No one visits my site. The plus side is no trolls. ;)
I've officially become the worst possible kind of blogger.
I'm now one of "those guys" whose blog has started to intrude into Real Life.
This morning a guy I work with emailed me about what a pain in the ass it was to get his father signed up for the new Medicare Drug insurance plan. Without even thinking, I replied back and said "yeah, I had a tough time helping my grandmother get that figured out" and then pasted a link to a Blogography entry where I had written about it.
Five minutes later I'm sucked into an Instant Message chat...
Chet: You have a blog? That is so gay!!
Dave: Yes. You are right. Blogs are totally gay.
Dave: Which makes it easier for me to tell you something...
Chet: NO SHIT?!?
Dave: Yeah. I've been living with this secret for a while now...
Chet: YOU'RE GAY?!?
Dave: Yes, well, no... uhhh... kinda. According to this online quiz I took, I'm 20% gay, which I guess means that I'm only 80% not-gay.
Chet: What test? Where?
Dave: Here: http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html
15 minutes later...
Chet: Shit! I'm gayer than you!!!!!
Dave: So when can I expect to see YOUR blog online?
All of this is kind of strange to me, because I work so hard to keep my Real Life separate from my blog. I mean, sure... a lot of real-life people I know read it... but there's no overlap. I don't initiate a conversation around something I've written, and I absolutely don't point people to my blog as an alternative to talking with them about something.
At least I didn't until now.
I suppose my next step is to hang a flat-screen monitor around my neck, put a wireless antennae on my head, and just point people to Blogography entries instead of actually having to talk to them. Then I could wander around with a look of total disinterest all day, ignoring anybody I should run into...
I mean, hey, I'm coming up on my three-year blogiversary in a few months... I've pretty much said it all, haven't I? What else is left to say?
And speaking of blogging milestones - it would appear that I'm rapidly approaching my 5000th comment! I wonder if I should have a prize for whoever leaves comment #5000? Just my luck it would be some lame comment like "YOU SUCK, ASSHOLE!" and I'd have to reward that kind of troll behavior with a prize.
Or do I?
I mean, in the past, I've approved ANY comment, no matter how lame. So unless somebody was selling something or shilling for their site, I've just let it go through. But why should I? I mean, I don't care if somebody wants to call me an asshole (I'm getting used to it), but I think they should at least have to tell me WHY they think that before I publish their crap.
I dunno. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think this is unreasonable. I wonder what other bloggers do about abusive comments by random 10-year-olds and comment trolls?
Sweet! I've just put a disclaimer on my comments form telling them not to bother.
Hmmm... I guess I really AM an asshole.
Why am I not surprised.
..wow, it's almost your third Anniversary in BlogLand! CONGRATULATIONS !!! Maybe to honor the ocassion, you could come out with "Bad Monkey" Boxer shorts ?
Posted by Harold on January 17, 2006 | Reply
apparently i'm 6% gayer than you.
today, i too e-mailed a link to a post from my blog to a friend of mine. i did feel weird immediately after i sent it...like i was pimping my blog or something.
oh, and i vote for a blogography-themed prize for the 5000th comment. or a troll doll. depends on the comment.
You think you've got problems, i'm only 40% gay, which means I'm 60% Straight! Yuck!
How can anybody not know about blogography? Where have they been? Sheesh some people are so uncultured. I really hope nobody I know knows about mine. It would be way too embarrassing. Thank god no one goes there.
Posted by MRKisThatKid on January 18, 2006 | Reply
"...I absolutely don't point people to my blog as an alternative to talking with them about something."
Unless you only have an hour for lunch??? :p
"Oh yes... I wear my Blogography T's all the time... but people don't know that it's MY blog! I'm incognito. :-)"
Maybe they think you have a mad gay crush on the guy who's blog it is! :D
And lastly...
If I had bad monkey boxer shorts, maybe I could incorporate them into next year's Boobiethon pics...
>;)
An hour for lunch with somebody I met through my blog... yes. :-)
Actually, I have a gay crush on the monkey. He's totally hot when he's not throwing poo at you.
And now I simply MUST come up with some Bad Monkey boxers! Nothing quite like tossing some boobies in a guy's face to inspire him...
Yeah Harold really needs encouragement. Give him bad monkey boxer shorts and I can just hear it now. Besides you wouldn't want to be part of such a gross misstatement. So maybe you could do a special run just for Harold....."Bad flaccid inch worm" boxer shorts.
Posted by Art on January 18, 2006 | Reply
"YOU SUCK ASSHOLE!"
...Am I the 5,000th comment??? Screw the prize, I would just love for you find out that yes, indeed, the 5,000th comment was "you suck asshole". That would make you a 20% gay prophet.
Loved your blog. Once again, you made me laugh. Thanks, man.
Posted by David on January 18, 2006 | Reply
Art: Harold is retiring today. There's a party and everything. The fact that he doesn't have to go to work anymore kind of compensates for his =ahem= shortcomings.
David: I'm thinking there's about 100 comments to go before reaching 5000. So we're probably at least a week away... more if I write crappy entries that aren't worth commenting on!
Neil: Yes, that would kind of put a damper on the conversation. For instances like that, you should carry around a "tip jar" so that you can make up-close-and-personal donation requests: "Ah, so you read my blog do you? Care to tip the writer?"
Hack: Embrace your gayness! Everything is FABULOUS when you're gay. Well, except not being able to marry in most states, putting up with discrimination, dealing with the jokes and insults, getting beat up for no reason, and having politicians and religious nuts out to destroy you... other than that it's great!
Probably not appropriate for the comments, but I guess I want to be #5000 (not very likely). Anyway, is there something wrong with your sites feed? It doesn't seem to update on my RSS feeder at all. And when I resuscribe it either gives me no posts or some really old ones.
Anyway, great site.
you rock, Dave. Happy blogiversary.
I've currently got a troll (it's not abusive, just annoying in that 'peeling sunburn' kind of way.
my way of dealing with it is to ignore it (and ask all of my readers to ignore it, too). It'll eventually get bored and go away.
Posted by PeggyArcher on January 18, 2006 | Reply
Peggy: Blogiversary is in April, I think. Don't worry, you'll be on the guest list! I think you are right though - indifference is the best way to exterminate trolls.
Hack: I've been out-gayed! Obviously I am totally failing here... my New Year's resolution should have been to be more gay in 2006, because 20% isn't even worth climbing out of the closet for.
40% gay! Damnation - I was hoping for more, that way I could write a post about how I watch "What Not To Wear" and "Sex and the City" all the time and still manage to be comfortable with my sexuality.
For Blogiversary I want my own Dave-style cartoon created. A cartoon Cavan would rock the casbah. He'd be as cool as Milhouse!
I am so 50% gay. I think I might have even fudged a few to bring out my straightness. Wow. Did I tell you you look particularly sexy Dave? ;)
Posted by michaelsean on January 18, 2006 | Reply
Yo!
I made the mistake of giving the URL of my blog to the receptionist at work, who I THOUGHT would keep a secret. A few weeks later EVERYONE at work was reading it! All those workplace crushes I wrote about were now public! On top of that, I got into trouble for posting about a workplace issue I was going through.
Needless to say, I had to kill that blog and get another one. It sucks, and I'm still paying for it.
I don't know how gay I am...
Posted by bigstarlet on January 19, 2006 | Reply
Looking forward to the Blogiversary celebration. How do I get on "the list"?
As for wearing the monitor around your neck, don't. Do like the TV Guide street team did and have one of those plasma monitors built into a T-shirt. You can even have a giant Dave-toon surrounding it. Much cooler. But you should definitely keep the wireless antenna headband. So 80s. Wear that with leg warmers and your gay quotient should rise to about 65%.
i'm 18% gayer than you...which scares me, because the website said i'm still too straight. I didn't think there was middle ground between gay and straight...
Posted by James on January 19, 2006 | Reply
I'm 30% gay. I'm sure I've taken that before but I don't seem to have posted the results on my blog. Oh well.
I'm looking forward to your third blogiversary - you had some cool schtuff last time. Pity I didn't win much :( .
Oh, and what's this about bloggers who blog about their own lives being the 'worst kind of blogger'? Hmph!
Ah... no... the worst kind of blogger is one who assumes people read their blogs, and refers them to their blogs for conversation if they don't.
In the above example, the guy had written me a nice email explaining his frustrations and telling me about his troubles. Instead of being sympathetic and writing back an equally nice email about my experience... I just dismissed him with a single line of text and a hyperlink.
That's a kind of blogger I don't want to be. A blog is not a substitution for Real Life and the people in it. At least not yet. :-)
Dude, I'm hitting my 5,000th visitor today or tomorrow! I, too, hope it won't be a lame-ass comment !! Or maybe it would be funnier if it were? Who the heck knows?
Posted by trusty getto on January 20, 2006 | Reply
i am waaaaaay gayer than i ever thought. 40%! hmmm maybe i am on the wrong team?
Posted by ms. sizzle on July 16, 2006 | Reply
I love comments! However, all comments are moderated, and won't appear until approved. Are you an abusive troll with nothing to contribute? Don't bother. Selling something? Don't bother. Spam linking? Don't bother.
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