see. It's 2020, after all.

       

    Bullet Sunday 686

    Posted on Sunday, November 1st, 2020

    Dave!The ghost and goblins may be gone, but spirits still linger... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Tres Lassos! My favorite show of all time, Ted Lasso on Apple TV+ was just renewed for a third season, even though they haven't started filming the second season yet...

    Sad to think that it could be up to a year before there's any more Ted Lasso to watch, but at least there's new Ted Lasso coming. If you haven't seen it yet, it's worth a free trial at Apple TV+ to binge the show.

       
    • Bond, James Bond! Standing out in the news of the week was James Bond actor Sir Sean Connery dying at 90 years old. My first "Bond" was Roger Moore in Moonraker in 1979, but once VHS home video allowed me to see all the earlier 007 movies, I was obviously blown away by the cool-calm that Connery brought to the role...

    Though his work as Bond is probably my favorite role, he has plenty of other movies which made me a fan of his work. Of course Highlander immediately comes to mind. Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, The Hunt for Red October, The Name of the Rose, Rising Sun, Playing By Heart, and The Rock were also flicks made memorable because he was in them. It's tough for me to reconcile being a fan of his work with his misogynistic bullshit, however... most famously with his infamous Playboy interview where he advocated slapping women. One could argue that he was a victim of the times he lived in because he said it in 1965, but he totally doubled-down on the idea over two decades later in a Barbara Walters interview. It wasn't until 2006 where he finally tried to walk back his idiotic stance, but an autobiography by his first wife alleged that he physically battered her, so seeing him as anything but an abusive asshole isn't easy. But you could almost say the same for James Bond in general. I guess the only thing left for me to say is "Rest in Peace."

       
    • Happy! Fell down another TikTok rabbit hole while waiting for my clothes to finish in the dryer last night and got this video suggested to me... and I honestly don't know whether to be happy about it or break down in tears. It's heartbreaking to think that there are people who would wish this kind of thing upon a teenager. And yet we just got a new Supreme Court Justice who thinks that sexuality is a "preference" and will almost certainly interpret our laws accordingly. It's tough not to be disheartened by such events, but maybe videos like this one will change hearts and change minds so that we can celebrate people being who they are... and kids don't have to spend their young lives wondering if they will ever be allowed to be happy.

       
    • Human Gaze! Isn't this how The Stepford Wives got started?

    Or at least Westworld. In either scenario... not a great day for humanity.

       
    • Maggie! As if the casting of Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher wasn't brilliant enough... this promo for the upcoming fourth season of The Crown has a cover of "How Soon Is Now" by The Smiths attached!

    After this, there's only two seasons left to go. Then I guess the monarchy just ends? Or something?

       
    • Semi-Annual! Here we are again... my second of two posts each year where I say that ending Daylight Saving Time is FUCKING STUPID. Either make D.S.T. permanent or fucking split the difference because I am seriously over this moronic bullshit. I thought that Washington State had put an end to the insanity, but apparently federal approval is required...

    If the E.U. can pull their fucking heads out of their asses and put an end to this crap next year, why can't the USA? Because our federal government is too fucking busy lining their own fucking pockets and giving lobbyist blow-jobs for fucking reelection cash instead of serving the American fucking people. That's why. Time to fucking overhaul the government so lawmakers do their fucking job instead of become useless career assholes? Oh probably.

       
    • New Mando! I swear, The Mandalorian has no right to be as good as it is. If you like all things "Star Wars" and haven't seen it, might be worth a Disney+ free trial to take a look. The second season just started and the first issue is great...

    A better take on Star Wars than the prequels or sequels... and right up there with Solo and Rogue One which I loved. Kind of amazing how Jon Favreau kicked off the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe and is responsible for saving Star Wars. I hope Disney is paying him really, really well.

       
    And that's your post-Halloween bullets for the day.

       

    Bullet Sunday 689

    Posted on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

    Dave!Time may wait for no one, but time definitely waits for this blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Wonder Max! And so... Wonder Woman 84 is coming to HBO Max on Christmas Day. And I will absolutely be subscribing to HBO Max for a month to watch it. My enthusiasm for theaters has lessened more and more over the years thanks to rude people talking on phones and texting... theaters not replacing projector bulbs when they start to dim... and the absurd cost of snacks. The only time I ever go to theaters are to watch the latest Marvel Studios films or when invited by friends. I'm MUCH happier watching at home. And yet... some of the big budget films (like Marvel Studios movies) rely on box office revenue to justify the money investment. If theaters go under because they can't wait out the pandemic, what does that mean for the movies I love?

    VERY Colorful Wonder Woman 84 Poster

    Still... kudos to HBO Max for not charging extra to see the film like Disney+ did with Mulan.

       
    • Maximum! The advertising "feud" between Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman keeps getting better...

    But they've been pretty funny in their own ads as well...

    Even when they appear in each other's ads...

    And let's not forget Ryan's ad from last Christmas...

    If only all of Hollywood put such effort into their charity endeavors.

       
    • Hallmark? Let's see...
    Big city executive goes back to their small town for Christmas: ✓ CHECK!
    Small town has an unbelievably wholesome and cheesy name: ✓ CHECK!
    White cast, but Person of Color best friend: ✓ CHECK!
    Runs into some country hick that gets dismissed: ✓ CHECK!
    Country hick has unexpected depth that city-slicker was too ignorant to see: ✓ CHECK!
    Christmas romance ensues: ✓ CHECK!
    Man and woman live happily ever after: WAIT ONE DANG MINUTE!!!

    Not Hallmark after all... Paramount Network.

       
    • Life Day! I am old enough that I actually saw the original Star Wars Holiday Special back in 1978 when it aired on television. Back then it was the only new "Star Wars" available since the movie was released the previous year. It was horrifically bad. Phenomenally horrifically bad. Forty-two years later and LEGO is giving us an all new version...

    While nothing great, it's darn clever... mashing up all the various Star Wars characters throughout space and time. It's also funny. And far, far, better than the original live-action version. That's LEGO for you.

       
    • Muties! I detested the FOX X-Men movies. They were all pathetic cash-grabs that in no way lived up to the promise of the comic book source material. I did like X-Men: First Class and kinda liked The Wolverine, but that's it. Everything else was garbage. When it comes to The New Mutants, I was a fan of the comic book during its Claremont and Sienkiewicz run. The movie is very loosely inspired by their "Demon Bear Saga" story arc from The New Mutants 18-20...

    New Mutants #18 Comic Book Cover

    What was promoted as a super-hero horror flick wasn't very scary at all. I was 100% bored and regret having spent $6 to rent the thing. It's mostly just angsty teens calling each other "bitch" and "asshole." What a waste. But, as the final film from the whole FOX Marvel super-hero era, why did I expect it to be anything else?

       
    • Do You Know Bo? As good as The Mandalorian was in its first season, it's really knocking things out of the park in the second season. The most current episode is the best thing to come out of Star Wars since The Empire Strikes Back. I won't spoil it. But I will say that LAST week's episode was incredibly rewarding. Especially if you watched The Clone Wars and Rebels cartoons...

    Bo Katan in animation and in live-action.

    Look, there's some things that don't quite add up with Bo-Katan, I am fully admitting this. But can we just be happy that she made the leap from animation to The Mandalorian? Can't we just be grateful that Katee Sackhoff was asked to play the character since she was the voice in the original cartoons? Can't we just assume that some things about her appearance won't be explained, and we'll just have to fill in the gaps with TV magic or something? Because, I gotta say, her showing up caused me to squeeeee my ass off. In The Big Picture this works just fine. Don't get caught up on too many of the tiny details... just enjoy it.

       
    And that's enough bullets for me. I'm out of time after all.

       

    If anything happens I love you

    Posted on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

    Dave!There's a meme running through TikTok of people recording their face before and after watching a short animated film on Netflix called If anything happens I love you. It's parents dealing with the aftermath of their daughter dying in a school shooting.

    The "before" shots are mostly TikTokers with a normal look on their face... or whatever passes for "normal" now-a-days. The "after" shots are always people in emotional distress... crying and looking helpless. Some people even recorded an occasional reaction during the movie. Bawling their head off halfway through and whatnot. Suffice to say, there's a lot of crying going on in TikTokLand.

    And while I thought it's a lovely little feature with excellent animation and really nice music... I felt... nothing.

    The iPhone MagSafe charging puck.

    Well, maybe I felt anger. It's tough not to be angry when there are people so damaged that they would shoot up a school, and we have a society content to let it keep happening. Mental health problems are stigmatized and mortally underfunded in this country, and that just fuels our horrific, upsetting, terrifying, and profoundly sad violence-laden world. Unfortunately, this is exactly what our "normal" is now.

    Well... then-now. Not now-now due to school closures during the pandemic. Probably future-now though, because we never learn a damn thing.

    And it's because of it that I feel mostly nothing when I see the raging debate over guns reignite once again.

    I've gone over my feelings on this subject many times before on this blog. Banning guns is a painfully short stop-gap measure which will ultimately fail. We are this close to being able to 3-D print an assault rifle in the comfort of our own homes. THIS. CLOSE. So unless people are going to be monitored 24-7 to make sure they aren't crafting weapons in their basement to use or sell, we have a serious problem on the horizon whether current weapons are factored in or not.

    I don't pretend to know what the answer is, but it doesn't take an Apple Genius to see that diffusing the hate that's escalating every damn day is a good start. Whether that happens by getting our leaders and media to stop being such hate-mongering assholes... working mental health into our education curriculum... destigmatizing mental health problems... making it easier and free to get mental health assistance... providing better monitoring of those with a violent history... stopping creation of conditions which drive people to the kind of desperation which can result violent acts... or one of a hundred other things. Because if we don't start doing something Real Soon Now we're in some deep shit. Or rather we're in deeper shit than we already are.

    But hey. We can't even get people to wear a damn mask so the moisture from their breath isn't spreading a potentially lethal virus. How the fuck are we going to get people to give a shit about the mental health of other people or, more importantly, themselves?

    Good luck with that.

    Because just like people who only believe that COVID exists when their lungs are failing, they're not going to give a shit or think it's a problem... until it happens to them.

       

    Bullet Sunday 690

    Posted on Sunday, November 29th, 2020

    Dave!The holiday season is officially upon us, but don't start celebrating just yet... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Friend! Oh wow. They made a film out of The Friend: Love is Not a Big Enough Word. I read this so many times when taking care of my mom that I practically have it memorized. I hope it's a good film. It looks like it could be...

    It's difficult to see how a movie can compete with the power of the original article, but I'm keeping an open mind.

       
    • Rook! My dad taught me how to play chess when I was fairly young. It wasn't really a game I was interested in, so I never played it much. In high school I'd play an occasional game for something to do, but I didn't really care enough to study so I was never terribly good. During my gap year I had a new found interest in the game and started playing via the internet. I got fairly good, read a few books on chess theory, and could hold my own by the time I started college. I haven't played a game since. It was for this reason I had decided to skip The Queen's Gambit when it debuted on Netflix. But the reviews were so stellar that I ended up watching it the following week...

    The Queen's Gambit Poster

    It's a really good series. The acting is excellent and the way they communicate the strategy and energy of the game is terrific. But the best part is the production values. They are exceptional. They've recreated the 1960's right down to the last detail, and I ended up watching parts of it again last night just to look at the appliances, automobiles, dishware, music, clothing, and all the other things which made it such an experience to watch. If you've got a Netflix subscription and haven't seen it, I'd recommend giving it a look.

       
    • Bai! If there's something which lessens the horror of having to vote for Joe Biden, it's that Ajit Pai is losing his job as FCC Chairman. He went out of his way to work against the best interest of the American people by trying to give corporations control of our privacy and our lives. He's a disgusting special-interest-sellout and a colossal asshole who should really be jailed for treason...

    I guess now Pai will take a high-paying job with one of the many compies he sold us out to. Just wait for it. It's a revolving door that's as predictable as a sunrise. And until we get money the fuck out of our politics, this is how it's always going to be. Our government is for sale, and we're paying for the privilege of getting screwed by by the people we elect to serve us.

       
    • FAKE! I know I post a lot of these "Deep Fakes" comparisons to special effects which cost magnitudes more money... but I just find it fascinating. This one is phenomenal. Such a huge improvement over what you see in the movie. It almost makes me wish that Disney would invest the money to redo Jeff Bridges face in Tron: Legacy. And Carrie Fischer and Peter Cushing's faces in Star Wars: Rogue One...

    It's just so good.

       
    • Better! It was the 10th anniversary of Joel Burns epic "It Gets Better" speech in October...

    It seems like it was yesterday. But I go back to Bullet Sunday No. 202 from October 17th, 2010, and there it is. Boy time flies.

       
    • Control? Unless you're buying into government propaganda, you already know how the U.S. pandemic response was a badly-botched job which resulted in the death of tens of thousands of people. But it's still surprising to see it laid out all in one place...

    If you can watch it (on Hulu) without getting very, very angry, you're a better person than I am.

       
    And that's Enough bullets for this week.

       

    Vader! You Seek Vader!

    Posted on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

    Dave!David Prowse, the actor who embodied Darth Vader died this past Saturday.

    A case can be made for Darth Vader being the best movie villain of all time. All you have to do is Google "Best Movie Villains of All Time" and you'll find that a lot of people believe this to be true (No. 2 is Hannibal Lecter, but I digress). He was menacing, powerful, and the best possible kind of cinema evil. And though he ended up having a bit of a redemption moment in Return of the Jedi (and was completely neutered in the awful prequel trilogy), he will always be remembered by me as The Only Villain That Matters.

    David Prowse was half of the Vader equation.

    But because James Earl Jones's voice is such a touchstone for the character, the contribution Prowse made is often overlooked. And that's a real shame. Last night I rewatched the Original Star Wars Trilogy and paid careful attention to how Prowse played the character. His every gesture oozed power. Yet it was never overplayed. At no moment did you get the feeling that Darth Vader was a man trapped in a suit. He was the suit. And that was true from the minute Vader first appeared walking through that smoke...

    Darth Vader appears!

    Darth Vader appears!

    Darth Vader looking menacing!

    Even when he's just standing there next to Grand Moff Tarkin saying nothing, there's a menace to him. And though it would be easy to say "that's just the badass costume," it's what lead up to him just standing there that is actually what's working. And that was all Prowse. Just look at the way he's pitched forward, looking like he'll choke a bitch at any second...

    Darth Vader looking menacing!

    Which, of course he does. He's Darth Vader!

    The lightsaber duel with Obi-Wan Kenobi is a bit tame. Darth Vader looks practically timid throughout everything, and I remember being a bit disappointed that we didn't get something more. But still, my young mind was suitably blown as I watching things go down...

    Darth Vader looking menacing!

    Darth Vader looking menacing!

    Vader next appears in the battle on The Death Star in his cool custom T.I.E. fighter (of which I had a model when I was a kid)...

    Empire space ships in the trench at the end of Star Wars!

    Darth Vader inside his custom TIE fighter!

    Interesting to note that in one scene where Vader is under red lights, the dark red lenses in his mask show Prowse inside. To my knowledge, it's the only time you ever see his face... well, part of his face... on screen...

    David Prowse behind the eye lenses of the Darth Vader helmet!

    The movie ends with Darth Vader being knocked into space. When I was a kid I had a T-Shirt that I ordered out of a magazine which proclaimed "VADER LIVES!"

    Vader's TIE fighter spins off into space!

    Which, of course, he did in the sequel.

    And this time we got a tantalizing glimpse at what's under that dark helmet...

    The back of Vader's scarred head revealed!

    In The Empire Strikes Back, the best of all Star Wars movies, Prowse provided two moments so iconic that my brain still fails to fully process them. The first is when he is revealed to be the dinner host at Cloud City...

    Han Solo fires at Darth Vader!

    Darth Vader deflects the photon blast!

    "We would be honored if you would join us"...

    Darth Vader invites our heroes to dinner!

    What's always been interesting to me is that Vader begins and ends this scene... seated. I've never understood director Irvin Kershner's thinking behind that. There was no reason for it, and I think it diminished his power. It would have been far smarter to just have him standing the entire time. The more times I see him sitting down, the weirder it looks to me...

    Darth Vader invites our heroes to dinner!

    And the second iconic scene is, of course, that pivotal moment in cinematic history which follows a pretty cool lightsaber duel. Far more exciting than the one we got in Star Wars...

    Darth Vader stands menacingly in the shadows while luke approaches to battle!

    And here we go. If you watch Vader as he's confronting Luke here, you can really see how important Prowse was to making the moment so mind-blowing. He is physical, but restrained, which is far more menacing than had he been all over the place...

    Darth Vader clenches his fist!

    Then Darth Vader drops the bomb...

    Darth Vader leans forward!

    Admit it, I didn't need to type a thing. You saw this and immediately heard "Luke, I am your father!" (even though the line was actually just "No, I am your father!"...

    Luke screams NOOOOOO!

    Now, this was before the internet. I stood in line to see Empire on opening night. I knew absolutely nothing about the movie except what I had seen in commercials. There were no spoilers to be had. I walked out of the theater putting the pieces of my brain back into my 14-year-old skull. It was such an amazing moment, and it wasn't thanks to the heroes. It was thanks to Darth Vader...

    Darth Vader doesn't think Luke understand the POWER of The Dark Side!

    Return of The Jedi was, for the most part, a disappointment to me. It jettisoned all the things that made Empire so great and replaced them with burp jokes and Ewoks so George Lucas could make billions of dollars selling toys. The only thing I like about the movie are what happens in-between the idiocy. That speeder-bike chase. That space battle. The Emperor revealed. And, oh yeah, that final duel...

    Darth Vader waits for Luke, his saber glowing!

    Darth Vader attacks!

    Darth Vader and Luke battling it out!

    What's so incredibly sad is that the evil Emperor Palpatine overshadowed Darth Vader in this movie. He was the evil this time. He was the memorable villain this time. He stole the movie this time. Vader was conflicted and embattled, and Luke handed him his ass. Happy Father's Day...

    Darth Vader gets a beat-down from Luke Skywalker! Happy Father's Day!

    We did get one final cool moment with Darth Vader. Though I never really had a chance to study it until I bought Return of the Jedi on LaserDisc. They animated a skeleton as the emperor's force-lightening struck Vader's armor. I think they enhanced it for the Special Editions, because I don't remember it being this detailed through...

    Darth Vader's glowing skeleton!

    Just look at the mechanical parts in there!

    Darth Vader's glowing skeleton!

    Buh bye...

    Darth Vader's glowing skeleton!

    Darth Vader's glowing skeleton!

    I think I remember reading an interview with Irvin Kershner (who directed the far, far superior The Empire Strikes Back) that he thought it was a mistake to show Vader's face at the end. I agree 1000%. I didn't mind that Vader had found redemption... even though it seemed a little silly that he could walk back from all those murders he's responsible for... but I did mind them ruining a huge part of the mystique which made Vader so compelling...

    Darth Vader's beautiful black visage is stripped away to reveal a crusty old white man!

    I still think it's unfair that Prowse didn't get to play crusty old Anakin Skywalker in this scene. Lucasfilm kinda owed it to him, didn't they?

    And that was the end of it. SPOILER ALERT! Vader dies and Luke lights him on fire in a funeral pyre. Thankfully with his mask on...

    Darth Vader's funeral pyre!

    Darth Vader is on fire!

    And that was the end of it. Vader was done.

    Until he wasn't, of course.

    In later years, Prowse had a falling out with LucasFilm. He claimed that they owed him money that was never paid. This did not go over very well, and LucasFilm were total assholes who them prohibited him from appearing at conventions, which was his primary source of income. Be that as it may, David Prowse left a legacy which will live long past his death, and LucasFilm can't ever take that away from him.

    Thank you, sir, for filling my childhood with wonder and giving the world a villain that will quite probably never be eclipsed.

    Even when Darth Vader is played by other actors.

    Out of the trilogy of trilogie films, I only like Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back. The rest are just weak retreads with no added value. I do like the spin-offs Rogue One and Solo, however, as they seemed more invested in finding those things which made Star Wars so frickin' amazing. A mantle that has now been picked up with The Mandalorian TV show.

    Interesting to note that it's in Rogue One where we finally... finally... get to see Darth Vader unleashed. The final scene of that movie leads to the very first scene of Star Wars, and it's glorious. No, David Prowse isn't inside the Vader suit, but he's got his stamp all over this terrifying moment as Darth Vader mows through the Rebel soldiers in an attempt to get those Death Star plans.

    The sequence begins in an eerie nod to the original very first scene Darth Vader appears. But instead of him stepping out of white smoke, this time it's red...

    Darth Vader appears, red lightsaber glowing!

    Rebel soldiers firing at Vader in vain!

    Darth Vader easily deflects the blaster fire!

    In a genius move, the Rebel soldiers are shown to be horrified at Vader's power as he easily cuts a path through them...

    A Rebel soldier screaming!

    Darth Vader showing no mercy!

    And here's The Force being used as you dreamed Vader would wield it. No stupid-ass senseless hand-gestures with no consequences like the idiotic prequel battle on Geonosis... Vader is brutal and ruthless with it. Disarming his opponents and crushing them...

    Darth Vader crushes a Rebel scum on the ceiling!

    Darth Vader shoves a Rebel out of his way!

    Darth Vader using The Force like a Boss!

    Darth Vader destorying his enemies!

    Darth Vader embattled as the door closes!

    Finally. Finally we get to see Darth Vader exactly how you want to see him. Overwhelmingly ruthless and powerful. And that final Vader scene. Perfection...

    Darth Vader destorying his enemies!

    Darth Vader destorying his enemies!

    Rest In Peace, sir. You'll always be Darth Vader to me.

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    Bullet Sunday 691

    Posted on Sunday, December 6th, 2020

    Dave!I may be spending my day celebrating, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten about this blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Happy Birthday! Jake and Jenny were feral rescues, so their birthdate is kinda-sorta estimated. I think. Maybe the person who found them knew the exact date and reported it when they got to the Humane Society, I'm not sure. In any event, December 6th is what's on all their paperwork and their insurance, so this is the day I wish them a Happy Birthday. And this year I am actually home to tell them "Happy Birthday" in person, which is rare. They weren't available for adoption until they got out of foster care and were fixed, and that was February 16th, 2016 (meaning these photos are of them when they were 2 months and 11 days old)...

    Jenny & Jake

    Jenny & Jake

    Jenny & Jake

    They were both so scared that it took weeks before I was even allowed to touch them. Most of their time was spent hiding under the couch. Jake was easily motivated by food (and still is) but Jenny took much longer because she's so much more cautious (and still is). Adopting them remains one of the best things I've ever done, so happy birthday to my amazing cats!

       
    • AutoSleep! Speaking of my cats... at 3:30am I was awakened by Jake really struggling with a hair ball. My cats rarely have hair balls since I brush them regularly, so I got up to make sure he’s okay and clean up the mess. I would have thought that I dreamed it all, except I've been using the AutoSleep app with my Apple Watch and can verify exactly when I got up...

    Jenny & Jake

    AutoSleep is an app that has all the data that Apple's own Health app is missing... like the most basic of information, HOW MUCH SLEEP DID I GET? Health just gives you a start and a stop time, leaving you to have to mentally calculate it out, which is plain stupid. AutoSleep does so much more in addition to basic functions, which makes it well worth the $5 price tag, and I highly recommend it for Apple Watch owners who wear theirs to bed at night.

       
    • Dysfunction? Since there are so many assholes still not willing to mask up to stop the spread of COVID, maybe this will motivate them... Another Reason to Wear a Mask: COVID-19 May Cause Erectile Dysfunction. We can only hope. Thanks to way too many people not being careful and acting like the pandemic isn't real... and even more of these people getting together for Thanksgiving despite the risks... hospitals are already starting to reach maximum capacity...

    ICE T's Father-In Law Was an Anti-Masker Until He Got COVID and is Near Death.

    This doesn't just affect people who have serious COVID-19 symptoms and will die without hospitalization, it also affects anybody who get a treatable health problem... like a heart attack... who can't get into a hospital because all the beds are taken by COVID patients. Stop being an asshole. This virus doesn't just kill old and sick people, it can kill anyone. A vaccine is just around the corner (along with even more incredible treatments in the pipeline) and everything can just wait.

       
    • Weight! On November 19th, I reached the heaviest I've ever been... 192 lbs. Usually I try to stay at 170 lbs. and not exceed 180 lbs. because that's when I feel my best, but gave myself a pass because of COVID shit happening. But enough was enough, and I started trying to eat sensibly again. No more Family Size Bag of Lay's Potato Chips in a single day... no more Pop Tarts for breakfast... no potato salad at midnight. Two weeks later I'm down to 186 lbs., which means I've got 16 lbs. to go to get to my goal weight. It's shocking to think that I managed to put on 22 lbs. since March, but when you sit around the house doing fuck-all day after day, I guess that's what can happen. I need to eat better and be more active, because I'm getting old enough that the weight doesn't fall off as easily as it used to. Bring on that vaccine! I want my life (and body) back!

       
    • Mulan? Good Lord is the live-action Mulan a boatload of shit. Very, very beautiful and pretty... but shit. Thank heavens I didn't pay the $30 to see it early... which I was this close to doing because I love the Disney animated classic original so much. The story doesn't even make sense anymore. And they left out Mushu, which is just madness when they've given her magical powers from The Matrix which makes the whole thing fantasy anyway...

    ICE T's Father-In Law Was an Anti-Masker Until He Got COVID and is Near Death.

    Ugh. What a waste of money that could have been put into another Star Wars series or Marvel Studios series for Disney+.

       
    • HEADLINE! Warner Bros. Smashes Box Office Windows, Will Send Entire 2021 Slate to HBO Max and TheatersIn an unprecedented announcement, the studio will send 17 films — including The Matrix 4, The Suicide Squad and Dune to its streaming service for 31 days the same day they hit theaters.

    Look, as I've stated many, many times, I absolutely hate the "theater experience" any more. Between people texting and talking and letting their kids run around and generally being assholes, it's about the worst form of "entertainment" there is, and I'd rather do just about anything else for fun. The only movies I see in theaters are those that I can't wait for (like Marvel Studios films). Otherwise? No thanks. So, for obvious reasons, I am thrilled by the news that I will be able to watch Dune and The Matrix 4 at home with an HBO Max subscription. But, on the other hand, I wonder what this means for those massively expensive blockbusters that I love. Will they even be able to be made any more if theaters don't exist? My guess is that they will still make them because A) Streaming services are already paying insane amounts of money for movies... B) Special effects are getting cheaper, and expensive actors can be replaced if they refuse to work within the new budgets... and C) This is where the future was headed all along as the home viewing experience gets better and better. So I dunno. I am certainly not rooting for theaters to die off completely... I think they still have a role to fill... but I'm not going to complain about not having to suffer through a theater for the movies I want to watch, that's for sure.

       
    • HEADLINE! Elliot Page, Oscar-Nominated ‘Juno’ Star, Announces He Is Transgender. — Hi friends, I want to share with you that I am trans, my pronouns are he/they and my name is Elliot,” Page wrote in a statement that he posted on Tuesday

    And good for him. I'm thrilled when somebody figures out who they are and what it takes to live their best life at a cost of $0 to me. Because this is not about me! Who Elliot Page is has absolutely zero effect on my life what-so-ever. How great is it that he's got it all figured out, because many people never do. My gender identity was a cakewalk. I'm a man. I've always felt like a man. My genitals align perfectly with who I am at my very core. I've only ever been attracted to women. I've only ever had sex with women. And I can't imagine somebody telling me that I can't be who I am... just like I can't imagine somebody feeling entitled enough to tell Elliot Page who they are either. Whether you accept it or not, transgender persons exist. And when they have the strength to come out to the world, it will undoubtedly save lives. Far too many transgender kids are killing themselves because they can't picture a world that they could ever exist in. Elliot Page shows them that they can.

       
    Now it's time to stop slinging bullets so I can go serve Ocean Fish Pate "birthday cakes" to my fuzzy kids. Be safe, everybody.

       

    A Frosty Affair

    Posted on Monday, December 7th, 2020

    Dave!I finally caught up on 2020 Hallmark Christmas movies this past weekend. I had been putting it off because after so many good ones (Christmas by Starlight, Five Star Christmas, The Christmas Doctor, and A Timeless Christmas), they were starting to go downhill. And, what's worse, they are not improving. Last night Hallmark finally debuted this year's Danica McKellar movie that I had been looking forward to for weeks... and it sucked. It sucked so hard. Not even my undying love for Danica McKellar could save it because it was just so bad. Not Christmas Coupon tragic-bad, but still... not so great.

    Fortunately, other studios have been picking up the slack with excellent Christmas movies to watch while I'm working... like Netflix with Holidate and Midnight at the Magnolia. Even though I am essentially using my television as background noise, I still want my background noise to be good television.

    Enter older "Hallmark-style" Christmas movies that I come across which I haven't seen yet.

    There I was paging through the movies I get for free with my Amazon Prime membership and I see A Frosty Affair starring Jewel Staite. She's an actor I've had a crush on for near-decades thanks to her being in Firefly, and there was no way I wasn't going to give it a look...

    A Frosty Affair Movie Poster

    Loved it.

    Yeah, yeah, it's no Shakespear. These movies never are. But it's good fun and Jewel Staite was, as expected, perfect in it...

    There were some very clever lines that made it well worth watching. "You should probably allow an inch or so for shrinkage... probably two..."

    Make no mistake, this is one silly movie. But it's more charming than absurd, and I ended up liking it quite a lot.

    In Canada (where the movie was shot and takes place) it was originally released with the title 40 Below and Falling... and was the first ever rom-com shot in 3-D. I don't recall it ever being shown in local theaters here (let alone in 3-D), so I'm guessing it wasn't in wide release? I dunno. I generally don't pay to see rom-coms in theaters, so it could be that I just never noticed it when it was playing.

    If you're looking for a distraction, have Amazon Prime, and like Hallmark-style movies as much as I do... then A Frosty Affair just might be to your liking.

       

    Giftmas Part 2: Beats Solo Pro

    Posted on Wednesday, December 9th, 2020

    Dave!I didn't really do much for Black Friday despite it being the most important shopping day of the year for me in past years. But I did make a purchase on Cyber Monday that I had been wanting to make for a while now... new wireless over-ear headphones.

    While I live alone and can blast music as loud as I want to, I don't actually end up doing this because it is tough on my cats with their sensitive ears. Sometimes I watch a movie with the sound loud and they don't seem to mind... or run upstairs if they do mind... but I generally don't do that because it's not really fair to them since they can't escape the noise.

    Enter the Beats by Dr. Dre Solo Pro WiFi Headphones which were knocked down to $170 (from their usual $300 price tag). And since I had $50 in reward certificates piled up at Best Buy, that knocked the price down to a reasonable $120...

    My beautiful new Beats Solo Pro headphones!

    Sexy, aren't they?

    Not in the same league as Apple's incredible new AirPods Max headphones, but those cast $550, which is half a mortgage payment, so they're out of my league.

    Probably the easiest way to review these is to just run through the pros and cons, so that's exactly what I'm going to do...

    PROS:

    • The WiFi pairs effortlessly with Apple products. My iPhone recognized them immediately and, now that my iPhone knows I have them, I'm told that the firmware will be kept up-to-date automatically. Likewise, my iPad, AppleTV, and Mac can all have their sound sent to the Beats Solo Pro cans with minimal effort. This is how wireless should work.
    • No matter what music source I'm listening to... iPad, iPhone, MacBook Pro, or AppleTV... if I get a phone call, the Beats Solo Pro will ring through. That's a nifty feature, and why staying withn the Apple ecosystem has a payoff.
    • The sound is top-notch. Really well balanced without the horrific bass fuzz overload that plagued the older Beats I had tried.
    • Very good wireless range. I can listen uninterrupted everywhere in my home except the garage (though, admittedly, my house is fairly compact).
    • Stylish to the last detail as only Apple can manage. I love love love the red model I bought because it (mostly) matches my Product(RED) iPhone case.
    • They feel like a quality product... not at all cheap and weak.
    • The sound cancellation is phenomenal. Seriously good. Puts the BOSE and Sony sound canceling models I tried to shame.
    • "Transparency mode" (which allows outside sounds to permiate the headphones) works really well, but is not going to make a difference when listening at high volume.
    • Invoking Siri with a long-press of the Beats right-side plate controller is a flat-out cool feature. And since it is getting info from your iPhone connection, you can literally ask Siri for just about anything.
    • Includes a soft case that's not going to offer much protection, but it's better than nothing and will at least keep them clean.
    • Battery life is very good. I was only down to 50% after about 10 hours of off-and-on listening in "transparency" and "noise cancelling" modes. If you run out of juice you can get a 10-minute quick charge that will last you 3 hours.
    • To turn them on, you unfold them. To turn them off, you fold them. This is elegant and smart because you'll always know whether your battery is draining just by looking at them... but I do wonder if it will cause more wear and tear on the hinges this way. In any event, it's smarter than a switch, which I always seem to forget to turn off and drain the battery. It's habit after only three days to "fold them off" when I'm done listening.
    • The packaging is gorgeous.

    CONS:

    • Despite being a Product(RED) color Or close enough to it), from what I can tell no money from my purchase actually went to Product(RED). Absolutely no idea why Apple, who has been such a big supporter, didn't go all Product(RED) with these?
    • I disregarded the complaints in reviews from people saying they are "too tight" because I have a thin head. Didn't make a difference. These are tight on my pin-head and definitely lead to fatigue. This is categorically absurd and I have no idea what the hell Apple was thinking. If you have a normal size head, they're going to be uncomfortable. If you have a large head, these are going to be painful. And thank heavens I have thin wire frames on my glasses, because if I had regular frames these cans would be excruciating. I hope that they loosen up over time.
    • Not only do they get uncomfortable after a while because they're so tight... they also get hot. There's absolutely no breathability with the vinyl ear pads, and you'll be taking a break after a couple hours or it just gets too warm to be comfortable because of how tight they are pressed against your ears.
    • Does not support Apple's new "spatial audio" feature. At all. It's just stereo and nothing but stereo. But wait... it gets worse! While most movies played the sound in stereo as expected, some shows... most notably Ted Lasso on AppleTV+ played the center channel through the right-side and the rest on the left-side? Likely an Apple problem, which leads me to believe that it will happen on others as well. If Apple can't get it right 100% of the time, what hope do I have for others?
    • The sound doesn't auto-switch between Apple devices. Listening to music on your iPhone then turning on AppleTV does not switch the audio to AppleTV... in fact, your AppleTV won't even remember that it was last playing to your Beats Solo Pros and will have to be told. Again. Even worse? Sometimes the connections are janky. My work computer recognizes them immediately and I can manually route the sound to them, but on occasion no sound will play even though they are confirmed to be receiving a stream.
    • While the sound, as noted above, is excellent overall... there are times I feel the treble is a bit too crisp, and since you don't really get equalizer controls out of most apps, that's what you're stuck with. Not terrible, but could be better. I wish there was a way to adjust this globally in the headphones themselves.
    • There's no obvious way to tell whether you're holding them with the right side on the right and the left side on the left because these look identical however you hold them. I thought that maybe Apple had devised a magical way to know which way they were situated on your head and adjusted the stereo feed accordingly, but nope. You have to be sure to look for the tiny "R" or "L" to make sure you have them on correctly. This is a serious design flaw.
    • They get plenty loud for me, but I'm surprised that they don't get louder than they do. There are a few tracks that I really want to crank, and these headphones are not having it. Probably a good thing because it will save my hearing.
    • The microphone for talking to Siri or answering phone calls is pretty good... but not great. I made a test call to a friend who said that I sounded okay, but they could tell I was not using the handset microphone.
    • You can invoke Siri hands-free by saying "Hey Siri"... but if you have other Apple devices (like my MacBook Pro) running, it will intercept the command and force you to do a long-press on the Beats plate to get Siri to listen.
    • The charging is via Apple's proprietary "Lightning" port because of course it is. Everything else in the world has gone USB-C (including Apple's own iPad) but because Apple doesn't give a fuck what's logical or convenient, they have to go with the cable that's dying and will soon be discontinued (as I'm sure iPhones will be going wireless-charging-exclusive any day now). Lord how I fucking HATE this bullshit. But it's Apple, and this is the kind of crap that Apple does.
    • The controls are kind of janky. The right ear-cup has a "Beats" logo plate on the side. Pressing on the top increases volume... on the bottom decreases the volume. Pressing the plate in the middle will pause/play or answer the phone... but you have to hit it just right or else it doesn't work. You have to push dead-center to get it to play/pause and it took me a while before I was able to get it to hit every time.
    • The controls for skipping forward or backwards (double/triple clicking on the Beats plate) doesn't seem to work outside of Apple's apps. When listening from the Amazon Music Unlimited app, for example, it does nothing. WTF? Likewise, telling Siri to skip a track outside of Apple apps doesn't work either.

    And that's a wrap. Most everything I have in the "cons" column can be overlooked or dealt with except the tight fit. And I cannot for the life of me fathom what Apple was thinking here. Surely they had people try them on before releasing them to manufacturing? If I were to return these, it would be for that reason alone. It's absolutely infuriating that this is a huge concern and outright complaint on these cans by so many people yet Apple has chosen to ignore the feedback. Infuriating but not surprising... just look at Apple's idiotic "butterfly keyboard" that they stuck to like glue despite years of massive outrage by customers telling them it was shitty. Apple always does what they want and doesn't give a crap about how it affects usability or comfort. You either live with it or you don't. And what a shame.

    I guess we'll see if having my head squeezed is a dealbreaker and I end up returning these. In the meanwhile, I sure do like the sound I'm hearing.

       

    Giftmas Part 3: Apple AirPods Pro

    Posted on Thursday, December 10th, 2020

    Dave!Now that Apple has released their $550 AirPods Max, it seems fitting that I review my new AirPods Pro. I had done some work for a friend this past Summer who kindly showed their appreciation with an Amazon gift certificate. I never knew what to do with it until I bought a new heated mattress pad and had some left over to buy AirPods Pro. I wasn't going to get them because I didn't like the original AirPods, but they were on sale for $180 and reviews claimed that all the things I hated about the originals had been solved... and then some. And since I may end up traveling again one day, they seemed a handy thing to have. The sound, while nothing great, is good enough when you're traveling and don't want to cart around a big pair of headphones.

    So let's get to it, shall we?

    PROBLEM: AIRPODS FALL OUT OF YOUR EARS CONSTANTLY
    This was my most hated flaw of the originals. It got to the point where I was afraid to travel with them because they would never stay in my ears. Fart with your head turned and you're guaranteed that at least one of them would pop right out, and I was furious that Apple screwed the design up so badly. Eventually I "solved" this by purchasing silicone cups to put over them, but it was a crap solution because I had to take them off in order to fit the AirPods back in the charging case. AirPods Pro, on the other hand, have silicone cups already on them (in your choice of sizes) and stay in my ears perfectly fine. In addition, the seal they make provides better sound.

    PROBLEM: WIRELESS CHARGING CASE COSTS EXTRA
    AirPods Pro come with a wireless case included, thus saving me from trying to track down the stupid-ass Apple "Lightning" cable with a USB-C connector. Considering I have ONE USB-C charging brick that I can never find (amongst a hundred USB-A bricks), I usually end up having to charge from my MacBook Pro. What kind of life is this? JUST SWITCH EVERYTHING OVER TO USB-C ALREADY!!! Holy shit. The dream scenario of just having to lug around ONE charger for everything will always be out of reach when Apple keeps forcing us to suck on their shitty, antiquated, idiotic Lightning port. But NOPE!. Fortunately the MagSafe puck I'll be traveling with can also charge these wirelessly, so at least there's one less thing to forget at home.

    PROBLEM: NO NOISE CANCELATION
    When traveling... especially on a plane... having noise cancelation is essential unless you want to blast the volume to insane levels. I really missed it when I upgraded(?) to AirPods, and am happy that AirPods Pro have remedied this. Not surprisingly, Apple did a great job and it works well. And when you don't need the cancelation, there's "transparency mode" which allows outside sound to come through.

    PROBLEM: POOR CONNECTIVITY
    The original AirPods used the W1 chip which had wonky connectivity problems which popped up at random. Apple then developed the H1 which improved on this greatly in their second generation AirPods. This was carried over into AirPods Pro and it is a far better experience. The H1 also features "Always On Siri" which means she's always listening and can respond to commands.

    PROBLEM: SEALED, DISPOSIBLE DESIGN
    Of course Apple hasn't solved this problem... they are in the disposable design business! Like previous versions, AirPods Pro are glued together so you can't replace the battery when it won't hold a charge any more, essentially making them landfill poison. About the only thing you can do other than toss them is take them to Apple for recycling. Apparently there's a battery program at Apple, but they don't actually replace the battery, they just give you a new pair and recycle the old ones for a price.

    PRO EXTRA: SIZE
    AirPods Pro are slightly smaller, but in a way that makes them look a lot smaller when you're wearing them... a good thing.

    PRO EXTRA: SPATIAL AUDIO
    And here's what convinced me to pull the trigger on the AirPods Pro... spatial audio. This weird, magical technology somehow simulates a kinda "surround" style sound where the speakers know when you turn your head in relationship to the multi-channel audio coming from your late-model iPhone or iPad. And it totally works! Turn to the left and your right AirPod has the center channel directed more towards it. The effect is actually best when your head is turned than when you're looking straight ahead... but it's still pretty good even so, because occasional head movement you're not even aware of keeps the illusion intact. I sincerely wish that this was a feature on the Beats Solo Pro cans I reviewed yesterday.

    IN CONCLUSION...
    I would not have bought AirPods Pro if it weren't for the gift certificate balance I had. And I certainly wouldn't have paid the full price of $249 for them. But for "free" (relatively) and $180 (on sale)? They're still way overpriced, but ultimately worth it for travel or even just walking to work given that these ACTUALLY STAY IN MY EARS. These are what Apple should have released the first time, design-wise. On the plus-side, the sound is better than other wireless earbuds I've tried (but still not spectacular), pairing with Apple devices is effortless and the way everything works together is magical and seamless, the wireless charging case is great, the spatial audio is fantastic, and they work as advertised. On the minus-side the built-in disposability is awful.

    Once I'm able to travel again, I guess I'm set for audio now.

    Assuming I ever get to travel again.

       

    Bullet Sunday 692

    Posted on Sunday, December 13th, 2020

    Dave!I'm set adrift on memory bliss... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Star Wars on Disney+! There were loads of announcements at Disney’s Investor Day 2020 event, and there was a lot of gold to be found for pop culture geeks like me. So let's dig in, shall we?

    Star Wars Series Posters for Disney+

    • Ahsoka. The reason Rosario Dawson was tapped to play Ahsoka in The Mandalorian is because they very obviously wanted to spin her off in her own show... and here we are. A fan-favorite from the cartoons, she worked really well in a live-action series, and I can't wait to see where they go with her character.
    • Rangers of the New Republic. The second spin-off from The Mandalorian, I have no idea what this will be about. But the fact that Jon Favreau and Dave Filoni are producing it (and Ahshoka) leads me to believe it will be more Star Wars excellence. That all three of their shows will cross over at some point is intriguing.
    • Andor. One of the few Star Wars movies past The Empire Strikes Back that I enjoyed is Rogue One, and a huge part of why I liked it so much is Diego Luna's Cassian Andor and Alan Tudyk's K-2SO. The fact that Disney wisely decided to give them a prequel series is great news.
    • Lando. The other movie past The Empire Strikes Back that I enjoyed was Solo. And the reason why was becaues Donald Glover's take on Lando Calrissian was =chef's kiss= perfection, and I sincerely hope that he's involved in the show. Otherwise, what's the point?
    • Obi-Wan Kenobi. I loathed the prequel trilogy, but greatly enjoyed Ewan McGregor's take on the iconic character. Exiled to Tatooine where he can watch over Luke Skywalker from a distance, I can only imagine that Obi-Wan will be called off on some grand adventure, because Hayden Christensen is returning as Darth Vader in the series.
    • The Acolyte. Well this was unexpected... Leslye Headland getting a new series which takes place in the "High Republic" era? How did that happen? Needless to say, I'm intrigued. The "High Republic" is the golden age of the Jedi back when they were revered and at the height of their power and influence. Hundreds of years before the trilogy of trilogies. Who wouldn't want to see that?
    • Droid Story. R2-D2 and C-3PO are joined by a new droid hero for a new (I'm guessing animated) story.
    • Visions. This is a series of short films crafted by some of the best Japanese anime creators. The idea is almost too good to be true if you've seen any of the anime Star Wars projects that have popped up over the years.
    • The Bad Batch. Another cartoon coming out of The Clone Wars which may prove to be interesting... or could drag out the Clone Force 99 concept to a poor end. I'm hoping for the former, and with Dave Feloni in charge I'm hopeful.

       
    • Star Wars Movies! While there were some parts of the sequel trilogy that were okay, the movies as a whole were disappointing. A mediocre rehashing of far better stories that had already been told. And nobody was sadder about that than me. Then The Mandalorian came along and suddenly I was thinking that perhaps Disney+ was the best future for Star Wars. Until... Taika Waititi was brought onboard to create a new movie and I was excited again. No details have been released on that, but we did find out that Patty Jenkins (of Wonder Woman fame) is developing Rogue Squadron about the best of the best X-Wing fighter pilots, and I am understandably intrigued by the possibilities...

    "The greatest fighter pilot movie of all time?" Um, yeah. Sign me up!

       
    • Marvel Studios on Disney+! Boy oh boy were there a smorgasbord of tidbits dropped about upcoming Marvel shows on Disney+... and announcements of entirely new shows we hadn't heard of before...

    Marvel Disney+ Series Posters

    • WandaVision. Wanda's mental breakdown after the death of The Vision is straight out of the comic books. The previews from the live-action take on the material looks like it's going to be interesting... if not over-the-top oddball strange. I have no idea if this will be any good, but I'm certainly hoping so.
    • The Falcon and The Winter Soldier looks to be far more in the ballpark of what I want to see out of Marvel Studios. Fingers crossed.
    • Loki. Well, well, well. Now we know what this series will be about... Loki falling afoul of some kind of temporal space/time regulatory agency. Not exactly what I was expecting, but it looks interesting enough that I'll definitely be tuning in.
    • Hawkeye. It's been rumored that the upcoming Disney+ series will be based on the Matt Fraction and David Aja series of the same name... one of the greatest comic book stories of all time. And now we know the rumors are true, as we're getting a lot of images of Hailee Steinfeld as Kate Bishop. All I can do is hope that it does the source material justice.
    • Ironheart. In the comic books, child genius Riri Williams builds her own Iron Man armor and has her own adventures. Now we're getting a live-action version of the same. Not sure if they will skew this one towards a younger audience or not, which I think would be a mistake.
    • Armor Wars. After playing guest shots in many Marvel Studios films, Rhodey is finally getting a series all his own after the Iron Man technology falls into the wrong hands. Don Cheadle is back in what seems like it will be an action-packed show, which is all you can hope for.
    • She-Hulk. We finally get confirmation that Mark Ruffalo's Hulk will be appearing alongside Tatiana Maslany's She-Hulk, so at least they are taking things seriously. Absolutely no idea which way they will take this, but the comic books have so many ideas as to how things could be approached that there's no excuse for doing something deserving of the material.
    • Moon Knight. No confirmation that Oscar Isaac will be taking the role, as rumored, which is a shame considering how perfect he would be for the part.
    • Ms. Marvel. In addition to Kamala Khan getting her own series, we've also learned that she will be appearing in Captain Marvel 2 along with Monica Rambeau. I don't really know how this will work given how odd her stretchy powers are, but it does bode well that she's going to be a part of something bigger in the MCU.
    • Secret Invasion. Finally. Samuel L. Jacson's Nick Fury and Ben Mendelsohn’s Skull Talos get their own series! Secret Invasion was a Marvel Universe-spanning comic book arc, so I'm not exactly sure how they will be able to adapt it with just two players... but maybe they aren't? Maybe anybody who's anybody will be making guest appearances? How cool would that be? Since Sam has been in all their movies, the least they can do is return the favor. And hopefully Samuel L. Jackson will be making calls to Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans in order to get them to drop by for Skrull guest appearances!
    • Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special. James Gunn is working on this one, which is going to shoot at the same time as Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3. If it's taken seriously, I'm excited for it. If not... and we're going to get some kind of farce in the vein of The Star Wars Holiday Special... I wish they just wouldn't.
    • I Am Groot. A series of shorts featuring Groot which we don't know if they are going to be actual stories... or some kind of breaking-the-fourth-wall anthology (like the Forky shorts that came out of Toy Story 4).
    • What If?. Now that I've seen the beautiful animation they've created for this series of stories which might have happened had circumstances unfolded differently than they did... including What If Peggy Carter Became Captain America and What If T'Challa Became Star Lord... I am really, really looking forward to this series.

       
    • Marvel Studios Movies! Now that we're a year behind where we are supposed to be thanks to the pandemic, there's future news to be had to tide us over, I guess...

    Marvel Movie Posters

    • Black Panther II. We have confirmation that Marvel will not be recasting T'Challa after the tragic death of Chadwick Boseman, which is as it should be. But after Shuri herself, Letitia Wright, came out as a full-blown anti-vaxer and conspiracy theory dumbass on her social media, I find myself wishing that they would just not do anything more with Black Panther until the inevitable MCU reboot a decade from now. Let Okoye and Nakia appear in other movies... give them their own series (along with W'Kabi, HINT HINT HINT!)... but just let Black Panther Rest In Peace.
    • Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania. Peyton Reed is back for a third film, which was great news... but the big news was that Jonathan Majors has been confirmed as Kang the Conqueror! As one of the MCU's most powerful villains, it will be interesting to see if his appearance here will lead to the next big event for the movies.
    • Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness. The first movie was good, but was mired in origin story stuff that didn't really get us the Doctor Strange we have been dying to see. THAT came in Infinity War and it was glorious. Now we are getting a sequel which will be exactly what we've been hoping for: a real Doctor Strange movie. Plus Scarlet Witch. Plus Mordo. Plus Wong. Plus Dr. Palmer. Plus America Chavez(!). Plus maybe even Spider-Man (because Doctor Strange will be in the next Spider-Man movie). And while it's upsetting that Scott Derrickson won't be back to direct, I choose to see Sam Raimi stepping in as a good thing, even though I really wanted to see the horror movie that Derrickson was promising us.
    • Fantastic Four. After three utterly shitty FF movies from FOX, we're finally... finally... going to get a proper Marvel Studios movie. And it's going to be directed by Jon Watts! We know nothing more about it, but if there's any hope at all of us getting something good, Marvel is the way it's going to happen.
    • Shang-Chi. No real news... but we did get confirmation that Michelle Yeoh will be in it, which is all I need to know.
    • Captain Marvel 2. What this movie will entail is a mystery. Given that she's one of the most powerful characters in the entire MCU, it's difficult to have earth-based adventures with her that can make much sense. Anything that's cosmic enough in scope to be a worthy adversary would surely attract the attention of every hero on earth and not just Carol Danvers. My guess is that it's a space adventure of some kind, but given that it's going to have Kamala Khan in it makes me wonder. Monica Rambeau will undoubtedly be getting her Photon powers (if she doesn't already get them in WandaVision), so she could certainly go cosmic, so anything's possible I suppose.

       
    • Disney-Pixar! New movies Raya and the Last Dragon, Encanto, Iwaju, Luca, Lightyear, and Turning Red. New series for Disney+ built around Zootopia, Baymax, Tiana, Moana, and Cars. But the only news I really cared about was Dug Days, which looks fantastic...

    Perfect.

       
    • Alien! In one of the bigger surprises, Noah Hawley is creating an Alien series for Hulu?

    Alien Poster.

    All we know is that it will be set here on earth, and is supposed to be scary. Good enough for me.

       
    • Kiss! Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair recreated their kiss from Cruel Intentions for the 2020 MTV Movie Awards...

    Just makes me want to watch the movie all over again.

       
    • Rook! My dad taught me how to play chess when I was fairly young. It wasn't really a game I was interested in, so I never played it much. In high school I'd play an occasional game for something to do, but I didn't really care enough to study so I was never terribly good. During my gap year I had a new found interest in the game and started playing via the internet. I got fairly good, read a few books on chess theory, and could hold my own by the time I started college. I haven't played a game since. It was for this reason I had decided to skip The Queen's Gambit when it debuted on Netflix. But the reviews were so stellar that I ended up watching it the following week...

    The Queen's Gambit Poster

    It's a really good series. The acting is excellent and the way they communicate the strategy and energy of the game is terrific. But the best part is the production values. They are exceptional. They've recreated the 1960's right down to the last detail, and I ended up watching parts of it again last night just to look at the appliances, automobiles, dishware, music, clothing, and all the other things which made it such an experience to watch. If you've got a Netflix subscription and haven't seen it, I'd recommend giving it a look.

       
    • Interview! I was Leah's guest on her podcast Finding Favorites where I talk about travel (my favorite thing) and you can listen to it right here. I really need to get a better microphone for things like this.

       
    And that's an end to my bullets, Sunday.

       

    Falling In Love On Film

    Posted on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020

    Dave!Falling in love is one of those things that most everybody can relate to. And it all comes down to a moment. That one moment when the wind gets knocked out of your lungs, your heart feels like it's going to explode, and you feel yourself falling out of the earthly confines of your body. There's no other feeling quite like it.

    I've had my share of love... and loss. Though the one time I fell the hardest was the time it came back to bite me in my ass the worst. She destroyed me in the worst possible way and I don't think I ever fully recovered. I'd rather never fall in love again than go through that hell again.

    The Hallmark rom-coms I have playing for background noise rarely have any kind of authenticity to them. You never see that moment where you feel that the characters have fallen in love. Forget Hallmark movies... you rarely see that in any films.

    There are exceptions, however.

    The most romantic moment I've ever seen in a movie comes from the most unlikely of places. A Michael J. Fox rom-com called Doc Hollywood. They give you that moment where you feel the characters have fallen in love. Up until that point, there was some clumsy flirtations and you get the sense they might like each other, but there's nothing really past that. Then Michael J. Fox asks Julie Warner to dance as Patsy Cline's Crazy starts to play. It's just a casual social kinda thing...

    But then the mood of the scene changes. Colorful lights from the carnival rides start exploding in the background and their posture becomes more intimate...

    The dance floor is crowded, but you feel that it doesn't seem that way to them...

    And then... the other dancers start to twirl away...

    All of a sudden they're the only people left in the whole world. Everybody else has... vanished...

    And there's the moment. Their relationship has changed utterly, and there's no doubt they've fallen for each other because you feel it. Then, just like that, the song is coming to a close and the world fades back into existence again...

    But they can't even see it. To them, they're still the only two people on earth...

    I'm not the most romantic guy in the world, but that scene is about the most romantic thing I've ever seen. Director Michael Caton-Jones and cinematographer Michael Chapman knew exactly what they were doing when they crafted that scene. Something that good doesn't happen by accident.

    Doc Hollywood was released in 1991. In the near-thirty-years which has followed, I don't think I've ever seen its equal.

    And yet... I did see something recently which comes close. It's in the new gay rom-com Dashing in December (streaming from Paramount Network). And it doesn't matter how gay you aren't... or whether you can relate to their relationship at all... it's still dang romantic.

    Peter Porte is a New York financial whiz who returns to his home at a small-town Colorado ranch so he can convince his mother to sell it because it's gotten to be too much work for her. Much to his surprise, his mother is being helped out by Juan Pablo Di Pace, a ranch hand that's living on the property. Naturally, they butt heads immediately. But after they start spending time together, you get the sense that they might be interested in each other.

    Then one night after dinner, Juan Pablo Di Pace leads Peter Porte down to the gazebo where he's decked it out like a homecoming dance because he found out that Peter Porte had never danced with a boy before...

    As if the setting wasn't romantic enough, one of my most favorite songs... Oh What a World by Kacey Musgraves starts playing on the radio. Despite having been out of the closet for years and having dated a string of guys, Peter Porte is clearly uncomfortable with the idea and goes to get a drink after telling Juan Pablo Di Pace to start without him...

    But changes his mind pretty quickly...

    Then they pan down to those boots again as they Peter Porte walks up to him, and you know their relationship is about to change...

    Peter Porte is nervous, unsure, and every inch of it is written right on his face...

    And there it is. There's that one moment...

    "Your heart is beating so fast""Yeah, that's on you."

    I think the reason that this hit me so hard is because it has such a resemblance to the dancing scene in Doc Hollywood. The difference being that, unlike in Doc Hollywood which takes its time, the Dashing in December scene was cut way too short... it's just a brief moment in the film. Less than two minutes. Which seems criminal for such a pivotable moment (not to mention the price they paid for that Kacey Musgraves track which is barely there). I guess either the editor made a terrible decision... or it was truncated so as not to get people too upset that two men would dare to dance together on television. Regardless, it hurts an otherwise good "Hallmark-style" flick.

    It's a shame that we don't get more holiday movies with LGBTQ+ characters... or Person of Color characters... or anything other than the same straight, white, Christian stories we've seen a million times before. Because, like I said, the different is what makes it interesting.

    Oh well. Hopefully having boundary-pushing movies like Dashing in December getting greenlit will lead the way for more new and different stories to be told.

    Dashing in December is playing on Paramount Network or you can buy it for $6 on iTunes.

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    Unholy Perversion Just For You!

    Posted on Wednesday, December 16th, 2020

    Dave!Oh wow... hate comments! It's been months!

    Yesterday I wrote about the most romantic scene from a movie I've ever witnessed... the dance at the squash festival in the old rom-com Doc Hollywood... then compared it to a similar scene from the new rom-com Dashing in December.

    But because the latter film features a romance between two men, that was apparently a bridge too far for some people to take. And so... hate comments! I can only guess that I was put on some kind of watch-list ages ago because every time something like gets posted, whomever it is that's hate-reading my blog apparently tells their entire cadre of like-minded friends to come leave nasty comments that I'll barely read (and never approve) because life is just too short. The IP addresses are from all over the USA, so it must be some kind of online group (One-Dozen Moms... is that you?).

    What the issue always seems to boil down to is A) My acknowledging that LGBTQ+ people exist and this is somehow considered offensive and dangerous, because B) My blog has "cartoons" on it which attracts children who might see such unholy perversions as this...

    And all I can say is... you're welcome!

    Because if your kid happens to be gay and does come across something as innocent as a photo of two guys dancing together on Blogography, then maybe it will be a little ray of sunshine which validates their existence and helps them to deal with the toxic atmosphere you've cultivated which lead so many LGBTQ+ youth into self-harm and even death.

    And if you're one of those people who would rather have a dead child than a gay child, then fuck you sideways, because you're everything that's wrong with our society. Nobody "turns gay" from looking at a frickin' photo like this. I mean, you didn't. Or did you?

    The truly telling thing about hate comments FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN on yesterday's entry is the fact that I regularly drop F-bombs in blog entries and never hear a single discouraging word about that. So it's not all the things I write about here... only some things. Maybe before I started blogging I should have asked the internet for a list of things that are and are not acceptable? Well, too late for that now.

    I can no more relate to a movie about gay cowboys falling in love than I can relate to a movie about straight people falling in love (apparently, =insert cry emoji=)... but I find them equally entertaining. Actually, I find the gay cowboy romance more entertaining because it's something I haven't seen a million times before (at least not since Brokeback Mountain fifteen years ago). Happy people falling in love are happy people falling in love and I just don't give a crap so long as it doesn't involve children or unwilling animals. And, on top of it all, Dashing in December is GOOD. Really cute stuff if you are into the whole Hallmark Christmas movie rom-com thing like I am.

    And if you think that a bunch of hate comments is going to get me to change my mind about posting innocent photos of LGBTQ+ persons merely existing, read this entry and get back to me.

    (hint: the answer is "no")

    And now, because I love y'all more than sandwiches, here's the song Take Me Home For Christmas by Dan + Shay which plays at the end of Dashing in December. It's a totally great song... and doesn't have gay cowboys in it, if that's important to you for some reason...

    Awwww. Santa puppies are the best puppies.

       

    Blog of the Damned

    Posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2020

    Dave!Last night it snowed. Not a ton, but enough to turn the world white here in the foothills of the Cascades.

    In the Northeast, of course, it's another story entirely. Which means even if there wasn't COVID happening, I'd likely be unable to get to my annual December work trip in Maine. Assuming I could even fly into Boston and the roads are open, there's still a matter of 2-4 inches of snow falling per hour... followed by rains which will freeze at night. Not a pretty scenario.

    Back on my 2014 trip, similar conditions were brutal, and it took a half hour to scrape the ice off my rental car and get the tires free from having been frozen to the ground...

    Tires frozen in the snow.

    But I can't complain too much. Being stuck in Portland in the bitter cold gave me the opportunity to go exploring with my camera and I got some really nice shots that trip because so few people were out braving the weather...

    Portland's Harbor Fish Market.

    Portland Maine

    Portland Maine

    Portland Maine

    It will be interesting to see how my travel goes in 2021. Now that the charity has shuttered and work travel has halted indefinitely, it's entirely possible that I'll take just one or two trips a year for vacation or visiting friends and that's it. Quite a change from the dozens of trips I was making each year pre-pandemic. Though when you consider I had zero flights in 2020, even one flight will be a huge change from where I'm at now.

    Oh well. I guess the frequent flier status and upgraded seats were good while they lasted. I had 5 years of good status followed by 25 years of amazing status and nothing lasts forever. Still... I will surely miss getting International upgrades. Domestic flights are no big deal. Seattle to Hawaii is just over 5 hours. Seattle to Orlando is around 6 hours. I can tolerate just about any seat for that long. But those 11+ hour flights? Having legroom and comfy seats makes a world of difference.

    2006-2013 were my best travel years. When both you and your mom (who has zero status) regularly get upgraded to World Business Class for international trips... you know you are flying a lot of miles. An absurd amount of miles...

    Mom and my feet stretched out enjoying World Business Class luxury.

    Mom and my feet stretched out enjoying World Business Class luxury.

    =sigh=

    Those were the days.

    In other news... hate comments continue to trickle in because I dared blog about the movie Dashing in December and showed a photo of two gay cowboys dancing together. I hardly ever read hate comments and delete them the second I know what they're about... but this morning I awoke to a comment which merely said "YOU WILL BE DAMNED!" and I had to really appreciate the artistry in that. A comment short enough that I had read the entire thing before I realized it. If I were to respond to this kind of idiocy (and I don't) it might be along the lines of "Settle down there, snowflake! It's not like I posted images of the gay cowboys kissing!"

    Gay cowboys kissing.

    Closeup of gay cowboys kissing.

    Well I'll be damned. I actually did do that!

    Please keep your hate comments short and to the point.

       

    Bullet Sunday 693

    Posted on Sunday, December 20th, 2020

    Dave!Christmas is coming, but there's magic happening tonight... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Hallmarked! And... tonight was the last new Hallmark Christmas movie of 2020. I've watched and reviewed them all, as usual, of course. Now I just need to wade through a bunch of the other movies from Lifetime, Netflix, and such, and I'm done for another year. Surprisingly, I think this was the best year in a while. Even so, I'm done. I've been Hallmarked out. Until next year.

       
    • RickVertising! If I was a company, I'd have Rick & Morty do all my advertisements...



    Serious bang for your buck.

       
    • Adopt! Speaking of ads... why is it that I can watch all the so-called "emotional" movies and not get emotional, but a commercial like this has me struggling to keep it together?

    Just weird, I guess.

       
    • Tater! Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has tried Martha Stewart's baked potatoes. Take LARGE YUKON GOLD potatoes... NOT russets... DO NOT poke holes in them. DO NOT oil or butter. Put a wire rack on the middle rack of your oven (so potatoes don't fall through) then bake at 325º for 90 MINUTES. DO NOT OPEN THE OVEN TO CHECK. Just have faith. — After cooking, smash them on a counter, pry apart, then add your favorite topping (I went with salt, pepper, butter, sour cream, and chives). — Remarkable. So creamy it's more like dessert than a potato. And that paper-crispy skin is like candy. Truly the best baked potatoes I've ever had. I won't be making them any other way ever again.

       
    • Jangle! I am not into musicals, or fantasy, or kid films... so I've been putting off Jingle Jangle on Netflix. That being said, the production values and costume design? Holy. Shit. This may very well be the most beautiful film I've ever seen. I will be very disappointed if no rewards are won. Even the smallest details are fully realized... and EVERYWHERE...

    Jingle Jangle Poster

    Worth watching (on Netflix) just for the visuals.

       
    • Cop Doctors! One of the most demented (and hilarious) shows to ever air on television was Children's Hospital on Adult Swim (you can watch on Hulu, I believe). I just found out today that Netflix had a spin-off series with a lot of the same cast that aired back in January...

    I binged the entire season and loved it. Boy I hope we get another season.

       
    • Swap! I look forward to this every year. It never disappoints. I just wish they did even more of it...

    Poor Colin. Though I won't feel too sad. He does get to go home to Scarlett Johansson.

       
    And that's a wrap. See you after Christmas!

       

    A 1984 Blunder Story

    Posted on Saturday, December 26th, 2020

    Dave!A few quibbles aside, the first Wonder Woman movie was a triumph. Beautifully realized and brilliantly told, it was everything you want out of a super-hero comic book movie. And that scene where Princess Diana of Themyscira crawls out of the trenches and becomes Wonder Woman is one of the best scenes of any movie ever made. I enjoyed it a lot, and feel it sits with The Dark Knight and Superman: The Movie as the pinnacle of of what DC Comic movies could be but often are not.

    So obviously I was eagerly anticipating the sequel, Wonder Woman 1984...

       
    The short non-spoiler version... I absolutely HATED this film. Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's garbage from start to finish and trying to find something good to say about it boils down to Gal Godot looking as amazing as ever as Wonder Woman. That's it. That's all I got.

    My thoughts are in an extended entry, which will include spoilers...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 694

    Posted on Sunday, December 27th, 2020

    Dave!Christmas may be over, but the greatest gift of all is right here... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Snow! This is such a wonderful, beautiful, heartwarming video and I suggest you drop everything and watch it immediately...

    You're welcome.

       
    • More Snowy! We were supposed to get snow for a white Christmas here and, sure enough, it happened. I can't help but wonder how many of those we have left. The snowfall in recent years pales in comparison to what we got when I was young. And that pales in comparison to when my mom was a kid and people jumped off roofs into the snowfall. Thanks, climate change!

       
    • Wonder? As my post yesterday elaborated, I absolutely hated the new Wonder Woman 1984 movie. It was a huge disappointment after the first one, and I wish I had never seen it. Then I read today that Patty Jenkins is getting another chance to either redeem herself or ruin the franchise further with a third Wonder Woman film. I guess since Diana is all about hope that I will hope for the best. It would certainly take a lot of effort to do worse.

       
    • Two! I swear, if Coming 2 America disappoints me like Wonder Woman 1984, I may have to swear off movie sequels altogether...

    It certainly looks like they made all the right moves. Guess we have to wait a few months and see.

       
    • SANTA! And now I'll leave you with one of my favorite Christmas movie moments in any movie ever. Stephen Huszar's reaction to seeing Santa is the absolute best (even though the movie it's from "Mistletoe Magic" was pretty awful)...

    Obviously hasn't lost his childhood enthusiasm for the holidays.

       
    • Lexus! Though... I think the mom's reaction in this SNL parody commercial comes in at a close second...

    Classic.

       
    • Robe! And yet... there's Kristen Wiig's reaction in this SNL parody commercial...

    Okay. I can't decide on a favorite. But probably Stephen Huszar's reaction to seeing Santa.

       
    And that's my last Bullet Sunday of 2020.

       

    Video20

    Posted on Monday, December 28th, 2020
    Dave!And it's time once again for my annual wrap-up of movies that came out this year.

    Or, more accurately, a "wrap-up of movies I saw that came out this year." As always, there's a bunch of movies I never saw that would have probably ended up on my list (we'll get to that later). And here we go...

    UPDATE: Turns out that my #2 movie for 2020 would have been the film Half Brothers which I discovered two years too late. You can read about this fantastic film here.

    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Favorite Movies 2020

    #1 The Old Guard (Netflix)
    In a year where Marvel Studios and Disney pushed their entire slate of features into 2021, the saving grace for movies this year was thanks to streaming services like Netflix. And it's there we got the best super-hero movie of the year by a massively huge margin. Adapted from a terrific comic book series, The Old Guard is about a group of immortal warriors who have to be increasingly careful in a world where surveillance and social media can expose them. And when that happens? Hoo boy. I was bummed that Charlize Theron hasn't filmed a sequel to Atomic Blonde yet, but if she keeps churning out brilliant alternatives like this epic movie, I guess I can be okay with it. But of course now I want a sequel to The Old Guard, so I have twice as many things to be disappointed about. Would this have been my #1 if Black Widow or Shang-Chi or The Eternals came out in 2020? I don't know. But I would have loved to have found out.

    #2 The Gentlemen
    Guy Ritchie has an impressive number of films I enjoy... but that's never guaranteed (I didn't care for his previous two efforts Aladdin and King Arthur: Legend of the Sword at all). This one had me worried because I could not figure Matthew McConaughey in a Guy Ritchie film. But then he's got Colin Farell, Hugh Grant, and Henry Golding in the mix and I'm like "Maybe?" Then Hugh Grant completely steals the movie, Charlie Hunnam pops up with the best performance of his entire career, and I was totally okay with it. American Michael Pearson is a massive marijuana dealer throughout London and becomes a very wealthy man. Tired of the game, he decides to sell his drug empire for $400 million and retire, which sets the wheels in motion for all kinds of new games. And watching it all unfold is a cinematic treat that is the best kind of Guy Ritchie film... possibly his best since Snatch. If you're a fan of his work, this is what you're likely a fan of.

    #3 Uncle Frank (Amazon Prime)
    I'm not exactly sure how I ever stumbled across this movie. I think that it was recommended while I was on Amazon Prime Video. In any event, it's about all you can ask for in a film. Paul Bettany unleashes an award-winning performance as a gay man in 1973 who travels back home with his niece to attend his abusive father's funeral. But when they are unexpectedly joined by his lover along the way, the past will catch up with him in a way he can't escape. This is a wholly wonderful film that's made even more wonderful when you understand how important it is. Showing acceptance 50 years ago just makes un-acceptance now seem all the more backwards and stupid. I ended up liking the movie so much that I wanted to know more about it and was shocked that it was written and directed by Alan Ball, which means I must have missed the credits. This made perfect sense, given his magical touch on so many amazing television shows (including Oh Grow Up! which I am still begging somebody to release on DVD or digital). Of all the movies on my list, this is probably the most important.

    #4 Tenet
    The first time I saw Tenet, I genuinely hated it right up until the end where a few things slammed home for me. Thinking a second viewing would have me appreciating it more, I jumped in again the next day. Feeling I had a better handle on it all, I went ahead and watched it a third time a few days later. Finally the more subtle elements started making sense to me and I felt that I was able to appreciate it in a way I missed completely the first two times. And that's the thing... sure there are special effects sequences in this time-bending rollercoaster ride which would be great to see in a movie theater... but I think experiencing it that way only sets you up for disappointment. With all due respect to Christopher Nolan, home video is what this film was made for. All the things that make it a good movie will completely blow by you until you have a chance to see it at least one more time.

    #5 Sometimes Always Never
    This is a beautiful character piece that entirely relies on the performances of Bill Nighy and Sam Riley to work, and they do not fail. I have yet to see Bill Nighy in a single role where I wasn't completely absorbed in his character, and this was one of his best yet. He plays a father who has been desperately searching for his missing son who walked out in the middle of a game of Scrabble... while ignoring the son who stayed. While playing online games of Scrabble, he becomes convinced that it's his missing son who's been playing games with him. He sets out with his son to find the truth. Heartbreaking but funny in all the right ways, this is a wonderful (albeit slow) film that I can't recommend highly enough.

    #6 The Lovebirds (Netflix)
    In all honesty, I did not give this movie a snowball's chance in hell of being as good as it ended up being. But I tuned in because I love both Kumail Nanjiani and Issa Ray, so a movie starring both of them immediately moved to my "Must Watch List." In The Lovebirds they are a married couple who have grown bored with each other and their marriage and have been going through the motions for a while. Then, just as they decide to divorce and go their separate ways, a chance accident happens which changes everything... and sends them on an adventure that's bigger than the film's concept might otherwise imply. I loved this film and have told Netflix to play it more times than I'll ever admit. Because in addition to the stellar performances from two fantastic actors, we get fantastic New Orleans locations, fantastic cinematography, a fantastic story, and some genuine humor that was... well... fantastic. I will be the first to admit that it takes a particular mindset to truly appreciate this gem for what it is. Lucky me, it's precisely the mindset I often find myself in.

    Favorite Movies 2020

    #7 Palm Springs (Hulu)
    A new take on Groundhog Day is nothing very new at all, as they seem to pop up every couple of years. This version, however, it really well done and adds a few twists to the formula that make it worth visiting. While attending a wedding, the maid-of-honor gets trapped in a never-ending cycle of never-ending days along with a slacker living his best life over and over again (played by Andy Samberg). Things are complicated as new facts behind the wedding are revealed, the maid-of-honor wants out, and an enemy set on revenge gets trapped with them. The humor is ever-present, but doesn't overwhelm the story being told... getting the balance just right.

    #8 The Invisible Man
    This was a smart take on the classic tale, combining genuine thrills with horror beats that land surprisingly well. And then there's the special effects which elevate it all to new levels. This new version of the story has a woman trapped in a controlling relationship from which she succeeds in escaping. Then, much to her relief, her now-ex-boyfriend comits suicide and leaves her $5 million. Unable to enjoy her new-found wealth because she feels she is being haunted by her ex, she is forced to try and find answers. What she finds out is far scarier than a ghost, and the ensuing battle is an edge-of-your-seat affair that is exciting to the very end. Although it's not exactly the end because a sequel is in the works.

    #9 Da 5 Bloods (Netflix)
    It's a Spike Lee Joint, so you know you're in for something interesting... if not outright genius. This time he's telling the story of four Black Vietnam vets who return to find the remains of their squad leader... and also recover some gold they buried. And while the cast is fantastic, I die inside a little when I heard that it was originally to star Denzel Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, Giancarlo Esposito, and John David Washington. What a movie that would have been (though, to be honest, the remarkable Delroy Lindo deserved this movie and has more than paid his dues to get it). Ultimately this is a darn good film that suffers from being wildly off-balanced, trying to be a commentary on the Vietnam War, a look at Vietnam from the perspective of Black soldiers, a commentary on contemporary America, a comedy, and an action movie... all at the same time. And while it mostly succeeds at most of that, it can also feel a bit disjointed and is long. Regardless, this is a smart, well-crafted, important film that only a director of Spike Lee's caliber could make. As if that wasn't enough, it's got Jean Reno and an appearance by Chadwick Boseman in it.

    #10 WolfWalkers (Apple TV+)
    Given that The Secret of Kells and Song of the Sea are two of my favorite animated features, it's not shocking that Tomm Moore's third film, WolfWalkers made my list. Featuring his hallmark Celtic art style, this is a gorgeously animated film follows a young girl and her father as they travel to Ireland to eliminate a pack of wolves. As they begin the hunt they encounter magic, danger, and mystery in the forest which opens their eyes, alters their perspective, and changes their lives. This is a masterpiece of art and storytelling which has to be experienced to truly be believed.

    #11 Bill & Ted Face the Music
    While deep down I think that it would have been better to just let this franchise go, I was happy to dive in once again, hoping to get better closure than what came from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey 30 years ago. The result is indeed better than the sequel but, thanks to the absence of George Carlin, didn't feel like it was ever complete to me.

    #12 Dashing in December (Paramount)
    As diversity continues to creep into Christmas rom-com movie offerings, we're getting so much more than the same old rom-com stuff that keeps being remade over and over. This time, it's a gay couple at center stage, and it makes for a really good story because there are added layers to the standard girl meets boy plot we keep seeing. Repeat Hallmark player Peter Porte is a successful Manhattan financial advisor who heads home to his family ranch in Colorado to convince him mom to sell it. But when he arrives he finds that Juan Pablo Di Pace has been employed as a ranch hand and is definitely opposed to selling. After initially butting heads, their relationship becomes something more as they come to understand each other better. What makes this one work so well is the dialogue which feels honest and true in a way that's usually lacking. After talking about their past relationships and how things never seem to work out for either of them while gluing back some wicker reindeer decorations that fell apart, we're treated to this passage: "They still look broken.""Broken, but happy to have each other." which so beautifully summarizes what they've been through and where they're at now in this moment together. And it's that kind of clever dialogue that makes Dashing in December a cut above other rom-coms... gay or straight. Andie MacDowell is just the icing on the cake.

       
    HONORABLE MENTION...

    • Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn
      I'm not a big fan of how DC Comic movies are perverted from the source material, and this is more of the same. Though Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn is as entertaining as ever... and this is certainly one of the better DC adaptations, that's not saying much. I did end up liking it, however. Just not as much as I felt I should have.
    • A California Christmas (Netflix)
      No, this Hallmark imitation film will never be mistaken for high art or even a great film, but I think it did give us a fresh perspective on the tired old stories we keep seeing over and over.
    • Enola Holmes (Netflix)
      Color me 20 shades of shocked. This new take on Sherlock Holmes shakes things up beautifully by focusing on his younger sister Enola, capably played by Millie Bobby Brown. The result is surprisingly good, wonderfully fresh, and made all the better by having Henry Cavill and Sam Claffin appear as her older siblings. I'm hopeful we get new adventures one day soon.
    • First Cow
      Any other year, drama might have played better for me, but in 2020? Not really what I was looking for, though this flick was darn good... and not what I was expecting (which is always a good thing).
    • Holidate (Netflix)
      This movie starts out terribly, trying to have a holiday rom-com sensibility which is mostly annoying and has terrible music choices. But then... things... change? And you get an entertaining flick that manages to break free of the cheese while not losing the cheesiness which makes it a fun movie to watch.
    • Mank (Netflix)
      Featuring some of the sharpest dialogue you're likely to hear all year, this clever, intelligent, and remarkably crafted look behind the scenes of Herman J. Mankiewicz's writing of Citizen Kane also has performances above and beyond.
    • Midnight at the Magnolia (Netflix)
      For the first time ever, I'm recognizing a "Hallmark-style" movie in my Best of 2020... thanks to a decent script and the performances and on-screen chemistry of Natalie Hall and Evan Williams.
    • My Octopus Teacher (Netflix)
      This was a bizarre yet beautiful look at a man's relationship with... an octopus? It's nothing like I expected, and the way it makes you feel about these surprisingly intelligent creatures will last long past the end credits.
    • On The Rocks (Apple TV+)
      As a massive Bill Murray fan, I was anticipating this being one of my favorite films... but it never quite got there because it tends to meander without "going" anywhere. Even so, it has enough entertaining moments to make it worth a watch.
    • Onward
      It's Pixar, so you know it isn't going to suck... but you're pretty much assured to be overwhelmed with sentiment and have an abundance of manipulative heartstring pulling that gets tiring. That this one delved into fantasy (a genre I'm not a fan of) didn't earn it any favors, but didn't sabotage it either.
    • Save Yourselves!
      a comedic take on alien invasion movies that is a great flick if you don't take it too seriously (which likely won't be a problem). What I don't get is the non-ending ending, which kinda sabotages everything that comes before. I'm not saying that a film has to wrap everything up in a big bow for me, but for a film like this? Yeah. Probably.
    • A Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon (Disney+)
      You would think that after all the Shaun the Sheep movies, specials, shorts, and TV shows I'd be over it already... but this time Aardman Animations took things in a new direction entirely by giving us a clever alien invasion twist that made for one of the most entertaining entries yet. Beautiful to look at and fun from start to finish.
    • Soul (Disney+)
      There's no denying that this is a gorgeously animated feature. My problem is that they get bogged down in the bizarre minutiae of how "souls" and "sparks" work for the first thirty minutes and I had a tougher time getting into the movie than I felt I should have. Once they get down to earth is where the movie actually began for me.

       
    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    • Babyteeth
    • Bad Boys for Life
    • Extra Ordinary
    • Freaky
    • Greenland
    • Howard
    • Kid Detective
    • Ma Rainey's Black Bottom
    • Sorry We Missed You
    • Synchronic
    • The Trial of the Chicago 7

       
    OVERRATED...

    • Greyhound (Apple TV+)
      A World War II submarine thriller starring Tom Hanks? Sign me up! Except... characters are one-dimensional and barely register against the action, which makes for a somewhat thrilling but also quite boring film. But where this one sucked hardest is with the music, which was horrifically bad. Gut-wrenchingly awful. A repugnant auditory assault you will beg to forget.

       
    TOTALLY SHIT THE BED...

    • Happiest Season (Hulu)
      I had been looking forward to the first major lesbian-lead Christmas movie rom-com since I heard about it. Alas they filled it with the shittiest possible people and had some of the most brutally inane and idiotic dialogue I've ever suffered through. What the hell?
    • Mulan (Disney+)
      Take an amazing Disney animated classic, retool it for live action with astounding wardrobe, cinematography, and visuals... then dumb it down to a bucket of stupid with a story that sucks.
    • The New Mutants
      Where do I even start? This movie has languished for years. First because 20th Century Fox apparently didn't know what to do with it... then Disney/Marvel didn't know what to do with it after they bought out the studio. Eventually it was unceremoniously dumped in theaters during a pandemic just to get rid of it because it wasn't a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and would be forgotten anyway. Given that it was supposed to be a super-hero horror film but didn't have any horror... and any super-heroics were boring... I've forgotten it already.
    • Wonder Woman 1984
      Good Lord what a shitty fucking film.

       
    Intresting to note just how many of the films on my list are from streaming services. Yes, some of them would have likely dropped out of my Top Twelve if there wasn't a pandemic and studios had released their 2020 slate... but the good movies would have definitely gotten a mention regardless. I think this is very telling about the future of our entertainment. Odds are that theaters will fully open up again in Summer or Fall of 2021 (assuming we achieve some semblance of heard immunity by then and assuming theaters manage to survive), but big-budget movies bankrolled by streamers are likely here to stay. At least if the rising cost of my Netflix sumbscription is any indication.

    Tags:
    Categories: Movies 2020Click To It: Permalink  1 Comment: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 695

    Posted on Sunday, January 3rd, 2021

    Dave!The New Year may feel like the Old Year, but there's still something new to be had... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • TikTok! The thing that I love so much about TikTok... besides the fact that the video size is limited which forces content creators to get to the damn point already... is that it's got people constantly playing off of each other. In weird, wonderful ways. Lots of times it's clapbacks and condemnation, sure, but every once in a while you get something absolutely magical like this...

    What's cool is that the woman who was (accurately) sumarizing Country music so dead-on in her parody was actually made a collaborator, and is now promoting the song on her TikTok...

    @rynnstar

    #duet with @georgebirgeofficial

    ♬ original sound - George Birge

    This is not something that happens on other social media platforms so easily and organically, which is why I am still addicted to TikTok. Plus... lots of adorable animal videos.

       
    • TokTwo! Not to mention moments of absolute happy like this...

    @dndhulett

    Top moments of 2020 #fyp #trick #foryou #trickshot #foryoupage

    ♬ original sound - Daniel and David

    Is is any wonder I can blow through an hour on this app and not even realize it?

       
    • Her Name Was Bernice! Not that it's all fun and games...

    @youknowthatonegirlrachel

    Reply to @public_enema Her name was Bernice. #fyp #foryoupage #covid #Bye2020

    ♬ original sound - Rachel

    This amazing woman is a graduate of Liberty College and has some fascinating takes on Christianity that comes from having lived through her past... and living her Faith in the present.

       
    • What's Logic! I mean, damn...

    @chris_wells_

    ♬ original sound - Chris Wells

    This guy is phenomenally entertaining while addressing some very touchy subjects. I could just sit for an hour and blow through nothing else on TikTok but this guy.

       
    • TokFour! Seriously. I need to come up with a Blogography page of all the TikToks I follow, because if you are looking for some incredible takes on everything from cooking to woodworking to current events to just plain fun... I'm following it all.

       
    • Luke! And just because it's not all TikTok this Sunday... I remember very well standing in line on opening night for The Empire Strikes Back. By the time the movie was released I was already the biggest Star Wars fan on earth, and there was just no way I could wait to see it. I was dropped off with the older brother of a friend who didn't mind having me tag along. Back in 1980, there was no "internet" to speak of, and the movie magazines were always months behind what was being released in the theaters. So when it came to one of the most surprising and shocking moments in cinematic history, I was completely caught off guard. There was simply nothing that could have prepared me. Which is why I just love videos of young kids reacting to the scene when they also have no idea what's coming...

    Now-a-days, of course, it would have been spoiled either weeks before... or immediately upon release. Because people are assholes and online publications are competing for pageviews. Fortunately, nobody cares as much "old" movies like this, so there are still surprises to be had. For some of us, anyways.

       
    • Mary Ann! I would be remiss to not mention the passing of Dawn Wells from complications due to COVID this past week. I ALWAYS picked "Mary Ann" over "Ginger" as my Giligan's Island crush...

    Dawn Wells as Mary Ann on Giligan's Island wearing shorts and a halter top and looking gorgeous.

    Rest In Peace, Dawn Wells. You were a huge part of my childhood.

       
    And that's it for the first bullets of 2021.

       

    You Do Not Fuck With Gort

    Posted on Monday, February 1st, 2021

    Dave!Last night I was reading an article from 2018 which said that artificial neurons compute faster than the human brain. This, coupled with the fact that we can already build robots which are capable of acting substantially faster than humans and, well, you can see where this could become a problem on down the road.

    Skynet is gonna be real, y'all...

    A murderous robot from the Terminator movies.

       
    But the more I thought about it...

    ...the more I kinda embraced the idea of creating robots that are smarter and faster than humans. Think Gort from The Day The Earth Stood Still...

    The robot Gort from The Day The Earth Stood Still.

    Gort is from a race of robots which were created to police the galaxy and halt any aggression they run across by immediately terminating the aggressors. To make sure they are able to do this effectively, they have been given absolute power over everything and everybody... possessing horrifying weapons to carry out their task. As if that weren't enough, they are also nigh invulnerable to all harm. Long story shot... you do not fuck around with them. Nor do you risk disrupting the peace because it would be your ass that gets vaporized.

    Seriously, how handy would it be to have these robots patrolling the planet? Vaporizing assholes and idiots who make this planet such a miserable place to live.

    And so I say "Bring it on."

    Heaven only knows that robots wouldn't do a worse job of things than we have. And if we all end up extinguished because we can't curb our violent ways? Well, that's probably for the best.

       

    The Heat is On

    Posted on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2021

    Dave!Yesterday afternoon while I was at the office I had to run out to my car to grab a file folder I forgot. It was cold out. It was rainy out. It was miserable out. Once I got back to my desk I did something I don't think I've ever done before... I logged into my home thermostat and turned the heat up so it would be toasty warm when I got home.

    Something about the idea of arriving home to my chilly-ass home hit me wrong.

    And, I gotta tell ya, it was really nice. Not something I can afford to do very often, but nice enough that I may do it more often. Because sometimes it's the little luxuries (like $2 in electricity) that make life a little more enjoyable.

    My cats, of course, were totally digging it.

    Today I decided to wear an extra sweater when I got home, but I warmed up mentally because it was time for my annual viewing of Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day...

    Bill Marray in a truck with a groundhog that's hanging onto the wheel looking angry.

    Don't drive angry, groundhog! Don't drive angry.

    A massive explosion of the truck which drove over a cliff and crashed.

    Andie MacDowell and Chris Elliot looking down the cliff at the explosion, which is reflecting on them with an orange glow.

       
    The movie never gets old, and that scene is always hilarious. Chris Elliot really doesn't get enough credit for his part in this classic flick. His part was small, but his delivery of the lines for this scene is about the funniest thing you'll see... and was kinda duplicated hilariously in the movie Paul 18 years later.

    I have to wonder how many times I've seen Groundhog Day. The movie was released 28 years ago... So I'm going to say it's likely been minimum 30 times. Once in theaters. Once when the VHS was available. Once when the DVD was available. Once when it was available Digitaly. And at least once a year for the past 28 years it's been released. And sometimes when I just feel like it. So... possibly 36 times? There's not many movies I've watched 36 times.

    Now back to enjoying my toasty home.

       

    Aliens, Mars, and Wanda

    Posted on Friday, February 19th, 2021

    Dave!And so we have another rover on Mars. But give me a minute. I'll get there.

    James Cameron is one of my all-time favorite filmmakers. As both writer and director, he knows how to craft a story that is imaginative, exciting, and action-packed. If I were to rank his work, it would look something like this...

    • Aliens (A+) One of the tightest action/horror thrillers ever created.
    • Terminator (A+) Amazing high-concept sci-fi that elevated action sci-fi cinema.
    • True Lies (A) Impeccably well-thought-out spy/action film with terrific humor.
    • Terminator 2 (A) After Aliens, one of the best sequels of all time.
    • The Abyss (A) Grossly underrated action flick with a brilliant story premise.
    • Titanic (B+) Impossibly good film that made the sinking of the Titanic exciting.
    • Avatar (B) Groundbreaking effects-driven spectacle.

    The movie Strange Days, which is also a favorite of mine, was written by Cameron, but directed by his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow. I actually liked it better than Titanic and Avatar.

    So, to sum up, my favorite James Cameron is Aliens.

    And I think of this movie every single time that I see NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratories where all the scientists and technicians are staring at computer monitors as they run the mission. Yesterday I was watching live as the Perseverance rover was landing on Mars, none of these NASA people were watching events unfold live. It takes 11 minutes for a signal to return to earth, so what they're seeing happened 11 minutes ago. Likewise, any commands they send take 11 minutes to be initiated.

    So they're flying blind.

    Just like the "artificial person" Bishop does when he makes his way to the settlement satelite uplink tower to call a replacement drop-ship down from the Sulaco. He's not getting any feedback, he's playing out what's happening in orbit in his head and issuing commands accordingly...

    Synthetic human Bishop concentrating while looking at nothing.

    Bishop's fingers flying across the keyboard.

    Bishop punching the ENABLE key on the keyboard.

    Actor Lance Henriksen, who plays Bishop, never looks at any display. He is either looking at nothing and staring into space while he concentrates, or looking at the keyboard...

    Bishop tying on a terminal while staring at the keys.

    A drop-ship onboard the Sulaco is prepping to depart.

    Back when I first saw Aliens I thought this was incredibly cool... and totally baller. And it's a bit what I imagine it's like to work on a rover landing at JPL.

    Anyway... back to Mars...

    I watched NASA's "live" broadcast of the landing. It's nail-biting stuff. With that 11 minute delay and no way to send last minute course corrections or instructions, all they could do was cross their fingers that everything worked as it was designed to. As we saw with the probe Nozomi things can definitely go terribly wrong. NASA tried to make the wait interesting by having computer renderings of what's going on, which includes the rover targeting its landing zone after being released from the lander...

    A computer rendering of the Mars rover desceding.

    A computer rendering of  the Mars rover falling towards the red planet.

    A computer rendering of the Mars rover landed on Mars.

    Good job, buddy!

    NASA engineers celebrating the successful landing.

    Throughout the broadcast, there was a guy walking about stuff that was happening...

    NASA engineer discussing the landing.

    But I could barely concentrate on him... I was laser-focused on what looks like a Mars 2020 branded jar of peanuts sitting on the desk next to him...

    Closeup of what looks like a jar of peanuts sitting next to the NASA engineer.

    Maybe it's not nuts at all... I dunno. Could be it's some essential prop for discussing the Mars mission that I missed by coming late to the video stream. But it sure looks like nuts.

    Of course, just because NASA received notice that the rover had landed successfully doesn't necessarily mean that everything is functioning correctly! We had to wait to get a low-res, black-and-white shot of The Red Planet via one of the Hazard Avoidance Cameras...

    A low-res, black-and-white shot of The Red Planet.

    Sweet! High res images and more Mars updates will be forthcoming from the NASA Perseverance team at their Mission Update Blog, which you can visit and bookmark here.

    And, before I continue, can I just say how fantastic Paul Reiser's performance as the ultimate rat bastard was in Aliens? Easily his best work as an actor, because he really had to sell it...

    Paul Reiser playing Burke, a real bastard.

    And when he gets caught on his bullshit and has the most upper-lip-sweat of any human being in the history of the world? Oh yeah. That was a cinematic moment right there.

    And then there's tonight's latest episode of WandaVision which will be discussed in a spoiler-filled extended entry below. And you're welcome!

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 703

    Posted on Sunday, February 28th, 2021

    Dave!I may be really, really tied of Winter right now, but I'm happy to hold out for Spring... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Boys! I'm just going to start this out with the best thing I've seen all week... and it's why I love TikTok reason #2371 — John Stamos showing Beach Boy Mike Love a young band playing a beautiful rendition of Wouldn’t It Be Nice, a song he co-wrote...

    @johnstamos

    @sittingonstacy I was showing Mike Love Tik Tok and you popped up. He loved you guys! Can’t ##hear us but he was really digging it. Congrats! Stamos

    ♬ original sound - johnstamos

    How unbelievably awesome is this?

       
    • Plus! In advance of "CBS All Access" transforming to " Paramount+" there's an awesome deal where you can get a year of commercial-free streaming for half-price (just select an annual plan and use PARAMOUNTPLUS in the coupon code box at check-out). 90% of network shows I watch are on CBS and I love avoiding commercials, so this was an offer I can't refuse. LOVING IT. I love, love, love Queen Latifah at The Equalizer, and revisiting Young Sheldon has been fun. Of course there's also Magnum P.I., one of the best shows on television. Some older shows are not streaming properly yet (I'm guessing that will be fixed after the transition come March 4th) but new shows are working fine. I wanted to try out Clarice but Siri keeps typing "Clarisse" so I had to hand-type it into AppleTV manually... WHY, LORD? WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE THIS HARD? — On the other hand, I am liking Clarice very much. How does CBS do it? Other networks just don't have the track record for great television like this! If you love TV, then check out this amazing 50% off deal before it disappears on March 3rd!

       
    • YAS QWEEN! I get irrationally invested in the lives of people on TikTok. This guy hasn’t updated in two days and I’m probably going to lose sleep wondering if he got the job...

    @thatrylanguy

    ##help ##advice ##gay

    ♬ original sound - thatrylanguy

    He has exactly two videos posted. This one was enough to get me totally invested. I guess that's what happens when the pandemic hasn't left you with much of a life of your own to live? Best of luck to you, sir, in finding a new job.

       
    • Super New! Ta-Nehisi Coates writing a Superman movie? YES PLEASE! I mean, how many damn times are we going to have to sit through the same old Superman movie? Christopher Reeve, Brandon Routh, and Henry Cavill all did great jobs, but I'm ready for something truly different. Like maybe Calvin Ellis Superman?!?

    Though I wouldn't be mad if Henry Cavill was given another go. He's actually a great Superman, and it's not his fault that he's had to work from shitty, SHITTY scripts. In any event, I am definitely excited at what might come of this.

       
    • EcoBullshit! This video is absolutely fascinating. A lot to unpack when it comes to the "green" direction that the smartphone market is heading... fortunately Arun Maini has done the work for you, and it's well worth a watch...

    The hypocrisy of it all is mind-boggling... but oh so expected.

       
    • Retail Therapy! Well darn. Fry's Electronics had some of the coolest retail stores outside of Disney, and they just shuttered all their stores. They were destination-worthy places, and I traveled to several in California when they were at the height of their popularity. From the NASA-themed store in Anaheim and Egypt-themed store in Campbell... to Alice in Wonderland-themed in Woodland Hills and Old-Timey Sci-Fi-themed in Burbank, Fry's sure made shopping fun! Brick-and-mortar shops were having a tough time staying afloat before the pandemic... I have a feeling that because of COVID this is the fate for many of them.

       
    • Without Telling Me... I don't know why I find this so incredibly sweet... but I really do...

    @garrettbazany

    My girlfriend thinks she’s funny ##foryoupage ##fyp ##wheelchair ##tellmeyourboyfriendwontcheatonyou ##prank ##couple

    ♬ original sound - Garrett Bazany

    And for anybody thinking that she's being an asshole... it's a joke. And he was obviously in on it...

    I'm glad most saw it as a joke. Those that didn't need to realize us wheelchair folks aren't so sensitive and have some dark humor.

       
    And that's a wrap on bullets, Sparky... bring on Springtime weather.

       

    Scarlet Witches and Bleached Corpses

    Posted on Friday, March 5th, 2021

    Dave!What is grief, if not love persevering? — The Vision

    I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Disney+ started streaming the final episode of WandaVision right out of the gate at midnight. The previous two weeks it took me nearly ten minutes to get to the show as Disney+ servers broke with tons of people trying to access them.

    All-in-all the series was... not great. Not terrible, but not what I wanting to see from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I understand there are people who are just loving to see Wanda get beat up on while she processes her grief, so more power to them, I guess...

    Wanda floating in the air as The Scarlet Witch!

    I wrote my thoughts on the final episode (and the series as a whole) immediately after the show, but likely won't post until I have time to read through all this on my lunch break tomorrow. I'm tired, and there's probably a million spelling mistakes.

    But anyway... it's all in an extended entry if you care to read it...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 704

    Posted on Sunday, March 7th, 2021

    Dave!Inconsistent weather has crushed my Sunday plans, but I've still got you, dear reader... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Awwww! And... YOU'RE WELCOME...

    @stillhavetime2deletevid

    You won’t see one of these again. He’s now safe & warm with some hazelnuts. ##endangeredanimals

    ♬ original sound - Add your name

    I've read that a dormouse can hibernate for 6 months or longer depending on the weather. That's my dream job. Though I'd settle for being able to get over 6 hours of sleep at night, so there's that.

       
    • Two! I finally got around to watching Coming 2 America, the streaming sequel to one of my favorite movies of all time. It was... rough. The original Coming To America was a hyper-focused story which does exactly what you should be doing if you've got Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall headlining... focus as much precious screen time on them and their story as possible. Unfortunately the sequel doesn't do this. It's chopped up into a half-dozen different ideas, too many of which focus on people who are not Eddie and Arsenio. It's incredibly frustrating given just how easy it would have been to avoid this misstep. But it is what it is, I guess. Though the trailer made it look like it was going to end up better than it was...

    While not a terrible movie, it didn't have the greatness that the original had. It didn't have half the greatness that the original had. And that's a serious problem. And I have a hard time trying to decide if something was better than nothing at this point. Probably.

       
    • McDonalds! And now this from the You Don't Disrespect Your Mother No Matter How Tempting That May Be Department...

    @kristenandreafe

    The tables have turned mom😂🤣 ##funny ##dramaticmoments ##relatable ##mom ##prank

    ♬ BGC Drama Effect - whozmanzz

    I think I laughed for five solid minutes when I saw this.

       
    • Home Decorator! This morning I ran across an article about The Evolution of the Oval Office Décor, and it's pretty cool. They've created 3-D cutaway renderings of how the look has changed over the past 100+ years...

    A 3-D cutaway view of The Oval Office as it has been currently decorated by President Biden.

    Almost makes me wish that there was an Oval Office decorator app where people could go in and design it for themselves. Then order a drone strike. Because apparently that's our thing now.

       
    • Coffee! THIS MAN IS DOING THE LORD'S WORK!!!

    @scottpropandroll

    Prop Coffee Cups. Heavy Stuff. @emilytheperry ##props ##tv ##prank

    ♬ original sound - Scott Reeder

    This bugs the ever-loving SHIT out of me in movies. Especially in Hallmark movies where it's obscenely obvious THAT THE FUCKING CUPS ARE EMPTY! How hard is it to fill the cups with SOMETHING that makes them act like they aren't empty or defying the law of gravity? Though I'd just as soon have them filled with water or soda so that actors stop forgetting that THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE JUST SWALLOWED SOME COFFEE!

       
    • A Royal Romance! Welp. That Oprah interview with Prince Harry and Meghan was really something. There were absolutely no punches pulled, even though there were some areas that were intentionally not discussed. But what was discussed was brutal. The Royal Family comes off as a bunch of racist assholes, and watching them try and dig their way out of the horrific allegations will be amusing (to say the very least). A part of me hopes that it's being greatly exaggerated, but another part of me knows better.

    While watching the interview unfold, it was tough not to think back to the Lifetime movie Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance. As a connoisseur or trashy Hallmark movies, I ended up liking it so much that I bought it...

    Movie poster for Harry and Meghan A Royal Romance.

    Seriously though... it's a darn good movie (for what it is), and there's a scene where Her Majesty They Queen tells Meghan that The Royal Family was mixed race thanks to Queen Charlotte...

    Lifetime Movie: The Queen looking up at a portrait of Queen Charlotte.

    Lifetime Movie: Harry and Meghan looking at each other happily.

    If that scene actually took place, it's tough not to re-contextualize it knowing what we (allegedly) know now. It's all at once incredibly sad... totally infuriating... and yet not totally unexpected.

       
    Have a happy Sunday there, slugger!

       

    Murder Cats

    Posted on Monday, March 8th, 2021

    Dave!Happy International Women's Day! Many of my most favorite people in my life have been women, and taking a minute to appreciate the way that women impact our world is important. History is replete with examples of women's contributions being overwritten, dismissed, and forgotten. That ain't right, and I keep hoping that each new day moves us in a better, more positive direction for equality and inclusivity.

    I celebrated by watching the movie Hidden Figures, which is a fantastic story of what women have contributed to NASA's Space Program... despite the absurd intrusion of Kevin Costner's "White Male Savior" character into the mix. Did we really need that scene of him taking a crowbar to the "Colored Ladies Room" sign? Especially since IT NEVER HAPPENED?

    That kind of crap is exactly why we need International Woman's Day... and Black History Month.

    But before sitting down to watch Hidden Figures, I had to find my cats.

    When I got home, neither of them came to greet me. This is unusual. Usually at least Jake is there to sniff around me and make sure I smell acceptable enough to enter their house.

    They weren't downstairs, so I figured they might be asleep on my bed. Nope. They were on the second guest bed, huddled on a comforter...

    Jake and Jenny sitting on a blanket looking pissed.

    Perhaps I was too quick to turn the heat off?

    Probably.

    Not wanting to get murdered in my sleep, I turned the heat back on.

       

    The Importance of Being Ernst Stavro Blofeld

    Posted on Tuesday, March 9th, 2021

    Dave!Last night I was in no mood for cooking dinner. So I had a pita bread pizza with a side salad and called it good.

    The rest of the evening was spent trying to learn a new 3D rendering engine. All the while I had the television on with the movie On Her Majesty's Secret Service... AKA that James Bond movie without Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, or or Daniel Craig (it was George Lazenby)... and with Diana Rigg.

    It also had Telly Savalas as Blofeld.

    The television was meant to be background noise so I could focus on my work, but I couldn't keep my mind on anything except how many actors played Ernst Stavro Blofeld over the years. I could think of four (I had forgotten Charles Gray in Diamonds Are Forever)...

    • Donald Pleasance - You Only Live Twice
    • Telly Savalas - On Her Majesty's Secret Service
    • Charles Gray - Diamonds Are Forever
    • Max von Sydow - Never Say Never Again
    • Christoph Waltz - Spectre

    There was, of course, another appearance by Blofeld in the opening pre-credit action sequence of For Your Eyes Only... where Roger Moore drops him down a smokestack in his wheelchair. That Blofeld was played anonymously by John Hollis... who is most famous for having previously played Lando's half-robot servant "Lobot"...

    John Hollis as Lobot.

    And Klytus's half-robot lacky in Flash Gordon...

    John Hollis as Klytus's Lacky.

    The sequence with the missing Blofeld was played to comedic effect, which was an odd tonal shift from him having murdered James Bond's wife Tracy...

    John Hollis as Blofeld off a helicopter.

    John Hollis as Blofeld off a helicopter.

    So... six Blofeld's total. Which is equal to the number of actors who have played James Bond (excluding David Niven in the original Casino Royale). That's quite a piece of Bond trivia right there.

    Exactly the kind of trivia which keeps me up at night... and keeps my brain distracted from getting my work done.

    If anybody's curious about which Blofeld is my favorite, it's Donald Pleasence as the first Blofeld in You Only Live Twice. He was deliciously weird, evil, dangerous, and menacing...

    Donald Pleasence as Blofeld... pointing a gun and holding a longhair white cat.

    Not that Blofeld was the most interesting character in that movie. I was completely 100% in love with Bond Girl Kissy Suzuki...

    Mie Hama as Kissy Suzuki.

    I was one year old when You Only Live Twice was released. I didn't see the film until the 80's when I rented it on VHS tape. At the time I thought Mie Hama was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

    And still is.

       

    Average American Justice

    Posted on Thursday, March 18th, 2021

    Dave!There's two new things on my television today. One I've been dying to see ever since I first learned it was coming. The other one I know full well is going to be a steaming pile of shit and dread the idea of watching it, but am going to give it a look anyway because I kinda have to.

    Nate Bargatze: Greatest Average American
    is exactly what I need right now. Smart, brilliant, comedy which doesn't have to rely on punching down on people or swearing to be funny. I don't think it's funnier than his first special... The Tennessee Kid... but it's still darn entertaining and must-see television.
    DAVE RATING: ☆★★★★★★★★★

    Zack Snyder's Justice League
    I've not been shy with my opinion on Zack Snyder's DC Universe films. Man of Steel and Batman vs. Superman were absolute shit. Horrific perversions of the source material that were full of changes nobody asked for and nobody wanted to see. Justice League was supposed to change all that. But Warner Bros. hated the direction Snyder was going with it... his dark, dour, deadly-serious, joyless take on the material was in stark contrast to the Marvel Studios films which were joyful, hopeful, fun, and faithful to the comics. Also? Marvel was raking in billions of dollars with their superior methods. So when Zack Snyder tragically lost his daughter, Warner Bros. took the opportunity to squeeze him out and bring Joss Whedon onboard to "fix" the film and make it more like The Avengers. To that end, he re-shot a huge amount of the footage to make the movie more jokey and slapsticky. It was awful. Which lead to Snyder fans to relentlessly ask for "The Snyder Cut" to be released. And here we are with the four-hour version that Snyder intended. Except it's still shitty. It's just more consistently shitty than it used to be. My notes on this tragic affair are in an extended entry, if you care to read them.
    DAVE RATING (Snyder version): ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆★★
    DAVE RATING (Theatrical version): ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆★

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 706

    Posted on Sunday, March 21st, 2021

    Dave!I think I may have gone into a coma from my allergies, but that doesn't mean you're being denied your Sunday roundup... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Help is Available. I am so sad to have to be posting this again:
    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We're committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness.

    National Suicide Prevention Line
    1-800-273-8255

    Help is a phone call away if you need it. And if you need it, please make that call.

       
    • Newton! Mathematics has always been something I'm fascinated with... but I have never been able to wrap my head around it once things go beyond basic geometry and algebra. I still dabble with the heavier stuff from time to time, but that's mostly via YouTube videos. Like this one, which is superficially about calculating the value of π... but is actually about so much more than that...

    I could watch videos like this all day long. It's not like I'm ever going to do anything with the information, but it's cool to see the math behind our universe, isn't it?

       
    • Venmo? I haven't carried cash in years. So I imagine this is how it's going to be from here on out...

    @zelginjackson

    😂😂😂 ##greenscreen ##foryou ##foryoupage

    ♬ original sound - Zelgin Jackson

    Funny... but also... not funny? I guess?

       
    • Noob! BWAH HA HA HAAAA! If you are a Marvel Studios movie fan... and you've seen Avengers: Endgame... you MUST watch this ad for Xbox Live until the very end. I mean the very, VERY end. If you don't recognize the guy that Sam Wilson (The Falcon) is talking to, it's the guy who worked at The Apple Store in Captain America: The Winter Solder. This is so cool...

    Noobmaster69 has been revealed! I absolutely love how everything in the MCU is connected so beautifully.

       
    • Men at Work! For any of y’all ladies interested in a peek into a the male mindset, here you go. This is painfully accurate, as any man will verify...

    @colbyguenther

    ##stitch with @mackandronni I don’t make the rules I just enforce them.

    ♬ original sound - colby guenther

    THE TRAUMA IS REAL, PEOPLE!

       
    • Essential Reading. The long history of anti-Asian hate in America, explained.

       
    • Care? I love living in a country where your first thought is... "How do I make sure my insurance covers this and how much will I have to pay for it?" over "I need medical care." But, sure. We have the best healthcare in the entire world. But what good is it if most people can't afford it, don't have access to it, and even with insurance you can potentially go bankrupt? Facts in evidence? Take a look at how many GoFundMe accounts have been set up for medical expenses. Yet another case where Americans are being brainwashed into thinking that something really fucked up is actually a good thing. Thank the medical insurance lobby for buying off our politicians to convince you that we're the best, when we're actually ranked 37th! We pay more for health care, get less for our money, and insurance companies profit. But sure, we're the greatest. Whatever. The conditioning runs so deep that there are people willing to die before admitting that our health care system is extremely broken. And, sadly, they may just die believing it even as the system they believe in so strongly fails them.

       
    And that's the end of that.

       

    Bullet Sunday 707

    Posted on Sunday, March 28th, 2021

    Dave!Feeling a little less than heroic today? Then I've got you covered... because a Very Special All-Comic-Book Edition Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Comic-Con? Welp. Comic-Con International just announced that the new date for Comic-Con San Diego is... Thanksgiving Weekend?!? It seems weird to think that a day reserved for giving thanks with your family would be commandeered after a year of pandemic that's kept families apart, but okay. Maybe that's the point though? They new attendance would be down over a holiday, which is what they need to keep crowds low just as everybody is getting vaccinated? I dunno. Still seems a weird... and borderline heartless... thing to do. "Sorry, grandma, we've got Comic-Con that weekend! Hope you can make it until next year!"

       
    • Invincible. Amazon Prime Streaming has just released the first three episodes of their occasionally-violent-and-gory adaptation of the Invincible comic book...

    I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't drag everything out so they could have one of the most shocking twists in comic book history saved for the second season. Nope. They've got it right up front.

       
    • The Suicide Squad. It's interesting to see how Zack Snyder was given millions upon millions of dollars to release his "director's cut" of Justice League, but the same courtesy is not being extended to David Ayer for his Suicide Squad film, which was apprently taken far away from his intended story by the studio. Truth to tell, I would rather Ayer have been given the cash, because the stuff he originally shot sounds far more interesting. I mean, sure, his version of the Joker was shit, but a lot of other things were pretty well done. The reason he's probably not being given the opportunity is that DC doesn't want to overshadow the upcoming The Suicide Squad movie by James Gunn (of Guardians of the Galaxy fame). An R-rated trailer, of which, was just released...

    Promising! SO many characters from the comics! The whole idea behind the Squad is that members die because the missions they take on are so dangerous. Apparently James Gunn is taking this to heart, because his entire motto for the film is "Don't Get Attached." How can you say no to that?

       
    • New Cap. Steve Rogers, Captain America, has lost his shield! In a new series called The United States of Captain America, he embarks on a road trip across the country to find it... teaming up with other "Captain Americas" from over the years. Along the way he finds other people who have taken up his mantle, including a gay teenager named Aaron Fischer...

    The cover of The United States of Captain America.

    So naturally people are losing their fucking minds. Which is just the most bizarre phenomenon to me. It's comic book characters. The original Captain America is still here. Nothing is being taken away. But the idea that a gay American can't be Captain America when so many other Americans have been Captain America over the years is just bonkers. Gay people exist. Representation matters. Get the fuck over it.

       
    • Old Cap. I had written up my thoughts on the second episode of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, but then decided to hold onto them because I worry that anybody who hasn't read the comics driving this story will get the series spoiled for them. I will say that I am absolutely fascinated that they mined Truth: Red, White, and Black for this installment. The story of the actual first "Captain America" was pretty groundbreaking... even though it was published in 2003. It was here that we learned that 300 Black men were used as test subjects for the "Super Soldier Serum" before it was given to Steve Rogers. Of the 300, only Isaiah Bradley survived, and we got to meet him on Friday...

    Carl Lumley as Isaiah Bradley.

    Isaiah Bradley Captain America from the Marvel Comics.

    After serving his country with honor, he was imprisoned for his trouble. Now he's trying to live a quiet life of seclusion, as explained by his grandson, Eli Bradley. If you read the comics, Eli ends up being the hero Patriot...

    Elijah Richardson as Eli Bradley.

    Patriot from the Marvel Comics.

    Could it be that we're assembling the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Because the Young Avengers are almost all accounted for now! Eli Bradley as Patriot, Kate Bishop as Hawkeye (from the upcoming Hawkeye series), Billy and Tommy as Wiccan and Speed (from WandaVision), Cassie Lang as Stature (from the Ant-Man movies), and America Chavez as Miss America (from the upcoming Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness). And if they want to toss in Kamala Khan as Ms. Marvel (from the upcoming Ms. Marvel series), and Riri Williams as Ironheart (from the upcoming Ironheart series)... PLUS debut Hulkling out of the upcoming Secret Invasion series... well... there you have it. It would seem that Marvel Studios is intent on keeping the current MCU moving forward as opposed to rebooting everything with new actors in the existing roles. Which is pretty smart. Because until the gravy train stops rolling, they might as well, right?

       
    • The Falcon and The Winter Soldier. But back to the second episode... the Captain America comic books are at their best when they are saying something. When they tackle the big issues that face this country. And that's the niche that the source material takes quite often in modern times. It's only right that the Disney+ series spin-off follow suit. So when Sam Wilson was not able to get a bank loan last episode, on the surface it was because Thanos snapped him out of existence for 5 years. But you quickly got the idea that him being a Black man was definitely a factor. Didn't matter that he's one of the most famous people on the planet, no consideration was offered. And then in this episode, an argument with Bucky in public results in the police showing up to ask Bucky "if this man was bothering him"...

    The cover of The United States of Captain America.

    So kudos to Marvel Studios for making this series actually try to say something... in-between some great action sequences. It's exactly what Cap would want to see happen.

       
    Stay frosty, True Believer!

       

    Bullet Sunday 708

    Posted on Sunday, April 4th, 2021

    Dave!You may be tempted to go hunting for eggs, but hold onto that basket a minute... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bunny! Easter was kinda a big deal for my mom. She was 100% all-in on the Easter baskets, decorations, hiding eggs, candy, Easter Bunny, and the whole bit. Because of it, I have a lot of fond Easter memories...

    Young me with an Easter basket in the back yard with green grass and a fence behind me.

    Meanwhile I celebrated the holiday by giving myself a terrible haircut, cleaning a little bit of my horrifically filthy house, and washing my sheets. Now I am eating Chili Cheese Fritos and drinking a Coke Zero (I think Chili-Cheese is my favorite Frito because they contain more MSG than any other snack chip). Jake and Jenny are celebrating by taking a nap. And now I think I'll call it a day. It's 10am, and I'm done. Happy Easter!

       
    • To The Louvre! I did not know that The Louvre had put so much of their collection online. This is amazing. I wish all museums would do this...


    Image © Musée du Louvre Paris


    Image © Musée du Louvre Paris


    Image © Musée du Louvre Paris

    You can even download low-res images to make your own personal collection! Nice! Even more interesting... they are offering virtual tours since the museum itself is closed because of the pandemic. I really hope they keep this all going when we get back to "normal." Some people will never get to visit The Louvre any other way, and it's not like it will take the place of an actual visit for those who can visit in person. But anyway... you can find it all on their website.

       
    • RICK! Oh thank heavens...

    Seriously some of the smartest stuff on television. Cannot wait.

       
    • The Poverty! I think I laughed for five solid minutes after watching this...

    @hotdaddyissues

    i failed chemistry in high school lmao ##fyp ##foryou ##funny ##vaccine ##vaxxed ##vaccinequeen

    ♬ original sound - CHeck

    Soooo... guess it's a good thing that I got the Pfiezer vaccine! I now have luxury running through my veins!

       
    • Unreal! And speaking of vaccines... I am so fucking sick and tired of stupid...

    @victoriahammett

    ##fyp

    ♬ original sound - Victoria Hammett

    Nobody gives a shit about reality any more. They just create whatever idiotic bullshit they want to fit their narrative. And people are happy to keep listening to them even when their crap is completely debunked.

       
    • Engineering! If you've ever had one of those paper-box beverage containers, the way they open is rather cool. As you open the lid, it cuts the seal on the container inside. I've always wondered about how it works, but never bothered to cut one open to find out. Now I don't have to...

    Pretty nifty stuff!

       
    • Paper! The U.S. measurement standards are SO stupid. Bypassing the metric system is about as idiotic as it gets. This very, very cool video explains just one of the reasons why...

    One of these days I'm going to rewatch all of CGP Grey's videos from start to finish. That would be a day well-spent.

       
    And that's all she wrote.

       

    Trailing Awayyy…

    Posted on Monday, April 5th, 2021

    Dave!Apparently it was New Trailer Day today!

    This is both good news (yay! shows I like are coming back!) and bad news (holy crap! I have a list a mile long to watch already!). But I will always make room in my packed viewing schedule for new Marvel Studios!

    First there was the trailer for Loki, which looks like a radical departure for the MCU... and that's a very good thing...

    Fun! It just amazes me that Marvel Studios is intent on branching out in as many directions as possible to keep things interesting. Really looking forward to that.

    They also released a new trailer for Black Widow a couple days ago...

    Awesomeness ensues. I will, of course, be paying the $30 to watch it at home the minute it's available on July 9th. Then buying it on digital when it's released there. Because I'd much rather do that than go to a theater. Especially now. But ever again, really.

    And then there's the teaser for the second season of Picard...

    So it would seem that Q is back. Which could make for an interesting story given that Guinan is also due to return! The first season was fairly good television, even though it had too many moments that dragged and seemed like more of a distraction than something designed to move the plot forward.

    We're also getting another season of Star Trek: Lower Decks, which was a really nice surprise last season...

    More of the same clever, cool comedy, it would seem.

    And, lastly, somehow Discovery is getting a fourth season. I loved the first, was bored by the second, and put into a coma by some crap episodes in the third... so I guess we'll see what the next season brings (besides new costumes)...

    It certainly looks action-packed... but that's what I was lead to believe for last season.

    No new trailers for Star Trek: Strange New Worlds and Star Trek: Prodigy, alas. But anyway... something to look forward to as we continue to make our way through the muck that 2020 gave us.

       

    The Secret Life of COVID

    Posted on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

    Dave!Well that was a day.

    The plan was to work just a half-day since I worked on Good Friday, which was supposed to be a holiday. That way I could tear apart my living room to deep clean all the stuff that's been neglected during the pandemic. Now that I've been half-vaccinated I'm starting to think about the day that people will be able to visit me again, and that's inspired me to clean house. Finally. Which is very Mary Sunshine of me given that COVID infection rates are on the rise again. The vaccine rollout has lured everybody into a false sense of security, so people are doing some crazy-ass shit. Even those who haven't been vaccinated. Especially those who haven't been vaccinated (and are proud to announce it).

    Yesterday the Texas Rangers hosted a baseball game with 38,238 in attendance. A lot of them unmasked, of course. Doesn't seem especially smart given that the UK variant is now the dominant strain in the USA. It spreads more easily and has a higher mortality rate than "original COVID." Even worse, now there's "Post COVID Syndrome" where healthy people who recover from COVID end up with serious long-term effects. And the statistics are staggering. 30% of people who had COVID continued to have symptoms up to 9 months later. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. We don't have enough data to know what can happen after that 9 month period. Doctors worry about everything from immune system deficiency to long-term permanent brain damage.

    As if COVID killing young healthy people wasn't bad enough?

    But anyway... I ended up working a full day (and then some) after which I was too exhausted to clean. Instead I made tacos for Taco Tuesday then plopped on the couch and watched movies for the rest of the night... The Birdcage (81% on Rotten Tomatoes), Kingsman (74% on Rotten Tomatoes), and The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (51% on Rotten Tomatoes). AKA "Those movies I love and never get tired of watching even though I've seen them a million times." It's the last one that has always puzzled me when it comes to the reviews...

    Movie poster for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

    Despite not being the biggest Ben Stiller fan, I love this movie. Really love it. And for oh-so-many reasons right now, I find myself relating to it more than ever. Yet it got mediocre to negative reviews and I honestly don't get it. I found it to be refreshing escapist fun that shows what happens when you start living the life you've always dreamed about. Stiller is incredible in it, which is all the more remarkable when you consider that he directed the film as well. And just look at the supprting cast! Kristen Wiig, Shirley MacLaine, Kathryn Hahn, Adam Scott, and Sean Penn... does it get much better than that?

    Oh well. Everybody's entitled to their opinion. It's just a shame that the critical consensus likely kept people from seeing it. But I guess I've watched it enough times for ten people, so there's that.

    Say... does anybody remember The Secret Lives of Waldo Kitty?

    What a great series! I think along with Top Cat this was one of my all-time favorite cartoons as a kid. They don't make 'em like that any more!

    And since it's close to midnight now, I guess I'll clean house tomorrow. Maybe.

       

    Return to the Afterlife

    Posted on Wednesday, April 7th, 2021

    Dave!The new teaser trailer for Ghostbusters: Afterlife debuted today! And it's got a cameo from Baskin Robbins for Paul Rudd!

    This is a movie I've very much been looking forward to. The 2016 reboot, while not terrible, was far from a great movie despite a hilarious performance by Chris Hemsworth. Which is why I have high hopes for this sequel to the original films.

    Because, awwwww...

    A mini Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.

    Paul Rudd reaches out a finger towards a mini Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.

    Yeah. That probably ain't going to work out too well.

    Apparently the movie is only in theaters on November 11. Whether the pandemic will have subsided enough that people will actually be going to theaters then is anybody's guess. I may be waiting for home video.

    Isn't it weird thinking of possible post-COVID times?

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    Swingin’ Hammers

    Posted on Monday, April 12th, 2021

    Dave!Well... this has been... a day. I guess. Stupid Monday.

    If I had a better weekend, I would probably have been in better shape to deal with it all but, alas, here we are.

    It's kinda sad that I haven't developed better adversity coping skills after all these years, but I guess it's just not where my skillset landed. Which reminded me of this TikTok, which is an excellent metaphor to be had...

    @linetrash1393

    ##stitch with @mattshaw882

    ♬ original sound - Z

    The original video is equally dead-on hilarious...

    @mattshaw882

    What trades/types you want to see? #carpenter #plumber #electrician #greenhorn #apprentice #renovation #type #sendit #fyp #foryoupage #Pei #canada #😂

    ♬ original sound - OSM4CCRDESIGNS

    I mean... holy crap!

    This past Saturday as I was trying to distract myself from feeling sick all day, I watched a bunch of television, starting with the Doctor Strange movie. This took me through a Benedict Cumberbatch run that included some episodes of Sherlock and Star Trek Into Darkness...

    Movie poster for Star Trek Into Darkness.

    When this movie first debuted I was... disappointed?... I guess is the word I'm searching for?

    On one hand, the visuals and special effects were jaw-droppingly beautiful and the action intense. The cast, as with the first movie, was flawless. But the film was also a needless remake of the best Star Trek flick of all time: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. It was like... why?!? There were hundreds of new directions the franchise could head, but they decided to put a new spin on already-great material just because they could. And then there was the worst-kept secret of 2013... Benedict Cumberbatch was playing Khan Noonien Singh, originally played brilliantly by Ricardo Montalbán.

    But on a fresh viewing where I know what to expect and can separate the remake from the original, I was able to appreciate it better. Mostly because it's just so dang stunning to look at. Plus it had a cameo by Leonard Nimoy. Still hate the disaster porn ending... Lord is that a tired trope... but, overall, not the huge disappointment I remembered.

    I wonder how many other films would change my mind if watched anew?

    And now we return to my butt-puckering day, currently in progress.

       

    Bullet Sunday 712

    Posted on Sunday, May 9th, 2021

    Dave!We may not be at heard immunity yet (if ever), but life goes marching on... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Mom! Happiest of Mother's Days to all the moms out there. The more time goes on, the more grateful I am to have had the best mom ever looking after me...

    Mom and Me

    We were best friends from the start and I love her around the world and back.

       
    • Hoth! Anybody seen Star Wars: Biomes on Disney+ ?!? Gorgeous! Just a 12-minute screen saver of various planets from the Star Wars universe...

    I am addicted and want more... more... MORE! There are other planets that would be so cool to see! If you have Disney+ tune in and be mesmerized! Then demand another episode! The two ship fly-through videos (for the Millennium Falcon and a Star Destroyer) are also wonderful to look at.

       
    • Vaccinate! The New York Times has a fascinating article on how Pfizer is manufacturing their COVID vaccine, and I encourage everybody to give it a read.


    Image from The New York Times

    Incredible stuff. mRNA vaccines seem more like magic than science, and future prospects for the technology are bright indeed.

       
    • Honnold! Every New Year's Day, I have a checklist of things I do. On that list is to check and see if Alex Honnold... a free-climbing genius... is still alive. I'm a huge fan, but not always able to keep up on what he's up to. As of a week ago, I know he was alive because he did a video for GQ Magazine where he looks at climbing scenes in movies. It's fantastic and well worth your time to watch...

    "He doesn't get tired though because he's Tom Cruise!" And here's the original one I watched...

    "Oh my goodness gracious... he just fell to his death!" Alex is entirely too nice for this cruel world!

       
    • Trek! I am rewatching the first JJ Abrams Star Trek movie... you know, the one with ALL THE LENS FLARE ALL THE TIME... I just got to the point at the start where Lil' Spock is beating the ever-loving shit out of the Vulcan kid that called him mom a whore. All while his classmates look on in horror. And I realize something. JJ Abrams completely and totally defined Spock in three scenes... something it took a dozen episodes of the original television series to do...

    Lil' Spock beating the crap out of a fellow student.

    And this follows on the heels of him doing the same for James T. Kirk. Say what you like about the reboot, but Abrams was absolutely brilliant in introducing the Star Trek Universe to people who may have been unfamiliar with it. If you didn't know Kirk, Spock, and McCoy at the beginning of the movie... you certainly did by the end. No easy feat.

       
    • Clark! I was a huge Tom Clancy fan back in the day. Read all the early books he wrote. They were entertaining diversions with increasingly ridiculous stories... reaching peak absurdity when Jack Ryan became president. I stopped reading a couple books after Executive Orders and never got into the books that were added after Clancy died where other authors wrote them. I thought the three movie adaptations with Alec Baldwin and Harrison Ford were pretty good. The Ben Affleck and Chris Pine movies were forgettable. Though I have (mostly) enjoyed the John Krasinski Jack Ryan series on Amazon. And now we have Without Remorse with Michael B. Jordan as John Clark...

    Despite the story starting off with a tiresome and antiquated "fridging" that could have easily been changed, it's a darn good movie. Jordan has the chops to sell the character both emotionally and as an action star, and his path of revenge is glorious. If you like this kind of thing, it's worth a look on Amazon Prime streaming!

       
    • Borders! I absolutely love stories like this: Belgian Farmer Accidentally Moves French Border.

       
    And that's a wrap on my Sunday Bullets. Hope your Mother's Day weekend was a good one!

       

    Eternally Yours

    Posted on Monday, May 24th, 2021

    Dave!Marvel Studio's new "teaser" trailer dropped today for Eternals (formerly The Eternals) directed by the visionary Chloé Zhao (her films really haven't been my cup of tea, but they look like absolute works of art). There was no other news today.

    It's a long, long wait until November 5th, but this one looks like it will end up being worth it...

    I have every confidence that Marvel Studios will end up delivering something fantastic... their track record has been stellar... but it will be interesting to see how they retcon Eternals into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I certainly hope it's more than "Sure aliens are invading earth, but we don't want to interfere" and "Sure Thanos (WHO IS ALSO AN ETERNAL, BY THE WAY!) is wiping out half the universe, but we don't want to interfere"... because that would be some serious bullshit. But what would be even bigger bullshit? Openly stating that the Eternals have been pulling the strings all along, and nothing that happened in the previous Marvel movies was due to the characters starring in those Marvel movies, but instead was always the Eternals.

    In the comics, the Celestials (The Collector, The Grandmaster, Ego, etc.) created the Eternals. But it's not entirely clear if that will be the case here. Since the story spans thousands of years, having an appearance by Thanos, at the very least, would seem essential. But I don't know that Marvel wants to unleash a new franchise with that kind of baggage, so I guess we'll have to wait and see who does (and does not) make an appearance.

    166 days and counting...

       

    Amazon, MGM, and Trauma

    Posted on Wednesday, May 26th, 2021

    Dave!Amazon just bought MGM Studios for 8.45 BILLION DOLLARS!

    A part of me is like "Eh. The world be consolidating... it'll be nice to have all that additional content in my Amazon Prime Video library." and moving on. But another part of me is like "Will this be a good thing or a bad thing for the James Bond franchise?" Because this news is naturally all about me, and my only concern is that I don't want James Bond screwed up. I've seen every one of the films many, many times and, while some of them are far from perfect, I like all of them to a certain degree. Especially lately...

    Bond, James Bond!

    James Bond producers are claiming that the James Bond films will all have a theatrical release before going to Amazon Prime streaming, which is wise when you are able to attract talent like direcor Sam Mendes who paints these incredible scenes that are begging to be seen on the Big Screen.

    The other consolidation news of the past week? WarnerMedia is merging with Discovery. Worth $43 BILLION DOLLARS.

    AT&T, which owns WarnerMedia, has fucked up so many times that I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous about what this might mean for Discovery (home to oh-so-many television shows that I watch). We are told that the company will be entirely separate from AT&T, but can that ever truly be the case? I guess we'll find out. It would be nice to pay for ONE streaming service rather than two like I am now (HBO Max & Discovery+).

    This trend of media giants merging is not going to end any time soon. You kinda knew it was on the way because there's only so many subscriptions out there that people can afford to buy and there are a lot of them out there. I'd really like it if Disney+ would integrate Hulu content because that would be yet another pair of services that I'd rather pay for once instead of twice.

    Netflix currently spends $17 BILLION on content. Disney+ is not far behind. Now WarnerMedia/Discovery will likely eclipse them both... assuming they keep their budget at the same levels. Now there's Amazon/MGM who will undoubtedly pony up to these levels to compete. And there's Apple TV+, Paramount+ (CBS/Viacom), and all the Package Streamers (Philo, Fubo, Sling, etc.). Contrast and compare to actual movie studios which can't really compete with that. What becomes of them? Well, if this trend continues, there's more consolidation in our future.

    Hopefully that's a good thing.

    My favorite movie of 2020 came from Netflix, after all.

       

    Bullet Sunday 715

    Posted on Sunday, May 30th, 2021

    Dave!Try to tell me that you were looking forward to the holiday weekend more than Bullet Sunday! Just try! I won't believe you... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Situational Conjecture! This past Thursday I had to run an errand, so I stopped at the drive-in for some lunch then parked to eat. As I was sitting there, I saw a skinny kid with tattoos on his calves walk by... and instantly I was taken back to something a friend told me. He was leaving a grocery store behind another man. As they exited, a kid comes up and asks if they have a couple bucks to spare so he can get something to eat. The man ahead of my friend said "Maybe if you spent less money on tattoos and drugs, you could afford to eat." My friend, who was mortified that this is how somebody would act towards a hungry person, set down his groceries and got out his wallet. He handed over $5 and said (loudly) "NICE INK! ENJOY YOUR LUNCH." My friend was still raging about it when he told me all this the following week. "Maybe he got the tattoos before he ended up in a situation where he's asking for food money! Maybe a friend is a tattoo artist and did them for free! Maybe he got them in trade for work he did! How the fuck does that asshole think he knows ANYTHING about that kid's situation? And do people with tattoos automatically do drugs? Where did that come from? WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!? THE KID WAS HUNGRY!" My friend is, of course, absolutely right. About all of it. You just really never know what somebody's situation is or what they are going through. So don't let what you think you know turn you into an asshole. Heaven only knows I try.

       
    • Wholesome Watch! Men with Baby Animals... a bullet in two parts. Starting with Part One...

    @matt.zeiler

    When dad comes home from work. ##raccoon ##littlebuddy ##daddysboy

    ♬ original sound - Matt Zeiler
    @matt.zeiler

    My little buddy! ##raccoon ##HoldMyMilk

    ♬ Toy Story: You've Got A Friend In Me - Geek Music

    And, Part Two...

    @hongpanone

    What are they doing?😂##tiktok ##foryou ##fyp

    ♬ Forest Sounds - Sounds Of Nature

    You're welcome!

       
    • Welp! This just in from the No Fucking Shit Department... JJ Abrams: Lack of plan in Star Wars’ latest trilogy was a “critical” flaw.

       
    • Sublet! I've mentioned more than a couple times my obsession with actor John Benjamin Hickey (heck, I even wrote a blog entry about him). He is hands-down one of my favorite character actors because he elevates every move he appears in... even when he's just popping up for a small role. — Now today I find that not only does he have a new movie coming out... HE'S THE LEAD! But it gets better... the movie is from director Eytan Fox, who made the amazing film "Yossi & Jagger."

    To say I am psyched to see this movie is a massive understatement. It looks really good!

       
    • LiLo Dallas Netflix Pass! Lindsey Lohan is starring in a Hallmark-style Christmas movie for Netflix about a spoiled hotel heiress who gets amnesia and ends up in the care of a blue-collar lodge owner and his daughter. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. It's Paris Hilton meets... um... well... LITERALLY Lindsey Lohan, and I will absolutely be tuning in for that.

       
    • Our National Nightmare. Read this. Read this and tell me that this society isn't a misogynistic pile of shit looking for any excuse to control women, traumatize women, and punish women. Go ahead. Tell me. I'm waiting. Welcome to our dystopian nightmare. And don't be at all surprised when you research this and find that there are women who support it. Some of the most anti-woman people I've met have been women...

    Jim Wright — May 26 at 8:24 AM
       
    The Pennsylvania state legislature today voted to advance a bill by Republican state legislator, Frank Ryan, that would essentially fine women who miscarry, force them to apply for a "Fetal Death Certificate" (and pay a filing fee), and then require a formal burial or cremation of the remains (which the woman would also have to pay for) — no matter where in the pregnancy the miscarriage occurs.
       
    If this were to pass, if you miscarry in Pennsylvania, say at six weeks, then by law you would be fined, penalized, and required to hold a burial for handful of non-viable cells that are essentially indistinguishable from menstruation.
       
    Ryan drafted this bill because of "his own experience after losing a child."
       
    He said he was "asking the ladies in the room" to "recognize how men feel."
       
    I'll pause so you can shout the appropriate profanity here.
       
    This isn't the first bill of its kind. And no matter if it passes or not, it won't be the last. Because, this is the inevitable end result of "life begins at conception" and "fetal personhood."
       
    Inevitable.
       
    This is where they were ALWAYS going to go with this.
       
    Because even if they outlaw abortion, it won't be enough.
       
    It won't be enough.
       
    If you consider abortion to be murder, if you make that law, then it is inevitable that EVERY miscarriage WILL have to be investigated as a possible case of negligent homicide or manslaughter.
       
    And that's EXACTLY where these religious nuts are going with this.
       
    And if they pass THAT, it still won't be enough.
       
    It won't be enough.
       
    If they get their way, then the moment a woman becomes pregnant, she will legally be considered nothing more than an incubator with no rights or self-determination. Property of the State and of their religion.
       
    That is the ONLY possible end result of this reasoning.
       
    Don't take my word for it, listen to people like Ryan in their own words. Listen to the preachers. Listen to the Right to Life movement.
       
    These evil lunatics need to be removed from every office in the land and their insane religion needs to be marginalized and starved until it dies forever.
       
    Then they can give their miserable god a burial if they like.

    No word as to whether fertility clinics which fertilize countless numbers of eggs in order to assist women having difficulty getting pregnant will be affected. But since only wealthy people can afford that kind of science, I think we all know what the answer will be.

       
    • Sponsored?! And lastly today, holy shit...

    And I so wanted a Nazi-era fuck blanket.

       
    Dats all I got. I'm going to cut out and enjoy my Sunday. Hoping you do the same!

       

    Back in Black (Widow)

    Posted on Thursday, June 3rd, 2021

    Dave!Marvel Studios dropped a new trailer for Black Widow today. As one would expect, it looks glorious. Since the character doesn't have super-powers or massive custom gear (like a Batmobile) or setting (like a Batcave) it would have been so very easy for the studio to cheap out and give Black Widow a budget movie... but they didn't do that. Wisely, they stuck to formula by investing the money to give her a spectacular action flick that looks every bit as awesome as the movies other Marvel characters have been getting...

    And bravo to that, because Black Widow has been carrying other movies all this time without complaint, and she frickin' deserves to have a movie of her own that will measure up.

    Fortunately, the film will be available to Disney+ subscribers upon release for a "premium access fee" so I don't have to go to a theater to see it... because I'm not quite ready for that. I will happily pay an early fee to see the movie in the safety of my own home. It would be nice if the early access fee included a digital copy of the movie when it eventually gets released for sale... but that doesn't seem to be the way it works, so I'll undoubtedly be buying it on iTunes as well.

    Money well-spent if I watch it even half as many times as I've watched all my other Marvel Studio movies.

    The next movie on Marvel's slate is Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings... another flick I'm dying to see (seriously, the cast is to die for). I don't think that this one will have simultaneous releases for home video and theaters like Black Widow. So I guess we'll find out come September 3 if I'm dying enough to go to a movie theater. If not then, maybe for Eternals in November or Spider-Man: No Way Home in December? It's tough to say. Personally, I'd love to never have to step into a movie theater ever again. As I've said many times now, I detest the experience of it all because people are shitty. But I know that movie studios have to recoup their investment somehow. These are not cheap movies to make.

    In other Marvel Studio news... genius filmmaker Taika Waititi announced that Thor: Love and Thunder has wrapped filming and will now go into post-production for special effects and stuff. Which apparently takes a minute, because it's not due to be released until May 6, 2022! If any movie is going to get me back in theaters kicking-and-screaming, it would be this one. Thor: Ragnarok is easily in the running to be my favorite Marvel movie, so seeing it immediately regardless or where and how is a no-brainer.

    Even if they did miss the opportunity to title it Thor 4: More Thor.

       

    Loki the Kitten and Defect

    Posted on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

    Dave!Remember yesterday when I was talking about trying so hard not to hate because I know where it leads? I've failed for two days in a row now.

    Before I get to that, I need to pop some keywords up so Google can index this and perhaps help people who went through what I went through...

    HavaHart Live Animal Cage Trap Failure — HavaHart Trap Door Won't Stay Closed — HavaHart Handle Falls Off — HavaHart Trap Model #1079 — HavaHart Trap Defective — HavaHart Victor Trap Manufacturing Defect — HavaHart Trap Won't Work

    Last night I had to work a few extra hours so that I could make up the time I lost arguing with shitty AT&T over money they wanted to charge me on a closed account. As I was leaving the office, I thought I saw a kitten running in the parking spaces across the street.

    Fast forward to this morning and I was outside social-distanced from my uncle so I could give him some papers my mom had left for him... and I saw the kitten again. My uncle also saw it, so this time I knew it wasn't my imagination.

    Well, obviously I'm not going to let a scared, hungry kitten suffer on my watch, so I immediately ran home to get my cat carrier and some food. Sure enough... the little guy (or gal) came running out to scarf it down...

    A kitten chowing down.

    He looked like there might be something wrong with one of his eyes, and he doesn't look 100% well. Which may just be the trauma of being out on the streets trying to survive, but I won't know until I manage to grab him. Except he's so skittish that I couldn't get near him...

    A kitten looking not so happy and well.

    And so I called local veterinarian offices to see if they had a trap I could borrow. They did not. So I called the Humane Society because surely they have one... left a voicemail, but never heard back. Eventually I went to Home Depot where they had them in stock...

    A stack of animal traps on the shelf at Home Depot.

    When I got back to the office, I unpacked the trap and followed the instructions to open it. Immediately the "handle" springs off and slashes a nice gash in one of my hand while the trap falls on my other hand to cut it as well...

    The handle to the trap door on the animal trap.

    A gash on my left hand.

    A cut on my right hand.

    Ouch. But whatever. I have a cat to catch. Train tracks run right next to where he's been hiding, and I am mortified that he might be run over. So I don't need a handle on the door. I set it up with stinky cat food, then covered it like what was suggested by a local cat rescue to make it seem more "safe" to the kitten...

    Towels covering the cage trap.

    I checked the trap every hour. On the third hour the door had sprung and I was ecstatic that I had got kitty so easily. But when I ran across the street to collect him, there was no cat inside. Thinking that maybe a gust of wind set it off, I reset it to try again. But the cat was wary of it...

    TA small kitten looking over at the trap.

    I worked until 10:00pm when it got too dark to see the trap. So I went home and started taking naps between my hourly trap checks. FINALLY at 2:00am my headlights revealed that the trap had sprung. But, once again, not kitten inside. What the hell?

    So naturally I went to the internet to see what I was doing wrong. LO AND BEHOLD, WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A "HANDLE" WAS, IN FACT, A CRITICAL CLIP NEEDED TO KEEP THE DOOR CLOSED! There were videos on YouTube about it from FIVE YEARS AGO and everything...

    The kitten had actually been trapped twice, but managed to squeeze out from under the trap door.

    I was absolutely enraged.

    This company, HavaHart, who never responded to a guy telling them that their product is defective... has ibviously known about this problem FOR OVER FIVE YEARS. Probably longer. How shitty is that? The only way I found out that the "handle" was not actually a handle was because one of the comments on that video explained it. With not a small amount of effort and a pair of wide-grip pliers, I managed to get the trap door clip installed in the slots that hold it...

    The defective clip is back on the trap door to keep it closed when it springs.

    This is so shitty that I can't even express how angry I am. The kitten is probably so frightened about being trapped twice that they may never go back in now that I've repaired it. My God... all it would take is a simple rivet... or a punch-fasten... or a frickin' dimple... to make it so that this clip... WHICH ALSO ACTS AS A HANDLE PER THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE BOX... won't come flying out and hurting people when you pull on it to open the door. It would also make their product work as advertised. Rage. Rage. Rage...

    All it would take to fix this shitty product is a simple rivet.

    I continued to drive back to the office every hour, but the scared, hungry, possibly sick kitten never went back in the trap. And I don't blame them. I can only hope that they get hungry enough that they'll try to eat from the trap one more time so I can rush him to the vet and make sure he's okay. I'll still be checking every hour... even though I'm exhausted from lack of sleep worrying about a scared kitten getting run over by a train.

    I don't really want a third cat, but I may not have much choice in the matter. I'm not going to abandon the poor thing. Which I've decided to name "Loki" whether it's a boy or a girl. Because Loki in the Marvel Studios movies is famous for being able to escape a trap... just like this kitten. And speaking of Loki...

    A poster for the Disney+ series Loki by Marvel Studios starring Tom Hiddleston.

    The first of six episiodes dropped. And it's glorious. It's Loki doing what Loki does best, but also has some heart in it that's surprisingly touching. So nice to see that Marvel Studios is killing it not just with their movies, but with their Disney+ series as well. Can't wait to see where this one goes!

       

    Bullet Sunday 717

    Posted on Sunday, June 13th, 2021

    Dave!The days may be getting longer, but don't worry about finding something to read to occupy your time... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Subliminal! Am I the only one who watches movies and television shows where they eat a certain food... then you crave that food? I just watched one of my all-time favorite movies, Ideal Home (for the hundredth time)... where they're always eating Crunchwraps at Taco Bell. Since my Taco Bell is 20 minutes away, I just decided to make them. Mexican Rice, Nacho Cheese Doritos, plus Shredded Mexican Cheese warmed on a flour tortilla until soft enough to fold without breaking... followed by shredded lettuce and tomatoes... flip and brown... flip and brown... serve with salsa and sour cream...

    Ideal Home Movie Poster with Steve Coogan and Paul Rudd.

    A tortilla in a pan with rice, Doritos, and cheese.

    The torilla wrapped around the ingredients and flipped in the pan.

    The Crunchwraps on a plate with salsa and sour cream on top.

    Delicious! More delicious than I deserve on a Sunday morning.

       
    • Cooking! And speaking of cooking... I made the Walnut Cream Sauce Pasta I love so much that I got from Martha Stewart's meal service. Double batches get consumed in one sitting. Triple batches last me an additional day. So this time I'm going for a quadruple batch...

    Making Walnut Cream Pasta on the stove.

    Walnut Cream Pasta on a Plate.

    Assuming I don't eat it for breakfasts, I think I'm good through Tuesday or Wednesday night.

       
    • Victor! The second season of Love, Victor dropped on Hulu. I loved the film that spawned it, Love, Simon and the fact that it is such a great contiuation of the movie... with strong ties to the movie... just makes it work so beautifully. Even if it does stray a little far into teen angst for me from time to time...

    Love Victor Season 2 Poster

    The second season is just as good as the first, which is such a welcome surprise. Usually shows like this tank badly after they've exhausted what makes them work. So... yeah... great show. EXCEPT... the amazing theme song, Somebody to Tell Me by Tyler Glenn, is being cut short on the show intros...

    WTF?!? HULU, YOU ARE A STREAMING SERVICE... NO NEED TO CUT ANYTHING SHORT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ON A BROADCAST SCHEDULE!

       
    • It's Magneto! Watching all these people claiming to be "magnetic" after getting vaccinated having their worldview shattered when their claims are defeated by frickin' baby powder is both hilarious and profoundly sad. OUR BODIES PRODUCE OILS. THAT'S JUST A QUARTER STICKING TO THE OILS ON YOUR SKIN! YOUR FIRST CLUE THAT THIS IS BULLSHIT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THAT MAGNETS DON'T WORK ON QUARTERS! It all reminds me of when The Amazing Randi used to debunk this idiotic crap oh so many years ago...

    Interesting to note that not one person was ever able to prove their "powers" and claim his One Million Dollar Challenge. Not one.

       
    • It's NOT Magneto! I am all for poking fun at ignorant people who buy into stupid shit because the refuse to use even the smallest amount of brain power in verifying the crap they see on the internet. Though, like I said above, it's still profoundly sad because truly ignorant people refuse to admit they're wrong, often-times doubling down on their stupidity. But you know where I draw the line? When ignorant people actually attempt to educate themselves and admit when they were wrong. That doesn't deserve ridicule. That deserves admiration and respect...

    @robbsfilms

    Reply to @b2daruce

    ♬ original sound - Rob Marrocco

    Now see... this gentleman right here was willing to dip his toe in the enlightenment pool by listening to reason, testing his beliefs, drawing a new conclusion based on evidence, admitting he made a mistake, and coming out on the other side better for it. Like rational human beings do. You don't poke fun at that. Mostly because it's something so many of the smartest stupid people will never do. They're just not that brave.

       
    • ADOBE, STOP IT!!! For some stupid fucking reason, Adobe changed the MACINTOSH SYSTEM-WIDE KEYBOARD SHORTCUT TO HIDE THE APPLICATION from ⌘H to ^⌘H. It was a damn stupid decision that no Mac user would ever fucking want. Fortunately you can manually change it back to normal so you don't go insane wondering why the application won't hide when you tell it to. But every once in a while Photoshop will update itself and it will go back to what it was. Shit like this makes me insane. Why in the hell would Adobe change a MACINTOSH SYSTEM-WIDE KEYBOARD SHORTCUT in the first place? Because it seems like Adobe just fucking hate Mac users. Which is pretty shitty when you think about it. It was the Mac that allowed Adobe to build the defacto creative applications they have.

       
    And that's all I have to say about that.

       

    Bullet Sunday 718

    Posted on Sunday, June 20th, 2021

    Dave!I'm back from my quick trip over the mountains, so you know what that means... an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Happy Father's Day! Here's your Sunday Morning Happy. Watch until the end...

    @dianabakerphotography

    All part of my job! ##babyphotographer ##mumsoftiktok ##momsoftiktok ##babies ##tipsformoms ##baby ##babyboy ##edinburghbabyphotographer ##ukphotographer ##😁

    ♬ Pieces (Solo Piano Version) - Danilo Stankovic

    And happy Father’s Day to the lucky dad of this adorable baby!

       
    • Blame it on the Rain! Hope your Sunday weather is better than what these poor Guinnea pigs got...

    @titorenogpigs

    After sunshine comes… ##rain ##pigtok ##guineapig ##fyp ##foryou ##foryourpage ##xyzbca

    ♬ original sound - titorenogpigs

    Yeah... there's yet another TikTok rabbit hole I fell down.

       
    • Picard! The first season of Picard wasn't stellar, but good enough that I enjoyed it (despite not being a Next Generation fan). The second season, however? I am very interested in seeing what they do with it, especially since Guinan is returning...

    Fascinating to see an 80-year-old Patrick Stewart playing a 98-year-old Picard. Even more fascinating? That an 80-year-old Patrick Stewart would want to. But, thankfully for whatever reason, he does.

       
    • Luca! The sad thing about our pandemic world is that movies get sent to streaming services, which somehow makes them seem "less than" the big movie releases of years past. Like a cheap "straight-to-video" film or something. Take Luca, for example, the latest Pixar film. It is incredible... easily on-par with any other Pixar movie ever made. It's the adorable story about young sea monsters who long for something more on the surface world in 1950's Italy. And it is stunning. It's set in a fictional town, but it easily recognized as a mix of the five fishing villages of Cinque Terre (which you can read about here). And the voice cast has some real surprises that I won't spoil here. Love, love, loved this movie...

    The poster for Luca showing adorable sea monsters become human once they are in the air. Half adorable human kids up top... half sea monsters under the water!

    Even more amazing? Thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, this entire film was made from home! Highest possible recommednation. If you have Disney+, it's a no-brain to add to your watch list.

       
    • Citizencide! Holy. Shit. This woman is literally the worst. Her sublime ignorance, stupidity, and complete lack of empathy typifies the horrors of so many of our elected government officials. Unbelievable, yet entirely believable. Even expected...

    @dr.eric.b

    ##covid ##covid19 ##pandemic ##mask ##fyp ##facts ##vaccine ##doctor

    ♬ original sound - Eric

    You can label my political disdain all you want, but this is what has be convinced that our government is actively trying to kill us. And we're voting for them to do it.

       
    • "Today in Christian Love..." And people wonder why Pride Month is important...

    @thedudetrader

    This is how we see Christians - NO LOVE HERE....JUST HATE. #lgbtq #lgbtqtiktok #lgbtq🏳‍🌈 #lovenothate

    ♬ original sound - The Dude ✌️

       
    • Snap Me! Ending on an LOL-worthy YouTube video seems like the way to go this Bullet Sunday...

    THANOS WAS RIGHT!

       
    =sigh= I suppose I really should clean up my house a bit since I was gone all weekend and have to go to work in the morning.

       

    Ten Rings and Counting

    Posted on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

    Dave!It's really weird to think that after a year of no new Marvel Studios films, we're making up for lost time by getting four of them in the second half of this year. I just prepaid my Premier Access fee for Black Widow last night so I'm all set for July 9th. I think the other three are all theaters-only, so I guess that's the end of the road for new releases at home.

    After some social media posts this morning promising that the first full trailer for Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings would be released... and here we go...

    That cast tho! I honestly didn't know what to think of Simu Liu in the lead since all I knew him from was Kim's Convenience, but it looks like he's going to be the super-hero action type juuuuuust fine. Then, of course, there's Michelle Yeoh, Tony Chiu-Wai Leung, Fala Chen, and... Awkwafina! This film drops on September 3rd.

    Then it's a one-two punch with Eternals on November 5th and Spider-Man: No Way Home on December 17th. On the Disney+ side, we've got What If? and Hawkeye and Miss Marvel also coming up sometime in the back-half of 2021.

    The Marvel Cinematic Universe will be going into 2022 without half of its six original Avengers since Iron Man, Captain America, and Black Widow are all out of play. My guess is that Hawkeye will die or retire in his series, which would leave just Thor and Hulk (plus Nick Fury, of course). Black Panther was tragically lost to us, which leaves Ant-Man & The Wasp, War Machine, Okoye, Shuri, Nakia, Doctor Strange, Wong, Spider-Man, Captain Marvel, Vison, and The Scarlet Witch remaining from the second wave. Along with Falcon (the new Captain America) and Bucky. And then there's The Guardians of The Galaxy, which may be a very different team after the third movie of the trilogy wraps.

    As for the future?

    It's confirmed that we're getting (or have already spotted) Shang-Chi, The Eternals, The Black Knight, Lady Thor (Jane Foster), Photon (Monica Rambeau), Miss Marvel, Kate Bishop (Hawkeye II), She-Hulk, Moon Knight, Blade, Ironheart, Stature (Young Avengers—Cassie Lang), Patriot (Young Avengers—Elijah Bradley), Wiccan (Young Avengers—Billy Kaplan/Maximiff), Speed (Young Avengers—Tommy Shepherd/Maximoff), Falcon (Young Avengers—Joaquín Torres)... plus there's a rumor that the Netflix heroes will be integrated (Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, and The Punisher)... plus Fantastic Four (and most likely X-Men) as well. Deadpool will be back, but how he'll fit into things is anybody's guess.

    That's a lot.

    But where's Alpha Flight, Namor, Wonder Man, Nova, Captain Britain, and The Silver Surfer?

       

    Bullet Sunday 720

    Posted on Sunday, July 4th, 2021

    Dave!Happy 4th, my fellow Americans! Please let the sun go down on me, because the heat is just beyond comfortable right now... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Old is New! HEADLINE: Charlize Theron Says Old Guard Sequel Script Complete, Filming to Begin Early Next Year. My favorite movie of 2020, by a wide margin, was The Old Guard, and I've been dying for a sequel... and here it comes! My hope is that Charlize can also get a sequel to Atomic Blonde happening, because that remains another favorite.

       
    • Comedy! This is the funniest joke I've heard in a minute...

    @steev_letts

    Circa 2017 at the Comedy Mix (RIP). ##standupcomedy ##gaycomedy ##lgbtcomedy ##pride ##jokes ##gayjokes ##comedy ##breastfeeding #boobies

    ♬ original sound - Steev_Letts

    This is the third or fourth comedian I've never heard of popping up on TikTok and making me an instant fan.

       
    • Fast! Look, I'm the last person who is going to say that the Fast & Furious movies are anything akin to high art... sometimes the acting is downright atrocious. But that's not why I love these films. That's not why ANYBODY loves these films. We love them because they are outrageously entertaining. Though I maintain that the pinnacle of F&F movies was Fast Five, which is about as good as a popcorn movie gets. And now this. I think I love them even more!

       
    • No Tomorrow! I am more than a little salty over wasting my life watching the embarrassing Amazon Prime Original The Tomorrow War starring Chris Pratt. Sublimely stupid with logic gaps big enough for a semi-truck to pass through, I was rolling my eyes through most of it. And then comes Ryan with his hilarious "Pitch Meeting" take and it's perfect...

    Honestly... Ryan is so dead-on in these things that he should be paid to read Hollywood scripts so he can point out all the stupid shit to people before they film it.

       
    • Apple Quality! A big thank you for Apple completely fucking up Finder Search in MacOS. Find a file you need and click on it? Another file opens. Search for a file you KNOW exists? MacOS can't find it. Search for a part of a name of a file? MacOS doesn't return it in search if it's part of a bigger filename. Completely fucking useless. And, yes, I HAVE REBUILT MY SPOTLIGHT DATABASE ABOUT SIX TIMES NOW... IT DOESN'T WORK!!!

       
    • All Good Things! On the opposite side of the Apple spectrum... Steve Jobs is a personal hero of mine. This short article illustrates why: Steve Jobs in Kyoto.

       
    And I guess I'm done with bullets since I have no more Sunday left and the sun is, in fact, going down.

       

    Black Widow

    Posted on Friday, July 9th, 2021

    Dave!After being delayed over a year... Black Widow is finally here!

    Well, I say "over a year" but it's actually more like eleven years because I've been waiting for a solo movie ever since the character first appeared in Iron Man 2 back in May of 2010. Instead she appeared in just about every other character's movie without getting her own. At least until now.

    No, I did not go to a theater to watch it. I paid $30 to watch it at home, which is something I was thrilled to do. I would never step foot in a movie theater ever again if it was the option. Partly because I've got a great big-screen TV and sound-system at home... but mostly because I hate sitting in a theater with a bunch of selfish, inconsiderate assholes who feel the need to light up the theater with their cell phones, talk, and exist while I'm trying to concentrate on the movie. And, yes, I will undoubtedly buy the film on iTunes when it's released as well. Though it sure would be nice if Premiere Access customers got a bit of a discount on it! I love Marvel Studios movies, watch them over and over again, so I buy them.

    As a non-spoilery review, about all I can say is that I liked it quite a lot. Don't know that I'd go so far as to say I loved it, because Natasha did get a little short-changed in her own film... but it was darn entertaining and continues Marvel's unfathomable streak of awesome movies...

    Since Black Widow is... well... dead... in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (thanks to Avengers: Infinity War), they pretty much had no choice but to go back in time. Conveniently, there's a period after Captain America: Civil War where some of the characters are on the run for violating the Sokovia Accords, and that's when Black Widow is set. The story, in a nutshell, is that Natasha has to confront her past which is having a scary relevance to what's happening in her present (which is our past). Along the way we meet her former "family" of spies, including her father (David Harbor), mother (Rachel Weisz), and sister (Florence Pugh). All of whom are likely not done in the MCU.

    So... yeah. Kudos to Marvel for not only finally giving Black Widow a film of her own... but for investing enough money to make it really cool as well.

    I already watched the movie once. I am going to watch it again right now and live-blog it as I go. You can read that (along with other thoughts) in a spoiler-filled extended entry...

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    How Can Life Have a Happy Ending?

    Posted on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

    Dave!On December 23rd, 2015 I was more tired than I had ever been.

    My mother was declining ever faster into dementia and taking care of her was becoming a full-time job. A full-time job that I was trying to balance with my actual full-time job. I had bought a house where I could better take care of her, and was mired in month two of renovating it so that it was safe for her to live in. Christmas was coming in two days. The new mattresses I ordered were being delivered, but were running late. There were a million things that all needed doing and I was struggling to juggle everything.

    Then I got a call from the nursing home that my grandmother didn't have much time left.

    She had been slipping away little by little all week and I had increased my visits from twice a week... to daily... to multiple times a day once she stopped eating over the weekend. At that point there was nothing I could do except make sure that she wasn't suffering, so that's what I did. She meant the world to me, and I was grateful that I was in a position where I could look out for her. When I stopped by on my way to work that morning she was resting comfortably thanks to the morphine that was being regularly administered. I thought it was going to be a day just like the day before.

    And it was.

    Until it wasn't.

    After I got the call I dropped everything and ran to the nursing home. There I met with the hospice nurse who said that the staff should have explained that she was in her last stages, yes, but it could be hours yet before she passed. She assured me that it was safe for me to go back to work and that she would call if grandma started to pass.

    After work I checked in on mom. Then ran back to check on grandma. Then continued going back and forth. Once mom had settled in for the night, I turned on all the security cameras and decided I'd spend the night at the nursing home and keep tabs on mom remotely.

    I was all alone.

    As I had been all along.

    Nobody would be helping me keep watch. Nobody ever helped. Nobody wanted to be there at the end. Not even me. Because watching somebody you love die is tough. But there was no way I'd be leaving her alone. She would never have left me alone.

    So it was just me holding my grandmother's hand and talking to her as she lay slowly fading away.

    Earlier that month a friend had known I was struggling and forwarded me an article from Esquire titled The Friend. It's about a guy who's young wife was dying from cancer and how a friend moved in for two years to help him take care of his wife and two daughters. It was a beautiful and touching story that was meant to bring me comfort. But all I could think about was how the author of the article had a friend willing to help but I had nobody.

    Which begs the question... How can life have a happy ending when you're dead at the end of it?

    It wasn't until years later that I happened across the article again while preparing for my mom's death that I managed to truly appreciate it. Even though I was all alone. Again. I read the article so many times that I practically had it memorized. That's how much it meant to me.

    Needless to say, I was a little excited when I read that the article was being made into a movie...

    And this past weekend I finally watched it because it was free with Amazon Prime.

    And it was fantastic. Really did the original article justice, which was surprising to me for some reason. And the performances were better than you could even hope for.

    Fast-forward to tonight.

    Gwendoline Christie has a small part in Our Friend. It's wonderful. And it's haunted me ever since I saw the movie. So I pulled it up on Amazon Prime so I could rewatch her scenes.

    I knew I'd be watching the movie again... but I also knew that I couldn't watch it again right away. It's just too exhausting. But here I am. Turns out it was impossible to just watch one small part of it without being compelled to watch the whole thing all over again.

    So, yeah, if you've got Amazon Prime, it's worth a look.

       

    Messiah Complex

    Posted on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

    Dave!I'm just going to get this out of the way... I am a fan of David Lynch's Dune movie. The novel itself is so vast, nuanced, and complicated that a film adaptation is a tough go of it... no matter who you are. So if you can't have a complete representation of the source material, you might as well hire a visionary director like David Lynch to put his unique take on the material. As a fan of David Lynch, I got exactly what I was expecting from the movie and have watched it dozens of times. If I have a critique, it's that Paul and Chani are too old. Part of what makes the story so good is that they start out as kids.

    And here comes Denis Villeneuve with his take.

    Talk about a visionary director.

    What he did with Arrival and, even more spectacularly... Blade Runner 2049... is a take that I am very interested in seeing applied to Dune. And, to his credit, he's already got off on the right foot with his remarkable casting. Everybody is sublimely perfect, and the fact that Paul (Timothée Chalamet) and Chani (Zendaya) are kids is just icing on the cake.

    My favorite bit of casting, however, is Stephen McKinley Henderson as Thufir Hawat. But we'll get to that in a minute. Because a new trailer just dropped for the movie (coming in October to theaters and HBO Max)...

    Interesting to note that, once again, Thufir Hawat is almost entirely absent. The only noticeable look is from one shot where he's not even the focus...

    Thufir in the second Dune trailer.

    He was barely noticeable in the first trailer either. All we got was this...

    Thufir in the first Dune trailer.

    And when the Dune character posters were dropped last week? No Thufir... at first! Couldn't be found in any of the news stories I saw. Eventually I found his poster though, so that was a happy discovery...

    Stephen McKinley Henderson as Thufir Hawat character poster.

    Now, in the books, Thufir Hawat is a major character. As Mentat to the House Atreides and one of Paul's teachers he's important. Then, later on, he ends up being critical... but not as a major character. Since Villeneuve has (wisely) split the first Dune novel into two parts, maybe he is trying to keep Thufir under wraps so he can be featured in the sequel movie? I guess that could be an explanation, though I'd argue that the first movie should be where he's most important.

    My fear, of course, is that Thufir has been shoved to the background and doesn't have enough of a contribution to the film to be featured. Which would be a darn shame.

    We don't even know if a sequel is going to happen. Dune is a tough sell to begin with... and with the pandemic and an uncertain future for theaters, expensive projects like this will be the first to get dropped. Unless something crazy happens and the movie explodes acorss the world.

    But anyway... could not possibly be more excited for October. Denis Villeneuve will absolutely make the movie worth watching... good or bad... successful or unsuccessful... so I will absolutely be renewing my HBO subscription to see it.

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    Bullet Sunday 725

    Posted on Sunday, August 8th, 2021

    Dave!I may be late to post, but that won't stop the bullets... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Squad! The Suicide Squad was bloody good. After the abomination that was Wonder Woman '84 and whatever the fuck Zack Snyder's shitty "movies" were supposed to be... I had given up hope that we'd ever see another good DC Comics film. Alas, the person I most wanted to survive didn't, and the person I most wanted to die didn't. And the person I knew wouldn't be killed (predictably) survived...

    The Suicide Squad Poster

    Interestingly enough, I actually think this was a better film than either of the Guardian of the Galaxy flicks, and I *loved* those. So good on you, James Gunn! 10 out of 10. Exactly what we needed out of a Suicide Squad film... and the big bad was exactly what they needed to be to close out the film. Would not be mad if Gunn wanted to give us another one!

       
    • Kindness! You guys. YOU GUYS...

    @latha_jay #stitch with @mckaybslayin #unimportantdecisions #spiritualtok #manifestedmydreamlife #manifestedmyman #crystaltok #howimetmyhusband ♬ original sound - Spiritual Manifestation Coach

    I love seeing things like this!

       
    • Italicized! Yeah, italics are important, yo...

    How italics can change the meaning of a sentence.

    Thanks to texting and Facebook and the like, italics are a lost art. As is the understood meaning of what we're trying to say.

       
    • Walking! Hey... don't be a hater...

    @danielmozeley

    ##stitch with @talialichtstein TikTok is getting personal, I can’t even stand up for myself 😭

    ♬ original sound - Daniel Moseley

    This guy's TikTok is seriously funny.

       
    • Doggo! I once joked about the saying "all men are dogs" because that's clearly a disservice to doggos. And promptly got banned from Facebook for 24 hours. And then there's this...

    Uh huh. Pretty much sums it up.

       
    • Huh?! This is perfect...

    @gioandoakley #dogsfavoriteword #dogs #dogsofttiktok #pug #headtilt ♬ original sound - GioandOakley

    Those puppies better get all that or they're going to revolt!

       
    • Destroyer of Lives! When I was prescribed oxycontin, it was a serious consideration made by my doctor. At the time I was getting 2 or 3 kidney stones a year. After I had an excruciating kidney stone attack on an airplane which resulted in my going to the hospital on a layover, my doctor said that he understands I travel a lot and doesn't want me to be screaming in agony at 30,000 feet where nothing can be done. So he pulled out the prescription pad. THEN he gave me a 15 minute lecture on the dangers of using oxycontin, explained how it should only be used as a last resort in emergency situations, and how easy it is to develop a life-destroying addiction to it. Hence scaring the shit out of me, and guaranteeing that I would use it rarely and in only the most dire circumstances (like when I was hit by a van in the South of France and ended up flying home with cracked ribs). The three times I've used it was three times I was in so much pain that it felt like I would die without relief. And that's how it should be used. But, thanks to the heinous developers of the drug... The Sackler Family... that's NOT how it was sold. It was passed out like candy and pushed on doctors to prescribe in cases when it absolutely shouldn't have been. Despite knowing of the dangers, The Sacklers gleefully and illegally pushed its use to the absolute maximum and destroyed lives in exchange for billions of dollars. Then admitted it and became a family of felons. Now there's a debate going on as to how many of those billions they should have to give back to clean up the mess they made. My answer? Every damn dollar. But that's not how it's going to go. Wealth protects itself, and that's how it's always worked. Don't like the justice you're being dealt? Just buy your own justice! That's America for you! Billionaires get all the breaks... everyday Americans rarely do. Just try to keep your rage intact when you watch this. Just try...

    If you can, you're a better person than I am.

       
    And that's all the bullets I got. I'm spent, yo.

       

    Wall of Mondays

    Posted on Monday, August 23rd, 2021

    Dave!   
    Ugh. Not this shit again.

       

    UPDATE: Well, wow. This just made my Monday suck a magnatude less!

    Holy crap! I had no idea that Doctor Strange was going to be such a big part of the movie! Thrilled with it!

       

    Thank God Dinner is Being Served

    Posted on Friday, August 27th, 2021

    Dave!Before I get to my latest frustrations with Apple...

    One of my favorite movie franchises is Kingsman. It's James Bond films for a new age and the first one was sublimely good. Smart, funny, thrilling... it had it all. The second movie faltered quite a lot, but was still good entertainment. Now there's a prequel called The King's Man which, despite the shitty kerning on the title logo, looks very good indeed. And now a trailer has landed...

    I talked about the logo here... but this is what's so horrific to design-minded people...

    But anyway...

    Apple has built a business around making computers easier and more seamless to use than other computer manufacturers. "It just works" is the mantra that they bash you over the head with over and over again. And that's a pretty compelling reason to get a Mac, and a very cool perk which comes from owning one.

    Until it isn't.

    That's when it makes you want to hop a flight to Cupertino and start throat-punching people.

    My photo cataloging software is Adobe Lightroom. The full-resolution original photos themselves are stored on my NAS file server, but Lightroom keeps a catalog of thumbnails on your local drive to speed things up. It's a pretty great system which allows me to have terabytes of photos... but only have to keep around 100MB on my local hard drive.

    Last night I decided to install Lightroom on Lemon (my new iMac). I was originally just going to AirDrop my catalog files from my MacBook Pro to Lemon. But since the MacBook Pro doesn't have WiFi 6, it was going to take nearly an hour to copy. No thanks. Instead I grabbed the USB-C power cable off my MacBook Pro charger and thought I'd just put the laptop into "Target Disk Mode" which turns it into a big hard drive.

    Easy, right?

    Not really. I fired up the MacBook Pro in "Target Disk Mode" and it wouldn't mount. For whatever reason, Lemon couldn't see it.

    What the hell?

    A quick Google search reveals that Macs can, in fact, do "Target Disk Mode" over USB-C... but only if you use a special designated Firewire cable.

    And the cable Apple includes with their pricey charging brick... isn't.

    This meant I had to dig through a big box of cables until I found a USB-C that was Firewire compatible. Which is tough because manufacturers other than Apple don't seem to mark their cables with a little thunderbolt logo. Eventually I found one in an old hard drive box that had a Firewire logo on the tag that tied it together. I plugged it into my MacBook Pro in "Target Disk Mode" and the hard drive came up.

    Eventually.

    It took several moments. It started working just as I was going to unplug the thing.

    So surely it should be easy now, right?

    Lord, no.

    Using the MacOS Finder to copy the Lightroom catalog files took frickin' forever because it was stuck on "Preparing to Copy"...

    PREPARING TO COPY... PREPARING FOREVER!!!

    Time to install ChronoSync to see if my backup software would go any faster.

    The answer is yes and no.

    Yes it was faster to initiate the copy... but the copy itself? It never went over 70MB/second. Even though the Firewire 3 port on my MacBook Pro and Thunderbolt 4 port on Lemon can (theoretically) transfer 40GB/second. Yes, you read that right... I'm getting less than 70 MEGAbytes a second when I should be getting 40 GIGAbytes a second.

    I mean, yeah it was faster over cable... 20 minutes instead of an hour via WiFi... but still, this is really shitty. Factoring in the 30 minutes it took for me to get "Target Disk Mode" working, and I ended up saving a whopping 10 minutes over just AirDropping the stupid thing over WiFi.

    So... uh huh... somebody at 1 Infinite Loop needs a throat punch. Bad.

    I'm not ruling out that it was the cable that was the limiting factor, but a hardwire transfer of any kind that can only sustain 70MB/second transfer is pathetic and embarrassing.

    But oh well. Despite the monumental waste of time, Adobe Lightroom is functioning flawlessly... and it positively flies on the M1 chip in my iMac thanks to Adobe investing the time to make it run natively on the hardware. It really is astounding to contrast and compare using the software on my MacBook Pro vs. my decidedly non-Pro, consumer-model iMac.

    There's good news though. It only took Lemon 6 minutes to backup the new data to the attached Time Machine Thunderbolt 3 SSD backup drive. Much more inline with my expectations of how long it should have taken to get the data to be transferred to Lemon in the first place.

       

    Bullet Sunday 728

    Posted on Sunday, August 29th, 2021

    Dave!So much good entertainment news this week, but I'm keeping my expectations in check... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Old Guard! My favorite movie of 2020, by a large margin, is getting a sequel! Starring Charlize Theron and based on the comic book of the same name, I literally can't say enough good things about it...

    The Old Guard teaser poster.

    Apparently everybody's coming back, though a major shift at the end of the movie adaptation have me wondering if the follow-up movie will attempt to adapt the story of the follow-up comic book, Force Multiplied.

       
    • Atomic Blonde! And speaking of Charlize Theron... her other amazing film, Atomic Blonde, is not getting just one sequel... it's apparently getting two!

    Atomic Blonde Movie Poster!

    This is phenomenal news, because the first movie was a spy thriller unlike anything I had seen before. I only hope that whomever picked the songs for the soundtrack comes back to select them for the sequels, because that just made an incredible film even better.

       
    • Dark! And I'm not done with awesome entertainment news! Yet another amazing movie has a television series sequel in development... Dark City! But it gets better! Original director Alex Proyas is going to be working on it!

    Dark City Movie Poster!

    I remember the original film very well. A friend and I had made a trip to Seattle and had some time to kill. There was a theater near our hotel so we decided to see a movie. Nothing looked interesting to us, but we eventually settled on Dark City because it at least was supposed to be science fiction, which we both liked. Nothing could have prepared us for what we were going to see. It was an absolutely fascinating story and had some of the most stunning visuals of any film I had seen up to that point. Visuals, I might add, we've seen copied in any number of films (there were times watching Doctor Strange that I couldn't get Dark City out of my head). No word as to whether any of the original characters will be returning, but

       
    • Happy Little Trees! I finally got to the Bob Ross documentary on Netflix. I was most pleased that they acknowledged that The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross was preceded by The Magic of Oil Painting with Bill Alexander. They were essentially the same program using the same technique... except Bob Ross was ASMR personified. I remember when I was a kid how upset I was that Bill Alexander was replaced with the new guy, but ultimately fell in love with Bob Ross just like everybody else did. I am fairly certain that I saw every single episode of both series, and was a huge, huge fan...

    Bob Ross Magical Painting!
    From PBS. But, just in case... © ® ™ Bob Ross Inc. so I don't get sued.

    The documentary was quite good, but I didn’t learn anything new from it. I was well aware of the battle between Bob Ross and The Kowalskis, and was hoping that we would finally get their side of the story. But nope! They opted out and provided a weak-ass statement, which only makes me believe that they are awful people who didn’t honor the wishes of Bob Ross and tried to cheat everybody out of ownership of what they were left after Bob Ross died (not to mention the awful things they did to steal from other artists). Such a shame. With all those millions of dollars there was plenty of money to go around while still honoring Bob Ross’s final wishes. UPDATE: Bob Ross Inc. Responds to Netflix Doc.

       
    • Eeelie! DAFUQ?!? CAN SOMEBODY CONFIRM THIS?!?

    @colethesciencedude

    We Don't Know Where Eels Come From #science #funfacts #learnontiktok #fyp #education

    ♬ Horror, suspense, weirdness, ghost, UFO - Zassh

    It's like... I don't even know how to respond after watching this.

       
    • Sheep! "A sheep farmer stuck in lockdown in New South Wales who was unable to attend his aunt’s funeral has honoured her memory with the ultimate tribute: a love heart made from sheep."

    The innovation of people to escape the confines of the horrors of this never-ending pandemic provides hope amongst the ignorance and selfishness that plagues us.

       
    • Value! "Spread the word. This has to stop." — People really are the worst...

    @zbojones

    Please share, this has to stop ##fyp ##MicroRaveWithRoni ##MyTeacherWins ##stopjudging

    ♬ original sound - Zac Brady

    And just as a sample of what this guy has to deal with...

    @zbojones

    It’s a mindset people ! ##fyp ##pumpkinseason ##loveyourself ##ChewyChattyPets

    ♬ OkkkAaayyy - BOY2FLY 🕺🏾

    Jesus, humanity. Do fucking better.

       
    Any more attempt at bullets and I'd be shooting blanks. So until next week...

       

    Carl Fredrickson

    Posted on Tuesday, August 31st, 2021

    Dave!Ed Asner passed away.

    Best known for playing Lou Grant in The Mary Tyler Moore Show and the more serious spin-off Lou Grant, Mr. Asner was a versatile actor who popped up in a lot of places. But regardless of where he ended up, he was a perfect fit.

    Take, for example, his voice role as the villainous Granny Goodness in Justice League Unlimited. It was always a fun time to guess all the guest actors that popped up in the animated DC shows back in the day, but I never managed to figure out who Granny was. So I looked it up. And there was Ed Asner!

    But there is one role that will always be my Ed Asner favorite. Surprisingly, it's not playing Santa in Elf (though he was sublime in that). Nor was it as Wilson White in Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (though he was brilliant in that) Nope... it's Carl Fredricksen in the Pixar film Up...

    The poster for Disney/Pixar's UP... showing an old man dangling from a rope that's hanging out of a house suspended in the air by thousands of balloons.

    A still from the movie UP by Disney/Pixar showing an older Carl Fredrickson missing his wife.

    A massive testament to flawless voice casting, Ed Asner's heartwarming performance as his animated character was everything you could hope for...

    Ed Asner at the premier of Disney/Pixar's UP, standing next to a person dressed up as his character, Carl Fredrickson.

    Tonight I rewatched the film and was once again struck with how utterly magical it is. Every moment... from the most soul-crushing to the most uplifting... was meticulously crafted and brought to life by Ed Asner's incredible talent.

    Lucky for us all, Ed Asner returned to Carl Fredrickson once again in a series of Dug Days shorts for Disney+ which debut... tomorrow!

    I can't wait. Rest in Peace, Mr. Asner.

       

    Bullet Sunday 729

    Posted on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

    Dave!September is here as the horrors of 2021 continue, but the horror is ongoing... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Breakage! Well this is ten tons of cool: Artist Walead Beshty Shipped Glass Boxes Inside FedEx Boxes to Produce Shattered Sculptures. Creative people making highly creative art like this makes me very happy.

       
    • Date! I love discovering a great movie that I didn't even know existed! This time is was Date and Switch from 2014...

    Yeah, it's a high-school rom-com... but it has a twist that I haven't seen before. And it has a really good heartfelt ending that's played beautifully by Nicholas Braun, and it caught me completely off guard. Recommended!

       
    • Well-Made... Crap! The wheels on the lower rack of my Whirlpool dishwasher started falling off after two years. After four years, they had all fallen off. I got tired of having to pick up and set the rack in myself after a year, so I finally Googled how to repair the stupid thing just now. Turns out that this is SUCH A HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM that Google AUTO-COMPLETED THE SEARCH FOR ME! I typed "Whirlpool Dishwasher—" and it immediately popped up with "...wheels falling off." And so... $16 later at Amazon and I have "improved & upgraded" wheels on the way. Wheels with a STAINLESS STEEL core that won't snap off. How fucking pathetic is it that the manufacturer doesn't just include these kind of wheels in the first place? They HAVE to know that this is a huge problem with the plastic becoming brittle and cracking. It would probably cost them $5 extra for metal cores and pins on an item that customer's are paying hundreds for, so WTF?!?

       
    • Disney! Please tell me you've seen the 5 minutes of joy and magic that is Us Again on Disney+...

    What's magic to me is what happens BETWEEN the cuts. Especially at the very end. She clearly picked up his hat. But they don't have to SHOW it to you... they just have it sitting next to her. That's economy of storytelling in the absolute best possible way. If you have Disney+, you owe it to yourself to give it a quick watch.

       
    • Disneyesque! I watched the new Cinderella on Amazon Prime and new Cruella on Disney+ (now that it's free to watch). Cinderella was nice enough, but their efforts to go more progressive at the end (something I usually wouldn't mind) were really heavy-handed and kind of sunk it for me. Cruella, on the other hand?

    Cruella Poster

    Pretty darn good! Very entertaining with a brilliant soundtrack, incredible performances, and cool design sense. The only thing I didn't care for was the fact that eventually Cruella deVil becomes a psychotic old hag who wants to skin puppies to make a coat. It's really tough to be in any way invested in how she started when you know how it ends for her. I suppose if you can ignore that aspect, you'll enjoy it.

       
    • All the Abs! How I imagine the director's conversation with the costume designer went for Aquaman...
    Director: "Many people think of Aquaman as a weak hero."
    Costume Designer: "Yes, but he's being played by Jason Momoa, so problem solved!"
    Director: "No... that's only part of the solution. The other part is giving him a costume that lets viewers know that he is a manly-man and a really powerful hero."
    Costume Designer: "So no spandex?"
    Director: "Lord, no."
    Costume Designer: "We can accent his muscles with the suit to make him appear more like a classic comic book hero."
    Director: "Yes."
    Costume Designer: "We can REALLY define those abs!"
    Director: "YES! YES! OH YES!"
    Costume Designer: "What do you think of this sketch?"
    Director: "MORE ABS! PILE ON MORE ABS!"
    Costume Designer: "Um... okay... how about this?"
    Director: "More."
    Costume Designer: "Maybe this?"
    Director: "MORE! MORE! MORE! GIVE HIM ALL THE ABS!"
    Costume Designer: "Oh... wow... okay then... how about this sketch?"
    Director: "YES! GOD, YES! LET'S DO EXACTLY THAT!"

    It's like... damn. That's over-done to the point of being absurd.

       
    • Progressive? Washington State prides itself on being tech-forward thanks to so many tech companies starting here or having a presence here. And yet Washington State itself is ALWAYS the last to adopt actual technology or new ways of doing things. It makes me livid. What in the hell are our legislators being paid for if they ignore what's happening RIGHT NOW? It's like getting your driver's license enhanced to Real ID for travel. I think this only became possible recently... despite everybody knowing that it would be required years ago (my license, renewed last year, is still not enhanced). And now it's digital driver's licenses that they are ignoring. Arizona, Georgia, Kentucky, Maryland, Oklahoma, Iowa, Utah, and Connecticut are ALL hopping onboard. WHERE THE FUCK IS WASHINGTON STATE? Iowa is more aware of tech and new trends that Washington State? IOWA?!? — Patty Murray, Maria Cantwell and Jay Inslee need to do their damn jobs, direct the DOL to get on this, and keep us at the forefront of tech. I am sick and tired of Washington State ALWAYS being behind the curve. Our state government probably won't even know that digital driver's licenses EXIST until 2025. Do we need to vote in new legislators that will keep Washington State moving forward? Because what we got now ain't working... and their inaction is embarrassing Washingtonians. Again. DO BETTER!

       
    And that's all the bullets she wrote!

       

    The Matrix Resurrections Resurrected

    Posted on Thursday, September 9th, 2021

    Dave!The original Matrix movie... The Matrix... is one of the best sci-fi films ever made. It was mind-bogglingly good both thematically and visually. Everything about it is brilliant. And a lot of people think so, because The Matrix ended up being massively successful. So successful that there were back-to-back sequels filmed... The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions.

    Both of which sucked ass.

    Unfortunately The Wachowskis decided to go high-concept with the sequels to try to push them into something higher than a mere sci-fi-action-thriller. And they failed spectacularly. Every time I bring this up, people are telling me that the reason I think they failed was because I don't understand the films. I'm not saying that's impossible, but I've read more than my fair share of the philosophy they're hanging the stories on and still think it's a massive failure. And I can't quite seem to decide whether they dumbed it down so much as to make it be incomprehensibly stupid... or whether they tried to do something so over-the-top ridiculous that it ended up being incomprehensibly stupid. Regardless, you get scintillating conversations like "What do I need to do?""You KNOW what you have to do!""But how will I know?""You'll KNOW!" Painful.

    All of this prelude is to say that I'm not overly-enthusiastic for a fourth The Matrix film.

    The only way I could find myself enjoying it would be if they either ignored the two sequels completely... or they came up with a clever way of explaining why they were so bad and how their Jesus metaphor could miss the mark so completely.

    And then today the trailer landed...

    Now, after viewing this a half-dozen times, I'm intrigued.

    It's almost like they've decided to skirt all the awful things that sunk the sequels by going meta on our asses. This would allow them to BOTH ignore the two sequels completely AND come up with a clever way of explaining why they were so bad... both at the same time!

    Nice!

    At least if I'm disappointed I won't have to risk COVID at a theater... the film will be available for streaming on HBO Max as well.

    And then there's the new trailer for Picard...

    Star Trek always heads to the past whenever they want an easy win. Here we go again. No sign of Whoopi tho?

    And Strange New Worlds...

    And last, but not least, the first Star Trek focusing on the aliens of the Trek universe...

    Though Capt. Janeway is a notable exception... OR IS SHE?!? Time will tell.

    Exciting stuff!

       

    Bullet Sunday 730

    Posted on Sunday, September 19th, 2021

    Dave!They may be more than meets the eye, but Transformers ain't got nothing on this blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Classic? Still really, really pissed at the Coca-Cola Company for fucking up Coke Zero. It tastes like such horrendous shit that I am still not used to it... and likely never will be. The only caffeinated beverage I liked, and it's just... gone.

       
    • GAH! Taylor Swift has been re-recording her music due to legal ownership issues with her back-catalog. Her vocals are as good as ever, but the new music is awful. Wildest Dreams, one of my favorites, was just re-recorded and they trashed the music on it. It used to be so open, bright, uplifting, and soaring... now it’s flat, boring, and dour. Almost depressing...

    There’s this throbbing bass line just fuzzing over everything and it’s truly terrible. I fully support Ms. Swift taking back ownership of her work, but not like this. Not like this. Ugh.

       
    • Safe & Effective! The Pfizer vaccine is apparently far less effective than Moderna over time... and yet they only authorized the Pfizer booster for people 65 years and older or people at high risk? What the fuck kind of nonsense is this? If it's an issue of them not having enough vaccine for people who are unvaccinated, then yeah... I can wait. But the number of people getting vaccinated right now has to be fairly low given how many people are refusing to protect themselves and others, so what the hell?

       
    • Whitney! They are remaking The Bodyguard? Yeah. Good luck with that. On top of having to replace the irreplaceable, you run the very real risk of trampling over a sacred ground you don't want to be stepping...

    I dunno. Maybe the stars will align and they can find a cast that works and find a way of avoiding the disrespect that comes from a wound still fresh... but I won't want to watch it for a very long time. If ever.

       
    • Beard! Yet another fantastic flawless episode of Ted Lasso... this one focusing almost entirely on Coach Beard (with a little more Mae, Baz, Phil, and Jeremy thrown in)...

    I sure hope that a few of the other characters that haven't been featured much get at least some character development. They could almost film an entirely new series focusing on the lives of everybody outside of the football club and it's probably going to be great just from the standpoint of adding to the greater narrative.

       
    • Character! I have watched most all of the character breakdown videos from GQ. My favorite that I've seen is this one with Willem Dafoe...

    He is a compelling guy, a phenomenally talented actor, and listen to him talking about his career is fascinating stuff.

       
    • Money Shot! Okay... this is pretty incredible...

    Now, of course, the answer to everything is just "CGI"... but in the days before CGI? This is what there was.

       
    And that's a wrap for bullets one-day-delayed.

       

    Bullet Sunday 732

    Posted on Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

    Dave!Everybody do the hokey-pokey and turn yourselves around... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Lasso Unwound! The fact that the writers of Ted Lasso are taking a beloved character from the first season and turning them into a literal villain is an interesting turn. The penultimate episode that played out on Friday makes this fairly irrevocable, and there's no real way of getting out of it. Couple that with the fact that Dr. Fieldstone is leaving the show (God please don't let it be permanently!) and I am very interested in seeing how next week's finale is going to play out...

    Doctor Fieldstone on the brilliant television series Ted Lasso.

    Doctor Fieldstone getting a good bye note from Ted.

    Doctor Fieldstone finds an army man in her beer.

    Before all the awards and accolades, it was said that Ted Lasso was going to be a trilogy of seasons. But now that Apple has a very, very good reason to keep the show running, I am fairly certain that a fourth season is highly likely. But whether or not that will include Jason Sudeikis as Ted remains to be seen.

       
    • NO CRYING! I wish I knew whom to credit this photo to, because it is absolutely epic. Easily one of the best Halloween costumes I've ever seen...

    Three young girls dressed as players from A League of Their Own while a man behind them drinks a beer in his coaches uniferm.

    Adorable. Adorable. Adorable.

       
    • Poorly Animated! As a massively huge fan of Reza Farazmand's comic strip Poorly Drawn Lines (which he graciously contributed to Thrice Fiction)), I was happy to hear that it was becoming an animated series. And now it's here...

    You can watch it on FX and stream it on Hulu right here.

       
    • Trash TV! Paramount+ is fucking garbage. Can't play the content I'm paying for, and their tech support doesn't give a shit. Tells you to jump through hoops that never work. Has you disable stuff that no other streaming service requires. Then blames you or your hardware when none of their "suggestions" work. When will these fucking dumbasses learn that whenever they treat their customers like shit, it just encourages them to find other ways of watching the content they want to see. I have many streaming services... and NOT ONE OF THEM fails consistently like Paramount+. Not Amazon Prime, not Netflix, not Philo, not YouTube TV, not Hulu, not Apple TV+, not Peacock, not HBO Max, not Sundance, not Discovery+, not Hallmark Now, not Disney+, not Showtime... NONE of them fail like piece of shit Paramount+. And yet it's MY fault. Right. Okay. Cool. Well, at least I'm not alone...

    Mark Evanier tweets... Apparently if your TV can't play Paramount+ properly, Tech Support from Roku or Paramount+ consists of telling you to buy a newer set and see if that solves the problem.

    If it weren't for the new Star Trek shows, I wouldn't give a fuck about Paramount+... the only show I watch on CBS is Magnum PI, and I always buy that off of iTunes so I can watch the episodes multiple times.

       
    • PASSWORD?! This bullshit right here...

    It is so fucking infuriating how sites set their requirements. Most of the things which they claim protect your security actually do exactly the opposite. Making passwords impossible to remember. Making passwords expire. All kinds of idiotic shit which keeps you from getting where you need to go. And password managers only scratch the surface, because sometimes it's the SITE that's fucked up. I've had many a site tell me that I have my password wrong EVEN THOUGH IT'S SAVED IN A MANAGER, and then when I have to reset it, I'm told that I can't use my previous password? Fuck you.

       
    • NEWSFLASH: Photographer, social media star Matt Mathews: Opossum taken by the state was his ‘baby’. Animals are not seen as living creatures by our laws. They are seen as disposable assets unworthy of consideration. And usually it comes down to some stupid-ass bullshit about "God providing animals for man's use..." (or abuse, as the case may be). But if you took ten minutes to actually read the Bible, you'd find that it dictates that animals are indeed worthy of kindness and care. God rejoices in ALL that he created. How in the hell do you think that this somehow excludes animals? This is just more of the typical "pick-and-choose theology" that plagues us. And our government.

       
    • HA! Apples response to the EU wanting to dictate a USB-C standard for all devices is a laugh riot: "We remain concerned that strict regulation mandating just one type of connector stifles innovation rather than encouraging it, which in turn will harm consumers in Europe and around the world." What a load of horse shit. They moved to USB-C for their laptops and iPads without any problem. Why the fuck is the iPhone any different? Oh... that's conveniently left out of the statement.

       
    That's what it's all about...

       

    Cinematic Theatrical Pass

    Posted on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

    Dave!There are so few movies that I'll go to the theater to see. All the Marvel Studios movies... maybe one or two others each year... that's it. The theater experience is so horrifically awful that suffering through it is asking too much.

    And then there's the pandemic.

    Is any movie worth getting sick and potentially dying to see? Not for me it isn't. And even though theaters require masks, you just know once the lights go down that anti-mask, anti-vax people won't be complying.

    And it's tough. Because just look at what's coming...

    • No Time to Die
    • Dune
    • The French Dispatch
    • Eternals
    • Ghostbusters: Afterlife
    • Spider-Man: No Way Home
    • The King's Man
    • The Matrix Resurrections

    It's a slate of movies from two years piled into the final three months of 2021. All of which I would have likely seen in a theater if COVID wasn't out killing people.

    Now, two of them... Dune and The Matrix Resurrections... will be on HBO. Not the best way to see movies that were built for the big screen (especially Dune, which looks positively epic), but something is better than nothing...

    A few weeks ago I took a flight. I wasn't comfortable doing so but I got through it. And the reason I got through it is that, unlike a theater, an airplane has flight attendants walking down the aisles making sure everybody kept their mask on. Which is to say that there's no "getting through it" when it comes to the movies for me.

    I want to see Eternals more than just about anything.

    Except not dying.

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    Adam and Steve

    Posted on Wednesday, October 13th, 2021

    Dave!As you may imagine, having a blog that's publicly out on the internet can result in a certain level of backlash from people looking at it. I got a death threat for my thoughts on President Trump. I got two death threats for my thoughts of Hillary Clinton. I've also gotten assorted threats for all kinds of things on this blog... with most of the hate coming from homophobes who really don't like that I am an LGBTQ+ ally. After Washington passed the Marriage Equality Act R-74 (something I advocated for at least once a week) I got one of the longest, nastiest, most hateful comments I've ever received. Obviously I didn't approve it. But I did send a reply since he included his email address: "I don't want any more kids killing themselves in my community because they're gay and think they have no future. Marriage equality shows these kids that people approve of THEM. I could give a shit about who's married or not. I then added a link to a news story of the kid from my high school alma matter who committed suicide after being relentlessly bullied. Bullied for nothing more than being who he is.

    Who he was.

    He died in February, 2012.

    Then-Governor Gregoire signed the legislation for marriage equality ten days later on February 13th.

    The legislation was voted into law during the 2012 November election.

    A GIF of Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey wanting Washington to approve Marriage Equality and Legalization of Marijuana.

    Then it was rendered moot when the US Supreme Court made marriage equality law country-wide on June 25, 2015.

    I was reminded of all this last night as I was watching the movie Adam & Steve for LGBTQ Movie Month (it was weirdly not horrible... with some very funny bits and some cringe bits). The film was released in 2005. At the time, I think that Massachusettes was the only place where marriage equality was legally available.

    A different world now. Which is reflected in the movie. To an extent.

    Malcolm Gets's character talks about wanting to fall in love, get married, and have kids like he saw in the movies. Spoiler Alert: Malcolm asks his boyfriend to marry him. And they do, in fact, get married at the end. But they don't go much further on commentary than that, despite the ceremony likely not being legally recognized? The idea of marriage equality in 2005 was a bit far-fetched. And ten years away was still ten years away, but it still seems that something could be said about hoping all 50 states would one day recognize their union. Or something? But maybe they didn't want that horrible backwards thinking intruding on such a happy moment for the characters? I get that.

    All this has me really, really curious about that homophobe that hated me so badly for supporting equality back in the day. Did his head explode back in 2015 when "the gays" started getting married? Was he in denial about his sexuality and got over his self-loathing enough to get married to the man of his dreams? I honestly don't know. My hope is that if he's still a homophobe that he at least keeps that shit to himself.

    Anything is possible.

    DAVE'S 2021 MOVIE FESTIVAL CALENDAR

    • JANUARY: British Movies (and television)
    • FEBRUARY: Korean Movies
    • MARCH: Italian Movies
    • APRIL: Australian Movies (and television)
    • MAY: Art House Movies
    • JUNE: French Movies (and television)
    • JULY: Bollywood Movies
    • AUGUST: Japanese Movies
    • SEPTEMBER: Russian Movies
    • OCTOBER: LGBTQ+ Movies
    • NOVEMBER: Documentary Movies
    • DECEMBER: Holiday Movies (hello Hallmark!)

       

    Bullet Sunday 734

    Posted on Sunday, October 17th, 2021

    Dave!My heat is still on, so things are toasty here at Blogography... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...


       
    • AWWWWW! You guys... YOU GUYS...

    @duckytheyorkie

    Brotherly love 🐥🐶 Katsu’s his older brother! ##IKnowWhatYouDid ##duckytheyorkie

    ♬ original sound - cori

    Derpy puppies are the best puppies.

       
    • Darwinism! Fuck your 12 years of med school... Dr. Google is my god now!

    Fuck your 12 years of med school, I birthed this child and haven't left their side since, I'm their primary source of nutrition, I watch them breath at night and can tell by a cry what they need so yes I do know my baby better than you doc. Get the fuck outta here.

    I just feel bad that the kids are at the mercy of this stupid shit. But... I suppose if they are just going to continue propagating it to newer generations, it might be for the best? It sickens me that anti-science has become so prevalent and dangerous that these kind of thoughts go through my head, but here we are. What the fuck has become of us?

       
    • Fury! I didn't just dislike the Shazam! movie... I loathed the fucking thing. It was categorically awful from start to finish. Now, thanks to DC Comics' "FanDome" event there was a look at the sequel...

    Honestly? I had zero intent on watching the thing... even when it came out on video. But then they cast Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu as the villains? NOW I AM FORCED TO WATCH, DANGIT! Hopefully i doesn't suck as hard as the first one.

       
    • Cuntry! Not only do I know all of these countries, I’ve been to all of them except Chile. But I did get close when I visited Argentina on the way to Antarctica, you condescending fuck...

    @geography.tester 🇺🇸 #countries #geography #foryoupage #fyp ♬ love nwantiti (feat. Dj Yo! & AX'EL) [Remix] - CKay

    The entire channel is filled with "If you don't get these, you're American" TikToks... and it's like... look... I get it. Americans are largely ignorant of the world outside our borders. But constantly harping on this ceases to make it funny... it just makes you a fucking dick.

       
    • The BATman! BWAH HA HA HAAAAA!! ZOMFG! They went over the top… and not in a good way. Maybe it’s the way the trailer is cut together, but this looks fucking embarrassing...

    Apparently the Nolan Dark Night Trilogy is still safe as the defining cinematic Batman. Oh well. I guess I’ll know for sure once I’ve seen it.

       
    • DOG SENSE! Jesus. It’s just... why. If you disagree with policy, DON’T FLY. It’s not fucking rocket science. Though apparently it is for assholes like this...

    @jawny

    someone come get her

    ♬ original sound - JAWNY

    Please just get the COVID you’re dying to get, then pick up your Darwin Award already. I’m so sick of this shit.

       
    • Ending on a Happy Note! Boy... Yes Theory is back and I somehow missed it! This is pretty great...

    =sigh= I miss travel. The world is full of such wonders.

       
    And now I'm off again...

       

    Always A Wait

    Posted on Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

    Dave!
    Today was just waiting for it to be tomorrow because that's when HBO releases Dune.

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    Dune and The Deep Desert (no dessert)

    Posted on Thursday, October 21st, 2021

    Dave!Denis Villeneuve's Dune is a cinematic masterpiece.

    Based on one of my favorite science fiction novels of all time, I was hopeful but skeptical. from any angle, it's an unfilmable tale.

    And this isn't our first rodeo.

    I'm actually a mega-huge fan of the 1984 David Lynch Dune adaptation, even though it doesn't really capture the book. But, to be fair, Villeneuve's version doesn't either. It excises all the political nuance that makes the book so deep. In fact, if anything, the new movie cuts more detail from the story than Lynch did.

    But it's not cut haphazardly.

    Villeneuve set out to create something approachable for people who haven't read the book. There are nods to bigger ideas that true fans will appreciate, but distractions which would take too much time to explain are quietly dropped. Wisely.

    I absolutely love the film. No, it's not the book... how could it be? But it is a breathtakingly beautiful movie and respects the source material better than I thought possible. It's worth $10 for a month of HBO to see it. And I am confident I will see it many more times...

    Paul Atreides holds up a knife in DUNE

    I just hope that we get the second half. Because, wisely again, Villeneuve also didn't try to cram everthing from the first book into a single movie. So we only got a Part One of Two.

    Upon my second viewing (yes, I watched it again back-to-back) I made spoiler-filled notes that I've put in an extended entry.

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    Back to Arrakis

    Posted on Friday, October 22nd, 2021

    Dave!I watched Dune twice yesterday and again after work today. I have a lot of movie obsessions, but this is the quickest it's ever happened. Thank heavens all the Hallmark Christmas movies are coming up, because I could easily watch this film every day. There's just so much there on the screen. I see something more... appreciate the film more... with each new viewing. Something tells me this will be going on for a while. I haven't seen Eternals yet, but this is my favorite film of 2021 right now.

    My obsession has lead me to becoming obsessed with director Denis Villeneuve. Despite him having crafted Arrival and Blade Runner 2049, two of my favorite films, I know almost nothing about the guy. As opposed to a director like Luc Besson and Ridley Scott whom I've watched numerous interviews and read books about them and by them about their craft.

    And so I've been watching interviews with Villeneuve.

    His passion, love, and attention given to the films he makes is pretty inspiring. The best I've seen is this break-down for Vanity Fair...

    And here he is on Arrival...

    And Blade Runner 2049...


    On his plate next? Dune: The Sisterhood for HBO Max and a Cleopatra feature film. And then... God willing... Dune Part Two.

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    Bullet Sunday 735

    Posted on Sunday, October 24th, 2021

    Dave!The world may be going to hell in a hand basket, but you can look forward to the journey... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Dune: The Book! When an art book for Blade Runner 2049 was made (called The Art and Soul of Blade Runner 2049) I bought it immediately. The movie was so beautifully realized that I had to see the work behind it. And I was not disappointed. It was a wonderful book that provided some juicy insight into how it was crafted. When I saw that Dune had an "Art and Soul" book coming, I pre-ordered it before the movie was released because I knew Denis Villeneuve wouldn't disappoint...

    The cover for The Art and Soul of Dune showing Paul looking out into the desert as a ship flies overhead.

    And he did not disappoint again. The book is gorgeous and rich with detail. With a notable exception. I didn't see anything on the written alphabet that's presented on the scroll Duke Leto signs at the beginning or what's found in Paul's book or on Dr. Yueh's note. This seems a weird omission given how much thought must have gone into it?

       
    • Language! The spoken languages of the Fremen was expanded upon by David J. Peterson. He also created the sign language used by the characters. And he put his work online! (along with some other languages he created for film and television, which you can find here). Fascinating stuff. I especially loved how he showed (then explained!) Jessica signing to Paul when they were bound and taken out to the desert to die. And shared a PDF of his transcription for the closed captioning! There's additional stuff showing some writing, but not what I saw in the book and Yueh's note, which is what I was most interested in.

       
    • Meme! Lastly on the Dune front is my attempt at a meme...

    A massive sandworm towers over two characters and says I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CAR'S EXTENDED WARRANTY!

    Yeah, yeah. But I couldn't help myself.

       
    • 80's Rewind! My favorite music will forever be 80's Pop. I listen to many other kinds, but that's my go-to jam. Running across music I missed from that era is rare. But finding new music which is clearly 80's-Pop-inspired is an increasingly abundant treat. This past week I found two artists that take me back. The first is CARSON and this wonderful track, Good Love...

    And then there's the band Fly By Midnight, which has a number of great songs that feel like they could have been released 35 years ago...

    Some of the tracks are a bit more contemporary, but they still have an 80's sensibility in how they're constructed that have me addicted...

    And then there's the YouTube suggestions that are filling me with even more incredible stuff. Conor Matthews has some stuff I never knew existed but now can't live without...

    New old music is the best music!

       
    • BARGAIN! My favorite home renovation show is Bargain Block on HGTV. I don't always like the design result, but the road to getting there is great. And it's been renewed for a second season!

    The team from Bargain Block standing in a house that's been ripped out.

    Sometimes good news happens when it comes to the shows I like!

       
    • Conspiracy Made Real! Netflix has unloaded one of the most depraved animated shows ever, which is hysterically funny to watch...

    The imagination that goes into creating this series is really great. It's not just crude for the sake of being crude. Doesn't get much better than that!

       
    • Rami is Pete and Pete is Rami! Saturday Night Live has moments of genius that shouldn't exist. And this one from the previous episode is one of them...

    Inspired. The genius of it makes things funnier than they actually are to me.

       
    And no more fresh hell until next Sunday.

       

    Dune Deux

    Posted on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

    Dave!It was announced that Dune: Part 2 has been greenlit. Which means Denis Villeneuve will get to give us the second half of the story. This is, to put it mildly, fantastic news. It is, as a matter of fact, the only news that mattered to me today.

    Partly because this is a movie which deserves to be completed. But mostly because I honestly wasn't expecting it to happen...

    Dune Part Two

    No, seriously... that's it for today. Nothing else matters. Good night.

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    The End of The Hallmark Era?

    Posted on Monday, November 1st, 2021

    Dave!I worked all weekend, so I woke up really early not to get a jump on my day... but to clean my house. The only thing I managed to get to yesterday was steam-cleaning the cat feeding station. That's something I do regardless of whatever else I have going on because I want to make sure Jake and Jenny stay healthy.

    But anyway...

    As I was scrubbing, vacuuming, and dusting, I had a Hallmark movie playing. The last thing I want is to get behind, because there's like a hundred of these things dropping from Hallmark Channel, Lifetime, Netflix, and the rest. Half-way through the movie I realized that I wasn't paying attention to what was going on. Not that you have to... most of these movies are painfully basic, redundant, and lacking anything requiring critical thinking. It's just that I'm kinda done with them. 95% of them are the same damn thing you've seen a hundred times before, and only rarely is there anything trying to be different. The only reason I didn't turn this one off is because it was starring Katee Sackhoff and I'm a fan.

    Do I dare hope that I'm over my Hallmark addiction? Lord, I hope so... but probably not.

    Far more interesting was this video that got forwarded to me this morning...

    I don't know about you, but this is far scarier than the original Jurassic Park!

    And now? I should probably go to work seeing as how it's almost 9:00am.

       

    Movie Redundancy

    Posted on Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021

    Dave!I was watching an interview with Edgar Wright by Ali Plumb where the very first question was What movies have you seen the most time in your entire life?

    The question is a fascinating one, because it's so hard to answer. Back before streaming... heck, back before VHS tapes could be rented... I would watch movies I liked several times because it was the only thing available! HBO and Showtime had a limited number of films available to them, so they would play them over and over again. I watched the 1978 version of Agatha Christie's Death on the Nile dozens of times because it was something to watch and I knew I liked it...

    The new Kenneth Branagh version has been delayed several times (I think it's been pushed to 2022 now!), so I can't comment on how good it is... but I find it hard to believe that it will replace the Peter Ustinov movie I loved so much (and still love).

       
    As for my list though? That took some thought. I watch (and rewatch) tons of movies each year. Eventually I decided to break them down into categories, each with movies I've seen at least ten times each (some by virtue of just having been around a long time but, yes, there are movies from 2021 I've seen already seen ten times that got listed too!)...

    • MARVEL STUDIOS MOVIES. No need to list them. I've seen ALL of them multiple, multiple times.

    • JUST PLAIN AWESOME FLICKS. These are movies I don't put on as "background noise" but actually want to watch over and over again. And, yeah, I haven't seen the current Dune movie ten times... but I probably will have by the end of the year since I'm already at five times!

    • Atomic Blonde (2017)
    • The Big Blue (Le Grand Bleu) (1998)
    • About Time (2013)
    • Blade Runner (2007)
    • Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
    • Cinema Paradiso (1990)
    • Dune (2021)
    • Field of Dreams (1989)
    • The Fifth Element (1997)
    • Galaxy Quest (1999)
    • Gifted (2017)
    • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)
    • The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)
    • Lost in Translation (2003)
    • The Old Guard (2020)
    • Paul (2011)
    • Sneakers (1992)
    • Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1997)
    • Wonder Boys (2000)

    • COMFORT FOOD. Movies I put on when working just to have something nice going on in the background which won't distract from my work because I've seen them so many times.

    • 9 to 5 (1980)
    • 50 First Dates (2004)
    • About Time (2013)
    • Back to the Future Trilogy (1985-1990)
    • Baseketball (1998)
    • Bedazzled (2000)
    • Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
    • The Bird Cage (1996)
    • Burglar (1987)
    • Clueless (1995)
    • Coming to America (1988)
    • Commando (1985)
    • Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
    • Deadpool (2016)
    • Death on the Nile (1978)
    • The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
    • Die Hard (1988)
    • Doc Hollywood (1991)
    • Dune (1984)
    • Eurotrip (2004)
    • Fever Pitch (2005)
    • Fletch (1985)
    • For Your Eyes Only (1981)
    • Ghostbusters (1984)
    • Groundhog Day (1993)
    • The Heat (2013)
    • Ideal Home (2018)
    • Knight and Day (2010)
    • Love Actually (2003)
    • Love, Simon (2018)
    • The Lovebirds (2020)
    • Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
    • Music and Lyrics (2007)
    • My Cousin Vinny (1992)
    • Ocean's 8 (2018)
    • Office Space (1999)
    • Overboard (1987)
    • Overboard (2018)
    • Popstar: Never Stop Stopping (2016)
    • The Princess Bride (1987)
    • Secondhand Lions
    • The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)
    • Spy (2015)
    • Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
    • This is Spinal Tap (1984)
    • Trading Places (1983)
    • Under Siege (1992)
    • V.I. Warshawski (1991)
    • Veronica Mars (2014)
    • What We Do In the Shadows (2015)
    • White Chicks (2004)
    • Wimbledon (2004)
    • Wonder Woman (2017)

    • HALLMARK-STYLE MOVIES. These are also "comfort movies" for me... but kind of deserve a category all their own because they are even less of a distraction as background noise (except Bridal Wave, which sucks me in every time). These movies are playing ALL THE TIME while I'm working or blogging or whatever.

    • The Baker's Son (2021)
    • Bridal Wave (2015)
    • The Christmas Card (2006)
    • Dashing in December (2020)
    • A Frosty Affair (2015)
    • Holidate (2020)
    • Like Cats & Dogs (2017)
    • Love and Sunshine (2019)
    • Love at the Shore (2017)
    • Midnight at the Magnolia (2020)
    • My Summer Prince (2016)
    • Royally Ever After (2018)
    • Second Chances (2013)
    • The Spirit of Christmas (2015)
    • Summer Villa (2016)
    • A Winter Princess (2016)

    These are far from a list of my favorite movies (all of Tarantino's films would be on here if that were true). They're just the movies I've seen the most.

    It would be interesting to revisit this in five years to see what movies get added.

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    L’Incal

    Posted on Thursday, November 4th, 2021

    Dave!The news of the day? Taika Waititi is adapting The Incal by Jodorowsky and Mœbius.

    This is interesting from any number of viewpoints, not the least of which is that Waititi is one of my favorite directors going. Between What We Do In The Shadows, Thor: Ragnarok, Jojo Rabbit and Hunt for the Wilderpeople, the guy seems incapable of making a bad film. But holy crap... he's already attached to Akira, Flash Gordon, and a few television series... how does he have the time for all this?

    But still, The Incal is a fantastic work, and seeing it adapted into a movie or series seems like a no-brainer...

    The Incal Graphic Novel

    Kinda timely that this was announced on the heels of the success that Denis Villeneuve's Dune movie is experiencing.

    Back before the David Lynch Dune in 1984, Alejandro Jodorowsky was working on a movie of his own based on the novel. His efforts were famously made into a documentary called Jodorowsky's Dune that had some truly amazing ideas that were equal parts interesting and bizarre. The documentary is worth a look, if you have a chance to see it.

    Anyway... after his Dune movie fell apart, Jodorowsky took his concepts and reworked them into a series of comics called The Incal (Mœbius having been one of his collaborators for the visuals on Dune). I could explain it, but this really good YouTuber did that for me last year...

    And for more, here's Jodorowsky and Taika himself...

    Probably won't see anything come of this until 2025, but thems the breaks.

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    Bullet Sunday 737

    Posted on Sunday, November 7th, 2021

    Dave!I may be dealing with some very upset cats now that Daylight Saving Time has ended, but fear not... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • MEME! One of my all-time favorite memes... if not my most favorite... is the "How do you do, fellow kids?" meme (taken from 30 Rock) by Steve Buscemi. This year for Halloween he went AS HIS OWN MEME, and it's glorious...

    Steve Buscemi dressed as his own meme for Halloween.
    Photo from @DebraWexler_ on Twitter.

    And if, somehow, you've never seen the original context for this meme... here you go!

    I've always been a fan of Steve Buscemi. The guy ran to Ground Zero after the 9-11 terrorist attacks to search for survivors. He was a firefighter before becoming an actor and wanted to help out. He's had my respect ever since. On top of that he's a great actor. Every time he pops up, you know his part is going to be interesting... or hilarious.

       
    • MATH DUEL, FIGHT! I am not a mathematician. I just don't have the headspace to get into the maths is requires. But the history of mathematics is something I absolutely love. Most all the discoveries and advancements made have some fascinating and highly entertaining stories around them. The Veritasium YouTube channel excels at bringing these stories to life in a way that's interesting even if you have no idea about the maths. This new one is really good...

    I mean... come on. There's always been drama since the dawn of humanity. There's drama in The Bible, for heaven's sake. But back before the internet and telephones, it was some truly bizarre shit. And I love it!

       
    • 80's TV! I love love love Acapulco on Apple TV+. This is a "behind-the-scenes" video that gives you a taste of what the show is about...

    It's actually a sequel (of sorts) to the movie How To Be a Latin Lover, but you don't need to have seen it in order to enjoy this series. Highly recommended.

       
    • Pink! I went to watch The Wheel of Time on Amazon Prime Video only to find out it's yet another freakin' "zero" non-episode. Then I saw Amazon was recommending a movie I never heard of called Touch of Pink. And it's truly bizarre. Jimi Mistry plays a gay guy who escaped his traditional Muslim family in Toronto by moving to London, England. He's in a relationship there and their lives are thrown into disarray when his conservative mother comes to visit. What makes it different than dozens of other movies following this formula is that Jimi Mistry has an imaginary friend... who is CARY GRANT?!? Played by Kyle MacLachlan?!? It's actually kinda charming, and Jimi's mom is fantastic...

    But here's the real surprise.... as I was watching I was all "What the heck ever happened to Jimi Mistry?" Turns out he fell in love with his dance partner from an appearance on Strictly Come Dancing and they moved to the countryside to become farmers! The guy hasn't done any acting since 2015! Hope he's happy in his life away from our screens and televisions.

       
    • Alexa Say What? Why are we constantly settling for crappy apps that we pay for? All I wanted was to listen to the Kylie Minogue track Better the Devil You Know when I got home. I don't know much about her, but I love this one song. I had INXS on in my car, and it reminded me of the rumor that the Kylie track was about Michael Hutchence. So I tell Alexa to play it when I walk in the door. Instead of just playing the song I want, it starts playing... well... SOMETHING. I'm guessing it's some kind of remix or whatnot, but since the Amazon Alexa app is 100% SHIT, you can't even read what the hell it's playing...

    Echo displays an incomprehensible mishmash of chopped text to show what's playing.

    After yelling different ways (ORIGINAL! LIVE! OLD VERSION!) I finally just play it via the YouTube music video on my phone. Does anybody on Amazon's dev team actually use their own app? Because surely they would notice this, right?

       
    • SCIENCE! So the reason I hate broccoli, cauliflower, and Brussel sprouts can be explained by actial science! Bitter salad greens like arugula and kale are awful to me. And now we know why. Probably the same thing that makes some people think that cilantro tastes like soap?

       
    • Pro! What happens when Apple stops treating the MacBook Pro as a vanity project and actually builds something that has what professionals need to get real work done...

    I've been waiting for this for nearly a decade.

       
    And now back to our regular Day Light Saved programming...

       

    I Am Team Zissou

    Posted on Wednesday, November 10th, 2021

    Dave!Wes Anderson has such a unique and wonderful voice when it comes to his films that he's long been one of my favorite writer/directors. He got my attention with his first film Bottle Rocket. I greatly enjoyed his follow-up film, Rushmore. His take on The Royal Tenenbaums showed that his first two films were no fluke and he was honing his craft. But it wasn't until his fourth film, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou that I fell in love with Anderson's craft. It was so unique, so bizarre, so wonderful that I didn't have any choice but to love the movie...

    It doesn't hurt that the casting was impeccable. The Life Aquatic stars Bill Murray as Steve Zissou, an oceanographer documentary filmmaker who was once celebrated, but has seen his star fallen. The movie kicks into gear as Steve debuts his latest film about the "Leopard Shark" who ate his longtime friend and collaborator while on an expedition. At the premiere of his film, Steve says that his next work will be a "Part Two" where he hunts down the shark and kills it for revenge.

    You also get Anjelica Houston as his wife, Owen Wilson as the son he never met, Cate Blanchet as a reporter along to document the documentary, Willem Dafoe as his German shipmate, Jeff Goldblum as his arch-rival documentarian, and Michael Gambon as his agent.

    Plus you get Seu Jorge as Pelé, the ship's trubador who sings David Bowie songs in Portugeuse throughout the story, which is as amazing as you'd think it would be.

    The thing that makes this quirky film so utterly charming is the wild (and impossible) ocean creatures you get to see. They're colorful, wonderful creations from Wes Anderson's imagination that couldn't exist in Real Life, but seem perfectly at home in The Life Aquatic. But my favorite thing would have to be the massive set of Steve's ship, The Belafonte. Whenever you are inside the ship, you are actually on a set for the entire ship that's been split in half. This means the camera can follow the characters as they walk around the ship. And it's glorious...

    It's kinda telling that The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou was a bit of a flop at the box office. Critics weren't very kind (it currently holds a 56% "Rotten" crticis rating on Rotten Tomatoes... the lowest of all his films), though the moviegoers who saw it loved the thing (82% audience score). I think it just goes to show that jaded critics lack the wonder and imagination needed to truly appreciate it.

    I watched the movie a couple months ago in anticipation of Wes Anderson's next film... The French Dispatch. But then this afternoon I saw an Adidas ad, it reminded me of the Team Zissou Limited Edition sneakers that Adidas actually made for the film, and sold as a promo to go along with it, so I was compelled to watch it again...

    The Steve Zissou Limited Edition Adidas Shoes!

    Always time well-spent. If you haven't seen this cinematic gem, it's worth a look. I think Hulu currently has it available for streaming.

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    Bus Boy Shang-Chi Watch Party

    Posted on Friday, November 12th, 2021

    Dave!I am still not stepping foot into theaters. A part of me wonders if I ever will again. Because I have to say... I like watching movies at home far, far more than I do going to a theater. Like... frickin' MILES more.

    Quentin Tarantino recently made a plea about supporting movie theaters thusly... "You have an experience with a bunch of strangers. And at that moment, once the movie gets going, once the lights are down, you become a collective.” And I'm like... yeah, but it's the other people that makes going to the theater such a shitty experience. And that was BEFORE the pandemic! People talking. People texting. People taking phone calls. People yelling at their kids. People putting their feet up on your seat or kicking it. People being assholes. THAT'S WHAT I HATE ABOUT THE THEATER. And since people now-a-days are more awful and less considerate with each passing day, I'll take a big ol' pass at paying a lot of money for a shitty experience. I have a very nice home theater system where there's nobody to ruin the movie for me. Love your movies, Quentin... but... well... sorry. I can wait 2 to 4 months to avoid being tortured.

    And while I was tempted to see Shang-Chi in theaters because I wanted to see it so bad (something I am currently struggling with when it comes to Eternals and will struggle with again when it comes to Spider-Man: No Way Home), I held fast.

    But I'm still supporting the movie. I bought a copy on the iTunes Store today ($20, cheap!), but will repeat-watch on Disney+ to be sure that it gets my views (besides, Disney+ is showing the IMAX-filled scenes in near-full-screen height, which is an added bonus).

    And now we can watch together, yay!

    Buying Shang-Chi on iTunes!

    Purchased Shang-Chi on iTunes!

    Buying Shang-Chi on iTunes!

    My spoiler-filled type-along with my second viewing of the film is in an extended entry.

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...

       

    Bullet Sunday 738

    Posted on Sunday, November 14th, 2021

    Dave!I may be dealing with some very upset cats now that Daylight Saving Time has ended, but fear not... because a Very Special Disney+ Day Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Hawkeye! So many tantalizing glimpses into this series, which appears to be adapting one of the best comic book arcs of all history... Matt Fraction & David Aja's Hawkeye. The Marvel Disney+ Day Special. I was positively giddy watching the footage. Jeremy Renner just has the character nailed and Haley Stansfield looks like all kinds of fun as Kate Bishop...

    If you even like comics a little bit and haven't read through the Fraction/Aja run, you owe it to yourself to take a look.

       
    • Moon Knight! This is one of the more complex characters in the Marvel comics, so it was a smart decision to make sure that they got an actor with the talent to make it happen... Oscar Isaac.

    From the looks of it, they are totally going in on Marc Spector's multiple personalities and struggles with mental challenges. I cannot wait to see how this unfolds.

       
    • She-Hulk! When it comes to characters that don't get the credit they deserve, No. 1 on the list is Aquaman. He's been partially redeemed by his movie, but many people still think that he's a wasted character whose only super-power is "talking to fish." No. 2 is Hawkeye. He's actually an incredible character in the right hands but is perceived as being useless. No. 3 on the list is She-Hulk. Make no mistake... she was pretty redundant and boring in the comics for a long while. But then John Byrne took over her book and completely revolutionized it. You know how Deadpool is always breaking the 4th wall and speaking to the audience because he knows he's in a comic/movie? Byrne's She-Hulk did it first. And the result was just as good. But most people don't know this, so she gets dismissed. Until now...

    It looks like they are keeping the whole "break the 4th wall" thing that made her famous. Which will undoubtedly upset the fanboys because they'll think she's copying Deadpool. Oh well. I am looking forward to this show not because I love the character, but because I love the actor playing her... Tatiana Maslany. That promises to be very interesting.

       
    • Ms. Marvel! I never know how to feel when a character is changed in the name of diversity. On one hand... are creators so bankrupt of ideas that they can't come up with new characters to add diversity and have to recycle old ones? But on the other hand... recycling instantly establishes a new character in a recognizable role. Ultimately I'm for anything they can do to make comics more diverse (it's just so damn tired that 98% of everything is cisgender, heterosexual, and white). And sometimes it's done so well that recycling is actually successful. They made Amadeus Cho be The Hulk and they made Miles Morales be Spider-Man... both of which were done really well. So well that they eventually became their own thing. But my absolute favorite change in the name of diversity? Ms. Marvel. For those not in the know, Carol Danvers used to be Ms. Marvel before she became Captain Marvel. Then a young Muslim girl, Kamala Khan, (who is a fan of Captain Marvel) adopted her old Ms. Marvel identity when she got super-powers. The comics are fantastic, and now we're getting a series on Disney+...


    Kamala Khan will also be in The Marvels movie, so I think the character might be around for a while. Thank heavens.

       
    • And More Marvel! All we got for the other series in development were title cards... I am Groot, The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special, What If: Season 2, Echo, Loki: Season 2, Ironheart, Agatha: House of Harkness, Armor Wars, and Secret Invasion. Interesting to note that a series for Agatha Harkness had only been rumored, but is now confirmed. Can't wait to see Kathryn Hahn unleashed for that!

       
    • Ciao Alberto! Few movies have sucked me in as quickly as Luca did. It was just phenomenally beautifully animated, and I spent hours freeze-framing to study it (then bought the Art of Luca book to study it even more). For Disney+ Day, they released a short 8-minute film showing what happens to Alberto after Luca leaves for school...

    It's wonderful. And as gorgeous as the film. To get a full series of just this would be fantastic... so fingers crossed this was just testing the waters.

       
    • Cars on the Road! It's hard to believe that there's a Pixar franchise I don't like... but it would be Cars. Larry the Cable Guy and Owen Wilson will be reprising their roles in a new cross-country series for the world of Cars which might be interesting? I dunno. I liked the first movie a little, and it's been diminishing returns ever since.

       
    • Baymax! My favorite Pixar character is Sully from Monsters Inc.... my second favorite is Baymax from Big Hero 6. Sadly, I haven't liked anything to come out of the Monsters franchise since the original... but it looks like they nailed the new Baymax! series...

    Yeah. I'll totally be tuning in to that.

       
    • Turning Red! Not only does this movie look really good. It's also stunningly animated. So beautifully nuanced in every single scene. JUST LOOK AT THIS...

    AND THIS...

    This is Pixar returning to form, and I am here for it.

       
    • Tiana! When it comes to the Disney Princess set, it's pretty cool that The Princess and the Frog gave us a hero in Tiana. She was beautifully realized and had some terrific moments. Now she's getting her own movie, but we know precious little about it. Other than it takes place after the movie.

       
    • Star Wars! If there's a Disney property that got royally screwed, it's Star Wars and the Lucasfilm stuff. Yeah, we got a charming look at the cast for the Willow series. Yeah, there was a brief check-in on Obi-Wan. But about all we really got was a complete retread of Boba Fett material in a "Special Look" that had new insights from the people working on The Book of Boba Fett series...

    That show doesn't arrive until December 29. After that it's anybody's guess as to when we're getting Season 03 of The Mandalorian, Season 01 of Obi-Wan, Season 01 of Ashoka, Season 01 of The Acolyte, Season 01 of Lando, and... the series I most want to see... Season 01 of Andor. I doubt all of them will be released in 2022, so some of them will undoubtedly end up all the way in 2023. That's lean pickings for Star Wars fans.

       
    • Prey! One of the 20th Century Fox properties that Disney got in the purchase was Predator. To be honest, I haven't cared much for anything that followed the original Schwarzenegger flick. The Danny Glover sequel was okay, I guess. But Predators and The Predator were pretty weak. The Alien vs. Predator flicks were even worse. Now Disney is shunting a new Predator movie to Hulu called Prey. The concept is solid... it's set in the Comanche Nation 300 years ago... but I'm not letting my hopes get too high.

       
    • Jungle Cruise! In addition to Disney+ releasing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, they also dropped the Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt movie Jungle Cruise. I thought it was... okay? I mean, it was really well-made. The special effects were great. The casting was perfect. And it was entertaining. It's just that it felt that it needed a story that was a little more streamlined. It was all twists and turns and set-up to a big reveal that ended up being inconsequential. It's like why?

    Like I said... it was okay. I don't regret the time I spent watching it. I just wish that the people behind the movies like this would edit themselves a little better. At each point they should be asking Why are we doing this? Does it make the story better? Is it necessary? Sadly, too much of the time in Jungle Cruise the answer is "no."

       
    Whew. I'm too exhausted for anyone more bullets!

       

    Red Notice Roadshow

    Posted on Monday, November 15th, 2021

    Dave!I love Ryan Reynolds so much that my cat is named after him... "Jake Ryan Reynolds Simmer." He's just sheer entertainment from start to finish, and even though he's basically the same character in all his movies... I honestly don't care. He partnered with Netflix for the great movie Six Underground (which I'm still hoping gets a sequel) and now a new movie, Red Notice with The Rock and Wonder Woman. It was, as expected, highly entertaining...

    Red Notice Poster.

    Of course the critics gave it bad reviews because they don't give a shit about having fun at the movies, but I really enjoyed it. And it's apparently the biggest streaming debut Netflix has ever had, so there's that.

    And now there's this... which might not make sense unless you've seen the movie...

    I think the movies left on my 2021 Bucket List are Eternals, Spiderman: No Way Home, and Matrix: Resurrection. Fortunately I can see The Matrix on HBO Max, but I'm not sure if I'll risk a trip to the theaters for the other two.

    Maybe?

       

    Scooby-Doo THIS!

    Posted on Friday, November 19th, 2021

    Dave!I am not terribly thrilled that Marvel is going the "Multiverse" route with their films. The need to make sure that the earlier Spider-Man movies are a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is dragging us backwards rather than taking us forward by cutting them loose. Will it be nice to see Alfred Molina as Doc Ock again? Sure. But at the expense of miring the MCU with the silly idea that Peter Parker looks completely different in the different universes? It makes no sense.

    But here we go anyway...

    In addition to Alfred Molina, we're definitely getting Willen DaFoe as Green Goblin and Jamie Foxx as Electro. And it looks like we're getting Rhys Ifans as The Lizard and Thomas Haden Church as Sandman... though those could just be CGI additions with no connection to the actual actors.

    But it's like... why?

    Why not create new versions of these characters that are closely tied to what Marvel Studios is doing now? Does this mean that these characters will never appear in the MCU proper because they are from a different universe? That doesn't seem too smart.

    It seems likely all of this is to keep Sony happy, since they have the Spider-Man movie rights tied up and, technically, the character is on-loan to Marvel. The Multiverse allows them to have Spider-Man back for their Venom movies and such while still allowing Spider-Man to move forward with Marvel Studio films. It's a profitable double-dip. Assuming Tom Holland wants to continue on. Though this could also all be a set-up to give us Miles Morales Spider-Man.

    They really should have let DC Comics hang on to this bad idea in their The Flash movie and kept moving forward with the success they had been having.

    Oh well. Dr. Strange looks to be having a great time in the movie, so perhaps that will be compensation for what feels like a big blunder. But who knows? Maybe Marvel has figured it all out so that it's actually a good thing.

       

    Bullet Sunday 739

    Posted on Sunday, November 21st, 2021

    Dave!It may be snowing out my window, but it will always be warm here at Blogography... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Sweet! Huh. M&M'S USA Sugar Cookie tastes just like a sugar cookie! Weird!

    But... cool. And tasty.

       
    • Pep! One of the most pleasant surprises to come out of HBO Max was the four-episode Adventure Time: Distant Lands episodes. As a massive fan of Adventure Time, it was so great seeing more from the show after it went away. Every episode was absolutely brilliant, and this last one... featuring Peppermint Butler called Wizard City is my favorite of the bunch...

    I really hope that we get another season, because all these episodes did was make me want more Adventure Time!

       
    • Simu! I don't know if Simu Liu inspired everybody or what, but last night's Saturday Night Live was one of the best episodes in a while...

    The fact that every once in a while SNL is actually good kind of messes with my head. So many times it's mostly not funny and a waste of time.

       
    • Man Park! Speaking of SNL, this sketch from last week was about the only bright spot in an otherwise forgettable episode...

    I become more and more a fan of Pete Davidson with every sketch he's in like this.

       
    • Homeopathy! Welp...

    This was really well done (as are all the Kurzgesagt videos) and I like how they actually acknowledge that there are things that can be learned from homeopathy, which is true from many things that are ultimately nonsense. Beneath it all, the nonsense is believed because there's something there being addressed which is not being addressed otherwise.

       
    • Gravy! This had me laughing way harder than I should have...

    @marcwinski #duet with @justinrileyyy Gravy Sales #joke #share #food #fyp #thanksgiving ♬ Aww just gravy - Justin Riley

       
    • Rant Rant! From ScreenRant: Shang-Chi's Ending Repeats A Problem We Thought The MCU Had Evolved Past. — Spoiler Alert... they say that "As mentioned before, many of the MCU's final acts have largely been flashy CGI battles."WELL NO SHIT! THAT'S WHAT THE PEOPLE WHO DRIVE UP BILLION-DOLLAR BOX OFFICE RECEIPTS WANT TO SEE! What would you like Marvel to do? Have Shang-Chi hug it out with his dad when the guy shows up at the end and then walk off into the sunset? These are COMIC BOOK MOVIES! Have you ever READ a comic book? CGI has finally gotten to the point where the massively cool battles that we've been seeing in comic books for decades CAN ACTUALLY BE CREATED FOR MOVIES! So why would Marvel Studios not do that? Why fix what ain't broken? The final battle in Shang-Chi was absolutely epic and a blast to watch. The CGI team killed it. Beautiful, thrilling, comic-book-come-to-life, over-the-top action. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT FROM A COMIC BOOK MOVIE! If I want emotionally-driven drama, I'll watch something else. And if that's what you're looking for, I suggest you do the same. We've come a long, long way from when The X-Men battled frickin' WATER in their second movie. THEY FOUGHT WATER!!! ACTUAL WATER WAS THE FRICKIN' BATTLE AT THE END! And we don't want to go back to that pathetic crap. Now that Marvel Studios finally have The X-Men movie rights back, I am absolutely dying to see what we get out of the films they're dreaming up. Lord God please let it be massive CGI battles in the sky!

       
    And that's a wrap on snowy bullets... they're already melting.

       

    Worst of the Worst

    Posted on Wednesday, November 24th, 2021

    Dave!Last night when I turned on the television so I had background noise running while I work, a movie recommendation popped up. X-Men: Dark Phoenix. I was floored. Why in the hell would they be recommending the worst super-hero comic book movie ever made? And then I was like... wait... second worst. Because first on that list is Wonder Woman '84, and no other movie will likely dethrone it from the top spot.

    At least I sure as hell hope not.

    It got me to thinking about all the horrible super-hero comic book films that got made, so I thought I'd run through those I remembered.

    • Wonder Woman '84
      What makes this horrifically shitty film so painful is that the first Wonder Woman film was so amazing. But this time we get plot holes so inexplicably huge and a story so embarrassingly stupid that it's impossible to believe that everybody who was involved has anything to do with the original. And yet... they were. In addition to one of the stupidest fucking villains with one of the the stupidest fucking powers doing the stupidest fucking things, we also got Wonder Woman pulling powers out of her ass left and right in a way that made you think she can do whatever the hell she wants to do. Plus a bizarre take on The Cheetah which is disappointing enough to put this film on the list all by itself. As if all that weren't enough, there was no internal logic or consistency. Patty Jenkins and the writers didn't give a shit about making anything make sense. So we end up with functional planes being gassed up and ready to go at a museum and scores of other idiotic dumbassery that makes this not even the worst comic book movie ever made... but one of the worst films ever made period.
    • ALL X-Men Films (except First Class)
      Anything that Bryan Singer touches goes to shit, and nowhere is that more blatantly apparent than his grotesque take on the X-Men. At first, I was willing to cut them some slack because technological limitations of the time made depicting all their various powers difficult and expensive. BUT THEY COULD STILL COME UP WILL STORIES THAT WEREN'T SHIT! My God. They just kept getting progressively worse... then there was the bright spot we got with the prequel X-Men: First Class... only to have Bryan Singer come back and take a massive steaming dump all over everything. To add insult to injury, they wrapped everything up with Dark Phoenix, which is about the worst take of them all. Thank God Marvel Studios have the licensing back. I am praying that they manage to come up with something actually good for a concept that has never made great movies.
    • Superman Returns
      Not content to let Bryan Singer fuck up the X-Men, DC Comics wanted to let him ruin Superman as well, allowing him to effectively kill the franchise for a second time. And it was really too bad, because I thought Brandon Routh made a fantastic Superman. But even a group of talented actors couldn't save the shitty story... which was essentially a bad retread of the original Superman. That being said, there is one solitary moment in this film that I thought was incredibly well done. It's after Superman has been taken to the hospital and is dying. Out side is a throng of people waiting for news to see whether he's alive or dead. In the crowd is Martha Kent. Even though she's Superman's mom, she has to wait outside with everybody else because nobody knows that Clark Kent is Superman. It's absolutely heartbreaking, and made you realize that there was probably a good film in this mess somewhere... it's just that Bryan Singer was incapable of finding it.
    • Superman III and Superman IV: Quest for Peace
      The reason these hit so hard for me is that Superman: The Movie and Superman II were so sublimely good. And that was after the Salkinds ripped the movie away from Richard Donner and tried their best to fuck them up. Christopher Reeve was Superman. But, even more important, he was Clark Kent. Then you drop in a flawless Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor... plus some incredibly ambitious stories... and it was absolute magic (then they brought back the Donner cut of Superman II and it was as if every fanboy's prayers had been answered). But then they made two sequels that went beyond bad, and the only thing left was Christopher Reeve. Good as he is, even he can't make something out of nothing.
    • Man of Steel and Batman vs. Superman and Justice League
      Zack Snyder had one good movie (300) and one okay movie (Watchmen) and apparently that was enough for DC Comics to hand over the keys to the entire DC Comics Cinematic Universe. The result was an absolute disaster that, in some ways, is even worse than the Bryan Singer movies because at least Snyder had cutting-edge special effects to make his movies work. Unfortunately, he decided that enduring characters which people had been loving for decades needed "improving upon" and put his own spin on things. And apparently his whole plan was to come up with shitty, convoluted stories which revolve around deadly-serious, dreary, boring, films that are utterly devoid of joy... or common sense. And while the casting is mostly good, there were some bone-headed decisions for critical characters (see: Lex Luthor) that were so horribly off the mark that the films would have been sabotaged even if they were actually good. Which they were definitely not.
    • Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Fantastic Four
      How you can fuck up a Fantastic Four movie is a real head-scratcher. But Fox managed to do it three times over. I'm just going to ignore the first two and focus on the attempted reboot in 2015, because it's the one which is really driving this. It was awful. Beyond awful. Not a damn thing made any sense and the casting was inexplicably bad (ironically the casting that was the most controversial, Michael B. Jordan as Human Torch, was the only thing that worked for me). And then there's the fact that the Fantastic Four never even show up until the very end. Lord, what a waste.
    • Catwoman
      Yet another case of flawless casting being utterly destroyed by a horrible story. Halle Berry deserved far better. As did we all.
    • The New Mutants
      Why? Just... why? The idea of a super-hero comic book movie being given a horror slant is not a bad one. On the contrary, it seemed like a good idea for something new. The problem is that they fucked it up from start to finish and it failed all genres that it stepped in. Wasn't scary. Wasn't exciting. Wasn't a comic book movie. Wasn't much of a film. In all honesty, Disney should have just stuck this 20th Century Fox mess in a vault and never let it seen the light of day. Not that it matters. Anybody who ever saw it likely forgot about it within 24 hours. Or wish they had.
    • Green Lantern
      They wise enough to make the decision to cast Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan and Mark Strong as Sinestro... so what the hell went so terribly wrong? EVERY. OTHER. DECISION. Where's the fucking story? Green Lantern could have been a story of cosmic scope that defied belief. But instead they just utterly trashed the character for no good reason. Everything from his hideously bad CGI costume to the gawdawful take of both Parallax and Hector Hammond as "villains" just made this so very, very disappointing.
    • Batman Forever and Batman and Robin
      The first two Batman films were Tim Burton weirdness that didn't 100% work... but they were at least entertaining. And they gave us Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman, so there's that. But then Joel Schumacher took over and gave us these stupid, campy films which had so many poor decisions piled up that there was no room for actual Batman stories in them. It was made doubly bizarre, because the casting wasn't exactly terrible... Jim Carrey as The Riddler? Perfect. Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face? Great. Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy? Nice! Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl? Flawless. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Doctor Freeze? Weird, but okay. Chris O'Donnell as Robin? Too old, but I get it. And even Val Kilmer and George Clooney weren't terrible choices for Batman. Which means it all comes down to the writing and direction, which was embarrassing in a way that even the 1960's television show couldn't beat.
    • Elektra
      I think had they invested the money so the script could have revolved around an actual story, an Elektra spin-off was a great idea. But instead they cheaped out, leaving us with something that was bizarrely detached from the character that Jennifer Garner created in Daredevil.
    • Spider-Man 3
      The first two Toby Maguire films were darn good. Better than they had a right to be, actually. But then things went completely off the rails. Sam Raimi crammed in too many villains in too many ways with too many bizarre turns for this movie to have any hope at all. But the thing that just dropped this one in the gutter was the way they completely trashed all the characters. Mary Jane was written horribly. Peter Parker (under the influence of the symbiote) became devoid of everything that makes Peter Parker be Peter Parker. And then there's Venom... a villain which was made a laughable shadow of the character that was established in the comics. So many bad choices. They say that the studio interfered with what Sam Raimi wanted to do, which makes a lot of sense. But is inexplicable given the success he had with the first two films.
    • Amazing Spider-Man and Amazing Spider-Man 2
      After screwing up the Toby Maquire franchise, Sony decided to take another shot at the character and rebooted Spidey with Andrew Garfield. Ultimately you have to wonder why they bothered, because they didn't really do anything new. On the contrary, they went back to arcs that were already explored with the first trilogy, then made things so horribly complicated with Peter's dead parents being spies (or whatever) that it was as if they didn't feel Spider-Man could carry a movie. Which is understandable... Sony had a Spider-Verse to build. Alas, those plans were scrapped when Amazing Spider-Man 2 bombed.
    • Hulk
      Ang Lee taking on The Hulk seems like a dream come true. But the movie was just not very entertaining. There were some ideas that were cool enough... but there just wasn't much going on past that. It was seriously troubling that the script's many problems weren't worked out before filming ever started. The fact that they weren't is really difficult to understand. I guess they just trusted Ang Lee to figure it out, but ultimately he didn't want it to be the super-hero movie that it needed to be and we got this. In truth, the follow-up film wasn't a heck of a lot better, but at least they tried to make Hulk be Hulk.

    Yikes. More than I thought I'd remember. It's almost as though I should rewatch all the Marvel Studios movies for the hundredth time so I can have good super-hero comic book movies back in my head.

       

    Bullet Sunday 740

    Posted on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

    Dave!Since I'm back from my Thanksgiving adventure, I might as well bullet up the internet... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Past Midnight! Fly By Midnight is my favorite band of 2021... and they never disappoint. This live broadcast is wonderful...

    I cannot believe that I didn't even know they even existed until a couple months ago. The music industry is weird.

       
    • Mata WHAT?! Okay. I know it will get better. I understand this. But right now? No thanks. The "metaverse" looks awful...

    Maybe for an occasional chat, but I don't want to live here.

       
    • InstaGreat! Oh nothing... just InstaCart making my Thanksgiving be great by doing God's work...

    Alas, Instacart isn't quite so accessible when I'm at home... but across the mountains I absolutely love that a few clicks is all it takes to get whatever you need brought right to your door!

       
    • DavidLL! Six calls. SIX FUCKING CALLS to U.S. Bank to try and get my name correct on my account. Surely I am not the only "II" to ever have an account at US Bank?? But despite SIX CALLS, my account is still fucked up. My name is David Simmer II. Not David II Simmer. Not David Simmer LL. Not DavidL Simmer. Not DavidSimmer LL. AND NOT DAVID L LL!! Jesus Christ... what the fuck does it take? How hard is this? Apparently it's equivalent to fucking brain surgery that it's STILL NOT RIGHT after SIX FUCKING CALLS!!! Forget having nice, kind customer service agents. I want a total asshole who will ACTUALLY. GET. THE. JOB. DONE!

    US Bank can't get my name right.

    The fifth time I literally walked them through it... "The first name box should be DAVID, the last name box should be SIMMER, the suffix box should be TWO CAPITAL I's to get II. I don't use my middle name and would prefer not to have it left blank, but if you insist, the middle name box should say LEWIS. Didn't make any difference. Still got it wrong.

       
    • Dope Soap! I see Ice-T in the new Tide Pod commercials and try very hard to remember that he had a music career before he went into acting... and pushing soap. Which is a far cry from when he was pushing dope, which was definitely not cleaned by soap...

    I don't play when it comes to my dope
    I check my lyrics close, like with a microscope
    I don't clean'em up with no ivory soap
    I leave'em hard and pure, hope that you can cope
    Because you might O.D. if you overdrive

    Tide Pods... the soap that's dope!

       
    • Spidey 4, 5, 6! Rumor has it that Sony has backed up a dump truck full of cash to Tom Holland's house for another trilogy of Spider-Man movies. This makes me very, very happy. While ultimately I'm looking forward to Miles Morales taking over the role, I think that Peter Parker has some stories left to tell. Besides, they can always do a Miles Morales movie, then have worlds merge in Spider-Man 6 as a nice hand-off kind of thing.

       
    • A Mother's Love! And, lastly, I had no idea that this happened... The Open Christmas Letter.

       
    Enjoy those fleeting shopping days until Christmas!

       

    The Automat?

    Posted on Thursday, December 9th, 2021

    Dave!Ack!

    There's a documentary on "the automat" (called The Automat) that I really want to see. In pre-COVID times I might have even flew to one of the film festivals where it will be playing in 2022. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with the idea of an automat, but it probably has to do with the movie Dark City, one of my favorite films. "The City" has an automat, and it just looked to cool...

    The Automat from Dark City.

    The Automat from Dark City.

    The Automat from Dark City.

    The Automat from Dark City.

    The Automat from Dark City.

    The Automat from Dark City.

    The Automat from Dark City.

    The fact that they are making Dark City into a television series is something to get excited about. Especially since director Alex Proyas is involved.

    No idea if the film is playing near you (there's a few dates for 2022, and you can find out here) but I'm sure we'll see it on some streaming service eventually. Until then, here's a taste...

    Automats never came out West. The closest I have come to seeing one was a similar concept in Japan, but they didn't have all the little doors like the US Automats had.

    If there's one thing I'm sure of, we'll eventually see an automat again. It's just too fantastic a concept to ever truly die.

    Doubt they'll have pie for a nickel though.

       

    Bullet Sunday 742

    Posted on Sunday, December 12th, 2021

    Dave!Snow has finally come to Redneckistan! But will it last? Doesn't matter... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • MACGRUBER! This coming Thursday. Four more days. I love, love, loved the MacGruber movie. I've watched it an embarrassing number of times and have been wanting a sequel forever. But a TV series will do just fine...

    It looks like it's going to be even better than the movie. Can't wait!

       
    • Beautiful! Flawless...

    Dumbass bigots self-own so often that I just accept it as their default.

       
    • Enter the Matrix! I'm intrigued...

    Though I remember being excited for the two shitty sequels we got last time, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

       
    • Crossed-Stitched! This made my entire morning (here's a link if TikTok is being a dick)...

    @landscapesareboring

    This. Took. So. Long. 😢 ##pleasehitlike ##myfingershurt ##TubiTaughtMe ##crossstitch ##xstitch ##summer ##foryourpride ##shecamedowninabubbledoug

    ♬ original sound - Collecting Weekly Clips

    Priceless.

       
    • BACON! In general, not buying Kellogg's products has been easy for me... except Morning Star Farms fake bacon. I eat this stuff by the truckload. I put it on sandwiches. I eat it for breakfast. I crumble it and put it on everything... E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G... because it's such a great product. There are few alternatives in my area, and the ones I've tried have been awful. I seriously hope that Kellogg reconsiders their abhorrent behavior so I can start buying it again... but... oh well. I refuse to buy any of their products now, and may never buy them again. Hopefully stores will replace Morning Star Farms "Bacon" with Lightlife "Smart Bacon" or something I like.

    It's so weird. I've been buying shitloads of Morning Star Farms since I first became a vegetarian in 1986. In many stores where I live, they were the only option. And many of their products remain a favorite... Grillers Original Burgers... Sausage Patties... OH LORD, THOSE GLORIOUS CORN DOGS... and, of course, the bacon. At most, it's been an inconvenience for me. I dipped and fried my own Lightlife corn dogs and they were every bit as delicious as the Morning Star Farms (better even!), but a hassle to make. I will have to see if I can made 100 of them and hope they freeze well? I dunno. Fingers crossed..

       
    • Happy Holidays! The irony is not lost on me that it may very well end up that my favorite Hallmark Christmas movie of 2021 is actually a Hanukkah movie...

    Maybe it's because they only get one Hanukkah movie each year that they get to put all their good ideas in a single movie... unlike Christmas where all the ideas are split between 40 movies... but this is another winner after an equally good flick last year.

       
    • Interview! I met Anne Rice twice at book signings. When people ask me what she was like, I had the same response both times... "She was nice. But disconcerting because it felt like she could see right through me." And it's true. Nice as can be... made some sweet chit-chat with me... and made me feel like she had supernatural eyesight that was more than a little intimidating.

    Which is why I was very sad to hear of her passing. I liked some of her books. Was less enchanted by others. But ultimately enjoyed the entertainment she generously offered me. But I'm more upset because I feel that a total stranger who knew me better than I knew myself has gone. And, yeah, I know that doesn't make much sense. But it does to me.

       
    And I guess that's all I got to say about that.

       

    Video21

    Posted on Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

    Dave!Welp, you know what time it is... my annual wrap-up of my favorite films of the year! Or, to be more accurate, my favorite films that I actually saw. Which is not as many as usual, thanks to COVID, but here we are.

    Interesting to note that my Number One is not a Marvel Studios movie. Last year it couldn't be because Marvel didn't release any movies... but I'm pretty sure that there's been one of their films in the Top Spot for the previous decade I've been doing this! Shocking, I know!

    THE TWELVE BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Favorite Movies 2021

    #1 Dune (Warner Brothers)
    I'm one of those rare people who actually liked the David Lynch Dune effort in 1984. No, it wasn't "Real Dune" but how could it be? For what it was, it was entertaining and visually interesting, and that was enough for me. Then along comes Denis Villeneuve with his version of Dune and I was hopeful. He split the impossibly complicated novel it into two parts, which seems like it gave him a great start. Then I saw it. And saw it again and again and again. Because I was in disbelief that he actually pulled it off. And the way he pulled it off was to do something I never thought that I'd endorse... he cut out a lot of stuff that seems critical... but was actually not so critical after all. By streamlining the story, he let the parts he kept truly shine. And it was the most important parts, which is what makes this adaption so bloody brilliant. Cannot wait for the second part. And the third, if we get so lucky.

    #2 Spider-Man No Way Home (Sony & Marvel Studios)
    I fully admit that I was expecting to not like this movie. I thought the appearance of the alternate universe villains would overwhelm the story and take the focus off Spider-Man all in the name of fan service. Well, this movie was all about fan service. One could argue that this was the only thing it was about. Much to my surprise, it actually worked. The villains were an accessory to Peter Parker's story, as they should have been. And getting Doctor Strange to appear was icing on the cake. I could have watched Spider-Man battle Doctor Strange for hours. So clever. So well-constructed. So very, very comic book! In fact, this is probably one of the most "comic booky" of the Marvel Studios films so far. And it's for that reason that it's landed in the #2 spot for 2021. Even though I can't even touch on much of what really makes it so good out of fear of spoiling stuff. Suffice to say that every single person who appears in this movie is beyond exceptional in their roles. If you saw it, you know. If you don't know, you should know. What's truly exciting is what comes next. We're left at a very interesting place for Peter Parker in his next trilogy of movies.

    #3 Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel Studios)
    What can I say? They utterly and totally nailed it. That's not surprising. What is surprising is that two movies edged out Shang-Chi on my list! The film provides super-heroic thrills in a way that Marvel excels at... but gives us something new by steeping it in Asian culture and Chinese traditions. The result is magic (and it doesn't hurt that Michelle Yeoh is in it!). Simu Liu and Awkwafina are unassuming valets at a hotel who get dragged into a mystery (with plenty of action) once Shang-Chi's immortal father comes calling. From there we get epic battles with fantastic special effects that run the gamut. One minute we're getting Jackie Chan style kung-fu... the next minute mystical action that is beautifully realized. But the flawless action is tempered with some very nice quieter moments that make you completely forget that this is yet another origin story. Instead it's a really good story that's executed very well. And Michelle Yeoh is in it!

    #4 Black Widow (Marvel Studios)
    What bothers me so much about this film is that it feels as though Natasha Romanov is a supporting character in her own film. She's not... not really... but it feels that way. Taking place prior to her death in Avengers: Endgame (Spoiler Alert!) but after her turn in Captain America: Civil War, this is pretty much a set-up for her sister Yelena Belova to take her place in the Marvel Cinematic Universe of today. Which is most certainly not a bad thing. Yelena is actually a truly great character who was flawless in the Hawkeye Disney+ series... but was it too much to hope that we'd get a little more Black Widow in her first (and likely last) solo film? There's so much going on... Yelena, Red Guardian, Dreykov, Melina Vostok, The Widows, and a weird adaptation of the villainous Taskmaster from the comics... when it would have been nice to just get more Natasha out of it all. We did get a peek at her past (and finally get some questions answered about Budapest and Dreykov's daughter) which was nice though. Ultimately this was an entertaining film that had some terrific action and introduced some memorable characters. But as a send-off for Black Widow it was merely adequate.

    #5 CODA (Apple TV+)
    I don't know that the story synopsis grabbed me (the sole hearing member of a deaf family tries to live her own life while still trying to live up to the expectations and obligations of her family)... but the fact that Marlee Matlin and Eugenio Derbez star in it certainly made me take notice. And then I watched it. At which point I wondered for a millionth time how many gems like this are buried or go unnoticed by me every year. Because if not for Apple picking it up and promoting it heavily during episodes of Ted Lasso, I likely would have never knew it existed (which reminds me of last year's #3 film, Uncle Frank). The title, CODA, means Children Of Deaf Adults, and this coming-of-age tale stuck with me long after the credits rolled. There's just so many wonderful moments that are sublimely acted, and it's almost too good to be true that the film ever came together in the first place. Because that's all you really all you get... wonderful moments that are sublimely acted... which, in this case anyway, is more than enough. No fights or explosions. No hokey plot devices that seem tacked-on. No absurdly over-the-top dramatic moments. No yelling passed off as drama. No badly-shoe-horned plot devices. It's just a story that neatly sidesteps all the things I usually hate about movies like this. Just a story. But a really, really good one.

    #6 Free Guy (20th Century Studios, now Disney)
    This movie shouldn't have been as good as it is. It really shouldn't. A regular, every-day, boring guy discovers that he's actually a character in a video game? Who watched Tron and decided to reimagine that? Well, much to my surprise, the result is darn funny and has some seriously good action beats. Ryan Reynolds is the least "Ryan-Reynold-sy" he's been in a while, seamlessly meshing into a role that seems a bad fit... but one that he manages to pull off exceptionally well. And I'm most grateful that he got the chance. This film merges pop culture with video game culture to give us something special in a way that Ready Player One failed miserably at achieving (though I still enjoyed the book quite a bit). And just when you think that the movie has peaked... you're proven wrong. And you'll be happy to keep being wrong as everything piles up to a satisfying conclusion that makes you happy to have invested time in "just another video game movie."

    Favorite Movies 2021

    #7 Luca (Disney Animation)
    This film would be amazing even if the story was lacking because it just looks so incredible. Animation so beautifully realized that I couldn't take my eyes off of it, and ended up watching three times in two days because I wanted to pore over every scene. The story takes place in the Italian Rivera, and the animators put the time in to capture it flawlessly. And, oh yeah, this story of a sea monster wanting to live a life outside of the water is wholly wonderful, combining heartwarming story beats with genuinely funny moments in a way that almost seems to have a Hayao Miyazaki Studio Ghibli feel to it instead of a Disney Animation feel. I can't possibly offer more praise than that.

    #8 The Map of Tiny Perfect Things (Amazon Prime Streaming)
    So there I was blazing through the streaming services I subscribe to looking for a movie to watch while I work. Amazon Prime recommended this film. And because Prime has an uncanny ability to recommend films I like, I decided to give it a shot. And was rewarded with this wonderful story that so totally absorbed me. Which was great from a movie standpoint... but truly terrible from a productivity standpoint since I didn't manage to get a lick of work done while I'm watching it. Twice. And what's so surprising is that this is yet another attempt at Groundhog Day where people are caught in a repeating time loop. But, like Palm Spring before it (my #7 film of 2020), they actually brought something new to the table and had something to say. The story is fun and sweet. The performances are all brilliant. And the way it comes together at the end really made me feel something. A treat that took me by surprise and was a total treat from start to finish.

    #9 Pig (Al-Film)
    Nicholas Cage in a masterful performance that's as challenging as it is beautiful. So much so that no movie surprised me more than Pig this year. Throw your preconceived notions out the door, go into it with an open mind and heart, and prepare yourself for something great. This is a thinking person's action flick in all the best ways, and the less I say about it before you indulge the better.

    #10 The Suicide Squad (DC & Warner Brothers)
    With James Gunn involved, I was hoping for the best. And that's pretty much what we got. This sequel/reboot of the franchise was a bloody good time and actually fought to live up to the title. Super bad guys get recruited to save the world on a "suicide mission" that will probably kill them, but will reduce their prison time if they survive. If there's a fault for me, it's that the character I most wanted to survive did not, and the character I most wanted to die did not. But, oddly enough, this probably made me like the film better because of it? It's tough to know. It's difficult for me to discuss the story in a way that doesn't spoil it all... but suffice to say that it's got some hilarious beats over some amazing action that made it worth my valuable time to watch.

    #11 Eternals (Marvel Studios)
    It's not that this movie is bad. It's just that it could have been so much better than what we got. It's tough to lay all of this on director Chloé Zhao's doorstep... she was offered a story entirely stuffed with too many characters trying to do too much and had to run with it. And because it's Chloé Zhao, everything certainly looks fantastic. But it's just not enough. These ancient beings who have been hidden amongst us humans finally realize their true purpose when the earth and all of humanity is threatened. Eternals Assemble. Or something. I guess. What's so sad is that they could have streamlined the character list, dropped the unnecessary diversions, and ended up with a movie that would have seriously kicked ass. But alas... we end up with unnecessary set-ups regarding The Black Knight. Characters who were superfluous and there for representation or death fodder only. And characters that I fucking hated so hard that they very nearly sabotaged the movie entirely (I'm looking at you, "Sprite"). But even so... Gemma Chan's Sersi, Mukail Nanjiani's Kingo, Brian Tyree Henry's Phastos, Don Lee's Gilgamesh, and most of all... Angelina Jolie's Thena... were enough to carry the film for me. Had we just focused on them and jettisoned the rest as the padding they were, we might have gotten yet another Marvel Studios classic. Instead it was a minor disappointment and the first true stumble to come out of Marvel.

    #12 No Time to Die (MGM Studios)
    This film barely makes my list. And it does so when, in my heart, I know that other movies from my Honorable Mentions list should probably he here instead. And yet... it's a Daniel Craig James Bond film, which guarantees a certain level of entertainment that's tough to dismiss. The problem is that this film is ultimately... boring. Truly shocking is that Rami Malek, an actor I adore, was woefully underutilized as the villain. Had they truly invested in him, we could have gotten all kinds of devious scenery-chewing scenes. But instead he's kinda boring as well. In the end I can't say that this is a bad film (because it's not) but I will say that it's a huge missed opportunity given that Daniel Craig is retiring from the role.

    HONORABLE MENTION...

    • The Baker's Son
      Yes, it's a Hallmark rom-com movie... and, yes, it deserves to be on my list because it's that good. Eloise Mumford and Brant Daugherty have chemistry for days, and their story is tempered with humor that lands just right. When Hallmark finally releases this gem to home video, I anticipate playing many times as background noise while I work. It's comfort food that will merit repeat viewings.
    • Nomadland
      While not as enamored with this film as the critics (and general populace, apparently) I still enjoyed it very much. Chloe Zhao may have faltered with Eternals in the scope of Marvel Studio movies, but that takes nothing away from what she's done here. Frances McDormand is at her absolute best playing a woman who loses everything, but manages to find what's important in her journey through the Western USA.
    • I'm Your Man
      Dan Stevens is one of those actors where you just know the project has potential. But to have him playing a robot in a genuinely sweet but equally bittersweet rom-com? That's a recipe for cinematic gold, and I was not disappointed. Note: This is a German film, but since Dan Stevens is fluent in German and French, it wasn't a problem for him. His performance is as wonderful and nuanced as you'd hope.
    • Our Friend
      Based on an article I read long before it was adapted, I was surprised at just how well this narrative of a friend who becomes far more than "merely" a friend after a woman battles cancer plays out on screen. The performances are all touching and crafted with a care that comes from knowing that you are portraying actual people. And while I'm sure some liberties were taken with the facts to create a more compelling film, it's hard to fault that when the result is so beautiful.
    • The Green Knight
      I don't mind challenging movies. I don't mind vague movies. I don't mind movies which leaves what happened to the viewer. But when you take risks like this, you had better do it well, or else you're just going to piss me off. But when a film does do these things well, they are massive plusses in my book, because they involve me like no other. The Green Knight combines all three with compelling acting and gorgeous visuals. I really loved it, and am very much looking forward to what David Lowery does next, because they guy just excels at crafting wonderful cinema.
    • Red Notice
      This movie was panned more than praised and I just don't get it. The story is great with nice twists to keep things interesting. Ryan Reynolds and The Rock are at their most entertaining. The action sequences are pretty darn sweet. And I was entertained from start to finish. No, this isn't Shakespere, but for what it actually is, I enjoyed it quite a bit. This is what I was hoping to get from The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard.
    • The Paper Tigers
      I do love me a really good kung-fu action flick, and this one is a notch above. Three guys who were once known as "The Three Tigers" when they were kung-fu stars at the top of their game must avenge their sensei's murder. Sounds like a movie you've seen a dozen times before, right? Nope! This one is hilariously fun and entertaining in a way you might not have seen before.
    • Val
      This documentary on Val Kilmer is a compelling watch. His story is far more complex than I ever realized, and it makes me love the man as a person and not just as an actor (for Real Genius and Top Secret alone!).

    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    • The French Dispatch — I wanted so badly to see it, but could never make it happen. As a huge, mega-huge Wes Anderson fan, this likely would have made my list.
    • Ghostbusters Afterlife — I still know absolutely nothing about this movie other than it has Paul Rudd and plays on the heartstrings of the original in a way that a lot of my friends really liked.
    • Last Night in Soho
    • Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain
    • Paper Spiders
    • The Velvet Underground
    • Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes
    • Passing

    OVERRATED BUT STILL GOOD...

    • Encanto
      I was so looking forward to this animated feature once the trailer hit. It looked interesting, fun, unique, and special... not to mention beautiful. And while it was all those things, it also missed the mark for me by ultimately being totally average in every one of those respects. Still, those Lin-Manuel Miranda tunes were good, there's some funny moments that totally worked, the characters are wonderful, and it was amazing to look at... I just wish they had polished the script more to push the movie somewhere that made it truly special.
    • The Mitchell's vs. The Machines
      Make no mistake, this is a darn good animated movie about a resourceful family who has to battle a robot invasion. I enjoyed it. I thought it was beautifully made. And the voice performances were top-notch. But the story felt like it had been told a hundred times before and really brought nothing new to the table. These characters have been done to death, and I was really hoping for something more.
    • Candyman
      When I found out that they were remaking the Tony Todd classic, my first thought was "Why?" And my second thought was "How?" It just seems impossible that anybody could possibly top Tony Todd's memorable performance in the original. But then I saw that Yahya Abdul-Mateen II is in it (not as Candyman), and I was thinking "Maybe?" Turns out that Nia DaCosta had a very clear vision for where she wanted to go, and then drove straight there without making any detours. Unfortunately this didn't turn out to be such a good thing... any genuine horror in this horror film is nowhere to be found, and I kept waiting for it to deliver any actual scares. It's more focused on ideas than fright, which is not a bad thing, per se, but it wasn't what I was hoping for when it comes to a movie picking up the mantel of Candyman.

    DISAPPOINTING...

    • Matrix Resurrections
      Because I'm a huge fan of Keanu Reeves, I took a chance on Resurrections despite how much I hated Reloaded and Revolutions. The Wachowskis thought they were being new-level smart with their psychobabble bullshit sequels, but it was just a messy narrative that wasn't any fun. Certainly not compared to the brilliance of the original The Matrix. The way that Resurrections works is that Lana Wachowski went all meta on our asses and, sadly, it wasn't terribly successful. There were some great action sequences, as expected, but I found myself asking "To what end?" as they unfolded. While not terrible, it's still missing the mark. Still... it's better than the previous two sequels. Alas, that's a bar so low that it really had to be, didn't it?

    TOTALLY SHIT THE BED...

    • Reminiscence
      A sad attempt at smooshing together Blade Runner and Strange Days in a way that fails in just about every way possible. I was hopelessly bored through most all of it and kept thinking over and over how completely unnecessary this movie was when the originals they were taking so liberally from still hold up today. How they roped Hugh Jackman, Rebecca Ferguson, and Thandie Newton into this comically executed dud is a mystery. They all deserved better.
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    Good Bye Betty

    Posted on Friday, December 31st, 2021

    Dave!It was announce the Betty White died and I am devastated.

    It would be easy to dismiss the above sentence as hyperbole. "How could you be devastated over somebody you never knew?" And I'm sure many people would say I'm a "psycho" or a "baby" or whatever put-downs are currently in vogue to describe people who have emotions.

    Betty White 1922-2021

    But I did know Betty White. I've been getting to know her most of my life.

    And, as I'm fond of saying, "I loved Betty White before it was cool."

    I first became aware of Betty White on game shows (something I watched a lot of in my early years). Whether it was Match Game or Password or Hollywood Squares, Betty would show up and be the funniest person in the room. And the smartest. And the sweetest. I was captivated immediately.

    Then our town got cable television.

    This brought about dozens of channels made up of nothing but reruns, which is how I started watching Betty's character "Sue Ann Niven" on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, which was about as delicious role for a supporting character there could be, and Betty went for it with gusto. Eventually I struck gold with reruns of The Betty White Show. Suddenly it was all Betty all the time for me. Because in addition to the reruns, she was also popping up on The Love Boat or Mama's Family or talk shows or game shows or celebrity roasts. And so many guest appearances on dozens of shows (she was on Who's the Boss, for heavens sake). She never went away. She was always somewhere on my television.

    Then 1985 happened...

    If I didn't already love Betty White, the debut of the mega-hit The Golden Girls would have sealed the deal. As it did for most of the country, I'm guessing. Rose Nylund was one of the most unforgettable characters to ever appear on television, and Betty knew exactly how to play it. Her monologues about life growing up St. Olaf were hilarious and delivered as only she could do it.

    Betty's renewed popularity was not wasted. She was in constant rotation on the late night talk shows being her hysterical charming self (Craig Ferguson must have been a favorite because she was one of his most popular guests, and she was joyous when she'd drop by). She was in commercials, naturally, (her most famous being that classic Snickers Super Bowl commercial). And, as people found out about my love for all things Betty, they'd send me videos and tapes and DVDs and magazine articles and such. My life was a constant parade of everything Betty, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    But her celebrity was also used to advance human rights... including her staunch support of the LGBTQ community and equality for all persons. But she was likely most famous for her charity work on behalf of animals, and her surge in popularity was a big opportunity for her to become even more visible in supporting them. Plus she started appearing in even more TV shows (like Bob and Boston Legal) and movies (like her expectation-crushing turn on Lake Placid which cemented her legendary status). She never stopped. Her Saturday Night Live guest hosting gig is widely viewed as one of the best to ever appear on the show. And even when it was too difficult for her to act, she was still charming us with her voice, showing up animated shows that culminated in Toy Story 4 where she played "Bitey White." And of course I've read her books. Her memoir If You Ask Me (And of Course You Won't) is essential reading for any Betty fan.

    So, yeah... unless she had a secret life of kicking puppies (which, let's be honest, is something Betty White would never, ever, do)... I know the woman. And she's so worth knowing, as this small sampling of her best moments will attest...

    That's a mere 20 moments. But let's face it... ALL of her moments were best moments.

    I am not one for celebrity culture (unless I'm mocking it) or hero worship (with the exception of Steve Jobs, who will always be my hero and left us ten years ago). I see famous people as just people. People who do things that benefit or harm us. People who entertain or annoy us. People who have a voice that's louder than most of us, but likely less important because of the bubble in which they live.

    But all that went out the window with Betty White. I adored her as much as any other important person in my life. She was a constant source of light and laughter, and will continue to be with me every time I pass by the infinite loop of Golden Girls reruns while channel surfing... or something she said pops into my head... or one of her many hilarious performances flashes across my brain... or any other time her legacy is remembered by the world.

    Which I'm guessing will be a lot.

    Because the only thing that can fill the void left by Betty White is Betty White.

    Fortunately there's plenty of that to be had. She was in the business for 76 years and, with so many people loving her work, it ain't going away any time soon.

       

    Hallmarkification

    Posted on Monday, January 3rd, 2022

    Dave!I am way behind on my Hallmark Christmas movies. And will only get further behind because I've got so many work projects on my plate and now Hallmark has Winter movies starting to run.

    I keep telling myself that maybe this is the year I finally give up on Hallmark since all the movies are essentially the same at this point. Something made hilariously clear by the many, many parody videos that have been released...


    Oh well. It's something to listen to while I work, isn't it? Though at this rate I'll still be watching Christmas movies in July.

    JUST IN TIME FOR HALLMARK CHANNEL'S CHRISTMAS IN JULY MARATHON! WOOO!

       

    Sneakers Over Mt. Simmer

    Posted on Friday, January 7th, 2022

    Dave!And lo did the city plow my street this morning! For which I am grateful, because I know they have been completely overwhelmed and have a lot of people complaining that their street hasn't been plowed. On my street, they plow just enough room for two cars to pass each other. The snow is essentially pushed to the side of the street. But on many streets, they don't have that option. They have to physically remove the snow and haul it away because there's no place for it to pile up on the sides. There's sidewalks and stuff to consider.

    And now I have a 7-foot tall pile of snow in my front yard. Which is not unusual. Unless it's a warm winter, I often have a lot of snow piled there. Except it's usually over weeks of snowfall... not a single day! Once I saw that I could get out and drive into the office, Mt. Simmer was already crumbling. I got stuck and had to go forward and back to escape my driveway! But I did it...

    A mountain of snow with my car backed out!

    There's a lot of snow out there. Which is kinda pretty to look at...

    Driving to work!

    My joy at being able to excape from my house was tempered by the fact that Sindey Poitier died. Coming so quickly off the heels of Betty White dying, it was tough to take.

    I've seen Sidney Poitier in many, many movies. Always great. It may be sacrilegious to say this given the importance of his many roles... but my absolute favorite performance by Mr. Poitier is in Sneakers. Yes, you read that right... Sneakers. I adore him as Crease in that movie. He was funny as hell... and brought a gravitas to the movie that even Robert Redford didn't have. Seriously one of my favorite movies ever made, and Sidney Poitier was a huge part of why...

    And speaking of Sneakers... I haven't seen it in a year or two, so I'm going to get on that.

    Rest In Peace, Mr. Poitier, sir.

       

    Bullet Sunday 746

    Posted on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

    Dave!I'm still buried in snow, but Blogography will carry on... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Return! Okay... we already have a contender for Most Remarkable Story of 2022: Abducted son finds family by drawing map of village he last saw aged four. His hand-drawn map is remarkable considering is was made from memories of 30 years ago. And then there's another layer of remarkable coming from the fact that people were able to help him find his original village by looking at his map and remarkable because he was reunited with his mother...

    Jenny waits for me to get off my Zoom call.

    "Abducted in 1989, Li was sold to a family in Lankao, more than 1,100 miles away. Child abductions are common in China and Li was probably taken because the family wanted a boy."

       
    • Aliens! A big surprise last television season was Alan Tudyk in Resident Alien. They really went for the jugular with the concept, which is based on a comic book series I liked. Now season two is imminent...

    Looking forward to it, Dr. Vanderspeigle!

       
    • Lara! I passed on the Tomb Raider reboot because it didn't get a terribly good reaction. But it was on sale a while back, so I bought it. Finally got around to watching it and I really liked the film! Some of the reviews I read said that the actor playing Lara was wooden and boring. And I'm like... did we watch the same movie? I thought she was excellent. Though... Angelina Jolie has this wry delivery with a hint of amusement that worked so well in her two Tomb Raider films. I just wish she had better stories to work with.

    Tomb Raider Poster.

    I hope that the sequel manages to get made! (UPDATE: Apparently it's in active development, COVID-willing, and will be titled Tomb Raider: Obsidian! Nice!

       
    • Free Ride! Okay, this is pretty great...

    My favorite part of visiting Costa Rica (after the natural beauty of the country) was the sloth sanctuary that we got to visit. They are such remarkable creatures.

       
    • Hole of the Tiger! ZOMG! Lego made the Year of the Tiger piece anatomically correct! Kinda. Still a few things missing, but... nice! (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @hollyonfilm This LEGO Tiger is the best thing that will happen in 2022 don’t @ me #lego #yearofthetiger #legotiktok #newyear ♬ original sound - holly

    And, yes, Survivor's Eye of the Tiger is playing through my head right now.

       
    • Paid! Yesterday I needed to make bread because my sourdough starter hadn't been used in almost two weeks. But I forgot that I had used the last of my yeast last time. And while I could make sourdough bread without it, I didn't want this to be an all-day affair. Then something weird happens. I didn't think "I better make sure that I grab my wallet so I can pay"... instead I think "I better make sure that I grab my iPhone so I can pay with Apple Watch." And since Washington State hasn't done a damn thing to start implementing digital driver's licenses, THEN I think "I better make sure that I grab my wallet in case I get pulled over." I truly long for the day that I don't have to carry a wallet at all. But I'll probably have to move to a more forward-thinking state than mine so that's actually possible. Because knowing how utterly incompetent Washington State legislators are at moving anything forward except higher taxes... digital driver's licenses ain't happening here any time soon.

       
    • COVID? Last Friday I was going to take a third COVID test just to make sure I wasn't carrying 'rona to Christmas (my previous two were negative)... but then I woke up that morning and smelled the horrendous dump that Jake took and figured I'm probably good. Though the smell was so bad that I'm guessing it could break through even COVID loss of smell! If anybody else wants tests, I've been ordering directly from iHealth Labs... which has a CDC-recommended antigen test available. They are running behind on orders right now (not surprising) but they do eventually come. Omicron may be "less bad" than Delta (except for young kids, apparently), but it is still causing hospitals to fill up (even in my local hospital, they're recording a rise in admissions), so it's nice to know if you should isolate. Fortunately data suggests that the vaxed adult population has been able to avoid hospitalization (for the most part) even though the current vaccine wasn't designed for it. Really, really hope that they offer up an Omicron Booster soon. That will better prepare our bodily defenses against what gets mutated into next (Lord help us).

       
    And that's all the bullets I can muster this fine Sunday.

       

    Eternally…

    Posted on Wednesday, January 12th, 2022

    Dave!Since many people aren't making it to theaters to see movies, I've been waiting for them to appear on home video before delving into my spoiler-laden thoughts. Not that I'm worried about spoilers, mind you, since I always hide things in an extended entry and give plenty of warning... but because it doesn't make sense to talk about something that many people haven't seen yet.

    Today Eternals was released on Disney+ (though I bought it from iTunes anyway because I really want to support the movies I love), and so here we are...

    The Eternals movie poster.

    And... spoilers ahead in an extended entry. You've been warned.

    → Click here to continue reading this entry...
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    Peace to Die For

    Posted on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

    Dave!Despite having some of my favorite comic book characters, DC Comics totally shit the bed with their cinematic blunders. With the exception of Wonder Woman, I haven't really liked anything since Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy wrapped up. And before that only three movies were really worth anything (Superman, Superman II, and Batman). Everything else was pretty much shit.*

    Until James Gunn's The Suicide Squad. It was big, bold, bloody, funny entertainment... that was pretty faithful to the idea of the comics. I enjoyed it quite a lot. James Gunn had once again taken a D-list super-group and turned them into something fun (just like he did with Guardians of the Galaxy before this).

    But James Gunn wasn't finished.

    As he was making The Suicide Squad, he saw potential in one of the more outlandish characters... Peacemaker. A man who wants peace so bad he's willing to fight and kill for it. And so he developed a television series for HBO Max featuring John Cena and some of the other cast from his movie.

    The result is just insane. But incredibly funny and entertaining. I mean, just take a look at the opening credits...

    And even that doesn't really prepare you for how off-the-wall bonkers the show is. I love it. It's deeper than you'd expect it would be. And from the first three episodes that got released, Gunn hasn't just done the Peacemaker justice... he really pulled out all the stops to make The Vigilante interesting as well. In the comics he's deadly serious with a tragic backstory. In this interpretation, he's just plain nuts.

    If you have HBO Max, Peacemaker is worth a look. If you don't, it may be worth getting it for a month once all the episodes have been released. Just be warned that it's definitely Rated-R entertainment.

    I hope it goes on for more than a single season.

       
    *And I am not exaggerating. All too many of the DC movies have, in fact, been shitty. Or worse...

    1966 — Batman: Campy fun, but shitty.
    1978 — Superman: The dawn of modern super-hero movies.
    1980 — Superman II: Fantastic super-hero escapism, despite being butchered.
    1980 — Superman II (Richard Donner Cut): Mind-blowing followup to the original.
    1982 — Swamp Thing: Bad.
    1983 — Superman III: Horrible.
    1984 — Supergirl: Horrible.
    1987 — Superman IV: The Quest for Peace: Utter shit.
    1989 — The Return of Swamp Thing: Bad.
    1989 — Batman: Imaginative "Tim Burton" take on the character.
    1992 — Batman Returns: Best Catwoman ever in a campy, bad script.
    1995 — Batman Forever: Shitty.
    1997 — Batman & Robin: More shitty.
    1997 — Steel: Shitty.
    2004 — Catwoman: Shitty.
    2005 — Constantine: Decent, but not the Constantine from the comics.
    2005 — Batman Begins: Terrific reboot and a faithful take.
    2006 — Superman Returns: Sad rehash of the first Superman movie.
    2008 — The Dark Knight: One of the best super-hero movies ever made.
    2009 — Watchmen: Acceptable interpretation, but deviated too much from the book.
    2010 — Jonah Hex: Shitty.
    2011 — Green Lantern: Shitty.
    2012 — The Dark Knight Rises: A good finale to the Nolan trilogy.
    2013 — Man of Steel: Utter shit.
    2016 — Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: Beyond shitty.
    2016 — Suicide Squad: Meandering mess.
    2017 — Wonder Woman: Fantastic, but deviated from the mythology too much.
    2017 — Justice League: Utter shit.
    2018 — Aquaman: Acceptable, but not great.
    2019 — Shazam!: Horrifically shitty.
    2019 — Joker: Bad.
    2020 — Birds of Prey: Acceptable, but not great.
    2020 — Wonder Woman '84: Grotesquely shitty... one of the worst movies ever made.
    2021 — The Suicide Squad: A fun-filled bloody adaptation that totally worked.

       

    Bullet Sunday 751

    Posted on Sunday, February 13th, 2022

    Dave!I may not care about football, but that doesn't mean today is lost on me... because an all new Trailer Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Strange! The latest trailer for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness dropped today, and I am 100% here for all of it...

    Kudos to Marvel Studios for dipping their toe into the horror movie genre with this film. Obviously it's not going to be a full-on horror flick... there's no room for that in the Marvel Cinematic Universe as of yet. But it does look like they are trying to lean into the "madness" aspect of the name to try and do something different with the movie. That's a good thing, because it would be all too easy for them to stretch the whole super-hero thing too thin with all these films. Endeavoring to make them all have a different tone is what makes them work so well. And one last thing... ws that... Professor X? saying "We should tell him the truth?"

       
    • NOPE! Jordan Peele has become a major force in movie horror, and it looks like he's pushing boundaries even further with Nope, his next film coming this Summer...

    It's pretty crazy how all I know about the film is that Daniel Kaluuya, Steven Yeun, Donna Mills, and Keke Palmer are in it... and the trailer doesn't really even tell you anything... yet I'm dying to see it anyway. Not too many directors able to pull that off!

       
    • Moon! I am still riding a high from the last Disney+ series, Hawkeye (having just watched it again yesterday), and have to admit that I'm skeptical that Moon Knight will end up as good. But the latest trailer does look pretty killer...

    Kevin Feige has made it clear that they are not shying away from violence in the series. I know they aren't going to make it into a blood bath, but it definitely looks like that are going to make it hit harder than they have with other series.

       
    • Baby Me! Is it just me, or does the GM Doctor Evil commercial just make me want to see another Austin Powers movie?

    The individual ads are all good, but the capper ad is what makes a new film feel like such a good idea...

    It kinda seems like a no-brainer, if not for another movie a streaming series, but here we are left waiting.

       
    • DC! The DC Cinematic Universe has been a complete shit-show from the very beginning. In looking at the combo-trailer for The Batman, Black Adam, The Flash, and Aquaman 2, I can't say I'm exactly blown away...

    The only one that looks remotely interesting to me is Black Adam, and that's only because we've got Dr. Fate, Hackman, and The Atom happening. I'm guessing this is because Black Adam is going to be fighting the Justice Society, but it doesn't look like Black Adam is going to be an actual villain like in the comics since the trailer title is "The World Needs Heroes."

       
    • Rings! YouTube is full of videos saying that Amazon Prime Video's Lord of the Rings prequel is being "destroyed" by "woke culture" because it has Black characters in it. And I'm like... whatever. I can believe that elves and dwarves are Black just as easily as I can believe that elves and dwarves are white, so I'll be just fine...

    What I'm worried about is being bored with the damn thing. I thought The Wheel of Time fantasy series (also at Amazon Prime Video) was less than stellar, and didn't get past two episodes. Granted, I'm more familiar with the Tolkien material than the Robert Jordan material, but I'm no more attached to it. I'll give the show a shot though, and that's about all I can do.

       
    • Adam! Netflix released their Super Bowl trailer a few days ago, and it's a tantalizing teaser of upcoming movies...

    Knives Out 2 and Enola Holmes 2 are easily the two projects with the most pull... but the one I am most looking forward to is the latest Ryan Reynolds flick. His movies don't disappoint, and this one looks like it's going to be another winner.

       
    Guess I'll go back to not watching the Super Bowl now.

       

    When Memes Become Reality

    Posted on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

    Dave!   
    Well now Marvel Studios is just messing with us...


    Three Spider-Men Meme

    Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield, and Toby Maguire recreating the Three Spider-Men Meme

       
    Spider-Man: No Way Home comes to home digital on March 22.

       

    Bullet Sunday 753

    Posted on Sunday, March 6th, 2022

    Dave!Don't let life distract your from what's truly important... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Homemade! The last French rolls I bought were $4.80 for six, were small, gummy, and didn't taste that great. So this time when I wanted an Old Amsterdam Old Cheese sandwich roll I made my own big, beautiful, fluffy rolls...

    My fluffy buns!

    My fluffy buns with cheese on them!

    Cost me less than $1... and they are unbelievably good. So good that I can't stop eating them. I've had three. It will take all my effort to not to eat a fourth.

       
    • Welcome to My Nightmare! Had I seen Nightmare Alley in 2021, it would have made my best-of list for sure. The story is interesting enough, but it's the visuals and atmosphere that makes the film so special. It's a work of art. Its every scene is gorgeously and meticulously constructed...

    Nightmare Alley Poster

    And the performances! Bradley Cooper can act, sure... but it's Cate Blanchett who drives this bus home. Then you get Willem DaFoe, Rooney Mara, Toni Collette, Ron Perlman, Mary Steenburgen, and an utterly brilliant and pivotal character by David Strathairn. It's too good. The fatalistic destiny which haunts everybody is palpable.

       
    • Good Bye. Dang. Dieter Bohn is leaving The Verge. He and Marques Brownlee are the only two tech reviewers that I actively seek out because they are just so good at their job. In his farewell video, Dieter talks about his online handle, "Backlon," which is something I can very much relate to. Online I'm "Blogography" for everything because it's my blog name and how everybody knew me. So it became my handle everywhere. As Dieter says, "The choice causes a cascade of associations for whoever sees that handle." And it's 100% true. This is a fascinating video about our online identity... and everything I will miss about Dieter Bohn...

    Best of luck at Google, sir.

       
    • Dave! There have been a lot of great guests on Hot Ones, and Dave Growl is right up there...

    And here's a bonus bit of Dave for you...

    He is hands-down one of the most fascinating people on the planet.

       
    • Depot-Free! It only took three months, four phone calls, and a dozen messages to get The Home Depot and Citi to credit me the $50 I was promised when I opened my account... but here it is! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I can't believe it. I just made the full balance payment, so I'll believe it when it's posted, I have a zero balance, AND I CAN CLOSE THIS FUCKING ACCOUNT. I wish to God I had never messed with the Home Depot Credit Card which has been a complete nightmare from the very beginning. If you are going to promise a customer "Up to $100 Off" if they open account... and their purchases qualify for a $50 credit... THEN GIVE THEM THE FUCKING MONEY! How difficult is this? Apparently very difficult, given what I've been through. Do they expect people to just give up so they never have to pay what was promised? Well, you got the wrong guy for that.

       
    • Say Human! Florida's "Don't Say Gay" bill is disgusting. The inhumanity of this horrific decision sickens me to my very core. And all I can think about is what happens to those kids in school who have two moms or two dads or a trans parent or a sibling who identifies outside the absurd artificial construct of binary sexuality. Their family members no longer exist while they’re being “educated.” Which is to say that they’re not being educated at all. They’re being discriminated against. Fuck those grotesque mockeries of humanity who would be so overtly bigoted and cruel. I’ve long since given up hope that our lawmakers will be decent human beings who want to represent all of us... but I do kinda cling to the hope that I can count on them to be selfish. That they’ll look at friends... family... neighbors... and other people they know... even actors, musicians, writers, and such... and say "I can’t possibly legislate against these people who mean something to me." But of course they can. Because they’re absolute garbage who don’t care who is hurt no matter who those affected may be to them. Appealing to bigotry is how they stay in government, and the money and power they get for that means more to them than anybody or anything. And also? Fuck the heinous assholes who vote for these repugnant pieces of shit. Fuck them twice.

       
    • Just Die Already. And speaking of fucking assholes... this decrepit piece of shit wouldn't know the Bible if it sat on his face...

    It defies belief that people believe his idiocy. Has he even actually studied the Bible? I sincerely have my doubts, because most everything he has ever said is not supported by Scripture. These are just his unhinged, demented fantasies. Counting the days until he's sent to hell for his shameless false prophet money-grabbing.

       
    See you in seven days, true bullet believers.

       

    Help Me Obi Wan Kenobi Number One

    Posted on Wednesday, March 9th, 2022

    Dave!This is the tenth anniversary of Disney's epic disaster, the movie John Carter. I was reminded of this sad fact because there's a look-back at the movie happening over at The Wrap. I don't have anything more to say about this heinous abomination of a film than what I said in my initial scathing review... but I do have a new perspective.

    A perspective that comes from the successful adaptation of Dune after the initial failure of that film in 1984.

    If only somebody like Denis Villenueve with reverence of the original books could have been put in charge of John Carter of Mars, then maybe it would have had a shot at success. Instead we got a movie which bore only a passing resemblance to the novel. They ignored some fairly major things that made the series work as books, and instead added a bunch of stupid shit that didn't work at all.

    As a massive fan of the Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, I fucking hated this film. And my opinion hasn't changed one bit in a decade. I tried watching it again tonight to see if there was any redemption to be had, but there was not. Terrific visuals and special effects which are pounded to shit by a horrible script.

    Part of the article at The Wrap was Andrew Stanton talking about the plan for sequel films. The second of which was to be Gods of Mars and the third of the trilogy being Warlord of Mars...

    Given how badly the film portrayed the holy Therns and their role in things, there could be no doubt that the sequel would have totally fucked up Gods of Mars just like it completely ruined A Princes of Mars. And so... a part of me is relieved that John Carter failed so utterly that we never had to suffer through the sequels. But the bigger part of me is still angry that we had to suffer through any of this shit at all.

    Oh well. The books haven't gone anywhere, so I can return to Barsoom... the actual fucking Barsoom... any time I like.

    And then there's this...

    If there's anything that can redeem Star Wars after the shitty fucking prequel trilogy, this would be it. Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan Kenobi was one of the few good things to come out of those crap films (another being Samuel L. Jackson's Mace Windu).

    I guess all we can do is hope for the best.

    And then there's this...

    After an incredible first season, Star Trek: Discovery became one of the shittiest Star Trek shows to ever air, which is why I am really, really hoping that the best thing to come out of it... Captain Pike, Spock, Number One, and the crew of the original-original Enterprise... will redeem that franchise.

    I guess all we can do is hope for the best.

       

    Bullet Sunday 754

    Posted on Sunday, March 13th, 2022

    Dave!I've been watching too much television lately, but never you fear... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • UPLOAD! HOW ABOUT THAT UPLOAD SEASON 2?!? This show could have so easily... so very easily.... just kept doing what what it was doing in the first season and stagnated into irrelevance. But they decided to really go for it...

    Alas, they dropped it with yet another cliffhanger. Which is fine IF WE GET A THIRD SEASON. But an official renewal has not been greenlit, so who knows. The first season seemed to be just the right length at 10 bingeable half-hour episodes... but we only got seven episodes this time, which seemed a bit rushed. But that's the COVID world we live in, I guess.

       
    • Presence! Well that was unexpected. Easily one of the best Hallmark movies I've ever seen (which is saying something considering I've seen... well... most all of them), The Presence of Love is worth a look if you enjoy the occational rom-com flick...

    Gorgeously shot on location in Cornwall and beautifully-acted by Eloise Mumford and Julian Morris, this is a very special film that caught me entirely by surprise.

       
    • Unintended Use! Now that I have a new chair, I've been working on sprucing up my studio so it's more comfortable and productive. A big part of that is getting rid of the cardboard box that's clamped to my drafting table to hold all my stuff. It doesn't really work very well and I have to dig through it to find things. So I bought these little kitchen trays that have just enough friction to keep from sliding around. As a bonus, the soap holder fits inside the tray to organize my pens...

    Drafting table organization.

    Drafting table organization.

    It's always nice to run across something that works for what you need when it's not the intended use of the item!

       
    • Adam! Ryan Reynolds makes even bad movies watchable, so I knew I'd enjoy his latest for Netflix... The Adam Project...

    And while not in any way groundbreaking, it was darn entertaining. It also had a story that wasn't terrible, assuming you don't think about it too hard. If you're a fan of Ryan Reynolds and sci-fi fun, this is the movie for you.

       
    • Construction! The guy from Primitive Technology is back at long last. I love his videos...

       
    • ER! The second season of Transplant, which has been playing in Canada for MONTHS has finally been released here in the USA on NBC (I just bought the Season Pass on iTunes again). This is hands-down my favorite medical drama ever (and my third favorite show of 2020 after Ted Lasso and The Mandalorian). If you're not watching it, you're missing out...

    If you give it a try, be sure to start with the first episode of Season 01, because it starts out with a bang you don't want to miss.

       
    • Edward! Ever since finding out that Mitchell Ryan passed away on March 4th, I've been rewatching the first season of Dharma & Greg, where he was in top form as Edward Montgomery. He was hilarious in the show, which was really great for a couple seasons...

    Mitchell Ryan

    Rest In Peace, sir.

       
    Until next week there, buckaroo.

       

    Bullet Sunday 756

    Posted on Sunday, March 27th, 2022

    Dave!I may be another year older, but I'm not letting my advanced age slow me down... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Death! The fact that Taika Waititi still makes time to do crazy stuff like this in-between all his other massive projects is a gift...

    I really enjoyed the series! Find it on HBO Max!

       
    • Harm Reduction! This is essential viewing. So few people actually understand what's at play here and how addiction actually works... and the best way to combat it while keeping non-addicts safe...

    Seeing people who have no clue about ANY of this making laws is outrageous.

       
    • CODA! ARTICLE: “We’re Not Deaf Actors — We’re Actors, Period”: ‘CODA’s Watershed Moment in Representation — When you read this story (and I *highly* recommend you do) I hope you are as enraged as I was to learn that movie studios defeated a class action lawsuit which would have required that films have their music lyrics captioned so that deaf persons can know what is being communicated by the songs the filmmakers selected. If you're deaf, you don't get to experience the whole story of movies you see... and studios fought against you being able to experience the whole story. Why the fuck would they do this? Why would they WANT to do this? Outrageous. And I hope that Disney, Warner Bros., Universal, Paramount and Sony are nailed to the fucking wall by consumer rage after people learn about how they treat their deaf patrons.

       
    • Buying Air! I saw "falafel burgers" and thought they sounded amazing. So I bought a box. When I got home, I was surprised to find that two of the four burgers were missing! I laughed about it... until I turned the box around and saw that it wasn't "4 Veggie Patties" it was "4+ Veggies" in "2 Veggie Patties." — This has got to be one of the most deceptive packages I've ever seen. It's the same exact size as other boxes containing 4 burgers... then they put "4" on the front above the contents... so unless you really read it, you'll think it contains four burgers. But you only get two, and the box is less than half full. LESS THAN HALF FULL!

    A mostly-empty box of falafel burgers.

    A mostly-empty box of falafel burgers.

    As mad as I am at the company... I am more mad at Safeway for selling this deceptive bullshit in their stores. $5.50 for TWO veggie patties. Unreal. I paid more for an EMPTY BOX than anything else. I would have NEVER bought this stupid crap if I knew I was getting mostly air... no matter how good they taste (or don't).

       
    • Bullseye! I really, REALLY hope that when Charlie Cox comes back as Daredevil on Disney+ that they get Wilson Bethel back to play Bullseye. Benjamin Poindexter's downfall and descent in the third season of "Daredevil" was a difficult sell. It took an actor of real talent to pull it off, and Bethel managed it flawlessly. His every move... the way he spoke... everything slowwwwly changes as Dex's world falls apart... you could SEE it happening. The Kingpin knew what buttons to push and how to break him and you could FEEL it happening as you watched it happening...

    Wilson Bethel as Bullseye confronting The Kingpin of Crime.

    This added a level of tragedy to the character which made him go above being superficial and one-note. Bethel deserves another shot at Bullseye after all his brilliant build-up.

       
    • HAAAAAA! This was funnier than I expected it to be...

    What's funny is that Douglas Adams did something similar to his ASL interpreter at a book reading. He picked a chapter that had outrageous character names... said them really fast... then quickly looked over at the interpreter to see how she managed it.

       
    • Halo?? I've been playing "Halo" since before "Halo" existed. Bungie, the video game studio now owned by Microsoft which birthed the mega-popular series of games, was originally a Mac games developer. And the precursor to "Halo" was "Marathon." I obsessed over "Marathon" and its sequels... then transitioned to "Halo" once it became an Xbox franchise. The latest, "Halo Infinite" is yet another feather in Bungie's cap (I got an Xbox S just to play it). It's a great game that's worth your valuable time. Given all that history, I was anxiously awaiting the Paramount+ TV series "Halo"...

    ...only to be rewarded with a pile of crap. =sigh= I guess getting a truly good adaptation of a video game is just never going to happen. Maybe I'll tune in again for the season finale, but right now I wasted enough of my time getting through the first episode.

       
    Let's see if I can get through my Sunday without having to take a nap.

       

    Bullet Sunday 757

    Posted on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

    Dave!Don't worry about the world, worry about me... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • TREK! Star Trek: Strange New Worlds looks SO good...

    Here's hoping that Paramount+ doesn't turn it to whiny bullshit like they did with Star Trek: Discovery (that show started amazing too, but has devolved into the worst Star Trek ever).

       
    • le Carré! I never saw The Night Manager 2016 mini-series adaptation of the le Carré novel... but it's on Amazon Prime Streaming, so I've had it running today. It was very good. The performances are all sublime. And that ending... delicious...

    If you're looking for binge-worthy television and like the spy genre, it's worth a look.

       
    • Holy! A while back, a-ha came up as one of my favorite bands and I commented that it's such a shame that so few people know of their albums after their smash-hit first release. It remains some of my favorite music ever made. AND EVER SINCE I have had their song Holy Ground stuck in my head. But not just the song (though I've always found it gorgeous and haunting) what's stuck there is a crappy fan edit that mashes up the studio recording with the video of a live performance and scenes from the movie "Troy." It contextualizes both the song and the film in a way that elevates them both...

    I wish it was available as a hi-res, better-quality video, because it really is beautiful. And I'm dying to know how the person who cut this together came up with the idea.

       
    • Fooling'! Sometimes you kinda have to wish that April fools' jokes were reality, right?

    OREO Cookie Cream in a HEINZ packet!

    I hope I never see this in grocery stores, because I will buy it in bulk and smear this stuff on everything I eat.

       
    • Mavericky! I hate to say it... but this actually looks like it's going to be good. It's certainly going to have plenty of edge-of-your-seat action, it looks like...

    Very cool that they got Val Kilmer to appear. Though, much to my horror, the only thing that enters my head any more when I hear "Maverick" is this...

    Lord. And apparently she (Palin, not Tina Fey) is running for office again. Or something. I'm too afraid to look into it.

       
    • Horse Dewormed! Wow. I may shit my pants in disbelief.

       
    And speaking of shitting my pants, time for me to put away the bullets and see what's being reported in the news.

       

    LET’S WATCH… The Batman!

    Posted on Monday, April 18th, 2022

    Dave!IT'S LET'S WATCH A MOVIE WEEK! Where I live-blog me watching a film and comment along the way! Most of these films I watched a while back, I just wanted to hold off talking about them until more people had a chance to see them. Because of the pandemic, and all that.

    Today's movie is one I watched just tonight when it debuted on HBO... The Batman!

    If you haven't seen it yet, this will obviously be a spoiler-filled entry. And probably not make a lot of sense. You've been warned.

    If you're somebody who just wants me to summarize and not have to read through the smalltalk to see how I felt, here you go: The Batman had a lot of hype that gave me hope, but it doesn't get anywhere near touching the terrific Nolan trilogy. Heck, it doesn't even get close to the two Michael Keaton films. It's probably on-par with the Joel Schumacher movies for their idiocy, but The Batman at least tried to respect the character. Unfortunately it's a boring, morose, joyless slog of a film that made me long for Ben Affleck's take on the character. My favorite Batman is the detective who's good in a fight. But here we get an emo goth take that just didn't work for me. Zoë Kravitz made a darn good Catwoman, but I spent all her scenes wishing that she was doing something better (like her great canceled show, High Fidelity) than wasting her time with this. And, alas, the sexual tension with Batman was non-existent. And don't get me started with The Riddler, who was badly handled from the start and spent his pivotal scenes yelling to no effect.
    DAVE GRADE: D

    Spoiler Zone!

    • We start out with a boring monologue that does its best to set the tone of a dark, brooding Batman. There was no need. THAT'S ALL HE IS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE.
    • The Riddler is clearly an ultra-violent, murdering psychopath.
    • Batman beats up a group of criminals, then let's them all run away. What was the point of that?
    • Batman shows up to a crime scene and apparently there's a police officer who had no idea that he's been working with the police. I guess Gotham P.D. doesn't have office gossip?
    • And of course there's always got to be that ONE PERSON who goes off on a fucking idiotic "HE'S A VIGILANTE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" rant. Thanks for not letting me down, Matt Reeves.
    • And here we go with a Nirvana song (Something in The Way) which is a heck of a shortcut to piling on dreamy despair and brooding to a movie overrun with despair and brooding.
    • "Dear Violence Diary..."
    • Ulysses Klaue! Welcome to the DC Universe!
    • It's like... they don't get Batman at all. When he's off the clock, they make him every bit as brooding and antagonistic as when he's got the cowl on. How in the hell isn't he not immediately recognized since he's not making any attempt to be a different person? In the comics he's a frivolous billionaire playboy for a reason. NOBODY suspects that Bruce Wayne could be Batman.
    • Bruce Wayne puts on sunglasses indoors. He's that cool.
    • My God. The sound balance is so annoying in this film. I was struggling to hear dialogue one second... then blasted through the back wall of my living room the next.
    • It's The Penguin! Solely showing up to establish him for a future HBO Max series... or so I hear.
    • The sound levels mysteriously drop by a factor of ten so we can conveniently hear the dialogue here.
    • God. The dialogue is shit. "Hey! Take it easy! Do you know my reputation?" — "Yeah, do you?" — Obviously he does. What kind of dumbass question is this, Batman?
    • Batman in his classic trucker hat disguise spying on Catwoman. Yeah, why not? Ooh! And here's Catwoman cat-burglaring! Refreshing!
    • Zero sexual tension between Batman and Catwoman... the hallmark of their relationship.
    • So... The Riddler is now a sadistic, unhinged murdering monster. That's quite a departure from the source material, where he's a madcap puzzle-obsessed guy who comes up with riddle-derived crimes!
    • Catwoman is a gum-smacking whore? NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!
    • Dang. No sexual tension with Batman, but Zoë Kravitz sure causes sexual tension in me! WHY DID THEY CANCEL HIGH FIDELITY?
    • Geez, Batman! Way to exploit and endanger Catwoman! And it's laughable how he heaps abuse on her and then is all upset when she bails. It's like... how clueless can you be? You're the world's greatest detective?!?
    • How are people not all... "Oh look... there's Bruce Wayne. That guy is as moody as The Batman!"
    • God. We're an hour in and I don't even know what this movie is trying to say. So much time wasted making this as boring as possible.
    • Boy, Batman, that's damn cold. Joke about the D.A. getting his head blown off when he has a bomb strapped around his neck. And more than a little sadistic.
    • God. The Riddler is so over the top as to be ridiculous. There is nothing even remotely interesting going on here. Nothing. What a pathetic villain for a major motion picture. They are actually trying to make The Riddler act more like The Joker, but to ill-effect. And I'm guessing the next film will be The Joker, yet again, starring (Lord help us) Barry Keoghan (just arrested for public intoxication). Where can he even go from here?
    • This is getting monotonous in it's stupidity. Batman quarrying off with the cops. And it's a crime to insult an officer? WTF?
    • Glider Suit Batman toy, unlocked!
    • It feels like two hours have dragged by. It's been an hour and fifteen minutes. That is not a good sign for a comic book movie. Or any movie, really.
    • Is it Batman-Catwoman team-up time? Nope. Doesn't matter... because here's the latest Batmobile! I wish that directors would study movies like Baby Driver so their car chase scene ends up being more than just obtuse viewing angles and squealing tires. The rain is nice. The Penguin being able to drive like Mario Andretti is just silly.
    • It's just... God. So slow. Do we really need a yelling scene between Gordon and Penguin? What value does this bring to the movie? I am bored out of my frickin' mind.
    • We're at the one-hour-and-forty-minute mark. And now we know that The Riddler is after Bruce Wayne? Maybe? And it ends up being because Bruce's dad wanted Falcone to scare a journalist into keeping quiet about his wife's mental illness? Well, I guess that's a plot you could saddle a movie with. Not a good one, mind you. But there it is.
    • Catwoman kisses Batman for absolutely no reason. Other than she wanted to, I guess. After telling him that Falcone is her father.
    • Oh joy. Batman is taking a page out of Suicide Squad's Joker to put the pieces together. Waiting for him to lay down in the middle of his Riddler connectivity diagram and start cackling. Blergh.
    • Brooding Bruce Wayne confronts Falcone in the least interesting way possible. Boy this movie is intent on boring the hell out of me.
    • Why in the hell does Alfred put up with this constant abuse? Glutton for punishment, I guess. Because I don't care how obligated I felt to Bruce or how sorry I felt for him... LATER!
    • I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANY OF THIS! HOW CAN THEY MAKE BATMAN BE THIS BORING?!? You have to really, really want to make a boring movie when Batman is at the middle of it.
    • "This is for my mother." Misses her target. Shoots the wall at ridiculously close range. Hey, you tried, I guess. Mommy's proud of her little girl, Catwoman.
    • Strangling her? Wow. Daddy is very mad about his little girl shooting his wall.
    • If every clean cop in Gotham is watching Falcone being taken into custody... who's out protecting the city? And a lot of good it did... Falcone just got whacked in front of all of them!
    • THE RIDDLER IS PAUL DANO! HOW COOL! (of course I knew this, but it's weird to only just now see his face).
    • Gawd. This final confrontation with Paul Dano is an excruciating drag. Like the entire movie. Why should this be any different? Just a bunch of yelling. So much fun.
    • Oh noes! Gotham City is below sea level? THANKS, GLOBAL WARMING! Sorry you're a failure, Batman.
    • Jesus. Still more incoherent yelling by The Riddler. And he's got groupies! THERE'S STILL A HALF-HOUR LEFT?? FUCK!
    • Might as well shoot the candidate for mayor. Makes about as much sense as everything else in this shitty fucking movie.
    • Batman goes super-batty on this guy's face! But he's okay! It's all good! But whoops... Batman's mantra comes back to haunt him. Oh noes! He's no better than the criminals he fights! WHAT A TOTALLY UNIQUE TAKE ON BATMAN WITH AN OBSERVATION THAT'S NEVER BEEN MADE BEFORE EVEN ONCE!
    • Oh dang. Batman's not dead and electrocuted as I had hoped. Guess there's room for a sequel... a daring concept.
    • Nirvana again. We've come full circle. And now another boring-ass monologue over shit that doesn't matter. Gotham is a flooded mess... for what? Who cares?
    • Call me... JOKER!
    • OH MY GOD! WE'RE STILL NOT DONE?? What kind of torture is this?
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    LET’S WATCH… Spider-Man: No Way Home!

    Posted on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

    Dave!IT'S LET'S WATCH A MOVIE WEEK! Where I live-blog me watching a film and comment along the way! Most of these films I watched a while back, I just wanted to hold off talking about them until more people had a chance to see them. Because of the pandemic, and all that.

    Today's movie is one I saw way back in January. But not so long ago it was released on home video... Spider-Man: No Way Home!

    Spider-Man No Way Home Poster

    If you haven't seen it yet, this will obviously be a spoiler-filled entry. And probably not make a lot of sense. You've been warned.

    Spoiler Zone!

    If you're somebody who just wants me to summarize and not have to read through the smalltalk to see how I felt, here you go: Spider-Man: No Way Home had potential to be a convoluted disaster, but ended up being one of the most comic book comic book movies to ever be released. Thanks to a terrific script, plenty of surprises, and capable acting, I enjoyed this movie a lot. Like a lot a lot.
    GRADE: A

    • We start where we left off... Mysterio, thought to be a hero by the world at large... accuses Spider-Man of his murder, and reveals his secret identity to the world. So now, much like the comic books, Spider-Man is Public Enemy Number One (spurred on by the deranged ravings of J. Jonah Jamison). There's a million ways that this could have been resolved (has been happening in the comics for decades), but I did not anticipate where it would lead. At all. And I wonder if the writers knew how they were resolving it when they wrote the ending to the previous films.
    • Aunt May and Happy Hogan are breaking up. Bummer, Happy. First you lose Tony Stark, now this.
    • HERE COME THE FEDS!
    • "Nick Fury has been off-planet for the last year." We, of course, know that he has been on vacation while the Skrull leader Talos has been impersonating him... but Peter had no idea, and it's weird to me that he never looks into it at all in the rest of the film.
    • Zendaya brings so much to the table as M.J., and I don't know that she gets enough credit for that. Her interrogation time is priceless.
    • Ha! Classic Ned.
    • And then there's Marissa Tomei. Sigh. I know that she doesn't have the star power that she used to have. But it still shocks me that she agreed to be in the Spider-Man movies. She's perfect for this version of Aunt May, and it's so nice that casting put her in the role. It will be very strange to not have her be a part of these films any more, and she will be missed.
    • It had been rumored for a while that Charlie Cox was going to appear as Daredevil (or, to be more accurate, Matt Murdock) in this film. I still got a thrill when this scene unfolded. Cox is so good in the role. And this being the precursor to him (and the other Netflix Marvel Studios characters) being folded into the MCU where they belong was a treat.
    • I hope that Jon Favreau sticks around even though all his ties to the MCU are gone after this film is done (Tony is dead and he doesn't even know who Peter is). He's comic relief without being stupid comic relief, and adds a lot of value to these movies.
    • "How did you just do that?" — "I'm a very good lawyer" THIS. This right here is why DC can't reach the heights that Marvel gets to. They don't get why continuity is important. What value it can bring. And how throw-away lines like this can thrill fans that devote themselves to these movies. And yet it's still funny even if you never saw Daredevil.
    • "Go get 'em, Tiger!" Cute that they managed to work this classic M.J. Watson line into the movie in a way that works, because Zendaya's M.J would never say it.
    • Flash's book is Flashpoint... they literally beat DC to the punch with their own event (not to mention the Ezra Miller Flash: Flashpoint movie that's coming one of these days (or not, since Miller was just arrested... again).
    • It's just a bit part cameo piece, but I love that they brought back Peter's teachers for an appearance (I've been a fan of Martin Starr forever). I will say, however, that it's bizarre that there are people who consider him to be a hero while still others consider him to be a villain at the same time. They do write this off as the guy being a conspiracy theorist, but still.
    • Peter said earlier that he's broke. How was he going to pay for college? Stark didn't leave Peter any money in his will?
    • I've read that part of the licensing agreement for Sony allowing Spider-Man to be a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe films is that at least one major MCU character has to appear in every solo Spider-Man film. Iron Man in the first one. Nick Fury in the second one. And now Doctor Strange in the third one. Personally, I love the cross-pollination of characters between films. It's this interconnectivity that makes all the Marvel Studios stuff so dang brilliant. But they are always careful to make sure that these guest appearances enhance instead of overshadow Spider-Man. And having the Master of The Mystic Arts (plus Wong!) show up was perfect for both Sony and Marvel because it opens up so many doors for both their efforts.
    • The winter wonderland going on in the Sanctum Sanctorum is fantastic. Both visually and for comedic effect (Strange slipping when he lands was a laugh-out-loud moment for me).
    • Wong! Boy I hope that we get a Wong Disney+ series.
    • Wong being elevated to Sorceror Supreme is fantastic. It does nothing to diminish Doctor Strange but does everything to elevate Wong!
    • "...but I'll allow it." Ha! Nice nod to Tony Stark there.
    • COME ON! WE DESERVE A WONG DISNEY+ SERIES!
    • "They shot an episode of The Equalizer here in the 80's." A part of me wonders if that could actually be true!
    • The Doctor Strange magical effects have been amazing since Day One. And here we are again.
    • LOL. The object that Thor knocked over in Thor: Ragnarok is knocked over again.
    • Benedict Cumberbatch was the only choice to play Strange. I am more convinced with each passing movie.
    • In many, many ways, I will not be sad to see the Iron Spider suit go bye-bye. I've said it multiple times, but so much of what makes Spider-Man be Spider-Man is that he's a kid on his own. All this fancy Stark tech has been fun... but I want to see a stripped-down Spider-Man for the next movie, and it sounds like that's what we're going to get.
    • We knew, of course, that Doctor Octopus would be appearing. But despite the advance notice, it was still fantastic to see Alfred Molina as this character again. Re-casting after re-casting after re-casting gets tired, so why not just go back to the best? Albeit with a little de-aging CGI thrown in.
    • What made the Doctor Octopus of Spider-Man 2 work so well is that many times his mechanical arms were physical effects instead of CGI. In many scenes they felt real. These CGI arms are very cool (and probably more comic book apropriate) but they have a more "unreal feel" to them. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it does make me appreciate the job that they did the first time around back in 2004.
    • See... this tech stuff with nanites is not Spider-Man to me. Cool (and funny) as it is.
    • Tom Holland has always been perfect to play Peter Parker because of scenes like this. Peter's confident but hesitant, and getting that tone right is not easy. And of course his amazing athletic ability fits Spider-Man to a T.
    • And, of course, it's nice to have Willem Dafoe back! (which is a relief, because while Dane DeHaan was fine, his Green Goblin was stupid).
    • "The Multiverse is Real!" Welcome to the real start of Marvel Phase Four!
    • This is the one thing about this movie that doesn't really work for me. Ned, out of nowhere, has magic in his family and tingling in his hands... paving the way for him to be able to use the Sling Ring. Eh. Feels forced.
    • "Otto Octavius?" Yeah, yeah. But back when all these characters were created, the silly names were considered cool.
    • The throwaway gags in this film are on-point.
    • The "Mystical Spider-Man" suit is cool... but not as cool as it could have been. It's pretty much just a red and gold version of his usual suit.
    • Wait... Electro knew who Peter Parker is? How was he drawn to this universe, because I'm pretty sure that was not a part of his story. And why is he a buff Jamie Foxx instead of nerdy Jamie Foxx? Even The Lizard wants to know! Alas, no answers.
    • Having JK Simmons return as J. Jonah Jamison is a fun touch. But turning him into a supplement-pushing Alex-Jones-type on a streaming video show is brilliant.
    • The concept behind "fixing" the villains before sending them back to die is a wacky one. How, exactly, does that benefit them? "Change their fate?" I guess. But it seems as though they were snatched just before they died and will return in the same point in time... to die.
    • Why is it when the heroes fight each other it's always a more interesting battle than when they fight villains? Though it's sad that The Cloak of Levitation, which was friends with Peter in Avengers: Infinity War is now forced to fight him. It is more than a little odd that magic could be defeated with... math?
    • The Lizard dishing out prophecy right here.
    • "I'll do it!" — "No way that's his girlfriend." The fact that Tom Holland and Zandaya are dating in Real Life is a hilarious dig.
    • Now this was an interesting moment that slipped by me in the theater. Electro is reacting to the power source of the fabricator... which is an Arc Reactor. That makes his little speech to The Sandman hit a lot different. And makes when he actually steal the Arc Reactor make a lot more sense. Out of all of them, he's the one you never really buy as anything except a villain. Though his "Are these your LEGO" comment is totally hilarious.
    • PLEASE come up with a way to keep Jon Favreau in the MCU.
    • Now see... this is where Willem DaFoe makes you think that he's the only guy who can play the part. He goes from Norman Osbourne to Green Goblin in disturbingly quick order.
    • Killing off Aunt May, essentially having her take the place of Uncle Ben's role in the comics with the "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" line, is an important part of what makes the story arc for this movie work. And makes the end hit way harder. So... I get it. But boy will I miss Marissa Tomei in these films.
    • What this newfound magical ability could mean for Ned going forward is both frustrating and exciting. But, then again, they could easily let it be forgotten along with Peter Parker. Whatever the case, it's better than turning him into the Hobgoblin like they did in the comics.
    • Andrew Garfield was a great Spider-Man... a not so great Peter Parker... but that was likely not his fault since he was saddled with some shitty, shitty films. And, I gotta say, him getting a little redemption here is truly nice. He deserves it. And let me tell you, I would not be mad at all if he got another Spider-Man film or series or something.
    • Toby Maguire was a great Peter Parker... and a good Spider-Man. And his first two films were magic. But that third one? Holy crap. It's also truly nice that he got redemption with this flick. And, yeah, seeing him in another Spider-Man project would also be nice. He's so good at his role in this story.
    • As well-written and well-acted as this grief scene is, they really pushed it too hard. The entire movie stops all momentum... especially considering that you go from this to science lab stuff and even more angst.
    • The Toby Maguire Spider-Man having organic (instead of mechanical) web shooters is something I disagree with to this day. Part of what makes Spider-Man so cool is that he's smart and creative. And he came up with his trademark webs because he scienced it.
    • LOL. Lady Liberty is all decked out for honoring Captain America... and it's all thanks to Rogers: The Musical as we saw in the Hawkeye Disney+ series!
    • Spider-Men comparing notes. As I mentioned, my fear with this film was that having two additional Spider-Men would be taking away from Tom Holland's character in his movie.
    • A far, far better Electro suit than the big blue battery look in the Amazing Spider-Man 2. And the nod to his absurd comic book mask was a nice touch.
    • This Spider-Men vs. villains battle is entertaining but, again, the fight with Doctor Strange was more interesting.
    • This movie was SO well-written. And given all the things they needed to accomplish, it's a frickin' miracle.
    • I'm sure analysis was done on all the people/creatures making their way through the multiverse breach, but you really can't tell. One guy is big. Maybe it's a Thanos! He probably knows who Peter Parker is... I mean he knew Tony Stark. Or maybe it's Darkseid? (LOL!).
    • So... the entire world stops falling apart long enough for Peter to say good bye. That's nice.
    • Okay. I know that it would be easy to be all "IT'S MAGIC, OKAY!" to explain all the wild inconsistencies that were created when everybody who ever knew Peter suddenly forgets he ever existed. But it's so sloppy and messy. In the end, it's admirable how he decided to let and M.J. and Ned continue to forget him because their lives will probably be better because of it. Or, at the very least, safer. And seeing him end up exactly where the comic books had him forever will make for an interesting next chapter to be sure. But it's like... come on. I grew to really like the MCU Spider-Man. I can only hope that where they go next will make for the same great stories that this past trilogy did.
    • So where did Peter get the money to rent an apartment in New York City when he's not just broke... but doesn't exist? Or does he exist? Does he have a social security number to be able to work? I dunno. But that shiny spandex Spidey suit is pretty cool.
    • All the Spider-Man films have had flawless music choices (The Ramones was welcome and wholly unexpected). But Schoolhouse Rock? VERY cool. That it's a De La Soul version is all the better.
    • The mid-credits scene attempts to pull Sony's Venom into the MCU (albeit briefly) all the while setting up the MCU with a Venom of their own. And, I gotta say, if they bring back Tom Hardy, I wouldn't be mad at all. And, yes, that was really Dani Rojas from Ted Lasso tending bar.
    • Having the post-credits scene be a preview of a future movie is a real copout. But given that Spider-Man: No Way Home was supposed to come out after we saw Doctor Strange In the Multiverse of Madness, I'll give them a pass.

    And there you have it. The End. Of yet another spectacular Spider-Man movie in the MCU. Given that there's a new triology of films in development and Tom Holland is returning, I look forward to even more great Spider-MCU-flicks in the future.

       

    LET’S WATCH… No Time to Die!

    Posted on Wednesday, April 20th, 2022

    Dave!IT'S LET'S WATCH A MOVIE WEEK! Where I live-blog me watching a film and comment along the way! Most of these films I watched a while back, I just wanted to hold off talking about them until more people had a chance to see them. Because of the pandemic, and all that.

    Today's movie is... James Bond in No Time to Die!

    No Time to Die Poster

    If you haven't seen it yet, this will obviously be a spoiler-filled entry. And probably not make a lot of sense. You've been warned.

    Spoiler Zone!

    If you're somebody who just wants me to summarize and not have to read through the smalltalk to see how I felt, here you go: No Time to Die is a fitting film for Daniel Craig's final outing as James Bond. There's the thrilling action you'd expect, but considerable depth as well. Alas, this sometimes causes the film to drag and make it feel overly-convoluted, but ultimately it has enough going for it to do the franchise justice (even if Rami Malek is not really given the opportunity to make his mark as a Bond villain). My favorite Bond of the Craig era will always be Skyfall, but No Time to Die is second... or at least tied with Casino Royale for second. Thanks to everybody for making this last hurrah worth watching.
    GRADE: B

    • If I were this little girl, I would be screaming "HOLD YOUR FUCKING HORSES, MOM! I'LL GET YOUR GLASS OF BOX-O-WINE WHEN I HAVE A MINUTE!" I can't stand abusive crap like this.
    • Daddy's business dealings are paying a visit. Dressed in cultural appropriation. Oopsies.
    • Daddy is Mr. White? Well this will not go well.
    • See.
    • Well, this little girl did not come to play! She is going to fuck up this intruder with the upmost prejudice! And even clean up the body! How sweet!
    • Yeah... always put a couple rounds in the head just to be sure. That's a mistake you generally don't get to make more than once.
    • That not one of those bullets landed in her face is pretty remarkable.
    • "We have all the time in the world." — Um. James obviously hasn't seen his old movies (in particular, "On Her Majesty's Secret Service". That's not a very smart assessment to make.
    • Vespa really did a number on poor James's heart. And that explosion really did a number on James's head! Ouchies!
    • And here's what we REALLY want in a James Bond flick... a cool action chase! At least James has the luxury of being licensed to kill and of the fuckers who mess with him.
    • I want spikey bombs installed on my car! How handy would that be?
    • Daniel Craig has the bluest blue eyes. My ovaries are melting.
    • Damn, James. People are always lying to you and out to kill you. To blame poor Madeline based on the word of people trying to kill you is pretty cold.
    • Billie Eilish is as good a choice as any for an opening theme song. But, man, it will be tough to top Adele's Skyfall any time soon. This song is okay, but needs some elevation in there somewhere to feel like Bond. Oh well. At least it's better than that horrific Sam Smith pile of shit monstrosity... the worst Bond theme of all time.
    • This is another gorgeously-filmed Bond flick. They always get top-tier directors and cinematographers.
    • =sigh= Another bioweapon plot. I understand that this is a valid and very real scenario, but isn't there anything else going on in the world? This was well-covered in films like The Rock and Mission Impossible 2.
    • Moneypenny! She was so great when she first appeared, yet we see less and less of her. and as much as I miss Judi Dench, this role is perfect for Ralph Fiennes.
    • FELIX! Yay! Looks like we're getting all the players to say goodbye to Daniel Craig! I can say without a doubt that this is my favorite actor to play the part. Jeffrey Wright owned the role from his first scene in Casino Royale. This new guy with Felix is a dick. I hope that Felix isn't retiring and we get stuck with him for future films (assuming all the parts aren't recast).
    • Nomi. No Me. I see that they are intent on continuing with the double entendres. It's tradition!
    • Lashana Lynch would be a welcome choice as a Bond Girl. But she's an exceptional pick for the new 007. The fact that it caused heads to explode around the world... A WOMAN?!? A BLACK WOMAN?!??... just makes it even better. I, for one, would have zero problem if she continues on. Less than zero. How amazing would that be?
    • Hilarious. MI6 dicks around with James, so James decides to take Felix up on his offer. And therrrrrre's Nomi! LOL!
    • ANA DE ARMAS!!!! God she's adorable. I would watch her in absolutely anything. She stole my heart in Blade Runner 2049. She was fucking magic in Knives Out, and having her appear with Daniel Craig again is fantastic. I sure hope that her future in the movies is a good one. She can do anything. There's no need to relegate her to terrible films.
    • "Three weeks training!" LOL. Give me a Paloma movie, please! But given the movie tradition of killing off Bond girls, I'd settle for her just surviving this film.
    • Ah. So it is a targeted bioweapon. Bye bye Spectre. And it looks like the new 007 is no slouch at her job! You go, Nomi! And neither is Felix's agent! You go, Paloma with your three weeks training! Damn!
    • Fuck. Yes. GIVE US A PALOMA MOVIE! She can be Nomi's new Felix! So happy that they aren't making her an incompetent screw-up. And how awesome would a friendly competition spy flick be between the two of them? The possibilities!
    • "You were excellent." Yes. Yes she was!
    • Wow. Another long movie. Only an hour in... and there's still an hour and 45 minutes left? What happened to 2 hour movies? What happened to 90 minute movies?
    • Bond should put a bullet in Felix's dumbass co-worker. Or maybe Felix will do it.
    • Oh... Ash is a bad guy. Yikes. AND OH SHIT! HE SHOT FELIX!!! Dang. I hope Felix doesn't die. Again. Haven't they killed the character once already? I remember him getting eaten by sharks in License to Kill, but I think he survived (but his wife died, of course).
    • Yep. Felix is dead. Sad. Especially since he's my favorite Felix.
    • Bond. James Bond. Complete with the theme music! I live for this shit!
    • LOL. Moneypenny and Nomi has the funniest exchange yet!
    • Okay... they made Q a gay man. Bravo. Progress. But I am willing to bet a hundred bucks that you won't see his boyfriend. Which is to say that he might as well not be gay at all. We get a reference to "him" and that's as far as it will go. To actually show him in a relationship with a man would just be bridge too far. It usually is. Even in 2022.
    • So... Q learned his lesson. Sandboxing tech from an unknown source. Good boy.
    • And... told you.
    • Will Madeline not recognize the man who killed his mom? She saw a big chunk of Safin's face, and they gave him some very recognizable and unique scars. And yet she forgot everything, I guess. — Ah. She remembers his mask though! Well that's nice.
    • NANOBOTS! Well okay then. At least they tried to make bio-weapons new! If somebody can build nanobots which would only target email spammers, the world be forever grateful.
    • Well then. Madeline is going ahead with using Nanobot Potion No. 9... so bye bye Blofeld, I guess. That's the last of Spectre.
    • Oopsies. James touched Madeline's wrist, which means now he's infected with Nanobot Potion No. 9! So cool that Christoph Waltz is making another appearance. He's perfect casting for Blofeld, I just wish that his movie could have been better. Spectre was kinda disappointing. It was tired. And haphazard. And lacking in thrills. But it was a slick entry... Waltz made it worth a watch, that's for sure.
    • This whole "Once Heracles is there, it's there forever!" angle is kinda nonsense. I mean, surely a second nanobot could be created to eliminate the first one? And how hilarious is it that Bond took a cue from Mission Impossible 2 to name their virus. The virus was "Chimera" in MI:2 (and the cure was Bellerophon).
    • Oh James. No means no. Except to him no almost always means yes, so I suppose he is unfamiliar. And let me guess... this little girl is James Bond's kid? — Except Madeline says that she's not. Which means that she most definitely is. At least James has a good sense of humor about it all. Assumably Madeline would be carrying the blue-eye gene recessively to make this possible, because her eyes are brown.
    • "We're going on an adventure, darling." Oh I'll just bet!
    • Damn! Good on you Madeline! Put a cap in his ass!
    • And here's revenge on Ash for Felix. Good. No offense to James, but I would have saved him so that I could have strangled him with my bare hands.
    • "Thank you, 007." Yes. YESSSSSS! They didn't bring in Lashana Lynch just to sideline her when things get moving!
    • The sight gag with Q's tea set is so good. They've actually given us a lot of callbacks and cool nods like this, which is appreciated.
    • Rami Malek is a talented actor and I was really looking forward to seeing how he would do as a Bond villain. To his credit, he's done a darn good job with the material he was given... he's menacing, evil, sadistic, creepy, and cruel... but he seems so underutilized. It's the villain which defines a Bond film, and it's always been that way because villains come and go while Bond is always the same (even when played by different actors). But Malek isn't really given an opportunity to make his mark. There's been no show-stopping moment. His biggest flexes so far have been showing up in a mask and taking a little girl away from her mother. Perhaps he will yet have his moment, but we're running out of time.
    • God. Just shoot this Obruchev guy so that even if you fail with the mission, Safin can't make this piece of shit construct any more designer viruses to target people.
    • Yeah. This little discussion with Safin is grinding the film to a stop. Somebody should have rethought this.
    • At last. Thank you, 007. Jesus this little Obruchev worm was annoying as fuck. I have no idea why he wasn't killed immediately. Good luck creating your master race with your balls melting off, asshole.
    • Yeah... see... this entire endgame should have been rethought. Bullets flying everywhere and I'm bored. It's all just so random and unfocused. If somebody would have tightened this up, the movie would have earned a B+ from me. But right now it's feeling more like a B or B-.
    • Though, I have to say, Bond doing it all his own way while ignoring Q's intricate plan is funny.
    • Welp. I guess we know how this is going to end.
    • See... I am so much more awful than James Bond. I would have shot Safin in the balls and let him lay there in agony while waiting for the bomb to drop.
    • And they killed James Bond. Or this iteration of James Bond, rather. I have to wonder if Daniel Craig requested this of the writers in order to come back one last time (he wanted to quit two or three movies ago). The question remains... will they start all over with a new James Bond? Or will they give Nomi a shot? Even just one shot. Give her a 007 flick and see what happens. Why not? Well, that's obvious... the status quo is where we live. Even in the movies.
    • Louis Armstrong's gorgeous song is an apt closer. While never an actual James Bond Theme, it was the defacto theme from On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
    • BUT COME ON! JUST GIVE US A NOMI AND PALOMA MOVIE! WE DESERVE THAT MUCH!!!
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    LET’S WATCH… The Hating Game

    Posted on Thursday, April 21st, 2022

    Dave!IT'S LET'S WATCH A MOVIE WEEK! Where I live-blog me watching a film and comment along the way! Most of these films I watched a while back, I just wanted to hold off talking about them until more people had a chance to see them. Because of the pandemic, and all that.

    Today's movie is one that I saw only recently... The Hating Game!

    The Hating Game Poster

    If you're somebody who just wants me to summarize and not have to read through the smalltalk to see how I felt, here you go: The Hating Game is darn good at being exactly what it was meant to be... a fun, clever, rom-com romp. Sure it falls into a few tropes that had me wincing, but it also has one of the most romantic things I've seen in one of these.
    GRADE: A

    If you haven't seen it yet, this will obviously be a spoiler-filled entry. And probably not make a lot of sense. You've been warned.

    Spoiler Zone!

    • I'm just going to get this out of the way... LUCY HALE IS ONE OF THE MOST GORGEOUSLY ADORABLE WOMEN I HAVE EVER SEEN! I MEAN, DAMN!
    • The whole "I hate him until I love him" trope has been used in half the Hallmark movies ever made, so I'm excrutiatingly familiar with the concept. And while Lucy Hale alone is enough to make me want to watch this film, they better have something more than that to make this movie worth my time.
    • ADHD is real, y'all. You can hate on the guy for whatever you want, but over something he can't control? Not fair!
    • Yeah. This is going to be another one of those movies where the cast wears hugely expensive wardrobes that they couldn't possibly afford with their job.
    • Oh yeah. There's one in every office... somebody who slides through their career on the hard work of others.
    • "Birthday Turkey!" LOL. Yeah, I can tell already that Lucy Hale is going to be the reason this movie works. If she can deliver lines like this and sell it, she can deliver anything.
    • Corbin Bernsen! I've always liked him. But it was his work on Psych that made me love the guy.
    • Nothing like a little cutthroat competition to make your heart melt!
    • "Shortcake?" Rude!
    • I'm not ashamed to admit... they could have made the entire film be two hours of Lucy Hale putting on lipstick and I would watch.
    • The witty banter is on-point so far. It's approachable, clever, and doesn't grind the movie to a stop.
    • "Shrimp?" Rude!
    • Who is this guy? Austin Stowell? Do I know him? He's not new... his IMDB page is pretty respectable. But I don't recognize him from any of these works. And this just in... HE PLAYED LARRY KING IN BATTLE OF THE SEXES?!? Wow. I can only guess that it's not that Larry King. Must be a relative of Billie Jean King?
    • Sex dreams. So annoying when they're with somebody you hate.
    • LOL. Pratfalls are never the answer, but it totally works here.
    • "Sex dream? Was I in it?" Cutting right to the point. I like this guy.
    • Okay. The dialogue in this is film is worth the price of admission.
    • Lord. They really went overboard with making this design guy as dorky as possible. I can relate.
    • This movie is surprisingly well-shot. It always looks good, even in mundane scenes. And then they go and insert these beautiful establishing shots which drive it home. Cinematographer Noah Greenberg looks to have been around a while, but the only thing I've ever seen of him was his work as DP in Doom Patrol.
    • We're what... only a quarter of the way through the movie... and they've already dropped the pretense! Exciting. What does this mean for the rest of the film? I'm intrigued!
    • "Bailey's. Rocks" They are really working overtime to make poor Danny a hopeless case. Kinda lazy.
    • So. It looks like Josh is the nice guy in this scenario. Refreshing.
    • How can she afford this amazing apartment? She's a publisher's assistant in a struggling publishing company?
    • He's a Mac guy. Usually that (and sexual solidarity) would have me be all "Team Josh!" But Lucy has much better lips.
    • Lucy has an active (and violent!) imagination. I love her more now.
    • So Lucy is a total pushover... with anybody except Josh.
    • I've never been paintballing. Looks like fun, though I'd probably suck at it.
    • The number of relationships that begin when a person pukes on another person seems high. In the movies, anyway.
    • When I'm sick... especially throwing-up sick... the last thing I want is somebody taking care of me. Just leave me alone to puke in peace, thanks.
    • I can only guess that when we see Josh's place, it will be immaculately organized. The set designer knows their stuff.
    • Isn't Josh afraid of catching whatever bug she's plagued with?
    • "I like her!" Yeah, get in line, buddy.
    • The old "Younger brother gets married before the older brother is embarrassing" trope. Some people just don't want to get married (like me!) and that should be okay.
    • So... not quite half-way through and there's already a love story. Which means something is going to come along to break them up so they can get back together. Groundbreaking.
    • God. The writers really want Danny to be the worst. Mission accomplished.
    • Yeah. I hate to say it, but Josh is quickly looking too good for Lucy. THE AUDACITY!
    • He is very tall. Or she is very short.
    • Okay. I really am Team Josh. His reasoning here is spot-on. As an aside: his breath must smell incredible for him to be breathing all over her like this.
    • Oh noes. There's no chemistry at all with Danny. I never saw that coming given how he's been portrayed as somebody who is essentially not worth her time.
    • Well, shit. This would be the end of a Hallmark movie.
    • Of course his place is frickin' amazing. My dream apartment, essentially.
    • HOLY SHIT HIS APARTMENT IS INCREDIBLE!
    • Obviously they couldn't have hired a normal guy to play Josh. It had to be somebody with impossibly defined muscles.
    • "Maybe some other time?!? That's what you say when you turn down a muffin, not sex!" — I sure hope that Josh has a really good reason for not sleeping with her. Likely just trying to make him the anti-Danny. He respects her too much!
    • "Roll Tide!" — LOL.
    • Lucy really knows how to dress to accentuate those incredible eyes.
    • Ha! Mop socks! I actually considered buying them... until my over-priced hardwood ended up having slivers all over the place.
    • Oh noes. Only one room left at the inn. Didn't see that coming.
    • "No keys. Everything's unlocked." The look on Josh's face is all of us right now.
    • Yeah. They didn't hire Austin Stowell for his looks at all.
    • This soundtrack is pretty great. I will have to look up these songs and put them in a playlist.
    • No need to look at the credits. The writer is clearly a woman writing Josh to be her dream man (Whoops! IMDB says it was two women writing Josh to be their dream man).
    • I covet the end-table lamps in this hotel. Very Frank Lloyd Wright. Could even be Frank Lloyd Wright in design.
    • Ah. I get it now. Lucy's dress is Benjamin Moore Calypso Green. The sheets on the hotel bed were Benjamin Moore Calypso Green. Lucy wears Benjamin Moore Calypso Green all the time. There's Benjamin Moore Calypso Green everywhere in this movie. And Josh's apartment walls are Benjamin Moore Calypso Green. He painted his wall to match her eyes. That is hands-down one of the most romantic things I've ever seen in a rom-com. The entire movie was built around it, and that's pretty great.
    • Welp. If your sympathies weren't with Josh, they sure are now. His brother married his girlfriend. Cold.
    • The bride is incredibly beautiful. But her wedding dress is awful. The clothing designer has been so good up until now.
    • So... Josh's dad is an asshole from start to finish. And sexist to boot.
    • YEP, THERE IT IS. HE TOLD HER ABOUT THE BENJAMIN MOORE CALYPSO GREEN ON HIS WALL. DAMN. I mean, seriously. Is she ready to have his children now? Because I sure am! And the reason he calls her "Shortcake" has everything to do with strawberries and nothing to do with her height.
    • Ah. So this is where we get the breakup. The old A HORRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN CLEARED UP IN FIVE SECONDS IF ONLY SHE WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING trope. Sigh.
    • Danny. In Benjamin Moore Calypso Green pants. Doesn't hit the same as painting your wall though. Nice try, Danny.
    • Josh is confused. And you just know that there is a good explanation for what was said. I mean, I know that this probably happens in Real Life, but it's so lazy.
    • I dunno, Lucy. This presentation concept sounds like a terrible idea. Writing by committee (especially with fans at large) doesn't seem like it would work well at all.
    • It took the entire move for Lucy to realize that Josh is "The Nice Guy?" Kinda clueless of you, Lucy.
    • Once again with the soundtrack. Oh interesting. Two of the songs I liked most were both by "Dagny." Never heard of her before. Cool!
    • Okay. The final line of the movie is perfect. Sometimes that's all it takes to push a film over the top for me. Grade: A.

    Benjamin Moore Calypso Green...

    Lucy standing in front of the Calypso Green wall in her Calypso Green dress!

    Not the best match to her eyes, but still a great part of the story.

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    LET’S WATCH… Death on the Nile

    Posted on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

    Dave!IT'S LET'S WATCH A MOVIE WEEK! Where I live-blog me watching a film and comment along the way! Most of these films I watched a while back, I just wanted to hold off talking about them until more people had a chance to see them. Because of the pandemic, and all that.

    Today's movie is ... Death on the Nile!

    Death on the Nile Poster

    If you're somebody who just wants me to summarize and not have to read through the smalltalk to see how I felt, here you go: The 1978 film, Death on the Nile, is a far, far superior adaptation in every possible way (it's one of my favorite films ever). This new version is lazy, sloppy, and makes changes for the sake of making changes so that everything is about Hercule Poroit, not because they in any way improve the story. In short... go watch the Peter Ustinov original. It's amazing in ways that this version will never be.
    GRADE: C-

    If you haven't seen it yet, this will obviously be a spoiler-filled entry (I TOTALLY REVEAL THE MURDERER!). And probably not make a lot of sense. You've been warned.

    Spoiler Zone!

    • Okay. We're using a de-aged Kenneth Branagh to show that he has always been hyper-observant. Interesting.
    • Ah. This entire pre-story exposition... ten whole minutes of scree-time... was to explain... HOW POIROT GOT HIS MUSTACHE?!? REALLY?!? Lord. And holy shit is this special effect close-up of the side of his face bad. His ear is hyper-focused while everything else is blurry? Takes me right out of the scene.
    • They're correcting a bit of a continuity error here. In the previous movie (Murder on the Orient Express) they said he was going to solve a murder mystery in Egypt. But that couldn't have been "Death on the Nile" because it wasn't a mystery he was called to solve, it was a mystery he ended up in the middle of. So they offhand-mention a different murder in Egypt that he solved.
    • Welp. They made Salome Otterbourne a musician instead of a writer. How in the hell will this play into her being a suspect now? Her whole deal was that she was being sued for defamation by the murder victim! WHY? HOW? Note that Otterbourne was played by the incomparable Angela Lansbury in the first film. She gave it 1000% and is one of the best parts of the movie.
    • This must be the last movie from Armie Hammer before he got cancelled? I always liked him as an actor. No idea he had a canibalism fetish, allegedly.
    • Gal Gadot as Linnet Ridgeway. In the original film, she was played flawlessly by Lois Chiles (who was famous as Bond-Girl Dr. Holly Goodhead in Moonraker).
    • All of this stuff with Poirot (now it's him being impulsive-compulsive over the number of desserts on his table?) is not important to the story... so why?
    • Jackie in the original was played by Mia Farrow and she was flawless in the role. Jackie ends up being driven mad (though not really) and Farrow totally got into in.
    • They really ripped away a huge chunk of Poroit's face as an excuse as to why he has such an elaborate mustache. Except his mustache wouldn't cover that big of a wound... nor would there be hair follicles to allow it, I think. So once again, what's the point of it all?
    • The pyramids are actually right at the edge of Cairo (not out in the middle of the dessert as is often thought), which means they had to go back in time with a CGI representation here. Gorgeous.
    • So... they're going to replace Colonel Race with Bouc (from the previous movie) in some kind of wild coincidence they they both happen to be at the Great Pyramid at the same time? Well, I do like Tom Bateman, but this is a really heavy-handed way to get him into the story. And of course Bouc is friends with Linnet Ridgeway and that's why he's in Egypt. Wow. This is bad. But they did get Annette Benning to play his mom, so I guess that's something.
    • In the first movie, they transitioned from Linnet meeting Jacquie's fiancé Simon... to Linnet and Simon's wedding in a smash-cut that was brilliant in execution.
    • So the socialist is not some young idealistic man as in the first film, but Jennifer Saunders? Who is wealthy? And has Dawn French as a caregiver? In the original film, there was a casting coup by getting Bette Davis to play this character (but not as a socialist, instead she was a bitter old wealthy woman that liked to torture her caregiver WHO WAS PLAYED BY DAME MAGGIE SMITH!)
    • And here's Bouc with an absurdly stupid monologue to explain the cast (and future murder suspects). This is so lazy. The original film managed this is a much more organic way. Of course, they've gone and made the relationships between characters a hell of a lot more intricate and unnecessary this time, so I guess they pretty much had to do it this way.
    • Cousin Andrew the corrupt lawyer was played by George Kennedy in the original. Heaven only knows how they will alter the character in this film.
    • So Rosalie, Salome Otterbourne's daughter, was a classmate of Linnet, and is now Salome Otterbourne's niece AND manager? I guess that's one way to make the part large enough to get Leticia Wright willing to play it.
    • And they've replaced Jack Warden as Doctor Besner with Russell Brand. And made him an ex-fiancé for Linnet? Lord, this is more convoluted than the British Royal family.
    • And heeeeeere's Jacquie. They are going for more of a slow-burn crazy this time instead of the manic crazy that Mia Farrow brought to the role last time.
    • I can only guess that the reason they wanted to use the wedding honeymoon on the Nile as an excuse to get everybody on the boat was to avoid comparison to the way they got everybody onto the train in Murder on the Orient Express. BUT THAT CHANGES THE STORY! Argh. They are making everything way too complicated and silly. And that's despite the fact that they are a lot more serious than the first movie was.
    • This whole pageantry crap with Gal Gadot adds nothing to the story. So what is it for? It's like they are removing the stuff that made the mystery Mae sense for crap that doesn't matter.
    • And they're finally on the Nile. In the original Agatha Christie novel, they provide a literal map at the front that shows you how all the cabins were arranged. It was critical to understanding how the murder(s) happened. The boat was a rather small, intimate affair. Unlike the massive riverboat
    • Kids playing in the river as the boat heads out. A striking difference to the kids who moon Bette Davis with their bare asses in the first film.
    • They actually had to write a scene where Linnet has to explain to Poroit that she doesn't feel safe with anybody on the boat. Lazy as hell. In the first movie it was far more subtle, which made the murder a bit more interesting.
    • Corrupt lawyer Cousin Andrew is the same in both movies. But this time, it's Rosalie who warns her about signing the contracts IN THE MOST RANDOM WAY POSSIBLE. In the first movie it was Colonel Race, and his entire reason for being on the trip was because he was asked by Linnet's British lawyers to keep an eye on the American lawyer, who couldn't be trusted.
    • Wait. Salome Otterbourne is going to be a romantic interest for Poirot? What the hell? AND HER NIECE ROSALIE IS IN A SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH BOUC?!? BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE IT! THIS MOVIE CAN'T FUCKING HELP ITSELF!
    • Annette Benning is missing her carmine red paint. I can already tell that they are changing yet another part of the murder. It's nuts that a critical clue would be altered like this.
    • More idiotic distraction between Poroit and Salome Otterbourne that in no way services the story in any capacity.
    • SPOILER ALERT: THE MURDERER REVEALED HERE! The entire point of the murder was for Simon to inherit Linnet's money and go back to marrying Jacquie so they can both be rich. In the first movie, the giant block that fell nearly killed both Linnet and Simon. But in this version, SIMON LITERALLY SAVES HER LIFE BY PULLING HER OUT OF THE PATH OF BEING CRUSHED? HOW DOES THIS EVEN MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE?!? HE SAVES HER SO HE CAN MURDER HER LATER? It's like... I don't even know what to think of this any more. Why not just push her into the path of the stone? This is dumb.
    • Absolutely nothing from Russell Brand's Dr. Besner. I guess once they announced that he was engaged to Linnet, his motive has been made and that's the end of it..
    • And when it comes to Louise, there was one offhand comment about her once being engaged. But her entire motive is missing. In the original film, Linnet was shown to be an awful person. It was no wonder she was murdered. The reason her maid, Louise, hated her was because Linnet refused a dowry because she had the fiancé investigated and didn't like what she found.
    • God. Then they make Poroit a creeper who takes Rosalie's journal. Something that was not a mistake. And the only reason he would have done that was to learn more about her aunt. STALKER MUCH? And it's like... WHY?!?
    • This movie would rather spend time doing anything except advancing the murder plot along. What does Poroit's tragedy have to do with anything? Anything at all? They could have been developing characters and foreshadowing murder motives. But nope!
    • "You were the only one who never cared about the money." Which is true I think. But boy did Simon care about the money.
    • This whole performance-as-an-alibi ordeal is entirely over-the-top, and yet it's understated compared to the original movie? How did THAT happen?
    • Russell Brand gets to speak!
    • And now, half-way though the movie, the murder finally happens. Gotta get their money's worth out of Gal Gadot's paycheck, I guess. Maybe it only seemed like it happened earlier in the first movie?
    • Simon's a great actor. He's even fooling the great Hercule Poirot!
    • So here we are... panning across all the suspects... and yet there's nothing to make you believe that any of them actually did it. In the original film, you have reason to believe that all of them were capable of killing her by now. AS IT SHOULD BE! This is awful.
    • See... and here we are finding out after the fact that people have motive to kill Linnet. And being sloppy about it. Poirot is drawing attention to Louise's story in a way that spoils a future plot point. The interrogation of Dr. Besner and his absurd past relationship with Linnet (it feels tacked-on BECAUSE IT IS).
    • WHAT. THE. FUCK? They are not doing reenactments to show how each person could have been the murderer? THAT'S THE BEST PART! It makes the viewer feel as though anybody could have been the murderer, because that's the way the story was designed! The first movie was absolutely masterful at the reenactments, which made it a truly great adaptation. This is absurd. The movie has gone from a C to a C- now.
    • Jennifer Sunders is Linnet's goddaughter? AND her servant Dawn French is her lover? How progressive to retroactively add lesbians to Agatha Christie's story.
    • So... Salome's motive for murder... is that when Linnet was a little girl she got her kicked out of the pool for being Black? At least they dismissed it immediately with the truth. If Salome Otterbourne were to kill everybody who was racist against her, she'd be a mass-murderer.
    • Gawd. In the original movie Bette Davis coveted Linnets pearl necklace, and her motivation for murder was to steal them. Her murder reenactment is LEGEND. This movie utterly fails in this. The necklace is found in in Annette Benning's stuff. In the original they were found on Linnet's corpse. SO much more dramatic!
    • Okay then. Poroit was not back in Egypt to spy on his old friend Bouc at the request of his mother Annette Benning. And that's why he took Leticia Wright's diary. Well, I suppose that's a little better. Not quite so stalkerish.
    • Louise is dead. And though her trajectory and purpose in the story is the same, they really sabotaged the impact of it by having Poroit draw attention to it before the story needed to. Yet another pity in a long line of pity.
    • Fight! Fight! Unnecessary fight! And an unnecessary flashback for Poroit. Eyeroll.
    • And now Bouc is a suspect. This is just absurd. In the original movie Colonel Race was a support system and sounding board to Poroit throughout the investigation. What we have here is just nonsense. Poroit is mad at Bouc for lying to him about finding Linnet dead and stealing the necklace and witnessing Louise's murder and not telling him about it. Which is a heck of a take given how Poroit was only there to spy on him and had been lying to him the entire time.
    • They killed Bouc! Guess that Tom Bateman won't be in any more sequels. This is just rubbish. More drama to heap on Poroit instead of focusing on the story. In the original film, it was Salome Otterbourne who witnessed Louise's murder and got shot... square in the middle of her forehead! I can't believe how utterly bonkers this version of the story is.
    • God. Overly-dramatic much? Locking everybody in the room and stopping the ship so Poroit can have his moment? This just keeps getting worse and worse.
    • They kept Cousin Andrew as the guy who pushed the giant block on Linnet... only for her to be saved by Simon. But it plays as absolute nonsense this time around.
    • In the original film, Simon used Linnet's red nail polish to fake blood from being shot. This time it was Annette Benning's paint. In the original this provided a clue. But in this movie? I have no idea. Sloppy. Why change something that works? And the bloody "J" that was left at the murder scene is absent this time around, which drops a cool point... THE ENTIRE WAY THAT THE MURDER WAS COMMITTED WAS TO THROW ALL SUSPICION ON JAQUIE SINCE SHE HAD AN AIR-TIGHT ALIBI!
    • Now making the focus of the murder reveal be... Poroit with this emotion over Bouc? This movie didn't think ANYTHING through, did it?
    • Ugh. Even the murder/suicide was handled so much better in the first movie. I've replayed the scene several times, and her arm suddenly ending up aimed at both of them through Simon's back never lines up. It all makes no sense. And would such a tiny gun/bullet even penetrate both of them like this? In the original, Jacquie shoots Simon, pays her respects to Poroit, then shoots herself. It was so much more satisfying. This was just so... meh.
    • SO AWKWARD. Everybody has to make an awkward pause while disembarking so they can have a moment with Poroit. And we're robbed of Bette Davis and her classic line "This boat is beginning to resemble a mortuary!"
    • And since this movie is all about Poroit instead of the mystery, here he is pining away over Salome Otterbourne... clean-shaven! And, yep, no way his mustache was covering that. I can only guess that Salome Otterbourne will be murdered in the next movie and drive the plot with an angsty Poroit, who grows his mustache back. Because why not? These films are all about Poroit, and the murders themselves are incidental.
    • Ugh. This movie should probably be graded a D because it's such a step down from the 1978 version... but it did have a great cast and excellent visuals, so I guess a C- it shall be.
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    Bullet Sunday 761

    Posted on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

    Dave!It only seems as though we're descending into a hells cape from which there's no escape, but don't let that get you down... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Water! Looks amazing, as we knew it would...

    And no Paparus font to be found!

    But the real question is... Will it have a decent story? Time will tell.

       
    • KHAAAAAAN! Couldn't agree more...

    It was so masterfully done that few other movies have managed to top it... despite there being a huge advancement in special effects since the movie was made.

       
    • Virgin?! During the boring, irrelevant bits of The Offer (of which there are MANY), I have been running through the latest TikTok meme. It's glorious. They have a bunch of geeks ridiculing their own hobbies and lives with the "ARE YOU A VIRGIN?" sound (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @mattwhets #duet with @jurassicah they didn’t let me show my handmade fantasy map pottery #writertok #fanatsy #booktok #writer ♬ original sound - jurassicah

    These are my people! I just love people who have a sense of humor about themselves.

       
    • New Julia! Much to my happiness, it was announced that HBO Max has renewed Julia for a second season. If you haven't seen it yet, it's a series exploring Julia Child's early days as a television star, and it's gold...

    This is a show that you really just don't want to end. And now we know that it isn't over just yet.

       
    • Thor Four More Thor! I'll bet everybody who was mouthing off over Natalie Portman not being buff enough to play Thor are feeling pretty silly right now...

    Jane Foster as Thor and Thor Odinson as Thor!

    This looks fantastic, and I cannot wait to see what Taika Waititi has done this time around.

       
    • Cosigned! Yeah, pretty much this...

    It is fucking horrific that Roe vs. Wade is set to be overturned... and this is coming from somebody who personally doesn't endorse abortion outside of cases of rape, incest, or the health of the mother being endangered. But, for the millionth time, my personal feelings have no fucking bearing whatsoever on what somebody else chooses for themselves... and neither do the feelings of legislators and members of the fucking Supreme Court.

       
    • BRAINS! Well here's something you should not watch before going to bed...

    And, if you did, sleep tight!

       
    And now I'm going to bed. AT LEAST I HOPE SO!

       

    LEELOO DALLAS MULTIPASS!

    Posted on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

    Dave!It's no secret that one of my favorite movies of all time is The Fifth Element.

    And this is the 25th anniversary year, believe it or not.

    I can't even imagine how many times I've seen this film. At least two dozen. And I love it more with each new viewing. It's beautiful. It's visionary. It's a really good story. And now Milla Jovovich is talking about her part in it all to Vogue...

    And now I just want to watch it yet again for the millionth time.

    A part of me is glad that they never made a sequel.

    A bigger part of me would really have liked to have gotten one.

       

    Bullet Sunday 761

    Posted on Sunday, May 15th, 2022

    Dave!You can't keep a good blogger down, even in the middle of your blog not allowing you to upload images for some reason... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • WAAAAAHH! The bastards at CBS canceled Magnum P.I.. The show's first season was incredible. The second nearly as good. They faltered a bit in the third season, but rebound beautifully in the fourth (and now final) season. What's interesting is that the final episode tied up a few things and answered a question which everybody had since the beginning... will Magnum and Higgins ever get together?

    Magnum and Higgins walking and smiling.

    What's so shitty about all this is that Magnum P.I. was a fairly sold performer. Not stellar, but more successful than some of the stuff which gets renewed. Guess CBS is dedicating themselves to another shitty reality show that they can buy for cheap and cancel after a year. Well, duly noted. The entire cast was gold, I can't wait to see where they end up next.

       
    • Lost! Okay... maybe it's the Hallmark fan in me, but I really liked this one! Lost City is funny, adventurous, and surprisingly sweet...

    The Lost City Movie Poster

    Everybody went all-in on their roles. Sandra Bullock, Daniel Radcliffe, Brad Pitt, all great... but it was Channing Tatum who completely owned his character. He was unafraid to play dumb as a box of rocks, and I loved it. If you see the movie (on Paramount+, the worst of the worst of streaming services), be sure to watch the credits for a scene that's pretty great.

       
    • Remo! Fred Ward, Star of The Right Stuff, Tremors, Dies at 79. Except Fred Ward will forever be Remo Williams to me...


    Though having Joel Grey play Korean will always be cringe.

    And he was a big part of why Big Business ended up working as well as it did...

    Fred Ward and Lily Tomlin in Big Business

    There were other roles, of course. The guy did great work for a long time. Rest In Peace, sir.

       
    • Heartstopper! This actually is hope...

    @merrowchild At this point, who's isn't reading #heartstopper ?! #waterstones #shortstory #booksellerlife #aliceoseman #merrowchild #retailstories ♬ Heartstopper - Adiescar Chase

    Kids are going to believe whatever they're taught to believe. But access to information is easier than ever, and sometimes the truth wins out.

       
    • Fruit! When I was a kid, my mom used to pack little tins of Dole fruit in my lunch. Now, of course, they've switched to plastic like everything else. But here's the problem... there is no way... NO WAY AT ALL... to open these little containers without juice pouring out everywhere...

    I've been douched by pear juice.

    I have tried everything. Usually I go to the sink to open them, but when I'm trapped on a call and can't leave, I have to open it here. This is me trying to be my most careful when opening my pears... FUCKERS!!! Now I look like I had an accident in the bathroom or something.

       
    • Moose! YESSSSSS! WHY IS THIS NOT AVAILABLE IN THE US?

    Mayo Mousse. Genius.

       
    I'm guessing eventually I'll figure out how to post this. Probably.

       

    Bullet Sunday 762

    Posted on Sunday, May 22nd, 2022

    Dave!The sun may be shining outside where I'm at, but I'm not out enjoying it as I should be... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Breakfast! The season finale of Saturday Night Live was fairly mediocre... despite having Natasha Lyonne hosting and great send-offs for Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, and Pete Davidson (and apparently Kyle Mooney is leaving as well?). HOWEVER... it introduced me to Japanese Breakfast, a band I never knew existed but fell in love with immediately. This has to be one of my favorite SNL performances ever...


    Kate McKinnon waves good bye.

       
    • The Valet! I'm a huge fan of Eugenio Derbez, and his new movie The Valet on Hulu is great. At first I worried that it wasn't taking advantage of his talents, but boy did he bring it in the end...

    Worth your valuable time. And we're also getting a second season of his show "Acapulco," which is something else you should be watching.

       
    • Baymax! My favorite animated character since Stitch from Lelo & Stitch and Sully from Monsters, Inc. has his own show...

    And how great is it that they kept the other characters from Big Hero 6 to be in it as well?

       
    • Umbrella Academy 3! I've been in awe at just how good the Netflix adaptation of the Umbrella Academy comics have been... actually improving on the material in some ways. And now we're at Season 03 and it's looking as cool and bonkers as ever...

    With Netflix being an absolute shit-show as of late, and their tradition of killing shows after 2 or 3 seasons, I'm more than a little worried about getting Season 04.

       
    • She-Hulk! This is what happens when a show looks like it has a very good chance of exceeding your expectations. People of earth, I give you She-Hulk: Attorney at Law...

       
    • Marvel! And now that Ms. Marvel is nearly upon us, Marvel Studios is giving us a bigger taste of what's to come...

    I. Cannot. Wait.

    If nothing else, casting Tatiana Maslany in the lead is 100% pure win.

       
    • Heartstopper Redux! And lastly, the news I've been waiting for ever since I watched the show... Netflix has renewed Heartstopper for two seasons...

    Announcement of Heartstopper's renewal on Netflix by Netflix.

    While this is incredible news... had they waited any longer, the actors would be getting too old to play their characters... it's also a bit disappointing. From my estimation, they'll need four seasons to get through all the graphic novel material which has defined Nick & Charlie's relationship, so why not renew for three? And boy oh boy do I hope that they fold in more material for Charlie's sister, Tori (or, better yet) give her a series of her own and adapt Solitaire). In any event, not all the news coming out of Netflix is bad, it seems.

       
    And now I need to get outside and tie up some of my flowers before they take over my yard!

       

    Access Denied, Hacker Scum!

    Posted on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

    Dave!As you may (or may not) have noticed, my blog wasn't updating this past week-and-a-half.

    I continued to write as I always do, but when I went to post anything to the site, Blogography returned an error saying that my "connection had been refused." I automatically assumed that my WordPress installation was borked because it keeps happening with increasing regularity.

    But this time it wasn't WordPress's fault.

    Eventually I figured out that the VPN node I had been using to access the internet was the same node used by somebody trying to hack my blog. When my security plugin on WordPress detected the attempt, it blacklisted the IP address. When I switched to a different VPN node, I was able to post everything that had been stacked up.

    What are the odds?

    This does have me concerned that people who use VPNs (and, seriously, everybody should be using VPNs) are going to have increasing difficulties attempting to reach content on the internet.

    And where would the internet be without Blogography?

    Far, far worse off, I'd imagine.

    And, oh yeah... the trailer for the new Mission: Impossible movie dropped today! It looks bonkers cool!

    This entire franchise has had some great stories. And the stunts are incredible. Can't wait!

       

    An Offer You Can’t Refuse

    Posted on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

    Dave!I've been watching a series, The Offer, on Paramount+. It's about the making of The Godfather with all the crazy shenanigans that went on behind the scenes. It's a hot bloated mess of a series which has, at most, 6 episodes worth of material that's been dragged out to ten episodes (seven of which have aired). But the stuff that's actually relevant is entertaining enough to maintain my interest, so I endure.

    The biggest surprise of the show has been who they got to play Marlon Brando... Alex Karev from Grey's Anatomy! I haven't watched the show since Season 02, so it took me a minute to recognize him, but he did a darn good job in an impossible role... so much respect to Justin Chambers.

    Watching the series naturally lead to me to rewatching the entire The Godfather trilogy because I just can't help myself. I've seen them all a dozen times, but they're films I can watch over-and-over, and so I do.

    The Godfather...
    ...is a problematic movie featuring time jumps that are glossed over quite badly, resulting in a choppy mess. It also has some violence that's almost comical in implementation. But then it has some of the most mind-bogglingly fantastic performances ever committed to celluloid. Say what you want about Marlon Brando, but he was glorious in his every moment on-screen. And then there's Al Pacino with his riveting, star-making role that culminated in one of the best finales of any film ever made.

    The Godfather, Part II...
    ...is equally problematic in that the dual-narative structure, while ambitious, was better in concept than implementation. That being said, I love it every bit as much as the first film. The cinematography and set decoration create a lush, gorgeous world for the characters to inhabit, and are almost as memorable as the characters. Pacino's cold and calculating take on Michael Corleone is about as compelling as it gets. And De Niro's performance is flawless from the moment he walks on the screen.

    Young Vito Corleone comes to America.

    The Godfather, Part III...
    ...in the interest of full disclosure, I was not a fan of this film when it debuted in 1990. Some nutty story beats married to an abysmal performance by Sofia Coppola in a key role plus Robert Duvall's absence left me cold. It was an unsatisfying conclusion to the trilogy. Over the years it's grown on me, however. I love the way the ending harkens back to the first film (with Connie, a character I couldn't stand in the first two films playing a satisfying part), and the way that Michael watches his world spin out of control while he's helpless to do much about it. While I don't think it's in the same league as the first films, it doesn't diminish them in any way, so I've made my peace with it.

    There was a rumor that they were planning on picking up the movies again, but focusing on Vincent (Andy Garcia) as the next generation of Corleone. While I think that a film focusing on a hot-headed Don who wanted to watch the world burn could have been interesting, I'm grateful that it never happened though. The time frame for these films had passed and the only reason to go on would be to exploit a great franchise for the money instead of anything creative.

    Not that this has ever stopped Hollywood in the past, of course.

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    Bullet Sunday 763

    Posted on Sunday, May 29th, 2022

    Dave!A three day weekend (for a lot of us here in the good ol' U.S. of A. isn't even the best thing to look forward to this fine Sunday... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • You're Our Only Hope! I was not expecting the world from the new Obi-Wan Kenobi series on Disney+, even though it was focusing on one of the best parts of the shitty Star Wars prequels. But, then again, The Mandalorian proved that it could be good if they wanted it bad enough...

    Obi-Wan Kenobi Poster

    Well, apparently they did want it bad enough, because the show is looking darn good from the first two (or six) episodes which have aired. I don't want to spoil a single frame, as I was careful to not learn too much about it before it started running. Suffice to say that the premise for the series is not what I expected, despite being a very good one (and kinda obvious). Even if you've given up on Star Wars, this might be worth a look.

       
    • More Hope? This past week was Star Wars Celebration, the annual lovefest for A Galaxy Far, Far Away. The most interesting thing to come out of it was the trailer for Andor, which I've been anticipating for what seems like an eternity...

    Looks great, doesn't it?

       
    • Mavericky! Top Gun is one of those seminal 80's films that I have seen multiple times since first seeing it in the theater. When they came out with a sequel: Top Gun: Maverick I kept my expectations in check, because it seemed absurd that they could possibly have more to say. Or at least not enough to warrant a sequel. But it was actually quite good despite covering a lot of the same territory. This is largely thanks to very cool practical fighter plane shots which were far better than a bunch of CGI special effect shots could have ever been...

    Tom Cruise in a fighter plane cockpit.

    Tom Cruise was... well... Tom Cruise. Jennifer Connelly was good as she always is. And Miles Teller, who hasn't impressed me much in anything he's ever done, inhabited his role as the son of Goose in a way that really made you believe he could be the son of Meg Ryan and Anthony Edwards. Do I think it was risk getting COVID to go see? Probably not. But it should have no problem making my best-of list for 2022 because of the huge dose of retro thrills it provides.

       
    • Thanks, Jims! While there's a lot of attention being focused on Obi-Wan Kenobi, Top Gun: Maverick, and the return of Stranger Things, I can tell you right now that the entertainment to beat is Shoresy. Based on the unseen (but not unheard) hockey-playing character from Letterkenny, it's a fantastic (and very funny) look at "the dirtiest player in the game"...

    The cast of Shoresy with their missing teeth in a lockeroom.

    If you're a Letterkenny fan, this is a no-brainer. But even if you aren't this is nice diversion from the horrors of the real world.

       
    • Fletch! I was very sad to hear that Andrew "Fletch" Fletcher from Depeche Mode had died. As one of my all-time favorite bands, I've collected all their music and have seen them in concert a half-dozen times. Rest in Peace, sir...

    Tom Cruise in a fighter plane cockpit.

       
    • Less Strange? And speaking of Stranger Things... I'm more than a little disappointed in Season 04. Each episode is bloated in a bad way, focusing more on distraction, filler, and "side-quests" than the show I was hoping to tune in for. And it's like why? Why deviate from what made the show so darn good in Seasons 01-03? I guess everybody wanted a bigger paycheck and the only way to get it was to film more material? I dunno. The show isn't exactly bad... but I'm really hoping they stick the landing in the final two episodes in five weeks to make this time investment worthwhile.

       
    • Subway. This video from Last Week Tonight is fascinating stuff. And you OWE it to yourself to watch the Korean Meatball Drama at the end! Glorious...

    The fact that Subway knew that Jared was a kid-raping pedophile and ignored it so he could keep selling their sandwiches means that they can fuck off forever. Interesting to note that Kidfuckers is the ONLY chain restaurant in my small town, which is just further evidence that they do indeed push their franchises to the breaking point and put them everywhere.

       
    Until next Sunday then...

       

    The Sandman Cometh…

    Posted on Monday, June 6th, 2022

    Dave!One of my favorite comic books of all time is Alpha Flight... in particular the Vol. 3 version by Scott Lobdell and Clayton Henry. Their story would be a perfect fit for a really good Disney+ series, so I keep hoping that one day they will show up.

    And they really should, because I think Canadians would appreciate seeing their own super-group brought to life...

    Jenny flopped over showing her belly.

    Another of my favorite comic books... The Sandman has already been developed as a series for Netflix, and it looks very good indeed. The visuals are highly reminiscent of the source material...

    Needless to say I'm quite excited about seeing it, and August 5th seems a long time away.

    Fortunately, we've got Ms. Marvel coming in two days, Thor: Love and Thunder coming July 8th, and Season 04 of What We Do in The Shadows coming on July 12th to help occupy our time until August...

    Also? The sequel to one of my favorite comic book adaptations ever, The Old Guard, starts filming this month... assumably for release in 2023 some time. But before that? She-Hulk: Attorney at Law debuts on August 17th, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever coming November 11th, and Nick Fury's Secret Invasion (assumably) shortly thereafter!

    An exciting time to be a comic book nerd, that's for sure.

       

    Bullet Sunday 765

    Posted on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

    Dave!It's another cold and rainy Sunday, but I'm not letting it get me down... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • More Bargains! ZOMFG! Keith, Evan, and Shea are back with more Bargain Block! Easily my favorite home renovation show, I was thrilled that it was renewed for a second season... and would subscribe to discovery+ just to watch this one program!

    It will be interesting to see how the concept of the show has to change to meet with rising house prices. The entire show was built around the idea of taking homes so trashed that they could be bought for almost nothing and turning them around. But now even trashed houses cost money.

       
    • RITZOREO? What the-?!?

    Why? I'm not going to say it's terrible because I haven't tried it... but this just looks like a complete disaster. Even so, if I see these I will buy them.

       
    • Strange! If the new Thor and Black Panther films weren't being released this year, this would be the movie I most want to see...

    There needs to be more science fiction animated films. Let me restate that... there needs to be more good science fiction animated films. Hopefully this is good and performs well so we get more.

       
    • Welp! This is actually kinda scary.

    But what isn't scary now-a-days?

       
    • Smart! Hacks fell apart for me in the second season. It just kinda meandered around, and the "life" that the first season excelled at felt more sporadic. But boy oh boy did they stick the landing on the last episode of this season. It really has me hoping that HBO Max picks it up for a third season, because the way it ended felt final... but actually opens up some interesting avenues for all the characters...

    Plus... Jean Smart.

       
    • Ouch! As a huge fan of Ben Wishaw, I was compelled to watch his latest series This is Going to Hurt. He plays a London doctor working in the gynecology department in a busy NHS hospital. It has graphic depictions of medical procedures that are tough to watch. The way that women get ripped into for caesarean births is unbelievably rough... almost violent. But even a straightforward birth looks double-tough. From this perspective, it's probably a good idea for men to watch this show and gain a new perspective on what women go through giving birth. It's probably NOT a good idea, however, for expectant mothers to watch this. Because... damn!

    I honestly don't know how Ben Wishaw makes his roles look so effortless... even when they are wildly complex like this one is.

       
    • Happy Tenth! This past week marked the tenth anniversary of my first tattoo! I had wanted a cartoon skull and crossbones tattoo forever, and the first drawing I made of it was 26 years before it was actually inked. The only thing I changed from my original drawing was that I made it bolder with much thicker lines because I didn't want it to look like something I could cover up easily. I never once changed my mind about what I wanted in 26 years, so I was committed and didn't want to half-ass it...

    Dave's Tat

    One of these days I really need to get back to San Francisco for another tattoo. I have zero regrets on any work I've had done, and my only true regret is that I didn't start getting tattooed earlier so I'd have more ink on me.

       
    And on that happy note... hope your weekend was a good one now that it's almost over.

       

    Thor Four: More Thor Again

    Posted on Monday, June 13th, 2022

    Dave!The film I am most looking forward to this year? Thor: Love and Thunder.

    What Taika Waititi did with Thor in Ragnarok still boggles my mind. It was completely new and fresh... yet respected Jack Kirby's aesthetic in a retro way that was thrilling to watch. It was also funny in smart way that didn't turn the characters and story into a joke. To accomplish all that requires somebody with massive vision and talent. And now Taika is back with this...

    So... yeah. Might be worth risking whatever new COVID variant is out there to see this one in the theater.

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    Bullet Sunday 766

    Posted on Sunday, June 19th, 2022

    Dave!Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! As for me? I don't get to celebrate being a cat-dad... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Tokio! I first heard of the German band Tokio Hotel years ago when I was in Italy, I think. They were getting some notice from their debut album Schrei (probably because they were so young when they recorded it). It's a dang good album if you like hard rock. Fast-forward to yesterday and I happened across a new song from them called When We Were Younger which was quite surprising for three reasons. 1) It's in English. 2) It's pure pop. 3) It's actually really good, and I've been playing it on repeat for a day now...

    Great, right? But it's the end where they say "Together since 2001" where it kinda gets you. All those photos are of the band as kids... essentially growing up before your eyes...

    Tokio Hotel as kids!

    Tokio Hotel as kids!

    I love stuff like this.

       
    • Smooth! Welp. Cooper Raiff has 1000% done it again. How he manages to not take the easy or expected route... but still manages to create such satisfying movies is beyond me. All this and he's actually a really good actor on top of of being an exceptional writer and director. The setup for Cha Cha Real Smooth is like films you've seen dozens of times before... and yet the payoff is so much better because it's not like films you've seen dozens of times before. You end up feeling completely different about some characters at the end than you did in the beginning, and that takes true talent to accomplish because most times when this is attempted it just feels so fake and unearned.

    In both Shithouse and Cha Cha Real Smooth there's that one scene which really crushes you. And in Cha Cha Real Smooth you never see it coming. Really looking forward to whatever Cooper Raiff does next.

       
    • She's a Beauty! Well, you are (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @callmegrand

    You are beautiful❤️ from “Man of the World”

    ♬ Sunroof - Nicky Youre & dazy

    Ukrainian and Czech are close enough to Russian that I got those. I haven't studied Japanese in forever, but that one was easy. I thought I would have had a shot at Chile, Puerto Rico, and Spain... but the only other one I got was USA!

       
    • Raise the Roof! I've never been to The Palace theater in New York City. But I have stayed at The Doubletree hotel that was built around it. I had read a while ago that they were planning on doing something extraordinary... raise The Palace 30 feet in the air so they can build a new hotel and entertainment complex around it. That's now been completed, and how they went about it is fascinating...

    I'm not a "Broadway guy" but I admit to wanting to see how this all works out. It all looks pretty darn incredible.

       
    • Oh Jodie! I missed the entire last season of Graham Norton because Philo didn't record it. On the episode I'm watching now, Coldplay is singing "My Universe" (with a cool BTS video background) and it's great. BUT THE BEST PART is that Coldplay super-fan Jodie Whittaker from Doctor Who was on the show, and this happened...

    After it was over, they went back to the couch and Jodie mentioned that she has her alarm set for next week so she can try to get tickets for when Coldplay is playing Wembley. Well, needless to say, Jodie now has tickets to go to see ColdPlay. And it will be one of the greatest missed opportunities ever if they don't get her on stage!

       
    • Seriously? BWAH HA HA HA HAAAAA! no.

       
    • This time... There's a very good sleight of hand magician on TikTok named Mat Franco who is constantly having to re-do his tricks because people believe that he's not being honest about what he's doing. Like this one, for example (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @matfrancomagic Reply to @everythingballard ♬ original sound - Mat Franco

    And here we go again (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @matfrancomagic Reply to @dembirdsbedirty ♬ nhạc nền - AK乂Duty

    Fortunately, the guy is patient enough to keep humoring everybody. But you'd think that eventually people would just enjoy the show.

       
    • Pixar! I responded to a meme where people were ranking all the Pixar films. My Top 5 hadn't changed in years... until Luca came out, which I loved...

    1. Monsters, Inc.
    2. The Incredibles
    3. Up
    4. Toy Story 3
    5. Luca
    6. Toy Story
    7. Finding Nemo
    8. Coco
    9. The Incredibles 2
    10. WALL-E
    11. Brave
    12. Encanto
    13. Ratatouille
    14. Toy Story 2
    15. Turning Red
    16. Finding Dory
    17. Soul
    18. Monsters University
    19. Inside Out
    20. Onward
    21. Toy Story 4
    22. Cars
    23. The Good Dinosaur
    24. A Bugs Life
    25. Cars 2
    26. Cars 3

    Yeah, not a fan of the Cars films. But even a bad Pixar film is better than most.

       
    And now back to your regularly scheduled Sunday.

       

    Streaming Overload

    Posted on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

    Dave!Just mentally preparing for tomorrow

    That's when Umbrella Academy Season 03, Ms. Marvel Episode 03, Obi-Wan Kenobi Episode 06, Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness, and who knows what else is releasing.

    I'd take the day off from work... but, alas...

       

    Streaming for Two

    Posted on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022

    Dave!Last night I waited until midnight for Ms. Marvel, as usual, then saved everything else for today when I could find time. It was a lot of TV packed into a day...

    Umbrella Academy Season 03
    While it had some very good moments, this fell short of the first two seasons for me. Not as twisty, smart, and interesting. But there were also some changes that surprised me. In the first two seasons I loathed Vanya and loved Allison. This year that completely reversed... Loved Viktor, outright detested Allison (fucking hated her this season). But my favorite in all seasons is Number Five, even though he had less to do this time around. I can't go much further without delving into spoiler territory, but suffice to say I enjoyed the third season and sincerely hope we get a fourth.

    Ms. Marvel Episode 03
    Beautiful, joyous, and clever. And boy did they really go there with Kamala using her powers! Really great to see, as I was starting to worry that they were going to pull a Moon Knight and not really do anything interesting with her. I don't know if this quite eclipses how amazing I found Hawkeye to be, but I am already hoping for another season after she appears in The Marvels.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi Episode 06
    I've enjoyed every episode of this series despite the fact that there really couldn't be any surprises since we know how everything has to turn out. Even the "surprise" at the end wasn't much of a surprise because it was foreshadowed heavily in one of the earlier films. Despite this being a series that was meant to be complete, I would not at all object to seeing what else happened with Obi-Wan before Star Wars happened. Ewan McGregor is just too darn good to let go.

    Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness
    On second viewing, I actually appreciate this movie more than I initially did... even though I still think that Wanda was done dirty. I enjoyed this flick the first time around, sure, but it just didn't feel that the multiverse was used to great effect. Spider-Man: No Way Home was smarter about it, and this one just felt like an afterthought. That being said, America Chavez managed to fit into the story in a way that felt meaningful, and seeing the Illuminati portrayed so beautifully left me wanting more. A lot more.

    And now... it's 1:00am and time for bed. Past time for bed. I'll just have to make up for all the sleep I didn't get tomorrow night.

       

    By Zeus, Taika Waititi Did It Again!

    Posted on Thursday, July 7th, 2022

    Dave!Thor: Love and Thunder is great. Not as great as Thor: Ragnarok, but I enjoyed it quite a lot.

    Especially the mid-credits scene at the end, which is glorious. I'd stay off the internets until you've seen the movie so it doesn't get spoiled... but it's a doozy. Especially if you're me. As if that weren't enough, there's Russell Crowe as Zeus. And he plays it in a way I was most definitely not expecting...

    Russell Crowe as Zeus

    As has become my custom, I am not reviewing any films until they are released on home video... trying to avoid spoilers for people who may not be able to go to the theater in the Age of COVID.

    But if I were to tease my thoughts? It's a worthy successor to Thor Ragnarok which could have taken itself a bit more seriously, but is another awesome Thor adventure just the same.

       

    Bullet Sunday 771

    Posted on Sunday, July 24th, 2022

    Dave!It's the most geektastic time of the year... because a Very Special Comic Con Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Wakanda Forever! This is the movie to beat, right? Though it will forever be tainted by the tragic passing of Chadwick Boseman's Black Panther, we're getting most of the other amazing characters that came out of Black Panther plus the MCU debut of Namor, the Sub-Mariner. So, yeah, can't wait for November 11...

       
    • Sandman! Based on one of the most beloved comic book series ever made (and one of my all-time favorites) the only question to be asked is Will it be any good? Well, if the trailer is any indication, the answer is yes. Looking very faithful to the books, and of course I am dying to see it. Fortunately we only have to wait until August 5th...

       
    • She-Hulk! I've been waffling on this one. It sounded like a great idea when it came out... looked intriguing with the glimpses we got... and looks absolute fire now that we've got an actual trailer. Coming August 17th...

       
    • John Wick 4! I love the John Wick franchise. And it just seems to get better with each new installment as they flesh out the organization built around The High Table. John Wick 3 was the best one yet, filled with a cool story and action that was more over the top than ever. And here we are at the fourth one, coming March 24, 2023...

       
    • I Am Groot! It looks cute as hell, like we knew it would. I could speculate, but there's not much point when we'll see for reals on August 10th...

       
    • Black Adam! The DC Comics movies have been mostly bad as of late, Wonder Woman and The Suicide Squad being the exceptions. Everything else that came after Nolan's Batman trilogy has been crap. This doesn't look half bad, but (especially where DC is concerned) looks can be deceiving. They have before. Guess we'll know on October 21...

       
    • Rings of Power! I don't know if the Amazon Prime Lord of the Rings series is going to be any good... but it sure looks like they put a ton of money into it. ..

       
    • Shazam! Fury of the Gods! The first Shazam was a horrendous pile of shit and I hated it. Hopefully this one won't be as stupid and uneven, because it certainly could be a good movie character. And Helen Mirren makes an intriguing villain to be sure. Good or bad, it's coming on December 21...

       
    • More Marvel Studios! There was more from Kevin Feige in Hall H yesterday...

    • Armor Wars - 2023??? There was not a peep about this series at Comic Con, which feels ominous. Supposedly it starts filming later this year, but are they re-thinking things? I had always imagined that something which happens in this show will end up leading into Ironheart, but maybe not? Regardless, Rhodey has been around since the very beginning of the MCU, and it's about time he gets a shot.
    • Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania - February 17, 2023. I was sincerely disappointed that we didn't get a trailer for this highly anticipated film. All we know is that Ant-Man, The Wasp, and Stature (Scott's adult daughter Cassie) get sucked into the Quantum Realm. Where they run into one of The Avengers' nastiest foes... Kang the Conquerer. Not exactly sure what that's going to be about because King ends up being in the next Avengers movie (see below).
    • Secret Invasion - Spring 2023. In the comic book series, evil Skrulls replace various super-heroes in order to... well... invade the earth. It was a shocking event in the comics which shook things up in weird ways because it came out of nowhere. The replacements had happened and had been foreshadowed for a while, even if people didn't know it. It seems unlikely that this kind of far-reaching plot device would be ingrained into the MCU in the same way for a Disney+ series, but I guess you never know.
    • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - May 5, 2023. Adam Warlock? The High Evolutionary? The origin of Rocket? Sounds about perfect, right? The only problem being that James Gunn has stated that this is the end of the road for his Guardians movies. Hopefully it will be a good one to go out on.
    • Loki Season 2 - Summer 2023. The first season was a pretty good compromise between allowing the character to continue on while not sabotaging his sacrifice in what came before. Unfortunately I didn't think it was as compelling as it could have been. The whole Sylvie-as-Loki-Variant angle on The Enchantress didn't work for me, and it felt like the entire point of the show wasn't to be about Loki... but getting King into the MCU. Hopefully the second time around will be for Loki and not something else.
    • Echo - Summer 2023. Of all the characters who could be given their own Disney+ series, this one is a head scratcher. Echo? Seriously? I dunno. I guess it could be interesting, but it seems like a waste. My guess is that it selected because it would be a cheap series to make. I hope that's not the case.
    • The Marvels - July 28, 2023. Thanks to Ms. Marvel, we already have an inkling about this film. But we don't know anything concrete, which feels weird given how close it is.
    • Blade - November 3, 2023. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for Blade coming to the MCU (I liked all three of the Wesley Snipes films... yes, even the third one), but there are so many other movies I'd rather see. Blade had his cinematic shot already, and could have easily fit into a Disney+ series instead of snagging a coveted movie spot. It's as if Marvel Studios is rolling dice to find the next Guardians of the Galaxy franchise, which is fine, but I had hoped for something more than this.
    • Ironheart - Fall, 2023. Riri Williams is a great comic book character... and if Marvel Studios ever wants to get the whole Young Avengers situation moving, she would be a great part of that. But this is taking forever to assemble. The "Young" Avengers won't be young by the time it actually happens. And maybe it won't ever happen. But hopefully we'll get a good Ironheart out of it all.
    • Agatha: Coven of Chaos - Winter 2023/2024. I honestly don't know. Do I want to see more Kathryn Hahn? Absolutely. But whether it's worth watching will depend entirely on what they've got for a story. If they go too silly or stupid, it'll be a toothless joke. If they go too dark and serious, Hahn will be wasted. They need to find a story that is a good balance of both... as well as provide a compelling enough reason for the show to exist. Here's hoping.
    • Captain America: New World Order - I sure hope that they give Sam Wilson a fair shot at being Cap. He's a great character, has paid his dues, and deserves his shot. And if we can get Bucky along for the ride, that would be great.
    • Daredevil: Born Again - Spring 2024. The comic book version of this story was character-defining. It documented the fall of Daredevil at the hands of The Kingpin, and how he managed to battle back from it. Now, some of the story arc has already been adapted in previous seasons of the Netflix Daredevil series, so I'm not exactly sure where they're going to go with it. But I certainly plan on finding out.
    • Thunderbolts - July 26, 2024. The comic book version of this film was kinda epic. Super villains band together in disguise as a new team of super heroes... who secretly want to take over the world (what else?). It is logical to think that this is a follow-up to Secret Invasion when the world has lost faith in heroes who aren't what they seem to be. But how they will manage to make it fresh for the movies when the concept from the comics is so well-known is a mystery.
    • Fantastic 4 - November 2024. If there's a movie that deserves to find success, it's one featuring the First Family of Adventure. The first two were pretty bad. The third one was fucking horrendous. So here's hoping the fourth time's a charm. It would be amazing if John Krasinski actually is Mr. Fantastic after his appearance in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness... but that would give the film too much of a chance at success, so who knows.
    • Avengers: The Kang Dynasty - May 2, 2025. This is so far out as to be ridiculous... almost three years. Marvel just wanted something completely unknown to drop to their rabid fans at Comic Con. What's so intriguing here is that King is going to be menacing the MCU for over two years (he started in the first season of Loki, remember?). I guess this is the big finale, but who knows who might be an Avenger this far away. Will we even care? Probably.
    • Avengers: Secret Wars - November 7, 2025. I'm guessing this will be the epic finale of "The Multiverse Saga" where all the various variants are taken to a world so they can battle it out for the amusement of the powerful cosmic entity known as The Beyonder. At which point the Multiverse will likely be shut down Crisis on Infinite Earths style. For which I'm thankful, because the stakes are less when there's an unlimited number of universes to draw replacements for characters that get killed. The good news is that the cast will be absolutely epic, drawing together heroes new and old from the entire length of the MCU.

       
    • And The Rest! And here's some other things that might prove interesting...

    • Picard I've always been more intrigued with the concept behind Picard than the show itself. The first season was nice, even though it didn't stick the landing. The second season bored me, and felt like a wasted opportunity. The third season seems as if it will hinge on nostalgia for The Next Generation, of which I have none.
    • Interview with The Vampire I liked the books okay... what ones I've read, anyways. But I have zero interest in a series. They already did a movie, it was fine, and dragging things out with a TV show doesn't seem like time well-spent. It's just a continuation of a trend.
    • Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves Given the absolutely abysmal track record of D&D-based sword and sorcery in film and television, it seems like a longshot that this will be worth a crap. Except... the trailer actually doesn't look half bad. So maybe? Could it be another Lord of the Rings or (early) Game of Thrones? and not a complete waste of time, talent, and money? Stranger things have happened.

       
    So... until next Comic Con, I guess. See you next year.

       

    Forever is a Long Time

    Posted on Monday, July 25th, 2022

    Dave!As I have said many, many times in this blog, I am a massively huge fan of Black Panther. He, along with Doctor Strange, are my favorite Marvel comic book characters by a wide margin. Needless to say I was crushed when Chadwick Boseman died... not just because he was a talented actor who I had enjoyed in many films... but because he is Black Panther. And not getting to see him in Ryan Coogler's follow-up to the amazing Black Panther film fills me with a sadness that's hard to describe. His performance as The Black Panther filled me with joy after waiting years for the character to finally appear in the MCU, and now he's gone. Taken from us far too soon.

    And you might guess, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever is a series of mixed emotions for me. On one hand, I am so happy that we will get to see all the great characters and incredible world of Wakanda again. On the other hand... Black Panther is gone.

    I posted the trailer from Comic Con yesterday. I have watched it dozens of times trying to see every detail of what awaits us on November 11...

    So here we go. Please avert your eyes if you don't want to see my spoiler-filled comments...

    Spoiler Zone!

    The trailer starts with Nakia on a beach... likely mourning the death of her boyfriend. Could she be pregnant with the heir to Wakanda? We don't know. What's very interesting about this scene is that you can see Aztec/Mayan architecture behind her. This related to Namor, which we'll get to in a bit...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Later we see T'Challa's mother, Ramonda, also on a beach which is kind of strange, because I thought that Wakanda is a landlocked country. They have a lake and rivers, of course, but no oceanfront real estate. Not sure what this could be about...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    And heeeeere's the birth of Namor. Which you can tell because of his winged feet (in the comics this allows him to fly). This makes Namor the first mutant in Marvel's history...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    In the Marvel Comics, Namor (AKA The Sub-Mariner) debuted in 1939, years before Aquaman debuted in DC Comics (that was in 1941). Even though Namor came first in reality, DC brought Aquaman to the movies first. To avoid people who don't know the history thinking that they have ripped off Aquaman, Marvel Studios has decided to root Namor in Aztec/Mayan culture, giving him and his people a far different look for Atlantis than DC gave to the Aquaman movies. I absolutely love this. Not only because it adds diversity and representation to the the MCU, but because it's just an amazing idea from the get-go...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    I'm guessing this is Wakanda's throne room? All flooded and burning. I don't know if this is supposed to show a turning point where Shuri accepts that she must become the new Black Panther or not, but it's an interesting scene...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    And... here's two of the smartest people in the MCU. That's Shuri shaking the hand of Riri Williams who becomes the successor to Iron Man, Iron Heart. I am positive that Riri is going to be tied to Wakanda and the first movie due to the ending of Black Panther where T'Challa established the Wakanda Outreach Program. How cool is that?!

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Awwww... it's little Prince Namor! The reason he is not blue like other Atlanteans in the Marvel Universe is because his father is a surface-dweller, and his mother is princess of Atlantis. He inherited his father's skin color, but his mother's royal status...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    And here's adult Namor...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    M'Baku is probably my favorite character from the first movie. I am thrilled that he's come back for the sequel (just as I am sad that W'Kabi isn't able to return because Daniel Kaluuya had other commitments). Of all the characters in the MCU, M'Baku is the one I most want to see get his own Disney+ series. Okoye is apparently getting hers, maybe M'Baku will be a big part of the World of Wakanda series?

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    This movie is going to be a punch in the gut from start to finish... especially when seeing Chadwick Boseman pop up...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    I am more than a little excited that Ryan Coogler & Co. don't hire somebody with the massive talent of Angela Bassett and have her sit on the sidelines. She actually looks like she's going to be given stuff to do...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Everett K. Ross! I love how this character is part of the MCU. And thank heavens that Ryan Cooler didn't have him fall into that tired old "white savior" trope that so often gets assigned to white characters in movies. Wakanda is the most technically-advanced nation in the MCU and their people are among the most powerful on the planet. They don't need a white man to step in and save them. From anything.

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    I am surprised that RiRi is going to become Iron Heart in this film. I thought she would be introduced here, then become Iron Heart in her own series! Kinda cool that her first suit is going to harken back to the bruit-force armor that Tony Stark created in the first Iron Man movie!

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Wakanda and Atlantis have a long and complicated history in the comics. They have been at war for much of that history, though they have put it aside when a common threat faces them. I am guessing that the movie will have them at war from the start, and it will be interesting to see the reason behind it. Likely Vibranium-related. Note that Atlanteans need masks to breath when out of the water, whereas Namor does not. He got that from his dad. :-) I am happy that they kept his winged feet. I was thinking that they would eliminate them for the movie to keep the character less expensive to have on-screen...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    And here's M'Baku... about to make a serious error. Namor can survive the crushing pressure of the deep ocean, so this battle club won't be much trouble for him to shrug off...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    And who might this be? Could it be Aneka? We've already seen Ayo in the MCU (Aneka's lover in the comics) and this could be setting them up for a very interesting turn if they follow the story from the comics.

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Okoye is so wonderfully bad-ass. I truly hope that Coogler is involved in her Disney+ series, because I will be sorely disappointed if she doesn't maintain character...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Just give Namor his own movie already. Can you just imagine?

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    Dora Milaje warriors vs. Atlantean warriors. That will be a heck of a fight!

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    And who is the new Black Panther? In the comics, Shuri has taken on the job on more than one occasion. Not sure if that's the way they are going to go in the movies. Maybe. Or perhaps M'Baku? Though I would really rather he keep his character, because he's just so fantastic. And now, for the hundredth time, WHERE IS MY M'BAKU SERIES?!? Just back up a dump truck full of cash to Winston Duke's house, pour out however much money it takes to get him to sign on to the project, then keep paying him absurd amounts of money so we get minimum ten seasons...

    Black Panther Wakanda Forever Trailer Still

    I am not even joking. I would watch the heck out of an M'Baku series.

    And that's our first look at Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. November seriously cannot get here fast enough.

       

    Andor is Coming!

    Posted on Monday, August 1st, 2022

    Dave!September 21st.

    Cannot possibly enunciate how badly I want to see this series. I haven’t loved many of the Star Wars movies after The Empire Strikes Back... but Rogue One is definitely a huge exception, and Cassian Andor is a big part of the reason why...

    No K-2SO in the poster. I'm guessing that he comes along shortly. Or at the end of Season 01...

    Apparently there are three planned seasons... ever-escalating quicker until the series matches up to Rogue One.

       

    Bullet Sunday 772

    Posted on Sunday, August 7th, 2022

    Dave!World War III is back on the table thanks to politician idiocy, but don't let that harsh your mellow... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Wedding! To my fellow Hallmark movie nerds... Wedding Season on Netflix. The concept has been done to death, but this one is way too cute to miss...

    I love how Netflix gives a good budget to their movies like this. It makes all the difference in diferentiating them from Hallmark.

       
    • Star Wars Summer! The LEGO Star Wars Summer Vacation Special has a gem of a Weird Al song attached to it, and the video is right here...

    Whether you're a Star Wars fan or a LEGO Star Wars fan or both... the special is worth a look! Find it on Disney+.

       
    • Eternally Again! Patton Oswalt leaked that they are working on another Eternals movie. Good. Now leave powerless, annoying Sprite the fuck out of it (or kill her to start off the film). Leave Ajak dead. Leave Ikarus dead. And as much as I loved Gilgamesh, leave him dead. Then kill off Druig (or turn him into the full-on villain he is). Focus on Sersi, Thena, Kingo, Phastos, and Starfox. FIVE characters instead of however the fuck too many were in the first film. Marvel needs to get over themselves that Eternals was an epic masterpiece and come to terms with the fact that they created a bloated, scattered, mess of a film. Avengers Endgame had DOZENS of characters and felt more focused. Don't get me wrong... I enjoyed Eternals and didn't think it was as awful as many people did... but it could have been SO much better. I do hope that Chloé Zhao comes back to direct because her work is so beautiful... but don't force her to cram so much shit in her film that it gets so very sloppy.

       
    • Vacation! This is so accurate as to sting a bit (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @shane.duffy

    Just make sure you reply to your emails 👍

    ♬ original sound - Shane Duffy 😮‍💨

    I haven't had a vacation in three years. Sure I have the hours... but I'm always too busy to actually use them.

       
    • Trash! I will keep saying it... Nancy Pelosi is garbage. Everything wrong with government is right here (And here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @progressivetradesman #greenscreen #insidertrading #corrupt #parforthecourse #dividendsaretheft ♬ original sound - user4501857206945

    Like most of our politicians, she doesn't give a FUCK how many people she hurts so long as she keeps grabbing that money and power! And she doesn't care if she starts World War III or tanks our stock market to get it.

       
    • PAID! I'd like to leave this Bullet Sunday on a good note... I paid off my blue iMac, Lemon, this week!

    iMac PAID!

    And in two months my MacBook Pro will also be paid off. Which will be very nice. The money not used for making payment can go towards groceries, gas, and everything else that's insanely expensive now-a-days.

       
    TTFN, Bullet fans...

       

    Good Bye Olivia

    Posted on Monday, August 8th, 2022

    Dave!I was deeply saddened to learn that Olivia Newton-John passed away today.

    I fell in love with her... and fell in love with her hard... while coming of age in the 70's and 80's. I wasn't allowed to go see Grease in the theater (I was 12 years old)... but it was one of the first VHS tapes I rented in the early 80's! That was back when VCRs were so expensive that you couldn't afford to buy one unless you were wealthy. Instead my family reserved the VCR at the local video store to rent over the weekend... then rented a stack of movies to go with it so we could get our money's worth out of the pricey machine rental.

    And, yeah, I watched Grease multiple times on multiple weekends. I was never a fan of musicals but... well... Olivia Newton-John. Because, damn...

    Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta in Grease.

    And I listened to that soundtrack many, many, many, many times.

    And then there was Xanadu.

    Because of my love of Olivia-Newton John, I begged my parents to let me go see it in the theater when it was released in 1980. I was 14 years old. It was a PG film. My parents relented, and let me go see it with my friends. The movie wasn't great... but I did like it because it played to a trifecta of my loves... Olivia Newton-John, Don Bluth Animation, and Greek mythology. Olivia Newton-John was positively radiant in every frame...

    Olivia Newton-John looking amazing in Xanadu.

    Olivia Newton-John looking amazing in Xanadu.

    Olivia Newton-John looking amazing in Xanadu.

    Gene Kelly and Olivia Newton-John looking amazing in Xanadu.

    ANIMATED Olivia Newton-John looking amazing in Xanadu.

    Olivia Newton-John looking amazing in Xanadu.

    Kira never got to say which muse she was... but she started to say it. Her name started with a "T" which means she was Terpsichore, muse of dance. And while the movie wasn't all that great... the soundtrack was incredible. I played it to death.

    In 2020 Olivia made a quick video on the 40th anniversary of the movie... looking as radiant and lovely as ever...

    ONJ appeared numerous places over the years. More recently she was a guest-judge on RuPaul's Drag Race and even appeared in one of the Sharknado movies!

    As sad as it is that she's gone, she leaves behind music that will carry on for a very long time. And that ain't nothin'. Rest In Peace, Olivia Newton-John, you will be so very missed.

       

    Bullet Sunday 773

    Posted on Sunday, August 14th, 2022

    Dave!Don't let my busted ass blog ruin your day... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now (even if it will have to be posted later)...

       
    • Borked! Not only is my blog completely fucked today for unknown reasons, I see that now my heavy purple X's at the beginning of each entry are now regular-old black crosses?

    Absolutely no clue what that is about. But it seems to happen on every browser I try and the code for them to be heavy and purple is still there... so one more thing to worry about, I guess.

       
    • Found! One of my top-five favorite television shows of all time, The Finder, is streaming on Disney+...

    Promo Image for The Finder on Disney+!

    The show has some things that did not age well (there is a Romani character which is referred to as "The G-Word" among other things) but the stories, characters, and concept are all fantastic. If you have Disney+, I urge you to give it a shot. If, for no other reason, to see the incomparable Michael Clarke Duncan in one of his final roles. HELPFUL HINT: The series was originally broadcast (and is still streaming) out of order. To watch it in an order where the plot threads all make sense, do so like this... Episode 01, 09, 03, 04, 02, 10, 05, 08, 06, 07, 12, 11, 13.

       
    • Prequel Hunt! And speaking of streaming... I don't know if I've mentioned it yet, but the Predator prequel, Prey (streaming on Hulu), is fantastic. It not only stays faithful to the original concept in a way that other "Predator" movies haven't, in some ways it's actually superior to the original. This time the action takes place on the Great Plains in the 1700's sometime. This time it's a Comanche girl who takes on an earlier concept Predator who hasn't gotten the same advanced weaponry we see in the other films...

    Now, there's been some serious shit-talk online about the fact that a Comanche girl was able to battle a Predator without being immediately slaughtered, but if you actually pay attention to the film, it is well explained exactly how she could do this. Multiple times! I dearly loved this movie, and hope we not only see more Predators throughout history (somebody mentioned Predators in feudal Japan, and I got goosebumps)... but I hope we see a lot more of the movie's star... Amber Midthunder. So incredibly captivating and talented.

       
    • Puppers! After you watch Prey on Hulu... treat yourself to this story about the other star of the movie!

       
    • Sad! I don't get too excited for non-Marvel Studios movies lately... but this? This looks really interesting!

    If nothing else, it looks like something that will be new and unique, so there's that!

       
    • NEWS! This just in from the "No Shit, Sherlock" department... The More Money You Earn The Happier You Are, Large Study Finds.

       
    • Denmark! This dipshit actually thought she did a thing...

    All she actually did was show how utterly brainwashed Americans are by politicians and the wealthy corporations that own them.

       
    No idea when I will have a chance to figure out what is wrong with my blog this time. I'm traveling this coming week, so maybe never! So see you next week... maybe.

       

    Bullet Sunday 774

    Posted on Sunday, August 21st, 2022

    Dave!It's a bizarre situation when you have to figure out how to blog, but no worries... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • One Step Beyond! Ever since Marvel Studios announced that Secret Wars was happening, I've been a bit obsessed about who Marvel Studios will get to play The Beyonder. I think it's really important that they not make him be overly "cosmic"... instead he needs to be played a little funny and with a child-like wonder to belie his unlimited powers. And the person who could pull that off beautifully is Jake McDorman (who was exactly what The Beyonder needed to be in Limitless (the TV series, not the movie)...

    Jake McDorman and The Beyonder.

    Or somebody like him. It would be a mistake to go with somebody with too much seriousness and gravitas. That's just not going to play well in a movie like this.

       
    • Sandy! I saw this incredible demonstration of sand art for The Sandman then spent a good chunk of time going through their Twitter feed to look at all the other amazing stuff they've done...

    Here's the Twitter feed if you've got time to spare.

       
    • TREK! This just slays me: "Strange New Worlds Showrunner Says Series Pitch Was “What If We Just Did Star Trek? Such a novel concept!

    I do not mind AT ALL doing something new and different within the Star Trek universe... I loved the new JJ Abrams Star Trek movies (for the most part)... but the way that they took the amazing first season of Star Trek: Discovery and just flushed it down the toilet with subsequent seasons drives me crazy. I am really, really hoping that future seasons of Strange New Worlds hangs on to what makes the show so great.

       
    • TANOOOOOOO! I'm more than a little anxious every time there is news "from the production" of Asohka...

    Rosario Dawson as Asohka Tano.

    I thought it finished filming back in May, so I was expecting it would be released by the end of the year. But if this keeps up, it won't be until 2023! Bigly sad!

       
    • My Modern Consumer Life! Tell me if this sounds familiar...
    "wE'Ve SHipPed YoUR oRder!"
    "Oh, great! Can I get a tracking number?"
    "nO!"
    "How do I know you shipped it then?"
    "TRusT uS! wE'Ve SHipPed YoUR oRder!"

    The fact that it's urgent is not as concerning as the fact that my credit card has been charged.

       
    • My Valentine! Maybe one day I'll be able to clean my home without running across stuff like this. Valentine's Day was a holiday I went all out for with my grandma and mom. I'd order interesting flowers from around the country and always bought their cards the minute they were put out for sale so I had the best selection...

    Valentine Card for my Mom.

    Once I started taking my mom on vacations to give her something to look forward to after her abusive boyfriend was carted off to prison, she asked me to stop spending money on flowers and put it towards her next vacation instead. Still bought her a card though.

       
    • Blue! I finally finished the final episode of the Viagra documentary on discovery+. It's kinda fascinating, kinda impressive, and kinda thought-provoking. The "boner-pill" was discovered by accident when its primary function ended up being a side-effect for a different drug they were developing. That Pfizer took it and ran with it is a testament to the pharmaceutical industry. There's two things that this documentary series dismantles. The first is that Pfizer put huge amounts of time and money into R&D so that men could have erections... all while there's still not cure for cancer. Except it was discovered by accident. Erections are not what they were trying to do at all. The second is that the pill was designed so rich old men could have a sex life long after nature has taken its course and denied it to them. But the truth is that there are many young men in their sexual prime who can't have a sex life due to erectile disfunction, and Viagra completely changed their lives. Sex is a big part of the human condition, and to not be able to have sex is a serious point of suffering that can now be alleviated. So make fun of the little blue pill all you want, but for many people it's no laughing matter.

       
    May the remainder of your Sunday be smooth sailing. Mine won't! I am fixing my deep fryer (or trying to).

       

    Bullet Sunday 775

    Posted on Sunday, August 28th, 2022

    Dave!A time to be born, a time to die. A time to blog, a time to bullet... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Confess! I love the Fletch books. I love the Chevy Chase Fletch movies... even though they are a different take on the material than I would have gone with. And now we're getting a new Fletch played by... Jon Hamm?!?

    Couldn't be happier. Hamm has proven over and over that he has some serious comedy chops, and I think he's a perfect fit for Fletch. Hopefully it will be priced reasonably given that it's day-and-date with the theatrical release. I guess we find out on September 16th.

       
    • Murders! I finally got caught up enough that I could spare enough time to watch the final episode of Inly Murders in the Building...

    I didn't guess the killer, but I did enjoy how they wrapped it up. And that final star cameo? Brilliant!

       
    • Alternative Facts! Do you know what makes for alternative eggs? POTATOES!

    Store display for Alternative Eggs.

    Alternative Eggs is SIMPLY POTATOES.

    I don't know how accurate this is... but I do like me the potatoes.

       
    • The Death of Streaming! As the whole Warner Bros. Discovery fiasco continues to implode... I find myself starting to not give a shit. At first I was outraged because shows like Infinity Train were being buried and movies like Batgirl were getting killed off during production. It just seems so incredibly disrespectful towards the people who work hard on these projects to have their efforts be shit on. And all to save a few bucks on taxes and residual payments. But now I am to the point where I'm just saying "good." That's two less streaming services I have to pay for. About the only thing left on Discovery I give a shit about is Bargain Block, and if HBO is going to waste away to a few shows I watch, then what's the point? I'll discontinue my annual memberships and just pay for a month or two each month when there's something I want to watch. So thanks for saving me a bunch of money, LOL! Although... I can only hope that this will actually improve the state of the DC Comics Cinematic Universe, which has been a festering pile of shit since the put all their eggs in a Snyderverse basket.

       
    • Fake? As a long-time fan of Johnny Harris and his videos, I've had more than a few problems with his videos over the past year which tend to simplify things to the point of them sliding more towards fiction than fact. Now I'm a lot more selective about which of his videos I watch and how much credence I give to his thoughts (which is why I haven't been featuring his content on this blog as of late). And then I ran across this, which perfectly encapsulates where I'm at...

    Like this guy, I don't want Johnny "canceled"... I just want him to do better. He's still a compelling video maker.

       
    • EXCUSE ME! There's a lot of people who can do a President Trump impersonation. Jamie Foxx has a really good one...

    Fun times. Fun times.

       
    And now I must bid you (and my bullets) adieu.

       

    Hey, Goose, You Big Stud!

    Posted on Tuesday, August 30th, 2022

    Dave!Lately I've been watching movies from the 80's to see how well they hold up all these decades later. The answer? It's a mixed bag. Some of them hold up just fine, even when you don't mentally place them into the time that they were released. But others? Yikes.

    It all started when I watched the original Top Gun before watching Top Gun: Maverick again (I bought it, but original saw it in the theater). My verdict? Well... the action is just as good as it ever was. And while the whole You've Lost That Loving Feeling scenario is still kinda funny, it's also incredibly cringe. Sure it's funny that Charlie (Kelly McGillis being awesome) shot him down harder than any fighter jet crash, but it's the skeezy way that it was approached in the first place that has the scene hitting a lot different today...

    Tom Cruise Being Fawned Over by Kelly McGillis.

    Although... eh... it's not terrible. I mean, it's no The Princess Bride which is as wonderful as it ever was... but it's also not nightmarish bad.

    What actually is nightmarish bad? Revenge of the Nerds. Holy crap! It's all predatory, rapey, exploitative, misogynistic, and outright horrifying behavior from beginning to end. I have no idea how it was made back then!

    It's kinda weird how I've remembered so many movies completely different than they actually are. I'd like to think that it's because I was clueless back in the day... but I'm open to the possibility that my memory is just faulty. The other day I forgot where I set down a glass of water just five minutes after pouring it.

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    Bullet Sunday 777

    Posted on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

    Dave!Another year of waking up, realizing it's 9/11, and knowing that it's the Last Night of the World all over again. I'd stop and think of something more to say, but I don't have time... because an all new Disney D23 Expo Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • D23! Every year Disney holds its D23 Fan Club Expo where they talk about all the new things that will be coming up. Ever since they bought Star Wars and Marvel Studios, it's been a much more important event to me than it was prior...

       
    • Thunderbolts! It's a Marvel Studios reunion! Florence Pugh returning as Yelena Belova? Sebastian Stan returning as Winter Soldier? David Harbour returning as Red Guardian? Hannah John Kamen returning as Ghost? Wyatt Russell returning as US Agent? Olga Kurylenko returning as Taskmaster? SIGN ME UP! In the comic books, Thunderbolts are a team of villains pretending to be a new team of heroes in the MCU. You don't find out who they actually are until the last page. This looks to be the same type of thing, except it's going to have a very different dynamic since the element of surprise is completely missing. If people are familiar with the MCU, they already know who these actors are playing. It would seem that this movie is going to have a Russian plot since most of these characters (except US Agent and Ghost) having ties to there. Well, whatever the case, this cast is very exciting, and I'm really looking forward to this one.

       
    • Invasive! I didn't know exactly where they were going to go with Secret Invasion since the comic book series relied on a huge amount of backstory that simply doesn't exist in the MCU. Or does it? I mean, there is a number of interesting people in the MCU who could have been swapped out by the shape-changing Skrulls... and first on my list would be Sharon Carter, Agent 13, whom we lost saw as a bad guy (bad gal?) "Power Broker" in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I hope that there's some major names that got replaced and not just some background characters (how cool if Tony Stark was replaced and it was a Skrull?)...

    Olivia Colman?!? What's she doing there? It looks like Rhodey might be a Skrull in the trailer, so anybody could be. Which is the entire premise, I suppose.

       
    • ARMORRRR! And speaking of Rhodey, Marvel Studios says that Secret Invasion will lead directly into his own series, which would be Armor Wars. Other than Ironheart, we don't know whether the concept from the comic books will make it to the series, but it should prove interesting if the Stark armor gets out and the series is putting the genie back in the bottle. No trailer and no idea of an air date.

       
    • WHAT??! Surprise! I had no idea that we were getting a Werewolf by Night Halloween Special on Disney+...

    Gael García Bernal?!? That's quite a get for the character. Not exactly sure how this ties into the bigger picture... but something I'm excited to see given the grind house aesthetic that's going on. Interesting to note that Man-Thing is going to be in this as well.

       
    • Andor! I'm one of those Star Wars fans who didn't like everything that came after The Empire Strikes Back except for Rougue One and Solo. Fortunately, The Mandalorian came along to revive good Star Wars for me. Then we got Book of Boba Fest, which was good. Then we got Obi-Wan Kenobi, which was also good. And next up? Andor, which is coming out of Rogue One...

    This looks so good. And I couldn't be happier, because his character is fantastic. Fingers crossed it lives up to my high expectations.

       
    • Mando! And speaking of The Mandalorian, heeeeeere comes Season 03...

    Awww... baby Grogu is still adorable. He never gets old.

       
    • Oh Percy! Is it too much to hope that Percy Jackson and The Olympians doesn't suck?

    While the movies were far from terrible, they weren't what I was hoping for either because they didn't follow the books (WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?).

       
    • Treasures! I am a big fan of the first Nicholas Cage National Treasure movie... and thought that the sequel was okay too. Now they're releasing a new television series based on the movies (with Harvey Keitel and Justin Bartha providing a link between the two)...

    Catherine Zeta-Jones is a good choice for a villain, but I find it weird that they have made the show to be some kind of teen adventure version?

       
    There was other stuff that got discussed (Wakanda Forever, Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania, and Indiana Jones 5 to name a few), but that info hasn't been released to the general public yet. Probably eventually though.

       

    aRRRgh!

    Posted on Wednesday, September 14th, 2022

    Dave!I love all kinds of movies. As I may have mentioned, I have "themes" which I pick every month to try and watch movies from that genre. Last month I focused on South Korean films, this month I'm watching Bollywood/Tollywood films. And there is no film... none... that has completely absorbed me like the masterpiece that is RRR. It's advertised as standing for Rise—Roar—Revolt... but technically it's standing for S.S. Rajamouli, N.T. Rama Rao Jr., and Ram Charan, which is the director and two stars for the film.

    RRR is just bonkers.

    And that's understating it.

    Either you will be able to buy into this movie and the culture it represents 1000% and enjoy every minute that it is blowing your mind with its unreal absurdity... or you won’t. If you can buy into it, you’re in for a Tollywood treat of epic proportions. If you can’t? Well, there’s no hope for you enjoying this one, because it's out there.

    Tonight I watched RRR for the third time (it's on Netflix)...

    If you can stick with it for a while and accept that these guys are like superheroes involved in one of the greatest bromances of all time, it's worth your valuable time.

    Because once you see a guy throw a leopard at another guy in a fight... well... what more do you want in a movie?

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    IT’S MORBIN’ TIME!

    Posted on Friday, September 16th, 2022

    Dave!It's the Sony SpiderVerse 3.0! Or whatever.

    Despite all the numeours bad reviews, I was actually willing to give Morbius a shot... on Netflix, of course, I wasn't going to spend money to see it in theaters. And now that it's been streaming for a week, I figure I can talk about the whole ordeal.

       
    I'm not going to review the movie. Suffice to say it's not horrendous, but it's far from good. There's numerous idiotic story beats that make less than zero sense... and they use time jumps not to be clever and interesting, but to appear clever and interesting. Alas, they only serve to convolute the compressed stream of yet another stupid origin story that nobody asked for. Why they couldn't have just picked up after Jared Leto had been Morbin' for a while, gave us an interesting adversary, and spent five minutes recapping his useless origin in some way that was actually clever and interesting... well... that might have worked.

    And now I am going to discuss a heavy spoiler (if you can call it that) for one of the "shocking" events in the film.

    Spoiler Zone!

    The post-credit madness has The Vulture (Adrian Toomes played by Michael Keaton) disappear from the Marvel Cinematic Universe and reappear in the Sony SpiderVerse. FOR NO REASON AT ALL. Doctor Strange's spell in the MCU returned everybody to their own universe, but this iteration of The Vulture didn't originate in the Sony SpiderVerse, so I have no idea what in the hell they were thinking.

    I have less a problem with The Vulture wanting to team up with Morby to defeat Spider-Man... nobody in the MCU remembers that Peter Parker is Spider-Man, including Toomes, so him wanting to destroy the guy who destroyed his life and sent him to prison back in the MCU makes sense. Except it really doesn't. Toomes has a family back in the MCU. He has no beef with the Spider-Man in Morbius's universe. So why wouldn't he focus on getting back to his family instead of some useless vendetta against somebody who had done nothing to him? It's like... holy shit. Did the Morbius writers think about this crap for even two seconds?

    Apparently not.

    Which kills me, because Toomes did the right thing in the end, but that was erased for nothing more than Sony trying to sponge off Marvel Studios hard work.

    Which means that it's just one more shitty take on Morbius for this embarrassing fucking movie.

    Sony should either A) Sell the rights for Spider-Man to Marvel Studios... or B) Just sit back and collect the profits on the MCU Spider-Man movies, which don't suck.

    But of course they won't do any of those things because they'd rather keep hoping they hit the jackpot... even though they are doing very little to ensure that actually happens.

       

    Bullet Sunday 780

    Posted on Sunday, October 2nd, 2022

    Dave!I may be mired in wildfire smoke and barely able to breathe, but have no fear... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Behind! If you're old like me, get a colonoscopy, y'all...

    The fact that Ryan and Rob are willing to use their celebrity for important stuff like this is why I love Ryan and Rob.

       
    • Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes! Just an FYI that Changeland, one of my favorite films of 2019 is now streaming on Amazon Prime. As if the fact that it's gorgeously shot in Thailand isn't enough, the closing credits features Thai cats! It's a bit deeper movie than this trailer lets on, but it's fun too...

    I own the film, so I can watch it any time I want... but I will be giving it more than a couple views on Amazon just to give it some love for studio execs who need to be making more films like this.

       
    • Diego! Well, crap. Now I love Diego Luna even more than I already did...

    If you're not watching him being brilliant in Andor, which is the best Star Wars since Rogue One, then you should get on that.

       
    • Play On! Explain to me again how Lizzo playing a fucking flute is somehow controversial. SHE IS A CLASSICALLY-TRAINED FLAUTIST FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Just listen to this...

    IT'S NOT LIKE THEY HANDED IT OVER TO SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHICH END TO BLOW INTO! IT'S NOT LIKE THEY GAVE IT TO PETE TOWNSEND WHO SMASHED IT ON STAGE! IT'S NOT LIKE LIZZO SHOVED IT UP HER ASS AND SHIT IT OUT ON THE CONSTITUTION WHILE KICKING A PUPPY. AND TELL ME THAT BEN SHAPIRO EVEN KNEW ABOUT THE FUCKING FLUTE BEFORE LIZZO PLAYED IT. THE WAY THIS PIECE OF SHIT TRIES TO CREATE FAUX OUTRAGE TO CATER TO PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO BE MAD ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME IS THE ACTUAL FACE TATTOO PHENOMENON AT WORK...

    But that's not all... how the fuck is Lizzo twerking with a slave-owner's crystal flute more disrespectful than it's past-owner James Madison LITERALLY ENSLAVING PEOPLE? I will never in a million years be able to wrap my head around the faux outrage and blatant hypocrisy of these assholes...

    Good on Lizzo. I hope she keeps pissing people off for a very long time.

       
    • Expired! Petco rewards points used to expire after 90 days. Then it was 45 days. Now it's 30 days. They really, really don't want you to be able to cash in your points. I look forward to the email telling me that they expire in 24 hours. Guess the only thing I'm buying there now will be their bulk kitty litter... and it's probably cheaper and more convenient to get it from Chewy anyway, so maybe not even that. In adjacent news... look forward to your local Petco announcing that they will be closing soon.

       
    • Avalon! I have only ever been a casual fan of Brian Ferry and Roxy Music. That being said, I played there Street Life: 20 Greatest Hits album to death, and still fire it up from time to time...

    Cover art for Street Life album

    Most of my favorite tracks from Roxy Music is from their masterpiece album Avalon. Which is why this look at the album and its recording is so cool to see...

    And... now I'll be listening to Street Life on repeat for the rest of the evening.

       
    Until next Sunday then. Here's hoping your air is smoke-free.

       

    Namor Forever

    Posted on Wednesday, October 5th, 2022

    Dave!The trailer for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever landed on Monday. I am still processing.

    Because while I am excited to visit that world again (especially to see Okoye and M'Baku)... there is something a whole lot bigger that has me very excited for the movie.

    And it's Prince Namor, The Sub-Mariner.

    It's one thing to see movie stills where he's standing there looking cool as all getout... it's quite another to see him in action, winged feet and all. I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THIS...

    Namor (AKA "The Sub-Mariner") has a long and complex history in the Marvel comic books (created in 1939!). His pink skin is inherited from his father (the Atlanteans are normally blue) but he's unique in one other very important way... he's a mutant. To be more precise... he's Marvel's first mutant. His ability to fly comes from neither his human or Atlantean side, and so this skill (along with his winged feet) are a mutation (which is kinda a huge deal in Marvel's comics, and soon to be a big deal in the Marvel Cinematic Universe)...

    Prince Namor Floats into Wakanda.

    Prince Namor Floats into Wakanda.

    In the comics Namor bounces back and forth between being villain and hero (which I think has been explained by some kind of oxygen imbalance due to his Atlantean/human physiology). And it sure looks like that's the path he will be taking in Wakanda Forever as well. It is heavily implied that Namor is going to kill Ramonda (Black Panther's mom, amazingly portrayed by Angela Bassett), and this is what drives Shuri to become the new Black Panther (as seen at the end of the trailer).

    Though, to be honest, I really hope that Shuri isn't the new Black Panther... I hope that honor goes to girlfriend (and perhaps widow) Nakia. Her fighting skills make her a far more suitable choice, and I think that Lupita Nyong'o would absolutely kill it in the role.

    But anyway... Namor. I want to see him everywhere. I want him to guest-appear in other movies. I want him in his own movies. I want him in a Disney+ series. Just one more piece of my childhood slamming home, and I want to have a steady stream of appearances.

    Because I'm greedy like that.

       

    Spielberg RANKED

    Posted on Thursday, October 6th, 2022

    Dave!Last night I was in a movie chat room where the topic of discussion was Spielberg films. Not something I'm incredibly passionate about, even though he's made a dozen films I've really enjoyed.

    Eventually talk turned to which of his films were our favorites, at which point I was mentally ranking them in my head. But them I decided to rank them in my computer when I couldn't think of more than a dozen.

    Luckily I have a blog where I can dump things like this...

    1. Raiders of the Lost Ark
    2. Minority Report
    3. Jurassic Park
    4. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
    5. Schindler’s List
    6. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
    7. Saving Private Ryan
    8. Jaws
    9. Catch Me if You Can
    10. Always
    11. The Terminal
    12. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
    13. Munich
    14. Lincoln
    15. The Color Purple
    16. A.I. Artificial Intelligence
    17. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
    18. War of the Worlds
    19. Bridge of Spies
    20. The Post
    21. The Lost World: Jurassic Park
    22. The Sugarland Express
    23. Amistad
    24. War Horse
    25. Empire of the Sun
    26. The BFG
    27. Hook
    28. 1941
    29. West Side Story
    30. The Adventures of TinTin
    31. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
    32. Ready Player One

    Usually I like to add commentary about why I rank the things I rank, but Spielberg is so subjective that it seems a little pointless. I will say that after #15 there's a noticeable drop. Like off a cliff. From #16 onward they are films I just don't like very much. Still, that's a 50/50 split, which is better than I could say for some directors!

    A few asides here...

    Many people consider Always to be one of Spielberg's worst. This always surprises me, because I thought it was such a charming, wonderful film.

    Many people would put E.T. at the top of this list. I like the film okay, but there were so many annoyances that I consider #12 to be generous.

    I should post a disclaimer that I wasn't able to get all the way through West Side Story because it's just not my kind of flick. But I saw enough to know that I liked it better than TinTin, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and whatever the hell Ready Player One was supposed to be. Lord what an awful, awful film. ANYBODY could have crapped that out of their ass... but Spielberg? Spielberg?!?

    His next film is The Fabelmans, which I'm hearing good things about. Here's hoping.

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    The (Incomplete) Sound of 007

    Posted on Friday, October 7th, 2022

    Dave!If you've read Blogography for a while, you know that I have a bit of an obsession with James Bond films. But I also have an obsession with the music from James Bond films. One of the posts I've written which was the most difficult for me, was attempting to rank all the awesome theme songs that have opened the movies.

    So you can imagine my joy in finding out that Amazon (who bought MGM, the studio which does all the Bond movies) has a new documentary called The Sound of 007 streaming...

    Interesting to note that they were very unfair to some of the movies/songs, and I don't understand why. Madonna's Die Another Day? Forgotten. Shirley Bassey's Moonraker (my favorite of the three she sang)? Forgotten. My second-favorite Bond theme song, Sheena Easton's For Your Eyes Only? Forgotten. Gladys Night's only Bond entry, License to Kill? Forgotten. a-ha's The Living Daylights? Forgotten. WTF?? I mean, for what's there, the documentary is good. But to not acknowledge all of the songs is so incredibly irresponsible. They could have given even just a moment to acknowledge everybody... but were instead content to be incomplete.

    A five-star concept that's a two-star result.

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    Bullet Sunday 781

    Posted on Sunday, October 9th, 2022

    Dave!   
    My world may be on fire and I feel like I'm dying from smoke inhalation, but never fear... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Todd! Skylar Astin's new show So Help Me Todd is surprisingly great (he was in Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend). If you're looking for something good on TV, this is worth your valuable time...

    Please please please can we get a second season of this show. There's so few series on TV now that I really love, and this is definitely one of them. If you've cut the cord like me, you can stream it on Paramount+

       
    • Speaking of Awesome TV... You guys... YOU GUYS! Late last night I watched the Marvel Studios Werewolf by Night special on Disney+ and it's BEYOND good. Exceeded all my wildest (and very high) expectations. I watched it a second time so I could be more detached to catch all the references I might have missed the first time (no spoilers, but there are some amazing tidbits for Marvel Comics fans!). I highly recommend watching it late at night first like I did, because that's really the best...

    Werewolf By Night Poster.

    The clever story... the brilliant cast... the incredible music... the gorgeous cinematography (lovingly shot in black & white)... it's all so wonderful. Especially if you're a fan of all those old monster movies like I am. I'm not posting the trailer because it's best to watch it with no warning, but I give it my highest recommendation. Seriously hoping that Gael García Bernal and Laura Donnelly return for more Marvel projects. They could do a new story like this every Autumn and I would be thrilled. I would subscribe to Disney+ for this and She-Hulk alone... Marvel Studios is really firing on all cylinders.

       
    • Speaking of She-Hulk... I've been loving Marvel Studios She-Hulk: Attorney at Law up until Episode 07, which was kinda boring and pointless. I get that it was supposed to be a dive into who Jennifer Walters is and what she's going through, but it never hit as essential to what the show needs to work. But they totally made up for it with the current episode! I've been looking forward to it ever since they've been advertising Daredevil was in it... and It OVER-delivered (ZOMG! GOLD DEVIL!)...

    A ketchup-and-mustard-suited Daredevil meets She-Hulk.

    And the very end of the episode actually accomplished more than the previous episode could. This show has been brilliantly shining a spotlight on misogynistic crap that is systemic to our society (which, of course, has the dude-bro incel brigade up in arms)... and when you watch the coda to this penultimate episode, it's ALL driven home. Everything She-Hulk is shamed for is what men are celebrated for. I cannot wait for next week's finale. This is my favorite Disney+ series after Hawkeye, and I am really, really hoping for another season. Just back up a dump truck full of money to Tatiana Maslany's house and get it done.

       
    • And One More Thing... I'm not going to post spoilers past what's already been spoiled in all the ads for the amazing latest episode of She-Hulk... but there is a huge bomb dropped which doesn't spoil the story that I am still reeling from as I watch it a second time. It's a throwaway line where they say "The Sokovia Accords were repealed..." And it's like... WHAT?!? That's a huge deal that drove an entire film (Captain America: Civil War) and popped up in other films as well. And they dropped it as a nothing line in frickin' She-Hulk? It's actually kinda awesome. And impressive. This is such a great episode. Everything that came before doesn't prepare you.

       
    • Hasan-Bhai "See, that's the crazy thing they never tell you about adulthood. Life gets very real when 'don't want' becomes 'can't have.' " There are so few comedians who can do what Hasan Minhaj does in the way he does it. The guy is hilarious... but so very, very smart in his comedy. To the point that it can be devastating. I have missed him A lot after Patriot Act was canceled. Well, he's back and worth your valuable time on Netflix...

    His previous special, Homecoming King, is the best piece of standup I've seen. The King's Jester is almost as good.

       
    • Taking the Temp! Yesterday I installed the warming pad in Fake Jake's shelter... and have a WiFi temperature gauge set on top of it inside the wind-breaker berm. The good news is that he’s spending most nights inside my neighbor’s house, which will be a lot more comfortable as he gets older. But I still want a place he can go if he’s outside so he doesn’t freeze on nights when it's below freezing. I used to have a camera inside so I could check in on him and be alerted when he's there, but all my Wyze cameras have finally died, and I don't plan on buying any more because of their abusive WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU SUBSCRIBED TO WYZE-PLUS?? pestering in the Wyze App. What's interesting is that I can still tell when he's laying in the shelter because the warming pad heats up once he lays on it. Here you can see where he was on it at about 2am, then left an hour-and-a-half later...

    Kitty Shelter Temperature Chart showing an increase in temperature at 2:00am, then declining at 3:30am.

    One of these days I might find a replacement camera that will work, but everything is so expensive that my wallet may not agree to it.

       
    • Toasted! Oh noes! I had half an avocado left and felt bougie as fuck, so I made avocado toast with flakey salt, crushed red pepper flakes, diced green onion, and fresh-ground toasted peppercorns for lunch today... and it turns out FOX "News" was right... now I can't afford my house! AND IT'S ALL MY OWN FAULT!!

    My lunch today.

    I do like me the avocado toast though. Especially when paired with my potato salad, which I made with cayenne pepper in the sauce, and it tastes amazeballs.

       
    We now return to my wildfire-smoke-filled existence already in progress.

       

    Bullet Sunday 782

    Posted on Sunday, October 23rd, 2022

    Dave!The wildfire smoke appears to have abated at long last, but there's no time for celebrating... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Rest in Peace I was saddened to learn that Angela Lansbury had died. What's strange is that just four days prior I had seen that Murder She Wrote was running on Hallmark Channel. After catching the tailend of it, I looked her up to see if she had done any new projects recently (turns out that she has a cameo appearance in Glass Onion, the new Knives Out mystery movie, that's coming to Netflix on December 23rd)...

    A look at the Wikipedia page for Angela Lansbury in my browser history from October 7th

    My mom was a huge, huge, mega-huge fan of Murder She Wrote. After her memory started to fail her, she would watch the episodes constantly. Jessica Fletcher was somebody she could remember...

    Angela Lansbury as Jessica Fletcher

    She will be missed.

       
    • SQUIRREL! These videos never disappoint...

    Sad that this third installment is the final installment. Hopefully Mark Rober changes his mind and brings us another.

       
    • More Maximo! I cannot oversell how wonderful the show Acapulco is on Apple TV. The first season was brilliant, sweet, funny, and charming in all the best ways... and they've lost nothing of that magic in Season 02...

    I can't believe that Apple managed to strike gold twice with both Ted Lasso and Acapulco. If you're not watching, you absolutely should be. Already hoping that it is renewed for Season 03.

       
    • Ho Ho Ho! Very early this morning I ran to the Big City for some shelf pins, because 1/3 of the ones I had were cracking when I pulled them out. Fresh new pins might prevent shelf collapse and breakage maybe? I dunno. But it was only $6 to replace all of them, so worth it, I think. — Hard not to notice that Home Depot had put all their Christmas stuff out...

    Much Christmas merryment.

    Since I don't celebrate the holiday, I am relieved that I won't need to buy anything (I have a wreath for my door to blend in with the neighborhood, and that's plenty). But I'm also a little sad, because my mom liked decorating for Christmas. Every once in a while I toy with the idea of putting a tree up for old time's sake... but Jake and Jenny would undoubtedly destroy it, and that's something I can do without.

       
    • Countdown to Christmas 2023! It's my first Hallmark Christmas movie of the year, Noelle Next Door, and we're off to a good start. Amazing enough that it has one of my most favorite Hallmark stars, Natalie Hall... but Corey Sevier plays a guy who had a stroke and is dealing with some challenges that make him a bit of a Christmas Scrooge... something that shocks me because it's just such a terrific bit of representation that makes for a good film...

    This is a simple story with a simple concept that's wonderfully told. Showing that even after all these years, Hallmark still has new corners to explore.

       
    • Movies! I rented Bullet Train which was fantastic. I am shocked that it wasn't dumbed down more, as it's fairly complex and has plots within plots. The entire cast was amazing... but Brad Pitt was just beyond. He has a way of making casual characters be capable of carrying an entire movie, which is a rare talent. Bloody fun!

    Then I finally rented Bros, which was actually darn funny and sweet. Liked it a lot even though Billy Eichner's acerbic and abusive wit which works so well in 5-minute Billy on the Street episodes is wearing really thin after a a while. Still, they nailed the ending, and Luke MacFarlane's Hallmark history served him well (as well as provided a hilarious series of in-jokes). I wish they hadn't felt the need to have self-deprecating "Why is it that gay guys..." exposition for the straights, because it kind of dumbs down the film in the wrong ways. Was thrilled to see Guillermo Díaz again (Huck on Scandal is one of my all-time favorite characters).

    Lastly I rented Confess Fletch. I am such a massive fan of the Chevy Chase originals that I was almost afraid to tune into this. But it's very good. I like it just as much as the Chevy version, but in a different way. This version is much closer to the original novels, and Jon Hamm is fantastic for the role. I sure hope we get more...

       
    And that's it for the penultimate Bullet Sunday of October 2023.

       

    Antici… pation

    Posted on Thursday, October 27th, 2022

    Dave!Yesterday it was what I am watching.

    Today it's what I will be watching.

    Wakanda Forever — No surprise that this is my #1 most anticipated, well, anything of 2022. In addition to getting to see all the amazing characters from Wakanda, there's Namor as well? Sign me up. The reactions from everybody who has seen the film have been great, which only makes me want to see it more...

    Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania — My second most-anticipated movie doesn't debut until early 2023, but the new trailer that just dropped looks like it's going to be something amazing...

    Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special — Just look at the madness that James Gunn has baked into this amazing-looking show. JUST LOOK AT IT!!!

    Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery — Few things can compare to how great it was to get a new Agatha-Christie-esque murder mystery with an all-star cast, just like the movie adaptations used to be. This one looks great, and the early review buzz has been surprisingly positive...

    1899 — From the creators of Dark? Oh yes. I'll be tuning into Netflix for this... 1000%...

    Blockbuster — Yeah, Randall Park guarantees that I would be interested, but it actually looks like there's a clever story here...

    Enola Holmes 2 — The first movie was very good, and they were pretty clever as to how they went about crafting a mystery to solve. The fact that the cast was exceptional was just the icing on the cake. And here we are all back again for more...

    Nope — This is apparently coming out on home streaming this month. I never got to see it in the theaters, so that's something to look forward to...

    Falling for Christmas — Lindsay Lohan in a Netflix Hallmark-style Christmas rom-com? Yes please...

    The White Lotus: Season 2 — There was a lot of criticism laid on the first season about things not really coming to a conclusion because so many things were left up in the air... and more criticism because things that the entire season spent building towards were abandoned. I think that's totally missing the point of what the show was trying to comment on. The fact that wealthy privileged people blow in to people live and leave behind nothing but destruction IS the show. And people trapped in lives they try to leave, but don't manage to escape from IS the show. I can't wait to see what the second season brings...

    Avatar: The Way of Water — If, for no other reason, that I want to see how the special effects have improved from the first movie...

    And these are just the things I can think of off the top of my head. There's probably dozens of others that should be on my radar.

       

    A Premium Life… Yours for Just $120 a Year

    Posted on Tuesday, November 1st, 2022

    Dave!One of the reasons that I am a YouTube Premium subscriber is that I watch a metric shit-ton of YouTube videos. So much YouTube that I would insane if I had to watch their idiotic commercials.

    The vast majority of the YouTube videos I watch fall into three categories... 1) Woodworking and Home Renovation (50%), 2) Education (30%), 3) Apple/Mac/iPhone (10%). The final 10% is entertainment and general nonsense.

    Woodworking is a bottomless pit. There are so many great content creators in this field. My newest favorite is Michael Alm and Alm Fab...

    It's like... if I had millions of dollars, I'd just build a woodshop and do stuff like that all day every day. And then there's this magic out of wood...

    Then there's behind the scenes stuff like this...

    And this deep, deep dive into Zack Snyder's crap movies is pretty amazing. And, for what it's worth, it actually gives me a larger appreciation for the guy (even though I still think most of his movies are awful)...

    And, of course Taylor Swift is back. Her first video from the new Midnights album is brilliant. Unfortunately, there are people trashing her for her struggles with an eating disorder. Despite speaking about it multiple times, people believe what they want to believe instead of even attempting to understand. In the video she had a clip of her looking at a scale which says "FAT" and people lost their minds, calling her "fatphobic," when she's actually trying to show what she feels when she looks at a scale thanks to our toxic society. And it's this toxicity of people feeling that they must be thin in order to be accepted THAT'S THE ENTIRE POINT. It's the opposite of fatphobic. But oh well, she took the clip out of the video because she doesn't want her art misinterpreted by people who are looking to tear her down instead of try to understand how she (and a lot of other people) are made to feel...

    And then there's frickin' DITA VON TEASE!!!...

    Brilliant. And now I have another hundred videos to watch.

       

    Bullet Sunday 785

    Posted on Sunday, November 13th, 2022

    Dave!Don't worry about Christmas coming early... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Rebel Rebel! Finally got around to watching E10 of Andor. Holy crap! The quality of this series is unreal. Serious talent and money were put into it every aspect of the show, and it's all on screen. There's nothing currently on television that can touch it. The series transcends Star Wars to become something more... a gritty, surreal form of entertainment that will haunt you for a bit...

    Cassian Andor in Prison.

    Two episodes to go in the first season.

       
    • I'm Batman! I was saddened to learn that Kevin Conroy died. Batman: The Animated Series endures in a way that the Batman movies struggle to do. A big part of that was the voice of Kevin Conroy. Another series that I remember him from was Tour of Duty where he played Captain Rusty Wallace, a character that helped define the first season...

    He truly will be missed. Rest in Peace, sir.

       
    • SOCK-LIGHT?? My new light switches do not have dimmable controls, which means I have to have dimmable lights. Which is not a problem, as I found pretty good pricing on Philips Hue can lights. Problem is... one of them I got had the clips bent and A DIRTY SOCK IN THE BOX! And it's like WTF? Returns are not inspected for this kind of gross crap?

    A dirty sock in my light box!

    Every time something like this happens when you are purchased a "new unopened item" it feels like merely replacing it is not enough. Not only am I losing time, but I'm also having to literally deal with somebody's dirty laundry.

       
    • Whoopsies! Couldn't happen to a nicer piece of shit company raking in huge profits over a drug which the inventor meant to be free. He famously sold the patents to the University of Toronto for $1 saying “Insulin does not belong to me, it belongs to the world.” But of course Eli Lilly, Novo Nordisk and Sanofi couldn't let that stand when there are billions to be made...

    Insulin should be manufactured and sold at cost. It needs to be a function of government for the public good... not Big Pharma's balance sheet. It's disgusting that this isn't the case.

       
    • The Merchant Tribe mourns. This past week Black Panther: Wakanda Forever opened up. I found out that last year Dorothy Steel died at 95 years old, and this was her final acting role...

    Dorothy Steel in Black Panther

    I remember reading an article when the first Black Panther was released about how she started acting at age 88. Which just goes to show that you're never too old to chase your dreams!

       
    • Ribbit! The Red Wave that wasn't has come and gone. It would appear the Democrat's strategy of not doing a damn thing about preventing the things their base cares about getting destroyed (like codifying Roe) so they can scare people into showing up to vote actually worked. It's like "Oopsies! Sorry you lost the right to choose, but we needed a way to survive the midterms, so we let you lose it so you'd show up." An incredibly fucked-up strategy, but there's no denying the result...


    I COULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF NOT FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS!

    Wonder what they'll be throwing away next so that they have a chance in two years?

       
    Time to make the chimichangas...

       

    Bullet Sunday 786

    Posted on Sunday, November 20th, 2022

    Dave!It's time to be human... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Again. The shooting at the Colorado Springs nightclub "Club Q" last night is yet another in a string of violent attacks on marginalized communities. And it's like... I just don't get it. LGBTQ persons are not made to feel welcome in general society, so they carve out a space where they can enjoy life for even a short time away from general society... and that's not good enough? Senseless violence has been out of control for as long as humans have existed. That's just fact. But the hatred behind the violence is quickly reaching unsustainable levels as the weapons to act out violence keep getting more powerful. Dozens of people can be cut down in an instant by a single individual, and pretty soon that's going to be the only thing we have.

       
    • Let's Go Brendan! This GQ "Iconic Characters" series is always great. But this one? Oh wow...

    I want... quite badly... for Elizabeth Hurley to get one of these.

       
    • Todd! If you are not watching So Help Me Todd on Paramount+, then you are missing out on one of my favorite shows on television. It almost makes me forgive Paramount Network for canceling Magnum P.I. (which, thank God for Peacock TV and NBC, is actually returning despite it all)...

    Skylar Astin is a gift, and this show uses him to maximum effect. So COLOR ME SHOCKED that CBS actually renewed the show for a second season! Yay!

       
    • Big Animation! Floor 796 may very well be the coolest thing I've seen in my browser in a minute...

    Floor 796 Detail.

    Floor 796 Detail.

    Worth a visit if you like looking at cool stuff!

       
    • I'm Batman! And here's what I wish I would have had to post when Kevin Conroy passed...

    A lot of people... like a lot a lot... have Kevin Conroy as "their" Batman. This will go on for a while.

       
    • SHIT! And here we are again. Apple's HomeKit... which has always been HomeShit... is still a pile of shit. And Apple doesn't fucking care. It is absolutely outrageous how there are known issues plaguing the system and Apple doesn't even acknowledge that there are problems. A company worth billions of dollars, but they won't fix it or offer any solutions. For me the biggest problem is that Automations tied to timed events (like sunset or a time of day) don't fucking work! The event arrives and nothing happens. Which is shitty, because I have all kinds of things set up. Like turning my outside lights off and on. There are hundreds of threads on various forums with people trying to find a way to get their timed Automations working. Some things work... for a while... but the overreaching problem of HomeShit being garbage can only be addressed by Apple. And, once more for the people in the back, Apple doesn't fucking care.

       
    And now back to your regularly scheduled Sunday antics.

       

    Bullet Sunday 787

    Posted on Sunday, November 27th, 2022

    Dave!Be thankful that's all over... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • GoTGHS. The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special was absolutely bonkers. I couldn’t have loved it more. Very interesting how they dropped a very important couple pieces of information in advance of Guardians of the Galaxy 3...

    Really sad that James Gunn is heading up the DCU now, because he gave us something completely new in the MCU, and that's getting increasingly rare.

       
    • The Star Wars. If I had to wager a guess, my favorite TV show of 2022 will be Andor. The show is spectacular. The best Star Wars to happen since The Empire Strikes Back. It's just so... real. And smart. And entertaining. And brilliant. But let's get back to the part about it being real...

    Now that the final episode has aired, all I want to do is go back and watch it all over again. How's that for an endorsement?

       
    • Into the Abyss. It's really tough to diminish the movies that James Cameron has created... though people are always trying. When you take a look at the major films in his writer/director oeuvre, of which there are currently just seven, he really doesn't falter. They are all mind-blowing, fascinating entertainment. So to hear him run through it all is kinda a different level of fascinating...

    If I were to rank his movies, it would go something like this...

    1. Aliens It's just so good on every possible level. It works as a sequel. It works on its own. It works for action. It works for thrills. It works for horror. It works as sci-fi. And absolutely everything about it is as cool as movies get. This is Cameron's masterpiece.
    2. Terminator 2: Judgement Day Another sequel that takes everything good about the original and ramps it up to eleven... but this time from one of Cameron's own films.
    3. The Terminator The film has haunted me from the day I saw it because it was gritty and real sci-fi that really makes you think.
    4. True Lies Proving that Cameron can tackle any genre he sets his mind to, this action-comedy spy flick was so much better than it had a right to be. Most likely from the genius casting of Jamie Lee Curtis and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.
    5. The Abyss In many respects, this could be my favorite of his films. It certainly has one of his most shocking scenes that still makes me uncomfortable to this day just thinking about it. I saw this one in the theater three times because I just couldn't believe what I was seeing as I was watching it.
    6. Avatar The film still holds up. Mostly. Kinda. I mean, yeah, it's a retread of other movies and stories (most notably Fern Gully) but it was a fully-realized world at a scale that was unheard of at the time. That alone made it worth a look. The special effects may be a bit dated, but ask anybody who saw this movie in 3D theaters circa 2009, and I bet money they still remember the experience as nothing less than groundbreaking.
    7. Titanic It's just not my thing. But it was an entertaining way to kill three hours... and still is.

    And of course Avatar 2 is coming very soon...

    Given his track record with sequels, it's bound to be a darn good film. And considering it needs to gross $2 billion to break even, it had better be.

       
    • Be Hated. Okay... of all the movies and TV shows I've seen this year, The People We Hate at the Wedding is the one I laughed at the hardest...

    If you've got Amazon Prime, it's worth a laugh.

       
    • Lisbeth. David Fincher's brilliant take on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is one of my all-time favorite films. I was all kinds of mad that he never got to complete the trilogy. Sony instead cheaped out and "re-booted" the series with The Girl in the Spider's Web. I finally got around to watching it, and now I'm mad all over again. Lisbeth Salander is one of the best and most iconic fictional female characters ever created... nuanced and complex, using her smarts to outwit and outplay truly awful people. But now? It's just balls-out vanilla action hero that's been done dozens of times before (and done better... by Yu Shu Lien, Charly Baltimore, and many others). It would be comical if it weren't so sad...

    If this is what the books are like after Stieg Larsson's original works, I am beyond thankful that I never bothered to read them. I mean, okay, the movie is a nice distraction (by a director who is obviously trying very hard to be David Fincher), and Claire Foy is not bad as Lisbeth. But this isn't Lisbeth Salander. It's a pale shadow of what she is... and should have been in this film.

       
    • Beyond the Obvious. NEWSFLASH: Eli Lilly CEO says insulin tweet flap “probably” signals need to bring down cost. — PROBABLY?! YA THINK?!?? YOU CHARGE $250 FOR SOMETHING THAT COSTS $5 TO MAKE, ASSHOLE!! What good are all these "new and improved" drugs if only people with money can afford to buy them? Big Pharma has been lining the pockets of politicians for decades to not do anything about their price gouging. Washington State Senator Patty Murray has probably piled up a half-million dollars by now to keep Big Pharma profits at absurd margins. Little Timmy may not be able to afford insulin to keep him alive, but hey... Eli Lilly just bought another private jet for their CEO, so it's all good. Great job, Patty! Fuck.

       
    • Steve! Even though I was way, way, way past the intended audience for Blue's Clues, I was a fan. I watched the show. I had some of the toys. I even had a "Handy Dandy Notebook" laying around. It was just such a pure explosion of creativity that I couldn't look away. And Steve Burns being so invested in his character was part of the reason why....

    He's still got it.

       
    Until next week then.

       

    Bullet Sunday 788

    Posted on Sunday, December 4th, 2022

    Dave!Be thankful that's all over... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • GoTGv3! Looks like Rocket is going to be an experiment by the High Evolutionary in the MCU, which makes perfect sense. Can't wait for this movie...

    I'm sad it's the last Guardians film. But who knows where these characters will pop up next?

       
    • Oh My! I had heard pieces of this story before, but not all together like this...

    Epic. And hysterical.

       
    • Balance! Some of the wealth on display here is... staggering...

    My checking account is positively anemic by comparison.

       
    • The Mickey Mantle Letter. Definitely NSFW material (in text), so proceed at your own risk... but holy crap!

       
    • Dial of Destiny! Sure looks better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull...

    And hopefully it is better, because nothing would make me happier than Indy going out on a high note.

       
    • Rogue Wave! It seems odd to me that cruise ships sail to Antarctica. I went on a research vessel that was built like a tank with limited people onboard, and the water got so rough that one person ended up with a compound fracture and others were hurt. Our boat was tossed around like a cork in a blender, and it still feels miraculous that we made it through without suffering more injuries than we did. But a cruise ship?? That just seems like a recipe for disaster. And for this ship it was.

       
    Now I really need to take a long winter's nap.

       

    (pensive music continues)

    Posted on Thursday, December 8th, 2022

    Dave!I watch television with subtitles always on now. It's not that I'm having trouble with my hearing or anything like that... it's just that I don't want to miss anything. Whether it's because a character is difficult to understand... or the sound mix is awful... or there's information otherwise getting lost.

    The most interesting part of subtitltes to me is the music descriptions.

    (upbeat music begins)

    (music turns darker)

    (music growns louder and more intense)

    (pensive music continues)

    And my favorite... ( 🎵 )

    The subtitles for sexytime is something for another post (moaning increases).

       

    Video22

    Posted on Wednesday, December 28th, 2022

    Dave!Welp, you know what time it is... my annual wrap-up of my favorite films of the year! Or, to be more accurate, my favorite films that I actually saw. Which is still not as many as usual, thanks to COVID, but here we are.

    THE EIGHTEEN BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Favorite Movies 2022

    #1 Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)
    Well this is kinda a no-brainer for me, isn't it? And that wasn't always a given when you consider that Black Panther himself... Chadwick Boseman... tragically passed before filming began. In lesser hands, this would have been a disaster. But Ryan Cooler channeled that loss into something that was far better than it had a right to be. Oddly enough, that's largely thanks to Marvel finally bringing Namor to the screen... brilliantly realized by Tenoch Huerta. The story is a bit meandering for a while, but once it finds its footing, everything just... works. It helps that the entire cast is fire, from Angela Basset on down. To say anything about the story is to spoil the story. Suffice to say that I hope Ryan Cooler isn't done with Wakanda yet... and they can give M'Baku his own Disney+ series any day now. Just back up a truck filled with money to Winston Duke's front door and get it done.

    #2 Wedding Season (Netflix)
    Yeah, it's a rom-com on Netflix... but it's an incredibly good rom-com. With a Bollywood ending that is absolutely everything. Funny, charming, sweet, and a good story to boot... this is all you could ask for in a movie. Mothers set up their kids on an on-line dating site, and they both get so tired of it that they decide to fake-date. And then...

    #3 Everything Everywhere All At Once (A24)
    Whereas Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness has the multiverse hammered into it with a mallet, Everything Everywhere All At Once has the concept baked into the core of the movie and shows how a "multiverse" can be more than just a gimmick to introduce more characters and tease fans with "what-if" casting. On top of that you have Michelle Yeoh unleashing her full potential heading up a fantastic cast, and this movie was poised for greatness. And great it is. A woman whose life is in crisis from all angles gets sucked into an inter-dimensional plot to take over the multiverse... and has to battle her way out of it all to find herself. And the result couldn't have been more wacky, interesting, and wonderful.

    4 The Unbearable weight of Massive Talent (Lionsgate)
    "You're right, that is how you spook a bear. I apologize." I knew this would make my list half-way through watching the trailer, because the whole concept of Nicholas Cage playing Nicholas Cage and skewering his life is the kind of role that every Nicholas Cage fan dreams of. And, as a one-two follow-up to last year's brilliant Pig, I was ready for more Cage. But I didn't really have a handle on just how brilliant Cage's performance... and this entire film... was going to be. "Nick Cage" gets tangled up with a wealthy super-fan and the CIA, and the result is both hilarious and so very, very smart. Along the way we also get Pedro Pascal in a role so good that it makes me almost forget his part in the horrific Wonder Woman 2 debacle (seriously, I had to rewatch him smooth out the pillow over and over because he was so committed to it). I was tempted to put this movie in my #1 spot just because it was so much better than I thought it was going to be, but... Wakanda Forever.

    #5 The Presence of Love (Hallmark)
    I've decided to stop discounting Hallmark movies just because they're Hallmark movies when it comes to my yearly wrap-up (last year's The Baker's Son deserved more than an honorable mention). I had this movie playing as background noise many, many times... and ended up getting wrapped up in the story every time. This an achingly beautiful film featuring wonderful performances from everybody involved (including the little girl, who is fantastic), and features cinematography that could be set against major studio feature films. So much care was put into every scene to make sure moments are touching and honest without feeling artificial. Not an easy feat for Hallmark... or any studio, really.

    #6 The People We Hate at the Wedding (Amazon Prime)
    I think I laughed the harder at this movie than any other this year. A woman who's having an affair with a married man heads to England with family for a half-sister's wedding. The result is hilarious in all the right ways... but doesn't sacrifice a good story just for laughs. Where the movie really shines is the cast, which is perfectly realized for every role. Comedic chops for days, but with enough heart to go beyond superficial meandering, this movie was better than it had a right to be.

    Favorite Movies 2022

    #7 Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness (Marvel Studios)
    Doctor Strange comics at their best are when they take the character into weird and bizarre directions. Places other super-heroes can't traverse. In that respect, the second movie (Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness) is more like the comics I love. He's just made so imaginative and cool... using his powers in really creative ways to keep things interesting. The problem is that the story itself is a bit weak. By forcing the whole "multiverse" plotline on the film, they kinda undermined the character. I really hope that they put an end to the multiverse thing soon so more movies don't have to suffer through it.

    #8 Top Gun: Maverick (Paramount)
    Given the fact that this is pro-military enrollment propaganda, it's surprisingly smart. Tom Cruise is back to train a team of Naval aviators for an impossible mission... but also has to deal with the ghosts of his past when Goose's son is one of the pilots in the mix. Sure, there's a lot of wacky-ass impossible stuff going on, but the film is incredibly entertaining, which trumps the problems that pop up.

    #9 Thor: Love and Thunder (Marvel Studios)
    My favorite Marvel Studios movie is Thor: Ragnarok, because it's just such an incredible triumph. Funny, but with real stakes. Entertaining, but whip-smart. I was expecting Taika Waititi to dish up more of the same... and to a certain extent he does... but the smart edge from Ragnarok is completely abandoned this time around, and it's very noticeable. It's almost a parody at points. But still... the characters are great, the story has a point to make, and finally getting a resolution to Jane Foster's story adds up to a good movie.

    #10 Confess Fletch (Miramax/Paramount)
    I have watched the two Chevy Chase Fletch films more times than I can count. Because despite the fact that they deviate from the books in numerous ways, they were still darn entertaining. Confess Fletch strays back towards the character of the book and ditches the corny disguises that defined Chevy's take. What John Hamm does with the material is, in so many ways, just as funny... but also feels much smarter. This time around Fletch is framed for murder and has to find the real murderer while staying one step ahead of the police (and his new girlfriend). Doesn't hurt that the mystery is pretty good (even though the solution isn't that surprising).

    #11 Cha Cha Real Smooth (Apple Studios)
    Two years ago Cooper Raiff unleashed Shithouse and I became an instant fan. Now he's back with a movie that is better in just about every way. And how he manages to not take the easy or expected route in his films... but still manages to create such satisfying movies... is beyond me. All this and he's actually a really good actor on top of of being an exceptional writer and director. The setup for Cha Cha Real Smooth is like films you've seen dozens of times before... and yet the payoff is so much better because it's not like films you've seen dozens of times before. You end up feeling completely different about some characters at the end than you did in the beginning, and that takes true talent to accomplish because most times when this is attempted it just feels so fake and unearned. I'm not going to say anything about the story, because the less prepared you are the more you'll like it.

    #12 Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (A24)
    Marcel is a shell and he has shoes on. He lives with his grandmother and he's trying to find his family. The result is heartwarming and brilliant. There's a part of me who wanted to put this movie at #1 just to get people to watch it... it's that good and that deserving... and if I were a little smarter, I would have. Even so, just give it a shot.

    Favorite Movies 2022

    #13 Bullet Train (Columbia)
    It's an assassin free-for all and the stakes couldn't be higher. What's surprising about this balls-out action flick is that it wasn't dumbed down, as it's fairly complex and has plots within plots. The entire cast was amazing... but Brad Pitt was just beyond. He has a way of making casual characters be capable of carrying an entire movie, which is a rare talent. Bloody fun!

    #14 Prey (Hulu)
    The sequels which followed the awesome original Predator range from bad to awful, so I wasn’t holding out much hope for a direct-to-Hulu fifth film. Much to my surprise, it’s easily my favorite since the original… and actually surpasses it in a number of ways. A prequel to Predator taking place in the early 1700’s, Prey follows a young Comanche healer who wants to prove herself as a hunter... and stumbles upon the ultimate prey... a Predator. What follows is a very clever reimagining of the original concept that feels completely fresh. Violent and brutal from the start, it’s not for the week at heart, but an entertaining ride despite it all.

    #15 Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers (Disney)
    This masterpiece of mockery is hilariously depraved. From ruthlessly skewering Hollywood (including everything Disney) to making fun of more franchises than I can count, everything about this film seems impossible (it’s got E.T. vs. Batman, for heaven’s sake!). How in the heck Disney ever allowed it to be made is a mystery. When their old colleague Monterey Jack is abducted, Chip n’ Dale have to put their contentious past behind them so they can team up and save him. John Mulaney and Andy Samburg were odd choices to voice Disney’s famous chipmunks, but in the context of this film it’s gold. Anything I say past that is a potential spoiler, and that reason alone guaranteed it would land in my Best Of list. If you’ve got Disney+ and can appreciate self-referential humor in high doses, this is essential viewing.

    #16 RRR (DVV)
    Look, either you will be able to buy into this movie 1000% and enjoy every minute that it is blowing your mind with unreal absurdity... or you won’t. If you can buy into it, you’re in for a Tollywood treat of epic proportions. If you can’t? Well, there’s no hope for you. I’ve watched many a Bollywood and Tollywood movie, so it was easy for me to buy into the men-as-gods theming and a bromance that is about as good as it gets.

    #17 The Gray Man (Netflix)
    Ryan Gosling has gone from an actor whose films I've avoided... to being an actor which will get me to watch a movie I might have otherwise not bothered with. As "The Gray Man" he's a CIA top operative who comes across information that will blow the lid off of the agency that he's devoted his life to. That's not going to please people in power, so they send assassins after him to make sure that the information never sees the light of day. While I didn't exactly love this movie, I did find its action to be endlessly entertaining with a terrific cast. I don't think that it did as well as expected for Netflix, which is a real shame. This has "franchise potential" written all over it, and I would love to see the character come back for another round.

    #18 Glass Onion (Netflix)
    Rian Johnson completely reinvigorated the Agatha-Christie-style-murder-mystery with Knives Out, and now he and Daniel Craig are back with a new murder mystery. I'm just going to come out and say it... the mystery itself is not that great. But the cast is frickin' fantastic, and their characters are so mind-bogglingly entertaining as to make the movie worth your valuable time. I will give them credit for literally saying that the murder is "stupid"... within the actual film, and that goes a long way towards me appreciating what was done. Because, yeah, people are stupid.

    HONORABLE MENTION...

    • The Adam Project (Netflix)
      Yeah, Ryan Reynolds coasts through this one with only a minimal commitment to his character, but that still makes him more entertaining than 95% of Hollywood. This time around he is a guy from the future who has to go back in time to fix a problem... with the help of his younger self. And while not in any way groundbreaking, it was darn fun to watch. It also had a story that wasn't terrible, assuming you don't think about it too hard. If you're a fan of Ryan Reynolds and sci-fi fun, this is the movie for you.
    • Nope (Universal)
      It's Jordan Peele doing what Jordan Peele does in a way that only Jordan Peele can. And while this doesn't reach the heights of Get Out or Us, it does have enough smart unease to make it a great watch. Basically a UFO is stalking a horse ranch, and the past proves important to understanding what's happening and how to survive.
    • Strange World (Disney)
      This is an action-packed 3D animated feature from Disney that has some of the most incredible visuals in a film you'll ever see. Unfortunately, that alone can't save it from a mediocre story that has its heart in the right place when it comes to environmentalism and inclusivity, but lacks any kind of subtlety or tact in presenting its ideas. Everything's just so painfully basic that the imaginative locations and creatures are dragged down.
    • Lightyear (Disney)
      This was a pretty darn good movie. But there was a serious problem… they made the supporting cast incredibly stupid and incompetent way too often. It kind of sabotaged things for me, because it’s just so unnecessary. But still... exciting stuff. And Sox is one of my new favorite animated characters.
    • Bros (Warner Bros.)
      The fact that Hollywood bankrolled a boy-meets-boy love story is enough to make me interested in the film. Alas Billy Eichner is so roundly annoying at the start that I was ready to tune out in the first ten minutes. But then everything kinda gels together when Billy stops building his entire character on being horrible and the story sets in. Ultimately it's a film that's more entertaining than not, though not so much that you'll feel the need to ever watch it again.
    • Dog (MGM)
      Channing Tatum is a former Army Ranger suffering from PTSD but trying to get his job back so he has purpose in his life again. An opportunity presents itself when he is charged with delivering his friend's Military Working Dog to his friend's funeral. Unfortunately, the dog is traumatized and acts out in ways that makes the task easier said than done. The result is a movie that's funny, heartwarming, and sweet in equal measure.

    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    • The Woman King
    • Wendell & Wild
    • Ambulance
    • Emancipation
    • Pinocchio (Guillermo del Toro version)
    • Triangle of Sadness
    • Something in the Dirt
    • Three Thousand Years of Longing
    • Barbarian
    • Avatar: The Way of Water

    OVERRATED BUT STILL GOOD...

    • Hustle
      Sandler is very, very hit or miss for me. There are films like 50 First Dates that convince me he has actual charm and talent to carry a movie... then he goes and makes five other films that completely blow. This time he's a scout for the NBA and really leans into his "everyman" persona to tell a good story. But it's ultimately pretty basic and doesn't deliver on what I'm expecting from a movie with 90% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.
    • The Northman
      I was seriously expecting this Viking movie to completely blow me away given the amount of critical acclaim that was unloaded upon it. I was underwhelmed. Not that it was bad... it just kind of mindless and lacking in heart, which left me more uninvested than I should have been. Even so, it was a pretty good watch.

    DISAPPOINTING...

    • The Batman
      Lord. Where do I start? The Batman had a lot of hype that gave me hope, but it doesn't get anywhere near touching the terrific Nolan trilogy. Heck, it doesn't even get close to the two Michael Keaton films. It's probably on-par with the Joel Schumacher movies for their idiocy, but The Batman at least tried to respect the character. Unfortunately it's a boring, morose, joyless slog of a film that made me long for Ben Affleck's take on the character. My favorite Batman is the detective who's good in a fight. But here we get an emo goth take that just didn't work for me. Zoë Kravitz made a darn good Catwoman, but I spent all her scenes wishing that she was doing something better (like her great canceled show, High Fidelity) than wasting her time with this. And, alas, the sexual tension with Batman was non-existent. And don't get me started with The Riddler, who was badly handled from the start and spent his pivotal scenes yelling to no effect.
    • Uncharted
      I’m just going to say it... Tom Holland was woefully miscast as Nathan Drake, so even he couldn’t save this movie for me. As great as he is in the Spider-Man films playing a young Peter Parker, he’s bland and charmless stepping into the iconic video game character. It’s like they tried so hard to start a new Indiana Jones franchise... but missed by a country mile. The story is awful and lacks any kind of excitement despite the writer’s best efforts. They added some potentially interesting action (including a wacky green-screen ship to ship battle in mid-air), but none of it is enough to get your heart racing. I was uninvested and bored throughout.
    • Black Adam
      Look, nobody is rooting for DC to finally make good super-hero movies again more than me. I long for the excellence of Nolan's Batman trilogy to be the rule rather than the exception. And I had exceedingly high hopes for Black Adam to work. Except... it really doesn't. The first 20 minutes is exposition of the most boring kind laid over a story nobody gives a shit about, which is a mind-boggling choice. From there on out you get entertaining action beats that try to be stylish (if aping Zack Snyder's slo-mo stylings count) interspersed between even more idiotic exposition (the constant need to run through everybody's powers is godawful), and then... a pathetic, annoying kid skateboarder sidekick? Christ. I dunno. I guess seeing the Justice Society was kinda cool (Doctor Fate is the best part of the movie)... but everything is so badly written, has stupid fucking music choices, and all attempts at humor fall completely flat. This is a terrible flick, and I sincerely hope that James Gunn can fix everything that's been going wrong with the DCU for far too long.

    TOTALLY SHIT THE BED...

    • Morbius
      Horrific from start to finish with a story that sucked harder than the vampires in it.
    • Jurassic World: Domination
      This franchise just keeps getting worse and worse. They tried shoe-horning in some characters from the original to make people like it better. And it doesn't work. I hope they let these movies rest for a while before coming back with an entirely fresh take on the concept, because... yikes.
    • Blonde
      An absolute fucking travesty. I had to stop watching a couple times just because I was so disgusted in how they went for full-on exploitation of Marilyn and her life. Doesn't matter that Ana de Armas is darn good in the lead, because the story is just a slog through depression and a complete mess.
    • Moonfall
      Just goes to show you that even Halle Berry can be in a total turd of a film. This was an emotionally bankrupt story with no redeeming qualities. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, it wasn't enjoyable or entertaining due to just how damn stupid it is. I hope to God that the planned sequel is canceled so that the money wasted on it can be better spent.
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    AppleTV Minus

    Posted on Friday, January 20th, 2023

    Dave!I've been crapping on Apple a lot lately.

    But not without reason.

    Apple used to be the GOLD STANDARD in interface design. Everything was incredibly well-thought-out and intuitive. But now-a-days? Most everything they do is shit. And I simply don't understand why. Yes, Steve Jobs is gone, but surely there are people in Apple who give a crap about making sure that you can use their apps without wanting to beat the shit out of somebody?

    But apparently not.

    Because I was reminded about this when I was having to use the GUI abomination that is the AppleTV app (whether it's on a Mac, AppleTV, iPad, or iPhone). This app has been shit for ages. It was made even worse when Apple decided to prioritize AppleTV+ over absolutely everything... ramming their service down your throat like a fucking jackhammer. Even over content you purchased. Like when you search for the movie Ted...

    AppleTV's shitty interface.

    But that's just the beginning with their idiotic search. Want to search your library? You can't just click on LIBRARY and search. If you do that, you'll end up searching within AppleTV+ and their media store content. Oh no. To search your library, you have to type into the SECOND smaller search box. And do you know how many times I forget to use the tiny box? ALL THE FUCKING TIME! And do you know why? The second smaller search box DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST UNTIL YOU CLICK ON A TINY FUCKING MAGNIFYING ICON THAT'S UNDER THE SEARCH BOX!!!

    AppleTV's shitty interface.

    Only then does the search box even bother to appear...

    AppleTV's shitty interface.

    Absolute fucking lunacy.

    But wait! It gets worse! Let's say that you use the universal search box anyway to get to your movie because you forgot about the smaller search box. What happens then? As you see from the first screenshot above, you have no fucking clue where the movie is at. Is it on AppleTV+? Is it in the store? Do you have to buy it? Do you own it? Who the fuck knows?

    You have to click through to see where in the hell it comes from. In this case, I own it... although it doesn't tell me I own it... I just have to infer that I own it because there's a "Play" button instead of a price tag...

    Apple's shitty interface.

    But let's say you're on your AppleTV and don't want to type out the title to get to it since it's a huge pain in the ass? Well, then you get to scroll through your entire fucking catalog of titles! And since I own hundreds of them, that will take a while. Let's say that I want to watch the movie 4th Man Out. With Apple, it's scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling because Apple puts numbers after letters...

    Apple's shitty interface.

    Here it is! Right after Zoolander...

    Apple's shitty interface.

    Let's compare that to how Plex allows you to navigate. I use Plex to catalog all my ripped DVDs (which is a legal backup of my massive DVD library). Since I paid for 4th Man Out both digitally and on DVD, it's in both places. Although since Plex puts numbers in front of letters, I don't have to actually scroll anywhere. It's right there at the start...

    Plex Interface

    Not really a fair contest. So let's try another. Zoolander. Another movie I bought on both DVD and digitally. With iTunes, I have to scroll through hundreds of titles to get to it. But look on the right hand side of the Plex interface. See those letters there? No scrolling needed. I just click on "Z" and there it is!

    Plex Interface

    This is especially fantastic on the Plex app for AppleTV... which is far, far superior to what AppleTV itself actually offers.

    How embarrassing.

    HOW FUCKING EMBARRASSING FOR APPLE!

    For the love of God, spend the tiniest fucking portion of your billions of dollars and DO SOMETHING!

    Don't get me wrong... there's still a lot of companies who are even worse at this than Apple. But given where Apple started, this is nothing short of tragic.

    And I have no idea what it's going to take to get Apple off their stupid asses to actually fix this crap.

       

    The DCU Review

    Posted on Wednesday, February 1st, 2023

    Dave!Gizmodo has a story on the ten projects that James Gunn is overseeing for the new DC Comics Universe of movies and shows.

    Gizmodo has Creature Commandos listed as "Creative Commandos" which is hilarious. — All I can say that is if these projects were from anybody but James Gunn, I would be laughing my ass off. What's odd is that the new Superman and Batman films aren't coming out until 2025... which is later than I'd thought it would be, but still pretty ambitious. An entirely new universe debuts in just two years? Again... if it were anybody but James Gunn, I'd be laughing my ass off. My comments below...

    Creative (s/b CREATURE!) Commandos (An animated HBO Max show) — It's like... what a bizarre choice. An entire series devoted to monster soldiers? Sounds like a Halloween special, but okay. Something tells me that this was in process before James Gunn took the big chair (with Peter Safran).

    Waller (A live-action HBO Max show) — I really hope that Viola Davis is in this, because she's SUCH an amazing actor. UPDATE: Confirmed that it will indeed be Davis.

    Superman: Legacy (Theatrical film) — I am confident that James Gunn will find a way to make Superman relevant while also interesting... something that Zack Snyder wasn't able to do AT ALL. I am a bit concerned that the whole "Gods & Monsters" arc for the New DCU will fall into the same trap that Snyder fell into, but it's James Gunn... so... yeah. Maybe.

    Lanterns (A live-action HBO Max show) — The Green Lantern movie was a pile of shit so bad that I couldn't believe some of my favorite actors were involved. Terrible, terrible movie. A show might be a way to showcase the many interesting Green Lanterns from the comics, so it could be a very cool show to watch. UPDATE: Apparently this will be terrestrial-based, meaning that it's mostly Hal Jordan and John Stewart stories, so we'll see.

    The Authority (Theatrical film) — Now this could be interesting! The comics started out SO good, and if they did a straight adaptation it could be fantastic... so long as it's an R-rated movie, because otherwise why bother?

    Paradise Lost (A live-action HBO Max show) — Amazons, I guess. Could be something that pre-dates Wonder Woman to give her eventual debut good context. I hope that they don't fuck up the Greek gods like the (otherwise excellent) Wonder Woman movie did. They're saying it's their "Game of Thrones" so who knows?

    The Brave and the Bold (Theatrical film) — Batman & Robin? In my early comic book days, The Brave and the Bold was alway Batman PLUS some other DC Hero (or villain!) teaming up. But still... I will be very interested to see what Gunn has in mind for Batman. Hopefully something more like the Nolan trilogy instead of the emo-goth bullshit we got from the last Batman movie! UPDATE: It's going to be the Damion Wayne version of Robin which is the best news possible. I hope that they make him a little nuts without taking him full-on psycho, because the majority of kids just don't have the acting chops to pull that off very well.

    Booster Gold (A live-action HBO Max show) — A LONG time coming. Like... this should have been done a decade ago. I love the character, and hope that eventually the show transitions into the "Blue & Gold" show I've been dreaming of (Booster Gold and Blue Beetle as made amazing by Keith Giffen). Hopefully they get a writer with decent comedy chops to do this right.

    Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow (Theatrical film) — Poor Supergirl. The character herself is so interesting... as shown in the Animated DC shows... but her lone live-action movie was trash (despite having Faye Dunaway and Peter O'Toole!). I really, really hope that they hire a truly great FEMALE writer AND director to do this movie right. She deserves it. And there's plenty of great comics to be inspired from.

    Swamp Thing (Theatrical film) — Lord. There are a lot of other DC characters I would have put in a film before Swampy. His good TV show was not so long ago (2019), and the idea of a complete film has already been done. Soooo many other movies would have been a better idea than this. I hope "Swamp Thing: The Movie" ends up worth stepping all over others that deserved it more.

    I want a Legion of Super-Heroes live-action HBO Max show. I want a Black Canary & Green Arrow show. I want a REAL Justice League movie. I want a Deadman series. I really want a Zantana movie. Where's an Amethyst animated series at? And holy crap... how cool would an Adam Strange series be? Is Guy Gardner going to appear in Lanterns? Because a show for HIM would be great. So many possibilities!

    I'm more confident in the DCU now than I was as we suffered through all the Zack Snyder crap, which makes me happy. Nobody wants successful DC movies than me (with the exception of the upcoming Shazam: Fury of the Gods and The Flash: Flashpoint, both of which star highly problematic actors that I really wish would just go away and take their bullshit with them.

       

    Civil War and Domination

    Posted on Thursday, February 9th, 2023

    Dave!What blows me away is how Marvel Studios puts it all on the screen. They don't "hold anything back for the sequel" but instead treat every movie like the last movie they will ever make.

    AND THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SO SUCCESSFUL!

    After basking the the majesty that's Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, I am making my way through all the Chadwick Boseman Black Panther appearances. The first of which wasn't in a Black Panther film... or even an Avengers film. It was in a Captain America film!

    Captain America Civil War

    What was also in Captain America: Civil War? The first MCU appearance of Spider-Man!

    Plus we get Iron Man, Black Widow, Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye, Vision, Ant-Man, and Winter Soldier! It was basically an Avengers film. Inside a Captain America film. Which is crazy. How many studios would even do that?

    Other studios would drag things out so they have something for future movies... then wonder why nobody gives a crap about the watered down film they release. Marvel isn't interested in that. They put everything into the film they are making right now... then force themselves to come up with something new and amazing for the next one.

    And then get incredible actors for every single part. Alfre frickin' Woodard just randomly shows up in a tiny nothing of a bit part in Civil War. But it was a critical part that put the entire movie into motion, so they HAD to get Alfre Woodard. And her few minutes of screen time works. So well. In lesser, cheaper hands, it might not have.

    The wild success of Marvel movies is not a fluke or a mistake. They are designed to be successful. I remember reading somewhere that Chadwick Boseman always thought that his appearance in Civil War would be a one-off cameo before signing his deal. Given how other studios would probably do exactly that, it's no wonder that he thought this. Obviously Marvel had other plans. They're more than that.

    I live in constant fear of Kevin Feige retiring as the mastermind behind these movies. The guy gets it. His successor might not. And these movies have been too good in his hands.

       

    Fantastic Bombshell Voyage

    Posted on Wednesday, February 15th, 2023

    Dave!Fantastic Voyage was released just six months after I was born in 1966. I didn't see the film until years later thanks to cable television. It's the work that I most attach to Raquel Welch, who sadly passed away today at 82 years old.

    But this was not the first time that I saw Raquel Welch in anything. I'm pretty sure that it was Mork & Mindy. I didn't know who she was, but my mom was quick to identify her when I asked WHO IS THAT?!?

    Not from when she first walked on the screen like this...

    Raquel Welch in a sexy space uniform.

    But later on when she walked on looking like this...

    Raquel Welch in a very revealing and very sexy space uniform.

    Something that made a very big impression on my 13-year-old brain.

    From there I made a point of watching anything with Raquel Welch, wherever she appeared. Up to and including Legally Blonde and Eugenio Derbez's How to Be a Latin Lover (her final film project). But it's Fantastic Voyage that I most associate with her (though the original Bedazzled and One Million Years B.C. are in the running)...

    Raquel Welch in Fantastic Voyage.

    Raquel Welch in 10,000 Years BC and that fuzzy bikini.

    Fantastic Voyage was similar to the Disneyland ride Adventure Through Inner Space (which followed the movie the following year), which is why I probably crush on it so hard (as if Raquel in her skin-tight scientist suit wasn't enough)...

    Alas, no appearance by Raquel Welch in the ride.

    Rest in Peace to an iconic Hollywood bombshell.

       

    Streaming for Fun and Profit

    Posted on Tuesday, February 21st, 2023

    Dave!Oh yay. I am spending more money I don't have!

    Today only, the original Complete Series Tom Selleck of Magnum P.I. was on sale for $35 at the iTunes Store. All eight seasons. All 162 episodes. I went ahead and snagged it, because that was too good of a price to pass up. Especially since the return of the excellent reboot (now on NBC/Peacock) has me feeling all nostalgic...

    Jenny looking a little sour during belly rubs.

    Ultimately, the show doesn't really hold up by modern standards. And yet... still incredibly entertaining. Tom Selleck had a flawless take on the character, and it made the show a lot of fun. Still prefer the reboot (Juliette Higgins is one of my favorite television characters of all time), but the original sure takes me back.

    And it looks like I may be buying more shows and movies outright like this now that I am completely disenchanted with most all of the streaming services.

    Netflix and HBO are cancelling everything. Paramount+ has one of the shittiest fucking apps ever created (that barely works even when it's working). And absolutely everybody is raising their prices. Essentially giving you less for more money.

    Well good luck with that.

    It just boggles my mind that streaming service CEOs are still in charge when their decisions drive customers away in droves. Disney just released a bundled deal to get Disney+ and Hulu bundled together... but it's the version with ads. In order to get them bundled for ad-free, you ALSO have to pay for ESPN+. What kind of stupid shit is this? I will never watch ESPN. I couldn't give two shits about ESPN. Not even one shit. Not a single shit given over ESPN. So no savings for me. I have to continue to pay for a non-bundle with zero savings.

    Given that Paramount+ and HBO Max are making equally stupid-ass mistakes, I think I'm just going to cancel everything.

    Cancel everything then rotate between all of them. Netflix one month. Hulu another month. Disney+ another month. HBO Max the next month. Congratulations on getting 1/6th the money off of me. Y'all deserve it.

    The only one I'm going to keep year 'round is Philo. Thanks to their T-Mobile discount and sensible pricing, they're worth it.

    I swear, I never thought that streaming would get this stupid this fast compared to cable and satellite, which was stupid from the jump. Now I'm to the point where I really just want to give up on television altogether.

       

    Thursdays and the Fall of Babylon

    Posted on Thursday, February 23rd, 2023

    Dave!Thursdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week. It means that there's only one more work day until the weekend... and it also means that new episodes of Poker Face and So Help Me Todd are airing. Well... not so much So Help Me Todd, because CBS keeps fucking around with their air dates (no new episodes until March 2nd and the previous episode was all the way back on February 2nd).But a really good new episode of Poker Face was to be had.

    And, like every episode, I'm like HOW? How did they get such stellar guest-stars for each episode? This time we got Nick Nolte, Tim Russ, Luis Guzmán, and CHERRY JONES?!? And holy shit does Cherry deliver! The entire episode hinges on her performance, and she doesn't falter...

    It's Cherry Jones in Poker Face!

    This show is glorious. IT'S GLORIOUS!!! Very much Columbo for a new generation.

    After the episode was over, I put on Babylon because the cast was excellent. Except it's easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It's like they were all... let's just film extravagant shit and force feed it to people OVER THREE HOURS. Awful. It looks pretty and is shot beautifully, but that's it. What a waste of money and talent...

    So I guess not everything on Thursday is bullet-proof after all. I should have just re-watched Poker Face.

       

    Bullet Sunday 798

    Posted on Sunday, March 19th, 2023

    Dave!A bit of a Summer setback for me today as the weather turned cold as balls, but never fear... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Zipline! Whenever I run across something incredibly cool that has been around a while... but I never heard of... that's gold right there. Take this drone delivery system that's been running for SIX YEARS. And I had no clue. This will be one of the coolest things you see in a bit...

    Fantastic. Ingenuity like this gives me hope for the future.

       
    • 1D! I keep running into songs by One Direction that kinda blow my mind. Like this song, which I had never heard before. I was scrambling to Shazam it thinking it was brand new. Nope...

    It actually feels like a classic soft rock hit or something.

       
    • Topol! The Flash Gordon movie from 1980 was absolute genius... even if most people didn't see it that way. I've seen it a dozen times or more, and will likely watching it many times more. A big part of what makes the movie work is the over-the-top performances, among them being Chaim Topol's performance of Dr. Hans Markov...

    Topol as Zarkov

    But that's not my favorite role of his. This honor goes to Columbo on the James Bond flick For Your Eyes Only, where he chewed up the scenery unapologetically...

    Topol as Columbo

    Sadly, Topol passed away a couple weeks ago... but his legacy will live on with his works.

       
    • Hyper-Real! I will never complain about any of my tax dollars going to NASA to explore our solar system and our universe. On the contrary, I wish more of my tax dollars went to NASA. Especially when I see images like this...

    The amazing moon Hyperion
    Image Credit: NASA, ESA, JPL, SSI, Cassini Imaging Team

    You can get a much better view and more information on Saturn's moon Hyperion by going to NASA's website.

       
    • TO INFINITY...! The stuff that you can do with LEGO truly knows no bounds. Take this infinite domino track...

    Pretty nifty, isn't it?

       
    • Cunk! Finally got around to watching Cunk on Earth (Netflix)... and it's madness. Absolute madness. Mostly because she sounds like a lot of real-life people...

    It's relentless. She doesn't stop unleashing stupid. Ever. It just keeps going. And I am deceased.

       
    • WORF! The first season of Star Trek: Picard was just okay, though the ending was messy. I didn't like the second season because it was a scattered crapfest and tried to shoehorn in characters that should have never been there in the first place. But this THIRD season? Holy crap. Quite probably the best Next Generation show I have ever seen. Cinematic and exciting. It will be very interesting to see if they can wrap it all up in a satisfying manner given that this is the last season we're getting. And ZOMG... WORF! His character has made a radical shift that's absolute genius, and Michael Dorn is playing him with such deft ease...

    It's Worf, dammit!

    It makes me wish that this is what we were given from the start. Paramount+... please give Worf his own series ASAP, dammit!

       
    • Flerfer! The thing I will never, ever understand is how there are people thinking that the earth is flat. It makes absolutely zero sense from every possible observable fact. We new about the earth being a sphere thousands of years ago. And yet... ignorance is still here. Which is why I love videos like this....

    Of course it makes no difference how many facts you throw at Flerfers. Logic, reason, and common sense has already been thrown right out the window.

       
    And away with you! Begone!

       

    La véritable histoire d’Amélie Poulain

    Posted on Tuesday, March 21st, 2023

    Dave!When it comes to a list of movies I love and have watched a multitude of times, Amélie would most certainly be on that list. Not only was it beautiful to look at, had an exceedingly smart and clever story, and made me fall in love with Audrey Tautou... but it was just fun. It had a whimsy and joyfulness that most movies... don't.

    Plus it has a wonderful life lesson that is a genuine teaching moment to all humanity.

    If you haven't seen it, I offer my highest possible recommendation...

    And now genius director of the film, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, has released a shocking expose on the character 22 years after the film was released!

    Well, it's a joke, but it's actually a darn impressive retrofit of the characters true nature. If you haven't seen the original film, this won't mean anything, so go watch Amélie first...

    It all makes perfect sense!

    Nice to know that Jeunet has a sense of humor about his work. Probably why he's such a freakin' genius.

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    Elemental Danger

    Posted on Tuesday, March 28th, 2023

    Dave!Pixar has been really hit or miss with me lately.

    Onward and Soul were disappointing. Luca was glorious. Turning Red and Lightyear were okay, but far from the greatness I expect out of the studio.

    Then today we get the first full trailer for their upcoming June release, Elemental...

    Other than Catherine O'Hara, I'm not familiar with the rest of the cast, which is a bit odd. When it comes to the movie itself, it looks like a mash-up of Inside Out and Soul, but not in a bad way? I guess? I mean, I'll definitely watch it when it hits Disney+, but it's not having me excited enough to run to the theater.

    That's reserved for Adrian Molina's follow-up to Coco which is called Elio. It's coming out a year from now.

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    A New Era for Sonos Sound

    Posted on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

    Dave!I have a love/hate relationship with Sonos Home Audio.

    On one hand, they are very good speakers. The sound I get from a single Sonos One (the cheapest, smallest speaker in their lineup) is better than I get from the speakers on my pricey Sony television. Sonos speakers are very well balanced to handle just about everything. Music sounds just as good as audiobooks which sounds as good as TV shows and movies.

    But on the other hand, Sonos can be incredibly frustrating. When I replaced my Sonos PlayBar with a Sonos Arc, I spent a full hour talking with their support to get everything working. It was supposed to be an easy, no-brainer task, but it sure didn't end up that way for me. And then there's weird networking drop-outs that happen at random and can be a real bitch to resolve considering the only thing I ever get told is "IT'S BECAUSE YOUR WI-FI NETWORK SUCKS!!!" (as if I have some kind of cheap-ass Wi-Fi router buried in the basement instead of dual AmpliFi Alien routers in a mesh network that blankets my home with perfect Wi-Fi).

    In the end I am happy enough with Sonos to ignore its shortcomings (no line-in is fucking stupid on a level of fucking stupid that has me reconsidering what I consider to be fucking stupid given how expensive their speakers are... and don't get me started on not being able to use dedicated left and right channels for surround sound). I have quite a few of their products collected from Black Friday sales over the years, and most rooms in my house are covered with Sonos sound. Heck, I even have Sonos in the bathrooms so I don't have to miss what's happening on my television shows when I have to get up and go pee.

    And then Sonos decided to get cute and offer a new line of "Era" speakers. The Era 100, which takes the place of their entry-level Sonos One speaker... and the Era 300, which takes the place of their long-abandoned Play 3 speaker.

    The Sonos Era 100 and 300 Speakers.

    At first I was going to safely ignore their new offerings because I have neither the money nor the desire to expand upon my speaker collection.

    But then I learned that the Era 300 is designed from the bottom up to support Dolby Atmos and I was intrigued. Dolby Atmos allows precise sound placement within a room. This is usually reserved for theaters which can install speakers all the way around the seating area... along with the ceiling... so that the action can move around the room to match what you are seeing. It's a pretty nifty trick. The technology is something that is supposed to be supported by my Sonos Arc soundbar, but the effect is minimal to the point that it might as well not even exist at all.

    The Sonos Era 300 has an up-firing speaker that looked substantial enough to actually maybe kinda support actual Atmos sound bouncing down on your from above...

    The Sonos Era 300 Speaker All Blown Apart.

    So I used my final two Sonos upgrade credits and all the Black Friday money I had left after buying Neon Bad Monkey and pre-ordered a pair of them.

    And now they're here.

    And I'm just going to cut to the chase here. They are... pretty good.

    Because whether or not you have great Atmos sound largely depends on the audio mix that movie and television studios add to their products. I've tested these speakers for hours with all kinds of movies available in Dolby Atmos, and it's very rare that I find myself going "Whoa!" because some sound playing above me was distinct enough to catch me by surprise. No, for the most part, you're largely just getting a better, fuller surround sound experience. Back-To-Front and Front-To-Back audio is far more distinct with those up-firing speakers because you can feel the "movement" better. Far better than I did with my Sonos Ones as rear speakers. For that reason alone I am quite happy with my purchase. And who knows? Maybe as more and more people have Dolby Atmos available at home, studios will start doing better mixing so that my speakers can take advantage of it.

    Now lets get to the Dolby Atmos experience that's truly worth it... Atmos Music!

    I tell you what... I had read that Apple was partnering with Sonos so that their spatial audio tracks would play on Sonos hardware... but I wasn't thinking of that when I fired up some music to see if it sounded good from the 300s. A couple tracks played and I was suitably impressed.

    Then the song If You're Too Shy (Let Me Know) by The 1975 dropped and I thought I was hallucinating. Lead singer Matt Healy's vocals were IN FRONT OF the music. And acoustical queues were all over the room. If I closed my eyes, it was as if The 1975 were set up in my living room. Then I remembered about the Apple Music Atmos thing and, sure enough...

    The Sonos app showing me that my music is from a Dolby Atmos mix.

    For many Dolby Atmos music tracks, what you hear is flat-out mind-blowing. The 1975 remixed all their stuff, and (for the most part) it's incredible. Some songs are more experimental than others. Some songs push it too far to the point of distraction. But most of the songs are perfectly rendered in a way that makes the whole experience... maybe not better... but perhaps nicely different.

    All of a sudden I was scouring all my favorite tracks to see if they had Atmos mixes available.

    And it was like discovering music all over again.

    Yes, there are instances where the Atmos is a gimmick that doesn't work. But for others? It runs the gamut. The biggest surprise was Kacey Musgraves Golden Hour. Whomever came up with her mixes just knocked it out of the park (with a couple notable exceptions which are gimmicky as hell). It. Is. Sublime. In Oh, What a World when that banjo hits, I had chills running up my spine. It's a fantastic experience. My favorite Post Malone tracks were wonderfully mixed for spatial audio. The newest Taylor Swift album is beautiful. And some bands you just know were hopping on the bandwagon early with Atmos remixes... like ODESZA. The track they did with Namoi Wild, Higher Ground, feels like her vocals are ON TOP OF the music. Or something. I can't even begin to explain it. But it's fantastic. Of course, it was a great track even before spatial audio...

    The highest praise I can offer for spatial audio and Dolby Atmos music is that, when mixed right, the vocals never get lost in the music. They are always distinct and rendered front-and-center. One of the best songs to hear this is with Miley Cyrus's Flowers. There's places that she harmonizes with herself. But when listening to it without Atmos, the voices blend together. With Atmos, however, the harmonizing backing vocals are... like... elsewhere. They don't merge or compete... they're just another part of the music. I don't know quite how to explain it. But once I hear the difference... then go back to regular stereo... I can no longer un-hear it because the Atmos version feels like it's the way you're supposed to be hearing it.

    So... probably not returning my pair of 300s... even though there's some bullshit right out of the gate.

    First of all, Sonos finally... FINALLY... added bluetooth and line-in to their speakers. But when you configure them to be part of a Dolby Atmos setup... YOU NO LONGER CAN USE THEM FOR EITHER! WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK, SONOS??

    The Sonos app showing me that my music is from a Dolby Atmos mix.

    When that message popped up, it was all I could do to keep from throwing my phone against the wall. I was more than a little upset... I was fucking pissed.

    I'm sure that Sonos will come up with some kind of bullshit excuse to explain it away, but the simple fact is that you could easily... easily... just have the speaker ignore all other input once the line-in is receiving input. This is not fucking rocket science. The fact that I can't just plug into one of my pricey new speakers with a frickin' line-in is so far beyond rage-inducing that I honestly don't know what to do with my anger from it.

    But at least there's the option for a line-in... AT ALL.

    If I were flush with cash I'd likely buy a single Sonos Era 300 for my bedroom and run a line from my television. That way I could have darn good TV sound along with a kick-ass speaker for music (the stereo separation from a single 300 is surprisingly good).

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

    Assuming I win the lottery tomorrow, it's not enough to just buy a $450 Sonos Era 300 speaker for my television. YOU ALSO HAVE TO BUY A FUCKING $20 MINI-PLUG DONGLE! It's like... holy shit. There's fleecing your customers, and then there's Sonos fucking gouging their customers. This is pretty disgraceful.

    So... to summarize in bullet points...

    • Setup actually worked like it was supposed to this time. I had an immediate software update I had to send to the Era 300's, but I was up and running in minutes.
    • I love that the power cord plug is smaller now. My rear speakers are on a slim shelf that I drilled holes in so the cords are hidden. But the Sonos Ones had a big-ass plug which meant I had to use a metal rod to smash it through the hole. The new Era plugs are more compact and just pop through. Easy!
    • I've had mixed results with Sonos TruePlay tuning (where you walk around the room waving your phone around while the Sonos app listens to tones and calibrates the speakers so their sound is best rendered in your room). The first time I tried it years ago, I loved it. Then the last couple times I thought the calibration was pretty bad and removed it. This time the jury is still out. I think it made my Atmos music sound better... but the movies I tried after calibration didn't sound as bright and the overhead sound was muted. I'll probably keep TruePlay on but fine-tune the EQ and upward sound levels.
    • The line-in garbage mentioned above is fucking bullshit. I am outraged that not only is it fully disabled when you use them as surrounds... but you also have to buy a fucking dongle. It's as if Sonos said "WELL, YOU WANTED A LINE-IN, SO HERE IT IS... TOO BAD WE FUCKING BROKE IT!
    • Until more studios really invest in doing Dolby Atmos mixes that are killer, I wouldn't buy these speakers just for movies with Dolby Atmos. It's just not a big enough upgrade given how many mediocre mixes are out there claiming to be "Atmos."
    • The "killer app" on the Era 300s is Dolby Atmos music. Spatial audio provides an experience I haven't heard before and, for the most part, I absolutely love it. As more and more artists go back and remix their music (or remix the mixes that aren't that great) I think this is reason enough to give them a listen and see what you think.
    • Yes, the price of Sonos gear is as heinous as it ever was. About the only justification I can offer is that they feel quality. They are noticeably heavy and seem built to last. And, needless to say, the sound quality is darn good given the size. Exceptional even. I have never had a complaint about the sound I get... and even a meager little Sonos One provides a great experience. Sonos is one of those companies where I think the cost is likely worth it. That being said, every piece of my Sonos gear was bought on sale because... damn.
    • All my stuff was purchased directly from Sonos because I like that they offer a money-back-guarantee when you purchase from them. It's the least they can do given how much money it costs. If you are on the fence, it's worth investigating whether the shop you're buying from can offer a guarantee. Pretty sure not all of them do.
    • If you are a long-time Sonos customer, Sonos will give you "upgrade credits" which knock 15% off the price of their wares. For every speaker you own that's old enough to earn a discount, you get one credit to use on another speaker to replace it. Except you don't have to return your old speaker... you get to keep it! If you registered your products with Sonos, be sure to look at your account and see what's available. I saved nearly $70 each on the 300s, which is serious money.
    • A lot has been said about how "ugly" the Sonos 300s are. Personally, I'm not seeing it. I am very sensitive to design aesthetics and actually really like the look of them. When sitting on the shelf behind my couch, they look nice from any angle and have an impressive heft to them that makes me confident a cat isn't going to knock them off (if they were to ever climb up on those shelves, which they rarely do).
    • I did not buy any Era 100s and really have no plan to do so. The improvement over my Sonos Ones seems minimal, as there's no up-firing speakers for rendering Atmos. The stereo separate looks like it might be pretty good... but since the speaker is so narrow, I'm not sure how noticeable it would be.

    And there you have it.

    If you've got a showroom somewhere near you with Sonos gear, it might be worth a look if you're thinking about investing in new speakers.

       

    Bullet Sunday 800

    Posted on Sunday, April 2nd, 2023

    Dave!Spring has been one cold day after another for me on this 800th run at the bullets, but I am undeterred... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Invasion! When Secret Invasion was unleashed in the comic book world, it made for a wacky, weird, and wonderful story. Shape-changing Skrulls had been impersonating some pretty major players, and as everything unfolded you really didn't know who was going to be next. It's highly doubtful that the MCU will be able to go in this direction... it would be a massively expensive series if they did... but I'm still anticipating a few surprises along the way...

    This has very much the feel of a Cold War thriller... except the deep-cover spies are Skrulls. And just look at the cast they got! Very excited to see where this leads... and what comes of it. If there are long-term consquences, it could make for some sweet stories later on.

       
    • Singer! John Singer Sargent is one of my favorite painters... bridging the gap from the impressionists I love and the realists I admire. This short video gave me a new appreciation for his work, and is worth your valuable time to watch...

    I love videos like this.

       
    • Fun with Flags! And speaking of videos I love, CGP Grey makes some of my favorites...

    I have no idea how he comes up with his ideas, but he has never released a video that wasn't fascinating. Even when they're as short as this one.

       
    • Behind the Scenes! If you love the movie Arrival as I do, this is a real gem. But... spoilers... if you haven't seen it. Definitely watch the movie first...

    The process that happens from story to screen is sometimes as fascinating as the film itself. Arrival is all kinds of interesting even without this. But with it?

       
    • ZOMG! ZOMG! ZOMG! ZOMG! New Wes Anderson! This looks fantastic...

    All of his films have a similar look and similar quirks to their characters. What makes them well worth watching is that all the stories are so different.

       
    • Scotty! They are making a Scott Pilgrim animated series for Netflix... and all the actors from the movie are returning to voice their characters! I love it when massive stars like Chris Evans, Jason Schwartzman, and Aubrey Plaza signs on to do little projects like this. Obviously not a cash-grab for them... they just wants be a part of it. Very much looking forward to this, even though I thought Michel Cera was miscast in the original film.

    The cast of Scottt Pilgrim.

    Interesting to note that Young Neil is not so young any more! None of them are! The movie was THIRTEEN YEARS AGO!

       
    Back under the blankets I go.

       

    AppleTV is the Best Shit Money Can Buy

    Posted on Monday, April 3rd, 2023

    Dave!The point of this post is in the title... AppleTV is shit. But it's the best shit you can buy for streaming.

    I'm not going to run through my many complaints. If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you've probably already heard it all. If you haven't heard it? The GUI (graphic user interface) is fucking horrendous. If you own more than twenty movies or television shows, scrolling through all of them is a nightmare. Apple provides no alphabetical index on the side so you can at least jump to the first letter of the title you're looking for. It's fucking stupid.

    But anyway...

    Since the quality of the picture is so radically better when viewed through the AppleTV device instead of the GoogleTV app for AppleTV, I decided to ditch my AppleTV 4K (2017 Revision 1) for the newer AppleTV 4K (2022 Revision 3). And because I want to be sure that I get the smoothest possible playback, I purchased the "better" version which has Ethernet and 128GB.

    The difference between Rev. 1 and Rev. 3 are slight at the start. Both support 4K DolbyVision HDR10 UHD playback. Both support Dolby Atmos. You have to pay extra for Ethernet now, but my Rev. 1 had Ethernet as standard. But then there's the improvements which really count... my old AppleTV was a slow mess with its A10X chip. It's radically snappier with the new A15 Bionic chip. I'm also working with the 128GB vs. the 32GB I used to have. And then there's the fact that Apple finally future-proofed their tech by using the HDMI 2.1 standard instead of the old 2.0. I am using Ethernet instead of WiFi, but if I were to use wireless, the new model comes with WiFi 6. The new one is also smaller and feels lighter than the old one too. As if all that wasn't enough, it contains a Thread mesh networking radio to become a border router for your HomeKit shenanigans and Matter Smart Home devices.

    But the most welcome change? The controller...

    The Rev. 3 AppleTV 4k 2022.

    Apple ditched their shitty fucking touchpad controller for a new controller that has a good heft and actual directional buttons. Which means that navigation doesn't randomly jump all over the place like it used to. I have no idea why it took them this long to replace that technology FAIL. But look how long it took them to replace their heinously shitty "butterfly keyboard" on their laptops. And... oh yeah... you can charge with USB-C instead of the ten-year-old Lightning connector that nobody else in the industry is using. Yay. Alas no charging indicator... you have to look up the battery level on your AppleTV.

    The navigation buttons surround a select button to form a "clickpad" that's also touch-enabled, which is very cool for whizzing through video. You also have a dedicated power button(!) and a mute button(!). It almost as if Apple is listening to what their customers want! Color me shocked. Regardless of why they did it, Apple has gone from my most hated remote ever to my favorite remote ever.

    I dare say that the remote upgrade is reason enough to upgrade. Mostly because I am actually using it instead of avoiding it and using a 3rd party remote.

    When compared to Amazon FireTV, Google Chromecast, and Roku, AppleTV is way ahead (except for the navigation GUI, which is still the absolute worst). The only competitor they have in this space is probably the NVIDIA Shield, which offers more flexibility and connectivity, but looks like absolute ass. I borrowed one from a friend who tested it and ended up preferring it to my old AppleTV, but not the new AppleTV Rev. 3.

    So... yeah... my home theater setup is now complete.

    Over the next couple of days I'll be talking about the DolbyVision and Dolby Atmos that I'm getting through my AppleTV box. If that's not for you... then I guess I'll see you on Thursday!

       

    In a Barbie World…

    Posted on Tuesday, April 4th, 2023

    Dave!In the right hands, I'm convinced that anything can become good entertainment.

    But Barbie? As a feature film?!?

    Well... yeah, apparently. It looks as if Greta Gerwig and an endless cast of stars may actually have managed to find a way to make it work. The new trailer looks visually exciting, and they have really leaned into what makes Barbie be Barbie. I mean... have you seen this?

    Interesting how they are leaning hard into Magic Earring Ken, the gayest of all Ken dolls...

    Ryan Gosling as Ken

    Magic Earring Ken

    I tell you what... my respect for Ryan Gosling just keeps growing. The guy is fearless.

    I'm not saying that I'll be running to the theater to see Barbie... but I will absolutely give it a rent on home video.

    How could I not?

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    Vision in 4K HDR

    Posted on Wednesday, April 5th, 2023

    Dave!Building a truly great home theater is expensive. Over the years I have tried to create the best that I can afford. Which decidedly does not involve building a custom theater room. I just do the best I can with my living room. That, paired with the fact that electronics tend to get cheaper over time, has helped.

    My sound recently got a major upgrade with a pair of Sonos Era 300's. Their ability to render a pretty good height channel for Dolby Atmos out of my Sonos Arc may not be as incredible as actual dedicated height speakers, but it's cheaper than ripping apart my walls to wire them in.

    I wanted a cool $3,000 OLED TV when my old TV died, but that's way, way out of my budget. Instead I bought a mid-range Sony 65" KD65X80J for $780 on sale. It's far from perfect, but it has decent brightness, HDR color fidelity to display DolbyVision, and can pass-through Dolby Atmos sound. Which makes it worth paying $300 more than a cheaper model (until I check my wallet... then I'm all "What was I thinking?").

    Which left me to my media source.

    Early streaming efforts were pretty crappy. Color fidelity was awful. Motion artifacts were terrible. And resolution was abysmal. So I invested in a Samsung Blu-Ray 4K UHD player. The picture quality was outstanding. So sharp and saturated. But I could never get the advanced audio to work. Sonos couldn't handle DTS, it can only process Dolby Atmos. But some discs only came with DTS, which meant that I had to rely on conversion by other components, which usually didn't work and got me Dolby 5.1 instead. Rather than wasting money on Blu-ray Discs that may or may not give me the audio I was paying for, I abandoned it. And was thrilled about it, since most discs had a STOP PIRACY warning which you were forced to look at and couldn't fast-forward past (which is fucking stupid... I bought your fucking disc, didn't I?).

    Then Apple came out with AppleTV 4K. It could stream much, much better quality 4K video in full HDR10 DolbyVision color, complete with Dolby Atmos. Which is to say that every movie I purchase from the iTunes Store which supported spatial audio would be in Dolby Atmos format for my Sonos system. Yay. When comparing the two visually and audibly, it's darn close to Blu-Ray UHD video quality. The only time I could tell was if I paused the video and compared it frame-by-frame. And so I started buying all my movies digitally, which is cheaper and easier than Blu-Ray anyway. Even if it does mean that I'm always under threat of the stuff I buy getting jerked from the iTunes Store and having nothing to show for it (which should be illegal... at the very least I should get my money back). It's a pity that the user interface for AppleTV continues to be incomprehensibly shitty, but I guess nothing is perfect.

    So now I only use my Blu-Ray player for old movies that I am not able to re-purchase as digital, and it's not worth the hard drive space to rip them.

    As for DolbyVision? Here are some of my favorites which are taking advantage of the HDR color gamut and video quality...

    1. Bullet Train (2022 - David Leitch)
      When it comes to all the benefits that DolbyVision offers, few movies come as close to perfection as Bullet Train. From the incredible colorscapes of Tokyo to the vivid lighting on the train in question, there's some real visual magic happening here.
    2. Atomic Blonde (2017 - David Leitch)
      Two strange things on this phenomenal Charlize Theron flick. 1) Though the video is in glorious DolbyVision, the sound is not in Dolby Atmos... which is bizarre. 2) When I went to add it to my list and look up the director, I had no idea that it would be the same guy that did Bullet Train! David Leitch very obviously knows how to use the extended gamut in his work. And with Atomic Blonde, he used it to beautiful effect. Most of the film is rendered in cold blues and greens and the HDR allows that to happen while still allowing very good definition. And when warm colors pop up, they add a remarkable contrast that really sets the scene on fire. I just don't understand why we didn't get Atmos, which would be amazing.
    3. Pixels (2015 - Chris Columbus)
      About half-way through the movie when the aliens invade, their hyper-saturated pixel forms are so beautifully saturated against the backdrop of the real-world that it kinda messes with your head. But in a cool way. It's a surprisingly effecting use of HDR which turns a mediocre movie into something beautiful to look at.
    4. John Wick 2 & 3 (2017 & 2019 - Chad Stahelski)
      David Leitch, who directed the first two movies on my list, is executive producer on the Wick franchise. Whether it's a coincidence that the colors on these film is also fantastic I don't know. But it's an interesting thing to note given how fantastic these films look in DolbyVision.
    5. Avatar: The Way of Water (2022 - James Cameron)
      Look, the color in this movie is incredible, as you would expect from something that's artificially rendered. They can make every last object whatever color they want... however saturated they want. They can add glows or artificial lighting... it's all on the table. So, yeah, in DolbyVision this is phenomenal. And if I had an OLED television, it would be fucking mind-blowing. But it's a video game. It's a cartoon. It's not real. You cannot compare it to actual movies in the Real World. Because even if the Real World footage has been color-graded and processed, it's still... real. And yet... if you want to see stunning visuals unlike anything else, here's your movie.
    6. The LEGO Batman Movie (2017 - Chris McKay)
      I actually had to watch this in DolbyVision... and without DolbyVision... at the same time to see if what I was seeing wasn't my imagination. I couldn't tell if my mind was filling in the blanks or if the depth and detail I was seeing was actually there. And it is. They use color like a bomb in most every scene, exploding it over everything. But not in a bad way. In a beautiful, lush way that's just there.
    7. Any Disney/Pixar Film Using DolbyVision
      Animation, with its rich, saturated colors, should be the perfect way to showcase DolbyVision. And, for the most part, it is. Movies like The Incredibles 2 and Monsters Inc. look fantastic in an HDR colorspace.
    8. Blade Runner 2049
      This movie has some incredibly saturated visuals that look amazing in HDR. But DolbyVision is more than just pretty, saturated colors. It's also about having very well-defined details in the shadows... and making sure that there's definition when the color pallet is washed out. In that respect, Blade Runner 2049 is absolutely stunning.

       

    Atmos Sphere

    Posted on Thursday, April 6th, 2023

    Dave!UPDATE: Ironic to note that after I wrote this entry, I was watching a movie when all of a sudden my Sonos Arc soundbar made a loud POP then the sound cut out. It was seriously loud. I thought that the dresser fell over in the guest room or something. I thought it had blew out, which seemed impossible given that I didn't even have the sound up that loud, but after unplugging and plugging back in, it was find. Until it happened again! After some Googling, I found that this is a KNOWN ISSUE and Sonos hasn't done shit about it. Apparently it has to do with several audio sources, including Xbox and newer-generation AppleTV 4K. Like the one I just bought. So, yeah, not sure where I go from here. I guess I call Sonos and complain (as everybody else has done) and hope they get off their fucking asses and fix the problem. Though this has been an issue for over a year and nothing's been done, so who knows. In the meanwhile, I've gone back to my original AppleTV 4K in the hopes that the Sonos problem will abate until it's resolved. If it gets resolved.

    UPDATE-UPDATE: Two days running off the old AppleTV 4K, and no pops. I switch back to the Rev. 3 AppleTV 4K and they start up again. WTF?!? I am assuming that Apple is using HDMI and Atmos standards to make their little box... so what's the deal with Sonos? Frustrating. Am I never going to be able to update my media sources now?


    When it comes to the Dolby Atmos spatial audio on my Sonos Arc soundbar, I was less than impressed. Despite buying a Sonos mount, positioning the soundbar 4-inches below my television as instructed, and cranking the height channel to maximum, I just wasn't feeling it. I'd watch scene after scene of the best Atmos mixes available, confirm that Sonos was receiving Atmos sound, and never heard anything of any substance. It was a heck of a punch to the gut after paying the money it cost me.

    Then Sonos released the Era 300 (which I reviewed here) and all of that was supposed to change.

    And so I bought into their game, fully expecting to return the speakers when they let me down as the Sonos Arc had done.

    But then they actually ended up worth being the price of admission. Once I adjusted the rear speakers to point slightly inward... increased the height volume to maximum... increased the treble by a lot... increased the bass by a bit to compensate... and increased the surround audio a touch... it all kinda came together. The only thing I could do to improve it further would be to add a wall in my open living space so that the left channel could reflect instead of drift towards my kitchen. Something that's not in the cards, alas.

    But still... darn good. Mostly for spatial audio music, because the Atmos mixes we get for home video is lacking. Though the situation is improving, some movies are more impressive than others. Below is a list of my favorites. My top two are films by Denis Villeneuve, who seems to take spatial audio very seriously.

    1. Blade Runner 2049 (2017 - Denis Villeneuve)
      How this movie didn't make a billion dollars is beyond me. It is an absolute masterpiece. Not only is it an impossibly good sequel to one of the most incredible films ever made... it manages to capture the atmosphere that made the original so mind-blowing. All while having a great story and flawless casting. It's a miracle on-screen. It's glorious to behold. And when it comes to the Atmos sound design? You're in the film. The many voluminous spaces fill your room with echos and reverb. Music is lush and all-encompassing. Small moments... like striking a piano key... are made to feel huge. You feel the rain falling on you in the dreary, brutalist environment of 2049's Los Angeles. Explosions rock your soul. The Atmos is meticulously crafted to be exactly what it needed to be, and makes me appreciate the movie all the more.
    2. Dune (2021 - Denis Villeneuve)
      It is one of my favorite novels of all time. I've read it a dozen times. It is impossible to adapt into film. But it's been adapted twice. The 2000 TV series was a mess. I actually did enjoy the 1984 David Lynch film (which holds up very well, actually), but it was more style over substance. The Denis Villeneuve Dune, however, is genius. The writing team behind it acted like a skilled surgeon... knowing exactly what to cut while keeping the soul of the novel. And the Atmos soundscape that was crafted for the film is everything you dream about when your sound system can take advantage of it.
    3. John Wick 3: Parabellum (2017 - Chad Stahelski)
      There are few franchises more deeply satisfying than everybody's favorite emo-assassin, John Wick. Each installment ups the ante in cool ways, and the brilliant Atmos soundtrack is no exception. Parabellum does an amazing job of creating immersive sound that gets better with each new movie. From rain pouring down from the sky to bullets bouncing around a room, you're there in the middle of the unrelenting action. And oh what action it is.
    4. Doctor Strange in The Multiverse of Madness (2022 - Sam Raimi)
      Disney/Marvel spends a great deal of money to make their movies a fantastic experience. But when it comes to their Atmos mixes for home video, they've been hit-or-miss... but mostly miss. You hear the film in the theater and it's great... then listen to it at home and it's kinda not. I guess the spatial audio is not a straight 1-to-1 conversion and requires work that Disney doesn't want to pay for. But it's been getting better since Avengers Infinity War & Endgame, and Multiverse of Madness is one of the best so far. The inter-dimensional jumping sounds very cool, but there's other more quiet moments with birds chirping and air moving that are just as nicely done... as it should be.
    5. Avengers: Infinity War & Endgame (2018/2019 - Anthony & Joe Russo)
      The movies themselves were among the best super-hero flicks to ever be released. Smart story-telling combined with amazing special effects. And sound. You can tell that some serious money was put into the Dolby Atmos positioning, because so many scenes were beautifully mixed. And that battle at the end is where it all comes to a head.
    6. Mission Impossible: Fallout (2018 - Christopher McQuarrie)
      It hadn't occurred to me to check out this movie until somebody in a Sonos forum recommended it. Very nice. There are scenes where the auditory positioning is meticulously crafted, but not in a way that sounds artificial. No easy feat.
    7. John Wick 2 (2017 - Chad Stahelski)
      Unlike the consistent spatial audio in John Wick: Chapter 3, the Atmos effects are a bit more hit-or-miss with the second chapter. The ones you get are brilliant... then they just... disappear. You'll get a few scenes where obvious height queues could have been used, but weren't. It's a shame, and I'm not sure why this is. Maybe budget? In any event, the sound design is still top-notch. It just could have been more.

    What surprised me most was the Atmos mixes I liked the least. I read over and over and over that my favorite movie of 2015, Mad Max: Fury Road had some of the best Atmos work to date. And yet... I was seriously underwhelmed by the overhead effects, which were so random as to be distracting (unlike John Wick 2 where you can forget about it). The height channel would pop up when it wasn't needed... then be missing when you'd expect them to be there. It's bizarre. But still an incredible movie. I just think it sounds better with a 5.1 mix.

    Which is rare.

    Most times, the Dolby Atmos mix is incredible... even when it's not consistent. And finally... finally... I can hear it in my home theater thanks to the Sonos Era 300's.

       

    Too Doons!

    Posted on Friday, April 7th, 2023

    Dave!I save a lot of stuff throughout the week, then choose the top six or seven items for that week's Bullet Sunday post. But with this one I just can't wait.

    I saw this video which shows how the book Dune compares to the movie Dune: Part One and was so frickin' impressed that I re-watched it on my television. I've read the book at least a dozen times... watched the movie a half-dozen... and this video flawlessly shows how smart choices have to be made when filming an "unfilmable" novel.

    Dune: Part One leaves a lot of stuff out, because you pretty much have to, but the stuff they jettisoned built a movie that honored the spirit of the original in a way that you could only dream of...

    So many movies fail... badly... by either keeping too much or keeping the wrong stuff... or making changes that ruin the story. Dune: Part One is an example of how you do it right, even though the video points out that some things get lost that changes how you perceive the story.

    But hopefully if people enjoyed the movie they'll read the book to get all that stuff back. The movie adaptation really doesn't change anything in a way that no longer makes sense when you experience the source material, which is exactly how you should do it.

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    Make Mine Marvelous!

    Posted on Tuesday, April 11th, 2023

    Dave!GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    We have to wait until NOVEMBER to get to see The Marvels, which is many months too long.

    Especially when you look at this incredible new trailer that just dropped...

    They came up with a great way to make this crossover happen, and Kamala Khan is adorable.

    But it's seven+ months away.

    Bummer.

    An even bigger bummer is that Disney is dictating that Marvel slow down its output. "Quality over Quantity." And yet... in my mind it's not the movies that are suffering. Granted, I haven't seen Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania yet, but there hasn't been many missteps (only Eternals comes to mind, because it was a bit of a mess... but it's also a fun watch). No, for me it's the television shows that aren't up to the quality they should be.

    But I haven't hated any of them.

    I thought WandaVision and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier were okay. Loki was good. Hawkeye was fantastic. Moon Knight was a disappointment. Ms. Marvel didn't live up to its potential. And I thought She-Hulk was good, but the ending leaned too hard into the whole fourth-wall-breaking stuff and short-changed the emotional stakes of the show.

    Of the upcoming shows... Secret Invasion looks fantastic. Loki will likely be good. Ironheart could be great... if the story is worth watching. Echo I don't care about... unless it is guest-star heavy. Agatha: Coven of Chaos will likely not be my cup of tea (although I will absolutely watch it). And then there's Daredevil: Born Again... holy crap am I excited for this series. Charlie Cox's Netflix show was amazing, and his guest spot in She-Hulk was as good as it gets. I love the idea that he might be a little more upbeat and fun rather than the never-ending gloom of the Netflix show. She-Hulk shows that he can be serious... but also fun and exciting to watch. I hope they give him an overwhelming villain to really show off his abilities.

    Marvel has done a great job bringing their comic book characters to live action. I seriously hope that their "stepping back" doesn't kill the momentum they've been building. Because we've got Secret Wars coming up, and that has such exciting possibilities that the potential for success is extremely high (assuming they really take advantage of what Secret Wars was and could be).

       

    FAQ About Missed Movies

    Posted on Thursday, April 13th, 2023

    Dave!I like to keep on top of cinema. I belong to a number of forums devoted to film... both foreign and domestic. I follow a bunch of movie news sites on social media. I pore through streaming sites to see what's been released that looks interesting to me for one reason or another.

    But every once in a while something comes along which takes me completely by surprise. It's a movie or TV show that I most definitely should have heard of, but didn't for some reason.

    And that pretty much sums up Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel...

    Movie Poster for FAQ About Time Travel!

    It's science fiction. It's British. It stars Chris O'Dowd and Anna Faris. It has an indy vibe. ANY of these factors mean that it should have crossed my radar, because all of these factors are things that I enjoy. And yet... here it was... just popping up on HBO like it's been there all along. AND IT'S FROM 2009?!?

    It has very mixed reviews. And I get it. This is not a big-budget time travel flick with a massive budget and simple story. It's more intimate and complex than that. But I loved it. Very smart and clever with good ideas and a phenomenal cast. And it's funny. Very happy to have happened across it when I brought up HBO Max tonight.

    After watching Frequent Questions About Time Travel, HBO recommended a film by Martin Scorsese that I have never heard of before... The Big Shave. And I thought "Well that's an odd title for a movie, I had better watch it!"

    THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DISTURBING THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN AND IT IS ONLY SIX MINUTES LONG! WTF?!? It's from 1967... and I am now traumatized. Apparently it is a commentary on the Vietnam War. And because trauma loves company, I found it on YouTube to share with y'all (they don't allow embedding, so you have to click this link).

    At first I was all "THIS is how Scorsese started filmmaking?!?" But then the more I thought about it, the more it makes perfect sense.

    And then I fell through a rabbit hole on this film, Googling everything I could find out about it.

    • Many film critics have interpreted the young man's process of self-mutilation as a metaphor for the self-destructive involvement of the United States in the Vietnam War, prompted by the film's alternative title... Viet '67.
    • The guy who starred in this short film, Peter Bernuth, has only this single credit in his IMDB profile. This is where his acting career began and ended.
    • He lived in Coral Gables, Fla., and was chairman of Bernuth-Lemboke, which imports and distributes wood preservatives and other chemicals from Europe. A native of Long Island, Peter moved the company to Miami in 1977. Peter came to Princeton from Hotchkiss School, majored in English with a thesis on the poetry of George Herker and was a member of the swimming and lacrosse teams and belonged to Ivy Club. In the early 1970s he was active in politics, running a congressional campaign for Ed Koch and then the New York office after Koch was elected. In Florida he was on the boards of his sons’ schools, St. Stephen’s Day School and Palmer Trinity.
    • He died in 1994 after fighting cancer for a year.
    • He was survived by his wife and three sons.
    • William Farmer remembers: I went to Europe with Peter the summer of “62. We got free passage to Tripoti on board a German freighter provided we would work on deck maintenance with the crew. Trip took 18 days and we loved the pattern of starting drinking beer around noon with the crew, all young guys, and playing cards or arguing into the night. We went to Spain together. Peter was an aficionado following in Hemingway’s footsteps. He arranged for us to attend major bullfighting ferias in several cities. One of Hemingway’s favorites, Ordonez, was still fighting, and we saw him in Malaga. We also found a free place to stay in nearby Torremolinos (before it bacame an international beach resort), in an abandoned house being readied for demolition as some kind of hotel. A bit of straw and a beach towel was all that was needed. Washups in the drug store bathroom (tip the woman attendant a couple of pesetas), or just go in the Mediterranean. Residents were a couple of English girls, a German guy and an American pre-hippy who taught us about the new thing called “pot.”

    Life is weird, in general. The internet is weird, specifically.

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    Batman Movies: RANKED

    Posted on Monday, April 17th, 2023

    Dave!It's no secret that Batman is my favorite comic book super-hero. Mainly because he's not "super" at all, but is instead a mere mortal with an amazing skill set that is able to hold his own with god-like beings. A good writer can make that interesting. A great writer can make that phenomenally entertaining.

    At his core, Batman is a detective. The best Batman stories utilize this in one way or another. When I first started reading comic books, there were two titles devoted to him... Batman and Detective Comics, the latter being more detective-oriented than just a guy dressed as a bat pummeling bad guys.

    Bringing the character to film has been a mixed bag over the years. Some efforts are good. Some efforts are very good. And a few are extraordinary.

    And here's how I rank them out...

    Batman!

    1. The Dark Knight - The best of the best of the best when it comes to cinematic Batman. Heath Ledger gave us the Joker we've always deserved, and I maintain that Bale's Batman works better than any other on the Big Screen.
    2. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm - The Batman animated series is some of the best Batman ever made. And Mask of the Phantasm is in my top ten out of all of it.
    3. Batman Begins - I don't know that The Scarecrow works as a big screen Batman villain, but Nolan's debut bat-movie certainly gave it the best shot possible. Though I'd argue that the Nolan Trilogy's MVP is Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, and that's particularly true in this film.
    4. The LEGO Batman Movie - Will Arnett delivers the cheesy that makes LEGO Batman work so well. But that would be useless without a good story, and this one had it.
    5. Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero — Like Mask of the Phantasm, the fact that this spun out from The Animated Series did not diminish my love of the movie one bit. Everything about the film was beautifully realized, and there are days that this is all the Batman I need.
    6. The Dark Knight Rises - This was an actual ending to the Nolan Trilogy, which surprised me given how it mostly closed the door on Christian Bale's character. That being said... Bane as the villian seemed like quite a stretch, but kudos to Tom Hardy for making him as memorable as possible.
    7. Batman - Probably one of the more important bat-movies made because it reinvented the character in a way that made him slightly more serious instead of the buffoonery we got with the television show. Keaton brought a psychological edge to Tim Burton's vision, while Jack Nicholson made Joker what he needed to be in order to be taken as a serious threat.
    8. Batman Returns - This wasn't a great sequel to Batman, but Michelle Pfeiffer and Danny DeVito just killed it as villains which took things next level and saved the movie.
    9. Batman: The Movie - Hey, the classic Adam West Batman was the only game in town for quite a long time... and "The Movie" was the ultimate finale to the first season of the show. While absurdly silly (Bat Shark Repellant?) it was a pretty good for what it was. And more respectful than any of the turds that dropped out of Zack Snyder's ass.
    10. Batman Forever - The Joel Schumacher movies betrayed absolutely everything that Tim Burton had carved out... but at least this one has Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones.
    11. The Batman - I do not for the life of me understand the critical acclaim for this shitty Batman movie. It is just awful in every possible sense... despite Robert Pattinson doing a decent job over a flawed script and Zoë Kravitz being a great Catwoman with a terrible story.
    12. Justice League (The Snyder Cut) - This was a shitty movie with a shity, stupid take on Batman that made me a little crazy because I knew there was no coming back from this disaster.
    13. Batman and Robin - I wouldn't have thought that Joel Schumacher could possibly crap out a worse movie than Zack Snyder... but here it is. Every last thing about this horrific mess was tragic, and it's unreal how much money they sunk into something this bad.
    14. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - First Zack Snyder turned in a truly dreadful Superman movie, and then he unleashed this pile of shit. It was a stupid concept plagued by a stupid story plagued by awful choices at every turn.
    15. Justice League (Theatrical Cut) - This is easily one of the worst super-hero films ever made. And then they had a bad movie turned into a worse movie by having Joss Whedon "joke it up" so it was more Avengers-like than the dark, dour, joyless, car-fest that Zack Snyder was intent on making. So bad. So very, very bad.
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    Quantumania Quibbles

    Posted on Thursday, April 20th, 2023

    Dave!As a huge, huge, massively huge fan of all the Marvel Studios films, I was understandably looking forward to Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania. The first two Ant-Man films were a blast, Scott Lang was fantastic in Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Endgame, and Paul Rudd can literally do no wrong in my eyes.

    It was finally released on home video, so I paid my $20 and tonight was the night...

    Movie Poster for Ant-Man and The Wasp Quantumania

    The movie was good. I was entertained. But it was a huge step down from the previous two movies in every way but one.

    First of all... the fun was gone. There were humorous bits, but everything was far more serious than what I was expecting, and not in a good way. I think that Marvel put the setup for their upcoming Avengers: The Kang Dynasty movie ahead of letting Ant-Man be Ant-Man. And I don't understand why. The only thing I can guess is that this was the only way Marvel would agree to make the movie, and they ultimately didn't care about making sure the tone of the film was Ant-Man driven. And that's a shame, because yeah... the movies aren't making a billion dollars at the box-office... but they do make money, so why not let them be who they are?

    Second of all, the Quantum Realm is 97% of the film, and Ant-Man (as created for the Marvel Cinematic Universe) works better in the Real World. The wacky, weird, bizarre, large stakes stuff can work when the character is surrounded by heroes able to make it work, but alone? Not so much.

    I love Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer but they kinda took over the movie. I like the idea of Stature (Cassie Lang) joining the MCU, but she kinda took over the movie too. There just wasn't enough Ant-Man and The Wasp Ant-Man and The Wasp, and that was a bummer for me.

    And now to that one thing that was better than the previous two... the villain.

    Jonathan Majors is so incredibly talented. Easily the best thing to come out of the film. His every scene is tangibly menacing... while still still being fairly subdued. That's not easy to achieve. This has me really, really excited for the direction that Phase 5 is taking since he's the new Thanos...

    It's Kang!

    BUT THEN Major's domestic abuse charges happened. The woman who filed them has recanted... and his lawyer says there is video evidence to clear him... but his talent agency dropped him and he's been evicted from upcoming movies, which leads me to believe that there's something to the charges after all. I guess we'll find out after his trial. Depending on what happens there, Disney may drop him from all the upcoming movies he was set to appear in, at which point I guess he would be recast. Which would be a darn shame for Kang... but it's not like you can't not cancel the actor if there's evidence he's an abuser.

    Ultimately, I'm not sure what this movie was supposed to achieve. I guess it was to introduce Kang, but Loki already did that. And the Kang that was introduced here didn't really tell you anything about Kang except he's a power-mad villain whose a very serious threat. And there are a lot of him coming down the pipe. But that could have been done in ten minutes in a more appropriate film. Devoting an entire Ant-Man movie to it was just way off base and a major misstep.

    So... it is what it is.

    But it could have been so much more.

       

    Bullet Sunday 803

    Posted on Sunday, April 23rd, 2023

    Dave!The weather can't make up its mind lately, but I'm not letting grey skies ruin my weekend... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Ghosty Mc Ghost Ghost! I was SO looking forward to Ghosted on Netflix. The film didn't disappoint. Ana de Armas is frickin amazing... and the fact that Chris Evans could play absolutely ANYTHING he wants, but chooses to play the damsel in distress in this movie just makes me love him all the more (he had already completely changed my mind about his career trajectory with Gifted, which I also loved)...

    Ghosted Poster.

    This is a great action flick, and the performances are everything you'd hope they'd be given how outrageous the story is. There's also some notable cameos to watch out for, if you're interested in giving it a shot.

       
    • Mrs. Davis Loves You! There's a new show on Peacock called Mrs. Davis. I'm loving it, but am having a hardtime putting into words why I'm loving it. Maybe the trailer will help?

    Jake McDorman (from Limitless) is in it, which doesn't hurt. Also in the series? A very cool edition of Bristish Knights shoes...

    Alas, you can't actually buy these, which seems like a hugely missed opportunity.

       
    • Edna! Comedian Barry Humphries died this past week. He is most known for playing a character which I obsessed over for the longest time...

    RIP Barry Humphries.

    In one of those sublime ironies, Humphries grew famous for a drag performance, but was a noted transphobe. I always looked at him differently after that. Fortunately most of the time I knew of Dame Edna was well before he outed himself as a bigot. But still...

       
    • S'more! I won't go so far as to say that I hated The Menu... but I came very close. It was a film based on manipulation and shock value which had no value. At least not to me. It also dragged on to the point of tedium once the plot had been revealed. This was a painful conclusion for me to draw, because I loved the cast and the performances were amazing. THAT BEING SAID... the end game was brilliant. From Anya Taylor-Joy's little monologue to Ralph Fiennes's response to Anya's last request to the final shot of the film. It's flawless and haunting. I have fast-forwarded the movie to the end to watch it at least six times. Including just now today...

    It makes me want to re-cut the movie down to a 15-20 minute short which is nothing but that which could have been a great flick.

       
    • Pricey Taco! I swear before the pandemic that I was able to walk into Taco Bell and get my usual Two Chalupa Supremes (substitute rice for beef), a side of Fiesta Potatoes, and a bottle of water for under $10. But now? SEVENTEEN FIFTY-SEVEN?!??

    WTF?!? And what's worse? NOBODY TAKES YOUR ORDER! YOU HAVE TO INPUT IT YOURSELF ON A BACTERIA-RIDDLED TOUCH-SCREEN! Good thing I travel with hand sanitizer!

       
    • Hey Siri! The fact that Siri has become so fucking useless for home automation shouldn't really surprise me, but it totally does. Lately when I ask Siri to play a song, all I get is "There's a problem with Apple Music." Ask to unlock the door... The front door is not responding (though I can unlock through the app just fine). Even turning on a frickin' light is hit-or-miss. And when you call Apple they don't know shit. About a music service I PAY them for. And HomeKit has always been useless, so I don't even bother to try and get support for that. And so... no idea what I'm going to do. Amazon and Google are pulling resources from their digital assistants, so I don't know if they'll even be around to switch to. Thank heavens I made sure that all my new devices are Matter compatible. Maybe some enterprising company (or individual) will come up with a localized voice assistant for Matter that I can buy to run locally. Then I get a small computer and some kind of Matter-compatible microphones and call it a day. Why is it that companies have failed so miserably with a technology that's supposed to be our future? It started out so promising... now this.

       
    • Taters! I bought a bag of luxury potatoes because I wanted to make potato salad this weekend. But when it came time to do it tonight... I looked at the bag... and thought "ZOMG! I WANT CRISPY-FRIED SPICY POTATOES FOR DINNERRRRR!!" I love them, but they take SO long to make properly. You have to cook them on low under a cover to get them softened. Then you have to add oil and fry at a higher temperature. Then you have to keep micro-dosing oil on them and turning not too early and not too long so they brown up nicely. Then you have to taste continuously so you can add just the right amount of freshly-ground black pepper, salt, harissa spice, cayenne, and Central Street blend. BUT OH SO WORTH IT! So crispy! So spicy! So hot!

    My potatoes dinner.

    Most restaurants won't put in the time and effort. But I'm patient and have very good flipping skills with a skillet.

       
    Now it's time to eat those beautiful taters.

       

    Bullet Sunday 804

    Posted on Sunday, April 30th, 2023

    Dave!Spring has sprung and the local orchards are killing me with allergies, but I am not dead yet... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Williams! John Williams is one of the... if not the... greatest movie composers of all time. A lot of people may debate this, but anybody who can take a pile of shit like Star Wars: The Phantom Menace and make it even a little tolerable has earned the honorific. Duel of the Fates is an incredible piece of music. CinemaStix does a shallow dive into "The Best Decision George Lucas Ever Made, and here it is...

    Williams was due to retire. But then we found out he was composing for the final Indiana Jones movie... Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny... and now it sounds like he has something cooking with Steven Spielberg too. Lucky us!

       
    • Wes! And speaking of Star Wars... these Wes Anderson parodies just keep getting better and better. My previous favorite was the parody of what an Anderson X-Men film would be like. But this is my new favorite...

    Wow. I would pay serious money to watch this film.

       
    • ROBOTS! There are movies that I am completely hooked on before the trailer even reaches the halfway mark. This is 1000% one of them. It looks hilarious...

    Since it's by HBO films, I'm guessing it will end up on "Max" eventually. We'll see if I can wait that long... or whether I'll be paying the on-demand price to see it before that.

       
    • Hate System! Former Republican Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger has long been speaking out against bigotry, and on Friday this CNN interview was posted...

    Say what you want about the guy but, in the grand scheme of things, he is a force for good in this world. We need more people like him.

       
    • Beautification! This video is not for everyone. But if you're an architecture nerd like me, it's a wonderful, wonderful deep dive into reversing a horrible trend of turning cities into prisons. It's long, but I watched it twice because it was so interesting to me...

    We need more of this happening in our cities. We need it.

       
    • Puppers! This past week I saw a flood of "reaction" videos from people talking about the latest video from Lewis Capaldi. People bawling their heads off. People breaking down completely. And I was like "Whatever!" because I'm not a very emotional person, and just dismissed the "overreaction" outright. But then I watched it...

    Then I was like "Yeah, I get it now." Humans and their antics may not often put a lump in my throat... but animals can do it quite easily. Couple the song with the video, and you can't be human and not react in some way to it.

       
    • Undiplomatic! The Diplomat (Netflix) was very good television. It's dense and smart without being boring. It spins its wheels a bit, but ultimately moves ahead at a good clip. It also has fantastic performances that make it all the better. BUT THEN THEY END IT ON A MASSIVE CLIFFHANGER. Not about some small aspect of the story... BUT THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE STORY. It's like the story was cut in two and you only get the first half. Which is just fine if you've already been renewed for a second season. But, so far as we know, no second season has been ordered. Which means that the writers of the show are hacks of the fucking worst kind. They're too lazy to complete a story and then come up with a big idea to open the second season... instead they drop a bombshell so that they can just continue with what they've already done. No need to figure out a way to forge forward in a new, exciting direction... just roll onward from where you've already been. And if you get canceled? You don't care! Fuck your audience!...

    I am so sick of this shit. IF YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOUR SHOW WILL CONTINUE, WRAP IT THE FUCK UP! STOP WITH THE UNWARRANTED CLIFFHANGERS YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT HACKS. This crap is fucking embarrassing, and I'm tired of it. — UPDATE! The show has been renewed for a second season. Which does nothing to stop my raging, because they could just keep doing this same shit each season until they're canceled and we're left hanging.

       
    If I'm still alive from allergies next Sunday, you know where to find me.

       

    DOON TWOOOOO!

    Posted on Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023

    Dave!Given how spectacular the Dune adaptation is... I was fully expecting that they would kill the followup film. Then, miracle of miracles, Warner Bros. gave Denis Villeneuve the green light for Part Two. I was elated. At the very least we'd be getting a full adaptation of the first book. And hopefully get some followups, because the story is just getting started.

    And today the trailer dropped.

    It's everything you'd hope it would be...

    And speaking of Dune...

    There's a new "behind the scenes" book being released about the first Dune movie.

    Yes, I'm going to buy this book.

    Hell yes.

    I will say it for the hundredth time... David Lynch's Dune was a great movie. Yes, I questioned some of the choices made. Yes, the special effects were limited by the technology of the day. But the fact he was forced to shove the entire book in one movie and have it turn out as amazing as it did is worthy of praise. Do I prefer the Villeneuve 2021/2023 adaptation? Yes. Does this diminish my appreciation for what Lynch was able to accomplish? It does not. I've watched it dozens of times and still love it.

       

    Bullet Sunday 807

    Posted on Sunday, May 28th, 2023

    Dave!Another week another Sunday ... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Cool! Michael Rosenbaum (who has one of my favorite podcasts) posted THIS to Facebook...

    So of course I had respond...

    Because The Thompson Twins are totally cool!

       
    • Modern Meta! I've read a lot about film. I love movies and am fascinated by how people deconstruct and analyze them to add depth to our understanding and appreciation of this artform. Thomas Flight is my hands-down favorite...

    He's so amazing at this kind of thing. If you love film, you need to check out his Youtube Channel.

       
    • Natively! I've read a lot of documentation about how people have been systematically excommunicated from society by having their cultures, practices, and languages outlawed. The USA has many such travesties. Like native Hawaiians having their hula outlawed... only to have it later coopted and turned into a tourist attraction. Fortunately there are Hawaiians who are attempting to respect and honor the hula so that it returns to its original purpose, but still what a legacy of destruction we have. Needless to say, Native Americans have been horribly treated by the country... despite giving and contributing so much. And American Sign Language? Oh yeah... another contribution. This is fascinating...

    It's important we know where we came from. And who came before us.

       
    • Life's a Drag! Remember when I wore this Halloween costume I made… in Florida?? Probably be arrested for it now....

    Dave and Mr. Flibble

    Florida is quickly becoming a fascist hellscape... and the rest of the country seems to be in danger of the same drama.

       
    • Avenger! These Wes Anderson parodies are getting out of hand...

    Just kidding. They're so good.

       
    • Barbie! The marketing for this movie is genius. "If you love Barbie, this movie is for you." — "If you hate Barbie, this movie is for you."

    Apparently the movie is for everybody!

       
    • MOM?!? The other day I fell down a Jimmy Fowlie rabbit hole, which lead me back to the first video I ever saw of his...

    LOL. Just as funny now as it always was.

       
    Well, good luck with all that.

       

    Bullet Sunday 810

    Posted on Sunday, June 18th, 2023

    Dave!Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there (including mine). It's a good day to celebrate it... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Extracting! The first Extraction movie was pretty good. I enjoyed it quite a lot. But the second one? Extraction 2? Holy cats! They like took everything from the first movie... which was already intense... and just ramped it right up past eleven. So good! In other news... I'm in love with Golshifteh Farahani now. I mean, I already fell for her by the end of the first movie... but now I'm like "I want to have your baby" level of in love. If Chris Hemsworth does, in fact, retire from acting... there is no reason what-so-ever that the franchise couldn't continue with Nik in the lead. Zero. She would be incredible...

    Golshifteh Farahani playing Nik on Extraction

    I'd watch a Nik-centric movie as a spin-off for dang sure. Please, Netflix, get on that ASAP. Just back up a big dump truck full of cash to Golshifteh Farahani's house and make it happen! A prequel with Ovi would be ever so good!

       
    • Misogyny Nation! Why does this country hate women? I mean it... they hate them. The USA despises women, considers them nothing more than breeding stock, and considers them an expendable resource when it comes to making more Americans...

    With each passing day I grow more and more disgusted in what we're becoming.

       
    • Blork! I love Mexican Street Corn. I order it any time it's on the menu. I'm addicted to Mexican Street Corn dip. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to see that Cheetos Mexican Street Corn dip flavor. But, alas...

    When I can't even bring myself to eat them at work... a place that I will eat anything just because it's there... you know they're bad. What a shame.

       
    • Fast Car! This is a surprisingly good cover. It takes a lot of balls to take on the original Tracy Chapman classic... but he nails it...

    And that's not something I say about a lot of covers out there.

       
    • Studio Idiocy! HEADLINE: Avatar 3 Pushed a Year to 2025, Two Star Wars Movies Head for 2026 and Avengers Films Delayed. Lord. If this keeps up, I'll be dead before half of them Marvel stuff I want to see are even released. This is truly making me not give a shit any more. Disney has stalled all momentum in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. They no longer build towards anything... they just putter around at random, and will then complain when all of us who have no more fucks to give don't turn up for the movies.

       
    • Good Beatings! I am not a violent person. I abhor violence. It's everything that's wrong in our world. That being said, it's a good thing that I'm not in charge of security at this museum...

    Even though the painting wasn't damaged, there's the possibility that it could have been. And for that alone these assholes deserve to have the ever-loving shit beat out of them. Who the fuck makes their point by being such fucking shit-heads? Makes me want to go out and do whatever I can to cause more climate change just to spite them.

       
    • Mateoooo! And now, because I really like you, I found out that Mateo Lane's new special if available on YouTube. But who knows for how long?

    Mateo is darn funny. And he's got a lot of good stuff on his YouTube Channel.

       
    Enjoy what remains of your Sunday, party people.

       

    Make Mine Old Marvel!

    Posted on Monday, June 19th, 2023

    Dave!The Marvel Cinematic Universe is unraveling, and it started with their Phase Four slate.

    I liked Black Widow quite a bit. It wasn't a perfect film, but it was good entertainment. I loved Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. It added a new layer to super-heroics and made things feel fresh. Eternals was a big convoluted mess of a film, but I grew to appreciate it after a couple more viewings. Had they just focused on a smaller set of the more interesting characters (and killed off Sprite in the opening five minutes) it could have been a really good flick. Spider-Man: No Way Home was fan service from start to finish, but it was darn good fan service and a step up from the previous Spider film. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness was just okay. It did Wanda dirty and kinda spun its wheels in ways that were tedious, but Doctor Strange is one of my favorite Marvel characters, so I made allowances. Thor: Love and Thunder got panned, but I actually liked it well enough. Yes, it went off-the-rails silly and Taika should have been reigned in, but it was still fun to watch. Then we get to the only movie in Phase Four that completely knocked it out of the park: Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. As impossible as it was to imagine a Black Panther movie without Black Panther, Ryan Coogler just completely nailed why we are invested in Wakanda and the characters who inhabit it.

    And then we got to Phase Five.

    Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania was a barely good movie that squandered the characters in a way that I don't understand at all. What made the first two so great is the fact that Ant-Man is a tiny hero in a big world is exploited for fantastic action, cool scenarios, and genuine laughs. By shoving him to "The Quantum Realm," every bit of that is lost. There's no scale for anything. Laughs are driven by just being weird instead of being funny. The action went wider in scope, which actually felt more confined. It was C+ entertainment that had me mad at the missed opportunity of a much, much better film.

    Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3 was a complete 180° (mostly in a good way, though it definitely had some major problems) and, when paired with Shang-Chi and Wakanda Forever, was what Phase Four should have been. Films which were orchestrated with, intent, purpose, and quality that made Phases One through Three the benchmark for comic book movies. But instead Marvel did was Marvel used to never do... make films which are only good because of their context within a bigger universe. They don't really stand on their own and aren't really all that entertaining on their own. Quantumania was a vehicle to introduce Kang, and they didn't care how they had to force the movie to go to do that.

    And don't get me started on the Marvel Shows for Disney+. With the sole exception of Hawkeye, which was better than many Marvel movies as of late, everything had its problems and is pretty forgettable to me. Secret Invasion starts Wednesday and looks promising. After that it's Loki 2 and, heaven help us, Echo. From there it's more static until Daredevil: Born Again arrives next year.

    I understand what Marvel/Disney was trying to do with their Disney+ shows... extend the franchise with stories which need more room than a movie or wouldn't work as a movie... provide content for the streaming service... and give people something Marvel to watch in-between the films. But most importantly, it introduced us to characters like Moon Knight, She-Hulk, and (soon to be) Wonder Man who can pop up in the next Big Thing: Secret Wars (now delayed until... 2026?!?).

    Industry pundits are saying that the decline in attention to Marvel's films is due to "super-hero fatigue." And while that's certainly a part of it... the simple fact is that Marvel isn't churning out as good as content as they used to. Which is a shame, because these are among my favorite films of all time.

    Fortunately I can always go back and revisit those incredible early flicks any time I want.

       

    Refrigerators of The Deep Desert

    Posted on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

    Dave!The trailer for Dune: Part Two dropped today.

    This may very well be the movie that I finally go crawling back to the theater to see. It would be the first in four and a half years.

    Because... holy cats...

    Today after work I put my living room back together. With all the mass-loaded vinyl, sound-dampening insulation, and vibration pipe clips in there, the sound of my HVAC return line is not nearly as annoying. When I have television or music on it's barely noticeable.

    This past weekend I cleaned out my refrigerator because I had another Coke can rupture. Not explode... just a slow leak kinda thing. No idea why this keeps happening. I guess that cans are so thin now that they just don't have any structural integrity?

    Ruptured Coke Can

    While I was at it, I consolidated my two cheese drawers into one big drawer...

    A drawer of cheese!

    That freed up a drawer that I can put all my nuts and dried fruits in...

    A drawer of fruits and nuts!

    Surprisingly, all my jams and sour creams were still within their expiration date...

    Jams, Jellies, and Sour Cream!

    All my condiments too...

    Condiments!

    And even all my salad dressings...

    Salad dressings!

    As if that wasn't awesome enough... my breads, pickles, eggs, and sodas were still good to boot...

    A clean refrigerator!

    All clean! Until next month when I have to start all over again.

    Or earlier than a month if another Coke leaks all over.

       

    Bullet Sunday 812

    Posted on Monday, July 3rd, 2023

    Dave!Yesterday I was busy getting burnt so your bullets are a day late... because an all new Bullet Sunday on Monday starts... now...

       
    • Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow! My favorite Star Trek has always been the original. None of the shows that followed come close. Until now. The third episode of Strange New Worlds is just one more brilliant feather in the show's cap...

    Even if you're not a Star Trek nerd... you'll want to tune in if you love good television.

       
    • Driven! I WAS NOT PREPARED!!

    Fabulous.

       
    • Pebbles! Holy crap...

    I'd like... preserve those in acrylic... or something.

       
    • New Pixar! Despite my having zero interest in Elemental, I am incredibly anxious to see the other upcoming Pizar flick...

       
    • Matlock! WHERE HAVE I BEEN? DID Y'ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS?!???

    Kathy Bates in a lawyer show? I will watch the hell out of this!

       
    • NEWSFLASH: Titan Sub Search Could Cost Taxpayers Millions. The gubermint should sell insurance to rich people looking for dangerous thrills to cover the cost of rescue/recovery missions. It should be required. I had to buy a huge policy when I went to Antarctica in case I had to be air-lifted back to South America... why do rich people have to pay nothing? If you can afford a quarter million to go see Titanic, you can afford another quarter million in insurance.

       
    • Dreams in Pink! Architectural Digest getting a tour of Barbie's Dream Home is what I need right now...

    How somebody at AD thought to do this is pretty great.

       
    Have a nice day at work tomorrow, England!

       

    Bullet Sunday 813

    Posted on Sunday, July 9th, 2023

    Dave!The holiday week is over, but don't think it's over yet... because an all new Very Special YouTube Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Diner! I am addicted to the Architectural Digest YouTube channel. There's a great assortment of videos, and if you're an archtecture nerd, it's terrific time sink. An interesting one is about diner archtecture and how it has influenced other structures... like the Space Needle...

    And that's Americana for you.

       
    • Space! Seattle is home to quite a few famous places, but the most iconic is the Space Needle. As a kid, I was kind of abssessed with it. Built for the 1962 world's Fair, it instantly became the symbol of the city. It had a massive renovation in 2017 that essentially gutted it and added glass floors and panels so that it fit into modern tourist attraction trends. This video is an excellent overview over how it all works...

    A few notes...

    • The structure originally had a revolving restaurant called "Sky City" (formerly "Eye of the Needle"). As a kid, I got to visit the Space Needle once on a school field trip and a couple time with my family. Since the restaurant was a "fine dining" establishment, it was too expensive for us to eat at. Eventually I did get to eat there on a date while on a work trip during my gap year. While the revolving restaurant itself was pretty cool, the food was overpriced and underwhelming. You were paying for the experience, not the meal.
    • Even so, the restaurant was a worthy bucket-list event. Which is why it's sad that it was replaced with an adults-only cocktail lounge in the 2017 renovation. Had they just adjusted the menu to be good elevated-basic fare instead of crappy fancy, it would have been an amazing family dining experience the whole family could enjoy, even if it was still expensive. But there's more money to be made from slinging alcohol, so here we are. I often wonder if somebody has puked all over the glass walls and floors yet.
    • Not to crap over the 2017 renovation entirely... the glass installations are incredible. A vast improvement over what was there previously.
    • Interesting to note how the "Skyline Event Center" at the 100-foot level of the Space Needle is so often treated as if it's always been there. It hasn't. It was added in 1982. And it kinda bummed me out because the structure looked so much more elegant and cool without that big block between its legs. The excuse for adding it was that it was "in the original plans." But I don't know this is true. The plans I saw had two additional open-air observation decks... not a massive brick that changed the look of the profile. I wish they would just remove it. As an event space it has limited appeal anyway.
    • Because I often meet up with visiting friends in Seattle, I've been up the Space Needle a ridiculous number of times. Between it and The Pike Place Market, that's what everybody knows about Seattle, so that's what everybody wants to do. I don't have a count, but it is surely 25 times minimum.

       
    • Talent! Now this is somebody with skills..

    .

    It's amazing how people can do this kind of impossible stuff.

       
    • LEGO! The best thing about The LEGO Movie is that it looked like LEGO. It was frickin' brilliant eye candy. And this is how they got there...

    I've watched and re-watched The LEGO Movie just because I love how it moved. I skip the end, which is phenomenally stupid, but everything up to then is amazing. Fortunately The LEGO Batman Movie is brilliant from start to finish, so I watch every frame.

       
    • Make Mine Marvel? Alrighty then. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 has a lot of things to like, but it's also one of the most sadistic fucking movies I've ever seen. The amount of torture and death is just inexcusable for an escapist super-hero fun comic book movie...

    I don't understand the heavy amount of praise this movie has been getting given how utterly horrific it is. WTF?

       
    • JUSTIIIIIICE! JUSTICE! JUSTICE FOR BUZZY! — This is wild. I remember a story at the time about a guy stealing stuff from Walt Disney World, but don't recall ever hearing what happened. The story is nuts...

       
    • Thrown! A video pops up and now I'm mad all over again at the shitty fucking ending of Game of Thrones. Two arrogant assholes took the paycheck to rush the show to a truly awful conclusion instead of handing it off to somebody who gives a shit. All so they could move on to projects which never happened thanks to their horrific mishandling of the show that made them famous...

    And then there's the fact that one of them is a shitty fucking writer and the other one has no experience. The only thing they're moderately good at is adapting other people's writing (and we know what happened when they ran out of books for Game of Thrones)...

    I am MORTIFIED that they will be show runners and writers for 3 Body Problem over at Netflix. I have no fucking clue how they were ever hired by anybody ever again after the way they completely trashed Thrones.

       
    Now back to my overcast Sunday.

       

    TRAILER TIME! Can’t Touch This!

    Posted on Thursday, July 13th, 2023

    Dave!SO MANY TRAILERS ARE BEING UNLEASHED!

    As somebody who loves movies, I'm pretty thrilled... although more and more I'm happy to wait for them to stream somewhere than to go see them in a theater with =shudder= people. I'm more excited about the trailers for television shows.

    So let's take a look, shall we?

    First up? Blue Beetle! GRADE: D

    Are you frickin' kidding me? This looks like complete shit! So many of these movies are serving up boring-ass crap like "MY POWER COMES FROM THE LOVE OF MY FAMILY!" and other bullshit that doesn't make for a good movie when it's used as a substitute for something... ANYTHING... that's actually interesting.

    Is DC telling James Gunn to say great things about movies like The Flash and declare Blue Beetle "The First Hero of the New DCU (even though he's not in the DCU)"... whatever the hell that means... in order to bump ticket sales for their failed universe? All it actually does is blow his credibility. Just let the guy focus on what he does best. Like add Metamorpho to his Superman movie? That's the James Gunniest thing that could have happened! Although I'm pretty sure that super-hero movies will be officially dead any minute now. Between the utter shit that came out of DC and mediocre crap out of Marvel, nobody wants this.

       
    Next up? Ahsoka! GRADE: A

    Genius. The third season of The Mandalorian faltered a bit, but was still good television. Boba Fett was deeply flawed because all the good moments were in service of The Mandalorian but, again, good television. Obi-Wan had several major plot holes and some inexplicably stupid choices but, once again, I was entertained. Star Wars on Disney+ has been killing it. Which is why I am very excited for Ahsoka. It looks amazing.

       
    And then? Wonka! GRADE: B

    Now, see, this is where a trailer can work for a film. Because when I heard they were making a Willy Wonka prequel starring Timothée Chalamet, I had less than zero plans on watching it. But now? I will definitely tune in when it his whatever streaming service gets it. Especially with Hugh Grant as an Oompa Loompa! Looks like it will have some entertainment value going on, which is about all you can ask for now-a-days.

       
    And then? Twisted Metal! GRADE: B+

    I played a lot of Twisted Metal back in the day. It was a depraved video game that didn't quite cross into gross absurdity. The trailer implies that they just went for balls-out fun from start to finish, and it totally works for me. Ah nostalgia. Definitely tuning into Peacock for this one.

       
    And then? Rebel Moon! GRADE: D-

    Despite the fact that Zack Snyder creates awful movies that I absolutely loathe, I keep giving him a chance to do something I'll like because I still think that he did a good job on 300 and did a half-way decent job on Watchmen (until he fucked up the ending). I don't quite know what to do about Rebel Moon. The concept sounds good. But this trailer is dog shit. A bunch of cut-to-black moments and obscured action that tells you nothing about the movie. Who the fuck thought this was a good intro to the film? Probably Zack Snyder.

       
    And then? Napoleon! GRADE: B

    Look, I'm going to watch whatever Ridley Scott gives us. Period. No, it doesn't always pay off but, if nothing else, it's guaranteed to be pretty to look at. And if he finds the right story? Sky's the limit. This movie looks well-cast, and I'm genuinely interested in seeing what Ridley manages to do with the material. Because, once again, just look at how gorgeous it is! Nobody does visuals like Ridley Scott.

       
    And then? The Retirement Plan! GRADE: A

    It's Nicholas Cage. What else do you want? Looks fantastic. And hilarious.

       
    And then? Corner Office! GRADE: B

    Say what you want about Jon Hamm's choice of roles, which is not always that great... but he always delivers. This movie looks surreal and intriguing. Which is the perfect genre for Hamm to inhabit. Though I really, really, hope we get another Fletch out of him sometimes soon.

       
    Until more trailers start triggering, I guess that's all I got.

       

    Entertainment, Not Evil

    Posted on Friday, July 14th, 2023

    Dave!And now SAG-AFTRA (actor's union) has joined the WGA (writer's union) and gone on strike.

    Contract negotiations have always seemed like a big puzzle to me. But not a difficult one. Actors and writers are saying that they're being exploited (which they are, especially as AI tech advances) while studios are saying that the new streaming business model has drastically cut into the money they're raking in (which is likely true).

    Studios put up the money to get stuff made. Sometimes it's successful (read: profitable) and sometimes it's not (read: loses them money). The success of some shows and movies offsets the losses from other shows and movies. Studio executives try and balance this out favorably so they can return a profit. If they don't turn a profit, then they don't have the money to take a chance on new shows and movies.

    So, realistically, writers and actors want the studios to make money. That's how they will continue to find work. Not that there aren't writers or actors who would gladly screw over other writers and actors or the studios so they get more money... of course there are... I'm just saying that, in general, it is in their best interest to want the studios to turn a profit.

    But they don't want to be exploited while doing it.

    And studios, honestly, shouldn't want that either. No sane person wants to make money via exploitation. Anybody who does is evil and has no business being in control of a company.

    And therein lies the problem. There are people in these studios who are, to put it mildly, evil. They don't give a shit how they make a buck, and if it takes fucking over the people who create the product they put out, they're going to do that. Scripts written via AI so you don't have to pay creators and writers? Do it! Actors forced to sign over their likeness so you can fire them and continue to have them in your product? Do it! If they can fuck over creative people for a buck, they will 1000% do that and think nothing of it so long as they keep making money.

    Which is why this isn't really about the studios or the talent behind the studios.

    It's about us consumers.

    Will we support studios who think nothing about their writers and actors and have zero problem exploiting their talent for a buck while not giving a fuck who they're screwing over? I sure as hell hope not. I, for one, would never support a show where the writers and actors aren't fairly compensated for their work and have no security from the work and services they provide. Fuck that. I can very easily cancel all my streaming services with zero regrets. And that's exactly what I'll do if it comes down to it.

    This is a strike with two sides that's going to take understanding from everybody involved. And it's largely going to fall on the studios to do the right thing. Because so many of the rank-and-file writers and actors want nothing more than to be able to make a living doing the work they love. But when writers have to live in fear of being cut loose after creating something so their ideas and hard work can be turned over to a computer... or actors have to worry they will be cut loose so computer-generated actors can exploit their likeness... well... that doesn't seem very fair, does it? Just listen to this horrendous crap that was revealed at the press conference...

    "They proposed that our background performers should be able to be scanned, get one day’s pay, and their company should own that scan, their image, their likeness and should be able to use it for the rest of eternity, in any project they want with no consent and with no compensation."

    There's a lot of room to create a system where studios can make a profit while treating the talented people that work for them fairly. But it will involve transparency. It will involve not being evil.

    And, as much as I would miss the television and movies I love so much, I am more than willing to give it all up to make sure that the system which provides it is a fair one.

       

    The Marvelous Marvels of Marvel

    Posted on Friday, July 21st, 2023

    Dave!The official trailer just dropped for The Marvels at Comic Con... which looks much like the initial "teaser trailer" we've already seen.

    But before we get to that...

    The rumors circulating around this movie are pretty crazy. It had already had a round of reshoots before the first test screening, which is normal. But apparently the test audience reaction was so horrifically bad that they decided to do more reshoots because people felt the tone of the film was way too over-the-top goofy. And, if that's the case, then thank heavens. I can't stand it when bad writing ends up being "goofy" because the writers don't understand "humor." Suffering through films that are so groan-inducing awful like that is what hell must be like (see: both cuts of Justice League).

    But anyway, here's the trailer...

    Now, to me, that just looks like a fun super-hero action flick. And while there are goofy moments (LOVE YOU, GOOSE!) it's not over-the-top. Hopefully this is what the tone of the final movie will be, because I think I'll really like it.

    When I wade into the toxic cesspool that is the internet, there's a lot of hot takes on the film.

    Mostly centered around people's "hatred" of Brie Larson.

    Which takes me back to the first Captain Marvel film, where fanboys were unloading on Brie and review-bombing the film... apparently because they hate the idea of a female-led Marvel movie. In the comics the first Captain Marvel was a Kree male named Mar-Vell. Eventually his mantel was passed to Carol Danvers, which makes the MCU version comic-book faithful in every way except her origin (which I thought was better in the movie than the comics). The fact that Mar-Vell ended up being a Kree scientist played by Annette Benning (a character I loved) along with Brie Larson hate made it seem like the movie would be a financial disaster.

    Captain Marvel went on to make 1.3 billion dollars despite it all.

    Anyway. I don't really follow Hollywood, but apparently Brie Larson has said a lot of controversial shit. Like advocating for a more diverse population of film critics because there's an awful lot of 40-year-old white men trashing films that were not made for them. Now, personally I think this is bullshit. A professional critic is able to keep in mind the audience while reviewing a film... that's the job. But realistically? Yeah, Brie Larson is 100% on-point. There will alway be material in a film that a 40-year-old white man can't relate to and this will taint their feelings on the film. In that respect, I would absolutely love to see more diversity in the film critic profession. I love looking at the world (and movies!) from other perspectives. Makes me appreciate people more because diversity is good. So, sure, points to Brie. But come on. She could have phrased that without attacking people. A simple "I would sure like to see more diversity in movie critics so that more viewpoints are out there" would have been a far better way to make your point.

    And it goes on and on. The most common critique is that "Brie Larson is unlikeable." And that's fine. If the things she says bothers you so much that you find her unlikeable... you be you and own your feelings. But I have to wonder how much of her "unlikeability" comes from being an outspoken woman. Personally, I think she's perfectly nice in all the interviews I've seen. Abrasive at times, sure, but that's a huge part of my personality, so who am I to judge? Who is anybody? A lot of the drama around Brie seems to be taking small moments (like Don Cheadle grimacing when Brie Larson gave him a friendly ribbing) and exploding them. And even when people shoot that down (Don Cheadle tweeted they were all good), the drama lives on.

    Plus... she's friends with Samuel L. Jackson and has the guy on speed-dial, which carries a lot of weight on my opinion because I don't think that Samuel L. Jackson is the type of man who would put up with bullshit from assholes.

    Anyway, I guess this is just my long, drawn-out way of saying "I like the MCU Captain Marvel, love Brie Larson's take on her, loved her first movie, LOVE LOVE LOVED her in Avengers: Endgame, like the look of the new trailer, and am looking forward to The Marvels." I hope it doesn't disappoint. The first one sure didn't.

    And yes, I fully believe that The Scarlet Witch and Captain Marvel are the two most powerful characters in the MCU, so I guess our toxic, misogynistic society can spend their time hating me as well.

       

    Bullet Sunday 815

    Posted on Sunday, July 23rd, 2023

    Dave!It's another scorcher out there today, but never you fear about my melting... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Strange Decks! There is now no question what-so-ever that Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is my favorite Trek. It has eclipsed The Original Series, as I knew it would. And this latest episode (dropping early in honor of ComicCon!)... which is a mind-blowing crossover with the comedic ANIMATED show, Star Trek: Lower Decks... is beyond genius. They brought voice actors Tawny Newsome and Jack Quaid into Real Life and the transition is seamless. They are very much the same characters, just no longer animated...

    Animated Lower Decks.

    Unanimated Lower Decks.

    Real vs. Real Star Trek.

    Now, they could have easily did this as a throw-away episode. Or dismissed it as a dream. Or any number of things which would have kneecapped it into irrelevance. But it was well-thought-out and completely serious while honoring the tone and characters of their respective shows. It's borderline thrilling how Strange New Worlds keeps one-upping themselves episode after episode. AND THAT ENDING! Brilliant Trek. Brilliant television.

       
    • American Heartland! In a shocking announcement, a new $2 BILLION theme park is being built in Tulsa. Called "American Heartland" this seems like a carbon copy of "Disney's America," a theme park outside of Washington, D.C. that was never built which is based around Americana...

    Now, I think this is a cool idea. Definitely. But Oklahoma?!? And not Southern Oklahoma which is close to Texas and might have a longer operating season... Northeast Oklahoma, which likely has fairly mild winters, but not California/Florida mild. And it seems primed for failure given that the biggest city (Oklahoma City, 2-1/2 hours away) has under 700,000 people. The nearest actual major city is Dallas or St. Louis, but they're a five hour drive. Which begs the question... why not just put it near Dallas or St. Louis? They at least have a big population and a major airport there! But still... they are promoting a laundry list of experienced Disney/Universal attraction designers, so there's that. I'd like to see it, of course. But it seems as though this is going to go the way of "Disney's America" and won't be built.

       
    • Seek Discomfort! one of my long-time favorite YouTube channels is Yes Theory which is a group of people doing extraordinary things via travel and adventure by stepping out of their comfort zone. It's a channel I binge for a while, then leave for a while, because while it's beautiful to behold... it's also emotionally overwhelming. We're so inundated with reasons to feel cynical that watching the opposite of that for too long can be tough. And a couple of their latest videos are pretty darn special...

    If you're a longtime fan of the channel, that surprise guest in France was almost too much to take.

    How amazing is that?

       
    • 'MURICA AI! This Buzzfeed article is nuts: I Asked AI What Europeans Think Americans From Every Single State Look Like, And The Results Are Just Plain Mean. Mean? Maybe. But some of them are scary accurate. Go ahead and click through. I dare you.

       
    • Rescued! Miracles happen. What an incredible story...

    Is it wrong that the entire time watching the video I'm screaming "BUT HOW IS THE DOG DOING?!?

       
    • Ketchup> Hallmark Channel's "June Weddings" event is over... but I went back to watch the first half hour of The Wedding Contract because I wasn't paying much attention until the end when I watched it last month. What's REALLY NICE is that Hallmark is putting a little diversity over the same old story... they had an Indian wedding, and this is a Jewish wedding (seriously... she's baking a challah for Shabbat dinner!). But the best part is how it takes place in Chicago... but not really. It's shot in Vancouver. BUT IT'S TOTALLY CHICAGO BECAUSE SHE'S SITTING ON A PARK BENCH WITH A SLICE OF DEEP DISH PIZZA NEXT TO HER! BWAH HA HA HAAA! But wait, there's more! They get a coffee at cart called Chicago's Finest Hot Dogs and... what's that on the cart there?

    THERE'S A BOTTLE OF KETCHUP ON THE CART! BWAH HA HA HA HAAAAAAA! HA HA HAAAAAA!!! Clearly the set decorator has never been to Chicago. That ketchup would be hidden and provided (RELUCTANTLY) by request only. Ketchup on a hot dog in Chicago... BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA =gasp= HA HAAAA!!! People have died for less!

       
    • POD PEOPLE! I really, really want to see this...

    Looks interesting. Looks different. Has great lead actors. Why not?

       
    Hope you're having a cooler Sunday than I am!

       

    Pee-Wee’s Playhouse Forever

    Posted on Monday, July 31st, 2023

    Dave!Paul Reubens has died.

    I am a massive, massive fan. I was in college when Pee-Wee's Playhouse debuted, and somebody had recorded a bunch of episodes and played them on the big screen in the lounge. It was incredible. Despite being a show for kids, there was a lot of material for adults to latch onto as well. Pee-Wee's show was fun, smart, imaginative, diverse, brilliant television. Exactly the kind of thing kids should be watching.

    But Paul Reubens was more than Pee-Wee. He has the absolute best death scene in the history of cinema from Buffy The Vampire Slayer (here's a link in case YouTube is being a dick)...

    But it was Pee-Wee that made him (rightfully) famous, and I've had him make an appearance on Blogography more than once. Like this one from 2011, long before "President Trump" was unleashed on the world...

    Hey Boys & Girls, My name is Pee-Wee Dave, welcome to the Pee-Wee Dave Show!

       

    Look! It's Bad Monkey with today's Magic Word: LIAR!

       

    Every time somebody hows up and starts telling lies, EVERYBODY YELL AS LOUD AS YOU CAN!

       

    Hey everybody! It's Donald Trump!

       

    Donald Says: President Obama's grandmother in Kenya said he was born in Kenya and she was there and witnessed the birth. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
       
    PolitiFact says... FALSE!

       

    Donald Says: The people that went to school with Barack Obama, they never saw him. They don't know who he is. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
       
    PolitiFact says... PANTS ON FIRE!

       

    Donald Says: President Obama has spent over $2 million in legal fees defending lawsuits about his birth certificate. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! border=
       
    PolitiFact says... FALSE!

    Needless to say, this DaveToon is more relevant today than it ever was.

    As is Pee-Wee Herman...

    Godspeed, Paul Reubens. You will be very much missed.

       

    Bullet Sunday 817

    Posted on Sunday, August 6th, 2023

    Dave!Don't worry about there being only one month of Summer left because there's bullets 52 times a year and... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Opponent! The only way this could more accurately describe American politics would be if they asked "WHAT DO YOU HATE?" and the politician answered "MY OPPONENT!" or even "WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU TO HATE!"...

    Oh how I love Berkeley Mews. Though not all of the posts there are negative. Take this one, for example...

    For more wackiness, see Ben's Berkeley Mews site.

       
    • Stargirl! It took a total pass on Stargirl because the whole "Arrowverse" of DC Comics shows turned into a suckfest of boredom. Earlier this week I had the first episode pop up and watched it because there was nothing more interesting going on. Turns out it is fantastic. This isn't just "Stargirl"... it's the entire Justice Society of America being reborn from the ashes of the old one...

    I am only half-way through the first season, but watching everything come together is one of the better super-hero comic book shows I've seen. A pity that the rest of the awful Arrowverse shows were tied to Stargirl like a boat anchor and sunk the show.

       
    • Cat Walk! I've watched this entirely too many times and cannot fathom how this is not CGI (here's a link in case Instagram is being a dick)...

    The fact that the first two fell off when the third one jumped on is some kind of talent.

       
    • Just Ken! To think there was a time that I actively avoided Ryan Gosling projects. I remember him mainly being in sports movies and such before he appeared in his breakout role in The Notebook (a movie I still haven't seen). Then in 2016 I saw his incredible performance in The Nice Guys and was an immediate fan. I went back through his movies and found out just how talented he is. Then he was in Blade Runner 2049 and I was a fan for life. Now he's Ken in the Barbie movie, which seems an odd choice, but seeing videos like this makes me think that he probably killed it...

    Gosling's next film is The Fall Guy with Emily Blunt. Cannot wait to see what that's about.

       
    • Sharing is Caring! They've come a long time since Love is sharing a password...
    Netflix: DON'T SHARE YOUR PASSWORD! EVERYBODY HAS TO PAY FOR A SEPARATE ACCOUNT! LOVE ISN'T SHARING A PASSWORD, IT'S YOU GIVING US MORE MONEY!
    Also Netflix: We are going to force you to select a user profile every FUCKING time you use our service... even if you only have one profile!
    God. Just fuck off and make up your damn minds. Or at least stop forcing me to choose my only profile every time I start up your shitty streaming service. I regret never sharing my password.

       
    • SHAT! William Shatner is NINETY-TWO YEARS OLD! And don't mistake the satellite delay of him hearing the question as him not understanding the question in this video. The guy is sharp as a tack!

    The only comment I have is that maybe the visiting aliens have a "Prime Directive" which, like in Star Trek, means that they can't interfere with the natural development of earthlings. And that's why they are hiding?

       
    • Invasion Secret! I had such high hopes for Marvel Studio's Secret Invasion, but it ended up being a total dud. Whereas the original comic book story was an epic event where a ridiculous number of heroes had been replaced by Skrulls... the Disney+ adaptation had... one? And it was kinda a nerfed one, because they never had the hero even use their super-powers at all. Add to that some totally unnecessary and non-eventful deaths of beloved characters... and a resolution so sloppy that had me wondering why they even bothered with this waste of Samuel L. Jackson's talents... and I wondered what in hell Kevin Feige was smoking to greenlit it. Maybe it's for the best that Disney+ is reducing their output of Marvel stuff. Because with the exception of Hawkeye, which I loved, none of it has been worthy.

       
    And now I'm off to comfort my cats, who are cowering under .

       

    It’s The Pop of Death That Kills You

    Posted on Wednesday, August 16th, 2023

    Dave!NEWSFLASH @ Ars Technica: Sonos has been unable to fix Arc soundbars’ “pop of death” for over 2 years.

    Ever since the technology became available for home theaters, I've wanted Dolby Atmos, the specialized sound system which adds a "height" channel to your surround sound setup. So that when you are watching John Wick and it's raining overhead... or a bullet goes flying above you... you hear it happening. It's a very cool effect (when done properly) that adds to the experience of watching movies and television... or listening to Atmos music.

    I have been investing in a Sonos speak setup, which has been a pretty good solution for home audio. It's wireless so you don't have to run speaker cables, and you can group some (or all) of your speakers so that your audio is playing everywhere you have a Sonos speaker.

    At first I had a Sonos PlayBar. It was an amazing soundbar for under your television. Sure, the separation between Left/Center/Right channels wasn't the best, but it was a darn good effort that I enjoyed for years.

    Then Sonos released their Arc soundbar which added the afore-mentioned Dolby Atmos.

    I waited for the reviews, heard good things, and bought one.

    Then I went to crazy trouble to install it in my living room.

    It was okay. The Dolby Atmos height channel was incredibly weak (even when set at full volume) and I don't think the quality was quite up to the standards of the PlayBar, but I was pretty happy with it overall.

    Then Sonos released the Era 300, which also had the Dolby Atmos height channel for your rear speakers. This was a far, far better implementation of the Atmos effect, and I was very happy to have purchased them.

    Until I wasn't.

    One day while watching a movie I heard a massive POP sound and my Arc soundbar went dead. I thought it had died a horrible death... but unplugging it and plugging it back in did the trick. Until I experienced the POP again. And again. And again. And again! Apparently once it happens, it will continue to happen forever.

    Sonos's solution is to turn off CRC (which turns on your television when your AppleTV turns on), which didn't work for me. Their next "solution?" Turn off Dolby Atmos. Yes, you read that right, turn off Dolby Atmos.

    Now, If Sonos gave any shits at all, they would simply have one of their many users who are experiencing this POP OF DEATH problem send in their AppleTV 4K Gen 3 and Xbox, their television, their cables, and their Arc soundbar (after sending them replacement shit). Then they would have a complete system where they could CONSISTENTLY REPRODUCE THIS PROBLEM. But nope. They'd rather say "Oooh... we can't reproduce the problem!" and do NOTHING. — Every fucking time I've contacted Sonos support, they just tell me to turn off Dolby Atmos, WHICH IS THE ENTIRE FUCKING REASON I BOUGHT THE ARC IN THE FIRST PLACE! More and more I regret getting in bed with a company that doesn't give a shit about shipping a faulty product, and has been promising a fix for OVER TWO YEARS that never comes. Get a system that doesn't work.

    I don't care if Sonos comes up with a special cable that filters out the problem... or sends out a firmware update... or offers to replace whatever component they can't work out with something that does... or whatever... so long as they actually come up with a fucking solution that doesn't involve turning off Atmos!

    This is not fucking rocket science.

    NASA could build a rocket in this amount of time.

       

    A Vacation to Asteroid City

    Posted on Friday, August 18th, 2023

    Dave!Wes Anderson's Asteroid City started streaming on Peacock, and it went beyond my lofty expectations.

    Right now it's my favorite film of his after The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. In time, once the newness wears off, The Grand Budapest Hotel and The Royal Tenenbaums might eclipse it because they're just such incredible films, but for now... I'm thrilled with this gorgeous spectacle...

    And so here's my ranking of all eleven Wes Anderson films...

    1. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. It's weird to me how this movie doesn't top everybody's list as their favorite Anderson film. It's wildly imaginative, beautiful, poignant, and has some of the best performances ever coaxed out of his usual stable of exceptionally talented actors.
    2. Astroid City You'd think that his visual style and quirky dialogue would have diminishing returns, but Anderson's latest flick proves that's not even remotely true. Not only is it a gorgeous visual feast, it's unique and interesting in all the best ways. Plus what might be the greatest role of Jeff Goldblum's career (despite it lasting mere seconds).
    3. The Grand Budapest Hotel. This is, in so many ways, Peak Wes Anderson. It's when he was able to fully realize his characterization not just for individual characters, but how they work within the framework of the full cast.
    4. The Royal Tenenbaums. Rarely does an Anderson film fall upon a single actor to achieve greatness. Indeed, the actors he works with are all vastly talented and his films can lean on absolutely any of them at any time. But Gene Hackman is the character around which every other character revolves, and his brilliance is critical to why this film works so very well.
    5. Moonrise Kingdom. Stories of first love are a dime a dozen. But rarely are you treated to a story in this genre which is as visually appealing as this. As a bonus, this is probably the last great movie with Bruce Willis (an argument could be made for Looper which came out the same year). Quite a statement considering he made 50-some-odd movies after this one.
    6. Fantastic Mr. Fox. A Roald Dahl book seems like a natural for Anderson. But nothing could prepare you for just how genius his take on the material would be. The animation style is both rough-hewn-hand-crafted and meticulously-realized-crafted at the same time... with the movement of the fur adding as much to the characters as the flawless voice talent.
    7. Rushmore. You'd be forgiven to think that this is Anderson's fifth or sixth film after Bottle Rocket because it has a much more mature sensibility, But nope! It's his sophomore effort, which just goes to show that his brilliance as a filmmaker came very, very quickly. Jason Schwartman would end up being the gift that just keeps giving, and this was where he got his start. Not just with Anderson, but with acting as a whole.
    8. The French Dispatch. I'm just going to say it... I don't think this film really works. It's three separate stories woven together in a way that's not as smart or clever as I would have expected coming from Anderson. That being said, as a love-letter to journalism realized by actors at the top of their game, and that's not nothing.
    9. Isle of Dogs. This should have been a home-run. It's animated wonderfully. It's a great story idea. The visuals are incredible. But the fact that Wes Anderson decided to use the White Savior Trope in the most unforgivable and unnecessary way possible is just awful. It's a glaring problem in an otherwise good movie.
    10. The Darjeeling Limited. If this were an early film in Anderson's oeuvre, I'd likely rank it higher. But this follows The Royal Tenenbaums AND The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, which makes the whole ordeal inexplicable. It's stylized well enough, but it's painfully obvious in execution, has some racial stereotypes that are not cool at all, and it's painful to watch because the characters veer into tedium and new levels of annoying. This is not to say that I don't like the film... I do... it's just that it makes no sense why it's not so much better than this.
    11. Bottle Rocket. Right out of the gate Wes Anderson showed a unique style and sense of humor. But it all needed some work. The film had a meandering to it that would undoubtedly be tightened up if he were making it today.
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    Bullet Sunday 819

    Posted on Sunday, August 20th, 2023

    Dave!It's the day before I get so buried in work that I won't have time to blog, but you're in good hands today... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Omens! I finally got around to watching Good Omens 2 and liked it well enough... though it's a bit of a letdown after the incredible first season. It could very well be that the first season was so amazing that there was nowhere to go but down. But still... it didn't seem to hang together as beautifully as the original story. If you want to save yourself some time, here's a wrap-up of every episode of the series...

    I may have laughed a little too hard at that.

       
    • Asteroid Flight! I am convinced that one of the most important voices in film is Thomas Flight. I've brought up his YouTube Channel before, but with each new video I appreciate his takes on movies even more. On Friday I finally got around to watching Wes Anderson's Asteroid City. I didn't want spoilers, so I've been sitting on Flight's deep-dive into the film until I watched it. And last night was the night. It's as good as I knew it would be...

    Having somebody explain why you loved a film as much as you did is a bizarre experience. I loved Asteroid City. I thought I knew what it was trying to say as a film. But it turned out I was only scratching the surface. Flight's attempt to put into words what he thinks Anderson was saying and what the film meant to him just makes me want to watch Asteroid City all over again.

       
    • Pinball Wizard! I gotta say... I passed on this movie because it didn't look that interesting to me. But then I heard enough people saying that it was good that I ended up tuning it to Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game...

    And it is, in fact, pretty darn good. In surprising and unexpected ways. Streaming on Hulu.

       
    • Make Mine Duncan! Fine people of the world, may I present Hajime Miura doing incredible things with a yoyo...

    It's almost like he's defying physics or something.

       
    • Mac Tonight! Big Tugg took an interesting look at McDonalds that was entertaining and informative...

    I was surprised that Tucker didn't mention Mac Tonight, a moon-headed mascot from the 80's that I remembered being freaky and perplexing. I also remember a lawsuit. So I did a YouTube search to see what's going on there...

    You can't make this stuff up. White supremacy? Animatronics? DOUG frickin' JONES?!? Real Life is SO weird.

       
    • Heartless! Good Lord. They hired a great cast. Had an interesting concept. Staged some terrific action sequences. Went to some fantastic locations. THEN MIRED EVERYTHING IN THE MOST BY-THE-NUMBERS SPY STORY IMAGINABLE. Who in the hell is calling the shots at Netflix that Heart of Stone ever got made?

    Is it too much to ask to get something that's not an inferior wannabe expensive Mission Impossible clone? And the absurdly silly AI computer's constant recalculation of the mission's chance of success is just fucking stupid and unneeded. Does the AI computer have God-vision to be able to calculate infinite variables of unfolding events like this? Why does every movie have to drop in some kind of AI computerized crutch to up the tension instead of just WRITING SOMETHING WITH ACTUAL TENSION? Having C-3PO, oops... I mean "The Heart"... saying "YOUR MISSION ONLY HAS A 35% CHANCE OF SUCCESS" means NOTHING and does nothing... especially if Gal Gadot is going to ignore it. "DON'T TELL ME THE ODDS, 3PO!" Everybody involved in this film deserves better than this stupid shit. Thank you Netflix for spending a ton of money on this crap while increasing our rates. Jesus.

       
    • Irony Can Be So Ironic Sometimes! THIS JUST IN FROM THE "IRONY IS NOT DEAD" DEPARTMENT... Zachary Levi Criticizes Hollywood for Making Too Much “Garbage”.

       
    And, on that happy note, I'm off next week for Hell Week. See you on the 28th!

       

    The Michael Cera Of It All

    Posted on Wednesday, August 30th, 2023

    Dave!As I've written many times, I'm really into film analysis. I'm often linking to videos of my favorite content creators (like Thomas Flight) adding depth and understanding to the movies I like.

    Sometimes I run across a deep-dive into a film where moments are mirroring my reaction. Most people would write this off as a coincidence. I prefer to see it as validation.

    Like this amazing look at the translation of Scott Pilgrim from comic book to screen. It's long, but it's really good. Especially if you're a fan of the comics...

    In my review of the film from 2010 I said this...

    Where the movie fails... and fails massively... is the casting of Michael Cera as Scott Pilgrim. It was an awful, awful choice that dogged the movie from start to finish. Michael Cera was NOT Scott Pilgrim. He was Michael Cera. He's Michael Cera in everything he's ever in. Don't get me wrong... I liked his nervous geeky schtick the first time I saw it in Arrested Development. I even liked his nervous geeky schtick in Superbad... and Juno... and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist... but I'm done with it now. I wanted to see Scott Pilgrim in Scott Pilgrim, and it never happened. You can surround Michael Cera with all the incredibly cool special effects and kick-ass fight scenes you want, and it doesn't change the fact that it's Michael Cera up on the screen... he never lets you forget it.

    I was really looking forward to the movie and was primed to love it. But due to one major casting fault, it completely failed for me. And in the above video, James Woodall devotes his entire chapter five to this very subject.

    Watching the video made me want to watch the movie again. Something I haven't done in probably a decade.

    I was hoping that time will have softened my opinion on the whole Michael Cera thing.

    But NOPE! If anything, now I'm doubling down when I say that this potential masterpiece of a movie was utterly and totally sabotaged by the casting of Michael Cera as Scott Pilgrim. Every other actor in the cast? Brilliant. And for many of them this was a stepping stone to even more brilliant things*. But... well... this movie has a major problem which it can never overcome. Except for the fantastic Universal Studios opening which has zero-percent Michael Cera...

    Oh well.

    I still have the Scott Pilgrim comics. Those aren't going away.

    *Seriously... just look at who's in this movie...

    • Mary Elizabeth Winstead (pre Ahsoka)
    • Aubrey Plaza (during Parks & Rec and pre EVERYTHING since she basically took over the world after this)
    • Kieran Culkin (pre Succession, where he was the only actor I thought killed it in that show... and he's brilliant in Scott Pilgrim)
    • Brie Larson (pre Captain Marvel)
    • Chris Evans (pre Captain America)
    • Jason Schwartzman (well, okay, he was already a muse for Wes Anderson... but he did go on to do even cooler stuff)
    • Ellen Wong (pre Glow)
    • Alison Pill (pre Picard)
    • Brandon Routh (pre Legends of Tomorrow)
    • Anna Kendrick (pre Pitch Perfect)
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    Bullet Sunday 820

    Posted on Sunday, September 3rd, 2023

    Dave!Dreaming of a Cheeseburger in Paradise while blogging for my own amusement... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Bunny Boo Berry! You're welcome (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @xiaoyciz7o4 Little rabbit eats blueberries#rabbit #pet #cute #fyp #foryou ♬ original sound - Cute little pet

    Baby animals... amirite?

       
    • Medal Medal Chicken Dinner! This Sunday's burn provided by Andy Murray from a 2016 interview that's making its rounds around the interwebs again...

    Class. Act.

       
    • Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo! People are aghast when I tell them that I got my hair cut at Disney World. "YOU WASTED TIME AT A BARBER SHOP INSTEAD OF RIDING THE ATTRACTIONS?!?" And it's like... I ended up at Disney World 3-4 times a year every year for over a decade with my work. I've done all the rides many, many times. And I was always booked in one of the Disney hotels, so if I was too busy to get a haircut back home, where else was I going to go? Take a pricey taxi into Orlando? Of course not. I'd just go to where I was at (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @pincessshannon Nick FINALLY got a haircut because i convinced him to get one in Magic Kingdom!!! 😆🤩 YAY! Can you believe you can get a haircut in Disney World? So cute with all the toddlers getting first haircuts too 🥹 #disneyworld #magickingdom #disneyhaircut #harmonybarbershop #disneyworldtipsandtricks ♬ original sound - Pincessshannon

    And, yes, my friends convinced me to get the glitter once. It didn't look biodegradable, so I took a pass every other time... even though it made me look fabulous.

       
    • Margaritaville! Jimmy Buffet passed. He was one of those rare figures who are so ingrained into American culture that you know him even if you don't realize it. His music is pervasive, yes, but it's his lyrics that hold a wisdom everybody can relate to. "I’d rather die while I’m living than live while I’m dead" and "We are the people our parents warned us about" and "Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been" can be found on the walls of his Margaritaville restaurants, but aren't exclusive to parrotheads (Buffet fans). I've actually been to many Margaritavilles, because Jimmy always had some good vegetarian options on the menu. I know I just posted this video by Eddy Burback a month ago, but it's a pretty cool look at the restaurants.

    Jimmy had a crazy amount of songs I liked, but whenever I'm trying to zero in on a favorite, my mind keeps going back to One Particular Harbor...

    Yeah, that's a classic right there. Rest in Peace, Jimmy.

       
    • Harley Forever! Arleen Sorkin died! My mom was a big Days of Our Lives fan and she played Calliope... but it was her work as the voice of the original Harley Quinn that I knew her best...

    Harley Quinn with a Joker Grenade!

    Paul Dini (who created the character) was a college friend, and based the character on her. That's an incredible legacy. Rest In Peace.

       
    • He'll Bore Every One of Us! So... The Flash is free to watch on HBO and I've had it on while I was working...

    The Flash Movie Poster.

    I can't believe that people liked this movie. IT'S COMPLETE SHIT! Alternate Barry is fucking annoying. Unwatchable. The special effects are horrible. The character isn't even consistent with the shitty JLA stuff that Zack Snyder crapped out of his ass. How this got 64% on Rotten Tomatoes is beyond my ability to fathom. I sure hope that this box office failure means we'll never see Ezra-Flash again. And the box office failure of Shazam means we'll never see Zachary-Shazam either. Just flush the Snyderverse down the toilet and have Gunn ignore all of it. This movie cost TWO HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS! The first Avengers movie cost $220 Million, and most of THAT went to the cast. So what the hell? Where is the money on this one? There were exactly two things worth watching. Michael Keaton Batman and Sasha Calle Supergirl. But neither made this worth my valuable time.

       
    • Marcie! the new Marcie Peanuts special on Apple TV is fantastic... and looks visually stunning. So much better than the gawdawful Snoopy in Space or whatever that was...

    Marcie and Pepermint Patty on the golf course.

    Marcie and Pepermint Patty on the golf course.

    Marcie and Pepermint Patty on a bench.

    I hope we get more like this..

       
    Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes. Until next Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 821

    Posted on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

    Dave!I don't know who needs to hear this, but life is indeed good... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Not Nice! It has been a tough time for Hard Rock properties around the globe. A number of them have closed this year, and last night it was announced that the cafe in Nice will be closed by the end of the week. The cafe itself was kinda boring on the inside, but it was still a nice place with beautiful views...

    Hard Rock Cafe Nice

    I visited in 2014. This was the infamous trip where I was hit by the shuttle that took me to the airport. In the end, it's just a restaurant... but I do feel bad for the people who worked there and built a family around it.

       
    • Scuttlebutt! Look, there is no denying Halle Bailey's talent. There was a reason she was cast as Ariel in the live-action The Little Mermaid remake, and it had absolutely nothing to do with Disney being fucking "woke" or whatever racist bullshit people are claiming. Because holy crap is she fantastic...

    That being said... this was a wholly unneeded remake of a classic film because they didn't try to do anything new or revolutionary with it except add a couple songs (including the gut-wrenchingly awful Scuttlebutt). The sea creatures were scary as fuck because they looked so weird. The guy playing Prince Eric was okay, but has less charisma than his animated counterpart. While I like Awkwafina, she was horrifically miscast as Scuttle (Buddy Hackett made him absent-minded and charming, Awkwafina just made the character stupid?). Melissa McCarthy was good casting, but as much as she relished in the role, she paled in comparison to the late great Pat Carroll as Ursula. Also I agree with the criticism of the makeup...

    On the plus side, the special effects were actually pretty great. But that's hardly enough to make it a good use of your time.

       
    • Oxygen! Wow. The more you know (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @joespinstheglobe if you smell something burning *after* the masks come down, it's probably this thing. If beforehand... 😬 #science #travel #medicine ♬ original sound - JoeSpinsTheGlobe

    Science is darn cool.

       
    • Nice Dress! It's so simple. Just be kind... and correct where needed to continue to be kind...

    huge shoutout to the guy at the bar who said i like your dress maam and when i was like i'm a man but thank you! he was like oh shit ¡ like your dress homie — i love you forever

    Why are there people who would rather be a fucking asshole about it in these situations where it costs $0 to just be kind? I saw this pop up somewhere in social media, and thought how nice it was that this guy's day was made just because somebody wasn't an asshole. Couldn't we all use a little of that?

       
    • MangaManga! I gotta say... so far as manga adaptations go, One Piece feels pretty spectacularly faithful. The casting is flawless. And, let's face it, that's where the series was going to live or die. How they found their Monkey D. Luffy is close to a miracle, as Iñaki Godoy is Luffy come to life. And Nami, Shanks, and Zoro are straight out of the books too!

    On one of my trips to Japan, the manga was all the rage, so I looked up the English translation when I got back to the US (thanks, Viz!). I've been addicted ever since. The Netflix show makes me want to re-read it from the start.

       
    • Circle, Send! If you have ever watched the absurd Reality TV game show on Netflix called The Circle, you know how batshit insane it is. Leave it to Jake Cornell to completely summarize the insanity in a TikTok. This is painfully accurate (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @jakewcornell It’s always like this. #TheCircle #thecirclenetflix #comedy ♬ original sound - Jake Cornell

    I swear, some comedians are more brilliantly able to explain things than an entire textbook.

       
    • MAX... Prices! Warner Bros. Discovery Says Ongoing Strikes Will Mean $300M-$500M Hit to 2023 Earnings. Guess it's going to be time to raise the subscription price to HBO Max. Again. They don't give a fuck about the people making their content... they sure don't give a fuck about their customers (except how much money they can wring out of us). It's absolute madness how they were bragging about how much money they were going to SAVE because of the strike... and now they're watching people unsubscribe in droves because they raised prices and customers mad about paying more for the new content won't get... so now they're going to LOSE money. Good. Couldn't happen to a nicer conglomerate. Fuck Warner Brothers-HBO-Discovery and and their idiotic fucking leadership who have brought this entirely on themselves. If they sink under their stupidity, that's one less service I'll have to rotate through. Which is fine by me.

       
    Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

       

    Bullet Sunday 825

    Posted on Sunday, October 8th, 2023

    Dave!The world is falling apart, again, but there's calm amongst the storm... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Woooooo... ZOMBIES! Any COVID vaccinated people had the FEMA test tone activate the 5G to turn you into an undead zombie yet? Because I got all six COVID vaccinations and still nothing. I wish it would hurry up and unalive me so I can be a real zombie right now instead of a work zombie who only wishes he were dead.

       
    • Fly Spirit Airlines! Honesty. How refreshing!

    What the heck is this? LOL. Still glad I'm not traveling non-stop.

       
    • Satisfying Sound! There's a silly little app called Klack that makes old-style keyboard sounds when you type on a Mac. Right down to the "clunk" sound that the spacebar makes! (and the heavier "click" you get when pressing the backspace key). It's just $4 and I cannot express how much I love it. Makes typing more fun than it has a right to be. If you have a Mac and you're curious to know what it's about, here you go.

       
    • Calling All Speakers. There's so much that could be said about the idiocy surrounding Kevin McCarthy getting ousted as Speaker of the House. The dumbass brought it all on himself thinking he could both suck up to the MAGA contingent and go around them, so there's no real sympathy to be had. But anyway... here's one tweet and two videos comment that says it better than I could...

    MICHAEL HARRIOT: It's sad to watch Kevin McCarthy become a victim of white on white violence inside the Congressional White
Caucus. But it will continue to happen until those people decide to stop fighting each other and demand more from the leaders of the white community.

    And now this...

    And of course Jeff Jackson has the scoop (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @jeffjacksonnc Rep. Jeff Jackson (NC): The Speaker has been fired. #fyp #politics #nc #charlotte #raleigh #greensboro ♬ original sound - Jeff Jackson

    Now I guess we sit back and see what nightmare comes next.

       
    • GHOSTS! Hallmark Channel has a movie with ghosts?!?

    It was actually pretty good. If you're looking for a totally not spooky movie to watch to psych you up for Halloween, give this one a shot.

       
    • Your Government in Inaction! Government exists to sit on progress. It's coming up on a YEAR since Digital Driver's Licenses were proposed for Washington State. Still hasn't made it to fucking committee. Honest to God... I have no fucking clue what these assholes do all fucking day that shit never gets done. We should have the damn things by now for people who want to opt-in to using them. A year, AND NOTHING... and lots more steps to go before it gets to sit on Jay Inslee's desk for another fucking year...

    At this rate TELEPORTERS will be invented before backwards Washington State has digital driver's licenses. What the fuck is it going to take to get representatives in government who actully want to get shit done?

       
    • NEWSFLASH: California governor vetoes bill to make free condoms available for high school students, citing cost!THIS SHOULD BE THE DECISION OF THE PARENTS! — And I agree. Except there are dipshits who are all "MY CHILD WON'T HAVE PREMARITAL SEX BECAUSE WE ARE A CHRISTIAN FAMILY!" who are essentially endangering their children's lives and inviting unwanted pregnancies because their kids are sexually active despite their ignorance (see: Sarah Palin, and shitloads of other "Good Christian Families" who end up with grandchildren because of premarital sex). So the truth is that abstinence-only education doesn't work. Kids are becoming sexually active whether their parents want it or not. And a decision has to be made as to whether we, as a society, protect these kids from their parent's bullshit. Unfortunately, Gavin Newsom made a bad call. I don't give a single fuck WHAT parents think. IF YOU WANT TO CURB ABORTION NUMBERS... GIVE CONDOMS TO EVERYBODY AND MAKE SURE THEY KNOW HOW TO USE THEM! As for cost... can you really put a price on essential shit like this?

       
    Best of luck. To all of us.

       

    Bullet Sunday 826

    Posted on Sunday, October 15th, 2023

    Dave!Fall has come and the weather is dreary and cold, but it's warm in my heart... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • The Price of Cinema is Too Damn High! I loved Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning, Part One. It is smart, exciting, and I can't wait for Part Two. What gets me is that the movie cost $291 MILLION to make. And while I'm not staying that it wasn't money well-spent (this movie is insane)... I am saying that it's $567 million box office means that the movie barely made any money after promotion. If it made any money at all...

    They seriously need to stop making movies that cost these utterly bonkers amount of money. It is totally fucking up the industry, and failures like this (and so many other... The Flash, Fast X, Indiana Jones, to name some) are going to make it so that studio movies die a horrible death. That's no fun for any of us. Surely they can be more clever with less money? Because this just isn't sustainable any more.

       
    • Fantasy Football! I remember when The League first debuted. It was amazing to me that it managed to make it on the air given how raunchy it was. But it endured for seven seasons, and I was a huge fan for the first four seasons. A fan for the fifth and sixth season. And was still watching for the final season, although it most definitely did not go out on a high note...

    As I mentioned on Wednesday, I've been rewatching all the episodes on Hulu. Now that I have some distance from the end of the series, I cannot help but wonder if they came back for an 8th season what that would be like. I honestly don't know... but it seems like it would be a worthwhile thing to take a look at.

       
    • On the Other Hand... The new Frasier is kinda... not great. It's nowhere near the level of Cheers and Frasier and I'm wondering why this was the direction they took. I mean, it's not as tragic as some of the reviews made it out to be. They tried to get some heart into it and there are funny moments despite itself. But all I feel while watching it is wanting to go re-watch the original Frasier and also rewatch Deception to see Jack Cutmore-Scott in something that was actually good and Sirens so I could see Kevin Daniels in something good. At least that way I won't have to see "David" be a horrific substitute for "Niles"... it's like he's there JUST to be unfunny and cringe.

    Will & Grace managed to come back as good as it ever was... but too many of these revivals just aren't working. But because I loved the original Frasier I'm going to keep watching in the hopes that the show finds its footing. Because I'm watching the very first episode of the first Frasier and it was absolute gold from the jump.

       
    • Hot Sauce! I love hot sauce. I started with the mild green sauce that my mom loved (something I still eat on tacos when I make them at home, because it's the flavor I'm used to. Later I moved on to Tabasco, which has more heat and a vinegar tang that makes it a delicious addition to everything from sauces to potato salad. Now I split my time between Tabasco, Cholula, and Sriracha. They are similar enough that I can use them interchangeably, but different enough that I prefer them for specific foods (occasionally I pick up a bottle of Frank's RedHot, which is not so hot, and Tapatío as well). Last year I was trying to save money, so I started keeping track of which brand I use most. I thought it would be Tabasco, but it ended up being Cholula because it has a bit more heat. So now I buy just that one sauce to save money so I'm not buying three and four. AND THEN... I decided to try something hotter. So now I'm addicted to El Yucateco Red...

    A case of El Yucateco Red

    It's more than just "hot" because it still adds nice flavor (unlike the hotter sauces I've tried where I can't even taste anything but fire). And now I'm wondering if I've reached my hot sauce limit? Or eventually will this not be hot enough either? Because it's only 5,790 on the Scoville scale, and that's barely hitting the second of ten sauces if I ever end up on an episode of Hot Ones (which tops out at 2,000,000 on the Scoville scale). Which is a great excuse to post the SNL parody, which is one of my favorites...

    That never gets old.

       
    • Shoresy Deux! One of the biggest surprises last year was the Letterkenny spin-off, Shoresy. It was rediculously entertaining, and ended up being my fifth favorite show of 2022. And now it's coming back...

    Reeeeally looking forward to it.

       
    • J-Boy! So there I was watching the movie Robots

    on Hulu (Prime in the UK). It's okay. Not as good as I was hoping for, but funny in places and fairly entertaining in concept...

    The best part of the movie for me was the end-credits song called J-Boy by the band Phoenix. From six years ago...

    I liked the song enough that I decided to add it to my Sonos music queue.

       
    • Whither Sonos! Except I couldn't add the song to my fucking Sonos music queue because on top of having shitty fucking products that they don't want to fix... their apps are fucking shitty too. First of all my MacOS app decided it wouldn't do shit until my Apple Music account was reauthorized...

    Shitty fucking Sonos app telling me that I need to fucking reauthorize my account.

    EXCEPT I COULDN'T BECAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN THE APP CAN'T SEE MY FUCKING SPEAKERS...

    UNABLE TO CONNECT!

    But of course the "Let's fix it" link was full of shit. After trying that three times, Sonos finally wanted me to turn EVERY FUCKING SPEAKER OFF AND BACK ON...

    Turn these off and back on.

    That didn't work, so I ended up being told that I had to turn the router off and back on...

    Turn these off and back on.

    That didn't fucking work either, so I was told to turn all my shit off and on again. I ignored that and decided to uninstall Sonos and reinstall it again. That finally worked. EXCEPT... then I got an ad for Sonos's "Live Gift Guide Event" that I could not dismiss. There's no cancel button. There's no close button. You can't tap around it to get out of it. I couldn't even reboot the app and get rid of it. I was forced to "add it to my calendar" (which I didn't actually do)...

    Add out event to your calendar!

    Fuck Sonos. Fuck them up their piece of shit useless asses. I regret EVER getting involved with them and their shitty products. Maybe I'd feel different if they'd AT THE VERY LEAST make it so that I could use the fucking Dolby Atmos that I paid to get without having my Arc soundbar fail. But nope. It's been a problem for two years and Sonos is still "working on it." Except they're fucking not because I've heard of nobody being asked to send in their system parts so Sonos could watch it fucking happen. Jesus what an asshole company.

       
    And on that happy note... I'm back to dreary weather for a dreary Sunday.

       

    The Eras Tour (But Not Really)

    Posted on Friday, November 3rd, 2023

    Dave!I never thought much about Taylor Swift. But, as I said about the "Gold Digging Marxist" in a previous entry, I became a fan after her album 1989, and have enjoyed her music.

    Now, there's no way I can afford to see her in concert (tickets are going for thousands if you're not one of the lucky ones who can manage to get a ticket when they go on sale), but I have watched the video releases of her tours for 1989 and Reputation that were enjoyable. So when my sister asked if I wanted to drive over and watch her Eras tour at a movie theater, I was all-in...

    Taylor Swift Eras Tour Movie Poster

    A couple things...

    First of all, I thought that it was "Eras" as in the name of a Greek god or something. Maybe I was thinking of "Eos" who is "goddess of the dawn." But it's "Eras" as in plural of "era"... because the tour celebrates the many eras of Taylor Swift's music.

    Second of all, it's absolutely bizarre to me how this tour movie was released while the tour is still going on. She's still got dates for Brazil, Asia, Europe left. Even a few US and Canada dates at the end of 2024. I think she did it because many (most?) of her fans were not able to get tickets, releasing the movie will in no way affect attendance, and she gets more money if she strikes while the iron is hot. So why not?

    But anyway...

    Taylor plays songs from all of her commercial albums, albeit out of order: Lover, Fearless, Evermore, Reputation, Speak Now, Red, Folklore, 1989, and Midnights. She also has a couple acoustic "surprise songs" that changes at each venue. The movie is a combination of the six shows filmed at the L.A. stop, which means you get Our Song and You're on Your Own, Kid. This was a huge, huge bummer to me... because the L.A. stop had both Dress and New Romantics as "surprise songs," and I really wish they had used those. Mostly because New Romantics is my favorite Taylor Swift song. Oh well. If she was smart, she'd release a video film of just the "surprise songs" from the tour. She'd made a million off something like that too.

    As I expected after watching her previous concert movies, The Eras Tour is excellent. She is a brilliant performer, the stage show looks incredible, and the footage was very well shot. It's incredible to watch her playing to 70,000 people and holding the entirety of that vast audience in the palm of her hand the entire time. I seriously don't understand how she does it. I would walk out on stage... shit my pants immediately... then run away crying. But she puts 1000% into the entire performance, which much be exhaustive...

    Taylor performing in the Eras Tour movie.

    Taylor performing in the Eras Tour movie.

    Taylor performing in the Eras Tour movie.

    The amazing thing about Taylor is that she's always putting a shit-load of money into her stage show. for the 1989 tour, her massive stage runway would elevate and rotate out above the audience. For the Reputation stadium tour she had three separate stages that she rotates through. For the Eras tour she has this cool extended state which has a section that seamlessly elevates to different heights in different configuations. I think the the most fantastic live performer is Pink, but Taylor Swift is darn close. You cannot go to her show and not be entertained.

    So, yeah, if you're a Taylor Swift fan, I don't need to tell you to go see the movie. You've probably already been.

       

    Bullet Sunday 830

    Posted on Sunday, November 12th, 2023

    Dave!Officially entering the holiday season, not that it'll keep me away... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • This is EARTH! sigh. I love love love the YouTube channel Kurzgesagt. They tackle fascination topics in a highly educational and entertaining way. And now there's this absolutely brilliant new video. They have condensed the 4.5 billion year history of planet earth in exactly one hour. And guess when humans appear in that hour? Helpful hint... don't blink...

    It's had it running last night on the television while I was working. I found myself looking up to watch more often than I expected.

       
    • POIROT! Here's the thing. I thought the Albert Finney original Murder on the Orient Express was better than the Kenneth Branagh remake. I thought the Peter Ustinov original Death on the Nile was VASTLY superior to the Kenneth Branagh remake (indeed, it's one of my favorite films). But I still enjoyed Branagh's take on Poirot, so I just watched A Haunting in Venice. This one I liked a lot...

    My mom read all the Agatha Christie books, so I ended up reading all of them as well. I don't remember the book Hallowe'en Party much... but I do remember not thinking much of the BBC adaptation, feeling they were scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one. The Branagh version wisely makes a very loose adaptation with A Haunting in Venice and the movie is far better because of it. I really hope we get a fourth film where they try something unique... and adapt it to be as interesting as this one.

       
    • Reacher Deux! The second season of Reacher cannot get here fast enough. The first season was one of the best things to happen to my television last year...

    I haven't read all the Jack Reacher novels, but I've read enough that it's shocking how much more faithful the Amazon Prime series is to the Tom Cruise movies (though, I liked those also, if I'm being honest).

       
    • Falling! I watched the occasional episode of The Fall Guy but was never so much into the show that I gave a thought to a movie adaptation. Until I saw it was starring Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt!

    This movie looks entertaining as hell.

       
    • DAFUQ? I had absolutely no idea (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @howardsternshow Barbra Streisand on Being the Inspiration for Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” #howardstern #SternShow #thehowardsternshow #howardsternshow #fyp #BarbraStreisand #JamesBrolin #Aerosmith @AerosmithOfficial @Howard Stern ♬ original sound - The Howard Stern Show

    I wonder if James Brolin gets any bank off that song?

       
    • DAK! All throughout high school I was addicted to the DAK catalog which had really good deals on electronics, computers, and media. It was kinda a weird concept... the owner (Drew Alan Kaplan) hunted down products which were made wrong or had some cosmetic detail that was off or whatever, bought the entire lot, then offered them at a consumer-direct discount price. I couldn't afford to buy lots of stuff... I was in high school... but I obsessed over every new catalog that arrived. And now those catalogs have been scanned and archived by Cabel Sasser on his site...

    DAK Catalog Page

    This one is my favorite... turn your tiny blurry television into a bigger blurry television with this fresnel lens!

    DAK Catalog Page

       
    • Pander! I finally remembered to watch the new South Park special on Paramount+... Into the Panderverse... and it's pretty epic. I am 1000% onbord for inclusivity and diversity in entertainment. It keeps things fresh and interesting, because how many times do we want to see the same old shit with straight white people? But the problem is that remaking the same old shit and substituting non-straight-white-people for straight white people is a stupid, lazy way of creating inclusivity and diversity. It completely ignores the lived experience of non-straight-white-people by copy-pasting them into a straight-white experience, and the movie/television studios need to do better than that. Because it's getting boring as hell.

    Plus it's got Kathleen Kennedy and her massive ego in it! Though it's fake Kathleen Kennedy, so any hopes of her taking time out from completely fucking up LucasFilm/Disney were shortlived. Unfortunately, there it a downside to this episode. Gino Carano is using it to extend her 15 minutes.

       
    Enjoy whatever remains of your Sunday, everybody.

       

    Super-Hero Implosion

    Posted on Thursday, November 16th, 2023

    Dave!And it so happened that the sequel to Captain Marvel, titled The Marvels, is not doing well at the box office. It likely cost $250 million to make. Another $200 million to market. And is slowly approaching $120 million at the box office after five days in theaters. That's a lot of money, but when compared to previous Marvel Studios movies... it's a massive disappointment. It might very well break even after streaming/video revenue arrives... but there's likely not a third Captain Marvel movie happening because movies have to earn a billion at the box office to make studios happy. Which is a shame, because actual people who have seen the movie say it's a fun ride and terrific entertainment...

    Jakey Bear Sleeping on the Floor for Sunshine.

    The fanboys are cackling over it all, of course, saying that "This is what happens when you're a woke company making woke films with an all-female cast!" Which is 100% bullshit, of course. But facts don't matter any more, so this is what we have to keep listening to.

    What's happening here is not a big mystery. This is a trend that has nothing to do with Disney being "woke" or that the film features a "female cast" (remember that the original Captain Marvel made over a billion dollars). There's a lot of factors at play...

    • People just aren't going to the theaters as much. It takes a truly breakout film to draw people to theaters and achieve massive box office success. That could be something entirely new (such as Barbie), or a no-brainer beloved IP (such as Super Mario Brothers), or a masterpiece with a compelling story (such as Oppenheimer). I would love to see The Marvels right now. But not enough to go to the theater to do it. I absolutely fucking hate going to movies where people are talking, lighting up their phone screens, and (ugh) chewing loudly. I have a far, far better experience at home. And that's where I will be watching The Marvels. If Disney wanted to make money off of non-theater goers like me, they might consider offering a $50 dollar, 24 hour at-home rental a week after the movie hits theaters. Which includes a free copy of the movie once it is released to home video months later. Not a great thing to do to theaters who are supporting your project, but this film ain't going to be in theaters for long if nobody is going to see it.
    • Super-hero fatigue is a real thing. There's just so much damn super-hero content inundating people, and rarely is it something new and fresh. Comic book films have degenerated to Hallmark movies... the same stories over and over with different actors. Now, don't get me wrong, I watch every Hallmark movie that gets released... and am thrilled to consume as much of the Marvel Cinematic Universe as they want to feed me... but I am abnormal that way. Most people aren't like that. They're bored. They've moved on. And buzz isn't building over these genre films as it used to be. Especially when you have DC muddying the waters with shit like Wonder Woman 1984 and The Batman and Black Adam and Shazam!: Fury of the Gods and The Flash and Blue Beetle... and really everything after he brilliant Christopher Nolan Batman Trilogy (excepting the first Wonder Woman and Suicide Squad). The average movie-goer cannot distinguish between DC and Marvel, so everything is lumped together in their head... and there's a lot of not-great films happening there. Next up is... Madame Web?... crapped out by Sony? WTF? Didn't they learn their lesson with Mobius?
    • Quality is declining, badly. The lead up to Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame was filled with incredible movies that were all carefully planned to be both stand-alone stories and build to something incredible. But Marvel Studios has made several missteps to sow disinterest in even the most diehard MCU fans. The "Multiverse Saga" has been a complete bust... forcing movies into a plot thread that's not fun or entertaining. With the exception of Hawkeye and Werewolf By Night, which I loved (and had nothing to do with the "multiverse"), all the Disney+ shows have been painfully average or outright bad. The movies have shown flashes of what I love (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever and Spider-Man: No Way Home) and movie I enjoyed quite a lot (Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings) and even a movie that was good but could have been so much better (Eternals). But everything else in Phases Four and Five that I've seen... five out of nine movies... haven't lived up to expectations (the idea of seeing Clea in a Doctor Strange movie is thrilling... but that happened only in a two-minute post-credits scene... that should have been the entire movie, but they were forced into this "multiverse" crap, so that's what we got).
    • The MCU momentum is slowing to a crawl. Everything keeps getting delayed. People are forgetting what's getting us to where we're going. Marvel Studios has one movie in 2024. When you aren't keeping the Marvel Cinematic Universe in people's heads, it's silly to expect these random movies are getting any benefit from what's come before. Three awesome movies a year with blockbuster characters that people want to see is what needs to happen, and they're not doing that. Yes, I understand that the actors are wanting to retire from these characters, but they're the characters that people know and love, so recasting them should be the priority over dragging out D-list characters that people don't know or care about. This has been a serious, serious misstep by Disney management. I don't get it at all. They're supposedly building a team of "Young Avengers" which could be awesome because the comics are awesome... but is anybody outside of comic book nerds like me going to give a shit? How are these films going to make any money? Introducing new characters is good, but saying "We've got Ms. Maravel, Patriot, Stature, Wiccan, Speed, and America Chavez... plus kid versions of Hawkeye and Falcon!" is a far cry from saying "We've got Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Spider-Man, Black Widow, The Hulk, Hawkeye, Falcon, Vision, and Scarlet Witch!" or whatever. I'm sure the hope is that the Young Avengers will be the next Guardians of the Galaxy... but the fact that you don't have box office names like Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, and Karen Gillan... means that the odds of achieving the same success are practically zero.
    • The future is anything but bright. The lead-up to a confrontation with Kang should have been phenomenal. The lead-up to an adaptation of Secret Wars should have been incredible. But there are no anchor films to get us there. Deadpool 3 will be great because Deadpool is great, but it's very much it's own thing. Which means the films we get before the next two Avengers movies are Captain America: Brave New World, Fantastic Four, Thunderbolts, and Blade?!?? WHAT THE FUCK? I mean, it's not that these films can't be great entertainment and a lot of fun... I love these characters... but this is the lead-up to two of the biggest events in comic book history? I dunno. Maybe Matt Shakman has an idea of how to make his Fantastic Four film catapult us int something that makes sense... but this is so weak. Compare the films leading up to Infinity War to this and it just seems absurd.
    • I hate to say "reboot"... but, yeah, reboot this shit. The one thing I have loved about the Marvel Cinematic Universe is that everything is interconnected like the comics. I love it when characters pop up in each other's movies. But when it's a bunch of D-listers, the current trend is not sustainable because you're going to have a rough time making a profit. A fresh reboot may be the only way out. And by "fresh" I mean not recycling the same stories we've already seen.

    And there you have it. I don't think that anything I've said is going to be news to anybody paying attention. But since Marvel doesn't seem to be paying attention, I guess it needed to be said.

    Here's hoping that the streaming release for The Marvels won't keep me waiting too long.

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    Bullet Sunday 831

    Posted on Sunday, November 19th, 2023

    Dave!Snow is inching closer, but I'm not pulling the shovel out just yet... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Holiday Trooper! I've been sending care packages to the troops through AnySoldier.com for years. This is another program that's very cool because it doesn't cost you a dime! Just choose the four treats you want to send overseas, write a message of support, and Crown Royal will send it!

    Crown Royal for the Troops!

    I wish more organizations would do something like this.

       
    • Catventure! Mr. Kitters has many adventures (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @mr.kitters.the.cat Places to go and people to meet. 🐈 #fyp #cat #meow ♬ original sound - Mr. Kitters the Cat

    Surprisinly, I haven't seen Mr. Kitters ripping apart some poor bird. Thank heavens.

       
    • Murder! There I was, just starting A Murder at the End of the World on Hulu. The main character is driving in a car with her boyfriend and they are singing along to No More I Love You's by Annie Lennox... and I know this will be a show that's something truly special. Honestly, they could have just released this scene as a commercial for the series and I would be all in. But there's so much more to it, and I can't wait for the remaining five episodes to drop...

    The cast is amazing on top of it all. I just hope they stick the landing.

       
    • Killer! Every time I see yet another brilliant film by David Fincher, I am mad all over again that he never got to make the sequels to The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which remains one of my favorite films of all time. Though, while we're on the subject, a sequel to The Killer on Netflix would be fantastic, because this was a darn enjoyable flick...

    A poster for The Killer starring Michael Fassbender!

    ALTHOUGH... a better use of the money would be for Netflix (who has an existing relationship with Fincher AND Daniel Craig) to get the rights to The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest. Just sayin'.

       
    • What Was I Made For? People saying that Billy Eilish is untalented makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. She's not entirely my thing... but I love this song... and listening to her brother explain how they created it should put the nail in the coffin of the idea that anybody could crap out the music they make. A song so multifaceted and lovely doesn't happen by accident. This is art...

    Brilliant.

       
    • Unmortricken! Rick and Morty has always been borderline genius with momentary lapses into episodes I'm completely indifferent about. But this latest episode? Unmortricken? I honestly don't know where the show goes from here. It's like every episode up until this point has been building to this point... and now it's over. Or mostly over. Which means that they either A) Have a plan to move in an entirely different direction along the same bizarre themes. B) Have ruined the show and it's going to devolve into a suck spiral before dying out. C) Will eventually realize that this was a big mistake and find a way to reverse it. I really hope it's Option A, because wow this episode was this a fantastic example of how *good* the show is when it's not getting in its own way.

    Rick and Morty jumping out of a portal.

    No, I didn't like Unmortricken better than ten other episodes (including The Rickshank Rickdemption which is one of the best episodes of television ever made), but it just goes to show that Rick and Morty is far from over if they can keep defying expectations like this.

       
    • Blarf! I was excited that a Jaime Reyes "Blue Beetle" movie was in development. He's a fun character in the comics, and the fact that we'd finally get a Latino-centric super-hero movie meant it might be *different* from the same old thing. — Until I saw the trailers. They made it very clear that this was a "power of family" movie instead of a Blue Beetle movie. And who gives a shit about that? — Turns out the movie (now on HBO Max) is even worse than that. It is boring as fuck. It takes a half-hour... A HALF-HOUR... before you even see the Blue Beetle, for crying out loud...

    Blue Beetle movie poster.

    This is the most boring, uneventful, slog of an origin story that's ultimately just a frickin' Iron Man/Spider-Man hybrid clone, and not in a good way. I hope to God that James Gunn gets the DCU turned around so we avoid more of this idiotic crap. HA HA HA! GRANDMA WITH A GATLING GUN! HILARIOUS! and, even worse, HA HA HA! HOW FUNNY! HE CAN'T CONTROL THE SUIT AND HE'S RUNNING INTO EVERYTHING FOR TEN MINUTES! Jesus. I know Greatest American Hero was a while ago, but this has been done to death. From there on it's just talk talk talk talk talk with action beats that are equally boring. What a frickin' waste.

       
    Hope your Turkey Day is a good one.

       

    Bullet Sunday 833

    Posted on Sunday, December 3rd, 2023

    Dave!SNOWWWWW! But don't let my misfortune get you down... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • You've Been Sached! The AppleCard credit card has features I absolutely love. But it's not the best bargain (the cash-back is crap, and you don't even get 5% on Apple purchases!). But the worst part is that the card is issued by Goldman Sachs, which is a reprehensible company, and I make damn sure that I never carry a balance so that I never pay any interest to them. But then it was revealed that Goldman Sachs has lost $3 billion on the card since it began. Don't ask me how, unless everybody else is also refusing to carry a balance and not paying them any interest. Regardless, they want out of the AppleCard business, so now Apple is (reportedly) looking for a new partner. I'm relieved... but also dubious because there are a lot of shitty financial institutions out there.

       
    • Stamped! If I didn't follow Ibram X. Kendi on Facebook, I wouldn't have known that a movie based on his book Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America had been released on Netflix. The reason being that it wasn't being promoted on my Netflix homepage. I had to search for it. Most definitely worth your valuable time to watch. I had already read the book, but the way they visually represented the material and had speakers relate ideas with passion and feeling elevated it to essential viewing...

    I can only hope that Kendi's follow-up, How to Be an Antiracist gets a movie too. It's an important work that, like Stamped, should have the widest audience pssible.

       
    • Indy 5! I loved Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, liked Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, loved Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade... and absolutely HATED Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It was SO bad, and I was of the opinion that it was best if the Indiana Jones franchise died right there since they had clearly ran out of ideas. But along comes Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, and I'm very glad that this is the movie that Indy gets to go out on, because I liked it quite a lot...

    Yes, much of the movie was fan service. Yes, it desperately needed to be edited for length. Yes, they pushed into some truly bizarre areas. But ultimately there was a ton of action and was a lot of fun to watch. You can tell that they used the original film as inspiration for this one. And while it can never compete with Raiders, I do think it's a worthy (and final?) addition to the franchise (unlike Crystal Skull, which I try my best to forget.

       
    • Just Sew! My grandmother taught me to sew from a young age because she wanted me to be able to mend and make clothes. It's a skill that I've used quite a lot over the years in both my personal and work lives, so I'm grateful. But I never really thought about how a sewing machine actually works. And now this...

    And now I know. Though it still seems like magic is involved.

       
    • Not Sad You're Dead! I sincerely hope that Henry Kissinger rots in hell for all eternity. Because I’ve been to Cambodia AND Laos (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @idea.soup and this was just ONE of many awful things he did (PS: the country’s name can also be pronounced ‘Lao’ but I chose to go with English pronunciation for this video) #history #henrykissinger #historylesson #historytime #laos ♬ original sound - Michael McBride

    And that's just scratching the surface. There's no end to the trauma he's responsible for. The sadistic fuck. The world is far better off without him in it. And you can miss me with the whole don't-speak-ill-of-the-dead-have-some-respect-think-of-his-family bullshit. He gave less than zero fucks for all the death and destruction he caused... and even less for the families left behind... so I have less than zero fucks about him.

    And just in case you'd like an extra dose of Michael McBride, and why wouldn't you, here you go. This is wild (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @idea.soup #stitch with @Wake Moody I’m actually a huge Pusha T fan #interestingfacts #funfact #hiphop #hiphopfacts #musicfacts ♬ original sound - Michael McBride

    He's not wrong. If you are even remotely familia with Pusha T's music, this is absolutely bonkers. Clearly he's just that damn talented.

       
    • Lyme-Flavored! And just because I can't help myself... here's the first video I ever saw by Michael McBride which still enrages me...

    Anti-vax dumbfucks. The gift that keeps on giving.

       
    • MOOOOOON! And just in case your quota of wackyness is lacking this week, here's a total goofball video that's big fun to watch...

    Truth is often stranger than fiction. And here it is.

       
    And now back to my snow day, currently in progress.

       

    Bullet Sunday 834

    Posted on Sunday, December 10th, 2023

    Dave!Well, here we go again... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Swifty! “They had to work really hard to get the tickets,” she says. “I wanted to play a show that was longer than they ever thought it would be, because that makes me feel good leaving the stadium.” — People can feel however they want to feel about Taylor Swift and her music... but there is absolutely no denying that she works incredibly hard for everything she has and gives her all to everything she does, and that is deserving of respect. I think her getting "Person of The Year" is completely valid...

    Taylor Swift on the cover of Time Magazine.

    Reading the article, it doesn't seem a bad choice at all. My favorite part is that when she was denied her first big gig supporting Kenny Chesney because it was sponsored by a beer company and she was underage, Chesney cut her a check anyway. Her first thought to do with this major windfall was to pay her band and tour crew. I may believe that billionaires shouldn't exist... but if they must, I sure wish more of them acted like Taylor Swift.

       
    • Sundays! Me. Trying to hold a discussion about sportsball...

    Right?

       
    • Delicious! Why is it that little red pandas always look like they're saying Come at me bro! when they stand up like this?

    When they're not standing upright, they're one of the cutest things alive...

    Now I want a red panda.

       
    • Martians! A lot has (rightfully) been thrown at Jared Leto for his acting and, more importantly, his acting behavior. But I really do like his singing with Thirty Seconds to Mars...

    I mean, come on. That's a great track.

       
    • Slough! Today Apple TV+ advertised Slow Horses: Season 3 starring GARY OLDMAN AND KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS?!? I didn't even know that Season's 1 & 2 existed! So I tuned in. And it's a fantastic series...

    It's brutal and packed with drama one minute... then is played for comedy the next. And yet it somehow... works? I have no idea how this show escaped my notice... but I'm all in now.

       
    • Name That Tune! One of my favorite recent discoveries on Youtube is this street trivia game that has random people guessing music...

    And sometimes not so random people too...

    The channel is Public Opinion NYC, and if you're looking for a diversion and like music... it may be worth checking out!

       
    • Spin, Eat, Repeat! Round and Round, the Hanukkah Hallmark Channel movie this year is the absolute best. It’s clever, smart, funny... and features 80’s music, geek culture, comic books, and a hefty nod to some time travel movies which came before (except the one that really matters, but we'll get to that). It’s like somebody wrote this one just for me! But anyway... a woman has a disastrous 7th night of Hanukkah... that keeps repeating. Just like in Groundhog Day, which they are quick to acknowledge in the story. And just like in that film, she has to figure out why she's stuck in a time loop and how she can get out of it...

    Movie poster for Round and Round.

    That alone would be worth watching, but they toss in a twist at the end which has you completely recontextualizing everything you've seen. I had to go back and see if I missed some clues. Turns out I really didn't, which was disappointing. The only way this could have been better would be to have made the twist apparent when you rewatched it. Then there's the fact that the twist is kinda-sorta from one of my all-time favorite time travel movies, which I can't mention because it will give it away. But blah blah blah. This is a fantastic film with stellar performances that are built around a great story. One of my favorite Hallmark movies ever.

       
    There we went again. See you next Sunday for more bullets.

       

    What the world needs now…

    Posted on Thursday, December 14th, 2023

    Dave!I woke up this morning with a sense of dread.

    But that was quickly replaced with gratitude, because my screwed-up knee wasn't locked up this morning. Nope... I was able to move it freely, and there wasn't any pain at all. This was unexpected. Once I crossed the big five-oh, it seems like even small tumbles which would have been shaken off immediately 20 years ago can lay me up for a week or more. I keep trying to remind myself to be more careful because getting old sucks, but my head is not cooperating. It's still governing my body as if I was 22 or something. I don't know what it's going to take for my head to get the message, but I hope it's not something too serious.

    Although...

    It's difficult for me to throw a pity party for my aging body when every time I read what's happening in the world it seems like something new and worse has happened. Yesterday the news hit that Andre Braugher had died. He's a remarkable actor, and his run on Homicide: Life on The Street was incredible. When he pivoted flawlessly to comedy with Brooklyn Nine-Nine, you just knew the guy was capable of absolutely anything. The official YouTube channel had a nice video tribute to him...

    The last project he was in was a supporting role in The Good Fight, which was great, but there was so much more left for him to offer. He will be very much missed.

    There was a glimmer of light awaiting me this morning, however.

    After getting teased with this poster by Netflix...

    The movie poster for Axel F showing Axel's police badge on a black background with NETFLIX COMING SUMMER 2024 written beneath it.

    Today they released a teaser trailer for Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F...

    Judge Reinhold, John Ashton, Paul Reiser, and Bronson Pinchot all returning. Ronny Cox absent because he passed in 2006. And I'm not seeing Héctor Elizondo, so his character must not be returning.

    Almost didn't recognize Joseph Gordon-Levitt being added.

    And Kevin Bacon as the villain? Nice

    I was a bit disappointed by Coming 2 America, but this looks like they are embracing what made the Beverly Hills Cop franchise such a beloved trilogy (YES, I'M INCLUDING BEVERLY HILLS COP 3, BECAUSE I LIKED IT!!). Hopefully it won't disappoint.

    Because what the world really needs right now is a reason to laugh.

       

    Bullet Sunday 835

    Posted on Sunday, December 17th, 2023

    Dave!Odds of a White Christmas are diminishing, but that's okay... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Scale! Unsure about your place in the universe? No worries! Turns out that you're actually the center of everything!

    It's amazing how good Kurzgesagt videos are. When I see that they have something new out, I drop everything and watch it. They never disappoint. Case in point? If you have tattoos... or even if you don't... this is 1000% worth a watch...

    I don't know why, but seeing this video just wants me to go get a new tattoo.

       
    • Mapped! XKCD is usually good for a laugh, but this one made my brain do a flip-flop first...

    A whack-a-doodle map of the USA with a lot of extra states tossed into it!

    The genius is that, at first glance, you don't see anything wrong. And, because I like you, I named the extra states...

    I don't know about you, but we totally should have a state named "Steve."

       
    • NEWSFLASH: Stanley Tucci Going Back to Italy After Nat Geo Signs Up Former CNN Host! Stanley Tucci is a national treasure. Mostly for his movie roles (including my all-time favorites in Undercover Blues and The Devil Wears Prada). But also for his dedication to food, thanks to his amazing series called Searching for Italy. I love the show... right up until CNN stupidly canceled it a year ago. Fortunately NatGeo knows a good thing when they see it, and will pick it up again. Now titling it The Heart of Italy. And I cannot wait.

       
    • FAKE! In Tokyo there's a famous area called Kappabashi Dougu Street (AKA "Kitcen Town"). It's filled with restaurant supply vendors. Kitchen equipment, dishware, decoration... it's all there. But the best thing you can buy there is fake food. Unlike in this country, most restaurants have windows filled with fake food representations of the dishes you can buy inside, and a lot of time there are prices next to each one so you also know what it's going to cost you. It's a fascinating part of Japanese culture, and now there's a video showing how this amazing fake food it crafted...

    Mesmerizing. I've been to Kappabashi-dori a few times to look at all the replicas, but I don't recall ever seeing the stuff actually made.

       
    • JOKE-SWAP 2024! How do they get away with this...

    Easily the best thing to come out of Weekend Update, it almost makes you wish this was a weekly feature.

       
    • Queen Flight! I've mentioned several times how much I love film. I've also mentioned how I'm a massive fan of film analysis. My favorite person doing analysis being Thomas Flight. One of his most famous videos is a critique of "Best Editing Oscar Winner" Bohemian Rhapsody by John Ottman. If you are not one of the 2.9 million people who saw the video, it's worth a look...

    As a massive Queen fan, I ran to the theater so I could see Bohemian Rhapsody on the big screen. And, yes, this crap scene took me right out of the movie because I got whiplash trying to follow it. How could it not? To me it was just as bad as hearing a fucking "Wilhelm Scream" and being jerked out of the story. But anyway... what I didn't know is that John Ottman responded to the criticism, and Thomas made a video about that...

    Ultimately I loved the movie. It's hard not to if you're a Freddie Mercury and Queen fan. But that doesn't make it above criticism. That shouldn't make it above criticism. Especially when we're talking about the editing, which wasn't that great, regardless of circumstance and the chaos of the film's production.

       
    • True Lauv! Facebook Memories are a mixed bag. Sometimes it's painful memories of times I'd just as soon not revisit, but often times there's something nice awaiting me. Like a happy event, funny video, or cool song. Like this music video from last year. Lauv really knows how to craft a hook...

    Most of the time, however? My Facebook memories are crowded with posts about all the travel that used to occupy my time.

       
    Only one more Bullet Sunday until Christmas! Hope your shopping is finished.

       

    Bullet Sunday 836

    Posted on Sunday, December 24th, 2023

    Dave!It may be Christmas Eve, but bullets don't stop for a holiday... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • POPPED! The trend this past week in Social Media was people turning themselves into Funko POP! toys via Microsoft's AI. While not a fan of AI art intruding on our lives, for a souless application such as this, I could play along...

    Me as a Funko POP!

    It doesn't actually look very "POP!" like because the head is too small compared to the body. There was an option that was better, but they spelled "Geek" as "Gekk" and they forgot the "2" on my name...

    Me as a Funko POP!

    Funko actually has a "POP! Yourself" service, but your options are severely limited. AI-generated art has no such limitations. Even if it makes loads of other mistakes.

       
    • CRED! The new South Park (Not Suitable For Children) special is totally deranged. And yet... still insightful somehow. It's like every crazy thing they've done up to this point has been merely a warmup. But of course absolutely none of the stuff that makes this movie so shocking could possibly be shown in a public video, but here you go...

    I guess they have to keep pushing the limits to stay relevant? All I know is that Parker and Stone comment on current trends and events like nobody else.

       
    • An End of A Murder At The End of The World! And... I had A Murder at the End of the World figured out from the very beginning. Well, the who... not the how. I was hoping that something cool would be introduced to shake things up or move things in a more interesting direction but, alas, no. Ultimately this Hulu series was okay, but it needed something... more... for it to become truly special...

    Poster for the Hulu Series A Murder at the End of the Worl

    Oh well. Fortunately they didn't drag it out too long. That beig said, I really, really like Emma Corrin's "Darby Hart" character and would very much like to see her return.

       
    • Another Day. Another hypocrisy. Watching the co-founder of the abhorrent Hitler-worshipping organization "Moms for Liberty" getting put on blast can make my entire day. Especially when it's done as beautifully as this (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @queenofhives #bridgetziegler #momsforliberty #fyp ♬ original sound - BEE 🐝

    Because OF COURSE an organization like "Moms for Liberty" would be positively packed with hypocrites. Including their fucking co-founder Bridget Ziegler... a woman whose past actions lead one to believe that she would absolutely LOVE to outlaw homosexuality... but would also believe that those laws OBVIOUSLY don't apply to her. Jesus. Analyzing these people is so textbook as to be laughable because it's always... ALWAYS... the same. "Let me make the rules, but those rules don't apply to me!"

       
    • Mooooon! And so Netflix paid Zack Snyder a crapload of money to pinch off another shitty loaf out of his ass. Good Lord Rebel Moon is bad. I don't mean "so-bad-it's-good" bad either. It's just plain bad. Even if it wasn't boring as hell, I still wouldn't want to watch it because NOTHING MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE!

    Some of the visuals are good, but it's pretty much just going from boring planet to boring planet to collect a band of ragtag "heroes" to help the people on a moon fight the bad guys who are going to show up and find out that they killed the first group of bad guys that showed up? WTF?

    At one point the incredibly talented Bae Doona doing her best Darth Maul impression fights a giant spider. I laughed out loud. And, yes, not only did Snyder rip off Star Wars, but there's no small amount of theft of Lord of the Rings too. This is just fucking low stakes embarrassing. I can't believe that Netflix is going to actually give him more money for a part two of... whatever the hell this is supposed to be. I mean, seriously, haven't people suffered enough at the hands of Zack Snyder? STOP GIVING HIM MONEY!

       
    • Monstrosity Streaming! NEWS RELEASE: Warner Bros. Discovery and Paramount Global Have Held Meeting to Discuss Possible Merger — Two guys who destroyed their respective studios now want to come together to make an even bigger failure? Sign me up! Zaslav took a literal slam dunk with all the Warner/Discovery/DC/HBO properties and merged them into a fucking disaster. The brands are now a shadow of their past selves, and I don't even think that James Gunn can salvage the shit-bomb of fail that Zack Snyder dropped on the DC Comics movies. SO many awful decisions. And then there's Paramount/Showtime which is another sad case of bad decisions coming out of not knowing what the fuck to do with the assets they had. I guess this merger would end up giving us some kind of Warner/Discovery/DC/HBO/Paramount/Showtime monstrosity. Where they will once again have to make "the painful decision" to run a wood-chipper on top of all the stuff that's left which people actually care about... all while abandoning all their employees to escape with the millions of dollars they received to fuck everything up. Personally I hope the DO merge and then self-destruct so I have two less streaming services to worry about.

       
    Wishing you a Merry Christmas tomorrow, if you celebrate that kind of thing.

       

    Video23

    Posted on Thursday, December 28th, 2023

    Dave!Welp, you know what time it is... my annual wrap-up of my favorite films of the year! Or, to be more accurate, my favorite films that I actually saw. Which is still not as many as usual, thanks to my loathing of crowds and residual COVID threats, but here we are.

    THE EIGHTEEN BEST...
    These are my favorite movies from this year that I actually saw.

    Favorite Movies 2023

    #1 John Wick: Chapter 4 (Lionsgate)
    I don’t know that this is the best “John Wick Flick” but it’s a fantastic addition to the franchise and has me longing for more (despite this being billed as the final chapter). Sure enough this is more of the same as we were blessed with in the first three films... but there’s all new layers added to the mythology of The Table and some really nice action sequences that don't feel stale or a retread of what's come before. Nope. All new. All fresh. All good. All Keanu. The rumor mill is churning with talk of a fifth movie (in addition to the Ballerina spin-off that's coming next year), and I seriously hope that it's true despite events in this fourth installment... because it seems like there's plenty more areas to explore of this universe.

    #2 Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Sony)
    It seemed impossible that they could top the first movie with it’s inventive, lush, gorgeous visuals... but they did it. This movie was pitch-perfect, incredibly (overwhelmingly?) entertaining, and a wild ride that's worth watching. Even better? Beyond the Spider-Verse is coming next, and if it's anything like this one, it's going to be a treat.

    #3 Past Lives (A24)
    Drama/Romance movies have to do some serious heavy lifting to make my best films list. This one does that in a way so effortless as to really makes me reconsider my viewpoint on this genre of film. Making it all the sweeter an experience for me is that the movie quite literally came out of nowhere. I was looking through Apple TV, It popped up with some critical acclaim. I took a chance. And then could not get it out of my head ever since. Only the best movies do that. And this is one of those films. Well worth your time, I'm a bit more than shocked that it hasn't built the buzz like Everything Everywhere All at Once did. It's that surprising and good.

    #4 Jules (Bleecker Street)
    If I were to sum up this movie in one word, that word would be "wonderful." And that's surprising, because the whole "UFO landed in my back yard" trope has really been done to death. It would be tempting to write this one off as "E.T. with old people" and ignore it, but it really deserves more than that because it was just so well put together. Between an exceptional cast (including Ben Kingsley, Harriet Sansom Harris, and Jane Curtain) elevating every scene, a genuinely sweet story, and an alien that's wonderfully realized with practical effects, everybody involved was going for broke and the result doesn't disappoint. My favorite movie in this genre remains Paul, but this one is so delightfully different that it can stand on its own.

    #5 Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning, Part One (Paramount)
    This franchise should have been run into the ground four movies ago. And yet here we are with is what’s arguably one of the best installment in the series. Think what you will about Tom Cruise, but he gives this film his every effort and lays it all up there on the screen. Smart, thrilling, and having a story that's geared towards action beats which are relentless, this movie would be great on its own... but is even more rewarding if you've seen the previous installments. No idea what Part Two has in store, but odds are it will be even bigger and more entertaining. That seems to be how this franchise works.

    #6 Dream Scenario (A24)
    My fourth favorite movie of last year was The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent because I just can't get enough Nicholas Cage. The guy has been on a roll after Pig dropped, then this year we get a slew of new films. All of them good. Three of them appearing on this page! Arguably his best Dream Scenario, which is highly enjoyable dark comedy fare that dips into the surreal in interesting ways... all while commenting on our obsession with celebrity and pop culture. They didn't really nail the ending, which is a mess and leaves some things unresolved, but the ride is entertaining enough to make it worth your while.

    Favorite Movies 2023

    #7 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (Marvel Studios)
    If there was any film that was destined to be a lock for my Number One spot, it was this one. The previous two Guardians films were fantastic entertainment with great characters and interesting stories to tell. The fact that they were literally the most important movies leading into the Infinity Saga was just icing on the cake. And then I saw the film. The horrific amount of torture and death that permeates the movie kinda ruins what would otherwise be a fun capper on the trilogy.

    #8 The Killer (Netflix)
    David Fincher adds a stylish flair to everything he touches, but somehow manages to not repeat himself in obvious ways. But the star of the show of a hitman done wrong is Michael Fassbender, who is detached in a fascinating way that really has me hoping the character continues in another movie.

    #9 Asteroid City (Focus Features)
    I'm anxious to see everything Wes Anderson releases because he has an aesthetic and a sense of humor that hit me the right way. This time he's gifted us with my second-favorite film in his career. You'd think that his visual style and quirky dialogue would have diminishing returns, but this flick proves that's not even remotely true. Not only is it a gorgeous visual feast, it's unique and interesting in all the best ways. Plus what might be the greatest role of Jeff Goldblum's career (despite it lasting mere seconds).

    #10 Ghosted (AppleTV)
    YES, IT'S AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR APPLE PRODUCTS! YES, IT MADE MY LIST! Savaged by the critics, this is a movie that didn't seem to make anybody happy. And yet... I tuned in wanting nothing more than a fun ride, and that's exactly what I got. Chris Evans, who can essentially write his own ticket, has been beautifully taking memorable supporting roles that play against type for him. Knives Out and The Gray Man made you believe he could do whatever he out his mind to following his epic run as Captain America... then he jumped yet again, landing in Ghosted where he played the literal opposite of Cap, who is somehow forced into becoming an action hero despite it all. Plus the incomparable Ana de Armas. And, like I said, it's fun. And hilarious. With great action beats. What's not to love?

    #11 The Creator (20th Century)
    This was a gorgeous film with very good performances and incredible visuals that could have been so much better if it just had a stronger edit to keep it from being somewhat confusing and entirely too long. As it is, however, it comes across as an emotionally manipulative, drawn out story that left me hoping a director's cut comes along to shape it into the film it could have been. Even so, I enjoyed it quite a lot. Remarkably, the film was made on an $80 million budget, but looks more expensive than what we've been getting out of films with quadruple the budget. Just goes to show that throwing gobs of money at something doesn't mean you're going to see it on the screen (see: the recent slate of Marvel Studios movies).

    #12 They Cloned Tyrone (Netflix)
    Scathing social satire is something that has to be done well in order to be entertaining. Trying to make it funny adds another level of complexity that has scuttled many an effort. Juel Taylor's film managed to do both very, very well. It's smart sci-fi that's actually trying to say something, and I'm still surprised they managed to pull it off.

    Favorite Movies 2023

    #13 Nimona (Netflix)
    Last I heard, this animated adaptation of the graphic novel was at Disney. Which was a bit of a head-scratcher because it has LGBTQ elements baked right in. But then Disney shuttered Blue Sky Studios where it was being developed, and that was that. Until it wasn't, and Annapurna Pictures picked it up. Clever and fun with beautiful animation, it's everything you could want from a motion picture, and I'm actually a bit relieved that Netflix ended up with it so that more people ended up seeing it than would have if Disney had buried it somewhere.

    #14 Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania (Marvel Studios)
    Sigh. The first two Ant-Man movies were escapist fun that were imaginative and fun to watch. The entire thrust of the stories were to show how a teeny-tiny character navigates the Real World. And it came with a lot of surprises that made them far different than other movies in the Marvel Studios stable. So what did they do with the third film? Take everybody to the "Quantum Realm" where they’re mired in weirdness that completely destroys what makes them unique and special. This is not a bad movie. It’s just a huge waste of time that could have been far better spent with a better script (what the fuck happened to the quantum powers that Janet had in the previous movie?). No idea if we’re getting another sequel, but if this is the new normal, I’ll take a pass.

    #15 Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (AMC/Cinemark)
    Some artists just know how to put on a performance. P!nk is probably my favorite that I've seen in person. Taylor Swift's tour films make it seem like she's in that same echlon of entertainers. Blowing through some of the best-known tracks of her career's various "eras," the movie does a great job of showcasing why her fans (like me!) enjoy the spectacle of her live shows... even if they can't attend in person. Production values on the show and the film are top-notch, and makes me wonder just how she will ever be able to top it.

    #16 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (Nickelodeon)
    I didn't grow up with the original (and brilliant) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon. But it feels like I did. No... this is one of those cartoons which I watched as an adult just because it was a show I wish I had as a kid. And now we get a movie which both honors the cartoon... yet strikes out on its own in fun new ways. First of all, the animation is just fantastic. Stunning, really. Having a fluidity of motion that makes the action even more compelling. Second of all, it's just funny. Joyously so. I loved every frame, and am excited at the prospect of the characters continuing onward from this direction.

    #17 Red, White, & Royal Blue (Netflix)
    Gay rom-coms are so often neutered to the point of being sexless pap. In which case you had really better nail the humor. This is one of those rare films that somehow manages to be very funny, but also manages to treat the lead characters as complete humans with challenges and a sex life to boot.

    #18 Extraction 2 (Netflix)
    The first Extraction film seemingly left no room for a sequel, but here we are. And it's actually better in just about every way. Especially with the action, which is intense and relentless. But most importantly, we got more Golshifteh Farahani, who could really, really use a spin-off with her character "Nik."

    HONORABLE MENTION...

    • A Haunting in Venice (20th Century)
      My main problem with the first two of Kenneth Branaugh's Hercule Poirot films was that they were essentially remakes of better films. This time around they decided to do something more original based on a lsser-known Christie novel, and the results are much better. Featuring yet anoher all-star cast, Poirot gets to explore the supernatural to interesting effect. I just wish the mystery would have been a bit better.
    • Renfield (Universal)
      I would have bet serious money that any attempt to keep up with Nicholas Cage playing freakin’ DRACULA would fail miserably. And, indeed, Cage kills the role, as you knew he would. But, surprisingly, Nicholas Hoult playing Renfield manages to hold his own, which makes this movie a bloody fun affair. A part of me truly wants a prequel which goes into detail about Renfield and Dracula’s early years, but the film was pretty much a flop so that's likely not going to happen.
    • Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (Paramount)
      Probably because the D&D IP has been shit on for forever was why I held out zero hope for this one. But then... a miracle. They held onto what makes D&D so compelling while building a great story around it. Then hired a great cast to make it work.
    • Air (Amazon Studios)
      You wouldn't think a movie built around the advent of Air Jordans shoes would have enough meat to build a film around it... but they did it. They definitely did it. And Ben Affleck managed to star and direct his way into something respectful.
    • Wham! (Netflix)
      Otherwise known as the band with George Michael and that other guy, Wham! was an absolute sensation from the 80's that I remember well. Alas, it wasn't meant to last, and the band seemed to disappear in no time at all so that George could pursue his solo career. Based on the biography of "the other guy," Andrew Ridgeley, it's a compelling documentary that adds a new level to what was happening
    • The Retirement Plan (Joker Films)
      The third Nicholas Cage gettiing a mention on this entry is the weakest... and yet had moments of entertainment value that could have ranked this higher if they had only stuck the landing. Which was essentially a non-ending. A woman is in deep, deep trouble thanks to her husband stealing a very important thumb drive. The only place her and her daughter have to go is her dad, who used to be a "problem solver" for the government. Hilarious over-the-top violence and action ensues.
    • Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game (MPI)
      I have to admit... I didn't know the half of it when it came to the history of pinball... and how it almost didn't survive here in the USA. Fortunately, this documentary lays it all out in an entertaining fashion and has very good performances to drive it home.
    • Creed III (MGM)
      I fully admit to not being much of a fight fan. But I am a very big fan of the Creed franchise, and the third installment is yet another great movie thanks to another stellar performance by Michael B. Jordan... plus Jonathan Majors making me once again lament that his impending (rightful) cancelation will likely halt his career.
    • We Have a Ghost (Netflix)
      In a year where you'd imagine the ghost movie to beat would be Disney's The Haunted Mansion reboot, along comes a far more clever and entertaining entry that was far from great, but a lot of fun to watch.
    • Quiz Lady (Hulu)
      I fully expected that this was going to be a forgettable, disposable movie that wouldn't have much of a lasting impression. But it's actually pretty good despite feeling about average.
    • Genie (Peacock)
      Melissa McCarthy is incredibly hit-or-miss to me, but Genie hits more than it misses and ended up being a fun diversion for the holidays.
    • Love at First Sight (Netflix)
      This is what Hallmark movies would be if they had a budget. And Jameela Jamil as a magical character fostering a romance between an unlikely couple. Charming, sweet, and wonderfully performed by a capable cast, this is a movie that hits all the right notes for rom-com fans. There's also a bit of a twist that adds a bit of sadness to it that makes you rethink what you thought you knew.
    • Round and Round (Hallmark)
      The Hanukkah Hallmark Channel movie this year features 80’s music, geek culture, comic books, and a hefty nod to some time travel movies which came before. It’s like somebody wrote this one just for me! But anyway... a woman has a disastrous 7th night of Hanukkah... that keeps repeating. Just like in Groundhog Day, which they are quick to acknowledge in the story. And just like in that film, she has to figure out why she's stuck in a time loop and how she can get out of it. That alone would be worth watching, but they toss in a twist at the end which has you completely recontextualizing everything you've seen. I had to go back and see if I missed some clues. Turns out I really didn't, which was disappointing. The only way this could have been better would be to have made the twist apparent when you rewatched it. Then there's the fact that the twist is kinda-sorta from one of my all-time favorite time travel movies, which I can't mention because it will give it away.

    DIDN'T SEE, MIGHT HAVE MADE MY LIST...

    • The Marvels (Marvel/Disney)
      Everything I've heard from anybody who matters says that this was a fun and entertaiing movie. I didn't make it to the theater to see it, but if I did I am fairly confident it would have ranked higher for me than the other two Marvel films this year.
    • The Boy and the Heron (Studio Ghibli)
      My hands-down favorite animator of all time is Hayao Miyazaki. I've been a massive, massive fan since I first discovered his films on my many trips to Japan. This was long before the Disney partnership that gave the director widespread acclaim in the USA. But anyway... as with every other thing he's ever done, I'm sure this movie is an absolute masterpiece. How could it not be? Miyazaki keeps retiring, then coming back. Now, apparently this will not be his last film (again!) and he's got one more in him. No complaints from me, and I can't wait to see this one.
    • Godzilla Minus One (Toho)
      I am a fan of all the Godzilla movies... from the earliest, cheesiest releases... to the modern misfires... to the animated stuff that really deserves more recognition than it gets. Then along comes this Takashi Yamazaki affair which has been so critically lauded that it very likely would have been high on my list had I managed to actually see it this year. No idea when I'll get to it because you can't even pre-order it on iTunes, but I'll be tuning in on Day One of its digital release, bet on it.
    • Oppenheimer (Syncopy/Universal)
      Christopher Nolan may very well be one of the most brilliantly consistent directors going, and the critical praise that's been lauded on his story about the father of the atomic bomb is sure to be another great film.
    • Wonka (Warner Bros.)
      Hugh Grant as an acerbic Oompa-Loompa? Sign me up. I honestly had zero expectations about this Willy Wonka prequel, especially since it was made as a musical, but critical reception has been very generous, so who knows?
    • すずめの戸締まり (Suzume) (Toho)
      Makoto Shinkai, who seems incapable of making a bad film, hit the big time with his movie 君の名は (Your Name)... and rightfully so. It was brilliantly charming and smart. Then came the follow-up 天気の子 (Weathering with You) which was equally as good. It seems the critical response to すずめの戸締まり is just as good, which means he's blessed us with another genius movie.
    • Poor Things (Searchlight)
      When I heard that they were going to adapt the Alasdair Gray novel Poor Things, my first thought was HOW?!? It seemed like it was just a setup for disaster. But then it got released. People loved it. Critics loved it. And suddenly something I was pouring doubt upon was looking like it might actually be worth watcing.
    • A Million Miles Away (Amazon)
      I rotate through all my streaming services, and Amazon isn't coming for me until January. Mostly so I can watch the second season of Reacher, but also so I can see A Million Miles Away. Michale Peña, who knows his way around a script, plays Mexican-American astronaut José M. Hernández. The guy's story is ripe for a screen adaptation, and I am really excited to see this.

    OVERRATED BUT STILL GOOD...

    • Barbie (Warner Bros.)
      I wanted so badly to love this. Mostly because the Barbie Land visuals are beyond amazing. So much thought went into every last detail of their existence and how things work that the movie is worth watching just to see it. And it's impossible to overstate how flawless the casting of Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling were to the film. Plus I think the overall message was good, and the way that the Barbies triumph over Kendom was funny. But, visuals aside, this didn't seem like enough (Kenough?) to carry an entire film. At least not for me. I know this was a critical darling and people loved it, but I was hoping for something... more? else? different? I honestly dunno what could have made this be a home run for me. But this whole "toys come to life in the real world" concept is really getting played out after The LEGO Movie, and I'm really hoping we're done with it.

    DISAPPOINTING...

    • Heart of Stone (Netflix)
      Good Lord. They hired a great cast. Had an interesting concept. Staged some terrific action sequences. Went to some fantastic locations. THEN MIRED EVERYTHING IN THE MOST BY-THE-NUMBERS SPY STORY IMAGINABLE. Who in the hell is calling the shots at Netflix? Is it too much to ask to get something that's not an inferior wannabe expensive Mission Impossible clone? And the absurdly silly AI computer's constant recalculation of the mission's chance of success is just fucking stupid and unneeded. Does the AI computer have God-vision to be able to calculate infinite variables of unfolding events like this? Why does every movie have to drop in some kind of AI computerized crutch to up the tension instead of just WRITING SOMETHING WITH ACTUAL TENSION? Having C-3PO, oops... I mean "The Heart"... saying "YOUR MISSION ONLY HAS A 35% CHANCE OF SUCCESS" means NOTHING and does NOTHING... especially if Gal Gadot is going to ignore it. "DON'T TELL ME THE ODDS, 3PO!" Everybody involved in this film deserves better than this stupid shit. Thank you Netflix for spending a ton of money on this crap while increasing our rates. Jesus.
    • Triangle of Sadness (Lionsgate)
      The trailer looked right up my alley and the critics loved it, so I bought it the minute it had a price drop on the iTunes Store. Turns out that $8 was too much to pay. I don’t get it. This movie was flashes of genius sandwiched between long, boring stretches of meaningless nothing. Didn’t hate it... but most certainly didn’t care for it much.
    • Elemental (Disney/Pixar)
      Blergh. Ten minutes in and I was already exhausted. Beautifully animated and a lot of imagination into the concept, but it beats you over the fucking head with artificial sentimentality and a painfully forced take on immigration stories. It's like Pixar is so far out of ideas that they figure they can just hit you in the face with the obviousness and hope that the blunt-force trauma will make you not realize it. Even putting the insane lapses in logic aside (things randomly burn or don't burn depending on whether the story needs them to) this movie is a mess. With the exception of Luca, which was amazing, Pixar has been forgettable since Toy Story 4 in 2019.
    • 65 (Sony)
      How can a survival movie with Adam Driver fighting frickin' dinosaurs be this frickin' boring? Maybe it was my lofty expectations over loving the concept that put me in the wrong frame of mind, but I was beyond puzzled that I couldn't get invested no matter how hard I tried.
    • Leave the World Behind (Netflix)
      If "meh" was a movie, it would be this. And I don't get it, because the talent behind it is off the charts. Seriously, this is a master class of acting right here. But even the best actors couldn't save an apocalypse survivor scenario this meandering and slow. I understand that they were trying to slowly build the tension, but it didn't really come to a head. It just kinda went for an ending that was meant to be provocative, but fizzled for me. I dunno. Maybe if I revisit the film one of these days I'll find that the parts are greater than the whole and appreciate it more, but right now I feel really let down by the whole ordeal.

    TOTALLY SHIT THE BED...

    • Rebel Moon Part One: A Child of Fire (Netflix)
      Holy fucking shit. For reasons I can't even contemplate, people Keep. Giving. Zach. Snyder. Money. To. Keep. Making. Shitty. Movies. This one, which apparently began as an idea for a Star Wars film, may very well be his absolute worst. Which sounds impossible, I know. In what I can only describe as a boring pile of shit that steals every last idea from far, far superior films... including Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. The story (if you can even call it that) is about a woman who refuses to grow grain to feed evil Imperium troops, and has to assemble a ragtag team of heroes so that when the bad guys return to her moon home and find all their fellow bad guys dead, they can fight them. And as she makes her way from boring planet to boring planet, the movie just devolves into a bigger and bigger mess. Snyder has said that there's a "director's cut" that's at least an hour longer on the horizon which will make the film actually makes sense. But who the fuck is going to want to watch more of this? I had to fast forward through half of this as it is now. Count me out for Part Two, although I might have to fast forward to the very end to see if it actually has an ending. That way I can put this mess behind me.
    • The Flash (Warner Bros.)
      Christ. Where to start? After the glowing preview comments by "industry insiders" calling this one of the best super-heroes movies ever made, I thought it might actually be worth watching. Nope! It was beyond shitty. Not only does it start Ezra Miller... who should be in jail, shouldn't he?... it has some of the worst special effects I've ever seen. NOT due to the artists who created them, but because they were instructed to make them look that way. Seriously... try not to laugh your fucking ass off when Ezra deep-throats a burrito in free-fall or, and this is a biggie, actually runs anywhere. But that's just the start. Barry Allen meets himself as a younger college-age guy and, if you can believe it, he's even MORE annoying. I ended up fast-forwarding through the Barry & Barry scenes because it was fucking unwatchable. The only bright spots were Michael Keaton's Batman and Sasha Calle's Supergirl. But that's it. The rest is forgettable, annoying, crap that makes me glad the DCU is being rebooted.
    • Blue Beetle (Warner Bros.)
      I was excited that a Jaime Reyes Blue Beetle movie was in development. He's a fun character in the comics, and the fact that we'd finally get a Latino-centric super-hero movie meant it might be different from the same old thing. Until I saw the trailers. They made it very clear that this was a "power of family" movie instead of a Blue Beetle movie. And who gives a shit about that? Turns out the movie is even worse. It is boring as fuck. It takes a half-hour... A HALF-HOUR... before you even see the Blue Beetle, for crying out loud. This is the most boring, uneventful, slog of an origin story which ends up being just a frickin' Iron Man/Spider-Man hybrid clone, and not in a good way. I hope to God that James Gunn gets the DCU turned around so we avoid more of this idiotic crap. Because... HA HA HA! HOW FUNNY! HE CAN'T CONTROL THE SUIT AND HE'S RUNNING INTO EVERYTHING FOR TEN MINUTES! is just... Jesus. I know Greatest American Hero was a while ago, but this has been done to death. From there on it's just talk talk talk talk talk with action beats that are equally boring. And then? "HA HA HA! LET'S SEE GRANDMA WITH A MACHINE GUN AGAIN!" What a frickin' waste.
    Categories: Movies 2023Click To It: Permalink  2 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Eloise Has The Answers You’re Looking For

    Posted on Wednesday, January 3rd, 2024

    Dave!Yesterday was a really tough day.

    My knee that I was complaining about froze up somehow, so I was downing Ibuprofen in the hopes that I could ignore the pain and concentrate on work. And of course we were coming back from a three day weekend which followed a week where most businesses were closed, so I was insanely busy. By the time I made it home, I was hurting, I was exhausted, and all I really wanted to do was go to bed.

    But my cats would be wanting dinner in two hours, so going to bed wasn't an option.

    And so I decided to see if there was a comedy playing on Amazon Freevee. It had to be a comedy because I just couldn't handle anything else.

    For some reason, this movie caught my eye...

    Half Brothers Movie Poster.

    Two guys running with a goat. How serious could that be? Probably stupid, but I'll put it on while I catch up on the internet and such.

    I was not even remotely prepared for this.

    It's a comedy alright... but that's just a part of it.

    The film also has some of the most gut-wrenching emotional beats I've ever seen. And they're brought to life by incredible performances. No kidding. I'd put Juan Pablo Espinosa's emotional arc up against anybody. And the half-brothers casting of Luis Gerardo Méndez, whose facial reactions carry the movie... and Connor del Rio, whose craziness would sink the film if he wasn't able to balance it with a deep hurting that's in contrast to how his character acts... it's just inspired stuff. Movies with budgets that are hundreds of times bigger would be lucky to have this kind of talent in front of the camera.

    But that's not even the half of it. There's thoughtful commentary on immigration that hits hard, and it all comes from what you see... nobody is lecturing you about anything. There's stereotypes examined on both sides of the border that get dismantled in very good ways. There's themes of acceptance and kindness that feel like they should be grossly out of place, and yet they work.

    After watching the ending... which is flawless... the first thing I did after I managed to put myself back together was to see what score it had over at Rotten Tomatoes...

    Rotten Tomatoes Score: 37% Critics and 81% Audience Score.

    Critics had no love for the film. But that audience score is very respectable. Which means the people who watched it just to be entertained were moved by it.

    I had never heard of this film when it was released in 2020. Of course this was prime pandemic season, so I guess that tracks. But I never heard of it when it was released to video either. I then tracked down the trailer on YouTube, which is great... if you've seen the film. But given the complex nature of how it's constructed, no trailer was ever going to do it justice. How could it? It was promoted as a kind of slapstick buddy comedy...

    But anyway...

    Yeah, this wasn't the movie I wanted, but it ended up being the movie I needed.

    I got the comedy I was looking for, it just so happens that it's sandwiched in-between emotional punches to the gut. One minute you're dying because the bed-jumping scene through the window of the motel is so hilarious... then the movie pivots on a dime, and suddenly there's a note of tragedy that makes you forget you were laughing at the same character just seconds before.

    So, yeah. Highest possible recommendation. And it's free to watch on Amazon Freevee.

    I loved the movie so much that I ended up paying the $15 to buy it on Apple's iTunes store because there were deleted and extended scenes... and a director's commentary. At which point I watched the movie all over again so I could hear Luke Greenfield talk about how it all came together. Turns out a lot of thought went into every shot... including how colors were used to help tell the story. But the biggest takeaway was how difficult the movie was to make because they had no money. Everything was shot on a shoestring. The road scenes were all shot on the same stretch of roads because they couldn't afford to go anywhere else. Some scenes were directed over video calls because they couldn't afford the expense of having the director on-set. Different locations were the same locations shot from different directions. But despite it all, you'd never know it while watching the film.

    It has me wondering how many other wonderful movies are out there that I don't know about.

    Thousands, probably.

    Categories: Movies 2024Click To It: Permalink  0 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

       

    Bullet Sunday 837

    Posted on Sunday, January 7th, 2024

    Dave!The sun is shining, there's no snow on the ground, and apparently Winter is over, but I'm trying not to think about a possible drought come Summer... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Portraiture! Auguste Toulmouche was a wonderful artist who is most well known for his portraits of fancy Parisian women. What made his paintings so notable was the expressions he painted on their faces. The most famous likely being La Fiancée hésitante (The Hesitant Bride)...

    A steely woman who's had enough of your shit being tended to by two women.

    A closeup of the above.

    But my favorite of his is Vanity...

    A woman kissing herself in the mirror.

    A closeup of the above.

    This past week I was going through my art books and noticed something I hadn't before. There is a portrait of Auguste by another artist of the day, Jean-Louis Hamon...

    Auguste Toulmouche By Hamon

    After Googling for other images of the guy and not finding any, I realized something... this is likely the only record of what Auguste looked like. All articles about the guy show this same image. It's a rough painting, and yet captures a feeling in a way that a photograph never could. One of the many reasons I love art so much. Here's a self-portrait of Hamon...

    Jean-Louis Hamon By Hamon

    Amazing artist. I would kill to be able to paint hair like that.

       
    • Méndez! I wrote a whole post over my love of the movie Half Brothers (which you can read here). I'm such a fan that I've been tracking down other works by the people in it. #1 on my list is Luis Gerardo Méndez. The guy's ability to emote what his character is feeling is jaw-dropping. He makes you feel every emotional beat of his character, and is a big reason why I love the film...

    BUT ANYWAY... I was thrilled to learn that his latest project is on Paramount+ and is called Los Enviados. Except when I went to Paramount+ I couldn't find it. After a couple weeks, i.e. TODAY, I found out that it's there... you just can't search for its Spanish title. You have to search for The Envoys instead?? Weird, considering it's a Spanish language show. But anyway...

    So, yeah. Most definitely checking this series out. The second season just dropped, so I'm assuming the first season must have been pretty great.

       
    • Cameron Classics, Now On Digital! I love James Cameron movies. And two of my favorites are True Lies and The Abyss...

    I bought them on both LaserDisc and DVD. My digital version were ripped from DVDs and hi-res broadcast because they've never been available to purchase on Digital (or Blu-Ray). Until now! And iTunes has both of them on sale for $9.99 each! So now I'm digital legal. As I endeavor to always be. The only time I'm not IS WHEN THEY DON'T MAKE THEM AVAILABLE FOR SALE!!!

       
    • Rojas! Every time I rewatch Ted Lasso I find something new that I didn't know. Apparently, Danny Rojas is based on Mexican football star Javier Hernández. While reading up on Hernández, I ran across Diego Maradona, an Argentinian footballer who is rumored to also contribute to Danny's character. And THEN I found this old video of Maradona where he was warming up before a match. The song playing on the field in the background is Live is Life WHICH THEY PLAY AT THE END OF THE SECOND SEASON'S FIRST EPISODE! MIND. BLOWN. The epiode where Danny recovers from accidentally killing the team mascot. The people working on this show really know their football...

    And SPEAKING of Ted Lasso... in the second episode Roy is walking out on the field with a young girl, which is most certainly his niece Phoebe. Except the actor isn't credited on IMDB and she doesn't actually appear in the story until the next episode, where Roy tells Ted about her when they visit the school with Trent Crimm (of The Independent). But if she was walking out with the team, wouldn't Ted have already met her and known who she was?

    Roy walking out with Phoebe???

    I must have watched the series a dozen times by now. And the earlier episodes even more. It got me through the horrors of the past three years, and it's pretty daunting knowing that there's no more coming to help me through 2024.

       
    • Tidy! A friend posted a story about a mouse that tidys up a man's workbench every night. If there wasn't video evidence, you wouldn't believe it...

    I wish my cats were this motivated. The whole incredible story is right here.

       
    • Expenses! This truly is incredible...

    And he really does do that...

    Don't forget to be awesome. The guy in the videos is John Green. He wrote The Fault In Our Stars, a book I never read... but did enjoy the movie adaptation. He's a really great guy who has some very interesting thoughts. I love his YouTube channel so much, and recommend checking it out if you want to fall down a rabbit hole of awesome.

       
    • Sigma Octantis! Just when I think I've seen all the flat earth idiocy that exists... along comes another one. Note at the top where the North Star (Polaris) is riiiiight up top...

    The absurdly fucking stupid flat earth model.
    I'd credit the artist... but I have no clue who that is

    Polaris. POLARIS?!? Funny... according to this flat earth model dumbfuckery, you should be able to see Polaris from anywhere on earth. But any time I've traveled south of the equator, it was no longer visible. South Africa, Zimbabwe, Antarctica, Argentina, Fiji, Australia, Bali... no Polaris in sight. I checked! But do you want to know what's funny? Sigma Octantis (AKA The South Star) which is not visible in the northern hemisphere, is the star around which the night sky rotates when you are in the southern hemisphere. Almost as if the earth was a globe! Remarkable that! These flerfers really need to like... travel... and stuff. THE CONSTELLATIONS AREN'T EVEN THE FUCKING SAME! JESUS!!!

       
    Really hoping we get some late snows so we have water this Summer.

       

    The Marvelousness of Film

    Posted on Tuesday, January 16th, 2024
    The Marvels (which finally arrived on home video) is fun. Sure there were massive plot holes and moments of sheer stupidity... but overall it was a lot of fun and highly entertaining. Remember fun comic book films? And the ending(s) were a treat for long-time Marvel Studios and Marvel Comics fans. I liked it a HECK of a lot more than Ant Man & The Wasp: Quantumania. And I liked it better than Thor: Love & Thunder as well. And it wipes the floor with all the trash that DC has been unleashing on us, so there's that.

    Worth a look if you're starved for something new to watch...

    Several sections almost demand watching in slow motion because the swapping of powers and places creates some crazy-fast action.

       

    Barbie, Ken, and a Song of Past Lives

    Posted on Monday, January 22nd, 2024

    Dave!Everybody is mentioning Barbie when it comes to the Oscar nomination announcement and, yeah, that's pretty fucked up what happened. But to me the most gross oversight is that Celina Song didn't get nominated for Best Director when it came to her Oscar-Nominated Best Picture Past Lives.

    It's my opinion that this achingly beautiful film required more deft directorial skills to realize than any of the directors that got nominated. I mean... nothing to take away from any of them, because they've all got films they should be proud of... but the story of Past Lives is like a fragile teacup which required careful thought be put into every scene to avoid breaking it. The core of the story is with the actors, yes, but the choices that Song made feel vastly more critical to making the movie what it is.

    Eli Celina Song Photo.

    A part of me thinks that there was only room for one woman in the nominees, and it wasn't her.

    Oh well. I'd really like to see it win Best Picture.

    In any event, I am very much looking forward to whatever she does next. Every frame of Past Lives is art, and this is only her first movie!

    When it comes to Barbie, Greta Gerwig did get a nod for her (adapted??) screenplay, which seems a more fitting nomination than director, in my humble opinion. But wrapping my head around how Ryan Gosling got nominated but Margot Robbie did not is impossible. I get why people are baffled. I am too. I may not have been utterly entranced by the film as so many have, but I can say 100% that if Ken was deemed Oscar-worthy, then Barbie should be as well. Robbie's performance and commitment was not in any way short.

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    Bullet Sunday 842

    Posted on Sunday, February 11th, 2024

    Dave!I'm scrubbing up after seven months of having my shower doors collecting dust in my hallway, but now that they're moved, I can move on... and blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Make Mine Marvel! I fully expected to get a Deadpool 3 trailer at the Superb Owl. And though I'm not watching the game, I wasn't disappointed. Now titled Deadpool & Wolverine, it's absolutely everything I dreamed of...

    This may very well be worth a trip to the theater.

       
    • Yawn! I was wandering through the internet and saw a photo of some cats that immediately reminded me of the famous Pet Shop Boys album cover for actually...

    Classic. The Instagram account didn't credit the creator of the photos, but a reverse image search pointed me to this Tumblr here. Hopefully that's the right place. Kinda frustrating when creators don't get credited for their work.

       
    • DOON TOO! Um. Wow. Can't wait for the second half of Dune. The whole idea of riding a big worm through the desert is just so comical, but here Denis Villeneuve actually makes it look terrifying...

    I've always been a fan of what David Lynch managed to do with his original film back in 1984, but this is phenomenal. If only Frank Herbert could see how his master work has been so beautifully adapted.

       
    • Call Me... Charlie Baltimore! I love maps. This short video is on a subject I've read about many times... but this is a very clear way of illustrating The Baltimore Phenomenon...

    Alice Springs was an interesting place to visit. I went so I could see Uluru (AKA "Ayer's Rock), and it feels very much like a place that's there just to service people doing exactly that.

       
    • I'm Blue! Oh how I love science. The story of the development of the blue LED is fascinating...

    The implications of sterilization LEDs is mind-boggling.

       
    • Shorted! It's been a while since I've read Optic Nerve. But I was excited when I heard that Randall Park was adapting Shortcomings from the original comic. THEN I saw that it was to star Justin Min (he's Ben in The Umbrella Academy) and Ally Maki (who I fell in love with from Wrecked) and was all in...

    It ended up being darn good. Kinda slice-of-life with some humor to it. And though I don't recall seeing Sherry Cola in anything, she is hilarious. All the actors are really good, but holy crap should Justin Min be tearing up Hollywood. Good looking with the bone structure of a god... and incredible talented to boot.

       
    • Poppin'! TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES ONLY APPLY TO WOMEN! MEN CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT! IT'S IN THE BIBLE, YOU CAN LOOK IT UP! Meanwhile... misogyny never looked so fabulous. That lip gloss and those frosted tips are poppin' on him! Way to find a look that's so glam on you, my brother in Christ! (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @speechprof

    This has the same energy for me as Andre Tatertot saying that the tears running down his face when he feels sad isn’t crying.

    ♬ original sound - The Speech Prof

    The lack of awareness is just next level here.

       
    And now? Back to playing clean up.

       

    Bullet Sunday 843

    Posted on Sunday, February 18th, 2024

    Dave!The snow has all melted, and ... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Mean It! It’s a beautiful song to begin with. But when LANY's lead singer comes in with that hook at 2:47... how do collaborations like this happen? It’s perfect...

    Can't believe this track is off Lauv's debut album.

       
    • Winner! (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

    @jamieandblake Keep them guessing 😅 #funny #viral #fyp ♬ original sound - Jamie and Blake

    I hope he at least didn't have to pay.

       
    • Patagonia! I don't have very many regrets in life. But the few I do usually revolve around missed opportunities when it comes to travel. Not having been to India yet is something that I very much regret, for example. But bigger regrets are having gone places but not having enough time to see and experience more of the area. My photo expedition to Antarctica was incredible. A true bucket-list-worthy item that I will remember forever. And yet... I sure wish I would have had more time so I could visit Patagonia. But I had new kittens back home that I worried about. A mom in a memory care facility that I worried about even more. And two weeks away was already more than I could take (or afford).

       
    • Streaming Services Are Shit! Cutting cable/satellite was one of the happiest things I ever did. I fucking HATED having to buy bundles that included channels I would never watch and commercials I was forced to suffer through on top of the huge monthly bill. Streaming allowed me to pay for exactly what I wanted to watch and was ad-free. Then, fast-forward to today, and we're back to bundles and fucking ads (unless you pay an absurd amount of money to get rid of them. Not only that, but the amount of content you get is shit too. Which brings us to this...

    God. It's so bad that I'm to the point where I subscribe to one service ad-free each month, cancel it, then move on to the next ad-free service. And I know I'm not alone. It used to be that I cared about supporting services that produced content I wanted to watch by subscribing every month. Now I don't give a shit. Fuck 'em. I will pay when there's something they have that I want to watch. For the rest, I pay for YouTube Premium, which is ad-free and has endless content. That's enough.

       
    • Marvel! Today I watched Assembled: The Making of The Marvels and am sad all over again that the movie underperformed. I love Brie Larson as Captain Marvel. Her first movie was SO good. Her part in Avengers: Endgame was flawless. And while there were some serious problems with The Marvels, it was still very entertaining. I loved the power-switching concept that drove it. — I want to see Captain Marvel again. I need more Carol Danvers. I hope that Marvel Studios brings her back somehow. And Photon. Teyonah Parris is a frickin' gift. How awesome would it be to get a limited series which explores her light powers in a cool and interesting way. And of course Ms. Marvel. I didn't particularly care for her limited series, but she was absolute gold in The Marvels. That Iman Vellani could capture the wonder of what her character was experiencing so perfectly is the heart of the entire film...

    But my favorite part of the documentary was Laura "LOOK AT ME, I'M WACKY" Karpman on sound design. Makes me want to re-watch the movie just to have a better appreciation for her work on it. And of course I thought the special effects were glorious. =sigh= I am so bummed that super-hero movies are imploding. I love love loved having so much content and watched it all. I would love to have a new Marvel movie every month. Like the comics. But now it's all being scaled back, and there's really nothing out there to replace it for me. I waited so long for something like the MCU to happen. I don't want it to end.

       
    • Housed! It is so weird having spent a month watching every episode of House and now it’s over. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that there are no more episodes to watch. But anyway… the final season was a bit of a mess, but I loved the show. Ten thoughts… 1) I think it’s probably a good thing that the show didn’t have a ninth season. They did everything, and it was time. There’s only so many times you can say “sarcoidosis.” 2) That being said, I want a spin-off with Chi Park. I love her character and want more. Even though they didn’t know what to do with her, and came up with the idiotic Chase love scenario. 3) I missed Cameron after she left. But Cuddy was the one that I cannot believe wasn’t there for the last season… and the way they got rid of her was insulting and stupid. 4) Robert Sean Leonard better have gotten an award for playing Wilson, because damn. 5) I think that Omar Epps probably didn’t get enough credit for his role. He was memorable despite his character being buried most of the time. 6) While I loved Taub when he was in doctor mode, they spent WAY too much time on his stupid personal life. 7) Thirteen was my favorite character. Partly because they made her so interesting, but mostly because Olivia Wilde played her so beautifully. 8] The saddest moment to me was Kutner, not Wilson, because Kutner was all reactions by the characters, and we will never know what he was feeling. 9) I would have liked to get more of the detective guy, Lucas. He was just so… together… and I love that they didn’t feel the need to make him a mess like everybody else. 10) I really do think that the writers backed themselves into a corner with Greg House. It’s like they felt him being a mess was his only quality, and he never really gave him the opportunity to be anything else (even when he was with Cuddy). Fortunately, Hugh Laurie was just so GOOD in the role that it didn’t matter. He made the character fascinating to watch no matter how much the writers were intent on sabotaging him. — BUT ANYWAY... A really good show that I’m kinda sad I didn’t watch as it was airing, because that way it probably wouldn’t have seemed as repetitive with the medical diagnosis jargon. GRADE: A- (though the final season was probably more of a C+).

       
    Until next Sunday then.

       

    Bullet Sunday 845

    Posted on Sunday, March 3rd, 2024

    Dave!Wah! My weekend is already half over and I'm not ready for it to be Sunday! But Sunday it must be... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Goonies Never Die! I watched this video reflecting on the career of Josh Brolin solely in the hopes that he would talk about Men In Black 3. That movie is so incredibly underrated. It's an amazing film. And a large part of that is Josh Brolin doing a Tommy Lee Jones impression... perfectly... for most of the runtime. And obviously GQ knew that's the thing everybody wanted to hear, so they saved it for last...

    I sure wish that we could have heard more about his experience working on that movie.

       
    • Otin! Oh man. The new Disney+ series, Iwájú, is Afrofuturism done very well... but it's so much more than that because there's like a lot going on. And it's very much steeped in Nigerian culture, which is to say that it's something wonderfully different than the same old shit we usually get. Bravo to Disney for giving us something fresh and new for a change. And for using amazing voice actors who breath life into these characters...

    The characters of Iwájú.

    The frickin' FOOD in this show is unreal. They put a lot of focus on it as a part of entrenching you into Nigerian culture. And, I tell you what, the emotion they pack into these 20 minute episodes is substantial. Tola is the main character of the show... but it's her best friend Kole who will break your heart. Dang they put a lot of hardship on this poor kid. The villain in this series is a very, very bad man! AND GOOD LORD THIS SHOW IS BEAUTIFUL. They use color to illustrate the class divide in this future Nigeria, and it's very, very hard not to see it because it's the visual language they paint with. And, as if all that wasn't enough, the sound design is equally wonderful. Great surround effects to envelope you in the environment. If you have Disney+, it's very much worth checking out. The episodes are short, so it's a quick watch.

       
    • Ramona! Ramona Fradon is a legendary artist whose gorgeous illustration style has been seen on a vast number of comic book characters. I think I first saw her work on Aquaman reprints or the Super Friends comic. But over the years the thing I most remember her for is the "special event" Wonder Woman stories they'd get her to draw. She had a more "cartoony old-style" that wasn't my favorite for the comics I was into, but that didn't mean I couldn't appreciate it from an artistic standpoint. Far from it, her minimalist style is beautiful because she could get some very expressive line-work that stood very well on its own. I remember reading about her retirement (which was January 5th) and she passed four weeks later on February 24th at the age of 97. Her final work was a trio of covers for Women's History Month...

    Though one of her more brilliant works was a private commission piece that she did a few years ago...

    Rest In Peace. You were a trailblazer and true artist from the start.

       
    • Help Me, Todd! Okay... let's do the math. Paramount+ wants $60 a year to subscribe with ads. Without ads is $120 a year. BECAUSE IT COMES WITH SHOWTIME, WHICH I DO NOT WANT! No option to get CBS shows without ads and without Showtime. I would pay $90 to get a year of ad-free, but Paramount is a joke of a company who wants me to subsidize their Showtime programs which I have no interest in watching. And so... do I pay $60 so I can watch So Help Me Todd with ads... or do I just subscribe to the show on iTunes for $30 without ads and I can watch it as much as I want? Well, because I don't believe in paying for stuff I don't want AND I detest ads, I'll just buy the show on iTunes. It is, after all, my favorite network show on television...

    I just purchased So Help Me Todd on iTunes!

    It's not like CBS has any other shows I can't live without. I'll just watch episodes of NCIS Hawaii once Paramount runs out of money from trying to force crap on people they don't want and they're forced to sell episodes of the show to Netflix because the person in charge of the company is a fucking moron. Can't wait for the spin from the Paramount PR office when profits drop to record lows and they have to convince shareholders that the people running the company aren't fucking idiots who just lost $60 from me. Of course, this is the network who canceled Magnum P.I., so it's not like I expect rational thought to come out of their leadership. But hey, maybe they'll renew So Help Me Todd and get another $30 out of me next year? Stranger things have happened!

       
    • Keep Your Fucking Bullshit Politics Out of People's Lives! The insane... FUCKING INSANE... crusade against IVF is usually seen as something that affects only women. That's not true. It affects women, men, and those identifying as neither... it affects families. And I am disgusted to my core that dumbfuck politicians who don't give a shit about facts... or ANYTHING or ANYONE except MONEY and POWER... put these dipshit laws on the books. Fuck them and all the people who vote them into office. A man wrote an article for GQ Magazine talking about what he and his family went through, and it's worth a read.

       
    • NEWSFLASH: Republican senator blocks bill to protect IVF. Cindy Hyde-Smith is a literal ghoul. She's a shell of a woman who has been filled with a hatred for other women that's shockingly brutal and cruel. Nothing quite like watching a woman embrace the patriarchy to dismantle an option for women who want to be mothers. I get why regressive men vote for toxic, misogynistic pieces of shit to represent them in government. But I will never in a million years understand how women vote for... whatever the fuck this horrific excuse of a human being is... who works overtime to endanger their lives and strip away their rights...

    If your God didn't want IVF for us, HE WOULD HAVE DESIGNED HUMAN EMBRYOS TO BE DESTROYED WHEN FROZEN! But of course their belief in an all-powerful deity doesn't allow logic to be applied to anything, so here we are. Fucking anti-science dumbshits making a decision for others in the "Land of the Free" over an issue they probably don't even fucking understand. Sadistic fucks.

       
    • Spam! Just when I think I've hit all the keywords to stop spam texts from politicians reaching me, along comes one more to add. Eventually I'll get there! I regret more than just about anything I've ever done sending money to one candidate... ONE... via "ActBlue." And the spam texts and emails have never, ever stopped ever since. No matter how many emails or phone numbers I block. The fuckers just keep making up new ones...

    Spam keywords to stop poliician spam.

    I love how ActBlue, which is about as skeezy an operation as you'll find just says "It's not our fault you keep getting donation requests from us... we just just provide tools for candidates to fundraise! You can't blame us!" And yet... all the people "using their services" are constantly saying "It's not the criminals! It's the guns that are the problem!" So... which is it? If ActBlue acted responsibly and forbade people from using their donation processing system if they send spam texts, and accepted complaints from people getting spammed with ActBlue requests who never "opted in," then there wouldn't be a problem. But ActBlue doesn't give a fuck. The more people using their service, the more money they make. And so I will never, ever donate to any candidate using ActBlue. I wish others would do the same. Then candidates would have nobody to blame but themselves for getting into bed with these fucking assholes.

       
    • Fishy! The first Aquaman was dopey fun. So long as you didn't think too hard, it wasn't horrifically bad. Kind of a fantastical globe-spanning adventure. But Aquaman 2? Yeah, it's horrifically bad. And though some of the visuals are really great... most of it is so bad that it practically looked animated like a cartoon. And not in a good way. As if all that wasn't enough, the film is obsessed with Aquaman having piss be squirted in his mouth. Baby piss. Octopus piss. I spent the movie pretty sure that his wife is going to be pissing in his mouth any minute now. Or just full-on brick in his mouth. Which is the natural escalation we need. Hilariously, they ended Aquaman 2 the same way that they ended Black Panther... and THEN they ended it AGAIN the same way they ended Iron Man! They copied TWO Marvel Studios movie endings in the same film! Holy shit am I glad that the Zack Snyder reign of terror over the DCU is now officially over.

       
    I guess that's enough trash for one Sunday. See you next week.

       

    Bullet Sunday 846

    Posted on Sunday, March 10th, 2024

    Dave!Another Spring. Another clock adjustment to screw up my day. But I am not deterred... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • What Was I Made For? I don't watch the Oscars. I do watch moments from the Oscars after I hear who won. The first thing I watched was Robert Downey Jr.'s acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor (he killed it, as you knew he would). The second thing I watched was Billie Eilish perform her Oscar nominated song for the audience (she killed it, as you knew she would). But the best part was her reaction to receiving a much deserved standing ovation...

    Billie Eilish looking shocked after getting a standing ovation.

    I've linked to a brilliant video explaining how her brother Finneas created the music for the song, but here's him and Billie talking about it...

    Good Lord they're a pair of talented siblings. Her explanation of the directions she could have gone, but chose not to, is why the song his so heartbreakingly beautiful. And why it deserved the Oscar win...

    That video was shot in a single take. It's one take. One. Ironic after the amount of time spent on the song itself. If you've seen Billie's career over the years, you will recognize where those Barbie outfits came from.

       
    • Guy! The Gentlemen was great. I loved it. But this is Netflix, so I'm not getting attached for a Season 2, even though I'd love to see it...

    If I have a criticism, it's that Guy Ritchie has a consistent problem. He is always introducing stupid characters who only exist to fuck things up, and they continue to fuck things up the whole way because the other characters don't ever seem to do anything about them. Which is absurd, because especially in these types of worlds, nobody could afford to indulge stupid like this. Stupid characters would be eliminated... or, at the very least, be neutralized so they can't keep doing stupid shit and fucking things up. It's fun at first, but eventually it's just moronic and boring. But anyway... it's still a great series, mostly driven by the performances of the main two characters and an entertaining story. Still have no idea how this fits into the movie that it's named after.

       
    • On The Daily! I've seen a lot of those "A Photo A Day" videos where somebody takes a picture of their face daily. This is the best one I've ever seen...

    Amazing. He's done videos with more frames added, and apparently plans to keep making more, which I sure hope he does.

       
    • Strangers! Turns out that sometimes the critical acclaim is justified. I was finally in a mental place where I could watch All of Us Strangers on Hulu. It debuted last month, but February is a really tough stretch for me every year, and watching a movie about the overwhelming power that grief has over our lives needed to wait. Until now...

    It's an incredible film. Highly recommended if you want to be completely shattered for an hour and forty-five minutes. I cannot get over the performances. There are four principal actors, all of them deserving of all the awards, and what they accomplish here will haunt me for a very long time. One of the most important characters in the film is the music, and I think the key to understanding what's happening sits with the song selection. I, obviously, can't discuss that without spoiling the film, so I'll leave how that works up to you.

       
    • Spirit! "It's a love story, you asshole."

    The fact that Nick Offerman threw himself into the episode of The Last of Us so completely is what made it so gratifying.

       
    • Shitt! Everybody in the entire country was likely expecting that Katie Britt's fucked up rebuttal to the State of the Union address would lead off Saturday Night Live's cold open. What was likely not expected was that Scarlett Johansson would be selected to do the honors. And she was flawless...

    It was my opinion that all they needed to do was repeat Britt's speech word-for-word and the comedy would come naturally (they did this with Sarah Palin, and it was glorious). This was not that. But it was darn close. Good Lord how do idiots get voted into office.Oh. Never-mind. That's easy. They push hate to all the things the majority of their voters hate.

       
    And now I'll get through the last day of my weekend... WITH ONE LESS HOUR IN IT.

       

    Bullet Sunday 847

    Posted on Sunday, March 17th, 2024

    Dave!Don't even worry about the fact that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Don't give it another thought. There's no need... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

       
    • Biggie! This video shows the largest city on earth throughout history, and it's absolutely mind-blowing...

    Fascinating how the USA doesn't even register until the end.

       
    • Good on NASA! In a day and age when young Black men are getting told left and right that they have to cut off their locs or they can't be in school or can't be in sports... Tyrone Jacobs released his NASA headshot...

    Tyrone Jacobs and his natural hair in front of an American flag for his NASA headshot.

    If NASA doesn't have a problem with natural hair, why the fuck do schools think they have a right to say a damn thing? Newsflash: THEY DON'T. Same goes for tattoos. Same goes for any outward appearance which doesn't keep you from doing the job.

       
    • Queer Comedy! Hannah Gadsby is headlining a gender-queer Netflix Special and I finally got around to watching it. I was expecting her to not touch on the controversy she had with Netflix because, well, how can you use your platform to criticize your platform? But she just went for it. Nothing held back. And Netflix is obviously airing it, so good on Hannah and good on Netflix, I guess...

    It's not a home-run, but a lot of the jokes are very funny. I enjoyed it.

       
    • More Clavell! The new Shōgun series is magical to me. I love that the Japanese is subtitled and not dubbed. The language is taking me back. And bless you, Hulu, for putting some money into this. It looks incredible. Sure they wander from the book a bit, but I think that their choices are interesting ones. And I love the cast...

    If only we'd get a 12-part adaptation of Noble House next. Not a gutted version, but complete with the Cold War elements and fascinating look at Hong Kong through its people.

       
    • Just Poor! Am I being punked? I do not in any way understand the acclaim for Poor Things. I fucking hated this movie despite loving the other films from most everybody in it. Yes, it’s gorgeous, the imaginative sets are genius, and the cinematography is incredible (the use of different lenses throughout is just =chef’s kiss=)... but the story is a big departure from the book. And absolutely not in a good way...

    The cast of characters page from the Poor Things book.

    The book is a wonderfully layered story of how men view women, and it uses the concept of “unreliable narrator” so that you truly don’t know who or what to believe. And there are multiple conflicting “truths” that are tainted by things like misogyny, perspectives, and even the wishful thinking of different characters. But the movie? Bella is a child’s brain in an adult body as a matter of fact, which makes the entire thing a fucking nightmare. It’s child porn with a loophole. And it lacks the subtlety and complexity that made the book so interesting. In my view, Bella loses a lot of her agency in the movie. Her experience and story is viewed entirely through the lens of men she encounters, even as she is rapidly maturing and coming to understand how the world works for a woman. Movie Bella really doesn’t face adversity to truly understand anything either. It’s all observational, and nothing feels earned as she wanders from place to place. And, good Lord, the music is a horrific assault that made me want to turn on subtitles and view it on mute. Who the fuck wants to listen to this? So many times I am able to dislike popular movies for myself, but appreciate that they exist for others. But this time? Hell no. I regret the precious time I wasted watching this mess. It gutted a wonderfully interesting book and turned it into soft core porn for the male gaze which is contrary to what I took away from the source material.

       
    • Whistle Broken. John Barnett did not shoot himself? Or maybe he did. Regardless, I am putting the 100% entire complete blame on Boeing. The guy dedicated 32 years of his life to this company but had a conscience. So when management decided to ignore his concerns about declining quality and falsify data on serious issues with manufacturing, he reported the cover-up as a "whistleblower." And now he's dead. Right in the middle of the lawsuit against his former employer. Again, this guy devoted 32 YEARS of his life to this company. They then set out to absolutely destroy what life he had left because he wanted passengers to be safe. They finally succeeded. Regardless of whether he ended it himself or somebody did it to him.

       
    • Cancel, Please! Why don't streaming services allow you to block shows and movies? Take HBO Max, for example. I never want to watch Bill Maher. Ever. Never ever. I don't care who he has on. I'd rather light my pubes on fire and jump into a barrel of gasoline than watch that moronic self-righteous piece of shit asshole for even two minutes. But every time I start HBO Max, there he is. There's no way to block the dipshit. No way to get him off my TV. And no amount of ignoring him will get HBO to get the fucking message. On Facebook I can block somebody I don't want any contact with. But with HBO, there's no options at all. Can't even give him a thumbs-down so the algorithm will stop inundating you with his bullshit. It's nearly enough for me to cancel HBO, because having to look at Maher's smug face is tantamount to torture.

       
    Hope the rest of your Sunday is a good one.

       

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