Commando!

Last night I was on Twitter bemoaning the fact that I had no clean underwear left and would have to wash some.

@Gooster thought it was a much better idea to go without (but, then again, he would).

And thus I declared that today COMMANDO FRIDAY, and Gooster made it official. This is just me doing my part for a greener planet by eliminating a pair of underwear that needs to be washed. Some have said that it might be smarter to recycle underwear rather than go without. To this I say "BEGONE YOU FOUL UNBELIEVER FOR COMMANDO FRIDAY IS HERE!

I hope I don't get denim burns on my bits and pieces.

Mind

I've been working like mad to get the last of the orders packed up this weekend so I can mail them out at long last. Unfortunately, this has resulted in me getting a nasty paper cut down the length of my index finger, which makes it hard to type. I'd say that I just can't catch a break, but my vision is almost back to normal again, so I'm rather relieved about that.

Since I am in pain and all cranky, I decided to cop a meme that's been making its way through the blogosphere where you are supposed to list five things on your mind just now. Apparently this does not include what you're blogging "just now" or else it would be pretty redundant.

Five Things On My Mind Just Now...

• Contemplating going to Hawaii and Thailand. The former because I miss it, the latter because the only Hard Rock Hotel in the world I haven't been to is located there (at least until Penang opens next year). Of course, coming up with the time and money is the real trick, isn't it?
• Wondering for the millionth time why somebody would belittle a person for the job they have. When I see somebody working hard and taking pride in what they do, that's far more important to me than how much money they make or what they're doing to make a living.
• Depressed that my MacBook Pro is constantly overheating so the fans have to come on. It's not hot in here and I'm not doing anything processor-intensive, so why?
• How much I positively loathe Microsoft for unleashing the pile of shit browser known as Internet Explorer on the internet. It has ZERO redeeming qualities, and has set back web standards a decade. Every fucking time I build a web page, it ends up looking perfect on every browser I can find... until I get to IE and have to deal with their buggy shit. I spend more time tweaking pages to work in IE than I actually spend designing them in the first place.
• Wishing I had a week with nothing to do. I am so tired of killing myself with 20-hour days and not making a dent in the work I have piled up. And soon I'll be traveling again, which just makes it twice as hard to get things done.

Bleh. now what's on my mind is wishing that the stuff on my mind wasn't so depressing.

Switching to happier thoughts...

If you are planning on joining up with a great group of bloggers at Davecago3 (August 9th) or Dave Louis (August 16th), please let me know ASAP. I'll be leaving soon, and need to get reservations and name lanyards taken care of before I go! Just send a message to me at dave@blogography.com and I'll get you hooked up with all the details.

Hmmm... now I'm thinking that I need a before-bedtime pudding break...

Querypalooza!

First of all, OMG, Zack Snyder has posted some promo shots of various characters from the upcoming Watchmen movie, and they kick-ass! It's going to be agony waiting a year until this film is released... I hope it's worth it.

Second of all, it would seem Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, has run out of Hit Points. As a former hard-core D&D geek, this is sad news indeed. I wasted a lot of time in my high school years battling monsters and seeking treasure, which is only moderately better than doing drugs I suppose.

And lastly, it's Avitable's Querypalooza! The rules say you have to answer these five questions on your blog, come up with five new ones for your readers to answer on their respective blogs, then link back to the original post. Here we go...

1. Out of all of the posts you've written, which is your favorite and why? That's difficult to answer... I'm really proud of entries like Wings because it took so much planning to make things happen, and it totally paid off. But my favorite posts are always those that are the simplest. Just a little illustration or something. Like Ride or Friends.

2. Out of all of the posts I've written that you've read, which is your favorite and why? Too many good entries, but my favorite is easily Halloween 2007 Recap Part 2. Great memories of a great party, and I was there!

3. Which do you find the most frightening and why... A radically fundamentalist Christian, a moderate Muslim, a pretentious atheist, or a Scientologist? I think a radial anything is inherently dangerous.

4. Rather than discuss the typical characteristics of someone you'd desire (sense of humor, good body, etc.), I'm going to focus on the little details. Rank them in order of preference, with #7 being the one you consider more important than the others and #1 being the one you consider the least important: Okay!

1. Ability to dance well.
2. Good fashion sense.
3. Encyclopedic knowledge.
4. Odorless feet.
5. Quick-wittedness.
6. Likes the same music, movies, and/or television.
7. Even tempered nature.

5. If you were going to be trapped on a remote island for the rest of your life with one other person, which would you choose and why? MacGyver would probably make life more comfortable, but I'd pick "B"... ELIZABETH HURLEY!

1. Your spouse or S.O.
2. Your celebrity crush.
3. Your best friend.
4. MacGyver.
5. One of your parents or children.

And now five questions for my blogging readers...

1. Which entry of yours is sexiest?
2. Which entry of yours is darkest?
3. Which entry of yours is funniest?
4. Which entry of yours is laziest?
5. Which entry of yours is baddest?

Answer 'em if you've got nothing better to blog about (my answers are in the first comment). And, if you decide to do Avitable's Querypalooza, be sure to let Avitable know.

Quirky

Today I knocked off work early so I could run into Wenatchee and buy stuff to put in my care package for AnySoldier.com (I've written about this wonderful organization here). While shopping at Target for magazines and snacks, I was reminded that when you do good things, good things come back to you.

Because, OMG... HELLO KITTY GUMMIES!!

They taste totally awesome, even though I didn't get a pink My Melody Bunny in my bag (I would have preferred Kuromi anyway), and all my blue Kitty Bows were a nasty vomit-green color. The good news though? They go great with Little Debbie Chocolate Chip Snack Cakes, and would no doubt perfectly compliment Hello Kitty Pop-Tarts...

Awww, isn't that sweet?!?

UPDATE: Boy was I wrong... Hello Kitty Gummies, as manufactured by Kelloggs, contains DISGUSTING GELATIN as an ingredient. Why the hell they feel the need to put such unnecessary shit in their product is a mystery to me when alternatives like citrus pectin are available. Shame! SHAME ON KELLOGGS! And shame on me for trusting them and not reading the ingredients.

A meme bopping through the internets anew is the SIX QUIRKY THINGS ABOUT YOU meme. You're supposed to post rules and tag everybody and stuff, but I never really play by the rules and loathe tagging people. So I'm just going to post my quirks and be done with it...

1. I don't drink coffee. Given my proximity to Seattle, many people think this is the quirkiest thing about me.
2. I hate train whistles to the point of insanity. I live in a small town that has a train running right through the middle. Since there are two road crossings, one at each end of town, there is no place in the city that you can't hear the f#@%ing train whistle every time they blow through town. I have to listen to train whistles all day at work and all night at home and it drives me nuts. Even when I am riding a train, every time the whistle blows I want to beat something with a hammer.
3. I'll go anywhere on earth at a moment's notice if the mood strikes me. As an example, I once flew to Denmark just to attend a friend's 30th birthday party. Two full days of travel for just 9 hours in Copenhagen that I booked the day before I left. This seems perfectly natural to me, but I can see how people might think this kind of thing is "quirky" behavior.
4. I watch The View. Well, to be more accurate, I fast-forward through The View each night. It all started when Bill O'Reilly was on while Rosie O'Donnell was still hosting and I was compelled to watch. It's been stuck on my TiVo ever since. But the reason I still watch it is because these bitches are crazy. Barbara Walters and Sheri Shepherd are particularly bat-ass insane, which has high entertainment value. Whoopi is always smart entertainment whenever she plays herself. Joy Behar represents the Liberal end of the spectrum with insightful commentary that communicates her opinions with humor and wit. Unfortunately her counterpart, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, woefully under-represents The Right by doing nothing more than regurgitating popular Conservative propaganda which she passes off as "opinion." If only they would fire her ass and hire a smart Conservative (that leaves Ann Coulter out) with actual opinions, The View might be a good forum for political debate. As it is, however, the show is just a train wreck I can't seem to give up.
5. I am afraid of clowns. People always think that I'm joking when I say this, but it's no exaggeration... clowns positively terrify me. If I'm taken by surprise by a clown, I will freak out. It would be cool if I could tie my coulrophobia to something interesting, like a Stephen King novel, but I hated clowns from long before I learned how to read. If I had the power to eradicate Ronald McDonald from the face of the earth for the benefit of all humanity, I would do it in a heartbeat.
6. I'm obsessed with Hello Kitty, for heavens sake. That pretty much says it all.

Eh, that's not so quirky. We'll have to save that for later.

Relate

Well then... thanks to some help from people far smarter than me, Blogography appears to be up-and-running again. Here's hoping it stays that way for a little while.

Yesterday I was handed a movie meme and, since I had nothing better to blog about, I decided to fill it out. But after a few questions I realized it was just a variation on a half-dozen movie memes I had already done before, so I decided to toss it out and write about unclogging my shower drain instead.

But then, just as I was getting ready to take a photo of the bottle of Liquid Plumr that had saved my day, I noticed one of the movie questions was different. It asked: "Name three characters from the movies you can personally relate to and why." Interesting! That's pretty much an entry all by itself, so I'll blog about my shower drain another day.

And now, three people from the movies I personally relate to and why...

"Mark" from Love Actually (played by Andrew Licoln).

Love Actually is one of those films you either fall in love with immediately... or you despise because it is so contrived, manipulative, and filled with one-dimensional characters. On first viewing, I was firmly in the latter camp. I was disappointed that Richard Curtis would slap together a bunch of short bits from stories we've seen a hundred times before (including his own Notting Hill) and call it a film. The result is a patchwork of fantastic actors doing their best to add depth to characters that are so ill-defined that it's almost impossible to care about them.

But then it grows on you. You see it at the rental store and remember it had some funny bits so you watch it again. And again during the holidays because it's a Christmas film. And again because it happens to be on HBO. And soon you're watching it for no reason at all, when suddenly it dawns on you... the characters don't have to be three-dimensional, because the characters are you. Or your family & friends. Or people you know. You don't need the details of their lives to become invested in them, because you already know them.

This revelation dawned on me as I came upon the scene where Juliet has just discovered that her new husband's best friend is secretly in love with her. Mark is all at once overcome with the heartache, longing, shame, and the crushing disappointment of being in love with somebody he can never have...

Yeah. Definitely been there, done that, and can totally relate. Watching Andrew Licoln's brilliant, wordless interpretation of his character's agony is eerie, because it's as if he reached into my own experience and is expressing it on screen for everybody to see. Unfortunately, the director didn't allow his performance to stand on its own, and felt the need to blast music (Dido's lovely Here With Me) over the top... trying once again to manipulate the viewer unnecessarily... but it's still a scene that strikes me at my core every time I see it.

"Bob and Charlotte" from Lost in Translation (played by Bill Murray & Scarlett Johansson).

There are very few moments in Sophia Coppola's masterwork Lost in Translation which don't resonate with me. She managed to capture with almost supernatural accuracy exactly what it's like to be a foreigner in Japan... Being surrounded by millions of people yet feeling completely alone... The bizarre yet captivating world of Tokyo at night... Seeing your fellow foreigners over and over again because you're all stuck in the same loop... Not being able to sleep... Trying your best to fit into a culture which you will never, ever be able to fit into... The language barrier facing you at every turn... Feeling like an alien because you're so tall and freaky-looking compared to everybody else... It's all here. When I first saw Lost in Translation, I related so closely to Bob and Charlotte that I felt as if the film was speaking just to me. Like it was made just for me. Numerous subsequent viewings haven't changed my mind...

Scene after scene I find myself mentally going "that was me!" and the memories of my trips to Japan come flooding back. It's not often that a film so totally enters my psyche and consumes me, but this would definitely be one of them. Many people I know didn't care for this movie at all, and something in the back of my head is always wondering if the only reason I love it so much is because I relate to it so well.

And now, because I feel it's a public service to mention it, the Lost In Translation soundtrack is sublime, and available on iTunes. Each track is an atmospheric piece of magic that haunts you long after the last track has played. Of course, the song that everybody wants from the movie, Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches, is not on the soundtrack, but is also available on iTunes if you're looking for it.

"Joe" from Idiocracy (played by Luke Wilson).

Yeah, like a movie about a guy trapped in a world filled with morons is really that much of a stretch from my life of being trapped in a world filled with morons (present company excepted, of course). While not up to the impossibly high standards set by Mike Judge with his first film, Office Space, the not-so-implausible future depicted in Idiocracy is still brilliantly realized...

Everything run by dumbass politicians... Corporations taking over the country... Starbucks expanding into the sex trade... Tell me that this is anything but an accurate portrayal of the world of tomorrow! So yeah, seriously I can totally relate.

Brawndo. It's Got Electrolytes. It's What Plants Crave!

Redrum

This morning I was walking to my car so I could drive to work when I saw something laying in the flower bed. Stopping to investigate, I realized that it was a knife(!).

From watching hundreds of episodes of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, my mind immediately started thinking that this must be evidence in a murder, and needed to be preserved before somebody came along and destroyed any fingerprints or traces of blood...

Running back to the kitchen, I grabbed some plastic bags. Two smaller bags I wore on my hands so I could put the knife in a larger bag without contaminating it with my own fingerprints. Gil Grissom would be so proud.

Except when I picked it up, I realized the knife was made of rubber, and only then did it occur to me that it was probably just part of somebody's Halloween costume. Robbed of my big murder mystery, I threw the "knife" in the trash bin and just stood there with a plastic bags on my hands, staring into space.

So much for a morning filled with excitement and danger...

Anyway... I have the answer to yesterday's Hallowmeme Challenge in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading "Redrum"...

Masked

Ooh, look! SJ from Pseudotherapy came up with a new Hallowmeme... Behind The Mask: Who's That Blogger?

The Official Rules: "This is, appropriately, a meme of many faces. The basic idea is to present info on other bloggers and see how many of your readers can guess who’s who. What info and how you present it is entirely up to you! Choose your victims (famous or obscure, as you wish), decide on a concept and get busy!"

As a visual-type person, I decided to snap a small square from everybody in my "Bloggers I've Met" list (found either in my Home Page Sidebar or my Blogroll Page) and see how many of them people could guess...

I think I could probably guess most of them... but there's three or four that might give me some trouble.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Phraseology

Two weeks ago, I made an appointment for this morning at 9:00am to see if my satellite TV could be upgraded. I received a phone call yesterday confirming this appointment. This morning I get a call at 8:50am telling me that they don't have the equipment and have to reschedule.

WTF?!? They certainly knew they didn't have the equipment yesterday... why the hell didn't they call me then? Why wait until I've already scheduled my day to call and totally f#@%-up my plans? This kind of thing is completely unacceptable, yet is so commonplace in the repair/installer industry that I don't understand how anything ever gets done.

Dumbasses.

Well, not after last week's game, but we'll see...

The good news is that the weather cleared up a bit for my drive over to Seattle. And speaking of Seattle... on Sunday the 28th of October, I am flying back from the east coast and staying downtown. I know that Sunday isn't the best day for this kind of thing, but would any Seattle bloggers want to get together for an early dinner in the city? I have to work on Monday morning, so I can't stay out until midnight or anything, but it still might be fun to get together. My email address is in my sidebar, let me know if you would be able to come. I'm thinking 4:30-ish, so we have plenty of time to visit and stuff.

And lastly, before I head out the door... a meme!

Bre (of "Win or Lose, We Go Shopping" fame) has come up with a list the words or phrases she uses too often. Then Hilly posted her list too, and a meme was born. Below is a list of the 15 things I find myself saying (or typing) far too often...

1. "The Whole Taco" Which I use instead of "the big picture" to mean "everything." — e.g. "You can't obsess on the details, you have to look at the whole taco!" or "This is only part of my blogroll... click here for the whole taco."
2. "Wrecked" Takes the place of "broken" and "sucks" for me. — e.g. "I fell and wrecked my back!" or "Windows Vista is wrecked."
3. "Totally" Rarely used in conversation, but constantly used while writing, as a modifier to signify extremeness. — e.g. "I would so totally go to a Spice Girls concert!" and "Windows Vista is totally wrecked!"
4. "Sweet" Which took the place of "cool" and "awesome" for me. — e.g. "Your new iPhone is sweet!" or "My trip to Vegas was totally sweet!"
5. "Serious" Another modifier to signify extremeness, and is often hyphenated (much like some people are using "crazy" now-a-days). — e.g. "Elizabeth Hurley is serious-hot!" or "Chocolate pudding is serious-delicious."
6. "Bank" Which took the place of "money" for me. — e.g. "That Porsche must cost some serious bank!" or "I wanted to fly to Paris for the weekend, but didn't have the bank."
7. "Bitch" Mostly used with inanimate objects (as opposed to people) to express frustration. — e.g. "This bitch is the wrong size!" or "How do I get this bitch to turn on?"
8. "Bitches" Takes the place of "people" or "friends" for me. — e.g. "Those bitches are going to be late!" or "Hey bitches, thanks for the birthday presents!"
9. "Whore" Used to indicate that you'll say, do, or buy anything a person or company wants you to. &mdash e.g. "I just bought the new iPod even though I already own four of them... I am such an Apple Whore!" or "Jared Fogle, the Subway Sandwich Whore."
10. "Touched Down" Used to mean the time that something happened. — e.g. "Apple just touched down with new iPod models!" or "That new television show touched down three weeks ago."
11. "Hurricane" A person who causes frustration, destruction, problems, or disgust... mostly due to their being annoying. — e.g. "I wish they would fire Hurricane Caruso from CSI Miami so it would be watchable!" or "Hurricane Britney just lost custody of her kids!" or "Hurricane Trump just touched down with a new building in Chicago."
12. "Weather Delay" Used to describe ANY problem or when something is totally fucked-up (just like the airlines use!) and often used with "Hurricane" (see above). — e.g. "My stupid Windows Vista machine is experiencing a weather delay... AGAIN!" or "Sorry I'm late, there was a weather delay in the parking garage." or "Hurricane Bush has caused a serious weather delay in Iraq."
13. "Heinous" Seriously bad. So bad that there's no justification for it. — e.g. "David Caruso's 'acting' is heinous." or "The CW Network's heinous cancellation of 'Veronica Mars' haunts me to this day."
14. "Delusional" Somebody who routinely says something unbelievable, unrealistic, or just plain stupid. — "Pat Robertson says that Hurricane Katrina was the wrath of God on the sinners of New Orleans... he's delusional that way." or "Ann Coulter is totally serious-delusional."
15. "Dude" I rarely say this anymore except when I'm having a conversation with Bad Robert, in which case we both use it constantly to refer to each other. — "Dude! We should totally order out pizza and play Xbox this weekend!" and "Dude! I know! I so totally have to kick your ass in Halo3! and "Dude! Dream on!" and "Dude! I can SO kick your ass in Halo3!" and "Dude! You're delusional!"

I'm sure there are many more (I am forever using the phrase "well that sucks!," for example) but these are probably the ones that annoy other people the most.

And, on that note, I'm off...

Vlogged

Alrighty then... it's my first video entry!

I recorded everything this morning, but didn't post until the afternoon so I could transcribe the audio. This way, anybody who might be deaf or hard of hearing will be able to follow along. This has the side-benefit of also helping out those people who can't play movies on their computer, or those terrified at the thought of having to watch me on video (and who could blame them?).

You'll have to forgive the crummy video quality, because it was recorded with my mini iSight camera with crappy lighting. While you're at it, you might as well forgive the bad audio and horrible graphics as well. This video is total crap, and should be avoided at all costs.

But if you're a glutton for punishment, look behind the curtain...

A video transcript is in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading "Vlogged"...

Known

Leave it to Hilly to come up with a new meme I can't refuse. Her "How Well Do You Know Me" entry is a bit more personal than I get here on my blog, but it still seemed like a fun thing to do while catching up on TiVo. Though, since nobody seems to read blogs on the weekend, maybe I should have waited until next week? Probably. Oh well, here we go...

1. My current dream vacation would be...
   1. Touring through Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam.
   2. Taking an icebreaker cruise to Antarctica from South America.
   3. Exploring the Amalfi Coast of Southern Italy.
   4. A trip from Brisbane to Sydney to Melbourne in Australia.
2. My biggest pet peeve is...
   1. People clipping their fingernails (or toenails) in public.
   2. People making crunching noises while eating in TV commercials.
   3. People that let their kids run wild and unsupervised.
   4. People who smack their gum while chewing it.
3. No matter how bad I feel, doing this one thing will make me feel happy every time...
   1. Painting a scenic picture in watercolors.
   2. Bitch-slapping random idiots at the grocery store.
   3. Watching the last 5 minutes of the movie Millions by Danny Boyle.
   4. Eating a bowl of chocolate pudding with a stack of graham crackers.
4. My DaveToon sidekick character of Bad Monkey is based on...
   1. Robert, my motorcycle-riding psychotic friend.
   2. Max, the homicidal rabbit from Sam & Max.
   3. Curious George, friend of the Man in the Yellow Hat.
   4. Calvin from Bill Watterson's Calvin & Hobbes.
5. The first blogger I ever met in person is...
   1. Jenny from Run Jen Run.
   2. Jeff from Geekable.
   3. Kazza from Kazza the Blank One.
   4. Kevin from Kapgar.
6. Total number of webfeeds I read, and the number of those that are personal blogs...
   1. 188 / 131.
   2. 227 / 170.
   3. 362 / 256.
   4. 390 / 316.
7. The traits I most admire in people is...
   1. Honesty & Intelligence.
   2. Conviction & Compassion.
   3. Bravery & Strength.
   4. Hotness & Charisma.
8. The person I would most like to beat severely with a baseball bat...
   1. Jared Fogle, the Subway Sandwich Whore.
   2. Doug Morris, CEO of Universal Music.
   3. Ann Couter, evil incarnate.
   4. Pat Robertson, hate-preaching bastard.
9. The travel guru I most like to use as a resource for planning my trips...
   1. The Travel Channel's Samantha Brown.
   2. 1000 Places to See Before You Die author Patricia Schultz.
   3. Famous travel writer and TV personality Rick Steves.
   4. Brilliant travel storyteller Bill Bryson.
10. My greatest phobia would be...
    1. Nosocomephobia: Fear of hospitals.
    2. Entomophobia: Fear of insects.
    3. Ophidiophobia: Fear of snakes.
    4. Acrophobia: Fear of heights.

Here's the really strange thing... on some of these, I don't even know what my answer will be!

Crankypants

On top of having the ebola virus (or whatever), I find myself to be in a really cranky mood. I was forced to leave work early because my eyes would not stop watering, and so now I'm even farther behind than ever. Just writing this blog entry is a huge effort that's probably going to take forever. Since I am mostly incoherent, I should probably just lay down some bullet-points full of whining and be done with it.

• Desktritus... Avitable has picked up on a meme whereas you share a photo of your desk. Of course, anything Avitable does seems to propagate through the blogosphere like a wildfire, meaning that if I don't participate there must be something wrong with me (even RW is doing it!). The problem is that there IS something wrong with me and I'm at home sick. This means I can't snap a photo of my nicely-organized work desk... oh no! I have to use a photo of my home desk, which is pretty much a disaster area that should be condemned...

Here you go Avitable, you bastard!
0) Business cards from people I will never contact, 1) A stack of books to read (probably recommended by Vahid), 2) A bottle of melatonin, 3) A pencil cup with my Maui shark keychain and assorted pens, 4) A plastic bag with a defective camera lens in it, 5) Two tarot card decks (I'm making my own Bad Monkey Tarot, and need them for reference), 6) An unused plastic rain poncho I got from Disney World, 7) A shot glass from my trip to the Hard Rock Lisbon, 8) Coin cups from the Hard Rock Casino Las Vegas with loose change inside, 9) My Rosetta Stone French course, 10) My Mac G4 Cube that I can't bear to get rid of, 11) A container full of Lego pieces, 12) A spare blanket from my car, 13) A container with Farscape trading cards and autographed photos of the cast, 14) A bag of rejected shirts from the Artificial Duck Store, 15) A box of souvenir crap from my trip to China, 16) A bag with an original Chris Ware print from a trip to Chicago needing to be framed, 17) A container filled with Japanese manga comics, 18) A tube with a poster from my trip to The Vatican Museum, 19) A hardcopy of my book, 20) A stack of comics I've read and need to file away, 21) A mess of cables and a LiveStrong bracelet, 22) A voodoo doll from my trip to New Orleans that really works, 23) My Sully plush from Monsters Inc., 24) My old Nintendo DS, 25) My Batman alarm clock that Karl gave me at TequilaCon, 26) My iPhone and glasses, 27) My MacBook Pro, 28) Old film negatives that I need to send in for scanning, 29) Comics to read, 30) Buttons left over from Davecago2, 31) Comics to read after I have a few more issues.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. But, in my defense, I've been traveling and working a lot and haven't had much time to clean it up around my home.

• Theft... I am constantly getting emails from people telling me of dumbasses who steal stuff from Blogography and try to pass it off as their own. Whenever I confront these idiots, it's always the same story... "I just wanted to share it with my readers!" Well, if that's all you wanted, then why not link to the original source? Or, if you simply must post it on your site, why not at least credit where you took it from? Otherwise, you're nothing more than a douchebag thief, passing off somebody else's work as your own...

One example from dozens, stolen shamelessly from my original entry here.

My Creative Commons license is very generous. As long as you aren't a commercial site making money off my stuff, go ahead and take anything you want... as long as you credit me as the creator with a link to the source material. If you don't credit the source, you're breaking my copyright and the law. If you post my material on a site whose primary function is selling advertising, that's a commercial site and your're breaking my copyright and the law (even if you credit the source). It's not rocket science, it's the difference between right and wrong, and I'm tired of it. If you are totally incapable of saying anything original and have to steal all your content, then just give it up you thieving hack.

• NBC... I pay for DirecTV, so I don't buy many television shows online. I prefer to wait for the DVD. The only exception are those times I miss an episode, or I'll buy shows just to have something to watch when I'm stuck somewhere without entertainment. This is why Apple's iTunes Store is so great... it's so easy to buy a shows whenever you want. The $1.99 price tag is a bit steep for what you get, but I'm willing to pay the money for the convenience of it all. Except now NBC Television has decided to pull out of the iTunes Store because they want $4.99 per episode, and Apple (quite rightly) said no. IS NBC OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS? Let's take a look at current options for obtaining television programs. As an example, I am using the first season of NBC's hit program Heroes...

Who in their right mind would pay $4.99 for a television show that's of low quality, has DRM crap encoded in it, is more expensive than a DVD set loaded with extras, comes without any storage media, and is more expensive than even HD-DVD? NOBODY! That's who! Digital delivery of files is the cheapest possible method of distribution with practically no benefits (except convenience) yet the legal options for buying it always cost the most. That is totally fucked up. Fuck NBC. Fuck them up their stupid, greedy asses. And bravo to Apple for not caving to idiocy, and being willing to lose money rather than compromise to a no-win situation.

• Adobe... After having had to get my MacBook repaired because of a TSA agent dropping my battery on it and denting the case, something was wacky with the hard drive and I had to reformat it. This is no big deal, I keep full backups of my data, and I don't mind reinstalling my software. Unless that software comes from Adobe. Because of their new online activation bullshit, I ended up having to call in to get technical assistance so I could access software I PURCHASED DIRECTLY FROM ADOBE. This idiocy is meant to stop software piracy, but all it does is piss me off (meanwhile, cracked versions of the software are available on BitTorrent, which means that it doesn't stop piracy in the first place). What kind of company purposefully initiates a scheme whose only effect is making their loyal customers hate them? Why do I pay these idiots to treat me like a criminal?

• Finale... Eh, that's enough bitching for one day. I'm going to see if a couple of tubs of chocolate pudding will make me feel any better.

BlogMe

Because I love Mocha Momma more than life itself, I'm joining in on her BlogMe Ten Second Intro meme!

But before I start... the best new reality show ever has just started airing: Victoria Beckham: Coming to America! The one-time Spice Girl is moving to the USA after her super-star soccer player husband, David Beckham, was awarded a gazillion-dollar contract to play for the L.A. Galaxy. I've always loved Posh Spice, but now my infatuation has escalated to an entirely new level...

Scorching hot Victoria Beckham photo taken from Just Jared.

There's just something about seeing Posh take her drivers license exam at the DMV that's totally compelling television to me. I think I actually squealed a little when she passed. By the time we got to the Victoria Beckham dress-up sex doll, I was hooked.

And now on to the introduction (which might be 10 seconds if you read really fast)...

I am a graphic designer, which is a career I fell into entirely by accident. I've designed or worked on just about anything you can think of over the past 20 years... catalogs, advertising, packaging, video games, architecture, clothing, book covers, album art, movie storyboards, posters, magazines, logos, web sites, software, user interfaces, children's toys, comic books, DVD menus, airplane graphics, board games, instruction manuals, maps, and much, much more.

I love to travel in my spare time, and enjoy visiting Hard Rock Cafes around the world.

I am a vegetarian, and have been since a girlfriend dragged me into it back on Earth Day, 1986. After becoming a vegetarian, the relationship lasted four more weeks. The diet stuck, and has lasted over 20 years. I can't give up dairy though, because I love cheese and chocolate pudding.

I am not religious, but study Buddhism and try to live my live according to Buddhist precepts. My friends and family mean more to me than anything else. I still think Elizabeth Hurley is the most beautiful woman on earth, even though she went and got herself married.

I'm Dave. Nice to meet you, and goodnight!

Morning

I am not a morning person.

Even though I get up before sunrise, my daily routine is such that I'm not good for much during the early hours. Most of the time I'll just grab my laptop and either read blogs or work for a bit until I am motivated to get out of bed. Usually this is dictated by my need to pee, but sometimes it's because the phone will ring or some other disturbance. In any event, asking me to do anything at 4:30 in the morning is a pretty bad idea. But Jessica over at Daughter of Opinion has asked people to take a photo of themselves when they first wake up in the morning, and she's pretty hard to refuse anything.

So last night before bed, I put my camera on my night-stand on top of my glasses so I would not forget. Here is the terrifying result...

Since it's still dark when I get up, I just turned on my desk lamp and snapped the photo. It's a bit off-center, but considering I am practically blind without my glasses, I feel lucky my head is even in the shot at all.

I find it interesting to note that Jessica looks like she just walked off the set of America's Next Top Model in her photo, which is why I suppose she came up with the idea for this meme in the first place. If I looked that good first thing in the morning, I'd want people to know about it too.

Though, to be honest, I would probably be a lot more crass about it than she is. I'd use it as a pick-up line or something... "Hey baby, I look totally hot in the mornings. But don't take my word for it, why don't you come back to my place so you can wake up and see for yourself... heh, heh, heh."

Men are such pigs.

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much about my photo... I'm just happy that there's not a welt on my face anymore.

Yesterday I was driving down the road while messing with my seat-belt. I needed both hands to turn a corner, so I let go of the belt only to have it slip out of the restraining loop and smack me in the face. Hard. It left a nice red mark that was still there when I went to bed last night.

Nothing quite like being bitch-slapped by life after a hard day at work.

Pepperoni

F#@%ING VERIZON DSL PIECE OF SHIT!

For the third time in two weeks, my DSL is down and, as if that wasn't frustrating enough, calling Verizon tech support results in a recording that directs you to their website before you get to any menus. IF YOU ARE CALLING FOR SUPPORT BECAUSE YOUR INTERNET IS DOWN, HOW IN THE F#@% ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GET TO THEIR WEBSITE?!? Who is the genius who came up with this logic? Once I do finally get through, another recording tells me that Verizon is aware of the problems in the 509 area code, and it should be resolved in 24 hours.

TWENTY-FOUR F#@%ING HOURS? WTF?!?

Yesterday as I was writing my daily blog entry, it was announced that sublime novelist Kurt Vonnegut had died. As a huge fan of his work, I was sad to hear this. I've learned so much from his writing, and had thought it would be swell to write a nice long entry about him. I started a few times, but couldn't find the words to adequately express how much he meant to me. In the end, I kept coming back to a quote of his that just about says it all...

"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center".

Indeed.

So it goes... rest in peace Kurt Vonnegut. Time for me to read Slaughterhouse-Five again.

And speaking of utter brilliance, I ran across this "Interview Me" meme on Avitable's blog. Unfortunately, I don't have time to interview anybody, and had to pass on the fun. But Avi, bless his heart, was nice enough to send me his five interview questions anyway...

1. Out of all of your travels, what is the most interesting place you have been to and why? This is a really difficult question to answer, because I have been lucky enough to see so many amazing places. Ultimately, I'd have to say that Thailand was the most interesting, because my trip there changed my life. It was Thailand that taught me what was important in life, and introduced me to the Buddhist precepts which helped me find my path.
2. What do you do for a living? You don't have to give identifying specifics, just what it is that you do all day long. I'm a graphic designer, and I pretty much do whatever people are willing to pay me to do (I am such a whore!). I design advertising, brochures, web sites, catalogs, pamphlets, packaging, product instructions, clothing tags, book covers, album covers, media kiosks, and bunches of other stuff. People also hire me to create drawings, illustrations, maps, 3-D models, animation, and other creative endeavors like retouching or editing photos. From time to time I also edit and assemble video footage, design DVD menu screens, and write musical scores for them. In the past I have been lucky enough to work on storyboards for films, illustrations for comic books, character design for video games, and other cool stuff. Pretty much anything and everything.
3. If you had a chance to hook up with Elizabeth Hurley or save four orphans in a burning building, which would you choose? Well, Elizabeth Hurley is married now, so hooking up wouldn't be a very nice thing to do. I think I'd save the orphans so that Elizabeth Hurley would hear about my story, be impressed with my bravery, divorce her husband, then hook up with me.
4. What was your favorite meat when you did eat meat? Do you ever miss it? Pepperoni. There is simply no vegetarian equivalent that is worth a crap. Even worse, the fake stuff doesn't crisp up like a nice thin piece of real pepperoni on a slice of pizza does. A delightfully delicious piece of authentic 100% USDA beef pepperoni. An orgasm-inducing, mouthwatering, finger-licking, lip-smacking, slice of sublime pepperoni. Do I miss it? Nah, not so much...
5. What is your philosophy on life? Forgive me for once again quoting Buckaroo Banzai here, but this is what I come back to again and again when trying to summarize my philosophy on life: "No matter where you go, there you are." What this says to me is to accept things for what they are rather than trying to make them into something they aren't. Wonderful in its simplicity, really.

Excellent questions Mr Avitable! I'm breaking the rules by not inviting people to be interviewed by me, but you can go get in line behind the 75+ people awaiting questions from Avi.

And tomorrow, I'm back to Seattle. But first I'm off to work so I can post this entry.

UPDATE: Well that's odd. Just as I was getting ready to head out, the internet came back on. Bizarre.

Movied

Yeesh. Another night of writing my entry just as midnight approaches. I guess that's what happens when you are slaving away morning noon and night to get caught up with work.

I suppose there are lots of things I could write about, but it's late, so I think I'll just grab that movie meme that's been floating around. Kevin has done is now, so I guess I pretty much have to...

Oog. Time for bed. But before I go, I was pleased to see that the plans for the first "Hard Rock Park" in Myrtle Beach have finally been released. It's looking pretty sweet, and bigger than I had thought it would be...

The juicy details can be found at Myrtle Beach Online (which is where I snagged these photos). I guess that will be one more property to add to my list when it opens in 2008.

Believe

A couple of days ago, Karl had written about running across an entry by Alissa about an NPR show entitled This I Believe, where people get air-time to talk about their personal beliefs. Well, Karl went ahead and typed out what he believes, and it was a fascinating, beautiful read. I left a comment saying "I wish I had the guts to do this," and then moved on to the next site on my blogroll. It's not that I don't have the guts to write my beliefs, I'm just not comfortable sharing them on my blog.

But then last night when I was at the grocery store, something happened to change my mind.

I was walking down an aisle looking for microwave popcorn, when I spotted a Hispanic woman shopping with her two children. She was carrying her youngest child, an adorable girl with wide eyes in a cute little sun dress. Trotting along ahead of her was an equally adorable young boy wearing khakis and a bright blue button-down shirt. His hair combed, belt buckled, and shoes cleaned, he looked like he hopped out of the children's section of an Eddie Bauer catalog. As the little boy walked down the aisle, he would point out objects and speak its name in Spanish and English. "MAÍZ! MAÍZ!" he would shout, quickly followed by "CORN! CORN!" It looked to me like he was teaching his mother English, as he was constantly looking back at her as he pointed and spoke, but he could have just as easily been practicing his own English skills. Whatever he was doing, it brought a smile to my face, because he showed such enthusiasm in his never-ending task of translating everything in the store.

The moment was too good to last, of course.

Coming from the opposite direction were two skanky bitches who took great delight in giggling "UNEMPLOYMENT! UNEMPLOYMENT!" and "WELFARE! WELFARE!" as they passed.

I was immediately consumed with rage, and was about to point at them and scream "BITCH! BITCH!" and "SKANK! SKANK!" but realized that this would only bring myself down to their level, and ultimately accomplish nothing. Instead I stood there fuming as the boy, only temporarily interrupted, continued on with his efforts. "JUGO! JUGO! - JUICE! JUICE!"

It was then I realized that what I BELIEVE is that nobody should be looked down upon or thought less of because of how they look, where they come from, what they believe, or who they love. And anybody who would persecute somebody for any of these things... particularly a child... is pretty pathetic. Who knows what the future may bring? Assuming that his intellectual curiosity isn't crushed by redneck racist bitches at the grocery store, this little boy could grow up to become President of the United States one day. His potential is limited only by the confines society would choose to place upon him. Knowing this disgusts me to my very core, because I've just witnessed first-hand the adversity he will be facing every day of his life. Everything else aside, this little boy... so happy in a world full of possibilities... can be dismissed, ignored, crushed, or tossed aside based solely on his heritage, without so much as a second thought.

What a waste.

It's not that crap like this is something new to me, it's just that seeing such a vivid example of this despicable shit really puts a damper on your day.

It also makes you want to blog about what you believe, even if it is in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading "Believe"...

Dream

As a possible side-effect of the insomnia I've been suffering for the past two decades, I don't dream like "normal" people do. To my knowledge, I never have. Whenever somebody tells me that they had this great dream where they ate chocolate pudding at the Eiffel Tower and then ended up having a sex orgy with a half-dozen movie stars (plus Angeline Jolie) at the Louvre, I just nod my head appreciatively as if I know what they are talking about.

But I don't.

My dreams are very different. For one thing, I always know that I am dreaming because I am never actually in the dream. Instead, I am merely an observer... kind of like watching a movie. For example, if I am having a dream where a naked Elizabeth Hurley is laying in bed reading Batman comics to me as I'm being given a full-body massage by Princess Jasmine from Disney's Aladdin while floating in a cloud castle... it's not really me. It's just somebody who looks like me. In the dream, I'm the one floating outside the window watching it all.

Yeah, dreaming pretty much suck ass for me. The bastard...

So when somebody sends me a meme that's asking about my dreams, I cannot help but be a little depressed.

Because it's not like I can whip out some great dream about the time I went skydiving with Halle Berry and ended up landing in a giant ice cream sundae where we made sweet love on a bed of chocolate fudge brownies while SpongeBob Squarepants dances around blowing bubbles out of the whip cream. That would be cool, but it just doesn't work that way.

Oh well. My feeble attempt at the "Dream Meme" is in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading "Dream"...

Bullet Sunday 18

• Lost is Lost... This morning I awoke to find a couple of emails from people pointing me to a story in The Washington Post about how Lost has plummeted in the television ratings and may be facing cancelation. I could try to act surprised, but what's the point? The show sucks ass. It was a brilliant concept that started out as a lot of fun, then disintegrated into boredom when the writers were either too stupid or too lazy to try and come up with cool new mysteries, choosing instead to drag out the same old shit... FOREVER. I mean, holy crap... I was pointing out this problem ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, and I'm not even in television! Are the people running the show on crack? It's like a lesson in what NOT to do, where everybody sees the wreck coming except the people driving the bus. Next up... Heroes! Or will they learn from Lost's mistakes in time?

• Best Breakfast Ever... Snack-Pack Chocolate Pudding, five Golden Oreo cookies, and a glass of chocolate milk.

• Spirit of Vengeance... One of the cooler comic book creations, Ghost Rider, has finally been given the movie treatment starring long-time comic fan Nicholas Cage. And here's the thing... despite the shitty reviews, I enjoyed this film. Cage totally had a handle on the character, injecting humor where appropriate and not taking the role too seriously. The special effects were kick-ass. The story was entertaining. But, most importantly, there was enough action to keep things moving and the film was fairly faithful to the comics. What's not to love? It amazes me that reviewers are going to a movie about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle thinking it will be about something else, then are disappointed to find out it actually IS about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle. Well, duh. It's not supposed to be Shakespeare, it's just a cheesy popcorn flick. Taking it for what it is, I found it brilliant, and will be buying it on DVD.

• Not-So-Daily Show... Whilst clearing old shows off my TiVo, I ran across the October 26th, 2006 episode of The Daily Show which I've saved because it is one of my all-time favorites. Remembering that The Daily Show can be purchased at the iTunes Music Store, I thought I would just buy the episode so I could free up some space on my TiVo box. Well, it was a good plan, except that you can only purchase the last 8 episodes and nothing before that. WHY? I would think that one of the benefits of selling shows online is that you have a library of archived shows to offer for sale. Both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have segments and guests that demand future exploration... why not offer them? Once again I am put in a position where my only option is to acquire the show "unofficially" — not by choice, but by stupid circumstance.

• Un-Trekable... Speaking of the iTunes Music Store... I was thrilled that the new "re-mastered" episodes of the original (i.e. "real") Star Trek were being offered for sale. Now, for reasons unknown, Paramount has withdrawn them. Which means last week's brilliant update of The Doomsday Machine and this week's beautiful tweaks to the classic Amok Time are nowhere to be found. WTF?!? So here I am, again, perfectly willing to pay money to get something I want, yet my only option is to hope somebody has uploaded it to BitTorrent. Oh well, T'Pring is a total bitch hottie at $1.99 or $0.00, so it's all the same to me. The only loser here is Paramount. Dumbasses. They will, of course, blame internet piracy for lost profits when it's their own stupid asses who are refusing to take my money.

• Six Meme... After avoiding the "Six Weird Things About You Meme" like the plague, Kyle descended like the Black Death and infected me with it. So here goes... 1) I don't like coffee or coffee-flavored products, which I don't think is weird, but others sure do. 2) I am perfectly happy watching the same movies over and over again... I've seen such films as EuroTrip, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Fifth Element, and Bedazzled dozens of times. 3) I have written exactly one fan letter in my entire life... it was to 80's Atari Computer game programmer Tom Hudson, and I still have his kind reply stuffed in a box somewhere. 4) My love of all things Betty White is not a joke... I really do think she kicks ass, and am a huge fan. 5) I am a total comic book geek, and own over 12,000 of them. 6) Weirdest of all? I write in my blog every day and this is the one-thousand-six-hundred-and-thirty-fifth time I've done so. FINI) I'm breaking the rules by not tagging six people now, but I don't tag.

Three weeks until TequilaCon...

Bullet Sunday 13

• Bullets... If I thought about it long enough, I'd probably be taking today's bullet points and shooting myself in the head with them. Yesterday was a disaster. My migraine kept getting worse and worse despite my taking The Special Pills. But The Special Pills just made me nauseous on top of feeling like my head was going to explode. So I was hurting and puking while trying to work, which did not make for a very productive day. Now I'm way behind, and will probably have to work straight through the next 36 hours. Still with a headache.

• Relationship... I finally managed to scrape together the money to pay off my "90-days-same-as-cash" Apple credit balance before the deadline. So I call to be sure that I have the pay-off amount correct (last time they tried to screw me by slapping on a $2 "billing fee," not telling me about it, then slapping me with $130 in accumulated interest). While on hold, a recorded voice kept telling me that a "Relationship Manager" would be with me in a moment. "Relationship Manager?" That sounds like somebody whom busy yuppies hire in order to work out their complex schedules so that they can find time to have sex. I don't know about you, but this is a much closer relationship than I am wanting to have with a bank.

• O RLY?... And, combining my first two bullet points, I am reminded of a time I attempted to build a relationship while battling a migraine headache AND being nauseated by The Special Pills. It all started when I was set up on a date with a girl who I really, really liked... but from a distance. I didn't know her very well at all. A mutual friend asked her if she wanted to go out with me, and she said something like "oh, he's funny!" and agreed. But, on the day we decided on dinner and a movie, I was hit with a huge migraine. Desperately not wanting to break our date for fear I would never get another one, I doped up on The Special Pills and went on my way. Dinner was painful. She talked and talked and talked about... well, nothing, really. My head was throbbing, and she simply would not stop talking. After paying the check I went to the bathroom so I could throw up. Then we drove to the movie with her talking all the way... I was SO looking forward to the film starting in anticipation of finally getting some peace and quiet. Alas, it was not to be. She talked through the entire film...

*Those unfamiliar with internet-speak can get an "O RLY" explanation here.

It was the longest night of my life. Puking in the bathroom was actually a hilight. The funny thing was that she thought the date went great, and asked my friend if I would be asking her out again. Sure she was fun to look at, but the thought of having to endure another night of her non-stop talking without guarantee of a sexual return was more than I could take. I didn't make just one excuse to get out of asking her out again, I made five.

• Hindsight... YOU IDIOT! Do you know how rare it is to find a woman who would be willing talk to you... AT ALL?!?

• Memes... What's with all the memes lately? This latest one comes from Neil, and I've put it in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading "Bullet Sunday 13"...

Wii!

Thanks to my good friend Harold... a longtime Blogography supporter, former co-worker, and ruler of Las Vegas once I conquer the earth... I was tipped off that the local ShopKo had Nintendo Wii in stock. I didn't have my hopes up, because last time I heard they were available at Target, they sold out in the 15 minutes it took me to get there. But I decided to take a stab at it, and asked my mother to stop by when she was in Wenatchee and see if they had any left. Luckily, they had two, and one of them was going to be mine.

MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!!

When I got home to hook it up, I had just over an hour before I had to get back to work. This was fine, because all I wanted to do was send a WiiMail to Avitable to let him know that I got my Wii on the same day he did... so he could feel MY Wii-ness.

So I unwrap everything, get everything set up, turn it on, configure the internet, and then.... wait.

Wait for 20 minutes while the Wii updates itself.

Then wait ANOTHER 20 minutes for it to perform ANOTHER update.

By the time I construct my "Mii" avatar and punched in Avitable's "friend code" I am running late for work and am starting to get pissed off. Then I find out that I can't send Avitable WiiMail after all, because he has to enter my "friend code" on his machine too. Shit!!

After I get back from work, I'm finally able to send my WiiMail and play around with my new Nintendo...

The first box is the Mii avatar for myself (The Chad created an avatar for Lil' Dave that I'm going to have to get him to WiiMail to me). The second box is a WiiMail with Avitable's Mii on it (it looks JUST LIKE HIM!). The third and fourth box show that Blogography renders perfectly on the Wii web browser... which is no surprise since it's built on the excellent Opera browser. The fifth box is Wii's Global Weather Channel. And the last box is the Wii Photo Channel displaying an image loaded directly off my camera's SD memory card.

Overall, the Wii is pretty sweet.

I am looking forward to the day I can sit down with my Wii and play games with fellow Wii bloggers over the internet... I'm sure it's not too far off. In the meanwhile, I'll have to play by myself. Right now my favorite game is "Elebits" where you tear apart your house searching for tiny electrical creatures that hide everywhere and in everything...

Images taken from the incredible IGN Wii site.

The game is a total riot, and showcases how truly unique a Wii is from your "typical" video game systems.

I just wish I was going to have time to play it.

Anyway, in addition to making cool Mii avatars, The Chad also makes memes. You can see my answers to his latest in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading "Wii!"...

Threebies

James has tagged me with the "Three/Three Christmas Meme" where you have to list three things you would like for the holiday, and three things you wouldn't. I don't really celebrate Christmas, but that's not to say I would refuse a present from Santa if he were to give me something.

I've seen this meme around, and most of the time people are selflessly listing lovely things like "world peace" as an answer. As desirable as this might be, it's totally unrealistic. Instead of mucking about in fantasyland, I've instead decided to list things that are realistically obtainable.

So, without further ado, here are three things I would like for Christmas...

1. My own television network and fifty billion dollars start-up capital... Nothing pisses me off more than television networks who end up with totally brilliant shows, but then cancel them because they are too f#@%ing stupid to know what to do with them. DaveTV would feature only the best programming with NO commercial interruptions, NO station identifiers in the corner of the screen, NO pop-up advertising, AND NO F#@%ING EARLY CANCELATIONS!! Every show creator would be guaranteed a minimum number of shows to tell their story, and viewers would never have to worry about falling in love with a show only to have it canceled before the story ends. The first thing I would do is offer Rob Thomas, Jeremy Piven, Paula Marshal, and Jeffrey D. Sams a million dollars an episode to bring back Cupid, the best who ever to air on television, as the cornerstone of DaveTV's schedule. Ooh! And Wonderfalls. And Dead Like Me. And... and... and...
2. My own airline and a hundred billion dollars start-up capital... Okay, there is something that pisses me off more than television networks, and that would be airlines. Flying now-a-days is a horrifying ordeal with cramped seats and nothing to do. DaveAir would be totally different. You'd pay a little extra, but you'd have comfortable seats with actual leg-room. The schedule would be a little restrictive, but there would be free internet, movies, video games, and plenty of magazines. Flying with DaveAir is like a vacation before your vacation.
3. My own country and a trillion dollars start-up capital... I would probably be happier if I could just take my television network and my airline and set up shop as king of my own country. That way, I could just make everything be exactly how I want it to be, and not have to worry about dumbasses screwing everything up. An island archipelago paradise with lots of beaches and sunshine would be a great location for Davenia.

And here are the three suck-ass things I would NOT want for Christmas...

1. Any book by Ann Coulter.
2. Any CD by Clay Aiken.
3. Any DVD with an appearance by David Caruso.

And there you have it. I'd link to an Amazon wish-list so any billionaire readers who are feeling the holiday spirit could buy me something... but, alas, Amazon doesn't carry television networks, airlines, or countries.

Awakened

Nothing interesting happened today.

I was rudely awakened at 3:30am by some idiot hammering on metal outside my window, then couldn't go back to sleep. I hoped filling out a meme would make me sleepy but all it did was make my brain go numb (which, I suppose, is a meme's entire purpose). Unable to get any much-needed rest, I decided to start in on my work.

And that's all I did for the entire day. Work. Right up until now (which is 10:30pm).

You'd think that I got a lot accomplished today but you would be wrong. I'm just as buried as ever, and will undoubtedly be working this weekend to try and get caught up. I'm turning into a work-zombie...

And now, since I am falling asleep at the keyboard, here's that meme I filled out this morning which I've seen floating around various places, but picked up from Adena...

→ Click here to continue reading "Awakened"...

Mud

My day started with a trip to the dentist for my 6-month cleaning, and only went downhill from there. By the time I finished work at 8:00pm, I was so sick and tired of life that I was seriously contemplating taking a handful of sleeping pills and crawling into bed. But that seemed kind of stupid... how much worse could the day get at 8:00pm? Because, hey, Ugly Betty, My Name is Earl, The Office, Grey's Anatomy, and CSI are on tonight!

So I plop myself down in front of the television in anticipation of good TV.

Instead I am inundated with stupid-ass political advertising for an hour. I'm guessing it's the same everywhere but, here in Washington State, it's particularly nasty because of the senatorial race. Heaven only knows I'm not a big fan of incumbent Maria Cantwell... but Mike McGavick and his never-ending attack ads is no better. Politicians don't inspire anymore. They just sling mud. They're not interested in solving problems. They're only interested in getting elected.

It just makes me want to bitch-slap them both.

But what's the point? They're doing far worse to each other...

Who wins in these things? No matter which one gets the office, I'm mortally embarrassed to have them as our senator.

I'm too depressed to blog anymore, so I'm stealing a meme from Kentucky Girl which you can find in an extended entry after this really cute picture of me as a tyke...

My hairstyle hasn't changed in decades... there's just less of it!

→ Click here to continue reading "Mud"...

Dilated

WARNING: CRANKY PANTS ALERT!! CRANKY PANTS ALERT!!

In an attempt to figure out why I've been plagued with headaches for the past few weeks, I went to the eye doctor today. My vision has been freaky lately, and I'm not sure if it's because of my headaches or if it's the CAUSE of my headaches.

In any event, it involved my eyes getting dilated, so I spent the afternoon like this...

The only thing worse than having your eyes dilated on a sunny day is having to drive home with your eyes dilated on a sunny day. And the only thing worse than that is having to put up with DUMBASS BITCHES while you're driving with dilated eyes on a sunny day.

As you exit the great city of Wenatchee, there is one final stoplight. Just before this stoplight is a Starbucks Drive-Thru. It's the stupidest place in the universe for a drive-thru because you can't get out easily. When the light is green, traffic is flowing heavy with people leaving town and you can't get out. When the light is red, traffic is backed up in front of the Starbucks exit and you can't get out then either. Basically, you can check-in to Starbucks, but you can never leave.

So today I am stopped at this light just before the Starbucks exit. The light turns green and I slowly start to move forward. This causes some bitch who JUST GOT TO THE STARBUCK'S EXIT to lay on the horn (honest, she hadn't even STOPPED yet!). I instantly become enraged because I have a headache, my eyes are dilated, and I don't need some whore WHO WASN'T EVEN WAITING TO EXIT honking at me. If she was in such a big hurry, she shouldn't have stopped for coffee. This is what I scream at her...

I HAVE A GREEN LIGHT AND AM NOT GOING TO BLOCK FIFTY CARS TO LET YOUR COFFEE-DRINKING SHIT OUT, SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT GRANDE LATTE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR F#@%ING ASS YOU STUPID BITCH!!!

There's no chance she can hear me. Even with my window down, hers are rolled up AND I'm driving past her as I yell. I know this, but I don't care and decide to yell anyway. It will make me feel better.

But I forgot about the cars in the lane next to me. With their windows down, they can hear me just fine. So when a bunch of people start cheering and honking their horns and waving at me with a "thumbs up" I realize that I am destined to rule the earth. There is no denying that my inspirational words appeal to the masses, and it's only a matter of time before I climb my way to the top... one dumbass coffee-drinking whore at a time.

And because I'm in even a worse mood now that I've had to remember all this crap, it must be time for a meme in an extended entry!

→ Click here to continue reading "Dilated"...

Character

Avitable has run across a meme too intriguing to resist. Unfortunately, it's a long, difficult, time consuming meme... which wouldn't be a bad thing, except I am preparing for TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY and don't have the time to spare. DANG YOU TO HECK AVITABLE!!! The idea is to come up with your 25 most favorite television characters that aren't cartoons or puppets (see, I told you it was tough).

I managed to come up with 96.

Once I weeded out the hottie chicks that had no other reason to be there, I was left with 54. Then it got really difficult. How do you narrow it down? What's the criteria? Eventually I found myself mostly picking out characters that were smart asses or quirky or otherwise oddly entertaining.

The complete list is in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading "Character"...

FOADT

Today's entry has been rated R by the Blogography Review Board for graphic violence, mature themes, sexual situations, and massive use of profanity. Imagery contained within may be upsetting to younger readers, persons with heart conditions, pregnant or expectant mothers, overly religious nut-jobs (this means you Pat Robertson!), dumbasses incapable of comprehending satire or parody, those with an IQ under 80 (including idiots, morons, stupid-heads, imbeciles, dunces, dimwits, dorks, chowder heads, or raging dumbasses), fans of the television show 7th Heaven, and all those people who are already offended by my blog (but read it ever day anyway)...

Do not proceed if you fall into any of the above categories. And, if you should choose to proceed anyway, don't even think about sending me an email or leaving a comment telling me how much you hate me and my blog. Because after I've gone to all this trouble to warn you about the atrocities within, that would just make you a major douche.

So please don't click the extended entry link below. You've been warned.