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Scary

Posted on Friday, April 9th, 2010

Dave!My fear of clowns is well documented.

But apparently I didn't always have the same phobia of these psychotic killing machines that I do now. Because as I continue to scan and catalog pictures from my childhood, I am seeing clowns everywhere.

They're sneaking around in the background...

Scary Clown Blow-Up Chair!

Or placed next to me...

Baby Dave with a Scary-Ass Clown!

Or even sitting on my face...

Scary Clown Halloween Mask

And yet these photos show no sign of the trauma I would surely experience if I were to run across these same clowns today. I can only guess that I was attacked by a murderous clown sometime in my early teens, and have blocked the incident from memory. Now only the fear remains, not the experience which caused it.

Kind of like the George W. Bush presidency. As the days pass, I can barely remember all the horrific details... just the overwhelming feeling of sheer terror and dread that they imprinted on my psyche.

I should probably seek professional help, but I don't think any amount of therapy is going to drive Karl Rove from my head. And I don't suppose it takes a psychological genius to figure out what my worst nightmare would be...

Karl Rove Makes One Scary-Ass Clown

If Karl Rove ever joins the circus, I may never sleep again.

Though Rove did join FOX News, which is pretty much the same thing as the circus... just without the fresh-roasted peanuts, a trapeze, the big top, and somebody with a shovel to scoop up all the shit that the animals keep dropping all over the place.

Great. One more thing to keep me awake at night.

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Comments

  1. B.E. Earl says:

    Whenever clowns get me down (hehe), I like to go back and read one of Max Cannon’s dead clown comic strips on Red Meat.

    • Dave2 says:

      You don’t find dead clowns equally scary as live clowns?

      The only thing worse would be UNDEAD CLOWNS! GAH!! ZOMBIE CLOWNS ARE THE WORST!!

  2. RW says:

    Wait wait… let me get the Bush apologist argument in before it shows up for realsies and bores us to abstraction with its passive/aggressive horseshit…

    ahem…

    You’re fear is actually based on the hatred you have that you can’t seem to get over because you’re obviously not something something. This was two years ago already now and you’re just a Bush hater. meaning: you don’t have a reasonable argument, your politics are just knee-jerk emotionalism and we can therefore marginalize your… whatever it is they say next… I dunno something about get over it and go ahead and blame everything on Bush… and you just wait till Sarah Palin takes over and blah blah blah… Ann Coulter as Secretary of State and lol Dick Cheney shooting you in the face is actually good for your acne etc. etc.

    There. I hope that circumvented any of the recidivist crap any number of overblown bullshit jockeys out there are getting ready to spew.

    How’d I do?

    • Dave2 says:

      Ooh, thanks, R.W.!

      I don’t know about any miracle cures for acne, but Dick Cheney shooting you in the face is definitely a good way of clearing your sinuses.

      I think that Past President Blame Syndrome is expected. Republicans blamed Clinton for absolutely everything that went wrong with President Bush’s terms in office, so it’s only fair that Obama apologists get to do the same. Of course, I’m hardly an Obama apologist, so far be it for me to speak on their behalf. Maybe they blame Paris Hilton, I don’t know.

      All I do know is that if I close my eyes I can still hear the screaming from those eight years in office… sure it’s probably just me, but haven’t I suffered enough?

  3. adena says:

    The Halloween picture of you in the evil mask has now made ME scared of clowns!

  4. Karen says:

    Did you happen to watch the last 2 episodes of Medium?

  5. Suebob says:

    You look like a young badass in that first photo. And a really scary creepy pre-teen in the last one. Man, that clown mask…I am at a loss for words.

    One day at the newspaper, I interviewed an old clown who had very yellow and bloodshot whites of his eyes. That, contrasted by his wrinkly white makeup, was one of the nastiest things I had ever seen.

  6. Karl says:

    And now that Sarah Palin is on FOX, she’s like the trapeze lady or something.

  7. Finn says:

    Spirograph!!!!!!!

    And I remember that clown costume. What the hell where they thinking selling that to kids?

  8. Sybil Law says:

    Not nice, scaring me like this on a Saturday morning!!!

  9. Avitable says:

    You even dressed as a clown for a more recent Halloween, so that’s pretty damn brave!

  10. I have always been afraid of clowns too…this post just intensified those feelings. Thanks.

    Clowns are evil!

  11. David says:

    Poltergeist.

    ‘Nuff said.

  12. josh says:

    Ugh! Clownz are the WORST! Anyone that actually gets some sort of joy outta seeing one of those face-painted dickholez is totez a sadomasochist that deserves to be John Wayne Gacy-ed. Ever see “Poltergeist”?! If not…DON’T! Ruined a good month of mah childhood after seeing one particular scene!

  13. Laz from Mars says:

    I just have to say, I spent about ten fucking utterly-splendid minutes laughing so hard I nearly let rip in my trousers. Dude, this is the most excellently funny post I have read in a long, long, time. I grew up in Chicago. John Wayne Gayce was our bogey-man and I cannot deal with Clowns in any way shape or form. Thanks for posting this. Took Cajones Grande. Oh and I detest Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove and just posted that image on his (OPEN – idiot!) FB Page. Thanks again for making my evening. Xoz

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