SteveNote

Posted on January 10, 2006

For those of you not lucky enough to be at MacWorld for Steve Jobs' keynote presentation... no worries, Blogography has you covered! I'll be regularly updating this page as events unfold.

• His Royal Steveness takes the stage. All bow before his greatness!
• Recapping the astounding success of iTunes and the iPod... 850 million songs sold!
• Apple is moving deeper and deeper into consumer space... not just computers anymore.
• First iPod brings the Apple Experience™ to your music, now there's something NEW! "Usually we save the big announcements for the end of the keynote" - but Steve just can't wait!
• "ALL aspects of daily life could benefit from Apple's ingenuity, and we're going to see the beginning of that starting today".
• "What's something everybody does every day that Apple can make better?" Steve asked his team. "TOAST!"
• OMG!! STEVE JUST DEBUTED THE iTOAST TOASTER!!
• Crowd going nuts. I can't get a photo, so I'll draw up a quick sketch...

• Steve is making toast now!
• iToast features wireless connectivity over Airport Extreme wireless networks.
• "What's the most frustrating thing about making toast?" Steve asks... "Different breads toast differently... burnt toast sucks!"
• Apple has a bread database... iToast analyzes your bread and accesses the database over wireless for proper toaster settings. Database has over 2000 types of bread with new brands being added daily! Weekly email newsletter tells iToast users what new breads have been added... "iToast Wednesdays!" Domestic breads available now... international breads online in March.
• Steve introduces the presidents of Wonder Bread and Orowheat... "We're proud to partner with Apple and iToast."
• "Finally our breads will be perfectly toasted every time... it's an end to burnt toast!"
• "A new cooperation amongst bread bakers will bring about bread peace in the industry."
• Steve's toast has popped up. Perfectly toasted... even toasting over the entire slice on both sides!
• "But there's more!"
• OMFG!! iToast has built in iPod functionality! Listen to music while you wait for your toast! Brilliant!!
• Here come the specs: Multi-wave laser beam toasting. "Quick Toast" feature for fast toasting. Bagel setting... wide slots for big breads. HOLDS 10,000 SONGS!!! Bose Acoustic Wave™ stereo speakers inside. Apple Bread Database access included... no monthly fee. Bread database distributed over Akamai... NO LAG TIME! INSTANT TOAST SETTINGS RETRIEVAL!! All of this for just $99!
• "One more thing..." UNBELIEVABLE!!! iTOAST ALSO PLAYS VIDEO!! F#@%ING WATCH VIDEO WHILE YOU WAIT FOR YOUR TOAST!!
• "Purchase music and video content direct from iToast... no computer required!" Can share purchases with your Mac or PC and transfer to iPod... automatically syncs with iPod so you can continue with the video as you leave the house... exactly where you left off!
• Time for a demonstration!
• "Let's say you and your husband/wife/life-partner enjoy different kinds of bread for your toast. With iToast, each slot has SEPARATE SENSORS! You can toast a bagel in one slot and a slice of rye in the other... iToast automatically adjusts each slot! iToast knows to only toast bagel on one side thanks to Apple Toast Database!"
• Uh oh...
• Whoops! Demo has gone awry... flames shooting out of the top of iToast!!!
• Firefighters have to come on stage to extinguish iToast.
• "Well, obviously there are some bugs to work out before we ship!"
• "iToast ships next week!!"
• "I'd like to bring the entire iToast team on stage for a round of applause!"
• HOLY SHIT!! STEVE JOBS HAS AN AUTOMATIC RIFLE!!!
• STEVE JOBS IS SHOOTING THE ENTIRE iTOAST TEAM!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!
• "NOBODY F#@%ING EMBARRASSES STEVE JOBS LIKE THIS! N-O-B-O-D-Y!!!"
• "You are all FIRED... bwah ha ha HA HAAAAHHH!"
• I think the iToast team is all dead.
• Steve has gone crazy. People are running out of Moscone screaming. The blood is everywhere!
• Steve has left the building.
• No... Steve is ON TOP OF the building... he seems to be raising a pirate flag! Pirates are so cool!!
• The crowd agrees... everybody is chanting "STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!"

Hmmm... I guess this means the keynote is over.

I must say, this was one of the most exciting SteveNotes ever, and I can't wait to get me an iToast!

Thanks for tuning in to Blogography's MacWorld SteveNote coverage! See you next year.

TWILIGHT ZONE UPDATE! I am just now watching the MacWorld streaming keynote, and have gotten to the part where his Steveness is making his own podcast in Garage Band. And what does he add to the video portion? An iPod toaster! I just know that Apple Legal is going to be sending me a cease and desist any minute now...

Comments

Didn't he come back on stage to present the iSlice so that you can iSlice your iToast? If not, I'm a bit disappointed - I mean, how much use is the iToast without the iSlice?

Posted by Patrick on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

Dude, I would so dig an iToast. Our toaster is really boring...

Posted by Neil T. on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

Yes, but will the iToast allow you to watch videos about toast? That would rock so hard!

Posted by Pauly D on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

I haven't even got a toaster, let alone an iToast. I have to stick slices of bread under the grill and usually forgot about until it's black.

Is the bread DRM'd?

Posted by MRKisThatKid on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

Dude, I thought my analysis of the time-era viability of Middle Earth was bad. You have so out-geeked me.

Posted by Kevin on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

...and leave it to the Japanese to make it BETTER...

Introducing: ZENNOU-OU-Ou-ou...

No bread, sliced or otherwise required! Just turn on like so... and it instantly mixes dough, bakes bread, slices loaves AND makes the perfect piece of toast. And all in under 4.2 SECONDS-ONDS-Onds-onds...

If you act now, we'll also throw in the Zennou 2.0. The Zennou 2.0 butters your toast and will then EAT IT FOR YOU!

Get yours TODAY!

Posted by Naomi on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

You know, this story has many disturbing overtones of the Lego Advent Tale. I'm just the tiniest bit concerned.

Posted by Belinda on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

AHAHAHAHA that made me laugh.. your a clever guy. but yeah. the new macbook pro is freakin awesome

Posted by Dave on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

Dude. iToast is the answer to every single man's needs. Now if Steve could come up with something like iBeer, the world would be a perfect place.

Posted by michaelsean on January 10, 2006 | Reply

   

I am under Steve Jobs' spell... MY new iToaster arrived today!! 20" monitor... oh, I need some time alone. IT'S SO BIG!! ;)

MS, buhbye!

Posted by girlonaglide on January 19, 2006 | Reply

   

LOL this is hilarious!

Posted by Cessy on January 19, 2006 | Reply

   

itoast! is that like iproduct? ;) itoast would be awesome. you could listen to heywood banks' "toast" song (google it!) whilst you make perfectly browned toast.

Posted by stef on January 07, 2009 | Reply

   

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