If the real God is so great, where's His Blog?
I'm swimming in a plethora of hate mail, and haven't been this entertained in months! Where do you guys come up with this stuff?!
By far, my most favorite email of the week (perhaps the entire year), was from somebody who wrote me an impassioned letter over my making fun of "Intelligent Design". They started out preaching fire and brimstone, then settled into a series of scripture quotes, then said they love me, then say they will pray for me, then threatened me with eternal damnation in hell if I don't stop mocking The Almighty. This was not the first time, but I never get tired of hearing it.
You'd think that the fact I'm rendered as a cartoon and have a screaming monkey with me would be a big clue that I'm not actually serious about being God, but apparently there is room for confusion here...
But the big finale of the email was regarding THIS image...
However, it's not the actual picture that got the guy all riled up... it's the fact that I titled it "Dave Lord". This was apparently enough to send my new best friend over the edge, because he started typing in ALL-CAPS!!
"THERE IS ONLY ONE LORD! JESUS IS LORD OVER ALL!!!! THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO THE ONE TRUE GOD AND HIS HEAVENLY KINGDOM AND THAT IS OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST!!! YOU PROCLAIM YOURSELF AS A FALSE GOD AND DENY JESUS WHO IS OUR TRUE GOD!!!!!!"
I wonder if Lord Vader has to put up with this?
But mostly I wonder how somebody could actually take anything they read here this seriously.
Well, that and I wonder when my worshipers will finally come through with the bank to build DaveLand.
But mostly that "taking this serious" thing.
CHAPTER 15: Hark the Harold Mechanics Sing.
LEGO ADVENT CALENDAR TOY OF THE DAY: Mechanic with Wrench.
There's been an accident on the way to the hospital, and now Team Lego Dave struggles to get Mr. Construction Worker to a doctor in time to save his severed hand....
"Hey Barky... help me carry Mr. Construction Worker to the emergency room!" says Lego Dave. "We're running out of time."
"Bark! Bark!" says Barky the Dog hopefully as he grabs the severed hand from the ground.
But just as everybody starts limping towards the hospital, they hear a voice...
"Hey guys, hold up a second" a man says. "I'm a mechanic and I can fix that wheelbarrow for you in just a few seconds!"
"That's really cool of you!" exclaims Lego Dave as he turns back towards the street lamp. "Thanks for your help Mr. Mechanic, now we can get to the hospital twice as fast!"
"Anytime, fella!" replies the man with the wrench as he gets to work.
But just as the construction worker limps back to the repaired wheelbarrow, the mechanic starts screaming in pain! "AAAAAARGH!!" he says!
"What the-" Lego Dave stutters. "Holy crap! It's Lego Buzz! He's sawing Mr. Mechanic in half!"
"Dude" screams the construction worker!
"Shouldn't you be dead?" Lego Dave inquires. "That crossing arm that fell should have crushed you!"
"No way, buddy!" Lego Buzz laughs. "I sawed through that like butter, and now I'm going to saw through YOU!"
Lego Buzz is ALIVE? How can Lego Dave get away this time?
FIND OUT TOMORROW WHEN DAVE'S "A VERY LEGO HOLIDAY TALE" CONTINUES!
Crikey, that guy would have a field day if he ever stumbles upon our 'house of lords'. Might get a bit messy, and someone would probably have to clean up chunks of brain splattered all over.
Hey, isn't 'most' already implied by favorite? Haha, can't believe it. ME pointing out grammar. Dear god. Who is this god fella anyway?
Posted by MRKisThatKid on December 16, 2005 | Reply
I find it both funny and infuriating whenever I read about over-zealous, religious, super fundamentalists who go through life with a stick up their butts. I'm a Christian myself (the son of a preacher man no less!), but I don't go through life condemning people to damnation! Heck, I've even heard the fire and brimstone style of preaching myself. A Baptist Minister once lamented for my soul, and ever since then, I've been scared of those crazy Southern Baptists.
Just like anything, however, it's the extremes that you always hear about. So it's people like that who give other Christians like myself a bad name. For some reason they ALWAYS quote scripture, but it's easy to take it out of context and say pretty much whatever you want! Afterall, it's easy to take things out of context. Look at the political arena.
Silly fundamentalists, Blogography is for fun... not morons!
Ah, but one thing you can say about Southern Baptists... they give one heck of a Sunday service! While I was in Texas, a friend invited me to his church and I had a great time. It's kind of humbling to be in the presence of a people who hold their beliefs so deeply. In any event, I hold the utmost respect for a person's religious beliefs - I just wish those who would judge me respected mine... and could take a joke.
As for favorite, MRKisThatKid... I dunno about the grammar. There were three favorites out of the chunk of hate-mails and nasty comments I received over the past month, but this was my MOST favorite? Hmmm... could be I am just using that word wrong. It wouldn't be surprised in the least. :-)
I don't think that a tea-infused iBook is covered by AppleCare, Sven... so please accept my apologies.
I think The Almighty's blog must be written under an alias, because surely he has one? I need to do some Google research one of these days... looking for entries such as: "A guy was jaywalking on 7th Avenue today, so I decided to totally smite his law-breaking ass. He should be here any minute now, and it's going to be big fun. I think I'll dress up like the devil and make him think he's ended up in hell. That would be SO funny! OMG (hey, that's Me!) Jaywalkers really piss Me off! I should add a new Commandment for that or something..."
RE: Depeche Mode Fiasco
It's not really that you blocked the photo, it's the snide and nasty image that took it's place that I took offense to.
Not all of us are computer savvy enough to know what "hotlinking" is, not how to go through the process of downloading and re-hosting an image.
My hubby has explained alot of how this stuff works, and I had no idea "hotlinking" used bandwidth.
His suggestion to was, build yourself a server and do your own hosting. Quote: "In the day and age of high speed everything, bandwidth shouldn't be an issue, especially for an image that's less than 100K in size."
Posted by Frottola on December 16, 2005 | Reply
As someone who worships the almighty Flying Spagetti Monster, I will not stand for such blasphemy as Intelligent Design, Creationism, or Evolution to be spoken of in my presence.
Everyone but me is going to hell.
(I, of course, will be in heaven eating lots of pasta, and thumbing my nose at all the holier-than-thou Atkins people).
Posted by amamgets on December 16, 2005 | Reply
My recent back tweaking is evidence against intelligent design. Certainly god would have caught the design flaw during the Adam open beta and fixed it before going into production.
Tying one's shoes should not result in two days of pain in a recliner.
I don't know. Maybe marketing forced His hand and made him rush the product out the door. But still, he's had 5000 years -- by Fundamentalist standards -- to release a patch ... or millions of years, should you be a believer in dinosaurs.
Snide and nasty? It's a cartoon!
I've seen many hotlink images that feature disgusting images, call people thieves, and then scream profanity. I was trying to be nice, and thought that a cute cartoon would give people a laugh so they wouldn't be mad at me. I don't use foul language or say anything horrible... I just say "if you want to use it, copy it to your own server." Maybe I should say "please?"
You are right, bandwidth should not be an issue... but it is. I have thousands of people linking to thousands of images which are viewed millions of times... it all adds up. And since this site is free, and I don't sell advertising, I simply cannot afford it. I'm sorry, but I don't have that kind of money.
If you had emailed me in advance of using it, I would have probably just added you to my "hotlink permitted" list... it wouldn't have been a big deal. But you left a comment AFTER you had linked to it... right in the middle of me traveling away from home. I was on the road, often-times didn't have internet, and there was nothing I could do but leave a comment and email you as soon as I saw it.
I thought I was being nice and responsible here... and I'm sorry you thought otherwise.
This is not a very holiday-ish advent calendar. They should call it the summer construction calendar and you shouldn't get open the first one until the first time you get stuck in summer construction...
As always, looking forward to the next chapter...
Posted by Gary LaPointe on December 16, 2005 | Reply
I like religious people when they don't spout their beliefs to those who don't want to hear them. However, if a person is stupid enough to ask, they deserve all the preaching that comes their way.
Like Chris Rock said about religious beliefs in Dogma, "I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier."
His scripting was beautiful in that movie.
Especially, "In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me."
I think Chaz summed it up with his comment. I wonder if your heckler gives equal time to everyone not just like him/her? Must be a busy life.
"Crazy Southern Baptist" going back to work.
Oh, and I would also buy a Screaming Monkey t-shirt, should the topic ever arise in Marketing.
Run Lego Dave, run fast! (well... as fast as your little un-bendy lego legs will carry you)
Posted by Kimberly on December 16, 2005 | Reply
must be the full moon, or you could just be an egocentric asshole.
Posted by bloggerextraordinaire on December 16, 2005 | Reply
Well, I didn't appreciate the picture. That's all. Imagine finding a picture like the "kiss my ass" picture. I don't know if that's your picture or your server's picture, but it's really quite rude.
So, hopefully, you can understand my digruntledness (is that a word?). Anyways, my blog is quite boring and I'm sorry for being a flamer. My life is small and insignificant.
:( :) You are forgiven. I will find the pic on their site and hotlink it from there.
My sincere apologies.
Thank you, Dave... I haven't laughed this hard since I came down with the flu last week. Of course, the laughing triggered a nasty coughing fit, but it was SOOOOOOO worth it!
Posted by Atomic Bombshell on December 19, 2005 | Reply
I love comments! However, all comments are moderated, and won't appear until approved. Are you an abusive troll with nothing to contribute? Don't bother. Selling something? Don't bother. Spam linking? Don't bother.
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